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| The bruise isn't a bug, it's a feature Photo Credit: WWE.com |
Boy, if you wanted to look at something off-putting and disgusting was this your show.
...oh, no. The wrestling was fine with no real lowlights.
...actually, Miz and Josh were just fine on commentary and actually made several salient points during the action even when there wasn't something glaringly obvious in neon like a chinlock for them to do so.
I'm talking about Sheamus' bruise. His willingness to fight through that monstrosity makes it look like a skycam of a die-hard Vikings fan being sucked into a pit of quicksand underneath a cotton field and did the cameramen make sure to show it multiple times as he gamely struggled through his opening bout with Jack Swagger.
No, the ending wasn't a surprise to anyone who finds themselves a regular visit of Bias Junction. But somehow this Miraculous Brogue Kick Out Of Nowhere™ felt more earned. It probably was. Considering some 48 hours ago the lesser light of Team Gadsen had been playing Who's-Her-Name and What's-Her-Face and The-Rest-Of-Those-Off-Duty-Wendy's-Managers to OUR MAIN MAN D-BRY's Beyonce, Jack Swagger sure didn't have any problem absorbing all the offensive oxygen in Main Event's room and disfiguring the injury even more than it already was. While Sheamus didn't help things along by delivering a desperation Irish Curse into the leg, Swagger was more than willing to chop block it, send it shin-first into the steps, and generally showing a mean streak in stomping and kicking away at it whenever he had the opportunity. But after trying to fight off the Patriot Lock and failing, Sheamus fought and scrapped for the ropes. That half minute or so had the majority of this week's pathos, and I was honestly a little surprised Sheamus made the ropes even though I shouldn't have been.
In the aftermath of the match, while Zeb Coulter was busy replicating his WrestleMania reaction, I wasn't, and I think I figured out why. The injury/chicken drumstick left out in the sun for a fortnight suddenly gives Big Irish a vulnerability that's been missing for months (a year?) and tells a story everybody but the blind can easily get. Sheamus being CenaLite in the recent past meant to expect him to win and do so relatively easily. Here's some forearms, here's the Finlay Roll, now I KEEK you in the FACE, cue Shameful King Lobster Head.
Now? Sheamus is limping down to the ring before anything even gets started. A guy who hasn't had a meaningful win since Elimination Chamber is beating his ass. He couldn't even get up top for the battering ram and crumbled trying to put on the Cloverleaf. There's an element there that can only be overcome by having a super finisher, as his now is. One can only wonder about the passion plays we could get had the injury happened to the kicking leg and not the fulcrum. Still, for two segments everything that's put him on the list of one of my favorites to watch was on display and without all the morally wonky cringeworthy character stuff that's been known to rear its ugly head at times.
You know who else hasn't had a big win since February? Drew McIntyre. And by February, I mean February 2007. Poor DMac found himself at least the victim of this week's Top Play of the Night as after having been armdragged a few dozen different ways and gamengiried in the face, Sin Cara managed to stay uninjured long enough to pull off what I can merely best describe as a Shining Hurcanrana Driver. I don't really know how to explain what it's like to see something like that in the middle of the Perfectly Acceptable Wrestling Hour without it devolving into celebrity female based smut, but I will try: it was supermegauberawesome. Drew sold it like death, which is appropriate. If Sin Cara is to stay around and be winning matches, this should be his finisher. I should get to do this to George Zimmerman into concrete. Drones should fire this move at our enemies.
...it was a really sweet-ass finisher is what I'm saying.
It took surprisingly long for Damien Sandow to beat Justin Gabriel, so much so that my longest note on the match is Miz lying about people dressing like Sin Cara or JG at the Comic-Con but why would you care about being accurate when you're nailing Maryse, since that would be my answer to e v e r y t h i n g. It should be noted that Sandow put away Justin with the Uncle Slam and not the Terminus. It'll be worth watching to see if it makes a return in future Mr. MITB matches since the Edge-O-Matic is starting to showcase itself more and more in his arsenal. Another weird fun fact of the show -- guess who was the only person to win their match with an established finisher?
Finally, it should be noted that with the boss away, the underlings will play. Coming to the Wrestling Blog this Saturday I will once again be manning the Twitter Request Line, taking your questions about pro graps, foodstuffs, pop, girls, etc. Send me a Tweet @damnitbutch (preferably with #twbtrl if you can fit it in there) in the next couple days and you too can gain an incremental modicum of Internet fame!
