Quantcast
Channel: The Wrestling Blog
Viewing all 4899 articles
Browse latest View live
↧

Your Midweek Links: Grumpy Cat Rules RAW

November 19, 2014, 8:00 am
$
0
0
"This cat is rich as hell"
Photo via @RealGrumpyCat
It's hump day, so here are some links to get you through the rest of the week:

Wrestling Links:

- No Survivors: The 15 Worst Survivor Series Teams Ever [With Spandex]

- Who Will Replace The Authority? [Wrestledelphia]

- Wrestling Fan Shorthand [4CR Wrestling]

- The Best and Worst of RAW: Grumpy Cat's Worst RAW Ever [With Spandex]

- And Now, the Best of Wrestlers Posing with Grumpy Cat [With Spandex]

- Ooh Yeah: Ten Things You May Not Have Known about the Mad Life of Randy Savage [With Spandex]

- The Depths of Mania: WrestleMania VI Review [Voices of Wrestling]

- Wrestling in the Clinton Years: Fear of a Black Casket [4CR Wrestling]

- A New Day Is Upon Us, So What Does That Mean for Kofi Kingston? [Wrassle Rap]

- Fun with Kayfabe: Nine Times Wrestlers Should Have Legit Died [With Spandex]

Non-Wrestling Links:

- How Good Does a Player Have to Be to Avoid Getting Cut for a Crime? [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

- Monday Morning Jerkface, Week 11 [The Footbawl Blog]

- Mike Ditka Weighed in on Adrian Peterson's Suspension, and He Is Not Happy [With Leather]

- Sympathy for the Schedule [Every Day Should Be Saturday]

- This Is How the Tallahassee Police Protected Florida State Football [Deadspin]

- Newscaster wore the same suit for a year to prove a point [Jezebel]

- Porn Star Belle Knox Made a Convincing Argument to Legalize Prostitution [UPROXX]

- My Kid's Insane List of Reasons to Be Thankful, Annotated [The Concourse]

- The Oddest Alcohol Laws in America [Gizmodo]

- Hellmann's Are a Bunch of Giant Mayo-Slinging Hypocrites [Kitchenette]

- How to Make Tuna Bean Salad, Cheap Chow to Feel Good About [Foodspin]

- 12 Other Events Marvel Should Revisit for Secret Wars [Topless Robot]

- The Inhumans: Everything You Didn't Need to Know [Observation Deck]

- If Nerdy Characters Were in the Elizabethan Period [Dorkly]

- After 25 Years, Do Ariel and The Little Mermaid Suck? [Jezebel]

- Neil Young's Weirdest Albums [UPROXX]
↧
Search

The Hammer Has Dropped: ROH Contracts to Become Exclusive Immediately UPDATE

November 19, 2014, 10:00 am
$
0
0
Elgin will be one of many affected by Sinclair's new policy
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
Rumors have been floating around for awhile that executives within Sinclair Broadcasting Group, the corporate entity that owns Ring of Honor, were mulling over not allowing any contracted wrestlers to compete in any other promotion. These rumors have been confirmed by Dreamwave Wrestling promoter Jay Respel, and effective immediately, all ROH wrestlers are to be exclusive with the company, and they will not be allowed to take bookings with any other company. Michael Elgin is the only one that affected Dreamwave's plans. He was booked for the Southern Illinois company's December 6 event. However, ROH wrestlers compete all across the country and even overseas. The company has had a good relationship with New Japan Pro Wrestling in the last few years, but with NJPW joining the Global Force Wrestling network as an affiliate promotion, I doubt that relationship will continue past WrestleKingdom 9 if at all.

First off, this decision seems to be a case of corporate middle managers getting in the way of operations. I'd like to write that it's a rare case, but America is full of rich assholes playing a shell game with the economy trying to maximize their own profits. Hell, the people making this decision are only emulating WWE's blatant disregard of the independent contractor label. However, WWE can afford to pay its wrestlers enough that they really don't need to do multiple promotions in order to have a career in the industry. Can ROH say the same? Colt Cabana in the past has blasted the company for low payouts. If you're going to take a dump on the independent contractor label, then you need to be able to back it up with comparable wages. Additionally, the move takes away potential exposure for the ROH television show. Sinclair is not a powerhouse in the media world by a longshot, so it can't just grant exposure like WWE can at this point. Its penetration barely covers "B" markets. It is still small enough that it would benefit immensely from having ambassadors appear on local shows, especially in markets where the corporation has stations.

I get wanting to have your talent exclusive to you and you alone, but I'm not sure Sinclair has earned that right yet. I don't even think WWE has earned that right, so if the biggest wrestling company in the world doesn't get the benefit of the doubt, why should ROH? Meanwhile, several name brand independents and the second biggest wrestling promotion in the world are going to end up burnt by this business decision. ROH contracted talent Kyle O'Reilly holds major titles in both Pro Wrestling Guerrilla and NJPW. Jimmy Jacobs is a major cog in the biggest Chikara storyline of all-time. ACH is a mainstay in Central Texas and Southern Illinois. Elgin, Bobby Fish, RD Evans, and so many more would all be affected. ROH's decision would wreck the ecosystem of an indie scene that it proudly and loudly claims to have helped build.

Regardless, if Sinclair puts its money where its mouth is and actually pays these guys a living wage, then I will have less of a problem with the proclamation. However, it still sucks for the amount of collapse the decision is going to cause around the wrestling landscape worldwide, all because some profit hounds in a front office somewhere in Baltimore want to squeeze as many nickels out of their property as humanly possible without any regard for the consequences around them.

UPDATE: The Facebook post has been removed, which only muddles the situation. I'm not sure if this means Elgin will be appearing at the Dreamwave show, but I guess more will be known in the coming weeks.
↧
↧

Pro Wrestling SKOOPZ on The Wrestling Blog: Issue 10

November 19, 2014, 3:40 pm
$
0
0
Where will Brock Lesnar go in 2015?
Photo Credit: WWE.com
HORB FLERBMINBER here with your weekly jackpot of NEWS, RUMORS, SPECULATION, and PROMOTER HAGIOGRAPHY. It's a jackpot because my reporting and takes are always GOLDEN. In fact, my opinions are so HOT HOT HOT they melt steel, unlike the temperature at which jet fuel burns. At least that's what Jesse "The Body" Ventura told me during our sitdown interview that I will have EXCLUSIVELY for you on February 30 next year. Anyway, I bring you the news that is the most pertinent and IMPORTANT. In fact, I report on the stories that the other DIRT SHEET WRITERS are afraid to tell you about. For example, how many nipples does Vince McMahon REALLY have, and who financed the secret operation to get 50% of them removed. The answer may shock you.

If you are a source who doesn't mind giving me top information without any hint of credit, you can e-mail me your leads, gossip, and lentil soup recipes at ProWrestlingSKOOPZ@gmail.com. If you do send me a recipe for lentil soup, please also let me know of the best place where I can get Bean-O in bulk. Lentils give me terrible gas, and they always alert stakeout subjects of my presence. I have a distinctive musk. Also, if you want to keep up with my UP TO THE INSTANT SCOOPS AND NEWS, you need to be following me on Twitter, @HorbFlerbminber. You'll never know when I come out with a prescient news update or new ways to slander Bryan Alvarez. What will I call him next week, and will it be related to his fetish for cephalopod-on-marionette action? FOLLOW ME TO FIND OUT.

You can get the entire catalog of back issues of the newsletter if you want, but why would you just want back issues when you could have BABY GOT BACK issues? That's right, you can get all the special editions of the newsletter that focused on wrestler asses, from the first double issue which covered BOTH of Gorgeous George's cheeks to the current one from last year, in which orchestrated gang warfare among fans of posteriors in the wrestling business over whose was best. Spoiler alert, Drew Gulak's fans won in grisly fashion after they made Allysin Kay's camp capitulate with... well, I don't think I want to describe that action for free.

I am also a licensed distributor of anabolic steroids by the Republic of Malawi, made from only the finest synthetic chemicals and a blend of testosterones from at least five different animals. Have you ever wanted to gain muscle mass while using hormones culled from a hippopotamus? Well, HAVE I GOT A DEAL FOR YOU. If you buy a year's worth of steroids from me, I will throw in the flight to Malawi for half price. YOU CAN'T SPIT AT A BETTER DEAL THAN THAT. Plus, Malawi is where Madonna adopted one of her kids, so you could always check out one of the orphanages while you're here.

Also, I've broken into the amateur chiropractor game. Do you have cricks in your back that you can't get rid of? Is your neck stiffer than my penis was looking at the Pam Poovey parody of the Kim Kardashian magazine cover? Do you have JOINT pain that isn't related to hanging out with Rob van Dam? Then call my toll free number to set up an appointment. I'll finagle you back into shape. Take it from Anna Falaksis from Indian Head, MD:
I called Horb for treatment on my sore back from a car accident I had two months ago. He just started punching it, feebly, I might add, before just standing up on a stool and shouting "THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU." After 15 minutes, he passed out, so I stole his wallet and went to a real chiropractor.
Another satisfied customer.

Also, please go to sleep.

- TNA finally announced that it will make its new television home on the Destination America network. Sources say "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA."

- UFC head Dana White says Brock Lesnar will probably headline a UFC event in 2015. Sources say he was impressed by Lesnar's performance at SummerSlam against John Cena, but also is taking extra precautions at keeping Seth Rollins from entering the arena.

- White caught criticism for his desires to sign Lesnar given his last two fights ending in unceremonious losses. White replied, "Eh, I've always wanted to see what would happen if a guy died in the Octagon."

- CM Punk is currently flummoxed.

- WWE and Warner Bros. signed a distribution deal for home video and pay-per-view. The deal is contingent on Bugs Bunny passing a physical so that he can headline WrestleMania against Brock Lesnar.

- AJ Lee's contract was placed in a box with a lit candle and then sealed. No one knows whether the contract is on fire or not, signifying how unsure her status with the company is.

- His name was Robert Paulsen.

- In honor of International Men's Day, several wrestling fans will tweet or mention LOUDLY to other people in the room how unbelievable and unrealistic the intergender wrestling on Lucha Underground is when it airs tonight.

- WWE 2K15 was released this week, although everyone I know who bought it reported it was just a literal turd in a box.

- Warrior and a chapter on the change in the UK last night. 5 *. MMA, in general is more for show, they got rid of the individual components 2/27 (United Kingdom emerged as the symbol of the four fighters statement to set the show ring, and the British invasion, dissemination and publication of the series), and the liberalization of broadcasting the entire debt, including Melvin Manhoef drum parts, most. However, things in place to fight from the air in the United States for the release of the three previous games, I think they will want to know nothing about the problem.

- Alberto del Rio has stated publicly that he plans on working for TNA in 2015. Sources say he hasn't given Dixie Carter his salary demands yet, so it is expected that del Rio will change his mind sometime before 2015 is over.

- Last week's poll results: 43% of you are trill, 37% are phat, 14% are cool, and 6% have no idea what I'm talking about.

