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Help Send Big E to Prom in a Singlet

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Do you want to see Big E go to prom... WEARING HIS GEAR? Then spread the RTs around!
Photo Credit: WWE.com
So, on May 29, Twitter user @andrizzzleee is going to have her senior prom, and rather than wait for some jerkface high school jock or nerd ask her out, she went the Sadie Hawkins route and asked a prospective beau to the dance. Of course, she did so over Twitter, and her preferred date currently claps to keep the anger from taking over:

Yes, she asked Big E to the prom, and honestly, she could not have asked for a better prospective celebrity date. Not only is Ol' Epsilon famous, handsome, and has pecs big enough to act as a fine headrest during slow songs, he's got a quirky sense of humor and enjoys a fine kielbasa. In other words, he's the perfect date. Of course, he is a busy man, being co-holder of the WWE Tag Team Championships and all, but he is not one to turn down an invitation to a party. So he gave these conditions:

30,000 retweets may sound like a daunting number, but when one realizes that Big E has ten times as many followers as his criterion, and that noted fans and wrestlers alike are getting in on the cause, well, it shouldn't be too much of a problem to get the number up in enough time for Miss Andre'a to get what she wants, nay, DESERVES. As of right now, the number is already near 10,000, which is about a third of the way there. ARE YOU A BAD ENOUGH DUDE TO HELP ANDRE'A GET BIG E TO GO TO PROM WITH HER WHILE WEARING A SINGLET? Do it! Retweet the shit out of this and let a small town girl living in a lonely world* get the magic prom date of her dreams.

*- I have no idea where Andre'a lives, so that may or may not be true.

A Second Philadelphia Show Has Been Announced for NXT

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Philly to get TWO dates of this now
Photo Credit: WWE.com
NXT tickets went on presale today for the Philadelphia tour date, Thursday May 14 at the Tower Theater in suburban Philadelphia, and apparently, the response was so immense that a second date was announced for the day after on Friday May 15. Tickets for that show will indeed go on sale the same time as the Thursday show's regular on-sale date, and that's this coming Friday. However, a presale will happen on the Live Nation site for those tickets tomorrow at 10 AM.

Reports state that the presale allotment for the first show sold out in less than an hour, which is not surprising given how much of a wrestling hub AND a smark-ass town that Philly is. If you add in people traveling from other metros (which is not shocking given how close Philly is in proximity to New York and DC), the demand was gonna be high. My guess is WWE officials had the second date on retainer in case of a monstrous presale, and lo and behold, it happened.

It will be interesting to see how other venues shake out in terms of demand. If you remember, both Cleveland and Columbus flocked to the box office to glom up tickets for the Arnold Classic shows. Albany doesn't seem like a strong WWE hotbed, but it is a close central location for Boston, New York, and Buffalo/Rochester. Pittsburgh and the return dates to Ohio ought to sell huge too. These shows are almost guaranteed to be a precursor to something even bigger for NXT, which again, is manna from  heaven if you're a fan and possibly a death sentence if you're an indie promoter. Stay tuned.

Pro Wrestling SKOOPZ on The Wrestling Blog: Issue 27

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CORGAN HEADLINES THE NEWS THIS WEEK
Photo via Rolling Stone
Alright you bastards, listen up. I'm HORB FLERBMINBER, and I'm only gonna tell you this once. I HAVE ALL THE SCOOPS THAT ARE FIT TO PRINT. You wanna trust Dave Meltzer? That's fine, but will he have the complete lineup of Ring of Honor superstars who will be getting live prostate exams on the weekly television show as part of the Super Beta Prostate ad campaign? NO HE WILL NOT. And don't you dare trust Dave Scherer to get you all the list of sponsors that Jon Bones Jones lost thanks to his hit and run arrest. I'VE GOT THEM HERE, including the list of brothels in Thailand who no longer immediately use his image illegally to promote their houses of sin. And if you for one minute think that Brandon Stroud will get his jaw broken trying to infiltrate CM Punk's compound for ALL THE HOT NEWZ, THINK AGAIN, JERKNOSE. I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO GOES THE EXTRA MILE FOR YOUR EDIFICATION.

Now, running that extra mile means that I have to rely on my faithful tipsters, readers, and fraud victims whose computers I have hacked into for information. If you haven't already gotten your personal electronic devices digitally invaded by yours truly and you have some information to pass along, then send it to ProWrestlingSKOOPZ@gmail.com. Of course, if you want the best and brightest rumors and nuggets AS SOON AS THEY HAPPEN, then you need to be following me on Twitter, @HorbFlerbminber. If you don't follow me, then you'll miss out on my witty repartee with The Masked Lutefisk, or more importantly, my hilarious harassment of former WCW World Television Champion Lash LeRoux. Who cares if he's not on Twitter to take the beating?

Look, stop bugging me for back issues of the newsletter. I have been under a lot of stress lately, and haven't been feeling up to cataloging the back archives. So if you want to sample issues from the past like these:
  • 9/28/1780 - The COMPLETE rundown of the West Point Screwjob, when Benedict Arnold and King George conspired to screw George Washington out of the United States Championship.
  • 1/21/1971 - An EXCLUSIVE exposé on the seance that Vincent J. McMahon had to commune with the departed spirit of Ed "Strangler" Lewis. Lewis claimed that the ghost of Vladimir Lenin told him that if the WWWF Championship wasn't put on Ivan Koloff, he'd possess the spirit of Richard Nixon and turn America Communist.
  • 12/31/1981 - Special YEAR-END BLOWOUT issue where I give out special awards for fashion, mostly to Dusty Rhodes.
  • 6/19/1986 - Special obituary issue commemorating the life and times of Superstar Billy Graham. It comes with the 6/26 issue which is a full retraction issue seeing as his death was a hoax.
  • 10/2/1997 - Special double issue where I have an in-depth interview with Jumpin' Jeff Farmer.
...then YOU'LL WAIT UNTIL I'M GOOD AND READY TO COLLATE, CURATE, AND SEND THEM OUT. Buncha ingrates...

This week, the newsletter is sponsored by Pro Wrestling Tees Suplex City line of shirts. Do you want to let the world know that you're going to Suplex City and don't feel like paying WWE money for its own intellectual property? Well, Pro Wrestling Tees has the product for you, at deeply slashed prices too. Get your shirt ordered from a wide variety of designs, colors, and ripped-off, I mean, "parodied" corporate logos before the cease-and-desist letter comes from Titan Towers!

This week, I'd like to formally announce that I am going into a side business of professional mudslinging. Political season is upon us, and if you think it's too early to start defaming your potential opponents for the upcoming races, think again. I will dig up dirt on your opponent and make it public so that it repels prospective voters. I will even set up explosive devices at polling places where  your opponent is projected to track well. My rates vary for whatever office, but I will defame anyone running for any office, as low as student councilperson and as high as the President of the United States. I WILL NOT BE DENIED. But if you want a firsthand testimonial, here's one from Les Winen of Springfield, IL:
I ran for City Comptroller last year, and Horb not only was able to photograph my opponent bringing 14 items into the 12 items or fewer lane at Food Lion, but he also drugged him, dragged him to a brothel, and documented it for the local newspaper. He even got me a free visit after he was done! Thanks, Horb!
Another satisfied customer.

Also, remember that I love you.

- The biggest news this week is that Billy Corgan has taken the lead job in TNA Creative, which confirms that Dixie Carter only hires people whose biggest hits happened before 1998.

- Samoa Joe was at the NXT tapings at Full Sail University last Thursday. However, he was there on a visit to the school to learn how to edit videos so he could become a "viral YouTube star" like the Chocolate Rain kid or Keyboard Cat.

- Daniel Bryan has been BUSTED for drug possession in upstate New York this past week. Reports say he was using the arrest as cover for his injuries, and that he's been hooked on hard narcotics for awhile. He also is confirmed to be either a shapeshifter or one of those Faceless Men from Game of Thrones, because when he was arrested, he took the form of a teenage boy.

