The Wrestling Blog

Ladies...
Photo Credit: WWE.com

On this date, 16 years ago, the wrestling world lost Ravishing Rick Rude to heart failure brought upon by an overdose on mixed medications. He was only 40 years old, which is way too young to die. He is the man to whom every sleazeball character dedicates existence, and he generated some of the most visceral, heated hatred in any arena into which he walked. The Magnum PI moustache, hypnotic hip gyrations, and airbrushed tights signaled that ladies were gonna swoon and the men were gonna brood.

For someone whose career was as short as it was, Rude made a lot of headway. He was the Ultimate Warrior's most notable feud partner, culminating in a SummerSlam cage match main event in which Rude helped make Warrior look better than he normally did in the average match. His feud with Jake "the Snake" Roberts helped give the noted psychologically dark character sympathy and fan support. He held the Intercontinental Championship at a time when it was a prestige title, and he was a main event rock for both World Class Championship Wrestling and World Championship Wrestling. It was in the latter promotion where he suffered his career-ending injury when he took a bump on a suicide dive badly against a raised platform in Japan.

But even after his in-ring career was over, Rude continued to make headlines. He was an important non-wrestler character in ECW, contributing to the essential WWE vs. ECW feud among others. He then went back to WWE as Degeneration-X's insurance policy until he left in the wake of the Montreal Screwjob. He went to WCW for a short time as a managerial type in the nWo. His run here is notable because he was the only person during that time to appear on both RAW and Nitro on the same night, thanks to RAW's bulk taping schedule.

The shame part in the wake of Rude's death was firstly that he died so young, but secondly that he was in training to make a comeback. I don't know which company would have picked up on him, but he would have made either post-Russo WCW or transition-period WWE a more interesting place by his presence. Rude had that effect wherever he went. It didn't matter what he said or did; he was always able to keep eyes glued to the TV set whenever he was on it. Whatever faults he had as a performer were erased by his animal charisma, and I'm not sure anyone who has come after him, especially if they imitated him, has been able to replicate it.

Rude is still missed by fans today, and he remains an iconic figure even in the wake of his short career. Now, hit his music, one more time.

Dunno what shit Kane's been on the last two weeks, but I like it
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Kane has had one of the most interesting career arcs that I can imagine. He's been on the roster for 18 years under that name (20 if you count it from when he started as Dr. Isaac Yankem, DDS), and yet his impact as a big main event player has been limited to small fires here and there. He debuted hot, had a few sporadic runs here and there where he was a spot challenger for the title, and got a token run or two with one of the major titles. Other than those flareups, he's been a background player. And usually, whether on top or as a gatekeeper, he's not shown much fire. I've always found the man behind the mask/facade to be too understated for such an ostentatious role, even if the cues and material given to him by the writers have rarely if ever been meaty enough to sink his teeth into.

For someone to be as tenured as Kane without hitting the prolonged hot streak that someone of that longevity usually hits or without the unbridled critical success is definitely odd. He's not a man who inspires a lot of confidence. People don't clamor for him by and large like they do for other veterans. He's doesn't make fans gasp for breath like Mark Henry even does anymore.

Additionally, the current writing team seems to be acknowledged as one of the worst during Kane's tenure. Stories aren't cohesive, and characters don't get strong motivations. Basically, the sheer performances of the people in their roles, whether it be in the ring or carrying out these milquetoast stories. If a transcendent performer like Dean Ambrose can barely elevate the material, what hope does Kane have?

And yet, the last two weeks, Kane has shown the kind of pathos and fire that usually is reserved for someone with a better pedigree than him. He's not just a man playing a role and going through the motions like he's been as the soul-crushed, dead-eyed Director of Operations. He has morals and principles, and his emotional response is fueled by internal combustion. When he flipped out at Seth Rollins, I forgot I was watching dead ol' Kane and for the first time in forever, I saw someone capable of calling himself the Devil's Favorite Demon. only instead of fearing him, I admired him, wanted to root for him even.

These late career renaissances aren't necessarily rare birds in pro wrestling. Guys may not hit critical strides all the time, but enough instances of wrestlers showing another gear, whether they're seasoned performers from which one can reasonably expect great work like Terry Funk or out-of-leftfield choices like Henry that something like this from Kane isn't exactly a shock. Then again, from a man who was always solid at best, the spark of life behind his eyes and the dragonbreath shooting from his lips caused my mental engine to run. Was he just a man miscast after all these years? Were the boos and constant criticism getting to him? Or is Rollins his ultimate canvas?

The answer to that question is immaterial. For the longest time, I have been wishing and hoping for Kane to break out of his shell, and tonight, he continued shattering the aforementioned shell that he broke out of last week. Sure, he may end up retiring soon to attempt to end the Fed or come up with his own cryptocurrency called KaneKoin, but for now, he's found a niche and is mining it for all its worth. The results have been one of the only things worth tuning into RAW for.

Austin on several topics this show
Photo Credit: WWE.com

If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: Steve Austin Show Unleashed!
Episode: 212 (April 16, 2015)
Run Time: 1:36:47
Guest: None

Summary: Stone Cold opens by weighing in on the recent Dolph Ziggler-Adrian Neville Raw match. The bulk of the episode is listener questions covering Daniel Bryan’s injury, WWE finishing moves, selling and The Walking Dead. His wife helps discuss restaurant problems, then he answers more questions about bleeding in the ring, his margarita recipe, this history of canine companions, turtlers, living in and leaving Atlanta, his football background and youth sports and ring gear. He ends playing the audio from a Lawrence Taylor YouTube video.

Quote of the week: Austin: “Adrian Neville is one of the brightest spots on the NXT roster, and when gets up into the Monday night roster, this kid is probably gonna be one of the best workers there. I mean, he can do everything, I love his execution, I love his technique, he’s awesome. But dude, you gotta sell that DDT. I mean, why waste that move if you ain’t gonna sell it? And Dolph, you’re the veteran in that ring, that was your call.”

Why you should listen: There’s a good mix of topical (Ziggler, Bryan and finishers) and broadly interesting (bleeding, early 1990s Atlanta, attire) wrestling subjects. The former guarantee a freshness unusual for the email shows, and the latter are pleasantly engaging and dissimilar to most of his previous dalliances with such material. And hey, who doesn’t want to know how to make a Stone Cold margarita?

Why you should skip it: If you don’t follow The Walking Dead, that’s a big dark spot in the middle of the episode. And the trifling troubles with restaurant experiences are the opposite of fascinating. Also, if you’re only thinking good thoughts about the ongoing Daniel Bryan injury concerns, stay far, far away.

Final thoughts: As usual, you know what you get with a question show. The inclusion of Austin’s wife gives him his best possible studio sidekick, but these shows always have a lower ceiling than his interviews with wrestling figures. Still, of the two episodes last week, I found many more enjoyable moments in this one.

Nakamura will figure big into the first night of War of the Worlds
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein

Monday morning usually is a time for people to sit at their office desks, shake off the weekend, have an extra cup of coffee, and decompress by talking about stuff that happened the prior two days, whether it be football, Game of Thrones, a wrestling pay-per-view, or whatever award show happened to be on the ol' cable box. Well, three of the biggest wrestling companies in America decided they were all gonna drop bomb announcements on the Twitter machine and get everyone talking about future shows. WWE, Ring of Honor, and Global Force Wrestling all got their news out in the open.

First up was Ring of Honor, which spread its big news out all during the day. The full card for the first night of War of the Worlds, taking place at the ECW Arena in Philadelphia, PA on Tuesday May 12, was released starting early in the morning and concluding ALL LATE IN THE EVENING. During the work day, the following matches were announced:

Gedo vs. Delirious
KUSHIDA vs. Roderick Strong
Takaaki Watanbe vs. Jay Lethal
Hiroshi Tanahashi and Jushin "Thunder" Liger vs. reDRagon (Kyle O'Reilly and Bobby Fish)
Tetsuya Naito vs. Michael Elgin
The Young Bucks vs. The Addiction (Bad Influence/Daniels and Kazarian) vs. The Kingdom (Matt Taven and Mike Bennett)

Gedo vs. Delirious being the first match announced is hilarious since they're the respective bookers for each promotion. I wonder if it's going to be a giant rib on the crowd and feature massive amounts of run-ins. Gedo has fellow CHAOS members Kazuchika Okada and Shinsuke Nakamura coming over with him, but who'll get Delirious' back? Will it be anyone on the ROH roster? Maybe HALLOWICKED AND FRIGHTMARE???

