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The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings for December 4, 2017

December 4, 2017, 3:00 pm
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Bryan back soon?
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Bryan Danielson (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Honestly, I have to bring him back to the list because the rumblings are coming around again that he's been cleared to wrestle. The Sun is reporting it, which makes it dubious, and the actual report says that Danielson has been cleared by his own doctor and not Dr. Joseph Maroon, which means it's not a change on the last time the news was prominent. However, everyone knows Maroon is, quite bluntly, a maroon, and also that WWE is getting a bit desperate with whom it wants in the ring. If it cleared Kurt Angle... Of course, many of you don't wanna see him back in the ring, but I refer back to a thing I wrote a few months back, and hell, I'll probably write about it in depth more this week if I can carve out a few minutes between doing work stuff in Boston or what have you.

2. Kris Wolf (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Wolf's excursion into America was a rousing success, as she captured the AWS Women's Championship among other conquests. However, gold and leather are trivial concerns to her REAL desired conquests... MEAT. Hopefully, someone had the mind enough to introduce her to In 'n Out Burger while there...

3. Braun Strowman (Last Week: 6) - Look, I can barely retain RAW results from week to week anymore, so in my mind, Strowman competed in and won a cow skeletizing contest against a bunch of piranha and then proceeded to steal Renee Young from her honeymoon and climb the Empire State Building with her before being shot down by Dean Ambrose in a 1930s-style fighter plane. That's better than whatever bullshit he did with Kane, right? Unless Strowman pulverized the Demon so bad that he's no longer welcome in Hell, then I'm okay with it.

4. Toni Storm (Last Week: 9) - Storm finished her weekend excursion into California with three defenses of her various titles from STARDOM, thusly proving that her powers on American soil are magnified by a factor of ten and that you either have to be a Pirate Princess or do a lot of steroids to beat her. No one's tried the latter yet.

5. Joel Embiid (Last Week: Not Ranked) - My evidence is not words, but this gif.

6. Asuka (Last Week: 2) - Honestly, the TweetBag question from this past Thursday that posited Asuka was a much more violent Roadrunner and Dana Brooke a not-as-cerebral but still just-as-ineffective Wile E. Coyote really resonated with me. I wanna see Brooke attempt to drop an ACME-branded anvil on Asuka this week, only for it to somehow ricochet back up to her perch, land on her, and cause the cliff she was standing on to break apart and for her to have a fall that would kill anyone else but only cause her to have scrapes, mysteriously instantaneously-applied bandages, and stars floating above her head as she Undertaker-sits-up feebly and disorientedly.

7. Tacconelli's Pizza (Last Week: )OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - Located in the Fishtown section of Philly, Tacconelli's has not only the best pizza in the city, but perhaps the entire country. I'd say the entire world, but I haven't been to Italy yet. We went for my dad's birthday on Saturday and got 18 pies for our whole party. My wife ordered a white pie with prosciutto on it, and let me tell you. It was not bad, but good. Make the attempt to get there if you're ever in Philly.

8. Daryl Takahashi (Last Week: Not Ranked) - The adorable yet devious mascot of LOS INGOBERNABLES de Japon welcomed a child, err, a kitten into the world today! Happy happy!

9. Alvin Kamara (Last Week: Not Ranked) - The Eagles may have laid a stinkbomb to end all stinkbombs last night, but ho ho ho, that doesn't mean the NFL doesn't have someone worthy of praise this week. Kamara comprises a formidable backfield with Mark Ingram, and yesterday, he went off AGAIN in the New Orleans Saints' victory over division rival Carolina. Kamara went for 126 total yards and two touchdowns. He's having a special season, and thankfully, doing it for my fantasy football team. HUZZAH!

10. Oney Lorcan (Last Week: 10) - I'm still behind on NXT, but I can only assume Oney Lorcan has been here for porkin'.
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The Steelers With the Three Count

December 5, 2017, 6:00 am
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He scored the touchdown, then did the job
Photo Credit: Rob Carr/Getty Images
The National Football League relaxed the rules on celebrations for this year. It was a long time coming, to be honest; while some fuddy-duds maintained that these men are PROFESSIONALS who shouldn't engage in things like fun or showing human emotion, most recognize that at heart, these men are playing a game. Why not let them celebrate a little after scoring a touchdown or getting a turnover? Some of the celebrations have been elaborate. My team, the Eagles, has been at the forefront of notable expressions after touchdowns, but if one other team could rival them, it'd be the cross-state Steelers, who struck again last night during their come-from-behind 23-20 win over their rivals, the Bengals.

Obviously, this is The Wrestling Blog, not The Football Blog (Footbawl?), so their celebration last night had to be wrestling themed in order to be noted here, and guess what? It was. LeVeon Bell scored the team's first touchdown, and then this happened:
Honestly, if Antonio Brown were the referee at Starrcade '97, it would've worked out a lot better for Sting and possibly Bret Hart, because that, my friends, was a fast count. Anyway, it was a simple celebration, but it was undoubtedly pro wrestling, and at the end of the day, isn't that the important thing? It's also far less violent than the average wrestling move performed on the field, so that's a plus.
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205 Live Is Going on the Road

December 5, 2017, 8:00 am
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Coming to an arena in the Northeast near you, Swann and the gang!
Photo Credit: WWE.com
WWE has four distinct touring entities: RAW, Smackdown, NXT National, and NXT Florida loop. It will soon have a fifth, at least in a limited capacity. Monday, WWE announced via Dot Com that 205 Live will go on the road in January, the weekend before the Royal Rumble. The cruiserweights will hit up the Northeast in three moderate-sized locales: Kingston, RI, Lowell, MA, and Poughkeepsie, NY. Tickets go on sale this Friday. Right now, the tour is being framed as a limited-run of special events. My guess is if it's popular, then, 205 Live will be a touring brand on its own.

I have mixed feelings about this news, as the stratification of weight classes in wrestling is one of my most passionate bugaboos. I was hoping that WWE was winding down on the cruiserweight experiment and allowing guys like Cedric Alexander, Akira Tozawa, and Rich Swann to transcend weight limits and compete in the main narratives. Additionally, unless Enzo Amore isn't the Champion by that time, which at this point feels like a 50/50 proposition at absolute best, the main event is going to be the weakest part of the show. Then again, since most people going to these shows probably are NXT veterans, they'll be used to that.

However, if you're serious about building a division, having them tour on their own wouldn't be the worst idea. It's a facet of WWE that is wholly different from television presentation, and is also important for fan connection. You go to a house show to see the wrestling, and the actual in-ring work is different than it is on television. It also gives more focus to the entire roster. Cruiserweights touring with the RAW roster gives them limited shine, and they're thrown out in front of an audience that may or may not care about them. Putting them in smaller venues as their own thing gives them a shot to be the main event. In fact, it puts most of the roster at home given their indie roots, as a 205 Live show would be like a corporately-produced imitation DIY show.

But the endgame of all of this is the wrestling, right? The cruiserweight roster is full of guys who can flat-out ball in the ring. Even Amore has had his moments in the past, and if he's in there with the right guy, he could end up stooging his way through a match and making it enjoyable if not jaw-dropping with highspots or technical proficiency. At the end of the day, it's all about crowd reactions, right? For his flaws, Amore plays to the crowd well. Even with the objections, I think this could be an overall positive the wrestlers in the 205 Live division.
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Your Midweek Links:

December 6, 2017, 6:00 am
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More examination of the above two's past lives in ROH this week
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Wednesday is upon the world, and only the rest of today and two more days stand between you and the weekend. You've made it this far, congratulations. However, I fear you may need help to get to Friday afternoon. FEAR NOT goodly reader, for I have the solution to your problem. Below are the best links that lead to some of the finest writing about wrestling from the past week. They will surely aid you in your quest to get through the working week and get to the weekend, where you can drink precisely one be... wait a second, I already rip that @dril tweet off for another weekly post that I do, don't I? Ah well, just click the goddamn links below, alright?

Hey, have you checked out last week's TweetBag? Do it, because it's got a nice mix of questions from the users of Twitter. [The Wrestling Blog]

Also check out the Best in the World Rankings if you haven't already. TWB has some great recurring features that you'd be remiss if you didn't check them out. [The Wrestling Blog]

FloSlam is dead, and David Bixenspan examines why it was such a poor venture even with its grandiose theoretical ideals. [Deadspin]

Speaking of streaming services, Powerbomb TV has added a ton of content, and Reverend Kain has a guide for you to use to navigate it. [Cageside Seats]

WWE let Jim Johnston go, and Ian Williams takes a look at one of the most iconic members of the company's mythos. [VICE Sports]

Guilherme Jaeger continues his dive into the characters of NJPW, this time with LOS INGOBERNABLES de Japon's masked wonder, BUSHI. [Medium]

JJ McGee continues his look at the epic El Generico/Kevin Steen feud from Ring of Honor through the lens of their Fight Without Honor [The Spectacle of Excess]

Ryan Reilly went from one half of an up-and-coming tag team on the indies to a musician, and John Corrigan has an interview with him on that transition. [The Wrestling Estate]

NON-WRESTLING #1: All Shane Mettlen wants for Christmas is Joel Embiid on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and now I do too. [The Open Man]

NON-WRESTLING #2: In their latest Dream Casting, Elle Collins fleshes out the cast of characters for an adaptation of genre-bending, fourth-wall breaking Animal Man. [SyFy Wire]
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Victims over Loyalty: An Essay on Michael Elgin

December 6, 2017, 9:00 am
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Elgin doesn't deserve your defense
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
It seems that every other day, some new story is coming out about a domestic abuser or a rapist. The dominoes have mostly fallen in the entertainment industry, but the stories have started to leak out in wrestling as well. Sean Orleans, a low-card indie wrestler in the St. Louis area, was accused of sexual assault by a female fan in the area. Orleans worked a lot for Michael Elgin in Glory Pro Wrestling. The accusations came to light initially in September, but they weren’t noticed by most people until November, when the accuser brought them back to light with the rush of accusations and action against them in Hollywood was in full swing. Elgin immediately tweeted from the official Glory Pro account that Orleans would not be booked for him anymore, and he’d seemingly said all the right things in public since then. “Seemingly” and “public” however are the operative words here.

As it would turn out, the public show of concern was just comprised of crocodile tears for Elgin's real feelings about the victim. A Twitter user named @VicVenomBytes had a brusque exchange with the victim, and that was enough for him not to believe her. He became a sounding board for Elgin in direct messages, where his concern for sexual assault victims turned out to be window dressing for public relations purposes. In those DMs, Elgin repeatedly reiterated how the victim was not trustworthy and perhaps even had it coming, going so far as to call her a whore. This all would have probably stayed secret had Elgin not unfollowed VVB for whatever reason. Out of spite or some twisted attempt at getting that follow back or whatever, VVB posted screenshots of those DMs, exposing Elgin as a rape apologist.

This action set off a chain reaction that saw both him and Elgin deleting Twitter, Elgin un-deleting so he could post ham-handed explanations that were centered around rehabbing his image rather than making amends towards the victim, him deleting again, the victim posting texts that corroborated Elgin's abusive at worst and passively negligent towards the safety of other people at the absolute best. One such text showed Elgin bragging that he "never has bad matches," that Jeff Cobb hanging out with his friends in New Japan is worse than wanting to meet with sponsors, and most damningly, that as soon as the accuser challenged him on an opinion, he talked down to her and put pressure on her to agree with him.

