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Best Coast Bias: Days Of Future Present

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A fine end to a superb two hours
Photo Credit: WWE.com
There's nothing more likely to induce early retirement in a boss or turn hairs gray on a producer or induce arrhythmia in a coach's arteries than a practice player.  Practice player, for those unfamiliar with the term?  It's someone who looks like an all-star behind closed doors but looks like they couldn't sing All Star at karaoke when the lights are on bright.  It's those who succeed when the stakes have flatlined but corpse out the moment there's a pulse in the situation.

You know: the inverse of NXT.

For all the hand-wringing and concern trolling from a multitude of corners leading up to the second Network Special NXT Takeover pretty much took everybody's naysaying, wrapped it up in a tight little ball and threw it 134 mph at everybody's chin.  In the best thing WWE's put their name on since WrestleMania the second live NXT show was possibly the two quickest hours of the year for the Stamfordized pro graps enthusiast.  The five-match card never let up, never failed to at least be serviceable, and in the case of the unofficial triple main event was so good James Brown's corpse reanimated, danced, and left and returned to the stage on no fewer than six occasions to sing.

This wasn't a show where you found the one good thing or match and gave it some weed grower to justify putting it in the spotlight; it's the sort of show where such richness abounds you really feel you're doing a disservice talking about it when everybody should just be watching it.  So in lieu of just typing the word WHEE! except with 58 Es and 27 exclamation points, let's start with the sun around which the NXT constellation orbits - the big X Championship belt - and rotate around from there.

It's a shame when the truth boomerangs back to catch you in the face, and especially when you're the one throwing the club to begin with.  But Tyson knew, and had known the whole time.  To quote him directly in his preshow interview with his wife, "If I lose, I'm a never was.  If Neville loses, he's still a former NXT Champion." From things like that pre-match comment to yelling "Come on, Neville!  I need this!" while applying a chinlock it was evident that he was desperate to put a light big enough in the form of the NXT title to send the naysaying cockroaches about his career scattering.

Unfortunately for him not only was he going against a man who's cruised into June lossless, he was facing a younger, more athletic, and more confident version of himself in ring.  With Neville on the roll he's been on its one thing for him to say that he's more confident in a pre-match video package and another to get within striking range of Kidd before the match twice and hold up his prize overhead (even if Kidd only had eyes for it and not him).  There's a reason it's called show and tell.

In a show full of chain wrestling, their early display of it might've been the most compelling; in a show with some crazy-ass counters and markout moments they may've had the most giffable ones.  But Tyson went from condescendingly patting Neville's head and giving a couple slaps on the shoulder to breaking the chain with a forearm shot pretty fast, and in that small near imperceptible moment the center started coming undone.  I'm sure the scattering of "Nattie's husband" chants didn't help, but it's not like he's about to be doomed by them in a sort of reverse Daniel Bryaning, right?

Besides, he had his own problems: Neville being so in his body out of body they both went for dropkicks and crossbodies at the same time, doing somersault forward nip-ups at the same time and giving Kidd the same exact offense he'd been forced to eat when TK'd been in control.  Fact.  The moment Neville countered a sunset flip powerbomb by landing on his feet and Tyson looked agog before running wildly into a sitout powerbomb it was a matter of time.  The only thing more frustrating than having to open up your arsenal to the furthest reaches must be when it keeps not working, as his Dungeon Lock was survived by a rope break and Neville kicked out after a rope-hung Harlem Hungover.  A pop up supercanrana (no, really, see?) and the Red Arrow later, and Neville retained in the last of the night's trioka of "well, that was worth the $10/mo right there".

And here come the wheels starting to come off the track: blowing off not only Neville's attempt at a post-match handshake on Takeover itself but Paul Heyman's prurient question and Nattie twice in the post-game show -- and let the record show this show was so good even the post-game delivered from front to back and is worth checking out if you have the half-hour to spare -- but to the point where some brilliant tech monkey was able to whip this up tuit suite.  Don't care much for Total Divas, it seems to taunt, well, maybe you'll care with awesome wrestling and excellent video packages and logical progression in storytelling.  And it turns out to be true. Talk about a boomerang in the chops.

Crazily enough, that was just one tentpole that held up the show.  You could make the argument amongst the three MOTY Honorable Mention nominees put on the board that it was any part of the totem pole and make it convincing.  But it takes a certain kind of man to make the #1 contendership he just earned look gorgeous, and you know to which slice is being referred.  To quote the King of Vain himself in yet another quality pre-match video package: "Is my beauty a distraction for my opponents?  Yes.  Is it a distraction for the entire world?  Again, yes." It was one thing to show a more pronounced toughness in the weeks leading up to his match v. Sami for next in line and all the Beauty Shots in the chops helped, no doubt.  As the last of the Famous International Playboys Master Regal noted pre-match, "Tyler Breeze is more than a beautiful face, and beautiful clothes, and a beautiful face." Outside of Neville himself -- whom he's both stymied and lost to -- perhaps no full-time NXTer has done more with his 2014 than T Breezie.  Hell, he's such a sexy boy he's even singing his so-unbelievably-ridiculously-vain-it-comes-back-around-to-awesome theme music and busting people in the chops with superkicks that earn the superlative.  (Lest you feel bad for Sami in this regard, they gave him something he could skank to, and brought up the interesting question of 'Who's going to win when both guys are debuting new themes?')  So his toughness showed in what an eyeball-popping retinue of moves Sami hit him with when everybody's favorite ginger had the upper hand.  You know a bit of the Zayn offensive: split-legged Asai suicidas, Steamboat presses, and Blue Thunder bombs.  Any man who gets victimized by the nearly flawless NXT debut of the double pumphandle Orange Crush and lives to tell the tale deserves to win the match, even if by hinky means; Sami went to polish him off with the Legitimate Japanese Businessman's Kick only to have Tyler cover up and his forearms act as cup protectors. Why wasn't Sami wearing a cup?  Because no wrestlers wear them, for silly time-honored reasons.  The cost for him failing here was the referee checking the situation before Tyler put a Beauty Shot in that red beard and earned/stole the #1 contendership in a match so good there needed to be a minute's worth of replays afterwards.  Dan Engler made the right call (has it been mentioned the production team ruled your face with this show yet?  Maybe once?) but it leaves wiggle room and keeps Sami in his lovable loser role.  Not only that, but another Breeze/Neville match in a main event position has the high possibility of earning another MOTYHMC candidate as this one was, and again it could be somewhere in one's top three of the night completely dependent on personal bias.

And maybe the match of the night was the Women's Title tournament finals.  It may sound shocking, but somehow having a Flair and a (partial) Hart in a WWE ring with a Championship up for grabs lead to a quality match.  Kris Kristofferson had to enjoy what he was seeing, as the grizzled vet NattieKat and virtual newcomer Charlotte got between the ropes and put on a match that turned the heads of any casual viewer while causing the diehards to shake their heads at the fact that only down Full Sail way in WWE purview can someone be an attractive wrestler who happens to be a woman rather than the inverse sulfur pumped into the lungs of the viewers on the big shows.  At the risk of showing age, it was refreshing to see a match start off with a bulk of chain wrestling -- on par with and probably better than that in the main, though, again, your mileage may vary -- and the crowd being into it without any derogative chants breaking out.

Maybe they were too much into the swank update of Charlotte's old theme adding a club beat and the official theme song of the family into a new one for Recognition or wondering who Charles Robinson bribed to get to referee this spot, but let's be honest: when one thinks of awesome women on the roster Charlotte and Nattie aren't in the immediate rattling off of names.  Paige is the pretty goth destroyer of worlds, Emma's the bubby Aussie who somehow stops being ditzy enough long enough to perfectly execute a Muta Lock, Bayley is loved by everybody with a soul, and so on and so on and la da di dah.  But this match should go a long way towards changing that.  After all, it's not every day a This Is Awesome chant breaks out during a ladies match: unless you're an NXT Network Special, in which case it always does.  Funny how that works.  Lest you think this was all awesome reversals, rereversals, rerereversals (and yes, this could keep going) this also featured some nasty slaps, dragon screw takeovers to the floor, backpack Stunners and top rope moonsaults that were more beautiful in execution than in accuracy.

