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| Does anyone really care about this guy? Photo Credit: WWE.com |
First up, @brotz13 wants to know the last time anyone gave a drizzling bowel movement about Randy Orton.
I can't speak for anyone else but myself, but I myself have always struggled to get behind the Viper as an interesting entity. However, of all things, his feud with Kane last year had me at least looking forward to him getting out to the ring. It was weird, but they had maybe the second or third best match at Mania last year, a match on Smackdown that was even better, and then one of the Four Matches of Doom at the best WWE pay-per-view, at least from an in-ring standpoint, in Extreme Rules. Yeah, it wasn't as good as Punk/Jericho, Bryan/Sheamus, or Cena/Lesnar, but it might have been the best match on many other shows that year. Of course, the character stuff was only okay. I mean, torturing each other's dads, only for each of them to somewhat no-sell the interactions? Eh, wasn't feeling it. But the matches were swanky.
@BillattheEnd asks that when/if Chikara rises from the ashes, how will Icarus adjust to being a tecnico?
I have to wonder if he'll even be a tecnico when the promotion resurfaces. All of the weirdness that took the company to the precipice of doom - the dissolution of FIST, the rift between Mike Quackenbush and Jigsaw, Eddie Kingston falling to the curse of the long title reign, ALL THE ANTS - were certainly the product of some sort of temporal rift, one that could have been caused by the time-traveling head of a conglomerate among whose holdings include the thugs who overran the Troc on Sunday. There's going to have to be some kind of reckoning to bring the families back together, and that's going to involve resolving the temporal rift.
So, what does that mean for Icarus? He became nicer, started wearing gear that would cover up his hideous tattoo, even got people to like said tattoo ironically, and as the biggest sign of weirdness, broke out the Chikara Special, a move only reserved for the goodiest of goody-two-shoes within the company. He's the poster child of the spatial oddities within the company. So, if Chikara needs to get its hard drive reformatted in order to return, then it means when the festivities resume, Icarus would have to be a rudo again, right? I fear we were only teased.
Comedian and former NBA podcaster Gregg Gethard is confused as to why people thought the Nexus was a bad story when it was the closest WWE ever came to emulating George Orwell.
I remember being bitter at the time the angle ended, but it was more because Cena dropped a fuck ton of chairs on RED BELLY after beating him clean in a chairs match. I thought it was a shitty way to end. I also thought at the time that Barrett never had any real leverage. If you want to make me believe a rogue group could take out the WWE, you have to sell me that they can do more than injure the Chairman and a Hall of Famer. I feel like they were cut off at the knees several times, and it didn't feel like the group was going to seize the company in a meaningful way. Even their captivity of John Cena was a big fat missed opportunity.
However, the benefit of hindsight makes it look damn near halcyon, even with those shortcomings. It was the last time Barrett was interesting as a character, and he really hasn't improved much in the ring to me. The story had a great frame, and they were ambitious with it from jump. I think it just suffered from either not having enough nuance without their success level or not having enough blunt success for their level of nuance. But that's just one dude's take.
@robot_hammer is asking whether the similarities in arc between the Jigsaw/Mike Quackenbush and Tim Donst/Jakob Hammermeier stories were intentional or coincidental.
Nothing in Chikara is coincidental. NOTHING. I get the feeling that they were supposed to be mirror images of each other. Jigsaw's emancipation was to affect a betrayal because his slights were in his head. Hammermeier's case was manifest in the story. Donst didn't hold back. Jigsaw descended, while Hammermeier ascended. To put this in mathematical terms, one was a sine wave and the other a cosine, only they were somewhat out of phase with each other, because they didn't make their revelations at the same time. Or maybe they were both in phase, and the "turn" point was when they cross the X-axis. Okay, I'm getting way to mathematical here. My point is, they are similar to each other in how they played out.
Crustacean Mafiosa @LegKickTKO asks, and I quote, "How the Chikara are you?"
I'm just Chikarin' fantastic, thanks fer askin'! Actually, that's a lie. I'm in a deep depression because CONDOR IS WATCHING ME RUN FOR YOUR LIVES.
Newspaper reporter and illegitimate son of Mr. Met, Ken Borsuk, has three questions! The first, Game of Thrones vexes him and wants my thoughts, specifically on the nuptials of a certain color.
I've come to grips with the fact that no character is safe outside of maybe Danaerys Targeryan (and I'm perfectly fine with that, luv u Emilia). My wife read the books, and she gave me the heads up on it too. I was able to gird myself against the shock of House Stark undergoing the continuing most violent realization of the humiliation a Judd Apatow protagonist goes through. It was a powerful statement punctuating the absurdity of how serious taking oaths were and how hubris can come back to bite one in the buttucks. Seriously, Robb Stark was about the opposite of his pops when it came to flaunting his own self worth.