Strong seems like a weird first choice for KUSHIDA, but hey, it could be worse. Watanabe/Lethal ought to be straight fire though. I'm glad Tanahashi's being stuffed in a tag match, although really, I have the same sort of dilemma with the Tana/Liger team as I do with reDRagon. They're both teams with one guy I absolutely love (Liger, Fish) and one guy I can take only in small doses (Tana, O'Reilly). Naito/Elgin is a total piss-break match for me, although I do see that match being a draw for some folks out there. The three-way tag match ought to be big fun.

The last two announcements came during RAW. Firstly, AJ Styles will be competing against a mystery opponent. Well, it WAS a mystery opponent except that ROH accidentally spoiled the payoff in the article describing the main event of the show as Adam Cole. Cole/Styles seems like a waste of a match since Styles is a ROH regular at this point. It should be a perfectly cromulent match to be sure, but way to blow the surprise. And that aforementioned main event ought to be a doozy. CHAOS, the aforementioned stablemates of Gedo of Nakamura and Okada, will do battle with hash-tag Dem Boys, the Briscoe Bros. All four wrestlers are amazing in the ring, and it's probably the best possible main event to put on for the first of the four shows that doesn't involve the ROH World, IWGP World, or the IWGP Intercontinental Championships.

Global Force Wrestling's big announcement wasn't the signing of a wrestler, but that of a summer minor league ballpark tour. The Grand Slam Tour will begin in June 12 at The Ballpark in Jackson, TN, and will make stops "from Florida to California and everywhere in between." A full list of dates has not been posted yet, but the highlight tour stops in the press release are Clinton, IA, Knoxville, TN, and Richmond, VA. The tour will be utilized to stoke the fires for the first set of television tapings to take place in Las Vegas, NV on July 24. GFW hasn't found a television outlet for what's to be produced at those tapings, but they're currently in SECRET negotiations.

Anyway, ROH, TNA, and Northeast Wrestling have all tread the minor league baseball stadium path before, but to come right out of the chute with the baseball stadium route is bold, especially without naming any signees to the roster. Perhaps Jeff Jarrett is banking on the novelty of a new promotion doing the minor league baseball park thing will bring in enough tickets right now, but the smarter money is having a big-time signing announced before the tickets go on sale.

Finally, WWE joined in the fun by announcing on The Network the official return of Tough Enough. The series return was announced previously, but the official word came down yesterday at noon. It will be in a "reimagined format" with "live elements," which is a big corporate vaguespeak way of saying it's not going to be like when Bill DeMott spent half the show yelling at people. The biggest new wrinkle is the genpop submission process. You, yes, you can submit your own video to the site and angle for a shot to be on the show, which starts June 23 on USA Network. I don't know about you, but I think that has all the makings of a giant hilarious clusterfuck.

And of course, not to be outdone by the big roster, NXT announced its next big road trip during RAW, and it happened to be in the city where RAW was located last night. NXT will be making a trip to Albany, NY at the Washington Avenue Armory on May 16. Tickets will go on sale on May 1. The show presumably kicks off NXT's touring slate as its own brand. Rumors were abound that the first date would be at the ECW Arena in Philadelphia, but the hold WWE put on the building was allowed to elapse because of the demand from the Ohio and San Jose shows. WWE currently is looking into booking the Liacouras Center, which is the house arena on Temple University's campus. That venue has hosted pro wrestling before, as it was TNA's home base in America. But New York's capital will be the next place to host NXT outside of Florida.

Anyway, Monday had an awful lot of news this week, more than should have been allowed by law. Then again, when wrestling companies want to get the drop on each other...

It's not the fans' fault that Roman Reigns was terribly presented, so why should they root for him?
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Stop me if you've read these *fire emoji* takes *fire emoji* before:

I can't believe this crowd is trying to get itself over!

WWE fans are pissed that Daniel Bryan didn't win the Rumble? What entitled jerks!

Booing Roman Reigns/chanting "Please retire" at The Big Show is disrespectful.

See? WWE was RIGHT to push Reigns over Bryan because of the injury concerns. You fans owe Reigns an APOLOGY.

Why aren't these ingrates cheering the faces and booing the heels? They're ruining the live experience.

Yes, wrestling "journalism" is filled with all kinds of scolding reprimands of crowd reactions. Whenever the show is bad, attentions turn to the people in the crowds, you know, the ones who paid money to be entertained? Well, when WWE doesn't entertain them, they don't behave, and people out there are just itching to let you know how wrong they are. In some cases, crowds can react in awful manner. For example, the RAW after WrestleMania featured an insanely lewd series of chants where the crowd tried to take turns screaming "[Woman wrestler] sucks [that wrestler's boyfriend]!" Those kinds of chants need to be shut down because they're demeaning and bigoted.

But yeah, when the garden variety feedback chants that get going because the show really isn't that engaging take over, has it occurred to any of these hacks writing about the crowd that maybe, just maybe, it's not their fault?

The main function of a crowd at a wrestling show is to pay its money and be entertained. However, the people in the stands are encouraged to vocally support or root against wrestlers, especially in American wrestling where so much of who gets put in what role is based off how people in the crowd react to them. It should then follow that promoters and bookers should be listening to the beats of the crowd, which wrestlers they lend their voices too, and which ones they're silent towards. But it all comes back to whether or not the fans are enthralled enough by what they see to spend their vocal strain on what's being presented in a constructive way.

If these vocal reactions are such an essential tool for the administration to use to gauge where it can take its wrestling show, so many alleged journalists continue to toe the company line and bark at fans to react the way companies, especially WWE, want them to the wrestlers that are being pushed? That's not entertainment, that's corporate fascism. It's one thing for Vince McMahon on his three-decade-and-counting ego trip to think his shit doesn't stink and that he should be able to push whatever crap he wants, but what about the media that's supposed to keep him honest? When those writers/podcasters/what have you fail and start inwardly yelling at fans not to root for the people who resonate with them? That is a total system failure.

Once you lose the organic crowd reaction, then you've lost what separates professional wrestling from other staged and scripted forms of entertainment. A megalomaniacal plutocrat like McMahon who has lost touch with what made him his millions in the first place losing that focus is one thing, but for "journalists" or "opinion personalities" to lose sight of that is anathema. If anything, people writing about the show should look at it with blunt honesty, and it should always be focused inward on the content creators, not at the people who pay money to get into the building. Their writing should be focused on presentation of characters and how the people behind said characters executed on said presentation. Focus should be put on the stories, promos, and wrestling, and if anything, crowd notations should not have connotation behind them. Noting that a gimmick got over is reporting. Noting about how a gimmick SHOULD be getting over is treading into disingenuous territory. If anything, these folk should have been focusing not on the fact that fans should have been rooting for Reigns all along, but why Reigns' push has been an utter failure. But I guess that would have required more than just a knee-jerk, misanthropic reaction to something that required a bit more nuance.

I don't know why commentators such as these are so lazy and outright hateful to the audience they're supposed to be catering to. Maybe they think that if they suck up to McMahon enough they can get jobs in WWE as the next Scott Stanford or Arda Ocal? I don't know. But what I do know is that talking points such as these do nothing to help the wrestling business, and they are ignorant to the reasons why fans go to shows and don't chant the way they're "supposed to." If Big Show and Kane are in the ring being awful, and the crowd starts chanting for Randy Savage and JBL, shouldn't that signal that maybe it's on the performers for not entertaining the people? Is it that insane to suggest that WWE should spend less time trying to tell people for whom to root and more building characters that are easy to support?

