Twitter Request Line, Vol. Bacardi

The ultimate football food Screen Grab via YouTube

It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers!

@tholzerman Favorite Super Bowl Finger Food?

— Cam (@Cam_Is_Like) February 3, 2016

Super Bowl Sunday is MADE for finger foods, so the choices are nearly limitless. In addition to hardcore football fanatics, the game attracts indifferent normies who only watch for the commercials, so the pool for creativity on food choices increases exponentially. However, I'm a simple man with simple tastes, and the ultimate Super Bowl food is the nacho. Whether one gets fancy and has slow-cooked meat and artisanal ingredients or that person just dumps Tostitos, pickled jalapenos, and Cheez Wiz on a plate and microwaves it, the nacho is the perfect hand-delivered food for all football applications, especially the Super Bowl. However, I have a caveat; "neat" nachos are a war crime, and if you serve them, you get a one-way ticket to The Hague, you monster.

@tholzerman did you watch Venture Bros on Sunday? What'd you think, and are you hype for the new season? #TweetBag

— Jeff Stormer (@DexDynamo) February 3, 2016

Sadly, I did not catch the premiere yet, although I have it on my DVR at home. That being said, I am insanely pumped for the new season, but I'm also a bit apprehensive. I haven't had a lot of time to go back and watch back seasons, which for some shows isn't as crucial either because they're slapstick, one-off comedies like It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia or because they're actually on regular television schedules like Agents of SHIELD. Venture Bros., however, has a rich continuity, maybe the richest of any show I watch, and the gaps between seasons are far longer than normal. So I'm afraid that with the new season, I might be lost on some references. But hey, it's the goddamn Venture Bros., and even if I remembered minuscule details from prior seasons, it's still one of the funniest, richest, most heartwarming series in television history. You're damn right I'm up for it.

@tholzerman Need to bring a side to a Super Bowl party...what can I do that is awesome? #TweetBag

— Joe (@jkearns4949) February 3, 2016

Despite proclaiming that nachos are the ultimate football food, they're also a dish best served by the host of the party. You are going to want to bring a dip, but what kind of dip? Check with the host if he/she is making Buffalo wings. If not, then a Buffalo chicken dip is the perfect crowd-pleasing snack. You can find recipes online, but the best way to go is with some kind of boneless chicken - breast, thighs, or even a roasted chicken picked off the bone if you're nasty - the hot sauce of your choice, and bleu cheese dressing.

@tholzerman is Majora's Mask so underrated that it's actually overrated?

— it me papa ron (@Rovitz) February 3, 2016

The fact that this question is legitimate illuminates the problem with using over- and underrated as standalone adjectives. Using them is based off other people rather than personal experiences or objective quality. However, in the interest of not being a giant, throbbing semantic dick, I will pose this answer. If a theoretical survey were taken among everyone who's played most Zelda games, and the answers came back that Majora's Mask is better than Wind Waker or Link to the Past, then it is overrated. But if it comes back as worse than Ocarina of Time, then it is still underrated. I don't know if I actually answered the question, but it's a tough nut to crack sometimes.

@tholzerman what's the capital of Trinidad and Tobago, and do you think WWC was unwise not to more fully develop this market in the 80?

— Dylan Hales (@DylanWaco) February 3, 2016

The capital, Port of Spain, despite having the minuscule-seeming population of ~37,000 people, is more than just a tropical vacation destination and seat of government for a tiny Caribbean banana republic. Even though the country is nominally considered part of North America, Port of Spain is the seat of a nation that is fewer than five miles from Venezuela. While the South American lucha libre market at times thrived, its seat of influence rested mainly in Argentina, which is a nice hike from even the most southern points of Venezuela. In short, Venezuela remained more than likely an underdeveloped market for pro graps in the 1980s. Could Carlos Colon have fomented more of a rabid following in those north Caribbean shore countries (Venezuela, Colombia, Guyana, Suriname) by opening a regular tour stop in Port of Spain? The answer may be hazy without evidence, but at the same time, given how wildly popular wrestling has been in Latin cultures, and how successful a promoter Colon was and even still is today in his native Puerto Rico, he easily could have turned Trinidad and Tobago into a wrestling-crazy nation whose fever could easily have spread to the next continent down. In short, not developing Port of Spain has to be considered a mistake.

