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Pro Wrestling SKOOPZ on The Wrestling Blog: Issue 14

January 14, 2015, 10:00 am
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A ton of Randy Savage SCOOPS this week
Photo Credit: WWE.com
HORB FLERBMINBER is back ONCE AGAIN to give all you ungrateful peons the scoops you don't deserve but that sustain your pathetic lives anyway. My weekly NEWS REPORT has everything you need to keep your brains occupied between episodes of Keeping Up with the Kardashians. I have news. I have rumors. I have baseless slander. I EVEN HAVE PUPPIES. WHO WANTS A PUPPY? Contact me to find out where and when you can get one. I swear it's not a Ponzi scheme.

As you may know, I can't deliver all these breaking stories myself. Did you know that back in the days before the Internet, I had an ARMY of sentient rollerskates that brought me tidbits from around the wrestling world? WELL NOW, I DON'T NEED THOSE INGRATES ANYMORE. I have you, the people who send me tips and don't care if I give you no credit for them. If you have tip, or even a scanned picture of a postcard that HASN'T been defiled by those PostSecret jerks, send it my way to ProWrestlingSKOOPZ@gmail.com. Also, if you want only the latest in scoops straight up to the very instant they happen, you need to follow me on the Twitters, @HorbFlerbminber. Do you remember the time I reported that Kevin Nash was being arraigned on charges he killed the President in 1963? OF COURSE YOU DIDN'T, because you don't follow me on Twitter yet. DO IT.

If you need back issues of the SKOOPZ newsletter, then contact me using an intricate series of smoke signals that I learned from a man who claimed he was Jesus Christ's third cousin, 27,000 times removed while traveling on the CSX freight lines a few years ago. If you do, I will send you all the back newsletters you can fit in a satchel. What size satchel you bring is up to you, but it has to be a satchel. NO SCHOOL-STYLE BOOKBAGS, OKAY?

I also need questions sent to me for my upcoming interview with Andy Kaufman. Oh shit, spoiler alert, Kaufman's faking his death and he's going to come back on an episode of Smackdown to choke out Jerry Lawler with piano wire as revenge for all those years in Memphis. Personally, WWE is wasting him on that shitmire of a show. Anyway, ask anything you want, but you have to send the questions via sealed envelope to my special dropbox in the Sierra Nevada mountains. If you e-mail me, I will send you the super-secret map with instructions on how to beat the Bandersnatch guarding it.

Also, you can finally purchase the tenth anniversary edition of my book, Bryan Alvarez Smells Like Doo-Doo, which I co-wrote with Colin Mockrie. It includes a foreword from the members of the NODURTSHEETS dot com message board, and all new accusations of plagiarism, malfeasance, and simony against Alvarez. It also comes with a free pint of gasoline and a pack of matches just in case you get called to a civil trial for a suit Alvarez has against me for libel so you can burn the book without it being used as evidence.

Also, be kind, rewind.

- In the news story of the week, "Macho Man" Randy Savage will finally be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame after years of being the biggest exclusion from the group. Many theories abound as to why Savage and WWE chairman Vince McMahon had a falling out. Some say it was Savage leaving for WCW, while others hold onto the brash conspiracy theory that Savage had an illicit affair with Stephanie McMahon before she was of age. All those rumors are actually FALSE. Savage actually made a joke that he was going to crush up some leaves and shove them into his new girlfriend's vagina, embarrassing McMahon and proving that Savage covertly read his dream journal behind his back.

- Lanny Poffo commented on why he relented and gave McMahon permission to induct his brother posthumously into the Hall. "McMahon's offer moved me. INTO A BIGGER HOUSE. Oh no, I said the loud part soft and the soft part loud."

- McMahon's first choice to induct Savage was Lex Luger, and let me tell you, even I thought that was inappropriate.

- Contrary to what was announced on RAW, Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair will take turns inducting Savage into the Hall of Fame talking about all the times they ended Savage's various WWE and WCW World Championship reigns.

- CM Punk is currently bitter.

- TNA has announced that it wants to be an "alternative" to WWE now more than ever. In other news, I am formally announcing that I want to be Kate Upton's fuck-buddy now more than ever.

- WWE has announced NXT will be hitting the road with its first date outside of Florida on March 5 in Columbus, OH. Urban Meyer has done it again!

- Daniel Cormier title for three days, weeks, UFC heavyweight champion Jon Jones effective protection against interference from 4 December, he comes to the treatment plant after experimental treatment is tested for cocaine. "I am very seriously considering this, I am in drug treatments," UFC president Dana White and his self-released a statement on the progress of Ministers said in a statement, and. This is, however, his mother, one day after Jones rihaba just came out, showed.

- Pro Wrestling Guerrilla announced this week that at its first show in 2015, World Champion Roderick Strong would defe... wait, PWG strapped Roderick Strong? For real? Like this isn't some kind of rib? BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH OH MAN.

- Lucha Underground's second season begins tap... AHAHAHAHA, no, I just still can't get the idea that a real live wrestling company actually put its top Championship on Roderick Fucking Strong in the year 2015 of our Lord. Seriously, WHO DOES THAT? I thought Super Dragon was supposed to be a good booker. Oh man. Hold on, let me catch my breath here.

- Still catching it. Still catching it. Okay.

- Lucha Underground's second season begins taping as soon as the East Los Angeles Rotary Club finishes its annual swap meet at The Temple.

- In related news, Nigel McGuinness stated that he came up with his idea for LA Fights all by himself with no help from anyone.

- Sergio Brown imitated Ric Flair's famous "jet-ridin'" spiel after the Colts beat the Broncos in the NFL playoffs Sunday. After the tape stopped rolling, he further imitated the Nature Boy by heading to the bar and maxing out his credit card buying drinks for everyone before calling Vince McMahon for a cash advance.

- NWA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Conway is currently recovering from an emergency appendectomy. Sources say that R. Bruce Tharpe is getting the removed appendix bronzed, mounted on a leather strap, and christened as a brand new, yet-to-be-named NWA Championship.

- Last week's poll results are in, and 74% of you think that Vince McMahon is the Antichrist, while 26% think he's just a false prophet heralding the coming of the Antichrist. This week:
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I Listen So You Don't Have To: The Ross Report Ep. 48

January 15, 2015, 5:30 am
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The Grappler pays a visit to JR's podcast this week
Photo via the Facebook page for Denton's book
If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: The Ross Report
Episode: 48 (Jan. 14, 2015)
Run Time: 2:07:53
Guest: Len “The Grappler” Denton (36:16)

Summary: Ross opens with his usual monologue, though this time it’s heavy on his experience working ringside for WrestleKingdom 9. Then he calls Denton, who has written a book about his life and career. The interview progresses through Denton’s career chronologically, starting with his youth as a fan in Houston. They talk about his training and body growth while following the map from Amarillo to Louisiana, Portland, Florida, Charlotte, Germany, Calgary, Memphis and Mid-South. Along the way we learn how Denton transitioned into a masked wrestler and adopted “The Grappler” persona. They also discuss how he created the DDT with Jake Roberts and ran through a bevy of names like Bill Watts, Jim Cornette, Raven, the Ultimate Warrior and Muhammad Ali. At the end, Denton weighs in on the tools a young wrestler needs for success.

Quote of the week: On a 1990 backstage conversation in Houston with the Ultimate Warrior: “He told me ‘I’m the champion. They give me a limousine and they feed me chicken breast, it’s always laid out for me. Everything’s cotton. It’s five-star hotels, everything’s unbelievable.’ And he goes, ‘I’m quitting these assholes.’ And I go, ‘Why?’ He said, ‘Because we just did WrestleMania and they paid Hogan a million-dollar payoff and me $500,000.’ I said, ‘How long did you work?’ He said, ‘I don’t know, 15, 20 minutes?’ I said, ‘Jimmy, look at me. When I was trying to teach you the press slam for two weeks and you beat me all to hell, and I’d get mad and pay you back with chairs and everything — because if I hit you with my fist I’d break it — how much were we getting paid from Fritz every night?’ He goes, ‘$75.’ I go, ‘You’re going to quit over a $500,000 payout?’ He says, ‘You don’t understand, it’s the purpose.’ I go, ‘No, I do understand, cause I did the same thing to Bill Watts like an idiot and it cost me big time because I was a dumbass kid.’ ”

Why you should listen: Denton drops so many names it’ll make your head spin, but he’s not at all bragging — he’s simply worked with a remarkable number of prominent people over his three decades in wrestling. This episode is both a great primer on a lesser-known stalwart as well as a fascinating walk through several well known territories. That should make it attractive to both people with nostalgia for the many names and places highlighted or a curiosity for wrestling history.

Why you should skip it: I’ve not read Denton’s new book, but this undoubtedly is a pale imitation of the ground he covers in print, so it’s likely anyone who has or will read the book won’t glean much from the interview. Ross mostly fights off his instincts to wax poetic about the glory of the territory area and to further sanctify Watts, but it’s wrong to say he fully represses those urges. Also, I felt Ross could have done a lot more to delve into the parts of the interview he hyped, notably the challenges of working as a masked villain at that time. Finally, this may be a petty issue, but the combination of Denton’s accent and phone connection make advanced-speed listening unadviseable.

Final thoughts: Ultimately I feel I left the interview with a cursory knowledge of a figure I’d never heard of (or can’t recall). So on that level it was a success. Yet aside from a story about being Ric Flair’s temporary chauffeur and the origin of the DDT, most of the stories went by so quickly they amounted to little more than a reading of names and cities, many of whom are quite familiar, especially to regular Ross Report listeners. Denton blatantly stumps for another appearance on the show, and I hope Ross takes him up on it, but only if they’re able to do a deep dive on a specific territory or personal relationship. That likely would be compelling audio. But maybe they just want me to buy the book.
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Best Coast Bias: Let's Talk About Six

January 15, 2015, 8:30 am
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About to take the clock to midnight
Photo Credit: WWE.com
This is the week in WWE of the big schedule shift, as most BCB readers are probably aware. Team Blue drops back to Thursday in a hope to get more juice out of the ratings nudge that should be provided by rising out of the graveyard that is Friday programming in the 21st century. (Sorry, Impact.) The rising stars and logical booking of NXT drop back a day to Wednesday, suddenly filling the subset of the "dear Crom, not RAW again" audience with an actual head-to-head two-headed monster of pro graps for the offering secured squarely in the middle of the week.

With Main Event not moving, it was easy to see it being overlooked per usual. Besides, where was it going to go amidst the other moves, to pick up the Saturday Morning Slam audience? With their spot in the lineup and the hierarchy seemingly secured, so has Main Event's modus operandi in 2015. The Ascension and Rusev showed up this time around to make fresh meat out of a couple of randoms and Justin Gabriel, respectively. This falls under the purview of squashes/showcases to build someone's resume up at the expense of literal or relative nobodies. Sometimes a spammer gets in the works and you get things like the formerly somnambulant Matadores beating the Dust Brothers off a rollup via distraction, as Goldust was continually distracted and annoyed by El Torito, leading to the downfall for the former Tag Team Champions and the easiest possible excuse for Stardust to turn heel on his brother. It was Los Matadores, for crying out flayven.

