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Your Midweek Links: Sexy Star, Punk, and More

December 10, 2014, 8:30 am
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More Punk fallout and a bunch else in the links this week
Photo Credit: WWE.com
It's hump day, so here are some links to get you through the rest of the week:

Wrestling Links:

- Why a Woman Named Sexy Star Signals a Turning Point in Pro Wrestling [Bitch Magazine]

- CM Punk's Parting Shot [Grantland]

- The Best and Worst of RAW: Do You Think I Give a Damn about a Slammy? [With Spandex]

- Wrestling Is Awkward [Wrestling on Earth]

- The Top Independent Wrestling Matches to Watch for: December '14 [4CR Wrestling]

- Five Writing Changes That Would Save Professional Wrestling [Cracked]

- All Night Long: Five Grueling Matches That Prove Ric Flair Was Wrestling's Iron Man [With Spandex]

- Louisville Pastor Talks About His Past as a History-Making Pro Wrestling Manager [WDRB]

- The Depths of Mania: WrestleMania IX Review [Voices of Wrestling]

- Wrestling in the Clinton Years: Scene Missing [4CR Wrestling]

Non-Wrestling Links:

- The St. Louis Rams Have Nothing to Be Sorry for [Deadspin]

- That Time a NFL Team Used Truth Serum on an Injured Player [VICE Sports]

- Monday Morning Jerkface: Week 14 [The Footbawl Blog]

- Jameis Winston Isn't a Victim [Deadspin]

- Marshall and the Death of David [VICE Sports]

- Remembering the Montreal Massacre 25 Years Ago [Jezebel]

- What Is Chuck Johnson and Why: The Web's Worst Journalist, Explained [Gawker]

- Aaron Sorkin Just Needs to Learn to Shut the Fuck Up [Pajiba]

- The UVA Mess Is Now a Full-Fledged Shitstorm [Jezebel]

- The American Justice System Is Not Broken [The Concourse]

- The Police Are Becoming Illegitimate [Rolling Stone]

- Unarmed People of Color Killed by the Police, 1999-2014 [Gawker]

- If Cameras Can't Hold Police Accountable in Eric Garner's Death, What Can? [The Verge]

- Richard Pryor Knew All About Police Brutality [The Concourse]

- Five Surprising Insider Facts about Welfare [Cracked]

- The Problem with #CrimingWhileWhite [Jezebel]

- How Darude's "Sandstorm" Enveloped the Web [Gawker]

- Ten Fascinating Facts about Jay-Z [UPROXX]

- Fuck the British Royal Family [The Concourse]

- Drink This And Celebrate Christmas Like a True Pennsylvanian [The Concourse]

- An Oakland Restaurant Is Using an Interesting Tipping Hybrid [Kitchenette]

- How to Sear Some White Fish, Now That You're Concerned about Your Health [Foodspin]

- Dogfish Head 120 Minute IPA, America's Most Stylish One Beer Buzz [The Concourse]

- The Six Least Pleasant Religious Apocalypses [io9]

- Cheng I Sao, the Vicious Pirate Who Banned Rape in Her Fleet [Jezebel]

- The One and Only: The Sixers Won Their First Game, Now What? [The Classical]

- Let's Rank the Super Mario Platformers from Worst to Best [Talk Amongst Yourselves]

- You Probably Missed Pokemon's New Ghost Girl [Kotaku]

- Pokemon's Other Mysterious Unreleased Legendary [Kotaku]

- NHL Expansion vs. Relocation: What's the Right Move? [Puck Daddy]

- Did Kevin from Home Alone Grow Up to Become Jigsaw? A Deadly Serious Investigation [Grantland]

- The Daily List: Why the Star Wars Prequels Were Actually Good [Topless Robot]

- There's No Canonical Reason Why Storm Troopers Can't Be Black [Pajiba]

- Five Dark but Believable Disney Fan Theories [Dorkly]
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Pro Wrestling SKOOPZ on The Wrestling Blog: Issue 12

December 10, 2014, 10:30 am
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More Punk than you can handle!
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Well, well, well, if it isn't HORB FLERBMINBER back for more hot NEWS, GOSSIP, and INTERCEPTED TEXT MESSAGES FROM WRESTLING SUPERSTARS LIKE SIMON DEAN AND ARACHNOMAN. Some people have tried to discredit me. Some have said I have no self-awareness. Others have been attempting to OWN ME ON TWITTER. All of that is impossible. I am the Internet's ONLY unadulterated source of hot news, supplemented with only the reddest, most scorching TAKES on planet Earth. In fact, my takes are hotter than the surface of the Sun. YOU NEED TO WEAR PROTECTIVE CLOTHING WHEN READING MY WORK.

Speaking of Twitter, you can find all my up to the instant SCOOPS and RUMORS by following me @HorbFlerbminber. Which Internet rando will jump all up into my Kool-Aid next? What colleague of mine will I threaten with exposing their history of pooping on the floor in college? HOW MANY DICK PICS WILL I POST BEFORE I GET BANNED FOR VIOLATING THE TERMS OF SERVICE? You can't know unless you follow me. Also, if you have any scoops that you don't mind allowing me to report with no credit whatsoever, you can send me an e-mail at ProWrestlingSKOOPZ@gmail.com. Also, please send me bank notifications in Polish. I love getting those, if just for the fun of figuring out how to pronounce everything.

You can get back issues of my newsletter by sending a self-addressed, stamped envelope STRAIGHT TO HELL. I'm currently out of my most popular issue, which is the January 18, 2001 episode where I included a free chip from Sid's broken leg bone with every copy, but I hear if you send me $20,000, I'll go collect more bone chips from Sid and start mailing out new printings. Also, with the purchase of five back issues, I'll include a free copy of the 2008 Pro Wrestling SKOOPZ Almanac, which is really just a stolen copy of the manuscript of Dan Brown's Angels and Demons, where he left in all the antisemitism and gratuitous sex scenes.

I've also sponsored Rod Nutpunch's new mixed-martial arts academy, the Groin Strike REAL WRESTLING School. On Fridays and every third Monday, I am a guest instructor there as well. I bet you didn't know ol' Horby could throw down in the Octagon, did you? But why take it from me, when you can get a testimonial from Mack Ellis of Muncie, IN:
Remember that episode of The Simpsons where Bart was just kicking his legs out and said to Lisa that if she got kicked it was all her own fault? That's what Horb's 90 minute training session was all about. I thought I got ripped off, but then that strategy actually worked at my next MMA fight. Who knew?
Another satisfied customer.

Also, somebody check my brain.

- The biggest, HUGEST news of the week is that CM Punk is coming out of retirement to try REAL WRESTLING. He signed with UFC and will be making his debut in 2015. Sources say that his first fight will be a rematch against Brock Lesnar, while others are skeptical that UFC would put Punk into such a dangerous match in his first time in the Octagon. Remember, he needed steel chairs to come close to defeating Lesnar at SummerSlam '13, and my friends, chairs are illegal in UFC.

- I tried to get Joe Rogan's opinion on the signing, but he was whacked out of his mind on DMT, rambling about how women are using chemtrails to weaken men or something.

- Johny Hendricks Oliver Kopp Robbie Lawler took a 5-0 in a subsequent pit. My only real regret is, Josh Eason sempervivi Mike, Todd Martin, John Pollock, with downy Enns Mike Sawyer, Lance Storm and Steve curse went to 4-1. Frontrow Brian went 3-2, story of punk is what broke it is really all night.

- Dana White came under fire for the Punk signing, noting his "12 or 13 concussions" he suffered during his wrestling career. White, however, replied that he gets all his fighters the top care from the North Hills Veterinary Clinic in Reno a week before every fight.

- Leonardo DiCaprio went home with 20 women the other night in Miami. What does this have to do with wrestling or CM Punk? Well, Punk saw the news and was quoted that he's planning on breaking that record by taking home the entire UFC women's roster.

- What does Punk's UFC career spell for AJ Lee's tenure in WWE? For one, it allows me to reuse several headlines about whether Lee is finally going to leave the company.

- CM Punk also thanked everyone who made his FAKE wrestling career a success while adding that if they saw him on the street to avert their eyes and pretend he's a deity whose mere sight would hurt their eyes into blindness.

- Vince McMahon is currently furious at Punk, not because he rebuffed McMahon's apology, but because he finally wore a suit for a UFC appearance while never dressing up like that during his tenure in WWE.

- Todd Martin is already writing an angry screed directed at WWE as to why the company couldn't draw a million viewers for Punk's return to pay-per-view when he's done with MMA.

- Why aren't more people calling Punk a hypocrite over the timing of his signing with UFC? He framed McMahon's apology as a publicity stunt, but doesn't this announcement come across as THE SAME EXACT THING? Except for the fact that McMahon could buy and sell Punk a billion times, has his own Network and several hours of television which to disseminate his message, and controls a longer window from which he can profit from WWE than Punk can for his own body, these announcements are identical.

- Evan Bourne is looking for tickets to Punk's first fight. Idiot, the bout hasn't even been announced yet, let alone tickets that are on sale.

- CM Punk is currently reluctantly cracking a smile.

- The number of people with the letters "MMA" appearing in their Twitter handles is expected to skyrocket with the Punk announcement.

- Last week's poll results are in, and 59% of you wanted the chance to lay in bed with Tammy Sytch for Christmas, 21% wanted a new YouShoot where Jim Cornette fantasy books the second season of Serial with Santino Marella becoming a murderer, 17% wanted a Tickle Me Elmo, and 3% wanted your restraining orders against AJ Lee lifted. THIS WEEK:

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2014 Year in Review/2015 Year in Preview: Chikara

December 10, 2014, 1:00 pm
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The Titan and his prisoners of war
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
It begins!

Promotion: Chikara

What Happened in 2014: Chikara had not yet come back into existence when 2014 started; furthermore, of the Wrestling Is... family of promotions, only half were left standing: Heart, Kaiju Big Battel, Respect, and Fun! Wrestling Is Fun! experienced an onslaught early on in the year, but thanks to a bat-wielding Icarus and a roster at his back, the forces were turned back. However, Wrestling Is Respect did not turn out as lucky, as the assembled groups that wanted Chikara eradicated for good spoke to Sidney Bakabella with money louder than the loyalist forces spoke with words. The Devastation Corporation, Oleg the Usurper, and Jaka interrupted the final main event and claimed the Elk's Lodge for the forces of evil. As National Pro Wrestling Day in Easton approached, things looked dim for the survivors of the Chikaraverse.

As fate would have it, the Wrestling Is Heart La Copa Idolo match between Joe Pittman and Heidi Lovelace appeared to be the final match on the card, and as Lovelace locked the Chikara Special in for the apparent win, everyone who had shut down a Wrestling Is... promotion in the past - the Gekido, the BDK, Sinn Bodhi and his goons, the Wrecking Crew, and Dr. Cube's Laboratory - all filtered in led by three men in plague masks, the leader of which was none other than Jimmy Jacobs. They rushed the ring and shut down Wrestling Is Heart for good before promising to squelch the last burning ashes of Chikara's spirit. Then, from the entrance diagonal to where the rogues entered, The Submission Squad announced that the only way Chikara was being shut down was over their dead bodies. Their rallying call brought out Icarus, and with those five wrestlers leading the charge, the entire locker room spilled out to beat back the villains and proclaim the company to be back in business. The return date was set for Memorial Day weekend, but the victory wasn't conclusive.

A new Grand Champion
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
While Chikara would reopen, the forces of evil looking to keep them closed gave themselves a name, The Flood, and looked to finish the job they started when the Gekido closed Wrestling Is Intense. Jacobs promised a fearsome leader above him who would personally destroy each fighter, one by one. After Icarus finished the job he started back at Aniversario: Never Compromise by beating Eddie Kingston for the Grand Championship, that leader, a mammoth piece of solid granite with Bane headgear known as Deucalion, emerged and started his onslaught with a vicious, "deadly" finisher known as the Chokebreaker. His first victim was Kobald, the diminutive fecal goblin of The Batiri, laid out in the aftermath. Several combatants would soon fall on both sides, as Deucalion's rage claimed deviANT, Archibald Peck, the Latvian Proud Oak, the Shard, and most tragically, the Estonian Thunder Frog along the way. Thunder Frog

Additionally, The Flood picked out members of the Chikara faithful to use against the side of good. Along with Deucalion's emergence, The Flood revealed that it had prisoners of war that it had brainwashed in Soldier Ant and Delirious. Additionally, Jacobs used Kingston's lust for the Grand Championship to lure him into doing his bidding. Kingston, whose Gollum-like fixation on the Grand Championship bordered on obsessive before his loss, became slavish to his devotion to Jacobs and his promises of getting "her" back. The lure was so great that Kingston was enlisted upon Jacobs' team at King of Trios, alongside his young boy acolyte Volgar. However, a new force arose from the Chikara side known as the Greenhorn Militia. The group of WrestleFactory grads began their offensive by attacking deviANT at the premiere. Although their tactics were rebuked by Hallowicked, they continued to mount a grassroots offensive that led to them calling Deucalion himself out.

The hosses take over
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
All roads led to King of Trios, where major upheaval marked the three day event. On night one, the BDK portion of The Flood was transformed as Ares was booted out, thanks to an Eye-of-Tyr wielding Dr. Cube siccing Nøkken on him. Immediately after, Cube revealed himself to be none other than Jakob Hammermeier, who was last seen flipping off Tim Donst at Aniversario: Never Compromise. Then, on night two, the Greenhorn Militia's leader, Kid Cyclone led his troops out and even removed Deucalion's mask. In response, the Titan of Titor unleashed his deadly Chokebreaker on 3quinox and Create-A-Wrestler II. Cyclone went back into the shadows, frightened for his life. The tournament would conclude with the Devastation Corporation winning the richest total prize in the company for The Flood. In the aftermath, the group threatened again to shut the place down, using Kingston's lust for the title as its pawn. Jacobs ordered Icarus to hand over the Grand Championship or else face the wrath of The Flood. Icarus initially relented, but he appealed to Kingston's history. The War King threw down the title and fought for his home once more, setting up the stage for the finale.