Seeing as though VVB isn't exactly a bastion of honor and that a lot of this has been revealed through leaked private messaging, the temptation to dismiss it all is strong. However, abusers and abuse apologists oftentimes hide behind public personae, carefully crafted to get as many people to believe that they're your friends and not artists looking for a fiduciary edge. So many people believe that because they conflate art with the integrity of that person's character. It still happens to this day with [REDACTED]. Try bringing up that Chris Benoit is a fucking piece of shit who murdered his family and then committed suicide to escape all responsibility for his actions, and you'll get a brigade of people arguing that he was a great wrestler and that you should separate art from artist at best and that he couldn't have murdered anyone and that it was a jealous Kevin Sullivan or whoever who perpetrated it in a massive coverup.

If people will do Olympic gold medal-worthy mental gymnastics to defend a murderer, a crime that is actually seen by a consensus of humanity as bad and that is prosecuted close to adequate levels by the legal system, imagine how much greater the numbers of people willing to bend and twist in defense of someone accused of a crime that isn't seen as a crime by a large part of society and that is prosecuted at woeful levels. Roy Moore in Alabama is about as ghoulish and repugnant as politicians go, and yet people en masse will not only defend him, but vote for him to serve in the US Senate despite the fact that he's accused of assaulting numerous girls below the age of consent. Imagine how much greater the support would be for a wrestler who has convinced legions of fans as part of their marketing that they're your friend.

To say wrestlers are not your friends is the knee-jerk reaction here, but it also implies something sinister, that if they were your friends, you’d be wholly justified in protecting them if they’ve raped or battered someone. This mindset has taken root too strongly in a world where loyalty in the face of shit behavior is seen as a positive. If you want to know why so many louts and wastrels gain influence and wealth in society, your answer is that somewhere along the line, loyalty was considered a better quality than thirst for justice, that one can excuse actions that are destructive to any amount of bystander lives as long as that person lines up with your goals, whether they be political or as piddling as wanting to see that person do the wrestles because they like how those persons do the wrestles.

That's why when shit like this breaks, people crawl out of the woodwork to cry about lost bookings, as if Elgin being able to work for, say, Limitless Wrestling in Maine (who was one of the first promotions to cancel on him, and in a delightful twist of irony, replaced him with Cobb) is more important than the accuser's right to live her life without someone sexually assaulting her within a business she's a fan of and having someone above her rapist attempt to bully her into silence over her concerns. Even if Elgin lost all his bookings, his loss of revenue wouldn't be a greater injustice (nor would it be an injustice at all) than the fact that one of his wrestlers assaulted a fan and he tried forcing her into silence and acceptance. However, he's not going to lose all his revenue streams, because he works for New Japan Pro Wrestling, a company that still employs Tomoaki Honma in the face of his domestic assault accusations and that willingly booked Sami Callihan even after accusations of domestic violence surfaced about him. The cycle continues on and on, and it continues for the benefit of powerful men with their victims used to grease the wheel.

Change only starts when the consumer wakes up and realizes that a product isn't more important than a person. It doesn't matter if Elgin wrestles in an aesthetically pleasing manner, just as it doesn't matter if Johnny Depp makes movies you like or if Josh Leuke can help your favorite team win the pennant or if Jimmy Page has sick guitar licks, man. Everyone has to do their part to shut these people out and make sure that future generations move towards ethical production of art by people who aren't going to demand you shut up if they or one of their peers abuses you in any way. I fear that will be impossible under capitalism, and that even under other, more progressive economic systems or governments that it would still be a tall task. However, nothing worth having is ever easy to attain. Trust me, it's worth working towards.
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Pro Wrestling SKOOPZ on The Wrestling Blog: Vol. 3, Issue 15

December 6, 2017, 5:00 pm
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WILL ROUSEY (right, obviously) BE STARTING WITH WWE SOON?
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Well hello everyone of my LOYAL READERS. HORB FLERBMINBER is back again with all the news you can handle in one sitting. I ASKED THE SURGEON GENERAL FOR THE RIGHT AMOUNT. It just keeps coming. I sit and wonder, will the news ever stop? Will a day ever come when nothing will be out there for reporting, and I can finally take a long-awaited vacation from this misery that is my life of hanging out in smoky bingo halls, waiting at drop points for packages from sources in WWE, trolling the dark web for info that might be useful? And when I feel like it's right there for me that I can finally book a week off to go hiking in the Andes Mountains, to see the Nazca Lines and explore the Incan ruins around Machu Picchu, Roman Reigns fails a drug test, or Jeff Jarrett runs naked through Nashville, drunk as a skunk on Brass Monkey, and I have to be there to get all the dirt. My life is an ourobouros... what was I saying? OH YEAH, SOMETHING SOMETHING BRUCE MITCHELL CAN'T HOLD MY JOCK, I AM THE KING OF NEWS.

Anyway, if you can't get enough of my NEWS TIDBITS here in the newsletter, I urge you to follow me on TWITTER DOT COM, @HorbFlerbminber. You can get all the BREAKING NEWS and HOT GOSS as it happens, like that time Vince McMahon set off an EMP in Chicago to rib CM Punk, or the rumors around Dave Meltzer's underground dwarf fight club. I hear the winners get to choose who gets to go in the WON Hall of Fame, which explains Randy Orton's selection. You can also order some older issues of the newsletter, like these:
  • January 27, 1982 - I point out where you can see Harley Race's hog in his tights.
  • May 14, 1986 - I point out where you can see Randy Savage's hog in his tights.
  • November 2, 1994 - I point out where you can see Barry Horowitz's hog in his tights.
  • November 9, 1994 - CORRECTION ISSUE, I mistakenly pointed out that Horowitz was uncircumcized the week before. Duh.
  • June 20, 2007 - I point out where you can see Chris Benoit's hog in his tights. This is the issue that got me questioned by the Fayetteville, GA police department.
How? GOOD QUESTION. And now, the news.

- Ronda Rousey is close to signing with WWE. I'm not sure what's given this away other than the fact that she and the other MMA Horsewomen were featured prominently in an angle during the Mae Young Classic and that she's been training at the Performance Center for weeks now. I'm taken totally aback by this news.

- Jim Johnston has left WWE, mainly so Vince McMahon can do theme songs with his experimental Afro-fusion trance group called FUKK YUU.

- Daniel Bryan has been cleared by yet another non-WWE doctor. Dr. Joseph Maroon, WWE's doctor, however, will not clear him until he agrees to enter WWE's concussion protocol, which is also known as the Smackdown creative team.

- 205 Live will be going on tour, mainly so WWE can clear out their regular lockers on the main tour while they're gone so they can all be fired when they get back more easily.

- Matt Sydal couldn't find transportation to a British Championship Wrestling event in Scotland and refused to refund the promotion the half of his booking fee that it paid him up front. This was the most heinous act that a wrestler could perpetrate all week. I just know it.

- Michael Elgin said "Hold my beer" after hearing about Sydal.

- RAW RESULTS: Matt Hardy became "Woke" on RAW by wondering why wrestlers haven't unionized yet, and accusing Bray Wyatt of damaging the locker room's herd immunity by not vaccinating against even the most common of diseases.

- CLASH OF CHAMPIONS MATCH MADE: Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn will team up to take on Randy Orton and Shinsuke Nakamura. Orton agreed to team with Nakamura only if he could do the racist "flied lice" bit from Lethal Weapon at him after the match.

- Roman Reigns will defend the Intercontinental Championship against Triple H in Abu Dhabi. Triple H was quoted as saying he made the match as "taksies-backsies" after the time he threw the title down and demanded that he be given the Big Gold Belt instead.

- NXT will be airing on USA Network next week, under one and only one condition. THE TALENT ARE NOT ALLOWED TO REHEARSE THEIR MATCHES BEFOREHAND.

- WWE announced Machine Gun Kelly will perform at this year's Tribute to the Troops, mainly because he's the most military-sounding performer they could find on short notice.

- RUBY RIOTTTT ON BEING CALLED UP TO THE MAIN ROSTER: "On the plus side, I love touring with the main brand. On the minus side, every day I show up to work, they've added another 't' to my surname. Weird, right?"

- Konnan has been removed from his position as booker of The Crash Lucha Libre. He violated the code of ethics, apparently, when he paid his talent on time and didn't make any last minute changes to the card just for the fuck of it.

- Bret Hart filed suit against Dr. Justin Yeung over wrist surgery gone wrong in 2015. He noticed that the surgery didn't take when he felt a sharp pain there while making the JO motion while I was telling him Triple H was the greatest worker of his generation.

- Scott D'Amore and Don Callis have been named Executive Vice Presidents of Impact Wrestling. Their first order of business was having the talent rearrange the deck chairs at the Canadian Impact Zone.

- Impact also officially closed its Nashville offices to move to Toronto. It also added "We have always preferred poutine to Nashville hot chicken. Suck on that, rednecks."

- Carrie Fisher apparently had a box of Booty-Os in her kitchen before she passed away. I asked Max Landis for his comments on the intersection of two of his passions, and immediately realized what a mistake it was when he started talking about how Princess Leia jumped the shark when she took off the bikini from Return of the Jedi.

- R-Truth had surgery on his shoulder Monday, and released a rap about it Tuesday.

- Jeff Hardy will be performing at a concert on December 15 in Kentucky. You get a free half-dose of MDMA with each ticket purchased.

- Joe Rogan did a monologue to open his comedy show the other night ripping pro wrestling and its fans. I asked Dolph Ziggler why Rogan has a standup career when he's terminally unfunny, to which Ziggler replied, "Hey, I'm less funny than him and they still let me do gigs."

- The Pontiac Silverdome, site of WrestleMania III, kicked out at two during its attempted implosion this past weekend.

- Georges St. Pierre commented on his health: "I may have ulcerative colitis, but at least I don't look like a shaven penis" while pointing at Dana White.

Last week's poll results are in, and a whopping 102 percent of you think that Vince McMahon should be pilloried. I have no idea how that happened. It's mathematically impossible, but I'm not arguing with results. This week.
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NXT In 60 Seconds

December 7, 2017, 6:00 am
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Who's one more (hopefully kick-ass) match away from being number one contender?
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Master Regal: Welcome to NXT.  With Drew McIntyre out due to injury, an opportunity has opened up in the #1 contendership to face our new champion, Andrade "Cien" Almas, in Philadelphia at our next Takeover. 

There will be four qualifying singles matches and then a fatal four way, the winner of which will get the title shot in Philadelphia.

Tonight, the first two of those occur as Killian Dain faces Trent Seven and Kassius Ohno... well, he was supposed to face the Velveteen Dream, who is still injured.  But he will face a worthy competitor nevertheless tonight.  Best of luck to all the competitors.

