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Smackdown: Friendship is Magic

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Owens should be everyone's friend
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Worst Friend – Roman Reigns
I don't normally deal with the talky bits on this show, but I need to talk about Smackdown's opening segment this week because it was so weird. Roman Reigns started the show in the middle of the ring for some recap theatre and then Sheamus came out on the Authority's behalf to tell Reigns to leave. And Reigns refused. But like...why? He didn't have a match scheduled, and he wasn't looking to have one, so why NOT just leave? What was he planning to do? Just stand there all night? Is the power of being WWE World Heavyweight champion going to his head? He even fought off security just so could retain the important right of...standing in the ring and preventing the show from starting. Way to deprive all the other performers of their paycheques and the audience of their show, buddy! Keep fighting the good fight! I've also noticed that since winning, his close family and friends the Usos and Dean Ambrose are nowhere to be found. Can't find a place in the sun for your bestest best friends, eh? (Please note that I do actually like Reigns, but his friendship record remains spotty at best)

Best Friends – The League of Nations
So after all the kerfuffle that opened the show, we came back from commercial to find that Roman Reigns had, in fact, left the ring, though on his own terms, I'm sure. Once he ran out of authority to defy he probably realized how boring it was just standing in the ring doing nothing. Unfortunately, he left in order to make way for a Ryback match, so no points given there. Has anyone else noticed that Ryback, like...enunciates words with his entire face? Everything moves when he talks. It's fucking terrifying. Anyway, he lost to Alberto Del Rio, who seems to be getting some fire back since ditching Zeb Colter and joining the League of Nations, who continue to be adorable. They ran out to support Del Rio, which was enough to distract Ryback into losing (Del Rio looked absolutely vicious when locking in the cross armbreaker, which I liked to see) because I guess some wrestling lessons can just never be learned. Then the League all took turns brutalizing The Big Guy and supporting each other, and it was a beautiful thing all around.

Friend Missing in Action – Darren Young
Titus O'Neil once again had a singles match with Darren Young nowhere in sight, and I really hope we haven't quietly lost the Prime Time Players yet again. O'Neil's win didn't really even matter here, as he was just fodder in an apparent burgeoning feud between Tyler Breeze and Goldust, which, for the record, I am all for. The Prime Time Players can be such a fun and valuable part of the tag division, and I don't want to see Young vanish while O'Neil is just a space filler in matches. (and the deeply suspicious part of my mind worries that certain people might have seen the Players as too similar to the New Day. TWO charismatic, all-Black teams good at ad-libbing? Can't have that!)

Most Deserving Friends – The Lucha Dragons
Whenever the Lucha Dragons hang out with the Usos they turn into terrible people who humiliate others on American holidays and ruin celebrations for no reason. When the Dragons are on their own against the New Day, they're valiant heroes fighting (and, in this case, winning) against constant cheating and taunting (though Big E yelling “Do some flips, Kalisto!” while Kalisto was getting stomped will never not make me laugh). They're also low-key adorable, with their lil' wing accessories on their arms! What I'm saying is: I love the New Day. I've made that abundantly clear. However, I'm tired of the Lucha Dragons always popping into the title scene and never quite going all the way. Give them a title run already! And free them from the bad influence of the Usos!

Friendship Cornucopia – The Women's Division
The women's division is still kind of a directionless mess, but at least this week we got to see several examples of friendship. There was Brie Bella apparently having been abandoned by even Alicia Fox, which delighted me. Run free, Foxy! Then there was Charlotte as Becky Lynch's overbearing pageant mom. In response to Lynch once again insisting that she wants to win or lose on her own terms and doesn't want Charlotte to interfere, Charlotte protested that she just wants her friend to win...at any cost. Finally, there was Team BAD in the crowd, not doing anything but having an awesome time and holding up signs. Sasha Banks' hilarious overreaction to Belle doing the “L” to the forehead thing made my entire night. I like to think that Team BAD is always just off-screen having fun friendship adventures.

Should Be My Friend – Kevin Owens
Kevin Owens is a Canadian of not particularly striking appearance who gives no fucks and is deeply resentful (perhaps not entirely justly) of people he feels have wronged him. I'm not saying I can identify...but I can identify. Thus, watching him throw Dolph Ziggler around to the point of disqualification brought me great joy. I'm pretty sure he kept beating on Ziggler after the bell had been rung solely in order to flout the ref's authority. FLOUT OWENS FLOUT. Meanwhile, Dolph Ziggler proved that he can never stop being a terrible person by super kicking Dean Ambrose, who had run out to stop Owens. Oh, sure, he was “confused” and “blindly lashing out.” Dolph Ziggler has always been and always will be a friendship ruiner.

And with that, I'll see you fine folks on the other side of Christmas. Merry happy, everyone!

Twitter Request Line, Vol. 147

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Bringer of hope?
Photo Credit: WWE.com
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers!

For the record, his follow-up tweet corrected the "hentai" to "general," which is good because I think hentai is a hopeless genre of film anyway. Ahem. Anyway when Vince McMahon is declared non compos mentis, and Triple H is the filter through which all programming is run through, then things will have to get better. Right? Right? Bueller? Anyway, even if it's false hope, WWE still has hope. As for real life, well, Bernie Sanders still has a shot at taking the Presidency, I guess...

My guess is either the stipulations are total butt, or they involve blood, which is obviously not going to be allowed anyway. If anything, WWE kinda needs to cool it on stipulations in general and build stories involving satisfying plot, character development, and matches where the workers can tell a story on their own merits.

The bunch-taping schedule probably factors into the storytelling, but a lot of its excellence can be derived from the stories the people involved try to tell. Each story is simple (although if I had a minor gripe, sometimes the stories can be too simple), it follows a logical beat, and the matches are allowed to provide satisfying and sometimes epic conclusions to them. Basically, NXT's storytelling paradigm is everything the main roster's isn't, and I suspect it would be the same even if NXT were live every week.

Your assignment is to connect Ax, the first entrant in the first 30 man Rumble to Dolph Ziggler, the 30th entrant in the most recent one through eliminations only. GO.

8. Top Banana was hot fire, and in addition to resolving some long-standing story threads, it cracked open quite a few more. The only thing keeping it from being a full ten is that I am dreading, absolutely afraid of even, the impending Kimber Lee/Jervis Cottonbelly split, especially since it will more than likely involve Lee breaking the heart of the World's Sweetest Man. Still though, I expect Season 16 to pick up right where Season 15 left off. And who knows, maybe this year is finally when CHIKARA ZOMBIES will be introduced...

You're right. If you want to avoid spoilers at all costs, you probably need to be offline. The Internet isn't called the Information Superhighway for shits and giggles. Whether maliciously, like I have seen on Facebook, or accidentally, people are going to spoil the results of movies, wrestling shows, sports, what have you. And the latter is perfectly okay because if you see something, the first urge is to talk about it. Where better to talk about that thing than in the communal meeting place for the entire world?

I think it depends on the state. Washington State has laws in place against money changing hands in goat wrestling because Daniel Bryan was bankrupting everyone who challenged him. But I think if you go to Georgia, all bets are off.

Ahi tuna, sashimi style. Deep Pacific Ocean fish, eaten without any kind of cooking or pickling? I think that's the least Pennsylvania food.

Frankly, I prefer it out of the gravy pot. But if you want to get creative, then brown it and render out the fat. Then add some flour to make a roux before adding some heavy cream and parmesan cheese. Put the sausage back in and let it simmer for a bit. Then blanch some asparagus, cut it up and put it into the sauce for a couple of minutes before putting it over pasta.

I really don't know. The big telegraph has Roman Reigns wrestling against Triple H, but is WWE really that short-sighted to put Triple H in a title program for Mania? If I had to make an educated guess, the big story would be the passing of the torch to Reigns from John Cena. Putting the strap on Reigns right now as a babyface signals that WWE is ready to run with him on top. Reigns/Trips would be good from a story standpoint for now, but it doesn't feel like a Mania program. Reigns/Lesnar II would be a goddamn spectacle, but that rematch feels like a SummerSlam main event. Reigns/Cena, however, is a Mania main event if I ever saw one.

Eric Hinske was at the plate. Brad Lidge was on the mound. The count was 0-2. Hinske swung and missed. The Phillies won the World Series. It was only the second time in my life a team from Philly won it all, and the first time I was actually cognizant for it. I will never forget it as long as my mind is intact as it is right now.

To be honest, if I ever stop watching WWE, it'll be because I need a break from wrestling. But assuming that I do abandon ship, I'd like WWE to run a serious Reigns/Dean Ambrose program for the title. No one has to turn heel. Just let them go for a pay-per-view cycle without having a tournament attached to it.

The former right now sounds better because Owens as the first entrant in the Rumble sounds like such a babyface idea. He's still got so much mileage out of being a big bad that it's not even funny. Conversely, Bayley and Asuka would be such a righteous match. Sign me up for at least three of them, please.

Last night, that dog got a whole piece of chicken breast left over from dinner. He's such a spoiled pooch it's not even funny.

Usually, if you go to prison, you get to keep your belongings, so Martin Shkreli gets to keep the Wu Tang album for now. However, now that he could be going to jail, the time is prime for Bill Murray and the Wu Tang Clan to steal the album back.

If it's on the pre-show again, then I'd book, I dunno, Kane to win because at that point, who the fuck cares? If it's on the main show, then absolutely someone who could use it as a springboard would win. I'm at a loss of who that would be. Maybe Baron Corbin? I don't know. On second thought, just let Kane win the thing and let it be conveniently forgotten by WrestleMania 33.

Main Event: Finn Bálor vs. Bret "The Hitman" Hart
Sami Zayn vs. "The Macho Man" Randy Savage
Baron Corbin vs. The Undertaker
Samoa Joe vs. "The British Bulldog" Davey Boy Smith
Apollo Crews vs. Shawn Michaels
Dash and Dawson vs. Hawk and Animal

Of course, the biggest flaw with this question is NXT is built on strong, female competitors, and WWE was in between dalliances with women wrestlers, so I will take the liberty and book three matches between NXT and AJW:

Bayley vs. Bull Nakano
Emma vs. Manami Toyota
Asuka vs. Akira Hokuto

I haven't seen nearly enough of the indies to make a definitive comment, but my answer leans towards John Cena from the WWE, NXT, and other various things I've seen this year. He definitely stepped his game up during the US Championship Open Challenge. The problem is that his range was still pretty limited, but WWE seems to like its competitors to stay in their lanes? I don't know. Either way, Cena's run of matches seemed to run a gamut, and he seemed surprisingly adaptable during them.

To be honest, if it weren't for the implications in New Japan, I'd probably be utterly bored by the Jay Lethal/AJ Styles match going into it. I haven't seen too much of Lethal in 2015, but what I have seen felt, I don't know, pedestrian. But the creative booking ROH is going to have to use to keep the belt on Lethal without damaging Styles' heat for NJPW is fascinating. Hell, the fact that Lethal keeps getting overtures from WWE is also another wrinkle added into the match. I'll be at attention for sure.

I Listen So You Don't Have To: Art Of Wrestling Ep. 281

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Abyss makes the rounds on the Art of Wrestling
Photo Credit: Lee South/ImpactWrestling.com
If you’re new, here’s the rundown. We listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are many wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but this feature largely hews to the regular rotation we feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If we can save other folks some time, we’re happy to do so.

Show: Art Of Wrestling
Episode: 281 (Dec. 17, 2015)
Run Time: 1:02:41
Guest: Abyss (11:56)

Summary: After small talk, Colt Cabana asks Abyss about the rapid, widespread reaction to his appearance on The Ross Report, which leads to talk about podcasts in general. Abyss gives details about the career of his trainer, former WWF referee Roger Ruffin, then explains how his size has been an asset and a detriment throughout his life. Abyss revisits his football career, time at Ohio University and sports management jobs before talking about his early days in wrestling, the importance of getting work in Puerto Rico under the influence of Dutch Mantell. He explains how his career turned a corner when he increased his in-ring physicality, weighs in on his extensive hardcore phase and ends by considering all the turnover he’s seen in TNA and his admiration of AJ Styles.

Quote of the week:“That was the last job I ever had before wrestling. And what ended that was I already had two strikes, and I already had one left to not show. And Bob Ryder called me and said, “We’d like you for the first TNA pay-per-view in Huntsville, Alabama, on July 19, 2002, for the Gauntlet For the Gold.” And I’d never talked to Bob or nothing, but I was just, I mean, I was — I punched a hole in the wall I was so happy. I was like, ‘God, they’re bringing me in! I can’t believe it! The first pay-per-view!’ They said if you miss, you’re done and I was done with that.”

Why you should listen: For someone who listens to as many wrestling podcasts as me, the opening segment in which the guys considered how quickly a story Abyss told Ross (because of something Tommy Dreamer said on Steve Austin’s show) was fascinating, and not just because it helps reinforce the reality of the people behind the wrestling “news” that flies around cyberspace. Also, Abyss consciously tried to avoid topics he covered with Ross, aware most Art Of Wrestling listeners will have heard the earlier interview. The Ruffin bits also were compelling, and I hope Cabana tracks him down for his own episode.

Why you should skip it: The good stuff was too brief, the small talk wasted time and Abyss was so happy to finally get around to being a guest he seemed at points too self aware. I was left wanting to hear much more about Abyss’ stint in Puerto Rico, his years portraying Prince Justice and especially his thoughts about being a hardcore wrestler with that period primarily in his rear-view mirror.

Final thoughts: This wasn’t a can’t-miss chat, though it’s fair to point out my reasons to skip are mostly complaints I didn’t get more of what I liked, not a dismissal of what I got. Cabana’s weakness as an interviewer presents itself differently with each guest — this episode being an instance of his friendliness with the guest convincing him he can just open his mouth and say things. (That said, I did quite appreciate him noting at the end how the session was much more than a recitation of Wikipedia data.) Maybe some day we’ll get that part two Abyss wants.

Best Coast Bias: Demon Days

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The King of Cosplay still reigns, however narrowly
Photo Credit: WWE.com
In Greil Marcus' novella about what makes the original Manchurian Candidate such a masterwork, one of his successful arguments in his and its favor is that "you're going to see everything you ever believed in suspended and then dashed to the ground. That's a thrill." (For the opposite of that feeling, have your computary source seize up on you the moment after you write that sentence, thus leaving you to brave a big box store the weekend before the biggest holiday of the year. But we digress.)

While the fate of the free world wasn't quite at stake from London in the imprint's final two-hour live special of 2015, it did bring to bear a lot of things that made Frank Sinatra and Angela Lansbury's classic exactly that: nearly choked with twists and turns that managed to stay true to the universe involved's logic, a few moments of dark humor to slightly leaven out the show and not have every single moment feel like life or death balanced on the tip of a knifepoint, and most importantly provided a constantly compelling pair of hours that culminated in an ending that could be considered a surprise while paying off everything that had come before it.