@tholzerman With Ric Flair at Michigan for National Signing Day which wrestlers would be best fits at other major colleges for NSD?

— CoolDude95 (@thegnc) February 3, 2016

The most hilarious thing about Flair at Michigan is the buttoned down, hoity-toity Michigan Man meme has never fit Ol' Naitch. But hey, Jim Harbaugh does what he does for his program, and the many fans of Big Blue appreciate it. Anyway, the following is a short, incomplete list of wrestlers best affiliated with certain schools:

• University of Arkansas - Vader. If Bret Bielema had his way, he would line up a bull elephant behind ten offensive linemen and run quarterback dives every play. Vader is the perfect mascot for his oeuvre.
• Arizona State University - Sandman. Renowned as a party school, Sandman would sell any potential recruits by slamming a sixer of Bud Heavies at the same time while smashing his head with a kendo stick, all while keeping the cigarette in his mouth from going out.
• University of Southern California - "The Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase. Obviously, every school has some kind of illegal payment of players going on (which I approve of, because fuck the man, these kids deserve paper), but few schools are as in the open about it without being open about it as USC.
• Mid-American Conference - The Wrestlers of Dragon Gate. Like DG wrestlers, MAC schools are small in stature, but have crazy innovative offenses with contests airing at weird hours. 
• University of Alabama - Triple H. I'm pretty sure Nick Saban would be the type of person who'd ask "AM I FUCKING GOING OVER?" if he were a wrestler. They're both always on top, and most people tend not to like it when they are, present Triple H title reign oddly excluded.
• University of North Carolina - Davey Richards. Both have high octane offenses, but shrink compared to quality opposition. Both would rather be doing something else (basketball, MMA respectively).

@tholzerman Other than 'Taker, what wrestler/gimmick is the most awkward to explain to a non-watcher of wrestling? #Tweetbag

— Rich Fann II (@RDotDeuce) February 3, 2016

Lucha Underground itself is strange, wonderful, and sometimes hard to explain to people, but overall, I think it's easily absorbed. And yet try explaining Pentagón, Jr. to a friend who doesn't watch. I'll wait.

@tholzerman Randy Savage or Savage Opress?

— Mr. Gator (@NickGator) February 3, 2016

The Dark Side of the Force is insignificant next to the power of MACHO MADNESS.

@tholzerman Please tell me they have bigger Mania plans for Owens. I couldn't watch if he's going back and forth w/ Ziggler.

— The Enrico Palazzo (@Enrico_Palazzo_) February 3, 2016

TO be honest, I'm not sure WWE has Mania plans set in stone for anyone, not even Triple H and Roman Reigns. I still think Dean Ambrose is in play as Trips' challenger in the main event. I wouldn't put good money on it, but the doubt's enough that I wouldn't put any money on Reigns at Fast Lane either. But I digress.

Unless WWE has Sami Zayn working double duty after Fast Lane on RAW and NXT, my gut tells me that Owens won't have a specific focus. He'll either be in the fray for the Intercontinental or United States (or both!) Championships in a multi-wrestler schmozz match, or he'll be relegated to the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royale. Either one kinda stinks, because Owens would be awesome with a spotlight on him against someone like, say, Brock Lesnar. But WWE can't get out of its own way even when the whole roster is healthy and it's not scrambling to cover for everyone getting hurt.

@tholzerman Forget Roman's in the match... How high up is Dean Ambrose on the Brock Lesnar ass-kicking anticipation scale? #TweetBag

— Greg Paone (@gpaone121) February 3, 2016

As Jon Moxley, Ambrose took beatings that WWE couldn't even think about posting on RAW or the Network without fear of losing every single one of its higher-end sponsors. His reputation is how he got on WWE's radar in the first place, so of course he will make Lesnar look good at Fast Lane, better than even he can look against an average opponent. Watching Ambrose absorb the ass-kicking of a lifetime and then cause the biggest pop of the year to date when he stands back up and starts flailing back at Lesnar is going to first be satisfying and then hilariously sad when it's just used as an avenue to give Reigns the victory anyway.

