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Any Shows This Weekend? Girls Night Out and ROH's Birthday

March 1, 2013, 12:49 pm
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Whom will she face?
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
Tonight begins a huge weekend in indie wrestling that will be broadcast by and large on iPPV. Well, at least the two heaviest hitters will be. The first event, tonight, will feature Absolute Intense Wrestling going headfirst into the medium with Girls Night Out 8. Ring of Honor's foray into iPPV will be their 11th Anniversary Show, one of their bigger shows of the year. They will be two of several companies doing live wrestling this weekend around the country. It's a busy, busy weekend.

First up is Girls Night Out, at Turner's Hall in Cleveland, which is dubbed "Climb the Ladder" will feature a one-night mini-tournament to see who'll get the next shot at Women's Champion Allysin Kay. Kay has taken out every woman put in front of her, and at least one man (demon?), so the next person to get a crack at her will have to win a qualifying match and then a four-way ladder match. Actually, that's a lie. The next person to get a crack at the winner of Kay's match against an unknown opponent tonight. Who will it be? Will it be a freshly-returned-from-Japan Mia Yim? An ally-in-elseworlds Jessicka Havok? I have no real leans on this, but either way, given the year that Kay has had, I doubt it will disappoint.

But back to the Climb the Ladder series, the qualifying matches will feature Veda Scott against Leva Bates, Kimber Lee against Athena, Crazy Mary Dobson vs. Annie Social, and Sassy Stephie against Addy Starr. The winners of those matches will compete in a four-way ladder match with contract hanging atop the arena as a surprise. All eight wrestlers could conceivably win this and challenge Kay. I'd have to flip a coin between the two, but if I had to make an uninformed prediction, I'd go with either Scott or Athena. Scott's a hot choice because she's one-half of the Tag Team Champions with Gregory Iron, and is hugely over as a baddie with the Turner's Hall crowd. Athena is another likely winner because she, like Hansel in Zoolander is so hot right now.

ROH's offering on iPPV will take place at the Sayre Fieldhouse in Chicago Ridge, IL. The main event of this show, Kevin Steen defending the World Championship against Jay Lethal, has been in the works since September of last year. At an event in Rahway, NJ, Steen spat on Lethal's mother in the crowd, which has set the former Black Machismo on the warpath. Both other titles will be on the line, as the Briscoes defend the Tag Titles against Kyle O'Reilly and Bobby Fish, and Adam Cole will defend the Television Championship against Matt Taven. Outside of the titles, tag team matches seem to be the order of the day. The American Wolves of Davey Richards and Eddie Edwards will attempt to fend off the invading-from-New Japan team of the Forever Hooligans, Ricky Romero and Alex Koslov. In the other big tag match, Jimmy Jacobs and Steve Corino will look to further tear down the ethic of ROH, and an unlikely duo from the South, Cedric Alexander and Caprice Coleman, will come to its honor.

There are some other shows around the country that will be happening for a live audience only. If you're in these areas though, you can totally check them out. AAW at the Bourbon Street Entertainment Complex in Merionette Park, IL will also be happening tonight. It has the Jerry Lynn Retirement Tour rolling in for his final match in Chicago. Also, the semifinals and finals of the Heritage Championship tournament will be taking place. Juntai Miller/ACH will be worth the price of admission alone, but then they'll be putting on Louis Lyndon/Samuray del Sol with the winners of those two matches facing off? Yeah, this might be the best show of the weekend going on.

Also of note going on in the next three days:
  • Pro South Wrestling tonight at the Pro South Arena in Piedmont, AL, featuring Ace Haven
  • East Coast Wrestling Association at the Newark Boys and Girls Club, Newark, DE, on Saturday, featuring Apollyon, Papadon, Kekoa, and a 30 minute Iron Match for hte ECWA Title between Josh Daniels and Chris Wylde
  • Empire Pro Wreslting at the Empire Arena in Rossville, GA, on Saturday, featuring Ace Rockwell and Shaun Tempers
  • Platinum Championship Wrestling at Main Event Hall in Porterdale, GA, featuring the quarter- and semifinals of the PCW Championship tournament and wrestlers such as Fred Yehi, the Washington Bullets, Shane Marx, and Chip Day
There was a Wrestling Is Awesome show slated for this weekend, but it has been postponed. So there's that. Either way though, there's a LOT of wrestling going on in America. Even if it's not listed here, you should try and see if there is any going on within driving distance. Just because it's not publicized in the blogs and dirt sheets doesn't mean you won't have fun.
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Punk Rock Kana

March 4, 2013, 4:35 am
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Photo Credit: Luke Matsuki

Here's all-world joshi sensation Kana at the latest 666 Wrestling show. Either she's applying to start the international wing of the Midwest Militia, or she's showing her affection for punk rock. Either way, I dig this look on her. I mean, what other kind of music goes better with her brutal roundhouse kicks than the raw intensity of three chord riffs with social commentary? I think it's an apt metaphor, I do.
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We Must Break You, Fella

March 4, 2013, 11:35 am
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.gif via Buzz Feed