↧

I Listen So You Don't Have To: The Ross Report Ep. 40

November 20, 2014, 7:00 am
$
0
0
Jim Ross talks to the Hardy Boys this week
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: The Ross Report
Episode: 40
Run Time: 1:51:44
Guest: The Hardy Boyz

Summary: After JR’s monologue (fast forward to the 28:54 mark), Ross has a phone interview with Attitude Era legends and TNA mainstays Matt and Jeff Hardy. They start by talking about the brothers’ unusual childhood, working as teens on Raw in 1994, recent improvement in TNA product, Sting, tag team wrestling and its place on the card, the familiar SummerSlam TLC payout incident, early character work, taking chances in the ring, Jeff’s ladder match with the Undertaker, chances of either man returning to WWE, Matt’s stories that played on real-life drama, family life these days and the future of TNA.

Quotes of the week: Jeff, on an upside-down table spot in a recent match with Bully Ray: “I presented it to ’em and they were like, ‘Oh my God. Well, if anybody can get away with it Jeff Hardy can,’ and I’m sure the fans will get into it like, ‘What’s this crazy fool about do to?’ Man, I see these things and thank God they all agreed to let me go for it. The cannon bomb paid off in a way that the vision was in my mind, although I didn’t hit Bully Ray I did smash through the table and hit the floor. It had never been done, and now it’s been done and it’s out of my head. So I’m good to go.”

Matt, on his future career plans: “I was so goal oriented, and that’s part of the thing I think that helped drive myself and Jeff to get to the WWE. I had goals and I had to make it, and I was driven, passion, driven, passion, but you know, also now I’m not because I don’t want these goals to overtake my logic or common sense or let me do things that would be unhealthy. So if the scenario worked out right, yeah, of course. But I don’t have an endgame. If I don’t end up in WWE, I’m not going to be disappointed. I don’t have an endgame. I’ve done everything I want to do. Everything I do from here on out is extra credit.”

Why you should listen: Cliché as it might be, Matt and Jeff Hardy really do have an improbable rags to riches story. As Ross walks the brothers through their career, it’s easy to get lost in the mystery of how each attained success in the face of so many opportunities for bad endings. Ross does a good job talking about their careers from a broad perspective rather than focus specifically on the highlights of the Attitude Era. Neither brother seems especially dogged — during this hour at least — by any of the demons notoriously present over the last 20 years, and Ross is almost entirely free (after the monologue, of course) of any “back in my day” tendencies.

Why you should skip it: Jeff is the more successful Hardy by far, but the podcast suffers from a one-two punch: JR’s decision to focus primarily on the two as a unit rather than individuals and Matt’s predilection for hogging the microphone. In so doing, Matt remains deferential, without being smarmy, to Jeff’s successes and sacrifices as well as the people who still have lots of power over his future career potential. But surely listeners who are fans of Jeff Hardy more than anything will be disappointed there is not more focus on his solo work (for example, I’m not sure I heard any mention of his WWE singles titles). Further, the fact the boys seem to have escaped the aforementioned demons seemingly gives Ross permission to focus almost entirely on the positives. He couldn’t talk to Magnum TA without discussing the car wreck that ended his career, so it remains perplexing how JR could totally skirt the Hardys’ checkered past.

Final thoughts: I have to wonder if JR set out to interview the Hardys from the get-go or if Jeff insisted Matt be involved. The older Hardy clearly listens to the Ross Report — or at least the Bubba Dudley episode — and is not a bad guest in his own right, but a sequel with Jeff alone would be welcome given the amount of uncovered territory. It might seem Jeff is less forthcoming with answers to Ross’ questions, but to me it seemed more of his decision to simply let Matt get his points across. When Ross directed questions specifically to Jeff, the answers were as insightful as I’d hoped.

I don’t want to scare anyone away from this episode. I found it far more entertaining than I expected given some of Ross’ tendencies and my general feelings about the Hardy brothers’ career arcs. This is an instance where I’d welcome a chance to hear the brothers on with Steve Austin just to see how Stone Cold’s background and style might draw out different stories and attitudes from what Ross was able or willing to pursue.

All that said, aside from the monologues, Ross seems to be improving his interview style week by week. It will be interesting to see how he handles the Survivor Series recap next week with Wade Keller, as now I’ve grown accustomed to enjoying his interviews.
↧

Dispatches from the Lake: No, YOUR Time Is Now

November 20, 2014, 9:00 am
$
0
0
Cena needs to shock the world
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Soon as WWE announced that the Network would be free for November, I had a thought in my head. And that thought wasn’t rage, though I was plenty pissed I wouldn’t be allowed to partake in the free month because I signed up from day one. I have a feeling that many of you had the same thought, and have continued to have for low these many years.

It is time.

IT IS TIME.

John Cena needs to turn heel. I can hear your eyes rolling from here, gentle reader. Please, let me explain.

Cena turning heel has massive, storyline-wide implications for WWE's on screen product. It shakes up the status quo and opens avenues for new angles. This is what I'm getting at - fresh material. If it isn’t Cena turning heel, then something equally huge and game changing needs to happen. I’m not even talking "Cult of Personality" hitting and CM Punk stalking to the ring. IT NEEDS TO BE BIGGER. I'm not talking the Ascension debuting as the new Wyatt followers. BIGGER.

In theory, the Network has the most eyes on it this month. As a company, WWE should be enticing these potential subscribers with must see content. They also need to stop touting (lower case t) the fact that you can cancel whenever you want. That’s not a good look. It smacks of desperation, which probably isn’t too far off the mark.

Though it would help drive interest in the short term, having Cena turn would not fix all the story problems WWE has. Pull the trigger on something huge Sunday, follow it up with a solid run towards WrestleMania, utilize your undercard, make Smackdown relevant again (especially with the return to Thursday night coming up) and we’re on our way to a solid product that people want to watch instead of those of us who tune in out of obligation each week. And for the love of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, if a wrestler is able to get over in spite of the shitty booking, use that popularity instead of doing all you can to squash it. You know all about that. It's mentioned at least once an episode on the Monday Night Wars as a negative for WCW.

This is the fantasy narrative that’s been floating around in my head for the last month.

::places tinfoil hat on head::

John Cena overcomes those pesky odds at Survivor Series. Vince McMahon hits the ring to fire Triple H and Stephanie McMahon, then shakes hands with Cena, who proceeds to laugh maniacally about how now it’s all his. RAW opens the next night with him in the ring delivering a promo about how it’s all been a long con. I want Frank Fontaine levels of villainy. I want children crying and more shocked expressions in the crowd than when the Undertaker lost at WrestleMania. He blasts through anyone in his way, defeats Lesnar for the title since he’s finally embraced the dark side (evil will always triumph, because good is dumb), and sits atop a throne of skulls awaiting the next sad fool who dares to oppose him. The Universe belongs to him now, as it was foretold under the full moon by the gypsy who pulled him from his mother into this world.

There is zero percent chance this is going to happen. My tinfoil hat and I accept this as definite truth.

It’s not going to happen. That will be my mantra while watching on Sunday night. It’s not going to happen. It makes too much sense. IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

But they need to do something. Whether it’s the Nexus reuniting (my fingers are crossed, Scott!) or a Crisis on Infinite Earths-style reboot of the WWE universe as we know it, SOMETHING needs to change. Why the hell would all those free subscribers decide to stick around if nothing does?
↧
↧

Twitter Request Line, Vol. 101

November 20, 2014, 11:15 am
$
0
0
The above is not needed in hockey anymore
Photo via TopBet.eu
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers!

Personally, I think the phasing out of enforcers has been a long-time coming in the NHL. Professional athletes like to project an image of toughness, but the way so many professional leagues have rules against taunting, unwritten rules, or in hockey, sanctioned physical retaliation, it seems like so many people who play sports are thin-skinned and whiny when it comes to their feelings, as if someone's pride is more important than the "offender's" physical well-being. Fragile egos are a terrible thing to prop up. Just play the game of hockey and don't get a stick up your ass because someone celebrated over scoring a goal or because you didn't think the penalty given to the other team's goon for roughing up one of your players was stiff enough.

As for wrestling, I'm not sure an analogue exists since it's not a sport but entertainment. I would imagine backstage areas have their share of enforcers, or guys who make sure that things are on the up and up through threats of physical violence. Tony Garea's long-tenured WWE employment had to have been owed to his shoot prowess, and stories are told all the time of tough guys making sure booking decisions go over the way they're supposed to. The most famous story has to be Undertaker making sure Shawn Michaels did business for Steve Austin at WrestleMania XIV. The roles are fundamentally different, in that the hockey enforcer seems to be more of a retaliatory position, while the theoretical wrestling enforcer is more proactive or a deterrent. I also think that the wrestling enforcer might be on its way out too. Money talks louder than physical violence anymore, and as more and more promotions grow more corporate in structure, the currency value of violence declines further and further. Personally, I would rather not hear stories of violence being threatened or perpetrated backstage at a wrestling show, ironic given how combative in nature the art is, but I can understand or condone better why a wrestling locker room would have its own tough guy to enforce the rules rather than on the ice in hockey.

Assuming that Jimmy Jacobs will be at Tomorrow Never Dies in a singles match against Eddie Kingston, give me UltraMantis Black, Hallowicked, Frightmare, Obariyon, Kodama, Jervis Cottonbelly, Fire Ant (assuming Silver Ant and Fire Ant get a tag match), and a debuting Kid Cyclone. The Spectral Envoy has the most beef with Jakob Hammermeier in that they ended up as the emissaries who took out the first iteration of the BDK. Also, Hammermeier is in possession of the Eye of Tyr, an artifact Mantis is very familiar with. Everyone else on the team has lost someone, either to the chokebreaker of Deucalion or to the Flood's brainwashing.

  1. Buy out an existing wrestling promotion, preferably TNA - WWE's ship has probably sailed on getting TNA with its new television deal. The most recent challenger to WWE's crown as a WWE platform would have given The Network first-run programming with an existing fanbase, as well as a roster of both young superstars and wrestlers with whom WWE has history. TNA doesn't have to be the only promotion in play; several popular indies might be ideal to run on The Network as both pseudo-developmental territories or at least places where WWE could both get a fresh look at various indie talents and a place where it could send NXT/Performance Center wrestlers for seasoning in front of a hostile crowd. It would be like the old WWF/ECW relationship, only not as denied in public.
  2. Sitcoms - WWE tries comedy all the time, but the results vacillate, often leading to disaster. Over the top distribution on sitcoms is the hot new thing right now, and WWE has the perfect platform to give fledgling writers/developers a chance to flex their muscles. WWE wrestlers getting chances to act on these shows would hone their comedic chops and give them much needed time off from the ring (much needed for them and for WWE Creative trying to book them poorly).
  3. The COMPLETE television archives for WWE, WCW, and ECW - WWE has a huge tape library, and while I understand not wanting to put all of it on the servers at the same time, I don't see a reason not to have everything from the "big three" in the Monday Night Wars era available outside of bandwidth/storage, especially since WWE fetishizes that era to the point of exhaustion. The Nitros are a good touch, but what about WCW Saturday Night? Or the ECW on Spike TV program? Give the subscribers more footage than they can possibly handle, and maybe they'll see the venture as worthwhile.
At first, I thought LOL CENA WINZ because he always does, but for one, Team Cena has no bench. I'm sure not having any subs over a 40 or 48 minute game would affect play by the end against a team of fresh-legged ballers. Then, the issue of size comes up. Team Cena would be full of GIANTS, which limits the opportunity for perimeter offense. The lineup would have Big Show at center, Erick Rowan at power forward, Ryback at small forward, Cena at shooting guard, and Dolph Ziggler running the point, more than likely. Show played college basketball, but his body is almost shot. He can't keep up with Kentucky's athletes at the rim. Rowan is big and strong, but he's doesn't strike me as fully coordinated. I imagine Ryback taking so many charging fouls, although he'd have to be the most effective scoring option, right? You wouldn't want to be in his way if he's on a fast break. Cena at shooting guard would get KILLED off the dribble, and Ziggler would foul out within the first 10 minutes for flopping. Then who comes off the bench? Jack Swagger? Nikki Bella? Give me Kentucky by at least a 50-burger and...