@tholzerman We’re building this restaurant a week at a time. Looking for six new WWE/NXT wrestlers for thematic dessert items. #TweetBag

— Star of Savage (@StarOfSavage) February 3, 2016

I'm going to keep it with NXT, because I have the most intact thematic integrity of any blogger who has been asked similar questions in consecutive weeks. Anyway...

• The Caramel-la Bagel Pudding - This unique take on bread putting using New York bagels and topped with a hot caramel sauce will make anyone see that it's F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S.
• Samoa Joe's Samoan Sundae - Can't get enough of the Girl Scout Cookies that currently are named Caramel DeLites? Then you'll love the deconstructed version of the Samoan cookie with coconut ice cream, salted caramel sauce, and an Anaheim chile-infused chocolate shell on the outside, which will give you the stiff chop to the chest that the Samoan Submission Machine is famous for.
• The Stay Hype Root Beer Float - If you're having trouble staying awake AND have a sweet tooth, then Mojo Rawley's signature dessert is for you. It's a root beer float with a nice sized scoop of vanilla ice cream on top. However, the twist is that the liquid is only half root beer. The other half is Red Bull. You'll stay hype for hours.
• Bliss Cakes - Alexa Bliss' dessert pays homage to her glittery past with a simple pound cake with sweet "confetti" inside, but it'll hit you right in the mouth with an intensely flavorful rum sauce draped over each slice.
• Manny Andrade's Tres Leches Cake - It's a basic tres leches cake, only with immaculate plating and gold flake on it, because the former La Sombra is that damn handsome and his dish needs to reflect that.
• Dash and Dawson Special - Dessert is for wimps, so the Dash and Dawson Special is a shot of Jack Daniels and a pint of Pabst Blue Ribbon.

@tholzerman Where are you going to get all your quality wrestling/hardcore music memes now that you're banned from I Heart Powerviolence?

— Scott Raychel (@ScottyTres) February 3, 2016

I guess I'm gonna have to make them myself! For those who don't know, I Heart Powerviolence is a Facebook group for meatheads and clenched asshole alpha male types that recently published a decree not to talk about anything Chikara, mainly because Chikara wasn't manly enough for them? Anyway, Scotty and I went there and proceeded to talk about Chikara for about 15 minutes before the mods caught on and we were BANNED. THE INDIGNITY OF IT ALL. Anyway, it was a nice larf for a Wednesday afternoon. I highly recommend it!

@tholzerman If there was a wrestling federation in Hyrule who would be the champion and why would it be Darunia?

— Pizza D. Stroyer (@AvantBlah) February 3, 2016

Darunia is strong, but does he have the total package? I think the Champion would be Ganondorf if it were a heel, and Impa (younger Ocarina of Time version, not the old lady version in other games) as a face. Impa's combat readiness, strength, and stealth make her a legit contender for the title, while Ganondorf can change into a giant pig beast and has no qualms about cheating. Darunia would remain a main event player, but he's always chasing the title. For reference, Tingle would comprise the Social Outcasts-level of low card talent.

@tholzerman I've never been to a Chikara show, bought a ticket for the matinee in Toronto. Should I also buy one for the evening show?

— Ryan Bayne (@mutantdog123) February 3, 2016

Absolutely! Chikara shows are fun for the whole family, unless you are a member of I Heart Powerviolence. Then maybe save your money. But if you like family-friendly, lighthearted, action-packed, Americanized lucha libre action, and you have the time to go to both shows, do it. I promise, you'll have one heck of a swell day.

@tholzerman Go Carolina, right?

— Brian Coulter (@PhilaBCoulter) February 3, 2016

If it were based on just quarterbacks, then yes, I'd rather see Cam Newton make every racist shitbag calling him "classless" poop themselves while dabbing with the Lombardi Trophy, sending Peyton Manning into sad retirement like the gimp-neck sex offender he is. However, looking at the big picture, it's not so easy to throw all in with Carolina. For one, if the Panthers win, then the cacophony from sports talk radio over not hiring Sean McDermott will be insane. I won't hear it firsthand, mind you, but the Twitter people I follow pay it mind, and I have to hear it secondhand. Secondly, I have a lot of friends who like the Broncos, and I would like to see them be happy. Third, all NFL owners are shitbags, but Jerry Richardson is probably the one most filled to the brim with shit with the exception of Dan Snyder, Jerry Jones, and possibly Bob Kraft. Finally, the Broncos vanquished the Patriots. Now, I'm not saying I'm all in on the Panthers. However, I will be happy with either team winning, to be honest. It's a rare stress-free Super Bowl that I can sit back, relax, and watch without much of a vested interest in the result.

