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| Shoulda been you, D-Bry Photo CrediT: WWE.com |
1. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 3) - Y'know, it's a shame his limit break ran out right as Curtis Axel came down the aisle to ruin things for him. I'm pretty sure he was about to bust out a sick Meteorain on Axel's n00b ass, or at least two Climhazzards and enough mana leftover to cast Choco-Mog.
2. Rachel Summerlyn (Last Week: 2) - She compared her relationship with Portia Perez as similar to Tom and Jerry, which begs the question... who's who? I mean, it's a tough question to answer. I would say Summerlyn is Jerry, mainly because her first match was a death match, and we all know the mouse was one of the forefathers of ECW with his hardcore style.
3. Mark Henry (Last Week: 1) - It's okay, Mark. Tapping out is smart. In related news, he still owes John Cena about thirty billion for flinching over the last two weeks.
4. Bray Wyatt (Last Week: 8) - I heard that the reason why the attack segment on Kane from the Wyatt Family's debut last week wasn't to fit his overall oeuvre, but because they wanted to give him and his minions Erick Rowan and Luke Harper time to go into the crowd and seek out everyone chanting "Husky Harris!" with the intention to rip their hearts out, Indiana Jones-villain style.
5. AJ Lee (Last Week: 9) - Look, I don't want to sound too lascivious here, but I'm pretty sure I saw God when she segued from the bridging keylock to the split-leg keylock on Kaitlyn last night. Sure, part of it was because it tickled my fancy, but her form on the actual hold was impressive, man.
6. Trader Joe's Salsa Verde (Last Week: Not Ranked)OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - I picked this up on a whim at TJ's and put some on burritos that I had also purchased from there. I don't know if that makes me super white or not, but it was delicious, for what it was worth.
7. Yasiel Puig (Last Week: 4) - After doing everything they could to get people to vote for him to get into the All-Star Game through the last chance ballot, ESPN turned heel on Puig, sending Pedro Gomez to report on his partying habits and snubbing of Luis Gonzalez. Any enemy of ESPN is a friend of mine.
8. Jessicka Havok (Last Week: Not Ranked) - I docked her, not for failing to capture the SHINE Championship, but for not evacuating all the decent folk out of Sanford and Seminole counties and then burning both places to the ground while she was down in Florida.
9. Jay-Z (Last Week: 7) - His minimalist logo for his album Magna Carta Holy Grail was inspirational enough for a sanctimonious eavesdropper to bite off for his new nutmeg and sometimes football related site.
10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - SARA DEL REY FACT: Legend has it that del Rey sneaked a crate of emergency gum in a secret compartment of the new WWE Performance Center's foundation just in case there was a zombie apocalypse or some other calamity.