In the United States, the above would be police brutality. In Russia, an officer Brogue Kicking a perp is just another day in Vladimir Putin's half-frozen, eleven-time-zone-spanning behemoth of a nation. The pump portion of it is a bit weak, but he got all of it on impact. I wonder if he's a WWE fan, or whether he's just a kung fu aficionado who got a little jittery in the jump portion of his kick. Either way, impressive form there, fella.
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Forced Feminine Devolution, or When Bulls Blazed

March 4, 2013, 12:50 pm
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.gif Credit: Old School Wrestling Tumblr

The above .gif is from a match between Alundra Blayze (or Madusa Miceli) and Bull Nakano. You can watch the whole thing here. Yes, it was on Monday Night RAW. No, neither Blayze nor Nakano were portrayed as oversexualized bombshells who were paraded out for 90 seconds to do some butt-shaking before doing a flash pin. This match contains stiff strikes, dives to the floor, innovative submissions, and as immortalized above, a German suplex on the outside.

To put it in perspective, the men in the then-WWF weren't doing stuff like this. ECW at this time was getting warmed up as a crucible for match quality as the juniors and luchas started roosting there temporarily between stints in major companies, stateside or abroad. WCW's cruiserweight movement was just getting started, but most of their card was actually regressing from the likes of having Cactus Jack, Vader, Rick Rude, Steve Austin, and Ricky Steamboat to being the Hulk Hogan show (with Ric Flair aging more and more rapidly as the years went on).

But regardless of what the peers were doing, no one else in the company was on the level of the woman thought so highly of by the office that she'd be jobbing the Women's Championship to a joke at SummerSlam later on that year and then was allowed to take that belt to WCW and throw it in the trash. Shortly after her departure, the WWF would move into the direction of Sable appearing topless on RAW with only body paint in the shape of handprints on the scandalous parts, with Jerry Lawler shrieking "PUPPIES!" whenever he got the chance to. The drop was as precipitous as it was staggering. WWF went from having arguably the women providing best action in the ring in North America - or if not best, then at least most innovative - to being a phallocratic joke where boobs were currency.

It wasn't like these women weren't getting great crowd reactions, either. Nakano got booed heartily, and Blayze was perhaps the last positive female role model WWF would have until the present day. She had a lack of character development, but at the same time, joshis in Japan were able to get to the point in the ring. Blayze had that ability as well, mainly because she was allowed to work with them.

You get out of something what you put into it. WWF let Blayze and one of the greatest wrestlers ever, man or woman, go out and blow the roof off the arena. They weren't Hulk Hogan, but at that time, no one was in terms of drawing power. They were part of an ensemble though, one that got reactions and had eyes glued on them. To say that the women of today can't do that is fulfillment of a self-written prophecy, one that took it's women, bound them in chains of sexualization, and marginalized them so that Trish Stratus could be looked at as one of the greatest in-ring female performers in WWE history. I like Trish Stratus, but she wasn't all that good in the ring on a macroscopic scale.

But to say that the women of today can't do what Blayze and Nakano did is flat out false. AJ Lee is maybe the best actor they've ever had on the roster. Sara del Rey, Natalya Neidhart, and Paige are all excellent wrestlers. The division doesn't need to be marginalized by gender. It can flourish, whether as a segregated entity or as an integrated part of a show that doesn't treat them as sexy cattle.

But alas, today, all they seemingly amount to in WWE is a herd of sexy cattle. Even though their flame was only intermittently lit, in the mid-'90s, the WWF's women blazed brightly when they got the chance. How such a promotion could throw that away is not only sexist, but it's fucking stupid.
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Staffers in Elseworlds! Please Patronize The Mandible Claw

March 4, 2013, 1:35 pm
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The site's namesake
Photo Credit: WWE.com
The Mandible Claw

Brandon Stroud and Danielle Matheson, both of With Leather and here, are starting their own blogging/podcasting venture, The Mandible Claw. Their first podcast is available for download. I don't know when it'll be available on iTunes, but even if it isn't ever, take the time to download it and give it a listen. Let us celebrate the expansion of quality wrestling discussion/writing! Hooray!
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A Demographic Rebuttal to Glenn Beck

March 4, 2013, 3:10 pm
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Less and less of the WWE Universe can relate to these two
Photo Credit: WWE.com
I spent some more time ruminating on what Glenn Beck had to say about the Jack Swagger/Zeb Colter "We the People" angle and stable. Like many other people, I misconstrued what he had to say about the "stupid wrestling people," or at least didn't read the entire transcript of what he had to say before I wrote my rebuttal. That isn't to say that what I thought I had to say was valid. I think it is something that fans need to take to heart. But it wasn't really aimed at what Beck had to say.

However, there's a deep fallacy in his criticism of the angle. He claimed that "New York elites" weren't the ones watching WWE, that the ones who do watch are conservatives who'd agree with Colter. As David Shoemaker pointed out last week, that's not entirely true anymore. He cited the young fans of WWE getting caught up in the Obama zeitgeist, which is valid. However, I'd take it one step further and say that it's not necessarily that just young people are getting caught up in wrestling, but that it's being imbued in what is derisively termed as "hipster" culture.