@tholzerman rank your 5 favorite Randy Savage Wrestlemania matches

— Brian Charlie Brown (@brianbrown25) February 3, 2016

1. Ultimate Warrior, WrestleMania VII - This match is a bit controversial, but it was laid out to hide Warrior's weaknesses. It told an amazing story to boot. Looking back, this match should have been the main event, not Hulk Hogan vs. Sgt. Slaughter.
2. Ricky Steamboat, WrestleMania III - The first WrestleMania classic is still a classic.
3. Ric Flair, WrestleMania VIII - The over-the-top nature of the story overshadowed the match a little bit, but Flair and Savage still turned in an absolute gem.
4. Hulk Hogan, WrestleMania V - Hogan is another guy who doesn't get much credit in the ring but probably has had quite a few big match performances that were good at least. Savage had a lot to do with this one being as high up as it is though.
5. George "The Animal" Steele, WrestleMania II - This match was more a spectacle, but it was a great study in character and a display of how a sniveling, cowardly heel should act in the presence of a big dumb lovable animal.

@tholzerman who do you think will win YLC XII?

— Frito (@fritobandit) February 3, 2016

The smart money has to be on Estonian Thunder Frog, if that is the Estonian Thunder Frog. I wonder how Chikara will fill in the blanks between Farmer Frog picking up (and then forgetting he picked up) the hammer and now. If not the Frog, then I would pull from a small group that includes Argus, Wani, and Proletariat Boar of Moldova. If pressed though, I'd say that Argus SHOULD be the favorite, but who knows anymore.

@tholzerman Am I a bad person because I don't like Disneyland and it sounds like mandatory fun? #NationalTweetbagDay

— #FEBUTCHARY (@thebutchrosser) February 3, 2016

Hey, some people like Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, and others like to drink beer and sing Talking Heads at karaoke. You do you. Besides, you'll never hear me call someone bad for not putting money in the Disney Corporation's pockets, even if I'm the biggest offender with all these Star Wars and Marvel Cinematic Universe movies.

@tholzerman Your thoughts on this hot take- Big E fits WWE's idea of Roman Reigns better than Roman Reigns.

— Big McLargeHuge (@PFunk224) February 3, 2016

I think it's a good take, to be honest. Reigns has proven that while he's a good hand in the ring, he doesn't have the personality to carry as a main event wrestler. Big E may not have the exact personality - he's a bit, eccentric, in a word - but at least he has connectivity with the crowd. Rumor has it that Vince McMahon championed Big E to get the big godfather push, while Triple H's guy was Reigns. Son-in-law won out, and imagining if Papa Vince won the argument might be one of the most interesting, and ultimately saddening, thought experiments to do re: WWE.

@tholzerman of all of these grilled cheeses, which one appeals to you? https://t.co/kVKvdI7L5Z

— Okori Wadsworth (@OkoriWadsworth) February 3, 2016

Hm, that page contains a lot of grilled cheese. On first glance, I'd probably go with the Bacon Habernero, because it combines my love of cured pork products and mouth-scalding spice.

@tholzerman All-time best wrestling t-shirts, go!

— Jeffrey Paternostro (@jeffpaternostro) February 3, 2016

My two favorites are pretty simple shirts. The first is the minimalist nWo t-shirt, the original one, not any of the evolutions after. Black field, white text, both stylish and intimidating. Few wrestling shirts have been as acceptable to wear in public, even the garish-in-comparison homage shirt created by the Bullet Club. The second one is the Chuck Taylor LOST-inspired Dharma Initiative knockoff with the grenade in the middle. It was the first indie wrestling shirt I ever purchased because it combined my two loves, pro wrestling and LOST.

@tholzerman If it happens, do you think Strowman beats Taker at Mania, and what's your favorite kind of cheese? I'll hang up and wait.

