LIST-O-MANIA: Who Is TNA's August 1 Warning?

Is Hardcore Holly the SUPER SECRET TNA WARNING DOOD? Photo Credit: WWE.com

So, apparently, TNA is advertising yet another super duper secret arrival to their company on this week's show. Hemorrhaging money, releasing everyone under the sun, and facing low morale? No problem! Conditions in TNA are not bad enough that a mystery return won't fix it! The names TNA is considering are right here, TWB exxxxclusive!

• Hardcore Holly
• Matt Hardy
• Raven
• Raven Symone
• Gail Simone
• Simon Belmont
• Count Dracula
• Gangrel
• Edge... err, Adam Copeland
• Sylvester Stallone's character from Copland
• Cops Taking Selfies, the stable
• Mikey Wind, a totally original wrestler obsessed with taking selfies
• The Wind Fish
• Bobby Fish
• Kyle O'Reilly
• Reilly O'Kyle
• Selina Kyle
• Talia al'Ghul
• R'as al'Ghul
• Lazarus
• Pontius Pilate
• Judas Iscariot
• Judas Priest
• Iron Maiden
• Manowar
• "The Portuguese Man of War" Aldo Montoya
• Justin Credible
• Justin Tolerable
• Justin Long
• Drew Barrymore
• Drew McIntyre (what tampering laws? WWE did it to them!)
• Eric Escobar
• Tyler Reks
• Wreckz 'n Effect
• 2 Live Crew
• 2 Cold Scorpio
• 2 Cold Scorpio's penis
• Theon Greyjoy's penis
• Ramsay Snow, bastard of Bolton
• Michael Bolton
• Sting (the pop star/bassist)
• Fake Sting
• Alternate dimension Sting
• Sting, who hasn't left but is returning anyway
• Former NFL kick returner Dante Hall
• Dante Alighieri
• Satan
• Josh Satin
• Matt Harvey
• Harvey Dent
• Richard Dent
• Steve "Mongo" McMichael
• Tony Schiavone
• "Tony Schiavone"
• The Maestro

So there you have it, incontrovertible proof that The Maestro will be returning to wrestling as TNA's August 1 Warning. Don't say I didn't tell you so.