But what's saved Main Event from being a complete write-off is the spotlight match being worthy enough to attract eyeballs that wouldn't normally cast a glance Tuesday's way. In the opening installment of the year, Paige and Nikki Bella got a good, long match and hungrily sank their teeth into it to pay back the time equity given to them with interest. This time around, the New Day went in against Adam Rose, Tyson Kidd and Cesaro. As the warmup act before Smackdown this could've easily died a lingering death, but the talents involved and given two segments had a crowd that was sitting on their hands during entrances fired up and ready to go when the ending arrived in favor of the white hats via the Midnight Hour.

The story was told without being obvious right at the outset: the bad guys were three guys who were together -- Kidd and Cesaro seemingly no-selling their partner outside of tagging with him -- and the good guys who were a cohesive unit. It was them who got off the first few bursts of tandem offense in the early moments of the match before the self-proclaimed Masters of the WWE Universe started to put ink on their side of the double-team ledger going into the evening's final break. Watching Tyson and Tony work over the 21st century Men On A Mission you'd think they'd been tagging together for years. Sure, you got big flashy things like the Swinging Basement Dropkick and a catapult into a European uppercut. But they also did the vintage tag stuff like chokes and face rakes behind the referee's back. In fact, the only gum in their collective hair (even the former US Champ's) was Rose's involvement, as he ended up eating the final surge of offense after he blind-tagged in for the loss. Big E threw him around the ring as if he was a crumpled up Post-It note before a train lead to triple dives onto their hapless opponents with Kofi Kingston and Xavier Woods tope con hiloing the Masters while the former Intercontinental champion flew through the ropes with a spear that took Rose down with him. Midnight Hours end the match, and begin a New Day.

The crowd clapped merrily along and sounded back the call-and-response chant for the baby-blue clad babyfaces in the ring, but getting a spotlight match every Tuesday without anything else that would induce powerful eye-rolling for WWE's non-appointment TV is a reason to at least give a golf version of a clap. Even while being the odd show out, Main Event just like its usual components keeps its head down, doesn't sleepwalk through sixty minutes, and always puts in the work. It's something other shows under the same tent with 300% the length and 1000% of the attention haven't been able to adhere to on a consistent basis since last spring.
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Twitter Request Line, Vol. 105

January 15, 2015, 11:45 am
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If you can get to SHIMMER to see Cheerleader Melissa and her colleagues, do it
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers!

If you're not in tune with the indie scene, you might be better off throwing darts to choose in most cases, depending on when you're available. EVOLVE, ROH, and the WrestleCon show will all pretty much offer a similar product with slight cosmetic differences, especially if you're going in blind. However, the shows are laid out so that you can go to several of them without too much overlap. Money could then be an issue since each ticket is north of $20 a pop. If I were to recommend going to one show and one show only, I would go for SHIMMER, which will be Saturday, March 28 at 12 noon at the Santa Clara County Fairgrounds, which is where all the WWN Live events are taking place. SHIMMER just recently started taking its show on the road during WrestleMania weekend, and it's the only time one might be able to catch them outside of the two weekends the promotion runs in Berwyn, IL. The talent roster usually includes the best women wrestlers in the world, including Cheerleader Melissa, the Canadian Ninjas, Kana, and Sweet Saraya Knight. Alumnae you might know in the mainstream promotions are Emma, Paige, Awesome Kong, Havok, Ivelisse, Natalya, Beth Phoenix, Bayley, Becky Lynch, and Madison Rayne among others. SHIMMER probably has the highest probability of delivering.

If you had money for two shows, I would do SHIMMER and then probably the WrestleCon live show, which is headlined by the Hardy Boyz wrestling Sabu and Rob van Dam. It also features former WWE guys like Big Ryck (Ezekiel Jackson), John Morrison, Matt Sydal (Evan Bourne), and Brian Myers (Curt Hawkins) as well as some of the most notable of notable indie guys. If you want to go to three shows, then I'd throw darts at the dartboard for the third one. Ring of Honor only has one show on Friday night. The WWN Live family is spamming the weekend, so maybe if you wanna check out one of those shows, you'd have a good time. Outside of SHIMMER, no marquee show is on the docket that you really have to see, so take a chance. You never know what will draw you in.

My favorite worked shoot ever was the time WCW fired Brian Pillman in an attempt to drive a story and then never bothered rehiring him before he went to ECW and then the WWF. But I doubt that's the answer you're looking for. The best worked shoot ever probably was the second Summer of Punk, when he dropped the hashtag pipebomb and threatened to hold the WWE Championship hostage. Granted, the ending didn't go so great as it segued into the most irrelevant 400+ day title reign ever and where the most direct payoff was a match between Triple H and Kevin Nash, but most worked shoots don't even get to end that well. I'd say it was the closest WWE ever came to becoming Attitude Era-relevant again in the mainstream, which says something about their attempts to recapture the magic.

My own personal answer is WWF In Your House: Canadian Stampede. It was a two-hour show where precious few minutes were wasted. The "worst" match on the card, a title match between Undertaker and Vader, might have passed for the best match on several other WWF pay-per-views at the time. The opener was one of the craziest brawls between two guys who ended up having a ton of crazy brawls in their career in Triple H and Mankind/Mick Foley. The Great Sasuke/TAKA Michinoku match may not have led to a great junior heavyweight explosion in the company, but it was damn fine for what it was. The main event was a masterclass in multiman tag matches, and the crowd was electric from opening bell to closing seconds. I know it was only two hours, where most shows are at least three. But why should I handicap this show against other shows that "need" filler? Maybe the lesson is that not every show has to have runtimes longer than the average Bible adaptation.

What happens to him when he comes back from his "firing" is going to be the biggest indicator. WWE should have done something with him a long time ago, but the booking team, more specifically Vince McMahon, has this skittish streak of whom to push and how long it takes for them to get to the top. This time period is nowhere near the 1980s anymore, where guys took a long time to incubate before getting pushed up to the top. Either you're a hand in the middle tiers forever, or you catch fire like a Daniel Bryan or CM Punk and get that rocket up your butt sooner rather than later. Ziggler's not the kind of guy that should be killing himself for the fucking Intercontinental Championship. He's gotta be headlining shows, having stories tailored for him, and working with the entire breadth of the roster, not just the guys in his purgatory. But does WWE see him like that? I'm not optimistic, but I'm gonna wait until he comes back to be vindicated or proven wrong.

Wait, he has momentum? You could have fooled me. That momentum went to pot the moment he jobbed to a hologram at Survivor Series. This feud with Bray Wyatt has been him spinning wheels, but luckily, he's Dean Ambrose and not, say, Zack Ryder, so he's still in a decent spot. In fact, he could win the Royal Rumble, in which case I would set him up for a triple threat at Mania against Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns for the title (that Rollins obviously would win at the Rumble). Of course, if he didn't win the Rumble, that match could and should still be on the table for Mania.

So I'm going to go with the second option. Ambrose doesn't win the Rumble, but he's somehow re-entangled with his Shield mates in a three-way match at Mania with number one contendership on the line. Reigns wins. After the match, he and Ambrose corner Rollins, but thanks to J and J Security, Rollins escapes. To close the show, Daniel Bryan defeats Brock Lesnar to win the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. The next night on RAW, Reigns comes out to congratulate Bryan, only to beat the ever-loving shit out of him. Rollins cashes in and becomes Champion, revealing all along that he and Reigns were in cahoots. As long as Rollins is Champion, Reigns will not sign any contract for a title match, thus protecting Rollins from his most dangerous contender. In exchange, Reigns gets a hefty bonus from The Authority in exchange for remaining as Rollins' muscle and not challenger.

Rollins and Reigns pick up wins respectively over Bryan and Ambrose at Extreme Rules, and then the Authority decrees that neither wrestler can get another shot at the title until they can "prove worthy." While Rollins moves onto other challengers for the late spring and summer, Ambrose and Bryan enter into a prolonged feud against Reigns and J and J Security with a bunch of trios matches alongside unlikely partners like Kane, Randy Orton, and John Cena. At Money in the Bank, however, Ambrose grabs the briefcase and cashes in after Rollins' brutal encounter against Cena at Battleground. However, Rollins shrewdly gets himself disqualified and keeps the title while stripping Ambrose of the briefcase. The street fight rematch would happen at SummerSlam. Eight months are in the books, and I don't know where I'd take it afterwards, especially since things in WWE tend to be volatile. But that booking ought to reestablish Ambrose in a big way as an edgy underdog and not just some dumbass who jobs to the weirdest shit.

I wouldn't, because I'm not into seeing how the sausage gets made or watching dudes work out. However, if one would want to go, my advice would be not to act like you've been there or like you're part of the club. Observe, ask questions, be respectful, don't make a mockery of what they're doing. It would be like someone walking into your science lab and fucking up what you're trying to learn by getting hands on.

They're neither right nor wrong, to be honest. They're just reacting to a sore old man who has lost touch with what works in professional wrestling. Cornette probably doesn't deserve the attention because he seems like the kind of guy who craves it, good or bad. However, I wasn't the one whom Cornette was trashing on his podcast. The Bucks were. They took the route replying to him that was best suited to their personalities, and you know what, whether or not they're "professional" or not, they defended themselves.

First, it would be helpful to get a list of all the starting NFL quarterbacks, which would be as follows: Tony Romo, Nick Foles, Eli Manning, Robert Griffin III, Aaron Rodgers, Matthew Stafford, Jay Cutler, Teddy Bridgewater, Cam Newton, Drew Brees, Matt Ryan, Russell Wilson, Carson Palmer, Colin Kaepernick, Tom Brady, Ryan Tannehill, Geno Smith, Ben Roethlisberger, Andy Dalton, Joe Flacco, Johnny Manziel, Andrew Luck, Blake Bortles, Zach Mettenberger, Peyton Manning, Alex Smith, Philip Rivers, Derek Carr.

I left out Tampa Bay, St. Louis, Buffalo, and Houston because they all seem like they're going to be in the market for a starter this offseason. Think of those teams as having vacancies at the position like they might have at the coach position. Anyway, the final four would end up as Newton, Roethlisberger, Brady, and Wilson, with Newton coming out on top thanks to his size, athleticism, and his willingness to pull some heel tactics along the way.

The men on NXT is the best idea possible because NXT could use a little chaos, and because Divas battle royales happen on the main roster all the time and are not treated with a whole lot of touch or delicacy. However, the match shouldn't be used for number one contendership at NXT's biggest show. Some similarities to the main roster are good, but I don't think developmental should be a carbon copy. But a mini-Rumble for a title shot at a stopgap show or at a Takeover event that isn't designated as the biggest on the calendar would be fine.

I was legitimately taken off guard in 2012 when Sheamus won the Royal Rumble, to be honest. I had no idea he was on the table, let alone going to win. When it came down to him and Chris Jericho, I thought it was only a matter of time before Jericho dumped him and set up the showdown with CM Punk that was rumored. But Sheamus won, and honestly, even if it was underwhelming at the time, if he didn't, I'm not sure the events that culminated at WrestleMania XXX could have ever happened.