— bob. (@BeeOhBeeRT) February 3, 2016

Right now, Braun Strowman/Undertaker is back off if you believe Dave Meltzer's latest update, which was a not-so-subtle scolding of Bryan Alvarez saying it WAS DEFINITELY HAPPENING. But you know plans change, so if it does happen, my guess is Taker gives Strowman his first L, because Strowman is a Wyatt, and WWE doesn't seem to think the Wyatt Family needs to be protected meaningfully. Additionally, my favorite cheese is fresh mozzarella. Nice way of sneakily circumventing my "one question per customer" rule. Next time it happens, and I'm cutting off your hand*.

*- No, not really, I have no real authority to do such a thing. I swear.

@tholzerman Favorite Zelda item?

— Ricky Young ⭐️ (@RickySYoung) February 3, 2016

My favorite item is the Bombchu, not for utility or power, but for sheer ridiculousness. Seriously, a wind-up mouse with an explosive payload? That is perhaps the most absurd weapon in video game history, and I love it.

@tholzerman is there a way to get out of the dungeon without using the wizard key?

— bd (@IYQbd) February 3, 2016

The Wizard Key has no use outside the Dungeon, unless you want to sell it. But why would you want to sell it? Are you a capitalist pig? ARE YOU? ANSWER THE QUESTION.

@tholzerman Why are you a fake gamer? #Tweetbag

— Pagemaster (@concrete1992) February 3, 2016

I have two children and a full-time job. Also, the gaming aesthetic that most appeals to me is in two dimensions.

@tholzerman Your premature prediction for the 2016 Phillies win-loss record?

— Frank Puddle (@francisadujr) February 3, 2016

I don't think the Phillies will be as bad as they were in 2015, but I don't think they'll contend either. Mark me down for 70-92 on the strength of the starting rotation and some clutch hits from Maikel Franco and some other younger bats.

@tholzerman Who is your favorite Hashimoto - Purple Hashimoto or Fake Hashimoto? #TweetBag

— Billy Ostrich (@TheFrayMovement) February 3, 2016

Which one is Daichi? I choose that one.

@tholzerman Balor + AJ Styles + MGKA + Doc Gallows on the main roster as heels, plus one guy/girl from NXT that isn't Nakamura- who you got?

— Henry David theWoke (@headbuttstopage) February 3, 2016

Well, for one, I don't think AJ Styles is going to be in the Bálor Club. They'll pretend like he's going to be accepted in, but Finn Bálor will reject him as a usurper in his stead and feud with him, recruiting Nia Jax (as their Bad Luck Fale) and the Usos (as their Young Bucks/Tama Tonga hybrid). Styles will have to hold fast with various allies until WWE can sign the Young Bucks proper as his backup. Or maybe I'm just getting too ahead of myself here.

@tholzerman WHO WOULD YOU CAST AS LINK/ZELDA/GANNON IF A LEGEND OF ZELDA MOVIE WAS MADE

— CAPS LOCKA FLAME (@matt_T) February 3, 2016

The easy part here is Ganondorf, who will be played by, who else, Oscar Isaac. Who else could play the Gerudo king of thieves with suaveness and cocksure villainy? As for Link and Zelda, their casting would depend on how old you'd want them to be. If you're going to stay younger, like teens, then I'd cast Chloe Grace-Moretz as Zelda and Nick Robinson for Link. Robinson has the action movie experience down with Jurassic World, and I prefer a kick-ass version of Zelda instead of a damsel in distress, so Hit-Girl immediately comes to mind. If you want young adult, like right after 20 or so, then I'd go with Sam Claflin as Link and Emilia Clarke as Zelda. Finnick Odair and Daenerys Targaryen as Link and Zelda? Can't go wrong there. And even though you didn't ask, the rest of the cast would probably look like this:

• Thandie Newton as Impa
• Ving Rhames as the voice of Darunia
• Mae Whitman as the voice of Ruto
• Priyanka Chopra as Nabooru
• Richard Dreyfuss as Rauru or Sahasrahla (whatever, he's the old sage guy)

Although in a perfect world, the story of Hyrule would be told in a TV series, which would probably require different casting for everyone except maybe Impa and Ruto at this point. But you asked for a movie, so you got a movie.

