Twitter Request Line, Vol. 93

Can't have a tag division without these guys Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein

It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday morning (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers!

@tholzerman#Tweetbag If they came to you and said, "TH, build us a tag team division the envy of the wrestling world", how would you do it?
— Okori Wadsworth (@OkoriWadsworth) September 17, 2014

Firstly, who is "they?" Are the people who named Vader coming to me to make a tag division? Is WWE giving me a big budget? Is a money mark looking to have me make offers to teams that they can't refuse? I'm going to with the latter option. Anyway, the tag team scene outside of WWE and TNA is robust enough to craft a division that with the right booking could light the spark on a wildfire.

• The Young Bucks - How can I craft a tag division without grabbing the best team in the world?
• The Hooligans - Two burly guys crashing into opponents and fixed structures at high speeds are the new market inefficiency.
• Pieces of Hate - Jigsaw and Shard provide a strong villainous presence in the division. Sure, the Bucks being there add that too, but they're more classic heels. PoH provide the more modern, sleek-assassin presence.
• EYFBO - Much like the Hooligans, they are agile hosses, but the Funky Monkey and Mike Draztik would give the division a bona fide comedic presence.
• Washington Bullets - The Brothers Williams bring that Southern swag to the table in addition to high-flying explosiveness.
• Brian Cage and Tommaso Ciampa - Sure, they haven't teamed just yet (first appearance as a team to be at Beyond's Makin' Moves), but really, Cage's other partner, Michael Elgin, just doesn't do it for me. Ciampa brings unpredictability and fire to the team, who'd act as the monster baddies of the division.

Those six teams would embody the batshit ethic I would want to instill while still having specific roles filled.

@tholzerman will cena overcome the odds?
— Kevin Brown (@duyarvish) September 17, 2014

Sorry, he already overcame the odds five minutes ago. My apologies.

@tholzerman sup?
— bd (@IHatebd) September 17, 2014

Holla at'cha boy, yo.

@tholzerman Why does WWE rush everyone into the main event? HHH-Rock, Rock-Austin, Mankind-HHH were great midcard feuds before WWF title
— Wyatt Fam Football (@WyattFamilyBFKL) September 17, 2014

I really don't know when it happened, or even why, but I think you've hit the nail on the head. The Attitude Era was flawed and massively overhyped, but where it resembled a halcyon paradise was in card structure. Guys worked their way up to the main event, the midcard and tag divisions were established and hot, and card structure made sense, even if the stories told within didn't all the time. Now, WWE sends guys out to sink or swim, and anyone who isn't in the main event or who isn't on their way to the main event are victims to the company's recursive parity booking. It's frustrating.

@tholzerman WHY IS EVERYONE A HEEL/IS LESNAR ACTUALLY A FACE? #TweetBag
— NORMAN CORE (@matt_T) September 17, 2014

To answer the first part of that question, everyone's a heel because either they're classic heels who are doing dastardly shit, or they're mugging for the affections of a crowd of shitheads. John Cena bullies Paul Heyman and he gets cheered. The Rock makes slurs and shames Vickie Guerrero, and people eat it up. WWE is entertainment made for scoundrels by scoundrels.

And that reason is why Brock Lesnar is such a beautiful force. If one were to go by Dungeons and Dragons parlance, he would be chaotic neutral, and even in that light, where he destroys just to destroy, he legitimately cares about Heyman. Sure, Heyman is a scuzzy, slimy liar and sleazeball, but Lesnar recognizes the doors that he opened for him. Lesnar might just be the purest face in the entire company who isn't currently waiting in NXT.

@tholzerman who are your top three favorite cartoon dogs? #Tweetbag
— The Lady (@LadyNearTheLake) September 17, 2014

1. Scooby Doo - Look, he's the OG for a reason.
2. Pal - I love that when he talks to the baby in the family that he's an erudite Englishman. By the way, what's the deal with anthropomorphic animals having regular animals as pets? I would understand it if the Arthur universe didn't have talking dog-people, but it does! However, that situation isn't nearly as bad as with Mickey Mouse/Disney where Goofy and Pluto exist usually in the same fucking shows most of the time.
3. Poochie - Poochie's not on screen. Where is he?