And am I bonkers for thinking that commentators, "journalists," and personalities should maybe stop blaming their potential audience and start putting the blame for this shit where it really belongs? The fans don't deserve this kind of bullshit blame for rooting for people that connect with them. When you go to a wrestling show, whether it's WWE or the local podunk show at the VFW, you get the right to support whatever wrestler you want. If you have any other opinions to the contrary, then maybe this whole analysis thing isn't for you.

The women in the SHIMMER crowd should feel as safe as the men do
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein

Women's wrestling promotions are a net good in that they provide a place for female wrestlers to find high-profile work when other coed promotions tend to relegate them to one match per card if at all. In theory, companies like SHIMMER and WSU should provide the kind of representation for the woman fan that allows them to fill the stands. That ideal does not tend to bear out, as the crowd splits seem to be typical for any indie wrestling show, sometimes skewing even more heavily to men. I would love to say the entirety of the male portion of the crowd is progressive and is there to support women in the ring without a hint of grossness or tongue-wagging, but a portion of those men in the crowd, not the entirety but a portion, go to these shows with the express purpose of creeping and preying on women, whether they be the wrestlers or the fans. I shouldn't have to explicitly state that this is a problem, but it's 2015 and I have to which is sad.

These problems were again brought to light after the most recent SHIMMER weekend, when the issue of male fans making both the shows and the promotion-sponsored afterparties uncomfortable at best and unsafe at worst for women in attendance came up again on a recent podcast. The response from parties at SHIMMER, however, was less than encouraging, and in fact, Allison Danger got angry at the person making the accusation. For a company at the forefront of showcasing women's wrestling, that response is disappointing to say the least. It also speaks to why women may not want to come to wrestling shows, especially independent wrestling shows. If a wrestling show, even and especially one with women performing in the ring, can't be a safe space for them, then why should it be expected that they attend?

The idea of the "safe space" for women in 2015 is ideally repulsive, not because women shouldn't have safe spaces, but because no reason exists why every space shouldn't be safe for them. No woman should have to fear for her life or safety, and yet the number of places where a woman doesn't have to worry about someone attacking or sexually assaulting them is pitifully paltry. Wrestling shows, indie wrestling especially are the rare form of sporting entertainment where women can feel empowered alongside men, but fairly few promotions embrace that potential in the ring, let alone outside of it. How can this be acceptable?

The truth is that when a promoter runs a show, that person is tasked with the safety of not only the workers, but the fans too. That safety doesn't end with responsibility for the fans as collateral damage from errant spots, but also from each other, and if someone doesn't feel safe, then the person running the show has failed. This responsibility must extend if that promotion is running a sponsored afterparty afterwards. If anyone doesn't feel safe at a show, how can they be expected to attend? And if enough of the theoretical target audience (and make no mistake, while women's wrestling can and should be enjoyed by all fans, the current ventures are ideally a means for demographic representation for women fans) is threatened and SHIMMER or any other women's promotion becomes just another exploitative venture, a place where women are displayed like circus animals for a demographically opposite audience, of which a certain percentage could be described as "thirsty."

If you can't afford adequate security for your show, then you can't afford to run the show. If you don't care enough about the safety of my fellow human beings, then you don't care enough to get money from me. It's as simple as that. Women are, contrary to some popular thought, human beings, and they deserve to have the same feelings of safety that the average man does at a wrestling show. If a woman is bringing up that she feels unsafe at a wrestling show, she should be taken seriously, not brushed aside. In the future, I hope that SHIMMER and other promotions take these concerns to heed and work to create environments where women can come and feel safe. If not, then maybe those companies ought not to be in the business of attracting crowds in the first place.

Godspeed, Morishima
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein

Takeshi Morishima, Pro Wrestling NOAH standout and former Ring of Honor World Champion, has decided to hang up the boots. The official report, which is in Japanese, indicated that blood tests came back showing some elevated hemoglobin levels, causing enough concern for the three-time former GHC World Champion to retire. Morishima is only 36 years old, which is still pretty young for a pro wrestler to leave the ring. Still, his health is the most important thing here.

Morishima began his career in the late '90s, and he made his bones in America wrestling for Ring of Honor in 2007 and 2008. He won the ROH World Championship from Homicide and held the belt for most of 2007 before dropping it to Nigel McGuinness. He was also embroiled in a famous feud with Bryan Danielson (Daniel Bryan) that culminated in a Fight Without Honor at Final Battle '08. Their matches were famed for their out and out brutality and stiffness and are regarded as perhaps some of the best in ROH's history. Morishima also got a couple of tryout matches with WWE back in '08, but he was never offered a contract.

It's always a shame when someone has to retire this young, especially due to medical concerns. However, Morishima had a pretty good career if I do say so myself. Hopefully, this medical condition he has is something he can manage and ultimately resolve so that his retirement can be a relatively stress-free one.

To be The Man, you get to have Killer Mike rap about you as The Man, WOO
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Killer Mike, rap artist and one-half of the super-duo Run the Jewels, released a song on the 2011 album Pl3dge called "Ric Flair." The song doesn't really have a lot of references to The Man, but it pays homage to his character's opulent and flamboyant lifestyle. Nearly four years later, Mike released an official video for the song. I don't know the reason for the delay, but regardless, even if you don't like hip-hop, you might wanna watch the video just to see classic Ric Flair clips superimposed on buildings in Los Angeles. Check it out after the jump:

Austin recaps his life up to this point on the most recent show
Photo Credit: WWE.com

The Young Bucks and Adam Cole won't be as friendly in the main event of War of the Worlds Night Two
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein

Yesterday, Ring of Honor illuminated the card for the second of its joint New Japan Pro Wrestling show on May 13 at the ECW Arena. The show will feature more survival and tag matches, a ROH vs. ROH match for the World Heavyweight Championship, and an all-gaijin trios main event that will pit NJPW's most prominent stable against the most successful visitors from ROH. It looks like another solid card despite the lack of showcase singles matches for Kazuchika Okada and Shinsuke Nakamura.

The main event will pit the Bullet Club against the Kingdom in trios action. The Bullet Club team will feature IWGP World Heavyweight Champion AJ Styles teaming up with the Young Bucks, while the Kingdom squad will have the IWGP World Tag Team Champions Mike Bennett and Matt Taven along with their spiritual leader the returning Adam Cole. Bennett and Taven have business with the Club, as they yoinked those aforementioned tag straps from the group's resident roughnecks Doc Gallows and Karl Anderson. Of the visitors from NJPW, Gallows and Anderson are the only ones not booked for either Philadelphia show, but in all honesty, I would much rather see the Bucks in this setting. This trios match ought to be a raucous affair between two rudo-leaning squads with arrogance to spare. The extra added wrinkle? Bennett and the Bucks once were on the same side of the ring as 2012 Chikara King of Trios finalists. INTRIGUE.

The sub-main event will be a ROH World Championship match pitting the Champ, Jay Briscoe, against the only man who has pinned him in over two years in ROH, Bobby Fish. Fish scored a pinfall over Briscoe in a tag match with his regular reDRagon partner Kyle O'Reilly in March of 2013, and he has been campaigning for a title match for months now. He'll get his opportunity at the ECW Arena in what should be a heck of a match.

Okada and Nakamura, like on night one, will not be involved in straight up singles matches. Okada gets another tag, this time with CHAOS stablemate Gedo against the reigning and defending ROH Tag Team Champions The Addiction, or Bad Influence, or just plain ol' Christopher Daniels and Frankie Kazarian if you will in a non-title match. The initial disappointment of Okada being shoved away in tags for both nights aside, this match should be a dandy as well, although not on the level of him and Nakamura going up against the Briscoe Bros. Speaking of Nakamura and Mark Briscoe, they will be dropped in a four-corner survival match along with ROH Television Champion Jay Lethal and the legendary Jushin "Thunder" Liger. Honestly, I was disappointed to see this match announced because it'll throw Nakamura into chaos (no pun intended) rather than giving him a showcase against a singular opponent. The bright side is that it'll give Liger a chance to be in a big time match without having to go long in a singles bout, and this kind of match suits the absolute batshit craziness of the younger Briscoe brother.