Charlotte is her father's daughter, after all, but maybe she shouldn't be doing things as the resident Regina George that make a knowledgeable viewer go "Baby, no." Then again, maybe she isn't that Plastic anymore: she did her work without cheating, even managed to get on a Sharpshooter after surviving Nattie's and reversing it into the figure four in the most notable and lengthy part of the match before using those weakening the Total Diva to set her up to Bow Down To The Queen and earn her first title in the center of the squared circle.  No Ric, no Sasha, not even so much as a thumb to the eye.  Charlotte took the hits and despite not facing off with Paige - which, now that we know she can probably hang on that level that should happen as soon as is feasibly possible - earned her way to the belt.

It was the sort of crumbled-up cookie things on the sundae of a great match that could make North Carolina come on and raise up before taking off its suit jacket and spin it round its head like a helicopter.  She cried, Nattie cried, Ric cried, and everybody hugged everybody before the first lady of the Dungeon she raised Charlotte's arm.  There was even a new iteration of the vintage Flair For The Gold sign in the front row with the sequins on a black background.  About the only thing that could ruin the moment is if you were some kind of snarky Internet columnist waiting for Charlotte to break this surfeit of goodwill and sportswomanship with a belt shot to the face, but what sort of me could've possibly been waiting for that black stiletto to drop?

Even if it had, it wouldn't've marred the show especially after another match that ridiculously good: with the Ascension making work of the well-intentioned but ultimately outclassed luchadores and Adam Rose kicking it off by finally getting pinfall retribution on Camacho not a single beat of the program was off.  Even Rusev getting interrupted by Mojo Rawley gave us a platform to watch Regal's gleeful schadenfreude over the former football player's Hacksaw impersonation get turned awry with Rusev kicking him in the face before locking him into a pair of Accolades, throwing off vintage one-liners like "I'm glad I'm English at the moment, how embarrassing for you Americans" and proving his influence on Cesaro by noting what a lovely country we had and too bad we couldn't pull off a population transplant.  You felt like he was a beat away from cackling "His ass didn't just get kicked, it stayed kicked!' 

To use a Waltonism, flow plus meaning equals performance.  From their opening video package reminiscent of the Kid Rock Desire epic of 2002 but distilled down to its essence in under half a minute to Neville shrugging off Tyson's churlishness to celebrate in front of the fanbase, NXT was so in control of the flow they might as well as have been clad in sunglasses fighting off all other contenders -- yes, even their own big brothers and sisters on Mondays and Fridays -- one handed while staring at their other hand in amazement.  The matches all had meaning, met or superceded expectations, and for once Hunter may've just been speaking truth to power instead of merely enhancing his coffers when he made his note that NXT was taking over the world.

I, for one, heartily welcome our new Full Sailian overlords.  Especially if we're on track to get six events on this level come 2015.

From the Archives: Claudio Castagnoli vs. Brodie Lee, Steel Cage Match

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If you saw Payback last night, then you saw both Antonio Cesaro and Luke Harper performing feats of amazing HOSSery in their appearances last night. As you may or may not know, they are both Chikara alumni, and lo and behold, they participated in the first steel cage match in Chikara history. This match comes to the world free thanks to UltraMantis Black and his CHIKPicks, so enjoy.

The Past Is Prologue: Total Divas Season Two Finale

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This wedding is where Trey gets off the Total Divas train
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Halfway through the season 2 finale of Total Divas, I began to realize my most substantial reason for ending the column series about the show. It has begun to remind me of everything I hated about filler video segments on RAW. I completely get why WrestleMania would be the ending arc for the season, because of course this show is ostensibly a commercial for the WWE brand and the WrestleMania event is the pinnacle of that brand's awareness. I also get that if I'm criticizing wrestling for being a long commercial for itself, then I'm kind of being naive about the model of professional wrestling. The entire show is a commercial for whatever purchase you would want to make, whether it be a streaming network or a live event ticket or a relatively overpriced t-shirt.

However, as blatant as advertising in wrestling is, the story also comes first. The story of this episode of Total Divas is everyone saying WrestleMania is great, the Streak ending, and oh yeah a big fucking wedding that everyone actually gives a shit about. And I don't know what it is that fully annoys me, but I do know that when wrestling shows have to fill time to tell us that there is a big event, they get to play on the crutch of a long wrestling match. Total Divas plays on the crutch of Eva Marie being shocked that those weird species known as the humans would ever relate to a gorgon princess like herself. And repeat. And repeat. There are stories on this episode, but they're barely a blip of conflict. Ariane doesn't say "I love you" but then she says "I love you." Everyone realizes they're in a position to fail, but then they don't address how evil the company that set them to fail is. Even Nikki's super big "I was married once" story just sort of peters out. Conflict is literally the only thing that keeps the narrative medium together and somehow Total Divas can't even get that right.

With all that said, the Danielson-Garcia wedding is nice. Weddings on Total Divas are genuinely pleasant spectacles, albeit way understated. They just look human and allow the pleasantries like wedding vows to shine through. And those wedding vows were hella good. Again, if Bryan Danielson and Brianna Garcia do not actually love each other, then Daniel Bryan and Brie Bella are the best actors in wrestling history. You get the sense of their own fondness for each other, which is even weirder to think when they appear on wrestling television as a couple and feel stilted but on the ostensibly "real" show, they have the perfect chemistry. It's weird how actual relationships work like that.

So as we say "Godspeed" to Total Divas, let us revel in the weddings, the Sandra, and the random wrestling cameos that inexplicably kept us watching, even when we whined about doing so. And maybe season three is crazy good and I'll miss it entirely and just come back to these columns with the worst mea culpa in The Wrestling Blog's history. Who knows?

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings, June 2

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DON'T MESS WITH PAIGE, EVEN IN THE COOLDOWN SLOT OF DEATH
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Paige (Last Week: 4) - She was put in the death spot of having to follow John Cena vs. Bray Wyatt, and she got the crowd to pop for the PTO. She's that bad-ass.

2. Alicia Fox (Last Week: 1) - She didn't give anyone a wedgie this week, which is a shame. Actually, if she had taken a shit in Jerry Lawler's crown, she might have gotten the extra POWER boost needed to win the Divas Championship last night.

3. "Smooth Sailing" Ashley Remington (Last Week: 2) - He got Twitter this week, and one of his first tweets was this gem to Green Ant. Chikara's gonna be fun this year just for his existence.

4. Halloumi Cheese (Last Week: Not Ranked)OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - This Cypriot cheese is unique in that when you heat it up, it seizes up and doesn't melt. It's also super regoddamndiculously tasty, so eat some today.

5. Mark Henry (Last Week: 5) - Honestly, the Beat the Clock challenge on Monday was clearly rigged by people who still think Rob van Dam doing late '90s wrestler cosplay is way better than RED BELLY and the World's Strongest Man trade bombs with each other.

6. Annie Clark (Last Week: Not Ranked) - St. Vincent's lead singer performed with Nirvana on stage at the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony. Sure, while that technically happened like a month ago, she makes it this week because it aired this past weekend. Anyway, she sold me on a Nirvana/St. Vincent double bill with her on vocals for both acts. I'd go see it.

7. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 3) - I really, really could go a faceoff segment featuring him vs. Stephanie McMahon without him dropping casual misogyny. I know he's following cues, but it's still ugly. Really ugly.