Kingston and Jacobs would have one final battle in their war, but what happened after the War King claimed victory was the most interesting. Kid Cyclone came down with a pipewrench and belted Kingston across the head. Afterwards, he unmasked, rejecting his lucha name and adopting his birth name of Kevin Condren. He chided the fans for taking Kingston back so easily after his actions helped lead to the "deaths" of so many Chikara battlers, including his Greenhorn Militia brethren. Meanwhile, the Devastation Corporation added another pelt to its wall, as Blaster McMassive and Max Smashmaster took home Los Campeonatos de Parejas. UltraMantis Black was able to rid Chikara of Delirious, but on his way out, he'd have the last laugh by using the Eye of Tyr on Hallowicked and Frightmare, turning them against their Spectral Envoy cohort. While Hammermeier led the Cibernetico team for The Flood, it was a visibly enhanced, mentally-changed Soldier Ant who ended up taking out his former partner and co-founder of The Colony Fire Ant for the win.

But in the main event, Chikara would have its biggest victory. The final warrior would be Icarus having the final triumph. Revealing he was the one worthy enough to carry Thunder Frog's hammer, he rode into battle against Deucalion inside a steel cage. In a hard-fought battle, Icarus made the Titan pass out in the Chikara Special. Jacobs emerged from the back with the rest of The Flood, but he only gave the message that Deucalion made his bed and that he had to die in it. Icarus gave the final blow with the hammer, Deucalion was "dead," and The Flood ended the season down one leader and symbol of power.

The defining moment...
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
2014 MVP: Icarus, nominally, was the heroic focus of the season, but make no mistake, the action ran through Eddie Kingston. He was the one who had to drop the belt to Icarus to set off the main thrust of what would happen at King of Trios. While Icarus faltered at times to command being the main focus of the company, Kingston excelled both as the obsessive puppy being led by the nose by Jimmy Jacobs and as the redemptive figure battling for the soul of his home in the home stretch. He also served as a symbol for what will become one of the top stories for 2015. While Chikara was the company that could be considered most an ensemble in 2014, Kingston was the clear lynchpin.

What's Going to Happen in 2015: While the finale, Tomorrow Never Dies, gave a clear resolution to one part of The Flood's story, I doubt the group will go away. While a Jimmy Jacobs-led faction may not have the killer instinct that the one led by Deucalion did, its remnants will remain a formidable group for Icarus and company to deal with in the early parts of the season. Much in the same way HYDRA stuck around for the first part of this season of Agents of SHIELD, I expect the Flood to be a minor nuisance at least through Aniversario. The splinter groups within the coalition, however, may have longer shelf lives, especially The Wrecking Crew. I expect the Devastation Corporation to run unabated through the promotion until at least King of Trios, where their bid to repeat will end at the hands of some enterprising group of tecnicos for a huge pop.

However, I see less of this upcoming season's driving force as an external evil as I do with fractured bonds within existing groups. The Colony and The Spectral Envoy both are going through crises that need more exposition, plot advancement, and eventually resolution. Kevin Condren's story has the most potential to blossom, as he could bring about another much larger narrative much in the same way of the Marvel Civil War event. Condren already has a bunch of followers among the fans who agree that Kingston's actions should not have been forgiven so easily, and that Icarus' finishing of Deucalion was only a continuation of the death and suffering the Greenhorn Militia wished to end.

The biggest thing on the Chikalendar in the early season has nothing to do with any kind of stories being told. The company will return to the international arena as it is set to visit England for a four-show tour in the beginning of April. The company has booked more than a couple English wrestling standouts over the last few years, and it has a secure foothold already across the pond. If any one thing suggests that Chikara is slowly returning back to the normal it had attained from 2010-12, this tour is it.

Five Wrestlers to Watch in 2015:Kevin Condren - Condren threw off his hood and declared himself as a symbol of truth and peace. His message on the surface sounds both good-intentioned but awfully similar to that of the Gekido. It is unknown yet if he is a true rudo or just a tecnico with a rough way about him. Either way, he picked a tall order going after Eddie Kingston. His 2015 will see him hit the ground running, that's for sure.

Soldier Ant - When Soldier reappeared at Tomorrow Never Dies, he sold like the Undertaker and hit like Vader. The Flood did something to him to enhance his physical properties and push his limits, but the group also erased a piece of his humanity (humanity? or is it more antity?). His path of destruction seems to have his former partners Fire and Silver Ants right in his crosshairs. Additionally, he might be an early favorite to take the Grand Championship away from Icarus, especially if the endgame is to get it on Silver Ant at some point.

Yeah, Heidi!
Photo Credit: Erik Dixon
Heidi Lovelace - Lovelace captured the Young Lions Cup, which makes her an official part of Chikara lore going forward. She will be tasked with picking up the mantel held by Sara del Rey of continuing to prove that the gender doesn't matter as long as you can hit hard and compete. The question is, however, will she have more of a role than just as the vanguard for the under-25 crowd?

Jakob Hammermeier - Hammermeier's return to Chikara sent shockwaves across the company. His endgame doesn't appear to be related only to the Flood's, but will his return draw a certain former mentor of his out of hiding? Furthemore, could Hammermeier, under the Dr. Cube hood, have been the one to make Soldier Ant the way he is right now? Is he controlling Nøkken?

Juan Francisco de Coronado - Coronado has made a name for himself coming up from Wrestling Is Fun! and occupying the angles away from the main Flood story. He's getting more and more comfortable as a main event level rudo that I would not be shocked to see him put in feature matches not unlike the one he had against Rockstar Spud at King of Trios. Watch for him to be the star of the UK tour, and perhaps, he may be a dark horse candidate to come away with the Grand Championship by year's end.

Three Things I Want to See in 2015:1. Diverse roster for National Pro Wrestling Day - While the venue for the third annual free celebration of pro wrestling is more intimate than might suggest, I hope that the roster for the coming year's show more resembles the one in 2013 rather than 2014. Granted, the sprawling variety of wrestlers brought in in '13 will be unfeasible, I would like to see more than just Colt Cabana and Sonjay Dutt as the name guests this year. The logistics of bringing in a bunch of expensive guys for a show with no gate might seem implausible, but at the same time, I can't imagine the cost of running the Girls and Boys Club in Norristown is even close to that of taking The Arena. I know I'm acting presumptuously and maybe even a little ungratefully since it's a free show right in my area. However, the name on the marquee, National Pro Wrestling Day, suggests a grander feel than just having it be another Chikara show. As much as I love the place, it's but one wrestling promotion in a vast sea of great options that all should be celebrated.

2. A gradual return of guest stars, making Chikara an indie hub once more - The intensive focus on the native roster in 2014 was great, especially since the story being told demanded the near-full attention at the main event level. Now that the Flood seems to be receding and different, individualized stories are coming into play, the time to bring in the odd guest star for non-King of Trios events is coming back. I don't want the roster to be completely deemphasized, as it is unique and has a lot of concurrent narratives compelling the action to move forward. However, bringing in guys like JT Dunn in New England, Da Soul Touchaz in Chicago, Kyle Matthews in the South, or Portia Perez in Ontario/Quebec would supplement the cache splendidly.

3. King of Trios at The Arena - Trios in Easton was fun, no doubt, but that weekend was made to be held at The Arena. The cards are in play. LET'S GET IT DONE.
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Hey! Read This NXT Preview I Did over at TJR Wrestling

December 11, 2014, 6:00 am
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Zayn showed an edge, but will it help him win the title?
Photo Credit: WWE.com
TJR Wrestling: NXT Takeover - REvolution Preview

Tonight is the fourth of the big Network-exclusive NXT supercards, and arguably, it's the biggest one since ArRIVAL, which coincidentally was the last one with such selectively suggestive capitalization in the title. I was invited by overall cool dude and staff writer Andrew Johnson to write my thoughts on the card as announced and in some cases as assumed. Read my, Andrew's, and Brandon Lasher's thoughts on all the stuff that's going to go down.
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I Listen So You Don't Have To: The Ross Report Ep. 43

December 11, 2014, 8:00 am
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Waltman is Ross' guest this week
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: The Ross Report
Episode: 43
Run Time: 1:59:43
Guest: Sean Waltman (28:30)

Summary: After his usual monologue, JR starts his chat with Waltmann by looking at the start of his WWF career, the essential RAW match with Bret Hart, in-ring philosophy, tagging with and working against Yokozuna and Kane, the 1-2-3 Kid’s famous upset win over Razor Ramon, his thoughts on Chris Benoit and Dynamite Kid and his complex relationship with Chyna. After a break, they discuss the best way to develop young talent and analyze the former Shield members before talking about working repeatedly with the same opponent, a potential Steve Austin comeback, Brock Lesnar, the Kliq/Wolfpac history as well as perceptions of being in late-1990s WCW and WWF, the Montreal Screwjob, the plane ride from hell, Scott Hall and battles with sobriety before a quick talk about the importance of crowd reaction and some of Waltman’s ongoing projects.

Quote of the week: On personal issues plaguing wrestlers: “It’s a cocktail of things, Jim. We bring a lot of this stuff with us into the business. It’s not the business’ fault that we’re all screwed up. I think the business gets blamed an awful lot for stuff we bring with us. I know I brought it with me.”

Why you should listen: The discussion about match psychology is fascinating, especially with the real-world examples of Kane, Yokozuna and even Bill Watts. In this and a few other sections, Waltman displays his bona fides as a lifelong wrestling fan and dedicate student. It certainly incentivized me to seek out a few Waltman matches, which seems like the kind of result a good podcast should yield. Waltman also speaks from a place of experience with regards to substance abuse and complex personal relationships, and it’s nice to hear him now that he’s seemingly settled into a more stable life and able to address the way people fall prey to certain temptations.

Why you should skip it: While Ross does bring Waltman into some new territory, this interview is nowhere near as intriguing as Waltman’s earlier podcast appearances with Colt Cabana and Steve Austin. For much of the show Ross seems to be just asking questions from Twitter followers rather than build on his own professional relationship with Waltman, which makes it all the more maddening when he dips into the dried-up wells of Lesnar ending The Streak, Benoit and Montreal. If you want to hear about the stuff Ross only hints at — notably Waltman’s sordid childhood but also any semblance of a functional career retrospective — you’ll have to go elsewhere.

Final thoughts: In some ways I don’t want to bag too hard on this interview (but certainly skip the monologue and the 10-minute wrap up). It was scattershot, but even so it’s better than several of JR’s earlier efforts with Attitude Era stars. It does come across as something of a step back from some of his recent more compelling chats, though with Ross’ schedule there’s no telling when he actually recorded the conversation. Given how I’ve heard Waltman open up before, and knowing how Ross likes to push certain buttons, I expected more from this show. Perhaps it says something about JR that he spent as much time talking about Waltman’s salacious past with Chyna than pretty much any other topic.

Ultimately, this interview shows what happens when Ross sits down with an acquaintance as compared to one of his actual wrestling friends. It sets a challenging stage for next week, when Ross will review Tables, Ladders and Chairs with, of all people, Jeff Jarrett, a controversial figure in his own right who just went into business with JR after they didn’t speak to each other for 15 years.
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Twitter Request Line, Vol. 103

December 11, 2014, 11:45 am
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What's his endgame?
Photo Credit: Erik Dixon
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers!

The answer is Kid Cyclone, err, I'm sorry, Kevin Condren, because I'm not sure he's going to end up as a rudo by the time it's done. As of right now, he's a guy with good intentions going about it the wrong way. If you have a problem with a guy, you should want to get revenge on him, but hitting him with a pipe wrench behind his back isn't exactly the best way to go about it. The question is whether Condren's just bitter and needed someone to take his aggressions out upon, or whether he's going to end up as the Eddie Kingston to Kingston's Claudio Castagnoli from back in 2009 before the BDK launched. I'm not in the "KID CYCLONE WAS RIGHT" camp; moreover, I'm in the "Everyone's wrong, but war is hell so let's see where this goes," camp. But it'd be foolish to say that he's completely in the wrong here, and that's what makes a good heel.

Barcalounger. No, I'm serious. The winner gets a nice, relaxing massage while in a Barcalounger. Wrestling is inherently violent, but when does a wrestler get a reward for his or her violence? Seriously, Lucha Underground is revolutionary in this regard with its monetary reward system, but sometimes, all a guy wants is to get his feet rubbed, shoulders massaged, and to kick back for awhile and relax without having to worry about someone jumping him or her. Treat the wrestlers right for a change.

PRACTICAL: Sami Zayn will be Intercontinental Champion. Whether or not this is a blessing or not depends on what mood Vince McMahon is in at the time, but I see him on the main roster in a prominent position this time next year.

DREAM: Daniel Bryan ends the final RAW of 2015 calling out Brock Lesnar for the Royal Rumble. Bryan, who will be WWE World Heavyweight Champion one more, has no worlds left to conquer without bringing in one of the marquee part-timers. Of them, Lesnar would be the best matchup due to their "real" pedigrees, and he'd probably be the most realistic unless he trots off to UFC to join CM Punk.

I don't think Cesaro's goose is cooked, thankfully. Vince McMahon can't stay in power forever, and Cesaro's a Triple H guy. It might take a year or two, but Cesaro will get his run.


  1. Roman Reigns is booed out of the building after winning the 2015 Royal Rumble. Plans change from a singles match with Brock Lesnar at WrestleMania to a fatal four-way featuring Lesnar vs. each of the former members of The Shield. Dean Ambrose wins the WWE World Heavyweight Championship.
  2. Daniel Bryan finally returns to action at SummerSlam, where he defeats Triple H one more time for emphasis before moving on from The Authority and related shenanigans for good, namely to turn heel and engage in feuds with main roster callups Finn Bálor and Hideo Itami.
  3. Global Force Wrestling reaches an agreement with Dixie Carter and TNA that will allow the company to get a television deal with Spike in return for a monetary settlement to be paid over the next five years.
  4. The Undertaker announces his retirement at Survivor Series, a fitting end to his WWE career that began at the event. He wanted to try and make it to Mania XXXII, but his body was telling him to retire in the fall.
  5. WWE begins making inroads at acquiring an existing wrestling promotion to act as new programming on The Network. A deal will not be made before the year's out, but many people suspect that Ring of Honor is its top choice.