However, where I just couldn't reconcile was the manner of how Talisa Maegyr-Stark was murdered. It wasn't so much that she was murdered. I kinda expected it when she showed up and was all canoodling with her hubby in front of the dude who wanted his daughter to be queen so bad that he'd shack up with the Lannisters and the only house in Westeros that would best said Lannisters in pure evil, the Boltons. But while most people got their throats slit, she got her pregnant belly punctured multiple times. The camera lingered on her longer than anyone outside of maybe Grey Wind (Robb's direwolf). I guess she had to be the focal point for Robb, and thusly for us, before the King in the North was forcibly deposed via the Iron Price.
But good Lord, I didn't need to see it go down like that. I get why people might think the execution of the show came off as misogynist, even if I didn't agree with it. How could a show where some of the most complex characters were female come off as hating them? But for the first time, watching Talisa die, I felt like the people making the show went off the deep end. It disturbed me that much. It disturbed me the most, and this was also a show that had someone's nipple get cut off.
Second, he plays off the rumor of John Cena vs. Daniel Bryan at Money in the Bank being a face vs. face match, and asks if they'll pull it off with the requisite nuance.
I seriously doubt Bryan is going into that match a babyface anyway, when all signs seem to point to him going heel. Besides, WWE Creative doesn't do nuance, remember? It'll be a lot better with Bryan as a heel, because that's where he shines. Even if Cena is at his dirt worst, Bryan at his best elevates the worst of opposition out of the ring. I guess the hope if Bryan stays a face is that we'll get the Cena who shows up in big matches who puts guys on his level and goes taut to the mat instead of the one who shows up against baddie of the month, i.e. Super Cena. Either way though? The match oughtta rock.
Third, he asks if the rumors are partially based on them being prominent fixtures on a new reality television program.
Are they going to be prominently featured though? Just because their gal pals are the stars of the show doesn't mean they'll be front and center, although I wouldn't be surprised if hanging out as potential future bros-in-law didn't get them to beg WWE SO HARD to be put into a feud against each other.
@OkoriWadsworth has two questions. First, who is my favorite Street Fighter character?
To play as, I gotta ago Dhalsim. I'm much more of Mortal Kombat guy, so I'm far more experienced in how to fight in that system. With the SF franchise, I'm not as good, so I have to go cheap. Dhalsim has long range attacks that allow me not to have to fight too close range.
As a fan? My favorite character, by far, is Zangief. A Russian HOSS who does a spinning piledriver and who made his bones wrestling bears? AND his celebration dance is the Russian kick dance with Gorbechev? You had me at "da."
Second, if I were to build the perfect wrestler, whom would I use?
Chris Masters. By far. He's got the body, but he knows how to use it. Dude has legit wrestling aptitude, and he showed it in spades at the end of his second WWE run. He's the best template I can think of.
@mutantdog123 asks what Pokemon would make the best wrestler.
Oh, this is hard. There are a few in mind. If we're going hoss, I'd go with Snorlax. Wrestling has lacked a big fat guy for a long time. Who better than the fattest Pokemon? If you want a martial artist, the popular choice might be to go with Infernape, but the open flames would make working a match problematic. So, from the sheer freakshow angle, I'd go with Machamp, mainly because it has FOUR GODDAMN ARMS. For a more cerebral assassin, let's go with the Psychic-Fighting dual type Medicham. And for rampaging unstoppability? Outrage + Garchomp = A defeated Super Cena.
If I had to choose just one though, I'd probably go with Sceptile. Why? I'm always partial to my Grass-starters, and he wouldn't be afraid to bust out a Leaf Blade. Y'know, for color.
@bdbdbdbd asks whether there'll be a central location for displaced Chikara fans and whether there'll be ice cream.
Well, there'll be Los Ice Creams.
Suffice to say, I doubt there will be a centralized location. The cataclysm that ended Chikara more than likely sent the roster into diaspora, i.e. the Wrestling Is family of promotions. I bet that there will be roster overlap, but maybe each arm isn't so much a roster in and of itself, but a "safe house" for protection from the forces of evil who liquidated their first home.
What I mean to say is Wrestling Is Chikara, and Chikara Is Wrestling... Is.
@GayWrestlingFan wants to know if Wrestling Is will be able to fill the void left by Chikara, whether it's good for the roster, and whom it will benefit the most if it is good.
Nothing will be able to fill the void of Chikara, mainly because I don't think some fans will let it be filled. Anytime something dies, you're going to have a percentage of the fanbase that rejects any replacement. Look at ECW and those who tried to take its place. Most failed, and the one that did survive, Combat Zone Wrestling, did so through persistence, evolution, and a little luck.
But what happens when the replacement is the company-approved diaspora that is this collection of promotions? Some still won't be able to see past it, even though the promotions themselves seem to me to be the continuation of the Chikara story.
@czach1r still needs to know who'd win in a fight between a healthy Mark Henry and current Domonic Brown.
I don't know who'd win, but you know who'd lose? The world. That's because if these two titans ever clashed, all the fault lines would crack simultaneously, the Yellowstone Caldera would ASPLODE, covering the world in lava and ash, and twelve comets would all be drawn to the fray, crashing down the countryside. It would be horrific.