8. Various New York Mets (Last Week: Not Ranked) - They broke the Phillies visitor locker room record for most cheesesteaks consumed with 103. Not only do they deserve praise for eating that many cheesesteaks as a team, but they also deserve some kind of team prize for eating enough sodium to put down a bull elephant and all survive through the night (in addition to playing THREE extra innings games this weekend).

9. Angelina Jolie (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Maleficent made a metric shitpile of money this weekend, proving once and for all female-led movies just don't have what it takes to make it at the box office. Wait, what? Oh right, she proved the opposite.

10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - SARA DEL REY FACT: del Rey was originally cast in the title role of Maleficent but she wasn't deemed to look evil enough. She then put everyone in casting in cross armbreakers and walked out with her hands up in the air.

Instant Feedback: Nothing Good Can Stay

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Where the awfulness of the overrun was born from
Photo Credit: WWE.com
I understand the logic.

Triple H and Randy Orton by themselves are heat ciphers. No one reacts to them in a vacuum. In a way, they are the weirdest wrestlers in WWE, because the people facing them blew roofs off the arena. Daniel Bryan and The Shield tapped into cultural zeitgeists that transcended the idea of needing a strong canvas upon which to paint. But no one boos them when they come out. They boo Stephanie McMahon, maybe for reasons most of those goobers in the crowd only want to admit while wearing fedoras and trolling r/MensRights. They take the bait of whatever cheap heat WWE tosses their way. Tonight, that easy meat was attacking the Indiana Pacers. Vince McMahon fucking loves using the NBA as topical humor, doesn't he?

But promo segments aren't good spoken to silence, and the only wrestler who got any kind of heat in that group was Batista. Poor, magnificent Dave Batista, a man who does his best work with one foot out the door. Obviously, this hiatus won't be nearly as long as his prior one, and the seeds have already been planted for his return once he's done doing press junkets for his bonkers-ass Marvel movie coming out soon. Even Batista, however, didn't get heat because of anything he did, but because of who he wasn't. OR maybe part of it was because he had an awesome habit of breaking color scheme in pay-per-view trios matches. I don't know.

Seth Rollins drawing insane heat for ending the best stable in WWE history answers that problem. Rollins was also the least likely to abandon his post as a Hound of Justice. Dean Ambrose was too sneaky and devilish, and Roman Reigns has just enough of a narcissistic streak to buy into his own hype when sold by his boss and the youngest grizzled old vet in WWE history (Orton's younger than Antonio Cesaro, by the by). But Rollins? The best possible Jeff Hardy? Nah, no one would see that move coming.

Of course, no one did see it coming, but that doesn't mean it was a good move. Then again, that episode of Monday Night RAW was so wretched that a segment dedicated to pure exposition in awarding Alexander Rusev a fake Russian state medal could be considered a high point. It deserved a crown of shit.

Rollins doesn't have the mic skills to stand on his own as a top heel, and the only top heels who get by without good mic skills are the ones like Rusev. He had no reason to turn and join the losing side when he and his brothers have made Evolution their personal court jesters. Much like every bit of escalation in the John Cena/Bray Wyatt feud, nothing about this turn makes sense.

Furthermore, The Shield was dismantled when it still had so much gas left in the tank. One might say that it's better to say "too soon" than "finally" for a group breaking up. However, the core of the Four Horsemen never broke apart for any reason other than retirement or Ric Flair, Arn Anderson, or Tully Blanchard taking the money to spend with ol' Vince Jr. for a tour or two. The answer for The Shield breaking up "too soon" was all the time, and the answer for when everyone would say "finally" for a dissolution would have been the heat death of the Universe. This group could have stayed together forever.

Now, unless this whole story is meant as having Rollins as a plant within Evolution to tear it asunder for good (a possibility, to be honest), that possibility is out the window. I've been wrong before on these things, but everything about Rollins breaking The Shield felt wrong. Then again, nothing good can ever remain forever. Maybe it was for the best that DEFCON 1 happened tonight and not at the end of one of those "BEST RAWS EVER" that WWE seems to be withholding from the fans at worst and saving for the pay-per-views at best anymore.

"How Dare You Interrupt My Display of Mad Skills"

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Photo Credit: WWE.com

RAW hit the "heeling on local sports" angle pretty hard last night, punctuated by Damien Sandow's impersonation of Pacers shooting guard and designated rabblerouser, Lance Stephenson. Given Vince McMahon's lack of awareness on current events, I almost expected a Malice at the Palace reference somewhere lodged in the script, but thankfully, the combined cast of characters did not go there. Anyway, no one can accuse Sandow of not putting everything into his current cosplayer gimmick, even if he's vastly overqualified for it.

Ya Gotta BOlieve

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Graphics via Nadine Jones and Frank Drago/WWE.com
Via WWE.com

Some enterprising souls have taken the next logical step for Bo Dallas and his run as an inspirational figure; they've made a series of motivational posters, I mean, BO-tivational posters. Obviously, my favorite one is shown above, but all of the mock-ups are super cheesy in a good way that befits Dallas' emerging character as a combination between Tim Tebow and that person you know on Facebook or Twitter who constantly quotes dudes like Zig Ziglar.

RAW was pretty rotten last night, and the main run of televised, non-special event programming has been rank. However, even if the main narrative of WWE is stagnant and unsatisfying, the Dot Com arm remains inventive, creative, and interesting to check out.

Queen of Queens Field Is Set

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A repeat winner?
Photo Credit: Kelly Kyle/Texas Anarchy
Via ACW Tour Dates

The final three names for the Anarchy Championship Wrestling American Joshi Queen of Queens Tournament have been announced. Angelus Layne is the first one announced of the three, news which actually broke before her wrists did. She's planning on being healthy enough to work the date despite her current double-wrist injury. Next up is the undisputed Queen of Wrestling Cosplay, Leva Bates. Bates was in last year's Queen of Queens, and in fact, she beat Layne in the first round before losing to the eventual winner, Angel Blue, in round two.

And of course, rounding out the field is last year's winner, the sour-pussed, devilishly cunning best goddamn heel on the indies today, Angel Blue. She will be looking to be the first ever repeat winner. Daizee Haze, Lady Poison, Rachel Summerlyn, and Athena all won the tournament in the past, but none of them could win a second one. In addition to Blue, Athena and Poison's alter ego, Jessica James, will vie for an unprecedented second crown. To recap, the other three competitors announced are American Joshi Champion Su Yung, Jenny Rose, and Candice LeRae. Queen of Queens is always a standout event on the indie calendar, and this year's tourney looks to be no different. It happens June 29 at the Mohawk in Austin, TX.

Occupy Titan Towers: Why Stephanie McMahon (the Character) Is Not Relatable

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Being the target of gendered insults aside, McMahon is still the "worse" guy in this situation
Photo Credit: WWE.com
When Daniel Bryan is active and able to perform in the ring, very few people approach what he is able to do. To call him an A-plus player would be a disservice to his abilities. He's the valedictorian. He scores 120 points out of 100 on tests and graduates summa cum laude three years ahead of time. However, as an agent within the story, someone who drives the plot further and acts as a relatable, sympathetic actor, he fails. Mainly, his misogyny towards Stephanie McMahon is way to easily delivered and casual for my liking. Bryan's language towards McMahon, coupled with his smarmy, almost condescending delivery of every word he's ever said towards his antagonists, put me off rooting for him whenever he's not actually wrestling. And since his neck is preventing him from getting in the ring, he's gone from one of the best elements of RAW to one of the worst.

However, transferring that angst at Bryan into justification for McMahon's actions is misinformed, to say the least. Bryan's misogyny only makes McMahon sympathetic inasmuch as everyday misogyny might make the criticism hurled at people like Condoleeza Rice and Leona Helmsley ugly and misguided. They don't deserve gendered insults at all, but their actions are still worthy of condemnation. In short, McMahon plays the role her father did, the ruthless businessperson whose main goal is to make as much money and consolidate as much power as possible while exerting megalomania over the little people in their way. In short, Daniel Bryan is Occupy Wall Street, and the Authority is the One Percent, a point driven home with authority (pardon the pun) the night Bryan and The Yes Movement flooded the ring and wouldn't leave until he got what he wanted.