He seems to be fit for the booth, which might make him overqualified for the main roster AM I RIGHT GUYS, HUH? In all seriousness, while he has the chops and the sharp mental acumen, could his giant body which I imagine is always causing him pain be able to sit behind a cramped desk that's always in danger of being collapsed violently in front of him? I wouldn't count on a career in broadcasting for the Big Show unless it was down in NXT.

WHY HAVEN'T YOU WATCHED IT TEN TIMES? ARE YOU NOT A REAL FAN????

The bWo guys have a campaign on Twitter to get included in the Rumble because it's in Philly, and I'm certainly on board for that. Even if it's just one of the guys like Stevie Richards or Blue Meanie, it would mean a whole lot. I'd love to see a guy like Jake Roberts or Scott Hall in the match if just to show that they're healthy enough to get in the ring, do some stuff, and get tossed out. Adrian Neville would be a prime candidate as a surprise NXT callup. Basically, I'd be down for anyone in the match as a surprise except the guy that I fear is a lock to be in, the Boogeyman. Sorry, he just skeeves me the fuck out.
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I Listen So You Don't Have To: Art Of Wrestling Ep. 233

January 16, 2015, 5:30 am
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Half of the Forever Hooligans was on AOW this week
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: Art Of Wrestling
Episode: 233 (Jan. 14, 2015)
Run Time: 1:07:46
Guest: Rocky Romero (8:19)

Summary: Colt Cabana’s guest this week is the third host of the Talk’n Shop podcast (he interviewed the other two in episode 231). Romero was a guest on a very early AOW, so there’s a lot of catching up to do, notably on Romero’s budding music and acting careers. Moving to wrestling, Cabana asks about Romero’s time in UPW and all the big-name talent he encountered there, including John Cena. Then they discussed the evolution of Romero’s goals, his time as Black Tiger and various experiences living and working Japan, including his relationship with Kowada, moving from NJPW to NOAH and NJPW’s recent resurgence. They talk about the current podcasting scene and end with Romero frankly discussing his different encounters with WWE in the last few months.

Quote of the week: Romero, on auditioning for an NBC sitcom pilot. “I don’t think I’ll get the lead because of the experience factor, but I mean I have been studying for the last two years seriously. Classes, improv, everything. … Not a lot of people know. I keep it on the low-low.”

Why you should listen: What you take from this episode depends largely on what you bring to it yourself. The first part speaks a great deal to anyone trying to make headway in a creative field, especially a performance art. The Black Tiger stuff is great for wrestling history buffs, and as NJPW starts gaining ground in America it’s going to be benefical for fans to have the kind of historical context Romero can explain from firsthand experience. Further, he spoke bluntly about his WWE auditions and communications, giving a voice to many in his position who might be wondering if there’s any chance of cashing in on the hard work they put in establishing a reputation over 10 or 15 years traveling the world to wrestle.

Why you should skip it: I generally overlook Cabana’s monologues, but to discuss how he’s moved away from watching RAW regularly and discussing his broader wrestling appetite without invoking the upcoming #RAWlternative movement just seemed weird. I don’t think it has anything to do with trying to create an evergreen show, as his monologues are regularly quite topical. He’s also a bit dismissive of Romero’s acting aspirations, though it could just be a little ball-busting among old friends.

Final thoughts: There’s no real standout portion of this hourlong chat. Not that it’s boring or anything, but I kept waiting for a moment where Romero really spoke to some powerful experience or detailed a personal goal. That moment never materialized, and it leaves the episode somewhat flat. It’s still a good lesson for anyone who follows Romero’s career, as well as good information for fans of the Japanese scene, but it won’t stand out as one of Cabana’s benchmark efforts. Not that it needs to; it’s what Cabana always said he wanted his show to be — a good way to pass an hour.
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Best Coast Bias: The Needle Scratch

January 16, 2015, 7:30 am
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More like boo enthusiast
Photo Credit: WWE.com
The last of the Fab Five to be called up. The first to wear the black hat. The ruiner of feel-good moments since last month. Oh, Kevin Owens hears you in the crowd making that noise most unfamiliar to Full Sail -- boos, "you suck!" chants -- but if he's willing to kick the NXT championship into a friend's head after laying him out, it's safe to say he's Big Seaning the situation vis-á-vis your feelings about the things he's done.

His impact was felt before he even showed up to close the show, as his presence (and eventual absence thereof) put clouds into the blue sky that should've been the rubber match between Sami Zayn and Adrian Neville for the Big X. The victims of his apron powerbombs competing against each other just underscored the $64,000 question: when was this French-Canadian murder bear going to come out and pour a two-liter all over the circuitry? Fortunately for those who enjoy their pro graps interference-free, he waited until after another fine if ultimately lesser leg of the stool had been completed to pick Zayn's bones with a pop-up powerbomb.

Of course, the reason that was so easy for Owens to end up doing was that Neville had done most of the work for him beforehand. It wasn't just the two-segger of a match that caused Zayn's energy level to be a light orange at best; it was more like every single big huracanrana and strike out of the Man That Gravity Forgot should've been presaged by the words murked, nasty, or vicious. Outside of a dive to the outside, Neville really showed why he'd been champion so long with his strikes. Neville's done a rana off the ropes a few dozen times at this point--Zayn ate the earliest one so hard it immediately elevated to "...wait, is that it?" status for a match that'd been long-built to, had deep history, and still wasn't 10 minutes old. Zayn would long for those halcyon days moments later when Neville landed on his feet on a half-and-half suplex attempt to fire off a handspring shoulder spin into a pinning rana. Again, nothing no NXT fan or Neville enthusiast hasn't seen on a few dozen occasions, but somehow this time around Zayn thought he could block the mat with the top of his head and the back of his neck.

When announcers forget their character archtypes and you just hear groaning and cringing, the poor victim ate that move like a carne asada burrito at 3 am after a birthday bar crawl. And even that might not have been the worst of it, as Zayn managed to get in a couple moves and desperately went for the suicide dive DDT when Neville bailed out to the floor only to get superkicked in the bicuspids when he went for it. Somehow Zayn survived just long enough for the corner Exploder/Helluva kick championship combo, but zut alors, man. When he was staggering around the ring after it took him a long time to get to his feet post-shoulder spin rana, it felt like an actuality and not just some Steamboat-level selling from the King of NXT. And then Owens came out and ruined things, because that's what he does, and we can go on from there, and maybe Neville can move on to become one out of thirty in a couple of Sundays. If this be the swan song for Neville's full-time Florida employment, let us say that even going out on his back he completely justified every thought anyone who sees a bright future in his hands has ever had.

Should Neville be off to the bigger shows, it does open a spot for somebody ridiculously popular wrestler from an international background to vault up the metaphorical NXT power rankings. In A Completely Unrelated Note, Finn Bálor started off the program against Tyson Kidd and the match with a vicious shotgun dropkick that could make a viewer spit Cypress Hill (...all right, all right, you young punk kids, Method Man and Redman) lyrics before Kidd could sort out his Saskatchewan and rehinge his Moose Jaw; while the catlover managed to avoid a suicide double stomp immediately afterwards it was a two-segment delaying of the inevitable. And give Tyson credit for that -- Bull Dempsey couldn't even last two minutes against Baron Corbin in the succeeding match -- but watching Finn fly with that, a crackling gamengiri, and on top of that include the tope con hilo with the signature finisher means the artist formerly known as Prince has the security of Apple stock and probably has better long-term prospects of constantly elevating. He can do anything in NXT for as long as they want to keep him down there, and they still haven't even begun to scratch the lottery ticket of dream matches they can put him in with the roster on hand.

About the only deep complaint to be had on such a front-loaded show was that the women's tag team match didn't go long enough between Team BAE and the Legacy Kids. Maybe in the future something similar will happen on a live two-hour special and get a quarter hour to play with; as it was this served as an amuse bouche so delicious you just wondered why it wasn't the main course. It was nice to see Charlotte and Nattie team up for some double-team offense to not make them look so makeshift, but oddly in the non-RAW under-to-midcard TV lately the programming has subtly been getting over units will beat random collections of talent just mashed up together and here it happened again for the second time in under 24 hours on WWE Network (which Internet rumors say can be had for a decent monthly price). So here Nattie put enough stank on her whomping of Sasha early on to make certain corners this one included clamor for a singles match between the two on Banks' possible road to the belt, Banks overcame it and landed the Regal-esque straightjacket neckbreaker to pin the champion and further burnish her bona fides for another shot at Charlotte. That would probably be the thing on the next live special with a title change, and considering the last time they were on a live special showing off their contretemps they put on one of the best 20 matches of WWE's 2014, put some more on our plates.

Of course, Zayn and Neville did that on a top-10 level, and then the confetti fell and it seemed like nothing could ruin the moment. So everything's a variable in this world of developmental. Except NXT being worth the watch and sometimes exploding your eyeballs from the sheer force of their awesomeness. That's a constant.
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Smackdown: Friendship is Magic

January 16, 2015, 9:30 am
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Bryan's back and he has TOO MANY FRIENDS
Photo Credit: WWE.com
New Friends – Byron Saxton and Jerry Lawler
With Smackdown moving to Thursday nights also came a commentary shuffle. We've lost Tom Phillips and JBL and gained Byron Saxton and Jerry Lawler. I am ambivalent. On one hand, FUCK YES, I don't have to deal with JBL's constant belligerent bellowing anymore, but on the other hand...Lawler? Really? After his latest health scare I honestly thought he might finally retire, but apparently it's not to be and his commentary career will keep limping along. I also don't understand why we're still stuck with Michael Cole, when I had assumed that the point of having Phillips there was to ease him into the main play-by-play role for Smackdown. At any rate, Saxton is going to be the heel commentator, and I definitely enjoyed him in the role for this episode. However, the fact that Saxton didn't try to dominate the entire broadcast the way that JBL does, coupled with Lawler's general disinterestedness, reinforced how stale and awful Cole's commentary is. He calls every match the same, hits the same beats every time, and even has the same phrases that he uses for certain matches (I can call to the SECOND when he's going to say “Uso crazy!” when one or both of the Usos dive outside the ring). In conclusion: Yes to Saxton and No to the other two. Bring back Tom Phillips!

Friendship Overload – Daniel Bryan and Everyone Involved with Him
I should clarify: friendship overload in a good way. Daniel Bryan returned to Smackdown and the people rejoiced and it was fantastic to see him compete in the ring again. And just to make it clear what an underdog he is, out came LITERALLY EVERYONE arrayed against him: Kane, Triple H Big Show, Seth Rollins, and J and J Security. It was a little ridiculous, but we did get a Team Hell No callback prior to Bryan's match with Kane. All these months, I've never stopped looking for Kane to suddenly reveal that he's still been on Bryan's side the whole time, but it was not to be. Their initial match was pretty slow, whether due to Kane's tendency to take things slow in general or wanting to be careful with Bryan's comeback. However, the aftermath brought us even more displays of friendship gained and lost when Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns came out to back up Bryan against the advancing Authority.