Although Nakamura and Okada will not be getting straight up singles matches, three other NJPW regulars will. KUSHIDA gets the nod to take on Michael Elgin. The Japanese half of the Time Splitters will go up against his second heavyweight of the tour, as he'll get Roderick Strong night one. I find this to be a curious decision, but the way the cards have shaken out, none of the marquee singles junior heavyweights seem to be appearing in Philadelphia. My guess is KUSHIDA's big fireworks displays will happen at the Global Wars duo of shows in Toronto, well, that is if ACH, Matt Sydal, Chris Sabin, and Cedric Alexander are booked for those cards. While in Philly, KUSHIDA may be getting an audition for Gedo to get a bigger singles role back in Japan with the heavier opposition.

Speaking of Strong, he'll be getting Hiroshi Tanahashi in a rematch of TNA's version of the infamous John Cena vs. Daniel Bryan Velocity match. Tanahashi and Strong battled on an episode of XPlosion in 2006. Of course, Strong had not become "Mr. ROH" just yet (snicker) and Tanahashi was still about a half-year away from his first IWGP World Heavyweight Championship. But the match happened, and this one is technically a rematch. To be honest, I'm not looking forward to this one as Strong in ROH induces yawns, and Tanahashi seems like a bad fit for him. However, it's happening, so who knows, it could be decent.

The other marquee singles match signed pits Fish's tag team partner Kyle O'Reilly against Tetsuya Naito. Both O'Reilly and Naito seem to be in similar places right now. Both are on the cusp of a main event run, and both have arguably had more success in tags than singles in their careers. While not my cup of tea, this match seems like a logical booking for the midcard of a show like this. The other match that has been announced could steal the show if given time. Takaaki Watanabe, who has been on excursion for the longest time, will battle Adam Page. Both guys are solid and probably better than their billing, and they could go out in the opening match and surprisingly raise the bar as a way of saying that they're ready for bigger and better things in their home promotions. Also, Moose will be making an appearance, although his role has not been announced just yet.

Admittedly, I think the night one card is slightly better, but once one gets past the sticker shock of Naito and Tanahashi being given highlight one-on-one matches over Okada and Nakamura, the card settles nicely into place. The trios main event should be hot, as all six competitors are built to please, and the World Title match should have as much pageantry and personality as it does MOVEZ.

Also, I will be attending this particular card, so if you happen to see me, say hello!

The dawn of Super Worker™ Eva Marie is nigh?
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Eva Marie was hired as fodder for Total Divas, and the lack of readiness for anything wrestling related showed the moment she was shoved onto main programming. Her ability to run the ropes made Kelly Kelly's look perfectly cromulent for crying out loud. WWE kept trying to make fetch happen with her, but thankfully, the company realized she wasn't ready for prime time and let her simmer as a Total Divas-only personality until she got her house in order. Of course, WWE was at no great loss for trainers. Sara Amato, for example, has been working wonders with the NXT women down at the Performance Center, and recently, WWE brought in Brian Kendrick as a trainer. He ended up taking Eva Marie under his wing, and she's seemingly been putting her nose to the grindstone. Then yesterday, she posted the following video, which you can find after the jump, on her Instagram account.

A video posted by  Eva Marie💋 (@natalieevamarie) on Apr 21, 2015 at 3:02pm PDT

Yes, it's only one MOVE, and it's not indicative of what she can do in a ring for an entire match now. And Instagram video isn't exactly the most nuanced thing to show prolonged improvement in a wrestler. That all being said, who thought seeing Ms. All Red Everything nearly botching lateral presses on the reg that she'd be able to do a springboard tornado DDT? The fact that she's not only getting to work with a trainer like Kendrick but is also taking it seriously and seeming to be improving is a fantastic sign. I don't want to get my hopes up too much, but the day she gets to NXT as a foil for Bayley is an episode I won't miss.

Did Dana Brooke need a step between the PC and NXT?
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Dana Brooke's arrival to NXT television has heralded another arrival of a heated debate. Brooke's talents are, in a word, raw to put it kindly right now. I don't wish to have a debate about her in specific, because she's a wrestler, not a battleground. However, her debut has sparked a legitimate concern over the role of NXT in WWE's current corporate arrangement. Folks like Brandon Stroud have argued that plopping green talent right into NXT with the Charlottes and Finn Bálors of the world is not exactly the best use of the airtime or studio space. Other still argue that NXT at heart is the developmental territory, so green folks like Brooke and Baron Corbin belong on screen just as much as those who've either already leveled up from their awkward phases or who came into the fold already polished. Which side is right in this argument? What is NXT? Well, I will let everyone know as soon as WWE decides what it wants NXT to be, since it is clearly confused given its current state.

Sure, NXT may have started out as the heir to Florida Championship Wrestling, where everyone worked up from their various states of introductory ability level to some polished finish ready to pluck for the main roster. Wrestlers like Bryan Danielson, who entered FCW having trained extensively under two wrestlers who know a thing or two about sports entertainment and already the most versatile worker not already in WWE at the time and didn't really need "developmental" time were few, far between, and not WWE's focus at the time. Basically, the company was taking rawer indie guys (and yes, Tyler Black was pretty raw despite his already extensive indie resumé) or other prospects with minimal experience and coaching them up en masse. The same was pretty much true even at the cusp of the switchover between FCW and NXT, although the process of adding wrestlers ready to contribute to the main roster right from the indies had started.

Say what you want about Cesaro or Kassius Ohno, but when they, as Claudio Castagnoli and Chris Hero, signed from the indies, they didn't exactly need a whole lot of seasoning. Even though they both came with "baggage" according to WWE's SOP (Cesaro's "foreignness" and Ohno's doughy frame), neither one of them really needed to be in developmental. Then, WWE signed El Generico, rechristened him Sami Zayn, and all of a sudden, it had three wrestlers who didn't need to be there working around the territory. Sure, by the time 2013 was over, Ohno was back to being Chris Hero, and Cesaro was already in and around being full-time on the main roster, but something clicked, and the administration saw potential for NXT to be a premium alternative rather than just a developmental territory, and while marquee matches against William Regal had been carrots dangled since the FCW days, the Zayn/Cesaro series saw WWE invest more in this ultra super-indie model that exists right now, and Zayn's booking suggested that he was to be used as the first in what would be a series of plug-and-play indie signees. He didn't have to slog through the CJ Parkers of the world. He went right for Cesaro, who at the time was on the main roster.

It is fitting that the two kicked off ArRRIVAL, which kicked off the current run of NXT where the roster is pretty much a dream premium alternative to the WWE with the actual funding of WWE behind it. Zayn gave rise to Hideo Itami, Finn Bálor, and Kevin Owens, and their arrivals coincided with the comings of age of a whole mess of wrestlers who had gone through the ringer and become ready for prime time in some way. It's the product of almost perfectly-timed nucleation, and now with NXT on the road, the transformation process seems complete, right? Hell, NXT is even welcoming back veterans that would fetch TNA or Lucha Underground contracts at this point in Rhino. If that doesn't scream "premium brand," I don't know what does.

But times come along where WWE totally treats the show as its scratch pad. Dana Brooke is not the only example, and if you ask me, she's clearly not the worst. Looking at the landscape in the post-Network special era, she's clearly better than Baron Corbin, but not as much advanced on the learning curve as either Bull Dempsey or Alexa Bliss were at their debuts. But the real story is that she is not a snowflake. She's not the signal of the coming apocalypse. But she may very well be a symbol for the confused direction WWE is pushing the NXT brand.

It is entirely possible, however, that WWE could be going for a hybrid of the premium brand and developmental territory paradigm, and lord knows a multi-million dollar publicly traded corporation doesn't necessarily need to worry about identity confusion for jerks like me. Brooke, Corbin, and the other not-ready-for-prime-time players don't move the needle in the opposite direction enough to counterbalance what wrestlers like Zayn and Owens do in the positive. But is it healthy for wrestlers who are still in need of development to be thrust into any part of something that is labeled a viable alternative to what the main product is? The argument could be made that both Bliss and Dempsey are ready for the next level; the former is just hitting a logjam of talented women who are behind a logjam of Divas on the main roster and the latter may just be an acquired taste or have reached his final plateau. Like, Dempsey knows what he's doing, but whatever he's doing just isn't working. He's like Adam Rose, who could only do so much growing before getting that next shot.