If that point isn't coming off clearly, blame WWE's writers and McMahon's father Vince for the rumored hurricane of disorganization and discontinuity in the Creative department. Or blame her husband Triple H for playing the dichotomous roles of jock longing for his glory days relived but given a position of major power in WWE and loving steward of wrestling and wrestlers in NXT. But since WWE seems to ignore NXT continuity, one can only point to the evidence on the main show that the story since SummerSlam has been how badly the McMahon-Helmsley Regime II has done everything in order to its impossible whims of both making money and being the faces of the program. Some weeks, their stated goal gets muddled because the story inexplicably paints them as sympathetic babyfaces, but to their credit, everything they've done in action to put over Bryan (and The Shield as well) has reinforced that McMahon is an evil co-dictator with her husband.

So when she says that Bryan should give up the title because it's "best for business," she means she wants it back so that she can install a Corporate Champion whom she can be proud of and never give Bryan another shot ever again. I don't know why John fucking Cena had to elaborate that point on RAW last night and not Bryan at the pay-per-view. When she says Bryan is selfish for throwing My Wife™ Brie Bella under the bus, she's really obfuscating the original issue that she was the one who involved her in the first place. When she talks about the lineage and heritage of the WWE World Heavyweight Championship, what she really means is that the value of the title only means something when not held by a B-plus player. I can understand where those points can get muddled; I mean, I would take Bryan a lot more seriously on the mic if he said what Cena said Monday on Sunday and didn't continue this streak of immature insult hurling at McMahon because of her gender. And if the story-framing were more consistent and less scatterbrained, viewers might be able to watch Bryan and McMahon go back and forth and not get Stockholm Syndrome being held captive by the Authority's party line in the same way that women, minorities, and the poor are hoodwinked into voting Republican (or even worse, for the Tea Party).

Still, it's important not to lose sight that McMahon's entire oeuvre from day one has been straight out of the One Percent playbook. At the very best, Bryan is a false idol because he's a disingenuous troll who doesn't respect women, many of whom comprise his Yes Movement. But the situation is closer to the worst-case scenario, that in the story, McMahon is a power-mad sociopath using every trick in the book to get her way, while Bryan represents the working class, and like many of said working class, has a bit to learn when it comes to treating people. Basically, WWE's main event story is where TNA was back in 2011, when everyone was an utter piece of shit, and they all just fought over who could be palatable enough for the fans to like them. Of course, Bryan is a far better wrestler than anyone on that roster, and WWE, for all its faults, still knows how to drive home a starmaking machine for anyone, no matter how virtuous or miserably evil they are.

But when the script calls for that star to be as dismissive of a whole group of people as Bryan's character is acting of women, then of course disconnects are bound to appear. Never lose sight of the fact that Stephanie McMahon is a horrible boss. She owns the company, sure, but that doesn't mean when she says "jump," her employees are morally obligated to ask "how high." It's just that the sub-standard writing quality and meandering direction might be making fans lose sight of that fact.

If You Don't Like Me Showing You Colonial Style Three-Floor Homes, Then Bite Me

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That is one professional-ass headshot
Earlier this year, Buff Bagwell was outed as a male escort in the Atlanta area. Everyone had a few good laughs, and he even got a booking for Absolute Intense Wrestling out of it. Well, today, I found out that another former WCW mainstay has a successful post-wrestling career, albeit one that doesn't require selling his flesh... err, I mean his time. Rick Steiner, one half of the legendary brotherly tag team that beat the shit out of people in the WWF, WCW, ECW, and Japan, is now a successful realtor in northern Georgia. He has a site and everything, and his bio acknowledges that he had a pretty eventful wrestling career.

Of course, going from wrestling to real estate might not be as big a shift in career type as one might think, but still, they're not partner industries. I have a whole bunch of questions I wanna ask.
  • Does he give discounts for homes that already come with doghouses?
  • Is his real estate business really a sleeper recruiting cell for his alma mater, the University of Michigan?
  • How many times has his brother Scott called him up asking to do some advertisements for him?
  • How many times has he called up Scott asking to do advertisements for him?
  • If a prospective buyer lowballs him, does he instinctively bark at them?
  • Does his employee of the month receive a Championship belt?
In all seriousness, folks down in the ATL have told me he's been on the school board and has been selling real estate for years. No lie, as much as I'm amused by the cot-dam Dogface Gremlin segueing into the real estate, I'm genuinely happy that he's found peace and a good career in his post-ring days. Enough dudes go down the Randy the Ram path that when someone bucks that trend, it's refreshing and endearing.

Wrestling Six Packs: Better Choices to Join Evolution Than Seth Rollins

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A return of Durty Curty would've been way better than t urning Rollins
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Okay, so I'm a little calmer over Seth Rollins defecting from The Shield last night than I was right after it happened. The move could end up being good in the long run, but right now, I still feel it's a huge mistake. Even though Dean Ambrose or Roman Reigns would have been better options to defect from the group, I still wouldn't have rent the group asunder in the first place, not when WWE has a bunch of other quality options on the table. I have six that would have been more satisfying, at least in the short term.

1. Johnny Curtis

The front office seems to hold Curtis in high esteem. He won NXT Season 4, was a mainstay on NXT Redemption, got repackaged as a huge deal with the Fandango gimmick, and was even name-dropped by Triple H in a positive manner before WrestleMania. Fandango really is at a dead-end spot right now, being used as fodder for a traditional WWE "wimmenz be fightin' over da cawk lol" feud between Layla and Summer Rae. All three competitors deserve far, far better, and a spot as the protege in the new Evolution would have been a perfect reset point for his career.

2. Sheamus

Sheamus wouldn't so much fill the old Randy Orton role in the group as he'd be a younger, better Batista. In fact, replacing Batista with an upgraded model might have provided a perfect jumping-back-in point for The Animal when he gets back from the press junket for Guardians of the Galaxy. Anyway, Sheamus' addition to the group would add an extra layer of "Reality Era" sheen to the group. Trips has already made working Internet urban legends into his persona, and Sheamus publicly acknowledged the rumors that he was Trips'"workout buddy" back when that dustup he had with Hunico/Sin Cara broke. Plus, he has barely anything to do right now other than the standard WWE secondary Champion protocol, AND he took said title from Dean Ambrose in a fairly shady manner. He would have been a perfect addition.

3. Kassius Ohno

The rumored reason for his departure from WWE last year was that he refused to listen to Trips' suggestions backstage to hit the gym more often. Again, "Reality Era" implications would dictate that Ohno sold out to get his job back. Since he shares similar independent roots as Rollins and Ambrose, he would also fit into a certain "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" mentality that suggests defeat of The Shield requires personnel who are like them. He's also been saying all the right things out of character, which would indicate that the release was more amicable than some might have thought it to be, and he'd already have had a good year-plus of seasoning in the developmental system that would have allowed him to bypass going back to NXT.

4. Mojo Rawley

Rawley right now is an amorphous blob of a character whose gimmick is that he doesn't get hype, he STAYS HYPE. Which is to say, he doesn't have a gimmick at all. The only place where his main character trope of having LIMITLESS POTENTIAL works would be in a group that has a slot open for someone with, you guessed it, limitless potential. Admittedly, his inclusion into the group wouldn't so much help it with its lack of crowd reaction problem, but being attached to both Trips and Randy Orton might help him find his way a little better. Like Rawley, H and Orton had problems getting over and finding sweet spots for their characters early on, but were able to attain some kind of success later on in their careers. Unless Rawley wants to be Spinner Dunn 2K14, then he might need help finding the same groove. Being in Evolution might help that along immensely.