@tholzerman i missed all of cm punk, any must see matches i should watch on the network?

— Ⓛⓞⓖ Ⓞⓕⓕ (@log__off) February 4, 2016

First and foremost, you need to seek out every single match he had with John Cena. If you don't have the patience, then at least go with Money in the Bank and SummerSlam 2011, and the RAW match from February 25, 2013. His feud with Daniel Bryan in 2012 was critically acclaimed, but unfortunately, I couldn't afford all the pay-per-views in the pre-Network days, so you'd have to fly in without my recommendation. If you want batshit-crazy high spots and big bumps, check out his main event from SummerSlam 2009 against Jeff Hardy. Finally, you have to see the SummerSlam 2013 match against Brock Lesnar, which remains Lesnar's most unique (and possibly his best, depending on your temperature on the Cena match from Extreme Rules 2012) match in his WWE return to date.

@tholzerman please compare the flyers roster to modern day wrestlers. #TweetBag

— Matthew (@RawDawg77) February 4, 2016

I'll level with you in that I haven't really been following the NHL as much as I'd like to, but I'll give a crack to the players on the roster I know:

• Chris Pronger - Daniel Bryan. Really good at what he does, but he'll never be cleared again and is collecting money to do nothing. Well, this one might be out of date because I think Pronger is out of his contract. But I had to take the easy shot.
• Claude Giroux - John Cena. Best on the roster at what he does in total, but he probably gets the short shrift due to other, sexier players leaguewide (or in Cena's case, on the same roster).
• Jake Voracek - Dolph Ziggler. A hot player who kinda went on an extended slump and is only starting to come back out of it. When he's on though, he's exciting.
• RJ Umberger - Alex Riley. Fooled everyone into thinking he was good and now is a drain on society.
• Shane Gostisbehere - Chad Gable. He hasn't been at the big time for that long and is already one of the best ones doing it.
• Ed Snider - Vince McMahon. Iconic presence backstage, but probably has lost touch a long time ago.
• Michael del Zotto - Sunny. Would probably fuck on camera if you paid him enough.

@tholzerman you can send WWE talent on excursions like NJPW does. Who do you send and where?

— Joe (@joesmellis) February 4, 2016

I would see what I had left with Jack Swagger. I've grown tired of him, and he seems to have lost his zeal for work, but who knows, maybe some time in EVOLVE with the #grapplefuck lads will reinvigorate him and tingle his amateur wrestling background. Another candidate would be Tye Dillinger to work up and down the West Coast, making a year of stops in Pro Wrestling Guerrilla. The dude has the Perfect Ten character down, so let him work more intensive wrestling matches to get his in-ring abilities up. Finally, Bo Dallas is young enough that he can take a sabbatical to improve and not lose much time in WWE. Trade him to New Japan Pro Wrestling for a year in exchange for one of that company's young boys, or maybe even a Bullet Club member like Yujiro Takahashi to bolster the Bálor Club for a bit.

@tholzerman What percent of the current WWE roster knows that Buddy Rogers was the first WWWF Champion?

— Keith Campbell (@YoSoyKeith) February 4, 2016

I'll give it a 50/50 split upon entry, but I'd like to think that WWE has programming classes to drill its version of history into its talent's heads. So while maybe half the wrestlers coming in know Rogers, after awhile, everyone can recite the title history with a convenient absence between WrestleMania XX and SummerSlam 2004 for the Big Gold Belt.

@tholzerman I think the direction Chikara goes is Heidi turning heel and beating KimberLee for the title. What do you think?

— Dan McQuade (@dhm) February 4, 2016

I'm glad I'm not the only one who saw some rudo proclivities from Heidi Lovelace at 5 Senses. I think she'll turn sooner rather than later, but I don't know if she'll beat Lee for the title. If anything, she'll be the catalyst for Dasher Hatfield to reconcile with Mr. Touchdown and have a hot feud into this year's season finale. The biggest threat to Lee's title may be Soldier Ant, but while her story against the Devastation Corporation may not need the title, further feuding with the BDK won't need it either. Then again, money could be had with a Soldier/Silver Ant title program down the line. Who knows.