*someone whispers in the ear*

Nevermind, the booking sheet says Cena scores 100 by himself in the closing minutes to pull out a victory after everyone else fouled out. Goddammit.

Back when I was younger and had gobs more free time than I do now, I wrote a fantasy wrestling promotion with all these weird and dumb wrestlers I made up. I'll spare the details, but I ran monthly pay-per-views, and my December event was always held on the day after Christmas. Most places are usually closed, and if they're not, people tend to take the day off anyway. I know I do. Another time to try a midweek pay-per-view would be in the summertime. Baseball is the only competition, and people tend to stay up later or take vacations there too.

It's a net positive, even if only slightly. TNA would rather be on Spike TV, but Dixie Carter's blind devotion to Vince Russo cost the company that opportunity. The people in charge only have themselves to blame, but rather than look at it from a "Spike vs. Destination America" scenario, people need to look at it from "Destination America vs. closure" scenario. DA also is in 60 million homes right now, which isn't a piddling number. The question becomes whether TNA's 1 million weekly viewers all have that channel or not.

Anyway, while I firmly believe Carter and her merry band of corporate assholes don't deserve to have television, I am sad whenever anyone, whether the wrestlers or the people behind the scenes, has to lose their job. So I'm happy that TNA is staying open. Hopefully, the company can grow so that someone less heinous can buy it and do something good with it. I'm not holding my breath, however.

TEAM GOODY TWO-SHOES

  • John Cena - He's WWE's archetypical hero-type, even moreso than Hulk Hogan at this point.
  • Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat - While Cena has only been a babyface in wrestling relativity, Steamboat has been wrestling's ultimate good guy in the broadest, most general sense. Gotta have him on the team.
  • Bret Hart - He was such a good guy that it turned him bitter and jaded when the classic babyface became uncool.
  • Ricky Morton and Robert Gibson - I'm not sure if either of these two worked for the WWE, but their footage is on the Network. The most classic good guy tag team ever.
TEAM SUPERVILLAIN

  • Vince McMahon - Hey, he worked semi-regularly. Plus, y'know, he's the embodiment of heeldom for several obvious reasons.
  • Triple H - He drug-married the boss' daughter, fucked a corpse, and racism'd his way to a WrestleMania main event victory. Yet, he's not the most evil person in WWE history by a longshot. Weird.
  • Tully Blanchard - Not only was he a bad man, he flaunted it in everyone's face. He may not have been the leader of the Four Horsemen, but one could argue he was more a heel than anyone in the group ever was.
  • Ted DiBiase and Irwin R. Schyster - A one-percent flaunting asshole with his own bling and a literal tax man? Not even Kevin Sullivan at his most occult touches these two in terms of pure evil.
↧

I Listen So You Don't Have To: Art Of Wrestling Ep. 225

November 21, 2014, 7:00 am
$
0
0
Davis, the head honcho of OVW, is Cabana's guest this week
Screen Grab via YouTube
If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: Art Of Wrestling
Episode: 225
Run Time: 1:13:35
Guest: Danny Davis

Summary: Colt Cabana sits down with a longtime acquaintance, renowned wrestling trainer Danny Davis — not the bad-guy referee from mid-1980s WWF. They get right into the matter of Davis’ rough childhood, his early exposure to wrestling on television, his own training and entry into the business. They bond over the practice saving money and looking for ways to make extra on the side. That leads Davis to explain how he decided to start his own school and eventually converted Ohio Valley Wrestling into a WWF developmental site with the help of Jim Cornette. They took a quick look at some the biggest names to come through OVW, reflected on the life and loss of Lance Cade and others who have personal struggles and the slim chances of actually making it in WWE. The chat wrapped with Davis’ advice for those investigating any wrestling school.

Quote of the week:“OVW never sells a promise. In this business, you can’t promise anything, because there are too many variables. The only way to achieve success as an individual wanting to get into this business is never give up on yourself. You have to apply yourself and you have to give yourself 100 percent every waking moment in this industry and try to make your craft as good as it possibly can be.”

Why you should listen: Davis’ tales of growing up poor and following unusual channels into the world of pro wrestling might not be unique, but he’s a compelling storyteller with plenty of good material. His conversation with Cabana will be especially illuminating to any aspiring wrestlers, if not utterly inspiring, but also of interest to people curious for more information on the inner workings of a system that produced (at least in part) Hall of Fame talent like John Cena, Brock Lesnar and CM Punk. Further, those listeners who may be weary of Cabana’s humor will, excusing the monologue, find little of anything but the host having a pure conversation with a trusted mentor.

Why you should skip it: If you can’t tolerate Cabana describing himself as cerebral because he’s been frugal for several years, well, take a pass. If you’re hoping he presses Davis on the breakdown of OVW’s relationship with WWE, you’ll be disappointed. Neither is there a great deal of focus on Cabana’s yearlong OVW stint, and what mention there is seems largely confined to Davis praising Cabana’s possession of the “it” factor.

Final thoughts: An unfinished version of the podcast released overnight Nov. 20, with Cabana correcting the error later that morning. You definitely want to hear the full version because the part that got cut is the most interesting, that being Davis’ hardscrabble back story and most of his unusual tale of breaking into wrestling. Anyone familiar with Art Of Wrestling should know Cabana would both keep the show positive and also defer talk away from his own career to make sure his guest’s story took the spotlight.

Davis is near the top of the list of those whose names I’ve heard repeatedly without having any actual knowledge of that person’s story, and as such this was an interesting conversation. No one really needs to know about Davis to have a deeper appreciation for wrestling in general, but he very well speaks for his generation as both a performer, promoter and instructor.
↧

Best Coast Bias: Going, Going...

November 24, 2014, 6:00 am
$
0
0
The must-see moment on a surprisingly light show (Photo Credit: WWE.com)
There's a term for those who think that the past can't affect the future: morons.

With the show made up of dueling squashes and sprints, it seemed to be a perfect harmonic convergence that two men whose careers intermingled for the better part of this century both took about three sentences to deliver the real crux of the show. That one of those men would be Sami Zayn after last week's events wasn't a surprise.

The other was: in a debut pre-taped segment promising himself as the future and ending with the flashing upcoming date of the 11th -- not even remotely coincidentally the date of the next developmental Network Special, Revolution -- a large, familiar-looking Canadian promised from his first sentence on WWE programming that he would fight anyone and everyone. Will Full Sail be chanting Fight Owens Fight or Kill Owens Kill? (Ed. Note - Hopefully it'll be the "fight" variant because any combination of "kill" and "Owen" in a WWE-sanctioned environment just feels wrong.) We've got a couple weeks to get there, but the ex-Steen's being the last man in that was touted in the wave of newcomers coupled with the officially made Zayn/Neville rematch made it even bigger appointment television than it would've been anyways.

As for his former friend turned enemy, Zayn made the loudest statement of his career to date. Literally: after managing to keep a lid on his emotions in front of Neville and even stating if he couldn't win a rematch that he was going to excommunicate himself from Florida, a seemingly innocuous comment from Neville set the specific high flyer off into a brief but memorable yelling tangent. In one moment, he was jarring the mind of every Full Sail fan by screaming; in the next, his voice broke as the frustration of living his life titleless made it more obvious than his string of special Network Special network matches. As usual, Neville played a fine (unwitting?) heel. Did he exaggerate his limp? Was his head-shaking as Zayn fell off an emotional cliff the sign of the concerned friend or further proof of his bravado in assuming he's going to end his 2014 undefeated championship reign by besting the Syrian-Canadian again? Based on the gun Zayn put to his head and the former ROH World Champion's introductory segment, you can forgive a wave of conspiracy theorists from cropping up stating that NXT may be cribbing some pages from a fine and storied past. It's just another sprig in the stew, and to be honest, Owens doesn't even necessarily need to be involved in the main event for the Big X in order to pay this off one way or another. But the additional options on the table it presents were far more scintillating than the show that they happened around.

Tyson Kidd beat CJ Parker in order to challenge that fresh young punk Finn Bálor, but that won't happen until at least the next episode. The Vaudevillains beat up a couple of midgets in lucha masks that weren't even Kalisto's and Sin Cara's replicas. Becky Lynch cheated to beat Bayley in a match that was maybe 2/5ths of the length it could've been to be damn good instead of the vaguely entertaining sprint that ensued. For their reward of being in the last match of the evening, the Mechanics and Enzo Amore and Big Cass got beaten up by the Still Very Angry And Totally Unhumiliated Ascension afterwards. Even the most intriguing part of a flat show was Bull Dempsey's squash going right after Baron Corbin's and Dempsey getting booed for having the mitigated gall to have his match last about a minute instead of the 22 seconds Corbin murked some random chump with before exchanging a glance with the arriving Dempsey as he left. The barely movable force against the slightly resistible object? Also not happening on this show, though the match positioning and slight acknowledgement of other human beings on both their ends means we sure are headed that way.

Anything after last week and before an already loaded Network Special would've probably felt like fluff, anyways. It's a slight shame NXT succumbed to that, but even in a down show the main developments served as perfectly fine appetizers for what should be a delicious main course.

We just have to get there first.
↧
Search

It's SHOWTIME: Survivor Series '14 Review

November 24, 2014, 8:00 am
$
0
0
Never thought I'd see this...
Photo Credit: WWE.com
TH STYLE, Y'ALL. You can still catch this for free if you get The Network before next Monday.

