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| Not a nugget for a new generation? Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein |
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, especially around Friday night after Smackdown, and wait for the call. Or don't wait for it actually. I'll try to get everything for this feature no matter when in the week you shoot me the Tweet. Anyway, here we go.
First up, @BrianPickett asks why is TNA?
I have theories on why TNA exists, actually. One, when Vince McMahon signed his deal with Satan to be able to take the WWF/E national, one of the provisions was that there would always be one company to compete with him. However, he was able to negotiate favorable terms that the competition would always make him look good by comparison. The second is that for everything good in the wrestling world, in this case Chikara, New Japan, or whatever promotion tickles your fancy, there has to be intense evil to exist. Third, Dixie Carter is really a cockroach controlling a cybernetic body, and her company has taken on the survival qualities of the host species. Fourth, and most likely:
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻).
Next up, @czach1r wants to know what wrestling's equivalent to #shrimpalert is.
For those who don't know, shrimp in baseball parlance is a "walkoff walk," or a bases loaded walk that drives in the game winning run in the bottom of the final inning (ninth or extra). Obviously, every win in wrestling is a walkoff unless it happens to be in an ironman match. The nature of the walkoff walk though is that it's exciting, but almost in a procedural way, dependent on patience and the other player's, in this case the pitcher's, mistakes. While countering a finishing maneuver into a pin seems more frequent than shrimp in baseball, I think the nature of each is analogous. So the wrestling equivalent of the walkoff walk is countering a finisher into a flash pin.
@soggyhydrox wants to know which four wrestlers I'd place on Chopped, who would win, and who the judges would be.
The four wrestlers:
Our judges this evening are...
Scott T. Holland of Irresistible vs. Immovable has two questions. First, which individual food item is best left to the restaurants?
Steak tartare is the food that most comes to mind. I believe I saw BuzzFeed before I stopped reading the site do a feature on people making disgusting versions of the dish. I will make nearly anything at home, and you should too. However, I ain't touching most raw applications.
Second, would Colt Cabana be an ideal "What about me?" era Owen Hart to CM Punk's Bret?
If that story gets Cabana in WWE, I'd be all for it, but would the look fit the character? Maybe I'm just used to seeing Cabana play the jovial jokester for most of his career, and when he stepped out of that role, he immersed himself into blood feuds. However, I've been surprised before.
@OkoriWadsworth wants to know if WWE's handling of Sin Cara proves that they don't get lucha libre like WCW did.
Three words: Small Sample Size.
Sin Cara doesn't really prove anything, because he seems to be snakebitten, the most petulant prima donna, or a combination of both. What other luchadors has WWE brought in recently? Alberto del Rio is the only one, and they've done right by him, even if he's not Dos Caras, Jr. anymore. But then again, del Rio works very much the WWE main event style. So does Rey Mysterio.
WWE is not a lucha libre promotion any more than Ring of Honor is a puroresu company, so I don't expect them to "get" the art completely. The problem with this assumption is that WCW didn't "get" lucha libre either. Did the cruiserweight division really resemble lucha libre, or was it their attempt at creating the J-Cup in America, only stocking it with luchadores who may or may not have gotten how to work that style? No different than what WWE is doing with del Rio and Mysterio now.
Crack journalist Ken Borsuk asks how I would keep Daniel Bryan strong for the long haul, assuming he wins the WWE Championship back at WrestleMania.
The main problem isn't with keeping Bryan strong. He'll be fine regardless, and WWE will have no shortage of monsters of the month to throw at him between Night of Champions (after he fails in his rematch against Randy Orton due to devious means) and WrestleMania. The Shield, whether piecemeal or in handicap or trios scenarios, has already been established. The Ryback as the new Corporation's hired goon is another one. I know RED BELLY has been tattered and battered, but he could be rehabilitated quite easily. Maybe an unholy alliance between the office and Paul Heyman could be in order? I mean, if Triple H and Randy Orton can bury the hatchet...
No, the problem is what to do with Bryan's endgame AT WrestleMania. Are we prepared to have Orton as Champion for seven-plus months? Can he even go that long without getting popped for Wellness? What monsters are going to get thrown at him? Dolph Ziggler and Big Show (and by proxy, Mark Henry) are all great options after Bryan's been shut out for good, but this is brave new territory. There are two options for Mania available here: Bryan vs. Orton and Bryan vs. Cena.
