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| SEXY STAR IN TROUBLE, BUT WHAT ABOUT SEXY SINGLES? Photo Credit: Francine Orr/Los Angeles Times |
Of course, I dispense scoops here for free, but that's only a taste of what I can offer. You can follow me on Twitter, @HorbFlerbminber, for all the hot, hot UP TO THE FEMTOSECOND GOSSIP. Do you want to know the implications on the Pacific Northwest indie scene right after North Korea nukes it into oblivion? THEN FOLLOW ME, MARKS. Second, for the low monthly rate of 35 Bitcoin, you can get my PREMIUM newsletter, Pro Wrestling SKOOPZ. If you would like to subscribe and get all the insider news, trenchant analysis, and home addresses of people in wrestling who have pissed me off this week, then leave your payment in my dropbox located exactly at 35.01009° N, 115.4748° W. YOU MUST DROP IT THERE OR ELSE YOU'LL END UP GETTING SCORPIONS IN YOUR INBOX. I can't stress this enough. Plus, I found a cache of old newsletters. Contact me via smoke signal if you want back issues including:
- June 17, 1215 - Double issue. Why the Magna Carta means trouble for Ye Olde English Wrestling with its STRANGLING REGULATIONS.
- September 6, 1911 - Cover-to-cover analysis of Frank Gotch vs. Georg Hackenschmidt, including my, at the time, HIGHLY CONTROVERSIAL *****1/69 star rating.
- August 29, 1945 - I have all the news about the birth of Vince McMahon and how his masculine aura right from the womb helped the Allies secure victory in the Pacific theater of World War II.
- December 31, 1969 - My comprehensive retrospective on the absolutely nicest year in professional wrestling history.
- April 9, 2014 - All the news and analysis from WrestleMania XXX, especially why Daniel Bryan's win would usher in a 30 year title reign of peace and prosperity... and quite frankly, I'll stop there because hoo boy, did I whiff something fierce on that one, didn't I?
- Sexy Star came under fire after shooting on all three opponents in her match at AAA TripleMania XXV. She busted open Lady Shani and gave Rosemary strained arm muscles after she put a shoot armbar on her and wouldn't let go until after the bell. When reached for comment, Star said, "Oh, it's okay when Pentagón does it, but when I do, it's not? YOU SEXISTS."
- Several wrestlers came out in opposition of Star's actions, including a domestic abuser and a booker who continues to hire Nazis to wrestle on his shows. And that's only one person!
- Many of Star's bookings have been cancelled, and promoters have taken the opportunity not only to freeze out a problem booking, but also improve the quality of their cards by replacing her with a literal broom.
- In other TripleMania news, Dr. Wagner, Jr. lost his mask, and revealed to the world that he's not an actual doctor.
- WAS THE ROMAN REIGNS/JOHN CENA PROMO SEGMENT MONDAY A SHOOT? I asked wrestling legend Bobby "The Brain" Heenan, and he wrote on a piece of paper that he still wasn't communicating with me because I set up that fake Twitter of his that everyone thought was real for like a day or two.
- ENZO AMORE HEAT WATCH: Amore is in trouble this week for loudly proclaiming that he could whip Conor McGregor's ass after watching him lose to Floyd Mayweather, and then knocking himself unconscious after turning around and banging his head against a towel rack.
- Colin Cassady suffered what is believed to be a torn ACL on last week's episode of RAW. While he apparently suffered in a match with former tag partner Amore, sources backstage said he loudly blamed antifa for it, screaming "SO MUCH FOR DA TOLERANT LEFT" as he held his knee in pain.
- WWE has cooled on signing Conor McGregor as he couldn't even beat former WrestleMania co-headliner Floyd Mayweather one-on-one.
- Dana White commented on people having difficulty watching Mayweather/McGregor on UFC dot TV. "Fucking shit, that's the last goddamn time I hire Gabe Sapolsky for streaming services. Fucking shithead."
- JOE BABINSACK REVIEWS THE FIRST FOUR EPISODES OF THE MAE YOUNG CLASSIC: "Frankly, it needed more Bayley in velour pants. Also, no one got naked. What a crock!"
- Minoru Suzuki will wrestle his first match in the United States in 25 years when he wrestles Cody Rhodes for the Ring of Honor World Championship at Death Before Dishonor next month. The plan is for Rhodes to keep the title, but for Suzuki to keep one of Rhodes' arms as an appeasement.
- Ric Flair has been released from the hospital and will be starting rehab shortly. Doctors expect he'll regain all motion in his credit-card swiping wrist in no time at all.
- Charlotte Flair has returned to the road after remaining at her father's side during his medical crisis. However, according to anonymous locker room tipster CJ Perry, she has an undeserved attitude around her, having the gall to ask for sympathy because her father almost died.
- The PWI 500 has been released, and Kazuchika Okada is number one. In other news:
- Xavier Woods suffered a knee injury at a house show. Vince McMahon is said to be furious at Woods' unoriginality at injuring his knee so shortly after Cassady hurt his.
- Asuka has vacated the NXT Women's Championship. Paul "Triple H" Levesque settled on this option to promote her to the main roster after weighing it against Nikki Cross dropping a comically huge anvil on her in advance of handing her her first WWE loss ever.
- WWE is billing Jessika Carr as the first ever women's referee in company history, BUT THEY ARE WRONG, ABSOLUTELY WRONG. God, how could such a company be so reckless with its facts?
- By the way, Gedo told me that Okada is God. This is news and true.
- Eddie "Eddie Edwards" Edwards became the first gaijin to win Pro Wrestling NOAH's GHC Championship after dropping a comically huge anvil on Katsuhiko Nakajima Saturday at Korakuen Hall.
- Samoa Joe also suffered a knee injury. Sources say the rash of knee injuries was actually caused by Vince McMahon desecrating the grave of an ancient Saxon mystic on his most recent trip to England. When asked for comment, McMahon said "I'LL DEFECATE ON ANY BURIAL PLOT I SEE FIT. FUCK YOU."
- Championship Wrestling from Hollywood will book Alberto el Patron for its September 10th television tapings, but it also wants you to know that Sexy Star and people like her have no place in its company.
- MARTY JANNETTY REVIEWS THIS WEEK'S GAME OF THRONES FINALE: "See, I told you incest was okay. I'm gonna go see that girl I thought was my daughter again."
Last week's poll results are in, and 46 percent of you thought SummerSlam was a throbbing pile of shit, 23 percent thought it was an atrocity that should get Vince McMahon brought in front of The Hague, 21 percent thought it made December to Dismember look like Starrcade '83, nine percent didn't watch, and one percent have been BANNED from THE FORUM~! because you actually liked it. This week's poll: