I Listen So You Don't Have To: Cheap Heat Jan. 22

January 23, 2015, 5:30 am

≪ Previous: Twitter Request Line, Vol. 106

IT'S RUMBLE TAHM
Photo Credit: WWE.com

If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: Cheap Heat
Episode: Jan. 21, 2015
Run Time: 1:20:00
Guest: None

Summary: At the start of the show, Peter Rosenberg starts telling cohost David Shoemaker about Twitter happenings, which leads to a lengthy breakdown — and in some cases outright blasting — of the current wrestling podcast scene. Eventually they start talking about RAW (with a diversion to important feelings about candy) and look ahead to the Royal Rumble and then WrestleMania. They end taking listener questions, including one about if a woman will ever be WWE Champion.

Quote of the week: Rosenberg - "It would be nice if some of the wrestlers who do podcasts would take a couple of lessons, or ask for some words of advice, before starting their podcasts because lord they’d be offended if you stepped into the ring without learning the wrestling business. You’re talking about a group of people who are so high and mighty about paying dues … as anyone in any business that’s ever lived."

Why you should listen: Primarily if you need help getting hyped for the Rumble. I’m clearly biased, since the Rumble reliably is my favorite hour of the wrestling year, but my excitement had been lagging a bit this January until the last few days, and this show helped much more than RAW itself. The podcast talk at the outset is fairly enlightening if you can cut through the attitude and clear conflict of interest, and I especially enjoyed Shoemakers indirect plug for this very feature.

Why you should skip it: There’s a good chance listening to Rosenberg’s criticism (some of it constructive) of current wrestling podcasts will sound to some like nothing more than the pot addressing the kettle. As is almost always the case, I’m wagering Shoemaker’s Grantland Rumble preview will be far more insightful than what he’s able to contribute in this medium. And at 80 minutes, it’s impossible to argue every minute of this episode is essential.

Final thoughts: Give the guys credit for this; they’re openly acknowledging both what their critics consistently tell them as well as being frank about the seriousness with which any audience should receive a podcast. I hopefully am not coming across as caring a disproportionate amount about what ids said on this or any show. Will you enjoy the Rumble without listening? Absolutely. Is it possible they’ll make you think new thoughts about the short-term plans for major WWE stories? Yeah, it is. But as with most guest-free Cheap Heat episodes, the strength of this offering rests solely on the chemistry between the hosts. If either one or both generally rankles your sensibilities, take a pass.

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Smackdown: Friendship is Magic

January 23, 2015, 7:30 am

≫ Next: Royal Rumble Oddity Outlook

≪ Previous: I Listen So You Don't Have To: Cheap Heat Jan. 22

This friendship is never coming back
Photo Credit: WWE.com

This week's Smackdown was built almost entirely around the recently returned Dolph Ziggler, Ryback, Erick Rowan, and even Daniel Bryan earning spots in the Royal Rumble match. This was actually a really good idea. I never expect much out of the last show before a pay-per-view: a ton of recaps, meaningless matches, and the main players getting their final say is usually what I can look forward to. There were still recaps and backstage bits aplenty, but this time there were also stakes and an ongoing theme to the episode that made for an actual narrative arc. Fantastic. Now, if only I cared even in the slightest about Ryback, Rowan, or Ziggler. I've never connected with any of them or found their stories compelling. I know I'm in the minority on Ziggler, and I do understand in theory why many people are so high on him. I'm not. BUT, with all that being said, I'm all-in on Smackdown being more relevant and important.

Worst Friends – Dolph Ziggler and Ryback
To open the show, Daniel Bryan came out to introduce the newly re-instated Ziggler, Ryback, and Rowan. He celebrated their comeback in the warmest tones and everyone had a feel-good moment of triumph over the Authority. It's just too bad that Ziggler and Ryback did not show themselves to be deserving of Bryan's, or anyone's friendship. First Ziggler decided to lambaste Seth Rollins for bailing on Brock Lesnar, like anyone in their right mind wouldn't do the same, and like Rollins didn't single-handedly bring back the Authority when Ziggler did absolutely nothing to get his own job back. I can appreciate being full of ambition and ready to go on your first day back, and that Ziggler and Rollins kind of had a thing going before Survivor Series, but...ugh. What a clueless douche. Ziggler went on to win his match against Bad News Barrett and so has a pass into the Royal Rumble.

It was a fun match (hey, you'll never hear me say that Ziggler's matches, at least, aren't exciting), but I honestly think that Ziggler should be a heel. His attitude is just the worst. Ryback also won his match against Rusev in the least satisfying way possible – taking Rusev to the outside, pummeling him during the ref's count, and slipping back inside the ring just before the count hit ten. Hardly the act of someone fair-minded or friendly. While Lana and Rusev are still supporting each other in all things, Ryback is picking up cheap wins and acting like he's doing something amazing. Daniel Bryan can do so much better when it comes to his pals. Also, neither Ziggler or Ryback (or Rowan) were at ringside during Bryan's match against Kane, when the latter had borrowed Jamie Noble and Joey Mercury from Rollins. There was nothing to stop them from being there -- it was a no DQ match -- but instead they waited until the post-match beat-down to help out the guy who was singing their praises at the beginning of the show. Worst friends.

Most Mysterious Friendships – Nikki and Brie Bella/Natalya and Paige
Soooo, we're just never going to get any explanation for why Nikki and Brie Bella are friends again, are we? It's doubly frustrating because this could easily be brought into a main storyline with the Authority. I don't think I've mentioned this before, so here it is: it pisses me off that Nikki Bella never comes out with the Authority and the gang when they do their shtick. Stephanie McMahon was heavily involved in Nikki's acquisition of her title, but for some reason Nikki isn't allowed to be a full member of the club. Why doesn't she get to be their representative in the women's division? Is the Authority even a little bit concerned that she and Brie have apparently made up? Are they worried that the twins might turn on them? Are they concerned about keeping the women's title in the hands of someone affiliated with the Authority?

The answer to all of those questions appears to be a resounding “NOPE,” and it's annoying. At any rate, Brie won a match against Naomi – the only match on the entire show that had nothing to do with building toward the Rumble, lest we forget the complete lack of stakes in the women's division right now and how little fucks are given about it. Paige and Natalya were on commentary, another partnership that makes little sense, since apparently we ARE supposed to be taking the events of Total Divas into consideration and Natalya is suddenly super defensive of her husband even though she clearly approved when Paige smacked him for costing her a match. I should be thankful that the lack of grounds for their partnership was at least addressed, and that Paige showed that she can definitely be AJ Lee's heir when it comes to enlivening commentary during women's matches. However, I was too busy being irritated that the Rumble match between the Bellas and Paige and Natalya is based on nothing but jealousy (women amirite?) and that poor Naomi is back to having no momentum or purpose at all. Her brief feud with Alicia Fox wasn't brought up at all, nor was the prospect of her being in line for the women's title. Disappointing all around.

Friendships That I Am Finally Over – Luke Harper and Erick Rowan/Daniel Bryan and Kane
It's true. I never thought this day would come, but I couldn't work up any feelings about either of these former friendships. It helps that Harper and Rowan are apparently done with their history too, as there were no more hints of conflict from either of them. Rowan's never been much of an actor anyway. Rowan lost his match against Harper and it should have meant something that his loss of a Rumble spot came at the hands of his former family member, but nobody was that fussed about it except for Byron Saxton, who mentioned that the two had formerly been as close as brothers and now it's like they don't even know each other. Thanks, Mr. Saxton, but your continuity has no place here. I'd still like SOME explanation for why the Wyatt Family split up, but I'm not holding my breath. The dissolution of Team Hell No likewise no longer fills me with dismay the way it used to. Maybe it's the passage of time, maybe it's that I increasingly just want Kane to take a step back (Kane, my dear, no one thinks you're capable of “depraved levels of sadism” anymore), but either way I feel no friendship pangs anymore. However, I was thrilled that Bryan won their match and I'm excited to see him in the Royal Rumble – the ultimate test of friendship, when it's every man for himself!

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Royal Rumble Oddity Outlook

January 23, 2015, 9:30 am

≫ Next: The Center Is Moving: Inspire Pro Relentless Review

≪ Previous: Smackdown: Friendship is Magic

More Royal Rumble stats than you can shake a stick at
Photo Credit: WWE.com

In the ever-more-crowded field of people breaking down Royal Rumble matches by the numbers (including WWE, which can never seem to get its own facts straight), you don’t stand out by stating the obvious (Shawn Michaels has the most total eliminations! Roman Reigns eliminated 12 men in one night! Rey Mysterio spent the longest in the ring!), you dig deeper and find the weird stuff. Admittedly, the minutiae presented herein might be interesting to me and me alone. But on the off chance you need a little bit more to get you excited for this Sunday’s big fight, here’s a quick look at what could happen if certain chips fall the right way.

There are only 17 announced wrestlers so far, which is a letdown for people who like to get their data in order ahead of time. While it’s unlikely Triple H will be among them, I’ve included him here a few times just in case. Randy Orton and Sheamus are figured into the mix as well, and though neither is announced, they’re more likely to appear than the big H.

Since I’m not sure where to stick this, I’ll lead with it — Roman Reigns’ single-night record of 12 eliminations, set in 2014, will never be broken. Why? Because it makes for a boring match. There’s only 29 eliminations to be had, so giving nearly half to one guy dramatically limits the ability to use an hour of wrestling to develop the character of a majority of the entrants. That’s enough talk about understanding how and why these matches come together. The rest of the data is presented with, as best I can, the mentality that once the bell rings, Rumble statistics are as organic as the numbers on the back of a baseball card.

I just mentioned Reigns’ 12 eliminations. The 2015 Rumble winner would need 11 eliminations (Steve Austin had 10 in 1997) or to last longer than 62:12 (Mysterio in 2006) to take first place in either category. On the flip side, Edge won the 2010 Rumble with just 7:19 in the ring, the shortest stay of any winner. And while Vince McMahon infamously notched just one elimination in his tainted 1999 win, take nothing away from the barely there two-elimination efforts of winners Edge (2010), Big John Studd (1989) and Alberto Del Rio (2011).

If we count all of his personas (and we do), Glenn Jacobs is 116 seconds away from joining one of the most exclusive clubs — men who have been in a Royal Rumble match for three or more hours. (The other three are Triple H, 3:51:32, Shawn Michaels, 3:42:30, Rey Mysterio, 3:07:46, and the only nonwinner, Chris Jericho, 3:05:13). Cody Rhodes can join the club in 2015 if he lasts 19:25. Randy Orton is about 33 minutes shy.

There are only 10 men who have racked up ring time between two and three hours. Sheamus needs 13:49 to cross over. It’s possible Rob van Dam could appear this year, with the Rumble in Philadelphia and all, but he’s unlikely to last the 23 minutes needed to reach two hours. Kofi Kingston (1:25:38) and Dolph Ziggler (1:25:34) have both been in six Rumbles and could conceivably roll

It would be unlikely, but if Triple H eliminates Kane, it would be an unprecedented fourth time for that to happen (2006, 2008, 2010). If Stardust tosses Goldust, it would be the third time the younger Rhodes boy ousted the older (2009, 2013). Other pairings that have happened twice and could reoccur in 2015: Triple H tossing Cody Rhodes (2008, 2009), Big Show dumping R-Truth (2001, 2009) and Dolph Ziggler (2011, 2012), and Randy Orton eliminating Wade Barrett (2011, 2012) and Big Show (2009, 2012).

Only seven times have tag team partners entered sequentially — three times in 1989 alone, which famous started with both members of Demolition. The only other time tag team partners started the match is Cactus Jack and Chainsaw Charlie in 1998. I’d love to see this happen with Miz and Mizdow on Sunday.

Ten times has one wrestler eliminated both halves of a tag team, the last in 2012 (Mick Foley eliminated tag team champions Primo and Epico). Another thing I’d enjoy for its total lack of precedence is one wrestler removing all three New Day members from the Rumble.

There has never been a Rumble with five previous winners. So far no previous winners are confirmed entrants with only 16 spots left. There has not been a Rumble with no prior winners since 2004.

There were ten Royal Rumble rookies in 2014 — the record is 26 in 1989. The record for fewest rookies is six — 1990, 2008 and 2010. So far, none of the announced entrants are Rumble rookies.

Jack Swagger can take sole possession of second place for most Rumbles with no eliminations. He’s tied with Honky Tonk Man, Steve Blackman and Gregory Helms at four. First place is Matt Bloom (Albert, Tensai) with six. There are ten guys who have been in three Rumbles with no eliminations — Drew McIntyre, JTG, Terry Taylor, William Regal, Tommy Dreamer, Bart Gunn, Jeff Jarrett, Scotty 2 Hotty, Zack Ryder and Bushwhacker Luke.

If Goldust enters and misses the final four, that will move him to first place with ten; currently he’s tied with Nelson “Mabel” Frazier for first place. Three guys have eight Rumbles with no final four (Booker T, Great Khali and Shelton Benjamin) and of the six who have been in seven with no final four (Bob Holly, Jake Roberts, Mark Henry, Matt Hardy, Miz, Owen Hart) are a few guys who should move to second place.

Kofi Kingston has spent 1:25:38 in the ring over six Royal Rumbles without making a final four. He trails only Bob Holly (1:53:05, seven matches) John Morrison (1:45:49, six) and Greg “The Hammer” Valentine (1:28:46, four) on the all-time list. Miz (1:17:37, seven matches) is at sixth place on that list. Goldust is eighth (1:15:17, nine).

Of the 171 wrestlers who have been in more than one Rumble, the threshold for making the top 10 in average duration is 23:22 (Ted DiBiase Jr., who has been in three). Cody Rhodes has averaged 26:46 over five matches, good for seventh place, and Sheamus trails him at 26:33 over three matches. No one else in the top 10 is likely to enter in 2015, but take a look at guys like Seth Rollins (48:31 in his only Rumble), Dean Ambrose (33:46), Joey Mercury (29:14), Bo Dallas (21:42), Bray Wyatt (15:48) and Luke Harper (15:02), who could crack the top 10 of this admittedly obscure list.

Five guys have been in the final four five times — Kane (including his 1997 appearance as fake Diesel), Randy Orton, Shawn Michaels, Steve Austin and Batista. Only Kane is announced for the 2015 match. Only John Cena and Triple H have just four final fours, but Big Show and Sheamus could join them. For Sheamus it would be his fourth in five Rumbles and fourth consecutive final four.

Big Show is one of four men (Chris Jericho, Owen Hart and Davey Boy Smith) to be eliminated at the hands of the eventual winner in three different Rumbles. It’s happened twice to 19 wrestlers, and of those 2015 could see it happen to Mark Henry, Kane, Randy Orton and Ryback. Further, Big Show has twice finished second (as have Cena, Shawn Michaels and Triple H), so he has a chance to become the only three-time runner-up.

If anyone logs an elimination while spending less than 60 seconds in the ring, they’d be the 10th person to do so. That list runs from MVP (seven seconds in 2010) to Hercules (56 seconds in 1992). Chyna did it twice (1999, 35 seconds, and 2000, 37 seconds); Booker T (2002) and René Duprée (2004) both did it in 33 seconds. In 1999 Kane logged four eliminations in only 53 seconds.

To crack the top 10 of longest in the ring with no eliminations, someone needs to best Irwin R. Schyster in 1992 (27:01). To get to first place they must outlast Bob Holly (39:35, 1996).