- Dana White confirmed this week that Ronda Rousey's appearance at WrestleMania was a one-and-done deal, and that she is not cleared to appear or wrestle for WWE again. If WWE fans now want to see an egomaniacal woman who has said several questionable things in her life take to the ring, they'll have to wait for the next time Stephanie McMahon wants to wrestle.

- Wade Barrett won the King of the Ring tournament, so expect him to spend the next month alternating between jobbing to R-Truth and getting emasculated by various wrestlers pretending to love America and resenting the idea of the restoration of the British monarchy in the States.

- Eric Young was the host of last Thursday's playoff game for the home Nashville Predators against the Chicago Blackhawks. Also, Lana and Rusev were in the audience wearing Predators sweaters, all of which are reasons why the Predators lost the series in six games.

- CM Punk was quoted again saying that wrestling is fake and meant nothing to him. In other news, I've ripped up all my CM Punk posters and thrown my BEST IN THE WORLD shirt in the trash, because THEY NEVER MEANT ANYTHING TO ME, AND NEITHER DID YOU, PHIL BROOKS. THAT'S RIGHT, YOU KNOW IT'S REAL BECAUSE I USED HIS SHOOT NAME, DEAL WITH IT.

- Punk later took to Twitter to claim that he was taken out of context and that his one sentence was used as "clickbait." He then tweeted that "That oughtta keep those sons of bitches off my back" before realizing what he typed and deleting it.

- Eva Marie has been training hard with Brian Kendrick to improve ahead of an upcoming push she'll be receiving into SummerSlam. She's also been watching several older matches recommended to her by her trainer, including ones featuring Super Crazy, Tajiri, and Melina vs. Alicia Fox.

- Quinton fight with a powerful warrior, "body" kept in preferences Jackson won the appeal. Fabio Maldonado at UFC 186 in Montreal on Saturday that for single loads 215 pounds, where the fight will fight again, but I remember him as a lightweight hard fight. Yesterday ഇഎസ്പിഎൻ Brett Okamoto, on 25 April, has retained a court order to add, however, "he said OK," vague speculation, "warrior court" irreperable damage "Clearly, however, the Court found that the alleged actions of the defendant on the other hand, it would be it is not for damages can be beautiful. "It was Jackson, paid in full, and not Steve Bosse.

- Jackson has also stated that working for TNA killed his interest in wrestling, which gives him something in common with everyone who has ever watched TNA in the last five years.

- Combat Zone Wrestling is looking for several new behind-the-scenes employees, including graphic designer, video coordinator, and electronic-ankle-bracelet-remover.

- John Cena battled a 100 degree fever all last week, but he overcame the odds with a ton of orange juice, some vitamin C pills, and an Attitude Adjustment through a table.

- WWE will air an anti-domestic abuse PSA and remind its superstars of its zero-tolerance policy towards domestic violence Friday, right before the replay of the Floyd Mayweather/Big Show match runs.

- Last week's poll results are in. Apparently, 91% of you thought Extreme Rules sucked worse than anything that has ever sucked before sucked, while 9% voted for David Bubongo. Weird, he wasn't even one of the choices. This week:

I Love Wrestling: Lucha Underground

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Ivelisse and Son of Havoc are two of the biggest reasons why Lucha Underground is as hot as it is
Photo Credit: El Rey Network.com
Over the past few weeks I've binge watched Lucha Underground (all 24 episodes). All I can say is this is what I always wanted from wrestling: great matches, awesome characters, and reasonable character motivation. Week-to-week (or in my case hour-to-hour) this show has delighted and entertained the hell out of me. I can't even express how glad I am to be able to write something positive about wrestling.

Let me recap my favorite wrestling moment for you (hint: it happened at the 24th episode of this show). The underdogs were getting slaughtered. Their team consisted of a trio that had been fighting amongst themselves. They somehow qualified for the finals of the Trios Championship tournament. They beat two other teams in the triple elimination match for the trios title. Then they had to face the heel Crew. The team consisted of Son of Havoc, a lovable loser who had been there "from day one," his ex-girlfriend, the fiery and indomitable Ivelisse, and Angelico, a misfit, lazy loser from South Africa whose treatment of Ivelisse has made him a heel. He'ss able to get his ass whipped worse than Dolph Ziggler. The Crew were on top for most of the match. They are the paid goons of the evil promoter Dario Cueto, who excels in his role. Now, the sympathetic underdogs are getting their asses whipped. The Crew were kicking Ivelisse's ass after she had her knee give out on her (for real bro).

Then, this.



Hey WWE. That's what you call catharsis. You build characters and then pay off the motivations. Angelico  dove from height when his team was at its lowest ebb. The heels, egged on by the evil promoter, looked set to win. But then a heroic act allowed the faces to prevail.

I don't know about everybody here but I am gonna pretty much ignore WWE in favour of Lucha Underground. For goodness sake one of the episodes started with Aerostar perched on the top of the building trying to take inspiration from the heavens. Oh hell yeah! I don't know whether any of the above made sense. I suppose my euphoria at seeing a properly booked wrestling show has rendered me incoherent.

Chikara Announces Its Own School Show

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Kimber Lee will be at Chikara's first show from the new Wrestle Factory
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
Beyond Wrestling started the craze with its secret shows around various wrestling schools, most notably the NEFW Academy and now the RWA Chop Shop. Then, Combat Zone Wrestling hopped on the train with its now-weekly Dojo Wars series, where you can head over to the CZW Dojo and watch five matches for $5 every Wednesday. Now, Chikara has scheduled a show to christen the new location of the Wrestle Factory, which had been located off-and-on at the ECW Arena until now. May 23, which is the Saturday of Memorial Day weekend and one day before Aniversario in Easton, Chikara heads Back to Skull at the new Wrestle Factory location at 4311 Wingate Street in Philadelphia, PA.

The new address is located in the Holmesburg section of Philadelphia, one I know particularly well, as I used to have family living in the area. It's also pretty close to some of the best eats in Northeast Philadelphia, including Sweet Lucy's barbecue, Las Margaritas Mexican restaurant, and Blue Duck Sandwich Co. Don't lollygag on buying tickets, because only a limited amount will be available, and seating is first come, first serve. However, if the facility is anything like the CZW Dojo, you won't be able to find a bad seat in the joint. The event starts at 7 PM local time.

Only one match has been announced so far, but it should be a dandy. Princess Kimber Lee will take on Juan Francisco de Coronado in singles battle. Lee is no stranger to intimate settings, as she's a veteran of both Beyond Wrestling and Women's Superstars Uncensored secret shows. Coronado will be a stiff test, but they should mesh well together and provide a spectacular contest in the confines.

The events at the Factory start actually earlier in the day for those who want to be prospective wrestlers. Chikara has announced a special Scholarship Challenge for those who want to be wrestlers but who have no prior pro wrestling experience. If you want to be among the 36 people to vie for a free scholarship to the Wrestle Factory, you must pay $50 to gain entry and show up at the venue at 1 PM local time sharp. One of the 36 will be selected to train to be a wrestler for absolutely free. It's one heck of an opportunity, and given the caliber of wrestlers who have graduated from the Factory in years past, you know you'll be getting a great wrestling education.

Best Coast Bias: The Break's Over

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Time to get 4 29 15 tattooed on the back of our necks, since that's three
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Let's have a moment of silence for Alex Riley's careerokay that was long enough.

It's not his fault that he was the embodiment of the interregnum of the last few weeks and couple of months that NXT's been floating adrift while it's been waiting for first Sami Zayn and then Kevin Owens to heal up from various injuries that've postponed their inevitable and soon-to-be-epic rematch; it is his fault that the last two beatings he took taught him nothing, that he thought he could beat Sami in the main and as a result get Owens again on the 20th in the next Network Special, and if he didn't want to get apron powerbombed then he shouldn't've dressed that way.

But now that NXT's so back on track they're about to hit the road to entertain their loyal fans of the Northeast, the only thing standing betwixt us and Owens/Zayn II: Oletric Boogaloo was A-Ry's mouthy insistence that what we were all seeing was an optical illusion and that he could box with the indy-darling gods. And sure, he looked perfectly cromulent in there borrowing more famous WWE alumni's moves. But nobody believed he was actually going to beat Sami considering the rematch had been set up in the spectacular opening segment (more about which imminently); it was Kevin Owens who started off the hour and he who would finish it laughing as he headed up the ramp with his belt and left the sight of the cameras. He waited until Sami got off a tope con hilo, and then did the expected. Zayn got off light with a throw into the ramp and a playful kick in the head on the way out.

