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| Definitely go see this match again! Photo Credit: Texas Anarchy |
First up, @GayWrestlingFan asks whether he should go to WSU Uncensored Rumble next weekend even though I won't be there.
I think the fact that I'm not going to be there is more of a reason you should go. For those who don't know, I will not be in attendance at the Uncensored Rumble because I will be going to see Black Sabbath that night. Because I'm not going, more people in the Wrestling Blog Camp of Awesome Fans™ need to go to make up for my absence. Besides, the show is kinda loaded. Jessicka Havok vs. Athena in a best 2 of 3 falls match for the title? Jenny Rose coming back to the States to tangle with Christina von Eerie? Shanna making her WSU debut in the Rumble match? Other things? Yeah, you gotta go.
Next up, noted journalist Ken Borsuk wants to know that assuming Randy Orton cashes in his briefcase at SummerSlam, can WWE make a "Daniel Bryan wins the Royal Rumble and headlines WrestleMania" story work?
Daniel Bryan could present a pulled pork demonstration to a room full of Hasidic Jews. He could convince the Republican Party to think that gay marriage is not only a good idea, but that they should all get gay married. He could sell a Hummer H2 with the power stroke engine to Al Gore. The man could make out with your significant other in front of you, and you would thank him. So yes, WWE could let him wrestle for the WWE Championship at WrestleMania as a condition of him winning the Royal Rumble. He's untouchable.
@brandon120 asks which member of The Shield or the Wyatt Family has the best chance to headline WrestleMania.
I'm torn between Dean Ambrose and Bray Wyatt here. I see both of them having somewhat equal potential to make it to the main event of WrestleMania, although Wyatt, by virtue of his position as leader of a stable of subordinates, probably has the better chance to get there first. I'm not sure if Wyatt vs. Undertaker is a match that can headline WrestleMania XXX, but WrestleMania XXXI? Sure. Depending on how strong the Shield's legs are as a unit, Ambrose isn't going to get as good a chance to break out as a solo guy, especially since his subordinates are closer to him in talent than Wyatt's are, in general that is.
@HummerX wonders whether TNA fans are the #tcot of the wrestling world.
For those who don't know, "tcot" stands for "Top Conservatives on Twitter," and in my estimation, while there are exceptions to the rule, most tweets tagged with that hash marker tend to be hilarious in a bad way. I'll just leave it at that. Hardcore TNA fanboys - not TNA fans who are sane and rational like Shane or Danielle - but the delusional, "use the #AskDixie hashtag for unironic purposes" crowd, are way worse.
#tcot is easy to make fun of because of idiots like Michelle Malkin or Mike Huckabee who use it. But I've found there are rational conservatives out there who use that hashtag and aren't head-up-their-ass, reactionary dillholes about their points of view. I don't agree with most or even all of the Republican Party's platform, but that doesn't mean every member of the party is worthy of scorn.
In that respect, those who like TNA but are like Shane or Danielle seem to be fewer than the sycophants who will angrily lash out at anyone who calls Dixie Carter out on her shittery, and those Tweeters and message board trolls tend to show lack of logic and peripheral vision that the most ardent partisan hacks would think is baaaaaad.
So to answer your question, no, rabid TNA fans are worse than the #tcot crowd. Way worse.
Two-fer from @JohnJohnPhenom. First, does Riley Cooper play a snap for the Eagles this fall, and if so, how is he received from fans?
Chip Kelly has already said he's not going to cut Cooper over the racial slur he used, but that's not to say that Cooper will survive training camp. I mean, he's going on a sabbatical to help correct his racial insensitivity, which means he'll be missing training camp reps. There's plenty of time for other wideouts to step up.
That being said, if he does survive training camp, well, I fear that his reaction won't be as negative as I would like it. He has defenders, whoa boy, does he have defenders. Northeast Philadelphia also doesn't exactly have the most diverse population either, and there are more than a few season ticket holders who hail from that part of the city. I don't want to throw too much shade at Philadelphia in particular, because I feel like there are some folks all over the country, from the areas with the worst reputation like The South to even the most progressive cities, who will look at him as a victim of race hustling or political correctness run amok. This situation will get worse before it gets better.
Second, what is my meat of choice for the breakfast burritos?
Well, sausage is not my personal answer. I'm not sure why it's the default meat, but then again, I am weird. Anyway, I would choose bacon, because it has flavor to stand out from the other ingredients, the crunch to add textural contrast, and it doesn't take up as much room so you can pack it together neatly.
@OkoriWadsworth wants me to give one wrestler more young wrestlers should watch more tape of and which one they should watch less tape of.