Looking at the Rumble by entry spot, as I did for last year’s preview, there’s a good chance for shakeup among the top spots for all-time eliminations. No spot is catching 30 (with 52 eliminations over 27 Rumbles), but the second-place spot, No. 2 (39 eliminations) could easily be overtaken by No. 18 (38), Nos. 15, 22 or 28 (37 each) or No. 19 (36). On the low end, spots 16 and 20 have each produced 15 all-time eliminations , and No. 14 is only good for 17, so there could be some shakeup down the line as well.

If the 24th entrant wins, that would be the fourth time ever; currently only the 27th entry spot has produced four winners. And there are 13 entry spots to never produce a winner, so there’s a good potential for some first time magic. If whoever enters 29th makes the final four, that makes nine total from that position, but it still trails No. 28 (11 final fours) and No. 30 (14). Entry spots 9 and 12 are especially barren, having never produced so much as a final four finisher. (The ninth spot is perhaps the worst, with the best No. 9 ever being Big Boss Man in 2000, lasting 22:47, eliminating three opponents and being the 15th man eliminated, a long way from glory.)

Have I missed any of your favorite obscure facts? What are you looking for in the 2015 Royal Rumble? Hit me up in the comments and let’s get weird together.

↧

The Center Is Moving: Inspire Pro Relentless Review

January 23, 2015, 12:35 pm

≫ Next: I Listen So You Don't Have To: Steve Austin Show Ep. 188

≪ Previous: Royal Rumble Oddity Outlook

Dalton getting his title shot the easy way... by talkin' dat shit
Photo Credit: Kelly Kyle

In the TH Style, of course. You are going to want to get this show, so hit up Smart Mark Video on Demand for the VOD.

Highlights

Ray Rowe was announced as out for the main event due to a horrific motorcycle accident.
Andy Dalton won number one contendership to the Inspire Pro Championship by disqualification when Lance Hoyt intentionally attacked him, costing Jax Dane the match.
The Orphans defeated the Hollywood Knives after the newest member Sky de Lacrimosa hit Steve-o Reno with the Backdrop Driver while Bradley Allen Dawson accidentally distracted the ref. After the match, Dawson turned on Reno, claiming Reno was the member of the team holding them back.
Mr. B utilized the help of Shane Taylor to defeat Scotty Santiago in a street fight.
Barbi Hayden retained the NWA Women's Championship with a stump DDT on Athena. Athena got her foot on the ropes, but the referee did not see it.
Franco D'Angelo vs. Ricky Starks ended in a no-contest when the Orphans ran down to jump both competitors. Matthew Palmer made the save and they ran the Orphans off.
Scot Summers defended the World Class Championship successfully by tapping out Lance Hoyt with the ankle lock.
After the match, Greg Symonds faked out Summers by pretending to announce a sabbatical. He attacked Summers after a handshake, and he, Mr. B, and Taylor wailed on Summers until Santiago ran down to make the save.
Jojo Bravo gained a measure of revenge against former partner Jordan Jensen, defeating him with the Samurai Driver.
Matthew Palmer won the Inspire Pro Championship from "One Man" Mike Dell with the Centerfold Splash.
Right after the match was over, Dalton goaded Palmer into defending his newly won title in an impromptu match. Dalton got the win with the piledriver and left the Marchesa Theater as Inspire Pro Champion.

General Observations:

Brandon Stroud opened up the show announcing Ray Rowe's injury, which actually sounded gruesome. He flew off his motorcycle through the rear windshield of the car in front of it. Then again, I've seen Rowe. Dude's a piece of granite, so I didn't really think Stroud was joking when he said that Rowe was doing Hindu squats in his hospital room at the time of the show.
Andy Dalton, whom Eamon Paton described as having "politicked" his way to a number one contender's match, started off by bowing up to Jax Dane, who just shoved him halfway to El Paso in response, which was a perfect way to set up the dynamic for the rest of the bout.
This match was my first real exposure to Dane, and good lord, he may be the hossiest hoss of them all. Overhead choke suplexes with ease? Meaty meathook lariats? Shaking off JT LaMotta's interference like he's a mayfly? I was doing the heart-eyes emoji through most of this match.
Dalton really pulled off "sleazy" well too, with his skulking movements and cheapshots here and there.
Lance Hoyt came down towards the end, hopped right in the ring, and bashed Dalton while taunting Dane on the outside. I was enjoying the match, but in the light of the "politicking" angle Dalton was running and how the main event would shake out, the finish worked super well. Of course, the two mammoth dudes started brawling with each other, and my HOSS SENSE started tingling.
Hoyt stuck around to bully Stroud as has been his thing in 2014, saying that he had until later in the show to make up his mind whether he wanted to fight or not. I got really scared because I didn't wanna see someone I've had in my house get maimed at a wrestling show.
So the Orphans' gimmick is that they're latch-key kids all grown up and can't afford shit, which given their "gear" is really t-shirt and jeans, they're really living the gimmick.
And of course, Bradley Axel Dawson went and got himself knocked out before the match. It's really been a brilliant gimmick having Dawson get incapacitated before every match and letting Steve-o Reno work basically a handicap match gimmick. Reno is quite good at it, as he was on point during the whole match.
"Just for five dollars a day, you can take care of these Taylor Boys." Jojo Bravo is a national treasure on commentary. Just let him take the gig fulltime except for when he's wrestling. Hell, let him commentate his OWN matches.
Dawson finally woke up in time to distract the referee trying to get in the ring without tagging, which brought out the Orphans' new de facto leader Sky de Lacrimosa to make the odds way insurmountable for Reno. de Lacrimosa definitely fit the Orphans' oeuvre since I always remembered him to be quite haggard, even in his gothiest state.
After the match, Dawson attacked Reno and blamed him for all the mistakes the team has made. Delusional heels are the best heels.
Nothing is worse than when a street fight starts with a collar and elbow tie up and some grappling, which is why I appreciated Steve Santiago just busting out of the back and laying into Mr. B for their no holds barred, come-as-you're-dressed brawl.
The action quickly spilled to the outside of the ring, where B found an empty tallboy can of Olde English and smashed it on Santiago's head, easily the best gimmick weapon of the year in terms of style if not efficacy.
The action spilled out into the lobby, which included a paraplegic chopping B in the chest, Santiago taking him and crotching him on the railing, and tossing him in the women's bathroom, which led to some angry patrons shooing him out forcefully. Maybe B should have kept the action in the ring...
Things looked pretty grim for B until Shane Taylor, who could be the biggest hoss on a roster of hosses, came out and squished Santiago. I love big fat guys, so I was happy to see a dude who could very well be the FATTEST WRESTLER I HAVE EVER SEEN make his way down to the ring.
Lisa Freidrich's first appearance was to interview Dawson, which lasted about 30 seconds before Reno came looking for his pound of flesh.
Justin Bissonnette came out and announced that Sammy Guevara was no longer working for Inspire Pro, which could have been construed as a work at the time, but no, it was real. So the J-Crown would be vacated, while former referee Thomas Munos would be reinstated. However, he announced that he wanted to be a wrestler rather than a ref, and well, I can't wait to get to Ecstasy of Gold II to see how his gimmick played out in real time...
Athena brought out her Absolute Intense Wrestling Women's Championship belt with her, which was notable because it showed that AIW's title belts look like real title belts and not cardboard straps colored in with marker.
Barbi Hayden's "beauty queen" shtick entertained the shit out of me, even if she only really broke it out with her faux-wave early on in the match. Anyone who can let me know that they're a heel without having to say words is doing something right. For example, she sarcastically held the ropes open for Athena after dumping her to the outside. In a bit of symmetry, Athena would hold the ropes open for her as she careened out of the ring, missing a spear attempt.
Athena locked in her variation of the STF in the middle of the ring, and to escape, Hayden bit the hand locked near her face. Anytime someone bites to get out of a submission hold, it pops the shit out of me. Again, show how dastardly you are, don't sit up there and debase the fans.
The match had a great vibe going, one that was pointed out by Paton and Nigel Rabid, but was easily shown through the in-ring action. Hayden, who's deceptively hossy for someone with her stature, threw her weight around, while Athena used her athleticism and speed, and the combination really meshed well.
Athena hit the O-Face, but Hayden rolled to the ropes and got her foot underneath to break the sure three-count. In another bit of symmetry, Athena got her foot on the ropes after getting hit with the stump DDT, but the ref didn't see it. This was obviously setting up a rematch down the road, but Hayden shot that idea down in an interview segment with Freidrich backstage. TIME SHALL TELL.
Ricky Starks came out for his match with Gary Jay, but he announced that his opponent couldn't make it. Franco D'Angelo then came out saying his opponent, Jeffrey Gant, also didn't make it, and they had an impromptu get together, albeit a friendly one since D'Angelo claimed to have no beef.
Starks at one point did the Undertaker's Old School rope-walk move, only with much more gyration and sass than the Dead Man would.
The match was short-lived as the Orphans came out to spoil the fun, but Matthew Palmer came out to make the save. The Orphans got their lunch handed to them, which was probably the only booking decision I didn't quite get. I didn't really want to see a trios match between the latch-key kids and the Center of Perfection plus Starks after that interaction, but not everything can be perfect.
Stroud read his note card for the next match and before he got to the announcement, audibly said "oh crap." Hoyt made his way out and made it really uncomfortable for Stroud for like five minutes before offering his chin up for a free shot. When Stroud swung, Hoyt swatted his fist away and goozled him, which brought out Scot Summers. I had never been so happy to see that guy as I was when he came out to make the save (and I like him!).
Summers' goal with the World Class Championship was to bring back pure, technical wrestling, but the challenger, Hoyt, was about as roughneck as one could get. The contrast in styles made for a nifty little match, especially with how well Summers was able to anticipate the brawling stuff and bring it back to the base.
Hoyt got Summers on the ground and flipped off the crowd before trying to stomp him in the chest. Summers quickly grabbed his leg and wrangled him into an ankle lock, which was one of the slicker counters I saw all night.
Of course, Dane wasn't going to sit back and take Hoyt's dickery in his match earlier lightly, so he made his appearance and distracted the American Psycho long enough for Summers to get in the ankle lock for the tap out victory.
Afterwards, Greg Symonds came out, resigned his position as commissioner, and intimated that he was going to leave Inspire to "handle his demons" which referred to his addiction history. Summers told him to get clean and shook his hand, but when he turned around, Symonds attacked, bringing out B and Taylor for the beatdown. Santiago came down to make the save.
Bravo was in full Shawn Michaels bump mode for his grudge match against Jordan Jensen, most notably leaping back on a bump into the corner. Thankfully, he didn't peg the Ziggler Scale, but he was working extra stiff on his own body.
The match was laid out as if both guys were anticipating each others' moves, and they even did each others' finishers to each other. It was a first time meeting, but the match was the culmination of a bitter feud between two former tag partners, so it worked.
Bravo has some of the most cognitively dissonant offense on the scene, pairing chest and back rakes with super athletic shit like a tornado springboard bulldog. It shouldn't pair together, but he makes it work.
Towards the end, Dalton, who accompanied Jensen to the ring, broke out some handcuffs, but Bravo cuffed him to the ropes, which was a clever way of making sure the match finished clean.
The way Bravo feigned his knee injury at the end made it look like the match was going to end on some kind of referee stoppage. The back emptied out and everything, but it ended up being an elaborate ruse. On one hand, I thought it should have set up some kind of double turn, especially with Bravo borderline condescending to Jensen after the match on the mic, but on the other, Bravo's character is that he's a cruiserweight who bills himself as the "heaviest sumo in the land," so this kind of trickery fits in his persona.
Rowe's injury left Mike Dell without an opponent, so he chose Palmer. The two started off the match really stiff, just laying into each other like they each owed each other money. Even their big moves weren't followed up by pins but rather ground 'n pounds. It set an explosive tone for the rest of the match.
At one point, Dell shoved a fan to the ground, which was glossed over. He started laying on the heel moodiness later on in the match, so maybe that fan was a plant? Or maybe he tried getting involved. I don't know.
Dell took a chair and started to wail on D'Angelo, who was checking on Palmer while he was selling his knee around the ringpost. Like the match prior, it was a great way to neutralize a second around the ring.
Palmer wiped out the ref, and the chairshots began raining down from Dell. The Champ went to the top for his elbow, but he left the chair too close to Palmer, who defended himself with it before hitting the Centerfold Splash for the win. New Champ! New Champ!
Dalton and LaMotta came rushing out the back, and Dalton got the mic to goad Palmer into granting him the title match he won in the opener right there. If I were there in the moment, I might have been miffed that the moment wasn't going to be left to breathe, but it played out well on tape.

Match of the Night:Mr. B vs. Scotty Santiago, Street Fight - Few things get my attention than a crazy, intense street fight that matriculates throughout the arena and incorporates its surroundings in both ridiculous and sublime ways. Mr. B and Santiago were given the task to beat the crap out of each other with whatever was nearby, whether it was in a fixed position or just laying around on the ground. Hell, Mr. B at one point used an empty Olde English tallboy can as a weapon, which gets nothing but respect from me.

The action started in the ring and quickly escalated with both weaponry and scenery changes. They brawled all the way to the foyer and teased even going outside, but at each stop, they did their best to wallop each other either with whatever was available or into whatever was available. One thing was clear above the fracas, that Santiago was both the more athletic and sadistic competitor. Santiago crotched B on the brass railing and slid him down. He threw B into the wall and then tossed him into the ladies' bathroom, which caused two patrons to assail him and toss his involuntarily intruding ass out. Then when they got back to the ring, B whipped Santiago into the steps, but he leaped over them and then rebounded by using the steps as a launching pad onto his would-be assailant.

B wasn't at want for brutality, but he couldn't really match the wits that Santiago had, which is why I thought bringing out Shane Taylor for the fuck-finish didn't feel deflating. After all, if politics are working against you, why not use them back? The match was brutal brilliance, and the end advanced a story that will guarantee some more brawls in the future between the two, plus, holy shit Taylor really hossed it up. On a show with at least two or three other matches that could rate in year-end polls, this visceral, trashy brawl stole the show.

Overall Thoughts: Once upon a time, Pro Wrestling Guerrilla was the promotion one could count on to embody the phrase "All filler, no killer." In 2011 and 2012, no promotion was better at jamming a card full of spectacular matches and leaving a critic such as myself hard-pressed to choose one bout as contest of the evening. While I was watching Relentless, I got that tingling feeling once again, like I was back eagerly popping in a DVD from Reseda into my player and awaiting the results before my eyes. Only one match really fell flat in terms of quality, and it was one that never had the chance to develop before being truncated by a run-in from the Orphans. Everything else on the show packed some kind of punch.

Of course, the elephant in the room is the amount of fuck finishes that happened, which depicts the biggest chasm between those PWG shows and Inspire Pro Wrestling of today. Super Dragon and his crew barely took the effort to tell long-term, complex angles. PWG has always been the dream match promotion, and that's great, nothing wrong with it. But Inspire has ambitions of developing feuds and telling stories out of the ring as well as inside of it. With no weekly television, some of the match finishes are going to be screwy. However, each finish made sense within context and advanced some kind of feud. Things always moved forward.

But the best part of this show was the total team effort from everyone. Top to bottom, from opening match to special double-secret main event, Relentless had everyone's best, and yet it didn't feel like it ran on for too long. The only match that maybe approached "take it home" territory was the Jojo Bravo/Jordan Jensen match, but conversely, they were culminating a huge feud and perhaps could have been indulged the extra time. It was also the first card where everything came together for Inspire, something that could not have come at a better time.