Owens will undoubtedly debut a heel, either as the impetus for Zayn turning heel or as a feud partner for his former friend-turned-foe-turned-friend on the indies. The former Steen is the kind of personality who works better as a heel and who needs to build cache in order to become that "Internet geek" babyface that becomes bulletproof and can do no wrong. AS for the subsequent feud you've proposed, well, I don't see a [REDACTED] in that pile, nor do I see analogues for Trips and Michaels, unless you're suggesting that Neville's in the [REDACTED] role fighting against two friends. Or would that be Owens since Neville and Zayn are kayfabe besties in NXT lore? Either way, I'd expect something a little different here.

Jimmy Rollins would be Sting. He spent his entire career in one place, resisting free agent moves and getting an ironclad no-trade clause. Sting may have been in a bunch of companies, sure, but all of them could be considered as "The Phillies" and WWE could be the place where he wasn't. Then again, wouldn't that make Rollins the inverse Sting? I don't know. Chase Utley is John Cena. They're both good at what they do, have glaring errors that tend to be overlooked by their fans, and are disproportionately loved by white people, especially women and children. Ruben Amaro is not Vince McMahon because McMahon actually built what he inherited into something better. If anything, Amaro is Vince Russo, given credit for something he had minimal input in and who fucked the pooch when he was given the reins by himself.

"Wonderful Christmastime," because at least "Santa Baby" wasn't an embarrassment to be attributed to a former Beatle.

Objectively, it probably has to be Jushin "Thunder" Liger. He has longevity, as his career is approaching three decades active now. He has peak back from when he was doing his thing in both Japan and on Nitro. Maybe he wouldn't have had the chance to be prominent if not for Dynamite Kid and Tiger Mask, but Liger took the style to the next level and did so for a heck of a lot longer.

It's hard to predict the scene seven years down the road, especially since he's going to be coming with me to Chikara and you know how the indies can be cruel. I would imagine he'd be drawn to Fire Ant if he's still around. Kids love the masks, and Fire Ant does the most daredevil stuff of the Colony. If he's more into WWE, then I could see him being into Daniel Bryan, Sami Zayn, or Kalisto. Or maybe he's still big into John Cena if Cena's still around and not full-time doing movies by then. Who knows. The best bet for his favorite wrestler would have been Brodus Clay, because he LOOOOVES dinosaurs though.

Turn heel. The only way he's going to step into Santa Clara as a Mania main eventer that isn't totally fraudulent is if he embraces the shitstorm of boos that is going to rain down upon him when he inevitably wins the Royal Rumble. Otherwise, he's just going to get killed while trying to pretend everything's hunky-dory around him. Of course, he shouldn't main-event WrestleMania. The top match should be Dolph Ziggler challenging for the title against Lesnar with The Shield three-way, Sting/Triple H, Taker/Wyatt, and Cena/Rusev as the surrounding heavy-hitter matches, but hey, what the hell do I know anyway.

A short, inconclusive list:

  • VINCE MCMAHON: A PlayStation 4 to keep him occupied so that someone else can run the show.
  • KEVIN DUNN: A one-way ticket on the next rocket to the Sun
  • DEAN AMBROSE: A gift certificate for a nice milk steak dinner somewhere
  • RENEE YOUNG: Some comfortable ballet flats so that Horb can stop reporting on people ribbing her for not wearing shoes
  • JIMMY USO: Some Xanax, bro, so he can chill the fuck out about his wife
  • SIMON GOTCH: Moustache wax
  • LAYLA: My digits. Call me, bae... UH I MEAN A FRUIT BASKET BECAUSE I AM HAPPILY MARRIED YES.
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I Listen So You Don't Have To: Art Of Wrestling Ep. 228

December 15, 2014, 6:00 am
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Dr. Tom is Cabana's guest this week
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: Art Of Wrestling
Episode: 228
Run Time: 1:20:13
Guest: Dr. Tom Prichard (12:30)

Summary: After the usual monologue (this week he addresses a Cody Rhodes tweet), Colt Cabana and his former boss start their chat with Prichard defending FCW in light of contemporary raving over the success of the Full Sail era of NXT. That bleeds into a look at how Prichard transitioned from the end of his in-ring WWF career to training future elite stars, then goes further back into how Prichard, at 12, connected with Paul Boesch and eventually entered the business, then his early years on the road, before talking about Prichard’s ability to develop talent without making enemies. Then Cabana shifts the discussion to his own time in WWE developmental, which Prichard began answering through the filter of Bray Wyatt and Chris Hero, as well as a general breakdown of backstage politics for young wrestlers. They ended with a look at Prichard’s current training and wrestling career.

Quote of the week:“It was just so fascinating to me, it was like running away with the circus. That’s what I wanted to do. I thought there was nothing better than packing your bag, going to a town, wrestling under the ring lights, going back, packing your bag and going down to the next town. … You go to a dressing room, and sometimes it’s the greatest. Sometimes it’s a dirty little closet, but the fact is, I liked the dirty little closets better than the big, sparkly nice arenas because they had more feel, they had more atmosphere, they had more attitude to it.”

Why you should listen: In case you want to remember Cabana has a pretty successful podcast even when he’s not opening the microphone to CM Punk, or you’ve only listened to the past two episodes and want a taste of the regular menu. Prichard is a skilled communicator — perhaps surprising if you only know him from his WWF stint with the Heavenly Bodies — and he actually makes several good points about the way the WWE developmental system has evolved in a few short years as well as adequately tracks the progression of the business from the height of the territory days.

Why you should skip it: Chunks of this episode have strains of a Ross Report, and perhaps that’s because I recall JR’s interview with Prichard’s brother Bruce, covering a lot of the same 1960s Houston stories. In fact, if you’re looking for Prichard to talk about his brother, or his own time running with Jim Cornette or his fractured relationship with Jimmy del Ray (who died after Cabana recorded this interview), you’ll get none of it here. Further, anyone who idealizes Memphis wresting or would sanctify Jerry Jarrett will not be thrilled with Prichard’s blunt takedown of both.

Final thoughts: Prichard and Cabana both are currently persona non grata in Stamford (and Orlando), and though Cabana generally tries to maintain an air of positivity on his show, the urge is impossible to resist with this pairing. That said, there is room in the podcast genre for a frank look at what really goes into the make-or-break decisions regarding young wrestlers with obvious talent who still can’t climb the ladder. If nothing else, the plight of someone like Chris Hero is far more relatable to the average Joe than the grievances of a guy who ascended to 1B status behind the –set-in-stone 1A.

More than once I found myself thinking about how Ross or Steve Austin would have handled Prichard as a guest, and while they certainly would have guided him into different eras of his career, Cabana shares his own relationship with Prichard and both guys earned the right to take the talk the direction it followed from the outset. I might be a Cabana apologist, but this was a strong interview and so far the best of the week among the shows I regularly analyze.
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Best Coast Bias: THAT OWENS WENT OWENS

December 15, 2014, 8:00 am
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The violent defibrillator to a formerly dead feud
Photo Credit: WWE.com
"It's just the beginning." - Kevin Owens about 90 seconds into his WWE tenure

Say what you will about him, but the man ain't lie.

You might as well cue up the opening 45 seconds of River Blood right now and set it to repeat, since it's going to be the soundtrack for NXT's 2015.

There's a reason - a harmonic convergence - that said song is by a band called Nature of the Beast. At base, the Dennis Green Principle applies. People are who you thought they were. And they fight two distinct types of battles: one is against the self; the other against outside forces.

Sami Zayn won the former however narrowly, and got the NXT championship with it. Finally. His failure to anticipate the latter got him stretchered out of Full Sail before being hauled off in an ambulance, and William Regal by turns seething and speechless after the show--looking in consecutive seconds as if he was ready to drone strike his newest signee's entire bloodline or fall into the center of the Earth.

And now a cloud hangs over Full Sail so dark that it almost subsumed the first 119 minutes of the fourth and another phenawesomnal NXT live Network Special. When fans think of Revolution, what'll be the foremost memory on a show where Finn Bálor debuted Stateside a full body painting skill level Carnage and Charlotte and Sasha Banks being so on point the rapturous crowd gave a "this is wrestling" chant for the first time to a Stamford-endorsed women's match is Kevin Owens. Of course he's the dark cloud.

He's the man who started the show reiterating how he'd waited a decade and a half for this moment while a sign in the background over the ring he stood in stated simply "You are not here to fill a spot - you are here to take a spot.".

The man chilling steps away in the background as Zayn readied himself for the biggest fight of his life.

And the man who obliterated the biggest feel-good moment in NXT history by replacing it with possibly the biggest moment in NXT history full stop by taking the new NXT champion and viciously powerbombing him into the apron.

It is one thing to glibly ask how surprised one can be at something widely assumed to be in the offering for weeks leading up to the event. And yet, despite prior history and threatening words (however blanket at the time) coming out of Owens' own mouth leading up to his one-man takeover, a viewer well-steeped in prior years and other wrestling organizations or a WWE-centric newcomer seeing the man in the KO shirt (shadowing shadowing shadowing shadowing, not just in the locker room) lay Zayn out like that could easily leave them agog. For half an hour in a MOTYC, the teases had rolled in building on each other and the past of both men before the most rabid crowd in NXT history threatening ill and the saddest of all possible endings. But Sami persevered and kept plugging away, kept plugging away and staying alive, kept staying alive and fighting. He stayed true to himself, however tempted he was, and was wholly rewarded with his year-plus chase culminating in an ultimate moment of glory. Hell, he was so fired up he got bleeped a couple of times for cursing, but fuck it, you know? The fans practically danced in the aisles. The locker room emptied and Owens was the first out. In an evening of escalating red herrings, this was the most pungent.

But nope. Not yet. We had to get a few more bites of filet mignon in before we tasted broken glass. So it was that Owens didn't hesitate to envelope Zayn in what in retrospect was a sick joke of a hug. Solomon Crowe was there, Bayley got a hug in, Pat Patterson bigged him up before talking to the fallen champion (in the corner of the ring so as not to distract from the Kool and the Gang moment but clearly visible to anybody paying attention beyond the markout moment) and shaking the Englishman's hand as confetti fell from the rafters. And then Adrian Neville pulled himself up, and glared at the hand Zayn offered him, and kicked it away. Maybe THAT was the moment, we all thought, but it was another okiedoke; not two seconds passed from the kick before he hugged his friend and raised his hand in the air. Neville left, the roster left, Zayn did a little dance with the belt while standing on the turnbuckle. It would've been nice if the show had ended there.

Nice and Kevin Owens go together like Michael Bay and subtlety. One moment, everything was beautiful and nothing hurt. Then in a thunderclap, the inverse. Even rewatching the betrayal, even knowing what was to occur, even referencing it not six sentences previously in notes anger surged all over again as if seeing it through fresh eyes that were unburdened of not just being a pure fan. These two are taking their hate to a whole other level, to the biggest platform that it can possibly play out over. The matches will be awesome again, the promos will have improved by a factor of 10, and in front of a crowd loathe to boo anybody but Eva Marie KO sure was getting roundly cursed and jeered as he blew Regal off on his way to the back. From a perspective of a more intelligent fan, this is all peach cobbler and ice cream. But in that moment he threw Zayn down onto the ramp before the apron powerbomb, here didn't posses the only pulse from a fan who "should know better" and still wanted to reach through the screen and fight Owens.

Enough about his sudden but inevitable betrayal; he's got interview time on the next show in a few days assuming Regal doesn't jump him and stretch him like salt water taffy. Let's go back to about half an hour before that where Sami Zayn and Adrian Neville kicked out the jams in their rematch and the main event. Nobody will be as beloved as Zayn was in front of that audience; they'll only be able to equal it. Zayn, having freed himself from his emotional tethers of last week did his usual mannerisms pre-match and even probably snuck in a smooch on Jojo's cheek before waving at the despised champion who was posing with the title before hostilities resumed. If you can remember a stipulation-free match receiving the "we're lowering the Hell in the Cell" music for guys merely walking up to Gorilla and through the curtain, feel free to let us know. That's how big this match was as probably the biggest main event in the history of the NXT operation - how much they had to live up to under the brightest possible lights of their careers to date - and how much sweeter it was as they completely laughed at everybody's already high hopes for the best possible match before superseding them with almost effortless ease.

Once they got underway Neville tried to fade the groundswell of Zayn support by grounding him, showing a different style of more mat-based work and heeling without heeling as they chain wrestled in the opening moments. Repeatedly in almost blatant defiance of the "Olés" and "Let's Go Sami" chants the nearly 300-day champion would stand in the middle of the ring entreating Zayn on as if he wouldn't acquiesce. Zayn got in a couple of big shots, then Neville slowed him back down. But in contrast to his opponent's nearly laissez-faire approach to the match once it arrived, Neville started pressing the ref very early. Even with a sweet avalanche European uppercut, that wasn't going to win the day. But he complained. NXT being a magical wonderland one of the ring mics picked up the referee responding briskly with a "You don't have to worry about me, you have to worry about your opponent." What PPV on Sunday? You sure aren't going to get Tiny Lister in the Dark Knight moments from the refs up in the "big leagues"; you know, the same shows that haven't been able on an overall basis to hold NXT's jock for the past couple of years. This is to say nothing about Alex Riley and newcomer to the squad Corey Graves adding to the commentary and Rich Brennan staying in pocket. Zayn got in a lariat out of nowhere and hit the evening's final tope con hilo. Here came Zayn on a run with a Steamboat press and a counter Blue Thunder bomb only to be shut down by another vicious Neville avalanche Euro and a modified Chaos Theory. Having survived a Better Than Batista bomb (subtle receipt for getting Blue Thundered out of nowhere, and continuing the threads of Neville's frustration and using the referee as the scapegoat for it) at Neville's hands he was fine jawing back and throwing nasty forearms.

Then a match already drawing This Is Awesome chants took it up a notch or three. Or five. Zayn countered the Red Arrow with knees and a Koji clutch. Neville responded by countering the counter Exploder with a victory roll, but his head collided with the ref's on the kickout. Note in contrast to later events, this was or at least looked accidental. And then he checked on the ref because he's Sami Zayn, allowing the opening to get superkicked and more impressively reverse huracanraned. And yet he survived. And came back to throw a couple Germans and a beautiful half-nelson release suplex. That should've been the moment to set up the express to Helluva but Neville bailed and assumed he was safe on the floor. A suicide dive DDT with bonus nasty sauce on it proved he wasn't. Then Zayn went in for the kill. And the Helluva hit this time but Neville pulled the ref into harm's way before hitting the floor himself. Crucially, both Graves and Riley immediately noted that this time was wholly intentional and the last refuge of a desperate scoundrel. You know, the kind of man bringing in his championship title into the ring while Zayn again checked on the zebra. This could've been the moment, easily, to end it.

