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Heidi Lovelace vs. Missle (!) Assault (!) Ant (!) Set for the Chikara Finale

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Missile! Assault! Ant! for Young? Lions? Cup?
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
For those who don't know, I attended Wrestling Is Fun!'s Young Lions Cup Night Two this past weekend (got a bit too busy to write the report, but one may still be forthcoming). The show packed an efficient punch of wrestling action in not a whole lot of time. Chikara and its subsidiary promotions have gotten really good over the last few years of producing quality without allowing all the matches drag on forever and ever like some other marquee promotions. Anyway, long story short, Heidi Lovelace, as I expected, came out of the fray as the winner and the second finalist for the 11th annual Young Lions Cup tournament. Her opponent was decided last month in Haverhill, MA. The cocksure Twitter cult hero Missile Assault Ant won the first semifinal eliminator, setting up a showdown of good against evil, woman vs. man, spunky rising star from the Midwest taking on the Hodor of The Flood.

The bigger news coming out of Lovelace's win, however, was that said final match will be taking place at the 2300 Arena (formerly ECW Arena) on Decmeber 6 for Chikara's season finale, Tomorrow Never Dies. This match is the first to be officially slated for the finale. I imagine the rest of the card won't take shape until after the New England doubleshot later on this month, but having a bigtime title match scheduled for the show is a strong positive, especially one of this caliber. Missile Assault Ant has broken out as maybe the best wrestler within the Colony: X-Treme Force, and Lovelace has made bones all around the Midwest. In Chikara-lore, she holds a victory over Eddie Kingston at a Wrestling Is Heart event way back in the summer of 2013. Basically, while this match won't be the main event, it could be a solid, sub-main that gets the crowd all worked up right before intermission.

Lovelace's inclusion in the final also brings another thread from National Pro Wrestling Day full circle. She had Joe Pittman locked in the Chikara Special with La Copa Idolo (Wrestling Is Heart's grandest prize before its closure) in her sights when The Flood interrupted the match, closed the offshoot promotion, and made its intentions to kill the last bit of Chikara left alive known. Even though she's been distant from the action for the most part, her use of the Special signifies that she is just as much a part of the fight for the company's soul as those who have been around the whole time. The Flood hurt her too, and now, she's out to make them pay.

In other news, Danny Cannon, who was the wrestler I was most looking forward to seeing live, no-showed the event. He was replaced by Lovelace's fellow School of Roc graduate Tripp Cassidy. No official reasoning was given for Cannon's no-show, but my guess it had something to do with his flight, based off this tweet:
I do know that winter storms were brewing across the Midwest this weekend, but I'm not sure whether his flight was directly cancelled because of wintry conditions. Regardless of the reason, Cannon missing the show was a bummer. Hopefully, he'll get another shot to work for Chikara in the future though.

An Ersatz Cinematic Offseason: The Greater Purpose of WWE Films

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This Curb-Stomping out of WWE could be the best thing for Orton
Photo Credit: WWE.com
The last image of RAW last night (and the first image of the new "WWE Network Exclusive" show that featured an excellent Sheamus/Rusev United States Championship Match) saw Randy Orton incapacitated to the point of needing a stretcher to exit from the arena. Just as his lethal punt sent wrestlers on vacations for either retooling, rehabilitation, or other excursions, Orton's exit from the main RAW narrative was facilitated by a Seth Rollins curb stomp on the diamond-patterned steel ring steps. Dean Ambrose met a similar fate about two months prior, only instead of the steps, he got smushed through a cinder block.

Both wrestlers' write-offs were necessitated so they could appear in WWE Films vehicles. Reports are circulating that Orton's time off will have him miss Survivor Series in his hometown of St. Louis. On the surface, the decision to have him film his movie right now at the peak of his popularity with the crowd seems baffling, especially for such a non-entity like WWE Films. Orton is now being rabidly cheered by combination of tapping into a zeitgeist of wanting to see The Authority burn and him showing the best fire of his career.

Ambrose was in a similar situation when he left. He was near the peak of his crowd support, and boom, he was taken off television. However, when he came back, his reactions were just as vociferous if not even more so than before he left. The lack of a lapse in overness could be attributed to basic human nature. People tend not to know what they have until it's gone, so a forced vacation will make people miss a popular wrestler and thus grow more fond of them and their eventual comeback. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" is a chestnut that is especially true in pro wrestling. Look at Ryback. Even though he was stuck in a dead-end tag team before his injury, he'd started to get people to cheer for him. When The Big Guy returned last week, live crowds went bonkers for him. The terrible "Goldberg" chants had completely dissipated, and he now enjoys the best crowd reactions of his career thanks to getting that big comeback pop.

Of course, the drawback of a guy like Ryback taking time off for injury to get that pop is that he had to go and get injured in the first place. However, with Ambrose and then Orton, their absences are basically paid vacations, relatively speaking. Unless they did/do their own stunts on their respective movies, the toll on their bodies dramatically goes down when they leave the ring to hit the set. Meanwhile, as actors on a film set, they theoretically sharpen their acting chops, and maybe they pick up something from working outside the business that could help them improve the way they build stories inside of it.

Many observers, myself included, have been clamoring for an offseason, but the questioning of the purpose of WWE Films has been just as loud. The venture hadn't been nearly as profitable as I'm sure folks in Stamford would have liked until recently, but in the last couple of years, the studio has found somewhat of a niche and has been turning profits. Even if the revenue intake is meager compared to the mutlimillion dollar empire that is the sports entertainment arm, if it remains solvent, it not only remains a revenue stream for the company, but a convenient outlet wrestlers to take some time off without it being precipitated by injury. It's a net win for the company; a guy like Ambrose or Orton can make crowds miss them, keep sharp on their promo/acting skills, and then make a few bucks for the company on the side.

Of course, the Film arm of the conglomerate isn't a panacea for everything ailing the mothership. WWE already has major issues booking a roster without forced depletion, and the treatment of wrestlers upon their returns from their hiatuses can dampen the impact of their return pops. One could argue that turning Ambrose into an amalgamation of the worst properties of the Joker as played by Cesar Romero and Heath Ledger has taken some of the bloom off his rose, but that is more a problem of the writers and Vince McMahon's leaky mental gaskets as the final stop between a script and air. WWE has a lot of fixing it needs to do on its creative process without worrying about which wrestlers it has available. But to be completely honest, having WWE Films around to work as a vehicle for a rolling, continuous offseason is perhaps one of the best tools at the main company's disposal. When Orton comes back from his sojourn, he will be as over as he was before he left, and it won't be because he had to miss time convalescing. IF WWE can find a way to use that to its advantage, it could revolutionize mainstream wrestling going forward in a highly positive manner.

It's Official - The First GFW Branded Event Will Be an American Broadcast of WrestleKingdom

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The first big American wrestling event of 2015 will actually be Japanese
Graphics Credit: Global Force's Website
Via Global Force Wrestling's site

Global Force Wrestling announced today that its first ever branded event will actually come from one of its most prominent partner promotions. New Japan Pro Wrestling's WrestleKingdom 9, the biggest event on the promotion's calendar, will get American pay-per-view distribution through Jeff Jarrett's new promotion on January 4, 2015. The event will not air live in the States; it will run on a tape delay due to the time and date differences between Japan and the US. The delay will allow GFW to edit the event into a four-hour run time window. Also announced, the broadcast feeds will be available in both English and Japanese, the latter through SAP technology. All the major cable and satellite providers in North America will be carrying the event.

New Japan is arguably the second biggest wrestling company in the world, and it has a sizable following in the United States. Hitching the wagon to an established name, especially one whose founder is in the WWE Hall of Fame, is a good idea for Jarrett and his new company, which I'm not certain will be a company as much as a governing body. My guess is more information as to the identity and MO of GFW will be revealed at WrestleKingdom, especially since this feels like the launch of its brand. Everything still feels so nebulous, but at least the company is hitting the ground running with an established promotion backing it up.

As for the event itself, the main event will pit current IWGP Champion Hiroshi Tanahashi against the winner of the G-1 Climax Tournament, Kazuchika Okada. For those even less familiar with NJPW than I am, those two are the fed's equivalent to Ric Flair and Sting, the John Cena and Edge, or the Steve Austin and The Rock. Other contracted names you might want to know or whom you may already recognize are AJ Styles, Shinsuke Nakamura, Shelton Benjamin, Doc Gallows, Tomohiro Ishii, Katsuyori Shibata, Tetsuya Naito, Jushin Liger, Alex Shelley, and Yoshi Tatsu, just to name a few. Jarrett also is a satellite member of the roster as part of the nefarious gaijin stable known as the Bullet Club. Not only will WrestleKingdom provide an entry onto the ground floor of GFW, you might find it a good place to start following NJPW as well.

Best Coast Bias: NXTuesday?

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Apparently sometimes this is what victory looks like
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Bray Wyatt borderline flatlining Sin Cara in a showcase to end the show? You could see that cab coming down Broadway with the doors open.