Indie wrestling is in a state of flux, and new challengers are going to need to emerge to the national scene in order to freshen things up. Inspire does bring it its share of national names, but for this card to be as well-rounded and outstanding as it was with a nearly complete roster of natives to the Central Texas scene bodes amazingly well for its future as a tastemaking promotion in North America. Any great promotion has to have a solid roster upon which stars can supplement the action, not drive it. Relentless feels like it's Inspire Pro Wrestling's announcement to the rest of the wrestling world, and everyone needs to see it.

↧

I Listen So You Don't Have To: Steve Austin Show Ep. 188

January 26, 2015, 6:30 am

≫ Next: "ONE IN, ONE OUT!": Chikara A New Start Review

≪ Previous: The Center Is Moving: Inspire Pro Relentless Review

Austin taking listener calls in this week's Unleashed
Photo Credit: WWE.com

If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: Steve Austin Show Unleashed!
Episode: 188 (Jan. 22, 2015)
Run Time: 1:16:53
Guest: Ted Fowler (40:40)

Summary: Austin is taking calls from listeners again. Topics include the Royal Rumble, Broken Skull Challenge, action figures and T-shirts and Davey Boy Smith and. He chats with Ted Fowler for about 10 minutes, primarily about life in Texas and Los Angeles. Going back to the phones, Austin admits he hasn’t watched much of the WWE Network shows (and won’t be on Legends House.) He discusses if Vince McMahon is too busy, gives his limited thoughts on WrestleKingdom 9, explains the challenges of working in a Royal Rumble, laments the recent trend of referee anonymity and tries to explore the future prospects of Roman Reigns.

Quote of the week:“It’s a very structured environment, and so reaching for that brass ring is a little bit easier said that done. I long for the days of the wild, wild West, guys just going out there and going for it. But it’s a different system now. It could be fixed, it could be brought back, but we’ll see if it ever will be.”

Why you should listen: Davey Boy Smith fans will want to seek out Austin’s praise (he thinks Smith needs to be in the WWE Hall of Fame). Anyone who enjoys an era where WWF referees were known by name will be happy to know Austin is on their side.

Why you should skip it: This one seems to cover a lot of familiar territory, notably Austin recalling the design of various T-shirts, working in a battle royal or Royal Rumble, trying to solve the Reigns problem and especially venting about life in LA.

Final thoughts: The best I can say for this episode is it’s a good reminder how strong Austin is at podcasting. His ability to quickly engage a total stranger (and make them feel his conversation equal) is remarkable, and the chemistry he has with a longtime friend like Fowler enable him to basically create a compelling character for his audience out of a person we’d otherwise have no real interest in getting to know. But if you’re a regular listener, you already know these things and very little of what’s talked about on the episode will come off as new or interesting.

↧

"ONE IN, ONE OUT!": Chikara A New Start Review

January 26, 2015, 8:30 am

≫ Next: WWE's Own Deflate-Gate: 2015 Royal Rumble Review

≪ Previous: I Listen So You Don't Have To: Steve Austin Show Ep. 188

Kingston whupped on Condron the whole match, but he couldn't stop his star from being born
Photo Credit: Brian Schmid

For my 17th Chikara show at the ECW Arena, my 20th in Philadelphia, and 25th overall, the TH style will do. Check back to Smart Mark Video for the DVD or VOD, because you're gonna wanna see this thing.

Highlights:

Sidney Bakabella's Wrecking Crew defeated the amalgamated forces of The Throwbacks, Shynron, Jervis Cottonbelly, and Kimber Lee when Blaster McMassive finished off Lee with an avalanche belly-to-belly suplex.
Nøkken earned his third point and a shot at the Grand Championship when he defeated Ophidian with a Steiner screwdriver.
NRG defeated Colony: XTreme Force in under two minutes when Hype Rockwell hit Arctic Rescue Ant with the swinging uranage backbreaker.
UltraMantis Black upended Juan Francisco de Coronado with the Praying Mantis Bomb.
The BDK defeated the Colony when Jakob Hammermeier tapped out Worker Ant with a modified version of the sharpshooter.
Eddie Kingston was disqualified against Kevin Condron. Condron feigned getting hit with a low blow while referee Jon Barber was distracted, and Barber took Condron's word for it.
The new, more EEEEEVILLLL looking team of Frightmare and Hallowicked defeated the Batiri when they hit Kodama with a superkick-crucifix driver combo.
IN the main event, Icarus retained the Grand Championship with a belt-shot to Chuck Taylor's head and the Chikara Special.

General Observations:

According to fellow Wrestling Bro @chudleycannons, Sidney Bakabella was out in front of the advance crowd exhorting them to leave in protest of the lack of Chikara professionalism but not asking for a refund, which is the most Sidney Bakabella thing ever.
Before the match, referee Jon Barber asked to check Mark Angelosetti's football to see if it was properly inflated. It wasn't, which led Dasher Hatfield to pull out a pump. Angelosetti then spiked the ball, which led to Oleg the Usurper and Jaka fighting for the ball on the outside. One cannot accuse Chikara of being untimely.
Kimber Lee's first entree into the match saw her lock a largely-ineffective sleeperhold on Blaster McMassive. In fact, Lee didn't really do a whole lot of damage at first until she got pushed to the limit and went all screaming fighting spirit on Max Smashmaster later on. When she hit the tilt-a-whirl tornado DDT on him, the Arena popped huge.
Once Hatfield piled all five rudos in the corner and baseball-slid them, I knew that the spirit that Chikara had lost somewhere in early 2013 was back.
Seriously, I'm pretty sure if he wanted to, McMassive could have thrown Lee into the river on that avalanche belly-to-belly. The Devastation Corporation know how to win matches as prick heels while leaving the genpop in awe of how they win matches.
Ophidian/Nøkken was a match I expected shenanigans or a potential turn from due to this blog written by the purveyor of Snake Style, but it was a mostly straightforward match with classic rudo/tecnico balance. It's not just me, right? That blog did portend something sinister?
Nøkken has one killer right cross. Did Chikara import him from Kaiju Big Boxing Battel?
So yeah, the Colony: XTreme Force is pretty much over now, right? Arctic Rescue Ant got his butt handed to him in less time than it took Juan Francisco de Coronado to come out for the next match. Him getting murked in near-record time and the look of disdain Missle (!) Assault (!) Ant (!) gave him seemed to indicate that it's solo time for the Twitter superstar.
For as much grief as PA Chikara crowds give Jon Barber, it was nothing compared to the heat Derek Sabato received when he came out to ref the JFDC/UltraMantis Black match. I would dare say the ECW Arena gave Sabato the business.
Speaking of JFDC, his gait to the ring was so slow that he elicited a "HURRY UP! HURRY UP!" chant from the crowd. He got on the mic when he finally got to the ring and cut a promo, but I couldn't tell what he said at all. The boos were so loud.
Mantis hit JFDC with the Japanese Ocean Cyclone suplex, and my heart simultaneously fluttered because it's an awesome move and sank because I'm pretty sure that is the closest I'll ever get to seeing Manami Toyota wrestling in America again.
Mantis dropped JFDC with a full nelson slam on the apron, then followed him outside and kicked him in the rear before dumping him back into the ring and dodging a leg drop that landed the Ecuadorian Elite on his bum. Yes, UltraMantis Black was working the butt, about the closest thing ever to a Chikara wrestler not working PG.
Of course, JFDC got his revenge when he wrangled Mantis in a seated keylock that saw his butt lodged directly in Mantis' face. Hey, you live by the keister, you might as well die by it...
Mantis got the win with the Praying Mantis Bomb after some confusion that led JFDC to argue with Sabato over rope breaks. Funny, but Sabato was also the replacement ref for the Loser Leaves Chikara match with Delirious at the finale after the first one got bumped, a match which also had some shenanigans. Once is a fluke, twice is coincidence. Thrice will be a trend, which means folks should probably start paying attention who refs Mantis' match from here on out.
Now that he's wearing metallic green short tights, Jakob Hammermeier looks a LOT like Sheamus from the neck down, even in skin tone. Could he become Chikara's next great overlooked super-worker?
Pinkie Sanchez fits so well in the role of agent provocateur. He's a combustible element that adds some more levity to a group that could use it with how morose and mechanical its two biggest members (Nøkken and Soldier Ant) are.
I never tire of seeing the Ant Hill Splash to the outside. Fire Ant may get taken for granted because he's the only member of the Colony who has undergone almost zero change since he debuted, but he's always up for taking the big risks.
Four separate times, Soldier Ant took Sanchez out of the ring and dumped him so he could get in on the action. I'm surprised that for all the outbursts Sanchez had (including his transcendent "BRYCE, I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU" line after the senior ref facilitated a break) that he didn't stupidly try to attack the automaton ant, but I guess Chikara has to save some things for later in the season.
The story of the match was that, much like during cibernetico at the finale, Fire didn't want to hit Soldier. Towards the end of the match, Fire seemed to evoke some kind of old feelings in Soldier by saluting at him, all of which went away when Hammermeier shoved Fire into Soldier. It was a great tease.
Ah, so Kevin Condron was the one who picked up the Lithuanian Snow Troll during The Flood's EVERYTHING MUST GO sale and swap meet.
Condron had a total flamboyant glam prick vibe going on with his gear, body language, and demeanor. He could totally milk it and become a big star both within and outside Chikara in short order.
"Despite growing up eight miles from this building, Kevin Condron would like to be announced from as hailing from Los Angeles, CA." -- Gavin Loudspeaker. Or, as @chudleycannons remarked, now that he's a California native, any shot Condron had of appearing for Pro Wrestling Guerrilla is now out the window.
Right as the match started, Condron grabbed a chair and goaded Kingston into grabbing one of his own. He dropped his and put his finger to his chin offering a free shot. Kingston took it, but not before dropping his own chair to avoid DQ.
Condron then tried to extend brawling (read, getting his rear end handed to him) on the outside long enough that he could escape into the ring and get the cheap countout victory. That kind of dedication to a cause is what elevates a boring squash into a fascinating story.
Kingston got a vast majority of the offense in this match, which was great because he's one of the best at wailing away on someone way out of his paygrade, but Condron broke out an Arn Anderson spinebuster at one point and it looked damn good. This kid's gonna be a star.
I'm pretty sure if Sabato walked out from the back after Barber fell for Condron's Eddie Guerreroing, he would have been greeted as a hero. Way for Barber to steal his "most hated referee" status back.
Condron taunting Kingston after the match was pure, 24 karat gold, man. This kid is gonna be a megastar some day.
Hallowicked and Frightmare came to the ring in new gear carrying a blood-red banner with an ominous looking symbol on it. Given how popular they were before their turn, they had to change something drastically to make their rudo transformation work, and I'd say they succeeded.
IT was still really weird to cheer for and see other people cheer for The Batiri outside of the context of The Flood story. But Chikara takes you weird places, weird and wonderful places.
Bryce Remsburg at one point commanded to Frightmare and Hallowicked during a borderline legal double team "One in, one out," and for the rest of the match, a precocious little kid in the front row kept shouting "ONE IN, ONE OUT!" at them every time they tried a double team. I want that kid to be at every show from now on. Any time a child gets that invested in a show, you want to cultivate him at every turn.
Although the funniest moment from the Ref Kid (as I will now call him) came when Obariyon was on the top rope after getting crotched by Frightmare and Kodama came in to help out, and he shouted "Technically, one of them is out of the ring!" He'll make a fine know-nothing babyface sympathizer one day.
The main event saw everyone in the arena cheering for Chuck Taylor and the tide starting to turn against Icarus right from the entrances. Was Icarus already fatiguing the crowd? Did he serve his purpose and now had to return to his roots? Were people that affected by him using the Thunder Frog's hammer to end Deucalion? Either way, he wasn't in a good position from start.
In a continuation of the oldest and best feud in indie wrestling, being Taylor vs. Children, Taylor made it a point to yell at Ref Kid when he was on the outside of the ring.
Taylor accidentally wiped out Remsburg and then took the opportunity to pull out an old trick from his Team FIST days and throw powder in Icarus' eyes. Icarus came prepared and threw some of his own in Taylor's eyes. I would have cried tears of joy if they had just embraced there and brought out Gran Akuma, Johnny Gargano, or even Sugar Dunkerton to bring the family back together.
Icarus kicked out of the Omega Driver/Awful Waffle which... man, I couldn't even believe that.
Icarus broke the cross crab at the ropes, and Taylor and Remsburg got into a scuffle over it, recreating the old Earl Hebner-gets-shoved-and-shoves-back spot. After, Remsburg looked away, allowing Icarus to hit Taylor with the belt, then a Pedigree, then after a two-count the Chikara special for the win. At this point, Icarus had totally lost the crowd.
After the match, Icarus grabbed kids from the crowd and palled around with them. He turned into John Cena so gradually that I hardly even noticed.

Match of the Night:Dasher Hatfield, Mark Angelosetti, Shynron, Jervis Cottonbelly, and Kimber Lee vs. Max Smashmaster, Blaster McMassive, Flex Rumblecrunch, Oleg the Usurper, and Jaka - Appropriate that the first Chikara match of 2015 was a big multi-wrestler match with some of its most colorful characters. It also got a ton of time, and every wrestler got a chance to showcase something, which was an encouraging sign for the new year. Everyone in the match did their thing well, and the main story thread, which involved Kimber Lee getting her shot to establish herself as the new Sara del Rey, was outstanding even if it didn't exactly end the way the crowd wanted it to.

The match was chock full of big spots piled on top of each other, working the crowd into a froth and giving them enough to chew on to assuage the blow of the Wrecking Crew eventually winning. Then again, the Devastation Corporation especially always finds itself weaseling into wins that skirt the boundaries of clean. They're such well-choreographed (or improvised) to get everyone in position to allow these wins to happen, and then the actual finish usually is bonkers, whether it's the Death Blow or not. Here, Blaster McMassive sent Lee halfway into the ceiling with a belly-to-belly superplex that looked as impressive as it was sold. These things are why the Devastation Corporation especially, but Oleg and Jaka as well are so good.

But the Lee part of the equation was the real eye-opener. Outside of the misguided save from Jervis Cottonbelly, which wasn't nearly as bad in retrospect given how Cottonbelly is as gentlemanly towards his male partners as well, Lee gave a refresher to the Chikara crowd that gender is or at least should be or can be transparent (which isn't to say Chikara is perfect in this arena, but that's another debate for another time). She threw her shots with the best of them, and when she tornado DDT'd Max Smashmaster, the arena registered on the Richter Scale. It didn't happen because the crowd was full of commie pinko feminist warlords, but because Lee earned her praise and gutted it out, earning her place among the Chikara roster.

Overall Thoughts: A New Start didn't exactly feel like the name suggested, to be honest. It wasn't the grand dawning of a new era in Chikara, like You Only Live Twice felt like. Rather, with the roster stabilized back into its normal, prewar state of rudos y tecnicos, the venue being the old ECW Arena, and the focus on longer matches and building stories, this show had all the hallmarks of season premieres from before the chaos started surrounding the company, like in 2010 and 2011. The tecnicos didn't whitewash the results. Matches went a lot longer than they did on average from last season. Building blocks for bigger shows during the year were set up.

Then again, maybe the new start wasn't for the company but for various individuals within said company. Kevin Condron was a faceless nobody as Kid Cyclone, getting sent out to slaughter with his fellow greenhorns in a militia he didn't want to be a part of. He shed the mask, and now he looks like a star, strutting his stuff to the ring, throwing his panache around even when his body was in physical danger, channeling the spirit of Eddie Guerrero if Eddie Guerrero were a flamboyant port of Adam Lambert into a wrestling character. He may get his butt whipped along the way, but he will look damn good doing it, and his showing at the premiere seemed to foreshadow a bright future.