But!

Zayn saw Neville coming this time, and kicked him down. Give the crowd credit: from the second the opening presented itself they were chanting no, pleading and yelling at Zayn not to do it. And yet he scooped up the belt...and clearly, multiple times over the course of a minute, heavily considered it. He cocked the title belt back a couple of times, and that could've been the moment--but he threw the belt down and yelled an off mic "fuck that" right into a Neville cradle. You know, like the one that cost him the last time they faced down a few weeks ago even when this was a schoolboy and that was an inside cradle. And THAT could've been the moment. But obviously it wasn't: a corner Exploder and Helluva Kick later Sami Zayn was the King of Florida for the real moment. It should've been about a Match of the Year level bout delivering on all facets. About who could and would win a rubber match. About Zayn literally wrestling in the first NXT match on the Network live in a courageous loss and wrestling the last one of the year and getting the Big X. About Zayn becoming the fifth man to hold that gold.

When you're thinking about the things Kevin Owens took away from us going forward, these are the type of things to think about. And, of course, you should watch the match or rewatch it (or, hell, even rererewatch it) if you have already. Speaking of things that have exponential reviewing value, Neville and Zayn had to pull out all the stops lest they get outclassed by the Women's championship match that preceded them. Yet again the ladies got the semi-man for a WWE Network live show, then proved wholly why the spot was deserved. It was hard to hear at times over the deafening silence of everybody who thought Natty carried Charlotte a couple of specials ago, but you could if you paid attention. Sasha Banks getting some love and respect from the crowd without wholly winning them over was a nice touch outside the ring that played well as the match continued on inside of it. Both were perfectly willing to bend and in her case circumvent the rules, with setups and transitions based around a hair pull on a multitude of occasions.

Don't get put out: these were merely brief moments in a wrestling match centered around one ups-womanship. Watching Banks shift gears from cowardly to ravenous once her chicanery gave her the upper hand could easily give a viewing veteran the warm and fuzzies whether it was the dead of winter or not. And while Banks was able to put Charlotte in her own figure four headlock after doing the family strut in her face in addition to hitting a crazy dive between the ropes, the champ was just too much. Too much of a size disparity, too powerful, and more than too willing to use the platform as a way of expanding her repertoire. Her rebound spear should've gotten more love (and Banks flipped inside-out to make it look like sudden death), but it will live in the shadow of the champion landing on her feet off a missed moonsault and sans hesitation launching forward into a somersault senton. And that's going to play Marcia to Charlotte hitting a Diamond Dust to finish off her former BFF, sold as a mega Natural Selection. No wonder the crowd was chanting not only This Is Awesome but the aforementioned This Is Wrestling as things drew closer to the end. You know it's good when Rich is doing a poor man's Joey Styles because the action's that compelling. The Like A Boss chant may've debuted here but it was more like two queens of the ring reigning supreme. What a sweet world where the ladies throw down just like the fellas and aren't shunted into 150 seconds of Short Attention Span Theater.

In continuing down a road in which all the babyfaces somehow won their matches, before the ladies melted a few thousand eyeballs the Dream Team of Finn and Hideo took their style of kick and managed to grind out a win over the Ascension. At least when he came out as every Symbiote ever crawling through the fog before the match started Finn put the WTF mate look on the Ascension's faces (well, mostly Konor's) that jobbers used to have as the Ascension would turn them into the latest sacrifice. But those salad days are over, and as excellent as they were at maintaining control once they got it and made Hideo Itami take quite a beatdown, they lost the opening brawl before the bell and once Hideo got to his part of town after a couple of near misses on his end to bring in Bálor their countdown to extinction was on. Finn Bálor even busted out the old Reverse Bloody Sunday as he ran wild over the former tag champs. Both Itami and Bálor put them away with a double stomp off the top but on a show with the great on it this had the misfortune of merely being above average. The same misfortune occurred in the tag team title match earlier on as the Lucha Dragons retained over the Vaudevillains, most notable for Aiden English taking a double tope bullet for Simon Gotch. The good news is that Simon had a friend willing to take that level of hit for him; the bad news is down here in Logicville one guy vs. two champions means the usual balance numerically holds.

The only other match was the opener, notable solely for a sentient pile of garbage masquerading as a human being so set for his WWE debut he actually shed tears on the way to the ring before delivering a feel good moment with his win.

Ten, maybe five minutes into the show, Kevin Owens had given us a feel-good moment.

He seems perfectly content to keep that counter at one for his entire Full Sail run, and if we spend the next 12½ months going through his darkest mornings then NXT is going to threepeat as Show of the Year while barely breaking a sweat in the process.

It's simply the nature of the beast.
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Smackdown:Friendship is Magic

December 15, 2014, 10:00 am
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Jimmy Uso may be chummy with his brother, but he still doesn't deserve friendship
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Still Doesn't Deserve a Friend – Jimmy Uso
…but I have to admit that this week's Uso/Naomi/Miz drama was miles ahead of last week's. Miz and Mizdow were on guest commentary while the Usos had a match against Tyson Kidd and Cesaro (once again proving to be an enjoyable team) and, as could have been predicted, Cole spent the vast majority of the time badgering Miz endlessly about Naomi, and we could hardly see the match at all. I was about ready to throw in the towel. Imagine my delight when Miz ended up going backstage to speak with Naomi, not only leaving us actually able to watch the rest of the match (wrestling on a wrestling show, what will they think of next?) but also delivering a pretty good backstage segment as well. Miz was equal parts manipulative and sincere, telling Naomi how truly talented she is, but warning her about how a jealous husband just screams “too much drama” to a studio. Better yet, Naomi actually got to speak!

I liked that she told the Miz she was on to his game of trying to shake up her husband, but she also clearly took his works to heart, later delivering a similar rebuke to Uso for not trusting her to make her own decisions. The cherry on top of my already satisfying Smackdown sundae was Jey Uso pointing out to his brother that Naomi had a point and also telling him to get his shit together and not let Miz get under his skin so easily. We ended with Jimmy Uso actually looking thoughtful. Could there be character development on the horizon? Complex motives and emotions at play? I'm not daring to hope that this will continue into next week, but this was a welcome, welcome change and an example of how Smackdown can be used to further the B plots that don't get as much time on Raw.

Best Lack of Friendship – Nikki Bella and AJ Lee
I have to admit, I've finally come around to the Nikki Bella/AJ Lee feud. It's weirdly refreshing to have their enmity based on each woman believing herself to be a more legitimate champion, with nary an “I'm a more crazy bitch” or “You're a more jealous bitch” in sight. Frankly, I'm not even entirely sure if either one of them is truly a face in this situation. Bella certainly isn't playing it like she's a heel, with all her speeches about having worked so hard to get here. Yeah, she's got Brie to help her out, but how much of an asset is Brie, really? Most of the time I like having a clear good guy and bad guy, but I'll take some shades of gray in the women's division. A morally murky character is still better than no character at all. Here's hoping that by the time you read this Bella and Lee will have had the kind of match at TLC that shows they're both capable of being effective champions. I do have to quibble with Lee constantly being on guest commentary, though. She's entertaining, but the focus is entirely on her. Bella had a match against Alicia Fox, but you'd never have known what was going on in the ring.

Best Friendship That Needs Something More – The New Day
A while ago I expressed dismay that the team of Big E, Kofi Kingston, and Xavier Woods appeared to be over before it had even really started. Then the vignettes for the New Day started airing and I got excited. My excitement may have been misplaced. I like all three of these guys, particularly Big E, I like that they have chemistry with each other, I like that that are clearly trying so hard to make this happen...but something isn't happening. I don't know, they just aren't fully clicking. A big part has to be the disappointing stable motivation: “They're soooo energetic and happy!” ...'kay. And what else? Another big part has to be the frustratingly short matches they've had so far. Big E had a match against Goldust on Smackdown and it should have been a highlight of the night, but it ended too quickly to have any impact whatsoever, yet we're now supposed to believe that the Dust Bros. are deeply invested in stamping out the New Day...for some reason. Disappointing all around, but it's really not the New Day's fault. I really hope they can turn things around.

Most Incapable of Friendship – Jack Swagger
Jack Swagger is a robot. That's the only way to explain his total lack of expression in every situation. I'm so sick of his face I can't even deal with it. From his match against Titus O'Neil, his reaction to Zeb Colter being hurt, and the appearance of Rusev I got the same thing: mild exertion. Jack Swagger cares about the things involving him almost as much as I do.

Most Heartbreaking Friendship Break-Up – Luke Harper and Erick Rowan
I'm not getting over this any time soon. Maybe if we just had some closure on the whole Wyatt Family dispersal, that might help. Harper and Rowan were once again on opposite sides, with the former teaming with Big Show and Kane and the latter with Dolph Ziggler and Ryback. They most definitely had a match, and I most definitely was not paying attention. I said the same thing last week, but it's true. Smackdown cannot hold my interest for two hours, especially not with these repetitive main events. Fingers crossed for next week to be more innovative.
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TV Kills: WWE TLC '14 Review

December 15, 2014, 12:00 pm
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Jesus, really?
Photo Credit: WWE.com
In TH style. If you want to watch the replay, check The Network, but I wouldn't recommend it outside of the first couple of matches.