Independent wrestling, especially promotions like Chikara, has found a niche with the Brooklyn-centered movement of sorts (although I really cringe at sweeping all of what are termed hipsters with a broad brush... they're people with different thoughts and feelings and personalities). Even the corporate entities have footholds among this sort of community. WWE's TLC pay-per-view took place at the Barclay's Center in Brooklyn, and it was probably the hottest crowd they had all year. Furthermore, listen to the outcries of support for wrestlers like CM Punk and Daniel Bryan. In certain, urban and liberal areas, WWE is super popular, and it's a differently-viewed WWE than what you'd get in Average Middle American City #23239.

But just as I kinda hate sweeping the hipsters with a broad brush, Middle America is also filled with different identities and personalities. I'd say even the conservative base that would have embraced Colter and Swagger years ago aren't those kind of people anymore. Sure, there will be some people who cling to the notion that only "New York elites" care about things like sympathy for people who just want to live the American Dream, but by and large, I feel like there's more of a sea change among conservatives in regards to Latinos in general. It has to do with one of two things.

One, the Republicans see that they are getting pantsed among Latino voters, and part of that probably has to do with the fact that the talking points from that party have been hostile towards them (even as business owners who skew to the right would exploit them for cheap, undocumented labor). Rather focusing on fire and brimstone towards the undocumented ones, thus engendering a less than friendly attitude towards all Latinos, legal or illegal, the narrative has switched to embracing the demographic. So obviously, Swagger and Colter are dinosaurs.

Two, and this is the one that I hope is the stronger feeling, maybe people, regardless of political affiliation, are becoming better human beings. I know it's hip to expect the worst in people, but maybe we as people can't be defined by stereotypes. Then again, the fact that Beck needed WWE's help to get back into the spotlight after being jettisoned from the mainstream years ago is a testament to his arguments. I don't think we're all ready to sing kumbaya in a big, nationwide circle yet, but maybe we're improving.

Regardless though, Beck's last gasp at relevance is rooted in nothing but assumptions and half-truths. Besides, WWE isn't tapping into some kind of moral highground on everyone else. They're usually the last ones to catch up to societal norms. Well, they used to be the last ones. While K. Sawyer Paul and Rich Thomas stated correctly on the last International Object podcast that if it's wrong in wrestling (I would say that "wrestling" is the wrong term here... it's more "WWE" in specifics), it's wrong in real life, and while that's still true, there are now some quarters of the fringe that lag even behind WWE.

And thanks to Beck, now we know where the next bottom down is.
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The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings, March 4th

March 4, 2013, 4:45 pm
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Pictured: A defeated virus (in at least one baby)
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. These Doctors (Last Week: Not Ranked) - They cured HIV in a baby. If that doesn't get you Best in the World for at least a week, then holy crap, nothing short of proving the unified theory of physics would.

2. Rachel Summerlyn (Last Week: 2) - She's doing everyone a public service by letting them know they've been missing NickToons in their lives.

3. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 1) - He singlehandedly brought the blindfold back into style, and became the most attractive man to wear one in a wrestling match, usurping Rick Martel's title from WrestleMania VII.

4. Mark Henry (Last Week: 3) - Thankfully, he dispatched of Great Khali, and now the rumors are a veritable CLASH OF THE TITANS at Mania with Chris Jericho, thus beginning the time wars where 31 year-old me will wage battle against 21 year-old me.

5. Patrick Kane (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Just when you thought the Blackhawks were gonna get dumped on their bums in regulation for the first time ever, he served as his own personal Three Minute Warning against the Red Wings.

6. Veda Scott (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Not only did she capture a shot at Allysin Kay's AIW Women's Championship, she did so in style, proving you don't have to look like a fitness model reject to be a Championship-caliber wrestler.

7. Dennis Rodman (Last Week: Not Ranked) - He visited North Korea, and even at his advanced age, he still showed he had ups by nabbing 2nd place for "most rebounds in a North Korean basketball game" with 35. First? Kim Jong Il with 34,783.

8. Greek Yogurt (Last Week: 6)OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - We ran out of Greek yogurt in the house by the end of the week, so I had the regular stuff. It didn't fit the bill. I'm hooked on the Greek stuff.

9. Steph Curry (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Dropping 54 in the Garden gets you on the list, but if you wanna be higher? You gotta win, bro.

10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - SARA DEL REY FACT: del Rey tapped Rivers Cuomo on the shoulder and said "That's enough" before shooing him away, thus becoming the most influential wearer of horn-rimmed glasses in the known world.
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Instant Feedback: No Recess

March 4, 2013, 8:40 pm
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If I were WWE Creative, and trust me, I'd be awesome at it and would quit within a month because I probably would melt under the burning, barking orders of Vince McMahon, I wouldn't let Rock and John Cena talk at all until WrestleMania. I would have them stare at each other. Maybe I'd Teddy Long that shit and put them in tag matches. Hell, I might have them take turns hooking up car batteries to family members' nipples. Then again, Johnny Fabulous might enjoy that. But yeah, tonight, both guys went out on the mic, put the homophobia and misogyny on the shelf, and attacked their main event at Mania the way good wrestlers do.