Similarly, the team of Frightmare and Hallowicked changed drastically for the first time in the five-plus years I've been a Chikara fan. Their masks went from cutesy to warlike. They traded in the t-shirts for plasticized armor. They carried a medieval banner to the ring and stylized their movesets accordingly. The two wrestlers who most needed a makeover on the roster got it, and they felt energized anew.

The most drastic reboot of them all did not even happen and was only teased in the main event, but Icarus' run as the hero of Chikara may be at its end. The crowd had already turned on him by the time he came to the ring, but his actions seemed to indicate that he was ready to return to his mantel of the Worst in the World. One could forgive the powder in the eyes because Chuck Taylor threw it first, but the belt-shot was unprovoked. Still, a hero doesn't do what the villain does anyway, even if that villain is insanely popular because he's a two-timing git.

Still, the Chikara timeline returning to normal would be the definition of a new start, but at the same time, the last two years have almost felt like a dream that interrupted the normally relaxed and lighthearted atmosphere. I'm glad to have my Chikara back.

↧

WWE's Own Deflate-Gate: 2015 Royal Rumble Review

January 26, 2015, 11:35 am

≫ Next: I Listen So You Don't Have To: Art Of Wrestling Ep. 234

≪ Previous: "ONE IN, ONE OUT!": Chikara A New Start Review

Not even Rollins' biggest dive was enough to kill The Beast
Photo Credit: WWE.com

In the TH Style, of course. Watch this on the WWE Network if just for the replay of the crazy-go-nuts three-way WWE Title match.

Highlights:

The Ascension defeated the New Age Outlaws after hitting Billy Gunn with the Fall of Man.
The Usos retained the WWE Tag Team Championships over The Miz and Damien Sandow when Jey Uso hit Miz with a top rope splash.
The Bella Twins beat Natalya and Paige after Nikki hit Nattie with a stiff elbow to the dome.
In one of the most insane matches and perhaps the best triple-threat in WWE history, Brock Lesnar retained the WWE World Heavyweight Championship against John Cena and Seth Rollins by countering a curb stomp on the Money in the Bank briefcase into a F5 on Rollins.
Roman Reigns won the Royal Rumble match by lastly eliminating Rusev after getting help from The Rock to fend off Kane and Big Show, who came back to attack him after he eliminated them.

General Observations:

The New Age Outlaws opened the show coming out in Phillie Phanatic hats, which is really bad form after wearing Dallas Cowboy t-shirts at RAW last week. They sure picked a bad time in WWE's NFC East scheduling quirks to adopt pandering to the home crowd sports teams as their new gimmick.
I would just like everyone to know that I have no idea who those people in the crowd were chanting "You still got it!" at Billy Gunn were. At all. They were NOT my people.
Yeah, the Ascension won with the Fall of Man in the middle of the ring, but were they really put over? When the announcers keep talking about how the New Age Outlaws were actually in there with THE REAL ROAD WARRIORS and how these new wrestlers couldn't hold a candle to those old tag teams, then no one wins. The cacophony turns people off to the new guys, and then when they beat the old guys who actually DID face off against that comparison base, they look even worse.
Jimmy Uso took an under-the-radar sick bump early on in the Tag Team Championship match when he slid face first into the steel ring rope after Miz oléd him. It was the kind of bump that looked almost standard, but on replay, when Jimmy's face twisted back, the nastiness popped off the screen.
That superkick-assisted sunset-flip powerbomb that the Usos pulled off on Miz was straight cash, homey.
Really, Miz can't get enough credit for how much he's putting into this tandem with Damien Sandow. He's not only wrestling handicap matches (and doing them pretty well if you ask me for someone of his paygrade), but he is just as much invested in making the act work as Sandow is imitating him. Example here, after Miz used his patented slam-dunk counter on one Uso flying at him, he pulled Sandow in front of him to take the other plancha attempt. Maybe it was for the best because Sandow could probably do better catching a flying diver than Miz can, but still, it's the timing and the execution. Sandow's great, but it's a two-man effort.
Natalya debuted a new cape to go with her entrance gear. I hope she doesn't end up flying too close to a jet engine though...
I want LGBTQ fans to feel comfortable and safe within WWE audiences, but the company's heavy-handedness and irresponsibility when it comes to portrayals of lesbianism within its storylines just makes that ideal so far off in the horizon. It's like the writers, be it of the main RAW narrative or of Total Divas, told Paige to act like a lesbian and she's doing so with no subtlety at all. It's all "HEY LET ME KISS NATTIE'S HAND AND THEN COVER MY OPPONENTS LIKE I'M DRY-HUMPING THEM," which is the worst kind of sensationalism that can be applied to the same-sex struggle. A person can be gay and not have it be their entire character, something that consumes their every being, y'know?
Outside of that one really nasty flub by Brie, the Bella Twins really functioned like a well-oiled machine when they got to take their heat segment all the way home. A lot of attention will be paid to Nikki channeling the departed spirit of Mitsuharu Misawa with that elbow, but Brie yanking Paige off the apron and Paige taking that bump was one of the best single things I saw all night.
Was the Seth Rollins-yelling-at-J and J Security bit a SHOOT on Shelton Benjamin's video game habits? Horb Flerbminber says YES, but everyone else says shut up, TH.
I really don't have much to add to what the "Why I'm Going to Win the Rumble" vignettes added on their own except the way Big Show was standing during his made his head look extremely tiny, almost like he encountered the headshrinker from Beetlejuice.
Rollins bailing right away at the start of the title match and allowing Brock Lesnar to get the jump on a distracted John Cena for the quick-start German suplex was such a perfect open to the match, and then it was followed up by Lesnar suplexing both members of J and J Security at the same time. Absolutely flawless.
Lesnar's vertical suplex was proven to be better than everyone else's, yet I'm not sure anyone else could do it like him. The throwing motion at the end is not something everyone can pull off correctly, I think.
I lost track of how many times SURPRISE LESNAR popped up to interrupt something from either one of the other two competitors. For being an overinflated infant with video game muscles, Lesnar has surprising quickness, although no time was his GOTCHA appreciated more than when he interrupted the second Five Knuckle Shuffle attempt on Rollins with a big German.
Rollins flew through the air to try and catch Lesnar off guard AND HE JUST SNATCHED HIM AND F5ED HIM. Lesnar is not a human being.
Then almost right after, Cena put Lesnar through the timekeeper's barricade. I could run through nearly every spot in this match and I'd have a hard time picking out what would be the second most insane or brutal after, of course...
When Rollins went from the top through the Spanish Announce Table on Lesnar, I was absolutely shocked that Lesnar didn't immediately rise from his grave. But I guess one has to establish a baseline of what will keep him down since he eventually DOES have to be defeated for his title, right? Right?
PHOENIX SPLASH BY SETH ROLLINS. HOLY SHIT.
HOLY SHIT, BROCK LESNAR WAS RIGHT THERE TO SUPLEX HIM.
I honestly thought Rollins was going to win the title with that curb stomp through the briefcase, but Lesnar countering it with the F5? That was almost as good as when he plucked Rollins from the air.
The shot of Joey Mercury consoling Rollins after the match was sweet and sad and evoked way too much empathy for spineless sellout that everyone's supposed to hate.
Wait, why did R-Truth draw #2? Sandow going the Demolition-in-1989 route against Miz would've been the way better route.
But then once #3, Bubba Ray Dudley, was announced, everything started to make sense. WWE didn't have the sense to get BOTH Dudley Boys in the Rumble, so it just figured that any ol' black guy could have done. Then again, WWE is the company that thinks Shiny Happy Time Black Folk is an acceptable gimmick in 2015.
Poor Curtis Axel, he finally got a shot to do more than job to international talent on NXT, and he got waylaid by a pissed off Erick Rowan who wanted to reunite the Wyatt Family in the Royal Rumble. As many may have figured out from various well-actuallying killjoys across the land, Axel never made it to the ring before the guy after him made it, so he was eliminated, but in my heart, he'll always be the uncrowned winner of the 2015 Royal Rumble.
Rowan, Luke Harper, and Bray Wyatt all throwing fists at each other should have been a far bigger moment than what it was, but hey, when Papa Vince's booking plan is throwing darts against the wall...
Wyatt staring down the Boogeyman, however? Yeah, that matchup was weird enough that I forgot that I was skeeved out by every fiber of Boog's being for a moment.
HOLY SHIT, WWE LET ZACK RYDER INTO THE ROYAL RUMBLE? AND HE GOT SHINE?
Daniel Bryan entered at #10 ready to conquer the world. He even did the airplane spin on Fandango and peppered Tyson Kidd with European uppercuts to remind him that Cesaro was HIS teammate first, and then... uh. He was weakly eliminated by Wyatt barely halfway through the match. The exact moment that the Wells Fargo Center was absolutely deflated was when Bryan hit the floor.
But hey, at least DDP came out and threw a few Diamond Cutters before everything went to shit, right?
God, after Bryan got eliminated, everything just went to absolute hell in a goddamn handbasket. Even in the immediate, Goldust and Stardust didn't eliminate one another, they were both sacrificed to the KEEP ROMAN REIGNS STRONG altar. Kofi Kingston's trick elimination avoidance was just falling on Rosebuds? Jesus.
Seriously, outside of Sandow coming in and popping the crowd for a minute or so, everything just felt like a slog. Nothing felt right at all. IT didn't help that Big Show and Kane were given the biggest Rumble shines of anyone not named Reigns. How was Vince McMahon allowed to make the call that Dean Ambrose, Wyatt, and Dolph Ziggler would be weakly tossed by these two geriatric fuckers?
Oh hey, it's The Rock and he's here to save his cousin even though the last time Reigns and Rock were in a WWE ring, The Shield was mercilessly handing him his lunch.
And hey, Rusev got to be the worst possible Santino Marella in '11? Fuck this shit.

Match of the Night:Brock Lesnar (c) vs. John Cena vs. Seth Rollins, WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match - The last match before the Royal Rumble was a tale of three wrestlers. Each competitor brought something unique and valuable to the match, escalating the action into a crescendo that had to be seen to be believed. It wasn't a standard wrestling match, one like the bouts that received plaudits at WrestleKingdom or even during other WWE cards in the past. Much like every other Lesnar match that has been critically acclaimed since his return (read, all of them except for the Triple H, Undertaker, and Big Show matches), it was a throwback to the mass chaos of the Attitude Era, only where all the progressions made sense rather than being shocks for shock's sake. The roles were cast well, and each one was played to perfection.

The Champion was the seemingly indestructible golem, brought to life by the ersatz rabbi Paul Heyman, dropping his heavy clay fists and fighting through any counterattacks. He began methodically throwing German suplexes like it was built into his programming, and not even a launching sky attack from the highest point in the ring to the outside could keep him down for more than a couple of minutes. He assumed the persona least likely to be believable in a pro wrestling ring, and yet I doubt anyone could imagine him playing any other part. His lack of vulnerability was the central theme and drew both the amateur strong man and the daredevil to use their most powerful attacks against him.

And what attacks did they use. Cena tried burying Lesnar with three Attitude Adjustments, but Rollins wouldn't let him see if that attack combo actually was able to put down the Beast. Lesnar's defensive adjustments were almost as impressive as his at-will offense, at one point snatching Rollins out of the air and F5ing him in one fell swoop. Even that aforementioned trump card elbow through the table couldn't keep Lesnar down. It was a frustrating, bleak tale in conquering a rampaging leviathan, and yet the ending held some kind of satisfaction, as if it played to a capacity within wrestling fans to root for Goliath that is as large as their capacity to pull for David at least.

Overall Thoughts: You know, Daniel Bryan didn't have to win the Royal Rumble match. Hell, Roman Reigns could have won the match and maybe the crowd would have still shit all over it, but it wouldn't have been as extreme. But having Bryan get eliminated from the Rumble match so weakly from a guy who'd only get dumped by Kane and Big Show later on was such a punch in the gut. Chikara lampooned the Deflate-Gate scandal literally, but WWE in its own way dealt with deflation by letting the air out of that building when Bryan went over the top and out to the floor. It's almost as if Vince McMahon, who is rumored to have taken over the book absolutely, has forgotten how to read his crowd and promote wrestlers accordingly within his masterplan. Then again, age and having no worlds left to conquer make a man soft, flabby, weak.

Bryan's placement and fate in the match wasn't the only symptom of dystrophy. Bray Wyatt entered the match early, lasted for over 40 minutes, and he was tossed like a limp sack of potatoes by guys who should have been used as fodder to help build the roster, not just Reigns. Rusev got the weakest version of the Santino Marella in '11 finish possible. A lot of noise was made after RAW Reunion about how WWE's fetishism of old guys at the behest of the current roster was self-destructive and baffling, and that was at the expense of the Ascension, a tag team that had the proverbial odds against them anyway.

But building up Kane and Big Show to be the worlds that Reigns needed to conquer rather than real, valuable talents like Rusev or Wyatt seems more of that "no one matters except those who mattered before" attitude, because those are the wrestlers upon whose backs great things could be built. Steve Austin didn't rise to power beating up King Kong Bundy or other also-rans that McMahon could have kept around. He rose with The Rock and Mick Foley, and the established guys he did beat up on were still relevant. Imagine a final four of Reigns, Bryan, John Cena, and Rusev. Wouldn't Reigns dumping Cena over the top rope after a struggle have at least blunted the sting of not seeing Bryan win? Wouldn't Bryan lasting until the end and eating it spectacularly instead of just being bumped off the apron have been worthwhile?

The problem is that when the Royal Rumble match is flat, the rest of the show gets hurt, and honestly, the rest of the show, the matches seemingly no one wanted to see, all delivered in spades. Even the pre-show match, which I didn't cover here, had hard work from four guys who deserve better that got reactions. Plus, the WWE World Heavyweight Championship match blew my mind with how insane and brutal it played out. IT may have been the best three-way match of all-time, and the only thing people will remember is how Vince McMahon, in the most ham-fisted way possible, wanted to keep Roman Reigns strong.

WWE, now more than ever, is not a company one watches for good booking, and that fact became eminently clear with the Rumble. It is a company that assembles good to great workers that bust their asses and put on matches that compete with any company in the world, no matter what anyone else says. It's a shell corporation that funds perhaps the best weekly televised wrestling show in America in NXT. It's an archive for all the great stuff from the past that gets fetishized or remembered fondly, depending on the viewpoint. But it is not a company one watches for storytelling. I guess that's okay in some respects, but if WWE claims it tells stories and "is in the business of putting smiles on faces," then either it needs to change that mission statement, or it needs to do better.

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I Listen So You Don't Have To: Art Of Wrestling Ep. 234

January 27, 2015, 5:30 am

≫ Next: I Listen So You Don't Have To: Cheap Heat Jan. 27

≪ Previous: WWE's Own Deflate-Gate: 2015 Royal Rumble Review

Bourne/Sydal makes his return to the Art of Wrestling
Photo Credit: WWE.com

If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: Art Of Wrestling
Episode: 234 (Jan. 21, 2015)
Run Time: 1:09:25
Guest: Evan Bourne/Matt Sydal (10:02)

Summary: Returning for the first time since Episode 36, Matt Sydal is still listed as Evan Bourne in the episode description, as that’s the name made famous during his WWE career. He and Cabana talk about pursuing skills outside of the ring but still relevant ot wrestling, and Bourne explains why he has no regrets about his WWE run. They discuss his childhood fandom and the similarities and differences between gymnastics and wrestling. Eventually the topic shifts to Bourne’s departure from WWE and a life-changing trip to Peru to partake in ancient rituals involving mind-altering substances. Bourne then shares some of the highlights of his WWE stint and talks about how the Peru trip changed his outlook on life and his approach to his profession.

