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| Photo Credit: WWE.com |
Mark Henry vs. Ryback
How: After weeks of sexually-charged near misses, a "who can cause Drew McIntyre the most bodily harm" contest, and a post-match beatdown by Henry on Ryback at Smackdown, Vickie Guerrero made this match.
The Story: It started by chance encounters, like two ships passing in the night. Literally, the beginnings of the proceedings were rooted in Henry and Ryback passing each other as they went to or came from the ring, or backstage. The encounters triggered pheromones of some sort that got them all riled up until the point when Ryback had finished mauling 3MB on RAW, Henry came out and tried to up the ante. Poor Drew McIntyre paid the price for it, but that's what happens when you get in the path of oncoming hosses, I suppose.
This led to a match later that week on Smackdown. Before the match was scheduled to take place, Randy Orton and Sheamus announced Ryback as their third partner for their match against The Shield. Ryback had been vexed by the group in the past. They first attacked him at Survivor Series as he as about to win the WWE Championship. Then, in a match at TLC, Seth Rollins gave himself up as bait to allow Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose double up and pin Daniel Bryan. They cost him the WWE Championship again in a TLC match at the first RAW of the year. They defeated a team with him on it at Elimination Chamber. So, of course, he'd sign up to perhaps vanquish them for good at Mania.
Instead, the self-professed hounds of justice decided they'd get the jump on Ryback, waylaying him during the match with Henry. Henry, proving himself to also be the World's Strongest Vulture, scooped up Ryback's remains and gave him a triple-shot of World's Strongest Slams for good measure. This drew out Ryback to open the next episode of RAW to challenge Henry. Before he could come all the way down to the ring, Vickie Guerrero and Teddy Long anticlimactically headed the curator of the Hall of Pain off at the pass to announce that Ryback had been removed from the six-man match into a match with Henry. Additionally, Smackdown General Manager Booker T implemented a no-contact clause to keep them from touching each other.
Of course, both men found ways around it. In a bench press competition on Smackdown last week, Henry prevented Ryback from completing the rep that would have beaten his total by pressing down on the bar, choking him. I'd like to say this was the first instance of attempted murder as an angle building technique, but this is professional wrestling. I will say it was the best use of near-lethal force I've seen though. Ryback answered on the last episode of RAW by using Santino Marella as a projectile weapon, launching him from the ring onto an unsuspecting Henry on the outside.
Analysis: If you guessed which match I was looking most forward to on Mania and said this one, well, you'd be right. On a card where I'm warming up to every match incrementally (except for Triple H/Lesnar, because fuck Triple H), I was always hot on this match. We all know how awesome Henry can be, but I really think Ryback gets clowned on a bit unnecessarily. He's been in more than a few good matches since debuting. On paper, this could be the best HOSS FIGHT since Sheamus and Henry tangled at SummerSlam '11.
However, there are a few things that give me pause. First, how injured is Henry? He apparently tweaked his leg at a house show, and there were murmurs of how ready he'd be for Mania. He looked good against the Usos and squishing Marella since then, but you never know when the stakes get raised. Second, is this going to be a real live hoss fight, or is this just a reboot on Ryback's dominance streak, where he puts away the biggest prize he can for the time being on the biggest stage possible? This is one match where the winner or loser may not matter, but the manner in which the victor prevails does the most.
However, if everything turns out right, this match could be the finest example of clubberin' WWE has given us maybe ever. My nipples are hard just thinking about it. Before you claim that's way too weird for this feud, I would like to remind you how sexual it has been. The way it started was full of thick, sexual tension, and the promo Henry cut Monday? Yeah, as Brandon Stroud noted in Best and Worst, Henry gave off a total DTF-vibe.
Who Should Win: Call me biased, but Mark Henry should win if just to set up a revenge scenario. Ryback isn't your new Goldberg, WWE? Put your money where your mouth is and have the guts to tell a story that no one had the fortitude to do with Goldberg.
Who Will Win: Ryback is going to win, because he's the new hotness, and Mark Henry, to WWE, is yesterday's hoss.