@chudleycannons asks my opinion on what wrestler would be the best to come out of the TARDIS to become the Twelfth Doctor.
Here's where I'll cop to not being a Whovian. I watched the made-for-TV Dr. Who movie on Fox in the '90s, and that's about it. That being said, I do know a little bit about the mythos. Basically, you want someone smart, able to handle himself or herself, and who is just a little aloof. Who fans seem to want a break from white males as well in the Dr. role. So, the 12th regeneration? Only one choice in my mind if we're talking wrestlers: AJ Lee. She embodies all of the above, plus, I get the feeling she'd give the TARDIS a unique touch.
He also wants a good pick-me-up song.
Whenever I feel down, I turn to the modern day poet, scholar, and maestro, Parry Gripp.
In an unrelated note, I miss Nerf Herder.
David Kincannon of Irresistible vs. Immovable asks how Colt Cabana would impact Ring of Honor if he comes back as discussed with Kevin Steen on the latest Art of Wrestling.
It depends on the angle. Cabana's already done a whole ton in ROH, including going serious and involving himself in two blood feuds years apart (his own feud vs. Homicide in '05, and as El Generico's second against Kevin Steen and Steve Corino in '10). Can he go back to being comic relief? I think there'd have to be a story for him, right? The easy answer would be to have him join SCUM to play off real life tensions he has with ROH management, but it would also be the hackiest. In short, I think a performer as talented as Cabana can find his way in any promotion. I just struggle to think where he'd fit in ROH right now. But it could be done.
@EdieFrankenstein wants to know if we've seen the end of Chikara, and if not, when will we find out?
No, I don't think we have. This story was set up to have a resolution, and that resolution would be the freedom fight to get the name and the continuity back. When would we find that out though? See, here's the thing. Whether you like Mike Quackenbush's booking patterns or not, one thing that is indisputable is that he works methodically. He's always got a plan in place, and he knows when he wants to pull the trigger on things. So we'll know when he wants us to know. That might sound glib, but it's the best way to explain the unexplainable.
New staffer Shane Carnes asks if I think he's crazy for thinking Undertaker and Kane are two of the best big men ever, and he wants me to give him my top five.
I don't think it's crazy at all. Taker's career started out slow, but he picked up his match quality around the late '90s. I don't think it'd be a stretch to put him in the discussion. Kane might be a little dicier, but again, while I wouldn't personally put him in my top five, I think there's a case for him to be thought of as at least good, which is more than you can say for a lot of WWE attempted hosses.
And now, my top five HOSS wrestlers, with the rider that it only includes people I've watched extensively. So sorry, Andre the Giant fans:
1. The Big Show - It's hard to argue with his resume. He started out slow, but once he got back from OVW Fat Camp, he became one of the surest hands on the roster. I'd argue he's been in the top five of actual overall wrestlers in WWE in the last 5 years. When your biggest complaint is "sells too much for a giant," then it's kinda automatic that you're good in the ring.
2. Vader - The only reason I don't have Vader above Show here is because you know the reason why Vader looked like he was really hitting his opponents? As it turns out, he may have just been hitting his opponents for real. But regardless, still an impressively massive and massively impressive in-ring guy.
3. The Undertaker - Naturally.
4. Mark Henry - I'd have him a lot higher too if he was the Mark Henry he was starting in ECW until now. Man, is the way of the HOSS to start slow and build up over time? Maybe it is.
5. Bam Bam Bigelow - The modern proto-HOSS, Bigelow was having great matches as a larger dude before the concept of big guys having great matches was cool. He dragged a decent main event out of Lawrence Taylor of all people. That's respect.
@Jessico09 asks if it's mere coincidence that the woman in the photo Derek Sabato tweeted was actually United States Senator Amy Klobuchar from Minnesota and that Condor Security's area code is from the Land of 10,000 Lakes?
Well, subterfuge is par for the course for this story, and I doubt anyone within the Titor Conglomerate, the Vavasseur family included, is using his or her real name. But if this company has infiltrated the United States Senate? WE'RE THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS HERE, PEOPLE.
Finally, @HummerX asks if it's time for Daniel Bryan to shave his beard, as he think it's making him look goofy for his character.
People get too hype about wrestlers' personal lives to the point of if they get a haircut, you get fans complaining that they didn't lose their hair in a lucha de apuesta. The last two times CM Punk got a haircut are perfect examples of this. However, in the case of Bryan, the beard has become an entity unto itself. So yeah, while I do think he should lose it if his character is going to go into a more main event direction, it has to be part of a story. Whether he loses it in a beard vs. title match against John Cena or if the Wyatt Family poaches it as sign that they, like Wu-Tang, ain't nothin' to fuck with, the loss of his beard has to come as part of the story. Just the same as Cody Rhodes' moustache. He can't just shave that thing off. He's gotta lose it with stakes or meaning, especially since he grew it in part to enhance his character.