Quantcast
Channel: The Wrestling Blog
Viewing all 4899 articles
Browse latest View live
↧

Smackdown: Friendship is Magic

October 27, 2014, 8:30 am
$
0
0
Friends or enemies, these two are best when entangled
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Best Friendship History – Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins
I don't normally enjoy when Smackdown opens with a talking segment. However, I liked Dean Ambrose's opening comments on this show, as well as the ensuing interaction with Seth Rollins (though the same cannot be said for the closing segment of the show which was agonizing to sit through). Rollins gleefully cackling about how he never cared about the Shield will never stop twisting the knife in me – in a good way. I never expected him to be such an effective villain, and it's fun hating his traitorous face even while I still secretly hope that the Shield will get back together. I don't think he truly means a lot of what he says anyway.

A lot of his villainous laughter sounds incredibly forced and insincere, possibly masking his true pain. Bad acting or unconscious expression of emotional turmoil - you be the judge! And everything about Ambrose continues to be great. I feel like, as much as he hates Rollins now, the person he's really angry at is himself for having ever been taken in so thoroughly. This feud has layers, man. Layers of FRIENDSHIP. Even the whole cliché “face calls out heel to settle this thing in the ring RIGHT NOW” carried some depth. While haranguing Rollins to come out and fight, Ambrose was really begging Rollins to show some semblance of the man Ambrose thought he knew. And Rollins just went, “lol, no,” which was weaselly and heart-breaking at the same time. Ugh, I love it so much.

Best Friends – The Miz and Damien Sandow
The opinion that Damien Sandow is the greatest thing in the world right is pretty widely held these days (even Sheamus was praising him while on guest commentary), but Miz has been pretty great too and together they never fail to make me smile. Their match against Los Matadores this episode was no exception, highlighted by Sandow applying the figure-four leglock outside the ring while Miz was applying it inside, with Fernando and Diego tapping out a the same time. Fantastic.  

 Most Pleasantly Surprising Friendship – Paige and Alicia Fox
A couple weeks ago I predicted that Paige and Alicia Fox wouldn't last long together, but I'm happy to be wrong. Fox lost her match against AJ Lee, but the three women still managed to create a compelling segment. A lot of credit goes to Paige for not being the usual mostly passive cheerleader at ringside, simply yelling “come on!” and occasionally pounding the mat. Instead, she actually called out concrete instructions to Fox (“body slam her!”) while also hurling a volley of abuse Lee's way. Coupled with Fox's own aggressive initiative, this created a charged atmosphere and actually made it look like Lee was fighting two enemies instead of one. She still won with the Black Widow, as usual, but this time her victory seemed to mean something. I think they keep giving Lee short, easy wins to make her look dominant or something, but most of her matches lately have just been forgettable, having no gravity and being over far too quickly. This was a tiny step in the right direction.

Could Be Friends? – Dolph Ziggler and Cesaro
Dolph Ziggler and Cesaro had a killer match for the Intercontinental Championship, and while Ziggler retained, it was all he could do to take Cesaro down. I'm thinking this whole thing has to end in some grudging respect, right? I would be okay with that.  

Worst Friend – Brie Bella
First Brie Bella was the only woman in her three on three match (her, Naomi, and Natalya against Nikki Bella, Cameron, and Summer Rae) to get a proper entrance, thus subjecting us all to her terrible theme music, which made me physically flinch when I heard it. Then she didn't tag in either of her partners, and while I can take or leave Natalya these days, I really miss Naomi. So I'm not at all sorry that Brie lost. And I have to ask, why did they even bother pretending that any of these woman other than the Bella twins matter right now? As I said, Natalya and Naomi played no part in the match, and while Cameron and Summer did, why on earth were they helping Nikki? What was in it for them? And where was Layla? Are she and Summer only part time friends now? There are other stories that could have been told here. Or, at the very least, the match could have been longer. It's not like this episode was chock-full of content. Sidenote: I bet whoever came up with “Cinder-Bella” is super proud of themselves, but...no. Just no. Terrible line, and I think Nikki knew it even as she said it.  

Most Wasted Friendship Potential – Bo Dallas and the Dust Brothers, and Mark Henry and the Usos
I think I've made it clear that I love Goldust and Stardust and the Usos...but I never want to see these two teams wrestle each other ever again. It's become such a stale match-up and I'm tired of it. There was a golden opportunity to shake things up on this show – with Bo Dallas teaming with Goldust and Stardust while Mark Henry partnered with the Usos – but it was sadly wasted. Aside from Dallas walking in on the Dust Brothers as they were being all mystic and whatnot backstage (a moment that made me clap my hands in delight because everything Bo Dallas does is delightful) there was nothing else to suggest that an out of the ordinary team-up was happening. Mark Henry and the Usos didn't interact at all and even the match wasn't so much a team effort as it essentially became the Usos vs. the Dust Brothers YET AGAIN with Henry and Dallas also pursuing their own feud. There was more than enough time to have built this match up as something somewhat fresh, and there could have been some fun moments with the teams, but instead the second hour of Smackdown was plagued with endless commercials and recaps. Disappointing.
↧
Search

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings, October 27

October 27, 2014, 4:30 pm
$
0
0
OH SH...
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Paige (Last Week: 7) - I didn't think she'd have it in her, but she broke out the Michael Mizanin Memorial Big Swing Headfirst into the Barricade on AJ Lee last night at Hell in a Cell, which cemented her in this spot at least for a week. Who cares if she didn't win...

2. AJ Lee (Last Week: 5) - Lee escaped with the Championship, of course, but even though she got her dome rocked, she was able to do so with style. Even I want to rock her new top.

3. Dean Ambrose (Last Week: Not Ranked) - The Master of Titties needed three Authority goons and BRAY WYATT HOLOGRAMS OUTTA NOWHERE to take him out of Hell in the Cell. Although I had to dock points for not following through on his promise that everyone was going to die. Bad form.

4. Tortas (Last Week: Not Ranked)OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - Why isn't every day torta day?

5. Nicole Matthews (Last Week: 1) - As a follow-up act, Matthews is planning on letting a frog loose in Australia's ecosystem. SHE WON'T STOP UNTIL EVERYTHING MADISON EAGLES LOVES IS AT LEAST MILDLY INCONVENIENCED.

6. Michael Elgin on Twitter Only (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Michael Elgin in the ring is a boring slog, but the dude is working some Andy Kaufman-level shit on Twitter. Seriously, how can anyone see this tweet and not think it some performance art?

7. Corgi Puppy I Pet Today (Last Week: Not Ranked) - I PET A CORGI PUPPY TODAY IT WAS SO SMALL AND CUTE AND IT TRIED TO BITE ME WITH ITS STUBBY PUPPY TEETH OMG I AM SO HAPPYYYYYYYYYY.

8. R-Truth (Last Week: Not Ranked) - He has to get some mention for singlehandedly saving tens of thousands of Network subs last night.

9. Mark Henry (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Henry dispatched Bo Dallas so quickly on the preshow that the oil splatter on the canvas Dallas left had time to materialize before Henry's music started playing.

10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - SARA DEL REY FACT: As punishment for coming up short on her suicide dive, she gave Brie Bella fifty lashes with pre-chewed gum. The act hurt del Rey just as much as it did Bella.
↧
↧

Instant Feedback: Friendship Is Toxic

October 27, 2014, 9:15 pm
$
0
0
Fool's gold right here, y'all
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Lacy writes the Smackdown recap on this site, and she does a damn fine job with it, especially with her chosen theme. Friendship in WWE is hard to come by and even harder to keep, and this episode of RAW was the biggest indicator. The first three segments saw friendships dissolves, alliances crumble, and even later events where friendship was perhaps begun were dubious at best.

Of course, the crumbling bonds of friendship were obvious. Randy Orton morphed into a fiery, passionate babyface for the first time in his career. Mark Henry's slow burn betrayal of Big Show finally took place. The final cutting of the tenuous cord between Paige and Alicia Fox was cut. Those happenings were boring though. People turn in wrestling all the time.

The ancillary things were more important in all three cases. Mainly, Orton opened eyes that at least in an instant, he could be the guy WWE has wanted him to be all his career. Small sample size and all, but still, his emoji representation tonight would have been this:🔥. Mark Henry returning to his Hall of Pain self remains the biggest cause celebre. He should never be a WWE-style good guy, to be quite honest. Lastly, Paige's maltreatment of Fox was so heinous that it drew out Jerry Lawler to protect the victim. Lawler, whose repertoire in the broadcast booth is perpetrating how crazy wimmenz be and how much he wants to be inside of every Diva in the locker room, actually got up and showed genuine care. I have no idea where that burst of humanity came from, but I'm not hating it.

But the noted worst friend on WWE's roster trying to gain alliances backstage and finding a curious first partner for his Survivor Series match against Team Authority. When last Cena and Dolph Ziggler were entangled, Cena was dropping shit, literal shit, on him and his then-girlfriend AJ Lee. Now, when Cena needs help, he goes running to him because they're the same alignment. Good guys stick together, or they should at least, but what happens when only one of them, at best, is good? Cena rarely has ever looked out for anyone but himself. When people close to him are getting beaten down, he rarely makes the save. Poor Zack Ryder got horror film'd by The Demon Kane™, and Cena was nowhere to be found, not even when Ryder was alone with Kane while in a wheelchair. Of course, Cena was there to throw all the shade on Eve Torres when that situation came up, which shows you the integrity of his character.

So pardon me if I'm not jumping at the bit to proclaim the ideals of friendship in WWE saved because Cena finally made a save for his presumed first recruit. Don McCloskey, local Philadelphia area singer-songwriter, sang it best. "Ain't that just like an uncle, only calls you when he needs you." Cena's the uncle, but one who rarely needs anything. Things seem to fall his way. Even on this episode, he got a shot at Seth Rollins the night after Hell in a Cell despite needing to beat Dean Ambrose for said shot the night before (he didn't). And at the pay-per-view, his "loser's consolation prize" was yet another shot at Brock Lesnar, while the "winner's bracket" prize was ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

Cena is literally Rich Uncle Moneybags from Monopoly, a right-wing capitalist one-percenter who wants it all and wants it now. A true friend would, despite all his riches with or without the need of another human soul, help out those in need. Cena has always done well by himself because he doesn't need anyone else, until now. That's all anyone need to know about him. Hell, that's all anyone needs to know about friendship in WWE in general. The good guys only call when they want something in return. The ones who are friends true and blue in Lacy's reports are the ones that Rick the Sign Guy tries to instruct people to boo. Awful people need friends. "Good" people require only pulling themselves up by their bootstraps.

Much like the Randian dystopia that attitude is modeled after, the state of needing friends in WWE is so toxic right now that it's no surprise the first hour of the show was built on dissension, explosion, and betrayal. I guess if you want to see people align with each other in meaningful fashion, you need to watch New Japan or Chikara. Not that that's necessarily a bad space for WWE to occupy. Even desolate hellscapes with loners roving about can provide great story fodder (theoretically, of course, since WWE still hasn't proven week-to-week it can provide great stories in, I don't know, ever?). I just wouldn't be so sure about Team Cena at Survivor Series being anything but a stopgap of dudes whose mantra is "The enemy of my enemy is my friend, I guess."
↧

The Passion of the Stroud: Inspire Pro Clash at the Bash Video Review

October 28, 2014, 7:15 am
$
0
0
Matthew Palmer gon' get it
Photo Credit: Kelly Kyle/Texas Anarchy
In stunning, 1080p TH Style of review. Follow @InspireProWres on Twitter to find out when its entire catalog will be available for download/purchase on Amazon.

