Nazmaldun's Chosen Warriors to Haunt King of Trios

July 28, 2015, 8:30 am

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They're coming... Graphics via @CHIKARAPro

A year ago, a trio of Hallowicked, Frightmare, and Silver Ant would have been a dream tecnico threesome, one that would have delighted long-time Chikara fans and helped introduce new fans to its wonderful world of masked merriment. Hallowicked has been with the promotion since its inception, and while Frightmare and Silver Ant are relatively recent additions (although now one could consider both of them veterans), they took to the hearts and minds of the fans almost immediately.

However, Delirious used the Eye of Tyr on Hallowicked and Frightmare at Tomorrow Never Dies after the conclusion of his loser-leaves-town loss to UltraMantis Black. Mantis formed the Spectral Envoy with the two pumpkinesque wrestlers, but after falling under the sway of the Eye, they mauled their former comrade, reappearing at A New Start in frightful new masks and carrying macabre banners. They had transformed from affable Halloween-themed fan-favorites into grotesquely evil warriors serving a mostly unknown being by the name of Nazmaldun.

Under the demonic master's watch, Hallowicked captured the Grand Championship from Icarus in England, and he drafted his Nightmare Warriors Challenge of the Immortals team to include his confidant Frightmare, known Spectral Envoy associate member Blind Rage, and the Colony's newest yet most technically proficient member, Silver Ant. Already having survived Colony Collapse Disorder once, Silver looked to continue with Fire and Worker Ants unabated going forward, possibly in a quest to reclaim Soldier Ant and reform the Colony with four strong members. However, that quest has been interrupted thanks to the COTI, and even worse, Silver seems to have begun falling under Nazmaldun's dark sway.

All may not be lost for Silver Ant. Maybe he can break the hold that Frightmare and Hallowicked have begun to clasp around his mind. But either way, adding his talents to a trio that already includes the Grand Champion and a former Young Lions Cup winner makes these three a threat to win the entire thing. And if they do win, it will be the second King of Trios tournament win for all three members. Hallowicked and Frightmare won in 2012 with UltraMantis Black, and Silver Ant won with Soldier and Fire Ants as members of the Colony in 2011.

Thirteen teams have been entered into King of Trios. They are as follows: The Bullet Club (AJ Styles and the Young Bucks), Team Lucha Underground/AAA (Fenix, Drago, and Aerostar), Team Fight Club Pro (MK McKinnan and Moustache Mountain), Team Attack (Mark Andrews, Pete Dunne, and Flash Morgan), the Blue World Order (Big Stevie Cool, Da Blue Guy, and Hollywood Nova), the defending Champion Devastation Corporation (Blaster McMassive, Max Smashmaster, and Flex Rumblecrunch), Dasher's Dugout (Dasher Hatfield, Mark Angelosetti, and Icarus), The Snake Pit (Ophidian, Shynron, and Eddie Kingston), United Nations (Juan Francisco de Coronado, Mr. Azerbaijan, and the Proletariat Boar of Moldova), the Gentlemen's Club (Chuck Taylor, Drew Gulak, and the Swamp Monster), the BDK (Jakob Hammermeier, Nøkken, and Soldier Ant), and the Battle Hive (Amasis, Fire Ant, and Worker Ant). Trio #14 will be announced live on YouTube/Chikaratopia tomorrow on the series premiere of Journey into Chikara. Be there or be square, ladies, gentlemen, and anthropomorphic beings of varying providence.

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I Listen So You Don't Have To: Steve Austin Show, Ep. 240

July 28, 2015, 10:00 am

≫ Next: Roderick Strong Reups with Ring of Honor

≪ Previous: Nazmaldun's Chosen Warriors to Haunt King of Trios

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Austin gabs with Keller this week again Photo Credit: WWE.com

If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: The Steve Austin Show - Unleashed
Episode: 240
Run Time: 1:16:38
Guest: Wade Keller

Summary: There was a big rainstorm at the Broken Skull Ranch, pushing back production on Broken Skull Challenge, and due to some convoluted reasoning explained by Austin, this necessitated a change in his plans for this podcast and brought Wade Keller back to the show for the second consecutive episode. Because Keller’s last appearance saw him and Austin breaking down the Battleground results, all they can really talk about this time is the results of the 7/20/15 episode of RAW. They begin by discussing the apparent ending of Kevin Owens’s program with John Cena, with Keller lamenting that Owens didn’t even get to speak about his loss on Monday, but was just thrown into a 6-man tag. However, Keller is hopeful that Owens and Cesaro will have a good feud together. The other big discussion centered around the advancement of Undertaker and Lesnar’s feud, with talk of the pull-apart brawl that took up two segments. Austin and Keller are both skeptical as to where the feud will go from here, with unsureness as to who will win the Summerslam match, and who Undertaker will be fighting in his possible retirement match at WrestleMania 32.

Quote of the Week: “The thing about WWE booking is there are times as a fan where you look and you go, ‘This aspect of it doesn’t make any sense.’ But that doesn’t mean that Vince McMahon doesn’t know that also. He might go, ‘Ah fuck, I can’t make this make sense. I can’t see a path that makes sense to get there, but I need to get there so we’re just gonna have to plow through some traffic cones of logic, knock ‘em over on the way, because in the end it’s going to be worth it.’ And that’s, I think, what came next on RAW – let’s get people excited by having a pull-apart brawl to end all pull-apart brawls.”

Why you should listen: Keller is excellent at deep analysis of WWE’s booking and creative decisions, and along with his criticism, he offers great ideas. When they throw together a seemingly meaningless 6-man tag team main event for RAW, of course they should have the heel team do a pre-match promo where they describe their motivations for the match. Such a simple idea doesn’t even occur to us because we’ve been beaten over the head by WWE’s illogical format, but having Keller bounce around these ideas with Austin is fun and intellectually stimulating.

Why you should skip it: Keller was just on in the last episode, and it appears that this episode is very similar to the last, especially since there isn’t a whole lot of new material for them to discuss. They keep the discussion limited to what happened on RAW, but they only discuss Owens/Cena and Taker/Lesnar, with no mention of the two Divas matches or anything else. Given their limited subject matter, they could have expanded the discussion further. Also, Keller says a couple times that Lesnar has not been pinned since his return, but he’s been beaten by both Cena and Triple H, and it’s so upsetting when people conveniently ignore that unfortunate fact.

Final thoughts: Keller has such enthusiasm for this subject that it’s impossible to not listen intently as he breaks down current WWE booking, and given the somewhat up-in-the-air abandon in which WWE is operating right now, there is still fertile ground for these two guys to talk about. Austin feels a little underprepared for the interview, but he’s so talented that he can make chicken salad out of it. This episode is also worth listening to for a borderline pointless yet entertaining story about accidentally killing a locust while riding his motorcycle, which features Austin using the term “locust pussy.” He is the great poet of our lifetime.

Roderick Strong Reups with Ring of Honor

July 28, 2015, 11:30 am

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≪ Previous: I Listen So You Don't Have To: Steve Austin Show, Ep. 240

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Strong will remain with ROH Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein

Roderick Strong, the former Ring of Honor World Champion and current reigning and defending Pro Wrestling Guerrilla Champion, has re-signed with ROH. The company announced the news today. Strong, along with current ROH Champion Jay Lethal and Adam Cole, had been rumored to have garnered interest from WWE, mainly out of spite. As has been the news for the last couple of weeks or so, WWE has remained in a state of anger at ROH for various things, and is also doing everything it can to sabotage the de facto number two wrestling company in America.

Strong isn't the first one to rebuke WWE in favor of ROH. The Briscoes and Moose also chose ROH over going to NXT, and in the case of the former, the social media snafus were allegedly not even a factor. The Young Bucks also have turned down WWE in the past, but in the interest of accuracy, I doubt it was to remain in ROH specifically. The Bucks can write their own tickets anywhere because of their transcendent level of fame despite never appearing for WWE. The team is not only a prominent fixture in New Japan Pro Wrestling, but it is also the mascot entity for PWG and can draw perhaps the steepest fee of anyone in the country from any indie promotion it wants to appear for.

Strong specifically has undergone a career renaissance in the last year or so. He was left by the roadside in both ROH and PWG as a gatekeeper or a veteran guy who puts others over. However, the exodus of other non-tenured, exclusively contracted ROH talents (read, Adam Cole and Kyle O'Reilly) left a vacuum at the top of PWG's main event card, and Strong was given a run with the title, one that has drawn critical acclaim. His prominence in ROH subsequently rose again to the point where he's not only a World Championship contender, but a surprisingly over one. Staying with ROH may have been the best option for him rather than navigating the NXT waters, especially given that forces on the WWE main roster seem to have it in for NXT talents. I hope that WWE doesn't totally wreck the viability of ROH going forward.

Moments and Context: On Dean Ambrose, Big Show, and WWE's Storytelling Problem

July 28, 2015, 1:00 pm

≫ Next: Ain't No Feud Like a Dad-Feud

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This match and segment should've meant a lot more than it did, but WWE's booking prevented that Photo Credit: WWE.com

I didn't catch a whole lot of RAW last night; stomach issues possibly from eating less-than-provident gorgonzola cheese for lunch will do that to a human. I did make it as far as the Big Show/Dean Ambrose match, whose layout and execution had a lot to unpack. Firstly, the fact that Ambrose has seemingly been programmed against Show right now instead of his rumored arc joining Roman Reigns against Bray Wyatt and Luke Harper at SummerSlam feels like a letdown. The booking was another disappointment on the surface; Show basically squashed Ambrose in an extended fashion. Then, Ambrose immediately got his heat back by luring Big Show into charging through the barricade. The whole thing encapsulated how shortsighted WWE booking is nowadays.

But it wasn't without merit, or at least it wouldn't have been, in a company that had a more stable narrative. The story that Show and Ambrose told might have been special in other circumstance. Big Show is a 500+ lbs. giant whose offense should look like it could kill a guy Ambrose's size. Yet the scrappy, gutty Ambrose kept getting up and taking Show's biggest and best shots. Nothing Show landed on him seemed to be able to put him down, and attrition was the only reason that he was finally able to score the countout victory. Even in the wake of taking all that damage, Ambrose showed enough wile to lure Show into his trap, taking advantage of Show's bloodlust. In a vacuum, that entire chain of events that unfolded would have been talked about for years to come.