In the weeks before the main event of Takeover: London, Finn Bálor found himself emotionally compromised by a former friend he'd won the inaugural Dusty Classic tag tournament with, and, moreover, getting physically decimated every single time he and Samoa Joe crossed paths. It was his own personal Groundhog Day; they'd get together in the same place at the same time, Joe would find a way to defray and okeydoke, then Bálor's anger would render him temporarily stupid and Joe's signature Clutch would subsequently render him temporarily unconscious. It was clear that if he was going to be the NXT World Champion going into 2016 (and with all titles being defended on this show, BCB has made the executive decision to refer to all NXT titles as World Championships and variants thereof) that it was going to take something slumbering since the summer inside of him to wake up and be summoned forth lest Joe's craftiness and rage make him the eighth NXT World Heavyweight Champion. So summon it he did, and this time in locale-appropriate motif what the Champion's dark passenger summoned was a rendition of Jack the Ripper with ostensibly the hopes of turning Joe into his version of Kool Moe Dee in this feud.

Joe may've literally thumbed his nose at Finn the Ripper pre-match, but then again the match hadn't yet to unspool yet. Faced with figuratively and literally the biggest challenge to his title reign, Bálor proved he had the chops to hang in against one of the best of the world, as if there had been any prior doubts. In a nice change of pace from the rest of the card this wasn't about chain wrestling but rather standing in front of someone who could very well destroy you but hanging in with your fortitude and gutting it out because the title is just that damn important -- as Joe pointed out willingly with no trace of either malice or playfulness in the pre-match, he flushed a decade of friendship to get into position just to try to get it. In the end, Bálor recovered enough from the beating that got put on him for the majority of the match to recover enough to double and in some cases triple down on his offensive before delivering a match-closing Coup to the head in order to polish off the successful title defense.

The match was hard-hitting to the point where as he was being helped to the back you could see a red thin line either coming out from or just underneath Joe's lip, and Bálor was either teaching a master class in selling during the one-man curtain call after his W or he was legitimately knocked groggy at some point. The fun thing is that the storytelling gave birth to a river with those tributaries, and whatever you wanted to think was either accurate or accurate enough to as not make that much of a difference. With no reports of any serious injury after the show, it at least appears that whatever may've been wrong won't stop Bálor from holding the Big X into the new year or facing new challengers (more about which before we close out here).

And yet, hard hitting and visually arresting as the main event was for the majority of it, it may not have been the crown jewel of the show. Of course, all of these things are subjective, season to taste, your mileage may very and et al. But for many, the night's tastiest cream came in the semi-main event and Bayley's successful defense of the NXT Women's World Championship against the newcomer Nia Jax. It was based on one of the fundamentals that pro graps is built around, but done to such high dudgeon one couldn't be helped but be impressed all the way around once the big picture was unveiled in full at the match's end. From the outset, we had a video package of Bayley re-reading the essay 11-year-old her wrote about wanting to be a wrestling Champion when she grew up; this was interspersed with her taking beating after beating while still fending off challenger after challenger to the throne, and those were interspersed with Jax being a land monster who did things like throwing Bayley through a door and seemingly spending most of her waking moments trying to figure out how to turn the Northern Californian from a solid into a powder.

Even a pre-match interruption from Asuka (soon, my pretties, soon) didn't get Jax off course that much--her physical domination was going to be too damn much for any woman to overcome, Bayley included, and for what seemed to be 96% of the match that certainly looked to be the case. But she fumbled it when it came down to the wire, and on a couple of occasions where it seemed she had the belt for the taking she undermined her own setup work for the moment with arrogant covers (boot on the chest, hands on the chest instead of a leg hook, etc) and Bayley's irrepressible and borderline impossible surfeit of fighting spirit handled the rest. It had been built to so subtly during the match; when Bayley was able to get daylight out of the match, she went for a submission. It would've seemed a desperate act if you didn't recognize with hindsight that all of these attempts, even fleeting, targeted the head. An early dragon sleeper and a modified Hell's Gate (Hell's Bayte?) set up the endgame where Bayley would manage to procure a guillotine and then Jax would swat her down and it off. But then when she tried to go back to work and get this pest swatted, Bayley would relock the guillotine on.

And again. It wasn't quite the Rumble in the Jungle, but it ended up making the fellow San Diegan eventually look like a dope between the ropes as every time Bayley cinched it in, she did so for longer and longer, incurring more damage in the process until what even five minutes prior would've been thought to have been the impossible turned into the truth; Nia Jax, sitting down in the middle of the ring as Bayley cranked back so hard on her latest and ultimate in a series of guillotines that their bodies together almost formed a capital D and the big, bad previously unbeaten and patently unconquerable monster was forced to tap out cleanly. (Somehow not noted on commentary but a very nice subplot for those of us with longer memories: this is the second straight Takeover Bayley's made a seemingly superior opponent tap out with no controversy mid-ring.) When Byron Saxton called it unreal and Corey Graves willingly ate all the crow that anybody would've thrown at him as Bayley was still recovering on the mat with the belt in hand, they didn't feel like hyperbole for hyperbole's sake bur rather the simple truisms anyone who'd been watching the bout would've reached on their own. The former fangirl is now the best NXT Women's World Champion the brand's ever had, and it's to the point where it doesn't even seem like the point is debatable.

What also isn't up for discussion is the fact that on a show where it was expected that at least one title would change hands, and maybe the entire set of gold and leather would end up with new owners, everybody who walked in Champion walked out as one, too. Alongside Finn and Bayley, Scott Dawson and Dash Wilder seemingly sucked every molecule of oxygen out of mini Wembley when they successfully fended off the charge from the Realest Guys in the World, who were just as beloved on the other side of the pond as they are here. Everybody knows at this point what the Not The Chikara Throwbacks are about, personified in their semi-official slogan "No flips, just fists."

In recent matches it's been more about precision targeting of a pressure point until it cracks under, but that certainly doesn't preclude them from engaging in full-length double teams and cheerlessly clubberin' away at their soon-to-be victim. At times it seems that Enzo Amore was put on this Earth merely for the purposes of pre-match stickwork and to eat the offense of his opponents; so it went here. Even with the crowd singing his name to the rhythm of Seven Nation Army in an inspired bit it didn't keep Team D and D from beating on him like a rented goalie. Drawing heavily from the book of the Horsemen they lit into him with a slingshot suplex and a two-man gourdbuster but in possibly the greatest subtle moment on the show the referee didn't count for the Champions having not seen their tag due to keeping Cass from interfering, then they complained while making the switch to get Dash in the ring in one fluid move only for Amore's shoulder now not being on the mat if by only a tad having been given even that small breath away from that suffocating offense. In the end it looked like it was going to be business as usual to get to new Champions, as Cass went nuckfuts.

Then the tides starting turning, first in the direction of the Champions off of a signature Dawson chop block to the injured leg of Cass to set up Dawson putting on a hold that looked remarkably like the Lucky 13 and went for the double-team that'd injured the 7'er in the first place, then to the challengers when Enzo pushed Dawson off to the floor and they executed the Rocket Launcher, then back to the challengers when Dawson made the save and having failed at turning Carmella into a human shield managed to run the chivalrous Cass into the post as a result. This left the matchup every tag team in NXT's history has ever wanted; the both of them against one beaten-up-on Amore, and an avalanche Shatter Machine later to the crowd's chagrin the belts went home with the ones they came with.

In the show's two non-title matches that may well have been unofficial number one contendership bouts, we got the expected in the form of what up until recently was known in some circles as Death By Kana and we got the unexpected in Baron Corbin definitively bringing Apollo Crews' undefeated run to its and his End of Days. Then again, when a match is as good as Asuka/Emma was? To paraphrase some men of low moral turpitude, you don't need no stinkin' surprises.

This proved to be another instance where someone could easily successfully argue that from a pure match quality level perspective, this fifteen minute back and forth was the evening's A-number-one and while some might argue the point they wouldn't disagree that there was a strong argument to be made for it. After an early tease of Emma eating the roundhouse kick of death that knocked that poor cannon fodder on the prior week's show the eff out (shadowing shadowing shadowing shadowing), they went into a fine display of chain wrestling and while Emma could almost match Asuka move for move she couldn't quite get to and maintain an advantage. And when you're of low moral turpitude as the Aussie currently is, that's exactly when you have your underling provide an advantage so that cheap shots and cheating are easier. It's what Al Davis would've wanted, after all. Emma tried pinning predicaments that didn't work, then nice-looking submission holds that got Asuka to scream, but what she didn't get was a win and after an unbelievably misguided slap to the face her season pass to the all-the-ass-whooping-you-can-take-buffet was paid for.

To Emma's credit, Asuka got further pushed then she's been since she came to the States, but not even Emma's signatures could stand up in the face of the perfect strike storm she was trying to weather. When she found herself in trouble, she tried to cheat via bumping Smilin' Drake and then letting Asuka look guilty of using a chain-styled belt thrown to her by Dana. When the resultant surprise rollup got her in Asuka's Lock, Dana tried to run interference and managed to get herself ejected while Emma tapped behind Drake's back. This gave Emma the opportunity to lay Asuka out with the belt; it also got her the opportunity to get laid the eff out with a roundhouse kick. Remember? Ain't no party like an Asuka strike party 'cause an Asuka party don't stop until you're horizontal in the back with the trainer checking on you while you get mocked. Even Johnny Saint had to give it up for the Japanese Murder Doll.

Watching Baron Corbin heel it up is a fun treat, as the man clearly has no interest in saving a portion of the fanbase in order to up his merch points. Listening to him mock a fallen Apollo Crews with a loud "You shouldve stayed in Ring of Honor!" -- an establishment the former Uhaa Nation has not been under the employ of (Ed. Note: And that's what makes it such a great burn for someone like Corbin. -- TH) -- is like a king-sized Reese's peanut butter cup. Either he can't tell and is too stupid to realize that different independent wrestling leagues are...you know...different (thus making him an asshole because he is exhibiting such firm conviction in his absolute wrongness) or he knows the difference and is just throwing out a general mockery of the road Crews has gone down to get to this point (thus making him an asshole since the only training in Corbin's pro wrestling background is NXT, which obviously has to be the best non-WWE thing since WWE makes it...now that we think about it, there was a slight whiff of a hashtag millennials get off my lawn-ness to that taunt). Of course, Corbin got to do so since he was beating on Crews and posing smugly while the crowd called him a dozen different types of wanker. The Lone Wolf seemingly dominated the match after accidentally sending the NXT newcomer over the top rope and into the steps, and overcame a few small punch-filled flurries and an End of Days backflip counter to finally turn off AC with his signature much to the Londoners' dismay. It certainly seems like he would be the latest in a series of Big Bads to go in against Finn, and he certainly thinks as much.

But that'll probably be in the offing for 2016. For now, over the holidays, when NXT casts a backwards gaze over their 2015 they'll know it was their biggest and best year to date -- a year that paid off the past year's promises even despite a rash of injuries to elite talents -- a year when they weren't a buzzworded hashtag but the ones to help redefine women's wrestling -- a year when their moribund tag division suddenly gained life and depth -- a year that saw three of the most talented wrestlers in North America hold their signature title and for it to be defended internationally on multiple occasions -- a year in which their specials defined the word and were appointment TV for fans of old and new school alike --

--you know.

The year that NXT well and truly took over.

Three Theories on Who or What Snowflake Is

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The nefarious Snowflake has taken over Condron... is Snowflake someone already known to the Chikara world?
Photo Credit: Zia Hiltey
Kevin Condron burst onto the scene at Tomorrow Never Dies, the Chikara Season 14 finale, and his 2015 was a crusade to remind everyone that the ills of the company were self-inflicted. He preached against the wanton death and destruction until he himself turned his rage lethal and compromised Orbit Adventure Ant to a permanent end at King of Trios. Via Condron's Twitter account, an otherworldly being known as Snowflake took responsibility for the heinous act and claimed possession of the flesh.

Snowflake could be any number of things, and the possibility that it is a new demonic spirit that floated from the aether into the Chikara narrative is distinct. However, given that auteur Mike Quackenbush loves media where things are curiously connected (comic books, LOST), the possibility that Snowflake is something more than a Class VII Full Possessing Demon that randomly happened to inhabit the flesh of Condron. I have three compelling theories on who or what Snowflake really is. They could be onto something, or who knows, maybe Snowflake is one of those dangling threads that isn't meant to be more than a device for story advancement. In either case, wrestling is always more fun when you can sink your teeth into something meatier.

1. Snowflake is Deucalion - When Icarus put the Estonian Thunder Frog's Hammer to the skull of the Titan of Titor, it marked the end of his "life" and the invading force of The Flood. Or did it? Deucalion the person was rough around the edges, but his mind was focused. Perhaps the flesh was just a vessel for a spirit of malevolence? Perhaps that malevolence was attracted to Condron, who earlier in the night of Deucalion's demise, showed his own predilection towards violence. It's possible that Deucalion's disembodied spirit guided Condron to possessing the Lithuanian Snow Troll and recruiting former Flood members Volgar and Missile Assault Ant before completely possessing his mind and giving him the power of, you guessed it, the fatal Chokebreaker. The Flood's modus operandi was dredging up old menaces from Chikara's past and bringing them to the surface to attack it again, so it wouldn't be out of line for Deucalion to find another host to bring back the sinister group of amalgamated evil for another assault.

2. Snowflake is Nazmaldun - Hallowicked's demon master is another possibly incorporeal being that was introduced in Season 15. Many have wondered whether this all-powerful overlord is an extraworldly god-figure or an actual character waiting to be introduced. Then again, what if Nazmaldun is both? Condron has been away from the Hallowicked action this season, but that could very well be what the demonic master wants people to think. A unification between the Battleborn and the Nightmare Warriors could be in the works for Season 16, one that makes more sense than lets on at first. Condron's mission is fueled by the casualties of the war with the Flood. Nazmaldun may have promised some extranatural abilities for Condron, including perhaps raising the dead? UltraMantis Black, another dark practicioner, has done it. Who says Nazmaldun can't do it either?

3. Snowflake is a ruse - Of course, Snowflake not even being real is a possibility. Some might think it to be disappointing, but if it's all just a cover to allow Condron to become the most magnificent peacock of a villainous mastermind, then it could be the best possible option. The metamorphosis from unmasked rookie in a hoodie to Hollywood glam interpretation of an Ottoman sultan has been one of the most magnificent short-term evolutions in wrestling. The biggest tell for this theory came during Top Banana, when Condron was looking down the angry view of his fellow Wrestle Factory alumnus Argus. He dropped the ornate voice and said "Hey it's me, Kevin." Either he can turn the Snowflake in him on and off, that appeal itself was a ruse in order to bide time for a counter, or Snowflake isn't a real thing. That little bit might be the strongest tell yet.

Of course, Snowflake could end up being revealed something completely different. Still, the above three options are the most appealing to me, and may end up being the most interesting. I'm sure the answer will be gotten to sometime either in Season 16 or maybe in Season 17.

I Listen So You Don't Have To: Steve Austin Show Ep. 281

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Austin, shown here with Mike Tyson, has another episode with Ted Fowler
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you’re new, here’s the rundown. We listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are many wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but this feature largely hews to the regular rotation we feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If we can save other folks some time, we’re happy to do so.

Show: Steve Austin Show — Unleashed!
Episode: 281 (Dec. 17, 2015)
Run Time: 1:22:43
Guest: Ted Fowler (13:30)

Summary: It’s another unleashed show with Austin and Fowler at the Broken Skull Ranch. This time, though, they’re not tipsy but hung over. They talk quite a bit about the deer on the ranch before Austin tells the story of his wife being stranded in their 2006 Suburban. Austin recognizes the inaugural Cocksucker Of The Week, has Fowler recount a recent booty call and then tells his own story of shopping at Trader Joe’s in San Antonio and running into local blue laws. After recalling a fall in the mud and a bad lift kit experience, Austin ends by detailing his last Starbucks stop.

