Patterson's coming out was brave Photo Credit: WWE.com

The worst-kept secret in pro wrestling over the last three decades has been Pat Patterson's sexuality. While he never officially came out, everyone in the office and most wrestling fans themselves knew that he was, in fact, gay. Despite his coming out at the season finale of Legends House being a mere formality, I'm still pretty bummed that a lot of the reactions to his announcement were more "HOW IS THIS NEWS???" than "Good on you." The point of his announcement wasn't so much to shock or titillate people. Few people who come out of the closet aim to do that, whether said closet door was open in Patterson's case or shut tight like in Darren Young's. I don't know the reason why Patterson decided now was the time to come out to his proverbial brothers, but whatever it was, he deserves respect and admiration for his decision to come out.

I repeat, being gay in America is far from an afternoon walk in the park. People are celebrated for their courage and bravery because it is courageous and brave to be out and proud in a country where things like Proposition 8 exist and where people like Scott Esk run for public office. Hell, Patterson and Young work for a company that will have a noted homophobe hosting its show tonight and that bent over backwards to celebrate the life of a man in The Ultimate Warrior who unapologetically and unironically said "Queering doesn't make the world work." Those reasons are why Patterson stating that he wants to celebrate his sexuality is beyond important.

Of course, if you want to call Patterson to the carpet for the rape allegations that linger over his head, well, go right ahead. That can of worms is entirely different than the issue of whether his coming out should have been lauded or noticed.

WHY WOULD YOU PISS OFF A MAN WHO LEGITIMATELY PULLED A SEMI WITH NOTHING BUT HIS HOSS ESSENCE, CURT HAWKINS? Screen Grab via WWE.com

Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Mark Henry (Last Week: 5) - He knows where Curt Hawkins lives and expects an apology. When Mark Henry expects an apology, you best better give it to him.

2. Paige (Last Week: 1) - I totally am on board for a Paige/Bayley bromance, to be honest. For the record, Emma will be too busy doing her dance in the corner to participate in said bromance. But the question remains, would this bromance be able to pass Jessicka Havok and Rachel Summerlyn in terms of totes adorbs?

3. Sweet Lucy's Mac 'n Cheese (Last Week: Not Ranked)OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - Sweet Lucy's boasts the best barbecue in Philly, hands down, but the smoked meats are only the first part. You want pulled pork or brisket or even chicken? Cool, yo, but you're fuckin' up if you don't get this creamy, melty, savory side.

4. Alicia Fox (Last Week: 4) - Sure, she may have spent the last week destroying her alliance with Aksana, but on the inside, she was pouring out all the forties when her former boo got released.

5. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 9) - This week on AS THE GOAT TURNS, last week's doctor is revealed to be a quack, Brie Bella reveals she's been taking Nikki's dates all this time, and Ned Stark returns from the dead just to be killed again by a Triple H sledgehammer shot.

6. Alpha Female (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Rumor has it Germany whupped Portugal bad today because they were afraid of letting Alpha Female down. The final tally was a 4-0 victory, but apparently, she was so confident in victory that she gave Shanna a point spread of 5 in their bet. If the Germans are too injured to continue, you know why.

7. Robin van Persie (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Two goals in Netherlands' immolation of defending Champions Spain? I think that means RVP now has the deeds to the cities of Badalona, Seville, and half of Madrid.

8. Arya Stark (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Arya Stark, TROLL GAWD.

9. Willie Mack (Last Week: Not Ranked) - He won the Red Carpet Rumble this past weekend by giving a Chocolate Thunder Bomb to Jonah Hill on the premiere of 22 Jump Street. Championship Wrestling from Hollywood takes things quite literally.

10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - SARA DEL REY FACT: She tried to organize a Queen of Trios tournament in NXT until she found out that she couldn't fly in half the Pro Wrestling WAVE roster to fill out the bracket.

If everyone on that stage attacked Cena, he'd still get the better of them Photo Credit: WWE.com

Technically, any time that a wrestler wins a match, he or she is overcoming the odds. Sure, the victory doesn't come in the dramatic fashion as one might expect when that verbiage is introduced into the fray. Even if a wrestler is a 1/100 favorite to win a match, that competitor has to overcome those odds, as minuscule as they might seem. So in a way, John Cena overcoming the odds is something he's done, something he's fairly good at doing.

But the narrative has a certain connotation that rings hollow. If John Cena easily overcomes what is placed in front of him, then why should THE ODDS pose any kind of existential dread in the hearts of his fans? Unless WWE is to assume that the people who chant "LET'S GO CENA" every week have memories as long-lasting as Dory at the beginning of Finding Nemo, then the Monster of the Week shtick should have gotten old sometime around 2007. If anything, Cena is at a great disadvantage in one-on-one matches against people he treats as his equal. The Rock and Daniel Bryan are the only ones to have victories of any permanence over Cena in the last few years, and in both cases, the effect was dulled either by a rematch where Cena got his win back or a post-match Money in the Bank cash-in that began the accidental long road to WrestleMania that wasn't supposed to belong to Bryan anyway.

If en masse interference is supposed to signify a stacked deck, however, then WWE has done a poor job in letting actions speak. I wish I could say that Seth Rollins' and Randy Orton's interference being rendered ineffectual against Cena and irrelevant to the finish of the stretcher match vs. Kane was the first instance of the CENA WINZ narrative overcoming even the waves of built-in excuses for him to lose matches, but he's been making multi-man matches look easy for years now.

Therein lies the problem with WWE's machine at its worst. When the celestial bodies in the Solar System line up in harmonic convergence and the writers and Vince McMahon create a story that is sublime, then nothing in the wrestling world is better. But more often than not, a slight kink exists in the machine, and everything goes haywire. Then, the gears move in erratic patterns, and garbled transmissions get repeated. The audience is forced to believe that a guy Cena dominated not two-and-a-half years ago could be The Authority's trump card against him, or that anyone short of Stannis Baratheon's army running a surprise pincer formation on him would be able to stop the man.

Of course, the repetitive nature does not apply only to The Champ. Vickie Guerrero is still the butt of the most one-sided, latently misogynist joke in WWE history. McMahon and Kevin Dunn still find projectile vomit funny (well, to be fair, so do I, just not in this setting). Women still be fightin' over hogs that they wanna funnel. Even on a show that had a fresh showdown to finish a battle royale and the "debut" of Stardust, the greatest pro wrestling character in history, the generally crushing feeling of recursive, regressive repetition ruled the night.

But when the script with the top wrestler in the company has remained unchanged for years without end, then malaise trickles down the card, whether deserved or not. Can WWE at least pretend to gamble on something that makes Cena seem somewhat vulnerable? Or will it continue to rely on wellsprings in other areas of the card, ones that may or may not have the providence needed to sustain a three hour show? Either way, I'm getting exhausted seeing Cena so easily dispatch his conflicts every week. The next person to dare erase the whiteboard will be the one to inject some life into a John Cena that hasn't felt vibrant in ages.

When Cody Rhodes said he had a partner for his brother Goldust, I thought he was presenting the latest in the Damien Sandow series of cosplay or debuting a repackaged Heath Slater as Clem Layfield. Then again, embracing his weird DNA (and believe me, if you don't think Big Dust has some weird genetic code in his seed, you're fooling yourself) and matching his brother was the best road to travel all along. In fact, the only criticism of his "debut" was that his bodysuit wasn't skintight like Goldust's usually is. Then again, if wardrobe issues are the biggest complaint, then the character is off to a great start. The best part of his run last night wasn't the idea or the facepaint or even the new lease on life the Rhodes Bros. have as a tag team. Cody's facial expressions sold the entire package superbly. He flashed that toothy grin with those crazy eyes, and Stardust became a permanent fixture in my mind, at least.

This situation should've been accounted for all along Photo Credit: WWE.com

Forty-five years ago, Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin set foot on the Moon, making history as the first human beings to set foot on a celestial object that wasn't planet Earth. While the mission was a success, President Richard Nixon had two speeches written in response to two potential outcomes. Why would Nixon have to write words contingent on a tragedy that didn't occur? As morbid as preparing for doom might sound, failure and resultant death of the three astronauts (Armstrong, Aldrin, and Michael Collins) was a real option. The space program had already suffered a devastating failure on the ground, claiming the life of Virgil Grissom. If the astronauts were to have met a similar fate in space, a nation transfixed upon their mission would have needed consolation from the highest places. Nixon had to be ready. Of course, the above anecdote might seem a bit dramatic to use as a segue into pro wrestling discussion, but it illustrates the preparedness that people need to undertake. If the worst had happened, and Nixon didn't have a speech ready, then what would the fallout have been? Luckily, the nation never had to experience that worst case scenario.

WWE, however, has already hit its nightmare situation with Daniel Bryan and his reign as WWE World Heavyweight Champion. His neck injury has put him on the injured reserve list for the indefinite future, and the story told in the time between initial diagnosis and formal title stripping last week reeked of institutional disorganization. WWE didn't have a plan in place for if Bryan was hurt, and the writers and management were not too adept at writing one on the fly either. Granted, the uncertainty surrounding his availability made things difficult for them to write, but conversely, when a human being's health is at stake, then it's better to err on the side of caution. The fact that WWE seemed to want to push Bryan back into the ring stank to high heaven of corporate entitlement and showed a lack of concern for the employee's well-being. IF anything, the Authority as proxy for the 1% story had begun to manifest itself in reality.

The uncomfortable truth for WWE though is that the moment it decided to have Daniel Bryan win the WWE World Championship at WrestleMania, Vince McMahon and the rest of his braintrust should have had an exit plan, a date when he would lose it and an opponent to whom he would drop it. Every wrestling company should have this sort of planning down pat the moment they decide to put one of their belts, whether the top title in the company or some kind of secondary achievement. Of course, without the benefit of true insider reporting or hindsight from a reliable narrator, no one can no for sure which companies actually do plan well in advance. However, usually if stories are chaotic onscreen, then a better than good chance exists the turbulent flow of ideas into fruition is caused by bad pre-planning.

Of course, titles aren't the be-all, end-all of a wrestling company anymore. In the post-kayfabe world, the main currency of wrestling promotions is storytelling. However, even though the image of legitimacy no longer needs to be maintained, the Championships are still, by far, the easiest mode of tale-spinning any wrestling company has. For smaller companies, the top strap may be the only thing that warrants a continuous, show-to-show angle. For WWE, the numerous amount of titles could fill up the seven hours of television it produces a week. Yet what Championships have actually been used as a measure of storytelling rather than this bullshit prize that someone gets to use as a phallus-by-proxy? Even the companies with the reputed best titles have had problems that could be attributed to poor foresight.

Pro Wrestling Guerrilla, for example, had a stretch of time between the summer of 2009 and the end of 2010 when its World Championship was in flux. Obviously, it made the decision to strap Bryan Danielson at his last show with the promotion. The decision was based in gratitude for what he had done for both the company itself and the independent scene it still epitomizes today, but still, weren't other means available to show him how much he meant than to vacate the title in essence? Anyway, PWG decided to crown its next Champion in the Battle of Los Angeles tournament, and lo and behold, the decision to win the title, Kenny Omega, was a wrestler who already had a full schedule in Japan working for the DDT promotion. He dropped the belt in his first defense to Davey Richards, another wrestler who was taking regular bookings in Japan at the time. He cancelled on one too many dates for PWG before he was stripped of the belt outright. Finally, stability returned to the Championship when Claudio Castagnoli won the title, but for about a year, the PWG title was hot lava; no one wanted to touch it.