However, WWE's framing of the event is why it indeed elicited a negative reaction from many online. The biggest problem is that Big Show has been maligned and mistreated most of his career, especially in WWE. From the moment he showed up, his giant size was nerfed and tempered until he was just another guy who happened to stand seven feet tall. WWE had short stretches of really selling his giantness in the same way that regional promoters, not the least of which being Vincent J. McMahon and Vince McMahon himself, were able to tap into Andre the Giant's massive frame to make him the greatest special attraction of all-time. However, Show has shown more ass than a room full of strippers, which might be why malaise over him has gotten so bad that he gets "Please retire!" chants on more than a few occasions.

The next biggest problem is that Ambrose didn't necessarily need that rub in order to get to the next level. He remains one of the most surprisingly over characters on the roster despite the fact that his stories tend to get muddled badly and WWE tends to use him as a stepping stone to get other guys over rather than himself. In essence, Ambrose is bulletproof with fans, but in the narrative, he gets lost so easily that it's not necessarily an overreaction to state that within two weeks, the whole thing won't mean anything.

Last but not least, the overuse of the "even Steven" booking trope made the impact of Ambrose oléing Show to end the action nearly zilch. WWE's bookers, writers, and agents seem to be obsessed with the idea that wins need to be gotten back, heat needs to be kept equal at all times, and that no one should look better than anyone else unless that person is in a protected class (read, is John Cena or a part-timer). WWE is so obsessed with trading wins or heat that no one really ever gets over. Any time someone does get that lead, they get squashed back down into the pile in short order. Again, everyone is mostly just another dude in that company unless they're Cena or Brock Lesnar or Undertaker. Even in the case of the latter two, Lesnar ending The Streak is even being used as fodder for 50/50 booking it appears. WWE seems dead-set on giving Undertaker his win back, either at SummerSlam, or, God forbid, WrestleMania 32.

That reason is why Ambrose's last second escape from the barricade spear had such little impact. Fans are conditioned to expect that he was going to get the upper hand eventually and in short order. I'm not sure whether fans have the capacity to absorb longer stories or not, mainly because "fans" is a catch-all term, everyone's different, and crowd psychology is about as useful as herding cats. However, WWE writes stories for goldfish, it seems. I'm absolutely shocked that Dolph Ziggler has remained on the sidelines for this long, but trust me, he'll be back, and he'll probably get all the heat on Rusev he can to equalize their standings for the eventual blowoff match, whether at SummerSlam or whenever.

WWE can present powerful segments, and it has the roster of wrestlers to pull effective, cathartic storytelling off. As much as people slag Big Show, the guy can get a great reaction if he's given the tools to work with. Dean Ambrose is the kind of talent who can take a metaphorical Chopped basket filled with white bread, water, soy sauce packets, and Grade F bologna and turn it into a gourmet meal. But they, like nearly every other WWE employee for the last 13 or so years, have been done dirty by a broken creative process. That is how a segment that should have been considered an all-time thing last night could come off as "business as usual," and not in a good way

Ain't No Feud Like a Dad-Feud

July 29, 2015, 5:30 am

≫ Next: TNA Bordering on Self-Parody Now

≪ Previous: Moments and Context: On Dean Ambrose, Big Show, and WWE's Storytelling Problem

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WHO ELSE HAS LAID CLAIM TO THE TITLE OF ULTIMATE DAD WITH TITUS O'NEIL? Photo Credit: WWE.com

Titus O'Neil may be a brash, barking, bravado-filled Tag Team Champion in the narrative, but when he's not in a WWE ring, he's a devoted father, so much so that he was bestowed the Celebrity Dad of the Year Award this year. No one can take an award about being a father away from a man, but that didn't stop New Day from trying on Monday night:

Kofi Kingston threw down the GAUNTLET at RAW with help from his buddies Xavier Woods and Big E. Honestly, as a father, matters of dad-hood are very concerning to me. It's distressing that WWE didn't even get behind Kingston, who has a son, as a Dad of the Year candidate. However, since the challenge has been thrown down, the only way they can settle it is through a round of DADOLYMPICS.

O'Neil and Kingston shall engage in a rousing slate of competition that will prove once and for all who the Dad of the Year is that will include:

• Meat grilling decathlon 
• Rhythmic handyman gymnastics
• Jorts competition (like the swimsuit competition, only with jorts)
• Dad joke relay
• Pool and lawn care games
• Timed self-oil change

Of course, those categories wouldn't be the only dad-competitions, but they'd be a good start. Honestly, O'Neil and Kingston engaging in DADOLYMPICS would be several times more entertaining that what their teams' current feud is, which is watching other tag teams wrestle and then distract each other afterwards? I honestly have no clue.

TNA Bordering on Self-Parody Now

July 29, 2015, 7:00 am

≫ Next: Hideo Itami Has a Driver's License, Finally

≪ Previous: Ain't No Feud Like a Dad-Feud

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Just when you think TNA can't get any worse, it puts Melendez's prosthetic leg on the line in a match Screen Grab via WABC

Just when you think TNA can't hit rock bottom, it finds a crack in the floor and descends a level or two. The latest infamy came in the latest set of television tapings for shows that will air sometime in the year 2175 (note, that number is probably a bit of an exaggeration), and Army-veteran-turned-wrestler and amputee Chris Melendez was at the center of it. Melendez lost his left leg while serving in Iraq thanks to an improvised explosive device (IED) attack. He received a prosthesis, and worked hard to train to become a pro wrestler. TNA took him on as a feelgood story last year, and while I question the intentions of Dixie Carter and her workplace-safety-optional wrestling promotion, no doubt that the man himself has been an inspirational story, worthy of praise and sympathy.

Then, the next round of tapings happened, and hoo boy, let's take it to Twitter user and regular Impact attendee @MrJacobCohen for the scoops:

Scoop #23: Chris Melendez wants a rematch with EY, EY will only accept if he puts his leg on the line, Melendez agrees

— Jacob Cohen (@MrJacobCohen) July 28, 2015

Okay, no way TNA is going to have Eric Young strip a war veteran of his prosthetic leg, right? I mean, didn't the folks running TNA see what happened when WWE tried to exploit Zack Gowen earlier last decade? TNA can't be that stupid...

Scoop #6: EY pins Chris Melendez with his feet on the ropes to win Melendez's leg

— Jacob Cohen (@MrJacobCohen) July 28, 2015

Yes, TNA is that stupid.

Granted, no one knows whether or not Melendez had to be dragged into the angle kicking and screaming or whether it was something he was eager to do. The business of pro wrestling is carny as fuck, even today, and when one immerses him/herself into it, then that person can tend to do some pretty weird shit. But I can't help but think that wagering a veteran's prosthetic leg in a match seems to be one of those things that keeps pro wrestling in the bottom tier of public opinion. It's certainly not the worst thing TNA has done this week. I mean, it's making Davey Richards work days after suffering a severe concussion, one that made Gabe Sapolsky stand up and say "Nope, you're not wrestling for me."

But the Melendez thing is something visible and bold that people can latch onto when making fun of the company. Honestly, at this point, TNA's terrible decisions are so plentiful that it's pretty much become a parody of itself, even at the height of the excess brought upon by Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff. The biggest lesson to be learned here, however, is that as long as TNA exists, it will find another false bottom and keep going down. It won't hit rock bottom until it closes, and at this point, I doubt it will ever shut down.

Hideo Itami Has a Driver's License, Finally

July 29, 2015, 8:30 am

≫ Next: I Listen So You Don't Have To: Steve Austin Show, Ep. 241

≪ Previous: TNA Bordering on Self-Parody Now

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Success! Photo via @WWEBalor

Getting one's driver's license can be a momentous occasion, no matter whether that person is 16 or 60 at the time of acquisition. However, the American driver's test can be unnecessarily difficult at times. For example, so much stress is put on parallel parking, which for people who live in the suburbs with their driveways and garages is a bit like teaching a completely urban fellow how to milk a cow like it's a life and death thing. It took me four tries to finally pass my driving test, and I felt like I had the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders when I did. Imagine how elated someone would feel after his 27th try.

If the above picture is any indication, Hideo Itami is fuckin' stoked to have passed his driver's test. Unless running buddy Finn Bálor is ribbing everyone, Itami took 27 tries to get it right on the road in the States. Of course, being a wrestler in WWE doesn't necessarily require you to have a license, since you usually ride with one or two other guys to each show anyway. But the freedom is nice, especially if everyone else wants to hit up Godfather's Pizza, and all you want is a goddamn Big Mac.

Itami is still on the shelf thanks to a bum shoulder that kept him on the sidelines for the last couple of months. In the narrative, it was set up by a sneak attack by a phantom assailant. If the folks at NXT tied it all together by having Itami run his attacker over, well, I would certainly forgive the flashbacks I would get to Rikishi "doing it for The Rock." Either way, congratulations to the man for getting his license, because again, no matter how old you are, it's still one heck of an accomplishment.

I Listen So You Don't Have To: Steve Austin Show, Ep. 241

July 29, 2015, 10:00 am

≫ Next: Matt Striker and Hugo Savinovich to Provide English Commentary for TripleMania

≪ Previous: Hideo Itami Has a Driver's License, Finally

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Austin flies solo in his latest episode Photo Credit: WWE.com

If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: The Steve Austin Show
Episode: 241
Run Time: 1:11:05
Guest: none

Summary: Austin is quite honest with us; he has no guest and he is low on material. But what he does have is a story that he hopes will help us with a problem we all share: the ability, or inability, to relax. After some updates on the filming of Broken Skull Challenge and his possible future involvement with Redneck Island, Austin goes into a story about eating alone at a French restaurant called Le Chene, located in the tiny town of Agua Dulce, California. Austin explains that he usually has a hard time relaxing, and eating alone at this fancy restaurant, where he was seated in such a way that he had to directly look at a couple having dinner, would normally be a stress-inducing situation that heightened his self-consciousness. However, at a certain point in his “absolutely wonderful” meal, Austin closed his eyes, got lost in the beauty of the classical French music playing overhead, and realized that he had nothing to be stressed about. He achieved a state of relaxation.