Quote of the week:“Normally, Teddy, when you go to a Starbucks, there’s 15 motherfuckers ordering Frappucino, lacha, mocha, foo-foo, blah-blah, cream and whipped cream and cinnamon sprinkles and shit like that, all these fucking gimmick names, and you gotta — I think probably when you start working at Starbucks you gotta learn the lingo. It’s like being a pro wrestler. Kayfabe. One tackle, drop down, get it again, call all the high spots, know the psychology. Get a little bit of kizeller up in this mizatch.”

Why you should listen: Just like last Thursday. If you get off on Austin shooting the breeze with his ranch buddy. This isn’t a formal part two, it’s just a conceptual rehash, and we’d be wise to expect more so long as Austin is in Texas. The upside here compared to last week is skirting politics altogether and going off the cuff instead of messing with listener questions.

Why you should skip it: When talking about his fall, Austin invokes Ric Flair. Kayfabe is part of his Starbucks story, and he promotes the upcoming episode with Shawn Michaels. Aside from that, there’s no wrestling talk. Some folks won’t care at all for Fowler’s story of the woman who asked if he was free — my main beef with it is how it clearly was the second time he’d told Austin, and these anecdotes, tasteless as they may be, would be better entertainment if we could at least get to share in the discovery with the host.

Final thoughts: There’s a good chance a repeat listen to a highly regarded Austin episode would be a better use of your time than a first pass on this one. I liked it better than Ep. 280, but I could have lived many years without hearing either. This isn’t distasteful in a “Jim Cornette Islamophobic rant” sort of way, it’s just nothing more than a chance to laugh along, provided you enjoy the incorporated topics. If none of them trip any of your triggers, then you’ve got to be heavily invested in Austin and Fowler to consider this worth your trouble.

Year End Sorting Bins: *snaps fingers* HATED IT

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Wrestler of the Year? LOL, no son, no
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Welcome back to another year-end tradition, the sorting bins, or where I put every wrestler into one of five neat little boxes according to how much I like or dislike them. These lists are not indicative of how talented or effective or objectively good at their jobs these people are. This list charts exclusively how much I like or dislike a certain wrestler. It's not scientific because it doesn't have to be. Anyway, bin number one is the Unequivocal Hatred bin, where I list all the wrestlers/personalities I loathe. Remember kids, unless it's explicitly stated in the entry for that person, this isn't hating the actual person, it's hatred for the character. Granted, some of the distaste will be for real life reasons as you'll see with at least one entry below, but most of it is for the portrayal of their characters in continuity.

And now, without further ado...

Seth Rollins - I hate that the man got hurt, but if I had to hear one more 20 minute long nasally promo to kick off RAW to set up another match with Dolph Ziggler or Dean Ambrose that was the same shitty weaksauce match they had last week, I was gonna throw my TV across the street. And to think, he's getting serious Wrestler of the Year love. Hilarious.

Zahra Schreiber - Nazi punks fuck off.

Sunny - Speaking of super right-wing nutbag WWE tangential people, when she was just selling "adult Skype dates," it was one thing. A woman's gotta earn a living however she can, even if she's preying on gross dudes. But the whole militant right wing "I hate minorities" thing she has going is, well, not a good look.

Vincent Kennedy McMahon - I'm at the point where his onscreen character doesn't even do it for me anymore. He looks old, tired, withered, like he's a 70 year-old man who has not taken a single millisecond of time off from his high-stress job since he took over as the Head Bee Guy for his dad over 30 years ago. McMahon the man is ruining WWE television. McMahon the character can fuck right off with interrupting Bo Dallas and kicking Roman Reigns in the dick.

Ethan Page - I was relieved when Josh Alexander retired and Pro Wrestling Guerrilla stopped booking this fuckboy because it meant PWG only wanted the tag partner and wasn't interested in his mediocrity shitting up the joint.

Michael Elgin - Nope, still don't get Michael Elgin, slightly ironic #BigMike hashtag or not.

Paul Heyman - The sight of this windbag obsequiously singing "GLORY GLORY BROCK LESNAR" on RAW was the definition of go-away heat for me. But by all means, please continue encouraging him by claiming he's actually helping to get the man who only needs to throw people around and smile sociopathically to be popular get over.

PS, I'm still bitter about Cesaro.

Chavo Guerrero - Hopefully, he's not coming back to Lucha Underground, because holy shit. Holy shit.

Jeff Jarrett - I'm absolutely shocked that he didn't put his World Championship on himself at the television tapings of shows that might see the light of day by 2021.

JBL, Michael Cole, Booker T, Jerry Lawler - The WWE announce team may not be totally at fault for its systemic and complete failure to do its job, which is to get the wrestlers over that are in the ring. McMahon always being in their ears has to take them off their game intentionally. But I can't shake the rampant sexism or JBL's utter conviction at burying people in the least constructive way possible as his only real passion or Cole's utter dismissal of anything that isn't John Cena. Give me an option to mute commentary if these clowns are going to muss up the table. And for Christ's sake, if Mauro Ranallo is gonna be given the play-by-play chair on Smackdown, don't put anyone in his goddamn ear.

Texano, Jr. - I don't know why I hate the Texano character so much because it's so whitebread and bland that it doesn't inspire anything. Then again, Texano is the epitome of vanilla in a world where everyone else is awash in interest and intrigue. That's a cardinal sin.

Alex Riley - The happiest I've been as a wrestling fan all year was watching Kevin Owens own the shit out of him on Twitter and then stomp him as he was down while escaping from Finn Bálor. I don't know what that says about me, but I'm okay with it.

Tony Kozina - Why do all the liberals in wrestling have to be the most throbbing, smelly assholes too?

Jim Ross - Newsflash, Ross sucked at WrestleKingdom 9. Absolutely, unequivocally blew out his own asshole. He could have farted in the microphone in response to Matt Striker's commentary, and it would have been a billion times higher.

Jack Swagger - Swagger is talented; he really is. And honestly, circumstance probably led him to exposing the crowd's latent ickiness through a babyface white supremacy. But I can't watch him anymore and think "wow, a good wrestler is in the ring." It feels like I'm watching a guy waiting to run out his contract so he can try out for Bellator.

Stephanie McMahon - She's the worst kind of heel because she doesn't deign to wrestle against the women for whom she corporately mandates a revolution (think about that for a second), and because of sponsors, TV-PG ratings, and WWE's total lack of framework that supports women as third-class citizens behind men and anthropomorphic miniature bulls, she can get all the heat she wants on any member of the roster without receiving an ounce of comeuppance. When was the last time someone hoisted her by her own petard? Vickie Guerrero dumping her in the pudding on her way out? Joke's on you, McMahon was still a principal owner of WWE, and Guerrero was out of a job.

Teddy Hart - Okay, so this entry is one of those that will venture into real life circumstances because yeah, Hart stands accused of some serious sexual assault charges. Dude is probably a scumbag rapist. He shouldn't be getting bookings anywhere, and yet, he is. Now, one of those places in the past has been Inspire Pro Wrestling. Full disclosure, I know people within the company. I wasn't happy having to watch one of his matches from last year, but that booking was taken before the charges surfaced. However, he was booked again afterwards, which made me feel uncomfortable. So I talked to the people within the company I knew. They said that Hart gave them a flim-flam excuse about the charges that they later on found out weren't true. I was given assurance that Hart would never be booked there again. Whether or not you're satisfied or not is your prerogative, but I have no reason to think that those representatives would lie to me. It sucks that he was even booked there in the first place, but mistakes can be forgiven as long as you make efforts not to make them again, right? Of course, he's a shitty wrestler anymore too, but that's not really a sin. Hopefully, he gets arrested and put on trial, because wrestling companies shouldn't be aiding and abetting rape culture.

Undertaker - Just retire, you dick-punchin' old man.

BJ Whitmer - On one hand, I feel bad for the guy, but on the other, he's still trying to wrestle with spinal stenosis. Ring of Honor is fucked for letting him continue, for sure, but what kind of example is he setting for people who should be looking after their health first? Fuck all the way the fuck off.

Jim Cornette - I see Jim Cornette out there trying to increase his Wrestler Q Rating that has taken a beating from his constant bashing of the Young Bucks, Kevin Owens, and anything else interesting by trying to add Islamophobia to his brand. I wish I could be surprised, but really, has Cornette ever done anything in his life to show he wasn't a small, hateful, angry man?

Gabe Sapolsky - Can't wait to see the next lucrative conglomerate to bail his slimy ass out when Triple H realizes he's not worth the investment.

Shannon Moore - Wait, people are still booking this toolbag?

Togi Makabe - Don't feel bad for Makabe; he'll just no-sell this entry like it was a punch from Tomohiro Ishii and pretend that I'm his biggest fan.

CM Punk - He's technically not a wrestler anymore, but people still give him a spotlight to spew his douchebaggery into wrestling channels, even though he doesn't want to be there at all. Enough. And stop chanting his goddamn name.

"Machine Gun" Karl Anderson - The only person with a face more punchable than his is Ted Cruz.

Hulk Hogan - I kinda wish McMahon rolled the dice with Junkyard Dog instead of him at the first WrestleMania now.

Triple H as a RAW roster member/co-leader of The Authority - He's only slightly better than Stephanie McMahon because he'll at least put someone over in the ring. But man, this Authority ship sailed a long time ago, and it's aging worse than processed cheese. Also, Sting should have won at Mania, dammit.

I Listen So You Don't Have To: Cheap Heat Dec. 21

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Owens comes up as a topic of discussion
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you’re new, here’s the rundown. We listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are many wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but this feature largely hews to the regular rotation we feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If we can save other folks some time, we’re happy to do so.

Show: Cheap Heat
Episode:“The Gift of the MAJies” (Dec. 21, 2015)
Run Time: 1:03:16
Guest: None

Summary: It’s the penultimate show of the year for David Shoemaker, Peter Rosenberg and Stat Guy Greg. They open with a look back at NXT’s London special, focusing on the brand’s pace, the lively crowd and a few of the key matches, at least until Rosenberg gets distracted by something on his phone, then decides to talk about hanging in Vegas with Mike Tyson. That leads into a discussion of the panel’s holiday plans, which opens up some jokes about wrestler hometowns. The main event is reviewing the inaugural MAJies, but not before a callback to last week’s episode. The awards lead to conversations about Seth Rollins, Axelmania, racist Hulk Hogan, the Rusev-Lana story, Kevin Owens and the year’s best Championship matches. At the end, Greg says who won the fan voting for the show’s awards.

Quote of the week: Rosenberg: “All right, any corrections? Cause you guys are getting boring as shit. And I say that with all due respect. We finished the awards, and now we’re just meandering.”

Why you should listen: Those with an insatiable desire to hear how the Cheap Heat crew views the high points of the WWE’s 2015 will be mostly satisfied. If you paid any attention to the MAJies on Twitter, there’s some resolution. And if you’re a fan of hate listening, here’s Peter Rosenberg.

Why you should skip it: This episode is almost an complete waste of time. Shoemaker and Greg get in a few minutes of decent NXT conversation before Rosenberg, who only read results, grows weary and switches the topic to the shiny thing that caught his attention. The best analysis is arguably about the Rusev/Lana story, which of course has been vivisected everywhere weeks ago. How are they still talking about Hulk Hogan? The awards seemed like they could rise above contrivance based on the Twitter listener interaction, except that portion got shunted to a brief moment near the end where Rosenberg was distracted enough to let Greg read the results.

Final thoughts: Shoemaker should write more. Or he and Greg should do the show on their own and check with Rosenberg once or twice a month for a topical rant. Because when Cheap Heat is constructed like this — with the host who sucks the most attention being the one least prepared or interested in the exercise — it’s a waste of everyone’s time. It’s a shame, too, because both NXT and the 2015 year in review deserved better. At least there are plenty of other outlets offering such coverage.

The Airing Of Grievances

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Do not chant "Show your tits" at Scott or any woman, you animals
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
"I got a lot of problems with you people!" -- Frank Costanza

The date on the calendar reads December 23, so once again, the sacred and honorable holiday of Festivus is upon the world at large. As is tradition, I have some grievances that I would like to bring to light. Rather than do one longform rant about something in specific, I have a few things I want to touch upon, because I am a sad, cold, bitter old man who gets irritated way too easily nowadays. The time has arrived to air some grievances.

- I'm not sure how many of the gross lunkheads who chanted "SHOW YOUR TITS" at Veda Scott at Final Battle read this blog, but if you do, maybe rethink your priorities and learn how to talk to a woman. Just because you're a wrestling fan doesn't give you license to be gross at a female performer who so happens to be a heel. I was embarrassed to be a wrestling fan, a Ring of Honor fan, and a human being on December 18. The fact that most of the people who partook in that chant don't feel the same way makes me ill.

Some might attack this problem by saying to treat all women like one might treat their mothers, but that implies that a woman has to have some kind of blood relation in order to matter. Everyone deserves basic human respect. Boo Scott or any other female heel, but when you verbally sexually harass them, congratulations, you've affirmed that you're kinda scummy and that you give everyone else who likes wrestling a bad name. Thanks, jerk.

- NXT has been one of the best parts of a sneakily satisfying 2015 (sneakily because nearly everything that hasn't been WWE's main narrative has been solid at least), but even it hasn't been able to escape criticism. Not that it should remain faultless, because critique is the stone what sharpens the mind, but the most pervading one says that the fantastic output of the program needs to be graded on a curve, and thus is not as good as it appears, because the performers get to practice their matches at the Performance Center.

Obviously, something can be said of being able to perform off the cuff and improvise, but how does anyone have any knowledge that WWE or any other promotion is a one-take entity nowadays? The art has been populated with folks who have practiced until they made perfect. Randy Savage and Chris Jericho are two major, major examples. The function of house shows has always been two-fold. The first is to provide revenue and drive up business in disparate markets from the home base, but the second has undeniably been to work out all the kinks for the big monthly supercard at Madison Square Garden or the Omni or the Greensboro Coliseum or the Rose Garden or [insert big arena here]. Maybe if it was just noted that main roster WWE or New Japan Pro Wrestling or indie wrestlers don't have the practice time that the NXT wrestlers to, it might not be as bad, but then again, I'm not sure what functional difference that would make judging outputs.

I thought I had more than two grievances I felt comfortable airing, but c'est la vie. Anyway, enjoy the rest of your Festivus, and please don't strain yourself too hard during the Feats of Strength.

A Visit From Nick Gage

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Merry f'n Christmas from The King!
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein, Photoshop: @NotAlexJones
Merry Christmas from all of us here at The Wrestling Blog!