PWG wasn't the only example of a sterling company making poor decisions. Chikara's gameplan with its Grand Championship seemed nebulous at worst and secondary to the other story going on with Titor and the life of the promotion altogether, almost to the point where Icarus winning it at You Only Live Twice didn't seem to have the emotional impact that it would have had coming earlier. Women's Superstars Uncensored ended Jessicka Havok's MAMMOTH Championship reign not with her shoulders to the mat in the middle of the ring, but with a stripping over her bailing on a defense for a TNA one-off event. Ring of Honor's Championship took a hit when they let Austin Aries' second reign with the strap meander into Tyler Black winning it about a year too late, and when he finally had a chance to run with the belt, he went and signed with WWE. Even if those Champions actually had dates and challengers to whom they would have been exchanged, the contingency plans were not there in the first place. In the cases of Omega and Richards, should the writing on the wall have precluded them from winning the title in the first place? In the cases of Eddie Kingston and Havok, was it the lack of a proper plan that led those promoters to keep throwing challengers at them and then not switch the belts because they weren't over enough?

Regardless, at least PWG has righted its ship somewhat in regards to the World Championship. Chikara had the other gargantuan story that still encompasses most of the roster to deflect criticism from its mishandling of the Grand Championship. WSU boasts one of the most boisterous and unique atmospheres in all of wrestling and also doesn't have nearly as much time to fill as WWE does. And ROH is... well, let's forget ROH for a second, okay? So, what does WWE have in its defense? Sure, it does have more time to fill, but it also has a team of writers and agents commensurate to filling said time. It has the staffing available to make sure that none of its Championships are left wanting a good story. Every Champion should have an arc in mind, a length in time for when they should hold said belt, and a general target of who should be the one to take said belt from them. Obviously, every decision can't nor shouldn't be set in stone, but at the same time, how many times have John Cena and Randy Orton feuded for three or more pay-per-views in a row over the WWE, World, or combined Championships? How many times have the secondary titles been ignored or their Champions mired in a heap of non-title losses to prep for blowoff matches that have no heat or no direction? WWE has the least excuse to show this messy a hand, and yet it is the biggest offender of any critically major wrestling company in America of poor planning.

And now, that ill-planning has once again bit the company in the rear. What should the plan have been if Bryan had gotten hurt? I don't know what specifically would have been the best option. Personally, I'd have gone the Interim Champion route and built towards a clash for when he came back. Or maybe Bryan could have been stripped immediately. Whatever the escape plan would have ended up being, however, would have blown this entire last month out of the water in terms of wishy-washy postponements of decisions and more building of Bryan and Brie Bella not as a heroic alternative to the Authority, but as a team that was in a competition to see who'd come off as less likable.

Whether or not anyone saw Bryan getting hurt or not is irrelevant to the conversation. When you're in a business that needs a cohesive story, you have to plan for things that you don't want to happen or that you don't normally think will happen, even if that is as catastrophic in scope as a failed Moon landing.

WWE went and made Roman Reigns Jar-Jar Binks last night Photo Credit: WWE.com

Remember the original Star Wars movies? Of course you do, because they’re great! There’s a charm and realness to those them that I adore. I could go on about them for hours, but I won’t. You’ve got a life to live.

One of my favorite things about the original trilogy is that George Lucas had to fight to get it made. The first Star Wars film is a monument to art from adversity. When you don’t have the money to throw at things to make them better, you need to find an elegant, intuitive, and simple solution. We don’t have the money for this? Alright, let’s all sit down and figure out how we can get it done.

That mentality went right out the window with the prequels. You’ve seen the Phantom Menace, dear reader. We all have. On that summer night in 1999, we all took in that plastic, nonsensical, downright depressingly bad hot circle of garbage and wondered what the hell had happened?

George had won. He had dump trucks full of money, absolute power over his productions, and no one who would dare to say no to him.

Sound familiar?

The image of Vickie Guerrero doused in vomit is not something I’ll soon forget. Roman Reigns has officially turned ‘WWE brand’ face by using the same questionable tactics as John Cena and Sheamus. Kane is presented as a threat despite not winning a big match in the last twenty centuries. And most annoyingly, Mr. Jorts himself is back in the WWE Heavyweight Championship title picture for the ka-jillionth time.

I don’t know what’s going on over at Titan Towers, but they can do better. We saw proof of that earlier this year. When CM Punk left, it threw the WrestleMania card into upheaval. The brass at WWE needed to figure something out, and figure it out fast. What did they do? They put together one of their best storylines in years. We got something new. For my money, we got one of the best WrestleMania’s of all time.

There needs to be pushback. There needs to be competition. Creative shake ups aren’t a bad thing. Is everyone at WWE so scared to speak up about what they’re told to do they’ll allow themselves to be constantly humiliated on TV? They’ll let logic and storytelling go to the wayside? Kane, a guy who’s been there nearly 20 years, can’t say, ‘Hey, if we’re going to keep foisting me on the roster as a major threat, maybe I should win a match every now and again’?

But there is no conversation. There is no critiquing. You’re handed a script that points a fire hose of vomit at your face, and tells you to make sure your mouth is closed. They can’t do better than this?! WE SAW THEM DO BETTER NOT THREE MONTHS AGO!!!

WrestleMania was like watching that first Star Wars movie. I was filled hope (a NEW hope, one might say) for the year ahead. The young new guys were spotlighted, and it seemed like a change was actually happening.

What’s followed hasn’t been Empire Strikes Back. It’s been Attack of the Clones.

To be honest, most hurricanranas/huracanranas/Frankensteiners don't impress me much. Yeah they've got the moves, but do they got the tou... err, sorry. Bad '90s flashback. Anyway, even if the user closes the window on top, the move is basically a throw with the legs, and since WCW imported cruiserweights en masse, the move has become as exotic as a banana. But when the victim is kneeling down, then the head is able to be spiked off the canvas, and the move goes from common to YOWZA. It especially helps when Nick Jackson/Jeremy Buck sells it like he just bounced his head off a claymore mine.

Oh Tywin! Photo via SpoilerTV

It's hump day, so here are some links to get you through the rest of the week:

Wrestling Links:

- The Wrestling Hipster: Five moments that justify your hatred of John Cena [With Leather]

- The Bourne Legacy [False Underdog]

- Sister Abigail [Turnbuckle Zine]

- The Best and Worst of RAW: Stardust Memories [With Leather]

- Rasslin' Story Time: Pro wrestling desperately needs an offseason [SB Nation]

- PWG Mystery Vortex II Review [Voices of Wrestling]

- Vintage Best and Worst: Halloween Havoc 1996 [With Leather]

- TNA Impact (June 12) Review [Voices of Wrestling]

- The Best and Worst of Impact Wrestling: The Three Count of Monte Cristo [With Leather]

Non-Wrestling Links:

- The Tywin Lannister Guide to Being a Good Father [Warming Glow]

- Game of Thrones has burnt down most of its structure, and that's a risky move [Polygon]

- No need to argue, the five best and worst moments from Game of Thrones season 4 [Pajiba]

- Ten questions about Game of Thrones season four, answered [Warming Glow]

- The secret to making sense of last night's Game of Thrones finale [io9]

- Game of Thrones Debunker: Are Syrio Forel and Jaqen H'ghar the same person? [Dorkly]

- The five worst ways to die from Game of Thrones season four [Warming Glow]

- Why Ned Stark deserved to die [TH's House of Random]

- A brief history of queer children's cartoon characters [Gawker]

- Everything you need to know about every World Cup team [Screamer]

- Jurgen Klinsmann states the obvious about US soccer [Sports on Earth]

- World Cup of Beer [Screamer]

- How to make pancakes, an marvel of labor and science [The Concourse]

- FDA abruptly reverses stance on wooden aging boards for cheese [Kitchenette]

- Why you get garlic breath and how you get rid of it [Lifehacker]

- An engineering approach that makes turkey frying a bit safer [io9]

- Why I'm speaking up about what Terry Richardson did to me [Jezebel]

- What do you do when your rapist is a varsity athlete? [Jezebel]

- The "Gamer Babe" problem [The Classical]

- Happy Fathers Day, mom! [Jezebel]

- Tony Gwynn, baseball scientist, has died [SB Nation]

- Which MLB fans are the biggest bandwagoners? [Deadspin]

- How baseball stats have changed in every era [Regressing]

- Toplist: The 25 best Pixar characters ever [Dorkly]

- If the box art to our favorite games were more honest [Gamma Squad]

- A grown-ass man's guide to super-hard old Nintendo games [The Concourse]

- Decades later, someone's found a new Super Mario Bros. glitch! [Kotaku]

- Ten scientific ideas scientists wish you would stop misusing [io9]

- An ocean on Pluto's moon? Scientists keep an eye out for cracks [io9]

- A day in the life of someone who sincerely retweets Darren Rovell [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

- I think you would like Tom Cruise if you met him [Danger Guerrero]

The Internet, like the world it spawned from, can be an illogical, horrifying place full of terrors sure to ruin the psyche and evaporate the soul.  One must put up barriers to keep oneself intact, as a wise man once said.

Ergo, it's been several years since seeing whatever latest atrocity is on the other end of those WARNING and WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T CLICK ON THIS LINK clickbait that floatsams and jetsams into the stream of tubes from time to time.  Why not take people's word for it?  Won't you be better off heeding that advise?  You don't get need to get shot in the face to know it sucks, or contract food poisoning to realize what a criminally underrated miracle good health is.

In a related note, on Main Event the Usos bragged about being crazy and Sheamus was itching for a fight before Main Event's main event against the Wyatt Family, and they lost.  If a WWE babyface ever learned anything, it'd be a teachable moment to glean something from their sudden loss -- bears are for mocking during football season and not for poking.  In a fun two-segger they had more than a fighting chance against the swamp people, and proved it by literally fighting.

Yet as the past few years have shown, while the Wyatts are now WWE's predominant unit when it comes to trifectas, golden as the United States and Tag Team Champions are they're still a singles competitor plus a tag team; thus, per usual the magic number was destined to win out.  It may've taken nearly 20 minutes to do so, but it did.  Most notably, the match seemed to be more a teaser for the tag title bout at MITB than the one for the Unified Title, as the Usos, Rowan, and Harper carried the bulk of the match's weight with Bray falling into his usual pattern of opportunistically picking his spots and limiting his time.  It was this character aspect that closed out the show; when's the last time you saw somebody take a tag from a partner in need and immediately hit the floor?  But here Bray did since the Usos were more focused on eliminating Rowan on the floor with one of their trademark suicide dives.  That succeeded as much as any Pyrrhic victory does, as Jimmy running to do the same led him right into the ripcord version of Sister Abigail.  Talk about picking your spot to the decimal.  In a juster world, all the lights when the NXT grads entered would be justified by a clean sweep at the Network special so people could learn what real horror is and not this corporate-sponsored subsidy of fear that's been holding sway for the better part of a year with really a two-night exemption.