5. Bo Dallas

Okay, so Bo Dallas might not seem to fit the tenor of the group's feud with The Shield right now. However, the entertainment factor would have been off the charts in segments where the cheesy and faux-inspirational Dallas would interact with the bitter veteran Triple H and the king of scumbags Orton. Plus, he has NXT history with Rollins, and no wrestler, group, or feud should ever take itself so seriously that a little comic relief couldn't be fit into the action.

6. Brock Lesnar

Yeah, I know Lesnar doesn't fit the mold of "young guy hungry to make it in WWE" that Rollins or any of the above (outside of maybe Sheamus, who already has had a load of success in WWE in his short career). However, the tenor of the group has changed since it first came on the scene. It's not about showing wrestlers in different stages of their careers anymore. Triple H is a power-mad hypocrite as a character, and he will do anything to rid himself of The Shield right now, even recruit a ringer who gave him a "concussion" at Extreme Rules last year and who ended a cash cow for him by beating The Streak at Mania this year. Heels don't live by credos. They manipulate the truth and break every socially acceptable standard to get what they want. Besides, Lesnar would solve the group's problem of not getting any heel heat whatsoever.

The Best Moves Ever: Curbstomp

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The scariest scene I saw in a movie ever wasn't in a horror film. I don't watch a whole bunch of horror anyway. It was in American History X, when Edward Norton's character, fresh of having sex with Fairuza Balk underneath a giant swastika flag, ventured outside to confront some rivals. A fracas ensues, and Norton ends up putting one guys face on the curb with his mouth open and biting said curb before stomping the back of his head. It is one of the hardest-to-watch scenes in cinematic history for its brutality and savagery. So naturally, people in wrestling wanted to port that kind of raw fury into a worked setting. Cheerleader Melissa's variant on the move is far easier to watch (and more entertaining too!) than Norton's.

Rollins' Reasons for Splitting: A Scientific List

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Hey, Rollins had his reasons...
Photo Credit: WWE.com
As I’m sure many of you are probably aware, Seth Rollins left the Shield on Raw Monday night. This clearly was something that had been brewing for some time and it was one of life’s many inevitabilities. The list below is some of the reasons Sethford Rollins, IV betrayed his partners and “brothers,” Deanward Ambrose and Romanus Reigns.
  1. All three fought over time in the shower, leading to arena tardiness
  2. Dean never defended his United States Championship
  3. Roman borrowed Seth’s DVD copy of Road House and never returned it
  4. Dean forgot Seth’s birthday
  5. Roman lifted the seat and never closed it
  6. Dean and Roman ditched Seth while he was competing in one of his Crossfit events
  7. Dean forgot Seth’s birthday again
  8. Roman accidentally knocked Seth’s framed autograph photo of David Hasselhoff off the wall
  9. Dean never stopped chasing cars on the street
  10. Roman poked fun at Seth’s music selection
  11. Dean used all of Seth’s sriracha sauce for his burrito
  12. Roman won’t stop saying “butts” on car rides
  13. That one time when Dean ran around naked at Seth’s pool party
  14. Seth getting the blame by Dean and Roman for dyeing Batista’s gear blue
  15. Dean and Roman go rollerskating, leaving Seth to hang out with Michael Cole
  16. Seth always being delegated with dry cleaning
  17. Dean and Roman ruined Seth’s casserole dinner plans by ordering pizza
  18. Dean and Roman spend their nights playing video games, while Seth wants to play board games
  19. The fishing trip that NOBODY speaks of
  20. Dean constantly posting Instagram photos of Seth sleeping
  21. Roman shooting spitwads at Seth during car trips
  22. And last but not least, Triple H offered more money
Now look, maybe you feel Seth shouldn’t have betrayed his partners like that. All I’m doing is simply offering a list. Please try and understand this from Seth’s viewpoint.

Your Midweek Links: Payback Fallout

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A good and surprising show
Photo Credit: WWE.com
It's hump day, so here are some links to get you through the rest of the week:

Wrestling Links:

- The Mars Volta of Wrestling: WWE Payback '14 Review [The Wrestling Blog]

- WWE Payback 2014: What we learned [SB Nation]

- The Best and Worst of WWE Payback [With Leather]

- Bang for Your Buck PPV Review: Payback [Juice Make Sugar]

- My name is John, and I am Chikara [Team Hate]

- Best Coast Bias: Days of Future Present [The Wrestling Blog]

- The Best and Worst of NXT Takeover [With Leather]

- NXT Takeover Review [Voices of Wrestling]

- The Soap Box: Presentation of women's wrestling in WWE - was Takeover an "eye opener?" [Ring Belles]

- The Best and Worst of RAW: Nope. [With Leather]

- Good riddance, CM Punk [The Smoking Section]

- The Ballad of CM Punk [Fvck the Media]

- The Mandible Claw Podcast, Episode 22A: Brandon and Danielle's Excellent International Adventure Part 1 [The Mandible Claw]

- For a pop star, this lady kicks ass at wrestling [Kotaku]

- Vintage Best and Worst: WCW Fall Brawl 1996 [With Leather]

- King of Kings: A comparison between Triple H and Shelley's "Ozymandias" [QuackenbuschLight]

- In pictures: Wrestlers before and after the bell [The Globe and Mail]

- The Best and Worst of Impact: Table for Six [With Leather]

Non-Wrestling Links:

- Here's what a Disney version of Game of Thrones would look like [UPROXX]

- The ten best TV fight scenes [Warming Glow]

- What dragons on Game of Thrones can teach us about nuclear weapons [io9]

- There may be an eighth book in the Song of Fire and Ice series because AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA [Pajiba]

- LeVar Burton is Kickstarting the return of Reading Rainbow [Gawker]

- Brace for the backlash to the Reading Rainbow Kickstarter! [Jezebel]

- The director of Jurassic World reveals the plot [io9]

- Directors who can't stop tinkering with their movies [Flavorwire]

- Four reasons why Superman makes the best Batman villain [Gamma Squad]

- Compare the wealth of comic book characters with this infographic [io9]

- Now THIS is how you tell a Disney villain's side of the story [io9]

- Maleficent is great, but it's also a fairy tale -- so it sucks [Jezebel]

- The football fan's fall wedding guide [Every Day Should Be Saturday]

- Why Is Daddy Sad on Sunday? A review of a Cleveland sports fan coloring book [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

- Sir Thomas of Cincinnati welcomes you, traveler [Every Day Should Be Saturday]

- Notes on Kanye West's wedding/audition to become a NFL owner [SB Nation]

- The erasure of Maya Angelou's sex work history [Tits and Sass]

- I am not an angry feminist, I am a furious one [Jezebel]

- Five uncomfortable truths from the Men's Rights Movement [Cracked]

- Joe the Plumber pens a harsh letter to the Santa Barbara victims' families [UPROXX]

- Lessons from a day spent with the awful friends of the UCSB shooter [Jezebel]

- America's typical heroin user is a middle-aged white suburban woman [The Verge]

- Ben Revere hit a home run? [Zoo with Roy]

- A Major League pitcher's guide to baseball's bullshit unwritten rules [Deadspin]

- How to cook a pork shoulder on the grill; a good day's work for once [The Concourse]

- Cheeseburger Pop Tarts may contain dark magic [Kotaku]

- FOOD: The Big Ten's new recruiting battleground [Black Heart, Gold Pants]

- This woman ate two 72 oz. steak dinners in 15 minutes [Gawker]

- The best/worst restaurant ideas in the world [Kitchenette]

- Need a World Cup team to root for? Check out this infographic! [SB Nation]

- Check out this insanely dangerous zinc flamethrower [io9]

- We can't stop disasters, but we can stop building homes and having kids [The Vane]

- Better ways to name hurricanes, ranked [Regressing]

- What the hell are tachyons? [io9]

- There's only one Seven: The world's most efficient car was built in a barn [SB Nation]

Best Coast Bias: Intercontinentally Known, Locally Disrespected

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I'm with Wade; uninvited guests are the worst
Photo Credit: WWE.com
You know what they say...