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the ring
Not a wrestler was working, not even Kenny King
The stockings were hung on the locker display
In hopes St. Nick would soon bring a payday
The marks were nestled all snug with their mullets
While sugar plum vodka slid down the boys' gullets
And mamma in her t-shirt, and I in the buff
Had just settled down, man that party was rough
When out in the street there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter
Away to the window, just me and my dong
Tore open the blinds to see what was wrong
The moon on the glass of bottles broken in 'twain
Gave such great light even Jim Ross couldn't complain
When what to my wondering eyes, I saw more
But the King with eight others, all of them hardcore
In a wondrous moving van, looking shabby from age
I knew in a sudden, it had to be Nick Gage
More rapid than Dragon Gate workers, they came
And he shouted profanities before calling by name
"Now Drew Blood, Dan Maff, Crowbar, Kyle the Beast
"Matt Tremont, Wifebeater, Ramos, and last but not least
"Corporal Robinson, now get your asses in the door
"We gotta make money, let's go make some more."
Like dry leaflets after the show fly into the trash
They filed indoors to kick some more ass
So into the ring with the swiftness they flew
With their sacks full of plunder, St. Nick Gage too
He was covered in blood from his head to his dick
And his clothes were all ripped up, man he looked sick
Singapore canes he had flung on his back
And the bounty of light tubes from when he opened his sack
His eyes, how they burnt like Brody, 'gainst Hansen
They looked oh so twisted, made normalcy of Manson
His mangled ol' mouth could shout all the curses
Which made all the marks throw cash from their purses
The stump of a pipe he jammed in Tremont's eye
I think it made the entire front row start to cry
He had a stern face, and a six-pack of abs
That moved in concert when he ripped off Dan Maff's scabs
He was sinewy and stacked, as sharp as a knife
And when he looked down my way, I feared for my life
A widening of his eyes and a gape of his jaw
As he said "Jesus Christ, put on some pants," with an aw
He spoke all curse words and went straight to his works
With a light tube cleared the ring of the rest of the jerks
And laying his middle finger up the air
He busted open Ramos with nary a care
Then the sound of sirens filled the night sky
And back to the van the men had to fly
But I heard him exclaim as he ran far away
"Merry Christmas, fuck you, I'm the King, MDK."

I Listen So You Don't Have To: VIP Lounge, 12/20/15

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Kenny King joined his former BDC stablemate MVP on his podcast
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
If you’re new, here’s the rundown. We listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are many wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but this feature largely hews to the regular rotation we feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If we can save other folks some time, we’re happy to do so.

Show: VIP Lounge
Episode: 12/20/15
Run Time: 57:27
Guests: Bobby Lashley and Kenny King

Summary: Former WWE and TNA wrestler MVP and former WWE writer Alex Greenfield host The VIP Lounge, an interview show where they bring on various guests and friends. This week, they bring on Bobby Lashley and Kenny King, both of whom were in a stable with MVP during their time with TNA. The guys discuss the good and bad of how TNA works, happy with the creative freedom they were given for much of that storyline, but disappointed by how jumpy TNA's writers can be with making changes to angles far too soon. MVP says the angle had to incorporate race since that is such an unavoidable issue in America today. That serves as the hard turn into a discussion about whether or not politicians should try to fix social issues, how to talk about religion with someone who doesn't share your viewpoint, and what it's like to hold your newborn child for the first time.

Quote of the Week: Lashley, on his stable with MVP and King - "When they were ripping it apart, I was like, 'You can't rip this apart right now. There are so many things that you could do with it.' There are certain wrestling things where when they come out, you have some type of emotion, whether it's hate, love, who cares. We had that, and not too many people had that. Our presence, us three, coming out...everyone was on their feet."

Why you should listen: If you are one of the brave souls who has stuck with TNA in very recent years, you will find a payoff with the conversation regarding the stable that fans dubbed "MLK." The guys look back on the angle with all the fondness of something from a decade ago even though it happened just last year. They all do a good job of slamming TNA without full-on slamming them. When the conversation turns to politics and religion and being a dad, there is a nice dynamic where everyone isn't just blindly agreeing with each other so they can stay friends. MVP pushes his guests on what they think and wants them to evaluate why they feel the way they feel. Lashley and King feel comfortable enough to receive this friction and give it right back, so that makes for a lively talk that lets the listener feel like they listened to something worthwhile.

Why you should skip it: The audio quality is less than desirable with Greenfield in studio, MVP on the phone, and Lashley and King via Skype. King is backstage at ROH's Final Battle, and I'm not sure how he thought that would work out without constant interruptions. It also gets weird occasionally with so many people on the line together yet not in the room because there are long stretches where only one or two people are talking, and it feels like the other two guys are just being ignored.

Final Thoughts: My wife and I are having our first baby in May, and naturally I'm open to any kind of fatherhood advice that comes my way. I didn't expect to get that advice today from pro wrestlers, but the world works in mysterious ways. I loved hearing Kenny King admit that for the first two weeks after his daughter was born, he held her and had the strange thought that he was holding a stranger. This makes me feel much better about any possible cognitive dissonance I might have as a new dad, since I know that others go through the same thing. Aside from that personal insight, I always enjoy hearing people debate not necessarily about if there is a god, but whether or not people who believe there is a god should get to be a dick about it. The discussion here is coherent and fair, and in this day and age, sometimes that's a miracle.

Best Coast Bias: Leftovers: London

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Everybody's favorite ginger snap is back where he belongs
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Unfortunately, this latest episode of NXT -- and as it turns out, the last one in 2015 that'll have new fodder for Internet columnists to dissect -- suffered almost from being what in pro football parlance would be known as a trap game. The previous week had the two-hour blowout Takeover featuring three high-quality title bouts and another fun installment of Death By Asuka. For their last show of the year, it's being dubbed the best of NXT volume one, so one can only presume that since WWEN is beaming it out to us all that they're putting together the first-ever ten-match six-hour clip show.

...hey, a smark can dream.

But that still left one show of first-run material to roll out before the imprint could put a full bow on their wildly successful 2015, and the winners of every single match that showed each burnished their stars to various degrees as a present.

For Elias Samson, it was a short sprint and a win over Bull "Fit" Dempsey to establish his new Drifter persona, ,which so far seems to mostly consist of looking vaguely creepy and putting an acoustic guitar over his shoulder. For Jason Jordan and Chad Gable, it was a rapturous crowd reception that helped propel them to another big win on their ascending rocket which can only be presumed to be aimed in the directions of Dawson and Dash. And for Sami Zayn, after a year of high profile losses and too much time on the shelf, it capped off the hour with a comeback win over 10ye Dillinger and a promise to the faithful that both he and the place he used to be Champion of would only go further up the bracket in 2016.

In the opening four-way tag battle, you had two former Champions in the Vaudevillians and those BAMF Cowboys. The Hype Bros were there, proving that their particular flavor didn't exactly play well on the other side of the pond. But the spotlight was on and stolen by the former Shoot Nation brothers in arms, who came out to a Bayley-sized pop and got their own irrationally catchy song that somehow the crowd didn't end up singing for 10 minutes straight. Both Gotch and Gable played a rousing back-and-forth of counter and counter-to-the-counter mat wrestling that tragically didn't take up the rest of the show and after a four-way Mexican standoff going into the break it was left for the crowd to hope that Jason could Save The Gable while the other three teams in the match traded off blind tags and short spouts of offense without any of them being able to maintain a foothold for very long. JJ would eventually be able to do just that, sending all the other teams scattering with a fusillade of suplexes before a Grand Amplitude polished off Blake for the win. At this point, barring injury, it's not a matter of if JJABLE end up NXT World Tag Team Champions in 2016, but when.

You can, of course, ask Sami Zayn what it's like in NXT to see golden dreams disrupted by the shrill alarm clock of injuries, but you might not want to -- you could get cursed out in a multitude of languages. This was supposed to be the year he reigned as king of Full Sail but his kingdom fell apart so fast thanks to certain French Canadian Murder Bears that it was still probably under warranty when it did; too bad his shoulder wasn't. Dillinger actually controlled the vast majority of the match and while Zayn never looked fully lost in the ring, he also wasn't the guy who seemed to be a potential MOTY every big time out in 2014 and its possible Wrestler of the Year. That being said, in this case Tye Dillinger was Niagara Falls slang for "eventually going to catch a corner Exploder and eat the Yakuza kick", and so it came to pass.

Again, it will be interesting to see in the coming year what they do in an almost completely different landscape with what seems to be the same ol' Sami Zayn. You would presume he would be making a run at the Big X and in so doing perhaps even become the first two-time holder of that World Championship, but when you think of all the names that defined his previous two years, they've all been more or less demoted to Mondays. And how would a crowd react to a match between the two most recent tecnico Champions, anyhow? Would it cause Zayn to lose his smile if he were to come out on the losing end against the Daemon?

We can't presume to know what will come for NXT in 2016--if anybody thought they'd be getting steady feedings of Kana, Uhaa Nation and Samoa Joe every Wednesday at the beginning of this year they probably blipped in here from the Biff Uber Alles alternate timeline -- but we know what they say in the four words that kick off their shows: The Future Is Now. Elias Samson started his here. Chad Gable and Jason Jordan furthered theirs here. And here is where Sami must be pointing to up at the top with his formerly injured arm and all. Whatever his future is in NXT, it will be enveloping a lot of real estate and the top of the card; hell, it might even be the most compelling major question Full Sail will be spending the next 12 months trying to answer.

Not bad for a "trap show", right?

Also, just wanted to thank all the fans who've been supporting me, the Best Coast Bias, and these NXT reports ever since the Zayn/Cesaro best of three falls epic. If you'd like to keep supporting me while I couchsurf and get a T-shirt business off of the ground starting in -- you guessed it -- 2016, check out my fundraiser here. It'll keep me off the streets, a little bit of coin in my pocket, and what should be some funny yet comfortable apparel on the chests of the dozens (AND DOZENS) of BCB fans. Thanks again for your support.

I Listen So You Don't Have To: Art Of Wrestling Ep. 282

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Cabana has his longtime collaborator Marty DeRosa on this week
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
If you’re new, here’s the rundown. We listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are many wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but this feature largely hews to the regular rotation we feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If we can save other folks some time, we’re happy to do so.

Show: Art Of Wrestling
Episode: 282 (Dec. 24, 2015)
Run Time: 56:02
Guest: Marty DeRosa (9:08)

Summary: As part of his monologue, Colt Cabana plays a clip of comedian Andy Peters’ act before getting to the primary function, a free-range chat with longtime collaborator (and also a comedian) Marty DeRosa. Topics include regional dialects revealed in wrestler promos, the plight of jobbers, DeRosa’s childhood friendship with Josh Mathews and their convergent and divergent wrestling journeys, watching pay-per-view channels with and without a descrambling device, his old public access show and any chance of working for WWE one day. The guys spend a lot of time discussing working in front of tough crowds, or even one difficult person, and end remembering some favorite Christmas gifts.

Quote of the week:“I could at least put it on scrambled and then just, you know, have my figures out or something and just listen and just be like, and there’d be those moments where it would kind of flip in a little bit — this could be about porn as well — but it would just kick in a little bit and you’re like ‘That’s a boob’ or ‘Oh, that’s Macho Man.’ And then you were just like, ‘Yeah, this is great!’ That’s, I think, like, yeah, that was the original podcast for me, was just listening to scrambled wrestling. And I’m like, ‘I still hear it!’ I mean, that’s enough for me. I was such a fanatic.”

Why you should listen: The highlight, by far, is the two-way conversation about being confronted with audience members who seem dead-set against enjoying a particular performance. That segment allows both men to open up about their respective arts, and it’s the only part of the talk that seems like these two, who are very familiar to each other, might actually be having an original conversation. Some of the stuff about a younger Matthews is at least amusing.

Why you should skip it: I generally find DeRosa to be sufficiently entertaining, and I appreciate Cabana’s predicament of being up against Christmas Eve and his own imminent Japan tour, but there’s really not much to this episode whatsoever. DeRosa gets a few chances to be funny, but never really gets rolling, and Cabana doesn’t seem to have had any agenda in mind when he decided to record the chat. There are far better ways to engage with either performer.

Final thoughts: After hijacking the Internet with his Thanksgiving 2014 episode, Cabana almost overcorrects here by bringing on a guest of very little consequence whatsoever. Perhaps hardly anyone listened, perhaps that was the presumption during the recording session. Either way, Cabana devotees can take a pass, and anyone hungry for more DeRosa should most likely check out one of his many outlets, most notably the Wrestling With Depression podcast. Just take it on faith this episode isn’t a representative sample of DeRosa’s show.

2015 Year in Review/2016 Year in Preview: New Japan Pro Wrestling

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Okada began the year by falling oh so short
Photo via Cewsh Reviews/Rajah
Promotion: New Japan Pro Wrestling

What Happened in 2015: January 4 brought us Wrestle Kingdom 9, the promotion's equivalent of Wrestlemania. They go all out by putting it in the Tokyo Dome and making the entrances as grand of a spectacle as they wish. Wrestle Kingdom 9 was arguably the turning point at which Americans started paying attention to NJPW, myself included, partially because it had English commentary from Matt Striker and good ol' Jim Ross. Though Striker proved himself to be knowledgeable of the product, and Jim Ross will always be Jim Ross, all we really gained from their commentary was learning that JR had lunch with Shinsuke Nakamura and thinks he's pretty awesome. What really mattered was the wrestling itself, and WK9 contained two possible Match of the Year candidates. Nakamura retained his IWGP Intercontinental Championship by defeating Kota Ibushi in a match where the word "stiff" doesn't accurately describe what happened. Go watch that one right away. The main event saw Hiroshi Tanahashi retain his IWGP Heavyweight Championship in a classic against Kazuchika Okada. After the match, The Rainmaker made it rain with his own tears, in utter disbelief that for the second time in a main event at Wrestle Kingdom, he fell short and felt defeat at the hands of NJPW's "Ace,""The 1 in 100 Years," the supposed John Cena of New Japan, Tanahashi. Remember this, as it will be important later.

One month later at The New Beginning, Tanahashi and his partial cornrows were no match for the nine-man interference team of Bullet Club, and AJ Styles captured the IGWP belt for the second time. Styles' only big win in a title defense came against New Japan Cup winner Kota Ibushi at Invasion Attack, and from then it was on to July’s Dominion event, facing off against Okada. Riding high on their unstoppable freight train of success, Bullet Club got so careless with their interference in this match that all nine members got the ol’ heave-ho from Red Shoes the referee. Slightly thrown off his game, Styles still found it in him to fight hard for his belt, but Okada took it from him after one of the most beautifully constructed final minutes of a match you will see all year. To those who complain about guys planning out matches backstage, watch that last minute and tell me it’s a bad thing and not a ridiculously good thing.

The G1 winner is familiar
Photo Credit: David Enemy
The G1 Climax started July 20 and ended August 16. For those unfamiliar, that’s a 27-day round robin-style tournament in which 16 wrestlers are split into two separate “blocks,” they wrestle everyone in their block once, and then the two wrestlers from each block with the most wins face each other in a final match, with the winner getting a guaranteed shot at the IWGP Heavyweight Title at the next Wrestle Kingdom. Confusing? Nope? Good! After weeks of decent-to-incredible matches from all competitors, the finals came down to Tanahashi and Nakamura. Common wisdom dictated that Nakamura, without his Intercontinental Belt, and riding his wave of worldwide popularity, was a shoe-in for the victory. But as the lazy John Cena comparison foretold, “Tanahashi wins lol.”

