LIST-O-MANIA: Things I'd Rather Watch Than Trips/Lesnar II

Our worst fears COME TO LIFE Photo Credit: WWE.com

Last night, our greatest fears came to light. Brock Lesnar and Triple H all but signed the contract to face off at WrestleMania for a rematch from SummerSlam last year. Here is a list of things that I would rather see at WrestleMania this year than this abomination of a wrestling exhibition:

• Brock Lesnar vs. Undertaker
• Triple H vs. Chris Jericho: FOR OLD TIME'S SAKE
• Brock Lesnar vs. a live bear
• Brock Lesnar vs. "Barack Obama"
• Mason Ryan vs. Jackson Andrews
• Mason Ryan vs. the rotting corpse of Andrew Jackson
• A live donkey show
• Tucor's Dance Party after I've taken two hits of LSD
• A live Nickelback concert
• A live Devastatin' Dave, the Turntable Slave concert
• A live 3MB concert (actually, that would be pretty awesome)
• 3MB vs. Three Count
• Tank Abbott vs. THE LOBSTER MOBSTER
• The live assassination of Daniel Bryan by the coward Kurt Angle
• A live reading of Kurt Angle's Twitter account
• A live reading of Dixie Carter's Twitter account
• A live reading of Dixie Carter's Twitter account BY Vince Russo
• REMATCH OF THE CENTURY: Sharmell vs. Jenna Morasca
• Concussion Talk with Roger Goodell
• A shot-for-shot remake of Intolerable Cruelty, starring Santino Marella and Jillian Hall

I plan on taking this all the way to the top, to Triple H's new Twitter account. Oh, you haven't heard? Trips has Twitter now! I promised myself I wouldn't troll him, and that promise lasted for like all of 30 milliseconds. You know me too well.

Anyway, I fear the THIS BUSINESS-ing we're going to get will likely send our society into nuclear winter. I'm scared, guys. Hopefully, WWE hears my pleas and gives us one of these alternatives, especially Brock vs. the live bear. I think that'd be something, wouldn't it?