Quote of the week:“I consider myself a humble guy. However, I was using humility to hide my fear of being good. It’s easy to be humble, but it’s dishonest if you want to be better than that.”

Why you should listen: This is not your average wrestling podcast, because Bourne/Sydal is not your average wrestler. You get the sense he’s genuinely positive about his WWE experience and not simply (as Mason Ryan perhaps was) trying to keep his bridges unburned, and it’s interesting to consider if he’s right about how he might have been just a bit ahead of his time in regards to WWE and its current crop of upcoming stars. The meat of the show is Bourne’s Peru trip, and the clarity with which he explains both the unique nature of the experience and his bodily response is enlightening.

Why you should skip it: If you’re inclined to pass off Peru as just another acid trip for a known stoner, or if you think someone with Bourne’s WWE career can’t possibly be that positive about the experience, you might as well just take a powder on the whole hour. It’s been about four years since the first episode, so a lot has changed for both men, but it’s entirely possible Bourne’s first AOW experience afforded all the insight some fans need.

Final thoughts: I dug it, especially as a respite from all the Royal Rumble and WWE talk swirling about these days. This chat was quite distinct from what we usually hear on wrestling podcasts, and while it’s not a huge surprise coming from Cabana you know you’re not going to get anything close from Steve Austin or Jim Ross, and sometimes being different is more than enough. But it won’t be as well received by everyone, so I’m unable to give it a full recommendation. Hopefully by reading this you can decide if you’ll land on my side of the fence.

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I Listen So You Don't Have To: Cheap Heat Jan. 27

January 28, 2015, 5:35 am

≫ Next: Polishing Turds, Giving Perspective : The Paul Heyman Story

≪ Previous: I Listen So You Don't Have To: Art Of Wrestling Ep. 234

Cheap Heat is RUMBLE TALK this week
Photo Credit: WWE.com

If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: Cheap Heat
Episode: Jan. 27, 2015
Run Time: 1:10:11
Guest: None

Summary: The East Coast snowstorm kept Peter Rosenberg and David Shoemaker from meeting in person to record, but it couldn’t keep them from breaking down the Royal Rumble, a blizzard-affected Raw and starting to look ahead to WrestleMania. Rosenberg was at the Rumble in person, while Shoemaker attended Lucha Underground tapings in Los Angeles, so each shared a bit about those experiences.

Quote of the week: Shoemaker: “I understand if you’re unhappy with the direction, with the booking, but the answer to every question is not ‘Put Daniel Bryan over’ because that’s just as bad as WWE for thinking the answer to every question is to put Cena over. Daniel Bryan is a wonderful guy, he should be in the top of the card all the time, but there’s never been a period of great success in WWE or in any wrestling company where one guy was just on top to the exclusion of everybody else with the possible exception of, you know, Ric Flair’s run.”

Why you should listen: To hear the guys articulate the nuanced position that although the actual structure of the Rumble endgame was deeply flawed, that doesn’t correlate to a Reigns match ruining WrestleMania. They have abundant praise for the triple threat match and try (with moderate success) to walk the fine line of understanding fan grievances while also attempting to be pragmatic about some recent and future WWE creative choices. Further, I saltue the guys for digging into the Rumble itself beyond just Reigns’ win, looking at a lot of the different entrants and moments.

Why you should skip it: You’ll hear this a lot from me this week, but if you have Rumble fatigue simply from Twitter or message boards, podcasts like this won’t help. It appears Rosenberg didn’t watch Raw (or very much of it, anyway), so instead of analysis you mostly get Shoemaker explaining what happened. And though it probably goes without saying, if you’re seeing red about the Reigns elevation, this podcast is just going to fuel the fire. Don’t do that to yourself.

Final thoughts: I’m trying to keep an open mind about the Road to WrestleMania, and even if I didn’t agree with everything the guys said (some could argue it bordered on being apologetic) I at least appreciated hearing another viewpoint from a cooler head given several hours to process Sunday’s show. The guys actually are more in WWE’s corner than Steve Austin was during his Tuesday interview with Wade Keller, and surely Jim Ross’ conversation with Mark Madden will bring a unique approach. The important parts of all these shows is when experienced people explain how WWE’s choices work and how the way a particular story build is constructed affects fan perception. We all saw what happened on TV, but many of us need help unpacking the final product into its constructive elements.

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Polishing Turds, Giving Perspective : The Paul Heyman Story

January 28, 2015, 7:30 am

≫ Next: Royal Rumble Oddity Recap

≪ Previous: I Listen So You Don't Have To: Cheap Heat Jan. 27

The man and his beast
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Paul Heyman almost talked me into thinking that WrestleMania could still be worth my time if not my money this year when he got together with Roman Reigns and Brock Lesnar for a sit down interview last night. But before we get to that lets talk about why WWE sucks. I wasn't pissed with the Rumble only because Roman Reigns won. I was pissed because they didn't tell a good story in the ring. They didn't hit the right notes at the right time with the right people. Plus, it doesn't help when your story telling for the most part of the last year has been wayward, tacky and boring.

To get a great wrestling program, you need to imbue your wrestlers with two things, one, a story which features a colorful past, and two, a personality.

A story is built right from the day a wrestler debuts. Everytime he appears on TV, it should matter. Something must be done to move the story of the wrestler's life ahead. This should ideally happen for the most part in the ring along with vignettes or promos etc. Now, a personality does not mean only a gimmick (see Dean Ambrose for how to get this wrong). It means telling the audience about the character's moral fibre.

When you have done the above, you wait or more preferably, build, the perfect antagonist for your character, the perfect storm, the perfect crisis and then we have something worth talking about. A great example of this is Bret Hart's run, right from the moment he beat Ric Flair on TV for the world title in late '92 up till Survivor Series '97. Of course, you could say that a lot of it, including the heel turn, was unintentional, but that's another discussion.

Now, the problem with Reigns becomes clear. His story was that he was in a great tag team which used to beat up people real good. Then one of his brothers forsook him after which he started giving bad promos about nothing in particular, after which he got hurt. He came back, angry at nothing in particular and won the Royal Rumble. What do I really know about Reigns? I can't remember him taking a stand about anything in particular. I can't remember him being upset about anything. Maybe he was, and I forgot, but being somebody who does pay more attention than the casual fan, even if they did tell a story it must not have been given the right gravitas or emphasis or I would surely have remembered something. His is a perfect case of style over substance.

Oh and the ringwork. Now I am not a workrate fanatic though if given the choice between watching a random WCW-WWE Eddie Guerrero match and a late period Steve Austin/Triple H match I will invariably pick the former. However, I do have the reasonable demand of a decent in ring pyschology. The only thing I remember Reigns doing is hitting is 3 spots - the Superman punch, the spear and that kick to the opponent's head while draped on the apron. This is good enough in a tag match but a one on one encounter at Wrestlemania requires a different approach. It requires keeping the audience on its toes without having the luxury of a hot tag or outside interference. I need to keep asking - what will he do now? I don't want to wait for your spots (see Orton circa 2007), I don't want to orgasm at your end game finisher exchanging (see Rock-Cena), I want a story. In short, what I want to say is that at Wrestlemania I want Kurt Angle/Shawn Michaels, Michaels/Undertaker, Austin/Rock, or Daniel Bryan-Triple H. That is the level of ring pyschology and story telling that I want and expect at WrestleMania, and the upshot of all of it is that there ain't no way in hell that Roman Reigns can do that. It is, in fact, downright unfair to put Roman Reigns in a WrestleMania main event with the level of experience that he has.

And this is not even considering the fact that even IF he could deliver in the ring, the character and the story have been so poor and underwhelming that it would take a miracle to save this from becoming Undertaker v. Pyscho Sid Part II.

However, the latest from WWE's studio effort last night in lieu of the cancelled RAW seems to indicate that they might have started working on the "miracle" part of it, simply by giving Paul Heyman a chance to give us some perspective. And really, that's all I have ever wanted from the product. Seeing Heyman tie together Reign's family ties and bring in Lesnar's in ring dominance over his most popular and famous family wrestler was fantastic. Roman Reigns, on his part, was thankfully, not the typical douchebag WWE babyface, bless the lord. He gave Heyman respect, let him talk about the family, gave a small smile where appropriate and refrained from cheesy one liners. Basically he gets points for not being Cena in prick mode.

However, this does not get us away from the problems they still face in getting Reigns ready for a WrestleMania world title match. First, they need to tell me his character motivations. Why isn't he hellbent on wrecking Rollins? Where the hell was he when Dean Ambrose was getting his ass handed to him? What are his views on Bryan never getting a rematch for the title he never lost? Will he ask Uncle Rock why he never asked for a rematch against the Beast Incarnate? Does his character realize the significance of getting a title shot at Wrestle-fucking-Mania? Does he realize that it took HBK/Austin/Hart/Foley/Angle/Guerrero many many years of being awesome at wrestling before getting a shot at the main event? They need to address this shit, apart from CONFRONTATIONS with Heyman and Lesnar. Sure, when Heyman talks and Brock smirks, it is all milk and honey but it won't work when the bell rings.

Or you know, we could just dump this and watch Shinsuke Nakamura v. Kota Ibushi everyday for the rest of our lives.

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Royal Rumble Oddity Recap

January 28, 2015, 9:30 am

≫ Next: Pro Wrestling SKOOPZ on The Wrestling Blog: Issue 16

≪ Previous: Polishing Turds, Giving Perspective : The Paul Heyman Story

Roman Reigns' Royal Rumble stats were kept strong *ducks tomatoes*
Photo Credit: WWE.com

If you’re interested in how the methodology I apply to Rumble statistics leads me to certain results, please see the explanatory note at the end.

My deepest apologies, but the 2015 Royal Rumble did indeed end up being almost all about Roman Reigns statistically as well as per the narrative. More on the details to follow, but it must be said after only two matches he’s already on the short list of greatest Rumblers of all time.

Here’s some quick hits on the match itself:

At 59:40, 2015 was the 10th longest of 28 Royal Rumbles.
The average time spent in the ring was 8:49 — the eighth shortest.
It was the eighth Rumble with zero previous winners (the first since 2003 and 2004).
It was the first Rumble with only three rookies, the next lowest total is six, which happened in 1990, 2008, 2010).
It was the first Rumble in which three entrants tied for most eliminations (six).
Twenty participants had zero eliminations — only 2001 and 2011 (the 40-man Rumble) had more with 21.
If you look at the Rumbles year by year and count who stayed the longest in a given year, Bray Wyatt’s 46:58 was 14th. It was only good for 20th longest overall and the 15th-longest for a nonwinner.
No one was eliminated by more than two competitors, the first time that’s happened since 2012.
No wrestler who entered the ring was tossed by someone not legally in the match, the first time that’s happened since 2010.
One person eliminated both members of a tag team twice — Rusev dumped Kofi Kingston and Big E; Roman Reigns ousted Goldust and Stardust. That hadn’t happened in one Rumble since 2012, and now 2015 joins 1995 as the only time it happened twice (and in that match, Crush and Dick Murdoch joined to eliminate both of the Smoking Gunns while Shawn Michaels ousted both Bushwhackers, so 2015 can technically claim “first” status here).

Taking a look at the winner, Reigns was the first person to be last eliminated in one year’s Rumble and win the succeeding year’s match. Shawn Michaels was the last out in 1994 before winning in 1995 (and 1996), but 1994 deserves an asterisk for the double-winner situation in which Bret Hart and Lex Luger both won but also are considered eliminated.

Reigns became only the second man to win from No. 19 (following John Cena in 2013) and logged the eighth-longest appearance by a winner (27:29). He joins four other winners who eliminated six men.

Reigns also now has 18 career eliminations, good for 10th on the all-time list (he is tied with CM Punk, and they trail No. 9 Randy Orton by just one elimination). Reigns has only been in two Rumbles, and he at this pace he’ll match Hulk Hogan, who logged 24 legal eliminations in his four Rumbles — though Hogan did so in 55:44, and Reigns has 1:01:10 in ring time already.

Also, that 30:35 split moves Reigns to fourth all time in average minutes per Rumble for anyone with two or more Rumbles. But now checking in at second there is Bray Wyatt (if you factor in the minutes from his Husky Harris appearance in 2011, which I do) with an average of 31:23. They join Fit Finlay (31:16 in two matches) as the only men in the top 10 with only two Rumbles.

Moving on to some of the other weird stuff I chart, Dolph Ziggler lasted just 2:20 but logged two eliminations, the 27th shortest ring time for someone with at least one elimination and seventh shortest for someone with multiple eliminations.

In the world of repeats, Reigns dumped Goldust as he did in 2014. (Goldust also was twice eliminated by Cody Rhodes.) But that’s not as notable as Big Show eliminating Ziggler for the third time (it also happened in 2011 and 2012), the fifth person to be thrice eliminated by the same opponent.

Looking at career totals, Kane broke into the three-hour club, now standing in third place at 3:15:00 over 18 Rumbles. He’s also the only man to make the final four six times and leads with 41 career eliminations.

Big Show, who made his fourth final four (joining Cena and Triple H) was eliminated by the eventual winner — making him the only man to meet that fate on four occasions (the others were in 2000, 2004 and 2009).

Cody Rhodes remains 6:54 shy of three hours, but is still sixth all time over his seven Rumbles. It also was his third time entering at No. 13 — no one else has done it twice.

Goldust now is alone atop the leaderboard of most Rumbles (10) without a final four appearance. His closest was 1998 when he was the sixth-place finisher.

He is tied, however, with The Miz for most Rumble time with no final fours — both men now are at 1:21:38, good for sixth all time. They lag behind new No. 4 Kofi Kingston, who is at 1:25:38 over seven Rumbles. Wyatt is now 10th all time at 1:02:46 with zero final fours in two Rumbles.

The Miz now is the sixth man to twice enter at No. 1 (doing so first in 2012). The others are Bret Hart (1988/1991); Dolph Ziggler, (2010/2013); Ric Flair (1993/2007); Michaels (1995/2003); and Triple H (1996/2006). Miz also entered twice at No. 16, which Goldust matched this year after also doing so in 1999.

Kane entered at No. 24 for the third time, joining Steve Austin (1996 and 1998) and Chris Masters (2007, 2010) on the repeat list.

Jack Swagger has been in five Rumbles and logged no eliminations, trailing only Matt “Albert/Tensai” Bloom, who did it six times. Swagger’s cumulative ring time is 39:43, fourth most among those with zero eliminations.

If you followed my series leading into the 2014 Rumble looking at performances based on each entry spot (to see how No. 4 in 1996 compared with No. 4 in 2006, for example), you might be interested to learn Reigns can now claim to be the best No. 19 in Rumble history, topping the previous best, Cena, who in 2013 lasted 26:39 and made four eliminations en route to a win.

Rusev was a great No. 15, lasting 35:17 (second only to Cody Rhodes going 37:01 in 2009 and finishing third), but Reigns entered 15th in 2014 and eliminated 12 men. Even a win from 15 might not push that past Reigns’ showing. He’s now set the bar at two entry spots.

The other closest to a “best” was Big Show at No. 29, making five eliminations, finishing third and lasting 8:22. But the honor still goes to 2003 No. 29, Rumble winner Brock Lesnar, logging four eliminations in 8:59.

Wyatt lasted longer than any other No. 5, but the man he beat was Steve Austin, who in 1997 from the fifth spot made 10 eliminations, lasted 45:07 and won.