We've seen better from Cena. I'm not sure we have seen more topical from Rock. Better is a relative term given that it's hard to go back and trash classic Rocky because we were all different people back when the Attitude Era was going on. But I don't trust Rock to go out there and be serious or to lay off the sing-songy bullshit for five more weeks. I think there's a better chance for Cena do play it straight, but who the hell knows. But tonight? Yeah, that was fun. It was what a WrestleMania main event should be, crystallized into an interview confrontation, well at least one that wasn't the culmination of several months of personal animosity bubbling over into one fight to settle the score. Man, when was the last time WWE had one of those at Mania though? I think it's time we started to attack the myth of it being an endpoint to their year. It's basically "their big event," and they really have no rhyme or reason to it, I suppose.

But when stuff makes sense or feels important, well, then the atmosphere gets special. I know this probably wasn't the beginning to an epic CM Punk/Undertaker Streak match that people had in mind. That being said, the Streak right now is the second most important title in the company. Punk, Randy Orton, Big Show, and Sheamus all appeared and wanted to lay their claim to that title. The match for the right to fight him was the main event of a big deal RAW. I think it'll do for now.

Tonight wasn't a perfect RAW, but it was satisfying on many fronts. It now feels like we're on the road to WrestleMania, and I think it ought to be a good five weeks. But it'd be perfect if the last memory of words from the guys in the main event were spoken tonight. Then again, we all know that isn't going to happen.
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"Oh You Didn't Know? Turn Up Your Hearing Aid and Call Somebody!"

March 5, 2013, 4:55 am
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Photo Credit: WWE.com

Is this real life, or is this a shot from the set of Wild Hogs: Middle Card Age? Well, if you guessed the former, you're right. The Road Dogg still has it on the mic, don't get me wrong. And Billy Gunn was still his solid hand self in the ring. But there's something jarring about seeing old dudes dressed up like that on television. If WWE Creative was enterprising and savvy, they'd have a midlife crisis story with these guys going, but I doubt we see them again, unless off the odd chance they're Team Hell No's challenge at WrestleMania. Could they be? Nah...
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If Peeing Your Pants Is Cool, Then Triple H Is Miles Davis

March 5, 2013, 10:00 am
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Screen Grab Credit: Cageside Seats
Via WrestleChat.Net

That wet spot shown above that Triple H had in his jeans while being thrashed by Brock Lesnar last week on RAW? Well, Trips confirmed that it was indeed urine, saying that he'd never go to the ring with a full bladder again. On one hand, I wanna laugh and laugh and laugh some more at Trips' going potty in his pants, but man, he actually came out and admitted it. He actually got out in front of his embarrassment and owned it. I gotta respect him now, don't I? Dammit.
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Dammit, Cena, You Haven't Lost a Damn Thing

March 5, 2013, 11:30 am
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Rock giving Cena the what for... a what-for he deserved
Photo Credit: WWE.com
John Cena and The Rock decided that at least for one night, dick jokes, gay-baiting, and sing-song delivery wasn't going to be in the cards for their WrestleMania main event. They actually were going to go at it like actual, serious wrestlers who wanted to be good at their jobs rather than dudes who would rather have seen how loud a pop they could have gotten by saying the most creative euphemism for their genitals. The back and forth was great, and in theory, the content was on point too. Rock's final zinger, quoting Lance Armstrong only to burn Cena was the kind of evolution I personally wanted to see from the man since he came back to WWE in 2011. But there was one problem, a rather huge problem at that.

John Cena's motivation is bullshit. Absolute, high-test, Grade A, grass-fed bullshit.

To rewind, Cena claimed that because he failed to beat Rock at Mania last year, he felt nagging guilt over letting the WWE Universe down. Because of that, he claimed that he "lost everything." Everything. He was down in the dumps. He acted as if he was lapped by the field, reduced to opening match fodder with Zack Ryder and pre-Fandango Johnny Curtis. His year only turned around when he courageously won the Royal Rumble against ALL ODDS. Now, he's got a chance to get his career back.

For those who were in comas for a long amount of time and just woke up before RAW last night, that is an entire crock of shit. About the only thing that was different in Cena's career was that he never held the WWE Championship. That was about it. He still main evented every pay-per-view in which he was involved from Extreme Rules through TLC. He rid WWE of John Laurinaitis, clowned the Big Show, was able to trump CM Punk at every turn by reminding him that he'd never "had a moment yet," won the Slammy for Wrestler of the Year, and in the grand trump card, defeated Brock Lesnar in a match three weeks after his "devastating" setback to Rocky.

So basically, 2012 was just another year in the life of John Cena except for the fact that he didn't hold the title at all during that calendar year. I'd say it was even more of a banner year for the man. He couldn't have the WWE Championship, so the company created a new title for him, one that could only be attained by him, barring a Skrull invasion or an unfortunate case of identity theft - being John Cena. This has been covered ad infinitium throughout the entire year. It's been the theme of critical commentary about WWE. Hell, it's been part of the goddamn storytelling.