There'd be more than a little fine comeuppance in our main man D-Bry right there upending the reign of terror of his (admittedly short-term) allies, since only he has managed to get inside the head of the monster and make it spit him out by force.   There's even the matter of evening a series that's currently at one.  But that would need a healthier man, and the sort of person who needs to have a Championship in order to help make their point rather than nimbly getting it across themselves through silver-tongued savagery.

That was exactly the way the hour began, as Seth Rollins showed up not only to rub his newfound corporate imprimatur in our faces, but to drop some information: apparently the Authority feels the way about Money in the Bank matches the way Rob Base and E Z Rock felt about life.  Once he waded through the obligatory seas of You Sold Out chants it'd be known that in addition to the big match which you'll probably be able to talk about online with hashtag all the titles, there'd be a traditional MITB match for contendership.  And like Orton before him, Rollins got a free gift entrance into it.  Of course, Orton's free passage is the most logical bit of heeldom in some time; having been gifted the WWE belt at SummerSlam, he didn't pin or submit come WrestleMania - you know, as opposed to two other Certain Someboodies - and never got a proper rematch.  Rollins' getting his card punched looked like the quid pro quo of three weeks ago, though that pimp's payoff couldn't save him from Dean Ambrose showing up and getting all-too-brief moments of checking his ring size against his former buddy's face, and not even Kane could make the save fast enough or last enough.

Santino didn't last enough against Rusev, for that matter.  He went down to defeat in the time it took you to read this sentence.  What was a surprise over its ceasing to be was Paige's win streak, ended cleanly at the hands of Naomi.  There's nothing more telling than a crowd flipping on a dime from chanting for Mr. Lee in absentia to the applause garnered by a double dropkick and double nipup combo platter.  While Cameron got flirty with the dark side on Monday night and ended up tapping out to the Divas Champion, Naomi stayed Lawful Good and looked good doing it.  Between her bow and arrow/reverse surfboard hybrid, a nice Steamboat press off the top, and rolling through into a perfect back bridge she was winning on points before she won officially with the Final Cut of the Nightmare on Helms Street.  Cameron was more psyched than Tony Stark at an open bar, and shoved Paige out of the way of a handshake attempt to hug her partner.

That having happened, Paige went after her as Naomi stood by idly, her face the dictionary definition of "welp, this is awkward".  She shook Paige's hand and left, right into the wake of a partner literally distancing herself from her as she feebly asked "What do you want me to do?" It was an easy moment of empathy: sometimes people around you start fights and expect you to finish them without a stake in the proceedings but don't want to take any of the licks they've caused rather than a couple of shots.  Yet this reticence didn't play as well as it might've, considering as Paige celebrated in-ring with the title, having somehow vaulted over the basement of division and the woman she just beat--insert Chris Rock's OJ riff here with Cameron's wobbly alignment.

Like her employ at large around her, having tried something different to shake things up and it failing, it's thought a new look might be the saving grace that'll bring a new day forward where the failures are merely the inspiration for greater heights.  Yet she shouldn't get too despondent if she fails.  If you're smart enough to drown the old and bathe yourself in the waters of renewal, you can get support. You can affect rebirth.  And you can be right in line for a shot at the power and influence gold can provide.

There's more than one way to get the whole damn world in your hands.

See Matt Cross' beard defend the title and more! Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein

Smash-Wrestling.com

Smash Wrestling has been promoting shows for over a year in the the Greater Toronto area with some of the best wrestlers in the world making appearances. The promoters clearly want more eyes on their fine federation, so they are offering you free digital downloads of their latest show, Rival Schools. I haven't watched the show yet, but Friend of the Blog Dylan Hales has. He live-tweeted his thoughts, and they generally were positive. Still, this show featured some of the top names in independent wrestling and it's being offered for free, in both high and standard definitions. You can watch Matt Cross and his luxurious beard defend the SMASH Championship against Alex Vega and Brent Banks for free. You can watch Chris Hero trade blows with Takaaki Watanabe of New Japan Pro Wrestling at no monetary cost to your person. You can see ACH and Michael Elgin tangle with no fiduciary obligation to the folks who brought it to you. Super Smash Bros., Gregory Iron, Cherry Bomb, Kyle O'Reilly... ALL FREE. If you do nothing else in your life, you need to take advantage of absolutely free professional wrestling when you get the chance. Smash is giving it to you, and who knows, maybe you'll be enticed enough to check them out on a regular basis and discover the best of what Canada has to offer.

Mantis likes sweet treats, but only if they're vegan Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein

It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday morning. Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers!

@tholzerman#tweetbag Baking cookies or other baked goods to give to wrestlers at an indy show, super creepy or super awesome?
— The Lady (@LadyNearTheLake) June 18, 2014

I tend to fall on the "super awesome" side of the argument. Indie wrestlers are pretty much living hand to mouth if wrestling is their only gig, or it's a weekend diversion if they have a 9-to-5. In some cases, they're barely getting gas money to fall on their backs and necks several times a match. So sure, anything that you as a fan can do to make their experience special is cool. If that means popping for their spots like they're fucking John Cena, buying their merch, or bringing 'em cookies, then go nuts. Everyone's different, obviously, so I'm not sure if bringing some cupcakes to every wrestler will elicit the same response. I can tell you right now that Bryce Remsburg and UltraMantis Black are two Chikara personalities who enjoy them some free fan food. I should know, as they both loved my salsa, and the latter often gets tasty vegan baked goods from one Danielle Matheson.

A few points of note should be observed though. First, if you're going to a show with a bunch of friends, or if you're meeting friends there, bring enough baked goods to share. The communal experience makes wrestling exponentially more enjoyable. Second, know your target. Don't be bringing Mantis meat pies or anything that isn't strictly vegan. Do a little bit of research, even if you just throw out a tweet. Third, don't really expect anything in return except for some thanks. Again, these people are performers, and while becoming friends with them is something that can and has happened, don't expect them to accept an invite to your daughter's quinceanera because you gave them a cake once. Be realistic, and don't ACT overtly creepy. But no, the baking of goods is not creepy in and of itself. In fact, I would LOVE it if y'all gave me foodstuffs more often, but no, I'm not requesting them or anything...

*taps foot impatiently*

@tholzerman#tweetbag Can the argument be made that the cool heel is one of the worst things to ever happen to wrestling?
— Okori Wadsworth (@OkoriWadsworth) June 18, 2014

That statement might have a kernel of truth to it depending on the point of view. The old ideals of alignment have been irreparably damaged by the cool heel ideal, but maybe wrestling as an artform needed to evolve. Flawed antiheroes can be great protagonists if the stories are right. I have written so many words about alignment and storytelling and theory that sometimes I don't even know what I want in terms of a base alignment. But no, I don't think the cool heel is the worst thing to happen by far. If anything, Vince Russo's idea of what a worked shoot should be and peeling back the curtain a little too far is the worst thing, but I think the biz has recovered somewhat from that tendency.

@tholzerman I'm going to five CHIKARA things this weekend. Jealous?
— Gregory Davis (@BigZ38) June 18, 2014

To be honest? I'm the most jealous that you're going to be at Larry Sweeney night tomorrow at The Squared Circle. I've been to a ton of Chikara events, and while I'd like to go to every show the company promotes, I'm fine missing a few here or there. But The Squared Circle is a bucket list restaurant, man. To be there on a Chikara-themed night to help raise money to help an awesome cause for a person who meant so much to my favorite promotion? Yeah, that's the thing I'm most jealous about.

@tholzerman what's your favorite prop in wrestling history, i. e., Undertaker's urn? And which do you think was used to the greatest effect?
— Jeff Jeff (@JeffTheJeff) June 18, 2014

The old-school ECW fan in me says New Jack's shopping cart full of plunder. The Gangstaz weren't the most technically gifted wrestlers around, but they were fun brawlers, thanks in part to New Jack's plethora of weapons that he'd wheel out while "Natural Born Killaz" blared in the background. My favorite instances were once when he busted out a Nintendo Entertainment System console and bashed it over his opponent's head. I wanna say the guy taking the shot was Buh Buh Ray Dudley, but I'm not sure. The second instance happened with him pulling out a model plane and zooming it around the ring like he was a derpy adolescent playing with a toy before utterly smashing it into someone's face. God, I miss having that ECW around sometimes.

@tholzerman What of my plan for the Authority to stage a one-man MITB match for Rollins? It would be overkill, but the heat… #TweetBag
— Star of Savage (@StarOfSavage) June 18, 2014

Sure, the heat would melt steel, but I think that action would reek too much of the nWo at its most indulgent. The Authority has been able to run game in WWE only because it hasn't run the show with an iron fist. At times, Cody Rhodes, Goldust, Daniel Bryan, and The Shield have been able to get one over on the bosses, and while Triple H and Stephanie McMahon have stacked the deck at times, they have always remained careful not to be too foreboding and laughably omnipotent. WCW never held the nWo in that kind of check until the group split apart. Even then, the reunification saw the most blatant loogie hocked in the face of the fans with the Fingerpoke of Doom. If the Authority tried that stunt with Rollins, it either could have been greeted with the same backlash, or it would have been the moment when Vince McMahon came off the ivory tower and said that enough was enough. With that in mind, I wouldn't have minded it as a device to end the McMahon-Helmsley Era 2.0, but otherwise, I think it might have been overkill.

@tholzerman Is it disgraceful for Sami Zayn to have unmasked a luchadore?
— Explorations in PW (@XploreWrestling) June 19, 2014

I love Sami Zayn, but he should have been disqualified. In fact, I'm more mad at the referee for allowing that infraction to go unpunished. I mean, I've heard rumors that Zayn used to compete under a mask himself, but I never believed them. That kind of tall tale would have meant that El Generico DIDN'T go back to Mexico to help the orphans, and I refuse to impugn his good name by implying he'd lie to his fans all around the world. BUT humoring those conspiracy theorists for a moment, if Zayn did remove the mask on purpose like has been accused, then he would have spat in the face of his rumored former heritage. That insult is so out of character for him. I am disappoint.

@tholzerman perfect taco salad. GO!
— bd (@IHatebd) June 19, 2014

I'd just ditch the salad and go get tacos.

Okay, okay, I'll play along. First off, you gotta contain it in a deep fried corn tortilla bowl. Second, chop the romaine lettuce nice and fine, because I ain't having big chunks of that shit taking up too much real estate and blocking out the delicious stuff. Then, slow-roasted pork al pastor (with the pineapples, ALWAYS with the pineapples), heaping amounts of queso fresco, homemade salsa, grilled onions, and a dollop of sour cream go right on top of the lettuce. Garnish with fresh radishes and chopped scallions, and boom.

@tholzerman Am I the only one who wants Cody/StarDust to be the face in any Dem Rhodes Boys feud?
— GayProWrestlingFan (@GayWrestlingFan) June 19, 2014

No, you're not. Cody Rhodes has to be the good guy, or else Goldust's return would've been a waste. Rhodes showed some serious babyface fire last year, and in a company bereft of true heroes to cheer for below the top two of John Cena and Daniel Bryan, that run was a breath of fresh air. Rhodes has already done everything he needs to do as a rudo before getting to the main event, and Goldust ain't a spring chicken (although he seems to wrestle like one... show me any other wrestler who adds a Yoshi Tonic and lucha flips to his offense after age 40 and I'll show you the fucking chupacabra). Goldust's main purpose should have been to help his brother get to the next level all along. He can best do that by being the jealous, bitter old gatekeeper to brother Cody's final ascension to heroism.