...wait, this is kinda a family-friendly happy place to talk the pro graps, so let's amend the familiar to something more all ages accessible.

Talk smack?  Get whacked.  Our Intercontinental Champion started off the evening sans podium but with plenty of vitriol for the main he was facing in the conclusion of the show and the one that'd ditched him some 24 hours previous in their tag match to practically giftwrap a title rematch against the evening's opponent and the man he'd beat Sunday that'd pinned him Monday; by the time the show was over Rob Van Dam had beaten him up not only in the midst of his soliloquy but in their match and Cesaro had popped up in the final moments of the show to Neutralize him and Van Dam both.  If only this was filmed in front of the Full Sail crowd; they would've started the post-match chant almost immediately and saved us some time.

Van Dam started off the match hot based on Barrett's bashing of him as a relic and mindless zombie who could only Point - To - Self, even throwing in a running tope con hilo off the apron and boot choke in the corner worked for nearly the entire Langston.  But while Tuesday night is fortunate enough to get title matches, gold and leather is usually safe when it comes to Main Event.  Still, it was a surprise that a wild Cesaro appeared to conclude the evening especially when the Brit was loading up his signature Hammer to put a bow on things.  Fortunately both challengers and Champion alike sort of excel in being able to go full throttle and not pull their shots so if/when the eventual showdown trioka happens, it should be more than a bit watchable.  TWBnomics doesn't know what the exact number plus is when you swap out Jack Swagger for the Fabulous Tony C but it's got to be pretty high: the $16,000 Question is whether Cesaro can walk away from the skirmish with the gold giving Bad News mach 2's hookup to the Rejuvenation Machine or is this just going to be another link in the Heyman's-good-but-not-that-good-for-your-career chain that could lead the Swiss Superman to turn face, unveil the move that garnered his rhyming nom de grapple more than once every 8 weeks, and a DEFCON 1 HOSS FIGHT against His Client Brock Lesnar Who Conquered The Undertaker's Undefeated Streak At WrestleMania.  (If you don't think Heyman's had the land monster's name legally changed to that by now, you're nuts.)

Barrett's effort to firmly put Van Dam in his rearview and get away with talking smack were just as doomed as any tag team's attempt to get over on Erick Rowan ^ Luke Harper has been in recent weeks.  Even without their father figure behind the controls the cultists have proved themselves to be necessary pistons helping to drive the engine in the name of a cause.  Up against Goldust and single-serving partner (presumably) Kofi Kingston, it was safe to say even with Cody looking on pensively from backstage that he was no Booker T, and KoDust was going to be ground into the latter while being lucky to dodge the former.  To their credit (unsurprisingly given that they were both former multi-time Tag Champions) they hung in there for two segments and even managed to pull off some double-team offense in a couple of short instances when they were able to use their relative quickness against the Swamp People.  But lest one forget about that watching a former Natural throw around second rope Ranas and Yoshi Tonics, Luke Harper can dropkick people too, and he's got a lot more mass when he opts to deploy that weaponry.  Rowan handled intermittent bursts of clubberin' while he lead the ring generalship, culminating in picking Kofi off midair with a MURDERDEATHKILL lariat to counter Trouble In Paradise. Cody's look was disappointed, sure, but something more was there.  It's almost as if he doesn't want his brother to succeed without him or something despite setting him up with new replacements that've had lackluster win-loss records shadowing shadowing shadowing shadowing.

It was a Main Event that developed the Intercontinental Title situation and an underneath tag team situation while also developing the ad hoc #1 contenders to the Big Pennies.   It may not've been a hit - but it was damn close.

Green Ant Has Changed Colors

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Green gives way to Silver
Photo Credit: Zia Hiltey
As fate would have it, the wardrobe change for Green Ant at You Only Live Twice wasn't happenstance, but foreshadowing. He came out in gleaming new gear for his team's match against the usurper Ants, and yesterday on Twitter, he confirmed the change in name:
The name change makes sense, since I would argue he hasn't been "green" in like four years. As soon as he was promoted to the main Colony to replace the fallen Worker Ant v. 1.0, he had his working boots on and was one of the best guys Chikara had on the roster. While plenty has remained static about Chikara's identity since its comeback, other things have changed and evolved. A fine wrestler whose name was a rib on his experience wrestler deserves to let his own identity evolve similarly to his skillset and standing on the roster. I approve.

"HIT ME!": Beyond Wrestling Feeding Frenzy Secret Show #1 Review

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Hania continued her impressive growth as a wrestler at this Secret Show
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
In the TH style. Buy this and all the other raw footage from Feeding Frenzy weekend from Beyond Wrestling.

Highlights:
  • AR Fox ducked a David Starr superkick and pinned him with a bridging backslide to retain the CLL Championship.
  • Pinkie Sanchez felled "Supercop" Dick Justice with an asai moonsault.
  • Tommy Trainwreck defeated Jammin' Jimmy Connors with a headlock driver.
  • Punisher van Slyke took out Nick Ando with the Rikishi Driver.
  • In a battle of CZW superstars, Kimber Lee dodged a short superkick and rolled up Sozio for the victory.
  • Aaron Epic fell victim to Davey Vega's suplex-Go to Sleep.
  • In an insane match that featured a diving moonsault off a short ledge, Danny Cannon defeated Jay Freddie after a sharp-angle Lightning Spiral.
  • Shynron bested Mikey Webb with two running shooting star presses.
  • "The Masshole" Mike McCarthy rudely defeated Johnny Miyagi with a cross-armed variant on a camel clutch.
  • In insane tag team action, the Hooligans defeated EYFBO, pinning Mike Draztik after a combo wheelbarrow/DDT maneuver.
  • Eric Corvis atoned for his misogyny from the last Secret Show, but he still fell victim to Hania the Howling Huntress, who got the win with a sunset flip.
  • JT Dunn defeated Matt Cage in the main event with a roaring elbow. Afterwards, he challenged Lee to a best three-out-of-five falls match at the next day's Secret Show.