Quote of the Week:“I enjoy life. I love it. But sometimes I don’t stop and smell the roses. So I’m here to tell you, if you’re in the same boat as I was, and you’re always in a hurry and you don’t know how to slow down or relax, you ain’t gotta go to a fancy French restaurant to learn how to do it. You don’t need alcohol to learn how to do it. Just sit down somewhere, and I don’t know if you need to meditate, if you just need to take a chill and just sit down and just kind of go through…I don’t know, read a little about relaxing on the computer or something. It just took me this one visit for all the pieces to come into place, of learning that I could let go.”

Why you should listen: Toward the beginning of this big story, Austin narrates us through the process of him getting into his car and driving. He comments on how his car beeps, and how it has automatic locks, which he informs us are essential to keeping you safe. Such banal details could only be funny through the voice of Steve Austin, and if you derive amusement from Austin’s perspective on everyday life, or if you love the idea of Stone Cold sitting by himself in a tiny French restaurant, drinking wine and staring off into the middle distance, you will have a great time.

Why you should skip it: It starts off with way too much focus on Broken Skull Challenge, especially since Austin doesn’t have much to say about it other than describing the fierce competitors who have shown up this season. From there, Austin’s big story at times feels like he’s simply reviewing a restaurant. The concept of the episode is quite thin, yet it is stretched out to a bit over an hour. With no guest to add a different perspective, Austin is forced to only talk about himself, which can’t possibly please everyone.

Final thoughts: For all the flailing around he does here in order to flesh out a full episode of his family-friendly podcast, Austin admittedly does hit on a worthwhile point, which is that we all can benefit from hitting “pause” on our lives and taking stock of what makes us happy. The fact that Austin’s happiness comes from spending nearly $100 on wine and salmon might be a deal-breaker for some in maintaining their interest, but there is a bizarre charm in listening to Austin recounting everything that went through his head during a solo meal, thinking out loud with us and trying to find meaning in his experiences. If it’s Austin’s podcast, and he can do whatever he wants, you’ll find no better example of artistic freedom than this episode.

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Matt Striker and Hugo Savinovich to Provide English Commentary for TripleMania

July 29, 2015, 11:30 am

≫ Next: Pro Wrestling SKOOPZ on The Wrestling Blog: Issue 40

≪ Previous: I Listen So You Don't Have To: Steve Austin Show, Ep. 241

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Striker, along with Savinovich, will provide the soundtrack in English for TripleMania Photo Credit: WWE.com

Two familiar names will be manning the microphones for the English telecast of TripleMania, Asistencia Asesoría y Administración's flagship event. Matt Striker and Hugo Savinovich will comprise the English broadcast team. The announcers, both alumni of WWE's broadcast booths, have been working as play-by-play announcers for Lucha Underground's English and Spanish broadcasts respectively. They will join forces to call the biggest lucha libre card of the year for American audiences. I find the choice of Savinovich on the English side to be curious, and I thought that Striker was a lock to work the event with either his regular LU broadcast partner Vampiro or some other marquee bilingual wrestler in case administration wanted Vamp to work with Savinovich on the Spanish side.

This event will be the second extra-American promotion's flagship card which Striker has called in the English language. He famously did hybrid play-by-play/color commentary for the Global Force Wrestling-presented broadcast of New Japan Pro Wrestling's WrestleKingdom 9 on January 4. Between that and the gig doing perhaps the most critically acclaimed weekly television show on the slate, the year has been extremely kind to Striker, who was ousted from WWE after failing as a commentator on the main roster. I haven't heard Savinovich's English commentary, but because the only broadcast of Lucha Underground available to me is the Spanish feed, I am well-acquainted with his call en Español. I understand maybe five percent of the words he says, but he has such a rollicking, tone-perfect style that he complements the action perfectly. I'll be interested to see how his English style translates.

Also, a tag match was announced in honor of Blue Demon Jr.'s 30 years of active competition. He will team with La Parka (a different guy under the classic get-up, not the one everyone knows from WCW, who wrestles now as LA Park) to take on El Mesias and Electro Shock. Luchadores tend to last forever, this milestone might not be Demon's last. Still, he's been active almost as long as I've been alive, which is impressive. Additionally, the previously-announced Psycho Circus vs. Los Villanos match has been confirmed to be Villano III's retirement bout. The current patriarch of the Villanos will ride off into the sunset after TripleMania. These matches will occur in addition to the huge top two matches already announced. Alberto el Patron and Brian Cage will put their hair on the line in a huge, personal clash between cultures, and Myzteziz and Rey Mysterio will participate in a lucha dream match.

With SummerSlam looking less and less sure every day, TripleMania on paper is looking like the must-see wrestling event of August. Now that two familiar voices are confirmed to be calling the action, the event is looking more and more tantalizing for the casual fan as it is for the hardcore lucha devotee. I fall more in line with the former category, and I'm pretty sure I'll be there watching the action on August 9.

Pro Wrestling SKOOPZ on The Wrestling Blog: Issue 40

July 29, 2015, 1:00 pm

≫ Next: Fare Thee Well, Layla El

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Hogan won't be getting this treatment from WWE anytime soon. HORB HAS THIS AND MORE SCOOPS BELOW Photo Credit; WWE.com

Well, well, well, look who came crawling back to the SCOOPS this week. It's you, because you cannot RESIST the urge to read EVERYTHING that ol' HORB FLERBMINBER has brought to your consciousness, can you? CAN YOU? NO, YOU CAN'T. I am THE KING OF KINGS OF WRESTLING NEWS. No one can touch me; I'm even more untouchable than HAMMER at this point. YOU HEAR ME, BRUCE MITCHELL? I am the man who first brought you the news that Meek Mill accused Scott Steiner of ghostwriting Drake's raps. I was the first one to let you know that Donald Trump was considering Kevin Owens as a running mate until he realized Owens' Canadian citizenship disqualified him from holding office. AND I'M THE FIRST PERSON TO LET YOU KNOW WHEN VINCE MCMAHON DOES NUMBER TWO, WHICH IS USUALLY WHEN HE GETS HIS IMPORTANT BOOKING IDEAS.

Of course, I can't do all this by myself. I am an intrepid miner of news nuggets, but I can't be everywhere. I need help from my army of tipsters who certainly haven't had bombs planted in their eyes by me and are certainly NOT working under fear of murder if they don't mine enough tips for me. That's the plot for the Suicide Squad movie, and if anything, you guys know Ol' Horb respects trademarks and copyrights. Anyway, if you want in on the mining but don't have a big enough ego that you require credit, send all your newsy bits to me at ProWrestlingSKOOPZ@gmail.com. And if you want the up to the second news, then you need to follow my Twitter, @HorbFlerbminber. If you don't follow me, then really, why are you even on Twitter? WHY?

If you need to get any back issues of the newsletter, then you have to take part in a special challenge. You need to get your hotel magnate father to set up a block of 24 weeks wherein you take two weeks apiece to complete a single grade in school, from first grade all the way up to your senior year of high school. If you should fail at doing this, but you can prove that one of your father's executives sabotaged you along the way, you will be able to challenge him in an academic decathlon. Should you complete this task successfully, you will be allowed to order any back issue of the newsletter you choose except for the May 23, 1985 issue. In order to get that issue, you will have to make sure the O'Doyle family dies in a horrific car crash wherein their station wagon is caused to go off a steep cliff after slipping on a banana peel thrown onto the road by Chris Farley.

This week, the newsletter is sponsored by Duff Beer. Brewed according to the highest standards, Duff is the favorite alcoholic beverage of the fine citizens of Springfield, Shelbyville, and Capital City in the fine state of ███████. It comes in several different varieties, including Duff, Duff Light, Duff Dry, Raspberry Duff, Tartar Control Duff, Canadian Duff, Düff, Duff Adequate, Canadian Duff, Duff Stout, Duff Champagne, and my personal favorite, Lady Duff. If none of those options tickle you, you can even add rainbow colored candies to your Duff for the magical invention known as Skittlebräu. Duff's corporate mascot, Duffman, is even available for parties, bar mitzvahs, legal proceedings, and boat outings for completion of your community service. Drink Duff today!

Also, I have begun dabbling in the paranormal arts as a veritable buster of ghosts. Are you troubled by strange noises in the middle of the night? Do you experience feelings of dread in your basement or attic? Have you or any of your family ever seen a spook, specter, or ghost? If the answer is yes, then don't wait another minute. Pick up your phone and call the professionals, Horb's Haunting Halters! Are you  not convinced by my wonderful advertisement? Check this advertisement from Dana Barrett in Manhattan, New York City, NY:

He's basically repeating verbatim the script from Ghostbusters. Haven't you fuckers figured that out by now?

Another satisfied customer.

Remember, I own you. I OWN YOU.

- A racial tirade from Hulk Hogan on his leaked sex tape with Heather Clem was leaked by the National Enquirer this past week, where he used the n-word several times and claimed out and out that he was indeed a racist. However, just because Hogan said on tape clear as day that he is a racist doesn't mean that he is indeed a racist. Everyone needs to stop, because you gotta hear both sides.

- The staff at the Enquirer had a huge celebration at its offices on Friday, as this was the first legitimate news story it has ever broken. One staffer claimed that he can finally stop claiming his best news report was the one where he measured Bigfoot's dick.

- In the wake of the tirade, WWE has cut all ties with Hogan. He has been removed completely from the website. He has been removed as general manager from the upcoming tour of Australia. His position as judge on Tough Enough as been replaced by The Miz. His bust that has been created for the proposed brick and mortar WWE Hall of Fame building has been melted down and turned into a third Tag Team Championship belt for when New Day wins them again in the future. His likeness has been removed from the target on the WWE Dunk Tank at Titan Towers and modified so that it looks like Superstar Billy Graham. All Hulk Hogan-related sex toys have been removed from the WWE Shop, XXX Division. History has been retconned so that now Vince McMahon is the one who bodyslammed Andre the Giant at WrestleMania III.