It's almost like the disconnect between "John Cena needs to overcome the odds!" and the actual reality of Cena being in control, only mutated and inflated. Either WWE wants so hard to believe that he's the underdog, or that Cena's delusional enough to call these audibles in promos, either to coalesce a crowd reaction or engender a louder response to the "Cena sucks!" crowd. If it's the latter, then it's brilliant, but I doubt that's the entirety of the situation.

Since I'm convinced that part of this motivation is earnest, then I don't know if other people buy this load of bullshit. I know that I don't, and it's taking away, for me at least, part of the quality of last night's point/counterpoint. If the goal was to rally more support around The Rock and make Cena's eventual and assumed moment in the sun all the more anticlimactic, then bravo, well done, for once, I feel like I'm in Rocky's camp. But since I doubt that's the case, I question why WWE, John Cena, or both decided to move into that direction of character motive.
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nCw: Femmes Fatale Is 'Bout to Blow the Dang Roof off a Montreal

March 5, 2013, 2:10 pm
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They'll be facing off in Montreal for the Bellatrix title
Photo Credit: Gregory Davis/DDS
There are dream events. There are supercards. There are SHIMMER weekends. But what nCw: Femmes Fatale is doing March 30 at Centre St. Barthelemy in Montreal, QC is goddamn historic, both in scope and meaning. The promotion revealed via Twitter last night that they will be hosting four Championship matches from four different promotions, including their own:


...SHIMMER's:

...WSU's:

...and Bellatrix Female Warriors':

For those who don't know, Bellatrix is based out of Europe. Anyway, that's a pretty loaded card to begin with. Havox/Melissa is probably the last real name cache main event match if we're confining things solely to women's wrestling. LuFisto's shot at the SHIMMER Championship is long overdue. Mercedes Martinez should provide a great counterbalance to the hard hitting style of Kalamity. And Rush/Danger actually has quite a bit of SHIMMER history attached to it, even if one of the common links is now training Divas down in Florida.

But not only is the card stacked, it shows an enormous amount of goodwill among these four major women's promotions worldwide. Not only is the card special for hosting the shows, the challengers, at least for the three North American shows, are all interlocked in a unique way. Martinez, who is challenging for the nCw: FF Title, is the most recent WSU Champion. That current title holder, Havok, is going up against the wrestler Knight defeated for her gold in Melissa. And LuFisto, who is challenging Knight, was the one Kalamity defeated for the nCw title. That's an amazing amount of interwoven synergy.

This is about as close to an all-star weekend as you can get for women's wrestling. If you can get your passport in order, head into Montreal for this event, and other things. I heard Montreal is an awesome city regardless, but now, there's a big wrestling reason to head there.
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Bless You, Mae Young

March 5, 2013, 3:20 pm
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Photo Credit: WWE.com

Mae Young turns 90 years old in about a week. Ninety. Nine followed by a zero. That's a rich life by any standards, but by wrestling standards? She might as well be Methuselah. The remarkable thing is how game she's been for appearing on the show and being a major part of it over the last fifteen years. Some of it has been questionable. Well, let's face it, everything she was involved in between 1999 and 2000 was borderline degrading. But she's definitely an old-school wrestler at heart, which I guess makes her a carny. Who knew.

Anyway, her birthday isn't for another week, a week from today, actually. But still, this woman is an industry treasure. I hope she lives forever.
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Wrestling Six Packs: Match Elements I'd Like to See Less of

March 5, 2013, 5:05 pm
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Ethan Page and Josh Alexander trading blows at National Pro Wrestling Day, one of my top pet peeves
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein

There are a lot of things I can take in a wrestling match. I'm a fan of Chikara, for crying out loud, so when things get silly, I not only roll with the punches, I laugh along and enjoy the crap out of it. So it might seem weird that there are certain elements in wrestling matches that I couldn't care any less about seeing again for whatever reason, primarily overuse. I fancy myself as a wrestling critic anyway, so I view each match as an artistic statement. As any piece of art is created, there are certain tropes contained within. Some work, some don't, and others have their welcomes worn out a bit too quickly when used more than once in awhile. So, with that said, here are six things in and around wrestling matches that I could do without seeing spammed in every match or on every show. They have their place when done occasionally or selectively, but from where I sit, they're used way too much, or in at least one case, at all.

1. Back-and-forth strike trading

This happens in nearly every single match. Indie or corporate, main event or opening card, comedy or tragedy, one guy hits his opponent, and the opponent returns in kind. Wash, rinse, repeat until one gets the upperhand over the other. It's everywhere and it annoys the piss out of me. I understand why it's done. It shows fighting spirit, and the crowd eats it up. But at what point do you eschew match psychology just to get an increasingly meaningless Pavlovian reaction from the vocal part of the crowd? I hate to rag on Willie Mack, because I'm a huge fan of his, and I loved the match where it happened, but he was pointing to his face to let Sami Callihan know he wanted him to punch him. I'm sorry, I don't care how much of a badass I am, I still don't wanna let Callihan of all people punch me in the face. That's crazy talk. I understand base realism isn't necessarily needed for a great match, but I would like a semblance of it being a real contest. I know, I'm selective with my kayfabe, but I do want to pretend I'm watching a fight here. Having self-defense, the most primal instinct a given person has, out the window in EVERY MATCH POSSIBLE is just annoying. It has a place, but not in every single match.