But when I look at Brooke, but especially Corbin, I see wrestlers who would benefit from more time learning how to work in front of crowds in a place where they can be more than just entrees for wrestlers like Tyler Breeze or Hideo Itami. They aren't bad in a sense that a five year veteran who has learned all the fundamentals is. They don't seem to have gotten all the fundamentals yet and are still not fully baked. I see Corbin's eyes get lost when he's asked to do more than brood or hit his finish. Brooke has only been in one match so far, so judging her is a little trickier. But still, unless she was exhibiting some major first-match jitters, she looked like someone who wished she had her trainers on the outside to ask what she should have done next. If NXT is truly developmental, then sure, they need it.

In fact, I would say the very existence of wrestlers like Breeze, Itami, Zayn, Owens, Bálor, Enzo Amore, Big Cass, Charlotte, Sasha Banks, and the rest in NXT disqualifies it from being called developmental, no matter what WWE says, but again, I'm only one shithead in a sea of voices and opinions that make sense. WWE can do the right thing and further stratify. It has an entire network at its disposal, and if the goal is to have people still learning the ropes getting reps in front of a live crowd on television, why not create a separate developmental brand from Full Sail or what have you and leave NXT as the true premium alternative? WWE's roster is big enough that the main portion won't miss guys going down for tours of the NXT brand from time to time, and if it's willing to bring back Brian Kendrick or Rhino, imagine what other alumni could pop in for a couple shows here and there. While the depth is taken care of elsewhere, wrestlers who clearly aren't done learning yet can get on the job training and a chance to show off their wares in front of a crowd that maybe isn't expecting them to be on a fraction of a level of wrestlers who have been to Japan and worked in front of larger crowds before.

So in reality, the debate is less about folks on the Web having a philosophical debate and more about how WWE is handling its future talent or roster at large. The influx of battle-ready wrestlers isn't going to be stopping either. Magno, Uhaa Nation, and Jessie McKay all point to WWE still wanting wrestlers who have gametime experience, but it's never going to stop looking for diamonds in the rough either. If the company wants those diamonds to get properly polished, then maybe an intermediary step between the Performance Center and NXT is needed, and maybe NXT does need to stop being referred to as a developmental territory and more as a premium alternative to what is offered on the USA Network and SyFy week-to-week.

NXT comin'
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Via WWE.com

WWE has officially announced the first slate of tour dates for the NXT brand. The Albany date was leaked during RAW, but four other dates have been confirmed, including two return trips to Ohio and the long-awaited announcement of the Philadelphia date at a rather shocking venue. Tickets for all events will go on sale on Friday, May 1 at 10 AM Eastern Daylight Time, although I know of at least a presale for the Philadelphia event. The full list of shows and venues can be found after the jump:

Thursday, May 14 - The Tower Theater, Upper Darby, PA (Philadelphia)
Saturday, May 16 - Washington Avenue Armory, Albany, NY
Thursday, June 11 - Stage AE, Pittsburgh, PA
Friday, June 12 - Agora Theatre, Cleveland, OH
Saturday, June 13 - LC Pavillion, Columbus, OH

The Philadelphia venue comes as a shock, because all signs pointed towards the show happening at the Liacouras Center on Temple University's campus, which has a larger capacity than the Tower. WWE may have gotten skittish about being able to sell out that big a building, however, and most of the other venues it has run have skewed to the more intimate. It's a show that does play well in a smaller room.

Still, the announcement of a full-on tour is incredible news. When Triple H dropped the knowledge that he wanted NXT to be a full-touring brand, many ears including mine perked up, but I didn't expect the show to hit the road this soon. It's also pretty amusing but not surprising given the grand response for the Arnold Classic shows that Cleveland and Columbus will be getting their second NXT tour dates before every other city in America outside of Philly, Albany, Pittsburgh, and San Jose have gotten their first.

Of course, it should also be noted that at least two of the above dates are playing in the same areas as prominent indie shows. The Albany date happens before a big 2CW event the next night in Rome, NY, and of course, the Philadelphia date takes place the night after the second of two consecutive Ring of Honor/New Japan Pro Wrestling jointly promoted cards at the ECW Arena. Conversely, both of those War of the Worlds shows have been on sale for a long time and are close to sold out. Still, while I doubt WWE can or even wants to kill the indies entirely, these tour dates may give older fans flashbacks to Black Saturday and the national expansion of the WWF. As many online goobers are wont to say, "Gotta hear both sides."

Is it back to the hospital for Daniel Bryan?
Photo via @WWEDanielBryan

So, it has come to my attention that you were waiting for HORB FLERBMINBER to dump his scoops ALL OVER YOUR BODIES this week. Well, you're in luck because I AM BACK, BABY. That's right, I am here to give you all the news, rumors, nuggets, baseless slander, and Mad Men analysis that you won't find anywhere else. For example, against whom is Seth Rolling going to feud with after Randy Orton, and how does this figure into the fate of Don Draper? NO ONE ELSE IS ASKING THOSE KINDS OF HARD-HITTING QUESTIONS. I am the King of Kings when it comes to this shit. EVEN JESUS CHRIST ASKS ME FOR WRESTLING NEWS.

But even though I am by far the best and brightest when it comes to breaking the hottest news and gossip, I need help being everywhere all the time. That's why I have an e-mail address for you to send tips to. You just need to follow two criteria. First, these tips have to be HOT HOT HOT. Second, you must be willing to forego all credit to ME, HORB FLERBMINBER of FLERBMINBER ENTERPRISES, LLC. If you're a bad enough dude to do both, then send your tips to ProWrestlingSKOOPZ@gmail.com. Also, you definitely need to be following me on Twitter for all of the timeliest, juiciest, horniest scoops out there. Get to following @HorbFlerbminber, or else you'll never know what kind of noxious fume I plan on releasing at the ROH/NJPW show in order to get my ransom of all the epithelial cells they can scrape from Kazuchika Okada's mouth. I WILL GET WHAT I WANT.

If you would like back issues of the newsletter, then you'll need to listen and listen good. I don't take kindly to idle threats over here. If you're going to buy my fucking newsletter that I spend 167 hours a week writing, then you'd better fucking buy it. Don't be like some Bart Simpsonesque prank caller and ask to speak to Heywood Jablomé when he hasn't lived at my compound for months now. I ONLY WANT REAL PURCHASERS. And Ben Craven-Morehead isn't scheduled to move in until June. I will not be fooled by these trick phone callers. However, if you would like back issues of my newsletter, then please, by all means, contact me. How? What, do you want me to do ALL the work for you?

I've also taken jobs as a mover on the side. I will come to your house, apartment, condominium, or jail cell, and I will haul away your things for a reasonable price to your new place of residence for a flat rate plus expenses and gas mileage. I will treat your valuables with extra care. But why should I tell you about my services when I have TESTIMONIALS, this one from Frank Sinbeens of Moncton, NB:

I hired Horb to come over and move my boxes. I had 15 boxes to start, and only three made it to my house. Also, all my gold was gone, and the ashes of my mother were dumped out into my watercolors. I was so angry that I wet myself.

Another satisfied customer.

Please remember to wash your hands.

- Daniel Bryan was taken off the European tour after last week's Smackdown tapings because of injury concerns. Rumors stated that he had a concussion, a relapse of his neck injuries, and even the "jake-leg." Staff medical expert Dr. Gregory House mused that Bryan may have lupus. No one is entirely sure what he has, not even WWE medical staff.

- Bryan was taken off the tour immediately after he didn't get immediately better after taking a Z-Pak.

- Bryan's match with Wade Barrett at Extreme Rules is in question pending a doctor's visit. However, I can say without any trepidation that Bryan will not be cleared to wrestle after the doctors label him as a puny weakling who can't stand up to WWE's rigors like big strong ox of a man Roman Reigns, and all fans will be forced to apologize to Reigns in person.