It was Alex Riley who got added to the annals with the first victim back at Revolution a mere couple feet away from him and the crowd reacting to the obliteration of a guy they'd been cheering moments earlier being laid out by a nefarious heel who'd spent the entire match at the table unnerving the announcers when he wasn't maligning his former opposition in both cases (and sometimes during these slights) by chanting Thank You, Owens and One More Time. Granted, neither was sweeping or unanimous. But they were more than a little audible. Owens on commentary, as any Resedian knows, is worth watching alone. Watching one of your least favorite people alive pinball one of your favorites isn't something one feels gung-ho about watching. Then again, alls well that ends well.

That's pretty ironic, since the show started off with a platitude of rarities. William Regal, sensing the presence of a new English King of the Ring, came off the side of the milk carton to address his wayward champion only to have that cut off by Zayn. And say this for the specific man influenced by lucha libre -- he learns from his past mistakes, and is no longer so milquetoast that he misses an opportunity to twist the knife against the former BFF who stabbed him in the back. After talking big about fighting Zayn again but bristling when the idea of putting the belt on the line came up against a man who was going to get a title shot for a cowardly sneak attack -- Owens pumping every viewer's veins so full of hypocrisy it's a miracle the audience didn't have a stroke en masse -- the former Champion saw his little bits of history repeating and raised him by not only seeing his selective flashback but throwing his own words back in his face, stating that he fights for a prize, and it wasn't another shot at Owens but rather the Big X itself. And this was after he ethered him by stating that everything Owens' ever done has had Sami's name next to it, the asterisk next to everything Owens has done and will ever do, and it was driving him nuts since all he's ever done is live in Sami Zayn's shadow. Like you would expect from two mirror images, in the same way Sami Zayn has a blind spot called Kevin Owens, KO has a mark on his chest (possibly looking like a star) that consists of the letters S and Z, and just like that he gave up the title shot he'd just sworn to not part with, Regal making it official. Go figure, having Owens, Regal and Zayn talk for about 10 minutes accomplished more and better than RAW does this year with opening yapper segments in half the time.

Yet as gratifying as it is for that fait accompli to main event its second two-hour NXtravaganza, it's not the only show in town, as Regal also signed off on a triple threat #1 contendership match between (former?) tag partners Finn Bálor and Hideo Itami, with Tyler Breeze being the third. The guys who demoted the Ascension to RAW have split their matches, and Breeze has just come off of beating Hideo 2-1 in best of three falls match and stating he wanted to go after the artist formerly known as Prince, so this all dovetails nicely. In action this week, Itami made relatively quick work of Adam Rose, whose falling forearms in his brief burst of offense recalled some guy who used to be on the Full Sail roster whose name escapes me.

And those two matches aren't the only draws that the latest Takeover will bring to the table in a few weeks, as Becky Lynch will presumably go in against the Boss in her chance to hoist the Women's Championship. Here this week, she seemed to be more of a white hat as she noted her international travels before turning 21, puddle jumping from London to Canada to Japan, so obviously being second or third in the women's division wasn't what she was ratcheting up the frequent flyer miles for. She then went out and tied up "Sarah" Dobson in knots before making her tap out to a modified kneeling Code Red, giving her another submission victory with a different victory in recent hour-long shows and another weapon to possibly deploy against Sasha Banks when the time comes.

And even that isn't enough, as presumably we'll get a title match betwixt the Dubstep Cowboys (™ HolzerCorp) and the Bridge and Tunnel squad, with the #1 contenders in that phylum getting a non-title win over the beltholders after Carmella blew them off in the back earlier. Whether or not that acrimony holds or turns out to be a ruse can't be determined at this point, but what can is this; Enzo Amore fired up the faithful and took the beating, Cass came in to save the day and turn the tides, then they polished things off with the Rocket Launcher. They've wanted the belts for weeks and now have the signature W to justify a title shot, which is generally how these things go if you're not in a blood fued with your ex-bestie of a decade and a half in the main event.

This episode was so packed that that wasn't even the entirety of the show, as Rhyno and Baron Corbin seemed in separate segments to be setting up some variant on the barely movable object/slightly resistible force collision, and Dana Brooke with the help of Dark Emma's kleptomania (thus possibly making her the most meta character on a show where Alex Riley is playing a loud, obnoxious delusional mouthbreather who thinks because he's angry and yells that he should get everything he wants despite failing so many times Cubs fans shake their heads) toppled Bayley semi-cleanly in the middle of the ring with her Michinoku Driver variant. There's still too much posing, and sometimes she still looks like she's clearing her throat and going "uh, ahem" before she goes on the offensive. But that said, she looked much better than she did in her debut, and all her heel tactics when she actually did them such as hairpull takedowns, handstand boot chokes and the catfightesque mat slams had the Ms.terpiece (™ Best Coast Bias) look less like an off-market Barbie doll; here was someone several steps closer to justifying her hype coming in, and if she keeps improving by leaps and bounds under Queen Sara's watchful eye then her debut is going to be one of those historical oddities that gets laughed off over time as a borderline youthful indiscretion.

But make no mistake about it: NXT is back to being the Kevin and Sami Show. And that's appointment programming no matter who puts it on, or what year it is; like staying in a five-star hotel or eating out at a four-star restaurant, they always overdeliver on a highly set bar. Come May 20th, the latest pages in The Never-Ending Story of Intermittent Violence get written.

I Listen So You Don't Have To: The Ross Report Ep. 63

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Ross talks Extreme Rules with PWI's Mike Johnson
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: The Ross Report
Episode: 63 (April 29, 2015)
Run Time: 2:17:30
Guest: Mike Johnson (18:10)

Summary: Johnson, of PWInsider.com, joins Jim Ross to analyze Sunday’s WWE Extreme Rules. For the second half of the episode, they discuss Ronda Rousey’s WrestleMania appearance and WWE future, the upcoming ESPN WWE documentary and the current events surrounding Ring Of Honor, TNA, Lucha Underground and Samoa Joe.

Quote of the week: Johnson, on Lucha Underground: “If WWE tried to do the same thing, I don’t think it would work. But it’s worked because it was a self-contained universe, they started it from scratch and they created the rules. … You don’t need to know anything about wrestling to watch Lucha Underground and enjoy it. The way they develop characters, the way they’ve done vignettes, all of it has been awesome.”

Why you should listen: Ross and Johnson cover every Extreme Rules match (except for the Ryback-Bo Dallas encounter) and focus more on certain show aspects, like the Kiss My Arse match, than Steve Austin and Wade Keller discussed on Austin’s podcast, which means that although all four guys have similar feelings about the show, this episode isn’t fully redundant. ROH fans will enjoy the praise Ross and Johnson heap on its current and former stars.

Why you should skip it: The Extreme Rules review is inside out. They get to all the elements, but there’s no logic to which match gets discussed when. While the back half of the episode gets almost entirely away from WWE’s main stories, there’s hardly any insight. It’s about as mundane as Ross’ monologues tend to be. So if you skip those (and you should), it’ll at least feel somewhat fresh. But don’t expect to learn anything or be made to think more deeply than you can on your own.

Final thoughts: I let this episode rattle around in my brain for a day before writing the recap. I finally decided I preferred Austin’s Extreme Rules review not because he is more enjoyable than Ross and Keller is more insightful than Johnson (though both of those are very true), but because Austin’s chronological breakdown both paid more respect to each performer and their worth to WWE as well as helped me, as a fan, think more critically about card construction, how one component of the show builds to another and so on. And that’s precisely the kind of area where Ross should excel, but he just doesn’t for whatever reason. Also, Ross overestimates his ability to lead a compelling interview for 45 minutes with a guy he’s already been talking at for 60. It’s just too much talking and not enough thinking.