On the flip side, at four seconds, Titus O’Neil now becomes the worst No. 26 ever, taking the honor from Michaels, who lasted just 12 seconds in 1990. At 38 seconds, no one has done worse from No. 8 than Sin Cara (Bob Backlund lasted 41 seconds in 1994).

It’s also worth noting though Diamond Dallas Page has been in just two Rumbles (the other was 2002), both times he entered No. 14.

Other things to note here are how spots 15 and 19, with six eliminations each, vaulted into second and third place respectively for all-time eliminations from those spots, sending previous No. 2 (which actually was No. 2) into fourth place. No. 30 still leads, now with 54 all time, but No. 15 has been responsible for 43 eliminations and No. 19 has been responsible for 42.

A few firsts of minimal importance happened here as well, as it was the first time the third entrant eliminated only two opponents and the first time the fifth entrant eliminated exactly six opponents. Big Show was the first No. 29 entrant to finish third and Kane was the first No. 24 to finish fourth. Reigns and Rusev, at winner and runner-up, were the second from each entry spot to hit those marks.

And, as I ended the 2014 version of this piece, there is sadness because we’re as far away from the next Royal Rumble as possible. Waiting sucks, especially when there are some memories from this edition many folks would like to wash away — again.

Notes on my statistical methodology:

WWE’s stance on performers with multiple characters has caused me some issues over the year. For example, Mick Foley was openly acknowledged as Mankind, Dude Love and Cactus Jack, and he also appeared in a Rumble under his given name. But Glenn Jacobs is not canonically recognized as being the man behind Isaac Yankem. Further, the roles of Diesel, Razor Ramon and now Sin Cara have been portrayed by multiple wrestlers in Rumbles.

Since you can’t give Scott Hall credit for the work of Rick Bognar as Ramon or pair Mistico and Hunico under the Sin Cara heading, I tally career totals based on the performer, not the character. Jacobs gets cumulative credit for every character he’s played. Bray Wyatt has only appeared in one Rumble, but it was the second outing for Windham Rotunda.

Further, WWE is not good with this stuff — repeatedly considering Diesel’s 1997 Rumble stats as part of that character’s work, for example — so take all “official” numbers with a grain of salt. Also, I do not count unofficial eliminations. So in 1990, when Bad News Brown returned to the ring to eliminate Roddy Piper, Brown is not awarded credit (although Piper was ruled to be eliminated and his order of finish is noted as such).

When we have a Curtis Axel situation, he is counted as an entrant and given credit for zero seconds (the clock starts when you enter the ring, not when the timer hits zero), but his elimination is not factored into the order of elimination (so Rusev is branded as the 28th man tossed in 2015, not the 29th).

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Pro Wrestling SKOOPZ on The Wrestling Blog: Issue 16

January 28, 2015, 11:30 am

≫ Next: I Listen So You Don't Have To: Ross Report Ep. 50

≪ Previous: Royal Rumble Oddity Recap

WAS ROMAN KEPT STRONG?
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Well, well, well, look who's back with all the news that's fit to cram in your disgusting, entitled maws. HORB FLERBMINBER is back, that's who. I have more scoops than BASKIN-ROBBINS. I mine more nuggets than the FORTY-NINERS OF THE CALIFORNIA GOLD RUSH. I make more stories up than SHEL SILVERSTEIN. Wait, no, I never make stories up. ALL MY NEWS SCOOPS ARE 100% REAL AND LIKE THE BOOB LADY ON SEINFELD, THEY ARE SPECTACULAR. You get the STRAIGHT DOPE from ol' Horb. Did you miss out on who was originally supposed to win the Royal Rumble? I'll give you a hint, his name rhymes with Kulk Kogan. And if you missed out on my scoops in the past, you'll never know which ROH wrestler went back in time to kidnap the Lindbergh baby.

I may mine all the scoops that I humanly can, but I also need your help to get me the choicest cuts, the deepest burns, the SICKEST RUMORS. If you have tips that you would love to hand over, but aren't necessarily in need of credit for those tips, you should totally e-mail them to me at ProWrestlingSKOOPZ@gmail.com. If you have any funny chain letters from your grandmother, because I need all the conservative tips for waiting out SOCIALIST BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA's tyrannical reign as Dictator in Chief. Also, if you want UP TO THE NANOSECOND SCOOPS, you need to follow me on the Twitters, @HorbFlerbminber. If you don't follow me, then how will you know when Dixie Carter bounces paychecks in an attempt to lure Paul Heyman to TNA? YOU WON'T.

If you need to catch up on any back issues, send a self-addressed stamped envelope to your mom. OOH, SICK BURN.

I'm also making myself available for parties, bar mitzvahs, bat mitzvahs, weddings, funerals, bachelor parties, bachelorette parties, corporate retreats, and donkey shows. I will do anything you want me to, but I won't do that. I can try to sell you on everything I do myself, but I'll let the testimonials do the talking, like this one, from Hard Waycolor from Scroggins Draw, TX:

Horb showed up at my father's retirement party wearing the Borat thong, a ball-gag, and thigh-high stockings with no shoes. My dad tried to take him home.

Another satisfied customer.

Also, remember to floss as well as brush. You can't get to all the dirt in your teeth just by brushing, you know.

- The big news this week is the Royal Rumble. Roman Reigns won the event and was booed lustily by Philadelphia fans even though The Rock, Chase Utley, Rocky Balboa, the Phillie Phanatic, and Tony Luke came out to help him overcome The Authority's machinations.

- Gabe Sapolsky was quoted as saying "Reigns got that reaction because Philadelphia's a shitty town," and then went into a catatonic state rattling off every wrestling-related hash-tag from the last five years.

- The adverse reaction to Reigns winning the Rumble left Vince McMahon and his creative team scrambling to change the WrestleMania card again, and they still came up with Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus as the best option.

- Preliminary plans include Paul Heyman to turn on Brock Lesnar and for Reigns to become a Paul Heyman guy, marking a dramatic shift in strategy away from making him look strong.

- Dolph Ziggler challenged Daniel Bryan to a match at Mania in an attempt to steal the show, so expect Ziggler to face Big Show, while Bryan gets Kane.

- The Philadelphia crowd also turned hard on A New Day, chanting several times during their pre-show tag match and during the Rumble "New Day sucks." Vince McMahon was overheard muttering "They called me racist for creating this stable? OUR FANS ARE THE REAL RACISTS!"

- Triple H is scheduled to appear on the Steve Austin Podcast in a special live episode like the one his father-in-law appeared on late last year. Expect Trips to change the subject a lot to NXT during the meat of the show, and for him to pin Austin one last time after the show is over.

- Ratings for the RAW after the Royal Rumble were slightly up despite the cancellation of the live event and the telecast being nothing but a glorified episode of the 1980s version of Superstars with studio interviews and pre-taped matches. This proves beyond any shadow of ANY doubt that the #CancelWWENetwork movement was a huge failure, and that the only people who were angry at the event were entitled millennial Daniel Bryan fans, thus proving Vince McMahon one-billion percent CORRECT.

- Back to Las Vegas, Rio de Janeiro not as a registered Ultimate Fighter Brazil (Chael sønnen problems with the / Brazil Wanderlei Silva fight), which test samples of Southern California and Brazil. The 21 men are looking for a woman is in good condition, and can work and does not come without sports resources, the United States live in the era of pornography or sports, Wednesday, North Hollywood to participate in the trial not linked to war. There is no reason to speak Portuguese, but it is a big advantage. Will be shooting, 2.2 to 3.8 is $ 750 Los Vegasissa.Voittajat week and $ 40 per day and travel management and hotel, which will be paid Brazil presentation, end of.

- Chikara also had a show on Sunday, but I was too hungover from Saturday night to go, so find out the results on your own, you jerks.

- Manny Pacquiao filmed a Funny or Die skit about becoming a pro wrestler. After watching it, Dixie Carter immediately sent him an eight-digit contract offer to work for TNA.

- WWE Network has finally passed the one-million subscriber mark, although it's estimated 43% of those subs are shell accounts owned by Vince McMahon to inflate numbers.

- Jim Ross had Mark Madden on his podcast this week despite repeated warnings from the Environmental Protection Agency not to, as that much hot air in one spot could lead to rapid acceleration of climate change.

- Last week's poll results are in, and 69% percent of you were nice. This week's poll:

HOW MAD ARE YOU AT THE RUMBLE?

↧

I Listen So You Don't Have To: Ross Report Ep. 50

January 29, 2015, 5:30 am

≫ Next: Best Coast Bias: That Little Extra Something

≪ Previous: Pro Wrestling SKOOPZ on The Wrestling Blog: Issue 16

Madden's back on the Ross Report
Photo Credit: Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: The Ross Report
Episode: 50 (Jan. 28, 2015)
Run Time: 1:51:36
Guest: Mark Madden (15:58)

Summary: Jim Ross reconnects with Madden, the former WCW commentator and current Pittsburgh radio personality, to review the Royal Rumble. They start with a look at the current state of women’s wrestling and move on to the Philadelphia crowd and Roman Reigns, the evidence of WWE underestimating its talent, the future for Daniel Bryan and the construction of the WWE Title match. After a break they discuss TNA, Ring of Honor and ways to fix WWE’s television product before discussing Wrestle Kingdom 9 and the NJPW show on AXS as well as Lucha Underground. They look at CM Punk’s MMA prospects, then discuss the WrestleMania main event and the upcoming Super Bowl before doing a drive-by of the NXT roster.

Quote of the week: Madden: “There are some guys, JR, they’ve just ruined. They ruined Dean Ambrose. That Lunatic Fringe stuff, they made him into a harmless, babbling fool. When he was beating the guy with a Christmas tree, what did they expect fans to think? … They underestimate the talent. They don’t respect the talent. The talent so often, and we’ve seen this throughout the years when they were allowed to, the talent so often has a better grip on their own character than the company does. And who’s better proof of that than 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin?”

Why you should listen: A common theme this week, but if you need help processing the Royal Rumble outside the Twitter community and message boards, this is another decent source, especially if you’re seeking an alternative to those who think Sunday’s match was an absolute abomination. You might not agree with either man’s assessment of the status quo, but each does a great job explaining how they came to their current opinions. Further, unlike other podcasts, Ross and Madden’s talk goes beyond the pay-per-view and outside the realm of WWE.

Why you should skip it: Sometimes spraying to all fields isn’t a great plan. Ross and Madden seem to know enough about ROH, NJPW, Lucha Underground and NXT to be dangerous. They struggle to identify Prince Puma and Madden has to check himself on Prince Devitt’s NXT name. They do have high praise for the stuff they like, but it’s clear neither is an expert. On a micro scale the same is true for their Rumble breakdown. After brief talk about the problems with the way WWE and TNA present their female talent, the Rumble talk focuses almost exclusively on Reigns and the title match.

Final thoughts: I’m leaving each show this week with a similar conclusion: You’re either fascinated by WWE booking decisions and want to explore the process from every conceivable angle or you’re completely fed up with discussing what happened Sunday in Philadelphia. Figure out which camp describes you and that lets you know whether or not this episode is worth your time.

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Best Coast Bias: That Little Extra Something

January 29, 2015, 8:30 am

≫ Next: Twitter Request Line, Vol. 107

≪ Previous: I Listen So You Don't Have To: Ross Report Ep. 50

The poop has become, as they say, real
Photo Credit: WWE.com

A major portion of what makes NXT such must-watch appointment television is that it rewards you for having history with the program and paying attention for the entire hour. But as any promoter worth his or her salt will tell you, there are a million ways to make the same old hook shine like new.

Oh, sure, you can do it in the big, obvious, borderline seizure inducing way the show began when the Dubstep Cowboys (™ HolzerCorp) got a snazzy new NXTron that pretty much powered them to the biggest upset in NXT history when they lifted the tag belts off of the Lucha Dragons. Considering the almost squash they fell victim to before a blind tag lead to a modified victory roll, there actually isn't all that much to say besides congratulations to Wesley Blake and Buddy Murphy and "damn, son, y'all done fell off" to Sin Cara and Kalisto.

But when it came time for the main event contract signing, well, that was such a grace note it's probable most fans missed it. It went to form right up until the final minute, to boot. Sami came out, then Owens, and they death glared each other the second it was possible to do so until the latter entered the ring. Regal said this wouldn't end up like every other contract signing in WWE (to the cheers, laughs and claps of the Full Sailors) and put a ban on physicality between them under threat of scotching the whole match.

(Sidenote: how great that they have the #1 contendership tournament going but haven't announced when the finals are. If one was of a mind, you could easily see an alternate scenario in which Sami and Kevin gave in and he just either made the finals the new main event of Arrival -- presuming on the name -- 2015, or started the 2/11 special with the finals and the winner getting Sami in the main after Owens had been banned from the building or some such. Anyhow.)

So he signed sans fuss and noted after Owens didn't that they'd been up and down the highways and biways for a decade plus, with and against each other, and it all lead them here. He swore to beat the hell out of Owens--the same KO who'd pick up mic in lieu of pen, and noted the whole non-title aspect of the proposal. He stayed true to his fighting anybody and everybody ethos, but he wasn't here for personal vengeance or anything, it was about the business of being champion and getting more cash and a better life for him, his wife, and his kids. So until the match was made a title match, he was signing Jack Squat. Some people fell for the okiedokie put out last week like this wasn't going to be a title match eventually, unlike BCB. What do you think this is, the Rumble? NXT knows what they've got and how to use it.

Zayn entreated a clearly recalcitrant Regal to make it a match for the Big X, since he knew Kevin wouldn't do it otherwise and the GM was the only person who didn't want it to be for the belt. A few Zayn-sized pops from the crowd later and the Daniel Bryan chant, Regal then put the pen to the paper and (assuming) modified it to be for the belt. Again, because he's Sami Zayn, he signed without hesitation. Kevin waited out some No DQ and Sign Owens Signs chants before Owens added something to Regal's addition, signed it and tossed it off towards Sami before donking him with the pen and leaving up the rampway. Seeing that happen, especially after Regal pointed Owens in the direction of the titled-up addendum, could not possibly be a coincidence. It's like any longtime fan of Breaking Bad seeing Lydia being an addict for coffee and adding a small white powder to it every time after fiddling with it in the final season; if anything this side of Mid-South reeks of Chekov's [Fill In The Blank] when it comes to the pro graps, NXT is it.

And with one more show to go before the 2/11 two-hour spectacuganza, the new sparkle on the line is borderline Nixonian: what did Owens sign, and what is the (assumed) stipulation? Keep in mind, there's only one show before the 11th, so presumably we find out next week. But given past history and the skills of the men involved the mind reels at the delicious possibilities. NXT has been especially good about giving viewers straight-up wrestling matches 99% of the time but deviating from the form notably for two of the live specials last year where Neville ended the Bo Era in a ladder match and successfully defended the strap in the aforenamed Fatal 4 Way, and neither of those matches had the one-on-one animosity on a boil here for the offering.

Stupid time, move faster! We want to be February 11th already!

All the prominent ladies in the division want it to be then, since they can finally go off on each other and not pretend to have a tag match before deteriorating into a brawl where everybody lands and nobody wins. Maybe by then they'll have fixed the slight technical problems they encountered before fully getting into the latest Kidd/Neville re-up anthem. (Of course, there almost wasn't enough time in the Corbin/Dempsey rematch/quarterfinal for there to be any technical problems. Bull. You're Seven Mary Three. Baron has proven himself to be at least the Stone Temple Pilots, so far as you're concerned. Might we suggest a ubiquitous soundtrack staple from last year's pop charts for you to add to your playlist?)

