The OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings, April 15th

That's Danger in the ninja outfit, but she's way more bad-ass than any ninja on this planet Photo Credit: Gregory Davis/DDS

Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. First Responders (Last Week: Not Ranked) - I know this is supposed to be a light-hearted blog entry, and after this one, it will be. But I feel like it needs to be written here, no matter how many people have already said or who will. My natural tendency when a tragedy such as the bombings at the Boston Marathon today is to blame humanity and how sick and diseased it is. How can someone's ideology allow them to get to the point where innocent people are collateral? Or how can someone's mental illness go so untreated that they end up finding sense in blowing things up? I must be a pessimist at heart, because my reaction was humanity was diseased and needed a cleansing.

But I was reminded by the outpouring of response by people who ran towards the explosions as I imagine the people perpetrating this ran away from them. The first responders, whether they be trained in emergency services or not. The people who rushed over to the victims to help as they were finishing the marathon did their best to help too. So did the people who volunteered to give blood in the attack's wake.

As Patton Oswalt reminded everyone today via Facebook, the number of people who responded are probably more numerous than the ones who perpetrated the attack. It can feel too easy to dismiss everyone after something bad happens, but then outpourings like this happen. Let's stop throwing humanity in the trash. Let's start focusing on people who have done good and who will continue to do good. The first responders are the shiningest examples of these people. The good people outnumber the bad ones. Just remember that.

2. Allison Danger (Last Week: Not Ranked) - The woman suffered a stroke in January, has brain lesions from it, and still wrestled in five shows to close out her illustrious and influential career. No one ever is worthy of anything in light of this.

3. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 1) - Not only is Bryan the best wrestler on the planet, but now he officially has the most luxurious beard in hip-hop.

4. Rachel Summerlyn (Last Week: 2) - While her neck injury is keeping her on the shelf, her positive vibes and friendship are propelling Jessicka Havok to dominate SHIMMER in addition to everywhere else she's conquering. I have decided this counts. Screw you, it's my list.

5. Mark Henry (Last Week: 3) - Honestly, I have no faith that Ryback will be able to clobberify John Cena the way it needs to be done. WE NEED MARK HENRY TO SPLITTEN SOME WIGS.

6. Peruvian Rotisserie Chicken (Last Week: Not Ranked)OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED RANKING - Peru finally has something else to be known for other than the Incas!

7. AJ Lee (Last Week: Not Ranked) - She took that elbow to the face from Big E. Langston and kept skipping along like nothing happened. That's moxie!

8. Jamie Lannister (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Yeah, I know he's a fictional character from a medieval universe, but he gave me an excuse to make really bad hand puns on Twitter last night with impunity. Also, this. Don't click if you're squeamish.

9. Louis CK (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Bears repeating, he's the funniest man alive, not because of dick jokes or sight gags, but because of blunt honesty and being unafraid of making fun of himself.

10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - SARA DEL REY FACT: del Rey once went an entire SHIMMER weekend without peeing.