The first dictates that the corporate nemesis lasts until Mania. The second can be played either way, with Cena turning heel upon his return (a possibility if Bryan's run as the top guy in the company booms) or with the corporate story buttoning up before Mania and Bryan tapping Cena out to cement his ascension to the top. I don't know. I'm in this curious position of not worrying about it, because WWE has a rock solid performer in Bryan to build upon and being scared out of my gourds because Triple H has hurt me so bad in the past and I am cowering at the prospect of him doing it again.
@JohnJohnPhenom also has two questions. First, what are my thoughts on the National Hockey League expanding from one outdoors game to three?
Dilution of a good thing is something I might have raged on more in the past, but I can't get myself to care that the NHL apparently doesn't know how to keep a good thing a good thing. I just wanna watch hockey. But yeah, the NHL really doesn't know how to get out of its own way in terms of luster and prestige. But hey, if they can sell out football stadiums more than one time a year, then more power to 'em, I guess.
Second, which Chikara/Wrestling Is talent should be next to get the call to Ring of Honor now that Eddie Kingston apparently has?
I bet all y'all are expecting me to answer someone without a mask like Mark Angelosetti or Tim Donst, aren't y'all? While both guys would kill it in Ring of Honor, you know who should get the next shot there? Hallowicked. Or UltraMantis Black. Or a fully masked Jigsaw. Pro wrestling in general needs some color, and I'm tired of seeing Chikara be the only company using the 128 color box when everyone else limits themselves to 24 max. So yeah, let UltraMantis Black loose in ROH, and try not to imagine him getting among the loudest pops in the building.
Finally, @bdbdbdbd asks which wrestler in history has had the best hand sign/catchphrase.
Apologies to Diamond Dallas Page, but I dig Scott Hall's "ooh, scary" finger wave taunt from his nWo days. Something about the arrogance of it all that fit his persona. As for catchphrase? The Rock asking what your name was and then immediately interrupting with "IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS" is aces in my book.
First up, @BrianPickett asks why is TNA?
I have theories on why TNA exists, actually. One, when Vince McMahon signed his deal with Satan to be able to take the WWF/E national, one of the provisions was that there would always be one company to compete with him. However, he was able to negotiate favorable terms that the competition would always make him look good by comparison. The second is that for everything good in the wrestling world, in this case Chikara, New Japan, or whatever promotion tickles your fancy, there has to be intense evil to exist. Third, Dixie Carter is really a cockroach controlling a cybernetic body, and her company has taken on the survival qualities of the host species. Fourth, and most likely:
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻).
Next up, @czach1r wants to know what wrestling's equivalent to #shrimpalert is.
For those who don't know, shrimp in baseball parlance is a "walkoff walk," or a bases loaded walk that drives in the game winning run in the bottom of the final inning (ninth or extra). Obviously, every win in wrestling is a walkoff unless it happens to be in an ironman match. The nature of the walkoff walk though is that it's exciting, but almost in a procedural way, dependent on patience and the other player's, in this case the pitcher's, mistakes. While countering a finishing maneuver into a pin seems more frequent than shrimp in baseball, I think the nature of each is analogous. So the wrestling equivalent of the walkoff walk is countering a finisher into a flash pin.
@soggyhydrox wants to know which four wrestlers I'd place on Chopped, who would win, and who the judges would be.
The four wrestlers:
- JBL - JBL is the grizzled veteran from the big city who is arrogant but has the bona fides to back it up. He will make a mistake, but he'll chalk it up to kids these days not knowing how to do it for real when it's really the game having passed him by.
- Teddy Hart - Just as arrogant and rawly talented as JBL, but his hubris causes him to make mistakes, like critical, catastrophic mistakes, not "forgot to garnish the seafood dish with a lemon wedge" faux pas.
- Ayako Hamada - Technically flawless, humble almost to a fault, but will always be chided by the judges for "not showing enough personality" in her dishes even if that bullshit complaint is the ONLY thing wrong with her style.
- Mia Yim - Requisite contestant with uncommon ethnic heritage who combines said heritages in a wild fusion style.
Our judges this evening are...
- Rey Mysterio - He's my Aaron Sanchez analogue. He's the most affable and jovial of the judges, but his critiques are often most out of line with everyone else's because he may be on drugs.
- Rachel Summerlyn - Representing Amanda Freitag, Summerlyn also seems agreeable, but when it comes time for judgment, she's firm but fair.
- Vince McMahon -Like Geoffrey Zakarian, McMahon is old school, grumpy, and a little haughty. Unlike Zakarian though, McMahon is TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY BATSHIT AND OUT OF HIS FUCKING MIND (and that's why I want him on my panel)..
Scott T. Holland of Irresistible vs. Immovable has two questions. First, which individual food item is best left to the restaurants?