Highlights:
  • Dolph Ziggler reclaimed the Intercontinental Championship after superkicking Luke Harper on top of a dueling-ladder set up.
  • The Usos defeated Damien Sandow and The Miz via disqualification when Miz hit Jimmy Uso with a Slammy Award.
  • Big Show defeated Erick Rowan in the infamous Stairs match with a chokeslam on the stairs, a donkey punch, and by pinning him with the 275 lbs. *snicker* steps.
  • In a match that featured a finish not seen by the ref, a draw finish where the match was restarted, and the return of Jim Brown Roman Reigns, John Cena defeated Seth Rollins in a Tables match with an Attitude Adjustment.
  • Nikki Bella blinded AJ Lee with some kind of atomized liquid and finished her off with the Rack Attack to retain the Divas Championship.
  • Ryback bested Kane in a Chairs match with the Shellshocked.
  • Rusev retained the United States Championship over Jack Swagger with the Accolade.
  • Thanks to a television that somehow sparked and blinded Dean Ambrose when he yanked it from its wiring, Bray Wyatt was able to get the pin with Sister Abigail's Kiss in their TLC match.
General Observation:
  • The voice-over guy in the intro mentioned the words "demolition derby" so much I thought Ax and Smash were going to make a guest appearance. Then again, maybe it was for the best Demolition didn't appear. Leave the memories of their King of Trios '12 Tag Gauntlet shot alone.
  • Dolph Ziggler came out repping the Kent State wrestling team by wearing its hoodie. Always good to see a man showing love to his alma mater.
  • While he was being introduced, Luke Harper did the Money Manziel finger taunt to the Cleveland crowd. Poor Johnny Manziel. First he threw for 80 yards and looked generally like dogshit against intrastate rivals the Bengals, and then WWE's resident hillfolk trolled him.
  • The first really big bump of the match didn't come with a ladder, but with Harper just tossing Ziggler over the timekeeper's barrier with the kind of reckless abandon that one might toss a sack of potatoes into a walk-in fridge.
  • This match alternated between ladder shots and ladder climbing spots. No one can accuse Ziggler or Harper of not making full use of the gimmick, although their doctors might not have advised going FULL ZIGGLER on the reg here.
  • Ziggler was at one point staggering outside with a ladder on top of him, and Harper dove onto both, getting his FUCKING ARM TRAPPED IN THE FUCKING LADDER HOLY CHRIST. He was lucky not to have broken that arm and only got a laceration, to be honest.
  • And of course, Harper couldn't bleed without Ziggler doing the same. Harper set up a ladder on top of Ziggler in the ring while he was in the ropes and did one of those stun-gun catapults. On one hand, I applaud Ziggler for making his big bumps count, but on the other, I kinda want him to be able to walk when he's 50.
  • Most appropriate visual of the night came when Ziggler was posing on the top of the ladder with his belt and behind him, a fan held up a sign that said "MILLENNIALS, AMIRITE?"
  • The Usos came out do to their siva tau entrance and had their Slammy Awards sitting right in front of them. You know who carries Slammy Awards around with them? Heels, that's who.
  • Jimmy Uso had Miz in one corner and Damien Sandow in the other, and he did a protracted spot where he pointed at each guy to let the crowd react. It would have been a dumb spot, but after Miz ate the Rikishi Memorial Ass to the Face, Sandow moved out of the way.
  • Sandow actually broke his stunt double shtick to break up a pin. NO doubt his pantomime is incredible and has gotten him over, but he's got to evolve if that tag team has a chance. I'm not sure I like the prospect of the Tag Title scene being "Miz works handicap matches" as the main thrust.
  • You know, Jimmy Uso totally deserved that Slammy to the dome for the way he's been acting towards Naomi. Miz hasn't shown that he wants to boink her. Basically, if Miz's idea of getting in his opponent's head is to give his wife a business opportunity, then it pretty much shows how broken WWE's story dynamics are, doesn't it?
  • From the company that brought you The Demon Kane™, it's... THE VIGILANTE STING™. Then again, having Seth Rollins and JBL and other heel types brand Sting as a vigilante may be more in line with the Crow motif he's been rocking since 1997 than anything WCW did with him. I'm not saying Crow Sting in WCW was a bad character though.
  • "These stairs weigh 275 lbs.!" If you take that statement at face value and somehow think that a man selling for a woman is unbelievable, then I hate you.
  • No one can accuse Erick Rowan of not going all-in on a gimmick, both internally and for the match. Building a fort with the steel steps is something an idiot savant would totally do.
  • Big Show sent Rowan over the timekeeper's barricade, because every match that features a former member of the Wyatt Family has to have that kind of spot in it, apparently.
  • Yeah, Show totally gave Rowan a donkey punch before pinning him, just without the anal intercourse beforehand. WWE is STILL nominally a family show.
  • Oh, hey, Paul Heyman came out for the John Cena/Seth Rollins match. Incidentally, the Cena/Rollins match going on that early definitely foreshadowed some shenanigans.
  • The announce team also brought up the Sheamus Tables match from 2009 and that R-Truth RAW match from '11, which again was foreshadowing that Cena wasn't losing this one. Gee, I wonder if anything else happened that night when Cena lost to R-Truth on that RAW in Las Vegas. I'm drawing a blank over here...
  • I honestly don't care too much that Joey Mercury or Jamie Noble looked like idiots despite being accomplished in-ring dudes. I loved every instance of them trying to help Rollins win the match.
  • Cena sent Rollins into the timekeeper's barricade, which finally got the announce team to notice the trend of people using that area as a bump repository.
  • Okay, so the refs who came out to dispute which wrestler actually went through the double table setup first could make the decision as to who won or not on that instance of confusion, but no one could come out and declare Cena the winner after he put Rollins through the table when the ref was knocked out? I know WWE is "not for us" (whatever that means) but internal consistency in storytelling is something that should probably be in any medium, no matter what the target age is, right?
  • Roman Reigns coming back was the most foregone of foregone conclusions after he won his TOTALLY LEGIT Superstar of the Year Slammy, but man, having him take out both an interfering Big Show AND Seth Rollins felt like overkill.
  • Oh, so Heyman came out just so Cena could stare daggers at him for the Brock Lesnar match at the Royal Rumble, eh?
  • Nikki Bella was backstage for a promo where she claimed she'd beat AJ Lee because she has things that Lee doesn't have. Good thing she specified the Divas Championship right after, or else I'd think some lech in Creative (of which 56 people are employed according to a current rumor going around Twitter... let that sink in) got in a scripted line about boobie implants.
  • I spent a good portion of the Divas Championship match waiting for Brie Bella to turn on her sister. Has the narrative given any good reason why Brie is back with Nikki again other than *insert shrug emoticon here*? I would think saying "I WISH YOU DIED IN THE WOMB" would need more remediation than "being forced to be a personal assistant for 30 days" to resolve.
  • The reaction to Bella spraying Lee with the atomized liquid (perfume, hairspray, whatever) on Twitter was pretty negative, but I bet if it was a dude busting out the green mist or what have you, most of those critics would've loved the shit out of it. Point being, spraying stuff in people's eyes is awesome, regardless of whether it's mouth mist or some kind of hygienic product.
  • Making fun of someone for not being able to say words is cheap, but then again, most people aren't named Superstar of the Year or are being positioned as the next unbearably pushed WWE superhero or had their acting classes publicized like it's something that everyone in that person's field should be doing. Maybe WWE should pump the brakes on that big Reigns super-push...
  • I understand not wanting to have unprotected chair shots to the head, so maybe it's for that reason that WWE shouldn't really have Chairs matches. It's the same thing with Triple H and his sledgehammer. If you have to go to great lengths to gimmick a weapon so that you're not looking like you're murdering someone, then maybe that weapon shouldn't be part of the narrative anymore.
  • That being said, Ryback and Kane actually had a solid if unspectacular HOSS brawl. Take away the chairs, especially if Ryback's not going to finish Kane on one, and that match might get a better reaction.
  • Jack Swagger's theme song interrupted Lana, which I'm surprised hasn't happened more since Rusev started his ascent.
  • Rusev and Swagger in 4:50 of run-time fit in more match than every other contest that wasn't the opener or the main event. Rusev sold the ankle early, they did the submission peril trade thing, teased a count-out, and then got to the Accolade finish with the efficiency. This match was better than every single one during their original feud run.
  • Of course Dean Ambrose started off the TLC match by throwing a ladder at Bray Wyatt from the ring. I have to wonder if any current wrestler in WWE is more in tune with his character than Ambrose right now, or if it's just that his character is so unique.
  • The two brawled into the crowd early in the match, and when they got to the kickoff desk, Alex Riley was shown scampering off camera. Between that appearance and his seconding of The Miz at WrestleMania XXVII, Riley has been close to two PPV main events that he had no business being near.
  • Ambrose broke out some kendo sticks, which thankfully he waited for the actual match to do, or else the show would've been called Tables, Ladders, Chairs, Stairs, and Singapore Canes.
  • WHITE RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP. Somewhere, Sandman shed a solitary tear of joy.
  • Ambrose has to be legitimately crazy, because no way would I agree to being whipped into a corner with the prospect of having a kendo stick jab me in the face.
  • The entire sequence of Ambrose going through the Spanish announce table on Wyatt was brilliant. First, Ambrose apologized to the Spanish announcers, who let's face it, deserve hazard pay with how much their table is wrecked. Then he went through the table and as he and Wyatt were there writhing on the floor, Ambrose kissed his forehead, to which Wyatt replied with headbutts. Wrestling can be absurdly beautiful sometimes.
  • Televisions don't explode like that. No, really, I can suspend my disbelief for a lot of things in pro wrestling, like the Irish whip or that Shawn Michaels was a sex symbol in 1996, but you don't book a TLC match to be as brutal as that with a fucking gimmicked magic TV doing Ambrose in. It's almost like 56 people writing a main narrative with a finicky, out-of-touch asshole as the final say on the script can't write a decent story...

Match of the Night:Luke Harper (c) vs. Dolph Ziggler, WWE Intercontinental Championship Ladder Match - At first, this match seemed to fall in the same traps that Triple H and Undertaker did at WrestleMania XXVII. They started out from jump throwing bombs and then having layabout spots, but for whatever reason, the dynamic of the match made sense. When they started out by using the ladders for upped violence, the increased recovery time and selling made sense. This match truly felt like some of the hardcore-style matches of old. The shots were stiff and the bumps were hard. I'm not sure how much of an extra toll it put on their bodies, but at least the visual came off looking spot on.

Of course, anyone can take a huge bump, and lord knows Ziggler didn't have a scale named after him because of his lack of recklessness, but timing is a huge part of these things. Anyone can topple off a ladder, but knowing when and how to time toppling said ladder speaks volumes. Of course, this match wasn't perfectly timed all the way through, but this show was imperfect. Still, the times when Harper or Ziggler came bounding into the scene to cut a belt-grab off at the pass that did work were timed just right. Hell, even as the match started to unwind towards the end, Ziggler kicking Harper from one ladder off another was a stunning way to finish the contest.

But something does have to be said for an inherently brutal match that actually shows brutality. Both Ziggler and Harper got busted open hardway, Harper on his friggin' arm after getting it caught in between the legs of a ladder. Normally, the unintentional spilling of blood shouldn't be lauded, especially in today's WWE, but in this instance, it worked. WWE has been lacking on delivering steak behind the weak sizzle its announcers put behind promoting shows. Guys like Ziggler and Harper going out there and working a little bit loose maybe shouldn't be condemned completely, huh?

Overall Thoughts: Well, I didn't expect WWE to deliver on all 12 of its pay-per-views in 2014, so Tables, Ladders, Chairs, and, ugh, Stairs was due for a letdown, but then again, I didn't expect it to fall this flat. To be completely fair, the good stuff in here was good. The opener was hot (maybe too hot?), the Tag Title match was fun until the finish, which actually made some sense if that feud was to continue. The Divas Championship match had some good work in it, the Ryback/Kane Chairs match actually was a solid brawl, and Jack Swagger and Rusev packed in a full story into fewer than five minutes of run time. Hell, the main event was fun until the nonsensical finish.

But that finish was emblematic of how hollow Vince McMahon's "we tell stories" talking point from his Steve Austin show appearance rings, especially in the shadow of how complete a show Tak3over was. Sure, TLC is an intermediary show in the grand scheme of things, and the latest NXT special was one of four big show. But look at the way NXT finished its show and look at the way WWE finished its big shows from the year. Look at how the stars were made. Daniel Bryan beat the entirety of Evolution and ended WrestleMania XXX with the biggest YES! chant in history. The Shield ended two straight pay-per-views clobbering the shit out of that same stable reformed. Brock Lesnar was a big deal at SummerSlam not because he used to do MMA, but because he mollywhomped Cena.

Going over strong doesn't necessarily have to be the only path to a good ending, but at the same time, having Ambrose kick the ever-loving shit out of Bray Wyatt during the whole match only to have him lose because of a magic exploding television is the same kind of weaksauce Attitude Era storytelling that submarined WWE after The Rock, Steve Austin, and Mick Foley all had to leave. If the magic, defying-physics TV bomb was the first instance of shit booking, maybe TLC could have been forgiven, but the whole clusterfuck in the John Cena/Seth Rollins table match. Again, putting Cena over strong as he heads into a main event match with Brock Lesnar may not be the worst idea, but WWE did so in a way that annihilated Rollins.

TLC is a show that has to be judged on its own merits, but it's hard to do so when the NXT special aired three days prior, when so many "rumblings" flooded Twitter that the main roster wanted to upstage developmental, when a show under the WWE banner was able to provide such good vibes and hugely positive critical buzz. The number of good matches can't really outweigh the weight of bad booking decisions unless those matches are on the same level as Bryan/Triple H from Mania or Shield/Wyatt Family from Elimination Chamber. Sadly, that just wasn't the case.
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I Listen So You Don't Have To: Steve Austin Show Ep. 176

December 16, 2014, 6:00 am
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If you want meaningful opinions on Vince McMahon's comments, don't listen to this Austin show
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: Steve Austin Show Unleashed!
Episode: 176
Run Time: 1:42:21
Guest: Ted Fowler

Summary: Stone Cold and Ted Fowler are drinking and podcasting at the Broken Skull Ranch. They answer a few listener questions about Austin’s podcast with Vince McMahon, including ones regarding Jim Ross’ future with WWE, how WWE can increase its appeal to different types of fans and the controversial “brass ring” statements. There’s also a lot of chatter about hunting, dogs, rattlesnakes, country music and, oddly enough, theSpeed Racer theme song. Austin’s Match of the Week is his Halloween Havoc 1991 two-out-of-three-falls encounter with Dustin Rhodes.

Quote of the week:“When you first get in the business of pro wrestling, you learn how to wrestle. You learn how to fall. You learn how to take a bump. You learn the basics. You don’t learn how to throw a chair shot ’til you’ve got to throw a couple and receive a couple. Then all of a sudden you’re either good or bad at it, but you know how to do it. Same with getting color, blading yourself. You learn on the fly and with repetition comes knowledge and experience and your level of skill. Same thing with jamming an enema gimmick up someone’s ass.”

Why you should listen: Well, Stone Cold sings the Speed Racer theme song both with accompaniment and a capella, so there’s that. You’ll also learn about his podcasting equipment, what kind of softball bat Ted Fowler swings, why they prefer to own female dogs and pick up a few music suggestions.

Why you should skip it: It’s not that the guys don’t talk about wrestling, it’s that when they do you want to reach through the speakers and slap them. The real quote of the week is from a listener email who basically tries to get Austin to answer the most important question stemming from the McMahon podcast. How are these young guys supposed to take chances and push the envelope when everything they say and most of what they do is so heavily scripted? Austin’s answer amounts to “How do they push the envelope? They go out there and push the envelope.” Even Fowler has better insight. When they’re not infuriatingly noncommittal, Austin’s answers about questions are frustratingly familiar.

Final thoughts: I’m generally inclined to give Austin the benefit of the doubt in regards to his talk with McMahon and thoughts about CM Punk, but this episode reached a boiling point. Austin is well known for openly discussing how he managed his own mid-1990s ascension and especially lamenting the structure limiting contemporary performers, but when presented a golden opportunity to detail the frustration of guys who seem to be unable to break through to the upper echelon, he more or less defers to the Titan Tower suits. Perhaps other folks should listen for themselves just to fully understand the frustration, but that’s a pretty weak reason to spend more than 90 minutes with a show. It might just be Austin was more interested in drinking with his buddy than really deconstructing McMahon’s circular logic and some day we’ll get real answers. If it happens, you and Hershey the Wonder Dog will be the first to know.
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Dispatches from the Lake: Strength and Weakness

December 16, 2014, 8:00 am
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Representative of why NXT is outshining the main show
Photo Credit: WWE.com
It’s been about a couple of days since NXT Takeover: R-Evolution first aired, and I still can’t keep the stupid smile off my face. Soon as the show ended, I wanted to show it to every single person I know that I’ve wanted to get into wrestling. Of course, me being me, I have to get pessimistic about something. There is one problem with NXT. Before you storm my castle with torches and pitchforks, please let me explain. The only problem with NXT is that it is miles, fathoms, and light years better than the main roster shows. How excited were you for NXT? When it hit three o’clock at work Thursday, all I wanted was to get home so I could settle in to what I knew would be a rad as hell night of wrestling.

I did not feel that way about TLC... s. Ugh.

If you want proof that Vince McMahon is an out of touch, old man who needs to get out of his own way, I point you to NXT. The "developmental brand" tells coherent stories. It has characters with clear motivations and alignment. There is reason behind their actions. Triple H and whoever is writing the show understand basic storytelling, which is kind of important if you’re going to be producing a serialized story week to week. These are not the same people writing RAW. Obviously.

Last week when McMahon said they tell stories, I nearly put my fist through my computer monitor. This was the most egregious comment out of his podcast with Steve Austin. Stories? What stories? The last stories that were told on the main roster that I cared about were Daniel Bryan’s raging against the Authority and the Shield breaking up. I had some hope for something with Dolph Ziggler coming out of Survivor Series, but based on their past treatment of his character, it’s hard to get excited.

I still watched TLC, mostly because the matches themselves have been pretty solid these last few years. I’ve given up on hoping for coherence. I'm just watching the wrestling show, where they don't wrestling for wrestling's sake. 

The Monday Night War doc that’s currently airing on the Network also shows a complete lack of self-awareness and an overabundance of reverence for the Attitude Era. It's become a roadmap of everything that's wrong with current day WWE. Watch this last episode of the show, ‘Building an Army’. It discusses the depth of the roster during the late nineties and how instrumental the undercard was in winning the war. Undertaker talks about how complacency was the ultimate killer of WCW.

I’m not sure what to write about that other than a stream of expletives.