Twitter Request Line, Vol. 118

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NXT is hot. RAW is not.
Photo Credit: WWE.com
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers!

While house shows showcase the best part of the WWE roster, the actual wrestling, the actual narrative might make even attending those match-intensive cards unsavory. Additionally, you have the chance of seeing Kane, Big Show, and now R-Truth in headlining matches that will get a lot of time. Sure, NXT has some clunkers on the roster, but it's reasonable to believe that Baron Corbin, Dana Brooke, and Bull Dempsey will get better with time, while most of the main roster's dead weight is either at peak or will be getting worse. Plus, NXT's in-ring and its narrative are both fun, and maybe the biggest factor, it's in demand right now with a scarce supply. I imagine Chicago will get its turn to host one or more NXT dates in the near future, so don't fret.

The possibilities are endless, but my imagination, sadly, is limited. However, I do have a few good ideas. The first would be something akin to the New Japan Pro Wrestling G1 Climax Tournament. Obviously, it would not be as massive in scope, but it could be a way to showcase some of the roster's depth. An eight-man round robin held over two or three weeks would definitely drum up some interest. Secondly, the introduction of the Queen of the Ring tournament is long past overdue. Women on the roster are no longer warm bodies for eye candy, and if WWE really wanted to "Give Divas a Chance," it should have a women's counterpart to the King of the Ring, preferably held out of KOTR's gravity. Finally, WWE taking a crack at a torneo cibernetico would offend many lucha purists, but it would certainly provide intrigue and interest, especially if it was given a large chunk of dedicated time on The Network.

With apologies to the John Cena United States Open Challenge, my favorite current node on RAW is the rise and development of Adrian Neville. I'll be the first to admit that I wasn't the biggest fan of his in NXT, mainly because he seemed awkward as a top guy working as the ace with this kind of confidence that didn't fit him. But this underdog run on RAW has been nothing short of brilliant. His oeuvre fits, his matches are better, and he's in a spot where WWE can do nearly anything with him without killing his momentum. He's appointment-viewing right now, which can't be said for much else on the show.

Favorite member is hard because I like a lot of the characters and portrayals of said characters by their actors. Phil Coulson is a sentimental favorite because of how warm and charming a guy he is. If you're counting Agents of SHIELD, Melinda May is the perfect grumpy bad-ass. Tony Stark won my heart the moment he started speaking in the first Iron Man movie. Captain America and the Hulk (Mark Ruffalo version) are fine characters too. But how could my favorite NOT be Loki? Tom Hiddleston's portrayal of the god of mischief has added nothing short of a defining aura to him, and he's almost charismatic enough to make you want to root for him, both in Thor and The Avengers.

As for least favorite, again, if Agents of SHIELD and other televised properties count, then it's a toss-up between Grant Ward from AoS or Chief Dooley from Agent Carter. The former is a total mayonnaise boy who went from zero to barely compelling with his heel turn. The latter really generated zero sympathy which made his heroic death lifeless. If you're sticking with just the movies, then it's probably Odin. Odin is a major dick.

While Steve Austin has seemingly calmed down in his old age, no doubt he used to be in the Floyd Mayweather spousal abuse category. On the other side of the ring, pre-"finding Jesus" Shawn Michaels was reputed to be a huge piece of shit. And they headlined WrestleMania XIV. Your answer is right there.

The real answer is because WWE seems to hate it when someone isn't completely homogeneous, more than likely. The fake but amusing answer is that it's being used to set up an atheist character to feud with Bad News Barrett based off Richard Dawkins in what will be the ultimate God vs. No-God feud of 2015.

Going back to the MCU question, the answer is Melinda May. She's dead inside, so the ravages of the business wouldn't faze her one bit. She was brought up in the male-dominated field of espionage, so she can deal with misogyny and egos. She knows martial arts and would only have to learn how to bump, and she has plenty of footage of her kicking the shit out of men so that when the dorks who hate intergender wrestling come calling, she can kick them in the faces too. Forget Ronda Rousey, Melinda May would be the first transcendent woman wrestler in WWE since Chyna.

Well, wrestlers HAVE gotten sponsorships, even recently. The problem is, outside of Adam Rose being used for Party City ads on WWE dot com, are they really believable? John Cena hawking shaving razors would be something if I believed his baby-ass face could grow even a single fiber of hair. And I'd believe Daniel Bryan freebased nightly more than I would him being a habitual consumer of Five Hour Energy. Don't get me wrong, I like seeing wrestlers I dig get that promotional scrilla, but if you want a great fit, then you need to see Alex Riley hawking Hellman's Mayonnaise. You see, Riley is the perfect guy to be selling mayo because he is the very definition of a mayonnaise boy. Sell what you know.

I would debut him at SummerSlam as John Cena's mystery opponent for the US Championship Open Challenge, which means he would debut in the paint. After that, I would just let him be him while continuing the Open Challenge, mainly because his bread and butter in New Japan was wrestling, and if he's going to be shunted to the top right quickly, then he should pretty much wrestle high profile dudes every week, right? The paint, however, would be reserved not just for any PPV, but for the biggest ones like SummerSlam, WrestleMania, and the Royal Rumble.

The fake question's answer is they lost because you broke the rules and asked two questions for the TweetBag. As for Neville, I would plan an endgame for him first and build to it. The endgame should be one of the two secondary titles. The US Title would be nice, but I wouldn't put him against the wood chipper of new talent that is John Cena this close to his call-up. I also wouldn't have him defeat Daniel Bryan for the title unless Bryan can reliably stick around and not miss chunks of time as Champion. Let Neville win the title either at Battleground or Night of Champions (so as not to make his big win completely coincide with my planned Finn Bálor United States title win at SummerSlam) and transition him from plucky underdog to confident, established wrestler who still works mostly as an underdog.

Well, he's famous enough to get a gig on Lucha Underground, but not famous enough to get booked regularly by Pro Wrestling Guerrilla. So... maybe he's a 0.07 out of 1 on the Bieber Scale?

Honestly, while I hate arguing against the path NXT took getting to Sasha Banks, NXT Women's Champion, I would have taken a far different one that would have given the world Banks/Bayley as a standalone singles match. Then again, everyone wanted to get to the fireworks factory with Sami Zayn last year, but the path taken turned out to be satisfying. Right now, Emma is the Tyler Breeze to Bayley's Zayn, and no offense to Prince Pretty, but Emma's character is a much more intriguing foil. Plus, NXT  has earned my patience, so I can confidently say that waiting for a payoff is a viable option here. Plus, that Banks/Becky Lynch match on the table for the next Takeover event is *40,000 "Keep it 100" emojis lined up in a row*.

It's not the Cuerno/Cage/Texano trio because for whatever reason, I kinda don't like Texano. He bugs me. My pick would be The Mack, Killshot, and perhaps the best-designed character in pro wrestling right now, Big Ryck. While watching Cage throw around relatively tiny Chikara luchadores would be fine and cool, Big Ryck throwing them around would be like Mike Awesome tossing around Spike Dudley, in that it would be legendary. Plus, how often would I get to see Willie Mack coming east? But I wouldn't complain if Cage, Texano, and secret Baratheon King Cuerno came to King of Trios either. They just wouldn't be the best three to make the trip.

First, they'd have to be selected. Since you qualified by saying "WWE," I guess that eliminates dudes like Harley Race (prime was before heading to Titan), Lou Thesz, and several other greats who made their bones in the NWA and elsewhere. So, my field of eight would look something like this:

  • 1967 Bruno Sammartino midway during his first WWWF Championship reign
  • 1987 Hulk Hogan
  • 1975 Andre the Giant, when he was still mobile
  • 1992 Ric Flair, closer to his prime than not, and just having won the greatest Royal Rumble match ever
  • 1997 "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, pre-neck injury
  • 2011 John Cena, pushed to his limit by CM Punk with The Rock looming
  • 2000 The Rock
  • 1988 "Macho Man" Randy Savage
First round - Sammartino beats Cena, Hogan beats Savage, Andre takes out The Rock, and Austin and Flair go to a draw when Bret Hart comes out and beats on both of them out of bitterness of his exclusion in the tournament. Andre the Giant gets the classic bye that happens in most of these tourneys.

