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| If Bryan wore his suit, his battle could be billed Penguin vs. Walrus. Photo Credit: WWE.com |
First up, @Jessico09 asks who'd win, Daniel Bryan or a walrus?
First up, anyone who answers with "lol Paul Heyman" can get in line to be shot into the Sun with my new solar-shooter cannon.
Now, Bryan vs. a walrus is a tricky battle. What are the trappings in play here? Are they engaged in a straight exhibition here? I would favor Bryan in that scenario, because even though he's kind to animals, I doubt he would hold back in a wrestling match. If personal stakes were at play, then the playing field tilts. If the walrus has wronged Bryan, I imagine the match is over in record time. I don't care if Bryan gives up a couple hundred pounds to the Antarctic tusk-beast; when Bryan has a chip on his shoulder, he will go on rampage the likes that can be stopped by very few mortal men. Now, if Bryan is the one who wronged the walrus, like, say, if Bryan stole his bucket, then I'm sorry, Bryan's a dead man.
Next, @Tristan_Wolfe asks which wrestling sites are must-read, aside from this one.
Oh man, I haven't done a good blogroll in ages. My answer is below in handy-dandy list form:
- First, With Leather isn't a wrestling site, but the Best and Worst series written by both Brandon Stroud and Danielle Matheson are more than worth reading on a regular basis.
- The Classical is also not a wrestling site, but they do have pieces by Nick Bond and my personal favorite wrestling writer, Tom Breihan.
- Grantland rounds out the non-wrestling wrestling sites because of David Shoemaker.
- K. Sawyer Paul's International Object is a great site for short-burst morsels and the long-form Heart Is RAW series which sometimes talks about The Killing.
- The Mandible Claw. Duh. Even if the whole "one post a day" thing isn't panning out for them, Danielle still puts out incredible podcasts with various guests.
- I would not have written at the Camel Clutch Blog for three years if I didn't think they were a quality site worth checking out.
- If you're not already reading Wrestling on Earth, then you're wasting your goddamn time. Best new addition to the alternative wrestling media in ages.
- WRESTLEGASM updates sporadically at best, but I love what Boss Lady Rachel and Sidekick Andrew bring to the table when they do update.
- Finally, I can't end this list without mentioning the only site dedicated exclusively to great wrestling, Dirty Dirty Sheets.
@brandon120 asks me to explain the sudden cult popularity of the Wyatt Family.
I don't want to try and speak for thousands of people with generalizations, but if I had to guess why bona fide heels in the Wyatt Family are getting cheered, I would offer two different reasons. The first is that people are psyched for an act that is different than the norm and one that executes on their beats as well as they do. My cold, black heart would be warmed infinitely if fans started to cheer great performances rather than babyface activities. I don't know if we're approaching a sea change in general, but exceptions to the rule always exist.
The second reason is that the Wyatts are indoctrinating the crowd into their cult, which makes sense. Bray Wyatt's fraternal message is welcoming, warm, all-inclusive. So what if he's a backwater psychopath whose brothers are likely to wear a lamb mask? He doesn't lambaste "you people," at least yet.
@donnybrookboys want to know how much faith I have in WWE to let Daniel Bryan tap out John Cena at SummerSlam as opposed to pinning him.
I'm still not sure Bryan is even winning at SummerSlam, but if he does, I get the feeling WWE has been foreshadowing how he's going to win with the propensity of inside cradle wins he's had lately. The mini-revival of "Mr. Small Package" has been a great spectacle, and really, beating John Cena clean is impressive no matter the conveyance. I'm not sure it matters whether the victory comes from a small package or the NO! Lock. However, a tapout victory would make the building implode due to fan reaction, the reason why I don't think it'll happen at SummerSlam. WrestleMania XXX, however, is a different story...
Noted journalist Ken Borsuk asks if he's just being paranoid or whether WWE is setting up for a Daniel Bryan heel turn.
You're being paranoid. Why do you think Randy Orton is so prominently involved in the build to this match? For WWE to turn Daniel Bryan heel would be like turning Steve Austin hee... okay I see your point. Still, I don't think they're gonna do Bryan dirty like that. The fans love him too much.
