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| He who wields the sword put the cap on a banner WWEME Photo Credit: WWE.com) |
Make no mistake about it, kiddies: Paul Heyman is better at what he does for a living than whatever it is you, I, or other mortal human beings pretend to do for an occupation.
To say he's good at talking does the phrase the biggest of disservices. Miz and Josh (despite the former's sudden outbursts of acrimony towards the latter) were doing a pretty good job on the cans, but they couldn't keep up with the LeBron of the microphone. No matter what it was to get over, he did it and did it so well it pushed the Axel/Sin Cara match taking place to some tertiary tab behind the crowd wanting CM Punk to slum it on Wednesday nights and Heyman's almost dismissive swatting away of Mssrs. Mizanin and Roberts' attempts to confound or even fluster him.
His mouth was a machine gun that spit one-liners and sold tickets, whether it was for the Best v. the Beast, his match Monday night against Punk, Curtis Axel, or even Sin Cara. Make no mistake: the ending of possibly the best episode of Main Event wasn't about Sin Cara pinballing around the ring, or Axel getting another victory with his goofy-ass hangman's facebuster - sir, just stick to the Headturning McGillicutter or whatever name it's going under nowadays - but the man who swings the Sword of Lesnar. Punk may think he's the Best in the World, and he might even be close. But when it comes to the sort of things Heyman does? To put forth knowledge that reigns supreme over nearly everybody, he's numbers one, two, three, four AND five. Probably six, too.
And as much as I have literally no interest in seeing Total Divas, if the end result is getting a crowd that would usually be chanting for puppies behind the Natty Cat with chants and a huge pop for winning for the Sharpshooter over Aksana, then let it do what it needs to do whilst I stay way the foxtrot uniform charlie kilo over here from the Exclamation Point. Hey, since they seem to have shunted Kaitlyn into being the cute version of Sting and the boyfriends are fighting each other for the strap at Summerslam - AN EVENT WHICH I'M ATTENDING SMUG PLUS THREE POINTS ACTIVATED - maybe this is what Mrs. Kidd needs to get another run with the massive butterfly, only this time with a bevy of built-in heels for her to fight off and people being more impressed with her discus lariat than her decolletage. Or be like me and be into both at the same time in a 90/10 split, that would also work just fine.
Of course, those were just the toppings on the sundae: the first tag match on my personal Best of Main Event 2013 DVD set kicked off the show and joined three previous singles matches (Ziggler/Del Rio, Kingston/Cesaro and Cesaro/Ziggler) on my Mount Rushmore to date. Something the E's gotten really good at when it comes to Main Events is starting off with something sure to get the audience's ardor peaked one way or another.
Sierra Hotel Indigo Echo Lima Delta is one, and the Haka going straight into Three 6 Mafia is another. My only complaint about the Shield v. the Usos and Mark Henry was that it didn't go longer, and it was plenty meaty as it was. Well, two complaints: Seth Rollins dodged an Usos-assisted Henry running butt splash in the corner setup which had it connected may have hit the former Mr. Black so hard it would've turned all his hair the same color.
Besides that you had tons of chewy goodness. You had the Usos and all of the Shield busting out their double-team efforts. You had Dean Ambrose trying to avoid Henry only to be caught, yelled OH NO YOU DON'T at while he was thrown in the corner, and summarily pummeled. A Hoss Disagreement broke out between Reigns and the World's Strongest Man; with more time it would've been an all-caps fight. Ambrose picked up some of Master Regal's vintage cheats, the crowd was desperate for Henry to get in there and gooify the champions to the point where they chanted for him audibly twice with no promptiing besides Shield offense, and broke down in an awesome way before the hot tag with Miz saying "Who cares what I have to say? Let's go!"
All the stars. It was almost an afterthought that Rollins assisted Ambrose with the pinfall after hitting his modified Curb Stomp (called correctly by Miz, even) -- the six-man formula's worked since Christmas and did so again here, everything that was missing Monday night even if that was more about the angles than the dream bout itself.
