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| Suck it, jerks. |
1. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 1) - Daniel Bryan just spent the last year saying "Hi haters" to every cocky shithead writer and self-hating fan who drop the word "smark" like they were Skrillex. Bryan cemented it with a standout WrestleMania match. Next stop, it's the main event.
2. Rachel Summerlyn (Last Week: 3) - She and Jessicka Havok are bromancing so hard that I feel the need to invent a new word to describe it. I haven't been able to find the word yet, actually. I'll let you know. But necessitating the creation of neologisms is definitely a reason to get ranked this high.
3. Mark Henry (Last Week: 2) - The HOSS FIGHT was more a hoss slog, but Henry still fucked shit up, yo.
4. Jay Briscoe (Last Week: Not Ranked) - The celebration over Briscoe's ROH World Championship win at Sandy Fork Farm was so intense that when the clan woke up the next morning, all the moonshine was drunk, two chickens were missing, and the John Deere was tipped over.
5. Bob Backlund (Last Week: Not Ranked) - When I grow up, I wanna have the cache to be able to flip my shit when I get inducted into the Blogger Hall of Fame like Bobby B.
6. Cheerleader Melissa (Last Week: 6) - Melissa won back her SHIMMER Championship, then teased taking it out on the town in Manhattan. I don't know if she actually followed through, but I wonder how many free drinks she would have gotten if she did. My guess is all of them.
7. Jushin Thunder Liger (Last Week: Not Ranked) - LYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. That is all.
8. Dogfish Head Raison d'Etre (Last Week: Not Ranked)OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGER SPONSORED ENTRY - Such a good beer. The description says that it is brewed with green raisins, Belgian beer sugars, and a sense of purpose. You can really taste the purpose. It tastes like chicken.
9. Johnny Gargano (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Yeah, yeah, he wrestled well, but man, his troll game was on point after cheap-shotting Shingo to in
10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - SARA DEL REY FACT: Sara del Rey climbed the Statue of Liberty at Mania last night in 90 seconds, but it was cut from the broadcast because she's way too modest.