The championship re-match between Okada and Styles came at King of Pro Wrestling in October, but with Tanahashi’s WK10 title shot looming, and the loaded history between him and the current champion, the re-match’s outcome seemed all but settled. And indeed, it was. Okada hit Styles with three Rainmakers to win. After the match, Tanahashi entered the ring with his G1 Title Shot briefcase, which is just the Money in the Bank briefcase with different lettering. He reminded Okada that he is the “Ace” of the company and declared the IWGP Heavyweight Championship to be within his reach. Thus, the main event of Wrestle Kingdom 10 was set.

Since then, Tanahashi and Okada have seen their long-term feud become more bitter and physical, with a six-man tag at Power Struggle devolving into an extended, vicious pull-apart brawl between the two, sort of like that Brock Lesnar/Undertaker pull-apart but with less members of The Ascension.

Previously mentioned Most Popular Wrestler in the World (unofficial title) Shinsuke Nakamura found his IWGP Intercontinental Championship under attack from the sorta-Samurai, Hirooki Goto. Though it feels like Nakamura should just never lose a match on account of his effervescent greatness, he showed his mortality at Wrestling Dontaku in May when he lost his title to Goto. The bookers presumably gave Goto the ball so he could run with it, but this is where NJPW’s hazy face/heel alignments get problematic. Goto being set up as a crowd favorite can only work if he is up against a heel who can overcompensate for Goto’s lacking personality. Shinsuke Nakamura is not that opponent. So their entire feud, while containing three excellent matches, still felt like an exercise in biding time until Nakamura just got his belt back and completed his fashionable ensemble with a little more gold.

Will Styles bring home more gold?
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
Nakamura’s next challenge was at Power Struggle, facing Machine Gun Karl Anderson. It had been a while since Anderson had broken away from Doc Gallows to go for a singles belt, and admittedly this match headlining the event seemed less than special. The match was good, but our run-up to this match paid off with the post-match happenings, as Bullet Club leader AJ Styles sauntered into the ring and casually made it known that he would love a crack at Nakamura’s title. The match was set simply by the two placing their heads against one another and staring into each other’s eyes. Fitting, as these two will make romantically beautiful pro wrestling together at WK10.

On another note for the uninitiated, NJPW has a Heavyweight division and a Junior Heavyweight division. Think of the latter as WCW’s old Light Heavyweight division where Brian Pillman and Jushin Liger flipped around and killed themselves. The Juniors have their yearly version of the G1 Climax, the Best of the Super Juniors, and the A and B blocks were won by Kushida and Kyle O’Reilly. This is another one you need to seek out and watch. For 30 minutes, Kushida and O’Reilly made a compelling case that the absolute best big-stage wrestling in the world is going down in NJPW, by wrestling an exhausting, breathtaking match where the outcome didn’t just mean a shot at Kenny Omega’s Junior Heavyweight Title, but felt like the difference between life or death.

Kushida won the Junior Heavyweight belt from Omega at Dominion, but lost it back to Omega two months later. The rug was seemingly pulled out from under Kushida, who went back to teaming with Alex Shelley. Why would they give a guy such a big push, only to so quickly take it away from him? This question was answered, sort of, after Omega’s successful defense against Matt Sydal at King of Pro Wrestling when NJPW simply announced that Kushida would be once again challenging Omega for the title at WK10. They really could have done more to give those two a new reason to fight each other, but when we remember that their match will be one of the night’s best, we should probably just back away from the keyboard and stop complaining.

The aforementioned tag team of Karl Anderson and Doc Gallows, Guns and Gallows, held the IWGP Heavyweight Tag Titles for most of the year, with the one blip coming during their feud with The Kingdom. Anderson became obsessed with Maria Kanellis, frequently losing multi-man tag matches when she hopped up on the apron and knowingly shook her stuff at him, causing him to smile and tango in her general direction, only to lose the match for his team. Guns and Gallows enlisted the help of Gallows’s wife Amber, and with a bit more focus from Anderson and a bit less giving in to his primal urges, they got the belts back. Since then they have been dominant, with Gallows finding more and more opportunities to swing his belt at the crowd as if it were his penis, a joke which literally never gets old.

At WK10, Guns and Gallows will face the winners of the World Tag League, Togi Makabe and Tomoaki Honma. This was another round-robin tournament that happened toward the end of the year, but with much less compelling results. The tournament is poorly placed being so close to Wrestle Kingdom season, as the wrestlers are clearly saving themselves for the big show, which makes for a bunch of 2 ½ to 3 star matches, but nothing more. Makabe and Honma triumphed in the end, though it remains to be seen if those two teaming together will last very long.

Honma was fresh off his loss to Tomohiro Ishii, current NEVER Openweight Champion. As the name describes, that’s a belt for literally anyone, regardless of their size. Makabe and Ishii had several matches throughout the year for the belt, each one bruising and ruthless, but none of them compare to the match between Ishii and Honma at Power Struggle. You might not see a match all year with more believable false finishes, nor might you see a match with two guys doing a better job of knocking the ever-loving shit out of each other.

The scene surrounding the Junior Heavyweight Tag Team Titles has been too frenzied to accurately recap. At various times, the belts have been held by Roppongi Vice (Rocky Romero and Trent Baretta), reDRagon (Kyle O’Reilly and Bobby Fish), and those damn Young Bucks. They often have had three-team matches that might make old-timer purists like Jim Cornette slam their armchair due to a lack of “psychology,” but the Junior Tag Division is not necessarily concerned with psychology. They just want to put on baller matches with insane spots, and at that pursuit they have succeeded. Now, a new team has been added to the mix: Ricochet and Matt Sydal. They won the Super Junior Tag Tournament, which guaranteed them a title shot at WK10. But in a confusing segment, all of the aforementioned teams came down to the ring, argued with each other in English (to the confusion of the entire audience), and basically agreed to have a four-way tag match at Wrestle Kingdom. Again, this will not be a match that makes Bruno Sammartino stand up and applaud, but it should, ya know?

Swagsuke is your NJPW MVP
Photo via 411Mania.com
2015 MVP: I feel terrible that this can only go to one guy. New Japan Pro Wrestling would not be what it is without contributions from so many. Tanahashi in particular had a great year simply by being so ridiculously capable for a 38-year old, and for being so versatile in his matches. But the MVP award has to go to Shinsuke Nakamura, right? At least to American eyes, he’s the absolute top guy. No wrestler in the world can match his charisma and ability to capture an audience’s affection by barely lifting a finger or raising an eyebrow. When NJPW and Ring of Honor did their East Coast crossover matches in May and August, all of the NJPW guys were loved, but none more so than Nakamura. If NJPW continues its global success, he will be the main reason. He inspires a crazed affection among American audiences, and you see pretty much the same in Japan. During his incredible G1 Climax Finals match with Tanahashi, the crowd hung on every move Nakamura made. Yes, Tanahashi won and the crowd exploded, but you knew that if Nakamura had won, they’d have exploded even harder.

What's Going to Happen in 2016: Okada and Tanahashi have had an off-and-on three-year battle, essentially over the rights to be the “Ace” of NJPW. Tanahashi’s grip on that position has been Cena-like, with the same possibly fake deference and respect to his challengers. But now that Tanahashi is losing his cool a bit, it’s clear that Okada has gotten to him. Okada should get his first WK10 win over Tanahashi and successfully defend his title. I say should because it’s the logical end to their story. There’s always a chance that Tanahashi will just win anyway, but I think reasonable heads will prevail. From there, Okada has wide range of possible challengers, the most likely of which could be Tetsuya Naito.

Speaking of that guy, his Los Ingobernobles stable will continue to add members and just generally wreck shit. Along with the former Watanabe now known as EVIL and the newly heel BUSHI, they have been assaulting referees, ring announcers and even cameramen. Why? Because they feel like it. It has been a little scary, but the thought that they could grow in size and recklessness is even scarier. Every event at which they appear will carry the possible threat of Los Ingobernables doing something dangerous. That’s pretty fun.

The Junior Heavyweight Division, both in singles and tag, saw a 2015 that didn’t have a whole lot of variety. It was a moving carousel, but the same three guys or teams moved through that carousel. Because of that, it felt like the Juniors lost some of their mojo. The NJPW crowd sometimes had a hard time connecting with those matches, partially because the matches sometimes felt slapped together. But with increased focus on the red-hot Young Bucks, and hopefully more faith in Kushida, the Juniors could bring in new competitors and new possibilities for quality pro wrestling.

The partnership with ROH appears to be going strong, so much so that WK10 is featuring a Michael Elgin and Jay Lethal ROH World Title match, along with the Briscoes making their debut for NJPW. These are big strides toward entrenching ROH in the minds of NJPW’s fans and getting them to accept even more gaijin into the family. They’ve already accepted AJ Styles as one of the top guys there, and Michael Elgin has made incredible waves this year. All of that will likely continue, but NJPW needs to make sure that they maintain their identity without becoming too…I don’t know…American. Eww.

Five Wrestlers to Watch in 2016:AJ Styles– How many wrestlers in the world can even touch Styles? Like, two or three, maybe? Even at age 38, he continues to move around the ring like a guy ten years his junior. Despite a recent back injury, he put on a solid match at ROH’s Final Battle, and appears to be all systems go to head into the Dome and face Nakamura. The outcome of that match might be quite telling as we try to predict what Styles will do in 2016. He is still not under contract with NJPW, and after almost two years of that arrangement, he might be anxious to change it. Signing with NJPW full-time means being away from his family, and he's nothing if not a good Christian family man. So does that mean he stays in America and does ROH and all the indies? Or does he take the leap and sign with WWE? I think there is still a lot of story left for him to tell in NJPW, but it would have to involve something happening with the Bullet Club other than the static in which they’ve been frozen for the last year.

Tomoaki Honma– As if I didn’t already love him enough, Honma’s match with Ishii at Power Struggle made me absolutely nuts for the guy. How could you not root for him? Well, in December we got the answer to that question when Honma’s girlfriend, retired wrestler Kiyoko Ichiki, made allegations of Honma being physically abusive to her during their relationship. Her statements described actions that no man should ever inflict on a woman. Honma flatly denied abusing Ichiki, and actually claimed that any violence that has occurred between them has been himself acting in self-defense. Ugh. In America, a guy gets hit with these allegations and immediately finds himself under fire from his employer and his supporters. In Japan, apparently domestic abuse just doesn’t carry the same social stigma as it does here. He probably won’t even be suspended by NJPW. If nothing else happens with the allegations, it’s possible that Honma will carry on as he already was, he and Makabe will win the Heavyweight Tag Championships, and the Japanese crowd will cheer him just the same. As for me, I want to love him as a character, but if the man behind the character might be awful, that becomes a tough proposition.

LOS INGOBERNABLES
Photo Credit: NJPWEurope.com
Tetsuya Naito– Despite being presented for years as Tanahashi-lite, Naito never could quite get over the hump in NJPW. His solution? Go to Mexico and join an evil stable of wrestlers, and bring that stable to Japan. Start wearing a full suit to the ring, walking incredibly slowly. Demand that a ring boy holds the ropes open for you, and then don’t get in the ring. Walk around. Take forever. Then get in the ring, and before you even look at your opponent, take an eternity to remove your suit. Naito has become one of the most brilliantly-working heels in the world, simply by channeling the inner petulant jerk we all wish we could be. NJPW is putting a good amount of faith in Naito’s heel turn, giving him a match with Goto at WK10 in the only non-title match on the whole card. I would not be surprised if Naito and his Ingobernables become so power-hungry in 2016 that he claws his way up to the Heavyweight Championship title picture. Would Okada be able to fend off an army of Naito’s brainwashed followers and keep his title belt? Or would insanity prevail over CHAOS?

Michael Elgin– To see the ultimate example of someone making the most of an opportunity, look no further than Elgin’s work during the G1 Climax. By sheer will and force, Elgin got himself over with the NJPW audience in no time. When he performed his delayed suplexes and squats, the awed crowd responded with the appreciative “OOOHHHHHHH” we love so much. Elgin is in a spot similar to AJ Styles as he could likely sign a nice contract with NJPW, but he also has a new baby at home that might keep him mostly in America. Sure, he could sign with NXT and have matches against Bull Dempsey or whatever, but when you’ve got Tanahashi giving you his official endorsement and there are spots for the taking, it seems like NJPW would be his best bet. Wherever he goes, hopefully his successful run in Japan will reinvigorate his career and keep him busting heads in 2016.

Tama Tonga– Bullet Club really needs to shake things up this year. They haven’t done much and they have a group of guys who are just kind of there. Bad Luck Fale, Yujiro Takahashi and Cody Hall are bit players for a reason, but the one guy who shouldn’t be relegated to bit player status is Tama Tonga. In every one of his matches, the guy shows personality and a sharpness for match psychology. He’s also the adopted son of Haku, so he probably knows how to rip off a guy’s jaw or something. My hope is that in the next year Tama Tonga can have a major run in the Juniors division, maybe even taking that title into the Bullet Club. If he’s the Junior Heavyweight Champion at the same time as Styles being the Intercontinental Champion, then we’d see a Bullet Club with actual prestige, and not just guys claiming to be “too sweet” without ever backing it up.

What I Want to See in 2016:1. Shinsuke conquers the world - Nakamura could keep his Intercontinental Title at WK10, but he really could lose it depending on AJ Styles’s future (more on that later). If he is freed up and roaming the New Japan wilderness, could 2016 be the year that Nakamura once again goes after the Heavyweight Title? He hasn’t held that for almost six years now, and as established, he’s basically the best. Thinking about a title program between him and Okada gets me hot and bothered.

Get well soon!
Photo via @rixiashin
2. Kota Ibushi’s neck gets all better - Ibushi is a bonafide superstar, and I won’t hear anything otherwise. That man has it all as a pro wrestler: looks, personality and ability. That’s why it broke my heart when it was announced in November that Ibushi has a herniated disc in his neck and is indefinitely out of action. We might miss a full year of the amazing Ibushi doing amazing things and making the ladies scream. NJPW fans all over the world should keep their fingers permanently crossed in hopes that Ibushi can heal up and get back into the ring this year, of course without putting himself in grave danger. It would be a real shame if he never gets another run with the company. He has limitless potential.

3. The Six-Man Tag Championship actually means something - WWE gets a lot of flack for constantly putting on six-man matches with random combinations of wrestlers fighting for seemingly no reason, but NJPW does this as much as WWE, if not even more. It can get a little stale. But in a surprise announcement made just days ago, NJPW is upping the stakes at WK10 by crowning the very first NEVER Openweight Six-Man Tag Team Champions. The match will feature Bad Luck Fale, Tama Tonga and Yujiro Takahashi taking on Toru Yano and the Briscoe Brothers. Since the Briscoes likely won’t hold a title in NJPW, Bullet Club should be walking away with those belts. As the year goes on and each big event sees another six-man tag match, it would be great if those belts could be hotly contested, with certain teams getting together for the sole purpose of taking them from Bullet Club. Suddenly, matches that previously felt like an excuse to throw as many guys on a card can now have gravity and meaning, rather than mere “wrestling for the sake of wrestling,” right, McMahon?

I Listen So You Don't Have To: Steve Austin Show Ep. 285

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Austin and Ted Fowler shoot the breeze
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you’re new, here’s the rundown. We listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are many wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but this feature largely hews to the regular rotation we feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If we can save other folks some time, we’re happy to do so.

