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| Five of the 14 who will compete in the clusterfuck at Mania Photo Credit: WWE.com |
WWE Divas Championship Vickie Guerrero Invitational Match
AJ Lee (c) vs. Brie Bella vs. Nikki Bella vs. Naomi vs. Cameron vs. Alicia Fox vs. Aksana vs. Tamina Snuka vs. Natalya Neidhart vs. Eva Marie vs. Emma vs. Summer Rae vs. Rosa Mendes vs. Layla
How: Vickie Guerrero proclaimed Lee to be "the real bitch" and then put her in a match against every contracted Diva who had already been introduced to the roster this past Monday on RAW.
The Story: WWE, in an attempt to expand its brand to other networks, launched a reality show called Total Divas. The show followed around a selection of the women on the roster, including the newly rehired Bella Twins, the Funkadactyls, Natalya Neidhart, and two new hires Eva Marie and Jojo Offerman (who died in the Avatar State somewhere between seasons 1 and 2). Because WWE had to promote the show somehow, it featured matches between the stars of the show frequently, which became a thorn in the side of one AJ Lee. The Divas Champion took offense and dropped what was dubbed at the time the "Pipe Bombshell."
Since that time, Lee has rarely defended her title, lost a bunch of non-title matches, and has been placed in a weird holding pattern where she is the de facto leader of every woman who isn't currently appearing on Total Divas. Some weeks, they rallied behind her, while others, the ranks seemed to be disjointed. Most of the last year has seen the division be contested with large tag matches where the announcers, if they talked about the match at all, seemed to imply that Lee and the other Divas were jealous of those on the reality show. The only other constant seemed to be that Lee and her cohort Tamina Snuka would beat the crap out of competitors after matches, win or lose. The antics tired Vickie Guerrero, who decided to put Lee in a multi-wrestler, one-fall-to-a-finish match at WrestleMania with every other woman currently on the roster.
Analysis: I would be shocked if this match made the card when the day of Mania arrives, actually. The tradition in the last few years has been to bump a match either to the pre-show (like with the Tag Team Championship unification match or Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus for the United States Championship) or off the show altogether (like the mixed tag atomico last year). Since WWE did not get a celebrity to appear in the Divas match this year, I don't think the women are going to be a priority this year.
Whether or not the match makes the card, it is a bad idea. Multi-wrestler matches that are stipulated as one fall to a finish rarely have the chance to be good, and given that WWE thinks so lowly of its women's division that even singles matches rarely get more than a couple of minutes, I have scant little confidence that this match is going to get any sort of story or faith behind it. The only way WWE could telegraph its intentions for this match any more blatantly would be if it put up a blinking LED sign that says "INTERMISSION, GO GET NACHOS OR TAKE A LEAK" during the elapsed time.
Who Should Win: I'm torn. On one hand, WWE kinda owes Neidhart for big for the farting gimmick. Sure, the company allowed her to be on Total Divas and get to become more of a star than she ever would have just being a "regular" Diva, but the show has also allowed Eva Marie to stay gainfully employed by WWE. Some gimmick humiliations are needed, but the farting gimmick didn't help anyone get over, didn't end up making Neidhart a bigger star, and served only to amuse someone within WWE, probably Vince McMahon, at the expense of someone who, in other circumstances, could have done better things. A WrestleMania moment would be a great receipt.
On the other hand, why the fuck should Lee lose a title she's held for longer than anyone else who's held that version of the Championship in a throwaway clusterfuck match? I know how awful WWE's main creative thrust treats women, but shouldn't Lee lose the title at the end of a story that didn't involve her correctly pointing out how much of a joke women wrestlers in WWE were? Then again, the original Pipe Bomb culminated in Triple H vs. Kevin Nash at TLC '11 and furthermore into CM Punk turning into a bitter shell of a man who rescinded every single one of his folksily heroic words before playing hackey-sack with Undertaker's urn at WrestleMania last year. To have faith in WWE Creative to do well by any wrestler not named John Cena or Triple H seems like a fool's errand.
However, the more I think about it, the more I believe that Lee should lose her title in a hot singles match at the culmination of a well-laid out feud. Whether the person who beats her is Neidhart or one of the Bellas or even a nascent callup from NXT like Paige is irrelevant. That loss just shouldn't come in a throwaway contest at Mania that may not even make the main card.
Who Will Win: This match is probably the toughest one to call on the show. Unlike the Andre the Giant Battle Royale, which has more competitors but fewer with the chance to win, I can see six potential winners here, nearly half the field. Lee could retain. Neidhart could get her moment. One of the Bella Twins could couple a win by either one of their boyfriends later on in the show with a title win here. Tamina Snuka could take the duke in a swerve turn over her former liege. However, I'll cast my lot with Naomi. She seemed destined to win the title before she got amateur plastic surgery from Aksana, and now she's arguably got the coolest look on the roster with her rad-ass eye patch.