Highlights:
  • Thomas Shire utilized counters and leverage to get a cradle pin on Davey Vega in the first match
  • Late entry Keith Lee outlasted the rest of the field and won the Chris Trew Dot Biz Invitational Tournament for a spot in the New Movement.
  • Scotty Santiago reversed a running Air Raid Crash into a cradle pin on Mr. B, but B would have the last laugh afterwards, attacking his victorious opponent.
  • Both the Great Depression and the Red Scare were arrested the night before, so they forfeited their match against the Hollywood Knives.
  • As a replacement for the incarcerated team, Cherry Ramone and Delilah Doom of the New Movement stepped forward. However, despite Bradley Allen Davis being incapacitated for nearly the entire match, Steve-O Reno was able to tap out Ramone with a leg lace, thanks to some interference from Erik Shadows.
  • Carson defeated Cowboy James Claxton by getting up at the count of nine on a double countout in the ring.
  • In a no rules, no rope breaks match, "Showtime" Scot Summers got "Absolute" Ricky Starks to pass out in a crossface. After the match, Gabe Roach and Greg Symonds attacked Summers before Shire made the save.
  • Masada defeated "Unholy" Gregory James with a powerbomb into a jackknife pin combo. Afterwards, Jeff Gant and two new wrestlers assaulted James.
  • In a match to determine number one contendership for the Inspire Pro Championship, Ray Rowe defeated "Centerfold" Matthew Palmer with the Death Rowe.
  • Shawn Vexx could not make the show because of emergency obligations, so ACH filled in to tag with Jojo Bravo against the Nine Inch Males of Jordan Jensen and Dirty Andy Dalton. The match ended in a disqualification when Davey Vega ran in and turned on Bravo, joining JT LaMotta's group.
  • Franco D'Angelo reversed a leaping move attempt from the American Eagle into his hooked-leg spinebuster, the Silencer, for the win.
  • "One Man" Mike Dell reversed a Blackout attempt from Lance Hoyt into an elbow and added a top rope elbow drop for good measure to retain the Inspire Pro Championship.

General Observations:
  • The show started out with Penny Arcade, the manager of Red Scare and Great Depression, cutting a promo in French. Lisa Friedrich's facial expressions during her tirade made the whole intro segment. Friedrich showed why you need to get an actor/actress to play the role of backstage interviewer.
  • I didn't catch who played the National Anthem on guitar before the show, but I nearly had a heart attack when I thought it was the REAL Swamp Monster breaking kayfabe and revealing its identity.
  •  Friend of the blog and official Inspire Pro ring announcer Brandon Stroud came out in the spirit of the beach-themed event with bright orange shorts and a Hawaiian shirt. Knowing him as a wrestling shirt-and-jeans wearing bloke, the super casual Friday look was pretty jarring.
  • The opening contest between Davey Vega and Thomas Shire started out with some clean mechanics and sportsmanship, but when they hit the outside, it kicked into another level. Shire using a streamer to get the drop on Vega was brilliant storytelling, and their strike trading on the outside felt visceral and stiff.
  • Shire does not move at all like a pro wrestler should. He's gangly and seems awkward, but in an odd way, he makes his stature work. It's weird.
  •  After the decision, Vega rebuked Shire's offer for sportsmanship, but later relented and shook his hand. Little did I know...
  • Chris Trew dot Biz cutting promos will never get old, even if he kinda does say the same thing in most of them. The art of the promo in wrestling is that one only has a limited purview of things to say, but the best men on the mic find ways to make you think they're saying something different each time. Trew didn't really say anything different than what he said last show before his own Invitational Battle Royale, but it left me rapt anyway.
  • "Jiggle-O" James Johnson was the first eliminated in the battle royale via self-immolation. He hopped over the top rope, strolled up the ramp leading to the ring, and flipped off Trew before heading to the back. I guess not everyone wants to be part of the New Movement, and that's perfectly okay.
  • Keith Lee wasn't introduced at first, but he came stalking in after coming into the Marchesa Theater through the bay door on the side. You know who else enters through that portal? THE FLOOD. KEITH LEE WANTS TO KILL CHIKARA!
  • In all seriousness though, Lee is just a hulking mammoth of a man with a working knowledge of how to use that heft. He looked like a Vince McMahon obsidian-special, only steroidal musculature hadn't totally robbed him of the ability to walk. The camera focused on him for most of the match, and for good reason.
  • Lee mouthed "YOU NEED ME" to Trew, whose eyes bugged out of his head the entire battle royale. Just as soon as Lee was finished gesturing to Trew, the bearded MANAGER OF THE DECADE ran into the ring and tossed the scrawny Erik Shadows. I mean, Lee probably didn't need help the way he was hossing shit, but I guess Trew needed to show a sign of good faith.
  • Cedric Valiant put up a, pun intended, valiant fight at the end, but he stood no chance. I mean, Lee powerbombed him so hard that he bounced a foot clear off the canvas. Dude was that impressive.
  • Talk about establishing a tone right away - Scotty Santiago stuck his hand out from the back curtain to fire up the crowd and came out with a beach ball that he tossed into the throng of fans. Mr. B came right out and told the fans to stick their streamers up their asses.
  • Early on in the match, Santiago wrangled B into a bow and arrow hold that he transitioned into a literal surfboard. He gets points for keeping in with the motif of the event.
  • Backstage, Friedrich talked to the New Movement, and again, Trew was holding court. Friedrich's eye-rolling, which is the appropriate in-character response to Trew for babyfaces and NPCs, was on point. Seriously, I can't compliment her gestures and facial expressions, as subtle as they are, enough.
  • So, the Red Dead Depression, the team of Red Scare and Great Depression, did not show up because they were arrested at a local bar the night before, which was why Penny Arcade was so skittish beforehand. The Hollywood Knives, who debuted at the previous show and won despite Bradley Axel Dawson being knocked out for the whole match, won by forfeit. Of course, that wouldn't last as Trew and his New Movement came out to fill in.
  • And of course, as with the last show, Dawson got knocked out again, this time from a massive shot from Lee, who patrolled the outside while Cherry Ramone and Delilah Doom wrestled in the ring.
  • Doom is perhaps the smallest competitor in Inspire Pro, but she's so good because she wrestles like it. She's not out there trying to outmuscle guys (or girls) orders of magnitude larger than her, but she's using leverage, speed, and the element of surprise to get the drop on dudes for offense. Whenever shit got too deep, she tagged out. Intergender wrestling doesn't mean everyone gets the gravitas Sara del Rey did. You wrestle how it makes sense best.
  • Ramone is probably the last dude who'd be considered a sex symbol in Inspire, but maybe that's why his obsession with twerking works so well.
  • Dawson remained knocked out even through Steve-O Reno's YUUUUGE comeback segment, but when all looked lost, hey, Erik Shadows came running back into the ring to exact revenge on Trew's goon squad for being spurned in the battle royale. Sometimes, the best thing to do is the simplest.
  • Wait, both Carson and James Claxton have themes done by Pantera? Seems like a QC issue.
  • Moment of silence and ten bell salute for Carson's recently passed father before the match was touching, but I'm not sure how I felt about Claxton using it to get the drop on Carson. On one hand, I'm not sure that's a bridge I'd cross, but on the other, they're all carnies and probably planned it as a coping mechanism. Either way, it got the crowd behind Carson, solidly.
  • Claxton at one point hocked a giant loogie to the linoleum floor, clearly a tribute to the time Mima Shimoda graced the Goodwill Fire Association's floor with her mucous saliva projectile.
  • The finish to this match confused me. The ref did the standing ten count for both guys while incapacitated in the ring. I always thought if one guy made it to his feet, the count was waved off, but Carson made his feet while Claxton didn't. The ref called for the bell. Has this ever happened before?
  • Carson cut a "Happy father's day" promo afterwards, and I swear, any tears in my eyes were due to dust in the room. I SAID I SWEAR.
  • Inspire Pro Chairman Greg Symonds and personal security Gabe Roach were at ringside for Scot Summers' World Class Championship defense against Ricky Starks, which I'm sure would not figure into any proceedings after the match whatsoever.
  • For as much as I know Summers as a legitimately insane hardcore brawler, but he and Starks went hard to the mat early and often. Their repartee was stiff and rough, which is how I like several things, including my matwork.
  • Starks got infinite cool points for working Summers' bushy beard during the beginning part of the match. Summers' reply - "HE PULLED MY BEARD, ASSHOLE!" - was just as classic.
  • Seriously, the submission work in this match was awesome, especially towards the end, when Summers was having trouble locking in holds because he was selling his hand. Some bigger-time wrestlers should probably watch these two and take some notes on how to sell and chain submissions together.
  • Post-match, Symonds got on the mic and told Summers to stop undermining his authority with the World Class Championship. When I started seeing Summers defending yet another belt in Inspire, I was a bit wary, but now everything makes sense within this story. Summers balked, and then both Symonds and Roach attacked him, with Thomas Shire making the save.
  • Masada got busted open super early in his match vs. Gregory James when all they were doing was opening mat work and feeling each other out. I don't know whether that was funny or sad, but then again, he just flew in from Delaware and CZW's Tournament of Death the day before this show...
  • James and Masada spent a good portion of the match on the outside brawling each other, which was a good way of establishing a hardcore, rough-and-tumble atmosphere without actually breaking out weapons. That being said, it felt too janky with how awkwardly they changed from trading holds to brawling with no really good transitions. Also, James just kept telegraphing things.
  • After the match, Jeff Gant, whom James kicked out of his occult group earlier in the year, came out with two unfamiliar looking wrestlers to assault James.
  •  Franco D'Angelo got tossed super early in the Matthew Palmer/Ray Rowe match, which I actually appreciated given how super cool the match was. Sometimes shenanigans work, but sometimes, all I want to see is a rad-ass wrestling match.
  • Proof #2187463 that I could never be a wrestler: I don't know if I could even work in the same company as my hypothetical ex-wife, let alone use our prior relationship in order to build heat for a staged wrestling match. The fact that Rowe and Samantha Anne actually could will always remain both uncomfortable yet impressive to me.
  • Palmer did all the little things right to elevate this match like grabbing the beard before corner-punching, or working over Rowe with the dragon sleeper while entangled in the ropes. He needs to leave Texas more often, because he'd be huge anywhere he goes.
  • Rowe got up for a busaiku knee? Of everything I saw during the match, that burly-ass mini-Vader looking dude getting that kind of mad air may have been the most impressive.
  • The finishing sequence saw an impressive chain of counters into Rowe's full-nelson-Go-2-Sleep-style kick to the back of the head called Death Rowe. IT was a nice cap to the best match on the card.
  • Stroud announced that Shawn Vexx would not make it to be Jojo Bravo's partner against the Nine Inch Males, and then Andy Dalton grabbed the mic and announced it was because Vexx was embroiled in a child support case. OH. SHIT.
  • Bravo showed effective and passionate babyface fire when he took on all three - Dalton, Jordan Jensen, and manager JT LaMotta - before his tag partner came out, who happened to be ACH. The roof came off the joint when his theme music played.
  • Seriously, as good as ACH is, he's special when he's wrestling in front of a rabid Texas crowd. HE is to Austin as Optimus Prime is to "The Touch" by Stan Bush.
  • Bravo is an absurdist wrestling fan's dream, because he's cruiserweight sized, but he believably pulls off the Heaviest Sumo in the Land shtick like he actually was plus-sized. Countering that Jensen powerbomb with a sumo hip press should have looked wrong, but it felt so right.
  • ACH did one of his signature sky high planchas to the outside, and my jaw dropped just the same as it did when I first saw him get MAD AIR TO THE OUTSIDE. He is an athletic freak of nature.
  • ACH pulled off LaMotta's finishing move right in front of him, which caused the manager to hop up on the apron and get ACH to chase him. While ACH took care of Jensen's attempted interference, LaMotta laid him out with a chair to set up the finishing sequence of the match...
  • ...oh hey, Davey Vega! Glad to see you out here to back up Brav... OH NO. Vega usually works so well as an elemental babyface in other settings that I'm interested to see how he'll play being a heel here, but he seems like he's up to the task.
  • That D'Angelo/American Eagle match looked like it could have been something if it wasn't the cooldown match between ACH's Texas return and the main event. Eagle is such an expressive performer, and D'Angelo played his role well too.
  • Lance Hoyt came out for the main event and immediately spat water in Stroud's face before backing him cowering into a corner. Jesus, what did Stroud ever do to Hoyt to make him so angry? Did he kick Hoyt's dog? 
  •  For whatever reason, Palmer, D'Angelo, and Samantha Anne were out during the main event. I wasn't really aware of their affiliations with Hoyt, but maybe it had something to do with Palmer's yen for the gold? Even more baffling, Carson and Claxton, who wrestled each other earlier in the card, came out in solidarity to clean houe.
  • Mike Dell solidly played the face during the match, but he bumped like a 1980s Memphis heel all over the place, which isn't exactly a bad thing. Hoyt for his part looked a billion times better than he did as Vance Archer in WWE.
  • Hoyt at one point walked over Dell's back while he was on the apron, which may sound not really that bad just reading it in one's mind, but watching it, man, it looked brutal. I'm a huge fan of simplistic brutality.
  • Post-match, Ray Rowe came out to say he was coming after Dell, which, spoiler alert, he's still waiting to do thanks to a motorcycle accident. One of the worst breaks in recent indie wrestling memory.