Triple H and whoever is helping him put the shows together get it, and you can see that he gets it just by watching NXT. He’s built NXT into the WWE’s greatest strength, especially when compared to the jumbled mess that is RAW. Monday is only must see one night a year. Thursday is must see every week.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to watch Takeover again while blasting Finn Bálor’s music for the 50th time.
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The Past Is Prologue: On "Divas Gone Wild"

December 16, 2014, 10:00 am
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Lita is only one part of WWE's problematic history with women.
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Professional wrestling as a whole tends to have massive problems telling the stories (in and out of kayfabe) of female performers. That much is known about the pro wrestling archetypes we've grown to live with in mainstream wrestling, and certainly in the world's featured company known for its male performers that the casual fan could list offhand before even mentioning one memorable figure who identifies as female. Naturally, this is a greater problem than just professional wrestling. Most sports, real or fake, have had trouble embracing female performers as genuine athletes on the same level (or even the same respect) as women.

So it doesn't come as much of a surprise that WWE's episode of its Network documentary series The Monday Night War called "Divas Gone Wild" has a tough time reconciling how to view women through its already myopic lens. Part of this is based on the real whims of Vince McMahon.

When the then WWF shuttered its women's division by 1990, it was because Vince changed his expectation of women as athletes to women as passive valets served to add more intrigue to the main roster. The belief was that the popularity of Elizabeth seemingly destroyed the purpose for the rest of the division. This isn't an inside burial statement culled from the newsletters of the day, either. This is something the narration outright says. And while more active valets like Sensational Sherri and Luna Vachon (both not mentioned) allowed a stretch where the passive became more active, it was more that talented female performers were forced into a rigid box of performance. This can be true for a lot of WWF/E talent regardless of gender, but men also did not have to worry about their whole means of competing being shuttered on the whims of the head man in charge, either.

My assumption is that the narrative of passivity being told has a lot to do with what happens after the division is reformed in 1993, but that would be a dangerous assumption. I don't think there's a malicious point to be made about performers like Alundra Blayze using their WWF cache to "screw over Vince." That's not really the point at all. But this has been a consistent flaw with the Monday Night War series. There is a bizarre allotment of time to the series. The world doesn't really need 20 hour-long episodes detailing every in and out of the six year period known as the Monday Night War, yet in the era of podcasting, it's hard not to feel the subjects of each episode have details that are glossed over or outright ignored. So when Alundra Blayze throws the WWF Women's championship in the trash on Nitro, it feels important to note but also hollow.

And of course, the mostly male perspectives on the women of both promotions leads to genuinely painful moments. Let's get some quotes.

"We wanted to move past lady wrestlers. We wanted to find women with personalities and sex appeal." -- Jim Ross
One of the most thoroughly nerve wracking narratives of the special is that the biggest problem with the women's divisions in the 80s and 90s WWF was the perceived lack of personality in the talent. Now, that can be mocked all to hell considering the same promotion hired Aja fucking Kong before this sudden shift past "lady wrestlers," but I also get that Jim Ross is referring to the corporate byline. Still just so brutal to hear and annoying given how this mentality is likely the reason Sara Amato is training Alexa Bliss instead of suplexing the shit out of her contemporaries on TV in glorious matches. But you expected that.

And to be fair, Sunny was the rare positive of this mindset. The special actually rightfully paints Sunny as important by showing clips of Sunny performing, and while it was a lot of cheesecake bullshit by a company desperate to appeal to a pre-internet teenage market, she was at least good at the art of the promo and was rewarded for that.

Of course, Sunny was the only successful example of this during the Monday Night War. They pay Marlena/Terri a lot of attention, but until the later portion of the era (circa managing the Hardys), Terri was more known for just sitting in a chair smoking a cigar. And sure, I guess that is a character trait, but not the outward edgy "personality" the special pictures. Sable's not much better and Vince Russo willfully makes it more gross with the implication that he became interested in putting her on TV based on a tease she was doing. Because that's personality, I guess.

"At the time, I wasn't a fan of women's wrestling primarily because the level of athleticism really wasn't there on a broad base. There wasn't enough really hot looking women that could really go out and have a great match that was fun to watch." -- Eric Bischoff
WWE admittedly isn't the group to make it far worse, albeit they really like throwing around the word "edgy" like it's anything but a tired term for childlike drivel. Eric Bischoff, who himself shuttered a women's division with talent because I guess he hated four minute Chigusa Nagayo matches, decided to add to the objectification of women in pro wrestling with the Nitro Girls. They sure existed and danced! Here's Booker T with a wonderful quote!

"I think it was a great concept, it was different to have girls open the show and not wrestlers." 
To be fair to Booker, I'm willing to give the benefit of the doubt that this is out of context. Plus, his wife was a Nitro girl, so of course he probably likes the thing that led him to the woman of his life. With that said, what a poorly phrased point. It's like the Don DiMello character Andy Daly portrays on Comedy Bang Bang come to life with a pervy "Bring on the girls" context. Most WWE main roster talent on the special seem to really not help this feeling. Kofi Kingston and Daniel Bryan are amazed by titillation, even up to where Kingston says "Why would you change the channel?" on a lady taking off her clothes as if to assume the entire audience are just teenage dudes pre-Pornhub. I don't know, Kofi, maybe folks just like athletics or avoiding objectification in stuff or are asexual. A lot of reasons to change the channel, especially is Sable is cutting a promo.

"Lita appealed to our male audience. She had tattoos. She listened to the grunge music." -- Michael Cole
But it's okay, y'all. Because Lita showed up and wrestling was saved*. Also, THE GRUNGE MUSIC is a real thing Michael Cole said.

At this point in the deal, WWE has to talk about Lita and Trish Stratus. And to WWE's credit, both weren't detestably terrible at any particular point in their careers. Mind you, Lita was more successful as a women's division lynchpin in the mid 2000s and Stratus was only the gatekeeper for the division at that same time. Neither had any massive play in shifting the War.

WWE does this often with the Monday Night War specials and it is genuinely irritating. As if to show the limits of the narrative, the show will often bounce forward past the era entirely. Did they not have enough to say about Chyna or were they worried they would have to keep playing JR's "Is that a man?" comment? It's nice to say that women came out of this era and weren't totally shitty or garnish, as Cody Rhodes says at one point to criticize WCW, but it kind of addresses that the era was extremely shitty for women in that context. Sure, WWE has a women's division because of the Attitude Era. But did that make women better over time? That question is still unanswered. WWE does at least have a division, but at this rate, is it just the same garnish? That may be the pessimistic response, but "Divas Gone Wild" kind of makes you a pessimist if this is how the winners think.

* Lita's biggest run of success was outside of the Monday Night War.
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The Issues of the Year: The Advancement of Women in Professional Wrestling

December 16, 2014, 12:35 pm
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She's not a freakshow, she's a wrestler. When will people see that?
Photo via @JoeyRyanOnline
Candice LeRae is undoubtedly one of the biggest deals on the independent scene right now and has been for over a year. She's revitalized the post-Impact career of Joey Ryan and she's done what no one thought she could do, become a main event attraction in Pro Wrestling Guerrilla and be given the treatment and attention due a superstar of that gets to fill that mantel. In addition, she and Ryan have been barnstorming the United States, winning tag titles, working as special attractions, and living the lives of touring carny wrestlers.

Veda Scott and Kimber Lee have both been the subjects of short YouTube documentaries and have worked in several promotions across America and even the world. They're entrenched in the boutique women's promotions that dot the landscape, but because those companies don't run yearly schedules for the most part, and because the rosters they collect tend to be scattered around the country on the reg, they enter the ring with men to keep their fledgling wrestling careers active on a regular basis.

In a perfect scene, their contributions wouldn't be vivisected or compartmentalized, but they would be viewed as similar to those like Kyle O'Reilly or Ricochet. Women's wrestling has advanced a long way in America, but in a disappointing sense, it's still fetishized and marginalized. Intergender wrestling, however, is still very much a self-replenishing powder keg of a topic that is exploded every time someone happens to get up on a soapbox about how men selling for women isn't a believable aspect of professional wrestling. Women are still being made to feel super-uncomfortable at wrestling shows as fans, and male fans still are emboldened to hurl derogatory epithets or in some cases physical projectiles at women performers. The situation is toxic from the highest heights of Stamford to the dirt floor local promotions with double-digit attendees at a shitty barn.

In 2014, women still have a long way to go to gaining the same respect, both in the ring and in the stands, as their male counterparts, and that makes me sick. Sure, wrestling can be argued as a reflection of society, and in a world where people strain to make the argument that the idea that these women accusing Bill Cosby are part of a conspiratory coven is more believable than the idea that Cosby himself might be a rapist, it can be hard for a woman to step outside her front door, let alone go to a wrestling show and have to see fans chanting "Rape! Rape! Rape!1 or to see women stories be shunted into two minute matches with no additional story other than "BITCHES BE JEALOUS" attached to it.

The biggest travesty is that women like LeRae, Scott, and Lee, in addition to the hundreds of women in the business whose contributions are marginalized for their gender, have to face this extra scrutiny when it's clear they are on the same level as the requisite male performers in their scenes. Honestly, the problem then becomes whose duty it is to change those perceptions. WWE isn't going to start without impetus, and most indie promoters find themselves following in some way instead of leading. The wrestlers are slowly changing, but the pace will forever be glacial as long as ego drives locker rooms. Fans at large resist change because the majority of people are built to resist change. So who should be the ones driving the conversation forward and trying to change the minds from the ground up? People who write about wrestling, that's who.

Whether on the blogger level like me, in dirtsheets like Dave Meltzer, or even people like Zach Linder who write for WWE.com, anyone who has a forum, an open mic so to speak, has to use that platform for social good or else nothing will ever have the chance to change. No one knows how much pushback folks who write for company websites get for their ideas. The dirtsheets, sadly, seem more interested in writing about other topics than the plight of women, and even though I applaud the Observer/F4W site for having noted progressive David Bixenspan aboard in a bigger role, the fact that Joe Babinsack still writes there is problematic.

But on the blog level, I still see arguments for regressive ideas. Voices of Wrestling had a lot of controversy surrounding its site for good reason. However, that site is not the only one with arguable if not questionable views on women in the business. I don't want to toot my own horn, because I'm not sure whether I and my staff are doing right by disseminating a correct, healthy argument on behalf of women in wrestling, but I would feel a lot better if I thought that most sites out there on the grassroots level had the same kind of intent that I have with TWB. Unfortunately, sometimes I feel like I'm trying to fit in with a principled yet outnumbered minority.

And so the ones who suffer the most are the women who continue to perform in a wide, varied capacity. LeRae, Scott, and Lee all should be lauded for breaking across barriers and trying to normalize intergender wrestling and raise up the profile of women on the whole. Instead, their accomplishments still bring arguments over demographics rather than the merit of their work alone. Something tells me that the advancement of women in pro wrestling is not an issue that will be solved anytime soon, but I'm hoping that maybe sometime soon, I, and much more importantly, the thousands, if not millions of women wrestling fans around the globe can feel like significant progress is being made.

1 - Yes, that chant was made in a match with four men in it and had a prison context to it. However, rape is still something that is suffered mostly by women. Additionally, men getting raped isn't much funnier, and who knows if someone at a wrestling show happened to get that treatment in prison. Have some consideration.
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I Listen So You Don't Have To: Steve Austin Show Ep. 177

December 17, 2014, 6:00 am
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Da Meltz is Austin's guest this week
Photo via @ObserverQuotes
If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: Steve Austin Show
Episode: 177
Run Time: 1:37:51
Guest: Dave Meltzer (13:54)

Summary: After explaining why he couldn’t deliver an interview with Ivan Koloff, Austin dials up dirtsheet superstar Dave Meltzer. They talk about CM Punk joining UFC and spend several minutes breaking down the MMA scene before taking a final look at Punk’s prospects. After the break, the guys look at scripted promos in light of Roman Reigns’ flubtatstic showing at TLC. They also look at the rest of that pay-per-view, where Dolph Ziggler goes from here, WWE Network and the difficulty of grabbing the brass ring. The Match of the Week is Koloff vs. Ricky Morton in a Russian chain match

Quote of the week: Meltzer on better ways to use the WWE Network: “I would do a video package on RAW tonight (of NXT R-Evolution). It’s two minutes. They’ve got three hours. They can afford the two minutes. Go in there, show what you missed, show the angles, show the guys, and just go, ‘This is what you get every Thursday night on the Network. You’re getting a whole other promotion, with young hungry guys, some of whom you’re going to see in the future, and this is the future of our company.’ Don’t pretend they don’t exist on RAW. On occasion, bring them up to RAW. They did the thing with frickin’ Ric Flair’s daughter on RAW last week — it was the stupidest thing. … I could not come up with a stupider scenario … If you had told me, ‘Dave, I want you to ruin her debut,’ I probably would have done exactly what they did.”

Why you should listen: Going where he wouldn’t on Episode 176, Austin finally opens up a bit about the contradiction of Vince McMahon demanding his up-and-coming stars grab the proverbial brass ring and the widely-known creative culture wherein performers are expected to stick to a script as closely as possible or risk being shown the door. He and Meltzer adequately break down the conceptual problems with TLC while taking time to acknowledge the performers they feel excelled given the limitations beyond their control. Further, Meltzer is (rightly) very high on NXT, and there’s not nearly enough of that praise in the podcasts on my subscription list.

Why you should skip it: Holy balls was that a lot of MMA talk. For anyone who, like me, knows less about MMA than he does about soccer (and that’s not saying much), you’re best to just skip the first 50 minutes or so. I assume both guys have the experience to offer the commentary they do, but I’d actually rather hear Stone Cold shoot the breeze with Ted Fowler. As for the wrestling talk, some folks may to prefer TLC just didn’t happen. If you don’t want to relive that brutal show, there’s not much left to enjoy on this episode.