Likewise, Curtis Axel springing from off the side of the milk carton to give Justin Gabriel a running knee to the face in what also served as his return match was pretty pat. The Wrestling Bloggers have won as many WWE singles matches as Cara and Gabriel have in the past 3 months. If you're looking for what gave the first November edition of Main Event its spark, it was simply bringing a bit of Full Sail up to Albany and having the crowd receptive for it.

Tyson Kidd and Sami Zayn renewed their contretemps, with Zayn even getting a video package beforehand. Granted, it was probably the same one from Fatal 4 Way, but still: they brought NXT to a bigger platform by showcasing it on Tuesday night. Between this, a segment backstage between Nattie and Kidd that continued the slow-motion silo implosion of their nuptials, and a two-segger match that was the above-average middle of an otherwise nothing show the Canadians proved given TV time they could run with the ball and matriculate it downfield. Not a surprise to the Thursday night crowd, again, but their seamlessly bringing that two days earlier and putting on another 3.2 of a match only bodes well for their futures, especially Zayn's. Hell, even JBL managed to sound somewhat magnanimous.

Gone were the road to redemption narrative, ignoring the crowd, and hand-throwing from the Zayn arsenal. Of course, as Kidd has found out this summer and fall in a myriad of ways, that didn't mean he wasn't subjected to the crowd chanting Ole! or Nattie's Better while he unsuccessfully tried to dodge armdrag trifectas and pull-back Blue Thunder bombs. But of course, Kidd is more than just a crowd irritating cat aficionado, so Zayn had to find ways of contorting out of hybrid crossfaces/chicken wings when he wasn't getting a kneepad or bottom rope across his throat. While not the crown jewel in their series, it was still the best option on TV Tuesday night, and Kidd's chicanery in victory as seen above gave his opponent a soft landing for the loss with Layfield of all people noticing his shoulder was up before the replay confirmed it and Cole noting Kidd had the tights as a break from the array of counter rollups they'd been exchanging in the fifteen seconds beforehand. As a primer to get more eyeballs familiar with Florida's favorite Syrian-Canadian, it went flawlessly; for all the many worried about what the top shelf shows' creative would do with him under their purview this had to be in the sweet spot of more exposure and plenty of time to put on a quality show of pro graps without worrying whether he was going to show up in a vignette with a choir behind him while he sang and danced.

And it was the lone match on offer (adding to the ledger Jey Uso beating Stardust in a sprint with a superkick and a rollup) that had an outcome in doubt and more than five minutes to breathe, thus allowing it to take center stage even if may to an extent have been by default. NXT is like bacon; it really makes everything better.

Your Midweek Links: Lucha, RAJETT, and Marvel Phase Three

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Flashing back to when she was a queen of the ring
Photo Credit: Kelly Kyle/Kelly Kyle Photography
It's hump day, so here are some links to get you through the rest of the week:

Wrestling Links:

- The Best and Worst of RAW: Actually Renee, It's About Ethics in Wrestling Journalism [With Spandex]

- How the WWE Lost Its Championship but Found Its Way [Grantland]

- Lucha Underground! [TJR Wrestling]

- Ring Belles Retro: Rachel and Jessica Being Awesome [Ring Belles]

- The Depths of Mania: WrestleMania III Review [Voices of Wrestling]

- The Six Most Disastrous Gimmick Matches in Wrestling History [Cracked]

- Wrestling in the Clinton Years: A Particularly Aggressive Marshmallow [4CR Wrestling]

- It's Clobberin' Time: Nightmare Pro Wrestling [Old School Jabronis]

- Seven Things: Most Asinine Things Michael Elgin Has Said [Wrestling on Earth]

Non-Wrestling Links:

- A Movie-by-Movie Guide of Marvel's Phase Three, from Civil War to Infinity Wars [Grantland]

- Six Obscure but Believable Game of Thrones Theories [spoilers, obvs, clicker beware] [Dorkly]

- Vince Lombardi Isn't Who You Think He Is [VICE Sports]

- Monday Morning Jerkface, Week 9 [The Footbawl Blog]

- No Love for Marshall [Underdog Dynasty]

- Jimbo Fisher Is a Whimpering Penis [Deadspin]

- 11 Intriguing Ways World War I Could Have Turned Out [io9]

- MLB Playoffs: Five Things We Learned This Season [Grantland]

- Let's All Applaud This Girl Who Dressed up as the Swiss Cheese Pervert for Halloween [UPROXX]

- GamerGate Is Dead [The Verge]

- The First internet Troll [Gizmodo]

- Reader to Columnist: I Used to Want to Be with You, but You Got Fat [Jezebel]

- Pokemon You Didn't Realize Were Based Off Actual Things [Dorkly]

- Pokemon's Famous Missingno Glitch, Explained [Kotaku]

- Michael del Zotto and Lisa Ann: ZOMG [Broad Street Hockey]

- The Red Hot Chili Peppers Almost Became a Punk Band, and Nine Other Things about the California Funk Legends [UPROXX]

- How to Roast Mushrooms: A Guide for Fraidy-Cats [Foodspin]

- Restaurant Mocks Trendy Restaurants by Dressing up as One [Kitchenette]

I Listen So You Don't Have To: Steve Austin Show Ep. 165

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Austin takes listener calls this episode.
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: Steve Austin Show
Episode: 165
Run Time: 1:14:27
Guest: None

Summary: In an episode recorded a few weeks ago, Austin is still in the Podcast One studio taking calls from listeners. They discuss some of his alignment shifts, the overplayed role of the heel promoter, the Buried Alive match against the Undertaker late in 1998, crowd reactions, the importance of well produced vignettes, plans for future match commentary episodes, gym stories, the Booker T supermarket brawl, working with Paul Bearer, Eric Bischoff and Dutch Mantell, the appeal of the Rosemont Horizon, breaking in to the WWE past one’s physical prime and the lingering effects of unprotected chair shots. Austin also offers a match of the week — actually an entire show, Starrcade 1985.

Quote of the week:“Anybody will tell you, if you light up a place and get one of those monster pops, it’s a thrill that’s about as addictive as anything I could ever imagine. If someone could harness that and sell it, they’d be a billionaire.”

Why you should listen: It’s a concise show, and there’s actually some new material here, specifically the story about the Buried Alive match and the value of wrestlers being able to hear crowd reactions. The call from the earnest 14-year-old who watches old Memphis wrestling on YouTube is wonderful, but my favorite was the first caller, whom Austin chose to pepper with his own line of interesting questions that led to a decent discussion about the way the Mr. McMahon story shaped wrestling narratives for 15 years.

Why you should skip it: If you’re a 39-year-old married man with a day job and two kids who has visions of somehow landing on the WWE payroll, you’re not going to want to hear the Stone Cold truth about your prospects. The concussion talk skims the surface — Austin surely could talk at great length, especially with the right guest, about one of the most challenging things about perpetual wrestling fandom. There are a few retread topics, and after Thursday’s fleshed out Match of the Week segment, it was disappointing to get so little of Austin’s insight regarding Starrcade 1985.

Final thoughts: Because they’re so brief, the two personal stories Austin tells this week — the opening monologue about getting his toes ready for a dinner party and the listener-prompted tale of farting during a gym session — might be the unsung highlight of the show. Beyond that, you know what you’re getting with the call-in shows. They get incrementally better as Austin learns how to effectively guide each brief chat. That said, there’s nothing essential in this episode — no new insight or thought-provoking commentary on a key issue. It’s not a bad way to spend an hour, but it won’t change the way you see the world, either.

Pro Wrestling SKOOPZ on The Wrestling Blog: Issue 8

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WHAT'S IN STORE FOR THE NETWORK?
Graphics via International Object
Well hello again everyone, welcome to yet another week of EXXXCLUSIVE SKOOPZ from me, yours truly, HORB FLERBMINBER. I am the number one source for all news, scoops, rumors, gossip, conjecture, and IRC chat logs from various members of Wreddit. Do you want to know if TheMetsFan was able to download the new Taylor Swift album through Pirate Bay rather than pay money for it? I CAN GIVE YOU THAT INFORMATION. Can Dave Scherer? Probably not! I'll even ROOT THROUGH PEOPLE'S GARBAGE to get information if I have to. Which TNA superstar has been living off Cup O' Noodles and bootleg protein powder? I'll give you a hint, it's Sanada. I have that information and SO MUCH MORE.

As always, I need constant streams of information input into my brain or else I will LITERALLY DIE. You know how those vampires died the True Death on that HBO show, uh, what was it called, oh yeah, John From Cincinnati? Well, if I don't have news to discern and sift through every waking hour of the day, I will die ten times more gruesomely than that. You can help me out by sending me all the hottest tips, rumors, and stolen credit card info to ProWrestlingSKOOPZ@gmail.com. If you can't wait for Wednesday and need all the up to the instant news and takes on Twitter, you can follow me @HorbFlerbminber. Tell all your friends to follow me too. Hell, tell all your enemies to do the same. I CRAVE INTERACTIONS. And I'm also gravely disappointed in the amount of Follow Fridays I have NOT received. PICK UP THE SLACK, YOU FUCKERS.