@tholzerman Should the WWE women's title match Sunday have been made a four-way? Or should we just anticipate major shenanigans? #TweetBag
— Star of Savage (@StarOfSavage) September 17, 2014

Keeping the match a three-way is the best choice for story. If the narrative is that Stephanie McMahon and Nikki Bella are stacking the deck against the latter's sister, then she should stay out of the match. Of course, her exclusion from the match will more than likely figure into eliminating her sister's title hopes, but I think that decision is best for all parties involved. Having two women's feuds on a WWE show is refreshing, even if one is terribly acted like the Bellas' story.

@tholzerman Best animated film not from Disney/Pixar or directed by Bluth?
— Complete Shot! (@Complete_Shot) September 17, 2014

While I do love a good Looney Tunes flick, especially one with Michael Jordan trying to act and Bill Murray making a timely cameo, I can only give Space Jam the runner-up status here. I would go with Despicable Me. Steve Carell's comedic presence in person remains a mystery to me when he's not Brick Tamland, but he's actually great when he voices Gru. The movie is sweet at heart, and it has enough laughs for the adults while keeping the kids entertained.

@tholzerman What is your favorite album of all time?
— Casey Brown (@NintendoGamer86) September 17, 2014

ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME? That question can change with the wind. I have so many albums that I love dearly. For example, the perfect grunge era album may have been released by a Chicago band in 2002 (Local H - Here Comes the Zoo). Or how can I argue against a moody, emotionally-charged yet whimsical and sardonic early '90s classic? (Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds - Let Love In) My favorite band ever, Stone Temple Pilots, had three dynamite albums in a row (Purple, Tiny Music..., No. 4), but then again, could they match up with Master of Puppets? Or Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band?

But usually, the album I fall back on as the average best ever was released in 1973. Steve Hackett played guitar. Michael Rutherford was on the bass. Tony Banks tickled the ivories and other assorted keys. Phil Collins sang one song, but he was mostly there to pound the drums. And Peter Gabriel asked if you could tell him where his country lies.

@tholzerman If you could have one Trio from KoT ambushed backstage and replaced, who would it be? And who would replace them?
— Lee (@nakamuraness) September 17, 2014

Well, the ambushed party would be LAX, obviously. They're the only trio with whom I took umbrage, but really, I have no qualm with Homicide or Hernandez. Ditching the whole team for Chavo Guerrero is a shame, but I have to do what I have to do. As for their replacement, I'm torn. On one hand, the Submission Squad is RIGHT THERE, and they deserve to have more of a presence than a simple atomicos match on night three. On the other, I'm sure I could find SOMEONE to pay for transportation across the Pacific to bring the Sendai Girls back. Price had to be the only barrier keeping them from coming back, right? Eh, gun to my head, I'll take Meiko Satomura and her seconds to make one more run through the tournament.

@tholzerman Is Fall Brawl this weekend? Why can't WWE just split the difference and use the Hell in the Cell cage for War Games? #TweetBag
— Time Limit Draw (@TheTLDPodcast) September 17, 2014

I always thought the biggest stumbling block towards War Games wasn't so much the lack of authorial ownership by WWE now that Triple H has wrested more and more control from the old guard, but the fact that it requires two rings to do correctly. Between War Games and World War 3, the Southern opposition to Vince McMahon, whether promoted by Jim Crockett or owned by Ted Turner, seemed to LOVE multiple ring setups. Modern WWE just doesn't seem to want to sacrifice the arena space and the seats. A scaled down version could be in the cards, but then again, if you want to do War Games, shouldn't you want to do it right?

@tholzerman Waltman decides to compete tagging with someone at #KOT who with and who replaces him at Commentation Station ?
— Sean McLaughlin (@soggyhydrox) September 17, 2014

I'm not sure Sean Waltman is going to be doing commentary for every match, so replacing him really isn't so much a question. As for whom he'd tag with, if he's going to be there, then I would expect Marty Jannetty to tag with him as a surprise entry in the Night Three Tag Gauntlet. If he doesn't compete there, a match against Prakash Sabar, the non-nationally-affiliated member of the Bloc Party who looks and acts suspiciously like him, could be in the cards.

@tholzerman Why would anyone ever have trouble distinguishing between Kevin Nash and Steve Borden?
— What a Maneuver!! (@what_a_maneuver) September 18, 2014

Clearly, the WCW front office was racist against white people and thought they all looked alike. THE PLAN WAS FOOLPROOF!