- Everyone who is claiming that WWE has no right to have such an extreme reaction to Hogan because of its own racist past needs to realize that these situations are totally different, and no one, and I mean no one can compare the two at all. NO ONE. NO DISCUSSIONS TO BE HAD, EVER.

- Brooke Hogan has written a poem in defense of her father, and I have the exclusive transcript:

There once was my dad named Hulk
Who buys Jet Magazine in bulk
He has lots of black friends
Each one him defends
Uh, his favorite Smash Bros. character is Shulk

- Virgil commented on Hogan's tirade by saying "Hogan's okay with me, mainly because he acknowledges that his dick ain't 14 inches long like mine is."

- Other African-American wrestlers have been less than kind to the Hulkster. Mark Henry has said off the record to Horb in confidence, and I quote, "If I ever see Hogan walkin' down the street, I'm gonna eat him in two bites, poop him out, and fling that poop at the next Republican Presidential Primary debate." That statement is totally OFF THE RECORD, so if you share it, be forewarned.

- Jim Ross gave some advice to Hulk Hogan, "Now listen, I say listen here boy. You shoulda been more subtle with your racism, like me. Can't be, I say, can't be too obvious with it. Sauce it."

- Also in the video, Hogan was caught using a homophobic slur, but WWE opted not to make a big deal out of that because then it would have to rename the Warrior Award and take the Ultimate Warrior out of the Hall of Fame, and it only has time for one full redaction in a calendar year.

- In other news, Shinsuke Nakamura has an elbow that could keep him out of action in this year's G1 Climax Tournament. While Nakamura is a billion times better than your favorite non-New Japan wrestler, his loss won't be as hard since everyone else in the tournament is so angelically perfect. I mean, have you seen Tetsuya Naito's stunningly brilliant heel work? You haven't? GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, FILTHY MAGGOT. OUT.

- In other injury news, Toru Yano got busted open on a headbutt gone awry and required ten stitches to close the wound. HE finished the match because he was a true warrior. Then, the next night on RAW, John Cena proved to the world that he's a sick, cowardly troll by deigning to injure himself just to copy Yano and attempt to imitate strong style. Pfft, fuck John Cena. There, I said it. He's not a quarter of the big match performer that even Jay White, YOSHI-HASHI, or even Captain New Japan are. SICK FRAUD.

- WWE has backed out of using Sting at SummerSlam, because Vince McMahon thinks the online outrage over a Dean Ambrose/Big Show program would be worth way more in personal enjoyment than the filthy, WCW-fan money he'd receive by having Sting on the show as a third member of The Shield.

- Ring of Honor has lost its 8 PM Wednesday night timeslot. Many people suspect that WWE is behind the move, especially since it was written in Triple H's Secret Diary to Fuck over Ring of Honor, which also includes repossessing the company's ring, confining it to arenas whose concessions contracts are with Aramark or worse, and convincing Sinclair Broadcasting Group officials that hiring Vince Russo to the company's creative department would be a welcome kick in the butt.

- Roderick Strong has re-signed with ROH after seeing Triple H's Secret Diary to Fuck over Ring of Honor and found out that WWE was only interested in signing him out of "spite" and that plans for him in NXT were to be named "Jerry Dicknose" be used as repeated enhancement talent for Baron Corbin.

- In unrelated news, Triple H's Secret Diary to Fuck over Ring of Honor will be released to the public on Tuesday, August 18. Pre-orders suggest that it will be the highest selling WWE book yet.

- At the TNA tapings, Eric Young defeated Chris Melendez for possession of the latter's prosthetic leg. That's it. I can't make a joke out of that. TNA writes its own humor nowadays.

- MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas at 191 9/5 for MUFC presale Friday, demetrious Johnson vs. John Dodson January against Anthony Johnson vs. Alex Chambers letters Vanzant roll Blachowicz and Paige. Tickets $ 103 and $ 78 603 $ 403 $ 303 $ 203 Fixed fight city www.ufcfightclub.com 10:00 Pacific time on Wednesday before the sale starts and magazines www.ufc.com only pre-sale will start on Thursday at 13:00 Pacific Time

- LeBron James revealed his favorite wrestlers yesterday on a Twitter chat. "Well, my first favorite wrestler was Ric Flair, but then sometime around June of 1989, it was Sting for a little bit. Then it went back to Flair. I thought it might have been Tatsumi Fujinami for a little bit, but that feeling has turned out not to be recognized in the long run. After Flair, it was Masahiro Chono, but then quickly the Great Muta, then Barry Windham, and then Ric Flair again, and then it was Sting again before reverting to Vader, and then Flair once again..." He kept going and going.

- Shawn Michaels was offered a role in the WWE Films project The Resurrection of Gavin Stone, but turned it down when he found out Gavin Stone wasn't an alias for Jesus.

- Last week's poll results are in, and in a rare unanimous result, 100% of you agreed that New Japan Pro Wrestling legend and icon Shinya Hashimoto never would have made such disgusting racial remarks, thus proving once and for all that not only is NJPW superior to WWE in execution of strong-style and booking, but also in basic humanity. This week's poll:

Fare Thee Well, Layla El

July 30, 2015, 5:30 am

≫ Next: From the Archives: Speedball Mike Bailey vs. Danny Cannon

≪ Previous: Pro Wrestling SKOOPZ on The Wrestling Blog: Issue 40

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Goodnight, sweet princess Photo Credit: WWE.com

Layla El, one of the longest tenured female performers on the WWE roster, retired yesterday after a nine-plus year career with the company. Her talents weren't being utilized all too much recently, and she wants to "start the next chapter of her life." She recently got engaged to her boyfriend and former WWE superstar Ricky Ortiz as well. Although she entered the company via the publicly reviled Diva Search contest, she grew into one of the most well-rounded performers on the women's roster, and at her peak in the Lay-Cool teaming with Michelle McCool, she was among the most effective and entertaining heel performers of any gender.

Before her WWE career, El made her bones as a dancer, mainly for the Miami Heat in the National Basketball Association. She entered Diva Search in 2006, and ended up winning. Her first real story of note came as part of the Extreme Exposé stable along with Kelly Kelly and Brooke (Tessmacher/Adams). When Brooke was released from the company in 2007, she sort of bounced around feuds and angles until becoming involved in a bizarre love triangle between Jamie Noble and William Regal. After turning heel to join Regal in a short-lived tryst, she moved onto the legendary Lay-Cool alliance with McCool in 2009.

Although their feud with Mickie James over the latter's weight seemed tasteless, Lay-Cool proved they could work effectively as heels. They had one of the better runs as a top women's act that included perhaps the best portion of the second NXT season in their mentorship of Kaval. The act had run its course in 2011, and El was set to receive a huge babyface push out of the dissolution, but right after she won the blow-off match with McCool, she blew out her knee and lost nearly a year of her career.

Even though she was given the Divas Championship shortly after her return, El never really found the same footing she had right after her hot breakup with McCool happened. She drifted around again, mostly appearing on B-shows and such until she found a niche as Summer Rae's replacement at the side of Fandango, which turned into a short-lived but entertaining friendship between his two former dance partners.

While 37 seems to be young for a pro wrestling retirement, El bucked the odds for female performers who started with WWE around the time she did and lasted nearly a decade. WWE's reputation for the women who engage in active competition has only recently improved to the point where five years in the company isn't a drop dead date for a vast majority. Certainly, El didn't show up at a time when the focus was this intense on the same sorts of things for women as it is for men like it seems to be now, yet she worked at her game and became a legitimately well-rounded talent. She could never be mistaken for one of the Four Horsewomen, but she could work a match when she needed to and look good doing it.

While wrestlers like the Horsewomen, Paige, the vastly improved Bella Twins, and Naomi lead the vanguard of the new women's wrestling movement on the roster and pushed El to the backburner in the last few months of her career, I still always held a candle for her to have a bigger role than she had, even at the end. I'll be sad to see her go, but hey, if she's doing what she wants with her life, then who's anyone to say anything cross about her decision to walk away. She had a darn nice career, one that most wrestlers don't get a chance to have. Godspeed, Ms. El.

From the Archives: Speedball Mike Bailey vs. Danny Cannon

July 30, 2015, 7:00 am

≫ Next: The Arcane Horde Is In for King of Trios, but Not Its Leader...

≪ Previous: Fare Thee Well, Layla El

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Bailey's been an indie darling this year, and Beyond's got his latest ish for you for FREE Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein

Speedball Mike Bailey is Canada's latest export to the indie scene. He's taken the US by storm, making inroads in both Combat Zone Wrestling and Pro Wrestling Guerrilla. He won the former's Best of the Best Tournament this year, and he's a heavy favorite to take the latter's Battle of Los Angeles. And at Beyond Wrestling's biggest event ever, this past weekend's Americanrana '15, he came to the ring to take on a secret opponent who turned out to be Danny Cannon. The elusive, reclusive spitfire burst out of the Mid-South scene last year, and as quickly as his star rose nationally thanks to Beyond, it went back into hiding due to injuries and an apparent retirement. Cannon's lack of dates may have something to do with his lack of feeling like he belonged anywhere he went. Thankfully, Beyond Wrestling has always felt like home to him.

Even though the match is super new and would probably be a healthy bargaining chip for people to go and purchase Americanrana '15 in some manner, Denver Colorado (the man, not the place!) decided to release it for free as a thank you to the fans for reaching 20,000 YouTube subscribers. This is why you, yes, YOU should subscribe to the channel today. When it hits milestones such as these, Colorado releases primo shit for you for free. Enjoy, folks.

The Arcane Horde Is In for King of Trios, but Not Its Leader...