Reigns and Ambrose both tried to downplay it in a couple of segments wherein they talked about how they just despised the Authority and come the Rumble it would be every man for himself, but I was not fooled. It was beautiful friendship on display and I will not hear otherwise. The resulting six man tag match (Bryan, Ambrose, and Reigns against Rollins, Show, and Kane) was a lot of fun, with Bryan seeming to be fully re-energized. I got to revel in my post-Shield/Rollins/J and J feelings once again (You used to be the smaller guy with Ambrose and Reigns, Rollins! Don't you miss it even a little? OF COURSE YOU DO). It was a good time all around, our heroes won...and then Triple H arranged for yet another Bryan/Kane match to take place next week. Thanks for ruining my buzz, dude.

Best Friends – The Miz, Damien Mizdow, and Alicia Fox
Alicia Fox teamed up with the Miz and his stunt double to take on the Usos and Naomi. I noticed right away that Naomi didn't get to come out with the Usos for their initial entrance, instead running out when they were finished and already walking down the ramp. She didn't get any fanfare for herself. Fox, on the other hand, was a fully integrated part of Miz and Mizdow's entrance, proving once again that Jimmy Uso is the actual worst and Naomi should have jumped ship when she had the chance. Fox eventually broke up a pin that allowed Miz to get the win, showing their solidarity once again. Miz was even nicer than usual to Mizdow during the match, actually tagging him in instead of being a jerk about it. Friends forever!

Doesn't Need A Friend – Seth Rollins
It's true that the only thing I love more than composing odes to the friendship between Rollins and J and J Security is waxing nostalgic about his days with the Shield...and yet Rollins' segment with Paul Heyman demonstrated that the erstwhile Shield architect is plenty compelling on his own. This may amount to blasphemy for some, but I've taken to tuning out whenever Heyman comes out and I was ready to do just that on this episode. However, Rollins' passionate spiel about how he's sick of hearing about Brock Lesnar and of people counting him out was fantastic, his threats to Heyman appropriately well-thought-out and chilling, as we might expect from our favourite opportunistic vile traitor. Heyman's rejoinder was likewise effective, trying to keep Rollins in his place while also letting us know that an alliance between the two is not wholly out of the question. I really wish this had been the last show before the Rumble.

Worst Friendship Spin – Regarding Paige
Paige accompanied Natalya to the ring for her match against Nikki Bella. It was a good enough match and Natalya picked up the win. Commentary, however, was consumed with conversation about Paige and Natalya's friendship, which they found suspect. Apart from the usual “women can't be friends because they all hate each other” bullshit, apparently Paige is known for always looking for friends, but they don't last for very long. Um, what? Since coming up from NXT Paige has only been linked to AJ Lee and Alicia Fox. That's hardly an established pattern, or anything different from pretty much every story in the women's division. Furthermore, the only animosity between Natalya and Paige has occurred on Total Divas (and I honestly have no idea where or to what degree Total Divas is supposed to figure in the women's narratives at any given time). It was Tyson Kidd whom Paige was angry with on RAW, not Natalya. So where is this idea that Paige and Natalya are on the rocks coming from, exactly? And what purpose does it serve? Please stop spinning bullshit out of nothing and give the women's matches something more meaningful. Bonus kudos to Brie Bella for the most inadvertently hilarious line of the night when she flatly yelled, “NOOOOOOOOOOO, Nikki, NOOOOOOOOOO” without any trace of emotion whatsoever. Where's the spin there, huh? Clearly Brie didn't actually care about Nikki tapping out and we still haven't gotten a reason for the sisters' reconciliation. There's a story sitting right there, guys!

Most Pointless Friendship Omission – Sin Cara
Yeah, you can pretty much just insert exactly what I wrote last week regarding the match between Sin Cara and Bad News Barrett. This time it was for the Intercontinental title. Barrett retained, and Sin Cara once again appeared without his tag partner or his NXT tag title. I enjoyed the hell out of the match, but there was never any doubt in anyone's mind of the result. Like I said last week, there was an easy way to make this match more important, but instead we're still just pretending that NXT doesn't exist.
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#RAWlternative Airs This Coming Monday

January 16, 2015, 11:30 am
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Steen's match against Mike Bailey will be one of the featured bouts presented on Monday
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
Monday night, WWE will present another episode of its flagship show RAW. Granted, a bunch of old guys are going to come back for a "reunion" and Daniel Bryan will be wrestling for his chance to be in the Royal Rumble match, but the company has dropped returns and reunions and special matches and the like in the last few months without a blip in the radar. Face it, RAW has been mostly bad rather than good lately, and it has put a damper on Monday nights, making people lament the lack of a suitable alternative. While all signs point to a Monday Night Wars situation never returning, alternatives are out there. While I believe TNA will be an alternative instead of an imitator to WWE when I actually see it, and while Lucha Underground is a great concept that hopefully will get time to grow, the indie scene has always been the best alternative to WWE when treated as a loose confederation or a scene containing many different layers.

This coming Monday, a coalition of independent wrestling promotions will be going head-to-head with RAW showing matches that show best the representation of that scene. The event, known first as Boycott RAW but changed to the less intimidating #RAWlternative, is headed up by Beyond Wrestling. The webcast will be streamed right from Beyond's YouTube page, and will feature free matches from the following promotions:
  • AAW (Eddie Kingston vs. Keith Walker)
  • Absolute Intense Wrestling (Johnny Gargano vs. Ethan Page)
  • Alpha-1 Wrestling (Ricochet vs. Josh Alexander)
  • Beyond Wrestling (duh)
  • C*4 Wrestling (Kevin Steen vs. "Speedball" Mike Bailey)
  • Dreamwave Wrestling
  • Hoodslam
  • Inspire Pro Wrestling (Takaaki Watanabe vs. "Dirty" Andy Dalton)
  • Inter Species Wrestling (Ninjas with Altitude vs. the Food Fighters)
  • Smash Wrestling (Super Smash Bros. vs. the Young Bucks)
  • Squared Circle Wrestling (2CW) (Chris Hero vs. Colin Delaney)
  • St. Louis Anarchy
The other four promotions, including Beyond Wrestling, have yet to announce their matches. Beyond's match has been confirmed as being previously unreleased, and one of the remaining matches left to announce will be a women's match. It's unknown whether that women's match will be an offering from one of the four who haven't announced yet, or whether it will be a separate, bonus match. Either way, Monday night is going to be packed with wrestling that you'll be able to stream right on YouTube.

This event is not going to be weekly, because it's not really about boycotting WWE, regardless of what the original name of the whole thing implied. It's to get eyes on some great promotions doing work out there to bring width and breadth to the wrestling scene that WWE just cannot by its design provide. Sure, following up with the whole thing might cost a bit of money, but these companies live on margins and certainly deserve all the money you can give them for shows. Even still, some of them still offer free stuff. AAW has a show on Maddy G TV, which is a free network you can get on your Roku. Beyond's YouTube page is chock with free matches. Inspire Pro's YouTube channel has a bunch of whole shows on it.

IF you choose to watch RAW Monday, that's fine, it's your decision to make. Honestly though, if you're one of the people who toughs through the show for reasons other than enjoyment, you'll be missing out on a chance to expand your horizons. WWE is not the entirety of the wrestling world, it's only a piece. The indies are not only WWE's most important breeding ground, but they are a fully actualized scene full of wrestlers who may not even make it to the WWE (or TNA/Lucha Underground/New Japan Pro Wrestling/major league lucha) stage. Those wrestlers need your love too. Shouldn't you owe it to yourselves to at least see if you want to give it to them?
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I Listen So You Don't Have To: Cheap Heat Jan. 15

January 19, 2015, 5:30 am
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Did the Cheap Heat gang talk about keeping Reigns strong?
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: Cheap Heat
Episode: Jan. 15, 2015
Run Time: 1:07:42
Guest: None

Summary: Hosts Peter Rosenberg and David Shoemaker are live in the New York Grantland studio. Things take a while to get going, but eventually the guys focus on Randy Savage’s Hall of Fame induction and discuss travel plans for WrestleMania XXXI. A breakdown of Roman Reigns’ recent on-camera struggles bleeds into a larger talk about RAW and WWE’s current shortcomings. Discussion about what the guys are watching on the WWE Network leads into a chat about where Vince McMahon ranks among those who have picked up a play-by-play microphone for a WWF/E broadcast. The show ends with quick responses to a few emails.

Quote of the week: Shoemaker: “Vince, when he’s doing what he’s good at, is the best there ever is. Right? Vince on Tuesday Night Titans is irreplaceable. Vince turning up the volume and screaming with a wadded-up sock in his mouth to make a match seem like a big deal is the worst thing that ever happened to a big show.” …

Rosenberg: “What’s Vince best at when it comes to on-camera stuff? He’s a wrestler, dude. I know he’s not, but he is. And that means he’s great at playing a character. When he does Tuesday Night Titans, he’s playing this interviewer type for a wrestling show. When he did commentary, he was trying to sell the product. And as we’ve learned, when Vince sells, whether it’s on microphone or ramming $9.99 down our throat, he sells too hard.”

Why you should listen: If you’re consumed by WWE, this is the show for you. The addition of a few audio clips from RAW to highlight specific points is a nice touch for those of us who skipped through the show or can’t remember back to Monday. By pulling back from a segment-by-segment breakdown (which is always better closest to the actual TV show), this episode better serves its intended purpose of looking at larger issues. After all, in the long run the minutiae will be forgotten and the mileposts will stand out. There’s probably some personal bias here, but as someone who lost track of how many times he watched the 1980s and early 1990s pay-per-views that tend to surface, I tend to enjoy those reflections more than a few scattered thoughts on what I just watched on TV earlier in the week.

Why you should skip it: Anyone big into Lucha Undeground or Ring of Honor probably won’t be thrilled to hear those promotions mentioned because it’ll just make you feel blown off as they’re casually passed over to return to WWE talk. Likewise, hearing Shoemaker talk about the research he’s doing for his Royal Rumble preview on Grantland just makes me want to skip the podcast and get to the written material.

Final thoughts: On balance, this was one of the better Cheap Heat episodes. I especially enjoyed how the guys acknowledged most people listen to podcast as background noise to something else at the precise moment I was choosing produce at the grocery store on my lunch break. I’d be shocked if they contacted me for feedback and insight, but I do feel there are signs of improvement over the last few weeks from a show that was threatening to lose any semblance of relevance in October and November. Perhaps that’s because WWE was struggling creatively at the time, but Rosenberg and Shoemaker have proven, in spurts, the ability to deliver entertaining audio independent of WWE current events. They just have to have a bit of focus and preshow planning, and I’d highly suggest bringing back some of the bits that threatened to become running segments, perhaps the eBay find of the week but most notably the one in which Shoemaker gives a deadpan reading of a classic promo so he can reveal the speaker and setting the subsequent week.
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Welcome to the Wasteland, Russell Wilson

January 19, 2015, 9:15 am
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.gif via @PhilaBCoulter

Yesterday's NFL Championship Weekend action had quite a bit of wrestling attached to it. Sergio Brown's antics drew Ric Flair to the Colts' sideline, although his support didn't help the team at all against the Patriots in the AFC Championship game. The NFC Championship game actually had a few wrestling moves performed on-field. At one point, a Seahawk player delivered a German suplex to a Packer ballcarrier, but the most visceral shot came when Seahawk quarterback Russell Wilson heaved a ball across his body downfield for a well-covered Jermaine Kearse. The ball was picked off by Ha-Ha Clinton-Dix, but the real wrestling-infusion came on the return, when Sean Richardson and Clay Matthews teamed up to deliver THE FALL OF MAN on Wilson.