@tholzerman Recast Friends or any ensemble sitcom using wrestlers from any promotiom.

— PowerBombshell (@ChicagosCRose) February 4, 2016

CHANDLER BING - Mick Foley. Few in wrestling have the self-deprecating humor that Chandler had. Although his humor was more acerbic than Foley's lovable shtick, I think The Micker can make it work.
ROSS GELLER - Damien Sandow. Sandow may make the character more likable than David Schwimmer ever could have, but his Intellectual Savior of the Masses character was very much like Geller, only without the romantic failures.
JOEY TRIBBIANI - Colin Cassady. He's already got the "How you doin'" catchphrase down. While Big Cass seems sharp as a character, he can probably dumb it down enough to get to Joey's lovable meathead shtick.
MONICA GELLER-BING - Veda Scott. She's got the right control-freak character to really get into Monica's dictatorial moments the best.
RACHEL GREEN - Natalya. Much like Rachel, she's a knockout, and she's also always making poor life decisions.
PHOEBE BUFFAY - Daizee Haze. I went back and forth between her and Leva Bates, but I think I like Haze's flower-child oeuvre for the role better.

@tholzerman top 5 condiments. dont forget about chinese food condiments. people always do that

— Stee (@stee_jobs) February 4, 2016

1. Sriracha - The rooster sauce is king, but flavorful and spicy.
2. Sweet Thai Chili Sauce - It's by far the best condiment to use with chicken tenders/nuggets.
3. Sweet-Hot Mustard - Mustards in general are safe (outside yellow mustard, ew, yellow mustard), but sweet-hot mustard has great utility on any sandwich with any meat.
4. Harif - For those who don't know, it's a Middle Eastern/Israeli hot sauce with a lot of herbs, garlic, and jalapenos. If you can get by the initial capsacin-backed punch in the mouth, it'll do the trick with kefta, falafel, or any other kind of Eastern Mediterranean cuisine.
5. Soy Sauce - It adds instant flavor to bland foods with more of a flair than plain old salt.

@tholzerman With no more Anderson/Gallows to hog the belts, what can New Japan do to make the tag division matter again?

— Michael Hourigan (@mfhourigan) February 4, 2016

All it has to do is push some tag teams and keep them together enough to have good feuds. In a twist, the Junior Tag Division seems a bit more together than the heavies, if only because the same three teams (Young Bucks, Roppongi Vice, reDRagon) just keep trading them at any turn. Still, NJPW can start with Togi Makabe and Tomoaki Honma and go from there. Maybe Tomohiro Ishii and Toru Yano can rep CHAOS. Give Tama Tonga something to do as the instigator to the enforcer that Bad Luck Fale is. EVIL and BUSHI could provide some fun as LOS INGOBERNABLES' emissaries. The options are in plain view; all NJPW has to do is pull the trigger on them.

@tholzerman WWE main roster, NXT, Chikara, & Lucha Underground are playing in a baseball tournament. Who wins? #TweetBag

— Mike Pankowski (@mikepankowski) February 4, 2016

Look, out of all those rosters, only one has an actual baseball player on it. Chikara wins, man. Would YOU bet against Dasher Hatfield?

@tholzerman Top five cheeses to put on a burger

— Large Red Octopus (@cursethedark) February 4, 2016

1. Cheddar - It melts in a gooey fashion, and it on average has nice, sharp flavor that pairs well with beef. It's a great utility cheese, and burgers are definitely a utility meal.
2. American - American cheese comes in two varieties, deli and Kraft single, and this is the rare case where the cheaper option is probably better. The Kraft singles melt down all over the place, and it improves the experience.
3. Smoked Gouda - I made Jucy Lucys with this before and they were amazing.
4. Bleu Cheese - It may not melt like other cheeses, but its flavor pairs classically well with beef. It's probably the best cheese to use on a bacon cheeseburger.
5. Muenster - Another mild, melty cheese, Muenster is a great switch-up from the sharper cheeses. 

@tholzerman Whatcha gonna do brother, when Hulkamania runs wild on you?

— David (@chudleycannons) February 4, 2016

Thankfully, I'm white, so it shouldn't affect me too much. However, I am trying to help out all the people of color whose lives are being ravaged by Hulkamania.