@tholzerman will we ever see a five-sided ring? #TweetBag
— The Masked Lutefisk (@MaskedLutefisk) June 19, 2014

Yes, when I open my new wrestling promotion Fucked Up Wrestling. The main event will be Michael Tarver vs. a chicken wearing a John Cena wrist sweatband as a neckpiece.

@tholzerman SO IS SETH ROLLINS SOME SORTA 1990'S DARK AND EDGY SUPERHERO, AND IF SO WHAT WOULD HIS CODENAME BE?
— Duje Silver Dekan (@thegnc) June 19, 2014

Right about now, I think Rollins would be one of those villains in the vein of Venom, where he's nominally evil (hence the turn) but he's so cool that everyone ends up making him popular anyway. In fact, the entire Shield was like that for about 18 glorious months of its run through WWE. I guess if Rollins is Venom, then Dean Ambrose is inexplicably Carnage? Or would Ambrose be Deadpool? And what would that make Roman Reigns, some kind of hybrid between the Incredible Hulk and Tony Stark? Ah, whatever.

Anyway his name, okay, since "The Architect" sounds more like a lameoid Batman villain name from the '60s, I'll stay away from that and go with some pithy, too-cool-for-school name as what seemed to be the rule of the day in the '90s, a decade everyone is trying to remember. How about Brainblast? Yeah, Brainblast works for me.

@tholzerman what are your 3 favorite wrestling pay per views of all time? (any promotion, any time period)
— Head Bee Guy (@Tvs_Tim_Biewald) June 19, 2014

1. High Noon - Chikara's first Internet pay-per-view might seem like cheating since I didn't watch on the tubes; I was there live. However, the finest event of my favorite wrestling promotion ever has to rank pretty darn high. The show had something for everyone. The low card matches were entertaining exhibitions. Green Ant and Sara del Rey got to put exclamation points on their big feuds for the year. A new story was launched when Ophidian turned on Amasis. The event had closure for a two year-long angle that encompassed the promotion (still waiting for WCW to close the book on the nWo, oh wait). And most importantly? That main event was pitch-perfect. Outstanding. Emotional. Brilliant.

2. WrestleMania X-7 - WWE has a handful of pantheon pay-per-view events that could have taken this spot, but something about delivering on the biggest stage of the year in a way that is still memorable over a decade later just appeals to me as the best tiebreaker. Mostly everyone points to the polarizing finish to the main event, and at the time, I loved the idea of a Steve Austin unsure about his health wanting to sell his soul for one more run at the top. But the match preceding that turn was amazing as well. It also, by far, contained my favorite Streak match, another car-crash TLC match, and the insanely fun gimmick battle royale.

3. Extreme Rules 2012 - This event was an nine-match show. Four of the matches were filler, sure. One wouldn't think of an event where over half the matches were forgettable as an all-timer. Then again, one match was a Ryback vs. two-jobbers squash, which at the time was something of a spectacle. And the Intercontinental Championship tables match had one of the most unique finishes ever. But when the other four matches were legitimately contenders for the best matches of the year in both that company and around the entire wrestling world, then yeah, you can start thinking about the show as being one of the best ever. Randy Orton and Kane opened things up with a surprisingly blithe, amusing, and appropriately violent falls count anywhere match. Sheamus and Daniel Bryan followed that up with WWE's finest ever best two-of-three falls match. Then CM Punk and Chris Jericho upped the ante with a Chicago Street Fight. Finally, Brock Lesnar and John Cena did battle in what was the most innovative, fresh match worked in WWE all year, and maybe all decade so far. Yes, the finish left a sour taste in a lot of people's mouths. In hindsight, I don't think it was that bad a call; rather, the booking on RAW the next night with Cena promising to take a break that never came was the more egregious half of the equation.

@tholzerman Top 5 Favorite Muppets #TweetBag
— Jeff S (@DexDynamo) June 19, 2014

1. Sweetums - What can I say? I'm a sucker for slobbery giants with ironic names.
2. Fozzy Bear - When I was younger, I was Fozzy Bear, so much that my parents banned me from telling jokes around the house.
3. Waldorf and Statler - Honestly, I think the guys from Mystery Science Theater 3000 need to pay these two curmudgeons royalties.
4. The Swedish Chef - Byergen smyergen fyergen myergen murnf splurt.
5. Animal - Sometimes, all you wanna do is DRUM!

@tholzerman Can't remember last heel 2 cheat to win, but noted babyface Roman Reigns spikes drinks? Am I listening to too much J.R. Podcast?
— Frank (@gvntofly1021) June 19, 2014

A propos of nothing, you are listening to the JR Podcast too much. Fuck that guy.

Anyway though, if the point that heels aren't heelish enough and the faces are too much like Stiffler from American Pie is being made by Jim Ross on his podcast, he has a point. Like I wrote above, the alignment dynamic in wrestling evolving past do-gooder faces and dastardly moustache-twirling heels is a good thing, but when WWE regularly paints people who make salient points against how shitty the audience and the good guys are as bad guys and the good guys doing nothing but proving those points, then yeah, the program is probably not going to have that strong a storyline ethic.

@tholzerman do you think TNA as a brand is too far gone? No matter how good they might make things I feel like their hole is too deep
— Parker Holland (@p_holland) June 19, 2014

I usually don't think anyone or anything is too far gone, but then I see Dixie Carter yelping on Twitter about "keyboard warriors" days before her company went to its fans asking them what kind of ring it should use. SO yeah, maybe the time has come to light the fuse on the rocket that sends the TNA name and every piece of intellectual property associated with it into the Sun.

@tholzerman Can Dr. Xavier Woods cure a case of #WildCardFever?
— Ian G. (@Doc_Ruiz2012) June 19, 2014

Sadly, he caught #Divisiontery on his way to a show in Oregon and passed.

@tholzerman#TweetBag who would be your cast for Legends House season 2?
— Sean (@wildvulture) June 19, 2014

Honestly, that show was built to have a second season where Hulk Hogan, Randy Savage, and Ultimate Warrior lived together under the same roof, but since two-thirds of them are dead now, I guess that idea is out the window. Anyway, the first season featured all the typical WWE fogeys that the company trots out whenever it needs an old-timer to come on out on RAW and pop something. The second season should have a different flavor, celebrating the history of another company whose tape libraries WWE owns. It's time for WCW Legends House! Ric Flair! Arn Anderson! Sting! Tony Schiavone! Dusty Rhodes! Ron Simmons! Harley Race! SID VICIOUS! Tell me that show wouldn't be hilarious and awkward, especially when Sting tries to lead everyone in a prayer circle only to find Flair passed out drunk in the corner and Rhodes doing his part to contribute to Weird Twitter.

@tholzerman If you were making a baseball team out of the current WWE roster, who mashes the most home runs? #TweetBag
— Sarah (@MrsKillerRoo) June 19, 2014

Contrary to popular belief, being jacked to the gills isn't the only thing needed for a sweet home run stroke. In fact, Miguel Cabrera has proven that you can be a tubby bowl of suet and mash them dingers good. I think I'm looking for size, upper body dexterity, and sheer athleticism for my home run stroke, leaving me with three obvious choices. John Cena fits the all-around athletic mode. I believe he can do pretty much anything with a little bit of training. Big E Langston is the bulky first baseman who just mashes taters left and right. And Bray Wyatt is my wildcard choice, because he's exceedingly nimble for a guy his size, and he probably could get a sweet home run stroke if he worked on it.

With my wife away visiting family in Oregon, I was left to attend CLASH AT THE BASH all by my lonesome. She may have had fun, gotten gifts, and just generally enjoyed a relaxing vacation, but man, Sam sure did miss out on a great night of wrestling. When I arrived at the Marchesa Hall and Theatre, I was instantly greeted by Thomas Munos in a bathrobe holding a paddle ball and a clipboard. See, Munos was a referee. I say “was” because he was fired from Inspire Pro following NO ROOM TO DIE, after he tackled Sammy Guevera and wailed on his face (after having been spit in the face by the said “Best Ever”). Some say Munos was justified, but the officials felt otherwise, not wanting to set a bad precedent. His clipboard was a petition to get reinstated. Of course, I signed it. He looked so sad. Although, I’m not sure why he had to be in his robe for. They didn’t take away his clothes, unless all he owned were referee stripes. He also gave me a hug.

CLASH AT THE BASH was beach-themed, only without water (except for what Lance Hoyt had, but I’ll get to that later) and sand. Nearly everyone wore their finest beach wear, as well. (I did not.) They even moved their entrance from the left of the stage, to on the stage, and added a ramp/catwalk that connected the stage to the ring, which I was ALWAYS a fan of back in the day. I remember WCW used one (as did ECW, but I did not watch those until years later), and it was always my favorite set-up. On either side of the curtain, were inflatable palm trees, and in the ring, several beach balls. I’m hoping the new set-up with remain (no reason to think it won’t).

Our esteemed ring announcer, Brandon Stroud, welcomed us to the show and proceeded to toss the beach balls out into the crowd. I think he would come to regret that decision later in the evening, but as it were, we smacked the balls all around the building at various points through the show. Also, a swamp monster played The Star-Spangled Banner on guitar. Yeah, I don’t know, but it was pretty neat. Plus, they had a live band (I forget their name) during the two intermissions.

THOMAS SHIRE def. “The Bleeding Heart” DAVEY VEGA
The good thing so far in Inspire, is that for the most part, the fans have ignored whatever certain wrestlers did in other promotion (namely Anarchy Championship Wrestling). I feared that when Inspire first started, but most of the wrestlers are only vaguely similar to how they act in ACW (and that mostly just boils down to a lot of them playing extensions of themselves). This is most notable in the fact that Thomas Shire and Jojo Bravo are heralded as good guys in Inspire (well, they are faces now in ACW, too) and have absolutely no association with Chris Trew. The only “mention” of The Business in Inspire is the fact that Trew uses the same “Focus Up” theme music. But in Inspire, he has an entirely different stable, The New Movement.

So, it was interesting when a few fans (who do attend all the ACW shows), opted to shout to Davey Vega that he was “still trash” following his very competitive match with Thomas Shire. He did what he always did, he busted his ass and put on a good show. That’s why, in my opinion, he’s the best guy on the indies right now. Even before the match, I suppose to dispel whatever notions some people may have had about him, Vega shook Shire’s hand. SPORTSMANSHIP! He did so after the match as well.

You could say those fans reacted as they did, because Vega has mostly been a villain, but there was a time in ACW when he had earned the respect and adulation of the fans. That was before the Submission Squad reformed in full-force, which is why I believe it was carryover, instead of them just hating on Vega for disrespecting Chris Hero the last time he was in Inspire. At any rate, there wasn’t much at stake in this match, but you would be hard pressed to find a better opener anywhere, because as Stroud said during his introductions, this match could main event just about anywhere else, and I hope one day it does.

