 |
| One more time, with feeling Photo Credit: WWE.com |
First up, @robot_hammer wants to know if WWE were to set up a 16-team tag tournament, how I would seed it.
Well, isn't this list starting out with a doozy. Assuming that the Tag Team Championships are vacant and everyone's involved, I would have to seed the tourney like so:
1: Cody Rhodes and Goldust
2: Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins
3: Jimmy and Jey Uso
4: Daniel Bryan and CM Punk
5: Erick Rowan and Luke Harper
6: Antonio Cesaro and Jack Swagger
7: Titus O'Neil and Darren Young
8: Curtis Axel and Ryback
9: Conor O'Brien and Rick Victor
10: Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne
11: Rey Mysterio and Sin Cara
12: Fernando and Diego
13: Brodus Clay and Sweet T
14: John Cahill and Eric Philbin (aka Davey Richards and Eddie Edwards)
15: Santino Marella and Great Khali
16: Heath Slater and Jinder Mahal
As for the tournament, I would allow for upsets and all, but the final matchup would have to be the swan song in the best rivalry of 2013 so far, right? Rhodes Boys vs. Shield, one last time, for all the marbles?
@PatrickEhland has two questions. First, he asks which City Six team (Philadelphia college) will have the best basketball season, and which one the worst.
As a proud alumnus of Drexel University, I am completely biased on this subject. However, the Dragons have been playing lights out so far, only losing to UCLA and Arizona, two of the Pac-12's best programs. While Drexel's tendency to shit the bed in the conference tournament is well-noted, I think they may have a shot at getting an at-large bid if they hoss the regular season. If they get in, they can win at least one game. Realistically, Villanova may be the best threat to make the Sweet 16. They'll receive more of a test, as the Big East, though pared and shed of a good bit of its prior roster, will still be rough.
As for the worst? University of Pennsylvania has gotten off to a putrid start. They may rebound during the Ivy League schedule, but so far, they look like dogshit, which pleases me. A terrible season is what they get for ducking Drexel this year.
Second, wasn't watching Nick Saban get his chances for another National Championship get stomped delicious?
Scott T. Holland of Irresistible vs. Immovable asks who the major contenders to win the Royal Rumble could be, and what their odds to win would be.
The Rumble is both wide open and limited this year. I don't think WWE will book a winner like Sheamus or Alberto del Rio in their respective years, but I also think the number of first-time winners who could jump realistically to one of two or three Mania main event slots is plentiful. So...
Roman Reigns - 1/2: I could be wrong, but I feel as if Survivor Series was foreshadowing as to WWE's plans for the Shield's monster. The company is in a unique spot with their paramilitary trio. Arguably, they are the Road Warriors for this generation, a group that got over huge as a unit but could reasonably splinter off and challenge for main events without actually staying whole. Reigns challenging either Randy Orton or John Cena at Mania would carry a lot of luster and mystique, as would the interpersonal dynamics within the group in the lead up to said title match.
Daniel Bryan - Even: I am definitely falling into a trap of wishful thinking, but I have to wonder whether Smackdown held a clue as to WWE's true intentions with Bryan. When he says he hasn't forgotten about wanting a crack at Orton and the Championship, I take it as a knowing wink to the audience that WWE hasn't forgotten either.
CM Punk - 3/1: Punk seems to be in limbo right now, which puts him in perfect position to win. What holds me back from him being the favorite is that he still has lingering issues with Brock Lesnar. Of course, the Lesnar/Undertaker rumors put a damper on that SummerSlam rematch, but hey, WWE has a comparatively muddled Mania picture compared to the last two years.
John Cena/Randy Orton loser - 10/1: WWE putting on Orton and Cena at TLC seems like their way of getting the match out of their system without having to put it at WrestleMania. They may see Orton and Cena as the Hogan/Savage of our era, but then again, Hogan and Savage only wrestled at Mania against each other once. Different eras, of course, but who knows anymore.
Triple H - 20/1: I am fatalistic.
Sheamus - 25/1: He fits the mold of being a returning superstar who has held the title before. A Mania main event might cement him in the firmament, which is good enough reason to pull the trigger on him. However, in a year with so many ready-made stories to plug into a Mania card, especially with the title in the balance, Sheamus might have to wait another year for his turn.