Match of the Night:Matthew Palmer vs. Ray Rowe - Wrestling is built on a contrast of styles. While HOSS FIGHTS or cruiserweight flip-fests can be prime theater, putting two guys from different backgrounds, different styles, or even different statures in the ring against each other can open more doors and bring out things in each wrestler that are not thought possible, or at least unlikely. But rare is the match where both wrestlers are just dialed into their roles so much that the result ends up as archetypical. Palmer and Rowe brought radically different styles to the ring, and yet they fit them together like interlocking pieces in the same jigsaw puzzle.

Palmer's attack was two-pronged, going for leverage-based takedowns and a little bit of high-flying dynamics that he has come to be known for, although given his alignment in Inspire, I understand why he relied more on the mat and his seconds outside the ring helping gain advantages. Nothing pops a crowd more than flippy shit, and Palmer needed to put Rowe over. Not that Rowe needed that much help anyway. He brought stiff intensity that reminded me of the mid-'90s All-Japan heavyweight scene. Given that Vader is one of the finest potato-vendors in history, comparing Rowe to the Mastodon is a supreme compliment.

With a sturdy base in place, the two were able to build spectacular-looking spots towards a taut, tense finish. The beats were both subtle and over the top in some spots. Examples of the former include Rowe pulling off a delay vertical suplex that he finished by stepping on the bottom turnbuckle for extra oomph. The latter saw Palmer wrangling Rowe in the ropes with a dragon sleeper, with a sadistic grin on his face that not only sold Rowe being in distress but set a tone for what Palmer was to bring to the table. Even though he didn't win, the Centerfold came out of the match looking like a worthy contender down the line for Rowe should he take home the Inspire Pro Championship.

Overall Thoughts: Inspire Pro's first anniversary show left surprisingly little to be desired. Even the best-laid companies can find trouble gaining a foothold or an identity in a year. One could argue that Gabe Sapolsky is still trying to find his niche with EVOLVE, and that company's been open for nearly five years with a national reputation and the pick of any indie wrestler who hasn't been grasped by the oily tentacles of Ring of Honor in their pissing match. Inspire Pro has to work in a similarly contentious environment with far fewer wrestlers to pick from, and yet in a year, it has laid foundations for several stories, built up a Champion and several challengers for him, and even brought a strong women's division back to Texas without the degradation other companies have allowed to creep in their ranks.

Clash at the Bash was chock full of story development. While nothing was really resolved in terms of feuds, the wheels turned, new beginnings were made, and battles between bitter rivals reached climactic points. The show had no shortage of moments. ACH returning to Texas alone would be worth watching the video, but for as exciting as his comeback to Inspire Pro was, the dastardly and shocking turn to the dark side by Davey Vega was equally impactful. Keith Lee's introduction as the newest member of the New Movement was a debut worth the hype, and Chris Trew could spend hours holding court on the microphone, and it would be entertaining. Little things stood out as well, from Lisa Friedrich's facial expressions to mini-arc of Erik Shadows and Trew entangling with each other (in addition to the continuation of his story from the previous show with Jodan).

But for an independent wrestling show to stand out, story cannot be enough. Wrestling is the draw, and Clash at the Bash had at least three outstanding matches on the undercard before a solid main event took everyone home. ACH's return tag match, Rowe/Palmer, and Summers/Starks all could have main evented the show and in terms of in-ring quality not batted any eyelashes. Granted, ACH and Jojo Bravo getting the screws put to them wouldn't have sent the crowd home happy, but that's why their position on the card was important.

All in all, Inspire Pro Wrestling continues to be a promotion to follow, even if that means having to watch all-around good dude and ring announcer Brandon Stroud cower for his life whenever Lance Hoyt is around. Seriously, of all the stories that were progressed, Hoyt's beef with Stroud is the one that I'm most intrigued by. Why does Hoyt hate Stroud? Does he even have a reason? How can this story end with Hoyt getting his comeuppance from someone who has minimal training and is presented as a NPC? The true test for the company going forward will be how it can weave this trope into a payoff, but nothing I've seen so far dissuades me from believing that when that fireworks factory is encountered, the night sky will be lit up pretty brightly.
↧

Who's Really Responsible for Changing Minds about Intergender Wrestling?

October 28, 2014, 10:15 am
$
0
0
Was Heidi Lovelace's treatment at NPWD too much? If so, who was responsible for it?
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
So, Joey Ryan had a pretty interesting tweet last night:



I've written about the absurdity of the Irish whip before. Funny how the most ubiquitous move in wrestling history is also its most ridiculous at heart, especially from the standpoint of "wrestling should look real all the time or else IT SUCKS." The whip is taken for granted as effective, and yet Candice LeRae, whom Ryan was obviously referring to, holding gold in Pro Wrestling Guerrilla and being one half of one of the hottest touring tag teams in the country, is picked apart with a fine-tooth comb by people who for whatever reason think that a woman's wrestling efficacy should be halved by virtue of her gender. It hasn't made sense to me since Sara del Rey was getting the same pushback for her run in Chikara. Reactions like those that Ryan and LeRae get for their act make me roll my eyes when people derisively dismiss intergender wrestling by mockingly calling any instance of it "progressive" especially when it's bad.

I could easily make a blanket accusation that everyone opposed to intergender wrestling is a sexist, but at the same time, that wouldn't be accurate. I would be making a disingenuous argument by saying that by its nature, intergender wrestling was good no matter who was presenting or executing it. While I patently disagree with anyone who says that men vs. women should never be done because of how it might play to the rape fantasies and misogynistic whims of random neckbeards in the audience, it's naïve at best to suggest that presentation of intergender wrestling can't have bad motivations behind it.

National Pro Wrestling Day in 2013 stands out pretty starkly. Obviously, the Resistance Pro match caught a lot of flak, and deservedly so, but the elephant in the room was the booking and treatment of one Heidi Lovelace. Obviously, her match was more roundly praised at the time, but I would be lying to you if I didn't feel really uncomfortable with the amount of punishment she took and the magnitude of stiffness that she seemed to absorb compared to her tag partner, Mat Russo. Did she get her ass kicked just because she happened to be a "young boy" paying dues (ignoring the fact that her opponents, Tripp Cassidy and Reed Bentley had just as much experience as she did), or was it something subconsciously sinister from the people who laid the match out or booked it?

Granted, Lovelace came out of the match with a ton of respect from the crowd, and now she's arguably one of the premiere talents in the Midwest and Mid-South regions of the country, regardless of gender. She's garnered enough attention and respect that she could be considered a win for the art of intergender wrestling and interactions, but then are wrestlers like Lovelace, LeRae, del Rey, Kimber Lee, and Rachel Summerlyn exceptions or the rule?

The answer is not clear, and I'm afraid it never will be for as long as society at large still resembles a patriarchy rather than something more egalitarian and blind to gender. It's far too easy to heap criticism on wrestlers who display sexist attitudes and fans who resemble the human garbage pails who populate the #GamerGate movement, but I honestly think the promoters who purvey men vs. women action need more scrutiny than the observers at this point. No matter what anyone says, the consumer trends will follow the producers. If a company like Ring of Honor stops creating an atmosphere where things like sexism can flourish, then the sexists will at least be less vocal.

In that same vein, if companies like Resistance Pro, Combat Zone Wrestling, and yes, even Chikara1 lay out matches in a way that puts the women on an equal plane their male counterparts, then the criticisms of fostering a gross atmosphere will go away. I'm not necessarily saying that a wrestler like Portia Perez should go full hoss on a wrestler with 50% more body mass than she is, but if she wrestled against, say, Chris Dickinson or Michael Elgin the way that she wrestled against Jessicka Havok in SHIMMER, then it wouldn't matter if she were a woman, man, or whatever gender configuration she would otherwise identify with. The best example I can think of a tiny woman who wrestles believably against men is Delilah Doom in Inspire Pro Wrestling. As I pointed out in the Clash at the Bash review, she was the smallest person in her match by far, and yet she was a believable competitor against her male opponents (or more accurately, opponent since Bradley Axel Dawson spent the whole match laid out on the floor) because she wrestled as small as her stature dictated. It's not hard at all.

In an artform where various companies ask their fans to believe various absurdities, women being able to damage men to the point of selling like they would for other men does not even crack the top one billion of things that don't pass the reality smell test. However, it would be lazy only to call out the labor and the consumers for changing their attitudes. Real change has to come from the people booking and promoting wrestling, to purvey intergender wrestling that isn't harmful or that doesn't play to the basest in emotional elements in the crowd. If not, then the cycle is going to continue until wrestling ceases to exist as a thing.

1 - Dylan Hales points out the Saturyne/Ophidian match from King of Trios '12 as an example, especially because of commentary that suggested Saturyne "was asking for" her brutal beatdown. I was there live, so I didn't hear the commentary in question and can't comment on it, but I wouldn't disagree with someone who made the assertion that the match layout itself was iffy.
↧
↧

I Listen So You Don't Have To: Steve Austin Show Ep. 163

October 29, 2014, 4:30 am
$
0
0
Austin gabs about Halloween and Ebola this week
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: Steve Austin Show
Episode: 163
Run Time: 1:21:45
Guest: None

Summary: Stone Cold is still on location, but he and Stacy breezed through the empty streets of Los Angeles on a Sunday morning to record a show with calls from listeners. After about 15 minutes talking with Stacy, Austin answered questions about Halloween, deer rifles, bringing a “real fight feel” to WWE shows, his WWF Title match with Kane at King of the Ring 1998, the origins of his podcast, how performers’ bodies change after leaving the ring, the frequency of title changes, working with Eddie Guerrero, breaking into the business in 2014, wrestlers who use other workers’ move sets, Austin’s RAW moments with unusual vehicles and working with Ricky Steamboat and Rick Rude.

Quote of the week:

Caller Ben: “I just want to say thanks for everything you do on the podcasts. I listen to both shows and I love ’em both.”

Austin: “Hey man, how old are you?”

Ben: “13 years old.”

Austin: “And you listen to the Unleashed show?”

Ben: “Yes. (Laughs nervously.)”

Austin: “OK, don’t use the language that I use, OK?”

Ben: “I won’t.”

Austin: “All right, you take care of yourself Ben. I appreciate you calling.”

Why you should listen: Austin is in a great mood this week, and he has great things to say about Guerrero, Steamboat and Rude. The move set question is amusing to anyone who, like me, had been unaware of the Uso/Jeff Hardy connection and especially the alleged Randy Orton/Kurt Angle beef. Also, if you’re confused and terrified about Ebola, you’ll be happy to learn Austin and Stacy from Podcast One are in your camp.