Zelina Vega and Andrade "Cien" Almas: swag their way out
Full Sailors: split reaction
Zerlina: You are all witnesses to the beginning of a historical championship reign!
Full Sailors: see earlier
Zelina: Respect the man...embrace the legend...rise for your NXT Champion, El Idolo, Andrade "Cien" Almas!
Full Sailors: see earlier but add si y no
Cien: I TOLD YOU!  I TOLD YOU!  I AM THE CHAMPION!  I AM THE CHAMPION!  I'M GOING TO KEEP SAYING IT, TOO!
Full Sailors: guess
Cien: I beat Drew, I'm sorry.  I hurt Drew, sorry.  I've been in line waiting a long time, lo siento.  multiple things in Spanish
Full Sailors: que
Cien: I AM THE NEW NXT CHAMPION!  EL IDOLO!  mic drop
Full Sailors: ohhhh

Faceless Drone: Lars Sullivan, what are your thoughts about facing Roderick Strong in two weeks in a number one contendership qualifier?
Lars: Hey, Rod's a hell of a guy.  Handsome man, should be on the cover of a fitness magazine or something, right?  chuckles lightly Well, that ain't me.  Roddy likes to talk about his family, and I have no family.  In two weeks I face him, and that puts me a step closer to holding up the NXT Championship in Philadelphia.
Another FD, Maybe The Same One, Whatevs: What would it mean to you to become NXT Champion?
Lars: It'd mean...it'd mean that I am the kind of superstar that I always knew I was.  Nothing will stop me, not Roddy, not Cien, nothing.  The championship will be in my hands.
Faceless Drones: Lars!  Lars!  One more question!
Lars: looks at them
They: shut up
He: leaves

Trent Seven: comes out avuncularly, making sure he is properly groomed
Announce Team: Trent Seven earned his spot by winning a battle royal in Lakeland, as you can see by this social media post!
Killian Dain: comes out
TVII: Huh.  Okay.  ATTACK!
KD: swats him
TVII: Maybe I can
KD: Shotgun dropkick!
TVII: Okay, this isn't good.  Mighty chop!  Mighty chop!
KD: Bring it!
TVII: Done!  I kick your knee like so!
KD: ow
TVII: DDT!  Backfist!
KD: FLYING BODYPRESS
Mauro: That's the Divide!
TVII: barely kicks out  My last chance here, then ******* LARIAT!
KD: kicks out late
TVII: tries to pick up Killian and fails
KD: Wasteland!  Senton!  Vader BOMB!
Referee: Winner!

Some Guy: We said we'd run this place.  We do.  We put a stamp on it by not only surviving but winning the most barbaric match in NXT history.    Next week, it's me, Adam Cole
Pretty Much Everybody: BAY BAY
Adam Cole: against Aleister Black.  Yeah, he's run through everybody in front of him so far.  But the people he's been running through aren't on my level, and he never will be.
ReDragon: And the week after that, we get our shot at the NXT World Tag Team Titles!  Can't wait to shine those up and show them off.
Cole: In Brooklyn, we shocked the system (boom), at WarGames we took it over, and now we rule the system.

Ruby Riot: takes a break from her Tuesday duties, disrupting the time-space continuum
Sonya Deville: same but Mondays No holds barred.  No rope breaks to save you from me now.  takes her down twice and hits a gutwrench suplex
Ruby: powers her into the corner and lands some shots Overhead kick!
Sonya: HA!  Saw it coming, anklelock!  No Ember to fly out of the sky this time, either!
Ruby: crawls for then gets the ropes
Referee: This is no holds barred!  She doesn't need to break the hold!
Ruby: Oh, for the love of crumb cake...uses her hands to "crawl" up the ropes, then Deadly Nightshades Sonya into th emiddle rope before selling her leg
Announce: During the break Ruby got on this bodyscissored dragon sleeper we're showing you now that we're back!
Sonya: rakes the eyes then starts targeting the ribs
Nigel McGuiness: So smart.  First thing I'd do in a match like this is blind my opponent.  You can't see what you can't hit!
Mauro: I think the saying is the other way around, Nigel
Nigel: IT WORKS REGARDLESS
Sonya: puts on a side head & arm triangle, then a modified cobra clutch
Ruby: eventually gets out from under STO!  Step through flying Flatliner!
Referee: Kickout!
Ruby: TOPE SUICIDA!  Ha!  And here I was slightly worried about hurting my leg worse.  Now, to re enter the ring and finish off
Sonya: kicks her as she comes in, then locks on a triangle
Some Time: passes
Referee: Ring the bell!  Winner!

Facless Drone(s): Ember!  Ember!  What's it like now that you're NXT Women's World Champion?
Ember: It's a dream come true to realize my destiny.  I want to be the best NXT Women's World Champion in history.
Several Thousand People: turn into the Sure thing, Jan GIF momentarily
Team Australia: Yes, Ember?  Question?  Who did you beat at WarGames?
Billie Kay: That was Nikki Cross!
Peyton Royce: That was not Peyton Royce, therefore I deserve a chance to beat you up.
Ember: Fun as it would be to get in an argument with the Upside Down's Clueless, I'll make this easy--who will I face next week?
Team Australia: ME!  Wait, I said me...and you said me...but I want...see, the thing
Ember: Hey--figure it out and I'll see whomever next week.  Byeeeeeeeee!
Peyton: I have unfinished business with her.  I know I can handle it.
Billie: Okay, boo.  But save me some scraps.

Mauro: Like certain recappers called in their column last week, in two weeks we'll have Pete Dunne defending the WWE UK Championship against Tyler Bate!

S♠♠N

Kassius Ohno: comes out in Duke gear, playing subtle heel
Mystery Opponent: ends up being Johnathan Grapples
Full Sailors: chant for both men before, during, and for a bit after the bell
Kassius: throws Johnny around a ccouple of times, matches him on the mat, then sends him to the floor with a hard forearm
Full Sailors: NXT!  NXT!  NXT!  NXT! 
KO1.0: drops the kneepad and knee drops Johnny
Master Regal: mysteriously unavailable for comment but smiling ever so slightly in the back, presumably
Johnny: gets a brief flurry of southpaw grammar in
K01.0:  kicks him in the face real hard
Johnny: ow.  still, though. Knees up on the senton!  Flying rana out of the corner!  Step up Owenzuigiri!  And now to dive on you!
KO1.0: Nope!
Johnny: Quick recovery!  Now to Superman spear you! 
KO1.0: Aw, dammit.  Kickout!
Full Sailors: again with the split reactions
Johnny: kicks Kassius in the face
KO1.0: laughs
Johnny: repeats
KO1.0: same 
Johnny: Rollthrough kick!
KO1.0: Ducked!  Block this senton!
Johnny: fails to do so, rolls out to the apron
KO1.0: Are you done?
Johnny: (clearly groggy) Bring it on.
KO1.0: Huh.  KICK IN THE FACE!
Johnny: sluices out to the floor
KO1.0: Diiiiiiiiiiive!  PSYCH I bet you thought I was going to -- where are you
Johnny: TOPE SUICIDA INTO A DDT INTO THE RAMP!
KO1.0: ...oh, that's not good.
Full Sailors: NXT!  NXT!  NXT!  NXT!
Johnny: Running enzugiri!  You're gonna
KO1.0: CYCLONE KICK YOU IN THE FACE, SURE!
Referee: Kickout!
Dueling Chants: get louder
Johnny: Victory roll!
Referee: lol whut
Johnny: uhhhhh... random offense!  All the random offense!  Something stick!
KO1.0: PUMP KICK!  DIVING ENZUI FOREARM!  COUNT THAT SHIT!
Referee: One!  Two!  ThreewhaHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT
Everybody: loses their shit.  even you.
Full Sailors:  NXT!  NXT!  NXT!  NXT!  THIS IS AWESOME clap clap clapclapclap  THIS IS AWESOME clap clap clapclapclap
KO1.0: Fine, then.  takes the sleeve off to reveal the Bullha--uh, Forearm of Epic Death or something
Johnny: Superkick in the gut!
KO1.0: ow
Johnny: Superkick in the knee!
KO1.0: this is even worse
Two Brothers In Rancho Cucamonga: this is some bullshit is what it is
Johnny: Superkick in the face!  Around the world Gargano Escape!  Tap!  Taaaaaaaaap!  Tap, damn you, tap!
KO1.0: ...fine.  does so
Referee: Winner!
Everybody, Even You: applauds
Replays: there are many
Johnny: Kash, come back.
KO1.0: gets on the apron
Johnny: extends forearm
KO1.0: bumps it and leaves, then says off mic something like Since you won, you better win the belt, too.  leaves
Johnny: celebrates in the ring while the Full Sailors applaud and the credits roll
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Twitter Request Line, Vol. Jawn

December 7, 2017, 12:00 pm
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GIMME DAT PORK ROLL
Photo Credit: TH
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers:

I have a confession to make. I could become a lacto-ovo vegetarian or even a vegan if I wanted to. I like enough food that I could cut out meat and be happy. However, speculate if you will a moment of weakness. I do get cravings every once in awhile, and usually, those cravings point towards breakfast foods, stuff like eggs, potatoes, bagels, that sort of thing. So it should follow that if I'm feeling carnivorous at a certain point in the day, it will be for breakfast foods, namely, a pork roll, egg, and cheese sandwich on a long roll, a Kaiser roll, an everything bagel, whatever. The bread is mostly unimportant. What matters is sweet, sweet pork products will be on that sandwich, namely in the form of a tangy kind of ham that is found in New Jersey and places that border New Jersey.

Man, translating from NXT to WWE as a major star is so weird because I'm not sure you can predict with accuracy. The main roster seems to chew up developmental guys and spit them out with randomness, and it's all due to the philosophy of how they're booked in one against the other. Guys like Sami Zayn or even Bayley come up to the main roster with no idea how to be handled. Even if creative has big plans for someone, like The Revival, injury luck is a fickle master. Yeah, Kevin Owens and Charlotte Flair translated. To a point, Sasha Banks has too. Otherwise, the biggest successes seem to be Alexa Bliss and Elias, and who the fuck saw either one of those coming? So with that in mind, I'm going to go on a spectrum:

  • Can't Miss - Drew McIntyre: I know he had a run in the big time before, but one could argue he wasn't ready, not because he couldn't work, but because he really hadn't found his own voice and didn't really have an advocate on the main roster. This time around, when he recovers from his injury, he'll head to RAW or Smackdown and with Paul "Triple H" Levesque in his corner, he should get the chance to redeem his WWE career and make something of it.
  • Likely, but Hey, WWE Fucked up Easier Layups - Aleister Black: Like Finn Bálor, Black is an indie favorite with occult savoir faire. Unlike Bálor, he's got an incredibly different look and is larger than a cruiserweight. His rollout in NXT honestly was nested in nebulous trappings, but he overcame them and looks like a goddamn star. I can still see WWE fucking him up, because look at Bray Wyatt and even Bálor right now. However, I feel good about his chances.
  • Dark Horse - Kyle O'Reilly: More than his Undisputed Era cohort, Adam Cole (BAYBAY), O'Reilly could get ahead on the main roster even apart from the purgatory of 205 Live because he's incredibly talented in the ring and subtly charismatic out of it. He's been tasked to be more of a straitlaced badass in the past, but he's done the gutty babyface thing in Ring of Honor at the end of his career there, and he's even showed off some more whimsical and lighter tones when he showed up in Pro Wrestling Guerrilla in a Hawaiian shirt and sunglasses working as a "scumbag." This guy could be an utter star in WWE in every facet if management gave him a chance to, which for a guy his size isn't always a guarantee.
  • Dark Horse, Female Division - Nikki Cross: I felt like Bayley was a layup, and WWE botched her by making her just like any other babyface. Asuka should be a slam dunk, but she's hampered by an emphasized streak that will end unsatisfactorily (it will, trust me on this). Saying Cross is a can't-miss is foolish because if you look at the most successful women on the main roster from NXT, they're either prominent through sheer force of the crowd's will (Banks, Becky Lynch to an extent), that they're Charlotte Flair, or that they were pushed exactly like Flair was as a heel (Bliss). I will reserve the right not to get excited about female call-ups until WWE proves it can do right by them consistently, or at least as right as they do the male ones (which isn't that great a track record either but still).
  • Should Be Huge, but LOL, WWE and Pushing Queer or POC Characters Correctly, Good One - Velveteen Dream: I don't need to explain this one. He should be meteoric for them, but when WWE's idea of "LGBTQ+ storylines" is the Fashion Files, well...