Highlights:
  • To top off the show, Vince McMahon announced that if Team Cena won the main event, the only person who could reinstate Stephanie McMahon and Triple H to their positions within the active company would be John Cena.
  • The Miz and Damien Sandow became WWE Tag Team Champions when Sandow tagged himself into the match and pinned Goldust after he'd been hit with several finishing maneuvers.
  • The team of Natalya, Emma, Alicia Fox, and Naomi won a clean sweep against Paige, Layla, Summer Rae, and Cameron. The final elimination came when Naomi hit Paige with the Rear View and a stiff-looking seated leg-scissor driver into a pinfall.
  • Bray Wyatt successfully led Dean Ambrose into temptation, gaining a disqualification victory when Ambrose hit him with a chair. After the match, Ambrose put Wyatt through a table, and then piled all kinds of detritus on top of him before looking out at the crowd from atop a ladder.
  • The Bunny and Adam Rose defeated Slater Gator when the Bunny hit Heath Slater with a missile dropkick for the pin.
  • Nikki Bella defeated AJ Lee for the Divas Championship in short order. Brie Bella sneaked a kiss on Lee from the apron, causing distraction enough for Nikki to hit the Rack Attack for the win.
  • To the surprise of absolutely no one, Wyatt vs. Ambrose in a TLC match was announced for the titular event.
  • Sting made his first ever appearance in a WWE ring to put an end to Triple H's shenanigans in the main event. He hit the now-former in-character boss with a Scorpion Death Drop, allowing Dolph Ziggler to pin Seth Rollins and get the win for Team Cena in the main event.

General Observations:
  • It's hard to defend a generally solid WWE pay-per-view product from accusations that it's just a glorified version of its rather watered-down free TV RAW when shit like opening the show with a 20 minute, Triple H-centric promo segment happens. Seriously, no matter how "good" Trips is right now in his authority role, I don't need to see him chew up 20 minutes every week once let alone more than once.
  • Stardust entered with red-themed ring gear,which led me to believe he'd been recruited into the Red Lantern Corps.The actual best part about that assumption was I noticed a decided meanstreak in him during the match. Cody Rhodes is actually a giant nerd in real life...
  • One of the Matadores, I couldn't tell you which, started off the match with Stardust with some nifty footwork, going from a Mortal Kombat-style leg sweep countering Stardust running the ropes into Rob van Dam's signature leg scissor pin. For the first time since donning the masks, Los Matadores showed me something more than "generic Latin stereotype."
  • Damien Sandow spent the first five or so minutes on the apron with the crowd begging for him to come in. Miz finally tagged him in, and right before he could get to work, Goldust blind-tagged himself in. Brilliant move in delaying the actual payoff there.
  • At one point, Stardust answered the "WE WANT MIZDOW" chants by yelling "NO YOU DON'T, YOU WANT STARDUST." I detected some jealousy, which is just greed for attention. Maybe Stardust was really the Orange Lantern?
  • HOLY CRAP GOLDUST AND STARDUST BROKE OUT A COMBO SUNSET FLIP INTO AN ASSISTED GERMAN SUPLEX. Like seriously, Goldust is not human.
  • And of course, the Dust Bros. and Los Matadores topped that combo move with some kind of super combo Tower of Doom spot in the corner leaving all four wrestlers mangled.
  • I swear, I thought the roof was going to cave in when Sandow snaked the pin. Utter brilliant way to cap off the match.
  • Adam Rose and The Bunny were shown backstage presumably blowing off their beef while advertising for the newest WWE action figures, when Slater Gator just moseyed on back to set up a match for later on. Are you sure this show wasn't just an enhanced RAW script?
  • Titus O'Neil, when hearing that the Bunny looked up to Adam Rose as a "hero," quipped "Naw, he didn't say hero, he said 'gyro,'" which for someone who used to work at a Greek-owned diner was pretty darn clever.
  • Of course Tyson Kidd came out for the women's elimination match with Natalya, although he didn't really play much of a role during the match.
  • JBL tried getting back into my good graces by shouting out Aja Kong as the most dominant performance in a women's Survivor Series match history. It was going to take a lot more than that to get me liking him again, but at least he knows good joshi when he sees it.
  • Naomi threw a roundhouse kick from the apron that made me do a spit take at how stiff and quick it got thrown.
  • Summer Rae at one point started working the arm, which was short-lived but still kinda surreal to see.
  • Alicia Fox may be a different alignment from week to week, but she shows her versatility every time out. Her fire after Cameron got eliminated from the other team was worthy of any babyface on the show save perhaps Dolph Ziggler in the main event, culminating in a gnarly looking cross-body on Paige, Summer Rae, and Layla.
  • Emma got a chance to work in her spots, and the crowd reacted to her. It's not rocket science.
  • Natalya got Paige in for a German suplex, and well, let's just say that I thought the ref needed to check Paige for signs of life afterwards. That suplex was early-'90s AJW levels of brutal-looking.
  • Having a clean sweep for the tecnicos here felt like a baffling decision, but at least the women got a really long time to work. For as long as it was, they acquitted themselves well.
  • Of course, Kidd mugging for the camera in front of Natalya was a highlight, certainly more enjoyable than anything he's done on NXT lately for me.
  • Dean Ambrose tried an over-the-top rope diving press on Bray Wyatt early in their match, and Wyatt countered it with a perfectly-timed slap to the mush on the falling Ambrose. It was a piece of proof that the complexity or risk associated with a move isn't what makes it great, but it's all in the timing and the gravity.
  • Wyatt punished Ambrose on the outside by working his hand over, which gave me the biggest heart-eyes. I love when crazy or sadistic characters go after the hands and fingers because it's a special degree of hurt when you take on the hands. Then Ambrose escaped a full-nelson by biting and grabbing at Wyatt's fingers. It was like they were two sons competing for the affections of a father's heart.
  • That double lariat spot on the outside looked brutal, not just because it was on the outside of the ring with the harder landing surface, but because they went HARD into each other.
  • Wyatt grabbed a microphone and started appealing to the "Lunatic Fringe" side of Ambrose, basically tempting him to go nuts on him with a chair. Ambrose more than obliged and basically pulled out all the tables and chairs he could find en route to burying Wyatt under a pile of detritus before ascending a ladder to look out upon his adoring fans. My main problem here wasn't the face beating down on the heel after the match as an ass-backwards way of setting up the rematch. Remember, Bray Wyatt is supposed to be different. The beatdown here by Ambrose was presumably what Wyatt wanted. Hell, it's what he wanted Cena to do at WrestleMania and all the events after during their feud. My problem was that the match was an extended commercial with a limp, dick-teased finish that expressly was meant to set up resolution at TLC. It was basically the Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest of wrestling matches, and the DQ finish into the SPECIFIC PLUNDER was basically the weird shaman lady at the end saying the crew needed to go to AT WORLD'S END WINK WINK NUDGE NUDGE.
  • RUSEV WEARS FLIP-FLOPS. I REPEAT, RUSEV WEARS FLIP-FLOPS.
  • Honestly, I care more about what Hornswoggle is doing more than I care about the dissolution of the Rosebuds. Wake me up when Adam Rose decapitates the Bunny and turns back into Leo Kruger, thx.
  • Oh joy, a Roman Reigns satellite interview! And when asked what he was going to do when he came back, he said he was going to cock his fist and "make it rain in that bitch." Everyone who wanted the Attitude Era back had better be thrilled with this fucking direction, because it's exactly what you want.
  • The best part of John Cena's lame Gipper speech was Erick Rowan in the background doing a Rubik's Cube. Rowan as an idiot savant with a propensity to wear sheep masks and quote superfluous sequels could be a nice sweet spot for him.
  • In a theoretical company where gay people are out and it's not a big deal and that didn't have a gross history of "HLA" as a storyline conceit, Brie Bella kissing AJ Lee in order to DANIEL BRYAN her into losing to Nikki Bella would have been fantastic. But WWE using queer-baiting tactics feels super cheap at this point.
  • Additionally, I saw a billion reactions on Twitter wishing Lee well in her future endeavors playing into the rumors that she would be leaving after the match last night. If anything, a finish like that indicates she'll be back for a good while so she could get revenge on both Bella sisters.
  • Also, Brie's obvious heel turn last night was almost missed in the misogynist cacophony provided by JBL. Michael Cole was earnestly trying to get it over as a turn, but he kept getting derailed. Cole can be saved. He just needs to be in there without enablers on either side of him.
  • Oh hey, and right between the Divas Championship and main event matches, WWE announced Ambrose/Wyatt: AT WORLD'S END for TLC.
  • Mark Henry got a pep talk from Triple H before walking into an immediate KTFO punch and ultra-fast elimination. WWE Daniel Bryan'd Lee and Henry with consecutive falls on one pay-per-view event. Every single road agent needs to get at least a stern talking to over that layout. Christ.
  • I'm not sure I will ever tire at seeing Big Show's anti-aircraft missile chops picking dudes off midair, especially when the guy selling it is Seth Rollins.
  • Ryback being the first man out for Team Cena seemed baffling in the short term after he was built up, but wouldn't it make sense for The Authority to target him first for personal and strategic reasons? His elimination is going to need some follow-up, sure, and that's a tricky thing to ask anyone to do, but I'm fine with it for now.
  • It didn't take too long for Dolph Ziggler to hit FULL ZIGGLER taking a corner Flatliner from Rollins that looked looser than the German Paige took earlier in the night. Ziggler couldn't let someone in the second match on the show upstage him, you know.
  • That corner sequence led to a patented Finisher-O-Rama which led to Rowan back-body-dropping Rollins over the top rope onto the fray on the outside. Not to be outdone, Rusev took Ziggler and POWERBOMBED him to the outside onto the throng. WWE turned into a super-indie on steroids so gradually, I hardly even noticed.
  • When Rusev cleared off the Spanish announce table, I knew he was going to end up going through it to be counted out. HE didn't just go through it; Ziggler moved out of the way and Rusev WIPED OUT on a splash that broke the table. It was the best countout Survivor Series elimination ever, and the best countout finish I've seen period since Mark Henry put Sheamus through a barricade at SummerSlam '11.
  • THE WYATT FAMILY EXPLODES!!!!1 And Rowan hit a FUCKING MORTAL KOMBAT SPINNING ROUNDHOUSE KICK? Holy shit!
  • After Rowan got discus'd out of the match, Show and Cena stared down Team Authority, when Show did his annual turn and decked Cena with his hamhock of a fist. The most surprising thing was that Cena actually didn't kick out, and Ziggler was left to overcome the odds. Years of expectation made me think that this was going to be LOL CENA WINZ scenario, but I was glad to be proven wrong.
  • That being said, Cena not staying out to help offset the presence of The Authority on the outside of the ring was the biggest prick move he could have pulled. He never cared about his team. I hope this becomes a plot point going forward.
  • Rollins grabbing Ziggler's arm and mockingly making it reach for a tag that wasn't there was outstanding dick heel work.
  • Ziggler pretty much became Robert Gibson AND Ricky Morton fused into one dynamic powerhouse taking out Harper and Kane before getting into the finishing stretch with Rollins. Regardless of what was about to happen with various Franchises coming out as the final WCW holdout ever to appear in a WWE ring, he got put over huge. Ziggler HAS to win the Royal Rumble now, or at least get a showcase spotlight against Brock Lesnar at some point.
  • I'm going to level with everyone here. I never really "got" Sting, even when I started getting into WCW. But man, when he came out from the back, even I got a chill up my spine. I don't know what it was, but Sting's appearance last night did it for me.
  • Even his seeming eight hour staredown with Triple H in the ring worked, mainly because Sting in a WWE ring felt so surreal. Even with his appearance on Network docs and his inclusion in WWE 2K15, I wouldn't have been surprised to have seen him re-up with TNA like he always seems to do.
  • I will miss The Authority, but it was worth it seeing Stephanie McMahon and Triple H in utter delusional disbelief after they both realized what had happened after the match was over. Although I'm not looking forward to the Indecent Proposal-esque storyline that is going to take place when they invariably try to tempt Cena to get back their positions.