Young wrestlers should watch more Mike Quackenbush. Quack is an example of a wrestler who is a master of utilizing timing and psychology while sprinkling in the big spots to accentuate the story he's telling in a match. They should watch far fewer Chris Benoit videos, because there's a reason why his brain turned to jelly. Hint, it wasn't the steroids.
@NotAlexJones asks what I think of New Japan Pro Wrestling's offer of $150 for all days of the G-1 Climax on Internet pay-per-view.
First, I think NJPW offering iPPV is brilliant, period. They certainly have a market in America. One of the reasons why I wasn't as much into puroresu in the past is because I had very little patience for tape trading. So to offer its wares in an instantaneous fashion, especially for a product that can compete with WWE in quality and scope despite the language barrier, is intelligent.
In this case, obviously a buck-fifty sounds steep for any wrestling product, but G-1 Climax is a round robin tournament, which means it happens over multiple days. Twenty wrestlers are enrolled, so each separate day has ten matches. The round robin stage will have 90 matches. I'm not sure how the tournament will conclude, but with that price point, the round robin works out to $1.67 a match. For your average Dragon Gate USA iPPV, you get 8 matches for $14.99, which works out to $1.88 per match. I know thinking about economics on a macroscopic level can be tough, but G-1 is definitely a good deal.
@SPREEEEEEEEEEEE wants me to put odds on Christian walking out of SummerSlam as World Heavyweight Champion, and whether Damien Sandow will assuredly cash in on him.
I'm not entirely sure that Sandow will even have the briefcase by the time Christian locks up with Alberto del Rio. The tea leaves seem to suggest that Sandow will put his waterlogged briefcase on the line against Cody Rhodes at SummerSlam. Independent of a cash-in possibility though, I would put Christian's chances of winning against del Rio at 100-1. I feel like he's against El Patron just to get a good, competitive match for the second biggest title in the company.
@fairbeezy is worried about Kassius Ohno. Now that he's been taken off the NXT opening sequence, are we counting the days before he's future endeavored?
Are you sure you're not reading too much into things? I know I played into the vicious Internet rumors, but I don't think he's on the fast track to getting released any time soon. He has allies within developmental, and I also think if he is asked to correct an action, they'll give him a fighting chance to do so, right? I wouldn't give up on him just yet.
@el_spriggs posits this situation: The lights cut out at Citizens Bank Park with Jonathan Papelbon on the mound. When they come back up, which pitcher and wrestler do I want to have replacing him?
The pitcher is easy - Felix Hernandez. Sure, King Felix is a starter, but the closer position is overrated and overblown. Give me the best pitcher possible.
As for the wrestler?
Jim Ross: BAH GAWD, THAT'S BROCK LESNAR'S MUSIC! THE BEAST IS HERE, BAH GAWD, JOEY VOTTO HAS NO CHANCE NOW KAING!
I don't know how good a pitcher Lesnar would be, but there's no goddamn way any hitter would swing at any heat he was throwing.
@hakimdropstheball asks if I think WWE should bring back the Cruiserweight Championship.
If WWE had the Cruiserweight Championship instituted, would Bryan be challenging for the WWE Championship at SummerSlam? I don't know either way, but the odds are the size segregation in WWE would make that title more attainable than the top one in the company. I understand the mindset and the nostalgia, but the best thing right now is to eliminate weight classes and embrace diversity in style and size.
@CodyWhiteEsq wants to know who'd win the Strongest Man in the World competition: John Cena or Homestar Runner.
I dunno, anyone who can lift weights without any arms seems to be a shoo-in.
@pingvinorkestra also has two questions. First, what five Chikara wrestlers would fare best in WWE?
1. Eddie Kingston - The War King wouldn't need much tweaking to fit in the brawling-heavy WWE style. My guess is WWE's asinine body image requirements and his loose cannon mouth are the only things keeping him from developmental in the first place. Kingston's working on the former. The latter... well, yeah.
2. Tim Donst - Donst ought to be booked more by indies across North America too, but I think his makeup and character chops make him a perfect fit for WWE.
3. Mark Angelosetti - Pre-Daniel Bryan, I don't think Angelosetti would have fit in as well, but now that height is off the table as requirement, there's no reason why Mr. Touchdown shouldn't be able to be a successful player in WWE.
4. Green Ant - Of all the masks, I think Green Ant's the one who has the best shot at fitting in on the corporate level. He's among the best talkers, can carry a story, and he's a pretty nifty in-ring performer.
5. The Devastation Corporation - I know picking a trio to get into WWE in one spot is cheating, but my tweet bag means my rules. Athletic hosses are the wave of the future. All three of them need a little work, especially Blaster McMassive, but improvement is what NXT is for, isn't it?