Show: Steve Austin Show
Episode: 285 (Dec. 29, 2015)
Run Time: 1:13:19
Guest: Ted Fowler (2:22)

Summary: Austin and Fowler are driving around the Broken Skull Ranch in the 1996 Ford Bronco with the recorder rolling. That means almost all of the conversation is about the ranch’s deer herd and hunting, though they also spend a fair amount of time discussing the Mona Lisa. Other topics include the beer Austin’s youngest brother drinks, the phrase “all intents and purposes” and each guy’s preferred personal care products.

Quote of the week: Austin: “You know, they always talk about how good of a painting the damn Mona Lisa is? It didn’t impress me one bit. I mean, was she supposed to be smokin’ hot or what? Because I must be missing something. I would call her about, well, I’d call her about a four, according to the painting. Teddy, it’s a world-famous painting, the Mona Lisa. You’ve heard the songs about it. David Allan Coe wrote the song: “Mona Lisa lost her smile, the painter’s hands are trembling now.” Am I missing something? I didn’t think she was that hot! And we gonna get back to puttin’ the deer heads on the wall, but I gotta talk about the Mona Lisa. We got 45 hard minutes to kill here, Teddy, work with me!”

Why you should listen: Every wondered what the redneck version of “Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee” might sound like? Wonder no longer.

Why you should skip it: Animals die. Well, not during the recording, but the process is discussed in a fair amount of detail. Also, Fowler is usually a guest on the Thursday uncensored show, and he’s just better working blue.

Final thoughts: I’ve never hunted, but I do find the discussion about the BSR herd fascinating. I’m more interested in the parts about cultivating healthy stock than I am the harvesting side, but the entire process — at least as Austin and Fowler present it — is thought-provoking for a lifelong suburbanite such as myself. Further, as an Austin show devotee since day one, the rhythm of his life throughout the year is familiar to be, and the Austin you get during winters on the ranch is perceptibly different from the one at home in Marina Del Rey or on location shooting his two reality shows in either the California desert or near Lake Hartwell, GA. That kind of nuance appeals most to completists, I imagine, so it might not influence your decision to listen to a given episode (in this case, Austin and Fowler are running out of things to say to one another), but it must be said that Austin more than any other regular host does a good job of drawing his listeners in to his personal life in a way that makes the audience feel somehow invested in even the most banal conversations.

HORB FLERBMINBER'S WRESTLING OBSERVER AWARD BALLOT

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HOW MANY AWARDS DID I VOTE SHINSUKE NAKAMURA FOR? SEE BELOW. FUCK YOU.
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
Well, well, well, YOU PEOPLE thought you were rid of Ol' Horb, didn't you? After that weasel Holzerman banished my AWARD WINNING NEWSLETTER from his false-rumor-spreading BLOG RAG, you thought you could be free of me and my scoops and takes. Well, YOU'RE WRONG. Did you know Holzerman reported AS A FACT that Candice LeRae was going to not only sign her WWE contract in blood, but that she was going to main event WrestleMania? SCANDAL. BURN HIM AT THE STAKE. But before I get myself kicked off this shitbag of a site ONCE AGAIN, let me get to my real purpose, POSTING MY OBSERVER AWARDS BALLOT.

Thanks to a court-ordered injunction against Dave Meltzer for RUNNING OVER MY PET SQUIRREL, my ballot for his goddamn mark awards COUNTS FOR MORE THAN ONE pending a multiplier. Basically, whatever the Power Play multiplier is for the last Powerball drawing in the calendar year of 2015 is what my ballot counts for. SUCK IT, DYLAN HALES. Anyway, enough fluff, let me get down to my ballot, the MOST IMPORTANT BALLOT IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND. Suck it, Florida hanging chads!

LOU THESZ/RIC FLAIR/CHAEL SONNEN AWARD
1. CONOR MCGREGOR - The decision to make a red-headed Irishman with funky hair the top competitor in its promotion makes UFC look brilliant. WWE should probably try this some day.
2. HIROSHI TANAHASHI - How could anyone else be considered? He is a legend and his 2015 as the TRUE ACE of New Japan continues that legacy. HE IS MORE IMPORTANT TO ANY PROMOTION THAN ANYONE ELSE IN HISTORY. Just thinking about his weight in the greatest promotion of all time gives me a priapism.
3. YOSHI-HASHI - This is a STATEMENT VOTE. Even the least important wrestler in New Japan is greater than the best in WWE. FUCK YOU, VINCE, JR.

MMA MOST VALUABLE FIGHTER AWARD
1. BROCK LESNAR - Look, I know he lost two big fights this year, but at the same time, he wasn't knocked out in one of them, and in the other, he made the Undertaker, WHO IS THE BEST PURE STRIKER IN WWE HISTORY, tap out. It's not his fault the ref didn't see it.
2. THE UNDERTAKER - I repeat, HE'S THE BEST PURE STRIKER IN WWE HISTORY.
3. HOLLY HOLM - Eh, I guess.

MOST OUTSTANDING WRESTLER AWARD
1. SHINSUKE NAKAMURA - I wasn't going to vote for him, but then Jim Ross reminded me that he wasn't just some flamboyant guy prancing to the ring, but he had KICKBOXING TRAINING SO REAL SO REAL SO SO SO REAL.
2. JOEY RYAN'S PENIS - Honestly, WHO CAN ARGUE with a penis that can take a PURORESU MASTER like Danshoku Dino to his knees? I REFUSE TO.
3. KOTA IBUSHI - He's revolutionizing selling by NOT SELLING AT ALL. How avant-garde!

BEST BOX OFFICE DRAW AWARD
1. JOHN BOYEGA - I'd vote for Daisy Ridley, but she's a Mary Sue.
2. BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN - Every sports columnist I read is going to his concert, how can he not be a draw?
3. DAVE MELTZER - DID YOU SEE THE RATINGS when he went on to discuss Hulk Hogan? I didn't either, but they had to have been HUGE.

FEUD OF THE YEAR AWARD
1. JOE LANZA VS. THE WORLD - It's fascinating to see how many people are WRONG and how RIGHT Lanza is. He proved that doxxing a Chikara wrestler, shouting down Black Lives Matter, AND generally creeping around Tinder are what good people do. LONG LIVE LANZA.
2. HIROSHI TANAHASHI VS. KAZUCHIKA OKADA - When Tanahashi made Okada cry at WrestleKingdom 9, I cried too. And climaxed.
3. HULK HOGAN VS. GAWKER MEDIA - The twist where it was revealed that Hogan was racist this whole time was like Vince McMahon revealing he was the higher power, ONLY MUCH MUCH BETTER.

TAG TEAM OF THE YEAR AWARD
1. ME (HORB FLERBMINBER) AND FISHY (THE MASKED LUTEFISK) - Our banter on Twitter CANNOT BE DEFEATED. DID YOU HEAR ME, YOUNG BUCKS? FUCK YOU.
2. THE YOUNG BUCKS - I'd have given them my first place vote IF THEY DIDN'T EXPOSE THE BUSINESS BY MAKING PEOPLE CHEER OR BOO THEM. Don't they know wrestling's supposed to be a SPORT which is solemn and not fun? And that wrestling is on a downturn, so people are supposed to go and be silent? WHY WON'T THEY LISTEN TO JIM CORNETTE?
3. THE ROCK AND RONDA ROUSEY - Why weren't they signed to a FULL-TIME CONTRACT RIGHT THERE? This is why WWE needs Horb to man the checkbooks.

MOST IMPROVED AWARD
1. SHINSUKE NAKAMURA - Just when I thought he couldn't be more than best in the world like he has been for years, he became BEST IN THE UNIVERSE. Anyone who disagrees is a hater and probably thinks Jim Ross is WRONG for noting that he's a kickboxer.
2. TETSUYA NAITO - I always knew Naito had it in him. He came back to Japan BETTER despite having to go to, ew, Mexico to do it. That's almost as bad as having to go to the States.
3. JUSHIN LIGER - Like a fine wine, Liger has aged GRACEFULLY. He even made that shitty Takeover show in Hipsterburg watchable.

BEST ON INTERVIEWS AWARD
1. PRINCE PUMA - No need to say anything about his promos, as they are BREATHTAKING.
2. PAUL HEYMAN - Honestly, the only reason to tune into RAW is if Heyman is talking about how much he's in love with Brock Lesnar and wants to be inside of him.
3. STEPHANIE MCMAHON - You know, the goal of promos are to make yourself look strong, and McMahon is the strongest person in the company. I hate WWE, but I have to respect that kind of talent.

MOST CH...

You know, the next couple of awards are ones I don't even wanna touch because I'm NOT INTERESTED. Instead, I'll make up some other awards to replace them. YOU HEAR THAT MELTZER, THIS IS BINDING.

BEST LUCHA UNDERGROUND SPOILERS FROM SEASON 2 AWARD
1. DARIO CUETO PUTS UP "NO GIRLS ALLOWED" SIGN ON TEMPLE, HAS PENTAGON, JR. KILL SEXY STAR, IVELISSE, MELISSA SANTOS, CATRINA, AND ANGELA FONG IN REAL LIFE - Girls have no place in wrestling!
2. MATANZA CUETO TURNS OUT TO BE A RANCOR - Bold for Star Wars to extend its marketing machine to The Temple.
3.  THE GUY WHO PLAYS MACHETE GETS SHOWN IN THE CROWD FOUR TIMES - That's a lot of times for a celebrity.

BEST DIRTSHEET NAMER AWARD
1. ROVERT - Five years straight with this award for the dynamo across the ocean. When will he stop getting people to name dirtsheets? Maybe when everyone UNJUSTLY blocks him.
2. and 3. Sorry, ROVERT is the only one worthy of a vote in this category.

BEST CHIKARA DOXXING AWARD
1. SILVER ANT UNMASKED AS GREEN ANT - Wow, I didn't ever see that one coming at all.
2. HALLOWICKED UNMASKED AS FRANK STALLONE - So THAT'S where Sylvester Stallone's younger brother has been all these years.
3. MIKE QUACKENBUSH UNMASKED AS BRANDON STROUD - This one wasn't surprising, but it was still IMPORTANT.

BEST SHOCKING WRESTLING MOMENT FROM A SHOW THAT ISN'T ENTIRELY WRESTLING AWARD
1. THAT TIME ON GIRLS WHEN THE DUDE ATE THAT GIRL'S ASS - All that scene needed was the ECW Arena crowd chanting "HE'S HARDCORE! HE'S HARDCORE!"
2. IK ENEMKPALE SUCKER PUNCHING GENO SMITH - Okay, so this technically wasn't televised, but the NFL is on TV. Think of it as advancing an angle on a house show.
3. MAD MEN SEASON FINALE - Look, I've sat through the end of a BILLION shitty WWE PPVs with nonsensical endings, so I totally get why Matthew Weiner decided to end the show like it was WWE Battleground 2014. Wait wait, that was the SERIES finale, not the season? Well, uh, okay then.

BEST TWITTER ACCOUNT AWARD
1. WWE BIBLE - The only place on the web where I can see Paige's naked boobs, and FUCK ANYONE WHO SAYS THEY'RE PHOTOSHOPPED.
2. WASIM PERVIZ - I totally believed him when he said that he flew Stephanie McMahon's private jet to the Seychelles to scout talent.
3. LANCE STORM - He hates everything; he's the PERFECT encapsulation of the IWC.

MOST UNJUST DECISION AT THE SLAMMY AWARDS AWARD
1. LOL MOMENT OF THE YEAR - That should have gone to the time Seth Rollins pretended to get hurt at that house show in Europe against Kane. WHAT A LARF, GUYS.
2. THE HERO IN ALL OF US AWARD - DOESN'T WWE KNOW THAT CHARITY IS A COMPETITION? Titus O'Neil got ROBBED.
3. TELL ME YOU DIDN'T JUST SAY THAT AWARD - That should have gone to the folks at Nielsen every week they reported on RAW's ratings. THEY WERE BAD, THAT'S THE JOKE.

BEST THING I FOUND IN CM PUNK'S GARBAGE AWARD
1. AN EMPTY BOTTLE OF PEPPERMINT SCHNAPPS - Seems ol' Punker is LYING about being straight edge.
2. HIS UFC FIGHT SCHEDULE - WOW, it turns out he won't be fighting in UFC until 2024, when they figure Gene LeBell will be old and frail enough for Punk to get an easy, name win.
3. EMPTY GLITTER CONTAINERS AND KURT ANGLE'S HOME ADDRESS - Enough said.

OKAY, OKAY, Holzerman's getting on my case to stop making up awards. THESE AREN'T MADE UP, YOU CHIKARA-LOVING SHITCOCK. Back to the "official" ones that Meltzer has laid forth.

MOST OVERRATED AWARD
1. JOHN CENA - He botched that springboard stunner a couple of times, SO HIS PUSH IS INVALID.
2. SASHA BANKS - OH MY GOD, if one more person tells me her matches in NXT were great without adding "on a steep curve because they get to practice at the Performance Center," I will FREAK OUT.
3. DANIEL BRYAN - If he wasn't so OVERRATED, he would have found out a way not to get a concussion so soon after returning from his neck injury. TAKE THAT.

MOST UNDERRATED AWARD
1. SHINSUKE NAKAMURA - People are out there saying he didn't have that great a 2015, WHICH IS ENOUGH FOR ME TO SAY HE'S THE MOST UNDERRATED.
2. AJ STYLES - He's ELEVATING the wrestling in the United States, and ROH won't put the title on him? HE SACRIFICED HIS BACK FOR YOU, SINCLAIR.
3. KAZUCHIKA OKADA - Clearly, he doesn't get enough respect from you people when he's BARELY mentioned as one of the greatest humanitarians OF ALL-TIME.

PROMOTION OF THE YEAR AWARD
1. NEW JAPAN PRO WRESTLING - The amount of seed I've spilled watching this promotion blossom and bloom in 2015 is enough to give the Galactic Empire a new grand army, NO CLONING NEEDED.
2. ULTIMATE FIGHTING CHAMPIONSHIP - Dana White has had some questionable booking decisions, but overall, he has the best professional wrestling in America. That has to count for something.
3. DRAGON GATE - This promotion has so many MOVES that I wouldn't be surprised if it challenges UFC for the second spot next year.

MOST OUTSTANDING FIGHTER AWARD
1. UNDERTAKER - I debated long and hard, but even though Lesnar was more valuable to WWE, I can't overlook Taker being THE BEST PURE STRIKER IN WWE HISTORY.
2. BROCK LESNAR - He was almost as good as Taker at a technical level, but I have to dock him for destroying the ring in their rematch. I would have judged that round 10-8 on principle if Lesnar didn't defeat Taker soundly there.
3. HOLLY HOLM - *sigh* I GUESS.

MATCH OF THE YEAR AWARD
1. KAZUCHIKA OKADA VS. HIROSHI TANAHASHI AT WRESTLEKINGDOM 9 - That match started off my year so right. The kicks, the punches, THE REALNESS. I'm getting tumescent just thinking about it.
2. CONOR MCGREGOR VS. JOSE ALDO AT UFC 194 - This match was short, but it was completely awesome in building up McGregor as THE guy.
3. KAZUCHIKA OKADA VS. HIROSHI TANAHASHI AT WRESTLEKINGDOM 9- Look, this match was so nice that I HAD TO VOTE FOR IT TWICE.