My current match of the year is Chris Hero's EVOLVE farewell, which he had against Zack Sabre, Jr. It happened January 28 of this year, and I'm not sure that I've heard about it since I watched it. I don't know why, because it's perhaps the finest match I've seen either guy have in EVOLVE. It had stakes, huge bumps, both men working in the avatar state of their styles, and it had an emotional finish with great catharsis for a guy who'd been a rock for EVOLVE between his WWE stints. I would say the fact that it happened in EVOLVE and not either New Japan Pro Wrestling or WWE is why people are sleeping on it now, but it discounts two things. One, WWE matches across the board also feel like they're being judged with a recency bias more than anything, and two, EVOLVE was hotter then than it is now, so if it happened in October or November with all this FloSlam bullshit surrounding it, the chances of it being forgotten now would be even greater. However, I stick by that answer, because it was a phenomenal match that happened during a time when people were still remembering their favorite matches from 2016 and not ready to take in great matches that happened anywhere that wasn't the Tokyo Dome on January 4. For some reason, a deserved reason obviously, WrestleKingdom is immune to recency bias discussions, but that's what happens when you're the critical king of wrestling, I suppose.

In one corner, you have 2011, Hall of Pain Mark Henry. In the other, it's time, it's time, it's VADER TIME, from like 1992 or so. Small cities wouldn't be able to handle the tremors produced by those two going at it.

I honestly don't know anymore. Everyone famous seems to have gotten there by stepping on other people. While I nervously support people like, say, Shailene Woodley, Mark Ruffalo, or Rosario Dawson in their dual attempts at creating art and showing humane activism, would I be surprised if any one of them were child abusers or closet Recep Tayyip Erdogan supporters? Not in this hell world. Not a chance. To quote modern day bards Tame Impala, "The less I know, the better," in this case, about celebrities' or artists' personal lives.

WrestleMania XXX will go down as one of the greatest wrestling events of all-time for a few reasons, none bigger than Daniel Bryan pretty much getting to celebrate his career with 70,000 of his closest friends and family and fans. One could point to the finish of the main event as the time when most would be happy because it was the resolution to years of tension around him, but it wasn't for me the zenith moment for two reasons. One, he tapped Good Guy Dave Batista instead of Scumbag Steve Randy Orton to win the title. Bryan spent all that time chasing Orton, he should've tapped Orton, fuck your precious idea of protecting someone for a rematch down the road, ESPECIALLY since Bryan's post-Mania feud was against fucking Kane. But the second and more important reason was that I had attained peak happiness after the first match of the show, when Bryan defeated Triple H.

The "mark fan inside of me watching and taking over" seeped out when Bryan punched his ticket for the main event because at that point, I knew WWE would have to have a collective lobotomy for him not to win the title. He beat Triple H, so he was going to do the thing. It was like the point in a movie where you knew everything would turn out alright, but you still had to watch the exposition to show that it did. But more importantly, you need to understand how much I love Bryan Danielson and how much I loathe Triple H to understand that even in the kayfabe sense, when Corporate Bigwig with Veto Power Paul Levesque had to agree to put Bryan over in the middle of the ring and thus be as much a part of the positivity of the decision as Bryan was for actually attaining it. That's where the whole "in the moment" thing comes in, but it works. You could have told me Donald Trump would be President within four years, and I would've shrugged it off, because Bryan did it. He ascended the top of the mountain where he, critically, had been his entire career anyway.

I think it would almost be better to have the Money in the Bank briefcase match in secret and then air it after the person cashes in, right? WWE has exhausted so many different options of storytelling with the briefcase that it's lost so much of what made the initial cash-in or some of the best cash-ins ever feel important. The best way to go would be to make the entire ordeal a surprise. Tape it in absolute secret, not letting anyone know outside of the participants, and then whenever that person cashes in, it'll feel like a shock out of leftfield. Would that path be too risky in the age of omnipresent information? Yeah, probably. At the same time, I see the people holding their briefcases around as story props and maybe it's just the way that recent briefcase winners have acted with it or how they've been booked, but it feels so played out to have that Sword of Damocles hanging over the Champion.

Or who knows, maybe WWE should just stop making the briefcase the only thing that defines its holder for the time that person is holding it. Radical thought, I know, but I'm sure that could help matters too. But I've learned that incrementalism, while it might work in some cases, is wholly unattractive to me anymore in terms of imagination. Give me the blackout briefcase winner, or give me death. Okay, maybe don't give me death, but still, you get it, right?

I honestly don't know, because I pretty much own all my favorite bands' discographies for the most part, so I'd have no motivation to buy it. Conversely, even though I own all but like two or three of their albums on the fringes of the band's career, I'd go with Genesis and put it a replica of the fox mask Peter Gabriel wore on stage during on of his many costume changes during "Supper's Ready."
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Search

Pick Three: HOSS HOSS HOSS, Being the Elite, Beyond's Cold Brew

December 8, 2017, 7:00 am
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Keith Lee gonna toss Joey Janela around like a ragdoll Sunday
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
It's the weekend, baby! You know what that means, time to drink precisely one beer and dial 911 wrestling is happening, and it's happening all around this great world. I'm going to highlight three shows which I think will be of most interest. Of course, I'm only one person. You can check out which shows are coming up possibly in your area via Cagematch. Anyway, go to, if you can, these great shows that may be happening in your area, on television/YouTube/streaming, or for later consumption via VOD, DVD, or whatever other means one uses to consume wrestling at a later date:

Hardcore Hustle Organization HOSS TournamentTonight (Friday, 12/8), Old Time Wrestling Arena, Williamstown, NJ, 8 PM local time - Are you tired of flippy shit and smol beans clogging up your rings? Do you have a craving for some beef? Do you wanna see big dudes, fat guys, muscle heads, and strong-ass ladies throw down in feats of strength and fury? Hardcore Hustle Organization has the thing for you tonight in South Jersey with the HOSS Tournament. Sixteen of the burliest, most jacked, HOSSIEST wrestlers on the East Coast will gather to throw down in a one-night tourney. The first round will consist of four four-way matches, with the winners moving onto the final main event. The talent list is staggering. DJ Hyde, Maria Manic, Brute Van Slyke, Bull James, Ace Romero, Rex Lawless, Joe Gacy, Monsta Mack, Kyle the Beast, Bill Carr, Greg Excellent, TJ Marconi, Nate Carter, Stockade, and Dave McCall have all been announced. One slot is left for a mystery entrant. Who will it be? You gotta head to the Old Time Wrestling Arena to find out. If you can't make tonight, check the BIG BOYS (and GIRLS) GETTIN' DOWN later on on the company's Smart Mark Video page (which means it'll also be on Powerbomb TV as well).

Over the Top Wrestling Being the EliteTomorrow (Saturday, 12/9), National Stadium, Dublin, Ireland, 6 PM local time - The Bullet Club invades Ireland as OTT heads to the National Stadium in Dublin for the last blowout of the year. This card is pretty loaded, not just with The Elite, but some other huge name stars. The Bullet Club emissaries are spread across two matches. The Young Bucks and Marty Scurll will team up to take on Dalton Castle and THE BOYS in what should be a rowdy and raucous trios match. Meanwhile, Cody Rhodes takes his talents to fend off two other opponents in a triple threat match, as he'll battle both Flip Gordon and Rey Feníx. OTT's presumed ace, Martina the Session Moth, will defend her Women's Championship against Scottish women's wrestling stalwart Kay Lee Ray. Jordan Devlin challenges for the OTT Championship held by Mark Haskins, and British Strong Style will be in action. If you can't make it to this huge show, check back to OTT's Pivotshare page to watch it soon after.

Beyond Wrestling Cold BrewSunday 12/10, Melrose Memorial Hall, Melrose, MA, 2 PM Sunday local time - Beyond Wrestling continues its year-end tour de force with a huge show in Melrose on Sunday. While it's the first half of a doubleheader with EVOLVE 97, this card ain't a mere appetizer. In the grand tradition of Beyond, this show is all killer, no filler, starting with the main event, David Starr vs. WALTER. Starr is the bridge between Beyond and Europe, so him taking the fight to the Austrian monster is a perfect cap for an American audience looking to get the best look it can at WALTER. As if that wasn't enough, Joey Janela will take his death wish style of wrestling against a man who will be more than happy to grant it, Keith Lee. Lee has enough beef to stock a McDonald's for six months, and he'll use it to smush Janela into a billion pieces. However, he'll have to catch the wily gonzo entrepreneur of East Coast wrestling first. Speaking of people with no regard for their bodies, Darby Allin will recklessly careen into Melrose to take on the mini-hoss himself, John Silver, while Matt Riddle will take on Danny Burch's alter ego, Martin Stone, in what should be a hard-hitting, technically-amazing contest. Those matches aren't all either, as Zenshi (formerly Shynron), AR Fox, Ace Romero, Rex Lawless, Wheeler Yuta, MJF, Jonathan Gresham, Rory Gulak, Jay Freddie, EYFBO, Jaka, and Chris Dickinson will all be there as well. You gotta head to Melrose if you can, but if you can't, then check it out after the fact on Powerbomb TV. You won't regret it.

OTHER SHOWS TO WATCH
  • Westside Xtreme Wrestling Fight Forever Tour (Friday, Munich, Germany)
  • Revolution Pro Wrestling Uprising (Friday, London, England)
  • Santino Bros. Wrestling The Fight Before Christmas (Friday, Bell Gardens, CA)
  • Chaotic Wrestling (Friday, Lowell, MA)
  • International Wrestling Cartel Winner Takes All 2017 (Saturday, Elizabeth, PA)
  • WXW Fight Forever Tour (Saturday, Fulda, Germany)
  • Combat Zone Wrestling Cage of Death 19 (Saturday, Sewell, NJ)
  • Excellence Wrestling 6:00 (Saturday, Sellersville, PA)
  • EVOLVE 96 (Saturday, Corona, NY)
  • PROGRESS Wrestling Whatever People Say We Are, That Is What We're Not (Sunday, Sheffield, England)
  • OTT Aftershock (Sunday, Belfast, Northern Ireland)
  • Insane Championship Wrestling Television Taping (Sunday, Glasgow, Scotland)
  • EVOLVE 97 (Sunday, Melrose, MA)
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Rich Swann Has Been Suspended Indefinitely

December 11, 2017, 6:00 am
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Another abuse case
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Sunday mornings are for making breakfast, reading the paper, and apparently finding out that a former favorite wrestler of yours is a domestic abuser. News broke yesterday morning that Rich Swann is the latest wrestler to be outed as an abuser, as he was arrested for battery and false imprisonment for an incident involving his wife, Su Yung. The Gainesville Police Department released the police report and a mugshot due to "national media requests," so everything is now out in the open. Apparently, Swann was critiquing Yung's latest wrestling match, things got heated, and according to two witnesses, Swann headlocked her after she got out of the car out of fear of escalation and dragged her back in against her will. Swann is denying the charges, although the witnesses' descriptions corroborate Yung's side more than Swann's. Shortly after, WWE took action and suspended Swann indefinitely.