Final thoughts: Look, you’ll be hard-pressed to find anyone who loved TLC. Austin and Meltzer were more willing to defend the booking of the Cena-Rollins match than most folks I’ve encountered, but at least they defend their stance with logic. UFC doesn’t move my needle an inch, and even as pro-Punk as I tend to be I don’t have much of an appetite to see or consider him in that setting. But you know what you’re getting in this show, and the more I listen to Meltzer the more I appreciate his specific relationship with Austin. I’m holding out hope the pair will one day take on an NXT show. I’d like to think Austin could nudge some of his devoted fans into giving the product a fair shake.
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Your Midweek Links: Zayn and Owens Forever

December 17, 2014, 8:00 am
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Destined to do this forever
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
It's hump day, so here are some links to get you through the rest of the week:

Wrestling Links:

- Blood Feud: The History of Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens [TJR Wrestling]

- The Best and Worst of NXT Takeover: (R)Evolution [With Spandex]

- What Did We Learn from NXT Takeover: (R)Evolution? [SB Nation]

- In Search of Heel Heat [The Classical]

- I Was Chris Benoit: Playing a Video Game as a Real Life Murderer [Kotaku]

- Check Out Panther Girl, the Wrestler Who Beat the Champ and Kissed Elvis [With Spandex]

- The Depths of Mania: WrestleMania X Review [Voices of Wrestling]

- Wrestling in the Clinton Years: Three Weeks in February [4CR Wrestling]

- Wrestling in the Clinton Years: Full Rear Assault [4CR Wrestling]

- The Best and Worst of RAW: Getting Even With Dad [With Spandex]

- An Elegy for The Authority [Grantland]

- Bang for Your Buck PPV Review: TLC '14 [Juice Make Sugar]

- What Did We Learn from TLC? [SB Nation]

- The Best and Worst of Tables, Ladders, Chairs, and Stairs [With Spandex]

Non-Wrestling Links:

- Seven Things That Still Bother Me about the Charlie Brown Christmas Special [Dorkly]

- Andrew Hawkins Has Some Remarkable Thoughts on Protest [Deadspin]

- The NFL's New Personal Conduct Policy Is a Joke [VICE Sports]

- Monday Morning Jerkface, Week 15 [The Footbawl Blog]

- The Meaningless Games of 2014 [Every Day Should Be Saturday]

- What Happens to Your Body During a Cleanse or Detox [Lifehacker]

- Cookin' ATVS Style: Seared and Smoked Leg of Lamb [And the Valley Shook]

- Taco Bell's Next Big Release Is Apparently a Frito Taco [Kitchenette]

- The Ignored Evolution of the Sixers [Grantland]

- David Bowie, Sean Connery, and Other Big Stars Nearly Cast in Lord of the Rings [UPROXX]

- UPROXX's Favorite TV Episodes of 2014 [Warming Glow]

- Common Defenses of Whitewashing and Why They Are Bullshit [Pajiba]

- How Greenpeace Wrecked One of the Most Sacred Sites in the World [Gizmodo]

- Which of These Disgusting Chuck C. Johnson Rumors Are Actually True? [Gawker]

- Christ, Michelle Duggar's Transphobic Robocalls Actually Worked [ROYGBIV]

- Darren Rovell Tweets Meet Tinder, and the Results Are Fantastic [Awful Announcing]

- Fan Theory: The Mario Games Are Too Hard on Bowser [Kotaku]
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Pro Wrestling SKOOPZ Stories of the Year

December 17, 2014, 5:10 pm
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Daniel Bryan was at the center of the news this year. WHO ELSE JOINED HIM?
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Well, well, well, if it isn't HORB FLERBMINBER, back again this week not to dish out the scoops, but to give you a recap of ALL THE BIGGEST, JUICIEST, HORNIEST wrestling stories of the year. This year was one of the MOST EVENTFUL YEARS on record. The moves were HOT and the takes were HOTTER. In fact, maybe all the WRESTLING SCOOPS have contributed to GLOBAL WARMING instead of carbon emissions and whatnot. MAYBE CONGRESS SHOULD REGULATE WRESTLING? Wait, what am I saying? KEEP YOUR FILTHY MITTS OUTTA MY PRO WRESTLING, CONGRESS. Buncha clowns, AM I RIGHT?

Anyway, just because I'm not mining the FRESH SCOOPS this week doesn't mean I'm not taking tips anymore. Do you have news? Do you want to see it disseminated? Do you not mind surrendering all credit for said news to ME ME ME? Then send your juiciest, rawest, MOST FLAVORFUL tidbits as well as information gleaned from the Sony hack to ProWrestlingSKOOPZ@gmail.com. Please though, no more friend requests for Friendster. I'm already on Myspace, LinkedIn, Ello, Adult Friend Finder, and The Furry Exchange. Oh, and Twitter! Twitter's the most important one. Follow me there @HorbFlerbminber.

Okay, now 2014 was a hectic, crazy, eventful year. So many things happened that Google and Blogger would kick Holzerman off and send him STRAIGHT TO HELL WHERE HE BELONGS if I listed and analyzed them all here. I would do JUST THAT, but if I lose The Wrestling Blog as my home, no one else would take me. I've already tried to get Dave Meltzer framed for the kidnapping of the Olsen Twins in Slovakia, and Dave Scherer thinks I fucked his poodle. IT WAS ONLY PANTOMIME. I still don't have enough money raised to restart my site. So I am only giving you the BIGGEST THINGS TO HAPPEN IN WRESTLING THIS YEAR.

JANUARY

- WWE Network was officially announced at the E3 Convention in Las Vegas. The list of promises that Chairman Vince McMahon promised included all pay-per-views included for the monthly price of $9.99 (which would not become conspicuous at all over the year), complete archives of WCW, ECW, and WWE, immortality, live cams planted at the home of Jim Ross, a "get out of jail free" card for marijuana possession, and original series like Legends House.

- Mae Young passed away on January 14 of natural causes. Sources say the true cause of death, however, was that she wrestled the Grim Reaper, but was double-crossed by the promoter and lost on a screwjob.

- Batista returned to WWE and won the Royal Rumble much to the dismay of the live crowd. When asked about the reaction to his show, McMahon said "Those fuckers will come around on Batista. Don't they know by now that I know what's good for them? DON'T THEY?"

- The night after the Rumble event, CM Punk walked out of the company before RAW aired. This was an isolated incident and was not brought up at all during the rest of the year, especially by the fans.

FEBRUARY

- Chikara announced its return to action at the February National Pro Wrestling Day event. The announcement came after a group led by the Submissive Squadron and Icky Woods beat back the combined forces of evil that included Dieter from Sprockets, a Rubik's Cube, some Demolition cosplayers, and that guy from Age of the Fall... I forget who, uh, was it Joey Matthews? No, it was, yeah, Brodie Lee. Brodie Lee was part of the invading force.

- Lita was announced to be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame. Michael Hayes made headlines by emphasizing that she was a chick, but it was tasteful in comparison to his original cut, where he said the same thing, but only wearing S&M gear and a ballgag.

- Nelson Frazier, who many longtime WWE fans knew as Mabel, Viscera, and Big Daddy V, passed away on February 18. Sources say he's still waiting outside the gates of Heaven because he hasn't decided which persona he's going to use to enter the Pearly Gates as.

- WWE Network launched on February 24, and I'm still waiting for Starrcade' 83 to load on my Roku, goddammit.

- NXT's first live special, ArRIVAL aired February 27, ushering in a new era where the place that was supposed to be where wrestlers and staffers went to learn started upstaging the main roster at every turn.

MARCH

- Buff Bagwell was outed as a male escort on the Showtime program Gigolos. His finishing move is named the Buff Cockbuster.

- Mike Bennett began trashing Beyond Wrestling on social media because of the company's model of wrestling at "secret shows" or "training sessions" for free being a waste of wrestlers' time. This interaction turned into a work, which proves that you can never trust what anything anyone in wrestling ever says as being their true feelings.

- The Wrestling Podcast ended, and that shitbag Holzerman NEVER HAD ME ON IT. WHAT A JERK. I HATE HIM.

APRIL

- Brock Lesnar shockingly ended The Undertaker's legendary WrestleMania undefeated streak. Who knew all you had to do to beat Taker was give him a shoot concussion at the outset of the match, eh?

- Daniel Bryan ended WrestleMania XXX having defeated all three members of Evolution and won the WWE World Heavyweight Championship to the raucous approval of a packed Superdome. The natural reaction, of course, was for nerds everywhere to continue the referendum on him as a top guy by parsing ratings, analyzing merch sales, and wondering aloud how many new WWE Network subscriptions for the low low price of $9.99 he actually moved.

- Jeff Jarrett announced the formation of Global Force Wrestling, which elicited a stunned reaction from Dixie Carter, who thought Jarrett would just live out the rest of his life quietly in Mexico and not bother with the business that's been in his family for decades ever again.

- Ultimate Warrior passed away April 8, a mere days after his induction into the WWE Hall of Fame and rousing, now-eerie promo in front of a packed post-WrestleMania RAW, causing millions of people nationwide to pretend that he wasn't a hateful person who never recanted a single thing he said in order to mourn him.

- In the most shocking thing to happen this year, another ECW "tribute company" closed its doors abruptly. How these companies keep failing with ECW nostalgia always at this record high is beyond me.

- Steve Austin came out in favor of marriage equality on his podcast, causing several socially conservative fans of his to punch out their cowboy hats and shoot their iPods.

- Connor "The Crusher" Michalek, the longtime Daniel Bryan superfan and pediatric cancer sufferer, passed away April 25, confirming reports I heard that life, in fact, is cruel and doesn't care about anything except random chance and making people sad.

MAY

- Daniel Bryan was diagnosed with a serious neck injury that required major surgeries in the months that followed. No truth to the rumor that Vince McMahon paid off God in order to get Bryan off his TV so he could feature statuesque muscleheads who may or may not be able to work on his television with impunity again.

- CHIKARA RETURN SHOW RESULTS: Dieter from Sprockets and the two fattest Scandinavian guys ever d. Dr. Mantis Toboggan and Two Pumpkin Spice Lattes from Starbucks, Thurston Howell III d. a pair of Converse shoes, Noo Yawk Goblins d. Kizarny and two weirdos I've never heard of before, The Non-Union Mexican Counterpart of Ted DiBiase d. Adam Rose's Bunny, a bunch of random dudes in masks fought I don't know the result I was out getting hot dog sandwiches, that guy from Age of the Fall, who was it again? Oh, right, Lacey d. Steve Perry of the band Journey, and in the main event, Tattoo Guy beat Kofi Kingston for the Chikara Belt of Belts or some shit like that.

- It was discovered that every single major event in Western Civilization has been, in fact, a rib on Renee Young for not wearing shoes.

JUNE

- WWE scuttled The Shield by having Seth Rollins turn on his two stablemates. Not coincidentally, that show was the same date RAW ceased being somewhat of a decent weekly venture.

- Rick Steiner's post-wrestling career as a realtor was revealed, leading many people to remark in amazement that he'd take a job that would require him to sell.

- Cody Rhodes helped deliver a baby on an airplane, but what no one BUT OL' HORB reported, that baby wasn't a baby but an alien symbiote which attached to Rhodes and turned him into Stardust two weeks later.

- In the first season finale of Legends House, Pat Patterson came out of the closet and revealed to his housemates that he was, in fact, gay, thus blowing the lid on the worst kept secret in wrestling since Kerry von Erich's prosthetic foot.

JULY

- Emma was fired from WWE for allegedly stealing a phone case from Wal*Mart, but she was rehired when charges were never filed and it was discovered it was an accidental theft. WWE was skittish on rehiring her because, as corporations are people, the wrestling company did not want to hurt the feelings of Wal*Mart Stores, Inc.

- Santino Marella retired after irreparable damage was discovered in his funny bone.

- WWE signed Japanese wrestling superstar and Ring of Honor alumnus KENTA to a contract, hoping he can pick up in the line of great Asian superstars like Yokozuna, Gorilla Monsoon, and Lord Tensai.

- DJ Hyde purchased Women's Superstars Uncensored from former owner and current Beyond Wrestling founder and auteur Drew Cordeiro. Hyde's first act as booker was to put Jessicka Havok in a match where if she lost, she'd have to perform oral sex on the new owner. This angle drew rave reviews from the Reddit wrestling community, with everyone in agreement that they'd have booked the same exact match.

- The Estonian Thunder Frog was killed in a Chikara storyline. The grisly video which has since been taken down from YouTube showed him being shoved out into traffic and forced to cross a busy highway. He almost made it to the other side until a tractor trailer slammed into him. He was survived by three polliwogs and a cousin who is psychotropic toad that works for Inter Species Wrestling.

- Candice LeRae won the PWG Tag Team Championships with Joey Ryan at the company's anniversary show after Super Dragon got confirmation that he couldn't catch cooties from touching the same title belt that she did.

AUGUST

- The Young Bucks and Booker T ended the most bitter rivalry in pro wrestling by shaking each other's hands. However, the feud was immediately rekindled when both Young Bucks took to Twitter about how they invented the handshake and how Booker T wouldn't nearly have been as over if he shook hands with someone else. Then they too-sweeted each other and superkicked the RockNES Monsters for good measure.

- Spike TV announced it was severing ties with TNA Wrestling at the conclusion of their current television deal because the company hired Vince Russo despite the warnings against doing so. This is the second wrestling promotion that Russo has had a hand in killing. In other news, the second season of the NPR podcast Serial will chronicle Russo's exploits in murdering promotions.

- Alberto del Rio was fired from WWE after assaulting a social media manager for using racially insensitive language against him. According to sources in WWE, del Rio would still have a job today if he had just kept his head down, realized that racism is over, and that it's okay for white people in power to make these kinds of comments.

- Kevin Steen signed a developmental contract with WWE, which left ROH with only two interesting wrestlers left on its roster.

- At SummerSlam, Brock Lesnar defeated John Cena in a relative squash match to win the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. Incidentally, the number of blood blisters caused by wrestling fans pinching themselves to see if what they had just seen was a dream dramatically increased as well.

- Kazuchika Okada won the annual G1 Climax Tournament, and punched his ticket to WrestleKingdom 9 to face IWGP Champion Hiroshi Tanahashi. The event, scheduled for January 4, 2015, has actually already happened in Japan due to time zone differences. In fact, New Japan Pro Wrestling in real time is actually in the midst of the 2018 G1 Climax, where the finals are contested by Daichi Hashimoto and CM Punk.