Match of the Night:Goldust and Stardust (c) vs. Jimmy and Jey Uso vs. Damien Sandow and The Miz vs. Diego and Fernando, WWE Tag Team Championship Match - Much like any normal episode of RAW, a midcard clusterfuck match was set to follow the awkward, mostly superfluous opening promo segment featuring Triple H and other various members of WWE's upper crust. But since the name on the marquee read "Survivor Series," the participants in the match almost innately raised their game past the usual "RAW shove everyone in the same match to advance one or more stories" clusterfuck. The game was raised early on when one of Los Matadores broke out a sweet low leg sweep to counter to Stardust running the ropes and then breaking out the Rob van Dam leg scissor rollup.

This match was the first one where the Puerto Ricans playing Mexicans playing a Spanish game really broke out of their jokey shells and elevated their in-ring work to a level theoretically befitting the title pedigree. Sandow not only worked his usual shtick of imitating everything The Miz did, but he even deployed it as successful strategery by using it as distraction at one point. The Usos were the Usos, which is not a bad thing, while the then-Champs even showed a bit of evolution. Stardust came out dressed in a red-schemed unitard, and he showed a flair for anger during the match, almost as if he was playing to nerdy tendencies and showing that he had gained a Red Power Ring from the Green Lantern universe. Goldust kept moving backwards in time like a gold-encrusted Benjamin Button.

But the real genius in the match centered around using Sandow as bait to keep the crowd invested in the match. Clearly, he was the one feature attraction that people wanted to see, and the way the narrative centered around teasing him and delaying his payoff until the very end was pro wrestling architecture at its finest. The match build a skeleton around one idea, a literal stunt double who thinks he's an understudy, fleshed it out for misdirection, and then when the time was just right, had him jump in the fire and ignite the crowd's burning desire for him to succeed. It was brilliance all around.

Overall Thoughts: Survivor Series was a weird show this year. In many respects, it played out like a glorified episode of RAW, replete with a 20 minute promo featuring Triple H going against a patronizing John Cena and a match that was made with an impromptu backstage segment in the Rosebuds/Slater Gator contest. The middle of the show up until the beginning of the main event felt like a slog. WWE can only go to the queer-baiting well with what the company stereotypically views as "lesbianism" so often, and then the agents foolishly laid out the SAME exact finish with Big Show and Mark Henry as they did with AJ Lee and Nikki Bella beforehand. This show had all the potential to be WWE's worst pay-per-view in over a year.

But the redeeming factors more than made up for the sag in the middle. The opening tag match was more than solid. It had weird energy at times, but energy was never lacking. The layout in keeping Damien Sandow on the apron and out of the fray until the very end was sublime and one of the smartest booking decisions made by the WWE team in a long time. The women's elimination match, though baffling in its booking, was still a showcase for an underserved portion of the roster. Even Cameron found a way not to fuck up too badly, while the rest of the competitors made their cases for a better showcase, longer matches, and more development. I'm not actually too down on the end of the Bray Wyatt/Dean Ambrose match either. While WWE has proven time and time again that it as an entity doesn't know how to shepherd a feud in a way that isn't "guy it wants you to cheer" metaphorically jizzing on the heel at every turn, the way that Wyatt induced Ambrose to go buck wild on him gives me some kind glimmer of hope.

But the real crown jewel in terms of total-package pro wrestling storytelling and emotional wrenching was the main event, especially the final angle. I will admit to being one of the observers whose emotional state of readiness for Sting to appear in a WWE ring bordered on antipathy. He was never "my" guy in WCW (and I say that fully acknowledging that my guys in WCW were either ex-WWF heroes like Hulk Hogan or new-school juniors in the midcard like Dean Malenko), and what I saw of him in TNA was embarrassing on average. But when he stepped into the arena at the end of the main event match, I got chills. He walked into the building with his trenchcoat hiding a pot belly and his hair looking shabbier than your first car, but he carried a presence with him. He made the moment feel important, which is something that more people who held better nostalgia for him felt when he took bat to nWo skull for the first time and declared his intentions in that skirmish.

But Sting's presence capped off a weird but wonderful cap to the show. Whether it was Ryback's build going towards being the first elimination on his team, Rusev wiping out on the Spanish announce table in perhaps the greatest non-pinfall elimination ever, Erick Rowan of all people busting out a martial arts movie-caliber spinning roundhouse kick, John Cena being the THIRD guy out on his own team, the way Dolph Ziggler held the crowd in his hand as he played the valiant conquering underdog hero, or the pathetic yet poignant final stand of Triple H and Stephanie McMahon as day-to-day managers of WWE, the close to night held such junk food appeal. The match wasn't the best of the night, and one could pick out the flaws in logic or pacing if they were so inclined without any real protestation from yours truly. However, the whole thing came together in an oddly satisfying experience, even if the longterm implications to the health of the company or the sanity of the viewer are less than optimistic.
↧
↧

I Listen So You Don't Have To: Steve Austin Show Ep. 169

November 24, 2014, 10:00 am
$
0
0
Austin analyzes this match in great detail
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: Steve Austin Show
Episode: 169
Run Time: 1:15:13
Guest: None

Summary: After a lengthy setup, Stone Cold gets to the main event: running commentary of his classic WrestleMania 13 encounter with Bret “The Hitman” Hart. It’s Austin’s defining match in his favorite arena, Chicago’s Rosemont Horizon. He narrates the entire match from the entrance of guest referee Ken Shamrock to his own slow, bloody walk back to the locker room.

Quote of the week:“Wham! Wham! Wham! Wham! Bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam! Eff you. Wham! That last kick may have been a little bit snug.”

Why you should listen: If you enjoyed Austin providing commentary for his WrestleMania X-Seven main event against The Rock, you know what you’re getting here. Austin provides excellent context to the match (such as explaining how a certain Hart chair shot is supposed to invoke memories of Austin attacking Brian Pillman) and sheds light on things even devotees of this match might have missed (like how Austin responded when he sensed Hart’s arm was trapped during a guardrail clothesline). If you want to know how one of the all-time greats approached the actual mechanics of wrestling, or just to hear how fired up he is about this match some 17 years later, this is a great use of 75 minutes.

Why you should skip it: It’s not all sunshine and roses here. Unlike his previous outing, Austin talks over every second of the match, going so far as to encourage listeners to rewatch it so they can hear the commentary. The atmosphere of the ambient audio is missed — especially when all he’s doing is punctuating contact like John Madden breaking down instant replay during a football telecast. I can’t imagine the meat of this show is enjoyable at all without video of the match playing in the background. There’s plenty of good stuff in here, but it’s not all gold.

Final thoughts: These shows are close to great. Again, I can’t quite put my finger on what’s needed to elevate them to a higher level, but I very much appreciate the effort Austin clearly put into this episode, as it’s a far more rewarding listen than yet another listener call-in show. If these attempts continue to improve, listeners may regret Austin’s decision to start with his highest-profile matches since those ought to have the finest commentary as a companion. That said, it probably made sense to start with these two since the quality of the in-ring performance probably is more than enough to make the combined experience a sold, if not spectacular, listening experience.
↧

Smackdown: Friendship is Magic

November 24, 2014, 12:00 pm
$
0
0
Pictured: Four men who shouldn't trust John Cena
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Disclaimer that I wrote this before Survivor Series.

Worst Friends – John Cena and Team Cena
John Cena really is the worst team mate. On this episode Triple H dropped the bomb that if Cena's team loses at Survivor Series, then the team mates will all lose their jobs...except for Cena. Apparently this is supposed to be a stake for Cena because it might make him feel bad or something. Anyway, this resulted in, like, five minutes of soul searching for Big Show, Dolph Ziggler, Ryback, and Erick Rowan, after which they decided to stick together because of “freedom,” whatever that's supposed to mean. And guess who didn't show up at all, either to convince his crew to band together or to help out against the Authority? Captain Cena.

Why should ANYONE want to be on his team? Aside from the fact that he has feuded with every member of his team (and fairly recently in Rowan's case), what are any of them getting out of this? Ziggler and Show have more reason than most to want the Authority gone, but who says their replacement bosses would be any better? You're seriously going to trust in the benevolence of Mr. McMahon, of all people? And even if they had decided to abandon Cena at the threat of losing their jobs, they'd still be marked as trouble-makers by the Authority. They lose all around. Also, these guys are just really bad at being friends. Immediately after Triple H's announcement, Ziggler had a match with Rusev, with Ziggler suffering the Accolade after the Bulgarian/Russian had won the match. A pretty open opportunity for one of his team mates to rush in and help, yet no one came out. They were all banned from ring side during Big Show and Ryback's match against Kane and Seth Rollins and I just laughed because there has been no precedent for this team wanting to protect each other. Team Authority, meanwhile, always has each other's backs and they're smart enough to have extras hanging around (Noble and Mercury). Why on earth should I not be cheering for the team that actually acts like a team?

Secretly Still Friends – Damien Sandow and Stardust
The Miz and Damien Sandow lost their match against Los Matadores, with the Usos and Goldust and Stardust on guest commentary. As could perhaps have been expected, it was mostly cacophonous chaos, with too many voices at once and too little concentration on the conflict in the ring. And then JBL summed up the whole thing by declaring that “this is the weirdest group of tag teams [he's] ever seen.” Well, they're all we have at the moment, so could you maybe do your job and build them up as something worthwhile to see? No? Well, fuck you, then. However, the silver lining was a glimmer of team Rhodes Scholars shimmering ever so faintly. When Miz immediately tagged himself back in when his stunt double had just gone into action, Stardust remarked that “The people [didn't] like that,” while sounding faintly disapproving himself. Then, whilst performing his stunt double duties, Sandow hurled himself at Stardust after Miz had been thrown into the Usos. How interesting that Sandow just happened to launch himself into the arms of his former best friend when he had other options. They secretly still support each other and want to be together and no one shall convince me otherwise.

Most Pointless Friendship Alienation – AJ Lee vs. Brie Bella
AJ Lee has made it pretty clear that she has no wish for any friends among the women's division, and that's fine. Despite my love of friendship, a good lone wolf is always valuable, and Lee's disparaging of the other women in the division has its place. On this episode she had a match against Brie Bella and continued the grand tradition of dressing up as your opponent (or, in this case, as her opponent's puppet master sister) as a mortal and cutting insult. Except...it didn't really work here. Lee padded both her chest and her butt, but, first of all, Nikki Bella does not have a big butt. Like, at all. Definitely not enough to caricature. Second of all, Nikki absolutely does have an enormous bust, but so what? She's never made any bones about the fact that she wanted bigger boobs, so she paid for them, and now she loves them and showing them off. It's not something she's tried to hide. Trying to shame a woman for something that she does not and should not feel shame for doesn't make you look too bright and kind of makes you look like a jerk. Man, I never thought I'd see the day when I was constantly chiding AJ Lee and defending Nikki Bella.