Semifinal - Hogan defeats Sammartino

Finals - WELL LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, BROTHER. I BEAT ANDRE THE GIANT WHEN HE WAS 3,000 TONS IN FRONT OF 60 MILLION STRONG AT THE PONTIAC SUPERDOME, AND I'LL BEAT HIM AGAIN EVEN THOUGH HE CAN MOVE AS FAST AS A BULLET TRAIN AND DO CORKSCREW FLIPPY-DOS, JACK. WHAT'CHA GONNA DO WHEN HULKAMANIA RUNS WILD ON YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU.


Was it something I said?

I Listen So You Don't Have To: Cheap Heat, April 30

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Lots of Orton talk this week
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: Cheap Heat
Episode: April 30, 2015
Run Time: 56:57
Guest: None

Summary: Last week’s technical issues have been put to rest, so David Shoemaker and Peter Rosenberg are back to sounding normal. They briefly discuss Jeff Hardy’s new injury and wax nostalgic about the late Verne Gagne. A look at Shoemaker’s Wednesday Grantland piece bleeds into a quick look back at Extreme Rules and a flash ahead glance at Payback. Subsequent conversation subjects include Randy Orton, Daniel Bryan, the New Day, WWE Network, Adrian Neville and Rusev.

Quote of the week: Shoemaker, regarding a strong week of WWE Network programming: “I love the NXT specials and NXT every week, and that’s enough reason for a mark like me to buy the Network, but you can’t lean on that to drive viewership. That is like the cherry on the sundae for somebody who’s just like, ‘Oh, I like wrestling,’ and then suddenly they’re like, ‘Holy crap, there’s a better show than RAW on here.’ … The NXT shows are my favorite thing in the world, that’s not what Rosenberg is saying they’ve figured out.”

Why you should listen: The guys do a great job discussing Gagne, whose death earlier in the week escaped the notice of Jim Ross and Steve Austin (at least Tuesday’s episode), who recorded their shows Monday afternoon. The context Shoemaker gives regarding his Grantland ranking of WWE stars actually adds to the understanding of the essay instead of just being a diluted recap, as is usually the case on the podcast. Rosenberg accurately captures Neville’s rising star, but mostly it’s nice to move on from Extreme Rules after watching the show Sunday, reading about it Monday and having it analyzed to the nth degree on Tuesday and Wednesday podcasts.

Why you should skip it: Conversely, if you did want to know what the guys thought of Extreme Rules, you’re more or less out of luck. Further, the Bryan discussion is depressing, the Orton segment won’t land well with anyone who has a severe case of RKO fatigue and, while there are some good comments on the current state of the Network, we might be at a point where fantasy programming WWEN is as much a navel gazing exercise as sketching out your own ideal SummerSlam card.

Final thoughts: I actually just wanted the guys to keep talking about Verne Gagne and save the WWE stuff for another week. Understandably that would be a significant departure from the conventional approach and might have limited appeal. Still, Shoemaker did a great job quickly contextualizing the role Gagne and AWA played in establishing the modern wrestling landscape. Beyond that, speeding away from Extreme Rules was a good choice. With RAW down and Smackdown spoilers available, and Payback so quickly approaching, it was much more relevant to take stock of some big name players and accelerate forward. Not their strongest show, but a very solid effort after last week’s technological tire fire.

Smackdown: Friendship is Magic

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Sandow's new character isn't that friendly
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Worst Friend Worst Everything Worst Worst Worst – Damien Sandow
This is a terrible time for me. I hate Damien Sandow's new persona so much, and it pains me to not love everything that he does. Heretofore he was an absolute gem no matter what he was asked to do, but this “repeat everything the other person says like an overgrown child” thing? It's so fucking obnoxious. Who thinks this is a character we should cheer for? On SmackDown he first deployed his shtick by interrupting and imitating Jojo's ring announcing duties. She valiantly plastered a smile on her face and tried to laugh it off like it was all in good fun, but there was nothing charming about it. Then out came poor precious cinnamon bun Curtis Axel to bear the brunt of Sandow's “wit.” Not only did Sandow mimic him, but he also called him a “village idiot” and a “pigeon-toed disappointment.” It was so needlessly mean!

Just looking at Axel's confused, hurt face while the gears in his head ground painfully around trying to figure out what Sandow's problem was broke my little heart. I now live in a world where I want to fire Damien Sandow into the sun while I hover protectively over Curtis Axel, and I don't know how to deal with it. I actually liked their match quite a bit, and I think it's clear that Sandow is relishing being able to wrestle for himself again. But...ugh. Can we please have the intellectual saviour of the masses back? Please?

Best Friendship Call-Back – Luke Harper and Bray Wyatt
I can't fully express how disappointed I am that Bray Wyatt's next opponent is apparently Ryback. That seems like such a waste to me, but I admit that's mostly because I have zero interest in Ryback while I maintain an affinity for Wyatt and the hope that he can regain some ground. However, if this feud mostly involves Ryback picking on people associated with Wyatt, only for Wyatt to show up out of nowhere to avenge them, I will be all for it. Such was the case on SmackDown, where Ryback dedicated his match against Luke Harper to Wyatt in an effort to “send a message” to the former leader of the Family by picking on one of his erstwhile disciples. I thought that the match was agonizingly slow, and it was absolutely not Harper's fault. It was saved when, after Ryback's victory, the lights went out and Wyatt suddenly appeared in the ring, took out Ryback, and, while looming over the Big Guy's prone body, shared a Significant Look with Harper. It was a brief but awesome moment and a reminder of how effective Bray Wyatt can be.

Best Friends – New Day
Big E and Kofi Kingston defended their recently won Tag titles against former champions Tyson Kidd and Cesaro, and the four of them had the match of the night by far. Everything was fast and furious and so much fun. New Day ultimately lost the match due to disqualification, thus retaining the titles, but I really wish this one had ended clean. It was a hell of a fight, and Cesaro and Kidd looked great; they wouldn't have lost any prestige in losing, but I do understand that the narrative is trying to make clear that New Day has just discovered the joy of cheating. I still love Cesaro and Kidd, and I certainly look forward to more match-ups between these two teams, but New Day were on another level. Another level of FRIENDSHIP, that is! They've gelled into such a well-oiled machine: Kingston as the high flyer who knows when to get out of dodge and tag in Big E, the muscle who is also agile as hell. And then there's Xavier Woods on the outside, who, during this match, perfectly transitioned from cackling maniacally at Kidd's expense to cowering when faced with Cesaro coming to help his partner. Woods is walking a beautifully fine line between comedy and villainy at the moment. In fact, it's the whole third party interference thing that really puts New Day on top: Natalya really needs to step up her game if her menfolk are going to stand a chance in the future. And while I'm on the subject: WWE, if you're ever going to finally give intergender wrestling a significant chance, here is a golden opportunity to have Natalya face off against Woods. GIVE ME THIS ONE THING.

Least Self-Aware Friends – Nikki Bella and Cameron
Nikki Bella and Cameron's match arose from Cameron approving of Naomi's actions against Brie Bella, while Nikki objected to anyone talking about her sister. Apparently Naomi's new attitude has impressed Cameron so much that she's forgotten all about stabbing Naomi in the back and viciously turning on her, while Nikki has similarly forgotten all about stabbing Brie in the back and viciously turning on her. All water under the bridge! For some reason. Both women also doing the, “Omg, would you PLEASE just shut up?” thing with the exact same cadence and tone really exposed the fact that these two characters are essentially the same. I mean, worlds apart in terms of wrestling ability, but the same otherwise. At any rate, their match showed Bella to still be dominant, while Cameron...was Cameron. I'm going to give Cameron some props though. Is her general skill level anything to write home about? No. Resoundingly, no. However, what she CAN do she throws herself into one hundred per cent. She constantly trash-talks and makes noise. She tries to make an impact the only way she can, and if she's not entirely successful then at least I can respect the effort.