And man, speak of people who are forever doomed to be LaTavia to someone else's Beyonce...Tyson Kidd could've won this tournament and gotten another shot at Sami (who's he's beaten) and the NXT title (which he only got once Sami loosened the belt from around certain waists). Unfortunately, he was up against Adrian Neville and The Man That Gravity Forgot owns Tyson the way Tyson owns a few cans of Friskies. This wasn't a Greatest Hits medley by any means, but it did start off with a lot of wrestling into counter wrestling and Latin American standoffs between the next bouts of wrestling into counter wrestling.

Kidd nearly won the match by countout with a vicious baseball slide headscissors combo platter that sent the former NXT Champion into the steps, but it merely got him the advantage going into the break of the night's best match rather than the duke. Back on the other side of the adverts, once Neville got off a handless Asai suicida moonsault, the writing was on the wall. No way Kidd could be a survivor after taking that, the Better Than Batista bomb, and ultimately the Red Arrow said no, no, no to his title dreams. So it is that Neville moves on in the hopes of being the first man to beat Baron Corbin, while Finn Bálor and Hideo Itami -- who exchanged the usual title > friendship backstage banter in a brief segment between matches -- face off in the other semifinal of a surprisingly all white-hatted final four. Most importantly, any man who prevails would be a viable choice to go against St--Owens or Zayn. And least you think a title change couldn't magically happen in a fortnight's time, ask Los Dragones about belt security down Floriday way.

Should you be lucky enough to be lobbing questions at the roster, also ask the new guy if he added a codicil to the first live event main event of the year, would you?

↧

Twitter Request Line, Vol. 107

January 29, 2015, 11:30 am

≫ Next: I Listen So You Don't Have To: Steve Austin Show Eps. 189 and 190

≪ Previous: Best Coast Bias: That Little Extra Something

The Attitude Adjustment is a fine regular finish, but it's been killed for big matches
Photo Credit: WWE.com

It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers!

@tholzerman Assign “Burning Hammer”-esque super finishers to some top WWE stars (esp. Cena, whose AA now means nothing). #TweetBag
— What a Maneuver!! (@what_a_maneuver) January 28, 2015

Daniel Bryan, Roman Reigns, and Big Show right now are three guys whose finishers are well-protected to the point where they wouldn't need "Burning Hammers." I don't think anyone's kicked out of the Knee-Plus or the spear, and Big Show's knockout punch has only been survived by Mark Henry and possibly John Cena (although I do recall Cena taking the three-second tan thanks to the punch at Survivor Series). Additionally, Randy Orton has the punt, which although is banned right now, the spectre of it is still enough to give people the willies. With that in mind:

John Cena - Fireman's Carry into a Michinoku Driver II: Basically, he would tease going into the Attitude Adjustment, but instead, he would introduce a whole different wrinkle. While a common spot on the indies, it might blow WWE crowds' collective minds.
Sheamus - Irish Cross Tossing Crucifix Powerbomb: Going back to the well for Sheamus here. The Brogue Kick is a good strike finish, and this move would be familiar to most fans yet still protected enough that it would register as a DEATH finish.
Dean Ambrose - Top Rope Victory Roll: A crazy finisher for a crazy-ass wrestler.
Seth Rollins - Phoenix Splash: He actually pulled it off at the Royal Rumble, but was interrupted by HUNGRY ZOMBIE BROCK LESNAR. Let him use this move to finish off tough opponents for good.
Bray Wyatt - Sister Abigail's Kiss into the Barricade: Simple add-on to his current move, but it would match his sadism and the simplicity that underlines his cerebral, Cajun-voodoo magic exterior.
Dolph Ziggler - Springboard Fame-Asser into the Top Turnbuckle: This move might be the trickiest to pull off, but if anyone could do it, it would be the Show-Off.
Cesaro - Ricola Bomb: Again, go with what brought the man to the dance in the first place.
The Miz - Top Rope Neckbreaker to Someone in the Tree of Woe: The move starts off with Miz on the top rope, in full view of everyone, and it ends with the opponent borderline dead. Perfect DEATH finisher for the most vainglorious wrestler on the roster.
Kane - Fireball: He's almost retired. What harm would it for him to bring back the ol' fireball for a spell.

A lot of these moves sound grandiose and dangerous, but the point of the original Burning Hammer in Japan (or the Tiger Driver '91 or the Ganso Bomb) were that they were moves to be done on special occasions, not moves that were regular finishers. Mitsuharu Misawa only broke out TD '91 six or seven times. Kenta Kobashi may have done the Burning Hammer fewer times. The above moves would be special to WWE audiences and only pulled out for big matches.

@tholzerman #tweetbag I want Alberto El Patron to collect titles from everywhere like Ultimo Dragon did in 96- is this possible in 2015?
— Rancho king (@rancho_king33) January 28, 2015

It depends on which promotions are involved. El Patron could certainly go around and collect random indie belts to take with him, but I'm not sure the promotions involved would be happy allowing him to wear them on Ring of Honor television when ROH pretty much removed Kyle O'Reilly and Adam Cole from their use. I could imagine a scenario where Global Force Wrestling's network of partner promotions all put their big titles on one person like El Patron as a gimmick. Imagine him showing up to a big GFW-branded event with the IWGP World Championship, the Dreamwave Championship, the AAA World Championship, the WWP World Championship, the WXW World Championship, and say, the PWG World Championship? That would give him instant swag, wouldn't it? I'm down.

@tholzerman You need 22 wrestlers to play for you in a pickup tackle football game. Who do you pick and what positions do you put them at?
— Frank Puddle (@francisadujr) January 28, 2015

Quarterback: I need someone with a rocket arm, intelligence, and mobility. I don't know who in wrestling has the first one, but Dan Barry seems like a smart dude who can move. He's my quarterback.

Running Back: ACH's freakish athleticism and agility makes him the ideal RB candidate. I imagine his pretzel-twisting moves in the ring translate to cutbacks and hitting holes.

Tackles: The offensive line needs to be mean and beefy yet still agile. The tackle positions are important in containing edge rushers and protecting my QB's blindside. Left tackle would be Bill Carr, because he and Barry are best friends, and he fits the mold perfectly. Kevin Owens is on the other side.

Guards: The guards are the beefier members of the line who need to get pushes forward. Mark Henry and Moose (who played that position when he was in football) are the two guys ideal for that spot.

Center: The center not only has to be beefy and mean but he has to have great coordination, especially with his hands and timing. I'll take Sheamus here.

Tight End: Uhaa Nation has size to post up in the red zone, athleticism to run routes in the open field, and sheer muscle to go over the middle and shrug off big hits.

Wide Receivers: I want a speedster and a good route runner on the outside, and a sure-handed horse to go over the middle. Ricochet fits the first category as a DeSean Jackson-type playmaker. Dancing seems to translate to good footwork, so Fandango is on the other side. As for the slot receiver, Shinsuke Nakamura can dance, is tough as nails, and seems to have the least fear of dying.

3-4 Defensive Ends: Basically, in the 3-4 scheme, these guys are athletic run stoppers who can get to the quarterback after battling in the trenches. What better combination of brains, brawn, and finesse is out there than Brodus Clay/Tyrus/Monstrous BC? On the other side of him would be nasty-ass Tomohiro Ishii.

Nose Tackle: Max Smashmaster has the girth and can handle mean dudes on the offensive line with his own nasty streak.

Pass-Rushing Outside Linebackers: Ryback would be the dedicated pass-rusher because he's athletic, jacked, and single-focused enough to get to the QB on every play. The other guy has to be able to drop back in coverage, handle a tight end, and still have the tenacity to blitz the QB. Give me Vordell Walker.

Inside Linebackers: Bray Wyatt is big and cerebral and can do all the things an inside linebacker is supposed to do. Eddie Kingston is my other pick.

Cornerbacks: A corner has to be quick, tenacious, and not afraid to break the rules, so I'll take the Forever Hooligans as my corner tandem.

Strong Safety: This position requires some coverage skills, but also needs to have battering-ram hitting ability for run support and the quick intelligence to know the when to drop back and when to come up. For being as jacked to the gills as he is, Brian Cage is pretty quick and can probably get good reps in the secondary.

Free Safety: Again, coverage skills are needed here, but the ability to cover large swaths of field to get into support positions as quickly as possible are also needed. AR Fox fits this role.

Also, give me Hideo Itami at hybrid kicker/punter, just to be sure.

@tholzerman Which WWE stars have the most appropriate (not always best) entrance themes? (i.e., ones that fit their character) #TweetBag
— The real dajerseyboy (@dajerseyboy) January 28, 2015

Used to be back in the day that nearly every theme song that was written for a WWF superstar at least tried to fit them. That paradigm shifted during the Attitude Era when instrumentals came into vogue and then afterwards when WWE started getting butt-rock bands to do everyone's themes. So nowadays, while guys might have great themes, those songs may not exactly fit the wrestler at times. For example, "Ride of the Valkyrie" gives me chills every time I hear it, but how does it "fit" the Daniel Bryan character? The answer is probably nebulous and needs a lot of explaining.

However, a few WWE characters nowadays have great-fitting theme songs. For example, Sasha Banks has a great theme song on its own, but it also is a glove-perfect fit. If Paige is going to be the Scream Queen of WWE, her theme song fits like a puzzle piece in her overall portrait as well. Jack Swagger's theme sounds like it would be the bumper music on a Fox News program. Similarly, imagine hearing Rusev's theme backing a Soviet propaganda film.

The best fit, however, is Tyler Breeze. He's a narcissistic beauty model whose opinion of himself is greater than his of everyone else's on the planet combined, so who else would be better to sing it than himself? It's pitch-perfect.

@tholzerman Can you formulate a Hot Take using Roman Reigns, Philly crowds, Marshawn Lynch, the media and Obama?
— Brian Coulter (@PhilaBCoulter) January 28, 2015

*cracks knuckles* I'll try. Okay, deep breath, and...

"Roman Reigns got pooped on by the lunchpail fans in Philadelphia for talking, while Marshawn Lynch is getting raked over the coals by the media for NOT speaking. Ironic, isn't it? But both of them are in the wrong because OBAMA TERRORISTS OBAMACARE SECRET MUSLIM ISIS EBOLA."

Okay, that didn't go as well as I planned it to. At least I tried.

@tholzerman What's your best-case scenario for NXT's top stars between now and WrestleMania XXXI? #TweetBag
— Star of Savage (@StarOfSavage) January 28, 2015

The absolute best case scenario would be for the winner of the Number One Contender tournament to get his title shot at Sami Zayn (or Kevin Owens) at WrestleMania. I am hearing rumblings that Zayn at least could get a match on the big card this year, but will it be as a WWE superstar or as a NXT guest? As with anything in WWE's planner that hasn't been concretely announced yet, I have no fuckin' idea. My guess is the tournament will wrap up at the fourth Takeover event. Basically, as long as Baron Corbin isn't the winner of the thing, the match should take place at Mania, even if it ends up being Zayn/Adrian Neville IV.

@tholzerman odds that we get Rollins-Bryant at Mania, and the steal the show?
— Mike Chauvet (@mikechauvet) January 28, 2015

As of right now, the penciled-in card for WrestleMania has Daniel Bryan against Sheamus and Seth Rollins against Randy Orton. The movement towards Bryan/Dolph Ziggler appears to be growing in strength, but then WWE would have to end Bryan's entanglement with The Authority at Fast Lane, which isn't exactly the worst idea in the world right now, or it would have to turn either Bryan or Ziggler heel, which would be the worst idea in the world right now. Bryan/Rollins seems to be far off the radar, but at the same time, so did Bryan/Orton(/Batista/Triple H) at this point last year. Still, I give that match 25/1 odds to actually happen. But if it did happen, and they got a considerable chunk of time, it wouldn't steal the show, because it would be expected to be the best match on the card. Given that Bryan and Rollins have had tremendous matches with each other since they were Bryan Danielson and Tyler Black, I project that if it did happen at Mania, it would live up to its undoubtedly lofty expectations.

@tholzerman Should they have more promo/interview-focused episodes of Raw and/or SmackDown?
— Marc Quill (@MarcQuill) January 28, 2015

Absolutely yes, but the company would have to be careful on how those episodes were spaced and framed. This past week's episode of RAW was fortuitously cancelled thanks to the weather, but it may have shown the benefit of not having a show RIGHT AFTER a pay-per-view. Letting the big event breathe with an interview-heavy show might enhance both the PPV as well as the gravitas of the interviews being conducted.

A radical plan of action that might bring back some of the aura of the special events would be to have every RAW after a major event with the exception of the night after WrestleMania (because that show has become almost as important as Mania itself) be a special interview/recap show. Additionally, every Smackdown right before the PPV should be an interview/preview show, which would allow the go-home RAW to have the definitive, final turns and plot construction before the PPV. WWE has way too many hours of programming to fill a week and not enough intelligence within the booking staff to populate it with matches without killing matchups. Maybe episodes based on talk, which is just as important a thing for a wrestler to do as wrestle, might enhance the product and lessen the load on creative.

@tholzerman #TweetBag going off of this, would you be opposed to a Bryan run with the IC belt starting at WM if face Roman has the WHC?
— Dan Vecellio (@djvecellio) January 28, 2015

In theory without context, no, I wouldn't, but in reality, everyone who holds the Intercontinental Champion loses to every opponent he faces unless it's a title match, but title matches happen so infrequently that the booking might as well be as runny as my nose while eating Buffalo wings. Unless the plan is to have Bryan lose hilariously to the White Home Run Contest Punching Bag from the Super Smash Bros. series, then no, no Intercontinental Championship run for Bryan, please.

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I Listen So You Don't Have To: Steve Austin Show Eps. 189 and 190

January 30, 2015, 5:30 am

≫ Next: Smackdown: Friendship is Magic

≪ Previous: Twitter Request Line, Vol. 107

Austin, who knows a thing or two about the Royal Rumble match, talks this year's version on his podcasts this week
Photo Credit: WWE.com

If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: Steve Austin Show
Episode: 189 (Jan. 27, 2015)
Run Time: 1:36:37
Guest: Court Bauer (5:30); Wade Keller (18:08)

Summary: Austin is back at the Broken Skull Ranch. While recording his monologue, the cellphone rings and it’s MLW radio’s Court Bauer, who didn’t return Austin’s call in time to be a guest Tuesday and instead will appear on the Thursday show. Eventually Keller joins the show for a lengthy discussion of the Royal Rumble, as well as potential long-range WWE plans, preparing for life after Cena and what’s next for Daniel Bryan.

Quote of the week: Keller on the Royal Rumble reaction: “A lot of this I think, Steve, is because of WWE telling their audience for several years now, and they’ve stopped maybe the last six, nine months, but they used to tell people, their audience, all the time, ‘Did we entertain you? I hope we entertained you.’ John Cena would stand in the ring and go, ‘My most important job isn’t winning matches, it’s did I entertain you?’ And I think that actually gave power to the audience in a way that WWE didn’t anticipate and it’s backfiring now because instead of leaning back and enjoying the show and trusting that they’re on a journey and they’re on for the ride, I think WWE sort of conditioned this generation to think the steering wheel is in their hands, and with social media they’re starting to feel the consequences.”

Why you should listen: Of the shows in my rotation, Austin and Keller did the best job of examining the Rumble, both the event and its build, as well as the larger issue of Roman Reigns, in a way that informs and educates commensurate with each man’s experience and background. While not telling fans they’re right or wrong to feel a certain way, the conversation explained expertly how the careful away WWE products and performers are presented shapes perceptions over time, both in intended and unintended fashions. Rather than get bogged down in the macro creative choices, the men look at the way matches and stories are constructed and how important the micro decisions, some made in the moment, are to the promotions successes and failures.