@UnderZenith wonders whether Fandango is still a cool thing the way he was when he debuted.
The moment WWE tried to promote "Fandangoing" was the moment he stopped being cool. However, coolness doesn't necessarily equate with talent. I've been super-impressed with Fandango as a performer. Hell, I've even taken a shine to Summer Rae as his second, as long as she's not trying to dance. Their act has legs, well, it would have legs if they didn't book him to take intentional count outs in every other match.
Now that the Eagles have lost their first preseason game, @PatrickEhland asks whether the season is over because local sports talk radio says it is.
Sports radio hosts, overreacting to the first preseason game? I don't know whatever you're talking ab... nah, just kidding, WIP is going to be brutal Monday morning, and the only thing keeping 97.5 from the same is that they air Mike and Mike in the morning. I can already imagine Angelo Cataldi penciling in the team for 2-14 because Tom Brady picked apart the first string defense and LeGarrette Blount (a first string caliber NFL RB) ran through the second and third string. Games like last night are why I quit listening to sports talk radio a long, long time ago.
His second question, if I were forced to pick among Paulie Walnuts, Walter White, and Sean Hannity for a neighbor, whom would I choose and why?
Sociopathic mobster, meth cooker, and supremely annoying right wing talking head? Yeah, I don't know if I can easily choose, but a clear choice actually exists. White cooks his meth elsewhere, right? I mean, he's not a toothless bumpkin. The man is a chemistry teacher. So he's smart enough to have his operations off his property. I choose him, because if I leave him alone, he'll leave me alone. I can't say the same for Walnuts or Hannity.
@OkoriWadsworth wants to hear some ska.
Holder of Best Coast Bias, Butch Rosser, asks to fill out Holzerpalooza with a headliner and nine other bands.
Of my three favorite bands, the only one still together in any semblance of a classic form is Metallica, so they're my headliners. No way I'm having Stone Temple Pilots headline a show with Chester Bennington as the lead singer, no matter how good his first song with the band is. Genesis is kinda retired right now because Phil Collins' joints are creakier than a the floorboards in a Victorian mansion. So yeah, because Metallica headlines the show, we're throwing a METALLLLLLL BASH.
The first subheadline slot goes to Faith No More. I know Jim Martin still isn't with the band, but I heard their reunion tour without him has gone pretty well. The second subheadliner would be Motörhead. The first time I saw them, I was a tad unimpressed, but I feel that could have been a bad night for Lemmy and co.
Band #4 would be Saxon, because CLASSIC METAL, YEEEEAH. I'd slate Volbeat in slot #5, not because they share their name with a Pokemon (they totally do), but because they're one of the few new mainstream hard rock acts who don't suck. Slot #6 goes to Fozzy because Chris Jericho, babayyyyyy. Slot #7 is filled by Steel Panther, because every show needs a lighter side, even if that lighter side is insanely lewd.
The eighth spot is filled by Nevermore. For those who don't know, they're an American band (from Seattle, no less) that plays brutally heavy riffs with melodic, almost haunting vocals. Number nine would be Newstead. I know the lulz would be high seeing the band headed by the bassist Metallica never liked on their festival, but he's got a great pedigree. Plus, he sells out *clap* every seat in the arena. Finally, for some synergy, the tenth slot goes to Diamond Head, the classic British metal band whose Lightning to the Nations album was a huge influence on Metallica's early years.
Finally, resident Impact reviewer Shane Carnes asks why people refer to WWE as "New York" when the territory's been dead for so long and they're based in Connecticut.
To be completely fair, Stamford, CT is like 20 minutes northeast of New York City on I-95, so it's not like they're in Norwich or even Hartford. Basically, if you live within a 30 mile radius of NYC, the city claims you for its own. But regardless, they still associate pretty much with Madison Square Garden as their marquee arena. It always has been, and even if it always won't be, they have a replacement for it in Brooklyn with the Barclay's Center.