2. Delaying selling a big move just to get some offense in

This is something that started out in the puro scene of the '90s, and as many things that took place in All-Japan Pro Wrestling's main event scene, it has survived to the present day. I can see the logic in temporarily no-selling a big move just to get in one last flurry in a big feud scenario or a hot title match. I'm a believer in adrenaline giving a wrestler a boost to get in a reply to a move before collapsing in pain and damage. But I don't need to see it twice on the same card, nor do I need to see it happen continually from the same wrestler, nor in matches that don't have the storyline gravitas.

3. Murder-death-kill finishing-type moves done off the top rope for 2 counts

Kicking out of a gigantic move done avalanche style isn't something that happens a lot, but it's one of those things that I cringe at when it happens at all. If Michael Elgin is doing a goddamn Air Raid Crash to Davey Richards off the top rope, it should finish the match, and if it doesn't, Richards had better be selling it to high heaven after getting his foot or hand on the rope. But really, can you throw me a bone of the guy not even being lucid enough to know where the ropes are? It's bad enough that we get finisher spam to the point where Kurt Angle makes a career out of ignoring them. But don't cheapen the top rope. That should be the one thing we have left that means a goddamn thing.

4. Superfluous body part work

I love limb work when it's done right. Whether it's a wrestler with a leg submission kicking the knee and thigh, or whether it's Adam Cole stomping on Eddie Edwards' right hand to lessen the efficacy of his chops, it's something that can be a great story thread. But for the love of God, if you don't have an arm submission, and the opponent is known primarily as a kicker, don't work the arm. I see it in enough matches that it's noticeable. Psychology doesn't mean working a limb. It means having a style and sticking to it, whether it means you're a submission master like Theoretical Daniel Bryan or a bulldozer who doesn't think before smashing like Mark Henry. It doesn't mean you have to do things to a body part, whether or not you have an endgame for said part.

5. Dive spamming

Dives seem to be everywhere now. Everyone seems to have some variation of the plancha or the tope in their arsenal, which gets funnier the bigger the wrestler is. Still, I'm not anti-dive in the least. I love seeing a well-placed plancha to the outside, but I feel like every match is set up to have one or more. This is probably the least offensive thing to me, more like I'm sad that I've become used to seeing one in every match. I don't even think people go to the top with as much frequency as they go to the outside. I dunno, I just like things that feel special, which is the point of this whole list.

6. Putting over the other guy after the match on the mic, ESPECIALLY for "having a great match"

This technically doesn't happen in the match, but I feel like whenever it does happen after a match, it devalues the action in the ring that preceded it just a little bit. I know it's cool to see wrestlers respect each other, but does it have to come right after a contest where they tried to inflict physical harm on each other? The most annoying to me is when they put each other over for having a great match. I am ecstatic that wrestlers nowadays are so in tuned with their craft that they want to be excellent in the ring, but again, (and I know this could just be me being goddamn weird about what I apply my kayfabe standards to) the storylines are in play from the show open to the final fallout from the main event. Your goal as a semi-fictional wrestling character is to win matches and Championships. It shouldn't matter whether you wrestle well or not, right? I don't know.

Again, none of these things are dogmatic. You, whether as a critic or wrestler, can disagree with me on all these, and that's fine. They're preferences.
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RIP Paul Bearer

March 6, 2013, 4:45 am
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Rest in peace
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Via WWE.com

William Moody, better known to wrestling fans over the years as Percy Pringle III or more famously Paul Bearer, has passed away. He was 58 years old. No cause of death has been announced yet, but he has struggled with health problems over the years, including his weight and his gallbladder. In my opinion, 58 is way too young to die anyway.

Moody broke into wrestling in his native Alabama in the '70s, but he quickly turned to managing, where he gained a niche in the South managing the likes of The Mongolians, Rick Rude, The Ultimate Warrior, and Steve Austin. His biggest break came when he was rechristened Paul Bearer and paired as the mouthpiece for an imposing wrestler named the Undertaker. From there, he spent the next 20 years bouncing around the WWF/E as both manager and adversary for Taker at times. He was also associated with Mick Foley as Mankind, and most importantly, Kane. His relationship (in character, as a father) to the Big Red Monster was a tumultuous one, as he was often used as danger bait. His character has been encased in concrete, frozen in a meat locker, and dropped off a high stairwell, just as a sampling.

When not appearing in WWE, Moody, as Pringle, would have dalliances in the indies, most famously for Championship Wrestling of Hollywood for the team of Shaun Ricker and Brian Cage, Natural Selection. He is remembered as one of the nicest men in the professional wrestling industry, a man who had time for everyone, no matter what their walk in life.

Interestingly enough, Moody was also a licensed mortician and embalmer, and in fact interrupted his early wrestling career to pursue those interests.