General Observations:
  • I gotta say, I enjoy the bad guy AR Fox emerging and evolving at these secret shows. He started off his meanstreak by kicking at David Starr's tag team partner, JT Dunn and giving off some quality snarl.
  • It's not a show at the NEFW Academy without SOMEONE using the support pier catty-corner to the main ring as a weapon. Fox was the first to pull the technique out, as he's been pretty wont to do in the past. Who says the man isn't a leader in innovation?
  • In a crazy sequence in the corner, Starr blocked Lo Mein Pain TWICE, the second time countering with a GERMAN SUPLEX from the top. Holy shit.
  • After the match, Fox refused sportsmanship and taunted Starr with his CLL Championship. Yup, I think I like rudo AR Fox.
  • I love watching the raw footage tapes because of how unadulterated the single, fixed camera action comes off, but the pre-match stuff between Pinkie Sanchez and "Supercop" Dick Justice could've used a couple of announcers dropping pearls of knowledge on what the heck was going on. Then again, I do enjoy random chase scenes that erupt out of seemingly nothing, especially when big ol' fat guys are chasing weaselly little shitheads.
  • Sanchez at one point put his hand down the back of his pants and proceeded to put Justice in the Muta Lock. STINKPALMS add 25% more damage to any move which they're added. It's science.
  • I dug Jimmy Connor doing the "clap clap STOMP" routine from Queen's "We Will Rock You" to get the crowd behind him.
  • Gotta wonder why Connor at the last second before pulling off a plancha decided to slide right into Tommy Trainwreck's grasp? He totally telegraphed the counter. I mean, the German suplex onto the apron looked hella cool, but the whole sequence just made everything look telegraphed and fake.
  • Nick Ando went from cockily strutting around like the ship captaincy designated by his hat was his real job to wigging out like a crazy man after the bell rang in zero seconds flat, and for good reason. Punisher van Slyke looks like pupa-stage clone of this season's Mountain from Game of Thrones.
  • Ando started the match out by chopping PVS repeatedly, and PVS didn't even no-sell it as much as he shrugged it off like it was a mosquito trying to draw blood from a steel plate. I was convinced right there that PVS was the literal golem from legend.
  • At one point in the match, PVS just grabbed Ando and repeatedly slammed him against the wall. That spot was one of many reasons why the NEFW Academy is such a great room for wrestling.
  • Ando played a solid underdog here, pulling out every gutty, cerebral "dirty trick" in the book to get PVS off his feet.
  • Kimber Lee and Sozio put a lot of character work into the beginning of their match, culminating with Lee stealing his coat while he was on the outside and then doing a cannonball senton to him before throwing said coat down in defiance.
  • I still hate when a wrestler gets right up after taking a German suplex, but I can slightly forgive it in this match, as after Lee replied to Sozio with his German (upon which she bumped on her neck, dammit), she crumpled back down in a heap. Still, it's done so often.
  • Aaron Epic and Davey Vega started out their match with a nice, extended sequence of mat grappling that got stiff and slick. When two guys can do the mat exchanges that crisply so that it seems like they're actually doing damage to each other, you've got a fan in me.
  • Holy shit, Vega bumped INSIDE OUT for a lariat. I always appreciate dudes making the lariats they both give and take look like murder.
  • I really dug Epic's relentlessness when Vega was attempting his comeback. Vega had to earn his momentum back, which made his reversal feel like it meant something.
  • Vega's suplex-into-a-Go-to-Sleep finish came off super cool here. It looked a lot better than a regular GTS just by changing the setup motion.
  • The first thing I noticed about Danny Cannon was that he had indefatigable nervous energy, like a kid who'd just eaten a whole case of Pixie Stix. It was a refreshing change of pace from the standard head-down, fighting stance-up, stoic SERIOUS indie worker stance I've come to expect.
  • Cannon and Jay Freddie took a cue from the last match and worked in a longish, stiff mat sequence. In fact, how quickly they moved throughout the match reminded me of the breakneck pace of a typical Dragon Gate match.
  • Cannon at one point jumped onto the short ledge that was right above the main wall and below a window and hit a moonsault to the outside of the ring on Freddie, which left my jaw dropped for like five minutes. I couldn't even imagine the dexterity needed to LAND on that little strip of pushed-out wall let alone do a fuckin' moonsault from it.
  • My one criticism of Cannon was that he seemed like he was too dialed into getting his shit in. I do appreciate the video game character nature of how he took damage rested for a bit, and then came back online, but if he's gonna work extended matches in the future, I'd like to see him slow down when he's under extended heat segments.
  • I can't even begin to heap enough praise on the finishing derby of this match. The way these two worked in their counters and segued into their moves was flat-out artistic.
  • Someone from the crowd shouted "Hey Mikey Webb, has anyone ever told you you look like Bob Backlund?" before his match with Shynron began, to which he replied "ALL THE TIME!"
  • The beginning of the match wasn't so much a wrestling display as much as they decided to trade calisthenics routines. I will say Shynron can even gussy up pushups to look like the most aesthetically-pleasing thing ever.
  • Shynron is seriously on some next-level shit in terms of translating raw athleticism into great wrestling spots. He pretty much used the legendary support pier as a bounce-off point for an imploding senton. If I even imagined myself trying to do that, I would start hemorrhaging from all my bodily orifices and explode like the dude from Scanners.
  • "Masshole" Mike McCarthy instantly became one of my favorite characters/gimmicks in his short match, even if he still needs a lot of work in the ring. He interacted with the crowd a lot, and played up every negative stereotype about Boston fans to a New England crowd that was willing to take the joke.
  • In the beginning of the match, McCarthy tried trolling Johnny Miyagi by abandoning the main ring and going over to the second ring that's set up in the Academy. When Miyagi and the ref came over, McCarthy went back to the main ring. I thoroughly enjoyed that sequence more than I should've.
  • I knew The Hooligans could bring it with crazy double-team offense, but EYFBO was just as good if not better than the Brothers Cutter. Their tandem moves had snap and were supremely timed.
  • Angel Ortiz grabbed Devin Cutter by his beard, which led the Cutter to grab Funky Monkey by his afro. Neither one would let go and they both sold having their bountiful hair grabbed by doing the pee-pee dance and trading pleas of "YOU LET GO!"
  • Normally, seeing a dude do an asai moonsault is standard issue for indie wrestling, no matter the size. However, Devin Cutter being able to launch himself halfway across the ring at his size on that move? Yeah, I'm impressed.
  • And Mike Draztik had to go and one-up him moments later when he Blockbustered both Brothers Cutter at the same time.
  • Not a few minutes after that, Mason Cutter busted out a fucking Spanish Fly. HOSSES CAN FLY, HOSSES CAN TOUCH THE SKY.
  • Ortiz seems to love humping the mat. He did it no fewer than three times during this match.
  • Eric Corvis hopped into the ring and basically apologized for the misogynist treatment he's been leveling on women lately at the secret shows, to which Hania the Howling Huntress replied for him to hit her with his best shot. He was reluctant until she kicked him in the face, to which someone in the crowd remarked "Next time, hit her." She went to kick him again, but he ducked and hit her with a stiff knee to the face. I loved everything about the intro to this match.
  • Intergender wrestling is best when you can ignore the sexes of each combatant and imagine what they're doing as if nothing would have changed from a standard "male vs. male" match. Corvis/Hania had that quality in spades, especially near the beginning when they brawled like they were wrestling at the Mid-South Coliseum.
  • Hania busted out a casadora bulldog, and Corvis bumped HUGE on it. I have to admit, that was the last move I expected a big bump on, but I enjoyed seeing it.
  • After the match, Corvis got right up in Hania's grill, and I thought he was going to revert back to his cocky misogynist character. Instead, he shook her hand and put her over. While I think money can be made with a woman-hater character in a coed setting, it still makes me feel uncomfortable when a guy like Corvis portrays it as close to the vest of the kind of wimmenz-hating one might see at a fraternity, or worse, on a shithead forum like r/MensRights.
  • Before the main event, Matt Cage threw his jacket outside of the ring, and someone threw it back to him. He responded by putting the jacket back on.
  • The main event had a lot of back and forth action but in a way where neither guy was really selling. I think a certain kind of fan might find it really enjoyable, but it wasn't for me.
  • I will say, however, that certain spots in the match looked really, really cool. JT Dunn eating nothing but bottom turnbuckle on a missed EMMAmite Sandwich attempt was about as fierce a bump as anyone could take, and Cage busting out a Go to Sleep with a lariat finish was a tremendous visual.

Match of the Night:Hania the Howling Huntress vs. Eric Corvis - Creating a textured, full-storied, Memphis-style brawl between two wrestlers when one outweighs the other by 100 pounds can be a tall task. Some say it cannot be done, especially when the competitors are two different genders. Beyond Wrestling's mission statement is doing what other promotions refuse to, and so it presented Hania vs. Eric Corvis doing their thing in the ring. Hania's pit bull tenacity plus Corvis' about face and new sense of humility, both in word and in taking Hania's offense made this match the highlight of the night.

The match started off with a promo from Corvis, apologizing for his misogynist behavior and treatment of Jewells Malone (and women in general) at Tournament for Tomorrow 2, which sparked off a series of events that led to the match turning into a slobberknocker. Right from jump, Hania exuded the swagger needed to make up for the apparent size difference. Her strikes hit hard, and Corvis sold them like death. Of course, the infamous NEFW Academy support pier being used as a stationary weapon didn't hurt either.