Swann is the latest in a line of wrestlers who have faced charges of domestic violence or sexual assault, and he's the first in awhile to test WWE's zero tolerance policy towards assault towards a partner. Michael Elgin is also losing bookings for his role in covering up and defending a trainee on rape charges, but if one is to judge his future prospects on AAW's reaction, those bookings will eventually come back to him. One could argue Swann will be the first to face real consequences, especially if WWE ends up releasing him over it, and that once again is a problem especially since once he gets back into the wild, he'll get bookings. Don't believe me? Sami Callihan has accusations against him of abusing a former partner, and Combat Zone Wrestling and the entire near Midwest runs through him. Fuck, Adam Rose and Bram keep getting bookings now. When WWE's corporate-mandated timeouts that are mostly in place so Stephanie McMahon can placate sponsors and seem "woke" are the most stringent, the business has a problem.

Of course, with this incident, people have come out of the woodwork to scream about context or that people have to see both sides when one such side is corroborated with a police report and witness accounts. The scales are tipped so much in favor of abusers in society that it won't be surprising when Swann comes back either to WWE or the indies with fanfare and people supporting him. Meanwhile, folks are left to wonder if Yung is actually safe and how long something like this has been going on, especially since the report stated she got out of the car in the first place because she was afraid of escalation. Domestic abuse and sexual predation is a giant problem in wrestling, and it won't become less of one until people start believing victims. The fact that people have skepticism in this, the most slam dunk of cases, makes me think that time is still too far off in the distance.

One other note, even though the police report shed light on this story for the world, one must question why the Gainesville Police Department so easily released it over Twitter/Dropbox. It doesn't excuse Swann in any way, but I have to wonder if his, ahem, demographic played any role in the department so easily complying with requests for information from national media. The world may never know dot dot dot.
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Expectorate The Worst, or Why PROGRESS May Not Be For Me

December 11, 2017, 9:00 am
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PROGRESS: We Alienate Starting With the Dang Logo
Photo via Wikipedia
Spike Trivet is a wrestler in England who has gotten bookings for PROGRESS. He hasn't really made a whole lot of a splash yet, so he decided that he'd literally make one at the latest chapter of the British promotion's series of events:


Yeah, PROGRESS styles itself as "punk rock pro wrestling," but I didn't think it'd be more GG Allin than, say, the Dead Kennedys or whatever. Trivet, by posting the video, is embracing the action of spitting liquid on fans, even though that last fan clearly didn't really feel like it was something that should be embraced. Honestly, I side more with him than the wrestler. Heeling in wrestling is about garnering heat, but it's also about boundaries. One can get someone to boo them so easily without unsanitarily ejecting fluid from their mouth. It's gross when wrestlers do it to each other, but as a fan, should you have to deal with that shit? I know I'd be pretty skeeved out if it happened to me. I might walk out of the arena.

IF this incident were the first time PROGRESS whiffed on fan relations, it might be one thing. However, the company has a history of being brusque towards fans at the very least. The promoters, Jim Smallman and Glen Joseph, are noted vanity searchers on Twitter and antagonize people who have negative things to say about the promotion, whether experienced or from afar. I mean, their response to not booking any women for the last chapter was that current PROGRESS Women's Champion Toni Storm was unavailable, as if the United Kingdom didn't have a whole roster of female wrestlers at the ready. You couldn't tell me that Jinny Couture, Laura DiMatteo, Dahlia Black, or Candyfloss couldn't have stepped in? It's one thing to give flimsy reasoning, it's another to do this:
I mean, c'mon now. First, the state of seeking out subtweets here is just incredibly petty. Second, it's not about having no Women's Championship match on the show, it's about having no women at all on the show. I mean, using the Atlas Title as cover? What, because the title couldn't be defended, did they have zero men over 205 pounds on the show? My guess is no, and that's ignoring the fact that men are so entrenched on the show that they can have subdivisions.

Trivet's expectoration incident and the embrace of it is probably not the final straw for me with PROGRESS without ever having watched a moment of its footage. To be honest, if, say, it appeared on The Network tomorrow, I'd check it out out of morbid curiosity, I suppose. But as for actively seeking the promotion out to give it money, well, Smallman and Joseph definitely make it hard for me to want to give them money, which seems hypocritical. To be bluntly honest, if one were to eliminate a promotion for being pigheaded at best and outright shitty at worst, who would be left to support? Beyond Wrestling and Inter Species Wrestling? Is that it? Who knows. Smallman and Joseph at least haven't decided they'd die on the hill of booking Bram, like colleagues Revolution Pro Wrestling and fellow co-opted-by-WWE company Insane Championship Wrestling.

However, a company can do a lot of other things than booking abusers to make fans feel unwelcome. It's not just Trivet or not booking women. It's the evocation of fascist imagery with the eagle logo, which again the company bitchily defended on Twitter. It's seeking out criticism on Twitter and handling it the least courteous way possible. It's having a rule stating "don't be a dick," and yet several fans reporting back from live experiences that the rule isn't really enforced. It's not taking ownership of promotion in America and allowing something like the sweatbox show in August to happen.

A lot of people are fans of PROGRESS, and I don't begrudge them their preferences. Honestly, the wrestling on the show seems like it could be good, and for as many fans who've had bad experiences at the show, others have had great experiences. If you're a fan of PROGRESS, good for you. Everyone has problematic faves. I should know. I like Chikara, and the stories that could be told about Mike Quackenbush are numerous. But the way PROGRESS markets itself is so personally off-putting that it's a wonder they can cover for their utter distaste for humanity with ticket sales, especially when they pretty much book everyone else in the mainstream British scene who hasn't already been signed to Ring of Honor at this point. I mean, I can see Pete Dunne on WWE Network. I can watch Travis Banks wrestle for Fight Club Pro or ATTACK! Pro Wrestling. Why should I give PROGRESS the time of day? They don't need my money. I mean, they're suckling from WWE's teat as it is. They'll be fine without me.
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The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings for December 11, 2017

December 11, 2017, 5:00 pm
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THE MAN
Photo Credit: Getty Images
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Joel Embiid (Last Week: 5) - I understand that the Sixers lost a couple of awful games last week and are on a bit of a slide, but goddamn, if Embiid isn't a wizard on the court. When Ben Simmons gets fully used to NBA speed and starts turning the ball over less, this team is going to be unstoppable. Trust the process, always.

2. Asuka (Last Week: 6) - Seriously, am I the only one who thinks Absolution vs. Asuka is a mismatch... in favor of Asuka? You're going to need to make this Women's Royal Rumble 29 vs. Asuka to make it fair, and even then. Even then.

3. Bryan Danielson (Last Week: 1) - Daniel Bryan's continual teasing and teasing of wrestling another match got even hotter on Tuesday when he gave Fascist-in-Chief of Smackdown Shane McMahon the sidiest side-eye possible when he got his answer for "haven't you punished them enough?" Bryan vs. McMahon would be awful, but what if it led to Bryan vs. Sami Zayn? Bryan vs. Shinsuke Nakamura? BRYAN VS. ONEY LORCAN??????

4. Toni Storm (Last Week: 4) - Apparently, her absence from a PROGRESS show means that the promotion cannot book any women. Is that power or organizational negligence? I'll let you decide.

5. Chris Long (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Look, I'm gonna level with you. Carson Wentz tearing his ACL took all the wind out of my sails the last few days. Objectively, the Eagles win against the Rams yesterday was a signature win. A statement, if you will. Chris Long was a big reason for that, maybe the climactic reason, because when he snatched the ball out of Jared Goff's hands and set the team up for the winning score, he tried to make up for Wentz's injury all by himself and then some. Even in the pall of this pyrrhic victory, Long's efforts should not go unnoticed. He's basically playing for free this year, donating all of his money to various charities, including Charlottesville and Heather Heyer-releated stuff. The man signed on at the end of his career to help provide depth and get a ring, and he's earned the money he's giving away. If I can take solace in anything, it's that he and the rest of the team stepped up and rallied around Wentz after he went down.

6. Braun Strowman (Last Week: 3) - Seriously, if he doesn't turn Kane into a grease spot tonight, I'm gonna scream.

7. Barretta (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Chuck Taylor gets all the pub, but man, "Greg" is just as much a reason why the Best Friends are so enjoyable, especially when he's wishing poisoning on someone for being a jackass.

8. New England Clam Chowder (Last Week: Not Ranked)OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED RANKING - I used to flippantly say that Wawa had the best clam chowder, partially because it was my favorite until last week, and part to razz the New Englanders. However, I had two really killer clam chowders on my work excursion in Boston last week, and they were two different soups. One, at Dorsett Hall, was thick and had big chunks of bacon and tender clams. The other, at Lower Mills Tavern, had a slightly sweet but herbacious flavor that went well with its smooth texture. Maybe I need to stop razzing the Massholes.

9. Coco (Last Week: Not Ranked) - I don't know how Pixar does it, but man, they have a way of making adults ugly-cry at movies. We went with the kids yesterday to see a matinee, and let me tell you, by the third act, I was crying as much as Glenn Beck talking about not being allowed to do a racism without someone yelling at him. Honestly, of the Pixar movies I've seen, the only one I didn't like was Cars 2, but man, Coco rockets up my Pixar Power Rankings pretty high right now.

10. Oney Lorcan (Last Week: 10) - Sorry, I'm still catching my breath from suggesting that Daniel Bryan also might be here for porkin'.
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Your Midweek Links: Stay Inside and Read

December 13, 2017, 7:00 am
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A deep dive on Jericho's career is in store this week and more
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Man it's a cold one, like seven inches from the Night King's ass. You don't wanna go outside. Trust me, I'm actually out here. It fucking sucks. You don't wanna be out here like me. You want to be in your snuggly bed, with your laptop or your phone in front of you. The only problem is you need something interesting to keep your attention. Fret not, I have links! All the links your body can handle, right here. READ 'EM but don't weep, unless you find something emotional. Then, by all means, please sob.

Michael Elgin chose loyalty over believing victims, and this makes him worthy of the trash bin. I wrote why he's the latest in a sorry slate of people in wrestling protecting abusers. [The Wrestling Blog]

PROGRESS Wrestling's motto is "don't be a dick," but man, the people running it seem to live by the credo "Do as I say, not as I do." I wrote on why this attitude turns me off to being a fan of theirs. [The Wrestling Blog]

Chris Jericho showed up in New Japan to set up his Kenny Omega match, and Kyle Kensing takes a look at his career. [The Open Man]

Sean Rueter has a recap of a Paige interview where she describes "hitting rock bottom." [Cageside Seats]

Guilherme Jaeger keeps his look at the New Japan roster going with a profile on Satoshi Kojima and Hiroyoshi Tenzan. [Medium]

The staff at The Wrestling Estate discuss their favorite bits of wrestling merchandise ever, in the holiday spirit of course. [The Wrestling Estate]

Did you miss last weekend's best in indie wrestling? Sam DiMascio has you covered, at least in preview mode. Check out what he thought would be the best matches and then watch them on, say, Powerbomb TV. [Spandex Are Still Cool]

NON-WRESTLING #1: If you believe the reports coming out of Hollywood, Disney is close to acquiring, ahem, assets from 20th Century Fox, which includes several pieces of Marvel intellectual property. Elle Collins dream casts X-Men and Fantastic Four people for import into the MCU here. [SyFy Wire]

NON-WRESTLING #2: Will Major League Soccer? If it does, avkingjames says that the climate for it may not be as friendly as it might like. [HOT SPROTS TAKES]
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Promotions To Watch: Chikara

December 13, 2017, 10:00 am
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Was Coronado's title reign a positive or negative for Chikara?
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
Welcome to the beginning of the YEAR-END BLOWOUT, where The Wrestling Blog takes a look back at the previous year and ahead to 2018. Usually, I do a comprehensive year end review for several promotions, but this year, I fell pretty much behind following anyone except WWE adjacent companies, and let me tell you, even that was rough. I won't get into the reasons, but still, wrestling is hard to totally ignore. So I'm going to take a cursory look at some of the promotions I think were worth checking out last year and may make some waves in the coming year, starting with, you guessed it, Chikara.