Most Heartbreaking Loss of Friendship – Erick Rowan and Luke Harper
I am not prepared to see these two former members of the Wyatt Family go up against each other. Erick Rowan (whose membership in Team Cena makes the least amount of sense) won his match against Cesaro (poor Cesaro) and then made threatening motions towards Luke Harper when the latter came out. And my heart clean broke in half because if two giant bearded men can't remain friends after being ejected from their cult then what hope do any of us have? I feel like Rowan is just confused about everything (as am I. Why did Bray Wyatt apparently decided that Rowan and Harper don't need to be saved anymore? Why did Harper throw in with the Authority?) and is acting out, like a large ginger child. Feeling abandoned, he joined up with Team Cena, but is still just trying to get some sort of reaction out of Harper.

Harper, meanwhile, doesn't need Rowan anymore and can't give him what he wants, yet also can't bring himself to hurt his former family member. During the end-of-show clash of the teams, Rowan once again made straight for Harper, with the latter yelling, “What are you doing?” at him. And even then, Harper still wouldn't take Rowan out, instead letting Kane do it. It was all weirdly moving. THESE TWO GIANT MEN ARE JUST CONFUSED AND HURTING INSIDE AND I CAN'T DEAL WITH IT.
↧

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings, November 24

November 24, 2014, 4:50 pm
$
0
0
Sasha Banks, hype as a wrestler AND a manager
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Sasha Banks (Last Week: 2) - She returned the favor for Becky Lynch as her hype-man this week, and she compelled her to win WITH THE POWER OF SATAN. ONE OF US! ONE OF US!

2. Odell Beckham, Jr. (Last Week: Not Ranked) - He's not human. He's not human. He's from Asgard. He's gotta be.

3. Bayley (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Certain things are inalienable. You are born. You die. You pay taxes. And Bayley's gonna hug you. Charlotte found out. You will too.

4. Heidi Lovelace (Last Week: 6) - I heard she's concentrating on training for her Young Lions Cup final by taking magnifying glasses to ant hills. Also, by doing Hindu squats and other major calisthenics. What, she's not stupid.

5. Stardust (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Stardust is clearly in possession of a Red Power Ring, and is the new Red Lantern for the Earth sector. The question is, when will he acquire the other six power rings and become the WHITE LANTERN WWE was destined to have?

6. Naomi (Last Week: Not Ranked) - MY HEAD hurt after seeing her give Paige that headscissor driver last night. Holy shit.

7. Grumpy Cat (Last Week: 7) - See, I told you Grumpy Cat was gonna be awesome last week.

8. Turkey (Last Week: Not Ranked)OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - The quintessential Thanksgiving meat has come under fire lately, especially from one Chrissy Tiegen. Look, normally, I ride for the supermodel/Twitter maven, but she's dead wrong about turkey. DEAD. WRONG.

9. Mark Henry (Last Week: 9) - It's alright, guys, it was all Triple H's fault.

10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - SARA DEL REY FACT: She gained the ability to warg, which is why Cameron looked unoffensive last night.
↧

Instant Feedback: You Proved Triple H Right

November 24, 2014, 9:25 pm
$
0
0
Out with the old, in with the old in different makeup
Photo Credit: WWE.com
WWE's desired narrative and "headcanon" oftentimes are in direct opposition to each other. Headcanon, a Tumblr-coined word that describes taking a deeply personal interpretation of events in popular culture as gospel truth, can make a lot more sense than the written, literal story in times of subpar output, and in times of quality, it can be an enriching appendix to what's going on. WWE is known for having stretches with great wrestling, and the character design and execution might be on point, but trusting narrative is a dicey proposition. Relying on headcanon to get through rough episodes of RAW is necessary in some cases.

One could make the argument that Triple H's farewell promo tonight was setting up something sinister in the future, foreshadowing a return after things fell apart. Of course, it could also have been classic Triple H hubris. No one knows. But WWE has built a track record that plays to a notion that "what's good for the goose is good for the gander." Daniel Bryan made a grand return tonight for one night, and he basically embodied everything that The Authority was against the babyfaces, only acting against the heels. Tit for tat. An eye for an eye.

In the minds of the tastemakers of the company, the opposite of raging oppression against the good guy is raging oppression against the bad guy. IN reality, the other side of the coin isn't doing it to the other side, but balance, fairness, justice. Bryan wasn't reversing the injustices levied upon him and his friends. He became that which oppressed him. And thus the cycle of turmoil continued.

It's at this juncture where WWE's vision for what it wants to happen and a reasonable headcanon start to conflict. WWE wants the audience to believe tonight was a net positive. In reality, Triple H was right, albeit for the wrong reasons. He spoke clearly and even plagiarized Jack Nicholson's speech from the end of A Few Good Men (excellent movie, by the way) about how without him and Stephanie McMahon, WWE would descend into madness. He wasn't speaking from a point of view of objectivity. He what the learned scholars would call an unreliable narrator. The company had already been a festering hole filled with garbage under his reign. But he spoke truth. WWE on a rudderless ship captained by multiple guest general managers would not necessarily lead to shore unless by accident.

The funny thing is, Trips was proven right before he could even leave the arena. And the beat will continue to thump arhythmically until the next corrupt permanent authority figure is put into place. So on and so forth. Headcanon will be a fan's best friend, but imagination dies as the average human grows older. Blessed is the human who is still as mind-expanded and clever as he or she was at age six. I know I have trouble coming up with simple hypotheticals without having a gob of data in front of me. Headcanon doesn't come easily for everyone. Some people don't want to have to mentally figure out ways to take rough clay of an entertainment medium and mold it into something palatable. No "correct" way of consuming entertainment exists, but when WWE almost requires you to dress its output up in order to enjoy it, maybe the problem isn't with the fans, but with the creatively bankrupt people writing this shit.

Of course, Triple H and Stephanie McMahon will be back. All great villains except oddly enough John Laurinaitis get second, third, fourth runs. And they will return WWE back to a dystopian wasteland where it pays to be bad. But until WWE realizes that vacillating back and forth between failed states is a bad model for its fictional universe and maybe trying a balanced, neutral office that allows personal issues to develop between wrestlers again is the way to go, well, Triple H will continue to be right for the wrong reasons.
↧
↧

I Listen So You Don't Have To: Cheap Heat with Mike Tyson

November 25, 2014, 6:00 am
$
0
0
Tyson was the guest this week
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: Cheap Heat
Episode: Nov. 20, 2014
Run Time: 1:02:47
Guest: Mike Tyson (17:09)

Summary: David Shoemaker opens the show by discussing his Grantland interview with Seth Rollins, which leads into a bit of talk about the final episode of RAW before Survivor Series. Seemingly at random, Peter Rosenberg takes a phone call from Mike Tyson, and the guys interview him for about 15 minutes about his boxing career, wrestling fandom and future plans. After that chat they talk up the triple threat Intercontinental Title match from the Nov. 14 Smackdown, preview the Survivor Series card and tackle the Kayfabe question of the week.

Quote of the week:“I wasn’t prepared for (losing). You know, I watched films all my life, and I watched fighters better than myself lose. But the thing about losing — losing is a process, it’s a learning experience. In life, in school. But I came back, I came back and won. But the reality of it is, losing is preparing us for life. At the end of the day we’re going to lose. We’re going to lose our hair, we’re going to lose people that we love, our friends, our mothers. And then eventually we’re going to die. So at the end of the game we’re all losers. In the material world, we may win. But in the big sphere of this game, at the end, it’s over.”

Why you should listen: The Tyson interview is actually pretty great. He’s clearly a longtime, legitimate wrestling fan, and although it’s a little out there to consider him doing any serious work with the company right now, entertaining the notion is a fun diversion. Beyond that, the early discussion of Rollins and the heaps of praise for the Smackdown triple threat put lie to the notion the hosts only care about the main event scene of the only show in town.

Why you should skip it: Obviously anyone who doesn’t care for Mike Tyson should take a pass — his call is basically a lovefest. The show came out before Survivor Series, but it didn’t add much in terms of anticipation for the event, certainly nothing Shoemaker devotees hadn’t already ascertained from reading his preview.

Final thoughts: As Cheap Heat episodes go, this one falls on the positive side — or at least the less bad side. The Tyson interview sort of reset Rosenberg toward the more listener-friendly aspects of his personality, during and after, and most anything that gets the talk away from the current week of WWE TV is welcome. Obviously at this point the RAW recap and Survivor Series are outdated, but they were scarcely essential listening before the pay-per-view. Still, there’s decent stuff herein, so it’s not a bad listen, especially if your normal podcasts dry up a bit during a holiday week.
↧

Tomorrow Never Dies Card Taking Shape

November 25, 2014, 8:00 am
$
0
0
Can the Big Blue Ant lead his team to Cibernetico victory?
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
Under two weeks remain before December 6 arrives and Chikara ends its 14th season with a return to the 2300 Arena (formerly ECW Arena). The show, which will be available on Internet pay-per-view, looks to be an epic clash between the forces of Chikara and the raging waters of The Flood, as displayed by the first matches announced. Heidi Lovelace vs. Missile Assault Ant in the Young Lions Cup final, the Cibernetico Royale with Jakob Hammermeier captaining the rudo squad, and the mammoth clash between Icarus and Deucalion have already been announced. Since then, Chikara's captain for Cibernetico has been named, two more Chikara vs. Flood bouts have been inked, and a third match outside of the main theater of battle with a funky stipulation was announced.

First up, Worker Ant, the former Gekido bruiser-turned-Colony strongman will be heading up the charge against his former would-be allies. In fact, Worker is the last Gekido standing, since combatANT was shelved by Mike Quackenbush years ago, deviANT and Shard met their fates at the hands of Deucalion, and 17 was more than likely replaced by a mole at National Pro Wrestling Day when a mysterious cane pulled him away from the fray. While none of his former compadres stand in opposition, he is the perfect captain for the eight-wrestler squad because of the path he took to get to where he is today.

Next up, while Icarus won't be defending his gold against Deucalion, his Golden Trio teammates will have to face a steep challenge from hossy members of The Flood. The last time Dasher Hatfield and Mark Angelosetti were in the ring with Blaster McMassive and Max Smashmaster, they ended up getting trucked en route to the Devastation Corporation taking King of Trios. Now, Sidney Bakabella's giant slabs of hoss will be looking to take Los Campeonatos de Parejas from the Throwbacks as well. As with every standard defense of the titles, the contest will be best two out of three falls.

