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| On the left, A NEW CHALLENGER APPROACHES Photo Credit: WWE.com |
1. Trinity (Naomi) -- Last Week: 2
I'm starting to realize that despite the cynical reality show hater I felt like I was for a long time, I actually don't mind spending time with a decent portion of the performers on this show. Case in point is the ex-NXT Season 3 talent Trinity, who is genuinely fantastic on Total Divas. Of all the people involved, she is the right mix of entertaining and grounded, and frankly, the line where she complained that a clothing choice exposed her "cookie" may already beat Daniel Bryan's "You are a grown-ass woman" as line of the season. If Jon Uso screws up being with awesome Trinity, may developmental hell send forth its tentacles to drag the Usos down into its depths.
2. Nattie (Natalya) -- Last Week: 1
The limits of interesting television are severely hurting Nattie right now, as there was less than no arc for her this week. She only served to be a more regal Jojo in as much as she just reacted to Eva Marie's absurd overreaching and sort of nodded off. This is a bit troubling, as the show did seem to have something for Nattie in the "proving herself" department, but almost entirely has gotten so bored with it one episode in that it's hard to really say how much we'll see of her this season besides the wedding.
3. Sandra, the WWE Seamstress -- Last Week: N/A
I'm willing to break my arbitrary rules for the glorious back and forth conversations we're seeing between Ariane and the WWE seamstress, who definitely destroys Ariane this week after the absurd clothing plot. The first episode established a little bit of tension between the two and this episode more or less sold Sandra as a recurring badass. Bring her back every week, even if just to make wrestling attire for Daniel Bryan's dogs.
4. Ariane (Cameron) -- Last Week: 6
My mind has changed on Ariane. I'm kind of getting a true giddy joy out of seeing the true cultural anachronism of her character. She used "the bomb dot com" TWICE. She rejected the seamstress' outfit to wear a more garish ensemble that looked like disco Mardi Gras. Girl is committed to this shit. I've been swayed.
5. Brie Bella -- Last Week: 3
I feel so silly for saying this, but I actually felt a lot of Brie's inner conflict this week, if only loosely. Even under the precipice of the adorable love she has with Daniel Bryan, it's genuinely tough to simply pack away and move to a humble abode in small town America, especially a rainy northwestern state. It is an interesting juxtaposition to the empty opulence of Cena's house and the romance with Nikki, but it also kind of digs into the fear of becoming a certain type of person. Oh god, I'm reading too deeply into a damn WWE reality show again.
6. Nikki Bella -- Last Week: 4
To see the actual richness of John Cena is still a bit jarring to me. I mean, we know he is rich ostensibly because he's a top star in a multimillion dollar organization and makes a boatload of money from the absurd amounts of merchandise that he sells. But seeing him with Nikki essentially letting Daniel and Brie into their daily absurdly materialistic lives makes that just a bit more fascinating. Admittedly, Nikki is sort of cypher here. Her character is essentially there to wonder if opulence really is better than what Brie's life with Bryan would become. I mean, I get it. Rich people are fascinating to be in love with.
7. Jojo -- Last Week: 5
If Jojo's continued purpose is to simply react, then it's probably a giant waste. Maybe we'll learn something soon. But probably not anything that is particularly interesting. Jojo seems to be set up as a wallflower character, but it's hard to really address that in reality show form.
8. Eva Marie -- Last Week: 7
Still the worst, has some Daughtry-looking windbag as a boyfriend, lied a lot, was terrible at dancing, got yelled at, incorrectly asserted that being bad at dancing is "the worst way to get on a roster," somehow didn't get terminated because reality television.
9. Stephanie McMahon -- Last Week: N/A
But it could be worse, we could see more stern Stephanie McMahon speeches. Gag.
10. Kris Jenner -- Last Week: N/A
Since Keeping Up With the Kardashians is to Total Divas as NCIS is to Raw, I usually see the last five minutes of the benchmark reality show on E!'s slate. It is interminable, even when Bruce Jenner is being the weirdest guy on the planet. And the Kardashian mom is the worst, so she gets the bottom slot.