Why you should skip it: Look at that topic list up there. That is some well-worn territory. The question from the caller who is in college but plans to enroll in wrestling school after graduation is almost identical to one Austin answered last week. The Rick Rude hunting story he tells near the end is an old saw, and Stone Cold has brought up his Kane match (and preceding staph infection) early as often as he’s been asked about the Montreal Screwjob. This is like a greatest hits episode, except they’re all B sides.

Final thoughts: It’s a little easier to forgive the repetition on call-in shows than the email episodes, on account of the unpredictability of live conversation, but it’s obvious the calls are screened. There was almost nothing discussed on the episode I hadn’t heard at least once, including his thoughts about Halloween. I don’t get how you can be enough of a Stone Cold fan to wait on hold for 45 minutes to ask him a question, yet not want to explore a new topic instead of something he’s addressed repeatedly. This episode was not the best use of my time.
↧

WWE Gives a Look Inside the Tryout Process

October 29, 2014, 6:30 am
$
0
0
Jason Shirley, former NFL player, Wu-Tang enthusiast, WWE prospect
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Wrestling traditionally has been a secretive, carny business. The only thing fans saw was what the promoters presented as the finished product. That facade of kayfabe has been eroded over the last three decades to the point where WWE has pulled the curtain back entirely in certain aspects. Tough Enough was the first peek, although no reality show is fully reality. However, the company just dropped an unadulterated, slightly filtered look into the tryout process.

The photo gallery above and the video below are the first that the company has given into its selection process. Even though no one has been selected just yet, the actual wringer which the prospective trainees are put through is revealed, if slightly. A few things to note, first Rich Swann and one-half of my favorite tag team that I've only ever seen once, Asylum of the Flatliners, are the indie guys of note. Second, Swann's featured prominently, which bodes well for him getting a call in the next few months. Third, former NFL defensive lineman Jason Shirley's shirt may be the best thing ever worn to a prospective job interview ever. In a related note, RIP Ol' Dirty Bastard. Never forget.

Anyway, the Swann emphasis aside, I'm not sure how much can be gleaned from this look inside the Performance Center, but it's still somewhat unprecedented to get a look this far inside the curtain. Even if kayfabe-breaking isn't your thing, it's still somewhat surreal.

↧

Your Midweek Links: Hell in a Cell Fallout

October 29, 2014, 8:30 am
$
0
0
The complete history of this feud and more this week
Photo Credit: WWE.com
It's hump day, so here are some links to get you through the rest of the week:

Wrestling Links:

- The Best and Worst of WWE Hell in a Cell 2014 [With Spandex]

- Hell in a Cell 2014: What We Learned [SB Nation]

- WWE Hell in a Cell: Bang for Your Buck Review [Juice Make Sugar]

- The Complete History of John Cena vs. Randy Orton [Wrassle Rap]

- The Wrestling Hipster: The Five Worst Kinds of Hell in a Cell Matches [With Spandex]

- Ten Andre the Giant Stories [Camel Clutch Blog]

- The Depths of Mania: WrestleMania 2 Review [Voices of Wrestling]

- The Best and Worst of RAW: Hulk Hogan, We Komen for You [With Spandex]

- Welcome Back, Big Guy: The Raging Return of Ryback [4CR Wrestling]

- The Art of Gimmickry: The Supernatural Wrestler [Old School Jabronis]

- Wale Reviews WWE 2K15, So You Can Forget the Other Reviews [Wrassle Rap]

- The Soap Box: Talking SHIMMER's Latest Title Change [Ring Belles]

- The Best and Worst of Impact Wrestling: Kill Your Idols [With Spandex]

Non-Wrestling Links:

- #GamerGate's "Ethics in Gaming Journalism" Claim Debunked by Journalism [Groupthink]

- How We Got Rolled by the Dishonest Fascists of #GamerGate [Gawker]

- The Felicia Day Response Shows Why "Good" #GamerGate Is Still Hurting People [The Verge]

- What Happened to Felicia Day Is Everything Awful about #GamerGate [UPROXX]

- Every Single Flu Myth Debunked [io9]

- Denmark Fast Food Workers Make $20 an Hour and the Universe Fails to Implode [Kitchenette]

- Cool Pope Says Evolution Is Real, God Is Not a Magician with a Magic Wand [Gawker]

- Let's Nip this National Conversation about BBWs Right in the Bud [Jezebel]

- What's the Deal with All the Gluten Paranoia in America [Foodspin]

- Soup, Ranked [Kitchenette]

- 27 Pumpkin Beers, Ranked [The Concourse]

- This KFC Sandwich Is a Portent of End Times [Kitchenette]

- The True American Horror Story: A History of Tainted Halloween Candy [Gamma Squad]

- The Hater's Guide to Your Local Halloween Store [The Concourse]

- Every Character on Modern Family Is a Serial Killer [Pajiba]

- Film Review: Meet Me There Starring Goldust Will Scratch Your Horror Movie Itch [TJR Wrestling]

- Iron Man's "Hulkbuster" Armor Is the Biggest Clue to Marvel's Five Year Future [The Verge]

- Eight Alternate "Buster" Armors That Are Cooler than the Hulkbuster [Toybox]

- Superheroes, Ranked [The Concourse]

- Saying Goodbye to Steve Nash, a Basketball Legend [Hardwood Paroxysm]

- Pokemon's Creepy Lavender Town Myth Explained [Kotaku]

- The Top 100 Science-Fiction Themed Songs Ever [io9]

- Life And Death [Construction Paper and Tears]

- Richarizard Nixon and Other US Presidents Reimagined as Pokemon [Kotaku]

- Someone Please Put Marshall in the Top Four and Leave Florida State Out [The Mighty MJD]

- Throwback Thursday: Iowa vs. Penn State 2004 [Black Heart Gold Pants]

- Monday Morning Jerkface, Week Eight [The Footbawl Blog]

- NFL Fans by US County, According to Twitter [io9]

- Washington Should Deal RG3, Pick up Jordan Shipley and Other Trade Deadline Moves SB Nation
↧
Search

Pro Wrestling SKOOPZ on The Wrestling Blog: Issue 7

October 29, 2014, 11:00 am
$
0
0
IS Ambrose unhappy because his mom found drugs in his Halloween bag?
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Well, well, well, it's Wednesday, which means HORB FLERBMINBER is back dishing the scoops right into your faces here on The Wrestling Blog. You won't get scoops like these anywhere on the 'Net because I am the number one, no, scratch that, I AM THE NUMBER ZERO, BETTER THAN ONE SOURCE for all the hottest wrestling news, gossip, rumors, and HIPAA violations. Do you want to know the results of Hulk Hogan's latest colonoscopy before he does? YOU NEED TO BE READING ME EVERY WEEK. I don't have time for haters. I don't have time for jerks who get people of questionable moral fiber to buy followers for them. I DON'T EVEN HAVE TIME FOR MY FAMILY. That's how dedicated to mining scoops I am.

Of course, I can't do this alone. Much like all my colleagues, I need a dedicated army of tipsters who aren't afraid to get their hands dirty and who won't sue me for using their news without giving them any credit whatsoever. If you have long, juicy, scandalous longform tips, shoot me an e-mail at ProWrestlingSKOOPZ@gmail.com. Tipsters who send naked pictures of themselves or of their sexy neighbors will get TOP BILLING. If you need to get to me in an instant, or if you want up to the nanosecond scoops, you must follow me on Twitter @HorbFlerbminber. I have all the breaking news right when it happens, and you get the bonus of me slandering my colleagues in REAL TIME. What ethnic slur will I call Todd Martin next? Will the link I tweet out to Wade Keller be corrupted with malware or not? CAN I MAKE RAJAH QUIT TWITTER ONCE AND FOR ALL? You can only find out by following me. In fact, I am insulted that so few of YOU PEOPLE follow me. What do I have to do, give out free candy on Friday to people who come to my house dressed in costume?

Also, for a small fee, I will go to any sporting event of your choosing and shine laser pointers in the faces of the opposing team. I don't those dinky, pocket-pen pointers that you use to amuse yourself by pointing at the ceiling with a cat in the room. No, these lasers are STAR WARS GRADE, people. They will blind an athlete in an INSTANT. I am available for baseball, football, team tennis, hockey, NASCAR, even collegiate sports. The National Basketball Association may have banned me for life, but I have several fake identities I can use to gain access to your favorite NBA arena. I do ask that if it's for gambling purposes that my fee is increased a small percentage to reflect your winnings.

I also promote customs matches featuring your favorite wrestlers from around the country in anything you want them to wear. Just forward me $400 US to a secret location that I will send to you via smoke signal if you're interested. If you're on the fence, here's Mike O'Lonhurtz from Bonesteel, SD giving a testimonial.
I ordered a match between Candice LeRae and Luscious Latasha with both wearing a bikini and wrestling in a vat of baby oil. The video I got was actually Birth of a Nation with unauthorized commentary from a dude who sounded a lot like Matt Smith from Dr. Who, followed by 45 seconds of two guys mashing the old Galoob WWF wrestling figures against each other in a pot of Mazola corn oil. I got so mad, I joined #GamerGate.
Another satisfied customer.

Also, please be sure to check out of that conference call halfway through and think about what you want for lunch. And now, the scoops.

- The ongoing saga of TNA's search for a television deal has finally come to an end, as they will air on Vape TV. As part of the agreement, each wrestler on the roster must smoke at least one electronic cigarette during the show, and the TNA World Championship is to be replaced by the deed to a vape shop in mid-town Manhattan.

- SMACKDOWN SPOILER: The Dean Ambrose/Cesaro Trick or Street came to an abrupt end when their mothers went through their Halloween candy and found apples with razor blades in them and clear plastic baggies filled with what Mrs. Cesaro could only identify as "the drugs."

- Miss Lippy's car... IS GREEN.

- EXCLUSIVE REPORT: WWE is planning on addressing the Stephanie McMahon/Randy Savage rumors from a long time ago. The official release is to say "Are you fuckers mental?"

- I talked to Monty Brown about what Chris Jericho said about Kofi Kingston backstage, and he said "The fuck you doing, I'm in the middle of trying to sell a car here. Don't bust my nut. DON'T BUST MY NUT."

- Hulk Hogan has been reported as going on backstage about how his divine touch cured all the Susan G. Komen ladies of their breast cancer.

- CM Punk's current mood was thought to be colicky, but it turns out his diaper was full with no one to change it. Colt Cabana was in Japan, and AJ Lee was on the road at the time with WWE. Punk has reportedly been sitting in his own waste for the last three days and is very cranky.

- The feeling backstage on the mood of WWE creative's attitudes towards Adam Rose's heat with the idea that Rusev and Big Show might be able to draw a house show gate as a main event pairing is wait what was I talking about again?

- Ring of Honor's next show will be sponsored by #GamerGate, and all women will be shot on sight.

- Rumors from the WWE boardroom is literally anyone could possibly join John Cena's team at Survivor Series, but almost everyone is a candidate to be on the Authority's team as well. The feeling is that the final fall in the match will either happen via pinfall, submission, countout, disqualification, or referee's stoppage.

- SMACKDOWN SPOILER #2: WWE Divas was found missing from the costume battle royale. As it turns out WWE still thinks Gail Kim works for it, and people in the company are baffled as to why she keeps no-showing events.

- Nevada State Athletic Commission in the year, former UFC fighter Robert Drysdale paused, scholarships steroid test failure was fined 33 percent of other 7/6. They believe that this year in February, he is prohibited TRT in Nevada is well known, it has been described as the construction of the testosterone Drysdale. $ 16,000 in your wallet Drysdale fine of $ 5280. To the Commission in August 2013, but has not been pre-tested in November failed the test of struggle, finally out.

- BREAKING NEWS: Triple H said some things in his in-character interview with Michael Cole that jibe with what his character said on Monday.