July 30, 2015, 8:30 am

≫ Next: Best Coast Bias: Oh, Tags

≪ Previous: From the Archives: Speedball Mike Bailey vs. Danny Cannon

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An odd selection indeed Graphics via @CHIKARAPro

UltraMantis Black is on a short list of wrestlers who could be considered as avatars for the Chikara promotion. Depending on how one feels about Icarus, Hallowicked, or the curiously departed Jigsaw, Mantis could very well be the wrestler that embodies the Chikara spirit better than others, even despite his lack of apparent accolades within the promotion. The only title of note he ever won was as the leader of the Spectral Envoy at the 2012 King of Trios, perhaps the most emotionally charged installment of the most-populated tournament in indie wrestling today for several reasons. So it is curious that his Challenge of the Immortals team is represented in this year's installment without his presence on the team.

The Arcane Horde's team will consist of the ghoulishly demonic tag team the Batiri, consisting of Obariyon and Kodama, and Chikara's own medieval Viking warrior Oleg the Usurper, normally a scion of Sidney Bakabella's Wrecking Crew. Granted, I wouldn't want to meet those three in a dark alley, and what Oleg lacks in macabre guile that Mantis brings or even in wit and agility that dearly departed poop demon Kobald would have brought as a third member of said Batiri, he compensates with top-percentile power and berserker intensity. The problem, however, is not going to stem from the raw potential.

While Oleg has bathed in the warmth of crowd support he has never, AND THE ROCK MEANS NEVER received as one of Bakabella's minions, he remains tethered to the mustachioed, helmet-haired King of Manager whenever he's not wrestling with his Arcane Horde brethren, which was highlighted on the pilot episode of Journey into Chikara last night. All four members of the Horde were in action in some way; Mantis and the Batiri were in COTI action against the Battle Hive's team of Worker Ant, Amasis, and Ashley Remington. Oleg was in a singles match against Missile! Assault! Ant! (more on him in a bit), and yes, he was accompanied by Bakabella. My guess is those matches were featured to highlight the Horde since the team was announced during that telecast.

Of course, the Wrecking Crew is not the only regular stable to rent asunder by the COTI this year, but unlike the Osirian Portal and the Colony, both tecnico units, the Crew is not necessarily bound by honor or fair play. The big fear is that if the Horde should happen to meet up with the Devastation Corporation that Oleg would choose his allegiance to the pay window over that of his supernatural and temporary allies, even with the King of Trios medallions at stake. Mantis obviously trusts him, however, which is why he feels okay stepping aside. But in the interest of fairness, his judgment hasn't always been provident.

It was his misuse of the Eye of Tyr that drew the BDK into Chikara originally. In an attempt to counteract said group when no other allies would rush to his side, he brought the Batiri in, only to see them turn on him almost immediately when he couldn't provide said Eye as payment to Sinn Bodhi. Said misuse of the Eye to wrangle Delirious under his control played a huge role in the formation of the Flood and the temporary closure of Chikara, and it led to the downfall of the Envoy when as a last act of spite, Delirious used the Eye to turn Hallowicked and Frightmare against him. Mantis may be a crowd favorite and an effective fixer of messes, but no doubts exist to his shortsightedness causing most of those messes in the first place.

Regardless, the Horde will enter the Trios tournament as the 14th entrant. As of right now, the only COTI team unrepresented is Crown and Court, and I expect their emissaries to be announced Friday or Monday. The only real question there is whether Los Ice Creams will flank Princess Kimber Lee or Jervis Cottonbelly in glorious battle. The other 13 teams entered are as follows: The Bullet Club (AJ Styles and the Young Bucks), Team Lucha Underground/AAA (Fenix, Drago, and Aerostar), Team Fight Club Pro (MK McKinnan and Moustache Mountain), Team Attack (Mark Andrews, Pete Dunne, and Flash Morgan), the Blue World Order (Big Stevie Cool, Da Blue Guy, and Hollywood Nova), the defending Champion Devastation Corporation (Blaster McMassive, Max Smashmaster, and Flex Rumblecrunch), Dasher's Dugout (Dasher Hatfield, Mark Angelosetti, and Icarus), The Snake Pit (Ophidian, Shynron, and Eddie Kingston), United Nations (Juan Francisco de Coronado, Mr. Azerbaijan, and the Proletariat Boar of Moldova), the Gentlemen's Club (Chuck Taylor, Drew Gulak, and the Swamp Monster), the BDK (Jakob Hammermeier, Nøkken, and Soldier Ant), the Battle Hive (Amasis, Fire Ant, and Worker Ant), and the Nightmare Warriors (Hallowicked, Frightmare, and Silver Ant).

As for Missile! Assault! Ant!, he is no longer an ant. At the Immaculate Election show in Providence on Sunday, Kevin Condron came to the ring and snatched the hood off his face, freeing him from his mask and dubbing him Missile! Assault! ...Man?! For those who don't remember, he did the same favor for one Volgar, transforming him into "Juke Joint" Lucas Calhoun. Condron's merry band of unmasked combatants is still flanked by his weird, PG-version of Reek from Game of Thrones, Lithuanian Snow Troll. Will his mask be the next one removed, or will that act's teasing finally draw out a certain god of electrical sky bolts out from his farm-induced amnesia? I'm getting myself too excited just typing about it. I have to stop for my own good.

ETA: As fate has decided, UltraMantis Black is sitting out King of Trios because he's injured. Get well soon, dark lord of the rudos.

Best Coast Bias: Oh, Tags

July 30, 2015, 10:00 am

≫ Next: I Listen So You Don't Have To: The Ross Report, Ep. 76

≪ Previous: The Arcane Horde Is In for King of Trios, but Not Its Leader...

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"You see, wh--wha had happened--funny story...TRUE story..." Photo Credit: WWE.com

It's easy to get relegated to the background when Kevin Owens and then Finn Bálor are the aces of your main singles division and Sasha Banks is the queen of your other one, all three names likely to pop up on a fan's ballot for 2015 Wrestler of the Year with the Boss quite possibly in the lead for that category not just out of that trioka, but worldwide.

But over the past few weeks, the tag team has been bubbling quietly in the background, building to the main event of the Vaudevillains taking on BAMF for the belts. That tilt was merely the culmination of the last NXT hour in July, as three tag matches took place in both the beginning, middle, and end of the program.

Good thing they did, too: watching Kevin Owens apron powerbomb some fresh meat is nice, but it might as well have been a Potemkin bomb; we cared about everybody else he's laid out in NXT either because they were beloved or because we wanted them to shut up on commentary and about everything ever. KO laying out some no-name for sheer gits and shiggles reinforces a message to everybody who heard it the first time and has the director's DVD commentary at this point. Jesse Sorensen getting the Baron Corbin Treatment was only interesting in the fact that his head stayed on, thankfully. And Charlotte also made a borderline And Special Guest Star appearance and pretty much dismantled the DanaBot 5000 pretty handily, to the chagrin of Emma and the probable off-camera joy of Devin Taylor.

So it was up to the dyads sandwiching the show, and the Champions quietly sneaking up on a half-year into their reign to headline the program. Part of the reason they're garnering rare actual heat from the Full Sailors is Wesley Blake's complete willingness to be silly with his hair; the closest thing the WWE has to a proto-Sheamus, he even had the fans jeering him via using modified lyrics from Aqua's unmentionable and horrifying 90's one hit wonder as he stood on the apron. Another crucial part is their willingness to look for all the world for most of the match as if they aren't just going to go down to defeat but will finally get full comeuppance, pinballing around the ring as Aiden English pulled off early one-on-two offense that somehow maintained its crispness without giving in to being contrived and Simon Gotch looking good late. Even their offense has tamped down to the basics and skullduggery, almost as if their running suplex/frog splash (former?) finisher left even a crack in the door for something admirable. But the most important F from BAM is that B, A -- yet again, Alexa Bliss provided the difference in them continuing on into August with belts in hand by cutting off the Whirling Dervish before it could get fully operational and Buddy Murphy's willingness to put fabric in his rollup immediately afterwards as a result.

Sufficiently disgruntled, the Vaudies beat on the champs and delivered the Dervish on Blake, but reacted to Bliss' possible sneak attack by possibly heeding the chants of the crowd for chivalry and holding the ropes open for her to depart the squared circle. She reacted by talking smack. And then slapping Gotch. And then English. And then leaving. And then... and then, nothing, actually. She walked up the ramp back to her boys, who put her on their shoulders with the belts, and the credits rolled. First off, WHY YOU GOTTA MAKE MAMA BLISS SAD, ALEXA!? ¿Por que?

Secondly, English better hope his final protestations were true, otherwise their credibility as challengers took a huge breach in their hull. Getting screwed out of the belts is one thing and getting slapped by Trish 2.0 another that one usually would have to pay for, but to have both happen in about 150 seconds makes them look not only like bad sports (even with that being slightly justifiable that aspect gets sort of nerfed by their actions towards Bliss), dullards and eunuchs. On the other hand, these could all be the machinations that lead to Mama Bliss leveling the playing field. Probably not, but it's still a point of concern; whether this is a hiccup or cancer remains to be seen.

But hey, why worry too hard? When the break's over in a few weeks, Takeover's gonna be happening in BK just outside of NYC and with the English/Gotch pairing having been granted their shot and failing at it, this is exactly the spot they've been building over the course of the past few years by having Enzo Amore and Big Cass in their virtual backyard snatch the belts from the alliance that screwed them out of having the belts at the last NXT live two-hour phantasmagoria. Right?

...

...

...yeah, about that. They came out in the opener with their Carmella to face Apparently We're Not Calling Them The Mechanics Anymore For Some Reason (Ed. Note: They will be known henceforth as the Grease Mulkeys, so it is written, so it shall come to pass. -- TH), all crowd singalongs and witty one-liners. They left with Amore cradling his injured (ayfabekay) arm and doing the backpedal up the ramp as Scott Dawson blew them a kiss in their departure. Dawson could do such a thing, of course, because he and Dash Not Wilder had beaten them. No BAMF shenanigans, no screw-up by Amore even if he was a little woozy having gotten laid out down the stretch--D and D laid out Big Cass and feasted on the weaker link of the Bridge and Tunnel Boys by laying him out with a Codebreaker finish 3D variant that desperately needs a better name than whatever one our trusty announce team gave for the pristine W.

Bridge and Tunnel are officially what certain Baby Boomers call the schneid, having lost not only this affair but the number one contendership match against the Vauds clean. Couple that with the loss they suffered with Bliss' turn to the dark side, and it's clear their once-ascendant star may've burnt out already and doomed them to the Barkley - Ewing - Drexler bin marked Almost.