- Barrett, meanwhile, was sidelined from RAW tapings this week after having intense, lucid flashbacks to when Jack Swagger put him on the shelf while he was Intercontinental Champion after hearing of Bryan's health troubles.

- Both joint Ring of Honor/New Japan Pro Wrestling War of the Worlds cards for Philadelphia have been announced, and let me tell you, if you're not excited for these shows, I hate you. I legitimately hate you in real life. I'm not kidding. I will spit in your face and call you ethnic slurs right in front of your grandmother.

- Seriously, I will burn your fucking house down if you're not up for matches like Roderick Strong vs. Hiroshi Tanahashi or Michael Elgin vs. KUSHIDA or Jay Lethal vs. Takaaki Watanabe. You piece of shit you.

- Tough Enough is returning, and the show is being revamped so that WWE actually picks a winner that won't flame out horribly like Maven or Andy Leavine or Daniel Puder or Nidia.

- Global Force Wrestling has announced that it will start touring minor league baseball stadiums in June. When asked what wrestlers will be on the shows, Jeff Jarrett fumbled papers, said "Uh, these ones!" and then threw a bunch of confetti at my face before running off.

- I did get a sneak peak at the booking sheet. The main event will feature Jeff Jarrett vs. Scott D'Amore. El Jefe Jarretta takes on The Masked Canadian. In a special ladies match, Karen Jarrett will battle Off-Brand Yoshihiko, and the opening card will be a scramble featuring Totally Not Jeff Jarrett Under That Mask, Dott Sc'Amore, and a dozen farm-fresh eggs.

- Taz and TNA Wrestling came to a mutual agreement to part ways this past week. Taz was gracious and thanked his former employers until he found out Dixie Carter used his back pay to have a power lunch at Sullivan's Steakhouse for her and nine of her closest friends.

- The inspiration for Randy Orton RKOing everyone out of nowhere on RAW last night came from the popular meme, "Chocolate Rain" by Tay Zonday.

- Daily News, United States, New York MMA, Abu Dhabi government in a number of prominent Jewish scholar in the article was published today that UFC 10 percent ownership vesavapune opposition. And "the Jewish community," a course in the country, which had been signed by a letter, will send the question of Jewish legislators. Group, the United Arab Emirates, one of the World Anti-Semitism in claims. TV commercials aired need to start. That signed the letter are 17 prominent Jewish leaders. MMA in New York trying to control is believed to be the latest step in, Fertitta brothers Station Casino, is not for the kitchen staff union Union. UFC also considered a US ally Chrysler Time Warner Center in New York, which is part of every building owner to see the government of Abu Dhabi. Party Queens Phil Goldfeder its politics and our economy to be used for playing hurt people said, "professional and non-Jewish Orthodox in New York to support a bill to legalize MMA. It's a tactic only to blur, "unlike the real problem.

- EVOLVE 42's Internet pay-per-view broadcast experienced poor stream quality, and at one point, the Internet in the building was turned off, leading to an abnormally long intermission and late ending to the show. As a makegood, Gabe Sapolsky and Sal Hamouai have offered a free retweet to anyone who ordered the show and was unhappy with their purchase on their birthdays.

- Seth Rollins has discontinued using the Curb Stomp because he finally saw American History X, and he really got fucked up in the brain over the beginning to the movie.

- Steve Austin criticized John Cena's use of the springboard stunner as a transition move, mainly because Cena doesn't flip the bird before performing the move.

- Jim Ross said "Nothing is etched in stone" regarding his work with WWE Network, but rather that all details of his contract will be written on paper with ink. This quote surprised observers as every other opinion Ross has is lodged firmly in the Stone Age.

- Dana Brooke will be headed to the Arnold Classic in Brazil in May, which will provide a brief respite in hot takes regarding her status in NXT.

- Bo Dallas drew raves for comparing Roman Reigns to Tim Tebow on RAW Monday. However, this comparison was not seen as fair to Tebow since he's at least won a Heisman and a college football National Championship.

- Last week's poll saw that 45% of you will be voting for Hilary Clinton, 24% for Marco Rubio, 21% for Ted Cruz, and 10% will be voting for Bob Backlund. This week's poll:

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

Yo holmes, to... Bálor?
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Well, RavenCyarm has done it again. This time, the YouTube genius has found the perfect wrestling-related mash-up, two songs that go a bit too perfectly together. On one side, the theme song for Finn Bálor, the melodiously evil "Catch Your Breath." On the other side, pre-Scientology Will Smith rapping the theme song to the show that launched his acting career, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. When they're put together, they sync up into harmonious glory.

Of course, the synergy between the two pieces of music is purely coincidental, or is it? A popular theory surrounding the show is that Smith's character Will died in that playground fight, and that the entirety of the series takes place in the afterlife. The journey to Bel-Air was really his crossing into heaven, and the reason why his parents rarely visited is because those visits were them coming to his grave. What if that theory is correct, and using the powers of precognition, the crew wrote a theme song that would sync up perfectly to a character who has a DEMON as an alter-ego? I AM ONTO SOMETHING, AND IT'S NOT MESCALINE ADDICTION! Anyway, enjoy the damn mash-up:

Roode and JR bitch and moan about the wrestling industry this week
Photo Credit: Lee South/ImpactWrestling.com

If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: The Ross Report
Episode: 62 (April 22, 2015)
Run Time: 2:06:07
Guest: Bobby Roode (31:45)

Summary: Jim Ross is on the food with two-time TNA champion Bobby Roode this week. They open with Roode recounting some of his nagging injuries and quickly segue into the early days of his career. The rest is a rather straightforward interview, with some of the more significant talking points including fan perception of TNA, ring psychology, the origin of the Beer Money tag team, former TNA talents, Roode’s childhood influences, the pros and cons of a working a taped show, his dream opponents, old school booking and ring work, the Montreal Screwjob and Kurt Angle.

Quote of the week:“Eric (Young) and I, we started out in the business together here in Canada, had our rough times together and our good times together. We’ve come up through TNA, the ranks from Team Canada to where we are now, and if there’s a guy that I trust the most, it’s him. And thankfully for me he’s got a fat ass that can protect me when he drops me on my head. So far so good, knock on wood.”

Why you should listen: Don’t be intimidated by the run time — once you skip past the monologue (always skip the monologue) and account for the 15-minute wrap up and ad blitz at the end, this is actually a fairly concise interview with Roode. Though a TNA lifer, he’s unafraid to both tap in to his childhood WWF fandom (he remembers watching the first WrestleMania at age eight) and his respect for current performers and WWE legends. Further, he’s pragmatic about TNA’s current status and how he balances his own career with the needs and outlook of the company that’s undergirded his successful career.

Why you should skip it: Because no one is paying you a quarter each time Ross or Roode lament another “lost art” aspect of the pro wrestling game. Unlike a lot of his recent interviews, Ross here slips back into some old bad habits, such as leaving the listener feeling that every five minutes he says, “You know what else sucks about wrestling today…” There’s no shock to be had when he asks Roode about Montreal, but if you want to know what Roode thought about Brock Lesnar beating the Undertaker, you’ll have to go elsewhere.

Final thoughts: All right, to be fair to Ross, Roode is Canadian and attended the RAW the night after Survivor Series 1997. That part was interesting. But for the rest of the chat both men came across as simply going through the motions of a podcast interview. If you’re fed up with Ross’ rants about selling, booking and how to structure a TV broadcast in 2015, there’s not nearly enough fun stuff from Roode to make the interview worthwhile. I’d much rather hear Roode drop in on a Steve Austin show, and I’d be much more likely to believe Austin is familiar with Roode’s career.

