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| Way better than you, regardless of what puerile reports come out Photo Credit: WWE.com |
1. AJ Lee (Last Week: 6) - Honestly, all this grade school bullshit happening in WWE around Lee only reinforces my idea that the company is absolutely toxic if you've got the wrong set of genitalia. Regardless of what happened at Tribute to the Troops, if I saw my boyfriend talking to someone who openly pines for him in Twitter, I might have blown a gasket too. Remember, CM Punk's the women's wrestling world's bicycle. Everyone's had a ride. Then again, since he's not a woman, that's okay? Fuck that. Oh yeah, Lee actually got a decent match out of Nattie Neidhart last night, the first time that's probably happened since she was in SHIMMER (that match with Paige in NXT notwithstanding).
2. Rachel Summerlyn (Last Week: 3) - I don't know why my go-to for Rachel Summerlyn entries always falls back to Texas football. Maybe that program needs a literal kick in the ass, and no one could do it better than Summerlyn.
3. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 2) - I would have ranked Bryan higher, say, on Tuesday morning. He took that closing segment by the horns and rustled it to the ground. As of right now, I'm not sure if the Wyatts dragged him backstage after TLC last night and let their alligator draw phalluses on his face, so I can't rank him too much higher.
4. Drew Gulak (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Not only did he retain his CZW World Championship, but he won the 24/7 Championship by beating a snowman. HE'S HARDCORE! HE'S HARDCORE!
5. Kimber Lee (Last Week: Not Ranked) - I don't care if the name on the banner says "CZW." No way, no how, not ever would I let anyone put skewers in my goddamn head. I have to rank her out of respect.
6. Burritos (Last Week: Not Ranked)OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - I could subsist off burritos for as long as I'm still alive, which if I keep eating burritos, won't be too much longer anyway.
7. Mark Henry (Last Week: 7) - When Summerlyn gets the Texas football job, I hear she's going to hire Mark Henry as defensive coordinator and assistant coach for HOSS interests. Gotta keep the linemen in the trenches in shape.
8. Paige Turner (Last Week: Not Ranked) - So she finally debuted for ACW last night, which means I have more of a chance of getting to an honest to God book fair when I finally make my way down there!
9. JT Dunn (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Apparently, he won an egg eating contest by consuming 30 eggs. Not only was it a feat to win the contest, but he now ensures no one will sit next to him for the next century, so he can finally finish the Song of Fire and Ice books like he's been wanting to.
10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - SARA DEL REY FACT: The reason why Jojo hasn't been seen on Total Divas lately is because del Rey's training was so intense that she turned into a fine powder.