KEITH LEE wins CHRIS TREW.BIZ STAR SEARCH BATTLE ROYAL
I could not tell you who the majority of the participants were. But two of the notable eliminations were “Jiggle-O” James Johnson eliminating himself as soon as the match started. He even flipped the bird to Trew on his way to the back. VERY RUDE, SIR! The other one being, Erik Shadows getting dumped over the top rope by Chris Trew himself. Not sure what that was about, but clearly Trew did not want him apart of The New Movement.

The winner of the match was a very large black man who I had never seen before. And he did not enter when everyone else had. Instead, the match had started, someone banged on the metal roll-up door, and from there he entered. I’m guessing he couldn’t fit through the entrance curtain (very broad shoulders). The match actually lasted longer than I figured, given Keith Lee’s entrance, but eventually he took care of business and became the newest member of The New Movement, joining Cherry Ramone and Delilah Doom. Chris Trew was overjoyed, to say the least. It’ll be interesting to see where things go and what exactly The New Movement have their sights on.

“That Guy” SCOTTY SANTIAGO def. “Chi-Town’s Finest” MR. B
It’s all about politics. Or that’s what Mr. B’s newest t-shirt would lead you to believe. I have no idea what that’s about, but he had a brand new shirt, plain white shirt, that said “WHY?” on the front in big, black letters, and “POLITICS” on the back. I’m assuming he felt as those he is gotten the short end of the stick thus far in Inspire? I haven’t the slightest. That said, I enjoyed the character shift from fun-loving, white-girl-craving guy, because we got ourselves a good little match. I knew Santiago would be up for the wrestling side of things. In the end, though, Santiago didn’t win with politics, but rather a good old-fashioned roll-up. Much like the opener, there wasn’t much at stake, and there wasn’t anything definitive decided, so I’m sure they will continue their story at the next show in July.

THE HOLLYWOOD KNIVES (Stevo Reno and Bradley Axel Dawson) def. THE NEW MOVEMENT (Cherry Ramone and Delilah Doom)
It was originally scheduled to be the team Red Dead Depression comprised of The Great Depression and The Red Scare, but apparently they had both been incarcerated the night before. I don’t recall for what (assaulted cops, perhaps?), but regardless, this was going to go into the win column as a forfeit victory, but the Hollywood Knives wanted no part of that. Their wish for a match was granted by The New Movement. Much like the first match The Hollywood Knives had, Bradley Axel Dawson found himself incapacitated outside the ring (this time at the hands of Keith Lee, which got him booted from ringside), leaving Reno to fight the match all by himself.

Remarkably, he was able to fight off the opposition, submitting Cherry Ramone by, well, basically just spreading his legs really far apart. It looked painful, I know that much. After the match, Dawson managed to crawl himself into the ring and celebrate a hard fought victory. So far, things have not been going well for The New Movement, though. Exactly zero victories so far. If Chris Trew wants to be the Professional Wrestling Manager of the Decade, he might want to get his team to “focus up.”

“The Texas Lion” CARSON KO’d “Cowboy” JAMES CLAXTON
Before the match, we had a moment of silence and ten bell salute for, what I could gather, was the recent passing of Carson’s father. If I’m wrong on that, please let me know, but it was a nice moment that showed the level of respect Inspire Pro has for their talent. James Claxton even respectfully gave the ring over to Carson before the start of the match. But when Carson held open the ropes to let him re-enter, Claxton kicked him right in the chest. The match was really nothing special. Underwhelming, actually. Not sure if that was because of the circumstances beyond the ring or what, but it was a quick match, and a well-placed superkick out of nowhere knocked Claxton out cold, and he failed to answer the referee’s ten count. It was strange and caught a lot of people off guard. But it wasn’t the last we would see of these two men.

SCOT SUMMERS def. “Absolute” RICKY STARKS in a NO HOLDS BARRED/NO ROPE BREAK MATCH to retain his WORLD CLASS CHAMPIONSHIP
I was really looking forward to this match, especially given Ricky’s attitude in Inspire Pro thus far. And it was a very good match, but Starks didn’t seem to have the same fire he had been showing. Maybe the last few months of essentially treading water affected him? I have no idea. Or maybe Scot Summer was just too much for him?

He put up a fight, don’t get me wrong, but the same violent, aggressive streak he’d been showing since THE BEGINNING was not on display. It was almost like he was just overwhelmed. Not so much because of the stakes or the stipulations, but just Scot Summers himself. He was relentless to the point of trying to take Ricky’s arm off and taking it home with him. All the while, there was a cloud hovering around ringside in the form of Chairman Greg Symonds and his buddy in the suit. I’m not sure who his friend were, but they showed a vested interest in the outcome of the match. They never got physically involved, but they were active cheerleaders for Ricky Starks, who before the match was asking why they were there and telling them to leave.

In the end, Ricky never did tap out or give him, instead he lost consciousness, just as he had made James Claxton do a few months back. I’m not exactly sure where Starks’ story goes moving forward, as while he didn’t quit, and put on a good showing, he was rather thoroughly cut down by Summers. Post-match, Symonds and his cronie attacked Summers, only to get chased away by Thomas Shire. My best guess would be that Symonds will be coming out of retirement. A tag team match would probably be the best bet for starters.

It feels kind of odd, because now Symonds is the instigator. Sure, Summers struck first, when he punched out the Chairman, but everything seemed to have been settled. I do know Symonds feels disrespected by Summers when he brought in his own title. But, if Thomas can be fired for attacking a wrestler WHO SPIT IN HIS FACE, shouldn’t those in charge of Inspire Pro at least THINK about reprimanding Greg Symonds?

“The Ultraviolent Beast” MASADA def. “Unholy” GREGORY JAMES
Exactly how does one start bleeding from the forehead while chain wrestling? I don’t know, but Masada sure found a way to make it happen. I wasn’t too into this match, but they pulled me into it by the end, which is the mark of some fine wrestling. These guys battled all over, with Masada living up to his “Ultraviolent Beast” moniker. It was Masada’s debut in Inspire Pro and Gregory James’ attempt to return to a winning form that netted him a Championship match not too long ago. It was not to be, however, as a couple super-violent powerbombs ended his night.

Post-match, the former Blasphemer aka Jeff Gant suddenly appeared with two other dudes and attacked James. Gant was a recent member of James’ group before being booted out, and is seeking revenge with his own group. A group of the skinniest guys I’ve ever seen, but they seemed tough. I know Gant can take a whooping pretty well, but he always gets up looking for more.

RAY “Death” ROWE def. “Centerfold” MATTHEW PALMER to become the NUMBER ONE CONTENDER to the INSPIRE PRO CHAMPIONSHIP
MATCH OF THE NIGHT. Ray Rowe was making his return to Inspire Pro as well and he definitely earned a shot at the Championship. It wasn’t easy, though, as Matthew Palmer is no pushover. Ray Rowe is one of the best wrestlers working today, no questions about it, but Matthew Palmer is one of the best I have seen at incorporating his characters into the matches as well.

As I’ve said, he is a revelation in Inspire Pro, not having to work hardcore matches. He is always on point, from the wrestling itself, and being “Centerfold.” He talks, makes jokes, and, simply, just has a personality inside the ring. Also, his elbow drops are picture perfect. Even just your standard elbow drop from the mat is beautiful. He gets good elevation and really drives home the point of his elbow. It might be one of my favorite simple moves to watch be performed.

He also has a sick suicide dive DDT on the concrete floor, too. If there was one strike against the match, that was it. It was a big time move and should have incapacitated Rowe, but the way the match was laid out (the finish arrived soon after said move), he almost had to no-sell it, if memory serves me correctly.

The match lost a bit after that happened, cause it was such a big moment, but they still had a tremendous match. I’m glad Ray Rowe won because he deserved a chance at the Championship. He has a victory over Mike Dell already, and his only defeat was a screwy one to Palmer’s Center of Perfection stablemate Robert Evans. I just hope the match, which will be happening at the August event, is a quick and decisive win for Rowe. Why? I don’t like Mike Dell, and also because he so thoroughly trounced Dell the last time they faced.

JOJO BRAVO and ACH def. NINE INCH MALES (“Dirty” Andy Dalton and Jordan Jensen) by DISQUALIFICATION
“Infamous” Shawn Vexx was supposed to be Jojo’s partner, but he had a family emergency to attend to. So, “The Heaviest Sumo in the Land” took it upon himself to face off against his adversaries on his own. And he held them off for a good bit, keeping them both at bay. But when he tried to activate his Tag Team Partner powers, no one stepped forward, and he was swarmed by Jensen and Dalton. But OHMYGOD ACH!! When his music hit, you should have seen the looks on people’s faces. No one could believe it. I thought my friend Brian (he who likes to dance emphatically to Ricky Starks’ entrance theme) was going to cry he was so shocked and overjoyed.

What followed was one hell of a tag team match, because, well, look at those names again. Say whatever you want about Dalton and Jensen (especially Dalton), but they are very good wrestlers. And when you add in Jojo and ACH? C’mon, it would be hard to have a bad match. At one point, I thought ACH was going to fly out of the building, with his dive to the outside. He sailed over his targets I’m pretty sure he destroyed some chairs. Things were going pretty well, otherwise, for the team, even neutralizing JT Lamotta on the outside. But with ACH down out the outside, it seemed as if the Nine Inch Males were going to finish off Jojo.

Until Davey MOTHERFUCKIN’ Vega appeared!!

And kicked Bravo right in the face.

:(

That’s my sad face because, why, Davey? WHY? You said you did it for the children! Won’t someone PLEASE think of the children!? (To Davey’s credit, when Brian asked him about said children, Vega explained that that was exactly why he did what he did, because Jojo was going to hurt the children.) With that kick, Davey Vega joined up with Andy Dalton, Jordan Jensen, and JT Lamotta. They even posed for several photos while holding up an unconscious Jojo Bravo as if he was a buck they had just shot on a hunting trip.

(I still need to remember to bring money with me next time so I can buy a Davey shirt. IF I can get the courage to talk to him.)

“The Bionic Beast” FRANCO D’ANGELO def. AMERICAN EAGLE
I need to take a moment and explain something about a particular fan that attends these shows. I don’t know what his name is, but he’s a special needs kid who gets really into the shows (and rightfully so). His absolute favorite thing to do, as far as I can tell, is to start “THIS IS AWE-SOME!” chants. All the time. Even when they don’t make sense, like at the start matches. He’s just really into that chant. My wife and I always joke that we should just start singing, “Everything is AWESOME!” from The Lego Movie.

He even started a “Let’s Go, Scotty!” chant during Ray Rowe vs. Matthew Palmer. I am not sure which he thought was Scotty. At any rate, he seems like a good kid who just really loves his wrestling. Not a damn thing wrong with that at all. But it was in this match where I bet Brandon Stroud was having second thoughts about the beach balls.

This kid punched one through the air and it nailed Stroud right in the back of the head as he stood waiting to perform his match introductions. He turned his head to the side, as you do when you suddenly, from out of nowhere, get hit in the back of the head with something that doesn’t actually hurt, but really annoys you. He started to make an announcement, but then when he found out it was the kid, he gave him a high-five.