@tholzerman what are your 2016 MLB predictions? Division winners, Wild Cards, WS champ? #Tweetbag

— Andrew Smith (@OMGitsOFS) February 4, 2016

Okay, these predictions are ridiculously premature and based on gut feelings

• National League East - The Mets seem like the only team that is capable of winning the division, which means they will Mets bigtime and open the door for the Nationals to hilariously win the division at like 83-79
• National League Central - The Cubs look sterling on paper, so I'll go with them. Cardinals with the wild card.
• National League West - The calendar reads an even year, so that means the Giants will win the division because life is pain. Diamondbacks get the second wild card.
• American League East - Gimme the Blue Jays with the Orioles nabbing a wild card.
• American League Central - The Royals are built for the dynasty, so I'll grab them with the division here. Tigers eke out a wild card berth.
• American League West - Angels win the West. Don't ask my reasoning other than MIKE TROUT ZOMG LOL LUV LUV LUV.
• National League Playoffs - Cards over D-Backs in the wild card game, Cubs and Cards in the NLDS, Cubs over Cards in seven in the NLCS.
• American League Playoffs - Orioles over Tigers in the wild card, Orioles and Royals in the ALDS, Royals over Os in the ALCS.
• World Series - Game seven at Wrigley Field, Cubs down two, bottom of the ninth, Jason Heyward on third. Kris Bryant launches a ball that's sure to leave the yard until it hits a bird, dropping down into the glove of Alex Gordon, who throws to third to double up Heyward and clinch a second straight title. The fans go deadly silent, now having seen their hearts ripped out in the most absurdly unlucky way possible. Beer sales on the North Side go up 337% the next day. All commerce stops. The city of Chicago agrees to disband and migrate to other cities. The Cubs move to Davenport, IA, which now has a population of 506,000 thanks to low real estate prices and rename themselves the Iowa Rollinses.

@tholzerman is there a lamer actively used finisher than that european uppercut/neckbreaker thing the vaudevillains do?

— chris (@flavortown69) February 4, 2016

See, I kinda dig the Whirling Dervish because they do it pretty stiffly. If a wrestler or a couple of guys put gusto behind the finish, it means something unless the finish is overly lame like that stupid overdrive thing WWE tried to make happen with several wrestlers. But the lamest finish right now probably the Rear View, and it's not even conceptual in just Naomi doesn't put as much into it as she should. I mean, Asuka puts mustard on her ass strike. I think I've said too much.

@tholzerman#TweetBag Is Lucha Underground the best wrestling show in America, and will it's seasonal format catch on with competitors?

— Panther Joe (@DestiGeddon) February 4, 2016

Lucha Underground is absolutely the best televised wrestling in America, but for as fantastical and innovative as it is, I don't know if it'll change things. So many wrestling promoters operate on a penny wise, pound foolish principle that they don't know the benefits of an offseason could have on its roster among other things. Wrestling feels stuck in the past in so many ways that it'll take more than one standout program to get it out of its ruts.

@tholzerman

Is WWE gonna give it another go with Chris Hero or what?!

— Pure Gristle (@PureGristle) February 4, 2016

Normally, I'd say no, but Hero has been busting his butt for EVOLVE, and guess which indie promotion WWE has just snapped up as a faux-developmental territory, yep, EVOLVE. While I tend to think his ship has sailed, I can also see him getting another shot to be a NXT-only character in the way Samoa Joe is right now. I put the odds at 35%.

@tholzerman#TweetBag If you become in charge of the WWE HOF after Vince moves on, what changes would you make?

— Rich Thomas (@earthdog) February 4, 2016

The only two things I'd do would be first to remove both Jimmy Snuka and Donald Trump from the Hall of Fame, and then fiat Chyna into it. It's not so much about honor or prestige. The Hall of Fame isn't so much a measure of those things as it is a thank you to the people who made WWE (or wrestling) what it is today. Taking that ring from Snuka would be a small way of punishing him for, well, you know, no matter how inadequate it is. I also don't wanna be anywhere near Trump's stink. Putting Chyna in would be a thank you to her for being what she did for WWE back between 1998 and 2000. Other than that, who cares.