Moody is survived by his two sons. I offer his family and friends my sincerest condolences. I can say that as one the millions of fans mourning him this morning, our pain probably doesn't come close to that those who were close to him are feeling right now. Rest in peace, William Moody.
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The Best Moves Ever: Vader Bomb

March 6, 2013, 7:55 am
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Hey, remember when the Vader Bomb was a devastating finisher and not a transitional move used by Jack Swagger or Big Show? Good times, good times. Then again, no matter how good Show is at the time, he's never gotten the move down. It's his CM Punk top rope elbow. Swagger is certainly not 400 pounds like Vader was. The man did a moonsault and a stiff power bomb, but somehow, I was always most impressed by this finisher. It just looked like it hurt. Enjoy multiple clips and a bunch of WWE superstars talking about it before YouTube takes it down for copyright!

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Your Midweek Links: Even More Swagger Fallout

March 6, 2013, 9:21 am
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Still quite the controversial pairing
Photo Credit: WWE.com
It's hump day, so here are some links to get you through the rest of the week:

Staff Shots:

- In lieu of a podcast from last week, why don't you read my take on the freefall women have taken in WWE and how for a split second, Alundra Blayze and Bull Nakano were the best or at least most innovative wrestlers in the company [When Bulls Blazed]

- I was one of a bunch of people who contributed to the DDS Year End Love cavalcade, and here's the first in that series, Matches We Loved Part 1 [Dirty Dirty Sheets]

- In which I claim that WWE is still very much John Cena's company [Camel Clutch Blog]

- In which I laud the Wrestling Is model of business [Cageside Seats]

- Danielle had a very strong emotional reaction to Eddie Kingston's High Noon promo [Promo School]

- Hey, it's Brandon's Best and Worst of RAW! [With Leather]

- And remember to check out Brandon and Danielle on the first Mandible Claw podcast [The Mandible Claw]

- Butch was a bit nonplussed at the discovery of a new element in WWE, Inevitabilitum [Best Coast Bias]

- And hey, for a place that serves roast pork and cheesesteaks, John's Roast Pork's breakfast sandwiches might be their best offering [Holzerman Hungers]

Wrestling Links:

- My bro Gregg Gethard wrote a fascinating look into his tenure in fantasy wrestling [The Classical]

- A great post on why Vickie Guerrero needs to be appreciated on her own merits and not as a vestige to her late husband [The Mandible Claw]

- A lot of people wrote about Zeb Colter and Jack Swagger, but Tom Breihan may have done it best [The Classical]

- David Shoemaker weighs in on the topic too, noting that maybe WWE's audience doesn't all agree with Colter's rhetoric [Grantland]

- A cautionary tale on why Jack Swagger SHOULD have been fired for his DUI [The John Report]

- Why there's such a link between Donald Trump and Zeb Colter/Glenn Beck, one that wasn't seen in the Friday Five answers [Turnbuckle Zine]

- Here are Eamon Paton's five favorite things in wrestling this February [The Wrestlefan Writes]

- Jonathan Coachman claims that being gay for those out of the closet in WWE "was no problem" [Cageside Seats]

Non-Wrestling Links:

- So, did the Pope retire because he was having an affair with his male secretary? At least it was consensual and of age if true... [UPROXX]

- Hold everything, Christian Bale is possibly returning as Batman for the Justice League flick [Gamma Squad]

- The ten worst moves of the baseball offseason, and hey, the Phillies have two of the bottom three! HOORAY! [Baseball Nation]

- Keeping with the theme, Jonah Keri says blow the Phillies up, and I think I agree with him [Grantland]

- Alex Liddi may not be a great player, but he's important in baseball's expansion globally, especially in Europe [ESPN Sweet Spot]

- Soccer kits for baseball teams? Okay! [M. Willis]

- A dose of reality for poor tippers [Buzz Feed]

- Andrew Zimmern looks at horse as food, which is a-okay as long as you know you're eating horse [Andrew Zimmern]

- Pete Holby used pepper jam in a sandwich at my recommendation and then reviewed said sandwich [On Sandwiches]

- For all you mooks out there who don't know how to cook a proper egg [Foodspin]

- Some journalism student tried to play gotcha journalism with Tommy Craggs, who rope-a-doped him with each one of his replies [Sports Journalism.org]

- Here's a radical, controversial realignment plan that I'd rather not see but would be interesting and geographically accurate to say the least [National Football Post]

- Stone Temple Pilots "terminated" Scott Weiland, marking the 80 billionth time they've broken up. Still doesn't make it any better though. [The AV Club]

- Baltimore resident uses a 65-year old law to fuck with Ticketmaster [UPROXX]

- Stephen A. Smith still thinks hockey has ties, doesn't know that Columbus, OH has a hockey team, deserves your mockery [Puck Daddy]

- The 34 video game levels you need to play before you die [Buzz Feed]
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PUBLIC SERVICE: Listen to What A Maneuver

March 6, 2013, 10:25 am
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There was good here, but there was also a bunch of crap
Photo Credit: WWE.com
What a Maneuver Podcast

I'd like to think I have a perceptive, logical readership. I'd like to think that any calls for going back to the Attitude Era or Monday Night Wars era of thinking would be talked off the ledge with the quickness and logic needed to deal with such arguments. However, there's still this feeling that I get that people still think that even if going back to the old way of thinking was bad, that wrestling was somehow better in a wholesale manner in those days. Well, I'd even refute that from nearly every creative front except for "charisma of the top stars." If you don't believe me, then you need to listen to the What A Maneuver podcast. Hell, even if you agree and believe me, you need to listen to this show. I think this is probably the most important wrestling show that I know of right now, because it provides a look at RAW and Nitro on a week to week basis.