Everything was fine, until American Eagle decided to call the kid back over (since he ran away from giving him a high-five), and tired to do his eagle hand signal with him. You can picture what it is, you know how you make bird wings with your hands? Well, he does that with another person, too. Only, this kid could not figure that out, and he was just slightly confused by what he was being asked to do, and it looked like he was about to climb into the ring (he got one foot on the apron) before he dad pulled him away. Overzealous kid, man. But it’s all in good fun. No harm done. (But almost, and I’ll get to that after the match.)

Much like what I said about Matthew Palmer earlier, another person who is completely, 100% their character in matches is American Eagle. If you know who is under the mask, it makes complete sense, but I will not reveal that here. He plays a lot of characters and he is always committed to it. I’m hoping for big things from him in Inspire, ‘cause he’s so good.

A lot of the things he does, are like flapping his arms like wings when he’s spinning around (legs around his opponent’s neck, like he’s doing his own airplane spin), or even making his opponent to his eagle hand signal with him. He’s fun and charismatic and good at wrestling. He lost.

D'Angelo is a large man, and it only took one big power move to put an end to things. But at some point, I can’t remember if it was during the match or afterwards, but the action was outside the ring. And I’m not sure what was happening or was about to happened, but all I saw was Stroud and the father pull the “this is awesome” kid away from the action. Like, forcibly grabbed the back of the shirt and pulled him to safety, as it were.

“One Man” MIKE DELL def. “The American Psycho” LANCE HOYT to retain the INSPIRE PRO CHAMPIONSHIP
The last time Lance Hoyt appeared, Stroud messed up his nickname. Lance Hoyt did not forget. As soon as he entered the ring, he spit a mouth full of water into Stroud’s face. All we needed after that was sand, and it would have been truly beach themed. Hoyt also spit into the referee’s face, and then just randomly. Then he kinda shoved the bottle into Stroud’s face. So, clearly they are building to a big Lance Hoyt versus Brandon Stroud match, right? That’s gotta happen. Or Stroud has to become a manager and have a surrogate take on Hoyt. As it was, when announcing Dell, he told the Champ to kick Hoyt’s ass.

Problem was, Hoyt’s a large man, and he had friends outside in the form of Franco D’Angelo, Matthew Palmer, and Samantha Anne. Franco and Palmer were taken out of things, though, by James Claxton and Carson (I have a feeling they’re going to be best friends). So, it came down to Hoyt and Dell themselves.

And I have to say, legit, I mostly did not pay attention to the match. A small part of it could be chalked up to show fatigue. It happens with four hour shows. But had you put Vega v. Shire, ACH/Jojo v. Dalton/Jensen, Rowe v. Palmer, or Summers v. Starks, I would have paid complete attention.

It wasn’t a boredom thing, so much as I just don’t find Mike Dell interesting. There was almost no drama to the match, especially after Ray Rowe won earlier in the show. That’s the thing with Inspire, since things are so well-booked (for the most part), future matches will always makes sense (again, for the most part), and a Rowe/Dell rematch was in the planning way back when Rowe defeated Dell before Mike won the Championship.

Not to mention, as far as I know, Lance Hoyt is more of a guest to Inspire Pro. I’m not sure what the new relationship with NWA has to do with that, as in will he be more of a regular, or what the deal there is, but I would say I was 99.9% sure Mike Dell was walking away still the Champion of Inspire Pro.

And he did, in the most predictable of ways. The Mike Dell way. He may have invented halftime (he was in a Super Bowl commercial for Pepsi), but he hasn’t invented new ways to put away opponents. It seems, in the little bit I’ve seen of him, he has the same way of doing it. Which, yeah, most wrestlers do, but, I dunno. Not a fan, guys, can’t you tell? Also, while his flying elbow drop is better than CM Punk’s, he should hit up Matthew Palmer for some tips on improving it if it’s going to be his finish.

Funny sidenote: I spent the entire show sitting next to Dell’s girlfriend (I didn’t see a ring, so I’m assuming not his wife), and those of us that aren’t fans, spoke our negativities in whispers. After the match, Ray Rowe let Mike Dell know that he was coming for the belt in August and to remind him that he’s never beaten Rowe. Foreshadowing?

OVERALL THOUGHTS:
I really enjoyed this show, and it really is the best deal in wrestling, in my opinion. You can’t really beat $12 for something this well put together. Hell, you pay triple that for a nosebleed seat to watch WWE mostly disappoint you (or annoy you) on Monday’s. But there’s something for everyone, really, much like WWE. No one is going to like everything (see me with Mike Dell), but even the things you may not like aren’t awful. ‘Cause in August, I’m going to be AMPED for that Dell-Rowe match, if only because I want to see Ray Rowe pummel him and take the Title. I’m not sure what his schedule permits, so he may not win, but I’ll be invested all the same.

Only thing I know for sure is that I cannot wait until July 27th, for NO TURNING BACK, the very next XX Division show! If you want to see quality women’s wrestling, Inspire Pro is where it’s at. Even if you don’t like the matches, take comfort in the fact that they treat the women with respect and like the supreme athletes and entertainers that they are.

A small note about this review, this is just one way I'm trying it out. You have your Best and Worsts, your play-by-play with star ratings, and a million other ways to do reviews, so I'll be trying out several different ways.

RESULTS

• Thomas Shire def. Davey Vega
• Keith Lee won the Chris Trew.biz Star Search Battle Royal
• "That Guy" Scotty Santiago def. Mr. B
• The Hollywood Knives (Stevo Reno and Bradley Axel Dawson) def. The New Movement (Cherry Ramones and Delilah Doom)
• "The Texas Lion" Carson def. "The Cowboy" James Claxton
• Scot Summers def. "Absolute" Ricky Starks in a No Holds Barred/No Rope Breaks Match to retain his World Class Championship
• "The Ultraviolent Beast" MASADA def. "Unholy" Gregory James
• Ray "Death" Rowe def. "Centerfold" Matthew Palmer to become the Number One Contender to the Inspire Pro Championship
• JoJo Bravo and ACH def. Nine Inch Males (Jordan Jensen and Andy Dalton) by disqualification
• "The Bionic Beast" Franco D'Angelo def. The American Eagle
• "One Man" Mike Dell def. "The American Psycho" Lance Hoyt to retain the Inspire Pro Championship

C'mon now Graphics via ImpactWrestling.com

TNA has had a big week, what with a well-reviewed pay-per-view, some high profile returns in Matt Hardy and Tommy Dreamer, and an angle with TNA Hall Of Fame members Team 3D (Bully Ray and the returning Brother Devon) and Dreamer that has had the Internet as buzzed as the Internet can be about the company. Now it seems like they're capping that off with one of the weirdest angles I've seen a promotion run - a campaign for fans to vote to bring back the old six-sided ring for a series of shows in New York. The vote is tallied using the hashtags #6sides or #4sides.

The call to return to the six-sided ring, banished around the time that Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff were brought in as creative consultants, comes at a weird time for the company publically. Only a few weeks ago was AJ Styles, TNA original and recent IGWP Heavyweight Champion, on Chris Jericho's podcast talking about how terrible the six-sided ring is for working. It seems like a few current and former members of the TNA roster have taken to twitter to reiterate Styles' words and protest TNA management's decision to put the move back to the six-sided ring up to a fan vote.

Most notable among the anti-six-sided ring contingent is Austin Aries, who posted a lengthy rant on Twitter yesterday both repeating AJ Styles. He said how hard it is to take a bump in the six-sided ring, and he stated how silly it is that fans are given the power to make this decision when they have no experience in a wrestling ring. He argued that the fans shouldn't be allowed to dictate what wrestlers have to put their bodies through. Also among the wrestlers coming out against the six-sided ring and the campaign itself are former TNA competitor Trent Barretta and current TNA roster member Ethan Carter III, the (kayfabe) nephew of current TNA President Dixie Carter.

That EC3 is among those discussing this is interesting and isn't something that many people are talking about when they've discussed this angle. EC3's twitter is mostly in character, discussing events on television and referring to Carter as “Aunt D” much like how he refers to her on the show. If the campaign is something cooked up by the TNA Board Of Directors presumably Carter would have signed off on it. EC3 has not been critical of her decisions either on TV or on Twitter. Is the fan campaign and subsequent uproar a legitimate thing, or another manufactured event milked for ratings and reactions?

TNA is certainly no stranger to the “worked shoot”, a wrestling storyline designed to seem real and borrow from real world events inside the promotion and wrestling world. Their hot angle last year revolved around the contract dispute Styles had with management, and Bully Ray's fictional feud with Dixie Carter has spilled into the real world recently, after Mr. Ray was pulled from a House Of Hardcore (Tommy Dreamer's wrestling promotion) card. This event lead to Dreamer having some untoward words for Carter on Twitter, and for Carter to ask him to come on TNA for an upcoming taping, which he agreed to.

Could the #6sides campaign be another worked-shoot designed to get people talking about, and interested in, TNA programming? Or is the campaign just another grasp at relevancy that has led to a legitimate roster revolt? TNA's track record with handling wrestler safety isn't exactly spotless, as a quick Google search of the careers of Daffney and Jesse Sorenson can prove, among other horror stories passed around wrestling message boards. Time will tell as we head close to TNA's NYC tapings, where presumably this will all come to a head.

Cyndi Lauper is best known as being a somewhat successful pop singer in the mid-'80s, and that fame through music helped WWE's first boom grow and flourish thanks to her appearances at The War to Settle the Score and WrestleMania. Wrestling bled into her music career as well, as the affable, avuncular Captain Lou Albano made an appearance in her iconic music video for "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun." He plays Lauper's dad in the video, and she even gets the better of him with a hammerlock. Nice form, Cyndi!


This week's selection comes to us from @NielJacoby, whom I still have not forgiven for removing his moustachioed Robocop Twitter avatar.

Is this a sight we'll have to be used to once again? Photo Credit: WWE.com

Welcome to this week's Polling Place, where I ask the questions and you vote in polls. The first question involves next Sunday's Money in the Bank pay-per-view. In nine days time, the WWE World Heavyweight Championship will be on the line in a ladder match. Roman Reigns, Bray Wyatt, Randy Orton, Alberto del Rio, Sheamus, and Antonio Cesaro all have the chance to carry the mantel for the company, but they have to overcome the crushing weight of habit in the form of John Cena as WWE Champion. When the current storyline fails, wrestling companies tend to go back to what's safe, and what option is safer than Cena at this point? Is he such an odds-on favorite to win that he just can't win, or is his victory and 15th Championship inevitable?


Second, Triple H announced in his "fireside chat" with Michael Cole that a second ladder match will take place at Money in the Bank for the titular briefcase. For those who are new to wrestling fandom, that briefcase guarantees a title match for the holder at any time of that person's choosing. In another clear case of telegraphing, Seth Rollins' major push since turning on The Shield has led him to be the first entrant in the match. He feels like the odds-on favorite from jump, but his new nemesis, "Troubled Teen" Dean Ambrose could usurp him as a form instant catharsis. Is the briefcase destined to be in possession of one of those two wrestlers, or does someone else in the field have a better chance of taking the guaranteed shot and the nearly guaranteed title win home?