ACH gets the match of a lifetime
Photo Credit: Kelly Kyle

Well, if you were waiting for the hammer to drop and the big matches to be announced for this year's Ring of Honor vs. New Japan Pro Wrestling summit, you got your wish yesterday when the slate for the first night of Global Wars was formally unveiled. Kazuchika Okada and Shinsuke Nakamura FINALLY had their showcase singles matches announced, two tag partners of Alex Shelley will collide, and what's best, the entire thing will be available on Internet pay-per-view. Last year's Global Wars in Toronto was basically a split house show between NJPW and ROH, so my guess is the big guns being saved for Canada this year is a make good for last. Regardless of the reason, this card looks really goddamn special.

Neither Okada nor Nakamura will be wrestling in the main event, but they will get their singles matches. Okada's opponent will be Cedric Alexander. The two were supposed to face off last year at War of the Worlds, but Alexander missed the show, allowing Okada to make the main event IWGP World Championship match between Michael Elgin and AJ Styles a three-way match. Alexander's star has risen substantially since then, and he will hope to represent North Carolina well against NJPW's ace.

Now, Nakamura's match is probably the money shot of the whole weekend. The IWGP Intercontinental Champion will take on none other than ACH. It was the first match announced for the show yesterday, and it set an explosive mood for the rest of the day. ACH is one of the best wrestlers in the country, period, and ROH has recognized that positioning him against the top guys in the company for the last few months. He's gotten high-profile matches against AJ Styles and Samoa Joe this year alone. Nakamura obviously is on a different plane than both since he's arguably the most popular wrestler in New Japan right now. This match will be worth ordering the iPPV broadcast alone.

The main event for this show will include the Bullet Club again. This time, the entire visiting faction - Styles, the Young Bucks, Doc Gallows, and Karl Anderson - will battle a team of ROH All-Stars that includes the Briscoe Brothers, Roderick Strong, and the team of War Machine, which consists of Raymond Rowe and the War Beard Hanson. It'll be good to see War Machine get some main event reps, and matches of this size with the amount of good workers in it tend not to disappoint. It's a safe pick to headline the show.

Speaking of matches that can safely be considered entertaining, four of the most exciting tag teams in either company will be competing in a four-corner survival match. In one corner will stand the IWGP World Jr. Heavyweight Tag Team Champions RPG Vice. Trent? and Rocky Romero are a new tag team, formed of the ashes of the Forever Hooligans (missin' u, Alex Koslov) and have found success early on in their run. The second team announced consists of Christopher Daniels and Frankie Kazarian, better known as the ROH Tag Team Champions the Addiction. Third in the fray is a team that has held both titles held by the current teams, reDRagon (Bobby Fish and Kyle O'Reilly). Rounding out the field will be The Decade, the team of BJ Whitmer and Adam Page. Expect a lot of bodies flying around the ring and breakneck near-falls.

Of course, tag teams are a specialty of one Alex Shelley, as he's been famously part of two, the Motor City Machine Guns and the Time Splitters. While Shelley will not be in action at this show, his tag partners from those respective teams will face off. Chris Sabin, who recently redebuted in ROH as a member of the KRD stable with Kazarian and Daniels, will do battle with KUSHIDA. I'm sure this match was booked as a nod to their shared tag partner, but I also expect this to be one of the most exciting matches on the card if they're allowed to do their thing.

The rest of the show looks decent. Jay Lethal will test his mettle against the always dangerous Tetsuya Naito. Teams have formed across promotional lines to do battle, as Moose will hook up with Gedo to take on Silas Young and Takaaki Watanabe. Matt Sydal will team up with junior heavyweight legend Jushin "Thunder" Liger to take on The Kingdom of Michael Bennett and Matt Taven. And in a match Dylan Hales is fucking stoked out of his mind to see, Hiroshi Tanahashi will battle Michael Elgin.

All in all, the first Global Wars show looks to be the best of the three announced cards. I was having a fit over how much better it looked than both Philly shows until it was revealed that it would be on iPPV. ROH's history with the medium isn't the best, but at the same time, if the stream doesn't cut out, it will be worth every penny.

The (far distant) second best dive of Wednesday night
Photo Credit: WWE.com

We were so close.

We were heartbeats away from an NXT Universe without Alex Riley, a magical land where gas cost a dollar a gallon and President Anna Kendrick and the First Lady Brittany Snow were putting checks in every account and puppies in every basket.

Unfortunately for Kevin Owens and everybody else who hates the self-perceived endangered species known as the white male douche fratbro, for the first time Sami Zayn and he would end up on the same show at the same time. Nobody saved him from an apron powerbomb, after all, and that meant he wasn't around to save Adrian Neville from one, but somehow since it shines on the just and the unjust alike he was there to keep a small pulse on A-Ry's career; more importantly in every single way, shape and form it meant he got to throw hands against his ex-best friend and the man who pilfered the Big X from him back in February. Referees came out to stop the Canadian-on-Canadian violence and eventually failed. Some of the lesser lights came out for backup to try and stop the enmity from flowing. Sami even hit what on normal Wednesday nights would be the dive of the night by hitting a picture-perfect tope con hilo to Owens and et al outside the ring (unfortunately for Mr. Zayn certain counter-programming had South Africans falling out of the Cthulhu damned sky, so...)and would end up in the ring waiting on another round that wouldn't be coming since it wouldn't be on KO's terms. Zayn seethed, the crowd oles, and NXT went off the air with their prestige program once again aligned and set to pay off at the main event for a two-hour live special presumably coming to a Network near you.

While that title picture has been translucent for a while and destined for the brightest lights Full Sail has on offer, when it comes to the women's division things have been more opaque. Fortunately, a triple threat cleared the cobwebs even if the ending came with a wisp of confusion. Charlotte may've been doing the dirty work by Figure Eight-ing Bayley (the figure four with her back bridge), a worn-out and beat up Becky Lynch was managing to drape an arm over everybody's favorite hugger and capture the top contendership spot in the process. With the main event never in doubt for a second it was left to the ladies to get the bulk of the time on the show and blow away everything else in the hour with the quality of wrestling; since this is NXT, they did to the point where you knew you saw an above-average match and still wanted more when it ended.

Expanding on their roles in the four-way back in December, Bayley got all the love, Lynch took a boatload of punishment, and Charlotte was able to slide deftly betwixt being more popular than Lynch but less so than Bay. When the faces teamed up and laid out the heel, it gave us the opportunity for Charlotte and Bayley to renew hostilities with the latter finally having a toughened skin to go in against the former and be fueled by their past without it turning her into a dark hat, and she held her own until Charlotte rolled her around with her hybrid figure four headlock atomic drops. Lynch got reinvolved at this point to lay the former champion out with an Exploder and go to work on the weakened Bayley. She was the one to injure Bayley, after all, so she went to work there. She even applied the Lucky XIII to make a pretty girl see a Graves, but that gave an opening for Charlotte to lay her out with Natural Selection and then the wacky stack of signatures and Towers of Doom led to the brilliant endgame.

Later on, she'd even exchange verbal pyrotechnics with the champion and let her know that Team BAE aside that Sasha Banks didn't make her, she made herself. (You can guess how well the Boss took that.) It'll be interesting to see if they slide Lynch harder into the babyface slot for the match against Banks, if her alignment remains unchanged but she gets a ton of support (she did in this match as well), or if the Boss' recent groundswell of Full Sailor affection will lead to a change in that manner; no matter how it shakes out both women have danced on both sides of the line and shown their superlative talents, so we should get another high-level match irregardless.

The rest of the show was pretty threadbare besides the advancing of plots and some short showcases: Hideo Itami got to beat the somehow-not-departed-yet-on-television CJ Parker, Rhyno annihilated some poor bastard in three moves, Dana Brooke got to be patronizing to Devin while cutting a finely self-aggrandizing promo, and most importantly, Tyler Breeze used Finn Bálor's demolishing of Tye Dillinger to get in the business of man from across the pond and set Prince Pretty up in opposition. Unspoken but known by every NXTaholic is that Tyler just posted a 2-1 victory over Bálor's boy, and with him being the most recent #1 contender not into skanking that a King of Cuteville win over the latest in a series of transplanted fan favorites could put him right back in line to finally accenting the latest, most fashionable Breezus outfit with a bit of gold around the waist.

