Best Coast Bias: Pancake Eaters

Air Samoa, Trending Up Photo Credit: WWE.com

So when you're resigned to the fact WrestleMania is WrestleMania for part-time players and part-time fans and Extreme Rules is turning into the lifers' WrestleMania it makes one cast an eye to the future.  In the closing moments of Main Event this week you could forgive yourself for being mistaken that the tag team scene of the E had an underbelly.  Titus O'Neill was throwing fools around, Darren Young was pinballing all over the place, and once again on WWEME the Usos came out on top.  It sure would be nice if they quit being So Close Now like their theme and actually got a run; it seems Team Friendship's reign with the belts is winding up in favor of Black & Neon Blue possibly as soon as WM itself.  They have an attention-getting opening with the Siva Tau, they've always been crisp in the ring so far as I've seen, and their double teams call to mind not only their unbelievably byzantine family heritage but great teams of the past.  Most flowers need sunlight to flourish; a wrestling undercard's the same way.

Speaking of an undercard you may remember all the way in the beginning of March 2013 when I was about to do an article about the devaluation of the Intercontinental Championship and the disappearance of Wade Barrett.  It was some time ago: gas was hovering around $4/gal, the nation was impatiently waiting the return of Mad Men, Anna Kendrick captured the hearts of young men everywhere.  It was a different time.  Anyway, it goes to show even cursory quarter-assery will work--you find somebody to go against Wade Barrett (in this case R-Truth), and when you can pull Miz out of the depths of his mic work he can mention part of why he wants this specific belt so badly is because when he came up watching the WWE he saw the likes of Mr. Perfect and Shawn Michaels holding this strap.   And just when you cringe at the unseemliness of a MITB winner complaining about a legal rollup BOOM!  Hammer time!  Now, some will say the post-match where Miz went after Barrett shoved him shows intent as for the second time he's gone after somebody post-match on this show; I say Cesaro him!  Kick him in the face!  Do the foreigners have to do everything right for you?  Where's my Gadsen flag and enough self-loathing to keep me from sleeping at night?! Anyhow, I'm fine with their seemingly inevitable match at WM as long as Miz DOES NOT WIN.

Also there was another fine example of cringeitude as to kick off the divas tag Alicia made mention of the charity visit she & Natalya (on opposing teams) had made, only Natalya had ruined the charity of giving to the needy by incessantly talking about Big Giant Stamford Emphasis Here Her BOYFRIEND the Great Khali OH SNAP YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT NATTY'S MAN THAT WAY EYEROLL.  WWE, trust me, for every Jericho/Trish/Christian you have roughly eighty four jafillion of these, and if I wanted to watch the Real Hoodrats of Atlanta or wherever I'd be watching it.  The only saving grace was that Aksana barely wrestled for the black hats, Layla is Layla, and eventually it ended with Natalya slapping Alicia (though she should've yanked her weave out of her head again if you were going to have that sort of 50s ethos in the prematch and the callback would've at least given me a laugh) and making her tap out to the Sharpshooter.

Oh, WWE Main Event.  What am I going to do with you?  You give me tag wrestling, a focus on the Intercontinental Championship, Natalya wrestling and Layla moving her butt around, but it's like Van Hagar all over again.  The parts that're right live in the shadow of the wrongness up front.

And right now -- if the last hour/90 minutes of WrestleMania aren't looking like your bag -- is tomorrow's Extreme Rules.  Let the players, Prime Time and other, play, damnit.

For those of us looking to hang in there and stay lifers, it's everything.