Of course, the double-team hit looked a lot more like The Ascension's finish in real time rather than in slow motion, where it looks more like Richardson is tapping Wilson and Matthews is going full MISAWA with that elbow to the dome. Also, most importantly, unlike most of the Ascension's victims, Wilson didn't know it was coming, so it was more dangerous to take and thus a dirty hit. Matthews was flagged, and rightly so. WWE tells its audience not to do these moves at home for good reason. But anyway, I find a Seahawk taking the finishing move of a tag team whose gimmick is steeped in Illuminati imagery appropriate. Maybe the shadow group was trying to shut head coach Pete Carroll up about his conspiracy theories about 9/11?
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Dispatches from the Lake: It's Friday Night, and the Mood is Right

January 19, 2015, 12:00 pm
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Superstars moves to Friday with a... long Cameron match?
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Welcome to Friday night Superstars! With Smackdown taking its rightful place on Thursday nights, WWE has moved the recap-a-thon and dark matches no one cares about to the night where people aren’t watching television. It’s okay. Only me and maybe three other shut-ins watch Superstars anyway. So let’s dig in! Our first match of the night is Cameron against Summer Rae, and right off the bat I'm disinterested. I have no desire to see Cameron wrestle, so I may have checked right out of this match from the beginning. Folding my laundry was more entertaining than this match. Cameron’s decent at heel mannerisms, but there’s no fluidity to her moves. There were lots of awkward pauses during the match and about 50 minutes of submissions. Summer did nothing of note but wail a lot while in Cameron’s weak ass holds. At least she remember to pin Summer on her shoulders instead of her stomach, so that’s something, right?

BACKSTAGE SEGMENT! Fandango and Rosa Mendez got weird with Renee Young. I’m happy to see the backstage segments making a return to the show. They give the lower card guys a chance to show some personality. If you are going to bother to film the dark matches, you may as well give them some context. Effort is always appreciated! Recaps from... Superstars last week? We’re through the looking glass here people. Los Matadores and Goldust and Stardust wrestled last week, which is a step up from CONSTANT USO REMATCHES. WWE is attempting a feud here, so I applaud them. Again, any effort being put into Superstars is a good thing. If WWE isn’t going to do anything with these guys on the main shows, then let them do something on the shows that no one watches.

Second match of the night was Goldust, Stardust, and Fandango vs. Los Matadores and Justin Gabriel. First off, I’m going to mug Goldust for his spikey coat. Second off, Fandando’s new look is garbage. He’s creepy and delightful, but boo-urns to the new theme and clothes. Third off, can Stardust hit his head at the Royal Rumble and revert back to Cody Rhodes? I think we’ve said all we’re going to say with the Stardust gimmick. The only interesting thing about this match was that the Dusts were on a winning team. I’m hoping for a blood feud between the brothers starting up sometime between now and WrestleMania. I will say this. Fandango fits right in with the weirdness of the current Dusts. I wouldn’t mind more trios matches with them, but Goldust and Stardust both deserve better.

A Wrinkle in Recaps
  • Daniel Bryan called Stephanie McMahon a whore, which pissed me right the hell off. Everything else about that segment was great. Let’s keep the misogynistic garbage out of Bryan’s promos, huh? I love the everyman versus million dollar princess dynamic between them. There’s a whole orchard of insults these two can use to get under each other’s skin, so let’s just avoid the rotten, low-hanging fruit please.
  • I’m fully willing to admit that John Cena is a perfectly fine wrestler. There’s shit he does that I can’t stand, but he can put on a decent match at the very least. So, it’s cool seeing Seth Rollins fight Cena, but there is no part of me that thinks Rollins can win without a DQ. There’s no point in complaining about this anymore, though. The sky is blue, water is wet, and Cena will overcome any odds you put in front of him. Instead of bitching about it, I’m just going to go with the flow. It is what it is, and it’s never going to change.
  • Rollins, however, had a banner week. His promo on RAW was great, but his Smackdown promo was outstanding. Give him a solid victory over top guys and solidify him as a major main event player going forward. After his exchange with Paul Heyman on Smackdown, I’m genuinely interested in where Rollin’s story is going to take him over the course of this year.
  • I will never get sick of Brock Lesnar hitting German Suplexes on Cena.
  • "Macho Man" Randy Savage going into the Hall of Fame? It’s about goddamn time. I’ll be stock piling tissues and champagne for the Hall of Fame ceremony. One thing, though. Get Hulk Hogan off the of Savage’s Hall of Fame card. I don’t care who inducts Savage. I just care he’s going in.
  • I don’t know about you, but I have no interest in this RAW Reunion thing WWE is running on Monday Night. I’ll be watching the #RAWlternative that Beyond Wrestling is putting on, and you should too. Having the legends show up on at least one Raw a month completely takes away the specialness of having them appear.
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I Listen So You Don't Have To: Steve Austin Show Ep. 186

January 20, 2015, 5:30 am
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Austin chats with his current boss this week
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: Steve Austin Show Unleashed
Episode: 186
Run Time: 1:27:23
Guest: Norm Pattiz (28:26)

Summary: This is supposed to be a call-in show, opened with some banter between Austin and PodcastOne producer Stacy, but in the middle there’s an in-person interview with PodcastOne CEO Pattiz. They spend 40 minutes discussing Bruce Lee, life in Los Angeles and old-school LA wrestling, cars and the podcasting business. The caller questions get Austin talking about any matches or angles he found more successful than originally assumed, the difference between Madison Square Garden and Nassau Coliseum, the challenges facing Roman Reigns, dealing with mid-match injuries, Randy Savage, regrets Austin might have, and his bum knees.

Quote of the week: Pattiz: “This is so much fun because it gets me back to the roots of when we started Westwood One because it was all about the content, the programming, the people that you meet, the chances you can take. We take a lot of chances here. (Austin’s show) was a chance, and it turned out to be a home run.”

Why you should listen: It’s not fresh praise, but there remains something endearing about Austin taking the time to completely engage a caller in a real conversation, and when he asks for a fan’s opinion about something related to the WWE, there’s a sense he sees these calls as an opportunity to understand something about how people consume the product and it actually informs the way he frames his criticisms. Some of the Pattiz interview was pretty interesting, but that’s not going to be a widely held opinion — it all depends on if any of the topics he and Austin covered are compelling to an individual listener.

Why you should skip it: There’s a chance you’ll leave this like I did — frustrated Austin didn’t have a real, planned interview with Pattiz. I’ve got no desire to hear a one-percenter talk about his discretionary automobiles and extra houses, but Austin could have probed him for quite a bit longer about the days of Gorgeous George and the Grand Olympic Auditorium, and he also could have asked more questions about the current podcast explosion. Further, as much as I love Randy Savage, we don’t need any more questions about him directed at Austin (they had a three-minute Worldwide match, and if you didn’t know that then you’ve missed Austin recount the story a dozen times already), and I’m also pretty sure nothing else can be said about the time Owen Hart broke Austin’s neck at SummerSlam.

Final thoughts: Pattiz isn’t as complex a figure as Vince McMahon, but I was left wanting more. Perhaps that’s a good thing. Callers trump emails, even if the subjects are a bit redundant. This episode is nowhere near as good as the “lost” interview with Paul Heyman released Jan. 13, so don’t feel bad if No. 186 doesn’t fit your busy schedule.
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The One Flaw with New Japan

January 20, 2015, 7:30 am
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Where have you gone, Shinjiro Otani?
Photo via Japanese Class
I was a huge fan of New Japan in the 1990's, as I'm sure quite a lot of the target audience of this blog was. From 1990 to 2000, I was in there for everything and I was happy to do it. And after a few dark years (the less discussed of Inoki's run near the end the better, for everyone), New Japan is back. But there's something missing, something I didn't really think I would need at first but now I'm sort of wishing was back, an interesting juniors division.

To be clear, before I explain this, understand that I don't mean the Junior Tag division. reDRagon, The Young Bucks, The Time Splitters, and the Forever Hooligans are all drastically interesting, although it should go without saying that the Forever Hooligans are now off this list due to Alex Koslov's sabbatical. But what I mean here is the top singles title. This is a bit like saying "Yeah, the WWE Championship is a massive black hole of MEH but the tag scene is awesome." You'd want them to fix the former, and leave the latter alone as quickly as they could do both.

The singles division, on the other hand, is something far less than that. Taking off the tag team guys who are here, we're left with guys who aren't in the company because they are on excursions (Takaaki Watanabe in the United States, and Hiromu Takahashi in CMLL), the always-underwhelming Tiger Mask IV who is in no way a worthy successor to the lineage of the hood, old men hanging on to past glory like TAKA Michinoku, Jado and Gedo and, as much as it pains me to say this, Jushin "Thunder" Liger, and the mid-card guys like Taichi, El Desperado, Ryusuke Taguchi, and Sho Tanaka.

But before we talk about how to remedy the future, a look back at the past might be the best idea. Instructively, the Juniors division for New Japan can be best compared to the heavyweight class for All Japan. They shared similar match tropes (Liger vs Shinjiro Otani from Feburary 2nd, 1997 is the jr. version of the best Mitsuharu Misawa vs Kenta Kobashi matches), the same hierarchical structures (Liger/Misawa as Ace, Kobashi/Otani as fiery young challenger, Koji Kanemoto/Toshiaki Kawada as stoic 2nd-in-command who would later become challenger to the throne, Steve Williams/ChrisBenoit as the dominant and powerful gaijin), and even a style that would simply become known by the division (King's Road for All Japan, and "Japanese Jr. Heavyweight" for New Japan.) And from the mid-80's through to the year 2000, the New Japan juniors were critically acclaimed. Some of the best matches of the time period, and some of the best shows, happened because of the good works of the Japanese juniors and their American, European, and Mexican counterparts.

But in 2000, the higher-ups decided to de-emphasize the division. Specifically, Riki Choshu decided that he wanted to push Kensuke Sasaki as apart from everyone else so he downgraded the division to be jobbers for the heavyweights. The one man who protested, Otani, was sent abroad to bulk up and turn himself into a heavyweight. Ever since that day, the division has never been as vital as it was before. The question is not how to fix it, but instead whether this is something the higher-ups should even be worried about.

The answer to that is simple. YES. The goal of any wrestling promotion should be to entertain every paying customer from the start of the show to the end. And right now, for a title that has a lineage dating back to before I was even born, that's not what is happening with the singles title.

How to fix it is a different matter. The NOAH merger is a good start, and so maybe is something simpler: Allowing Jr. Title matches to main event smaller shows. As much as we all enjoy Hiroshi Tanahashi vs Kazuchika Okada or any of the other heavyweight-centric main events, it might be nice to see the Jr. Title at the very top of the ticket as it were.