The triumvirate of goldholders may've been more than happy to brag post-match, but from front to back this week, Main Event had plenty of reason to brush its shoulders off.
To say he's good at talking does the phrase the biggest of disservices. Miz and Josh (despite the former's sudden outbursts of acrimony towards the latter) were doing a pretty good job on the cans, but they couldn't keep up with the LeBron of the microphone. No matter what it was to get over, he did it and did it so well it pushed the Axel/Sin Cara match taking place to some tertiary tab behind the crowd wanting CM Punk to slum it on Wednesday nights and Heyman's almost dismissive swatting away of Mssrs. Mizanin and Roberts' attempts to confound or even fluster him.
His mouth was a machine gun that spit one-liners and sold tickets, whether it was for the Best v. the Beast, his match Monday night against Punk, Curtis Axel, or even Sin Cara. Make no mistake: the ending of possibly the best episode of Main Event wasn't about Sin Cara pinballing around the ring, or Axel getting another victory with his goofy-ass hangman's facebuster - sir, just stick to the Headturning McGillicutter or whatever name it's going under nowadays - but the man who swings the Sword of Lesnar. Punk may think he's the Best in the World, and he might even be close. But when it comes to the sort of things Heyman does? To put forth knowledge that reigns supreme over nearly everybody, he's numbers one, two, three, four AND five. Probably six, too.
And as much as I have literally no interest in seeing Total Divas, if the end result is getting a crowd that would usually be chanting for puppies behind the Natty Cat with chants and a huge pop for winning for the Sharpshooter over Aksana, then let it do what it needs to do whilst I stay way the foxtrot uniform charlie kilo over here from the Exclamation Point. Hey, since they seem to have shunted Kaitlyn into being the cute version of Sting and the boyfriends are fighting each other for the strap at Summerslam - AN EVENT WHICH I'M ATTENDING SMUG PLUS THREE POINTS ACTIVATED - maybe this is what Mrs. Kidd needs to get another run with the massive butterfly, only this time with a bevy of built-in heels for her to fight off and people being more impressed with her discus lariat than her decolletage. Or be like me and be into both at the same time in a 90/10 split, that would also work just fine.
Of course, those were just the toppings on the sundae: the first tag match on my personal Best of Main Event 2013 DVD set kicked off the show and joined three previous singles matches (Ziggler/Del Rio, Kingston/Cesaro and Cesaro/Ziggler) on my Mount Rushmore to date. Something the E's gotten really good at when it comes to Main Events is starting off with something sure to get the audience's ardor peaked one way or another.
Sierra Hotel Indigo Echo Lima Delta is one, and the Haka going straight into Three 6 Mafia is another. My only complaint about the Shield v. the Usos and Mark Henry was that it didn't go longer, and it was plenty meaty as it was. Well, two complaints: Seth Rollins dodged an Usos-assisted Henry running butt splash in the corner setup which had it connected may have hit the former Mr. Black so hard it would've turned all his hair the same color.
Besides that you had tons of chewy goodness. You had the Usos and all of the Shield busting out their double-team efforts. You had Dean Ambrose trying to avoid Henry only to be caught, yelled OH NO YOU DON'T at while he was thrown in the corner, and summarily pummeled. A Hoss Disagreement broke out between Reigns and the World's Strongest Man; with more time it would've been an all-caps fight. Ambrose picked up some of Master Regal's vintage cheats, the crowd was desperate for Henry to get in there and gooify the champions to the point where they chanted for him audibly twice with no promptiing besides Shield offense, and broke down in an awesome way before the hot tag with Miz saying "Who cares what I have to say? Let's go!"
All the stars. It was almost an afterthought that Rollins assisted Ambrose with the pinfall after hitting his modified Curb Stomp (called correctly by Miz, even) -- the six-man formula's worked since Christmas and did so again here, everything that was missing Monday night even if that was more about the angles than the dream bout itself.
The triumvirate of goldholders may've been more than happy to brag post-match, but from front to back this week, Main Event had plenty of reason to brush its shoulders off.