The year 2017 was tumultuous for Chikara to say the least. It experienced a lot of roster turnover, exported King of Trios not only outside of Eastern Pennsylvania for the first time, but out of the United States altogether, and it crammed two seasons into one year, including a secretly-taped one that was released as "binge-worthy" content. It was met with mixed expectations, but honestly, Chikara has come out of this year as strong as it's been in most other years outside of its best. I don't know if it'll ever reach the zenith year of 2011 again, that year was so good that it wasn't sustainable. It happens.

So the first and foremost thing to note is the swath of young wrestlers upon whom expectations were yoked. Chikara has experienced roster turnover before, but the brain drain from 2016 to 2017, whether caused by WWE signings (Drew Gulak, Kimber Lee, Heidi Lovelace) or other reasons that may or may not have to do with negative-connoted things (Silver Ant, Blaster McMassive, Flex Rumblecrunch, Amasis, Eddie Kingston, Jakob Hammermeier, Argus, Jigsaw, Jaka... I mean, it's been a lot) felt staggering. It was on the veterans who remained, sure, but Chikara leaned on the youth and inexperience. Honestly, the kids proved they were alright.

First and foremost, the Xyberhawx 2000 proved that they could be a worthy inheritor of The Colony's mantel of "anthropomorphic high flying masks." Razerhawk especially showed that he was ready for prime time, which is important. Chikara is and hopefully always will be a family-friendly promotion. Having colorful, exciting avatars at the head of the class is paramount, and they have to be proficient at what they do. The Hawx have gone a long way to proving that they can fill the enormous shoes (antennae?) of the Colony, who have been pretty much the standard bearers of the company since I came aboard as a fan in 2009. Another standout has been The Whisper, who in the span of a year has filled the role vacated by Juan Francisco de Coronado when he ascended to the main event level of "midcard baddie who can generate animosity and also wrestle." Solo Darling, Travis Huckabee, Merlok, the Sea Stars (who for some reason are now on the alumni page, weird), Officer Warren Barksdale, Race Jaxon, Hype Rockwell, and Rory Gulak have all done well this year too.

It's definitely odd to say, however, that the biggest weakness may have been Juan Francisco de Coronado's title reign. He's a strong worker and a heat magnet, and honestly, this reign should theoretically still be hot. However, it felt like when he retained over Dasher Hatfield at the finale that the buzz around Chikara dissipated. A lengthy heel title reign doesn't have the same cache in 2017 that it did in 1985 for obvious reasons, namely, everyone can see you and what you're doing. Coronado not dropping the belt to Gulak was understandable, especially given that Gulak has seemingly gone rudo, setting himself up for another run at the title next year, this time at a tecnico champ. But the time to strap Hatfield was now, and it only was half due to Hatfield being ready to take the mantel.

Mike Quackenbush has one of the best reputations among bookers at least for creativity, but he's suffered a lot of the same pitfalls that others have, namely, he's great at starting stories, but when it comes to paying them off, he's hit or miss. Part of that has been due to departures to greener pastures but at the same time, a great booker can work around these things. He has to have an ending to Coronado's title reign that packs enough of a punch to get his promotion's mojo back. I'm not sure if he has an ace up his sleeve like he did with Lee at Top Banana at the end of 2015.

Still, pitfalls aside, Chikara had a fine 2017 with a bright 2018 ahead of it. A slate of shows in Philadelphia throughout most of the year has already been announced, and one can almost guarantee road dates will follow in the coming months. Aside from a satisfying end to Coronado's title reign, I'd like to see the native roster grow and strengthen further, but I'd also like to see more guests come in. Perhaps a return to 2011 levels of influx and outflow isn't in the cards, but I quite liked what Chikara did over the last year, starting with the Johnny Kidd Invitational and sprinkling in other guest stars on road stops. Letting Hatfield continue to work in the Eddie Kingston Feature Guest Star Worker role would be a huge plus. He acquitted himself well against Moose and Keith Lee last year. Perhaps this year, he can hold court on tour.

I also hope King of Trios returns home, whether to Philadelphia or Easton, but that might just be speaking out of hurt of missing it for the first time since 2009 last year.
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Pro Wrestling SKOOPZ on The Wrestling Blog: Vol. 3, Issue 16

December 13, 2017, 11:00 am
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Swann's in hot water
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Well now, look who's back to dispense the news in the best way possible. THAT'S RIGHT, IT'S ME, HORB FLERBMINBER. Any of you fucks who guessed "Dave Meltzer" or "Rajah" or "That Dude on Twitter Who Obsessively Stalks rovert, Fray, and Slice" ARE UP AGAINST THE WALL WHEN I COME TO POWER, which according to my calculations... should've been last week? WHAT IN TARNATION. Regardless, whether or not I'm the Supreme Chancellor of Planet Earth, the Moon, and Sector 348-D of the Kuiper Belt has no effect on whether or not I deliver the news in a timely and accurate manner. BECAUSE I DO.

Now, you could just read the newsletter and you'll be edified beyond all active measures. But you have to get the COMPLETE HORB EXPERIENCE, so first, you must follow me on Twitter, @HorbFlerbminber. You'll know when news breaks as it breaks, sometimes even BEFORE it breaks. Remember when I said Bray Wyatt would be arrested for setting off a dirty bomb in the suburbs of Portland, OR, and then five minutes later, the feds raided his compound? THAT WAS ALL HORB, BABY. And if you want to partake in getting past letters, you're in luck, because it's the TWELVE DAYS OF HORBSMAS, which includes:
  • 12 Meltzers Quote-Tweeting
  • 11 Pipers Coconutting
  • Ten Lords-a-Regaling
  • Nine Divas Searching
  • Eight Vinces Googling
  • Seven Swanns-a... actually, I've been informed this one's been discontinued, sorry
  • Six Ellsworths Laying (down for Becky Lynch)
  • Five Braaaaaaass Rings
  • Four Calling Spots
  • Three French Canadians
  • Two Steve the Turtle Weiners
  • And a Cartridge of No Mercy
And now, the news.

- Rich Swann was indefinitely suspended by WWE after being arrested for battery and false imprisonment of his wife, indie wrestler Su Yung. In response, Impact Wrestling inquired about signing him to several new contracts to replace the old guy they had for that purpose.

- The Royal Rumble Universal Championship match is slated to be Brock Lesnar vs. Braun Strowman vs. Kane, because Vince McMahon hates you and doesn't want you to be happy no matter how much money you give him.

- RAW had the second lowest second hour in history Monday, causing Vince McMahon to make Canyon Ceman cut off two of his own fingers, leaving him with only five left between both his hands.

- SMACKDOWN UPDATE: Daniel Bryan and Shane McMahon pilot for WWE Network, My Two Refs picked up for a 13-episode order.

- WWE announced today that it would be presenting a "Mixed Match Challenge" to be aired on Facebook Live in January, a mixed-tag-team series featuring one female and one male superstar on each team. Frankly, I'm so mad that WWE would promote such PERVERSION that I forgot to call Vince McMahon out on putting content on the Internet to circumvent its failing ratings. WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO HIDE, VINCE?

- Triple H defeated Jinder Mahal in New Delhi this weekend, allowing him to mark off "South Asians" on his Racism Punch Card. All he needs to do is somehow wrong someone of Middle Eastern descent and he'll be awarded his own Washington lobbyist.

- Buff Bagwell recently dropped his lawsuit against WWE for royalties under the condition that he show up for RAW to make up for the time his mom called him out of work.

- SANADA and EVIL have won this year's New Japan Tag League, and I swear to God, if anyone doesn't consider them the best tag team in the world right now, I mean right this second, and says something like the Usos or whatever WWE GARBAGE they're peddling, I'm going to flip.

- Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson has announced that his girlfriend is once again expecting. Vince McMahon is said to be thrilled that Rock will have three children so he can book them to appear at every other WrestleMania to take on Shane's and Stephanie's three children.

- Someone had the bright idea to ask Jerry Lawler about the rash of sexual harassment and abuse stories coming out, and now no one is safe.

- Bret Hart was inducted into the Quebec Sports Hall of Fame last week, which retroactively justified his decision not to drop the WWE Championship in Montreal since now he's officially an honorary Quebecois.

- Rockstar Spud is expected to start with WWE next week in the cruiserweight division Expect him to get a push right away as Vince McMahon has just recently found out who Milo Yiannopoulos is.

- Nick Aldis defeated Tim Storm for the NWA World's Heavyweight Championship. When asked for comment on why he made the switch, Billy Corgan said "Emptiness is loneliness and loneliness is cleanliness and cleanliness is godliness and GOD IS EMPTY, JUST LIKE MEEEEEE."

- Drew Gulak reportedly taught other wrestlers how to play dreidel for Hanukkah. However, play was halted when Braun Strowman ate all the gelt that was set aside for gimmel without even taking his turn.

- DJ Z revealed that he has three herniated discs in his back, and almost out of reflex, Dixie Carter shouted "Not it!"

- Jushin "Thunder" Liger on why he's not on social media: "I don't need that motherfucker Horb Flerbminber stalking me electronically too."

- Both Kevin Nash and Madusa have undergone knee surgeries this past week, thus fulfilling the yin and yang of political alignment knee injuries as Nash is antifa and Madusa a full-on Trumpkin.

- The Nashville Tennessean did an interview with Jason Brown, the head of Aro Lucha, who said the company's goal was to provide "family friendly entertainment to ensure the future of the White race and for White children."

- WWE signed Nasser Airywayehi, the first ever signee from Kuwait. He will be fast-tracked to the main roster so he can feud with Iraqi Sgt. Slaughter.

Alright, last week's poll results are in, and what do you know, I won five bucks on this scratch-off lottery ticket. Wow. This week:
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Search

Twitter Request Line, Vol. 217

December 14, 2017, 11:30 am
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The FCC boned everyone, but especially indie wrestling distribution
Photo via Wikipedia
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers:
Long story short, if net neutrality gets vanquished the way that the Federal Communications Commission voted for it to be vanquished today, it will be nigh impossible for streaming services such as Powerbomb TV to continue as they are. Net neutrality rules that were always sort of in place before Barack Obama's administration codified them in 2015 made sure that Internet service providers had to provide the same speeds for all websites and grant fair access to everyone. With net neutrality so far planned to be scuttled, it would allow these ISPs to control how fast certain sites load and offer tiered Internet to people based on whatever criteria they wanted to, most likely by price. Also, remember that Linda McMahon is on Donald Trump's cabinet. She has a vested interest in how content is distributed in a certain industry. If she or her husband Vince or anyone else in WWE decide they don't want anyone else competing WWE Network, they could nudge the big providers to throttle sites that compete with them, even if they're really not competition in reality. So basically, the fear of Powerbomb TV, Highspots, or even New Japan World becoming borderline unusable in America unless a king's ransom is paid becomes tangible at the very least and probable in the nightmare scenario, and c'mon, you gotta face facts that ever since Trump has been elected President, this fucking world has been operating under the nightmare scenario to end all nightmare scenarios. In short, Powerbomb TV and other services are fucked, just as fucked as anyone else who wants to use the Internet and isn't rich.