Best Combination of Friendships Past and Present – Seth Rollins, Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns, J and J Security, and Kane, I Guess
Yeah, I'm using the same heading as last week, but this time we're minus one Luke Harper and plus one Kane, so your mileage may vary. Personally, I'm getting a wee bit tired of the Kane/Rollins story and its omnipresence. This week it resulted in a pointless match between Kane and Roman Reigns to start the show. I actually enjoyed the match until Kane just bailed and absolutely nothing was lost or gained for either man. However, Kane's insistence on interfering also led to one of my favourite non-wrestling moments of the night: Rollins fist-bumping Noble and Mercury at ringside, but pointedly not extending the gesture to Kane, who was standing right beside them. It was a beautifully petty moment.

Kane and Rollins aside, this episode also gave us some more Shield reminiscing and continuity, as Rollins was set for a match against Ambrose. In yet another awesome moment (and such a Seth Rollins-type move) the former Shield architect actually went to Ambrose to ask him to step down from the match, and Ambrose just laughed in his face. I love that Ambrose is no longer foaming-at-the-mouth furious over Rollins' betrayal; instead he's progressed to this almost wry bitterness. There's still anger and hurt and he'll take every opportunity to dismantle Rollins in the ring, but he's recognized that there's no point to actively pursuing revenge anymore. The past is the past, but it's still a grudge he'll probably never get over. Their match was, of course, very good, with Rollins winning and actually getting to look like a champion. Kane's post-match temper tantrum brought out Roman Reigns to help Ambrose, and the two of them stood tall at the end. More than anything in the world I wanted Rollins to inadvertently take out Kane and save his former brothers. That didn't happen, but we did get the poignant moment of Ambrose and Reigns embracing in the ring, loving and supportive of each other, while Rollins faced them from the ramp – once again having had to deal with his volatile ally, failed by his well-meaning and loyal but somewhat inept security team, alone except for the title clutched to his chest. Was it worth it, Seth?

No Demon Is S-A-W-F-T

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Photo via Finn Bálor's Instagram
Yes, the above pictures Enzo Amore, Finn Bálor, and Big Cass reenacting the "Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil" monkeys. It's not the first time Bridge-and-Tunnel (™ButchCorp) and the former Prince Devitt have teamed up for Instagram shenanigans. In fact, a good portion of the NXT locker room seems to be tightly knit, but if social media photography is any indication, the Noo Yawk Boyz have bonded a little more closely with the latest Irish import to make his way into WWE. Honestly, teaming up Bálor with Amore and Cass wouldn't be the worst idea either, as long as neither entity assimilated the other into its gravity, in that sometimes, friendship between dissimilar parties can be a good thing. Kinda like how Hulk Hogan never had to emulate a, ahem, son of the soil to be seen with Hillbilly Jim.

Of course, the current #1 contenders to the NXT Tag Team Championships actually made some hay on Twitter regarding their catchphrase.


Honestly, I'm surprised this meeting of brand and ambassador didn't happen sooner. I'm not one who fawns when corporations get free help, but I do like seeing folks I like getting paid that cabbage. Amore and Cass getting sponsorship dollars from a toilet paper company is long overdue. Obviously, being followed on Twitter doesn't mean the company wants to give the two money, but at this point, who'd lose in a sponsorship deal between the two parties? Give the boys some of that sweet two-ply cash, Cottonelle.

As for the other party in that picture, Bálor had himself an eventful last few days as well. He was left without a tag partner for Friday night's NXT house show, and he searched, scoured even, for someone to take his side. That is, until he found someone just shaking his ass about backstage">

Yes, the founder of the Bullet Club teamed with a member of one of the groups the renegade stable pays homage to over across the Pacific. Gunn, off course, is one of the trainers at the Performance Center, and he's also probably a road agent for the NXT house show circuit. Either way, it's another bit of wrestling serendipity that NXT seems to be good for.

And in one last bit of NXT news, the black sheep, the RAGEMAN, the guy whose presence on NXT television has been a bane for all its viewers, Alex Riley will be put on the shelf with a knee injury. I know everyone is just devastated at that news.

It's Time for a Free Lunch, WWE

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The Network should be free for everyone this month as a sign of good faith
WWE is offering another free month for people who sign up for The Network. Check the timestamp on this post. It's not November of last year, or February or April of this year. WWE is going to be offering yet another free month for new signups to its over-the-top streaming service for the month of May, much to the chagrin of people who signed up anywhere between launch and October 31 last year, December 1 and January 31 of this year, or the entire month of March.

The dirty truth is that offering the free month up front is not really a bad business idea, especially for a new business concept that people might be skeptical at trusting. WWE probably should have been offering the free month from start as a sign of good faith to its fans, especially during that rough first month where no archival footage loaded, the live feeds were glitchy, and it was a miracle if anything anyone tried to watch went through completely without any delay or stoppage. Free samples are the best advertisements.

Even without the free month for everyone, I understand why WWE brass continues to roll out the promotional months. It remains the right call, no matter how much backlash the company receives from fans pissed that they remained paying customers all this time. But defending a multinational, billion dollar corporation is way out of my paygrade, and the fact of the matter is that WWE's promotion of The Network has come off, in a word, thirsty.

Whether it's the incessant shilling from the broadcast chair, the price point turning into a chantable catchphrase, or three-free-months-in-four promotional tactic everything WWE has done so far has been desperate. It acts like a company that hasn't just posted record revenues in its history, but here it is, continuing to act as if is begging for nickels on the street corner. It's not a good look, and maybe it's why investors continue to look at Vince McMahon and his coterie as if they don't have their act together despite the major influx of cash.

Then again, capitalism has a way of making those ill-equipped to handle it look silly, and if you're going to look silly, then maybe you ought to do so to the benefit of your customers. Maybe it's time for McMahon to go a bit crazy and to make the month of May free for everyone who's subscribed to WWE Network, whether they're new or existing. From a sheer revenue collection standpoint, it might not make sense. However, I honestly don't care about how much money WWE, a megacorporation, makes. It has a TV deal, live gates, traditional pay-per-view, sponsorships, and various other streams to keep it going.

And the benefits would be noticeable. Not only would the new subscribers see the free month and try it out, but customer retention and satisfaction would tick upwards. I'd imagine a sizable contingent of fans that are already happy would be happier and more likely to spend some money at the Shop, and the fans that aren't happy might turn around. It would be an immense sign of goodwill, one that might save some people ten bucks here. AS little as that amount sounds, anyone, no matter how rich you are, enjoys a good windfall. I go nuts if I find a five dollar bill in my back pocket that I didn't know was there, and I wouldn't be alone in that sentiment.

Ten dollars right now could buy a prospective or the average current subscriber lunch, which in effect would make it free. Of course, the saying goes that no lunch is ever truly free, but that's only because people are too goddamn stingy. WWE would be wise to buck that cliche and give everyone, no matter how much fiduciary sense it doesn't make, a chance to view The Network for free, whether new or existing as a subscriber. For once, instead of seeming like a miser or a grotesque avatar of capitalism, Vince McMahon can seem human. McMahon, human? Those two words don't compute, which means if you're already subscribed, you're going to have to keep paying the man. But that doesn't mean you should.

I Listen So You Don't Have To: Art Of Wrestling Ep. 248

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Holly is one of Cabana's featured guests this week
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: Art Of Wrestling
Episode: 248 (April 29. 2015)
Run Time: 1:03:47
Guest: Steve Lynskey (9:00); Bob Holly (17:00); Harry Smith (41:09)

Summary: Colt Cabana brings us a live show this week, recorded at a recent convention in Cardiff, the capital of Wales. With his first guest, famed referee Lynskey, Cabana discusses British refereeing legend Max Ward and how Lynksey himself came to be an arbiter. Holly talks about racing and being a car guy, his reputation for being stiff to the point of abusive, how Sid Vicious saved his WWF career, the evolution of his many characters as well as his current approach to wrestling and social media. The final guest, in a return appearance, is Smith, who opens by talking about training with the notorious Satoru Sayama, his visits with Dynamite Kid, stories about his father, Davey Boy Smith and how he’s finding himself now in New Japan Pro Wrestling.