If you've missed out on prior scoops and news reports, you can order back issues of my newsletter right here from this site. You just need to find the secret url that will take you to the portal where you can order various back issues. I'll give you a hint, the url involves a slash fiction piece between Strangler Lewis and Hornswoggle. I don't have the back issues in order, but I have plenty of copies of each issue, going back to Issue 1 back from January 11, 6,000,000 BBB (before Big Bang), which featured a full rundown of the upcoming Cthulhu vs. Azathoth match for control of the Boundless Void. However, if you get the special mid-year awards issue from 1989, where I award Humanitarian of the Year to Carlos Colon, you get a free milkshake from Arby's.

Also, I am starting a daycare service for wrestlers, wrestling fans, and fellow dirt sheet writers. If you have children, dogs, or goats whom you need either looked after, or in the case of the goats, sacrificed to our Dark Lord, Satan, contact me at this address:
Flerbminber's Lil' Angels Daycare
3599 Cahuenga Blvd W #4
Los Angeles, CA 90068
I will send you a free mailer containing all our rates, especially for blood disposal on the goats. The kids love the blood ritual. Anyway, don't just take my word for it, hear this testimonial from Wigglytuff McDipoleson of Ogden, UT:
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Horb Flerb'minber R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.
Another satisfied customer.

Also, be sure to check Sidney Crosby into the boards if he's skating to close to the dasher. Gotta rough him up and get in his head if you want to slow him down and get more chances on the other end.

- WWE Network took a huge hit this week when subscriber numbers were not up to snuff, retention rates were lower than expected, and the launch in the United Kingdom was scuttled at the last minute thanks to suspected blockage from Sky Sports. Internet commentators responded to the news with smug taunts like they all had a masters in business administration from the Wharton School, while WWE's reply was offer the Network for free in November all while shoving even more annoying hash tags and catchphrases down people's throats. In an unrelated note, cyanide consumption among wrestling fans on Twitter has risen 600% in the last week.

- CM Punk is currently aggravated.

- Randy Orton is expected to miss Survivor Series in his hometown of St. Louis. He apparently double booked a charity supper at the local 4H Club, and his mother is still really ticked off at him the last time he blew the organization off.

- Daniel Bryan's career is in serious Jeopardy right now, and depending on where you live, in a half-hour, it'll either be in serious Wheel of Fortune, or it will go straight into the ABC prime-time schedule.

- Tonight, on TNA Impact, the same matches you'll see at PROGRESS Wrestling, Pro Wrestling Guerrilla, and EVOLVE in six months after the company closes up shop, and probably better, too.

- Gabe Sapolsky is currently running a group trip to his EVOLVE China tour so he can find a way to blame poor crowd reactions on asshole Philadelphia wrestling fans.

- I asked SD Jones whether he thinks Lucha Underground can be a sustainable entity, but apparently he's been dead for six years.

- Jim Ross blogged on RAW from Monday, and as you'd expect, he still kissed WWE's ass like he needed a paycheck. Curiously enough, he found a way to devote an entire paragraph to Ring of Honor needing to slow down and use more psychology.

- Huge news from Global Force Wrestling, as it has officially announced that it will be broadcasting New Japan Pro Wrestling's WrestleKingdom 9 as its first branded pay-per-view event. The telecast will be available in both English and Japanese language commentary, and the main event will feature a main event featuring the timeless contest of Hiroshi Tanahashi vs. Kazuchika Okada. The biggest stumbling block to this, however, is that now everyone has to consider Jeff Jarrett a positive influence on the wrestling community for bringing, hands down, the greatest wrestling promotion in the history of mankind to America. Several commentators are confused, and are expecting the telecast to show old WCW pay-per-views instead, because no one is ready for Jarrett to be behind something so gloriously perfect.

- For posterity, Todd Martin still owes me $5. I will not say why.

- Mike Tenay has garnered a second job writing about the Los Angeles Kings for the team's website. He currently is writing, asking people if that is indeed Mike Richards here at the Staples Center every time he comes out for a shift.

- Invicta FC, Invicta FC 9, Davenport, Iowa RiverCenter night of 9 to midnight Eastern Time War ucf. The first card is part of the Kansas City area. All the progress that appears on the wall of Jeremiah. "And no name because it is, especially the Week ucf 179 is progress of some sort that has been promised a big announcement, and they ucf night Week will be issued.

Invicta FC Flyweight Champion sorc Honchak Takayo Hashi, better co Strawweight crepusculo Inoue Karolina Kowalkiewicz defendant is the headliner. Distribution is one of the best solution Inoue, ucf fight that saw the first type, when Bec Rawlings about the decision. It is possible that you'll end up with ucf, but he did not speak English, which is often the last fighter that there is not one, TUF Strawweight signed at a distance.

- SMACKDOWN SPOILERS: If you watch this Friday, I hope you get a boil.

- BREAKING NEWS: CM Punk's mood has been upgraded from "aggravated" to "slightly perturbed."

- Rumors were swirling Monday as Vince McMahon made his return to WWE programming. Many speculated on what the thoughts of the mood were backstage about this being the springboard of McMahon possibly feuding with someone who is not named Vince McMahon going into WrestleMania. All signs point to the creative team either possibly having an idea or not, but my inside source says that it's all a big rib on Renee Young for not wearing shoes.

- Are you gonna eat that stapler? Wanna split it?

- Shane Douglas' latest attempt at an Extreme Reunion was scuttled when he couldn't get out of the late shift on Black Friday at his South Philadelphia Target store.

- Last week's poll results are in. Looks like 51% of you think Cesaro is being punished because he spoke out against John Cena and Randy Orton, 22% think he's being punished for shaving his head but not his beard, 17% think he's being punished because Vince McMahon is a sadist, and 10% believe it's all a rib on Renee Young for not wearing shoes. This week's poll:

I Listen So You Don't Have To: The Ross Report Ep. 38

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Dillon has a lot of great insights this week
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: The Ross Report
Episode: 38
Run Time: 1:50:39
Guest: JJ Dillon

Summary: After sharing further thoughts on Hell In A Cell (and not much about two weeks of RAW developments), JR brings JJ Dillon onto the show. They open discussing Dillon’s early days in the business, focusing on his part-time status and the importance of his refereeing background. JR peppers in a few Twitter questions, which lead directly and indirectly to talk about John Cena, working with and for the McMahons, the Four Horsemen, War Games, the greatest wrestlers and managers as well as interactions with Mick Foley, the Undertaker, Dusty Rhodes, Eddie Graham, Ric Flair, The Rock and Sting.

Quote of the week:“Vince Jr. basically is an entirely different personality. It’s difficult to compare them because their personalities are so opposite from each other. Vince is into bodybuilding, physique, image, that transitions to what his vision is of a wrestler, and we see that time and time again and probably still see it today. He’s a workaholic. I give him credit for that. I was there almost eight years and learned a lot from him. There’s a lot of things that I don’t agree with, decisions that he’s made and directions he’s taken the business, but the same thing happened with a lot of territories (where) I worked. I never was in 100 percent agreement with every promoter and every decision that they made.”

Why you should listen: If you only know of JJ Dillon as manager of the Four Horsemen or, even worse, just what you saw of him in the Nitro era, this show will open your mind to his vast on-stage and behind-the-scenes experience working all over the country. There is almost none of the “it was better in our day” nostalgia that hangs in the air every time JR interviews an old-timer, and Dillon has a great perspective on the wide range of personalities it takes to make a successful wrestling show. He is self-deprecating when he doesn’t need to be. Ross clearly knows Dillon well, but they don’t have the kind of intimate friendship that tends to color some of his other conversations with veteran characters.

Why you should skip it: The opening monologue is predictably feckless, so there’s 24 minutes saved. Dillon has high praise for the Rock and the Triple H-Undertaker WrestleMania Hell in a Cell match, is unsure why John Cena still generates a mixed reaction from WWE crowds, and is certain Sting deserves a WrestleMania moment. Some of those opinions are logically justified through the context of the interview, but if they rub you the wrong way you might not want to sit around waiting to be enlightened in that fashion. There’s no logic, certainly not chronologically, to the flow of the interview, and that could be troublesome to folks looking to cherry pick certain topics.

Final thoughts: Dillon might be unique among historical figures given he grew up in New Jersey and worked closely with Vincent J. McMahon, and later as a chief Vincent K. McMahon deputy, but also was a key figure in many prominent Southern territories and is best known as the leader of the Four Horsemen. The story of his one match at Madison Square Garden alone is worth the time, even though he refers to it more than once. Anyone on the fence about Ross’ podcasts should definitely give this a listen, though be warned it’s not always this great. Perhaps Dillon historians can better pick apart some of his memories or rose-colored hindsight, but given my level of familiarity I was enthralled without being overwhelmed by being forced to relive glory days.