All Touts will be disregarded.
...oh, no. The wrestling was fine with no real lowlights.
...actually, Miz and Josh were just fine on commentary and actually made several salient points during the action even when there wasn't something glaringly obvious in neon like a chinlock for them to do so.
I'm talking about Sheamus' bruise. His willingness to fight through that monstrosity makes it look like a skycam of a die-hard Vikings fan being sucked into a pit of quicksand underneath a cotton field and did the cameramen make sure to show it multiple times as he gamely struggled through his opening bout with Jack Swagger.
No, the ending wasn't a surprise to anyone who finds themselves a regular visit of Bias Junction. But somehow this Miraculous Brogue Kick Out Of Nowhere™ felt more earned. It probably was. Considering some 48 hours ago the lesser light of Team Gadsen had been playing Who's-Her-Name and What's-Her-Face and The-Rest-Of-Those-Off-Duty-Wendy's-Managers to OUR MAIN MAN D-BRY's Beyonce, Jack Swagger sure didn't have any problem absorbing all the offensive oxygen in Main Event's room and disfiguring the injury even more than it already was. While Sheamus didn't help things along by delivering a desperation Irish Curse into the leg, Swagger was more than willing to chop block it, send it shin-first into the steps, and generally showing a mean streak in stomping and kicking away at it whenever he had the opportunity. But after trying to fight off the Patriot Lock and failing, Sheamus fought and scrapped for the ropes. That half minute or so had the majority of this week's pathos, and I was honestly a little surprised Sheamus made the ropes even though I shouldn't have been.
In the aftermath of the match, while Zeb Coulter was busy replicating his WrestleMania reaction, I wasn't, and I think I figured out why. The injury/chicken drumstick left out in the sun for a fortnight suddenly gives Big Irish a vulnerability that's been missing for months (a year?) and tells a story everybody but the blind can easily get. Sheamus being CenaLite in the recent past meant to expect him to win and do so relatively easily. Here's some forearms, here's the Finlay Roll, now I KEEK you in the FACE, cue Shameful King Lobster Head.
Now? Sheamus is limping down to the ring before anything even gets started. A guy who hasn't had a meaningful win since Elimination Chamber is beating his ass. He couldn't even get up top for the battering ram and crumbled trying to put on the Cloverleaf. There's an element there that can only be overcome by having a super finisher, as his now is. One can only wonder about the passion plays we could get had the injury happened to the kicking leg and not the fulcrum. Still, for two segments everything that's put him on the list of one of my favorites to watch was on display and without all the morally wonky cringeworthy character stuff that's been known to rear its ugly head at times.
You know who else hasn't had a big win since February? Drew McIntyre. And by February, I mean February 2007. Poor DMac found himself at least the victim of this week's Top Play of the Night as after having been armdragged a few dozen different ways and gamengiried in the face, Sin Cara managed to stay uninjured long enough to pull off what I can merely best describe as a Shining Hurcanrana Driver. I don't really know how to explain what it's like to see something like that in the middle of the Perfectly Acceptable Wrestling Hour without it devolving into celebrity female based smut, but I will try: it was supermegauberawesome. Drew sold it like death, which is appropriate. If Sin Cara is to stay around and be winning matches, this should be his finisher. I should get to do this to George Zimmerman into concrete. Drones should fire this move at our enemies.
...it was a really sweet-ass finisher is what I'm saying.
It took surprisingly long for Damien Sandow to beat Justin Gabriel, so much so that my longest note on the match is Miz lying about people dressing like Sin Cara or JG at the Comic-Con but why would you care about being accurate when you're nailing Maryse, since that would be my answer to e v e r y t h i n g. It should be noted that Sandow put away Justin with the Uncle Slam and not the Terminus. It'll be worth watching to see if it makes a return in future Mr. MITB matches since the Edge-O-Matic is starting to showcase itself more and more in his arsenal. Another weird fun fact of the show -- guess who was the only person to win their match with an established finisher?
Finally, it should be noted that with the boss away, the underlings will play. Coming to the Wrestling Blog this Saturday I will once again be manning the Twitter Request Line, taking your questions about pro graps, foodstuffs, pop, girls, etc. Send me a Tweet @damnitbutch (preferably with #twbtrl if you can fit it in there) in the next couple days and you too can gain an incremental modicum of Internet fame!
All Touts will be disregarded.