Quote of the week: Holly, on his reputation: “I play a character on TV, OK, and people forget that. And they way I look at it, I must be doing a pretty damn good job of making my character believable. You know, I must, because if the things that are said about me on the Internet were true, do you really think, now use your head here, think about this, do you really think Vince (McMahon) would’ve kept me around for 15 years? Honestly. You know, who would put up with somebody that was that bad for 15 years? Nobody would want to work with me. First of all, I’d get my ass handed to me in the locker room every single day I’d walk in if that was the case, and it wasn’t the case.”

Cabana: “You’re real riled up right now, I’m kind of scared.”

Why you should listen: As Cabana’s live shows go, this is rock solid. There are no audio problems and nothing that makes it seem the in-person crowd is getting a visual or interactive experience superior to the at-home listener. Cabana draws from Holly in 20 minutes a far more interesting interview than Holly’s full-form phone call with Jim Ross, and Cabana knows just what questions to draw from Smith new (if old) stories that will make no one upset about him being a repeat panelist. Also there’s a young girl in the audience, so Cabana largely eschews the raunchy attempts at humor that tend to mar his live shows.

Why you should skip it: My biggest beef was how quickly Cabana seemed to move on from Lynskey. I don’t know a thing about the guy, but I’m much more interested in hearing stories from a British referee than another recounting of how Bob Holly came to be on Al Snow’s J.O.B. Squad. And you’ll always have to accept Cabana’s live shows as simply being a bit less than his conventional podcasts because he can’t fight his natural urge to play for the crowd. He’s just better at hosting when he allows the conversation to flow organically.

Final thoughts: This one’s a mixed bag. Don’t run away just because it’s a live show — it’s really far stronger an outing than most he’s put forth in this category. But even so, it’s not really anything special. The guests are okay and the topics decent enough, but there’s generally not much to be learned or anything that’s overwhelmingly entertaining. It’s just kind of there to be listened to and forgotten quickly after.

Meet the Business Casual Wolfman

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YESSSSSSSSS
Photo Credit: Peyton Mitchell
When one thinks of Iowa, thoughts start to drift towards fields of corn, the world's biggest truck stop, loose meat sandwiches, and the infinite malaise towards the Hawkeye football team. However, the state does have its own wrestling promotions, and one of them, 3XW has quite the unusual competitor. Meet Business Casual Wolfman, a lupine wrestler who comes to the ring in slacks, a t-shirt, and a sport coat, and who automatically is my new favorite wrestler. Of course, the question to ask is what kind of beast the Wolfman is. Is  he a true werewolf, and thus can only appear when the moon is full? Is he an animagus who can change form at will? Or is he an actual wolf/human hybrid?

Questions of identity aside, the Business Casual Wolfman already has a potentially perfect opponent waiting for him one state to the north. As documented before, the Estonian Farmer Frog has been mining the state of Minnesota for opponents. While it's assumed he's the Thunder Frog with a wicked case of amnesia and thus is only waiting to snap out of it and rejoin the Chikaraverse. But before that happens, someone, anyone, needs to book him against the Business Casual Wolfman. I need to see it for... reasons.

Go West, Young Chikara

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Coming soon to a Midwest locale near you...
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
The national expansion of Chikara will continue in October of this year, as the promotion will be hitting up three new locales in an ambitious four-day Midwest tour that will take it the furthest west it has ever been. The family-friendly brand of Americanized lucha libre will hit up Columbus, OH, the Louisville, KY area (right across the Ohio River in Indiana), and Minneapolis, MN for the first time in addition to making a return trip to Chicago, IL between October 22 and 25. Minneapolis will be the furthest point west Chikara has ever played, a city that's also notable because it was part of the dummy list of dates for the second half of 2013 for after the company voluntarily closed as part of the infamous Condor Security/Titor Conglomerate storyline.

The tour begins on a Thursday night, October 22, in Minneapolis. If I were a betting man, I would venture to place money on a certain amphibious farmer who may or may not have been a hammer-wielding electrical god-type in a former life playing a role in this show. Since, you know, the Estonian Farmer Frog has been haunting local Minnesota shows lately. From there, the road show moves into Chicago on Friday, October 23 back at the familiar Logan Square venue that the company has made a home of in recent years. IT will be a return trip, as Chikara plays the Windy City on June 13 for the Sword of Destiny, but that show is sold out. Saturday, October 24, Chikara will grace the Louisville metro area with its zaniness and fun as it will invade Jeffersonville, IN. Finally, Sunday, October 25, the promotion will break ground in Columbus. Chikara is no stranger to Ohio, having played Cleveland extensively, but this will be the first time it has ventured into Buckeye City.

Tickets for all four shows will go on sale a week from today at Chikara's website. I would suggest getting on that as soon as possible, especially for fans in the Chicago area. Those shows at Logan Square tend to sell out faster than any other venue, including the home territory of Philadelphia/Lehigh Valley. As for the future of the company, breaching new ground in the Twin Cities is exciting, and it makes me wonder which new cities are in store for Seasons 16 and beyond. The dummy dates for Season 12 included getting all the way to the West Coast for San Diego and Reseda shows. Might Chikara make it that far west next year? If it does, then its transformation from sleepy niche indie in the cradle of wrestling to national presence will be complete. And it'll be awesome.

On Michelle Beadle's Fan Card, Domestic Violence, and Empty Gestures

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Beadle has turned in her fan card and for good reason
Photo via Getty Images
Michelle Beadle used to be a huge fan of WWE. "Used to" are the operative words because she conspicuously announced on Twitter that she was turning in her "fan card" for the company. It was the latest in a campaign of awareness against boxer Floyd Mayweather, Jr., who has been convicted of domestic abuse several times and usually skated with sentences laughably lenient compared to the damage he's done to victims who can't defend themselves as well as his average opponent. She was willing to sacrifice press credentials for the fight with her principled stand (seriously, Mayweather's camp attempted to block her and Rachel Nichols from getting credentialed because they spoke out against him), so it's not surprising that she would give up a fandom of WWE because people within the company, especially Triple H, not only supported Mayweather, but used company time and airspace to show signs of goodwill towards him.

Beadle's gesture should come as a wake-up call for WWE, a company that loves the mainstream media and attention from it. As much as the company publicized her when she was on board and a fan, people in the boardroom should take her public disavowal of fandom as a huge hit to its, ugh, I hate this word, brand. It's not like the company is explicitly ignorant to the problems of domestic violence, at least right now. In the wake of the National Football League's own scandal with its players wantonly wailing on women on a far inferior level of physical might or fighting prowess than those preying on them, WWE was more proactive in establishing a domestic violence policy than the NFL even was.

But in supporting Mayweather, a convicted abuser who more importantly is a recidivist and an an unrepentant one at that, WWE shows that its written word is a paper tiger. The teeth are too feeble to bite into anything more substantial than a thin layer of skin. If a WWE employee, god forbid, ever abused his/her partner, how would it look when the people doling out the punishment are also the ones who threw weighty support behind a guy who has been caught and punished for abusing his partners and who will probably do it again? The hypocrisy is staggering. Furthermore, it could also signal that WWE threw out a domestic violence policy just to appease the masses or look like it had its shit together, when behind the scenes, people in the company could not care less about the plight of the abuse victim.

Basically, Triple H especially has shown WWE's hand, and Beadle has called them out on the company's empty gesture towards punishing and eliminating domestic violence. How WWE reacts will be telling. If Triple H, Vince McMahon, and the rest of the crew continue to act like nothing has changed, then it will show how little they care about victims of abuse at the home. If they come out and publicly distance themselves from Mayweather, it might seem like too little, too late (especially since Mayweather is being raked over the coals for reasons other than his shitty behavior towards his companions), but at least it will be a start. Still, it's not to say WWE is in a catch-22. Doing too little, too late can still be a net good if it means the company works towards remedying its outlook for abuse victims in the future with more than just a toothless-seeming policy. And in the end, Beadle will have done some real good through her public breakup with WWE as a fan.

