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| Ethan Page and Josh Alexander trading blows at National Pro Wrestling Day, one of my top pet peeves Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein |
There are a lot of things I can take in a wrestling match. I'm a fan of Chikara, for crying out loud, so when things get silly, I not only roll with the punches, I laugh along and enjoy the crap out of it. So it might seem weird that there are certain elements in wrestling matches that I couldn't care any less about seeing again for whatever reason, primarily overuse. I fancy myself as a wrestling critic anyway, so I view each match as an artistic statement. As any piece of art is created, there are certain tropes contained within. Some work, some don't, and others have their welcomes worn out a bit too quickly when used more than once in awhile. So, with that said, here are six things in and around wrestling matches that I could do without seeing spammed in every match or on every show. They have their place when done occasionally or selectively, but from where I sit, they're used way too much, or in at least one case, at all.
1. Back-and-forth strike trading
This happens in nearly every single match. Indie or corporate, main event or opening card, comedy or tragedy, one guy hits his opponent, and the opponent returns in kind. Wash, rinse, repeat until one gets the upperhand over the other. It's everywhere and it annoys the piss out of me. I understand why it's done. It shows fighting spirit, and the crowd eats it up. But at what point do you eschew match psychology just to get an increasingly meaningless Pavlovian reaction from the vocal part of the crowd? I hate to rag on Willie Mack, because I'm a huge fan of his, and I loved the match where it happened, but he was pointing to his face to let Sami Callihan know he wanted him to punch him. I'm sorry, I don't care how much of a badass I am, I still don't wanna let Callihan of all people punch me in the face. That's crazy talk. I understand base realism isn't necessarily needed for a great match, but I would like a semblance of it being a real contest. I know, I'm selective with my kayfabe, but I do want to pretend I'm watching a fight here. Having self-defense, the most primal instinct a given person has, out the window in EVERY MATCH POSSIBLE is just annoying. It has a place, but not in every single match.
2. Delaying selling a big move just to get some offense in
This is something that started out in the puro scene of the '90s, and as many things that took place in All-Japan Pro Wrestling's main event scene, it has survived to the present day. I can see the logic in temporarily no-selling a big move just to get in one last flurry in a big feud scenario or a hot title match. I'm a believer in adrenaline giving a wrestler a boost to get in a reply to a move before collapsing in pain and damage. But I don't need to see it twice on the same card, nor do I need to see it happen continually from the same wrestler, nor in matches that don't have the storyline gravitas.
3. Murder-death-kill finishing-type moves done off the top rope for 2 counts
Kicking out of a gigantic move done avalanche style isn't something that happens a lot, but it's one of those things that I cringe at when it happens at all. If Michael Elgin is doing a goddamn Air Raid Crash to Davey Richards off the top rope, it should finish the match, and if it doesn't, Richards had better be selling it to high heaven after getting his foot or hand on the rope. But really, can you throw me a bone of the guy not even being lucid enough to know where the ropes are? It's bad enough that we get finisher spam to the point where Kurt Angle makes a career out of ignoring them. But don't cheapen the top rope. That should be the one thing we have left that means a goddamn thing.
4. Superfluous body part work
I love limb work when it's done right. Whether it's a wrestler with a leg submission kicking the knee and thigh, or whether it's Adam Cole stomping on Eddie Edwards' right hand to lessen the efficacy of his chops, it's something that can be a great story thread. But for the love of God, if you don't have an arm submission, and the opponent is known primarily as a kicker, don't work the arm. I see it in enough matches that it's noticeable. Psychology doesn't mean working a limb. It means having a style and sticking to it, whether it means you're a submission master like Theoretical Daniel Bryan or a bulldozer who doesn't think before smashing like Mark Henry. It doesn't mean you have to do things to a body part, whether or not you have an endgame for said part.
5. Dive spamming
Dives seem to be everywhere now. Everyone seems to have some variation of the plancha or the tope in their arsenal, which gets funnier the bigger the wrestler is. Still, I'm not anti-dive in the least. I love seeing a well-placed plancha to the outside, but I feel like every match is set up to have one or more. This is probably the least offensive thing to me, more like I'm sad that I've become used to seeing one in every match. I don't even think people go to the top with as much frequency as they go to the outside. I dunno, I just like things that feel special, which is the point of this whole list.
6. Putting over the other guy after the match on the mic, ESPECIALLY for "having a great match"
This technically doesn't happen in the match, but I feel like whenever it does happen after a match, it devalues the action in the ring that preceded it just a little bit. I know it's cool to see wrestlers respect each other, but does it have to come right after a contest where they tried to inflict physical harm on each other? The most annoying to me is when they put each other over for having a great match. I am ecstatic that wrestlers nowadays are so in tuned with their craft that they want to be excellent in the ring, but again, (and I know this could just be me being goddamn weird about what I apply my kayfabe standards to) the storylines are in play from the show open to the final fallout from the main event. Your goal as a semi-fictional wrestling character is to win matches and Championships. It shouldn't matter whether you wrestle well or not, right? I don't know.
