How Not to Write a Wrestling Post

Is Rock WWE Champion? LET'S LET JACK MOORE FIND OUT! Photo Credit: WWE.com

Buzz Feed is a content agglomeration site, or at least it started out as such. Of course, it still has all the cool, click-garnering lists, corgi pics, and .gifs. They even have an awesome food section now that posts great recipes, or at least links to them, on the reg. However, with the sheer volume of posts that appear on the site, there's bound to be a stinker or two. And what do you know, the latest one happens to be about wrestling. Apparently, Jack Moore decided that he was going to tackle the burning topic of The Rock as WWE Champion, and how that might go over in the locker room. HOW MEATY. I'm sure, given that he writes for Buzz Feed, that he'll give it the thought and diligence that someone like, I don't know, me would give to the topic (spoiler alert, I really don't give two shits about how many movies Rocky has coming out this year). Let's dive right in, shall we?

The Rock Would Like To Remind You That He's Apparently Still The WWE Champion

Yes, because this has been a nebulous plot point!

He has five movies coming out in 2013. But more importantly, he's the winner of a fake-sports fake championship. Fake.

"Fake-sports fake championship. Fake." Are we sure this is Jack Moore and not Mark Madden?

Today, on a day that is occurring in the year 2013 and not 2001, the Rock tweeted about being WWE World Heavyweight Champion.

If we wanna get technical, he won the WWE Championship. Alberto del Rio is the World Heavyweight Champion. I know, I know, wrestling fans get annoyed by it too, but I really get the feeling that in order to criticize wrestling, you might want to be a wrestling fan to start with.

Apparently The Rock defeated CM Punk for the title at the Royal Rumble Pay-Per-View event in late January.

Well, if he didn't watch the Royal Rumble, how can he be sure anything really happened at it? The Rock is Schrödinger's Champion!

He made four WWE TV appearances leading up to the event, and has only made one since. What does The Rock have that regular WWE wrestlers don't?

I don't know, but if the comparison was to ask what 2 Cold Scorpio had that other WWE wrestlers didn't, it would be a tripod. That one was for you, @GayWrestlingFan.

Oh yeah. Five movies coming out in 2013.

It must suck to be one of the wrestlers who doesn't have five movies coming out this year and makes a living purely by destroying his body for a dedicated audience only so the WWE can bring in the star action hero to kick your ass and be champ for the month leading up to his film release.

Man, if I have a hard time convincing wrestling fans that the business is not a meritocracy, how about a guy who, if he is a fan, clearly is writing like some shithead non-fan on a site that caters to those with short attention spans? Gonna have to get my workin' boots on.

The post ends with a pic of CM Punk captioned with "It is." Ladies and germs, I give you the guy who has given us the wrestling equivalent of the Che Guevara t-shirt.

In all seriousness, it's a step up from the "WHY DO WRESTLERS DIE STEROIDS FAKE HAHAHA" stories seen on most non-wrestling sites that hate the art, but it's not much better. Buzz Feed, step yo' game up and write better. Get outta here with this roody-poo, candy-ass bullshit.