Second, what's the definitive Scott Steiner promo?
Joe Drilling of the What a Maneuver! Podcast asks whose punches are worse: Rick Bogner or Sid Vicious?
Hey, let me go research this on YouTube...
...
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MY EYES! WHY WON'T THEY STOP BLEEDING NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO let's say Bogner.
@thisiszach asks my thoughts on the Kurt Angle DWI charge he recently accumulated.
I'm going to have more thoughts on the state of DUI in wrestling and America in general Monday, so I'm going to keep this focused more on Angle, a repeat offender. He needs help beyond just going to rehab and coming back to a company that harbors such a toxic environment. The best for everyone involved would be if he retired and dedicated himself to getting fully clean. He needs to live at the DDP Yoga house and eliminate every single enabling influence in his life. I don't care about dream matches and drawing power. This man is a fucking menace to society since no matter how many times he goes to rehab, he not only relapses but gets behind the wheel of a car when he does.
On Sandwiches author Pete Holby asks which potential draw WWE left the most money on the table with.
Pete gave the example of R-Truth/Ron Killings. I can see that because his rapping gimmick still seems to get people eating up the response part to his "Call and response" chorus. Maybe I have a bias, but I've never found too much beyond that song to be appealing about Truth. My answer would be Bill Goldberg, actually. Of all the post-buyout WCW guys who came into WWE, Goldberg was still the most over unless you count Hulk Hogan at WrestleMania X-8. Between SummerSlam '03 and WrestleMania XX, WWE succeeded in turning a legitimately over phenomenon into a fucking joke. Thanks, Trips!
Scott Holland of Irresistible vs. Immovable wants to know if the United States Championship could be more valuable as a plot device if it were defended every week on RAW.
I think any iteration of a Television Championship, which is what this idea would turn the US Championship into, is a good idea. Having wrestling that matters on TV every week is never bad, although WWE has done a great job of doing that without the MacGuffin attached since moving to three hours. However, those matches have usually reinforced the main event. An-always-defended US Championship would help to buttress the undercard and midcard as well. I'm all for it.
@el_spriggs has a second question. Who today would be the best matchup for "Stone Cold" Steve Austin from 1997, in-ring and on the mic?
CM Punk has the complete package, which is why I think everyone has pegged Punk/Austin as the last WrestleMania dream match that WWE can give us. Punk is Austin's equal at least on the microphone, but regardless of talent level, why Punk works so well with Austin is that he's philosophically complementary to him. They would work so well together. I don't think Punk's the absolute best fit against Austin; I think that mantel goes to someone like Dean Ambrose. But Punk's close enough that the match quality wouldn't waver that much.
@bdbdbdbd has two questions this week as well. First, don't I want to introduce Rasputina to the people?
Why yes, yes I do!
Second, what fictional character do I think would make the best wrestler?
"Fictional character" is so broad, and there are so many excellent fits for pro wrestlers among those ranks. The question isn't the one posed here, but rather, what fictional characters would I stock in my own promotion? But in the interest of not taking up an entire post's worth of bandwidth with the answer to a singular question, I'll just give one of my picks: Sherlock Holmes. He has a quick wit, intelligence in solving mysteries, and if the Robert Downey, Jr. canon is to be believed, he can throw hands. Oh man, he can throw hands.
@thekeelo_g posits a buy or sell scenario: TNA only exists because Vince McMahon allows it to.
Sell. TNA will exist as long as Spike TV and other distributors keep pumping money into it. Panda Energy doesn't seem to be too thrilled to allow the owner's daughter to keep milking money from it, but as long as people want to put it on TV, they'll have enough operating expenses to continue to live on, no matter if Vince McMahon puts the vise grips on it or not.
@NintendoGamer86 has two questions. First, he asks if I've ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight.
No, but would you like to know how I got these scars?
Second, what's my favorite pizza topping?
I actually listed my top ten in March over at Holzerman Hungers. For the clickophobes, my number one topping was pepperoni, because it's tangy, spicy, and just the right complement to the cheese, sauce, and crust.
Finally, @wildvulture asks whom I would turn face in the heel-heavy WWE.
Well, the first thing I thought about when determining who needs to turn was that Kofi Kingston, more than any wrestler in the history of WWE, needs to go bad. Then I realized that train of thought only exacerbated the problem. Anyway, I think WWE right now is fine on alignments, especially if Mark Henry's going to be a good guy, but I will say that they never should have turned Ryback heel, especially since WWE's idea of a heel is "be a coward but have everyone mistake that cowardice for being a bully." If anything, his rationalizations for getting revenge on John Cena should have made him a good guy, but I digress.