And while the Bridge and Tunnel boys fall through the stratosphere and Dawson and Wilder get on the board, the still not wholly gelled coalition formed between Jason Jordan and Chad Gable keeps climbing up hoping to get into range for the shot at Bliss and the Boys. Since their opponents were Elias Samson and Carlito and Hakushi's bastard son, this was the dictionary definition of developmental. But the crowd was pretty amped for Gable to get in there, and Jordan watched his partner go to work in the ring with some chain wrestling and offered a few begrudging smiles from the apron as Kurt Angle v. 2.0 put Sampson through the wringer via the aforementioned amateur style with a sprinkling of submission work thrown in. JJABLE (™ ButchCorp) still needs some work to do; some other double team moves that aren't their sweet-ass finishing alley-oop into a bridging German suplex would be a boon to them as the year continues on.

Then again, when this year started Blake and Murphy had first names, no babe, and the begrudging respect of the audience.

Six months is short in the cosmic sense, but longer in a personal one. And as Wes and Bud'll tell you, sometimes all it takes is the right couple wins at the right time to find yourselves out of the foreground and into the spotlight.

I Listen So You Don't Have To: The Ross Report, Ep. 76

July 30, 2015, 11:30 am

≫ Next: Twitter Request Line, Vol. 131

≪ Previous: Best Coast Bias: Oh, Tags

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JR chats with recently-eliminated Patrick from Tough Enough Photo Credit: WWE.com

If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: The Ross Report
Episode: 76
Run Time: 1:29:47
Guest: Patrick Clark

Summary: Ross begins with his take on the Hulk Hogan situation. All he can really say is that in all of his professional dealings with Hogan, he never knew him to show any racist tendencies, so we can take that for what it’s worth. However, he does advise Hogan to “stay off the Twitter machine.” Ross then brings on 19-year old Patrick Clark, a competitor on Tough Enough who was just eliminated from the show last week. Given Hogan’s involvement in that show, Ross asks Clark of his opinion on Hogan, with Clark responding that he only knew Hogan to be a kind, helpful guy. They go through the sketches of Clark’s biography, hitting on his rough upbringing in Washington D.C., and discovering Smackdown at a young age. Clark has been hooked on wrestling ever since. They discuss his time on Tough Enough as Ross asks him about the judges, his fellow competitors and the reasons he feels caused him to be voted off the show. Ross believes Clark will be offered a developmental deal from WWE sometime soon, so he wishes him well and hopes for the best for him.

Quote of the Week:“Mick Foley said I made the mistake of thinking it was a wrestling competition, not a reality show. So in my mind, I came down there to be tough enough. I was going to sleep in the barracks, I wasn’t going to go anywhere…I felt like I was almost cheating myself if I left or if I felt like I brought family down, because that wasn’t in the contract.”

Why you should listen: Clark is very new to this type of media attention, so he clearly isn’t taking any of it for granted. He is excited to talk to JR and does his best to answer clearly and show respect. In all of the discussion about the business of wrestling, Clark shows that he has studied the craft and wants to be great. He brings up the style of Jake Roberts, particularly the unique way Roberts would sell a chop from Ricky Steamboat, by furiously rubbing his chest. Ross is impressed by this insight by Clark, and it’s neat to hear Ross connect with a young person still learning but obviously showing lots of potential.

Why you should skip it: Do you ever feel like JR is only interested in showing us how much he knows about wrestling and making himself look like a cowboy hat-wearing Buddha? This episode is evidence for your case. Ross clearly likes Clark, but this interview mostly functions as a way for him to teach a younger person about the business. Clark might as well be sitting on JR’s knee. This isn’t a terrible thing because Ross certainly has a lot of knowledge, but he doesn’t give Clark a whole lot of time to speak. This is especially apparent when he asks Clark about Hogan. Though Clark didn’t have personal experience with Hogan being a racist, he certainly could have offered a unique perspective on the situation, but that opportunity never came up.

Final Thoughts: Patrick Clark is a very young guy whose only significant credit in the wrestling business so far is being eliminated from a sham reality show that, according to smart people, he probably should have won. If you have followed Tough Enough, this one will probably be for you. If you couldn’t care less about that show, and don’t want to hear JR say things you’ve probably already heard him say, you might benefit by taking the week off from The Ross Report.

---

Twitter Request Line, Vol. 131

July 30, 2015, 1:00 pm

≫ Next: Tetsuya Naito, Champion of My Heart

≪ Previous: I Listen So You Don't Have To: The Ross Report, Ep. 76

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Is Lee the biggest reason why Paige and her peers are getting pushed so hard now? Photo Credit: WWE.com

It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers!

@tholzerman#Tweetbag What % of the "revolution" talk is WWE looking to forget AJ Lee's role in reviving the women's division?

— Nick X (@__NickX) July 28, 2015

The current estimate is a solid 35%, which I reserve the right to change in the future depending on how this Divas' Revolution sticks. On one hand, the dedication shown to women's wrestling on NXT seems to suggest that forces in WWE that have hands in both pots (namely, Triple H and Stephanie McMahon) want to have more of a positive female presence on the main roster. At the same time, Trips has also been named as one of CM Punk's chief antagonists behind the scenes, so I really don't know. The real litmus test will come when Nikki Bella passes Lee (you know Lee's getting passed). If the focus is still as intense after Bella gets dethroned, then I think all the fears can be put to bed. But WWE is a company filled with petty, bitter people who hold grudges from all reports, even the ones who seem to want to affect positive change like Trips.

@tholzerman#TweetBag query: Survivor Series '99, Austin run over. Any idea what the story was originally? Was he written off for injury?

— Michael E. Kirby (@abvavrg) July 29, 2015

I honestly don't know what the story originally was supposed to be. Steve Austin definitely was injured at that time, but I'm not sure how long WWE thought he was going to be out. WWE never knows how long someone will be out, because it either tries to rush someone back too early, or it keeps a wrestler out too long if he/she has prior injury history. Big Show stepped into the match and surprisingly won the title, which leads me to believe he was the original choice to have run over the Texas Rattlesnake rather than Rikishi having done it FOR DA ROCK. However, Show had his run-ins with WWE's gross image obsession problem and had to go to Ohio Valley Wrestling fat camp, and then he fell out of favor with the booking for awhile, and well, he wasn't nearly as viable an option by the time late 2000 rolled around. Of course, the above is speculation. If someone like a Dave Meltzer has written an account of what really happened and what the plans were, I'm sure someone on Twitter will loudly proclaim my ignorance and point it out.

@tholzerman How hilarious is it that John Cena finally has an appearance in a major, well-received movie and WWE can't promote it at all?

— Stomp Hammerboot (@thedesertpope) July 29, 2015

Even better, his major scene is painting him as a two-pump chump, which totally flies in the face of his "I'M A REAL MAN AND YOU ARE NOT, SETH ROLLINS/CM PUNK/RANDY ORTON/INSERT HEEL HERE" character narrative. It is delicious irony.

@tholzerman Any chance Meek can recover?

— Black Morrissey (@tokyovampires) July 29, 2015

Anything can happen in entertainment, but as freelance writer and Philly bon vivantDan McQuade points out, Meek Mill is going up against a huge pop star who may actually have the ghostwriters that Mill is accusing him of having. Of course he's going to have problems going toe-to-toe lyrically with Drake. The saddest part is that before Drake dropped his first diss track, Mill was shouting him out and trying to make nice in anticipation of the impending bomb, reminding me of the kinds of dudes who made hateful comments towards certain writers for having legit critiques of a certain wrestling promotion, and then when confronted about those comments, tried to leverage them into getting on various people's podcasts.

Which is to say, maybe this whole stunt was calculated from the beginning to try and get more people talking about a certain rapper from Philadelphia looking to push his fame to the next level. Of course, the biggest flaw in that strategy is that a clear line of demarcation exists between good and bad attention, and once the novelty of the beef goes away, Mill may just end up in the same spot or worse than before he picked his fight with Drake. Plus, any time you fuck with a famous or well-known person, the stans come crawling out of the woodwork, and the more famous you are, the more famous the stans are. I mean, Joe Budden has already wrote a Meek Mill diss. What fuckin' business does he have between those two? He may have brought it on himself, but I still feel bad for him in a way. But Drake has owned him, and probably should have all along.

Conversely, Drake can rot in the fucking Black Cells in King's Landing for using Joe Carter as cover art for his second diss. Old wounds, man, old wounds.

@tholzerman LOS INGOBERNABLES?

— HOT & OBEDIENT FRAY (@TheFrayMovement) July 29, 2015

Photo via SuperLuchas.com

@tholzerman Would WWE improve immediately if they stopped booking threeways & fourways whenever they had more than a single #1 contender?

— Goto G1 Champ 2015 (@headbuttstopage) July 29, 2015

Yes, but the improvement would be minuscule. WWE's booking problems run far deeper than the number of people in a given match. Besides, against all odds, most of WWE's multiman matches have skewed of higher quality lately than they were ten to 15 years ago even. Basically, WWE's booking needs a complete overhaul first before that problem is adequately addressed.

@tholzerman (1/2) the WOTY award everyone wants to hand to Cena should actually go to "John Cena's opponents", right? Without them, it's

— Conley (@Conley76) July 29, 2015

@tholzerman (2/2) same old "Cena overcomes the odds" matches with a couple new moves thrown in.

— Conley (@Conley76) July 29, 2015

To an extent you may be right, but at the same time, Cena has brought prestige to the United States Championship, has left his opponents in far better shape than Bray Wyatt was at the end of his run-in with him, and most importantly, he's held up his end of the bargain in the matches. Cena's always been a fine if unheralded wrestler, but this year has clearly been his best in the ring since I've started watching wrestling again. To say he's been carried in all those matches puts a lot of onus on workers who maybe tremendous but also who don't have the big spotlight experience. Maybe one can buy Sami Zayn or Kevin Owens "carrying" Cena, but Rusev, who was reared in the WWE developmental system exclusively? Stardust, who has never had a better singles match than the one he had with Cena over the US Championship? I don't buy it.