Why you should skip it: This episode is almost entirely about the Royal Rumble, and outside of the WWE World Heavyweight Championship match and the end game of the Rumble itself nothing else on the card is discussed beyond a passing mention. That hyperfocus will be a turn off to some listeners, and anyone suffering from general Rumble fatigue should just move along.

Final thoughts: After a 36-hour Twitter binge, by Tuesday morning, I was more than ready to move on from the Royal Rumble. And though I’m no expert when it comes to Wade Keller, I thought he absolutely delivered in this episode. In much the same way as a television or film critic uses their analytical experience to break down the shows and movies we already saw, adding layers of complexity and understanding, Keller as well as Austin definitely made me appreciate finer points I routinely overlook.

Show: Steve Austin Show Unleashed!
Episode: 190 (Jan. 29, 2015)
Run Time: 1:22:32
Guest: Court Bauer (11:32)

Summary: MLW Radio’s Bauer is on the show for real this time. He and Austin still have plenty to say about the Royal Rumble as well as the Brock Lesnar-John Cena-Seth Rollins match. They discuss what direction WWE might take en route to WrestleMania, look at the future prospects of guys like Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose. They also dip in and out of talking about NXT and the most recent Takeover: R-Evolution supershow.

Quote of the week:“You have to be careful with how you present these guys. … Every guy has to be his own guy. You don’t want to have a clone factory of the same type of babyface coming up after John Cena. If Roman Reigns is the next 10 years as your to babyface, he should not be presented in any way like John Cena. He has to be Roman Reigns, and authentic.”

Why you should listen: It’s not as Rumble-heavy as you might think, and instead serves as a good bookend to the Tuesday show with Wade Keller. Austin’s been threatening to watch R-Evolution for weeks now, and his informed opinions are wonderful to hear — especially since he seems just as big a fan as anyone, including love for the women wrestlers and referees — yet can speak frankly about what needs to happen next for certain performers to realize lasting success.

Why you should skip it: It’s hard for me to come up with a thumbs down on this particular episode. There is some repetition of Austin’s thoughts from earlier shows on a few topics, and I don’t especially care which team he or Bauer thinks will win the Super Bowl and by how much. Those issues aside, this is a strong, strong showing.

Final thoughts: With the benefit of hindsight, I kind of wish I’d bypassed social media in the wake of the Rumble in favor of professional expertise. As it stands it could be argued they complement each other. I’d strongly suggest this week’s Austin shows for anyone still hungry for Rumble analysis, and also go so far as to say after listening to these interviews you can feel better about taking a pass on Jim Ross and Mark Madden.

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Smackdown: Friendship is Magic

January 30, 2015, 10:30 am

≫ Next: I Listen So You Don't Have To: Art Of Wrestling Ep. 235

≪ Previous: I Listen So You Don't Have To: Steve Austin Show Eps. 189 and 190

The end of a friendship
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Smackdown was live this week due to weather. Since Raw had to be canceled, Smackdown also became a sort of proto-Raw for the week, complete with talky segment after talky segment to set things up for the next pay-per-view, and only four matches. Yes, four matches in two hours, and only one lasted for any length of time. Smackdown, I never want you to be suddenly important again.

Desperately Needs His Friends Back – Roman Reigns
Oooof. Roman Reigns' match against Big Show was not what it was meant to be. In any other context, it would have been perfectly serviceable, but as a means to convincing us all that Reigns is the greatest thing that could have possibly happened to us, it was pretty cringeworthy.
First of all, it came 15 minutes into the show, after Triple H had already been doing a lengthy spiel in the ring, making me restless and bored. The match itself was slow and largely without impact or drama. Reigns kept tossing Show over the top rope (look, everyone! Reigns didn't actually NEED any help at the Rumble! He's totally capable!) and Show kept working Reigns' leg (which he sometimes remembered to sell). It was repetitive and, worst of all, Reigns did not look strong (if you'll pardon my use of everyone's favourite joke). The crowd wasn't into it at all and the desperation was palpable in the commentary team's efforts to sell us on Reigns. I felt intensely sorry for him. The Rock didn't show up to make him feel better this time (because the Rock is a terrible friend), and clearly the only solution here is to bring back what formerly made Reigns so cool: his role in the Shield. There's got to be a way to get the band back together. Seth Rollins can even bring Jamie Noble and Joey Mercury along and they can all be one big happy family together and everything will be all right and nothing will hurt anymore.

Best Friendship Pay-Off – Tyson Kidd and Cesaro
Since teaming up, Tyson Kidd and Cesaro have been putting on awesome matches and inspiring us all with their friendship. On Smackdown, Kidd won his match against Jey Uso and it seems like Kidd and Cesaro are finally moving up the tag team ladder. The match showed off how dynamic Kidd can be, though it could be that I was just so fucking thrilled to have an Uso face off against someone other than Goldust, Stardust, the Miz, or Mizdow. Either way, it was a fun, if short, match, and the victory could put Kidd and Cesaro on their way toward holding the the Tag titles. Friendship: Good for your soul and your material gain!

Friendship in Danger – Goldust and Stardust
Goldust and Stardust showed some dissension in the ranks during their loss to the Ascension, and this was following Stardust's attempt to eliminate his brother during the Royal Rumble match. Given how slowly our stories seem to plod along these days (the Miz and Mizdow have also been threatening to break up for a while), I don't see it happening right away. Personally, I'd like to see a quick, clean break. I have never stopped loving the Stardust character and the Dust Bros. as a tag team, but I think I'm ready to have Cody Rhodes back. The brothers have been treading water for ages now, and with Cesaro and Kidd bumped up to the next tier in the division, and the apparent inability to generate a story for more than a couple of teams at a time, it looks like everyone else is going to remain stuck where they are. If that's the case, I'd much prefer a Cody Rhodes/Goldust feud leading into WrestleMania, which will guarantee us some killer matches. Also, then I won't have to deal with commentary constantly running the Dust Bros. down. This week Cole scoffingly requested Saxton's “unique” take on the team, like it was absurd to think that anyone could find something to like about them. Um, they're a team that looks interesting and also they're two amazing wrestlers?

Putting a Nail in the Coffin of Friendship – Daniel Bryan and Kane
See what I did there? I AM THE BEST AT PUNS. For those who didn't watch Smackdown and are therefore confused, Daniel Bryan and Kane had a casket match, and we were promised that this would put an end to their feud. Man, I hope so. I admit that I wasn't looking forward to this match, first because I'm so sick of these two facing each other, and second because I don't find casket matches that thrilling. Lawler was trying his hardest to sell us on the terror, but come on: if you lose you just have to lie down in a comfy box for a few minutes. Now, if one of the combatants was claustrophobic, or if the casket was filled with scorpions, I could see what the fuss is about. However, with all that being said, damned if I didn't get sucked right into this match. It was tense, interesting, compelling, and had a great pace to it. When Bryan finally won, it felt like a victory that really meant something. It was, in short, what the Roman Reigns/Big Show match should have been.

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I Listen So You Don't Have To: Art Of Wrestling Ep. 235

February 2, 2015, 5:30 am

≫ Next: Reminder: The Fans Don't Owe Vince McMahon Anything

≪ Previous: Smackdown: Friendship is Magic

Goldberg is Cabana's guest this week
Photo Credit: WWE.com

If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: Art Of Wrestling
Episode: 235 (Jan. 28, 2015)
Run Time: 59:31
Guest: Goldberg (10:31)

Summary: Colt Cabana sits down for a conversation — not an interview — with fellow Jewish professional wrestler turned podcaster Bill Goldberg. In addition to their common ground of religion and occupation, they also talk about Goldberg’s childhood and football career and how that led him to wrestling, his training days with WCW, why he didn’t want to sign a WWF developmental deal, the nature of his unprecedented push and how he stays mentally and physically active in his retirement.

Quote of the week:“I got into the business, and I was always one to do anything that anybody every told me to do because I didn’t know the business, I still don’t know the business, so I always took direction from people, and unfortunately sometimes the ulterior motives of the people giving me the directions weren’t present, weren’t obvious to me because I trusted everybody.”

Why you should listen: Here’s a good chance to get a feel for how Goldberg comes across in the podcast medium without actually listening to one of his shows. If you’ve never read his book (which Cabana admits he hasn’t done, despite owning it for years) much of this chat will be interesting background information on one of the biggest stars of the late 1990s. Goldberg himself likely isn’t at all to blame for the downfall of WCW, and he’s not afraid to single out certain people who might be at fault.

Why you should skip it: As Goldberg says a few times, if you’ve read his book you know a lot of the ground Cabana asks him to cover. And while Goldberg gives a sincere, believable explanation for why some of his opinions are not evidence of a sense of entitlement, there are going to be people who will nonetheless see him in exactly that light. The gap between Goldberg’s success in the business and his understanding of/appreciation for pro wrestling is remarkably wide.

Final thoughts: It’s certainly worth a listen for anyone who, like me, hasn’t listened to a second of Goldberg’s podcast. Jim Ross interviewed Goldberg way back on episode 14 of his show, and I had to Google to confirm I wasn’t misremembering the appearance even happened, so obviously the details of the talk are beyond fuzzy. Just don’t expect anything of great significance or depth. It’s nice to learn a little more about a famous guy, and longtime Cabana listeners know how much it means to him to be able to have one of his heroes on the show. Calibrate your expectations and enjoy the guys shooting the breeze.

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Reminder: The Fans Don't Owe Vince McMahon Anything

February 2, 2015, 9:00 am

≫ Next: Who To Know for the TWB 100: Timothy Thatcher

≪ Previous: I Listen So You Don't Have To: Art Of Wrestling Ep. 235

No, you don't owe it to Vince McMahon to cheer this guy
Photo Credit: WWE.com

The Royal Rumble match spawned all kinds of hot takes about the state of WWE. Should Daniel Bryan have even been in the match if he wasn't going to win? Is Roman Reigns the right guy to headline WrestleMania against Brock Lesnar even though neither guy is particularly good at calling a match? Is Vince McMahon out of touch? Nearly every question that rose out of the mire was worth exploring in depth except for one. Basically, the spate of wrestling journalists/writers/bloggers who questioned whether the fans were "justified" in booing the shit out of Reigns upon his victory was so immense that I wondered if McMahon spent some major cash trying to buy thinkpieces in an attempt to sway the genpop.

Basically, any opinion that looks to see the fans disenfranchised of their opinions on the product is odious and worthy of contempt. The price of admission should give the fans a carte blanche on reacting to what they see in the ring as long as that reaction isn't bigoted in some way. Well, I'm sure some people would argue that it does give the fans a right to bigotry, but then again, any promotion that allows an atmosphere where anyone is uncomfortable being in the stands is not a promotion worth supporting. But I'm getting off-topic here.

When someone pays money for a wrestling ticket, they get the right to exercise their free expression letting the promoters know what wrestlers, matches, and angles they like or don't like. The beauty in a wrestling crowd is that it is the purest, most instant form of feedback possible. Arenas across the country are the most beautiful focus groups possible. To suggest that they have some kind of obligation to react in a certain way to what the promoter wants is pandering to the bourgeoisie. The fans are entitled to their opinions. Vince McMahon is not entitled to a fan code of conduct requiring them to react the way he wants them to.

But the opinions are out there, that fans who dared wanted Daniel Bryan to win were "entitled" and ungrateful, and they're terrible. One such bonehead who has a prominent podcast and is a radio DJ tried passing off the utter tripe that the fans who booed Reigns should have shut up and taken their medicine, because McMahon knows what's good for them. I'd like to say opinions like those in the media are rare, but all over the place, writers and reporters try to suck at the teat of the establishment rather than doing what the media should be doing, reporting on things and keeping said establishment on their toes.

Additionally, such an attitude mistakes the roles of the promoter and the fans, giving the former a pass for bad wrestling. As the folks over at Voices of Wrestling reminded everyone on Twitter Sunday afternoon, wrestling promoters used to and should still be pushing people based on who's over. All the kvetching over crowds hijacking shows misses the fundamental point, that if the show was actually good, the fans wouldn't feel the need chant for things other than what's going on in the ring. To take it a step further, if the wrestlers that McMahon pushed were good at their jobs or engaged the crowd in any meaningful way, those wrestlers would get traditional pops or heat.

All of this cacophony smacks of an idea that the fans owe McMahon for what he presents. Wrestling is great, and it needs people to promote it, sure. But this idea that the model isn't so much a free market goods/services exchange and that McMahon needs to compete for the public's entertainment dollar but a thing that fans should be thankful for is absolute bullshit. If Vince McMahon wants fans to cheer his product, then he should push the people who are over. It doesn't mean ramming Roman Reigns down people's throats. It means giving guys like Daniel Bryan, Dean Ambrose, Dolph Ziggler, and yes, even Zack fucking Ryder a stage to perform when they get the crowd behind them.

But hey, if you want to lick McMahon's anus and make claims that everyone needs to pay him some kind of tribute like he's earned it, go right ahead. Just be prepared to live with the fact that you're perpetuating stagnancy in wrestling and you're misusing your pulpit for the people just to suck up to a dude who doesn't give a fuck whether you write a single word in his defense.

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Who To Know for the TWB 100: Timothy Thatcher

February 3, 2015, 6:10 am

≫ Next: The Unknown Quantity of Roman Reigns

≪ Previous: Reminder: The Fans Don't Owe Vince McMahon Anything

The British Messiah should be on your radar
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein

Another year is in the books, so another round of evaluating and ranking wrestlers is looming on the horizon. The TWB 100 will be happening again this year, and while the announcement will not come until the first or second week of March, it doesn't mean you don't have to worry about your ballot until then. Perhaps you feel secure in your ballot right now, but odds are, wrestlers exist who are off your radar that could use a little studying up upon. I am here to help you with your homework in that department.

Wrestler:"The British Messiah" Timothy Thatcher

Who Is He?: Thatcher is an English expat who settled down in Northern California and spent years up and down the coast wrestling for various independent promotions. He's currently billed from Sacramento, CA, which has served as a home base for him previously, but he's worked down in the Central Coast and greater Los Angeles areas. While he didn't hit Pro Wrestling Guerrilla, he did wrestle for every other major promotion down there, most especially Championship Wrestling from Hollywood. However, in 2014, Thatcher came east to work for Combat Zone Wrestling and the WWN Live family of companies. His popularity grew thanks to the wider audience, a big reason why he won the 2014 EVOLVE Style Battle tournament.

What's His Deal?: Thatcher is an adherent to the heavy mat-based style made famous by the World of Sport television program in England. However, unlike Johnny Saint and Johnny Kidd, he's a lot more rough around the edges and stiff. He's a wrestler who can make a wristlock look like a true submission hold that could end a match with ease. He also employs a gutwrench lift that is reminiscent of Aleksandr Karelin's.

Why You Should Consider Him for Your Ballot: Wrestlers like Chris Hero, Mike Quackenbush, Drew Gulak, and Colt Cabana have popularized integrating the grapple-heavy World of Sport ethos into modern indie matches, but none have made it their identity like Thatcher has. On a scene that demands stiffness and "realism," Thatcher is able to make simple grappling look fierce and rough. He's part of a troupe that is bringing the old school into the future and could bleed into main events and add some much needed variety to them.

Matches to Watch:

vs. Dave Dutra, 1/11/14, WCWF

vs. Biff Busick, 4/13/14, Beyond Wrestling Secret Show

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