Twitter Request Line, Vol. 99

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Charlotte in the Rumble? Why the heck not?
Photo Credit: WWE.com
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday morning (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers!

I think NXT entrants in the Rumble are safe to assume going forward until NXT ceases to be a thing. Furthermore, WWE may place more than one developmental talent in the Rumble this year if rumors of it going to 40 participants in order to erase from the record books the VILE NAME OF ALBERTO DEL RIO WHOSE CRIME WAS, uh, standing up against a gross racist who got fired afterwards, anyway are true. Anyway, I'm assuming this week's Main Event was Sami Zayn's main roster debut until I watch it and see whether or not it was just another NXT refresher teaser like the one WWE booked on RAW right before 2akeover, so he's out. With that in mind, the smart money would be on Adrian Neville getting the nod, especially if he happens to lose The Big X at Tak3over to the aforementioned Zayn. Really, what else remains for Neville to accomplish down there at Full Sail?

However, Neville wouldn't be my pick for the Rumble spot, or at least the only Rumble spot. Again, I book these things with my idealistic mind working overtime, and if I were in WWE, I would be working to drag it kicking and screaming past the 21st Century into a hypothetical future where gender really isn't a big deal anymore. I find no reason past cosmetics why Charlotte shouldn't be in the Rumble and get treatment commensurate to her size and ring style that Rusev got in the match this past year, i.e. maybe she doesn't eliminate someone, but her showing dictates that she belonged there.

I say that I'm too into Pokemon X to do another parallel game, but everyone knows full well that I'll at least play through the Hoenn region remade. Honestly though, I am torn between two of the three starters when I finally get one of the Gen III remakes. Usually, I pick the Grass-type starter, which in this case would be Treecko. I picked Treecko when I played through the original Gen III games, and it's my second-favorite among the Grass starters behind the sacred and beloved Bulbasaur. However, if I play through more than one game in a given Gen, I tend to switch it up for the second game, and really, Mudkip is by far my favorite Water-starter. It evolves into the Water/Ground-type Swampert, and I have a soft-spot for the Mud-types. So the only concrete answer I can give right now is "Not Torchic."

  1. Cup of coffee, ooh yeah
  2. Hard times, daddy
  3. You either tap or you snap
Obviously, if you want to bring back the Nexus, you want it as a vehicle for Wade Barrett. The problem is one of the former members, Daniel Bryan, has already eclipsed the current Bad News a billion times over. Besides, he already broke his ties (no pun intended) with the Nexus way back at SummerSlam 2010, when he came back to WWE, tapped two members with the YES! Lock, and then went onto become the biggest fuckin' deal in all pro wrestling.

Another former member, Ryback, has the potential to be huge in his own right at the current time and without the need for his former group helping him. But Barrett recruiting him as muscle is a good jump-on point for a big feud between the two. Barrett is one of the few guys on the roster who seems like he can carry a bigtime match as a heel, and both wrestlers need signature rivals to stand out in this era, especially against the backdrop of Dean Ambrose vs. Seth Rollins, John Cena vs. CM Punk, and Triple H and Stephanie McMahon vs. smart-ass fans of Twitter. I would have a quick trigger finger on booting Ryback from the group, maybe have the deed happen the night after the Rumble when he refuses to clear the ring for Barrett, and then build towards a Mania match that way.

Sorry, he comes at $7.99/lb, or if you want bulk, $500/100 lbs.

Protected user @MrsKillerRoo:
@tholzerman Favorite Phillie of all time. Can be past or present, but not a minor leaguer. #TweetBag
I could choose Mike Schmidt or Jimmy Rollins or Darren Daulton or Lenny Dykstra or Cole Hamels or Chase Utley. But man, I will always, ALWAYS have a soft spot for The Gimp. Pat "The Bat" Burrell, bane of Mets fans, he of inconsistent yet powerful stroke, got a bad rep because of his propensity to alternate between on and off years. However, he never posted a negative bWAR until after 2008, and I'm not sure the Phillies could have made the playoffs without his 33 homers in the World Series year, let alone won it all.

I have zero expectation, because I have not sat down and watched a complete New  Japan show ever. I've seen spot matches here or there from a couple of years ago, but if I end up tuning in, I will be doing so with a rasa tabula. If you're asking what my expectation of its reception is, however, I think its ceiling at this point would be TNA's old pay-per-view audience, give or take 10K. The NJPW brand name is strong, but is it enough in America to get people to watch en masse? Eventually, I can see WrestleKingdom as a Global Force Wrestling branded event doing some good business in America, but I think both entities need to grow their presence here first.

I'm not their marketing department, and really, the week-to-week product borders on suck every Monday. Get someone else to sell you.

I have not, but it is only because I fear I have not the fortitudination to amblimate down the righteousing path of the Warrior. Plus, I don't think my body can handle the drugs, man.

You not getting that raft is, by far, the greatest injustice in pro wrestling history. The problem is now availability. You were denied the raft back when they were in stock in the WCW warehouse. Do you think Vince McMahon kept them when he bought the company? DO YOU? If he did, they're all at his Connecticut home, for use by his grandchildren when they come over for pool parties. Aurora Rose Levesque has YOUR INFLATABLE RAFT. I don't think Hulk Hogan is the one you need to be mad at here. I think you need to get to the Nutmeg State and kick some McMahon-Helmsley ASS.

It's the Second Oldest Pay-Per-View in WWE History™, and this year, it's #FreeFreeFree because Vince McMahon hired his marketing department from Friends Hospital as a rib on everyone else in the company WWE Network is the future and you need to see it for free!

Easy. Muta's facepaint is the answer 11 times out of ten. Masks are cool until you have to get behind the wheel of a car. Your vision gets impaired way too easily. Of course, you'd have to crank up the air conditioner to make sure your paint doesn't drip into your eyes by sweat, even in the coldest of temps, but at the same time, at least you have a safe point for your vision.

  • SCOTT CONANT - Because I want to see his stupid face get punched.
  • GEOFFREY ZAKARIAN - Because I want to see his stupid face get punched.
  • CHRIS SANTOS - Because I want to see his stupid face get punched.
  • MARCUS SAMUELSSON - Because I want to see his stupid face get punched.
  • AARON SANCHEZ - AARON SANCHEZ TATTED UP. AARON SANCHEZ A HARD MOTHERFUCKER. Er, I mean, I'd like to see him unleashed in the squared circle. He seems like he'd be a tour de force.
I would face them off against a team of Ryback, Mark Henry, Big Show, The Demon Kane™, and Brock Lesnar. Lesnar would also order his Jimmy John's sandwich with extra red onions and then shove it down Conant's throat in addition to punching his stupid face. I have unchecked rage issues, don't I? Anyway, Sanchez is your sole survivor after he hits BEAST MODE and eliminates everyone. Then he celebrates by making a mole sauce, which as he is quick to remind you on the show, does not necessarily have to contain chocolate.
Toph Beifong from Avatar: The Last Airbender/The Legend of Korra is the easy choice. Her story would be inspirational - she's a blind girl who moves around better than those who can see because of her amazing abilities. However, she'd be a natural heel because of her quick wit and sharp tongue. Plus, she also has an in in the business with Mick Foley. However, I think certain concessions should be made to allow her to use her earthbending in more than a sight capacity.

Nope. In fact, the demarcation point should probably be between getting the cheapest tickets and getting a really fuckin' good seat. Anywhere between the second level and the nosebleeds feels like it would be all the same to me. Now, I'm not sure about the sightlines at the new Niners' stadium, but in general, the big stadia tend to be the same. If you're not getting front row or somewhere reasonably close to it, you might as well get nosebleeds.

One of NXT's biggest flaws is that outside the main narrative, other stories tend to stall out. If you're not one of Trips' golden children (and thankfully for the fans at large, those golden children are named Owens, Zayn, Neville, Balor, Itami, Banks, Bayley, Charlotte, and Lynch), you might have some trouble getting meaningful time on the show. Sure, Corbin squashing fools is a sight to watch, but where will he go from that point? The bigger question, actually, may be how long will it take him to get from phase one to phase two?

Look at Bull Dempsey. He's stalled mightily, and it's not because the crowds, as skewed as they are at Full Sail, have cooled on him. So, he may be "stuck" so to speak either squashing dudes on the reg until the International Indie Brigade is fully on the main roster, or maybe he'll end up losing unceremoniously as a sacrifice to that cadre of wrestlers before being forgotten. Or he could be brought up tomorrow and have his narrative told on the main roster. Baron Corbin right now may be the hardest wrestler with an upside to predict because so little has been done with him so far.

As for the Ascension, I'm not even sure they will debut as the replacements for Luke Harper and Erick Rowan. If they are, then they wouldn't necessarily just be Wyatt's muscle. They would help evolve the Eater of Worlds to a more slickly produced, sheenier, less backwoods kind of occult. But even if they're just brought up as "tag team that randomly attacks the Usos," I think they'll be just fine. I liked what I've seen from them in the limited longer bouts they've had. Viktor is main roster-ready right now, and Konor will get there if he's not there already working in prolonged bouts against the Usos or the Dust Bros.

