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| And nonbelievers shall be treated as such Photo Credit: WWE.com |
The first post-WrestleMania Main Event was really about five people. Well, maybe six.
To kick off the hour, it was about the force of the past few months known as the Shield. Them winning wasn't surprising; nor was their in-ring fluidity. It wasn't even surprising when Reigns sent Kingston flying high into the barricade and both members of the Fat Boys got laid out with the triple bomb. What was surprising at least to me is that the narrative in my head fit the story of the match so contently they might as well have been synonyms. Hell, after thinking "the Shield is a unit and Jamaican Rap is just three dudes" JBL would go on to echo those sentiments within 90 seconds nearly verbatim. Ambrose kept it weird by selling a back elbow more like a nuisance than a debilitating blow but still walked into Kingston offense, Rollins showed his athleticism with a nice Pele and a top-rope knee strike, and Reigns brought the noise by spearing Brodus away from breaking up the pinfall so hard he must've looked for DJ Hollywood when he finally got up. And it all made sense. The only thing even remotely weird was that it was happening on Main Event.
I gave Zack Ryder the over/under of 150 seconds of surviving Big E. Langston's Wednesday night debut. I should've figured the new theme and graphics in; Big E. dusted the Internet Champion in about half that wisely engaging in vulgar displays of power based around the midsection (corner spear, body blows, and a nice belly to belly suplex) before hitting the Big Ending. Again, if Mark Henry is your role model, you could do worse, though Big E.'s nearly breaking the sarcasmometer over making his WrestleMania debut before -- you know -- losing it, subsumed in the majestic greatness of his Monday night and what he was about to do to poor Ryder bringing him joy suggests that part of the character's come fully formed and can only get more smartass from there.
And you want to talk about smartass.
Whoo kid.
Zeb Colter came out and cut a promo before a match that would've been a WWECW main event anywhere in the country we used to have hashtag thanks Obama. It was so wrong it was glorious. In sequential order to piss off the Bostonians he proceed to tread on the Bruins (hockey's Canadian), the very arena he was standing in (do you see any vegetables in here? [Did you make a Zack Ryder joke? Good for you. Have a caramel.] How's it a Garden, then?), Paul Revere (the man was a turncoat), and the opponent for the evening Yoshi Tatsu (so not American, and you can get more rice on a fork than a pair of chopsticks). The crowd was so pissed off a YOSHI chant started and I was so astounded by his Jenga of Gadsden fueled evil I just sat here and laughed, and that was even before he shook Yoshi's hand and then bowed to him, the latter of course the high sign for Swagger to kick Yoshi down before the match started. It's funny because he can't affect legislation yet, you see. While Yoshi got in more offense than Ryder's had all year the end was as accompli as fate got. It's going to be interesting to see what they put Swagger towards next; from in and out of character standpoints I wouldn't be surprised to see him take a tumble but I would have the same equanimity to him staying in place and being another gnat flying around the head of the World Champion Show Off. One thing's for sure, as long as Yosemite Sam is making the verbal dynamite go boom, people will care about the matches, and thus that fulfills why he went away and down the drain last year.
The difference between a squash and a showcase is that the former have people you don't want or like going over in dominant fashion and the latter don't; three showcases later, Main Event seems to be going out of WrestleMania season by going back to doing some of what it does best.
To kick off the hour, it was about the force of the past few months known as the Shield. Them winning wasn't surprising; nor was their in-ring fluidity. It wasn't even surprising when Reigns sent Kingston flying high into the barricade and both members of the Fat Boys got laid out with the triple bomb. What was surprising at least to me is that the narrative in my head fit the story of the match so contently they might as well have been synonyms. Hell, after thinking "the Shield is a unit and Jamaican Rap is just three dudes" JBL would go on to echo those sentiments within 90 seconds nearly verbatim. Ambrose kept it weird by selling a back elbow more like a nuisance than a debilitating blow but still walked into Kingston offense, Rollins showed his athleticism with a nice Pele and a top-rope knee strike, and Reigns brought the noise by spearing Brodus away from breaking up the pinfall so hard he must've looked for DJ Hollywood when he finally got up. And it all made sense. The only thing even remotely weird was that it was happening on Main Event.
I gave Zack Ryder the over/under of 150 seconds of surviving Big E. Langston's Wednesday night debut. I should've figured the new theme and graphics in; Big E. dusted the Internet Champion in about half that wisely engaging in vulgar displays of power based around the midsection (corner spear, body blows, and a nice belly to belly suplex) before hitting the Big Ending. Again, if Mark Henry is your role model, you could do worse, though Big E.'s nearly breaking the sarcasmometer over making his WrestleMania debut before -- you know -- losing it, subsumed in the majestic greatness of his Monday night and what he was about to do to poor Ryder bringing him joy suggests that part of the character's come fully formed and can only get more smartass from there.
And you want to talk about smartass.
Whoo kid.
Zeb Colter came out and cut a promo before a match that would've been a WWECW main event anywhere in the country we used to have hashtag thanks Obama. It was so wrong it was glorious. In sequential order to piss off the Bostonians he proceed to tread on the Bruins (hockey's Canadian), the very arena he was standing in (do you see any vegetables in here? [Did you make a Zack Ryder joke? Good for you. Have a caramel.] How's it a Garden, then?), Paul Revere (the man was a turncoat), and the opponent for the evening Yoshi Tatsu (so not American, and you can get more rice on a fork than a pair of chopsticks). The crowd was so pissed off a YOSHI chant started and I was so astounded by his Jenga of Gadsden fueled evil I just sat here and laughed, and that was even before he shook Yoshi's hand and then bowed to him, the latter of course the high sign for Swagger to kick Yoshi down before the match started. It's funny because he can't affect legislation yet, you see. While Yoshi got in more offense than Ryder's had all year the end was as accompli as fate got. It's going to be interesting to see what they put Swagger towards next; from in and out of character standpoints I wouldn't be surprised to see him take a tumble but I would have the same equanimity to him staying in place and being another gnat flying around the head of the World Champion Show Off. One thing's for sure, as long as Yosemite Sam is making the verbal dynamite go boom, people will care about the matches, and thus that fulfills why he went away and down the drain last year.
The difference between a squash and a showcase is that the former have people you don't want or like going over in dominant fashion and the latter don't; three showcases later, Main Event seems to be going out of WrestleMania season by going back to doing some of what it does best.