In conclusion, whatever needs to be done to bring this once-shining light back to its previous prominence, should be done. I miss the division mattering, and i miss one more reason to care about New Japan. 
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WrestleMania Gets Its Perfect Venue

January 20, 2015, 9:30 am
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Jerry Jones' palace of opulence is the perfect home for WrestleMania
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Via WWE.com

WrestleMania 32, as has been long rumored, will take place at AT&T Stadium in Arlington, TX, part of the greater Dallas-Fort Worth metropolitan area. The event will happen April 3, 2016. AT&T Stadium is better known as the home venue for the NFL's Dallas Cowboys. It is famous (or infamous) for it's massive and relatively low-hanging Jumbotron hanging over midfield. The screen is the largest of its kind, and it has attracted punters to attempt to hit it with high, booming kicks. The stadium also has several party decks and patios, and it has been described as one of the most opulent stadia in American history.

For that reason, it is the perfect home for WrestleMania.

WWE has assumed a larger-than-life mantel for as long as Vince K. McMahon has been running the joint. He spearheaded national expansion, took Mania to football-sized venues instead of basketball arenas and amphitheaters, and booked his top heroes to be gods rather than star athletes. While Mania has done big venues before, none have really approached the bigness that befit WWE's vision for sports entertainment. Even with its gimmicked attendance, the Silverdome was still a football stadium rather than a monument to excess. WWE in the national years has seemingly been about bottling that excess and marketing it in the form of performance art, and no venue had existed except maybe Caesar's Palace for WrestleMania IX that could match McMahon's vision. But for as much as the venue tried to imitate the decadence of the late Roman Empire, it was only a casino. The decor was cheap. The capacity was too small. And toga parties by the time 1993 rolled around were already dated, even by wrestling standards1.

But Jerry-World (a nod to Cowboys owner and noted lunatic Jerry Jones) as it's called provides all the modern opulence that befits WWE's modus operandi with a potential capacity to shatter even the kayfabed mark of 93,000 attendees set back at WrestleMania III. The football capacity is at 80,000. Depending on whether the seats that would be placed on the actual football field would offset existing seats would be cut off to make room for the stage, that number could climb all the way up to nearly 109,000. The 2010 NBA All-Star Game drew 108,713. Those people would be treated to state-of-the-art amenities as well, but the crowning jewel would be WWE getting to make use of the massive Jumbotron, which is the largest in the world. For a company that obsesses about having superlatives affixed to its name, WWE getting to utilize that video board is a no-brainer.

If I were a betting man, WWE will be setting up perhaps its most epic card for the event, one that would befit the first time at this monument to overindulgence. Of course, that idea may not shake out because it seems WWE sucks at long-term planning and the company hasn't even put into stone its WrestleMania card for THIS year yet. However, I wouldn't be surprised if the show was loaded. I'm talking The Rock, Batista, Brock Lesnar, maybe even Steve Austin, or maybe other names poached from the world of mixed-martial arts. Hell, I would be more willing to put money down that Undertaker wrestles next year in perhaps his last match coupled with his Hall of Fame induction than I would him wrestling this year. Of course, the date is a long time off, and a metric shitton of things could happen between now and then.

However, the venue is on lockdown, and it is perhaps the most perfect venue for WWE. A palace of excess and decadence, inhabited regularly by a raving lunatic is the perfect stadium for an entertainment company run by just as raving a lunatic. I'm already excited for April 3, 2016.

1 - I still contend that what's "modern" for pro wrestling is at least ten years passe for regular modern culture, if not more. Bob Backlund's derisive nickname was "Howdy-Doody," named for a show that had already been off the air for 17 years when Vincent J. McMahon gave Backlund the WWWF World Championship.
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Reflecting on #RAWlternative

January 20, 2015, 12:05 pm
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Chris Hero's match was a big reason why #RAWlternative was worth it
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
Last night's #RAWlternative event was a seemingly rousing success. The stream got 12,310 views on YouTube, and although I suspect some of those clicks were duplicates from singular people, that number is staggeringly impressive for a single-serving stream with no paid advertising. Even if the single-time peaks, which people who were in the chat said were at 1,700 people, were the ceilings for the number of people who joined in, the numbers were enviable for any non-WWE promotion. A lot of indies might get 1,700 people over two or three shows if they're lucky. Hell, TNA, which has a decade-plus history of being nationally distributed, was lucky to approach that number for house show gates. The initial eyes on the stream showed a good sign, but how many will be retained?

If quality correlates with retention, then these agglomerated independent promotions should see an uptick in their sales, whether at the box office or through DVD sales. I don't know if these companies put their best feet forward, because many of them I was seeing for the first time and am unfamiliar with their general quality, especially since promotions like SMASH presented a match between the Super Smash Bros. and Young Bucks that was similar to what the two teams had done in Pro Wrestling Guerrilla. That is not a knock on the Canadian company at all; it just doesn't give me insight on the rest of its roster. Still, the offerings that were put forth were all at least solid to spectacular. Special kudos belong to Squared Circle Wrestling and Alpha-1 Wrestling for providing two outstanding bouts, Chris Hero vs. Colin Delaney and Ricochet vs. Josh Alexander respectively. Those two matches were among my favorite of the show, with the rider that I wasn't able to catch the beginning which contained the C*4 and Inter Species Wrestling offerings. Still, whether they presented a match I'd seen a bunch of times or something that was somewhat new to me, I came away with knowing at least a piece of each company's identity, which is important for a promotion wanting to get fans to want to see more.

The broadcast wasn't without flaws. Apparently, Colt Cabana kicked off the stream with a promo that many who saw it said was self-serving and shallow. I didn't see it so I can't really judge. The biggest problem, which was pointed out by Dylan Hales on Twitter, was that every match except for the Takaaki Watanabe/Andy Dalton match from Inspire Pro Wrestling had a similar, breakneck, "modern indie" pace to it. Wrestling shows aren't laid out to have nitro-fueled broadways for every match for a reason. Matches have roles, and the roles help regulate the crowd. Asking people to sit down in front of a computer screen or a television for four hours is demanding, so ebbs and flows are required to keep attention. I would have liked to have seen more comedy filtered in later, or maybe a few sprint type matches, a cerebral Timothy Thatcher-esque British mat grappling exhibition, or multi-man scrambles sprinkled in among the long, arcing epics that dropped like bombs. I know that some of those companies had matches in their repertoires that would have fit the bill. Absolute Intense Wrestling, for example, had a few cards in 2012 where the shorter, more chaotic matches shone brightly. I remember a Gary Jay/Sugar Dunkerton/Alex Colon/Eric Ryan elimination four-way that hit some notes and was tidily over in shorter order.

Then again, each company was asked to put forward its strongest effort, not necessarily build a pastiche that was constructed like a real card, and I can't blame the promoters for wanting to drop their big bombs, especially since this #RAWlternative was only a one-week thing. If I had to choose between a midcard match featuring two guys that may or may not be known or going with a longer, more detailed affair featuring a name like Johnny Gargano or Eddie Edwards or AR Fox or the man known now as Kevin Owens, I would go the latter route. Fortunately, each match selected had more strong points than weak spots, and I would hope that everyone who watched found something that resonated with them.

Overall, the fates worked out well for Denver Colorado (the man, not the place!) and everyone who helped plan #RAWlternative. WWE trotted out a good show last night, but hardly one that was worth the praise and hype that RAW regularly got two years ago. Furthermore, WWE continued to hammer home the point that nothing is ever as good as the past, with the wrestlers of yesteryear being trotted out for cheap pops rather than being used to enhance the guys who are going to be around the next week. #RAWlternative showcased a bevy of promotions who are at the vanguard of modern American wrestling. The combined stream was fresh, new, and front-line compared to the retreading on USA Network. Hopefully, people who chose the alternative were able to see the change and will look to at least supplement their WWE viewing habits with a healthy dose of independent wrestling. These companies can't survive without your money. They gave you the free sample. If you like it, buy from them at Smart Mark Video. Go to their shows. Be the change you want to see in wrestling. If not, then have fun being cursed to watch some old dude show up on RAW to make it eminently clear that no one on the regular roster not named John Cena or Daniel Bryan really matters over and over again.
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I Listen So You Don't Have To: Steve Austin Show Ep. 187

January 21, 2015, 5:30 am
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DDP raps with Austin this week
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: Steve Austin Show
Episode: 187 (Jan. 20, 2015)
Run Time: 1:29:28
Guest: Diamond Dallas Page (18:25)

Summary: Austin opens the show by briefly updating his listeners on the state of affairs at 316 Gimmick Street, bringing his wife in for a little back and forth as well. Then he welcomes return guest DDP, with the main focus a talk about the Resurrection of Jake the Snake documentary, including an upcoming trip to a major film festival in Utah, the actual filming of the footage and the way it affected himself, Jake Roberts and Scott Hall. Austin then retells the story from his monologue to Page before talking about his guest’s thriving business and future plans. Shifting to wrestling, they address Randy Savage’s WWE Hall of Fame induction and talk about Page’s WCW opponents like Eddie Guerrero, Ric Flair, Sting, Goldberg and others. At the end, Page talks about how much of his career success he owes to Dusty Rhodes.

Quote of the week: Page: “What do you learn from your mistakes, you know? That’s what life’s all about to me. You can make all the mistakes you need to make, what do you learn from ’em?”

Why you should listen: The target audience here is anyone who needs a DDP fix. The first half of the show will appeal to folks somewhat curious about the Resurrection film, the second half is great for anyone nostalgic for late 1990s WCW. I found the wrestling bit more interesting, especially the detailed story about a “Nitro” match with Sting in which Page lost the world championship.

Why you should skip it: Page doesn’t really break any new ground with his stories of the road to recovery for Hall and Roberts. They have serious stories, but Page has made the rounds already. At this point actually seeing the movie will be a big deal, though it sounds as if so much of it is cut from stuff already aired on YouTube the film itself might be redundant for people who have followed closely. Further, I can’t for the life of me understand why Austin told Page the exact same mundane story of his day he’d already used for the show open, and DDP has nothing to say about Savage that hasn’t already been said by him or a dozen other people.

Final thoughts: I’m not sure what I expected out of this episode. Austin and Page have fantastic chemistry and are great friends in private life, but I think that hampers the interview here because they’ve either had this conversation before in private or don’t know how to change the way they interact for the benefit of listeners. Page has a great story to tell in regards to his documentary, but it’s probably best suited for an appearance on a show like Cheap Heat, where the hosts have more experience directing an interview toward a specific goal. The WCW stuff is OK but not earth-shattering. Mostly I left this disappointed I didn’t enjoy it as much as I expected given my experience listening to both guys on a handful of other shows.
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Pro Wrestling SKOOPZ on The Wrestling Blog: Issue 15

January 21, 2015, 1:05 pm
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Roman Reigns has an important few weeks coming up and HORB TELLS YOU WHY
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Wednesday is here again, and you faithful HORBAPHILES know what that means. HORB FLERBMINBER is back here dishing you the deepest scoops from a reservoir of news and gossip DEEPER than the Marianas Trench. I HAVE NUGGETS SO DEEP they've been lodged in my colon since Thanksgiving 1978. Do you know which two Impact Wrestling superstars are actually members of the Bilderberg Group? I DO, AND I'M NOT TELLING YOU UNLESS YOU READ MY WEEKLY REPORT, NERDS. I even know who's going to be in the main event at WrestleMania 32 in Dallas. HINT, it's no one on the main roster right now, and one of them has a FREAKISHLY LARGE PENIS. This information is only for my INSIDERS.