Even though a title won't be on the line in the other Chikara/Flood match, one could argue Eddie Kingston's ultimate clash against Jimmy Jacobs has more on the line. The stakes may not be physical, but the emotional weight carried in this match is undeniably hefty. Jacobs used Kingston's lust for the Grand Championship to manipulate him into action against his home, a home which at times was the only company that would have him. I'm a huge fan of both guys in the ring, and with the added story surrounding it, I expect this not only to be the match of the night, but a solid top-tier Match of the Year candidate.

Not all the action will involve the war against The Flood. Juan Francisco de Coronado and "Smooth Sailing" Ashley Remington have been engaged in a bit of a row for most of the season. Their hostilities will come to a head at the finale as well with a curious stipulation attached. Their match can only end on a German suplex. I haven't seen as many full shows this season as I would have liked so far, but I'm assuming the move is central to their aggressions. I also expect this to be a good match, even if it only gets five or so minutes.

The dance card is filling up quite nicely. I'm not sure if any other matches will be announced, since Cibernetico tends to be a long affair, but it'll be interesting to note how the teams will fill out. Either way, I'm not sure missing the show is an option at this point.
↧
Search

Dispatches from the Lake: This One Goes out to All the Ladies

November 25, 2014, 10:00 am
$
0
0
Along with JBL, these two twits are a disservice to women in WWE
Photo Credit: WWE.com
I get mad at the commentators on RAW quite a bit. When JBL came on a while back to replace Jerry Lawler after his heart attack, I had some high hopes. Michael Cole pumped the brake on his horrific heel character (though I still miss the Cole Mine with all my heart), and things were looking up. Once Lawler came back, we had a three man booth who weren’t allowed to think their own thoughts screaming over each other about twerking - not the improvement I was looking for. I look back at that past version of me and shake my head at her foolish hopes, especially after the commentary during the women’s Survivor Series match on Sunday.

I don’t understand a lot of how the WWE does business, but it seems to me that if they are giving a match a sizable chunk of their show, they are going to do their best putting it over and trying to keep those watching at home engaged. The last time I can remember the commentators doing this was that NXT tag team match on Raw about a month or two ago. I’m sure Triple H was on the other end of the earpieces promising death most painful if they did their usual dump on everything routine.

So, why can’t they do that for every match? Just like interesting characters and engaging storylines, WWE proves again that they can do something; they just don’t want to put the effort into doing it on a regular basis. That would be too hard.

JBL, Cole and Lawler carried on a conversation like there wasn’t a match going on five feet in front of their stupid faces. It was like they clicked off their monitors, kicked back in their chairs, and started chatting about that one Survivor Series match Lawler was supposed to be in from years and years ago. Um, hi, yeah, I’m watching the current match going on in the year 2014. How about you offer some insight into it other than "bitches be crazy?"

WWE goes out of its way to marginalize the women’s wrestlers on its program to a point where I wonder why the hell they even bother with it in the first place. I want women’s wrestling on my television, but I want the company that provides it to want it too. I think you’d have to blind not to see the improvement over the last few years of people like the Bella Twins and Naomi, or the skill being showcased down in NXT by the women’s wrestlers there. You’ve got SARA DEL REY training the women down at the performance center. WHY ARE YOU WASTING ALL OF THIS?

WWE has the pieces to make something great of their women’s division, but instead they throw a belt with a vagina at them with the motivation that they are psycho nutjobs with no friends, because women are incapable of being friends with other women, amirite?

If the company can get behind the women and show that they are behind them through improved stories and commentary that isn’t mind-numbingly dismissive or offensive, the viewers will be more inclined to get behind them. That’s kind of the point of having commentary in the first place. It’s supposed to enhance the match (see Chikarason, Leonard F).

There are always going to be people who use the women’s matches as a bathroom break, but if the women are promoted properly, some of those people will stay to watch the match. If they stay to watch the match, they might find a new wrestler to get behind. They might need a t-shirt to show their support. They’ll buy tickets to the show where they can wear their t-shirt to show their support. More stars on the show equals more money. And as a company, isn’t that what’s best for business?
↧

I Listen So You Don't Have To: Steve Austin Show Ep. 170

November 26, 2014, 8:00 am
$
0
0
Austin's guest on this show was a veritable wrestling icon
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: Steve Austin Show Unleashed
Episode: 170
Run Time: 1:22:08
Guest: Bill Apter (13:00)

Summary: Austin welcomes a legendary figure from the pro wrestling world, magazine magnate Bill Apter. They talk briefly about the Pro Wrestling Illustrated 500 and Austin’s 1990 PWI Rookie of the Year award. Then Austin gets Apter to revisit his childhood and early days of fandom, which brings up names like Buddy Rogers, before talking about Apter’s career in the territory days and his stance on keeping kayfabe. The chat moves briskly to topics like Japan and names like Bruiser Brody, Stan Hansen, Dory Funk Jr., Jack Brisco, the von Erichs, Gary Hart, Andy Kaufman, Hulk Hogan and “Superstar” Billy Graham. They end with a look at Apter’s forthcoming book and a story about Austin’s 1997 neck injury. Stone Cold’s Match of the Week is the June 13 Smackdown encounter between Bray Wyatt, who is his guest next week, and Dean Ambrose.

Quote of the week:“I never broke (kayfabe) with the fans either. Because when the fans would talk to me about, ‘Hey, this is fake,’ I’d say, ‘Listen, if you want to talk about wrestling, you know, I look at it as a sport. So I’ll talk to you about wrestling all day and night, but I’m not going to defend fake or real and all that.’ I said, ‘These guys are the best athletes in the world, and I don’t question what this is. This is a sport to me.”

Why you should listen: Apter is a great interview. I think I first heard him on Art Of Wrestling in August 2012, but you’d be hard-pressed to find a wrestling fan of a certain age who has no exposure to Apter’s products. The deeper your experience went beyond the PWI 500 or Almanac, the more likely you are to enjoy and fully appreciate hearing Austin talk with a man he clearly respects and who obviously was a critical figure in the building the foundation for wrestling’s 1980s boom period. Beyond that, after the monologue, it’s one of the least-blue versions of the uncensored show in recent memory.

Why you should skip it: As much as I enjoyed this interview, I put myself in the place of the listeners I’ve heard call in to Austin’s show over the last several weeks. On one hand, such folks seem fanatical enough to listen to every second of Stone Cold audio regardless of content. On the other, this show is heavily skewed toward the fan side of Austin’s brain instead of his performing career. So if you’ve got no use for wrestling before 1990, certainly pre-Attitude Era, well, your loss, I guess. Also, the longest part of the chat is the Andy Kaufman story, and it’s one I’d heard in depth before.

Final thoughts: Perhaps there’s a segment of fans who know of Bill Apter and still don’t like the guy. But really, anyone who enjoys wrestling history will appreciate Apter’s recollections, and he and Austin clearly have an easy chemistry that makes the chat fly by. Conversations like this are the leading justification for things like Austin’s show to exist in the first place, so this episode comes highly recommended.
↧
↧

Your Midweek Links: Happy Turkey Eve!

November 26, 2014, 11:00 am
$
0
0
Sting! Sting! Sting! STEEEEEEEEEEENNNNG!
Photo Credit: WWE.com
It's hump day, so here are some links to get you through the rest of the week:

Wrestling Links:

- 15 Wrestlers We're Most Thankful For [Wrestledelphia]

- The Best and Worst of Survivor Series [With Spandex]

- What Did We Learn from Survivor Series? [SB Nation]

- WWE Survivor Series: Sting? WTF! [Grantland]

- Bang for Your Buck PPV Review: Survivor Series [Juice Make Sugar]

- Survivor Series and the Trouble with Middles [False Underdog]

- Has a Dive Through the Ropes Lost Its Luster? [4CR Wrestling]

- Bret Hart on the Montreal Screwjob: "I Would Have Choked Shawn Out" [Deadspin]

- How Hiroshi Tanahashi Saved New Japan from Itself [Cewsh Reviews]

- The Best and Worst of RAW: May I Lose Your Attention, Please [With Spandex]

- Ringside Cinema: Pro Wrestlers vs. Zombies [Old School Jabronis]

- The Shield and Wyatt Beef Was Very Real According to Bray Wyatt [Wrassle Rap]

- The Future Is Now: Q&A with Seth Rollins [Grantland]

- The Eight Most Devastating Celebrity Finishing Moves [Clickhole]

- The Best and Worst of Impact Wrestling: Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow [With Spandex]

- The Future Is Coming, and Its Name Is Kevin Owens [Wrassle Rap]

- Wrestling in the Clinton Years: So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, Goodbye [4CR Wrestling]

- The Depths of Mania: WrestleMania VII Review [Voices of Wrestling]

Non-Wrestling Links:

- Thanksgiving Sides, Ranked [Rankings]

- Map: Every State's Most Distinctive Thanksgiving Recipe [Foodspin]

- Chrissy Teigen Has a Thanksgiving Turkey Manifesto [Domesticity]

- This Coffee Milk Stout Is the Pride of New England [The Concourse]

- How to Make Potatoes Au Gratin, a Step Beyond Good Ol' Mashed Potatoes [Foodspin]

- What Did RGIII Say That Peyton Manning Hasn't Said? [Deadspin]

- It's Time for the NFL to Ban Cheerleaders [VICE Sports]

- The Bills Should Pay People to Dig Their City Out, Not Their Stadium [The Vane]

- Monday Morning Jerkface, Week 12 [The Footbawl Blog]

- The 15 Worst Owners in Sports [Rolling Stone]

- End Fraternities [Gawker]

- Camille Cosby and the Problem with Asking "Why Did She Stay?" [Jezebel]

- Stop Asking if College Teams Can Beat the Philadelphia 76ers, Please [Hardwood Paroxysm]

- Ten Things You Didn't Know about the Malice at the Palace [With Leather]

- Fightball Is Not a Fight, but It Does Have Balls [VICE Sports]

- The Ten Greatest and Weirdest JFK Assassination Theories [io9]

- The Best Sideshow Bob Episodes of The Simpsons, Ranked [Warming Glow]

- How Charlie's Relationship with The Waitress Should End on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia [Warming Glow]
↧

Best Coast Bias: Double Feature

December 1, 2014, 6:30 am
$
0
0
Somebody didn't want onions on their burger
Photo Credit: WWE.com
It seems especially in a socially networked era of pro graps viewing and reviewing that every year towards its conclusion a gaggle of writers look back on the previous 365 and declare it The Craziest Year Ever™. This year may have been proving it; hell, this week's got it covered if you need a few bullet points to illustrate the larger thesis.

The Artist Formerly Known As Kevin Steen is taking up space on Stamford programming. Sting of all people has taken WWE out of the latest iteration of the McMahon-Helmsley Era. And the man most responsible for the biggest seismic shift within programming this year when his series of Tombstones took out Daniel Bryan and threw the entire summer into an episode of Sliders as they searched in vain for a recovery and then an heir apparent? He's the big goof in the black khakis getting kicked in the face by Dean Ambrose in Main Event's main event.