I think if you're looking for a culprit to knock Cena down a peg or two, you should look at the pathetically anemic main event scene without The Champ. WWE is in the process of nerfing Brock Lesnar something serious. Seth Rollins has been a dogshit Champion, not necessarily just because of booking, but the booking definitely has been a huge sore spot. Creative has not a blessed idea to do with Roman Reigns, and it's even more clueless about how to handle Wyatt. Randy Orton and Sheamus are stuck in this feedback loop. Dean Ambrose feels like an orphan. Big Show and Kane continue to suck up prime real estate despite being well past their sell-by dates. Wouldn't Cena and his travails which include fantastic matches nearly every week look way the fuck better by comparison?

@tholzerman Sorry if already answered, but who is the right choice to take Rollins' WWE title?

— FreebirdSTF (@S_ATL_Wrestling) July 29, 2015

The answer was Roman Reigns. It still might be Roman Reigns. WWE did him dirty. I don't think I'd go as far as Dylan Hales and say it was a political hit, but ever since he came back from his hernia injury, Creative has left him out to dry. He never should have won Superstar of the Year, not because the award has any prestige, but because it was guaranteed to cause major backlash. His scripted promos were straight from the fever dream fantasies of Vince McMahon. The Royal Rumble was laid out in a way that made his victory even more unpopular than it was bound to be. And then when he finally started getting over, WWE bypassed him for Rollins, stuck him in meaningless feuds, and strung him along to the point where it should have been a foregone conclusion that he was going to win the title no later than Battleground and face off against Brock Lesnar one more time.

But that has not happened, and he's stuck in a garbage feud with Wyatt who is a garbage character in the hands of McMahon, because really, who else would have this transformative character and book him exactly like every single heel has been booked with the exception of a few in the last 40 years other than a guy whose brain still thinks he needs to put territories that haven't existed for decades out of business? If any justice exists in the world, Rollins will eke by Cena at SummerSlam, and sometime during the fall, Reigns will win the title, unless one believes that Reigns is not the kind of guy WWE should strap in the irrelevant winter months. Then, maybe Ambrose is the guy who beats Rollins and then loses the title back to him at the Rumble to set up a Shield three-way at Mania next year. I don't know. Thinking about WWE booking makes my stomach ache with acid reflux.

@tholzerman Who are the five best active wrestlers in the WWE under 30? NXT does not count for this question.

— Emma J (@EmJay_KC) July 29, 2015

Sasha Banks, Dean Ambrose, Rusev, Becky Lynch, and Big E, in that order. I would take that group over Seth Rollins (who's showing he can't cut a promo to save his life and that his ring mechanics are a bit too... mechanical right now), Bray Wyatt (who cannot overcome bad booking like Ambrose and Rusev can and have), Paige (who got way overrated way early because she was the first of the NXT troupe), and Charlotte (who is good but has a whole lot of learning and seasoning to do). Banks is a legit Wrestler of the Year AND Steamboat/Most Outstanding candidate even now. Ambrose and Rusev continue to show prowess all around despite terrible booking. Lynch, whom I had some doubts about earlier this year about her character chops, has gotten a huge chance to show her well-roundedness in addition to her unfuckwithable in-ring game lately, and Big E finally has a chance to shine in the New Day, showing he's better than his lot in the company.

Also, that exercise allowed me to learn that Bo Dallas is only 25. That's really fuckin' young. He can stand to play "young boy" for awhile before he really gets a chance to take off.

@tholzerman WWE puts you in charge of Tough Enough, how do run the show? #tweetbag

— boxwatcher (@boxwatcher) July 30, 2015

I would shoot it into the Sun and show reruns of Shotgun Saturday Night, if only because I would then have a chance to advertise Cena in Trainwreck!

No, in all seriousness, I would pick half the field to be models/body types/non-wrestlers and half to be indie wrestlers and really showcase the dichotomy between the two. Also, everyone would probably get signed to NXT afterwards unless they really sucked or had terrible attitudes. Oh, and on the first week, everyone would get a chance to hit Bill DeMott hanging from the ceiling by a pulley like he was a piñata. BECAUSE REASONS.

@tholzerman worse actress in wrestling: Dixie or Linda? #tweetbag

— Joey Numbers (@Moose_Bigelow) July 30, 2015

As bad as Dixie Carter could be at times, she at least tries to emote. On the rare occasion, it actually comes through as genuine and effective. Linda McMahon is a robot set to monotone at all times. She wins... or loses?

@tholzerman#tweetbag Since @WONF4W don't do "best entrance" as a major award yet, it's up to you - noms & winner for the half-year so far?

— Sam (@stygmatic) July 30, 2015

NOMINEE NUMBER ONE - Finn Bálor's Demon Entrance. It's definitely the best semi-regular entrance on the scene right now.

NOMINEE NUMBER TWO - Tyler Breeze at Takeover: Unstoppable. The faux-fashion show motif was a home run. Breeze doesn't have to make the main roster to be a star if the NXT brass will let him own the studio space like that every time he appears.

NOMINEE NUMBER THREE - Triple H at WrestleMania, but only if I can divorce the actual entrance from the cheesy mini-movie/trailer for Terminator: Genisys introduction. I'll admit, the cyborgs with rifles lining the stage came off super cool, and he gets bonus points for using a bunch of NXT dudes, including Solomon Crowe and Smilin' Drake Wuertz as the stand-ins. Hopefully, they use their leftover props for when WWE signs Nick Gage and DJ Hyde and stages the big Combat Zone Wrestling invasion of NXT. I'm only half-kidding.

FIRST RUNNER-UP - Shinsuke Nakamura at WrestleKingdom 9. I was disappointed at the lack of gaudy entrances at WrestleKingdom this year, especially since they've been a highlight in years past, but Nakamura's was special and didn't disappoint.

WINNER - Rusev at WrestleMania. C'mon, he came to the ring in a goddamn tank. He wins the world.

Tetsuya Naito, Champion of My Heart

July 31, 2015, 5:30 am

≫ Next: Ronda Rousey Won't Be the First Horsewoman to Hit the Ring

≪ Previous: Twitter Request Line, Vol. 131

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That Naito, he's so hot right now Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein

Before WrestleKingdom 9, I was only vaguely aware of Tetsuya Naito, in that I knew he won the 2013 G1 Climax and people weren't happy about it. His match against AJ Styles at that event left me nonplussed to say the least. Yeah, it was mostly because I didn't dig using the Styles Clash as a paralysis vehicle as a story for the match, and they both told that story as decently as possible, but you know how it is with bad first impressions.

But then he showed up as part of New Japan's visiting party for War of the Worlds, and he immediately won me over. I was skittish going into his match with Kyle O'Reilly, but he not only got the best singles performance out of O'Reilly I'd seen to that point, it was also the first singles match of O'Reilly's I'd honestly ever enjoyed. I don't want to throw too much shade at the younger half of reDRagon, because he did work his ass off in that match, but it was Naito who drew me in the most. I became a big fan of his, but not nearly as big a fan as I became this past week just on .gifs and videos alone.

NJPW's working relationship with Consejo Mundial de Lucha Libre in Mexico has benefited no one more than Naito, especially now that he's joined the Los Ingobernables stable. Much like the translation of the group's name implies, they're a group of anarchic bros who don't follow no one's authority. Naito's inclusion in the group has brought out an outrageously rudo side of him that few knew he possessed with in him. He's attacked tag partners, assaulted referees, and, well, the below .gif demonstrates how he pinned Styles during their G1 Climax match:

.gif Credit: Alex Jones

Okay, first off, that pin is the natural evolution of cocky prick Chris Jericho's one-foot-on-the-chest C'MAWN BAYBAY flexing pin, so I naturally love it already. Secondly, he's pinning noted non-liker-of-gay-people AJ Styles with his crotch directly in the Bullet Club leader's face, which is delicious, delicious posturing. His troll game is definitely on point.

On one hand, it might seem silly to get excited for a dude without really watching the wrestling matches in context with the entire tournament. But honestly, what I've seen from Naito leaking across the Internet via exuberant postings makes me more psyched to see what he's done and what he can do going forward than nearly any other wrestler right now. Naito also is acting as another example of how fallacious the "NJPW is REAL WRESTLING for REAL WRESTLING FANS" talking point is bullshit. Some observers like to act as if NJPW is the second coming of RINGS, and it's just not true. When the top three characters are a dork who plays air guitar every chance he can, a Michael Jackson cosplayer, and that dude who tosses dollar bills in the air at the strip club, then that promotion is definitely imbued with pro wrestling's most special theatrical qualities.

That isn't to say that NJPW's in-ring content isn't better or more hard-hitting than other promotions; I haven't watched enough to say either way, but most people who watch it and many other promotions to be able to compare will give the company a nod. But to act all fucking Jim Ross-at-WrestleKingdom 9-describing-Shinsuke Nakamura on the promotion in comparison to the "cartoony" WWE/American scene is a flat-out lie, and hell, if wrestlers like Naito are going to populate that roster, nothing is wrong with embracing the radical, overtly peacocking character notes.

If you're like me and you like wrestling and Game of Thrones and you'd love to be able to rep Naito or your favorite NJPW wrestler with a Westerosi-style family sigil-and-slogan, then Twitter user @D_TaPla has the solution for you with an assortment banners that you can fly.

NJPW X GOT CHOOSE YOUR HOUSE!! #NJPW#NJPWasGOT#NJPWFanartpic.twitter.com/SkWYh1lMmD

— Young Lion Tapla (@D_TaPla) July 29, 2015

While Naito has caught my fancy as of late, I can't not represent my love of high-energy underdogs who also tend to do top rope headbutts to varying degrees of success.

Graphics Credit: @D_TaPla

YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT I'M REPPING TOMOAKI GODDAMN HONMA. Search the Twitter feed in order to find your house banner, sigil, and words.