Instant Feedback: Hometown Kid Does Good

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RAW was the Sami Zayn show, even in defeat
Photo Credit: WWE.com
John Cena is a smart guy. For as annoying as he can be, and trust me, some of that annoyance was on full scale display tonight, he shows savvy when it comes to reading a crowd and putting someone over who could use it. It happened at the second One Night Stand against Rob van Dam, at Money in the Bank '11 with CM Punk, and against Daniel Bryan at SummerSlam '13. When he knows the "Let's Go Cena" chants in his usual mixed bag will be minuscule if not non-existent, it's like he grows a long, waxed moustache whose ends he can twirl menacingly. In the heart of French Canada, against a debuting* NXT icon, Cena once again rode like a Nazgul.

Yet, Bryan, Punk, and RVD all had the rap sheet of guys who could, would, and should give Cena the business. But Sami Zayn, he whose WWE career was still in infancy? NXT is great and wonderful, but at the same time, no one just hops to the bigs with the credentials to bow up to The Champ one-on-one, at least from a vague, WWE hierarchical perspective. The Shield went right to main event level as a unit preying on wrestlers who didn't know how to be friends with each other, and remain the exceptions to the rule. Add that in with the fact that WWE only lets hometown kids shine in special occasions, and the odds were against Zayn getting a proper debut.

But Cena knew the importance, it seemed. He treated Zayn like he was Punk in Chicago, because that's the best way to make someone. In the grand scheme of how his feuds have treated other NXT alumni in Bray Wyatt and Rusev, it can be maddening, but those guys are in different circumstances and are victims of bad planning for the most part. WWE is atrocious at the medium con, but the short term is something Vince McMahon can excel and has excelled at recently.

And so Zayn was able to debut in his actual hometown, introduced by Bret the goddamn "Hitman" Hart, and not be punked out like he was the Heath Slater ol' Mr. 4/10 decked with a microphone before heralding him. He got to take Cena to the absolute limit despite having a worked shoulder injury figure into the match, one which JBL surprisingly and presciently noted after the match was over. He hit his big signature corner outside tornado DDT, and he kicked out of an Attitude Adjustment. In short, Sami Zayn was covered in gold in a good way, not the Khal-Drogo-murdering-Viserys-Targaryen manner, even with a clean defeat.

The eternal pessimist in me keeps saying to wait for the follow-up, because the follow-up is where Zayn will be further cemented or be allowed to fade. The way Neville, a far lesser prospect if I'm being bluntly honest here, has been treated, and subsequently built and elevated, gives me some hope for the former El Generico, but nothing is quite like having a sterling debut upon which to build. The surreality of WWE doing good by a debuting wrestler will still take awhile to sink in, but then again, RAW goes haywire in Canada anyway. Maybe the stars aligned for a reason.

* - Yes, I know Zayn has had matches on Main Event as a regular roster member, and he even had matches on RAW to promote NXT, but those felt more like "soft debuts" in anticipation for this hard debut he had as a real-live roster member.

It's Time for Carolina to Shine

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Be prepared to see more of these three and their Carolina peers free on YouTube
Photo Credit: Devin Chen
CWF Mid-Atlantic has been a fixture on the Southern indie scene for 15 years. It burst into the Northeastern consciousness on National Pro Wrestling Day in 2013, and then recently, it got shouted out on WWE dot com when two alumni of the promotion were signed. Now, it will be launching a show on YouTube for free to bring its brand of top-line indie wrestling to the world at large. On May 20, CWF Worldwide will make its grand debut. The show will feature both first-run footage as well as some classic matches from the promotion's history.

North Carolina has been gaining a lot of notoriety in the last few years for good reason, and CWF Mid-Atlantic, along with Pro Wrestling Xperience and the resurgent OMEGA, has been at the forefront. Wrestlers like Cedric Alexander, Andrew Everett, and Trevor Lee, who have all made impacts in various promotions around the country, have set the stage for their brethren, and now the rest of the state gets a chance to show off. Stuff like this is part of the future of wrestling distribution. Get in on the ground floor now, especially from a promotion that has a lot to offer.

I Listen So You Don't Have To: Steve Austin Show Ep. 216

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Part two of Douglas' interview dropped last Thursday
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: Steve Austin Show Unleashed!
Episode: 216 (April 30, 2015)
Run Time: 2:08:48
Guest: Shane Douglas, part two (19:40)

Summary: After some more fart stories with his wife, Austin is back with the second half of his Shane Douglas interview. Douglas talks about his relationship with Eddie Gilbert, the current WWE product, how he started with ECW and the evolution of the Franchise character, the nature of working as a heel, how wrestlers dealt with the escalating violence of ECW shows, his different WWF runs, his post Dean Douglas return to ECW, a failed early 1990s attempt to learn from Ric Flair, Chris Benoit, contract dealings with his various employers, why both men prefer good wrestling to mixed martial arts, the science behind Douglas’ great promos, his stint with TNA and future projects.

Quote of the week:“One bad arena show could have spelled the end of ECW any way along the line. So that $36,000, which is what the gate was for the ECW Arena every three weeks, had that building not been sold out, say we shit the bed tonight and come back three weeks from now it’s half filled at 18,000, that literally could have spelled the end of ECW at that point. It was never mentioned, it was never brought up in words, but we all knew it.”

Why you should listen: In settings like this, it’s easy to forget the Shane Douglas we saw “crashing” an episode of RAW several months back. He comes off as not just a lifelong fan but a true student of the art form. He’s honest about the specter of imminent disaster that was ever present even during ECW’s greatest run of success. The Flair story is powerful, and if you’re interested in what wrestlers earn and how their contracts work, Douglas has nothing to hide.

Why you should skip it: Some of the stories return almost verbatim form Douglas’ appearance a few months ago on a live Art Of Wrestling episode. Even the parts that don’t suffer a bit from the fact the guys spent more than two hours on the phone together and tended to ramble a bit. More so than in part one, Austin a few points here falls into the Jim Ross pattern of spending too much time sharing his own views and back story, which while perhaps helpful to Douglas for context, are boring rehashes for any regular listener.

Final thoughts: If you take all the Austin-Douglas audio, remove everything Douglas already told Cabana, pare away Austin’s occasional monologues and put everything back in chronological order, you’ve got a fantastic interview between two major figures of the 1990s boom. We don’t have that, of course, we’re stuck with more or less raw audio. If you want to dig through it all for the good stuff, you’ll be rewarded for the effort. But the digging is unavoidable, so decide ahead of time if you’re ready for the commitment to listen to the chaff for a chance at the wheat.

RAWlternative 2: This Time, It's Personal

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RAWlternative is back, and Chikara's in the fold
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
Monday nights have been dominated by RAW for so long, it's hard to remember (impossible for more of the young'uns out there) that wrestling used to have viable choices on the first night of the week. TNA's Monday night experiment was ill-advised and lasted less than a year, and no matter how bad WCW was at its nadir, one could bet Nitro was still infinitely better than 2010 Impact with its WCW-tribute act. For that reason, the first RAWlternative was such a breath of fresh air. Instead of bullshit, several independent wrestling promotions got together and gave a sampling of their wares. In 13 days, it will happen again.

RAWlternative returns on May 15 with three huge new names joining the fray. Beyond Wrestling is still organizing the shindig, and several of the first participants will be back: Absolute Intense Wrestling, All-American Wrestling, Inter Species Wrestling, Dreamwave Wrestling, Smash Wrestling, Alpha-1 Wrestling, Inspire Pro Wrestling, and C*4. Freelance Wrestling will also be providing a match, along with three other giants in indie wrestling: IWA Mid-South, SHIMMER Women Athletes, and Chikara.

In those three promotions, RAWlternative has the godfather of indie wrestling, the premiere women's wrestling, and arguably the most popular promotion not currently on television in the fold, all three appealing to different niche audiences. Additionally, the planners are still in talks to add even more participants, including CWF Mid-Atlantic.

Personally, the second installment of RAWlternative is probably a little late in getting organized, but better late than never. I would love to see it happen every three months or so, especially since RAW tends to have terrible doldrums that make target audiences for RAWlternative hungry for something else. I'm glad to see RAWlternative not only coming back, but expanding too.
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