FIGHT OF THE YEAR AWARD
1. BROCK LESNAR VS. THE UNDERTAKER AT HELL IN A CELL - Just a phenomenal display of MMA from two of the greatest fighters of our generation.
2. BROCK LESNAR VS. THE UNDERTAKER AT SUMMERSLAM - Honestly, I just cannot forgive the referee for missing Undertaker's tapout here, but this was a sublime fight until that controversial moment.
3. BROCK LESNAR VS. JOHN CENA VS. SETH ROLLINS AT ROYAL RUMBLE - Can you believe how valiant Lesnar was getting up after being put through a table? He brings honor to real fighters everywhere.

ROOKIE OF THE YEAR AWARD
1. JAY WHITE - If anyone says that Chad Gable was a better rookie than Jay White, I WILL BEAT THEM WITH THEIR OWN ARM.
2. DAVID FINLAY - Seriously, does NXT have anyone as good as Finlay? NO, IT DOESN'T. FUCK YOU.
3. JUICE ROBINSON - Yes, I know he worked for, *shudder* NXT, but he had a SEED AWAKENING in New Japan and was REBORN so I count him.

BEST MAJOR SHOW AWARD
1. WRESTLEKINGDOM 9 - This wasn't the greatest show of the year, but it was the greatest show of ALL-TIME.
2. INVASION ATTACK 2015 - I didn't think I could feel so alive so close after WrestleKingdom, BUT INVASION ATTACK MADE ME STRONG.
3 G1 CLIMAX NIGHT 2 - Some will pick other nights of the G1, but THEY'RE WRONG. This night is where it was at because it was when I achieved my biggest climax of the year if you know what I'm saying.

MOST DISGUSTING PROMOTIONAL TACTIC AWARD
1. WWE EXISTING - Outside of the REAL FIGHTS with Brock Lesnar and Undertaker, does this sorry excuse for a company have any reason for being in business? NO, and the RATINGS BACK ME UP.
2. SASHA BANKS VS. BAYLEY - HOW DARE WWE PANDER TO FEMINISTS AND SJWS BY ALLOWING THESE TWO TO PRACTICE THEIR MATCHES FOR SIX YEARS BEFOREHAND AND RUN IT IN FRONT OF CROWDS IN NEW YORK? This company has no shame at all.
3. GLOBAL FORCE WRESTLING BROADCASTING WRESTLEKINGDOM 9 WITH ENGLISH ANNOUNCING - If you're a REAL FAN, you would have watched LIVE on the JAPANESE BROADCAST.

Man, this ballot is so goddamn LONG. I'm done with it. I'll have my intern fill out the rest. But rest assured, THESE ARE THE RIGHT CHOICES TO WIN, or else my name isn't HORBERT ALOYSIUS FLERBMINBER VII.

I Listen So You Don't Have To: Steve Austin Show Eps. 283/284

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HBK is on the front end of this Austin doubleshot
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you’re new, here’s the rundown. We listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are many wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but this feature largely hews to the regular rotation we feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If we can save other folks some time, we’re happy to do so.

Show: Steve Austin Show
Episode: 283 (Dec. 22, 2015)
Run Time: 1:00:03
Guest: Shawn Michaels (3:20)

Summary: Shawn Michaels visited the Broken Skull Ranch for this interview, aired first on WWE Network. They open discussing Michael’s outdoors show and evolving idea of fulfillment and his son’s possible future in the military. There are lengthy looks at WrestleMania XXIV and Ric Flair, Survivor Series 1997 and Bret Hart as well as the Kliq, the curtain call and Triple H. Austin asks Michaels about his relationship with Vince McMahon and how it feels to hear a younger generation call him an influence. There’s also a little talk about Pat Patterson, Sweet Chin Music and any regrets Michaels might have regarding his career.

Quote of the week:“(McMahon) had to save Steve from Steve some times, right? Same thing with me. You want to know one guy he never had to do that with? Hunter. Never had to save him from himself. … I mean, you think about all the guys he’s dealt with over the years, everybody bringing some kind of insecurity, some kind of hang-up; with him he didn’t have to. Again, he’s not the all-knowing, all-seeing, Hunter’s not, but he didn’t come in with a bunch— he didn’t come in with any baggage. … He got this perfectly moldable entity, and, you know, Hunter’s the result of it. Like I said, he had the one puzzle piece that Vince didn’t have, and I think that bodes well for the future.”

Why you should listen: Michaels is a repeat guest here, and having the WWE production team involved keeps things moving at a much better pace than the typical Stone Cold-HBK phone call. Of course, this was old news to anyone who’d watched the video version, but catching up this way (especially at 2x playback speed) is a nice way to stay in the loop.

Why you should skip it: The video version has not just talking heads, but archival footage that complements the conversation. Hearing the faint audio from those clips is enough to make some folks abandon the audio-only format. Further, while this represents perhaps the best approach to an Austin-Michaels conversation, it doesn’t seem to approach any subjects the podcast previously explored, or ideas one or both men haven’t discussed at length elsewhere.

Final thoughts: It’s always tough to review these “simulcast” episodes because they seem targeted for a largely different audience than podcast aficionados, plus the actual interview usually has been dissected in far greater detail than I ever would, and on multiple platforms. That said, I always only consume them when they show up in the iTunes feed, and in contrast to a lot of what Austin’s released this year from the ranch, this is a breath of fresh air indeed.

• • •

Show: Steve Austin Show — Unleashed!
Episode: 284 (Dec. 24, 2015)
Run Time: 1:10:51
Guest: Ted Fowler (3:05)

Summary: It’s another Broken Skull Ranch bull session. Austin and Fowler talk about the ranch itself and a tractor repair before naming Austin’s second Cocksucker Of The Week honoree. Fowler explains the notion of Buck Fever and talks about the aftermath of taking a trophy animal. Austin recounts a rattlesnake encounter, then the guys talk abut wild turkeys. Listener questions cover catchphrases, deer, ghosts, relationships, UFC, beer and England. To wrap up, Austin asks Fowler about memorable Christmas gifts, then they cold-call an aspiring Broken Skull Challenge contestant.

Quote of the week:“This stupid cocksucker tries to pass me in the right-hand lane. I’ve got him by a length-and-a-half of vehicle and he tries to pass me on the right-hand side and damn near sideswipes me and kills me, and as I see him try and make this idiotic, stupid, cocksucking, maniacal, dumbfuck move, I jump on the gas, the supercharged 350 responds accordingly, jumps back out in front of him, and goddamit Teddy, I ain’t been so fuckin’ mad in 15 to 20 years.”

Why you should listen: Austin’s road rage tales are beginning to take on a life of their own. Fowler gets to show off a bit more of his personality here than usual — at least the parts that don’t have to do with drinking and chasing women. And while the caller listener Austin calls doesn’t give much more than two- or three-word answers, it’s still neat to hear Austin reaching out to a fan in that manner.

Why you should skip it: To be blunt, it’s just not very interesting. There’s a lot of laughter between the guys, but it’s clear they’re racing to get something on the books before Christmas Eve, and absent Fowler’s deer hunting escapades, this has filler written all over.

Final thoughts: We’re still in “could be worse” territory, because Austin has rolled out some real stinkers over the years. And while I find this a good way to kill an hour, I also feel perfectly safe suggesting nobody needs to listen to this episode if they’ve got better things to do.

I Listen So You Don't Have To: Art Of Wrestling Ep. 283

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Piper is part of the AOW's "Best of" episode
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you’re new, here’s the rundown: We listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are many wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but this feature largely hews to the regular rotation we feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If we can save other folks some time, we’re happy to do so.

Show: Art Of Wrestling
Episode: 283 (Dec. 31, 2015)
Run Time: 53:23
Guest: Clip Show

Summary: Colt Cabana is flying solo this week. He opens with a monologue taking stock of his year in wrestling, spending a good chunk focusing on his close affiliation with Pro Wrestling NOAH, and looking ahead to the projects in store for 2016. He then plays clips of some of his favorite 2015 episodes: James Mason (Ep. 257), Scott Norton (247), Dennis Stamp (240), PJ Black (255), Graham Clark (265), ending with the two 2015 guests who also died this year, Buddy Landel (238) and “Rowdy” Roddy Piper (245).

Quote of the week:“I guess if we look back at 2015, I sporadically did have weird talks with TNA, and I was actually going to do Lucha Underground’s big show when Vampiro was wrestling, they wanted me to commentate, but I was actually touring Japan, I wasn’t able to do that. And those are the kind of places where you have home promotions, or television, or something where you could build yourself. And I think it’s cool that, you know, for me, it was this Japanese company and this program with Chris Hero that I was able to do that.”

Why you should listen: Two types of people should hit play. One is more obvious, the folks who somehow missed most of the guests featured in the clips and need little snippets to nudge them toward paging through the back catalog. The second is counterintuitive, but it’s the listeners who’ve heard every second of Art Of Wrestling in 2015, because this show is almost a gift to them. Cabana discusses his past and future projects with a little less obfuscation than usual, and the well-chosen clips help foster a welcome (because it’s not overdone) sense of short-term nostalgia.

Why you should skip it: There is a class of Art Of Wrestling listeners who tolerate Cabana in order to hear directly from the guests he brings to the show. Those folks will want to leave this one laying, as the introspection runs strong from A to Z. And while I did just write the episode is a welcome trip down memory lane for hardcore listeners, it’s also safe to just shut it off once the first clip starts because, after all, you’ve heard it all before.

Final thoughts: I bet Cabana could put together another “best of” show with almost entirely different guests (you can’t fault him for giving the hammer to Landel and Piper) with the likes of Vader, Goldberg, Thrasher, Kevin Sullivan, Disco Inferno, Jeff Jarrett, Jim Duggan, Taz, or Bob Holly — or gone a completely different direction with Quiet Storm, Flash Flanagan, Tommy End, or Cheerleader Melissa. I have the benefit of easy access to my write-ups of all these interviews in case I want a memory jolt, but for typical listeners this actually is decent fan service, considering how many other podcasts simply didn’t release an episode. That said, some folks are out on clip shows, period, but hopefully at least you now have an idea if these memories are worth your time.

I Listen So You Don't Have To: Steve Austin Show Ep. 286

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Austin shoots the breeze with Ted Fowler
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you’re new, here’s the rundown: We listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are many wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but this feature largely hews to the regular rotation we feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If we can save other folks some time, we’re happy to do so.

Show: Steve Austin Show — Unleashed!
Episode: 286 (Dec. 31, 2015)
Run Time: 1:03:27
Guest: Ted Fowler (2:50)

Summary: Austin and Fowler are wrapping up 2015 at the Broken Skull Ranch. They fly through topics over an hourlong chat: the Mona Lisa, Jet-Skis, margarita recipes, coffee, facing Kurt Angle at SummerSlam 2001, gun preferences, Peyton Manning, hunting vs. watching nature, feral pigs, online trolls, big game hunting, lifting weights, painkillers and addiction, the show’s recording setup, recovery from neck injuries, Expendables 4, a bonus Cocksucker Of The Week and Fowler’s love life.

Quote of the week: Austin: “I don’t know why someone would start a social media account just to be so fucking abusive and stupid.”

Fowler: “Eh, they’re just fuckin’ dipshits, man. I mean, I don’t understand why someone would take the time to do that. Fuck, get a hobby. Go do something else, you know? Do you really, truly think you’re impacting that person’s life by shooting up such negative isms?

Why you should listen: The best bit here is Austin promising to once again record running commentary for one of his greatest matches, but that’s just exciting news and not especially compelling audio. The hunting talk gets away from the focus of several recent episodes, which is refreshing.

Why you should skip it: Chances are you’ve heard Austin’s margarita recipe and workout routine and don’t care how Fowler takes his coffee or if he’ll marry again. Even the troll takedown is a retread topic that was better the first time.

Final thoughts: Judged against Austin’s better work, even other discussions with Fowler, this ranks low on the scale. Judged against clip shows or podcasts that simply took a week off, well, you can’t argue with fresh content. But if you haven’t yet listened and your queue is beginning to replenish, don’t bother catching up on 286.

2015 Year in Review/2016 Year in Preview: NXT

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The image of NXT's year
Photo Credit: WWE.com
It's what WWE would be if it were actually good and not overexposed!

Promotion: WWE NXT

What Happened in 2015: Sami Zayn and Charlotte entered the year as the two main singles Champions. Zayn recently culminated the first chapter of the Network Era in NXT's history, finishing the final coda on his redemption song and carrying the Big X into the New Year with a target on his back from frenemy extraordinaire, Kevin Owens. Meanwhile, Charlotte's grip on the Women's Championship entered its eighth month in January, her grip growing ever so tenuous. Bayley took her to the limit at Takeover: Fatal Four Way, and Sasha Banks nearly snatched gold like it was the edges on a weave at R Evolution. Their entry into the year marked the beginning of a long, strange, exciting trip that brought the brand to big arenas with monstrous acclaim.

Welcome to 2015, Sami Zayn
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Zayn was more than happy to offer Owens a chance to throw hands, even if William Regal felt skittish about putting the Big X on the line. Owens only populated Full Sail for barely a month before the match was brought about, but Owens, the master manipulator that he is, took advantage of Zayn's rage and got him to put his prize on the line at Takeover: Rival. Even though the two immortally tangled competitors had their battle at the forefront, it didn't stop Regal from conducting a tournament for the next contender to that top title. Eight wrestlers were thrown into the mix, with Finn Bálor and former Champion Adrian Neville making it to the finals.

Meanwhile, Charlotte had pretty much taken out everyone in her path, and yet the natives were still beating down her door. Banks, Bayley, and fiery newcomer Becky Lynch all staked claims to the title. Lynch's claim came to the chagrin of her Team BAE partner Banks. The partnership began to unravel when Lynch cost Banks a match against Bayley in February, leaving the four-way match with no shortage of love lost and more importantly, no alliances to be found. The Tag Team Champions coming into the year, the Lucha Dragons, didn't make it into Takeover: Rival with their belts in tow. They were upset on weekly television by the upstart team of Blake and Murphy, forever to be known as the Dubstep Cowboys. The move was both surprising in how short the Dragons' reign was and yet somewhat expected since the team, especially Kalisto, was always bound to make splashes on the narrative WWE considers as its primary.

Bálor ended up punching his ticket to a shot at the NXT Championship with a statement win over Neville. The Cowboys ended up keeping their titles, but the other two incoming Champions were not so lucky. Charlotte put up the fight of her life, but she ended up corralled in the Banks Statement after a whirlwind of a match where all four wrestlers had shots to take home the gold. Charlotte offered a sign of friendship to her former BFF, but Banks rebuked her. Meanwhile, Owens sucker-punched Zayn and laid upon him the beating of a lifetime. Zayn, ever the fighting Champion, didn't relent and at times even fought back, but Owens' raining down of blows upon his former friend was too much for the referee to allow to happen. The match was stopped and Owens was named NXT Champion.

Zayn was murked so hard that he left town for a little bit, which allowed things to reset in the run up to NXT's first road trip as a developmental brand to WWE. The Arnold Classic bodybuilding competition was taking place in Ohio, and not only was Proud Papa (that's his title) Triple H directly involved in the administration, but future serial head-patter Dana Brooke was scheduled to compete. Cleveland and Columbus were the sites for the shows, and Bálor and newcomer Alexa Bliss would be scheduled to take on the new Champions at those dates. However, Owens' attention was divided among two other targets. Alex Riley took to hilariously inept Twitter banter against Owens, and Zayn, who sojourned from his beatdown on tour in the Middle East with RAW, promised he would be back to get his rematch at the next Takeover in May.