It's weird: for all the alluding to what Kane was and the evil things he's done, not to mention the fact he's literally the reason the Yes Era was a hiccup and not a pandemic, it's hard to see him as a threat nowadays. Then again, maybe that's why he got protected to an extent, as Ambrose had to pull out a surprise rollup out of the corner to win after the former DOO (hee hee, doo) managged to avoid the second version of Dirty Deeds in a two-segger show closer that was perfectly serviceable but nothing worth going out of one's set pathway to see. Not outwardly worse for wear from Bray Wyatt dumping Aisle 11 of Home Depot on him after a Sister Abigail on the floor the previous evening, the much-beloved Ambrose stayed steady with his spazmatic offense, even when Kane was countering his topes and punching him around the ring in a myriad of ways. Without their respective dance partners for TLC matches making appearances, it was up to Ambrose's weird mix of charisma and total willingness to lean into some uppercuts that set the table, milquetoast as the meal being served was may have been.

The ending sent the fans home happy, and the beginning did as well. To an extent--the new Tag Team champions Damien Sandow and Mike Sandmiz came out to test the bipolarity of the WWE fanbase right off the jump. (Oh, sure, that's not how they're technically billed, but that's how most fans see it.) It's amazing how this is the third time they're running "guy next to the Miz realizes he's way more awesome than Ohio boy with the frosted tips" and it still doesn't lose steam. It also helps when Miz cuts a wonderfully self-aggrandizing promo beforehand where he insists the crowd shut up before giving a metaphorical toast to the haters and wrapping it all up by thanking the one that's stood besides him without the proper recognition, respect and thanks it so richly deserves: his moneymaker. Hey, the man's married to Maryse. It's entirely possible he's attractive, you know. Anyway, Los Matadores came out afterwards and put up just enough offense to acquit them of folding as they do, but this match's ending came with the twist of Miz blind-tagging in to capitalize on Sandow's Skull Crushing Finale and get the victory after those roles were reversed days earlier in the title change.

Here's a question that'll never get answered: if Fandango is so new and improved, why's he got the same finisher? Adam Rose fell victim to it after some more Bunny-related shenanigans, and rest assured that question was more compelling than the sprint that caused it to happen. To his credit, F2.0 looked a little more vicious with a bull-run Rosegut first to the apron before back suplexing him into it; well, as vicious as a man can look wrestling with his collar up. But this was a mere trifle, and we daren't bring up desserts without noting the fact that for the last pre-giving Thanksgiving show that the E put on, that somebody was probably going to get piefaced. Three Stooges style, and not the more fight-inducing style. So Nattie was the poor victim this year, with the Slayers mocking her before putting a fat round of pumpkin (possibly sweet potato) right between the eyes. At least they topped her off with some whipped cream, but Nattie got the last laugh by making Layla tap out to the Sharpshooter in the middle of the ring. Well, maybe Tyson Kidd did by repeatedly posing in front of his wife after her win while they were both up on the same corner of the turnbuckles. And also by putting on his headphones or taking them off depending on the vociferousness of the Nattie's Husband chants.

You'd think a man married to a woman that attractive would be encouraging that sort of chant, but that line of thinking is probably cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, right?
Like have you seen my dignity where the hell'd I put it
Photo Credit: WWE.com
For wrestling fans of a certain age, pro graps and Thanksgiving go together like gravy and tryptophan, the middle of the second quarter and falling asleep, old sibling rivalry arguments renewing and sneaking sips out of Grandma's flask. Therefore it was a nice thing to see NXT pick up that forgotten torch and provide a new episode after the last drumstick was eaten and most people were slowly drooling on themselves.

While it wasn't a blowaway show by any means, it set the table for one to come up in a couple Thursdays with the next Network Special, Revolution. (Here in BCBville, we don't take too kindly to unnecessary misspellings. How could a proper British gentlemen be running the show and allow such an abomination to stand?)

It's fitting that the Thanksgiving episode ended in a fight to set up the next special, since this all began at the last one; the Ascension showed up and ruined a perfectly good Tyson Kidd/Finn Bálor match with the rarest of Full Sail entities: a DQ. Their showing up to lay out the newcomer brought out Hideo Itami to have his friend's back the way nobody had his back at Fatal 4 Way, and pretty soon the clubberin' commenced, slightly eradicating the ten minutes before hand where Bálor kept pace with the self-proclaimed and quite delusional "new Hitman" for two segments. After getting out chain wrestled early, Tyson bailed in the manner you see above before getting his own back from the break. Yet despite his pleas to the ref to ask Bálor if he wished to submit in Irish, he was too good to stay down long and at the moment of the disqualification he was perched up top ready to deliver the double stomp of instant killification to the former Tag champion. Hopefully these guys get a rematch, a few more minutes, and a cleaner ending in the future.

This put a bow on a show that was remarkably similar in pacing to the previous week's, except at this time a week ago both of Bayley's legs worked. Mama Charlotte told her to not do the thing, but the thing she did, and Sasha and Becky took to being called bullies by bullying her and beating her up, putting more heat on the BFF Implosion title match that'll also happen at Revolution. Honestly, while that was probably necessary, the more compelling action in the women's division was the magical return of Leva Bates Blue Pants in her role as This Guy to Carmella's ersatz Bo Dallas Open Challenge. Not that the match was anything of substance; it seemed almost a verbatim reiteration of what'd gone before. But all the character work was delicious: Amore and Cass being stunned the crowd would beat them to the punch of what the surprise for Carmella would be, the big man singing the Price is Right theme for the victim yet again and some crowd members singing along, OBP being completely psyched to being led to another slaughter and even exchanging high-fives with some front-row supporters on her way to the ring, and then the Let's Go Blue Pants chants. Hopefully this leads to a larger role for her within Full Sail's walls, as the rest of it was more compelling than Carmella rifling through five moves we already know she has a handle on. Oh, and Cass gettting a hug before Amore got Heismanned once again. Literally everything around the match was more compelling than what constituted it; those things named donut holes still have donut constituting them, you know? This was the inverse of that.

The Lucha Dragons were successful over Team Scrubs to no surprise, but unlike the offense served up to Tye Dillinger and Jason Jordan didn't have any reposte to the midget madness match last week, nor the short black-and-white film put up by the Vaudies depicting them (well...the midgets again) as dynamite enthusiast bank robbers only to get hoisted by their own Wile E.sque petard and blowed up real good by the #1 contenders. Kevin Owens noted he'd started fighting to provide for his family, and that his 14-year journey to WWE was going to end with him proving people wrong on Revolution's launch date. Tyler Breeze, stuck in title shot purgatory until the Zayn/Neville contretemps is settled, made fun of Marcus Louis for a minute or so before putting him out of his misery with a Beauty Shot. That was it--that was the show. Individually, it seems the journey is being sacrificed at the cost of the destination; fortunately for everybody who's an NXTophile, that destination is one last hour away from going live.
↧

No Safe Havens

December 1, 2014, 8:30 am
$
0
0
CM Punk's allegations are disturbing even if they're not surprising
Photo Credit: WWE.com
By now, everyone has either listened to the latest Art of Wrestling or has read any number of recaps and editorials stemming from CM Punk finally breaking his silence about his walkout from WWE. While the truth is that Punk can come off like an absolutely miserable human being and that each story has at least two sides, nothing that Punk relayed to Colt Cabana and his audience really comes off as shocking or unbelievable. WWE is a company that has abused the independent contractor label ever since it went national. Its history of misogyny and homophobia might be more easily concealed if it didn't bubble onto the on-screen product as much as it has since the mid-'90s. It is the company that sent Owen Hart to his death out of negligence and then dared to take his widow to court because she didn't want it to exploit his image. However, despite the egregious blemishes on its face, the company has always had a reputation for paying well and taking care of its wrestlers when they got hurt or sick. Punk's allegations about payouts and more horrifically, the treatment of a cyst in his back that turned out to be a staph infection scuttle even those positives for the country's leader in pro wrestling.

The staph infection thing is the most bothersome of the lot because it shows that the Wellness Program is more than likely a sham, and that WWE can't be trusted to take more than marginally better care of its workers than noted sweatshop company TNA does. No one can get into wrestling in an in-ring capacity and expect to come out unscathed, but one would think that a company like WWE that brings in the revenue it does would allocate a generous portion to making sure the men and women on whose backs Vince McMahon has built his empire can stay in optimal shape. If a WWE-employed doctor cannot identify a common wrestler malady like a staph infection (or maybe even intentionally misdiagnoses a staph infection), then how can anyone trust those doctors to administer a rigorous Wellness Program that helps the roster at large?

Then again, maybe I should have taken the hint watching how WWE's in-ring action is trending back towards the more risque. The Wellness Program was enacted in the wake of the grotesque final weekend of [REDACTED]'s life, and a huge reason why his brain was wracked with CTE was because he took and gave way too many German suplexes and because he did a brain-rattling flying headbutt as a finisher. For a few years, more "dangerous" moves were phased out, and granted, the main offender - unprotected chairshots to the head - are still reputed to be punished with fines. But why on earth is Cesaro allowed to bring back the chained German suplex spot again? Why was Daniel Bryan greenlit to do the flying headbutt from the top? And even in the wake of [REDACTED] AND after Bryan's career was put in jeopardy thanks to neck trauma, why on earth is Bull Dempsey allowed to do the flying headbutt as a finisher? Furthermore, if years of doing a regular leg drop from normal height has turned Hulk Hogan into a shell of a man physically, why the fuck is Fandango still using the guillotine leg drop from the top?

Again, no style in the ring is completely safe; even World of Sport-style mat grappling runs the risk of things like staph infections, which WWE has proven it cannot notice or that it doesn't fucking care about. But some moves, styles, and spots have red flags, red flags that are being ignored and blown by with frightening disregard. Of course, worker health is not of anyone's concern in the corporate world. No matter how many companies are bound by OSHA, many of these corporations treat safety as a nuisance rather than a priority. My day-job company is rare in its focus on safety, and of the clients for which I work, only a handful really enforce any kind of stringent safety policy. Normally, it is I who has to remind clients that safety comes first. So, if companies mandated by OSHA have problems following regulations, what makes anyone think a company that flaunts its abuse of the independent contractor label which means it doesn't have to follow OSHA would give a flying shit about its human cattle?

Granted, it shouldn't have taken Punk speaking up to shed more of a critical eye on WWE's shitty business practices. Hell, Alberto del Rio has been saying similar things since he's been fired, and for whatever reason, he's been ignored. Basically, everyone who's been released from WWE since time immemorial who's had a gripe about the company or individual workers with influence (hello, John Cena!) has been summarily ignored as bitter, a failure of a fourth estate which is tasked with keeping the theaters which it covers on their toes. The wrestling industry can't be full of places where workers feel unsafe or put on. If a wrestler can't get proper medical care, a relatively safe working environment (well, as safe as a wrestling company can be), or fair pay with WWE, then it's time to shut the fucking American wrestling industry down and take up a new hobby. I hear whittling has minimal risk as long as you know proper knife technique.
↧
Viewing all 4899 articles
Browse latest View live
Search