- CHIKARA RESULTS FROM RICHMOND: Jub-Jub and Johnny the Guy With A Colorful Mask beat Rooty-Tooty Fresh and Fruity, Dr. Mantis Toboggan and Kizarny went to a time limit draw, Wyld Stallyns beat Dokken in battle of the bands, Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner blew Van Owen's body from there to Johannesburg, Mike Hawk stuck it to Mike Hunt, and in the main event, Daedalus defeated one of those guys from Age of the Fall, uh, Tyler Black? No, he's in WWE. Uh, uh, Necro Butcher. Yeah, he beat Necro Butcher. Everyone got hepatitis afterwards.

- Lucha Underground debuts tonight on El Rey Network, and if you go to your local Del Taco and tell them the secret phrase that will be uttered on the debut show tonight the next day, they'll look at you funny and may even call the cops.

- SMACKDOWN SPOILER #3: Smackdown is bad and you should feel bad if you watch it.

- Apparently, people are still mad about the SHIMMER title switch. It's been two weeks. Nicole Matthews is kinda cool. Get over it.

- WWE posted a look backstage at the tryout they held at the Performance Center on its website yesterday. The tryout happened in September, but the lag time between the tryout and the feature was mostly due to time it took editing every time Bill DeMott threatened to anally violate any trainee during the duration of the event.

Last week's poll results saw that 95% of you hate the polls, and 5% only like them when they talk about Jon "Bones" Jones or other REAL wrestlers. Here's this week's poll:


Ah dammit, it gave me this week's Pole again. Dammit, I'm gonna need to talk to my IT guy.
↧
↧

I Listen So You Don't Have To: The Ross Report Ep. 37

October 30, 2014, 6:30 am
$
0
0
Ross has Jason Powell on this week
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: The Ross Report
Episode: 37
Run Time: 1:36:55
Guest: Jason Powell

Summary: JR’s guest this week is Jason Powell of prowrestling.net. After a quick talk about Powell’s background, they spend about 50 minutes going over Hell In A Cell match by match. After a break, they discuss WWE financials, the future of Ring of Honor, TNA and Lucha Underground and the use of authority figure characters. At the end of the talk, Powell becomes the interviewer, asking Ross to explain formulas used to pay WWE wrestlers and a quick look at the future prospects of NXT Women’s Champion Charlotte.

Quote of the week: Ross, discussing Cena vs. Orton: “As the show progressed, I thought the use of the tables was a little bit overdone. Somebody needs to keep a gimmick count of how many tables were used. … Breaking things is the new blood. Because they’re not going to get bloody, so they break things. Like tables.”

Why you should listen: Ross is fairly positive about Hell In A Cell (he gave it a B grade), and he has good things to say about much of the ring work, including both women’s matches. The back half of the show is more interesting, though, especially when Powell turns the tables. JR’s explanation of how money is divided among performers is illuminating, and his thoughts on Charlotte are well taken given his years of experience specifically in the area of talent evaluation and elevation.

Why you should skip it: Hopefully some day Ross realizes the WWE storytelling model is such that you can’t adequately review a pay-per-view on Wednesday without adding the context of the succeeding RAW. There are plenty of parts throughout the show where Ross is inclined to wander into territory he usually covers in his repetitive monologues, such as his take on comedy in wrestling, intergender wrestling and match pace, which might incite listeners who hold opposing views.

Final thoughts: It’s probably a good idea for Ross to do these PPV reviews. The alternative is his thoughts about the shows bleeding into his monologue for several subsequent weeks; concentrating them in one episode and using a guest to provide balance does the listeners a great service — even if that service is allowing folks to skip a week and wait for him to get back to interviews. Powell is a much more experienced interviewer, which really helps the flow and actually keeps Ross in check, a refreshing change of pace from earlier episodes. Nothing they discussed changed my feelings about Hell In A Cell, and I really wish he’d wait to do these interviews until he’s seen Raw, but on balance this was an enjoyable episode.
↧

Best Coast Bias: Lighter Than Air

October 30, 2014, 8:30 am
$
0
0
Yeah, he does that
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you were to sum up the final October Main Event of 2014, you could do so easily in three words: so that happened.

It wasn't that anything horrible like last week's Game Show Ripoff Segment That Shall Not Be Named took place, or that there was a stealth two-segger TV MOTY candidate lying in wait somewhere along the course of this hour. Some episodes you get the feeling this is called Main Event because calling it the Perfectly Cromulent Wrestling Hour doesn't really have pizazz as a sellable name to audiences. (Plus, how would you fit all that on the bars next to and hanging over the TitanTron?) Yet, ironically enough, that is Main Event's primary directive especially in a Networkified era for Stamford's McMahons and associates. Even if nothing lasts about the show moments after you're done watching it, the sense of having watched some pro graps without facepalming can serve as its own form of comfort food.

Ironically enough, a variation of facepalming was one of the centerpieces of the final evening, in which Bo Dallas...well, you see the picture. You know what happened. How that ended up happening was that beforehand the former NXT kingpin was playing quite the gnat to the United States Champion's attempts to swat him. Dallas matched mat wrestling with Sheamus and even busted out the around-the-ring victory lap before offering a handshake. It's still undetermined as of now how someone could be a former World and WWE Champion and earn the King of the Ring while being too slow to reciprocate. When Dallas offered another, Sheamus slapped his own hand back up into his face, thus good and angering the Floridian. The last forty-five seconds saw an exchange of slaps from Dallas and body shots from Sheamus, almost as if they were firing each other up, before Sheamus realized "hey, this smiley jerk is within kicking range". For one of it's few times in its history of OUTTA NOWHERE DEATH FINISHER it felt wholly deserved and sent the crowd to the SmackDown taping happy.

You know, the way Tyson Kidd is with his cats. Left to his own devices while his wife battles Paige in a fun little sprint, he'd rather put his feet up on the announce table and give the credit to his cats for getting him through his recovery. While he was navigating the verbal gauntlet with Cole, Saxton, and special guest star JBL, the former Divas Champions were going from chain wrestling to steadily escalating stiffness. There's a related joke in there about Paige staring down Kidd before she licked Nattie's face, but the Wrestling Blog is a family web publication and Best Coast Bias was in its bunk when said licking occurred. ANYHOW, that pissed off Nattie enough to flip out and beat her like a rented goalie culminating in a discus lariat and a release German suplex that was nastier than any sapphic overture the Englishwoman was going to throw her way. Paige survived an attempt at a Sharpshooter and fired off a Paige Turner (no, not her, the move) but Nattie survived and reversed when Paige's hubris led her to think she could Sharpshooter a Neidhart, only to fall victim to a rollup probably enhanced by fabric assistance. Should you have cackled as Kidd got in the ring and patted his wife's back and then her head in one of the laziest examples of sympathy ever? No. If you did, however, you wouldn't exactly be blamed for it.

Blame, however, may be coming Damien Sandow's way, and as you might expect it may be thrown his way for something that he technically didn't even really do wrong. Main Event started with a MizdowTV ripoff, wherein Damien's stunt double did one of the most heelish things any WWE superstar can do: he pointed out that the good guys pulled an Eddie, and backed it up by showing the footage. This brought out the Usos, more interesting in stoking chants than any actual rejoinder for their switchoff actions. The better team and you're reaching back into the previous decade's playbook to lift notes from pre-entertaining Nikki and Brie? Dubious. Then they started acting like Mizdow who was acting like the Miz, and in short order it devolved into a "who would you like to see get hit in the face the most?" four-way race. Fortunately this lead immediately to a two-segger tag with Lil' Naitch reffing instead of the faceless drone who drew that duty on RAW and screwed Miz/Dow over. Unfortunately for the Miz, he managed to cram some more pain and suffering on top of the sharknado of Ferdinand excrement he's been trying to wade through since Summerslam. His ego lead him into a virtual handicap situation while the crowd alternated for chanting for the Usos and wanted Sandow.

He tagged his former briefcase holder in after a pregnant pause to prove he could do it only to bring himself back in almost immediately. When things started breaking down in Houston and the Usos went back to the trickery well, Miz was astute enough to notice and call Robinson's attention to it. So the Usos couldn't pull off the switch; well, at least not for another 11 seconds. As Lil' Naitch got Mizdow out of the ring for being the illegal stunt double, they did it again and a few seconds later had beaten them again with the same trick. Cole, the proto-Mizdow was quick to note they'd fallen for something twice in a 24-hour span without mentioning it was cheating both times and Charles Robinson heard their complaints and saw the same replay ostensibly before putting his response in the "mistakes have happened but why you gotta bring up old stuff?" folder. That's more than a little slightly frustrating and insulting to a viewer with operational brain cells, but then again if they watched this show it probably faded from memory a few seconds after it was over.

It is not a perfect world. But sometimes a perfectly serviceable one will suffice as a bridge to get to a better place.
↧

Twitter Request Line, Vol. 98

October 30, 2014, 10:30 am
$
0
0
You're really gonna call these dudes "skinny-fat," really?
Photo Credit: WWE.com
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday morning (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers!

Depends, is the fans or other wrestlers doing it? Either one is pretty terrible, especially given guys like the Usos and CM Punk in ring shape can/could go for long times without gassing or blowing up. Fans doing it is just garden variety assholery that's still accepted by a large chunk of society. It's going to be hard to get the mainstream to accept fat people, and the way that commercialism and good ol' fashioned American conservative bootstraps mythology have combined to warp everyone's sense of what a healthy body looks like, well, the agreement on what's too fat or too skinny or too untoned is never going to be agreed upon in my lifetime. My advice is if you think about body-shaming a wrestler, don't do it, especially if you're like me and have less a six pack and more a keg. As for the wrestlers doing it, they're either toadying for Vince McMahon or they're super jealous that some dudes like Punk or the Usos were able to get over despite being doughy and they with their physiques connected with the audience as well as the average Shane McMahon punch connects with its target's face.

TEAM AUTHORITY (Triple H, Seth Rollins, Kane, Joey Mercury, Jamie Noble) vs. TEAM CENA (John Cena, Randy Orton, Dolph Ziggler, Ryback, Daniel Bryan) - Your first main event level match is the one that has been announced already. Maybe having Bryan in there is too hopeful and contingent on believing conspiracy theories that these latest surgery announcements are huge smokescreens. Obviously, I'm buying into the rumors that Orton is going to defect, force Trips' hand, and go full face here. The only question is which among Team Cena survives? You have four options to stand tall at the end (Ziggler's great, but he's clearly the most expendable one there, sadly), but realistically, only two of them tops can remain without totally making the Authority look clownshoes.

INSTABILITY (Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns, Hideo Itami, Finn Balor, Chris Jericho [I guess]) vs. THE WYATT FAMILY (Bray Wyatt, Luke Harper, Erick Rowan, Konor, Viktor) - This match is your other main event-level match, and it cross-links into the current NXT shenanigans, drawing in rumors that the Ascension are going to be Bray Wyatt's new acolytes. Jericho fills out Ambrose's team because he had beef with the Wyatts before leaving, and uh, I needed someone to fill his team out?

TEAM SHEAMUS (Sheamus, Big Show, The Usos, Jack Swagger) vs. THE EASTERN BLOC (Rusev, Cesaro, Mark Henry, Goldust, Stardust) - This match would give purpose to the midcard, tie together Rusev's entire arc in WWE so far (after his first run where he inexplicably only took on black dudes), and act as the best in-ring match on the show, by far.

WOMEN IN AUTHORITY (Nikki Bella, Brie Bella, Charlotte, Layla El, Summer Rae) vs. BESTIES IN THE WORLD? (AJ Lee, Paige, Alicia Fox, Naomi, Natalya) - The requisite "divas" match might have the most going on in it. You have tension between the Bellas, a three-way tempestuous relationship among Lee, Paige, and Fox, and the main-roster debut of Charlotte, who would HAVE to be the sole survivor in this scenario, right?

HOLLYWOOD GATORS (The Miz, Damien Miz-dow, Titus O'Neil, Heath Slater, Bo Dallas) vs. TEAM WOODS (Xavier Woods, Big E, Kofi Kingston, Fernando, Diego) - Classic opening match or cool-down match between the Ambrose/Wyatt and Cena/Authority tags.