The first one that comes to mind is The Hart Family (Bret, Owen, Bruce, and Keith) against Shawn Michaels and his Knights. Jerry Lawler was originally supposed to captain the Knight team (hence the motif), but he had to miss the event because at the time, he was charged with rape (charges that would be thrown out after the alleged victim confessed to making up the accusations). The match was both taut and goofy at the same time. Michaels showed he could do the stooge comic heel thing in addition to being Mr. Wrestling Dude. Plus, one of the knights was Greg "The Hammer" Valentine.

The second one to seek out is one that I haven't seen, but given the weird but welcome propensity for the mid-'90s WWF to treat women's wrestling with deference and respect, I would feel good about recommending the joshi elimination match from 1995. Bertha Faye, Aja Kong, Tomoko Watanabe, and Lioness Asuka took on Alundra Blayze, Chaparita Asari, Kyoko Inoue, and Sakie Hasegawa. This match was famous for setting up Kong as a challenger to Blayze's WWF Women's Championship, but that match never happened thanks to Blayze jumping ship and dumping the title on Nitro before the scheduled match at the Royal Rumble. Either way, that many joshi powerhouses in one match seems like one to watch, even if it's just for historical curiosity.

Finally, Team Kingston (Kofi Kingston, Christian, MVP, Mark Henry, R-Truth) vs. Team Orton (Randy Orton, CM Punk, Cody Rhodes, Ted DiBiase, Jr., William Regal) at Survivor Series 2009 stands out. Despite the fact that the final seven or so minutes had Kingston working in a glorified handicap match, he held his own. OF course, working against Punk and even 2009, pre-Super Worker™ Orton will help matters out, but it felt like Kingston was a big deal here. Of course, everyone knows how that feeling fizzled out, but it was nice for a time to believe WWE was going to push someone exciting to the top in the stagnant, pre-Pipe Bomb days.

I Listen So You Don't Have To: Cheap Heat Nov. 5

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Rusev was a big topic of discussion on the show this week
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: Cheap Heat
Episode: Nov. 5, 2014
Run Time: 59:32
Guest: None

Summary: The show opens as David Shoemaker and Peter Rosenberg relive the excitement of being the only two bidders on a special eBay auction. That quickly leads to a discussion about RAW that includes tangents into the current and future state of the WWE Network, a lengthy look at Rusev and then talk about bleeding. Rosenberg plugs the paperback release of Shoemaker’s book, which opens up a chance to talk about Fabulous Moolah. They mention Sam Roberts launching a wrestling podcast and answer quick listener questions before ending with another mystery promo.

Quote of the week:“Fantasy would be Daniel Bryan comes back, starts working his way to the top, before he gets a shot at the title he gets the undefeated Rusev, makes him tap to the Yes Lock. And I know there are a lot of people out there who normally who are right now saying, ‘You know Rosenberg, I hate you, but that’s pretty damn good.’ And you’re right.”

Why you should listen: The guys are kind of all over the place this week — in a good way. They discuss only parts of RAW, which saves the episode being a forced slog through a three-day old show. The talk about bleeding, Rusev’s heel nature and Shoemaker’s book allow the Masked Man to bring his A game, a deep knowledge of wrestling history and especially the way stories have been told in the ring throughout generations. Rosenberg’s opinions seem somewhat more nuanced than usual, and despite the scattershot nature of topics, the variety of segments gives this episode a favorable pace bordering on frenetic.

Why you should skip it: This is not a comprehensive look at the Nov. 3 Raw or an in-depth preview of Survivor Series. There are a couple of minor spoilers some people may wish to avoid, though the guys do give a bit of warning for each one. If you’re staunchly anti-Jim Ross, you won’t like the fact his Rusev blog post is a talking point, and for other folks any talk of the dollars-and-cents side of the WWE business is an absolute turnoff.

Final thoughts: It might be faint praise to say this is my favorite Cheap Heat in a long while, but they made a wise choice in trying to move the discussion along briskly and specifically in not focusing too heavily on RAW. Though the show actually was a decent effort this week, Cheap Heat needs to be much more than a WWE recap hour in order to remain worthwhile. The bleeding tangent and the listener question about Dean Ambrose’s new finishing move that spun into a quick analysis of the RKO vs. the Stone Cold Stunner is an example of how the guys can tap into their strengths to spin topical developments into compelling audio. The former seemed to be the product of a welcome bit of preshow planning; the latter revealed the professional radio skills Rosenberg clearly possesses but often self-obscures with his forced personality. This episode is by no means a must listen, but it does resemble the early episodes that helped attract listeners in the first place and a rough template the hosts should consider following as a means to prolonged relevance.

Wrestling Is Wrestling

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Pictured above: Wrestling
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
Every once in awhile, WWE fans on Twitter get frisky and want the return of the cruiserweights. This week, WWE Network and the official Twitter presence of the company riled up the base and came out asking if the fans wanted the division to come back, and predictably, the response was notable. Personally, however, I never saw the point of a separate cruiserweight division outside of its introduction in WCW. Sure, the old farts like Hulk Hogan weren't going to sell for "vanilla midgets," so they had to gain a foothold with the fans in some way. A lower weight class always seemed to be a temporary stopgap, an acclimatization period for when the wrestlers within would cross over and become main roster favorites. It took awhile, but eventually, wrestlers like Chris Jericho, Eddie Guerrero, and Rey Mysterio became wrestling royalty. Furthering the idea, Daniel Bryan's ascension to the biggest deal in WWE would not have happened in the "halcyon" days of a cruiserweight division, because he would have been pigeonholed.

Pigeonhole is your word of the day, because it happens a lot in pro wrestling. Promoters find any reason to marginalize a talent that brings something different to the table out of reactionary fear of the different or protection of the interests of the current draws with whom they may be cozy and friendly with. Wrestlers are not just compartmentalized and segregated by size either. African-American wrestlers may have come a long way since days of legal segregation, but they still rarely, if ever, get a chance to run at the top of a major company. For every Bobby Lashley TNA World Championship run, you've still got every other major title run in TNA, WWE, and Ring of Honor that's whiter than snow. Still, at least Black wrestlers seem to have overcome style bias. No one really classifies it as "black wrestling" or "interracial wrestling" anymore, which is great. The same things can't be said for another historically marginalized group of people in women.

People, even colleagues, still classify things as "women's wrestling" or make big deals in a pejorative or othering manner about "intergender wrestling." As if a woman can't do a headlock, the fight for equality is still far from over, even though four of the five best performers on NXT right now are women (still luv u, Sami Zayn), even though at least half the standout performers in non-nationally televised independent wrestling are women, even though Candice LeRae's demand has made Joey Ryan relevant again. The problem, however, is not just in the fans and writers who continue to perpetuate the myths that "men selling for women is just NOT believable" or that women, somehow, are made inferior wrestlers because of estrogen or some shit like that. It's all in the promoters.

Since the dawn of the artform, promoters have tried to take a truly unlimited medium and put more boundaries and limits on it than have been necessary. Instead of asking what they can do, many promoters with few exception have bogged down their mission statements with worries about what they can't do. Truly memorable promotions have always succeeded because of risks taken. Most promotions dared not blur the lines, but the Memphis territory was out there doing Reality Era shit from before most people who would come up with that term were out of diapers. Hardcore wrestling could never hit the mainstream, thought most companies, until Paul Heyman blew the lid off that preconception with ECW.

Chikara, Inter Species Wrestling, Dramatic Dream Team, Michinoku Pro, RINGS, any number of influential, critically acclaimed promotions over the years have succeeded on various levels, whether financially or artistically, because they defied expectation and asked "what can we do" more than "what can't we do?" Even the best companies over the years still are held back by some doubts, but nothing is perfect, and wrestling tends to bring out flawed people to be trusted with presenting and promoting the action in the ring.

And those flaws in promoters are why, despite the proven history of risk-taking being the best chance for a company of breaking out, more people ask "what can't we do?" They listen to the loud voices that encourage segregation, compartmentalization, and marginalization of groups of wrestlers, because promoters in general tend to labor under the idea that every dollar is a good dollar. Granted, I have never put my money behind a business, so it's easy for me to be idealistic. Still, if a fan is going to bitch and moan about suspension of disbelief because Daniel Bryan can take down Ryback, or more pointedly, because a dude has to sell for Candice LeRae, is that fan worth any time?

History has borne out that extreme conservative mindsets die over time. If a company presents cruiserweights on the same level as heavyweights, then the fanbase will accept it at large. Those who disagree with that direction will leave. The same is true for purveyors of women in wrestling, whether against each other or against men. As long the bookers aren't total sleazebags and play out women in the ring as some kind of twisted rape or domestic violence fantasy, then the fanbase will come around, and the critics who are too bitter to accept it will fall to the wayside.