I currently am working on both omnipresence and a device that will allow me not to need sleep. Of course, because these items have not been invented yet, I can only mine so many scoops from the info mine a day, so I need YOUR help with tips, leaks, leads, and locations where I can get spent uranium. IT'S A SECRET WHY I NEED IT. IF you have anything, send it my way at ProWrestlingSKOOPZ@gmail.com. Also, if you need up to the INSTANT scoops, the kind of scoops you can only find in REAL TIME, PEOPLE, then you need to follow me on Twitter, @HorbFlerbminber. Just last week, I broke the seal on the biggest story in PRO WRESTLING THIS YEAR, that in response to WWE's WrestleMania announcement, TNA was going to have Bound for Glory '16 in the parking lot of the Dallas Cowboys Pro Shop on Regent Blvd. in Dallas. HUGE SCOOPS FROM HORB.

If you want back issues of my newsletter, go to hell.

Also, remember remember the fifth of November.

- WrestleMania 32 was announced this week to take place on April 3, 2016 at AT&T Stadium in Arlington, TX. Sources say the deal was clinched when Triple H successfully hit his secret shock button to send an electrical impulse to Vince McMahon's brain every time he tried to ask Cowboys owner Jerry Jones if he'd like to have a winner in his stadium.

- Chris Christie, governor of the state that hosted WrestleMania XXIX, was quoted as saying he's happy that the event will FINALLY be coming to a venue that he can stand being at.

- TNA wrestlers took to Twitter to call WWE out for stealing their company's idea by on having a big event in Texas, as the 2013 edition of Lockdown took place in San Antonio. You may remember that show because it almost drew enough for the wrestlers to get paid.

- McMahon wants to run Darren Young wrestling a bull for the main event at WrestleMania 32, but his creative staff reminded him that the company was already in enough hot water from the ACLU over the last time The Rock showed up.

- When asked who might appear on the WrestleMania 32 card, McMahon replied "I don't even fucking know who's gonna be on the WrestleMania 31 card for Christ's sake. Lay off me."

- Chris Jericho was quoted recently as saying the next couple of weeks will be important for Roman Reigns whether the crowd will begrudgingly accept him as a third wheel in a Seth Rollins/Dean Ambrose match or whether it will shit on his inclusion at WrestleMania altogether.

- TNA made history with this past Friday's edition of Impact on Destination America, as the show scored the first ever rating that registered as an imaginary number.

- Indie rock band The Mountain Goats announced their next album is completely themed after wrestling. The lead single, "The Legend of Chavo Guerrero," has been released and is an ode to Chavo Sr. Chavo Guerrero, Jr. has been quoted as saying that since he was once a sperm swimming around in his father's scrotum that the song is totally about him too.

- Kazushi Sakuraba and Tomoaki Honma have formed a tag team in New Japan Pro Wrestling, and already, it's 170 times better than the fucking Usos at least.

- Chikara returns to the ECW Arena this weekend. Wait, didn't that promotion JUST run there? Talk about burning the territory. Anyway, the card is as follows:

  • Icarus defends the Great Championship or Something against Air Jordans
  • Dr. Mantis Toboggan takes on Alberto El Patron's Non-Union, Mexican Counterpart
  • Sid Sid the Science Kid's Wrestling Crew, featuring Demolition, the Berserker, and Thin Kamala goes against Abe "Knuckleball" Schwartz, Roid Rage Jr., some chick with cooties yuck, Ko the Face Stealer, and Nigel McGuinness' pet rabbit
  • A bunch of ants crawling around, I think one of them is a zombie now? I don't know
  • Kofi Kingston vs. CM Punk
  • Vince Russo's Poop Demons vs. Two Venti Pumpkin Spice Lattes from Starbucks
  • Cobra Commander vs. some fat guy from Belarus? Or is it Sweden? I don't know.
  • Some shitty tag match, I don't know
- PRO WRESTLING SKOOPZ ROUNDTABLE: Should WWE be booking Dean Ambrose better? Anyone who answers no will be flayed. IN ORDER TO FIND OUT WHICH PANEL MEMBERS LOST THEIR SKIN, CLICK HERE.

- Xplode Fight Series of California San Pascal Valley Hurricane Center, the event has been held in reserve. Compared to the first round of the regular celebration Xplode 16, 2011 Chris Bruno (4-0), Justin Kerr (0-7) address. It has been known record Xplode campaign is great bench. For example, the longest 61 seconds, six losses, it is only war that lasted more than a minute. However, there are several undergraduate Xplode soldiers in the UFC.

- WWE officials are inquiring about keeping garbage trucks on retainer for Sunday at the Royal Rumble in Philadelphia to be available at the Wells Fargo Center after the show, so uh, spoiler alert?

- AJ Lee has been pulled from WWE live events going forward. Is she injured? Is she pregnant? Is she leaving the company to be by her husband, CM Punk's side, who is her husband (scoop reported by me, must credit me), in UFC? Throw a dart, and you'll probably be right.

- The NFL has found out that the Patriots deflated footballs illegally during the AFC Championship game, which proves football is a work and establishes Bill Belichick as the top heel in all sports.

- Jim Ross and Josh Mathews exchanged barbs on Twitter, and in the shock of the century, Ross wasn't the one who started it.

- Absolute Intense Wrestling has stopped booking feelgood story Gregory Iron but will have Dennis Stamp appear on its next show, which proves that it is the promotion for the Twitter generation.

- Last week's poll results are in, and 45% of you think NJPW teaming up with CMLL dilutes the NJPW brand, 35% think it elevates the CMLL brand, and 20% think that no one should question a single move NJPW makes because NJPW is GOD, DO YOU HEAR ME, GOD. This week's poll question:
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I Listen So You Don't Have To: The Ross Report Ep. 49

January 22, 2015, 5:30 am
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Varon is an opinionated guest for an opinionated host on this week's Ross Report
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: The Ross Report
Episode: 49 (Jan. 21, 2015)
Run Time: 1:55:24
Guest: Lisa Marie Varon (36:35)

Summary: After his monologue, Ross and Varon (Victoria in WWE, Tara in TNA) talk about her late entry into the business through the world of fitness modeling and relationships and encounters with Torrie Wilson, Trish Stratus, and Chyna. They cover her training in UPW and OVW and why she wouldn’t advise young women to try to pursue a career in wrestling. Varon shares some of her most prominent WWE memories and also talks about substance abuse she observed and her own ongoing use of mental therapy. Ross asks about Varon’s Squared Circle restaurant in Chicago (her husband is the chef) and then she discusses her high opinions of Charlotte, Paige and AJ Lee. Varon has few good things to say about her time in TNA before the session wraps up with talk about the way Playboy appearances were received in the WWE locker room and Varon’s interest in MMA training.

Quote of the week: (On Dixie Carter) “I just learned how not to treat somebody from her. I’m not a fan. At the time, when I was doing podcasts for the business, of course I was saying, ‘It’s great to have a female boss,’ and this and that. But every time I said that I’d want to vomit in my mouth because I was just saying what I was supposed to say. … Coming from WWE to TNA, it’s a big step down.”

Why you should listen: Varon is not a typical WWE Diva, both in her age (she’s now 43) and especially her pre-wrestling career. But she clearly loves performing and remains a fan — hearing stories about preshow work with Arn Anderson and Fit Finlay it’s easy to look beyond gender. Ross too (at times) reveals an appreciation for women who are wrestlers first, even if both are frank in their assessment of how much physical appearance matters. Anyone who has problems with TNA will be happy to hear Varon open fire on the promotion and especially Dixie Carter. Having visited the Squared Circle and anxious to return, I’m always up for a bit of chatter about one of Chicago’s hidden gems.

Why you should skip it: Will you be outraged when Ross mumbles his way through a deferral and transition after Varon levels heavy accusations against Dixie Carter just a few weeks after he sweet-talked the latter for an hour on the same show? I understand this isn’t actual journalism here, but this might have been a new low for Ross on his show. If he didn’t want to hear the roar, he shouldn’t have poked the bear. Beyond that, the weaknesses here are similar to many other JR shows — he goes broad instead of deep, which means there’s little to learn for a devoted fan of his guest. And he’s really a big fan of his own food products, in case you’re wondering.

Final thoughts: I didn’t expect it going in, but once Varon and Ross started talking about Charlotte I decided I wanted most of the show to be a serious breakdown of these legitimate up-and-coming talents. With a scheduled four-way match for the NXT women’s title in a few weeks, perhaps Ross could bring Varon back for a breakdown of that match and the division at large. Beyond that, it was nice to hear a chat with an Attitude Era star without being overwhelmed with nostalgia, and when they got frank about the realities of life on the road as a female WWE performer, it shed new light (for me) and how the insiders view their roles and responsibilities. It’s definitely worth a listen, but I will have a higher standard for Ross should he have Varon return.
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Best Coast Bias: Pull Yourself Up By The Straps

January 22, 2015, 8:30 am
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Your kicks were good, T Breezie.  His were better.
Photo Credit: WWE.com
We will now list in alphabetical order people who have a legitimate beef with this program:

Dillinger, Tye

Sucks to his assmar he happened to be standing in the ring at the show's post-recaps and announcements beginning when Sami Zayn came out -- marched out, really -- and beat on him with both hands before tossing him out of the ring. Besides that? On a scale of one to MC5 this kicked out the jams, matriarch fornicator.

William Regal showed up three times, and on each he recalibrated the targets for Full Sail with conciseness and pleasing mini-bombshells that got him Thank You Regal chants the two times he did them live. Beforehand at the show's second beat, he announced the NXT live special on February 11th and a #1 contendership tournament to commence tonight with the left side of the bracket, more on which later. But no sooner had we gotten that and the opening than the champion came out completely devoid of mirth and ate poor Tye's sandwich. That's when it happened, as so many with a knowledge of history outside of WWE walls knew it was going to have to at some point in 2015; the usual jolly Sami Zayn's face almost matching his hair as he screamed the inevitable "OWENS!!! OWENS! GET OUT HERE! NOW!"

But instead the Blackpool Death March and a cursing-in-a-British-gentleman's-way Regal met the face of NXT instead. They both made logical points (Regal that KO shouldn't be allowed to jump the queue, especially with the tournament about to start and him not being placed in it because he hasn't earned it, Zayn willing to acquiesce slightly by not putting the Big X up for grabs but still wanting Owens and incorporating the crowd's please chant -- reread those last four words -- into a plea for a match), and all of a sudden February 11th had a main event, even if it was non-title. Well, at least for now: if you think this is going to stay non-title you should invite me to a turkey dinner so I can give you these itchy blankets. It's 48 hours afterwards in reality, but this will be a fine birthday gift. Later on, when asked by some new suit about the development, Kevin Owens merely said he'd see Zayn at the contract signing next week, and that'll be another loaded show with that, the other two #1c quarterfinals of Neville/Kidd as well as Baron/Bull II, and another title match, more on which later.