Joe Drilling, Eric Allen, and sometimes a guest or two run down each show and when timely, the pay-per-views. They've done 43 episodes so far, covering the entirety of 1996 and some of '97. If you have rose colored glasses about how wrestling was back then, listen to this show and realize how much utter garbage was involved, even with angles and characters that are well-regarded. I don't mean to come and shit on the entire era. Obviously, there are people and stories involved that are still iconic for a reason. But for every Steve Austin and New World Order, there are at least three Beavers Cleavage and Dungeons of Doom. You need to listen to this show as a public service to remind you that the good ol' days weren't always good, and that maybe, tomorrow might not be as bad as it seems.
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Fandango, WWE's Latest Attempt at Trolling the Audience

March 6, 2013, 1:55 pm
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Will this troll job ultimately doom Fandango or propel him?
Photo Credit: WWE.com
WWE fans have been breathlessly awaiting the arrival of Fandango for months now. The repurposed Johnny Curtis started appearing in vignettes at the beginning of November, and since that time, he's been stoking coals both ironic and earnest in those who have been waiting and waiting for him to debut. That moment was supposed to have come on Smackdown, but he was offended at Matt Striker not knowing how to pronounce his name and walked out on his match with Zack Ryder. He made it to the dais at least on RAW to cancel on Kofi Kingston face to face at least for a similar reason. Justin Roberts didn't pronounce his name to his liking either.

If you as a fan are pissed off, well, I think that it's working. It's a tried and true wrestling technique. Trolling has been part of heel wrestling strategery for as long as I can remember. The theory is that if you promise something like a debut or a new move, and you keep delaying the payoff in an arrogant manner, the people will boo you. I personally love it and hope he continues to delay his debut until there's a good reason for him to actually get in the ring. Y'know, tell a goddamn story.

However, I feel like I'm different from a lot of other fans in that I am somewhat of a trolling aficionado. I can take a lot of baiting and teasing and still be entertained, but I understand if others get sick of Fandango's delaying and end up not reacting to him when he finally does get in the ring. That begs the question whether WWE is actually doing him a service by building him in this manner.

One thing that Fandango has in his corner is that he's throwing himself all in on the character. It's cheesy, but it's one of those pro wrestling gimmicks that could get really popular in the right circumstances, even if it hearkens back to those occupational gimmicks the company ran into the ground in the mid-'90s. Rather than driving the dancing into the ground first, the trolling aspect of him refusing to get in the ring establishes a character. He's not just a dancer, but he's a diva, a primadonna. It's layered character building, a great way to make a three-dimensional character out of a cardboard gimmick.

It also bears noting that there's a huge elephant in the room that the Fandango character could also end up getting over and drawing massively homophobic heat from WWE crowds. I give those fans a lot of credit for finally recognizing that Mexicans are people too, but I'm not entirely sure that the state of sexual orientation relations are at the same level. I'll be happy if I'm wrong on this though, way happy.

Getting back on track, I think that even though it's great WWE is trying different things to help mold fuller characters, this first layer they're building with Fandango is a risky one. The thing about people is that they don't like to be trolled by and large, and the line between "booing because they're being trolled" or "not paying attention because fuck you, I don't like being trolled" is somewhat hard to see. If there's any hope for WWE to get success out of this tactic for Fandango, it's the fact that several successful trolls have scored high profile jobs on popular shows on political television and ESPN. Will this end up propelling Fandango into a Skip Bayless groove, or will people not care? Either way, I applaud WWE for taking this route.

Mainly because I love a good troll.
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The Wrestling Podcast, Episode 90: Rosser/Borsuk IV

March 6, 2013, 7:50 pm
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RIP, man
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Episode 90: Human Tornado After All

ButchRosser and Ken Borsuk make their long-awaited return to the show. Obviously, the first topic of discussion is Paul Bearer, who unexpectedly passed on last night. We discuss his legacy, his importance to the Undertaker, his Hall of Fame prospects, and basically his influence on our fandoms growing up. The subject of DDP Yoga arises. Although some have doubts about it, it is seemingly helping Scott Hall and Jake Roberts. That segues into a lengthy discussion about The Streak. We talk about CM Punk being the one to challenge for it this year. After a slight dalliance into discussing (mostly bashing) Randy Orton, we get into heavy hypothetical speak - will Punk be the one to end it, is it possible that Punk/Taker will go on last, can Punk win this year and set up a revenge scenario next year, should The Streak end at all? We arrive on Rock vs. John Cena, which causes an EPIC rant about how Cena's "redemption" is bullshit by Ken. Finally, we make the mistake of discussing the weather with Butch, whose idea of a bad day is when it's only partly sunny out.

Direct link for your downloading pleasure.
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