It depends on where you're planning on going, but if you're going to come over for wrestling, the obvious month is April. Even if you don't go to any WWE-branded events, New Orleans is going to be crawling with shows from various promotions and featuring a wide swath of pro wrestlers of varying tastes and styles. Do you want to see Rush? Nick Gage? Zack Sabre, Jr.? Nicole Savoy? Daisuke Sekimoto? I mean, nearly every wrestler in America and some from other countries too will be in the Big Easy then. It's a shame such most wrestling hubbubs nucleate around WWE, but then again, if you're there to see friends and watch the graps, I guess it can be excused, y'know?

While I dispute the claim that turkey is second-tier, it doesn't belong at Christmas. Turkey is the Thanksgiving protein. Ham is the Easter protein. Christmas celebrates the coming of Christ the King, right, at least for those in Christiandom? Well, it should be celebrated with the king of meats, beef. Whether it be a roast beef, a prime rib, steaks, or a brisket, Christmas dinner should be celebrated with THE BEEF by all those who can eat it.

One is a wild-eyed young man from a ranch down in Texas, following in the footsteps of his older brother but with a wild streak a million miles long. The other is a grizzled old veteran, looking for one more shot in the big time, this time in a world of weapons and crass crowds. The Great Muta and Keiji Mutoh vs. Terry Funk and Terry Funk would be an incredible spectacle on the level of nothing wrestling has ever seen.

Honestly, I don't wanna go to a site where the graphics look like they're out of 1998 or that they were done by someone whose passion was graphic design. I also don't wanna go to a place where the graphics are nice but they're cluttered up by intrusive advertisements. Unfortunately, I feel like I described like a good 65 percent of blogs and writing sites on the Internet. I don't know. Don't make my eyes bleed too egregiously, and I'll at least check your project out.

Because Philadelphia is as much a trash city as it is a great city.

It ranks pretty high, actually! The hook through the trailing flourish brings the heat, even today. It doesn't sound dated at all. I don't know if it'd be my top one, but it's in my top five which is as follows:
The NFL on Fox
The NBA on NBC
Monday Night Football
NFL Films: Round-Up
MLB on ESPN
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Year End Sorting Bins: [HATE STARE INTENSIFIES]

December 15, 2017, 6:00 am
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Going in on Meltzer, daddy, to start this whole shebang off
Photo Credit: @ObserverQuotes
The Year End BLOWOUT continues with the return of the Sorting Bins. For those who are new to TWB, I categorize the various peoples whose performances I've absorbed in the past year into five separate bins depending on how much I've liked them. The first category is Unequivocal Hatred, which is reserved for those who make me wanna throw a brick through my various television screens. A note, I'm not ranking anyone on these lists who have been accused of harassment, sexual abuse, or domestic violence. They can and should be forgotten. These lists are for annoyances inside the ring or on television or what have you. Anyway, onward and upward, or in this case, downward.

Dave Meltzer - I know he's not technically an on-screen personality, although perhaps his stature as a booster of the Young Bucks and a superfan in Pro Wrestling Guerrilla make him count. Either way, he's a polarizing figure for many reasons: his wrongness on social issues, his habitual equivalence between pro wrestling and MMA, his vague reporting. However, I can look past those things if it weren't for the fact that he's so horribly, terribly, catastrophically bad at Twitter that it's way past ironically funny and all the way into "take this man's phone away from him." It's not that he posts awful comedy like Dolph Ziggler or selfish, tryhard self-aggrandazation like Cody Rhodes. It's that he just quote-tweets the dumbest shit in an attempt to own people online. Basically, he spends the time that he's not working, sleeping, or ingesting PEDs shooting dead fish in a barrel, quoting braindead n00bs with seven followers asking whether or not CM Punk is coming back to WWE or whatever and emphatically smacking them down as if he were Hakeem Olajuwon in the mid-'90s. Of course, it's a byproduct of the culture he fosters in the DVDVR circle and such, where arguing over talking points is almost like a sport or a game, or in Meltzer's case, a Japanese role playing game. The way he treats these people tweeting at him is the way one might just beat the shit out of enemies below your level in one of those games. It's called grinding. It's great for when you're playing Dragon Warrior or Final Fantasy and need to level up, but when you're on Twitter trying to stoke the discourse, it gets old really goddamn fast. Basically, this man is the avatar for everything in wrestling's fourth estate, and he just compulsively tries to own the easiest people online one can own. That may not be the reason no one respects wrestling, but goddamn, if it isn't an ugly symptom, like hacking cough one develops when battling bronchitis.

Dolph Ziggler - Oh, hey, speaking of Ziggler, what's it like to have a gimmick that you have great matches and yet haven't had a great match since when, 2013?

Cody Rhodes - Oh and also speaking of Rhodes, I heard he's mad at me because his dad invented talking shit about people he didn't like in the business and I haven't kissed the damn rings yet.

Togi Makabe - New Japan's American expansion couldn't have come at a better time, i.e. a time when Makabe was winding down his career and not wrestling as much anymore.

Shane McMahon - Look, I'll level with you and say that I haven't been completely enamored with Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn as Smackdown's top heels, and not all of it has to do with the framing either. That being said, those two have entertained me in the past decade at least, on quite a few occasions. McMahon hasn't been anything on my radar since Kurt Angle threw him through a plate glass window. That was over 15 years ago. What the fuck. Someone let this motherfucker know that if he wants cheap thrills, he could take up base jumping and not have to clog up my television time or two of my favorite dudes in wrestling. PS the term "babyface authority figure" is fascist propaganda through and through. Authority is not your friend. The boss is never the good guy.

Paul Heyman - "I'M PAUL HEYMAN, THE ADVOCATE FOR THE REIGNING, DEFENDING, UNIVERSAL CHAMPION BROCK LESNAR. I'M GOING TO PUT OVER HIS OPPONENT BECAUSE THAT'S EDGY, REALLY EDGY TO GIVE ANYONE CREDIT IN WRESTLING NOWADAYS IF THEY'RE YOUR OPPONENT. BUT BROCK LESNAR IS A MONSTER, A BEAST, A FORCE OF NATURE! NOW LET ME SAY SOMETHING VAGUELY HOMOEROTIC SO I CAN VIRTUE SIGNAL TO VINCE THAT WE'RE STILL HEELS IN ALL THIS AND THEN LEAVE BECAUSE HEY, WHY SHOULD THE CHAMPION PROMOTE HIMSELF!" - Every Paul Heyman promo from the last five years summarized.

Texano - I hate ragging on the dude because it really does look like he has a ball going out there and swinging his bullrope and trying to win cybernetic hands 'n shit, but I mean, I've derived more enjoyment from thermodynamics homework in college than watching him on Lucha Underground.

Tamina Snuka - I don't believe in quotas, and if WWE had more than one larger Pacific Islander woman who was good on the roster, I'd go buck wild in support. But when Nia Jax is, y'know, proficient at least at her job, and Tamina Snuka actively isn't, then why would have have Tamina Snuka on the roster?

Bully Ray - Bully Ray is what happens when you let Rip Rogers jack off on a Blue Lives Matter American flag and expose it to gamma radiation.

Matt Striker - Remember when Marty Martinez and Killshot had a dope-as-fuck hardcore brawl around the most unique arena in wrestling history, and all Striker could talk about was Republican foreign policy?

Randy Orton - The amount of effort that I want to exert on writing about Orton is just a scosh higher than the amount of effort in aggregate he's given on television all this year.

Colin Cassady - Honestly, he's always been the weak link to the tag team, and then when he turned, it became painfully obvious his ceiling was "beating the shit out of someone who could bump for him." Being a Trumpkin doesn't help, but in all honesty, I'd be shocked if less than 75 percent of the locker room supported the Oompa Loompa-in-Chief, so I guess I can't really hold that against him.

Lana - Really, she could've been 1991 Manami Toyota, and the transphobic slurs she faved about Sasha Banks would put her here.

Kane - Pushing Kane as an unkillable monster in 1998 would have been intelligent. Doing it in 2002 would've rehabbed him and perhaps allowed post-Attitude WWE not to hit doldrums as low as it did (although to be honest, the ratings highs were a bubble anyway). Doing it in 2008, well, you're pushing it. Doing it 2017 is criminal negligence. The fact that WWE didn't do it in 1998, 2002, or 2008 and is doing it now is all the more offensive. Glenn Jacobs is a libertarian whackjob, and him holding public office would be an irresponsible thing to endorse, but I hate having to see him not only on WWE television but there and sopping up attention from wrestlers who are worth so much more like Braun Strowman and Finn Bálor that I am willing to eschew my political values, sell out, and hope like hell that he wins the seat he's running for.

Stephanie McMahon - You think if she ever cut an emasculating promo on herself that the Universe would fold in on itself, thus ending existence? Something to ponder.

TJ Perkins - If you want to calibrate your opinions on something, just see if Perkins also has one. If it's the opposite of the one you have, congratulations, your opinion is correct.

The Briscoe Brothers - Keep fuckin' that chicken, boys.

Nattie Neidhart - I've gotten to the point where if she's on camera, my eyes glaze over. Smackdown's women's division should be so vibrant because Becky Lynch, Naomi, and even Charlotte Flair are all dynamic talents, but Christ. Nattie? Really?

JBL - Oh man, seeing him get to leave WWE on his own accord and not be forced out over some kind of scandal gets my goat. WWE commentary has become downright enjoyable since this eternal shit-breather left.

Vince McMahon - Just remember the next time this senile old motherfucker stops by on television that he's singlehandedly responsible for every bad thing that has befallen wrestling in the last 20 years before you pop for him. If the world had any cosmic justice, he'd have gotten the subdural hematoma, not Katsuyori Shibata.

Triple H - Oh, all you sheeple are just so enamored with him sopping up all the interesting (and okay, some not-so-interesting) indie talent to stash away in NXT and then do his vanity tour of wrestling. Oh, all hail, he subbed for Roman Reigns in The Shield. Wow, he danced with Jinder Mahal in India. Such a magnanimous motherfucker. Well, dickhead ain't fooled me. I see right through him. He's still just building his brand, waiting for Papa Vince to croak or become non compos mentis so he can bring his big 1985 Ric Flair tribute act to the main roster. Think Mahal's title reign was annoying? Just wait for it to be replicated on every brand at all time with actual clones of Triple H. When Drew McIntyre, Bobby Roode, and Adam Cole are all on top of the three brands doing 2001 Triple H tribute acts, don't say I didn't fucking warn you. You say all hail to me and you might be liable to get a middle finger in your grill. Fuck Triple H past, present, and future.
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NXT In 60 Seconds

December 15, 2017, 9:00 am
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Undisputedly undefeated
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Andrade "Cien" Almas: Look at this shiny new belt!  Yo soy el campeon de mundo, pinche Sailors, and I...
Fabian Aichner: Tilt a whirl backbreaker!  Springboard plancha!  Springboard tornado DDT!  Powerbomb!  Hey, you can't interfe--
Zelina Vega: drops down from the apron
Cien: shoves him to the floor, throws him into the steps, then gives him the 100 Headaches in the ring
Referee: Winner!
Cien: Pfft.  Of course I am.  Like it was ever in doubt.
Zelina: You got something on your brow, babe.
Cien: dabs lightly before holding up the belt a few more times

Alexander Wolfe's Takeover Induced Head Scars: take up the screen for a few seconds
Eric Young: We are full of restless nights and unfinished business.  WarGames was as beautiful as we thought it would be; while the outcome was not ideal we have yet to leave the battlefield.  We're still here.  We will finish what we started in Houston next week.
SAnitY: laughs manically, as is their wont
  
Danny Burch: peace sign
Oney Lorcan: is number one.
Some Full Sailors: One-two!  One-two!  One-two!
the Authors of Pain: come out
Danny: lays in some European uppercuts
Oney: tags in and lays in some hard chops and a flurry
One-Two: beat on the Authors in the corners
the Authors: no sell, DVD into the corner, Super Collider, Last Chapter
Referee: What an uncommonly violent 90 seconds.  Anyhow, winners! 