Wrestling doesn't need some kind of bizarre, Paragon League-style codex in order to work. Wrestling is, for lack of a better term, wrestling, and no matter what the size, shape, race, creed, or gender of the performers in the ring, it will tell its own story and be its own narrative. If that narrative includes cruiserweights, minorities, women, anthropomorphic animal avatars, rigged explosives, or anything that the mind can imagine, so be it. The people in charge of promotions need to keep moving forward and promote atmospheres where everything is possible while no bias or bigotry is able to pervade the atmosphere of accepted behavior1, and when that happens, the fans and the critics will drop their preconceived biases or fall to the wayside.

Some day, people will stop talking about "intergender" wrestling like it's some exotic subset, and talk about it for what it is, just wrestling. And some day, people will stop clamoring for the fucking cruiserweights to come back, because they never left in the first place. They became assimilated into the narrative and changed the game at the highest levels. Wrestling doesn't need unnecessary limits. Wrestling is wrestling, and it will always survive as long as the people putting it on never forget that fact.

1 - Of course, if the heels want to use bigotry and jerkdom to get their villainy over, well, that's just good storytelling as long as they get some kind of comeuppance.

Cibernetico Returns at the Chikara Finale

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Graphics Credit: ChikaraPro.com
Via Twitter

I had a feeling the annual Chikara torneo cibernetico was coming, but I thought it would be on Friday night, December 5, on the eve of the 2014 finale Tomorrow Never Dies. However, the second match announced today for the event is the annual traditional 16-wrestler elimination match. The tradition dates back to 2004 and has been held every year except for 2013, when the company was on hiatus during the normal time of year when the match has recently happened. Prior winners include Tim Donst, Sara del Rey, Eddie Kingston, Pinkie Sanchez (as Carpenter Ant), Jimmy Olsen, Claudio Castagnoli, Icarus, Gran Akuma, and Jigsaw.

For those who don't know, a torneo cibernetico is a staple match in lucha libre. Two teams of eight wrestlers square off in a tag match. The wrestlers are ordered, so that when a competitor tags out or is eliminated, a set wrestler in the order comes in right after. The match ends when one person is left standing, so if an entire team is eliminated with more than one wrestler left on the other team, the remaining members face off against each other. The match usually runs between 45-90 minutes, but it is easy to follow and ends up packing a concentrated punch with all the different wrestlers involved.

None of the teams have had members announced so far, but if I had to chance a guess, one side will have Chikara wrestlers while the other will contain ranking officials of The Flood. Of course, the first match announced for the show is the Young Lions Cup final between Heidi Lovelace and Missile (!) Assault (!) Ant (!).

I Listen So You Don't Have To: Steve Austin Show Ep. 166

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Austin's most recent show is sadly skippable
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: Steve Austin Show Unleashed
Episode: 166
Run Time: 1:29:02
Guest: None

Summary: Stone Cold is flying solo this week in his Broken Skull Challenge trailer. His lengthy opening monologue covers a recurring theme in Austin’s life: conflict with flies. (Later on he also mentions his ongoing feud with the rats populating his ranch.) Eventually he gets to listeners’ emailed questions covering durable jackets, destruction of ringside announce tables, Austin’s favorite collectibles, his dislike of gray shirts, the upside of the Ringmaster character, Elvis Presley and Stevie Ray Vaughan, dealing with hair loss, the mixed-martial arts world, his tattoos and experience filming The Expendables. His match of the week is Rock vs. Hogan at WrestleMania X-8.

Quote of the week:“There was nowhere to go creatively, really up the card. I didn’t see The Ringmaster headlining WrestleManias, I didn’t see The Ringmaster having a lot of marquee value, I didn’t see The Ringmaster being on T-Shirts, 'Ringmaster 3:16' and all that other stuff just wasn’t something that I was thinking of.”

Why you should listen: The bond between Austin and Hershey the Wonder Dog is a great running subplot of the past 166 episodes, and that surfaces a bit in the open. The question about the announce tables might be the first time Austin has discussed that particular aspect of his working days, which is refreshing. Some of the nonwrestlng topics are new as well, especially his fondness for Elvis and the tattoo origins. And if you loved his long ago “match” with the fly, you’ll be excited to hear a hint of an upcoming bout with a PED-infused ranch rat.

Why you should skip it: Outside of the announce tables, the only other real wrestling recollections were familiar visits to the origins of The Ringmaster and the end of Austin’s hair. The vast majority of this show is only worthwhile for this interested in the entirety of Steve Austin and not just reliving the Attitude Era. Further, there is the usual marking down for an email show compared to live interactions with callers. At least by now you know what you’re getting between the two.

Final thoughts: This episode was a definite letdown after the fantastic installment from the previous week. If you’re like me and going to listen anyway, there are a few good moments and it’s certainly less painful than many of his other solo shows. But if your podcast time is at a premium this week, don’t bypass the Jim Ross or Colt Cabana shows in favor of this one. I’m still not sure why Austin is committed to doing two shows a week given how Podcast One has expanded its offerings since his debut back in April 2013, and I certainly understand the limitations that come along with his CMT obligations, and Austin expresses his frustration on those grounds as well. But still, his show is more and more a hit-or-miss proposition. It’s only disappointing because they best episodes are supremely entertaining, and there’s a palpable sense of loss when a given entry fails to live up to those self-established high standards.

Best Coast Bias: The Fix Is Finn

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Apparently death was too good for the Ascension
Photo Credit: WWE.com
It's taken the better part of a year and a half for the Ascension to establish their NXT legacy.

And it took a two second malevolent grin from Hideo Itami at the top of the rampway to suggest it was all about to come undone.

The subsequent five minutes alongside the debuting Finn Bálor proved it, as the longest reigning NXT Tag Team Champions found themselves offenseless while the future of Full Sail -- receiving "Dream Team" chants from the Florida faithful before they'd even finished winning the fight -- absolutely decimated Viktor and Konnor with tandem offense to the point where the Ascension were in the unfamiliar position of being nearly out cold and looking skyward while the Japanese darling and the artist formerly known as Prince Devitt (had to get it in once, sorry) stood posing on the ropes above their vanquished foes.

Granted, this is a clinical reaction. Watching it live was all exclamation points, expletives, rainbow hearts and the rest. When the crowd was chanting "This is awesome!" it was hard not to join them from the benefit of a home seat, and that was before Bálor had double stomped Konnor twice; hilariously, the latter off the top rope as the big man who'd already gotten lit up with stomps and a pair of hesitation basement dropkicks was crawling after Itami, who was taunting him to come on a la his debut at Fatal 4 Way the entire time. They may not have a name, and the crowd's chant of Dream Team may've gotten the naming done without Stamford so much as having a brain cell ripple, but make no mistake about it: their style is kick and also stomp, and they're damn good, too. It was also nice seeing the chant of Finn! go up, since especially given what went down a rhyming chant that started with "You're gonna" that might've caused the Thursday night crown jewel of the Network to put on a seven-second delay seemed to be the most likely and fitting. Maybe next time when the firm of Itami and Bálor give them more time before rushing the ring and playing wrecking ball to the Ascension's decaying building.

Much fun as that close was to anybody not wearing black and red, that wasn't a match. But NXT being NXT, the hour had already put on two high-quality matches, and quelle surprise, the women on the roster got the semi-main position and would have stolen the show yet again had it not been for big-name debuts.

This time, Bayley didn't have to worry about Charlotte knifing her in the back, even though she had enough rage and anger for their whole side as they went up against Sasha Banks and the freshly turned Becky Lynch. Lest you think Bayley had regressed in the character developmental stage she kicked it off with some rabbit forearm shots on the Irishwoman while Jason Alberts was amongst those who registered his approval, but for the white hats it was NXT's Women's Champion in Beast Mode, as Banks dodged getting in the ring with her ex-BFF even after Charlotte had beaten Lynch down to the point where she was literally throwing Becky at Banks before yelling at her to tag in. Of course, the moment Flair's temper led her into a trap Banks was not only there to kick the stick free on the box but to tag in right after it happened. A true classic never goes out of style, kids. Not only did Banks show off her cowardice, but just to make sure you got the neon sign that said BOO THIS WOMAN that hangs off of her like dust on Pig Pen she looked at Charlotte while putting Bayley in the figure four headlock and wooing. Even worse for anybody wanting to hate on the Boss, she reversed a cradle and got the fabric-enhanced rollup on Bayley for the victory to further her claims to the #1 contendership, made almost as fast as she and Becky could scamper up the ramp out of harm's way.