Ronda Rousey Won't Be the First Horsewoman to Hit the Ring

July 31, 2015, 7:00 am

≫ Next: Smackdown: Friendship is Magic

≪ Previous: Tetsuya Naito, Champion of My Heart

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Baszler comin' to take on Cheerleader Melissa Photo Credit: Gleidson Venga

Ronda Rousey stepped into the squared circle at WrestleMania 31 in a strictly angular role. The appearance was a complete surprise to most observers, even though people in WWE, Stephanie McMahon most notably, rolled out the red carpet for Rousey and her Four Horsewomen compadres on several occasions in the past. However, she wasn't there just to pop the crowd along with The Rock; she was there strictly to set up a huge money match for next year's WrestleMania, one which WWE wants to be the biggest event in "entertainment" history.

Of course, Dana White is playing pussyfoot with WWE over Rousey's availability, but I can't see Rousey not making her in-ring debut at Mania next year, especially if Vince McMahon opens his checkbook and gives White some compensation over it. However, regardless of when Rousey hits up a WWE ring, another one of the Horsewomen will beat her to pro wrestling. Shayna Baszler has been announced for Quintessential Pro Wrestling's September 26 show in Reno, NV, and she will debut against none other than Cheerleader Melissa. Baszler can't say she won't get quality opposition in her first tilt in the ring; Melissa has been everywhere except WWE and has done nearly everything she could do in the business so far.

Baszler may not necessarily need to be "carried" in order to have a passable performance. She's been training with Josh Barnett in the art of catch wrestling for over a decade, which is eminently adaptable to worked pro wrestling. In fact, much of pro wrestling's early days and early stars were versed in the art, and it survives today through competitors such as Kazushi Sakuraba and the fiendish invader of Pro Wrestling NOAH, Minoru Suzuki.

It shouldn't be surprising that Rousey was beaten to the squared circle by one of her training buddies, mainly because she dwarfs the three of them combined in terms of starpower and drawing ability. Her brand is far too valuable to Ulitmate Fighting Championship for her to make dalliances. But Jessamyn Duke, Marina Shafir, and Baszler have the freedom of movement because they don't move the needle in their home sport. However, they've gotten some notoriety in wrestling since so many people in the biz are marks for mixed martial arts, and vice versa. So if guys like Bobby Fish and Kyle O'Reilly have her accompany them down to the ring for a high-profile match, wrestling fans automatically associate her as important by association.

And so, the whole process has led Baszler to the California-based independent promotion. Q-Pro is one of several notable non-Pro Wrestling Guerrilla indie promotions that gets to book name talent but does so with a fraction of the exposure, but it's also most notable for heavily featuring women's wrestling. Not only is Melissa a regular, but the promotion's alumnae include Candice LeRae, Veda Scott, Christina von Eerie, and Heidi Lovelace. If nothing else, Baszler will get a chance to network. Maybe she'll end up on SHIMMER cards, work her way east into other promotions, and who knows, maybe she'll be Rousey's permanent backup in WWE for when she decides to drop in between megafights. It's a bit of a jump to get from this point to that endgame, but hey, fantasy booking is natural. Either way, it's cool that she's transitioning over, especially that she's going to give an indie promotion a shot in the arm.

Smackdown: Friendship is Magic

July 31, 2015, 8:30 am

≫ Next: I Listen So You Don't Have To: Cheap Heat July 30

≪ Previous: Ronda Rousey Won't Be the First Horsewoman to Hit the Ring

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Strange friendships equal mayhem on this week's Smackdown Photo Credit: WWE.com

Strangest Friendships – Cesaro and Dean Ambrose, and Seth Rollins and Kevin Owens 
The main event on this episode featured Cesaro and Ambrose against Rollins and Owens, after Owens interrupted Rollins and Cesaro's match at the start of the show and Cesaro was given leave to find his own tag partner. It wasn't at all strange for Ambrose to throw himself in against Rollins, but it was strange that he didn't show up until the last second. The show tried to play up the drama of whether Cesaro could possibly find a partner or if he'd have to go it alone. It was just so needless and weird. Why on earth WOULDN'T he be able to find a partner? Owens is formidable, sure, but hardly indestructible, and Cesaro is definitely a match for him. Rollins has been pretty effectively neutralized at this point – Cesaro himself had clearly gotten the best of him both at the start of the show and last week. Basically, if you tag with Cesaro right now, you're in pretty safe hands.

Furthermore, why wouldn't Ambrose or Roman Reigns jump at the opportunity to have a go at Rollins again? Either Cesaro should have gone straight to them, or they should have sought him out. And I can kind of understand Owens allying with Rollins in order to get at Cesaro more easily, even though I don't think he's been explicitly associated with the Authority before now. However, Owens' whole shtick right now is that he's had to fight for everything he ever got, and he'll keep fighting for whatever he needs. Rollins' whole shtick is that he had everything handed to him without having to work for it, and now he doesn't know how to defend it. So, common heel alignment aside, shouldn't these two hate each other? Rollins didn't seem at all pleased when Owens interrupted his match, so I don't think they should have worked so well together, even if necessity did throw them together. I suppose Rollins was just glad that someone else was there to take the pin, which Owens duly did

Most Hilariously Deprived of Friendship – The Ascension
As the New Day headed to the ring for their match they had words for their opponents, Los Matadores and the Lucha Dragons, stating that either team very well could be the next number one contenders for the tag titles, but also affirming their own intention to recapture their lost bronze belts. They said nothing at all to their teammates, the Ascension, and the omission made me cackle in delight. Much as I like having a strong and varied tag division, the Ascension are still kind of awful. As it happens, the match didn't have anything to do with declaring a new number one contender, but it was still my favourite of the night due to the high-energy show that most of these teams are capable of putting on. The Prime Time Players on guest commentary were also welcome. When Big E clearly intended to tag Kofi Kingston at the end of the match, Viktor tagged himself in and was promptly pinned by Kalisto. The Ascension's ineptitude resulted in them being soundly berated by the New Day (though I'm sure it was a very positive beratement).

Yawn – Rusev and Jack Swagger
Since WWE apparently doesn't have anything for Rusev right now other than a prolonged ugly break-up and prop comedy, they trotted out Jack Swagger to wring what they could out of his former feud against Rusev, even though I can't even remember the last time Rusev actually said anything disparaging about America. Swagger was also in front of his home-state crowd, which seemed to inspire him to sometimes look like he gave a fuck about what he was doing. The match was dull, and Rusev eventually won.

Should Be Friends – Stardust and Neville
Well, “friends” in the way that Batman and the Joker are really friends, deep down. Stardust is right, Neville needs to embrace the strange. Stardust is offering what sounds to me like an interesting and fun narrative wherein he's set himself up as a supervillain and he's handpicked Neville to be his superhero arch-nemesis. That could be awesome, but Neville just keeps acting like he's too cool for school, looking quizzical and dismissive. His attack on Stardust after the latter's win over R-Truth seemed to indicate that Neville does care somewhat about Stardust's taunting and sneak attacks, but I'm really hoping the story that Stardust has in mind can actually play out.

I Listen So You Don't Have To: Cheap Heat July 30

July 31, 2015, 10:00 am

≫ Next: John Cena's Gonna Miss Some Time, Y'all

≪ Previous: Smackdown: Friendship is Magic

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More Hogan talk on this week's Cheap Heat Photo Credit: WWE.com

If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: Cheap Heat
Episode: July 30, 2015
Run Time: 59:08
Guest: none

Summary: Since Hulk Hogan is still on the minds of wrestling fans, the show opens with more Hogan discussion, acting as an extension of the special emergency episode of Cheap Heat released last Friday. Rosenberg reveals that he offered Hogan to come on his Hot 97 show to explain himself, only to then see Hogan retweeting ignorant comments about President Obama using the n-word. This episode is informally titled “The ‘John Cena’s Exploding Nose’ Edition,” so obviously we hear about the nose-break heard ‘round the world. Rosenberg cannot stop looking at pictures and video of Cena's nose, even though he finds it horrifying. The guys discuss the upcoming SummerSlam and NXT shows coming to their area, which diverts into a discussion about the Barclays Center and Madison Square Garden. Shoemaker voices concern for Enzo Amore and Colin Cassady amid their possible transition to the main roster, as he hopes their characters don’t become neutered and then dead in the water. The last main segment covers wrestling-related TV shows like Total Divas and Swerved, which the guys admit are like visual candy: bad for you, but lots of fun.

Quote of the Week: Shoemaker: “For all those fans who complain that nobody bleeds anymore and you miss the blood, you miss the violence: this is why it’s so awesome that they don’t do it anymore. Because a random episode of RAW is now a thing we’re going to remember for the rest of our lives, because we’re not just completely blindered to blood because we’ve seen so much of it. This was like somebody getting their head chopped off in the ‘90’s.”

Why you should listen: Rosenberg has righteous anger over the lazy commitment to face/heel alignments on RAW, and he’s at his best when he’s justifiably upset about the show. He later goes full heel when admitting that on the day of SummerSlam he is DJ’ing an event for Polo. The sport. Otherwise, Shoemaker is his usual thoughtful self, trying to lead the discussion into relevant matters. Stat Guy Greg continues to be a welcome addition to the show, and he is slowly gaining Rosenberg’s respect.

Why you should skip it: Against all logic and reason, and against all measure of good taste, Rosenberg is using his soundboard again. Amazingly, he is able to resist it for about 30 minutes, but once he uses it, he can’t stop. This is still the absolute worst part of Cheap Heat. We listen to podcasts because they’re not typical morning radio, yet Rosenberg is trying to turn this podcast into his Hot 97 show where they probably do all types of inane nonsense that takes away from listener enjoyment. Other than the soundboard stupidity, this episode does jump around quite a bit in the last half, as the guys never stick to one subject for more than a couple minutes. When they do get impassioned, it’s regarding Brooklyn vs. Manhattan and other inside New York baseball topics that outsiders (i.e. most people) will tune out.

Final thoughts: They did an excellent job of continuing the Hulk Hogan discussion with some slightly new perspectives, and then pulled away from that discussion at just the right time. Luckily for the show, we are in a time of the year in which they have a lot to discuss, and even though they have trouble finding their bearings, the guys are excited about wrestling. That’s enough to make for a fun listen.