Finally, TNA has taken to Twitter to poll the fans on what kind of ring the company will use for its upcoming tapings in New York's Manhattan Center. The options are the traditional four-sided ring, or the former six-sided ring TNA used for a long time prior to Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff arriving in 2010. Some fans have embraced the six-sided choice, but critics have included the performers who hate performing in said ring. The most vocal critic has been Austin Aries. Whose side are you on?

Can The Juice knock Hero out without getting knocked out this time? Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein

The state of Rhode Island has been somewhat invisible in terms of independent wrestling over the nearly two decades that the scene has taken to boom. Nearly a year ago, however, Beyond Wrestling lit the fuse, started a residence at Fete Music in Providence, and changed the national game in a huge way. Next month, it will celebrate an anniversary with Americanrana II, but Sunday, things are about to get just a bit Uncomfortable. What kind of show is planned to warrant such a name? Could the antics in a certain Cops vs. Detectives tag team match unsettle various squeamish folks in the crowd? How about a last man standing match between two of the hardest hitters in all of wrestling? Maybe some fans will make others feel a bit uneasy with the weapons they provide for Biff Busick and Matt Tremont, and yet still others may not be able to handle the dirty hoss FURY of a West Coast fly-in taking on a certain Dirty Daddy.

Or could it be that one Brian Myers might be wrestling with the specter of having the World's Strongest Man show up at any time and murdering him where he stands for not issuing a timely apology? Okay, maybe that last one is a bit overdramatic; I doubt Mark Henry will risk breaching his WWE contract just to murder the former Curt Hawkins, but still, Myers and his school will make a big splash at this show. Myers' school, the Create-A-Pro Wrestling Academy, will be sending four of his trainees to open the festivities at Uncomfortable. Then, he himself will make his first appearance after his WWE release against AR Fox. Fox was originally supposed to wrestle Kimber Lee, but an injury forced her out of the show. Shame, I would have liked to have seen Lee, who has become an all-star within the company, the Sara del Rey-in-Chikara for Beyond if you will, face off against the deliciously evil Fox in a Beyond setting. However, her style lends itself to bumps and bruises, and those dings can make you miss a show here or there out of self-preservation.

Much like fellow Long Island WWE expat Trent?, Myers had been barely booked on WWE television in the months leading up to his release. Of course, Trent? has become an indie standout in the last year or so. Myers may not have the exact same skillset, but he'll get a similar opportunity to Trent?'s first show in PWG. Getting to wrestle Fox right out of the chute is as much a baptism by fire as any match can be. If Myers can keep up with Fox, he should be able to keep up with anyone on the indies right now. I tend to think the demand for him will end up being higher than anyone else who has been released except for Matt Sydal at this point. Don't fool yourself; this match will be as much a test for Myers as it will be a showcase for Fox.

But this show is hardly all about the former Hawkins. In fact, the most important match on the show will be the culmination of six months of JT Dunn nipping at the heels of the freshly-returned Chris Hero. Much in the same way that feuding with Eddie Edwards raised Biff Busick's profile throughout the indies, Dunn's national profile has been elevated thanks to following up his Tournament for Tomorrow victory with his ongoing beef with Hero. Dunn called Hero out, and they did battle at Critical Acclaim! The Juice was able to give That Young Knockout Kid a taste of his own medicine, but not before Hero landed a KO shot of his own. With nothing settled after the double knockout, the two will go at it one more time on Sunday. While the Last Man Standing match has produced some convoluted finishes elsewhere, neither Hero nor Dunn will need contrivances like crates or duct tape to keep each other down. They've got hard elbows, brutal knees, and fierce head drops to get them to the stated goal.

Another match that should be stiff for different reasons will be Chris Dickinson welcoming Brian Cage to Fete Music. Cage is known for his absolutely chiseled body and insane feats of strength in Pro Wrestling Guerrilla, while Dickinson's penchant for throwing bombs is only matched by his immaturity and perversion. This match will be a certified indie HOSS FIGHT, as will the Cops vs. Detectives tag team match. Certain factions within the precinct have been butting heads, and that cold war has now bubbled into a hotspot as Officer Colt Cabana will team with Supercop Dick Justice to battle the team of Tremendous Investigations. Dan Barry and Bill Carr pull no punches, but their interrogation techniques involving nipple trauma may have rubbed the cops the wrong way. Whatever happens, I hope these guys leave their sidearms at home.

Speaking of guns, they may be the only weapons not involved when Matt Tremont and Biff Busick call on the fans to give them their plunder. When fans bring the weapons, things tend to get a bit out of control. In fact, I'm not sure who okayed this match to happen. Tremont is a bona fide psychopath who knows how to use any weapon to make his opponent bleed buckets. Meanwhile, Busick has no concept of personal safety, and he will sacrifice his body in order to give the audience the star performance of the night. If that wasn't enough, Beyond has three other announced matches on the card that may tickle your fancy. Anthony Stone will battle Dave Cole in a bout between two Beyond standbys. Sugar Dunkerton makes his grand return when he teams with old #KOA compadre Pinkie Sanchez against the most dastardly dicks the place has to offer, Myke Quest and Nicholas Kaye. And in the kind of multiman madness that Beyond does so well, Ryan Rush, Francis Kipland Stevens, and Milk Chocolate will team up to battle Stockade, Jesse Vane, Rex Lawless, and Blake Morris in atomicos action.

If you're in town a day early and want to catch another show, the Xtreme Wrestling Alliance will also be running at the West Warwick Civic Center on Satruday. Sunday's main eventers both have warmup matches on this show; Hero will take on New England stalwart Brian Fury, while Dunn goes to war against ROH Tag Team Champion Bobby Fish. Cabana will take on Hanson, while Cage will welcome Tommaso Ciampa in battle. And in the main event, David Starr defends his XWA Championship in four-way action against Dickinson, Matt Taven, and Jason Blade.

Between Saturday's XWA offerings and the main Beyond show on Sunday, Providence, RI will be center focus of the indie wrestling world this weekend. Whether the former Curt Hawkins is drawing your eyes to the company for the first time or whether you're a longtime supporter is irrelevant. All are welcome to partake in one of the most open and welcoming environments in all of wrestling. The show may be called Uncomfortable, but once you experience Beyond, you'll feel any thing but about the state of wrestling and the hands its in right now.

XWA Aftermath happens on Saturday, June 21, at the West Warwick Civic Center in West Warwick, RI. Doors will open at 7 PM local time, and the first bell sounds at 8 PM. Tickets will be available at the door, but you can get your own superticket for this show, Uncomfortable, AND the Beyond Wrestling secret show at the RWA Chop Shop in Providence at 12 PM on Sunday, June 22. Only 60 supertickets will be made available, and this mega-pass is the ONLY way you can go to the Secret Show.

Beyond Wrestling Uncomfortable happens on Sunday, June 22, at Fete Music in Providence, RI. Doors open for the VIP ticketholders at 3 PM local and for everyone else at 3:30 PM. First bell is at 4 PM. Get your tickets at the door or through LookMaNoFans.com. Come hungry as well, because Mama Colorado's world famous food is going to be hot and ready for purchase at the concession stand.

The GOATs Photo via Online World of Wrestling

For a lot of you, the WWE Network has allowed you full and unfettered access into the WWE's grand canyon-sized library of old content. In fact, I could argue that if you were the sort of person who missed entire swaths of non-WWE wrestling, the Network is the best place to start.

Why, you might be asking, am I bringing this up? Easy. The Midnight Express is why.

If you were a fan of the then-WWF in the 1980's, you might have missed out on the Midnights. You were probably besotted by the Rockers, or the Fabulous Rougeau Brothers, or the Bushwackers. I understand the fandom you have for those teams, so I hope that what i say to you next comes off less like a bitter old man hectoring you for not loving how wrestling was "in my day" and more like someone begging, and pleading, with you to catch up on this great thing you have missed out on. The Midnight Express, specifically the Bobby Eaton/Stan Lane version, smokes almost all of those teams.

(Author's note: I can't speak for Eaton/Dennis Condrey, because there isn't enough television footage on them to provide an accurate judge. But since Bobby Eaton is one of the finest tag team workers ever, I can safely assume that version of the Midnights was safely above perfectly cromulent.)

Remember how people felt about the Motor City Machine Guns from 2008-2011? Before they were swallowed up whole by shitty TNA booking? That was, and I think Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin will admit to this if you asked them about it, as close to the idea of what the Midnight Express was as anything. And that was a blast.

But, if you're in need of a starting point for watching the Midnights, where should you go? The answer to this is easy. Go to their best tag team feud, the feud that defined tag team wrestling for a generation. It still runs now at legends shows, and it's still as vital now when the players are older, slower, and heavier as it was during their primes. It's the Midnights vs. The Rock N' Roll Express.

The reason why is simple: Defined characters. You know the Rock N' Rolls are good guys because they show you, as much as tell you. You never see the Rock N' Rolls bully anyone, or act like horse's asses. Conversely, the Midnights are evil, but brilliantly so. This was a matchup that could run, and did, for years with slight changes and was great just about every time. It is also, and this might be the subject for another article, why wrestling in front of as many different audiences as you can is a great idea to be the best pro wrestler you can be. Sit and watch this. And when it's done, watch it again. You'll learn how tag team wrestling should be done.

When will people ever learn? Screen Grab via ImpactWrestling.com

Before we begin, I really have to applaud TNA for making my job INCREDIBLY easy today. I had intended to open up my review this week with a review of Slammiversary and how great it was and how I had so much faith going into last night. In typical TNA fashion... well I’m not really going to place the blame squarely on TNA. It’s not as if WWE hasn’t let me down after great PPVs, so in typical TV wrestling fashion, that faith was paid back in garbage. With rehashed and recycled storylines culminating in what might end up being a finish we’ve seen multiple times, any good will TNA had earned with me after their big PPV was drained pretty quickly.

The promotion gets a lot of bad press for supposedly ripping off WWE storylines. Then again, WWE’s Summer Of Punk was after all a rip-off of ROH’s original version, and both were modern revisions of Shane Douglas’ “Birth Of The Franchise” promo that launched ECW. It’s not as if there wasn’t precedent for TNA’s Fall Of Styles. While I don’t think that all of it is deserved, I do think that they 100% ripped off WWE last night, but not in the way you think. No, I think the comparison between Eric Young and Daniel Bryan’s title reign are way overblown. Young may be over with TNA but I don’t think he’s ever been the guy any fans were clamoring for like Bryan was, and facial hair aside the two men couldn’t be more dissimilar, both in-ring and out of it.

When Young lost his title last night after succumbing to the “insurmountable” odds of wrestling two dudes in the same night after he did that same thing just a week ago, TNA was ripping off the angle that killed WWECW - putting the title on Bobby Lashley. For those of that you that don’t know, the incident in question is from the infamous 2006 iteration of the December To Dismember PPV. The main event was an “extreme” Elimination Chamber match for the ECW Championship, but backstage a feud was brewing between ECW creative head Paul Heyman and WWE Lord Of All Vince McMahon. McMahon wanted the title to be put on Lashley, while Heyman wanted to put the title on CM Punk. McMahon figured that the fans would take anyone as a new Champion, Heyman knew that even WWECW fans were discerning and wanted something different, which is what CM Punk represented. The fans revolted, Heyman left ECW, and WWECW folded shortly after. Last night we had MVP forcing Lashley down our throat in a really unappealing way, when what the fans want is right there.