But there is that teensy matter of the decade-long blood fued to get through first; for the first time since February, all the (future super?)stars seemed to be aligned to let the crimson flow metaphorically, if nothing else.

IT'S TEBOW TIME IN PHILADELPHIA
Photo Credit: Cox/Getty Images

It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers!

@tholzerman WHAT IS YOUR TAKE ON THE EAGLES SIGNING OREGON LEGEND TIM TEBOW? #TWEETBAG
— Duje Lashlee-Walton (@thegnc) April 19, 2015

Well, it was nice being an Eagles fan while it lasted.

No, I keed, I keed. Honestly, I'm not nearly as broken up about it as I thought I would be. Sure, the network heads chattering so loudly not even my best Twitter filters could contain them annoyed the shit out of me, but the truth of the matter is that Tebow will either see the field on special teams, gadget plays, or if he is at QB, the season will have already been lost anyway. And all that is if he even makes the roster, which he's not guaranteed to do. Of course, now that I'm writing this, Tebow will be a 16 game starter, and Skip Bayless will start offering takes on his megahorn at every home game. Pray for TH.

@tholzerman if i come to the nxt thing in philly can i crash on your couch #tweetbag
— Bill (@bflip33) April 22, 2015

Buddy's a humper, so only if you're okay with a dew-claw in your thigh.

@tholzerman #tweetbag If you could book ONE team for King of Trios made up entirely of deceased wrestlers, who would they be?
— What a Maneuver!! (@what_a_maneuver) April 22, 2015

The absolute first name that came to my mind was Chris Candido. If he had not tragically died thanks to hospital uncleanliness and general malpractice, he would have worked at least one Trios by now, right? That death still bugs the hell out of me because it was the most preventable death with the exception of Owen Hart's. Anyway, Candido may have never teamed with Crash Holly, but if two guys had kindred spirits across a short generational gap (if you can call the gap between 1995 and 2000 "generational" at all), Holly and Candido did. They would need some muscle, and what better muscle to put behind them than Mike Awesome. That team would kill it at a theoretically immortal Trios tournament.

@tholzerman What's the shelf life of NXT remaining awesome? At some point all this great talent will graduate. #tweetbag
— boxwatcher (@boxwatcher) April 22, 2015

I don't see any reason why NXT's quality can't remain evergreen. Sure, the Hideo Itami/Finn Bálor/Kevin Owens/Sami Zayn/Adrian Neville core isn't so easily replaced, but at the same time, guys are coming up all the time. You don't think that Uhaa Nation can't step in and be his own wrecking ball? Or that Solomon Crowe won't find a niche? Plus WWE has courted guys from the current New Japan and Dragon Gate rosters. While I doubt Kazuchika Okada or Akira Tozawa will likely walk through the doors at the Performance Center, I wouldn't necessarily rule it out either.

It's all about direction. If Triple H and his inner circle get their heads too far up their own asses, or if the people who replace Trips and the gang once he imports them up to Stamford after Papa Vince goes non compos mentis is a dud, then NXT will start to decline. Right now? I don't see why it can't continue to be a worthy premium alternative to the main roster narrative for a good long time.

@tholzerman Why in God's name is the cheapest StubHub seat for #ExtremeRules $133.95? #TweetBag
— Star of Savage (@StarOfSavage) April 22, 2015

It's a WWE pay-per-view in Chicago, and if you think that's just a one guy town, well, I have tickets to a CM Punk Comeback Special show to sell you.

@tholzerman What is better, the Sixers tanking on purpose or the Phillies trying to be good, but being plain bad? #tweetbag #PHLSpecific
— Rich Thomas (@earthdog) April 22, 2015

I would take the Sixers 11 times out of ten. At least Sam Hinkie has a plan, and if Joel Embiid plays as much next season as Nerlens Noel did this season, then they're not going to be awful anymore, especially in the East where three teams with losing records made the playoffs. The more I see out of this team, the more I think it is going to contend for a title within three years. I would be shocked if the Phillies made the playoffs in the next three years unless Ruben Amaro, Jr. is replaced by someone who isn't as much of a chowderhead as he is.

@tholzerman Can we just start the Crowe-Breeze program now? Crowe hacks his phone, Breeze calls him Solomon Gross. Print $$$. #tweetbag
— Brian Coulter (@PhilaBCoulter) April 22, 2015

I would be all for it, except Breeze is out of Crowe's rent district right now. You don't take three out of five falls in total from Hideo Itami, move onto Finn Bálor, and then have to suffer an uggo like Crowe (and as much as I love Crowe, he's not a pretty man). But when the time comes, it will be the perfect feud for both guys, especially if they keep Crowe being able to hack into technology.

@tholzerman So you seeing the NXT live show in Philly or nah #tweetbag
— Butch Rosser (@thebutchrosser) April 22, 2015

Does Tyler Breeze take multiple selfies before a match?

@tholzerman is Tebow as similar to Cena as I think?
— Jesse Robert Powell (@Jessico09) April 22, 2015

I think you're oversimplifying things here to get a narrative, because Cena and Tebow aren't really the same. They have similarities, sure. Tebow's throwing motion, dubbed The Frittata by Spencer Hall, is analogous to Cena's open-window execution on some moves, and they both stir up an awful lot of chatter. Other than that, Cena is actually good at his job. Tebow, eh, he was good at his position in college, where throwing motion wasn't as critical. Plus, if Cena were to have won as many accolades as Tebow, he'd never have won the World Championship, and he certainly wouldn't be US Champion again, that's for sure.

@tholzerman what is going to be the best match of this ROH / NJPW week, and why is it ACH v Nakamura?
— Brandon Mars (@brandon120) April 23, 2015

Honestly, it's not necessarily ACH/Nakamura in a walk. I do think it will be the best match of the four cards, because both guys are not only absolutely gifted workers, but they have enough personality to spare for everyone else on their respective rosters. If they have any semblance of chemistry together, they will tear the house down. However, don't sleep on Jushin Liger vs. Dalton Castle. Castle, who bears an all-too-striking resemblance to one "Smooth Sailing" Ashley Remington, has taken ROH by storm, and he has the chops to throw down as well. It's funny to say that a wrestling match depends on perhaps the most influential junior heavyweight of all-time, but yeah, it's all gonna count on Liger to be able to react to Castle's shtick and make something of it. But I trust him; he's Liger, for crying out loud.

Ad graphics from WWE.com

Daniel Bryan may be on the shelf for mysterious injury reasons, and his career may be in jeopardy, but hey, that doesn't mean he can't keep making that advertising scrilla. Of course, the former vegan who doesn't watch TV is the perfect guy to pitch your energy shot, right? Right? I think WWE even knew it was just putting a familiar and popular face on the adspace since the "PAID SPOKESMAN" label is a bit too conspicuous if you ask me. But hey, at least he's still getting paid, which is the biggest reason why I'm happy for any one of my favorite indie dudes upon getting signed to WWE.

However, if the folks at 5 Hour Energy REALLY wanted to make it seem like Bryan was into selling the product, maybe they could've outsourced the slogan-writing campaign to an ad agency with a wrestling fan or two. I don't even work in advertising, and I could have done better than the people who came up with that shit. I mean, look at the possible slogans they could have used:

5 HOUR ENERGY: The true BEST IN THE WORLD
5 HOUR ENERGY: Better than taking Ryback to Panera Bread
If you take 5 HOUR ENERGY, you won't tap OR snap
5 HOUR ENERGY: For when you need to stay awake during your future brother-in-law's shitty movies
5 HOUR ENERGY: Because haters gon' hate
5 HOUR ENERGY: I wish I had this at WrestleMania XXVIII
I HAVE TIL FIVE, REF... 5 Hour Energy, that is

Okay, most of those are terrible, but at least it's more than a transparently fake smile with the words PAID SPOKESMAN in full view. Regardless, I hope he's getting some good money out of this, because man, you couldn't pay me enough to hawk that shit. Then again, I don't see WWE trying to sell the kinds of things Bryan seems to be into to a crowd it thinks is more lowbrow than it is. But that's a whole other essay...

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