Again, none of these things are dogmatic. You, whether as a critic or wrestler, can disagree with me on all these, and that's fine. They're preferences.
1. Back-and-forth strike trading
This happens in nearly every single match. Indie or corporate, main event or opening card, comedy or tragedy, one guy hits his opponent, and the opponent returns in kind. Wash, rinse, repeat until one gets the upperhand over the other. It's everywhere and it annoys the piss out of me. I understand why it's done. It shows fighting spirit, and the crowd eats it up. But at what point do you eschew match psychology just to get an increasingly meaningless Pavlovian reaction from the vocal part of the crowd? I hate to rag on Willie Mack, because I'm a huge fan of his, and I loved the match where it happened, but he was pointing to his face to let Sami Callihan know he wanted him to punch him. I'm sorry, I don't care how much of a badass I am, I still don't wanna let Callihan of all people punch me in the face. That's crazy talk. I understand base realism isn't necessarily needed for a great match, but I would like a semblance of it being a real contest. I know, I'm selective with my kayfabe, but I do want to pretend I'm watching a fight here. Having self-defense, the most primal instinct a given person has, out the window in EVERY MATCH POSSIBLE is just annoying. It has a place, but not in every single match.
2. Delaying selling a big move just to get some offense in
This is something that started out in the puro scene of the '90s, and as many things that took place in All-Japan Pro Wrestling's main event scene, it has survived to the present day. I can see the logic in temporarily no-selling a big move just to get in one last flurry in a big feud scenario or a hot title match. I'm a believer in adrenaline giving a wrestler a boost to get in a reply to a move before collapsing in pain and damage. But I don't need to see it twice on the same card, nor do I need to see it happen continually from the same wrestler, nor in matches that don't have the storyline gravitas.
3. Murder-death-kill finishing-type moves done off the top rope for 2 counts
Kicking out of a gigantic move done avalanche style isn't something that happens a lot, but it's one of those things that I cringe at when it happens at all. If Michael Elgin is doing a goddamn Air Raid Crash to Davey Richards off the top rope, it should finish the match, and if it doesn't, Richards had better be selling it to high heaven after getting his foot or hand on the rope. But really, can you throw me a bone of the guy not even being lucid enough to know where the ropes are? It's bad enough that we get finisher spam to the point where Kurt Angle makes a career out of ignoring them. But don't cheapen the top rope. That should be the one thing we have left that means a goddamn thing.
4. Superfluous body part work
I love limb work when it's done right. Whether it's a wrestler with a leg submission kicking the knee and thigh, or whether it's Adam Cole stomping on Eddie Edwards' right hand to lessen the efficacy of his chops, it's something that can be a great story thread. But for the love of God, if you don't have an arm submission, and the opponent is known primarily as a kicker, don't work the arm. I see it in enough matches that it's noticeable. Psychology doesn't mean working a limb. It means having a style and sticking to it, whether it means you're a submission master like Theoretical Daniel Bryan or a bulldozer who doesn't think before smashing like Mark Henry. It doesn't mean you have to do things to a body part, whether or not you have an endgame for said part.
5. Dive spamming
Dives seem to be everywhere now. Everyone seems to have some variation of the plancha or the tope in their arsenal, which gets funnier the bigger the wrestler is. Still, I'm not anti-dive in the least. I love seeing a well-placed plancha to the outside, but I feel like every match is set up to have one or more. This is probably the least offensive thing to me, more like I'm sad that I've become used to seeing one in every match. I don't even think people go to the top with as much frequency as they go to the outside. I dunno, I just like things that feel special, which is the point of this whole list.
6. Putting over the other guy after the match on the mic, ESPECIALLY for "having a great match"
This technically doesn't happen in the match, but I feel like whenever it does happen after a match, it devalues the action in the ring that preceded it just a little bit. I know it's cool to see wrestlers respect each other, but does it have to come right after a contest where they tried to inflict physical harm on each other? The most annoying to me is when they put each other over for having a great match. I am ecstatic that wrestlers nowadays are so in tuned with their craft that they want to be excellent in the ring, but again, (and I know this could just be me being goddamn weird about what I apply my kayfabe standards to) the storylines are in play from the show open to the final fallout from the main event. Your goal as a semi-fictional wrestling character is to win matches and Championships. It shouldn't matter whether you wrestle well or not, right? I don't know.
Again, none of these things are dogmatic. You, whether as a critic or wrestler, can disagree with me on all these, and that's fine. They're preferences.