Bray Wyatt - 50/1: The Wyatt Family is newer and less established, but like The Shield, they've been tossed into the proverbial fire. Unlike The Shield, which is presented as a group of bizarro-world evil Three Musketeers, the Wyatt Family cult is for the betterment and service of the malevolent spirit embodying the worldly husk of one Husky Harris. I think if he has a huge match this year, it would be against the Undertaker, but the title remains a backdoor possibility.
Mark Henry - 150/1: The Hall of Pain housing the Rumble feels like a longshot, but he was positioned as a big f'n deal before he got injured. He also was able to move numbers on Smackdown and at house shows as World Heavyweight Champion, which I hear are still important to WWE brass. Fuck if I know. But him winning the Rumble and becoming Undisputed Champion at Mania would be satisfying, at least to me.
Field - 1,250/1: Hey, anything could happen, but I doubt it will.
@OkoriWadsworth has two questions. First, he wants dream matches for each set of Campeones de Parejas.
Claudio Castagnoli and Chris Hero - vs. The Steiner Bros. These two teams are so similar, except the Kings have more finesse to the Steiners a bit more hossy.
Gran Akuma and Icarus - vs. The Rockers. Marty Jannetty is Icarus' idol, and their styles would mesh pretty well.
Hallowicked and Delirious - vs. Kevin Sullivan and the Purple Haze. Crazy cultists vs.... other crazy cultists? A true battle of good vs. evil.
The Super Smash Bros. - vs. the Hardy Boyz. The Hardys are a video game tag team, at least in their primes they were, so why not use them as the video game gimmick in their dream match?
The Osirian Portal - vs. Edge and Christian. The Portal and the Canadian Blondes are complementary teams.
Fire Ant and Soldier Ant - vs. the Briscoe Bros. Why not put the Briscoes against their Chikara variant?
Ares and Castagnoli - vs. The Road Warriors. What better team to go up against Castagnoli and his slightly beefier tag partner than the Roadies?
Mike Quackenbush and Jigsaw - vs. Jushin Liger and El Samurai. The very definition of a dream match.
Chuck Taylor and Johnny Gargano - the Rock 'n Roll Express. Elemental heels vs. archetypical faces.
3.0 - vs. Glamarella. The comedy potential in this match would be off the charts.
The Young Bucks - vs. the British Bulldogs. Technical ecstasy.
Jigsaw and The Shard - vs. the Dudley Boyz. I feel like the Pieces of Hate would do well against a hossier team.
Second, what's my Pandora quickmix?
I don't use Pandora, so I really don't get how a "quickmix" works, so the following is my iPod on shuffle for ten songs!
"Overload" Soilwork
"Caralho Voador" Faith No More
"D'Yer Ma'Ker" Led Zeppelin
"Young Lust" Pink Floyd
"Killer Queen" Queen
"Time After Time" Ozzy Osbourne
"Drive My Car" The Beatles
"Easy Mark" Nerf Herder
"Have a Cigar" Pink Floyd
"Take Me to the River" The Talking Heads
@WetOREO wants to know if WWE right now is a hole filled with garbage.
Filled with garbage? I would disagree. WWE isn't firing on all cylinders right now, but I feel like the good stuff they have going for it, like Bryan vs. the Wyatts, the gobs and gobs of wrestling on TV every week, and the entire existence of NXT, is just so good that I don't care that they've warmed up Cena vs. Orton for the billionth time. Even so, I'm not entirely against that match headlining TLC because they've actually freshened their rivalry up.
@Jessico09 has two. First, he wants me to fantasy book a match between in-prime versions of Joe Biden and Barack Obama in a steel cage.
I don't think this scenario is believable. They're bros, right? I say the match starts off okay, but then Ronnie Reagan sends his hired goons Newt Gingrich and George W. Bush to engage in tag team broadway action. The melee ends in a shutdown, as everyone up and leaves. Then all the people whom our government has lobbed bombs at over the years rush the ring and tear everyone apart limb from limb.
Second, my favorite Delirium beer, Tremens, Noel, or Nocturnum.