@tholzerman Here's my question. How can Penn State fans live with themselves after crushing my hopes and dreams last Saturday? #TweetBag
— The real dajerseyboy (@dajerseyboy) September 18, 2014

I can't hear you over the sound of PLAYING IN A BOWL GAME THIS YEAR WOOOOOOOOOOOO.

@tholzerman WWE name changes don't really matter right? Don't we all just get used to any name anyways?
— Brian J Pickett (@BrianPickett) September 18, 2014

Hard agree on this. Changing the name has very little effect on enjoyment of a wrestler. Daniel Bryan main evented WrestleMania and led 80,000 people in a "YES!" chant, and his name had not a goddamn thing to do with it. He could have done the same thing as Bryan Danielson, Lloyd Boner, or even Punty McPuntson for crying out loud.

In general, people tend to like what they're familiar with. It's the reason why conservatism is so popular around the world. I don't necessarily blame people for getting up in arms about names because it's human nature. But in the case of KENTA switching to Hideo Itami, the anger was probably exacerbated by all the rumblings and the rumors and the dirt sheet blurbs saying he'd keep his name. Not only did the familiar KENTA go away, it went away after being teased that it'd stay. Really though, I think most people will get over it once they see that his style is still kick.

As for the argument that changing the name is a detriment to that wrestler getting over, well, the people who are angry about the name changes know that wrestler and will cheer for them anyway. Those who aren't angry about the name change either know the wrestler and accept it, or they are among the throng of WWE's audience that are either casual wrestling fans or who are fans of WWE and WWE only.

@tholzerman 2 ?'s: what do you call fried potato wedges in the east (they are jo jo's in Oregon) and where do they rank as a side?#TweetBag
— Rene Sanchez (@renesanchez77) September 18, 2014

Sadly, us Eastfolk don't have a fancy name for potato wedges. They're called wedges or potato logs if you're nasty. As for ranking as a side, they're not too high on my list. They rarely cook evenly, and even when they do cook okay, they're still too hard in the middle. The absolute fattest I take my fried potato is in steak fry form.

@tholzerman HHH said NXT is the new WCW. If true who should be their Tony Schiavone?
— Updog, bounty hunter (@Moose_Bigelow) September 18, 2014

Honestly, if Trips wants NXT to be WCW, then he should go all out and get Tony Schiavone to call the action. WWE already has Dusty Rhodes under contract and working primarily in Florida. NXT can be a modern version of WCW Saturday Night! Contrary to what one might believe, wanting Schiavone back under contract isn't a troll opinion. Throw out what you know about him during the Monday Night Wars era. His obnoxious shilling of the nWo-based stories and "THIS IS THE GREATEST NIGHT IN THE HISTORY OF OUR SPORT" shtick were mandated from above through his headset. Before the Nitro era, and afterwards during the down slope of the company, Schiavone was actually pretty goddamn good at his job. A three person booth of Schiavone, Renee Young, and Byron Saxton wouldn't be bad at all, provided Young gets a little coaching.

@tholzerman MOOSE. Opinions?
— Tom Keiser (@keisertroll) September 18, 2014

I think it's absolutely bullshit that I've been going to Maine for work every year for the last eight years and I've never, EVER seen a moose in the wild. BULLSHIT.

@tholzerman Book an indie card featuring only wrestlers that either have A)less than 3000 followers on Twitter or B)no twitter at all.(?)
— Sour Grapes (@SammyJ_D) September 18, 2014

Goddammit, you made me do RESEARCH for this question. Anyway...

• MAIN EVENT: Davey Vega vs. AR Fox
• Cody Deaner and the Maestro vs. Buff Bagwell and Jock Samson
• Shynron, Jervis Cottonbelly, Amasis, and Mark Angelosetti vs. The Proletariat Boar of Moldova, Missile (!) Assault (!) Ant (!), Oleg the Usurper, and Jaka
• HARDCORE MATCH: Crazy Mary Dobson vs. Jewells Malone vs. Mickie Knuckles
• Jeremy Wyatt, Shane Hollister, and Miss Natural vs. Chase Owens, Vordell Walker, and Hania the Howling Huntress
• Jonathan Gresham vs. Matthew Palmer
• Andrew Everett vs. Kyle Matthews
• The Hooligans vs. the Devastation Corporation
• "Smooth Sailing" Ashley Remington vs. Jojo Bravo