But the story remained consistent throughout the match, even with the escalation throughout. Corvis losing his cool and then composing himself towards the end was a great nod of character, and it was expertly punctuated by the fact that Hania countered his corner rush. After a match that featured Corvis going Full Ziggler on a casadora bulldog and Hania taking a HARD powerbomb backbreaker, I wasn't so sure that ending on a flash sunset flip would have been the right way to go, but even Hania's execution of a low-impact pin combo looked rough and tumble, enough to be an appropriate cap on this match.

Overall Thoughts: Secret shows produced by Denver Colorado (the man, not the place!) often have the best bang for your buck in terms of pure wrestling, and the first Feeding Frenzy-weekend date from the New England Frontier Wrestling Academy was no different. Every match had a hook, and no filler was to be seen for miles around. Best of all, the birth of Danny Cannon, indie wrestling superstar, probably could not have happened elsewhere, not even at a main Fete Music Beyond show. Seriously, before this show took place, Cannon's exposure had been limited as a midcard guy in the Midwest. Promoters in most companies don't give their performers that kind of carte blanche unless they're names or unless they're homegrown main eventers. Before that live crowd was able to see him, his buzz was confined to a certain area, and thus was mostly a non-entity in the grand scheme of things.

But the beauty of Beyond Wrestling allows guys to create opportunities for themselves, and both Cannon and his opponent Jay Freddie went to the wall trying to show that they were more than an unknown from the Midwest and a 2CW "townie" respectively. They weren't the only ones who took full advantage of the blank canvas afforded to them. Hania the Howling Huntress continued her impressive, post-mask streak of great performances. Sozio showed he could hang with Kimber Lee, one of the best wrestlers on the indies right now. Mike McCarthy showed some promise as a prick heel character, even if the execution on his actual wrestling needed some work. And of course, the Hooligans and EYFBO stretched the boundaries of what crazy tag team wrestling could be. This show had something for everyone, even if all the matches maybe won't appeal to all the people all the time.

Shows like these and the Sleeper Cell tapings that take place for All Killer episodes and standalone matches are why Beyond Wrestling is the leader in the clubhouse when it comes to indie wrestling innovation. In the time the promotion's been open, alumni have risen to the top of cards all over some of the top promotions in America. If you want to see the stars of tomorrow's indie scene (and even WWE), then make it a point to get these Beyond secret shows, whether fully furnished in the future, or even these raw footage shows that are released within days of taping. Get in on the ground floor now.

Swagsuke and The Best in the World: The Early Days

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Photo Credit: Daiki Harata

Back before Daniel Bryan grew a beard and fought The Man, and Shinsuke Nakamura acting like a club kid with a look that combined Michael Jackson and Tom Petty, they were fresh-faced up-and-comers in their respective countries. That picture is just so not like either one of their current personae, and it's so candid too.

A Bloodless Revolution: The Case Against Blading

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Are crimson masks like the ones DJ Hyde and Matt Tremont are sporting here needed in wrestling anymore?
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
Devon Nicholson was on his way to a WWE developmental contract in 2009 until he tested positive for hepatitis C. Of all the possible places he could have gotten the disease, which is a blood borne pathogen, the most obvious candidate was a 2007 opponent he faced in Alberta, the legendary and legendarily bloody icon Abdullah the Butcher. Nicholson, who claims to be cured from the disease after an experimental treatment, won a negligence suit against Abdullah to the tune of $2.1M US. Abdullah disputes the claim entirely, saying Nicholson was the one who gave him the disease, and that he was "only following orders" to blade as Nicholson was the promoter of the show where the incident happened.

Regardless of who was really at fault, however, one thing remains clear in my mind; the process of intentionally producing blood in professional wrestling is an outmoded concept and needs to be done away with.

Long ago, blood may have been necessary to protect the ideals of kayfabe, and wrestlers could plead ignorance about how certain diseases like hepatitis spread. The idea that a wrestler could get another wrestler gravely ill just through bleeding on them may have been a foreign concept in a largely provincial wrestling industry. Then again, if the "legitimate" sports of the time were still so behind the curve on what medicine and hygiene could do for the human body, imagine how far back in the Stone Age wrestling was in terms of knowledge.

Today, no excuse exists on any level. Sports medicine, general awareness about disease, and even the emergence of new illnesses like HIV have made intentional bleeding an even riskier proposition. I might understand WWE allowing blading because Vince McMahon has the money to implement rigorous medical screening programs. He can take care of his talent and make sure the active ones could go out and bleed buckets without posing a health risk in terms of diseases. How telling is it that WWE does have a Wellness program and takes care of its workers and also has a strict no-blading policy? How telling is it that when wrestlers bleed hardway in that company that if it's bad enough, the match will stop for trainers and doctors to sew up the laceration?

The places where blading is still commonplace are the ones where the wrestlers can afford it least. Indie wrestlers make pennies on the dollar compared to what WWE wrestlers make, and getting health insurance can be problematic to say the least (pending the successful implication of Obamacare, that is). If you get a blood borne illness, how are you going to get treated? How can you get to WWE when a condition of employment is that you don't have hepatitis or HIV? Too many risks associate with intentional blood-letting in order for it to be a viable action.

Besides, the definition of kayfabe has changed. The legitimacy of the business is no longer tied to people thinking the competitions are on the up and up, and it has been exposed as art, not sport. The only possible reason why bleeding should remain in wrestling is for pure aesthetics, which inherently are subjective. Personally, I have seen some great brawls over the years that fulfilled my lizard-brained lust for violence that had nary a drop of blood. Of course, I am but one viewer, and some out there need to have the blood as proof that what they just saw was a good brawl or a good cage match or a good deathmatch.

But are the desires of that portion of the crowd, however large it may be, enough to outweigh the health benefits of the performers? The answer, unequivocally, is no, it does not. Bloodlust of the many does not outweigh the personal care and health concerns of the performers, no matter how badly those wrestlers want to cut themselves wide open. Because blood isn't a smart substance and will spatter chaotically if not let out correctly, the subject of public health comes into question as well. Would a fan who wanted to see blood be as hungry for it if some splattered on them and contaminated their own bodies with an illness they would now have to pay out of pocket to either litigate for damages or treat?

Blood may have been a huge part of wrestling in its past, but the art has outgrown its intentional letting out. Blading is a practice that needs to die, and wrestlers who continue to use it as a prop should be shunned until they as well let it go. It's too dangerous a practice anyway, and safety has to be a concern even in an inherently dangerous business like professional wrestling. Cases like Devon Nicholson shouldn't happen in the future. In a better world, it wouldn't have happened in Nicholson's case either.

Tomoka Nakagawa to Retire December 4

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Fare thee well
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
Via Ring Belles

Tomoka Nakagawa, the devilish joshi stalwart and current SHIMMER Tag Team Champion with Kellie Skater, has announced that she will retire after her final match at Korauken Hall on December 4. The announcement leaves her with six months left as an active performer. She debuted in 2005, and will retire just short of ten years in the business at the age of 33. No announcement has been made of whether she's retiring because she feels like it, or whether she's got a chronic illness or injury to attend to. Regardless, her retirement will leave a gaping hole in SHIMMER weekends after the October set of tapings.

Nakagawa is the second SHIMMER joshi mainstay to announce retirement in the last 18 months. Ayumi Kurihara famously retired last year after nagging injuries caught up with her. Unlike Kurihara, however, her announcement came with enough of an advance that she'll be able to make an entire SHIMMER weekend. It will also be interesting to see if she's allowed to retire with the SHIMMER Tag Championships or whether she'll go out putting over a new team along with Skater. Either way, the news is pretty sad. I hope Nakagawa is happy post-career, because she's given fans the world over a lot to be happy about during it.
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