But the first two quarterfinals opened and closed the program match-wise, and set up an absolute appointment TV showcase for a semifinal; a semifinal that will see Finn Bálor take on Hideo Itami. It's okay if you started a Daniel Bryanesque chant from behind your keyboard upon reading that. It's not like you're anywhere near alone. For Bálor, he got a rapturous reception before continuing to derail the Michael McGillicutty Comes Back To NXT Countywide Tour 2015. You know how he did it too: tope con hilo, Pele kick, Sling Blade (not called by Rich Brennan as a Kaiser blade but rather the Tanahashi appellation because RB is one of the 1,004 ways NXT > you), shotgun dropkick hand on the pump, double stomp off the top that is now officially and nearly literally the Coup de Grâce Art Carney Sheila McCrae Audrey Meadows g'night everybody! Axel did enough to make it mildly interesting, but in the main event with Itami against Tyler Breeze the Czar of Cuteville seemed on several occasions as if he were going to advance into the semifinals against the artist formerly known as Prince.

That happened for a lot of reasons. Breeze's been a bigger threat than Axel pretty much since he took up seasonal residencies - putting this match as the winner gets Finn match in that part of the bracket meant either man winning was on the table - and the lateness of the kickouts and the force of the kicks from both men showed why it took the show home instead of more or less warming up the already and always rabid Full Sailors. About the only blotch on an otherwise finely painting canvas was a lengthy Breeze chinlock, which again is part of the WWE protocol at this point, especially if you're a heel with an advantage heading towards and/or coming out of commercial. Most hilariously and astutely, Breeze got so rattled by Itami almost connecting on multiple early Buzzsaw kicks to the moneymaker that he backpedaled while using the referee as a shield before landing in a quick shot gut kick to stem Itami's tide. But all that did was buy him time, and Itami did end up connecting on a nice running kick to a seated Breeze before getting pulled into the middle turnbuckle and dumped to the floor.

Again, without the announcers or wrestlers going into histrionics about it, they told a subtle story of Itami actually having offense and Breeze desperately trying to affix Band-Aids and aloe while Itami's connecting turning him into a faux equivalent of the Black Knight of Python lore. The match advanced towards its end, with escalating offensives on both ends. Itami's busted out the hangman's tornado DDT and the flying lariat before, but his borderline fisherman's buster made its Florida debut here without finishing off the former #1 contender. Likewise we've all seen Breeze hold the ropes to set up beautiful and vicious supermodelkicks in other big matches, but a crucifix driver that Itami survived? C'mon. Unfortunately, Breeze used that to sort of yell and gently slap at Itami a couple of times, and then he got whomped real good. By unofficial counts Itami got in the last DOZEN offensive moves, ranging from open-handed slaps to a uraken, a basement dropkick, and the finishing single-leg dropkick off the ropes. Bálor/Itami coming to a ring near you very soon to kick off February? Sold.

Itami's gestures towards the end just highlighted the desire for championship gold that ran through the show like a frightened hiker away from a lumbering grizzly. After all, it caused Becky Lynch to get Sasha Banks intentionally disqualified just when she and Charlotte were putting on a fine "Can you top this?" display right down to one doing the move they'd just suffered to the other before the Irishwoman interfered. It caused Bayley to gaze down at the belt after she'd made the save on a recuperated leg before laying out Charlotte with the belly-to-Bayley out of nowhere and looking absolutely sick she'd done so afterwards. And that caused the audience to thank Regal again, as he decided to give title shots on 2/11 to every single woman involved to set up Charlotte Versus The World. All she could do was hold up the belt in-ring and death glare all the challengers, but keep in mind certain Men That Gravity Forgot also faced three men he'd previously beaten at once and lived to tell that tale with the Big X in hand.

Most surprisingly, the Vaudevillains went from dominating Wesley Blake and Buddy Murphy to a gamengiri suddenly dropping Aiden English like third period French and the former #1 contenders to the tag titles looking on agog as Murphy and Blake (Ed. note - aka the Dubstep Cowboys, ™ TH Enterprises LTD) celebrated on the ramp before going backstage with their win and immediately cashing it in for a title shot against the Dragons next week. What really clinched the upset was the cohesion, quick tags, and tandem offense of the Vaudies; it had all the marks of "former challengers using the loss to take themselves to a higher level and another title shot where they win" to the point where we'd literally just seen it out of Sasha Banks before this match, but Blake came in and changed the game, and now the still-possibly Team Thick have their biggest moment a week away and are knocking on the door.

Next week's show is going to be packed. February 11th is already well on its way to becoming another NXT Live Special two-hour joygasm. And the possible threepeat of Florida's championship wrestling winning Show of the Year honors is already well under way before the first month's even finished.

That's how good it feels to be an NXT fan right now.
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Twitter Request Line, Vol. 106

January 22, 2015, 11:45 am
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Sami Zayn's theme song for your podcast? DO IT
Photo Credit: WWE.com
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers!

Assuming you don't want any "real" songs that wrestlers up to the age of ECW used, I have three options. If you wanted to go for an arrogant, "heel" vibe, or if your podcast is financial in nature, you could go with Ted DiBiase's theme song. The ironic American could go with Hulk Hogan's "Real American" theme, done by Rick Derringer. Sure, that song might be "cheating," but have you heard it anywhere besides association with Hulk Hogan? But the best theme to use, unless you're really adverse to ska, is Sami Zayn's NXT theme right now:



It's high-energy and bouncy, and it'll get the attentions of your listeners. Unless they're really adverse to ska. Then, I don't know, go with anyone's theme except that Brie Mode song.

NXT: Adrian Neville comes to mind. He has no more lands left to conquer in Florida, and he's certainly not of the Tyler Breeze/CJ Parker archetype who can stay in developmental forever and claim it as some kind of win. The best place to debut a wrestler on the main roster is the Rumble because that competitor can look strong even without eliminating a single person. Rusev's hard launch may not have been until after WrestleMania, but his Rumble showing set a tone that this guy was not to be fucked with. Neville may not be HOSS PRIME like Rusev, but he can certainly show the world something.

ALUMNI: I'm a sucker for ECW nostalgia when it's not shoved in my face 24/7 but instead given in small doses, so I'm all in on the bWo's campaign to get into the Rumble match. Even if it's just Blue Meanie or Stevie Richards, it would be a nice nod to the ECW history in Philadelphia that hasn't already been beaten to death into the ground. Plus, WWE could finally do that bWo/nWo showdown as a backstage skit that has been in the pipes since Vince McMahon told everyone not to confuse the former with the clothing line that was the latter on that RAW where the ECW guys invaded.

WILDCARD: Charlotte, Paige, Nikki Bella, or Natalya would get my nod. I would lean towards Bella because she is the Divas Champion, but at some point, WWE has to work towards legitimizing its women's roster. Tossing one in the Rumble sounds like putting a Band-Aid on a sliced jugular vein, and any appearance would have to be followed up by modeling the in-ring portion of the division more after NXT, but if Bella or Paige or Charlotte or Nattie got in the Rumble, got to work regular offense on the men that the men in turn sold, then maybe more eyes would perk up when they came out normally outside of their revealing ring gear.

Finger foods that you can pop in your mouth are the best morsels to serve for the Rumble. Really, any wrestling event lends itself more to snack/bar food rather than "meals," but the Rumble itself requires more attention because how many sheer bodies are in the ring at the same time and how fast the action can move. Sure, you could eat a steak and concentrate on cutting it, but then you might miss a whiz-bang elimination or how Kofi Kingston's annual escape from death is actually set up (which can be more exciting to witness than the payoff). You could also try to eat said steak during the slog portions where everyone picks a corner and works over someone/gets worked over, but what if the match turns on a dime when, say, Roman Reigns or Bray Wyatt come out to clear the ring? Your best bets would be hors d'oeuvres, pizza rolls, chips, pretzels, wings, pizza, and other things that can be picked up and held without much concentration. If you wanna get fancy and make some dumplings or sliders, be my guest. But don't serve anything that would be too much trouble to eat.

The best Rumble match for my money is the 2010 one, with apologies to Ric Flair's magnum opus in 1992. That match had CM Punk holding court with the Straight Edge Society and eliminating fools while cutting his promo, Beth Phoenix kiss-eliminating Great Khali, Shawn Michaels mad, frantic dash to get his one last shot, and Edge's super surprise return and subsequent whipping of Chris Jericho from there to Mania and back. The worst Rumble match was the one that Vince McMahon won, which I remember being unremarkable to begin with, but the gut punch of McMahon, who'd also win the WWE Championship that same year, winning his own signature gimmick match was just gross.

As for what makes a Rumble good or bad, I think it has a lot to do with pacing and flow. For being a match with 30-40 wrestlers that spans an hour, it has the ability to feel like a sprint regardless of run-time. If most of the match is just guys clubberin' weakly or stalling for time, it's bad. But if the pacing is good and the in-match stories being told aren't ludicrous or non-existent, then the Rumble will almost certainly be good. In fact, I'd say it's harder to have a "bad" Rumble than it is to have a good one.

You know those ten hour videos on YouTube? Yeah, that supercut would dwarf those. As for the serious question, the best Kane match I can think of actually happened in 2012 at TLC. He teamed with Daniel Bryan and Ryback to face a debuting Shield in one of the most bonkers, out-of-control, carnage-soaked matches I ever laid witness to. Maybe it's cheating to put in a Kane multiman match when he's actually had a somewhat decent career, but that match is one of my favorite from the last six years.

I've been hearing residual cheers for Reigns on regular RAW episodes, and I think most of the genpop is okay with him because he still wears the Shield garb and has the theme song. But Philly's a rough crowd, and the Rumble attracts the same kind of "hardcore" crowd that WrestleMania tends to get. The growing displeasure with Reigns has not only manifested itself on Twitter or in blogs, but a "Hijack RAW"-style movement I refuse to link to also has sprung up trying to manufacture a bad response for Reigns. The question is whether Vince McMahon is that stubborn in his convictions, or if the rest of WWE can convince him that someone like Daniel Bryan or Dean Ambrose or Daniel Bryan or Daniel Bryan, or maybe even that Daniel Bryan kid would be a better option.

My gimmick would be DAD NEWS TH, delivering the most DAD of all news to arenas across the country. My finisher would be a chinlock where I do nothing but tell lame dad jokes until my opponent submitted. I would be undefeated until I put over my son and/or daughter and/or dog.

Are you ready to see wrinkly, sad old man tattoos, Nature Boy in a wheelchair, and a Triple H who'll have aged even worse than his father-in-law has over the last 15 years? Because the 2030 RAW Reunion is totally gonna have Evolution hogging the spotlight. You know this to be true.

I would be shocked if WWE tried something like that, not because the company would be scared of another Owen Hart situation, but because it would get raked over the coals if it even tried. Hart should never have fallen from the rafters, but by all accounts, the stunt was haphazardly and even negligently set up. If WWE were to do it today with Sting, it would follow everything by the letter and make sure that he'd have some kind of fall protection on the ground even. But the publicity would be too bad, and I'm not sure Vince McMahon is that belligerent.
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