Ember Moon: alternately cheers and howls
Full Sailors: show the love
Team Iconic: comes out
Full Sailors: show slightly less love
Billie Kay: You got this, boo!
Peyton Royce: I do!
Ember: dodges some offense, sends Royce to the outside, and planchas them both before rolling Peyton back in
Billie: Hey!  You can't do that to my friend!
Ember: shoos her away
Peyton: 619s Ember in the back then uses the ropes to assist with a bow and arrow I hate you!
Ember: spinning back kick, step up enzuigiri, European uppercut
Peyton: blocks a Liger Bomb attempt
Ember: superkicks the back of her knee, springboard stomp, Eclipse
Referee: Winner!
Billie: Loser!  boots Ember down Boo, come help me!
Team Iconic: two women bulldog facebuster
Nikki: shows up and beats up the heels, then alternates looks between the belt and the champ before running the ropes and leaving of her own accord
Ember: crawls to the belt and staggers up to a knee while looking confused  

Some Guy: comes out with his friends, they all throw up their gang sign then they leave
Aleister Black: comes out alone, Full Sailors singing along to part of his theme
Both: go at it on the mat
Some Guy: escapes and blows a kiss to Black  
He and Full Sailors: ADAM COLE, BAY BAY!
Cole: snapmare and paintbrushing ADAM COLE, BAY BAY!
Black: five strike party, short range Knee Trembler, sits down mid ring — it's a thing he does
                          [break]
Cole: Crossfaces Black
Black: crawls for a while, then eventually gets the ropes
Cole: stays on for 4, then alternates stomps with smacktalking ADAM COLE, BAY BAY! 
Black: eight strike party ending with a quebrada
Cole: lands a hangman from the apron then flies off into a Crocop shot
Black: prepares the Mass
Cole: flash enzuigiri and lungblower
Referee: Kickout! 

Cole: lands a familiar looking move
Mauro: doesn't call the neckbreaker over the knee the oshigoroshi
Black: kicks out, lands a bicycle knee, prepares once again
Cole: What do you got?!
Black: Mass
Referee: Winner! 
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Promotions to Watch: Game Changer Wrestling

December 18, 2017, 9:35 am
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Janela's a huge reason to follow Game Changer Wrestling
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
Death match wrestling is a mixed bag. Some people love it and can't get enough of the ultraviolence, while others cringe at the mere thought of things they've heard people do in those kinds of matches. The truth is death match promotions aren't just places for light tubes and barbed wire anymore. Sure, they have a lot of that kinda stuff going on, but they've basically become havens for all different kinds of wrestlers, mainly brawlers who aren't going to show up on the Wrestling Observer Newsletter Best Technical ballot. Then again, sometimes, you will see the prestige grapplers showing up. I mean, Jonathan Gresham is a proud Combat Zone Wrestling alumnus. CZW is the stateside promotion most people think of when it comes to the new generation of extreme, but a new kid has come up on the block a few counties north in the state of New Jersey. Game Changer Wrestling has looked to be just that, a game changer, not just in the arena of hardcore wrestling, but also as a haven for the misfits in the wrestling world, kinda like what CZW was and attempts to continue to be.

Discussion, good or bad, of GCW focuses mainly around three wrestlers, two good, one bad. The first name that should be on everyone's lips is Nick Gage. Since being released from prison a second time, Gage has picked up where he left off the first time, kicking ass and taking names in promotions around the country. Whether it be wrestling the Faces of Fear in Black Label Pro, rising to the top of Absolute Intense Wrestling, or doing spot work for Powerbomb TV, Gage has become a transcendent talent on the indie scene, one it desperately needs. However, he's made no secret that GCW is his home. Since getting back, outside of tournaments, he's become the promotion's top guy for welcoming visitors. His resume includes Teddy Hart, Matt Riddle, Miedo Extreme, and Darby Allin among others. He's also traded victories with Matt Tremont, who's pretty much become the newest godfather of the death match scene, and of course, he promotes his own death match tournament under the GCW banner. If you want to guarantee that you'll see the King in his own environment at his best where he's the most comfortable, you go to GCW.

Gage is so ride or die for GCW that he invaded Cage of Death this year along with former CZW referee Brett Lauderdale. The notable thing about that act was that it may or may not have been an angle. Even if it was a shoot, it shows that the spirit of unpredictability lives with this guy, and as long as it doesn't end up with people getting shot (or shot on), it might end up being a good thing. This kind of shit doesn't happen with "respectable" promotions, but with the death match crowd, I'd expect it and be disappointed if it didn't happen. Gage and the crew have even invited DJ Hyde to go to the next GCW show, which the promotional material clearly states not to mistake for advertisement that he'll be there. Either way though, it's something to look forward to in the coming year. When bigger promotions outside WWE stagnate or try to suckle on the WWE teat, GCW is out here making waves thanks to Gage, and it's at least interesting.

Speaking of making waves, one would be remiss to speak on GCW's big year without mentioning Joey Janela. Gage's big Invitational Tournament appealed to the promotions core crowd, but Janela's Spring Break during Mania week was talked about for different reasons. Out of sheer force of will and booking decisions that few other promoters would even dream of touching, Janela put together the most eccentric and yet preeminently satisfying shows of the year, catering to so many different crowds. If wrestling is to be a variety show at its creative zenith, then the Joey Janela Spring Break show is the best card of the year, by far. Janela is another wrestler who ventures about the country, working for various promotions, but it's GCW that gave him the biggest outlet of his career. In a way, he's inextricably linked to the promotion, and this it's where he puts in his most important work.

Unfortunately, SHLAK is also indelibly connected to GCW and not for good reasons. People have shunned CZW or at least put it under fire rightfully for turning the book over to Sami Callihan, an accused domestic abuser who has paid zero for his accused misdeeds and shown even less remorse. However, GCW is not a moral alternative1 because of its continued booking and harboring of SHLAK, who has had ties to Nazi groups in the past and whose response to those accusations has been to deflect and say that both Nazis and antifa are equally bad. In the current context, where White supremacist groups are coming out of the woodwork and making their presences felt, a wrestling company can't harbor someone who could very well pose a threat to audience members for their very existences. Companies rushed to cancel bookings of Michael Elgin for his utter disregard for safety of female fans in the crowd, and rightfully so. What will it take to get a Nazi out of this promotion? GCW and the people who run it and who carry its banners need to take a good hard look and decide whether they want to protect a Nazi sympathizer at the very least, or if they want to get right and maybe start to make a minuscule difference.

It would be a shame if they decided SHLAK was more important, because GCW feels like a relevant promotion otherwise. The wrestlers it books and the freedom it gives them is unmatched by any other promotion in the country and perhaps the world, outside of Dramatic Dream Team in Japan. It's a company that scratches a lot of itches, and even if you're not a death match person (trust me, I'm not, although I've become less and less squeamish towards the style over the years), you should be able to find something there for you going forward, whether it be in archives or in 2018 going forward.

1 - To wit, no wrestling promotion can be considered a moral alternative, because for fuck's sake, every promotion books or is run by some kind of morally decrepit asshole and is some degree of apologetic about it.
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The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings for December 18, 2017

December 18, 2017, 4:45 pm
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Miss u, Carrie
Photo Credit: Lucasfilm
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Carrie Fisher (Last Week: Not Ranked) - I could have put nearly anyone from Star Wars, Episode VIII: The Last Jedi here, but Fisher has a special place in my heart for obvious reasons. It's my favorite installment in the franchise. Like, I saw it Saturday night and I'm still buzzing about it, both as a fan and as a critical thinker about art, even if it's corporately-produced art enriching the Disney Corporation. Fisher's final living turn as General Leia Organa (I have no doubt she'll be CGI'd for Episode IX, just as she and Peter Cushing were for Rogue One) was sentimental even without factoring in her death. But her death is one of a few celebrity deaths that I'm not over and may never be over. Either way, TLJ was a hell of a high note to step out on.

2. Bryan Danielson (Last Week: 3) - I got the vapors when he was staring daggers at Shane McMahon at the end of the match they co-refereed at Clash of Champions. Sure, it's going to lead to Bryan's big return match being against Shane goddamn motherfucking McMahon, but AJ Styles got something somewhat watchable out of McMahon at WrestleMania, and Styles is on a notch below Bryan in the ring. Workers like those, they're magicians, man. Magicians.

3. Joel Embiid (Last Week: 1) - The city of Philadelphia doesn't know what it has with Embiid, and honestly, as seen with Carson Wentz, such special greatness can be snuffed out in the blink of an eye with a slight twist of the knee. Cherish him. CHERISH HIM.

4. Asuka (Last Week: 2) - Asuka and Braun Strowman are in holding patterns right now, but at least with Asuka's, the promise of her doing an awesome, pseudo-shoot style match (or at least as shoot style as WWE will allow) with Sonya DeVille is on the table. Imagine that, Asuka and DeVille getting to revolutionize wrestling. They probably won't get the chance, but at least in that situation, hope lives. Kane is where hope goes to die.

5. Redhouse Bagels (Last Week: Not Ranked)OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED RANKING - My brother and sister-in-law came over to see the kids Saturday morning and brought bagels from this Bensalem, PA shop, and let me tell you, they were AMAZING. They had a stellar combination of heft and flavor, and the spreads were to die for as well. If you're ever in the northeastern suburbs of Philadelphia, head there and thank me later.

6. Nelson Agholor (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Agholor was pretty much left for dead after last season. A high draft pick under Chip Kelly, he didn't do much better when the Eagles coaching regime changed last year. However, this year, he found new life as a slot receiver, which can be a really productive way to make a career in the NFL. He's been one of the best parts of this Eagles team, and suffice to say, they don't win Sunday without him hauling in some hard passes. I'm glad I was wrong about Agholor.

7. Braun Strowman (Last Week: 6) - I just gotta keep telling myself that it's not his fault WWE wants to make Kane a thing, but at least he's making it somewhat watchable, right? Right?

8. Toni Storm (Last Week: 4) - She's going to defend her STARDOM title down in Australia against Shazza McKenzie, which is actually really neat because McKenzie is a friend of the blog and also because even though she's a native Australian herself, venturing back into the wilds of the continent Down Under can be perilous for people who spend time in more hospitable climes like Japan and the United Kingdom.

9. Porgs (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Seriously, I want one. LOOK AT HOW CUTE THEY ARE.

10. Oney Lorcan (Last Week: 10) - He'll be porkin' on New Year's Eve at Beyond Wrestling, his old stomping grounds, to shuck a few DVDs and hang out with his old friends. WWE isn't letting him wrestle, but they are letting Apollo Crews work for the hucksters who tried using Kris Travis' name to make money for a tournament. I don't understand that company's personnel decisions anymore.
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