My favorite aerial move still is the shooting star press. When done perfectly, read, when done by Mark Andrews, Paul London, or Matt Sydal among others, it elicits as much grace and beauty of out of an aggressive art such as wrestling as you can get. More flips just end up looking jagged and janky, even if they are still impressive. My least favorite aerial move is the "I don't know what the fuck I'm doing on the top rope and am just jumping so that I can get hit with a counter." Get all the way the fuck outta here with that fake shit.

Who has feuded with Rusev and come out looking better for the experience? No one. What ruins a babyface quicker than being involved in a feud putting over an up and coming heel while at the same time promoting jingoistic rabble that will make the audience turn on him when he can't "do it for America?" Nothing. WWE will put Ryback against Rusev, have him lose every time out, and then when he loses the blowoff match, subject everyone to JBL crowing and cawing about how he should be waterboarded at Gitmo because he couldn't beat a Bulgarian dude in a wrestling match.

I'll give you two things you could use. You can survive on just one of the two, but if you have both, you're going to go far. The first thing to use is persistence. You're not going to thrive overnight. You have to put in the time to build an audience, spread word, and gain a reputation. Who knows how long that may take, but it's not going to be within a week of starting. Connections are the second component. If you know people who can promote you from jump, you've got a leg up, but even if you don't, getting to know well-connected folks is never a bad thing. I wouldn't be here in my meager position of note without folks who've helped me over the years, whether I'm still on good terms with them or not. Sometimes, it's not a matter of how good your content is if you're not willing to be in for the long haul or if you don't know people.

First, I would sit him out from now until the Rumble. The way he's been utilized on television makes it seem like he's being sat out, obviously, but I don't even want the live crowds to see him. Second, have him return at the Royal Rumble match and eliminate the most wrestlers of anyone. Then, build from that towards a spotlight WrestleMania match against Cesaro for the Intercontinental Championship and then once he's on that path, don't fall back into weird, arhytmic booking patterns with him. That formula might be too much to ask from WWE's Creative team, but you didn't ask me how I think they should book him...

WrestleMania/Wrestle Kingdom/Final Battle should be the big "season-ender" thing with grand implications. I can't speak for WK, but Mania and especially Final Battle don't ever have the sort of finality that you get from a Game 7. The main event of your biggest show of the year should probably have some kind of finality to it, even if it's a temporary finality in the context of a feud you want to continue for years. Too many wrestling companies book beginnings and rising action with no mind for any kind of resolution in mind. A lack of offseason may hurt the chance for a definitive end like you might find in literature or cinema, but that doesn't mean you can't have signpost moments. The end of WrestleMania XXX felt like a Game 7. WWE should be aspiring for that EVERY YEAR.

What do Daniel Bryan, Cesaro, and Bad News Barrett all have in common? They're William Regal Guys. Regal is already embedded in NXT and a fixture at the Performance Center. He teaches a relatively low-impact yet high-tension ring style that translates well to what WWE wants from its future main eventers. He's already there, so let him be the face of the future.

Or hey, if you really wanted to be radical, you could put Sara (del Rey) Amato in charge of the whole thing, but something tells me WWE isn't quite ready for that.

@MrsKillerRoo, who is a private user, asks:
where did the RKO almost-naked-in-a-hotel-shower pix come from? were they obtained in a gross way or can I ogle them? HELP!
I am unaware of these pictures' existence, but far be it from me to tell a woman what she can or cannot ogle. Y'all are still the biggest victims of male gaze in world history, so if you wanna give it back to us men, go get it, girl.

I think more than one NXT star has a great future, actually. NXT right now is a fertile breeding ground for the future, and while I'm certain that some of those great prospects may flop on the next level, WWE has enough options down below that it can afford some failure rate. The three that have the best shot at succeeding though are Sami Zayn, Kevin Owens (Steen's new name, learn it, love it), and Kalisto. Zayn is the purest babyface the company has, and he's too irrepressible to fail. Owens was born to play a pro wrestler, and he'll magnetize crowds on the big stage just like he did in the indies. Kalisto is exciting, innovative, and he has a mask that the little kids will buy up like gangbusters. Those three are my lead pipe locks, but if you wanted to make arguments for Tyler Breeze, Solomon Crowe, the Ascension, Hideo Itami, Finn Balor, Adrian Neville, Charlotte, Bayley, Sasha Banks, Becky Lynch, the Vaudevillains, Enzo Amore, Colin Cassady, or Marcus Louis, well, I wouldn't stop you.

To be honest, I forgot WWE was still on the Hulu Plus train with all the Network talk that's been going on lately. But I'm sure someone got a shoot punt from Randy Orton for the whole deal, that's for sure.

Nay, if only because Kevin Owens isn't going to get to the main roster before he debuts on NXT television. Sami Zayn is about to become NXT Champion, so I doubt they'd make him pull double duty, since the precedent has been set with Paige previously this year. Finn Balor and Hideo Itami are wild cards, since the rumors place them as on the fast track to the main roster. However, I'm getting the feeling Team Authority is more likely to tap the NXT vein. A lot of people are hopeful that Joey Mercury and Jamie Noble fill out Trips' dream team along with Seth Rollins, Kane, and either Trips himself or Randy Orton. I think he's more apt to choose The Ascension, to be honest. If I had to guess, Cena's surprise will come in the form of Daniel Bryan and/or Roman Reigns making big returns.

Lots of things! People are winning and losing! Guys are getting pushes! And Michael Elgin still won't shut up about air travel or Ring of Honor! EXCITING TIMES!

Me personally? No, because I don't have a job with WWE Creative or access to a tranq dart to shoot in Vince McMahon's neck every time he suggests that Cesaro should probably win some matches, lose others, and not have a consistent oeuvre from week to week. Now, can WWE save Cesaro? Sure. All it has to do is give him a purpose and let him hoss dudes from week to week. I don't purport to know what every fan likes, but I think recent history suggests that WWE crowds like seeing him perform feats of strength within the confines of a wrestling match. So let's start there and build up from that point.

OH GOD NOT THIS AAAAAHHHH.

In all seriousness, Foles is not that good a quarterback, certainly not as good as his raw statistics (yards, touchdowns, etc.) might suggest. However, Aaron Rodgers isn't walking through that door. If you jettison Foles, you're going to have to replace him with someone, and if you're not drafting Marcus Mariota, then what better option is out there? The thing is that I don't know the answer to that question. Foles' flaws are noticeable, but he can go out there and help a team win games.

The NFL is not a league where you have to have a complete team to win the Super Bowl anymore. Quarterback is the most important position, but if the Ravens can win with Trent Dilfer and Joe Flacco or if the Giants can win TWICE with Eli Manning, then the Eagles can win with Nick Foles. If enough luck breaks the Eagles' way this year, then they can certainly win the Super Bowl. But whether they do or not, it won't be because Foles is a singular iconoclastic player at the position.

Captain America: Civil War seems to have the most questionable source material (the comic run of the same name was disappointing according to most fans I know), but the filmmakers in the MCU have made a grand total of one questionable movie (Iron Man 2, for the record). I'm ready for Captain America and Iron Man to have a showdown, especially over a story that has so much potential to explore both the "serious topic" and "popcorn blow-shit-up" spaces. The actors involved have a lot to do with my interest level. Robert Downey, Jr. as Tony Stark has been the most perfectly cast role in this entire run of movies, and Chris Evans as Steve Rogers is the perfect guy to work as a counterbalance. Plus, Winter Soldier may have been my favorite Phase II movie, so I think the Cap franchise is in good hands. I'm stoked.

I have one three-year-old, and when he gets wired up, he's harder to contain than Barry Sanders rushing against a mid-major college defense, as opposed to normally, when he's just Sanders against the early '90s, pre-Brett Favre Packers. Having two toddlers all hopped up on sucrose and ill-informed intentions is bad news. You need only to feed those kids 25% of their individual hauls. The rest should be yours to do what you please with. Whether you eat it all up with your significant other or give it to other neighborhood kids who don't live in your domicile is up to you. I would spread it around because diabetes is no joke. But man, the last thing you wanna do is let your really young kids get their hands on THAT much sugar.

Such a long time has elapsed since I watched those matches, and even then, my critical eye was not the same in 1999 as it was in 2001, let alone 2014. I don't particularly remember Chyna being that great a worker, but at the same time, I don't particularly remember her being awful either. Regardless, those matches will forever be important because they show that women could go with men in the ring and still be super over at the same time. I wonder why folks out there are forgetting that...

Ryback - Baked Macaroni and Cheese - That guy looks like he hasn't touched a carb since 2003. I think he might need to allow himself a cheat day with the greasiest, starchiest, most delicious thing I can think of serving him.

Zack Ryder - Filet Mignon, Scalloped Potatoes, and Asparagus - Because the guy needs to catch a break every once in awhile.

Layla El - Lobster Risotto - Uh, no reason. I am definitely not trying to woo her or anything. I'm married. I'M MARRIED.

Zeb Colter - Shwarma on Pita with Hummus on the Side - I'm a fan of trolling, you see.

Big E - Kielbasa - Why change what works?
↧

I Listen So You Don't Have To: Art Of Wrestling Ep. 222

October 31, 2014, 7:00 am
$
0
0
Nova or Simon Dean, whatever your preference, is Cabana's guest this week
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: Art Of Wrestling
Episode: 222
Run Time: 1:07:10
Guest: Simon Dean/Nova

Summary: Cabana can’t decide whether to identify his guest as Nova, the character he made famous in ECW, or Simon Dean, his much less successful but probably more widely known WWE persona. They discuss Nova’s training with the peculiar “Iron” Mike Sharpe and being a decent person in the locker room. There is a lot of talk about working with WWF/E as enhancement talent, both in the early 1990s and during their respective WWE careers on “Heat” and “Velocity,” with the added insight of Nova’s experience working on the office side booking and auditioning entry-level talent. There also is a look at the origin of the Super Nova gimmick and lots of specific details of how Nova transitioned from his ECW run into the WWF developmental system at Ohio Valley Wrestling.

Quote of the week:“When you’re a young boy breaking in and you’re green and you’re traveling everywhere, dude, part of your pay, whether you like it or not, is the experience you’re getting inside of a ring and in front of people. Because when you’re in wrestling school and you’re training, all you’re doing is training. You’re not working. … You didn’t work, because there’s no fans there. And if the fans are just the ones that you see all the time and you’re not in a different area and driving, and getting out there, then that’s not working.”

Why you should listen: Nova has an amazingly broad range of experience. He worked jobber matches against early 1990s WWF stars (Ludvig Borga, the Headshrinkers, the Heavenly Bodies), was a strong contributor for most of ECW’s prominence. He also was in the ring at WrestleMania 22 in Los Angeles. There are plenty of compelling moments of all those resume points peppered through the conversation. His recollections of getting called to and working through the OVW system are interesting, and his seven years away from the business, on his own terms, afford a perspective rare to wrestling podcasts.

Why you should skip it: The conversation does not go in chronological order, and as such is not a complete career retrospective. At a few different points Nova wants to turn the tables and focus on Cabana’s WWE dalliance, and though he succeeds in deferring, some listeners might find those moments to be distracting. And although Nova has worked with and around many of the biggest names in the business, he himself is not a legend. If you’re not into hearing about the big-league experiences of a guy who barely registered on your TV, this is not the show for you.