@tholzerman do you see a day where football is completely shunned/outlawed due to injuries/players being absolute shitheels of people?
— Kid Presentable (@Tvs_Tim_Biewald) September 18, 2014

Nope, at least not in my lifetime. Money talks in any society, so unless somehow financial leverage can be applied to the NFL, it's not going anywhere. You and I can watch something else on Sundays and Mondays (and, ugh, Thursdays), but we're a drop in the bucket. The only way I can see it going away soon is if insurance premiums go through the roof, but lol at one corporation doing harm to another corporation.

@tholzerman Regarding this past RAW, can you recall a time when creative just bent over for competition like that?
— Marty G (@ThisPhillyFan) September 18, 2014

Nope. While I really don't care either way if WWE caters to audiences who watch other shit, I do find it curious that Vince McMahon, the cocksure, stubborn paterfamilias of the most dynamic force in sports entertainment would kowtow to a National Football League that is embroiled in off-the-field controversy. Seriously, the old McMahon would have smelled the blood in the water and put on a pay-per-view quality card with happenings in every quarter hour. NON-STOP STIMULATION. I never bought into the talking point that McMahon was a genius, but I always gave him credit for being bold and taking risks. Now that he seems to have lost that spirit, it's time to put him out to pasture.

@tholzerman Will Lesnar retain against Cena this Sunday?
— Marc (@DasNordlicht91) September 18, 2014

If you had asked me this when the chance for a bait and switch had passed, I would have said absolutely yes. Now, I'm not so sure. Lesnar's reported deal could open him up to carry the title into WrestleMania while still working every pay-per-view, but unless the stock is looking like it's going to rebound, will corporate coward Vince McMahon want to pay Lesnar's rates if he's still losing speculative cash? I want to say yes, but I get the feeling that the person walking out of Night of Champions with the title won't be Lesnar or Cena at this rate.

@tholzerman Since both of us are only going to night 3 of Trios, can you fantasy book the night 3 card? #tweetbag
— Todd Joerchel (@tourneymaster) September 18, 2014

• SEMIFINALS: Devastation Corporation vs. The Spectral Envoy - The Envoy wins a hard-fought battle despite interference from Sidney Bakabella and the rest of the Wrecking Crew, thanks to returns Crossbones and Blind Rage (shades of '12!)
• SEMIFINALS: Jimmy Jacobs/Eddie Kingston/Volgar vs. The Colony - Interference from the Colony: X-Treme Force help the Flood's ace trio to get the win.
• 1-2-3 Kid vs. Prakash Sabar - Fun match where Kid gets the win but earns the respect of his doppelganger.
• TAG GAUNTLET: The Batiri vs. N_R_G vs. Jaka and Oleg the Usurper vs. the Osirian Portal vs. Haack and Slaash vs. Mikey and Kenny vs. the Boar and Mr. Azerbaijan vs. Soldier Ant and Delirious vs. Old Fashioned vs. DEMOLITION - Soldier Ant and Delirious come out of the match with two points and the victory.
• Deucalion vs. Kid Cyclone - Deucalion is about ready to choke-break Cyclone out of existence when Hallowicked begs for his pupil's life. He offers himself as a replacement, and despite the entirety of the Greenhorn Militia trying to save him, Hallowicked eats a chokebreaker and is carried out, funeral-style.
• REY DE VOLADORES FINAL: Seiya Sanada vs. Shynron - Shynron wins the title of Rey de Voladores in a crowd-pleasing, straightforward spectacle of high-flying.
• The Submission Squad vs. Kizarny, The Odditorium, and Dr. Cube - The Squad wins a crazy poop-show of a match
• FINALS: Jacobs/Kignston/Volgar vs. a shorthanded Spectral Envoy - Frightmare and Mantis valiantly fight off the Flood but look to be finished off until the ESTONIAN THUNDER FROG walks in from the back. Something seems off about him, however, but nevertheless, he's able to give the Envoy the boost it needs to repeat as King of Trios Champions and gain a decisive win against The Flood. The show ends with Mantis looking upon the Frog and cackling like a madman, which surely can't mean anything good for anyone involved in this whole mess.