The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings, April 22nd

YEEE HAW Photo Credit: WWE.com

Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Mark Henry (Last Week: 5) - SURPRISE SPEARS. Just another way Mark Henry will split your goddamn wig.

2. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 3) - Bryan won his beard-off with Josh Reddick. Did anyone have any doubts? If so, step forward so you can suffer the same fate Jamie Lannister did last week.

3. Rachel Summerlyn (Last Week: 4) - There's no truth to the rumor that she tried to sneak into the locker room, donning a fake moustache, and insert herself into the 2CW Championship Stairway to Hell match between Jason Axe and Isys Ephex. However, she totally did beat Chris Masters in a pose-down. True story. Maybe.

4. Terry Funk (Last Week: Not Ranked) - TERRY FUNK IS STILL WRESTLING. THE MAN MUST BE 80 BILLION YEARS OLD AND I'D STILL RATHER SEE HIM THAN DAVEY RICHARDS. WHY AM I CAPS LOCKING THIS? BECAUSE IT'S TERRY GODDAMN FUNK, YOU HEATHENS.

5. Kellie Skater (Last Week: Not Ranked) - So, she straightened her hair and wore some makeup at SHINE 9, which in and of itself isn't too big a deal. I mean, looks are looks, right? Kellie Skater is awesome even if she's dressed in sackcloth. But I think this proves that she's not only made of adamantium, but is also adaptable, which means fucking shit, we're all gonna die, aren't we?

6. Chickie's and Pete's Pizza (Last Week: Not Ranked)OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - C&P's might be Philly's douchebag mecca, and I once almost waited three days between ordering a drink and getting it once, but goddammit, do they make a good pizza.

7. David Ortiz (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Big Papi beat the FCC, and for that, he belongs on here.

8. Old-Ass Andre Miller (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Miller has to have been playing ball since the Funker was in diapers, right? Either that, or Kyrie Irving dressed up as Uncle Drew, put on Miller's uniform, and no one noticed as he went off.

9. Kevin Steen (Last Week: Not Ranked) - He may have gone 0-2 this weekend, but I think he also inherited the nickname "Big Kev." What basis do I have? None, but if you question me, I will treat you as hostile like I did that Batiri-shamed douchebag who thinks because Steen never won the CZW Championship he hasn't done anything.

10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - SARA DEL REY FACT: When del Rey played through Pokemon: Red Edition the first time, she went into the game and deadlifted Snorlax out of her way instead of getting the PokeWhistle.