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| A third man who is NEEDED for this year's main event Photo Credit: WWE.com |
1. Substitute The Rock (c) vs. John Cena for The Rock (c) vs. John Cena vs. CM Punk
I know we could be on that path this year anyway, but there's always the chance the goddamn Undertaker comes back next week and foils Punk's shot at winning Cena's spot alongside Rocky in the main event. However, Punk has gotten the best out of both Cena and Rock over the last two years, while every time Rock and Cena got into an adversarial role, things got a bit melodramatic and obnoxious. When I say Punk will cut the bullshit in this story, he will slice through it like a hot knife through butter. He gives both guys a villainous element to bounce off, and Punk will be able to inject real drama into the match buildup. This wouldn't be fulfilling a nerdy fantasy. This would be making an all-inclusive Mania main event. The manchildren from the Attitude Era would have Rocky. The kids and skirts would have John Cena. Us nerds? Punk represents us. Most three-way builds and matches are awkward, but this match needs CM Punk.
2. Substitute Triple H vs. Brock Lesnar for Brock Lesnar and The Shield vs. Sheamus, Ryback, Brad Maddox, and Kofi Kingston
Yes, I know that my hate-boner for Triple H is bulging and throbbing, but at the same time, the dude got such a blase reaction after his SummerSlam match that he made a different crowd give him a better sendoff the next night on RAW. His ship as a wrestler has sailed. Rather than acting out his revenge fantasy on a guy they just signed for the next two years, they could, y'know concentrate on using him to help enhance the rest of the roster. He's The Sword. He's got The Shield. Why not tie everything up here to date and maybe set up some stories for the next year.
3. Substitute Undertaker vs. CM Punk for a vacation for Taker
The Streak has become the de facto third title match at Mania, but with Lesnar and The Rock on tap this year, well, does WWE really need to drag Taker out of moth balls for this year? He's 20-0, and next year is a landmark Mania. It'll also probably be his final match ever, which means there's finally some real drama as to whether he'll lose. Rather than serve up Punk, who as noted above, is needed elsewhere, why not let him rest up and either vanquish John Cena or pass along the Streak to someone else.
4. Substitute bullshit celebrity Diva clusterfuck for Kaitlyn (c) vs. Sara del Rey or Paige
I know there really hasn't been much of a grumbling of there being a celebrity at this year's Mania to go over the big Diva heel, but number one, there's no Beth Phoenix or LayCool to run roughshod over. That doesn't mean WWE won't try, because hey, who doesn't wanna see Honey Boo-Boo's mom pin Tamina Snuka? Instead, they could launch a year-long story to revitalize the women's division in WWE. There are two options here. The first is introducing Sara del Rey in the next week or so and having her demolish everyone in the next two weeks (not hard, there are only like three or four other women who wrestle now anyway) and demand a title shot, which she wins and holds onto until next year when she loses it back to Kaitlyn after a year of personal growth. The other option would be to substitute Paige in for del Rey and then have del Rey be the one to mentor Kaitlyn in a longterm angle. It's simple, but it'd be effective.
5. Substitute Daniel Bryan vs. Kane for Team Hell No (c) vs. Rhodes Scholars
This is another selfish pick in that I don't want to see Bryan and Kane split up. Rather, let them have one final Tag Title defense at Mania against the Rhodes Scholars. Let them go for 12-15 minutes, hard fought affair, and then have Rhodes Scholars win. After the match, instead of them blaming each other, one of them, preferably Bryan, takes the blame for the loss and apologizes, leading to the most cathartic hug ever. For once, a wrestling friendship doesn't end in backstabbing and betrayal, and then Kane can ride off into the sunset as Bryan's spirit animal.
6. Substitute Chris Jericho vs. Ryback for Chris Jericho vs. Dolph Ziggler
I heard the rumor that Ryback was going to be Jericho's opponent at Mania a few weeks ago, but I didn't believe it until last night when they were on the same (losing) team against The Shield. As much as I'd dig the synergy between this match and that Jericho/Goldberg match back in the day, I would much rather see Jericho and Ziggler recreate the role Jericho and Michaels had at Mania XIX to steal the show and pass the torch. Of course, if I were doing things, Jericho would win only to see Ziggler cash in his briefcase on the Swagger/del Rio winner later on in the night in the old Bret Hart-at-WrestleMania IX method of building a new Champ. Man, I'm in a recycling mood tonight, aren't I?