And the show kicked off with Sami Zayn's Road To Redemption (drink!) finally vanquishing Tyler Breeze. In their last high-profile match at the first Takeover either Breeze's low blow was a lucky, fortuitous accident that gave him the opening to Beauty Shot Zayn in the face and pick up the win or a brilliant, opportunistic way of cheating without cheating that gave him the opening etc. Breeze started off hanging move and counter with Zayn early on in the first segment while getting off some rollups and laughing openly about how close he was to ending the whole thing. If he'd been paying more attention he would've noted that Zayn was kicking out a lot at 1 despite Breeze pressing the issue with a series of near falls, and despite Breeze winning on points well into the second segment and uncorking counter dropkicks to pick Zayn off out of the sky in addition to drilling him with the super(model)kick he never kept Zayn down, and his last counter of the match would lead right into his downfall, as Zayn countered his kick blocking by delivering the quickly becoming ™ 1-2 combo platter of the Exploder into the corner followed by the Helluva Kick. In the back, Neville again offered Zayn a shot at the belt whenever, whenever since Zayn Couldn't Win The Big One, followed by him namedropping Alexandre Dumbass' famous Count and dropping the road entirely. It'd served it's purpose, and in an all-too-short Young Regality reunion backstage the GM agreed, thus setting up Zayn/Neville for the belt come Thursday night.

So that answered the question "How are they going to follow up that debut?" pretty nicely, hehn? This is it: the last domino falls, and it holds the NXT Championship belt in the balance. Neville, A-Ry and the like have all been jerks, but so far they've all been right. As it has been for a few weeks, the $64,000 Question in Full Sail is simply this: can Sami Zayn prove them wrong and keep his soul at the same time?

And we've got as many answers for that as the Ascension did for Bálor and Itami.

That's what makes this appointment television and so much damned fun.

Smackdown: Friendship is Magic

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Enough already with these two teams, okay?
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Friendship Most Unimproved By Props – Goldust and Stardust and the Usos
We got this match-up once again for the Tag Team titles...but this time in a steel cage! It just made no sense. The only reason I could glean for why the Usos got a title match was because Jey won a singles match against Stardust. How is that a sensible way to hand out title opportunities? The match itself was quite enjoyable (and I'm glad the Dust Brothers retained), but I hate that just seeing that these two teams are going to face each other makes my brain shut down because I'm automatically bored. It's so unfair to the teams and I feel terrible about it. Throwing stipulations around is not the way to solve the tag scene problem, but I talked about that last week.

Best Friendship Snub – Ryback (to Kane)
Ryback was invited out to join the Authority by Kane and ended up having a match against Cesaro, who also wanted to throw his hat in the Authority ring. Ryback won and immediately exited the ring without so much as a backwards glance at Kane or an acknowledgment of the attempted honour that could have been bestowed. I loved this both because it's hilarious to me that Kane is so bad at gaining allies even when he wants to, and because it shows that Ryback is way smarter than he looks. Why should he join the Authority? That didn't work out so well for Randy Orton. I am kind of bummed that Cesaro was so desperate to join and that he lost the ensuing match. Poor guy.

Best Friendship Fracture – Adam Rose and the Bunny
I didn't mention it last week, but I loved R-Truth pointing out that Adam Rose has basically become the bunny's sidekick, making Rose briefly pause before brushing it off. This week, after Adam Rose's match against R-Truth, Rose viciously knocked the bunny down and, despite the animal's pathetic reaction, I was not moved. That rabbit is trouble, and this is the most interesting that Adam Rose has ever been. Rose and the Rosebuds backing up the ramp and leaving the bunny to hop behind them all by itself only made me anticipate further fall-outs.

Friendship...Somehow? – Christian, Dean Ambrose, and Bray Wyatt
Yeah, I really can't spin the Peep Show segment into a friendship thing, but I just wanted to mention it because I love Christian and I love Dean Ambrose and I love Bray Wyatt and all three of them together at once just made me really happy. I liked Christian acknowledging his and Ambrose's past altercations and, even though Christian kind of just...disappeared after Bray Wyatt showed up, I loved Wyatt's assertion that he just wants to save Ambrose. And this was all crowned with Wyatt's sudden wild-eyed appearance at Ambrose's shoulder, telling him to run. It legitimately startled me. Well done.

Best Friends – Summer Rae and Layla
Summer Rae and Layla appeared together again during Summer's match against Natalya, and I couldn't be happier. They were ostensibly heels here (because they dared to talk to Tyson Kidd about his wrestling match on the wrestling show on which they all wrestle...but he's also married and therefore conversation with other females is forbidden. So teacheth Total Divas.) and the match itself was unfortunately overshadowed by the Nattie/Kidd marital strife, but I was still glad to see that the Summer/Layla friendship hasn't just been pushed aside. Now if they could just get longer matches to showcase said friendship...

Worst Friendship Decision – Dolph Ziggler Throwing in with John Cena
Dolph Ziggler is officially on Team Cena for Survivor Series, and the punishment from the Authority just kept coming this week. Ziggler won his steel cage match against Kane, but the onslaught against him has been pretty non-stop. And where exactly has his pal Cena been? Who the heck knows, but he certainly hasn't been helping out his only team mate. It makes no sense for Ziggler to throw his lot in with Cena given their history together, and it makes even less sense given that Cena has done fuck all to earn Ziggler's loyalty. All in all, a terrible decision on Ziggler's part.

TH's Fair to Flair Archive

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One of my many subjects at Fair to Flair
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Wrestling writing hardly inspires the kinds of statements generated for praising longform journalism or prestige writing on subjects that are considered less lowbrow by modern American society. Outside of a few examples trying to raise the discourse, wrestling writers generally fall into two categories, dirtsheet writers who affix star ratings to matches and obsess over dollars and cents or dick joke blogger-types like myself. Once upon a time, however, Sawyer Paul (before he got the K out), Jason Mann, my blogging Brohemian PizzaBodySlam, and Razor of Kick-Out!! Wrestling fame got the idea to band together and raise the game on wrestling writing. Fair to Flair was the project that was to have three prongs: a published quarterly, a monthly compendium podcast, and a regularly-updated blog for everyday writing. The aim was simple; the quartet set out to evolve wrestling writing so that the rumors and jokes weren't the only options one had when reading about pro graps. I joined the party a few months into it, and my contributions to the site were numerous. If you're a longtime reader of TWB, you remember the links each time they went up.

Anyway, Fair to Flair was a concept ahead of its time, noted by the sheer fact that no one has seemingly tried to emulate Paul's vision for the site since the sites untimely cessation of posting at the end of 2011. Since no one else is doing it, why not revisit the site and what it has to offer, or at least, what I had to offer it when I wrote there. Make time for an old friend today and read some of what I had to write back before I became gnarled and jaded by time, circumstance, and CM Punk. Some of the posts may be dated, others are evergreen, but I hope you find them worth reading. Note, if you want to delve into the whole archive, follow this link, but be cautioned that the hyperlinks on the page are dead. You'll need to manipulate them by putting ".tumblr" between the "fairtoflair" and the ".com" if you want to get directly from the source. Also, the podcast links may be dead, so if you wanted to listen to audio, you may be out of luck.

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings, November 10

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One of these days, the tables will turn and Bayley will be SO CONFLICTED
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Sasha Banks (Last Week: Not Ranked) - This ranking has been a long time coming. Not only is she tremendous in the ring and plays her character to a tee, she is the most one-of-us wrestler on the WWE satellite roster. She loves indie wrestling, buys t-shirts of those who are still there, retweets crazy Photoshops, and geeks out over the big wrestling happenings just like the legions of smart-ass fans who stan for her. If I ever make it to Full Sail, I am starting a "ONE OF US" chant for her when she comes out.

2. Kimber Lee (Last Week: 3) - Her rivalry with JT Dunn has taken such a turn for the better that I'm pretty sure she keeps him in a Poke Ball between cards. However, because she seems like the benevolent type, I'm sure it's a Luxury Ball. Only the best for her rivals/whipping boys.

3. KJ McDaniels (Last Week: Not Ranked) - McDaniels is 6'6" and blocking shots like he's Manute Bol. Six-and-a-half feet might be tall in the real world, but in the NBA, he's average height. I'm trying not to get my hopes up since who knows if he's gonna stick around on the Sixers-Tanktastic-Roster-of-Fun, but if he's sustainable and can be on the floor with healthy Nerlens Noel and Joel Embiid in the future, it's gonna be a block party in Philly YEAH.

4. Bayley (Last Week: Not Ranked) - One of these days, Bayley is gonna tease turning heel, and she'll torment herself over whether to use her arm-tassels to choke her opponents, and it'll be GREAT.

5. Mark Henry (Last Week: 4) - It's one thing to "STOP IT, HE'S ALREADY DEAD" to someone like, oh, Randy Orton. But to pummel Big Show into a fine paste? Hell, he hit Show so hard with the ring steps, he got disqualified. NO ONE GETS DQED WITH THOSE STEPS BECAUSE THEY'RE A WIMPY WEAPON, BUT NOT IN THE HANDS OF MARK HENRY.

6. Spinach, Garlic, and Feta Cheese Dip (Last Week: Not Ranked)OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - You will smell like the Garlic Festival after eating it, but it'll be worth it.

7. Aaron Rodgers (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Apparently, the "discount double check guy" is pretty good at football. Who knew?

