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| Hey, guess what? This ruled. Photo Credit: WWE.com |
Take a Mallory slide down the wormhole with me, would you?
...
...
...ah, here we are in the near future, a fun, safer Earth and WWE Universe to be alive in. Gas is a robust $3/gal, I'm picking out an engagement ring for Anna Kendrick, and everyone who chanted Husky Harris Monday night is having their reproductive organs destroyed by swarms of angry hornets.
And look there! In the middle of the ring is our World Heavyweight Champion, Dolph Ziggler. A little beat up - not to mention still emotionally wibbly-wobbly after A.J. went Big E. and never came back - but still our champion neverthelesAND LO, A WILD CESARO APPEARS! That Swiss Superman has a briefcase! It's cashing in time!
Sadly, we don't live in that world.
Well, yet.
But Main Event opened up a tantalizing wormhole, per the cavalcade of possibilities from Sunday's PPV Josh and Miz were spinning for my ducats, I'd like that Earth-2 very much please and thank you.
It was Dolph Ziggler getting three segments to show off for the first time as a fan favorite. It was Antonio Cesaro...well, being Antonio Cesaro. Loyal Biasers know my feelings with regards to both, and considering that the two of them in separate contests had made the short list of HOLY SCHINKES THIS 2013 MAIN EVENT MATCH it was little shock that the two of them together would generate a third, DQ ending at the hands of Jack Swagger and all. Everything one of a particular mindset would like about the pro graps was well on display here.
Some 200 seconds of chain wrestling to start the match, during which it must be noted that was not a tear in my eye, but rather dust from...this...flash drive. Check. Ziggler turning his Elbowdrop City into a crowd count-along and actually delivering all 10. Yuppers. Short-arm Stun Guns, body blows with the point of the knuckles, the Best Dropkick in the Universe (ask KSP about it), selling gutwrench suplex/double stomp combos like you'd been ejected from a car, Bret bumps, a fusillade of European uppercuts from all angles...how many more sprinkles do I need to add to this ice cream sundae? (Hint: there are still several, but why give away the farm?) Even heartbroken and hungover, this was an absolute joy to watch from "formerly of Lucerne, Switzerland, now residing in the United States" to "DAMN, I'm good!"
Before finding out Kane was doubtful for Sunday according to WWE.com - hey, he should've ran - there was a six-man described by Josh as "star-studded" and "loaded with guest stars" and described by me as "feh hey is it too late to give Dolph and Antonio another 20 minutes wouldn't that be the best Main Event ever one match between two of the best guys in the company... hello? ...hello? :(" I will say, it got the best use out of Great Khali as he barely did anything besides judo CHOP! Heath Slater FTW after Team Rhodes Scholars had bailed on him. Cody Rhodes added to his mid-week legacy by failing to monkey flip Assistant to the Brad Maddox Tensai and apologizing before getting headbutted and falling victim to one himself, as well as saving Damien from going squish before the desperation yeah-screw-this-noise tag to the West Virginian.
They sent the kids home happy assuming they skipped the McCluster replay from Monday night, sure. But while we may dance on Wednesday night, every few weeks or so we wrestle awesome matches, too.
Show...off.
...
...
...ah, here we are in the near future, a fun, safer Earth and WWE Universe to be alive in. Gas is a robust $3/gal, I'm picking out an engagement ring for Anna Kendrick, and everyone who chanted Husky Harris Monday night is having their reproductive organs destroyed by swarms of angry hornets.
And look there! In the middle of the ring is our World Heavyweight Champion, Dolph Ziggler. A little beat up - not to mention still emotionally wibbly-wobbly after A.J. went Big E. and never came back - but still our champion neverthelesAND LO, A WILD CESARO APPEARS! That Swiss Superman has a briefcase! It's cashing in time!
Sadly, we don't live in that world.
Well, yet.
But Main Event opened up a tantalizing wormhole, per the cavalcade of possibilities from Sunday's PPV Josh and Miz were spinning for my ducats, I'd like that Earth-2 very much please and thank you.
It was Dolph Ziggler getting three segments to show off for the first time as a fan favorite. It was Antonio Cesaro...well, being Antonio Cesaro. Loyal Biasers know my feelings with regards to both, and considering that the two of them in separate contests had made the short list of HOLY SCHINKES THIS 2013 MAIN EVENT MATCH it was little shock that the two of them together would generate a third, DQ ending at the hands of Jack Swagger and all. Everything one of a particular mindset would like about the pro graps was well on display here.
Some 200 seconds of chain wrestling to start the match, during which it must be noted that was not a tear in my eye, but rather dust from...this...flash drive. Check. Ziggler turning his Elbowdrop City into a crowd count-along and actually delivering all 10. Yuppers. Short-arm Stun Guns, body blows with the point of the knuckles, the Best Dropkick in the Universe (ask KSP about it), selling gutwrench suplex/double stomp combos like you'd been ejected from a car, Bret bumps, a fusillade of European uppercuts from all angles...how many more sprinkles do I need to add to this ice cream sundae? (Hint: there are still several, but why give away the farm?) Even heartbroken and hungover, this was an absolute joy to watch from "formerly of Lucerne, Switzerland, now residing in the United States" to "DAMN, I'm good!"
Before finding out Kane was doubtful for Sunday according to WWE.com - hey, he should've ran - there was a six-man described by Josh as "star-studded" and "loaded with guest stars" and described by me as "feh hey is it too late to give Dolph and Antonio another 20 minutes wouldn't that be the best Main Event ever one match between two of the best guys in the company... hello? ...hello? :(" I will say, it got the best use out of Great Khali as he barely did anything besides judo CHOP! Heath Slater FTW after Team Rhodes Scholars had bailed on him. Cody Rhodes added to his mid-week legacy by failing to monkey flip Assistant to the Brad Maddox Tensai and apologizing before getting headbutted and falling victim to one himself, as well as saving Damien from going squish before the desperation yeah-screw-this-noise tag to the West Virginian.
They sent the kids home happy assuming they skipped the McCluster replay from Monday night, sure. But while we may dance on Wednesday night, every few weeks or so we wrestle awesome matches, too.
Show...off.