Final thoughts: I have almost no recollection of either Nova or Simon Dean for a variety of reasons, so I came into this show as blind as I do when Colt chats up an independent worker I’ve never heard about. That said, I found this to be a fascinating conversation on account of the breadth of Nova’s experience and his dual nature as someone who at one time had his life completely consumed by professional wrestling but now has a completely normal existence with full detachment. Having his toes in both pools and different points of his life, and working for $150 a night while also being on the biggest stage of all, gives him plenty of platforms from which to speak with validity. If nothing else, this episode proves Cabana, at 222 shows into his run, can still deliver a compelling conversation with a person he’s never before had as a guest.
↧
↧

I Listen So You Don't Have To: Steve Austin Show Ep. 164

November 3, 2014, 6:30 am
$
0
0
Flair makes his return to the Austin show this week
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: Steve Austin Show Unleashed
Episode: 164
Run Time: 1:03:33
Guests: Ted Fowler (2:44), Ric Flair (13:55)

Summary: Austin opens the show with a quick call to Ted Fowler to discuss conditions at the Broken Skull Ranch. Then he calls Ric Flair to check in after the Nature Boy’s recent hospital stay. They talk about their respective nagging injuries, and the conversation turns to Flair’s early days in the business and the various well-known wrestlers from he “borrowed” many of his favorite moves, as well as both men’s thoughts about the WWE Performance Center. There’s specific focus on the figure-four and its legitimacy as well as an extensive look at blading strategy before they talk about some of Flair’s current projects and talk a bit of football. Austin ends with one of his longest Match Of The Week segments, waxing nostalgic about a Clash of the Champions IV tag team showdown between Flair and Barry Windham against the Midnight Express (Stan Lane and Bobby Eaton).

Quote of the week: Flair: “Do I miss the ring? I miss it a lot. Yep. I wish I was on RAW tomorrow.”

Why you should listen: Because it’s Ric Flair. The Nature Boy did a marathon session with Stone Cold back in the early days of the podcast, but I’m nearly certain they didn’t cover the ground they did here, looking specifically at Flair’s best known in-ring maneuvers and the wrestlers who either taught him the skill or from whom he stole the move after seeing it in the ring — sometimes the next night. Austin was trying to keep the chat to 15 minutes, and though it went more than twice as long, he was much more efficient than when he opens up the microphone with no timetable in mind.

Why you should skip it: There’s very little talk about the current WWE roster (Flair bumped for Kane and Roman Reigns while working as a referee on the recent Australian tour). Also, if you don’t want to have the inner workings of the business exposed, specifically in regards to chops and blading, take a pass. And finally, if the thought of a fitness video starring Flair and Dennis Rodman scares you half to death, well, uh, sorry, I guess I spoiled it here. Whoops.

Final thoughts: This might be my platonic ideal of a Steve Austin show. The chat with Fowler was brief but actually gave welcome insight into Stone Cold as a real person. A loaded celebrity, sure, but he’s honest about his life. The Flair interview was fantastic, because you’re not going to get Flair being this candid with someone he doesn’t fully respect. Further, it was concise. Listening to Austin’s wrestler interviews often requires separating chaff from wheat, but this one was almost all needles and no haystack. And the Match Of The Week segment was solid as well, given how Austin picked a semi-obscure match featuring his guest and took some real time to explain why it’s worth revisiting. The whole show took less than an hour (if you skip the commercials), plus Austin was allowed to curse yet didn’t abuse the privilege. I’d commend this episode to anyone unfamiliar with Austin’s show and implore Stone Cold to work with this formula as much as possible.
↧

Best Coast Bias: Another Gritty Reboot

November 3, 2014, 8:30 am
$
0
0
If only some sort of chant went along with this
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Here's the problem about knowing too much (or, conversely, knowing enough to be dangerous): the element of surprise, one of life's little great joys, flies out of the window. Having some knowledge of the intricacies of professional wrestling gives you a lot of small bits of fun information that can come along for use in trivia contests or online repartee, but ultimately this may be a kind of Pyrrhic victory. It's a bunch of magicians in a room trying to impress each other between dismissive eye rolls and caustic quips of "the six of hearts, and it's behind my ear next to this quarter which I'm going to light on fire but it's perfectly fine. YAWN!"

All the more reason to take note of logical surprises, especially the pleasant ones, and exponentially moreso when they come out of the Stamford pro graps factory - a locale not exactly known for such morsels in the recent pasts.

But then again, that's Stamford, and this is NXT.

We knew Zayn was going to take on Titus O'Neil's "open invitation" for a match; we're the ones doing a shot every time he mentions the phrase redemption on his way to frenemy Adrian Neville and their title match coming down the lines. Sami Zayn refusing a match would be like a craft brewer making a trip to San Diego and not hitting a brewery. But as predictable as it was for the overlord of lawful good to...you know, be lawful good, you could still be easily surprised not even 90 seconds into the match. Sami Zayn marching to the ring to Worlds Apart without a single skanking step. Sami Zayn rolling into the ring instead of taking his customary place on the second stair and firing up the crowd before doing a fine spiral into the squared circle. And then, once hostilities recommenced between him and the former Gator, Sami Zayn throwing hands.

It would've been less astounding for Slipknot to pull off a note-perfect cover of "My Heart Will Go On."

They might as well have put up a chyron proclaiming Zayn 2.0 as he stood in against someone roughly 160% his size and tried to fight the man. As you may have predicted, the success rate on this was low. Zayn could only get in a few open-handed chops while O'Neil got off some .8 Henry level trash talking (especially nice was a throw to the evening's final commercial break with him barking "You sent a damn boy to do a man's job!"). Coming back from it and even under more duress, Zayn managed a kickout at one. Any long time NXT aficionado has seen the fourth match with Cesaro at Takeover; any such person knows what doing that means in his echelon as an emblem of his fighting spirit.

Despite his attempts to win by countout at times and his outright manhandling of everyone's favorite Syrian-Canadian, when he came back it was bang-bang, thanks for coming: the Exploder into the corner set up the above-seen Helluva Kick. And yet his road is not yet done, as Lo A Wild Tyler Breeze taunted him from the rampway about being someone else he hadn't beat, and would be more than willing to yank that erstwhile #1 contendership off of shoulders with the next episode. Maybe that would've worked against old Zayn; new (and possibly turning evil) Zayn? You don't have to be Jimmy the Greek to not like T Breezie's chances. Also an excellent surprise to the point where if it's incidental, the reaction is gratitude and if intentional, may be the best little touch any wrestling promotion in North America's done in 2014: last week, Adrian Neville's "comeback" against O'Neil? That was also two moves.

(Two moves, incidentally, was about how long it took for Marcus Louis to lay out Sylvester Lefort while still being unhinged about his baldness and one more move than it took Baron Corbin to End of Days someone referred to by shorthand in notes as Poor Bastard. The crowd counting how long unlucky Tony Briggs lasted in his debut--roughly :20--was a fine touch that needs to be A Thing going forward until they have somebody test the deaf-mute biker loner.)

From an in-ring note, the other point of import that happened on the show was the Vaudevillians making manifest what had been implicit for some time as they earned #1 contendership by being the last men standing in a five-team battle royale that kicked off the program. You knew some carp had gone bad just south of Norway when only they and the Ascension got time for their entrances, and they were the last two teams standing. With the Tye Dillingers and Buddy Blakes taking each other out, the New York boys of Big Cass and Enzo Amore quickly found themselves victimized at the hands of the former champions as the Vaudies took their sweet time getting back inside the ring while Viktor and Konnor dispatched of the upstarts.

It was at this moment Hideo Itami decided to show up and ruin everything for them, and the moment after Aiden English and Simon Gotch did what anybody who could rub two brain cells together could do and eliminated the "distracted by rival's theme music" trope-eaters while they were still in the match the Japanese import was in there and dishing out punishment on them not seen since his debut. Of course, this just meant it took longer for The Numbers Game (™ World Wrestling Entertainment) to catch up to him and lay him out; moreover, it lead to a short-but-sweet segment in the back where Itami announced he wasn't going anywhere, was tired of the abuse and said he was going to bring A Friend next week. On the off chance you're reading this and don't know who the friend is or what's about to go down in a few short days, prepare your profane chants.

That Bull Going Bull on Justin Gabriel? Fun for what it was, but expected. Bayley going to Charlotte for help in evening the odds against Sasha Banks and Becky Lynch? The same. But a show where another big name joins the NXT fold and we get Tyler Breeze and Fancy New Sami Zayn butting heads for the first time since they almost stole the show at Takeover? You're probably going to love it.

Surprise.
↧
Search

Smackdown: Friendship is Magic

November 3, 2014, 10:30 am
$
0
0
Why did Layla hang out more with faux-Summer Rae than the real one?
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Most Distressing Lack of Friendship – Summer Rae and Layla 
Summer Rae and Layla both participated in the Halloween costume battle royal to determine the number one contender for the Divas' Championship, but you'd never know the two women are supposed to be friends. I was looking forward to them doing some kind of team costume, but no dice. I'm also pretty sure that the two didn't interact at all during the match. If Summer and Layla have split up off-screen I will be very disappointed. Fabulous friendships such as theirs, based on a love of dance and a hatred of mean former dance partners, don't just come along every day.

Two side notes on this one. First, Nikki Bella's win. As AJ Lee pointed out on commentary, it was cool that Bella actually earned something for once. She already makes a decent villain as part of the Authority, but if she's an opportunistic cheat AND is able to handily mow down her foes? That makes her an even more effective threat. Second, AJ Lee's aforementioned commentary. I love her and she certainly has a gift for snarky commentary, but her remarks really rubbed me the wrong way. She spent the entire time deriding how “sexy” all of the women's costumes were and generally being too cool for school. She had a point to make, but it was not made at the expense of the right people. A good rule of thumb: if the chucklefucks on commentary are laughing and egging you on, YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING WRONG.

I agree that the sexy costumes worn by the divas on pretty much every holiday can be a tiresome cliché, but let's think about this. First, not all of the women on this episode just fell into the usual line. Sure, there were “sexy cop” Cameron, “sexy firefighter” Alicia Fox, “sexy zombie nurse” (what?) Rosa, and “sexy schoolgirl nerd” Summer Rae, but there were also Naomi as a paratrooper, Layla as a clown, and Emma as Tarzan (causing commentary to work themselves into knots trying to fathom that a woman dressed as Tarzan and not Jane). Paige was Summer Rae for some reason. Natalya was the Queen of Hearts (way to be original, Nattie). Even Nikki Bella's cat costume showed way less skin than her usual gear. What I'm saying is that there was some creativity and fun mixed in with the stereotypical costumes and it was incredibly insulting to talk down the contestants' efforts when Lee herself didn't have to do a damn thing.

She could get away with wearing a shirt that just had “boo” printed on it. She's lucky that she isn't expected to take part in the matches that are clearly designed to be as titillating as possible, and she could certainly show a little sympathy for those who seemingly aren't allowed to have any personality. Some of them apparently just gave up and went with what was expected of them and some of them tried to think a little outside of the box, but none of them deserved to be casually written off. There's nothing wrong with being sexy, whether on Halloween or at any other time. However, “sexy” is all that a WWE diva is generally expected to be and these costume battle royals are just another way to parade them in front of the masses without giving them anything meaningful to do. If, like AJ Lee, we're fed up with it, let's aim our caustic comments where the blame really lies: with the people who insist on making the women dress up in costumes in the first place and who constantly showcase their bodies but not their abilities.

Best Friends – Kane, Seth Rollins, Jamie Noble, and Joey Mercury
Kane and Seth Rollins being villainous together still warms my heart. Together with Jamie Noble and Joey Mercury they pulverized Dolph Ziggler in a charming show of fellowship. It's important to have common ground, even if said common ground is picking on defenseless men. If I cared about Dolph Ziggler in the slightest I might feel differently. But I don't, so yay, evil friends!

Deserves a Friend – Heath Slater
Poor Heath Slater came out to the ring dressed as a scarecrow and, after starting to tell us why he loves Halloween so much, was attacked by Ryback, who was...cheered for it? What the hell? Slater was being completely inoffensive and kind of adorable (to be honest, he was way more Clem Layfield than Heath Slater, which I've no objection to); he did not deserve to be beat up by The Big Guy. If only 3MB was still together, this would never have happened! Actually, if 3MB was still together Ryback probably would have just hoisted all three of them onto his shoulders, but at least Slater would have had friends to share in his humiliation.