SEPTEMBER

- Michael Elgin lost his ROH World Championship to Jay Briscoe, and immediately afterwards backstage, he was served notice that his visa had expired. However, the visa issues had nothing to do with ROH's decision to have Elgin lose. He had made several overtures to baseball teams via Twitter to try out for them. ROH COO Joe Koff was quoted as saying that Elgin might still be Champion today if he had made overtures towards a good team like the Orioles or the Nationals and not the fucking St. Louis Cardinals.

- Speaking of Briscoe, ROH is relieved that it hasn't had to reset its "Days since the World Champion Said Something Bigoted" counter since he won the belt. The current count is at 589 days.

- Sean O'Haire passed away September 8, but I'm not telling you anything you already didn't know.

- King of Trios this year was won by the Demolition Constitution, a team that consisted of Lance Uppercut, Minge Codcruncher, and Jor-El Atomicbombexplosion.

- Beyond Wrestling had its September Fete Music show cancelled after a shooting took place outside the nightclub the night before the show was to take place. Additionally, the Good Taste Police have cancelled the joke I was going to write for this item because guns are no laughing matter.

OCTOBER

- Several dirtsheets reported that Steve Austin was training for a comeback based on something he said on one of his podcasts. However, Austin clarified that he wasn't training for a comeback, but he sang "It's Raining Men" at karaoke at the Rib Rack the Thursday before that episode had recorded.

- Willie Mack was released from his WWE Developmental contract before he even reported to the Performance Center. Sources say that he was released when WWE found out he was a Juggalo, which the FBI considers a gang.

- Vine videos with crudely-implemented insertions of Randy Orton doing RKOs were all the rage for a hot second in October. However, the craze died when someone made a Vine of Orton taking a shit in someone's handbag. Way to ruin the fun for everyone, jerk.

- Ox Baker passed away October 20. However, his moustache survived until November 4.

- Nicole Matthews got into some hot water by loosing a fireball in Madison Eagles' face en route to winning the SHIMMER World Championship. Eagles thought she was going to be given a shot of Fireball Whiskey, but apparently, the lines of communication were tangled.

NOVEMBER

- Ring of Honor decided it would enforce exclusivity on its wrestler contracts, meaning that contracted talent could no longer work for promotions like Pro Wrestling Guerrilla. Between this and WWN Live touring China regularly in the future, PWG officials are terrified at the prospect of booking more women or having to utilize the talents of wrestlers already in Southern California.

- Due to the success of the first WWN Live tour in China, expect Gabe Sapolsky to start tweeting this more: 如何是飼料？

- Jim Ross was announced to be the play-by-play announcer for the English language broadcast of WrestleKingdom 9. Man, if he thinks ROH needs to slow it down and use some psychology, I can't wait for his reaction to NJPW.

- From this date forth, November 23 shall be known as STINGSMAS!

- Colt Cabana released his Art of Wrestling episode featuring CM Punk on Thanksgiving, which is appropriate since most wrestling journalists in 2014 would have been thankful for any kind of reliable nugget to report about Punk during the year.

DECEMBER

- In response to the Punk podcast, Vince McMahon went on the Steve Austin show to clear the air, but instead, his comments just made the atmosphere even hazier with steam shooting out of nearly every wrestling fan's ears.

- I DVRed the Chikara finale. NO ONE TELL ME IF THE CHICK FROM FROZEN IS ABLE TO SAVE STORYBROOKE, OKAY? Wait, you mean Chikara ISN'T airing in the 8PM timeslot on Sunday nights this year on ABC?

- CM Punk announced that he's going to do UFC, which is totally different than The Rock swooping in from his other career to do wrestling nowadays. TOTALLY.

That's it, those are the stories that MATTERED in 2014. If you can think of anything else, then cram it, nerd. I AM THE SCOOP DISPENSER. YOU CONSUME, OKAY? AHAHAHAHAHA.
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I Listen So You Don't Have To: International Object Ep. 112

December 18, 2014, 6:10 am
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Punk and McMahon are big subjects on the return episode of International Object
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: International Object
Episode: 112
Run Time: 75ish minutes
Guest: None

Summary: After a months-long hiatus, KSP and Rich Thomas are back on the air. They talk about their old patterns of watching wrestling throughout the week, discuss the concepts of 70s dads vis-à-vis the Four Horsemen, reference The Shining, and talk about all the recent CM Punk news. Rich announces he’s purchased his tickets for WrestleMania XXXI before the guys look at NXT. They break down Vince McMahon’s appearance on Steve Austin’s podcast before returning to Punk, then segueing into a brief look at Lucha Underground.

Quote of the week: Thomas on McMahon claiming he felt uncomfortable being around other people at his wife’s Senate campaign and fundraising events: “There are two types of CEOs: CEOs who like other CEOs and CEOs who don’t like other CEOs. And the problem with the second (group) is they never want to be in a position where they have peers. Those people in that room for a Senate candidate are actually his peers. He doesn’t have ay power over them. He doesn’t have anything that they need. So he’s not richer than them, he’s not more famous than them or any of those things. So he can’t impact them.”

KSP:“He can’t bully them.”

Why you should listen: Because you missed them! If you’re familiar with International Object in the Rich Thomas era, this is pretty much wheelhouse material. The guys are all over the place in their unique fashion, and the breakdown of McMahon’s persona as revealed on the Austin show is probably the most insightful commentary I’ve heard on a rich subject. Each host represents a slightly different demographic, and listeners who identify with either (or, ideally, the part of the Venn diagram where they intersect) are likely to feel they’re being spoken to (or through) directly.

Why you should skip it: International Object isn’t for everyone. It’s a Canadian writer/designer and a Silicon Valley professional (and serious photography hobbyist) who like wrestling and other forms of entertainment and are committed to discussing it as an art form. They’ve been together for dozens of episodes and are, quite frankly, an acquired taste. A bit of rust is to be expected given the length of their hiatus, but a first-time listener won’t come in with any “happy to have them back” vibes that might excuse a bit of scattershot focus.

Final thoughts: I’ve always used this space to review professional podcasts while leaving my personal amateur favorites, like Old School Wrestling Podcast and What A Maneuver in the “you should just listen to every episode because, duh, why wouldn’t you?” category. But IO had been gone for quite some time, and its return warranted a quick look. I’m dead serious about the McMahon stuff being notably perceptive — it’s essential to view him as he fits into the real world and not in the context of his own created universe — and many other segments will quickly remind regular listeners why they became fans in the first place.

If I’m not mistaken, the entire IO catalog is available online. Many older episodes are far more evergreen and worth a listen for anyone curious about the chemistry and viewpoint that makes this show compelling.
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Best Coast Bias: We've Got A Pulse

December 18, 2014, 8:15 am
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Reunited and it feels so painful (well, for Emma, anyways)
Photo Credit: WWE.com
When last we left our intrepid heroes on Main Event...well, actually, we didn't. They left us.

Last week astute addicts of the BCB on TWB noted there was no report, and that's because there wasn't a show with fresh material. Instead the sublime (Tom Phillips and Renee Young) hosted the ridiculous (an hour-long TLC preview).

But being live from Grand Rapids as a modified pregame for the SuperSmackdown 800th episode on USA seemed to inject the hour's proceedings with a vitality and spark that's often lacking from taped Tuesdays, and provided some fun on its own while still feeding its brother shows.

With a show that failed to be spectacular yet was above average with purpose to every portion, we can start anywhere. Without an involved crowd the tag match that centered the show between the Swinging Cats of Tyson Kidd and Cesaro against the smaller 2/3rds of the New Day could've easily looked like another indictment of recent booking failures with a couple of guys slapped together facing off against The Good Kind Of Black People: The Musical. But this was a lot more than that, bolstered by strong efforts by all four men, fun tandem offense on both sides of the ledger and Xavier Woods' finest WWE match to date as a Robert Gibson in light blue. Anyone who finds themselves here needs to be told about Cesaro the same way Megan Mullally needs to be introduced to a show called Parks and Rec; Tyson Kidd's recent spotlight stealing turn on NXT and Tuesday nights has been one of the bright spots that've pumped life into a formerly somnambulating career. But considering the varied reaction TND's been getting since debuting as a unit, this could've died an easy death under a thousand CM Punk or even NXT chants.

Fortunately, all it took was a fun two-segger old school tag match to show why they've got potential going into 2015 as well. Most fun was Cesaro and Kidd doing non-miced but audible work hectoring Nattie for having the temerity not to cheat, then doing so and informing her that's how it was done on a couple of occasions, but that shouldn't take away from their surprisingly quick cohesiveness as a unit both in regards to frequent, quick tags, and a basement dropkick/Giant Swing (that's right, it happened on Tuesday of all the days, and you could practically see bunnies jumping ship as the fabulous Tony C dusted the mothballs on it) that should be a signature if not The Signature for them going forward. Woods even busted out the Malenko gutbuster before the New Day polished off Kidd with a top rope double stomp variant on the Demolition Decapitation. About the only thing missing was more fun interaction on the outside between Big E and Nattie, and hopefully when the Usos finally exhaust their laundry list of title shots and rematches these teams will get a chance to be across the ring when Team Mizdow finally implodes.

Speaking of Sandow and what's-his-face, they started off the show's opener and the Usos were in the ring at the end of the segment. In the middle, the guest was Naomi, and things got plenty soapy without straining the nodes of credulity the way, say, an Irish whip does. Naomi responded to Miz's over-the-top glowing endorsement introduction of her by almost blowing him off entirely before he revealed he got her a title shot for the aforementioned SD800. This could've been a fine moment except nearly immediately out came her brother and law and husband saltier than a canister from Planters. Miz's rejoinders both at the time at the time and backstage a bit after were brusque: her husband apparently didn't want to see her succeed, and if she couldn't control his jealously Hollywood was going to Bye, Felicia her. The subsequent title match where she got distracted by their outside the ring fighting only further put a spammer in the works, and with the assumption that the next Uso title match could be their last and her next one who knows when in coming--well, you could almost feel the possible shift in alignment. More importantly, for a staff largely floundering through the fall into the winter it'd be something they could point to as a logical progression in events for every person involved.

The show concluded with a 1-2 punch of a old standby in Paige/Emma and more Survivor Series fallout from the meltdown of the Authority between Erick Rowan and Kane. The latter featured Titus O'Neil slightly overshadowing the proceedings at the announce table by squabbling with Cole in a back-and-forth while Rowan went straight at Kane from the get-go and actually had Kane ducking between the ropes, staggering around outside and generally taking a mollywhomping. Too bad the people they pay to note such things were preoccupied. Kane got off a more-or-less desperation chokeslam that won him the match. And as for the ladies, while Paige and Emma were having a fait accompli -- what else to call it when one doesn't get an entrance and the other one is wearing new merchandise? -- at least they had fun getting there and got more than 180 seconds to do it. While there was some humor involved as should be par for the course in a match with the bubbly Aussie, it still felt like something more akin to Full Sail. Hell, the crowd even had escalating dueling chants as it went on. Bonus points to the winning Brit for being aggrieved anyone would dare cheer for Emma. The more things change...anyhow, Paige landed the final in a series of match-long vicious kicks before locking on the PTO Scorpion Crosslock as seen to gain the victory.

Sure, it wasn't two hours live from Full Sail. Not every movie is Goodfellas, either. For an hour at least, the needle moved from hopeless to feckless, and any positive progress is what certain yoga maestros would call A Good Thing.
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I Listen So You Don't Have To: The Ross Report Ep. 44

December 19, 2014, 5:00 am
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Jarrett discusses NXT and New Japan on his Ross Report appearance
Photo Credit: ImpactWrestling.com
If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: The Ross Report
Episode: 44
Run Time: 1:50:58
Guest: Jeff Jarrett (10:50)

Summary: JR and JJ open with a quick look at Jarrett’s family and its history in wrestling. Then they start to talk about TLC and, to a lesser extent, the recent NXT supershow. Then Jarrett gives an explanation of the origin and nature of Global Force Wrestling as a means of setting up a lengthy talk about NJPW and specifically Wrestle Kingdom 9, the Jan. 4 show for which Jarrett hired Ross to serve as play-by-play announcer. They discuss how and why Matt Striker got hired as the color analyst. Eventually there’s an unexpected transition back to TLC before Ross brings up the controversy surrounding the 1999 dissolution of Jarrett’s working relationship with WWF.

Quote of the week:“In my opinion it was the energy level. You watch a good college basketball game or a good college football game, and you really don’t have to know the teams, but the announcers give you a little backstory, what conference, who sort of the stars are, but when guys are out there laying licks, and you know that they’re leaving it all out on the field, that’s the feeling that the NXT show is. It’s that raw energy. … It oozed through the screen in my opinion. The audience knew what they were watching was a special group of guys that are trying to make a name for themselves.”

Why you should listen: NXT fans will be happy to hear Jarrett adding to the growing number of establishment voices raving about WWE’s best-kept secret. NJPW fans (and I am assuming here) will be happy to hear how much of this episode is devoted to discussing the upcoming pay-per-view and the reverence Ross and especially Jarrett have for the promotion and more so its performers. And the 1999 Jarrett-Vince-Chyna stuff is unexplored territory in the podcast realm.

Why you should skip it: If you come looking for a review of TLC, you’ll realize that’s the bait and the real meat is a hard sell on Wrestle Kingdom 9. Both guys avoid criticizing much of TLC, though they do a decent job of further explaining what Austin and Meltzer said earlier this week about how the use of every possible weapon and gimmick put the main event players in a no-win situation. I also have a suspicion devoted NJPW fans will be let down by what might come across as a lack of knowledge about the promotion from the two people most tasked with making it palatable for American audiences.

Final thoughts: We’ve got a mixed bag here. On one hand, Jarrett was a much friendlier guest than I expected, but perhaps that’s because JR steered away from almost anything that could be construed as controversial. It was great to hear the NXT praise, though it ultimately was superficial without getting into the meat of why those shows work and how they succeed in the current WWE structure. As for setting up the NJPW show, I sort of expected a deeper look at the narratives heading to the big day, but Jarrett mostly talked up the individual performers and atmosphere and Ross is clearly ready to defer to Striker for context and background. Still, this is an interesting listen, especially to anyone ho might be on the fence about ordering the PPV. I’m looking forward to hearing feedback on that show from someone who jumped in only because of the English commentary option, and hopefully JR will have a good guest on to debrief after the show.
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