8. Heidi Lovelace (Last Week: 1) - She may have lost her AAW Heritage Championship, but it's only because Orbit Adventure Ant fired a laser at her from space in order to do the evil bidding of Missile Assault Ant. IT'S WAR, only against ants. EVIL ants.

9. Lana (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Not only does she have Rusev's United States Championship to accessorize her fire wardrobe, but she's outchea throwing shade at other countries' winters that aren't as harsh as Mother Russia's. HARD.

10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: Not Ranked) - SARA DEL REY FACT: The Seahawk mascot who got loose at the game was actually going to land on del Rey first, but she scared it off with an intense glower.

I Listen So You Don't Have To: Art of Wrestling Ep. 223

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The new SHIMMER Champ is Cabana's guest this week
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: Art Of Wrestling
Episode: 223
Run Time: 1:09:07
Guest: Nicole Matthews

Summary: Colt Cabana’s conversation with the new SHIMMER champion opens in medias res, and from there covers a broad range of topics including the attitudes and conversations, all-women’s locker rooms, how Matthews became a wrestling fan and her early days on the road and thoughts about marriage and family. The two discover they have a lot of shared opinions and experiences regarding road life and real life. Matthews discusses her time in Vancouver and ECCW as well as her Wrestlicious experience. After a talk about self promotion, networking, working as enhancement talent and Sara del Rey, the show ends with a look at the issue of intergender wrestling.

Quote of the week: Matthews, on intergender matches: “It’s just like anything in wrestling though. It has to be done right. There’s shitty examples of everything in wrestling. There’s shitty guy vs. guy matches, there’s shitty girl vs. girl matches, there’s shitty intergender matches, there’s every type of weird style, there’s good hardcore matches, bad hardcore matches. So I just think it need to be good. That kind of needs to be the first criteria.”

Why you should listen: Matthews doesn’t have any unique experiences or traits, but she’s a veteran road warrior with good perspective on both being a woman in wrestling and life on the independent scene in general. She and Cabana are friendly but not overly familiar, which leads the chat toward more broad information than deep exposition, so it’s a great way to get introduced to a respected performer. Matthews’ thoughts on her Wrestleicious experience are enlightening, even for those with no knowledge of that organization, and she expertly navigates Cabana’s clear awkwardness regarding the intergender discussion.

Why you should skip it: Cabana struggles at times here to go into areas he feels obligated to discuss but isn’t quite fully comfortable addressing. (The awkardness is mitigated somewhat by listening at double speed.) If you’re fairly familiar with Matthews already, this episode probably doesn’t do much to further enhance your understanding of the person behind the performer, as most of the conversation stays at or near the surface.

Final thoughts: If you come in with a preconceived notion of Cabana as a chauvinist or simply tone deaf on gender issues, this probably will only affirm your opinion. While I’m not sure that’s fair, it must be noted Matthews is the perfect guest for addressing these topics because she’s able to flip the switch and make it clear many wrestlers of both genders openly discuss having families versus staying unattached, and that like any match, an intergender match has to primarily be good work if it’s going to offer any value. Cabana stresses he records conversations, not interviews, and in this episode the conflict stems when he feels he needs to trend toward the latter. The parts where they’re in free discussion and figuring out all the areas where they intersect represent the organic humor that highlight the best Art Of Wrestling outings. It doesn’t strike those notes for the entire hour, but most fans will find something enjoyable or illuminating at more than a few points along the way.

So Your Roster Might Disappear: The Cautionary Tale of PWG

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Are scenes like these in PWG going to be a thing of the past?
Photo Credit: Devin Chen
Rumors are swirling around that Ring of Honor officials are considering keeping the company's contracted wrestlers exclusive to the company as if they were employees of WWE. The decision is being kicked around by the muckety-mucks in Sinclair Broadcasting Group, not by Hunter Johnston or Joe Koff, which means ROH is on its way to becoming a slick, corporate entity run by people who just don't know wrestling. Of course, rumors are rumors, and nothing concrete has been decided.

On the other side of the eternal indie wrestling pissing match, Gabe Sapolsky's WWN Live group is currently touring China, which easily is the coolest wrestling happening of the year to date. WWE has made initial overtures to the most populous relatively-untapped wrestling market in the world, but it's shocking that Sapolsky, with little name value (outside of guys like Ricochet who've worked Japan) and even less corporate backing, was the first non-Titan entity to tour China. While reception hasn't been fully gauged yet, the group is already in talks to return to the country on a regular basis, especially if the crowds are commensurate with the sheer density of people living in areas where the shows are being booked.

This confluence of potential events could mean a lot of things, but one of the major ramifications is it could end up drastically shrinking Pro Wrestling Guerrilla's current roster.

PWG right now relies heavily on bringing in ROH and WWN Live talent to buttress its shows and create a unique, dream-card atmosphere. The cold war between Sapolsky and his former place of employment allowed the SoCal indie to create one-of-a-kind matches that couldn't happen on other big indie stages at all or that couldn't happen in the frequency that PWG could provide in others. Bringing in outside talent has always been the company's modus operandi, the reliance on the national super-indies has grown stronger over the last few years that its identity has become inextricably tied to booking other feds' talent rather than serving as a mixing pool for the elite of the indie scene to co-mingle with the fertile California wrestling scene.

SoCal has the volume of both wrestling schools and raw talent that befits an area with its dense population, and yet the wrestlers who are names around the country for the most part made their bones on the East Coast. The exceptions, guys like the Young Bucks and Candice LeRae, already got over before the native channels were shut off. I'm convinced that guys like Pretty Peter Avalon, the RockNES Monsters, Famous B, SoCal Crazy, Adam Thornstowe (who's more NorCal than SoCal, but still), and Ray Rosas could end up raking nationwide, but they don't even get the chance to show their wares for really the only wrestling company in the area that has national clout (especially since the falling out with the NWA and the implementation of David Marquez's new nationwide governing body not taking off haven't exactly helped Championship Wrestling from Hollywood). How can anyone become the next Chris Bosh or Young Bucks if they don't get the same opportunities?

Of course, I hate to say I told you so (ALRIGHT!), but I cautioned against ignoring the native guys nearly two years ago. I also cautioned against underserving women wrestlers. Seriously, Cheerleader Melissa lives in San Francisco, is perhaps the biggest non-contracted name in the world right now, and would be able to throw down with anyone on that roster. Working Japan is not an excuse either, because if promotions in Texas could book her regularly, then PWG could have found a way to finagle her in.

Since ROH doesn't seem to think women should be anything greater than eye candy or hype-men for RD Evans (no hate to Veda Scott, she's really good at being a hype-man, but she's also a really good wrestler too), a disproportionately large pool of women compared to men would have been available to the company to continue to book. This would have been especially true since WWN Live mixed tours seem to favor the men wrestlers rather than going heavy on the SHINE roster. PWG could have had a contingency plan for a doomsday scenario and not only been left with the Young Bucks, the World's Cutest Tag Team, Brian Cage, and Trevor Lee as its only really available over wrestlers. But it didn't.

Granted, WWN Live won't be touring China during every PWG weekend more than likely, especially if Sapolsky and Super Dragon do the smart thing and communicate with each other. And maybe at the last minute, the wrestling people in ROH will win out over the stiff corporate suits. However, even if everything comes up roses for PWG, the company should look at this brush with disaster as a wakeup call. You can't get away from your identity, and PWG's identity has always had some element of SoCal wrestlers supplementing and thriving beside the top-name talent that came in to sell DVDs. For years, PWG was ahead of the curve, pushing the people ROH would eventually feature a year or two before the company would get around to it, and now, it is disappointingly behind the times.

Jim Ross Will Call the Global Force Broadcast of WrestleKingdom 9

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New Japan and Global Force are bringing in the Man under the Black Resistol Hat
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Via the Global Force site

GFW dropped its promised announcement today, and boy, was it a doozy. Jim Ross, arguably the voice of the Attitude Era, has been signed to do play-by-play for the Global Force presentation of New Japan Pro Wrestling's WrestleKingdom 9. The acquisition of Ross' services arguably is the biggest possible coup the fledgling company/governing body (?) could have secured for itself. Ross has been on the sidelines as a regular announcer for several years, and even he himself doubted he would ever get behind the microphone again to call wrestling. So far, it's not known whether Ross will be calling the event stag or if he'll have a color commentator.

My personal feelings on Ross aside (they're not positive), this is a tremendous pickup, and it will from the start ensure a buzz for the show that no current wrestler outside of CM Punk could generate. Ross' presence adds gravitas to any wrestling event to a lot of people, and he may be the difference between a slow start for GFW and NJPW in America and landing a substantial foothold right away.

Additionally, GFW will be offering both a live broadcast of the show at 2 AM Eastern as well as the already-announced 7 PM replay. Nite owls will get the chance to see the show as it happens, while the more traditional audience will get to view it at the regular time. Everything seems to be coming together nicely for the venture to hit the ground running, which is more than anyone could say about the beginning of founder Jeff Jarrett's last venture.
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