Most Pointless Friendships – Everyone in the Tag Division
Goldust and Stardust lost their match against Los Matadores, causing commentary to start crowing about this could mean a title shot for the latter team. Just...what is even the deal with the tag division right now? After a lengthy (seemingly never-ending) series against the Usos, the Dust Bros. Finally proved their dominance and then they just lose to a (let's face it) complete non-entity of a team? And then said team IMMEDIATELY gets pegged for a title shot even though they've done nothing else worthwhile pretty much ever? I really don't think the problem is the lack of teams. The problem is that said teams are basically completely static interchangeable parts to be slotted into place whenever someone figures that it's time to have new champions. There are no stories and there is no character progression. Even the Usos/Dust Bros. blood feud wasn't really based on anything more than “The Usos are good guys and Goldust and Stardust are bad guys.” Even when the matches are good (and they usually are, particularly when Goldust and Stardust are involved), it's frustrating to realize that nothing these teams achieve actually matters.

Should Not Be Friends – Sheamus and America
Seriously with this? The only thing worse than an American yammering about how great America is, is a non-American yammering about how great America is. I am all for Sheamus and Rusev colliding with each other, but not like this. Not like this! Also, the first thing Sheamus did after declaring his undying love for the US of A was to attack Rusev for absolutely no reason. Apparently espousing an unreasonable devotion to America turns you into a giant asshole.

Should Be Friends – Dean Ambrose and Cesaro
The Trick or Street Fight between Dean Ambrose and Cesaro entertained the hell out of me and I'm not going to pretend otherwise. And I don't think that you can really participate in something that ridiculous with someone without somehow becoming friends with them. Something about hitting each other with skeletons and having one's head shoved into a pumpkin just creates a bond, you know?
↧

Dispatches from the Lake: Total Divas in a Show on the E! Network

November 3, 2014, 12:30 pm
$
0
0
The good stuff, right here
Photo Credit: WWE.com
I really need something to give with the commentary on these shows. Call me crazy, but I always thought that the commentary existed to enhance the match. And while Renee Young and Tom Philips are fine, but they don’t add anything to the matches. All they do here is talk about Total Divas. Now, I understand that both these matches involved people from that show, but there’s other stuff going on here. Call the match. It’s not that hard.

With that out of the way, on to the matches!

First up, Summer Rae with Layla took on Emma. I’ll give you three guesses as to how this ended, and the first two don’t count. It was a very slow, very boring, by the numbers match one that illustrates why you shouldn’t watch Superstars. Both of these women can do so much better than they showed here. If you’ve seen them in NXT, then you know this to be true. I still maintain that the women’s wrestling is a ton better than it was a few years ago, but come on. You’ve got an hour to fill on Superstars each week. Cut out a few of the commercials, and give them more than a few minutes. Oh, and a proper finish instead of the WWE Commemorative Diva’s Distraction Roll Up would be nice too.

Second match of the evening was Sin Cara against Tyson Kidd with Natalya.

This is why you should watch Superstars. Every now and again, they’re going to throw something solid our way for watching the shows no one cares about each week. Seek this one out. Two things that annoyed me were the constant Total Divas talk, and there was a commercial in the middle of the match. I say thing every week, but what the hell is a commercial doing in the middle of a match on the Network that you own?

Kidd pulled out the win with a little ‘inadvertent’ assistance from Natalya and a Swinging Fisherman Suplex. I really hope Natalya’s accidently getting in the way of Kidd’s opponents is revealed to be on purpose. I want a douchebag power couple in the WWE yesterday. Bottom line, watch this match. I really think you’ll like it.

The Dark Recaps Return

  • IED afflicted Randy Orton is the best Randy Orton. I like my Orton unhinged and completely bonkers. I hope we get more of the madness in the coming months. I just hope they keep him Chaotic Neutral. Face Orton is the pits, and so is his powder blue shirt.
  • Frustrated Manager Triple H is kind of great too. That look he gets on his face when something goes wrong is just outstanding.
  • I’m really pissed we didn’t get the Dean Ambrose and Cesaro match. Cesaro’s a beast in the ring, so having him cower at getting hit with a microphone made me a bit nuts.
  • While I am jazzed for Bray Wyatt and Ambrose, I still think how we got there was stupid. Looking forward to the matches, though.
  • The less said about John Cena as number one contender, the better. His whole ‘man who runs the place’ schtick needs to be leading somewhere, though I realize it totally won’t.
  • The Authority’s talking points re: Cena versus Brock Lensar would make a lot more sense if Cena got spanked at Night of Champions like he did at Summerslam, but he basically had that match won. He lost because of Seth Rollins, current Authority golden boy. Sense making, WWE. That’s all I ask.

BONUS ROUND!

This weeks's quote from Monday Night War that pissed me off, from Vince McMahon:
It’s knowing what you’re doing. And having the passion to do it. To understand that if we have good storylines you have to have good characters. It’s all about giving the right environment for those talents to grow.
I swear to god, they’re trying to kill me with this show…
↧
↧

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings, November 3

November 3, 2014, 6:20 pm
$
0
0
Heidi rulz!
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Heidi Lovelace (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Lovelace finally got a tapout victory at the end of a Chikara-affiliated event with the Chikara Special by winning the Young Lions Cup eliminator Saturday. She celebrated by looking around and going "Really? No one's gonna come out and beat the poop out of me?"

2. Paige (Last Week: 1) - Not only did she wail on Alicia Fox so hard that even noted pervert Jerry Lawler came to someone's aid without the intention of hitting on them, she went onto perfectly imitate her former NXT rival via Halloween costume.

3. Kimber Lee (Last Week: Not Ranked) - She may not have been victorious on Saturday, but at least she didn't have to abdicate her crown as Princess of Wrestling Is Fun! I wonder who'd take the crown if she did. Would Lovelace have had to taken it by default? Would Sara del Rey come back? WOULD DAIZEE HAZE RETURN FROM THE AETHER? Thankfully, that question of succession never had to be asked.

4. Mark Henry (Last Week: 9) - He slammed Big Show so hard that he thought he was still Andre the Giant's son.

5. AJ Lee (Last Week: 2) - Only Lee could wear a tank top that said "Boo!" as a Halloween costume and make it work.

6. Dean Ambrose (Last Week: 3) - I had to dock him a few points for not pouring nutmeg and cinnamon on Cesaro after he put the pumpkin on his head as a shoot on white people, but hey, you get what you get.

7. Reese's Peanut Butter Cups (Last Week: Not Ranked)OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - If you're lucky, your kids brought home enough of these for you to indulge without taking their best haul. Seriously, nothing beats a good Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, and I will continue to say that until I START GETTING SWEET SPONSORSHIP CASH FROM THEM PLEASE GIVE IT TO ME I SWEAR I WILL PLUG THE SHIT OUT OF YOUR PRODUCT.

8. Lauren Hill (Last Week: Not Ranked) - The terminally ill cancer patient scored the first points of the NCAA basketball season this weekend in an inspirational story. She has an inoperable brain tumor, yet she still was able to take the floor for her Mt. St. Joseph's team this past weekend. Cancer sucks, but it doesn't suck so much that it can keep those it afflicts from realizing some portion of their dreams. Fuck cancer. Let's end that shit in my lifetime.

9. Jeremy Maclin (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Questions surrounded Maclin in training camp as to whether he'd be needed by the Eagles this year, and he responded only by being the single least-coverable receiver in the NFL. In fact, I think he's still wide open streaking towards the end zone. Nick Foles? Mark Sanchez? IT'S IRRELEVANT. Maclin's still catching everything that comes near him.

10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - SARA DEL REY FACT: In lieu of candy, del Rey koppo kicked anyone who gave out apples or something decidedly not candy on Halloween in her neighborhood.
↧

Instant Feedback: This Company's Broken

November 3, 2014, 8:10 pm
$
0
0
Photo Credit: WWE.com

People talk about how WWE doesn't pay attention to details. I agree with that statement to a point, but it's hard for WWE's creative staff and its final checkpoint, Vince McMahon, to catch the small details when shit like the above happens. Dean Ambrose should not be shaking anyone's hands except for Roman Reigns at this point. He shouldn't be shaking McMahon's hand. Now, that action might seem like minutia, but here's the thing. Ambrose is supposed to be the fucking Lunatic Fringe.

He doesn't shake hands or kiss babies. He might shake a baby, but I don't wanna throw around baseless accusations. He's a weird loner who fights against everything Authority stands for. Sure, Vince McMahon may have put his daughter and son-in-law in a pickle, but he's still the most overbearing, untrustworthy, archetypical evil boss character ever. Ambrose cavorting with him, no matter how short, no matter how much in a throwaway manner, is a fatal flaw in WWE's master plan.

A show is only as strong as the integrity of its DNA. You don't want to bother with longterm continuity? Okay, I can get the appeal of booking to an audience of goldfish, especially when those lapses in continuity are still steeped in the zeitgeist of what's been established recently. I can forgive Dolph Ziggler eschewing his deep past of sugar-mommaing on Vickie Guerrero because those attempts at gold-digging came up empty and maybe he learned his lesson, but because he's been established as such a folk hero recently. But I can't forgive WWE allowing an avatar of anti-authority to shake hands with, well, The Authority.

If you can't keep track of your characters' integrity or the stories you're telling, then you're a broken entity. WWE's biggest strength in the last few years has been allowing its characters to wrestle and act regardless of what the script says, but it's becoming inherently clear that the institutional incompetence of Creative is becoming so immense that even dynamic personalities like Ambrose are finding it harder to overcome on a consistent basis. Maybe I should just start skipping RAW and catching the recaps on Main Event weekly as I go to a Network-only mode of consumption...
↧

I Listen So You Don't Have To: Cheap Heat w/Noelle Foley

November 4, 2014, 4:30 am
$
0
0
Hell in a Cell talk was there, but it paled in comparison to RAW gabbing
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: Cheap Heat
Episode: Oct. 30, 2014
Run Time: 1:19:12
Guest: Noelle Foley

Summary: David “Stench Winslow” Shoemaker and Peter “Heel” Rosenberg are joined in studio by Noelle Foley to discuss the Hell In A Cell pay-per-view and subsequent RAW. There are a few diversions, predictably including the Cell exploits of Foley’s grandmother’s baby boy, her nascent in-ring career, and broad criticisms of the WWE ringside announcing crew.

Quote of the week: Shoemaker: “This is wrestling. Nothing’s ever over. These two guys are going to wrestle again 4,000 — like, when we’re recording episode 936 of ‘Cheap Heat’ in five years, we’re going to be complaining about Ambrose and Rollins the way people are complaining about Orton and Cena right now. They’re going to fight over and over again.”

Why you should listen: Once again, Cheap Heat is wise to wait until the RAW dust settles before reviewing the pay-per-view. If you’re feeling generally positive — not over the moon, but optimistic — about the narrative direction of the last week, the crew generally affirms that viewpoint, though there is fair discussion about inconclusive match endings and the way storytelling is evolving in the Network era.

Why you should skip it: RAW talk outnumbers Hell In A Cell review about two to one. Though guests usually soften his rough edges, Rosenberg trends toward the more unbearable side of his act. As usual, Shoemaker’s PPV thoughts were presented far more lucidly in written form earlier in the week on Grantland. Having Foley weigh in is a decent touch, but even she doesn’t add anything to talk of her father tumbling off the cell in 1998.

Final thoughts: While I come to praise Cheap Heat for incorporating RAW into the PPV discussion (something Jim Ross hasn’t grasped), I fail to understand why Rosenberg seemed so insistent on plowing through Hell In A Cell to talk about RAW. There’s 12 PPVs a year and 52 RAWs, and they labor over the latter’s minutiae nearly every week. The end result is an episode that — aside from Foley, who again would make a great cohost for Shoemaker should Rosenberg take a leave of absence — doesn’t stand out from any other, and that should be the entire point of a supercard episode.
↧
Viewing all 4899 articles
Browse latest View live
Search