Again, not saying that Young is in any way similar to CM Punk. He’s probably even further from Punk and what Punk used to stand for than he is to Daniel Bryan. And while Lashley winning the title on free TV has more to do with the angle than just giving the fans what you think they want, it reeks of desperation and possibly could lead to a final curtain for the company. Lashley is not a TNA original. His first run at TNA was barely a year long and his return is fairly recent, so he’s really being hotshotted into the title scene here. The timing is pretty awful too, seeing as he was involved in the three-way dance between Young and Samoa Joe just a few days ago at Slammiversary. Why not put the title on him then? It benefits no one, and other than Lashley not being the one to get pinned at the PPV there’s no real reason to have this title match here other than to have the title change hands. Young had already wrestled that night. It devalues the title inasmuch it doesn’t become something to be chased or earned but something the boss practically hands to you by having you beat an already broken-down wrestler.

The rest of the show was remarkably forgettable other than the free TV return of Kurt Angle, but I want to express my continued frustration with the Bully Ray-Dixie Carter feud. At Slammiversary, the feud continued after Team 3D was inducted into the TNA Hall of Fame, only to have Bully Ray later get beaten by Ethan Carter III. Tonight we had the TNA return of Tommy Dreamer to talk to Dixie about how terrible it is she isn’t a wrestler and is running a wrestling company, which lead to Dreamer getting punched in the dick. I’m convinced that the only reason this happened was because TNA creative realized people were cheering a man who has threatened to murder people within the last year threaten a helpless woman with getting put through a table. Then again, I also don’t want to give TNA that much credit.

That this feud is continuing at all is upsetting, seeing as EC3 beat Bully Ray at his own game and that presumably should be the end of the story. This whole thing started with Bully getting mad over losing a table match and Bully’s anger cost him the Texas Deathmatch at Slammiversary, so why is he still fighting? This angle running concurrently with the MVP angle (and in TNA in general) makes even less sense as we’ve seen what a wrestler running the company looks like and it’s not pretty.

TNA is on a vicious cycle here and if they don’t break out of it I fear for the future of this company. We’ve seen the heel stable take over the company so many times one wonders how the TNA Board Of Directors does anything anymore, and I only can wonder what the end game of Lashley’s title run will look like, and what it’ll mean for everyone involved going forward.

Two guys overdue for a PWG debut are coming to the Battle of Los Angeles Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein

Pro Wrestling Guerrilla hasn't even run its anniversary ELEVEN event yet, and it has already started rolling out the details on the annual Battle of Los Angeles tournament. PWG has followed Absolute Intense Wrestling's lead and expanded the field to a whopping 24 wrestlers. Additionally, the event has been camped into three whole days, August 29-31. No details as to seeding have been announced yet; 24 wrestlers could mean eight wrestlers get byes, or it could mean that, like the AIW JT Lightning Tournament, the final will be a triple threat match. While details haven't been announced yet, the names have begun to drop:

Matt Sydal - Sydal's first announced date since being released from WWE is a huge one, yet not surprising. He's a PWG veteran, and he should fit right back in. I just hope he doesn't try to go too hard, since he's been on the shelf for the last two years-plus.

Drew Gulak - Gulak was the first name-debut to be announced. I'm actually surprised he hasn't debuted for PWG before now, but he should fit right in. That being said, I hope that TJ Perkins comes back so he and Gulak can give the world the lightning grapple that it deserves.

Trevor Lee - Not surprising at all given the headway he's made in PWG since debuting earlier this year. He's actually drawn the most rave reviews of the North Carolina wrestlers, and since he came over with Cedric Alexander and Andrew Everett, well, that fact is a feat.

Chris Sabin - Not surprising either, but still titillating. I wonder if Alex Shelley will also get the invite, since New Japan is on a break between August 10 and September 5. Reuniting the Motor City Machine Guns would provide quite the pop.

Johnny Gargano - He's the first "regular" regular to be announced. He's automatically on the shortlist of favorites to win the thing too.

Brian Myers - The former Curt Hawkins is the second recent WWE release to make the trip out west. Trent? basically made his bones out in PWG. Myers could have quite the weekend.

Michael Elgin - Another regular who could win the thing, he added the ROH World Championship to go with his AIW title. What's the PWG Championship?

Biff Busick - Busick will join Gulak from the Beyond/CZW nexus to make his PWG debut as well. Honestly, he's the one guy who makes the most sense in the PWG environment. I expect a huge weekend from him.

So far, the names announced are pretty tight. With 16 left to go and a lot of the usual suspects remaining, it'll be interesting to see if any other name guests get announced. Still, even if the field gets filled with PWG regulars like ACH, Adam Cole, and Kyle O'Reilly, the three day event should still be pretty wild.

Seriously, this OTP won't die NOR SHOULD IT Photo Credit: WWE.com

I wanted to start things off this week with some words about why I genuinely love Smackdown. A lot of people dismiss Smackdown as nothing but a mish-mash of RAW recaps and matches that don't matter, and there's some truth to that. The WWE clearly doesn't care much about the show, but that's why I kind of love it. I actually like that there's no pressure to Smackdown and we usually don't have to deal with the major players. I like to think of Smackdown as a place for the forgotten, where the matches are made up and the outcomes don't matter and that's perfectly fine with me because I'll make up my own stories. Heck, that's where this whole friendship thing came from. Smackdown can be a place where you can just watch wrestling without the mess that usually comes with RAW. However, sometimes even I can't make heads or tails of a show filled with pointless short match after pointless short match, which is unfortunately what this show was. So much for my bid to extoll the potential virtues of Smackdown. At least we still have FRIENDSHIP.

Best Friend -- Roman Reigns

Roman Reigns was MY best friend in the opening segment because he actually livened things up. First we had to deal with wacky John Cena delivering a wacky recap of how everything is just so wacky right now and yet amidst all the wackiness he seriously wants to win the championship. Pick a tone, John. Either you don't give a shit or this is the MOST IMPORTANT THING EVER. Then out trotted the rest of the Money in the Bank contestants, right on cue to deliver their, “No, I'M going to win!” lines and then stand around in the ring like a bunch of doofuses. It initially looked like Reigns was going to follow suit (aside from some bizarre intense-staring-whilst-removing-clothing action by Cena. That was...odd), but when Orton came out, Reigns leaped into action and woke me from my doze. Roman Reigns, man of action, is friend to us all.

Worst Friend -- Bo Dallas

Worst friend, but best part of the abysmal Fandango/Summer/Layla mess that is still dragging on. Dallas was initially helpful to Fandango, pointing out the women flailing at each other and then supporting Fandango after Layla kicked him in the head. Then Bo got an idea. An awful idea. Dallas got a wonderful, AWFUL idea. “I know just what to do,” Bo smiled in his sleeve, “One easy win and I'll make them bo-lieve.” He chuckled and clucked, “Oh, this plan is so great! With this pin and this win, I'll be bo-and-eight!” (this is what happens when Smackdown is boring. I write bad Grinch parodies.) But seriously, Dallas' facial expressions were so great here, from sincere worry over Fandango's plight to the realization that he could easily grab a cheap victory, just going for it, and then counselling Fandango about how there are plenty of fish in the sea. Not a great display of friendship, but still a pretty great display of something no less.

Deserves a Friend --Titus O'Neil

Man, poor Titus. Frankly, his match (well, matches, I guess) against Adam Rose didn't do anything for either of them, but I felt far worse for O'Neil. Please put the Prime Time Players back together again. And as an aside - for the love of EVERYTHING, will commentary please shut the fuck up about the god damn bunny? I cannot emphasize enough how much this bit is neither funny nor entertaining.

Should Be Friends -- Kofi Kingston and Dolph Ziggler

Kingston lost his match against Seth Rollins, Ziggler won his against Bad News Barrett, and I yawned over both results. These two are practically interchangeable at this point — both reasonably popular guys who are going absolutely nowhere. And even though both are billed as high energy performers, I really don't get excited for their matches. I know that Ziggler has more of a following and I can see why, but, personally, I've never been much into him. So what should we do with two guys stuck in a rut and giving lacklustre performances? Make them friends and put them in a tag team!

I loved the Kingston/Evan Bourne tag team (Ed. Note: Pouring one out for Evan Bourne, y'all), and I think that same dynamic could be captured by pairing Ziggler with him. Both of these guys need some help to make them interesting. Unlike Cody Rhodes, who can take any ball you give him and just run for miles with it, these guys cannot spin straw into gold. I want both of them to succeed and I believe they can with the power of friendship! And, you know, the company actually giving them goals and a purpose...but mostly friendship!

Should Be More Than Friends -- Sheamus and Cesaro

I will go down with this ship, and I will take you all with me. Maybe if the three-on-four main event hadn't been kinda boring, I wouldn't have been able to focus so much on the great unspoken love in our midst. Team Bad Guys at least kept things interesting with lots of tags and a couple instances of friendship in action (everyone coming out to stand protectively over Randy Orton's prone body, Cesaro checking on Del Rio after he'd been thrown out of the ring and helping to roll him back in), but Team Good Guys didn't have the most exciting strategy. Sheamus did most of the fighting, Cena got beat up, Reigns came in to save the day.

I'm pretty sure we all expected Reigns to have that final spot, and a predictable match can still be a good one, but not when it involves pretending that Cena couldn't easily beat all four of his opponents at once. The prolonged section of the match with him just lying around taking abuse dragged something awful and gave me no choice but to focus on Sheamus and Cesaro. They dominated the early part of the match and I'm pretty sure they only tagged themselves out due to conflicting feelings over whether they wanted to hurt each other or ride off into the sunset together. But they also tagged themselves back in specifically to face each other and constantly found ways to face off outside the ring as well. “But Lacy, they're feuding, of course they want to face each other.” Even Cole commented that the two are “bitter, bitter rivals,” but I am not fooled.

There was an awful lot of heavy breathing and intense staring going on for this to be just some feud. Roman Reigns coming in at the end of the match to clean house like a majestically coiffed mop certainly shook me out of my musings, but not enough to make me forget that I had seen yet more evidence that Sheamus and Cesaro just need to kiss and make up.

Doesn't Need a Friend-- Dean Ambrose

Normally I would never suggest that one man could be above the need for friendship, but Dean Ambrose may be that man. His match against Kane was yet another short, pointless match, but he looked good and he made Kane look as good as possible. It didn't even matter that he lost. I'm not sure if we're supposed to assume that the Shield is done, but the simple change in attire (while Reigns remains in the same gear) seems to demonstrate that Ambrose doesn't need a group anymore. He's got a goal—to destroy vile traitor Seth Rollins--and he knows how to achieve it. On that note, I really don't see why commentary keeps pushing that Ambrose is off the walls. Rollins betrayed him, therefore he wishes to destroy Rollins, therefore he will attack Rollins at every available opportunity. Pretty simple logic. He doesn't care about his other matches and he seems to have left friendship behind.

Most Stable Friendship-- Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter

I guess. Last week I suggested that there might be trouble brewing between Swagger and Colter, but it seems I was wrong. Swagger lost against Big E, but it didn't seem to affect anything at all. The status quo was maintained, which was the theme of this entire show. Meh.