Steak tartare is the food that most comes to mind. I believe I saw BuzzFeed before I stopped reading the site do a feature on people making disgusting versions of the dish. I will make nearly anything at home, and you should too. However, I ain't touching most raw applications.
Second, would Colt Cabana be an ideal "What about me?" era Owen Hart to CM Punk's Bret?
If that story gets Cabana in WWE, I'd be all for it, but would the look fit the character? Maybe I'm just used to seeing Cabana play the jovial jokester for most of his career, and when he stepped out of that role, he immersed himself into blood feuds. However, I've been surprised before.
@OkoriWadsworth wants to know if WWE's handling of Sin Cara proves that they don't get lucha libre like WCW did.
Three words: Small Sample Size.
Sin Cara doesn't really prove anything, because he seems to be snakebitten, the most petulant prima donna, or a combination of both. What other luchadors has WWE brought in recently? Alberto del Rio is the only one, and they've done right by him, even if he's not Dos Caras, Jr. anymore. But then again, del Rio works very much the WWE main event style. So does Rey Mysterio.
WWE is not a lucha libre promotion any more than Ring of Honor is a puroresu company, so I don't expect them to "get" the art completely. The problem with this assumption is that WCW didn't "get" lucha libre either. Did the cruiserweight division really resemble lucha libre, or was it their attempt at creating the J-Cup in America, only stocking it with luchadores who may or may not have gotten how to work that style? No different than what WWE is doing with del Rio and Mysterio now.
Crack journalist Ken Borsuk asks how I would keep Daniel Bryan strong for the long haul, assuming he wins the WWE Championship back at WrestleMania.
The main problem isn't with keeping Bryan strong. He'll be fine regardless, and WWE will have no shortage of monsters of the month to throw at him between Night of Champions (after he fails in his rematch against Randy Orton due to devious means) and WrestleMania. The Shield, whether piecemeal or in handicap or trios scenarios, has already been established. The Ryback as the new Corporation's hired goon is another one. I know RED BELLY has been tattered and battered, but he could be rehabilitated quite easily. Maybe an unholy alliance between the office and Paul Heyman could be in order? I mean, if Triple H and Randy Orton can bury the hatchet...
No, the problem is what to do with Bryan's endgame AT WrestleMania. Are we prepared to have Orton as Champion for seven-plus months? Can he even go that long without getting popped for Wellness? What monsters are going to get thrown at him? Dolph Ziggler and Big Show (and by proxy, Mark Henry) are all great options after Bryan's been shut out for good, but this is brave new territory. There are two options for Mania available here: Bryan vs. Orton and Bryan vs. Cena.
The first dictates that the corporate nemesis lasts until Mania. The second can be played either way, with Cena turning heel upon his return (a possibility if Bryan's run as the top guy in the company booms) or with the corporate story buttoning up before Mania and Bryan tapping Cena out to cement his ascension to the top. I don't know. I'm in this curious position of not worrying about it, because WWE has a rock solid performer in Bryan to build upon and being scared out of my gourds because Triple H has hurt me so bad in the past and I am cowering at the prospect of him doing it again.
@JohnJohnPhenom also has two questions. First, what are my thoughts on the National Hockey League expanding from one outdoors game to three?
Dilution of a good thing is something I might have raged on more in the past, but I can't get myself to care that the NHL apparently doesn't know how to keep a good thing a good thing. I just wanna watch hockey. But yeah, the NHL really doesn't know how to get out of its own way in terms of luster and prestige. But hey, if they can sell out football stadiums more than one time a year, then more power to 'em, I guess.
Second, which Chikara/Wrestling Is talent should be next to get the call to Ring of Honor now that Eddie Kingston apparently has?
I bet all y'all are expecting me to answer someone without a mask like Mark Angelosetti or Tim Donst, aren't y'all? While both guys would kill it in Ring of Honor, you know who should get the next shot there? Hallowicked. Or UltraMantis Black. Or a fully masked Jigsaw. Pro wrestling in general needs some color, and I'm tired of seeing Chikara be the only company using the 128 color box when everyone else limits themselves to 24 max. So yeah, let UltraMantis Black loose in ROH, and try not to imagine him getting among the loudest pops in the building.
Finally, @bdbdbdbd asks which wrestler in history has had the best hand sign/catchphrase.
Apologies to Diamond Dallas Page, but I dig Scott Hall's "ooh, scary" finger wave taunt from his nWo days. Something about the arrogance of it all that fit his persona. As for catchphrase? The Rock asking what your name was and then immediately interrupting with "IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS" is aces in my book.