I will diplomatically say first that Brouwerij Huyghe's Delirium line is fantastic. Second, I think I'd have to go with Nocturnum. What can I say, I dig the darker beers.
@RealRobPandola also has two. First, he wants to know my thoughts on Davey Richards being booked for Cage of Death, and if this match is his last indie appearance, what should he do?
He should definitely go out on his back, first and foremost. He hasn't been scheduled for an opponent yet, but if he actually shows up (not a guarantee, mind you), he should probably put over AR Fox, Shane Strickland, or even Matt Tremont. As for him being there in and of itself? Look, I'm as down on Richards as anyone else, but at the very least, you can go get concessions during his match if it's really bad. If it's good, then bonus! If I were able to make it to Cage of Death, it would have been for the spectacle of the main event and the awesome dream match potential of Drew Gulak vs. Chris Hero. Richards is inoffensive.
Second, who has the best omelets?
To be honest, I don't eat whole egg omelets. I actually like egg white omelets, but either way, just go to a corner diner. Screwing up an omelet is pretty hard.
@KillFriskey asks what my three favorite Christmas movies are.
1. National Lampoon Christmas Vacation - Probably my favorite installment in the series, to be honest.
2. Die Hard - I mean, it DOES take place during Christmas.
3. The Year without a Santa Claus - Fuck you, the Miser Bros. own.
@wildvulture wants to know my top three moments in history where I'd want the Shield to come out and interfere and alter.
1. The Beer Hall Putsch. The Shield takes out Hitler before he can putsch and boom, no WWII, no Holocaust.
2. The Oval Office, circa November 1964, preventing President Johnson from getting us involved in Vietnam.
3. Time-Warner Headquarters in 2001, taking out the people who wanted to sell WCW to Vince McMahon.
@JordiScrubbings wants to know my thoughts on the Florida Championship Wrestling name dying with the closure of the Tampa facility later this month, and whether another promoter should take the name up.
What's in a name? I would rather spend time building up a promotion on reputation and quality other than slapping a preexisting name on it.
TJ Hawke of Free Pro Wrestling asks why I don't watch more NJPW.
I would love to watch more New Japan, which at this point is zero. I would love to watch every promotion I can get my hands on, because wrestling is amazing and all the different interpretations of it are so fun to watch. But more than my money situation, which is actually quite good, I just don't have the time to watch all the stuff I want to watch stateside, let alone worldwide. I love indie wrestling, and I dig WWE a whole lot. They're the companies that I can support best here, so they're in my inner circle. Maybe a day will come where I can open up and watch more, and thus, I'll watch more NJPW. Today is not that day though.
@chudleycannons asks if I've seen any good ROH TV matches lately.
Sadly, no. I don't watch the ROH TV show, but I will say that going into their HDNet archives is a good bet. Bryan Danielson and Austin Aries had a really good match in 2009, plus a lot of the excellent Kevin Steen (and Steve Corino) vs. El Generico (and Colt Cabana) feud from 2010 played out on television.
@ray_fuck wants me to fantasy book a WWE with X-Men.
If Vince McMahon were still in charge, he'd feed every single one of those mutants to John Cena, but I'm going to assume Prof. Xavier uses mind control to make McMahon book a competent promotion around the mutants. So, right now, the Undisputed Champion would be Juggernaut. I need a strong heel to be on top going into WrestleMania. The Intercontinental Champion is the up and coming Gambit, while the United States Champion would be the Silver Fox. Tag Team Champions are still the Rhodes Boys, because I'm pretty sure Dusty Rhodes dodged the Mutant Registration Act back in the '70s. Wolverine would be set up to win the Royal Rumble. Magneto would challenge Undertaker's streak.
Finally, @lodownwrestling asks if Aiden English's gimmick would translate to the main roster.
I think unfettered, his gimmick would be gangbusters on the main roster. Two things work against him. First, Damien Sandow's gimmick is very similar to his, and I'm not sure WWE writers or Vince McMahon would be able to do both justice. Second, would WWE allow English the full battery of his gimmick every week to allow him to get over? I can't answer that question, but he would have to be able to sing every week in order to fully establish himself.