Cowboys get them some backup
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Owens fended off the challenge from Bálor at the actual Arnold Classic itself, but he wasn't finished with the Irish superstar. In his match with Riley, Owens took the punishment a bit too far, drawing out Bálor to make the save, maybe the only questionable thing he's done since signing (I would have let Riley burn, the fucker deserves it). Even though he fell short, he still showed worthiness for a title shot. However, so did stalwart Tyler Breeze and fellow traveler from Japan Hideo Itami. Meanwhile, Bliss scored the upset countout win over Banks, earning herself a rematch for the title. She came up short in the title contest, and thus, Banks' vision was turned towards her short-lived best bud, Lynch. As for the Tag Titles, the fan-favorite team of Enzo Amore and Colin "Big Cass" Cassady were looking to hit the promised land.

Takeover: Unstoppable's stage set several big battles. However, before the show, Itami was found laid out in the parking lot, a victim of a beatdown from an unidentified assailant to cover for a real-life injury he'd sustained to his shoulder. The scheduled three-way with Bálor and Breeze became a singles match. Bálor punched his ticket for a return match with Owens. Amore and Cass were so, so, so close to winning the Tag Team Championships, but Blake and Murphy had an ace up their sleeves. Alexa Bliss showed her true colors, completing the trio and shoving Amore off the top to allow the Cowboys to keep their titles. In another Match of the Year candidate, Banks fended off the challenge from her fiery former Irish bestie. In the main event, Zayn put up less of a fight than he did at Takeover: Rival. Owens preyed on Zayn's injuries and due to the heinous attacks during the match and Zayn's physical state, the match was declared a no-contest. Owens looked to put Zayn on the shelf for good until Samoa Joe surprisingly made his debut to make the save. He stared down Owens, seemingly building towards a bigger showdown along the line. However, Owens recently made his debut on RAW by throwing down the gauntlet at John Cena. His days on NXT were at that point numbered.

Owens' issue with Joe was settled with a largely unsatisfying singles match on regular television, which set the stage for Bálor to get his shot, which he would get in Japan at the WWE Network special, Beast in the East. In the match that made the Big X a true World Championship, Bálor, in full Daemon regalia, won in convincing fashion. Owens, however, would invoke his rematch clause. Additionally, his antics caused Regal to react more strictly. In return, Owens believed Regal to be biased against him, so he demanded a ladder match.

Meanwhile, Bayley, who had spent the time since Rival either harangued by a returning Emma or on the shelf, decided she had enough of being left in the shadow of the other wrestlers who shared the "Four Horsewomen" moniker with her. All three, Charlotte, Lynch, and Banks, made debuts as part of the (LOL) Divas Revolution. But Bayley wasn't done with NXT yet. She demanded to prove herself worthy. So after she took out Emma, she was determined to go through the other Horsewomen on her way to the title. She took out Charlotte and Lynch on weekly television, putting Banks right in her crosshairs.

With Owens out of the picture, Joe was left without a dance partner. Thankfully for him, Baron Corbin had no issue calling him out for his indie stock. Bitter at the run of outsiders coming in and usurping spots from the wrestlers at the Performance Center, Corbin took dead aim at their avatar. Meanwhile, the Dubstep Cowboys continued their reign of terror, tormenting eventual number one contenders the Vaudevillains. Aiden English and Simon Gotch were confounded by Bliss' presence on the outside, so they promised a partner.

Additionally, two notable wrestlers were scheduled to make debuts at the next Takeover event, which would be held in Brooklyn the night before SummerSlam. One, Apollo Crews, would be coming to stay. The other, Jushin "Thunder" Liger, would make one historic appearance to check WWE off his bucket list. Crews debuted successfully over Tye Dillinger, while Liger's big appearance saw him take out Breeze. The Vaudevillains turned to Full Sail enhancement talent and erstwhile indie standout Blue Pants (Leva Bates) as their third to counteract Bliss and take the NXT Tag Team Championships. Joe put down the threat of Corbin in what was the latter's best match in a WWE ring to date.

The Match of the Year. Full. Stop.
Photo Credit: WWE.com
However, the best and most important match of the night, and in fact the entire year, total, was the showdown between Banks and Bayley. Rivals since the former turned on the latter to join the BFFs in 2013, they fought tooth and nail for 18 months to get to a money match in front of the largest crowd in NXT history. Their war captivated the crowd and caused oohs, ahhs, gasps, and chants. In the end, Bayley emerged triumphant, culminating a build that started from humble, some would say infantile beginnings to become a fully-formed Champion. In celebration, she and her rival embraced, followed by the arrivals and hugs of Charlotte and Lynch. The Four Horsewomen had a NXT curtain call, and if the show had ended there, no one would have blamed them for cutting short. But Bálor had to defeat Owens in a match that probably should have happened before the Women's Championship match.

Takeover: Respect would course-correct that mistake in a big way. To honor the late patriarch of both the Rhodes family and NXT itself, William Regal announced the Dusty Rhodes Memorial Classic Tag Team Tournament, featuring many of the best tag teams from NXT's past, present, and future. That tournament included Bálor with his tag team partner, Joe. Joe agreed to partner up with the Champ if he could get a shot at the gold sometime down the line, however. The finals would be held at Takeover: Respect, but it wouldn't be the main event. Regal also gave Banks the opportunity to recoup her Women's Championship in the main event against Bayley in a 30 minute ironman match. Not only would it be the first time two women in NXT would partake in that particular gimmick, it would the first special event/supercard/pay-per-view to be headlined by two women in WWE history.

The tournament played out to a final four of Bálor and Joe, Corbin and Rhyno, Jason Jordan and Chad Gable, and Dash and Dawson.. The first two teams in that list made the final, and the NXT Champion and his ornery Samoan partner took home the trophy. Also of note, Crews upended Breeze to gain some more forward momentum, while Asuka, the former Kana, made her in-ring debut by defeating Dana Brooke. However, the spotlight shone brightest on Bayley and Banks in the main event slot, and they delivered as close to full capacity as they did in Brooklyn as well. Bayley retained, and Banks bade farewell to NXT.

The Women's Championship scene was thrown into upheaval in the absence of any other Horsewoman on the roster. Emma, Brooke, and Asuka all could have staked claims to the title shot, but they were too busy involved among each other. Eva Marie and Bliss both tried to wrangle the belt from Bayley. Bliss had a few shots, and at one point even stole the hardware from Bayley for a short time. Eva asserted herself as a contender verbally, and that led to a much-ballyhooed title shot on the weekly show. Eva got herself Nia Jax, the hulking newcomer, as muscle. However, once Eva's shot at Bayley failed, Jax took over as the main contender, putting Bayley right in her sights.

Why, Joe, why?
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Meanwhile, Joe came calling to Bálor for his own title shot that he was promised. The Champ was seemingly more than willing to give Joe the crack at it, but as it turned out, Regal had other plans. He made a battle royal for number one contendership, one that was won by Crews, who got his shot the week after. The match would end in a no-contest when Corbin, again incensed that another indie star got dibs over him, interrupted the match and caused it to be thrown out. Joe came out seemingly to make the save, only to wallop Bálor afterwards. Joe felt that Bálor reneged on their deal, and he was getting him his pound of flesh.

The Tag Team Championships were thrown into a state of flux again with another title switch on the weekly show. After blowing through Amore and Big Cass (putting Cass out for a bit), Dash and Dawson upset the Vaudevillains to become the fourth team to hold the Tag Team Championships in 2015. Of course, Cass and Amore weren't going to take their injustice sitting down. They came back with a vengeance. And they looked to stake their claims at Takeover: London. They almost had the titles won, but Dash and Dawson escaped with roughneck grit, questionably legal tactics, and an avalanche Shatter Machine. Meanwhile Asuka continued to confound Emma and Brooke, while Corbin scored the surprise win over Crews.

In the two big title matches, Jax looked to have Bayley squished on several occasions, but her hubris got the best of her. Bayley showed immense fighting spirit and a proclivity towards submission wrestling. She garroted Jax with a guillotine choke and kept it on for several minutes until the behemoth tapped. In the main event, Bálor once again summoned the Daemon, but Joe looked ready for it. The Samoan Submission Machine gave Daemon-Forme Bálor the toughest fight of his life. But the Champ retained his title after a hard-fought battle.

The year for NXT ended with the return of Sami Zayn. Out for nearly half a year with his arm injured, Zayn announced a return at the beginning of December, and stormed the ring the week after Takeover: London to get his feet under him against Tye Dillinger. Zayn won, putting his eyes towards regaining in 2016 what he lost in 2015, even if Owens isn't there for him to gain revenge from.

LEGIT. BOSS.
Photo Credit: WWE.com
2015 MVP: It's hard to go against Bayley, who spent a cool two more months in NXT than the winner of the award, and who also got the same treatment this year that Sami Zayn got last year to similar results. But I look at Sasha Banks' year, and it's hard to say anyone but her deserves the award. Every match she was in was guaranteed to draw major snowflakes for good reason. She occupied the absolute marquee of NXT, even when Kevin Owens was finishing up his short but triumphant run at Full Sail. About the only thing keeping this selection from being a slam dunk is how she was called to RAW with about two or three months left in the year. However, her body of work was enough over ten months, probably better than some wrestlers' 12-month resumes both in NXT and in other promotions.

What's Going to Happen in 2016: Well, the titleholders who ended the year, Finn Bálor and Bayley, both came out of Takeover: London with challengers in flux. Bayley, who is arguably the top Champion in NXT, but also the most prestigious Champion in the entire company (if not America and possibly the world depending on how one thinks about IWGP World Heavyweight Champion Kazuchika Okada) fended off Nia Jax in what could be considered an upset to those watching without the context of the Champ's entire NXT run to date. Jax will almost certainly get another run at Bayley for sure. She proved she was ready at Takeover against perhaps the most fully-formed babyface character in company history. She's also a threat to get called to up to Mondays and Thursdays at any time to join her Horsewoman brethren. The big question is how Jax will fare against the bevy of wrestlers who are at varying levels of awesomeness right now. Emma and Asuka are two who are at Bayley's level, but Emma's a heel. Dana Brooke and Alexa Bliss are surprisingly and swiftly tremendous, but still a bit underseasoned (and also heels) for roles as foils for Jax.

This throws into question the true direction of the women's division. Clearly, Asuka's going to get a run at the title, whether in Dallas or thereafter; she, like Samoa Joe, was signed to bolster the NXT brand rather than stay there for a sojourn before storming the RAW roster. She'll get the title and have no shortage of challengers awaiting her. Brooke, Jax, Bliss, the Aussie ladies, and eventually, Athena will all look to make Asuka's Steamboat Award campaign for 2016 interesting and exciting. The Women's Championship scene won't be the Horsewomen's run, but it doesn't have to be, and quite frankly, it shouldn't be. As long as the women are allowed to continue to forge eras like the men have, they will be fine, even if RAW may eventually claim them to be culled down by corporately-mandated hashtag revolutions. Ell-Oh-Ell.

As for Bálor, his crystal ball is clearer. Sami Zayn is back, his head's buzzed, and he's ready to get back what was taken from him by his once-and-maybe-future friend, Kevin Owens. Owens is no longer stomping around NXT and for good reason (he kinda rules hard enough to make a difference on Monday nights). Bálor, for however a gentleman he is when he's not all Daemon'd up, still is a fighting Champion. Zayn makes too much sense as a first challenger, but he's also been away for a terribly long amount of time. In his absence, a few others have stepped up to the plate. The most notable new challenger is Baron Corbin, the former stiff who has loosened up and become a serviceable hoss at the very least. He upended Apollo Crews at Takeover: London, which is a good enough sign as any to put him next in Bálor's path. Samoa Joe is certainly not done as a contender either, but at this time, he may be the one trying to cut down Zayn before his reclamation project is completed.

Itami will be back, and he will be mad
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Of course, the wildcard in all this is the potentially-returning Hideo Itami. Out since May with a shoulder injury, Itami's comeback is nearing completion. He was written out of the narrative via a parking lot attack, which I'm almost certain was supposed to be Owens. However, with Big Kev throwing stones at goliaths and crazed loons like John Cena and Dean Ambrose now, plans may have changed. Itami's injury and absence could be the perfect avenue by which NXT's showrunners can turn Bálor heel, which would then open up worlds of opportunity at the top of the card, including building to an eventual, Zayn-esque rise to the top by Crews later on in the year.

The biggest continuing story going into 2016, however, may be the ascendancy of Chad Gable and Jason Jordan as the most popular and possibly the best tag team in NXT right now. Gable debuted as a wunderkind, immediately taking to WWE rings like Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart to a concert piano. Jordan has broken out from relative irrelevance to becoming one of the most combustible hot tags in all the land. Their chase of Dash and Dawson, henceforth known as the Grease Mulkeys, and their NXT Tag Team Championship belts, will no doubt lead to what could be the hottest and most anticipated match at Takeover: Dallas.

Quietly, NXT has made its most glaring weakness into perhaps its biggest strength. Even if Enzo Amore and Big Cass (and obviously Carmella) are on their way to the RAW roster, the number of perfectly cromulent tag team acts in NXT remains at an all-time high. Team Gable and the Grease Mulkeys are only two. The Vaudevillains, Tommaso Ciampa and Johnny Gargano, and even the Dubstep Cowboys are all teams that could come off the bench and throw hands in solid fashion in the new year.

One other thing to look out for are the outside names rumored to be on NXT's radar. While James Storm, who was in the year-end retrospective, has reportedly signed back with TNA, other big names could be on their way in. Phil "Gunner" Shatter, Austin Aries, AJ Styles, and the king (of strong style) fish of them all, Shinsuke Nakamura. Big signings make sense given Triple H wants to turn NXT into a national touring brand, and with RAW siphoning talent to its touring schedule, NXT will need name brand replacement as well as steady hands. The women's and tag divisions are strong right now, but the solo men's division feels a bit shallow. While reinforcements are on the way, whether sooner (Elias Sampson) or farther (Rich Swann/Biff Busick), no one can deny that adding those big names can be a great short-term shot in the arm.

Five Wrestlers to Watch in 2016:Hideo Itami - Obviously, Itami was going to be a big deal before his injury, but now, he comes into a men's main event scene that is suddenly the third in the pecking order in terms of interest. His re-injection into the narrative could be the boost that the Big X division could use. He has a feud tailor-made with Finn Bálor should NXT turn the latter heel. But even if it isn't the current Champ's lot to go bad, Itami has a veritable rogue's gallery, starting with a big Pacific Islander who's no stranger to prestige Japanese wrestlers...

Brooke could make some noise in '16
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Dana Brooke - Brooke was at the center of controversy over her abilities, or lack thereof, at the beginning of her run. While she was a bit rough at first, she's totally cashed in on her potential as of late, becoming one of the best heel characters on the show while having some modicum of ability to speak, wrestle, and walk and chew gum simultaneously unlike Eva Marie. She's already ready to hold the Women's Championship, but even if that isn't in her cards, she can definitely hold up her end of a secondary feud culminating in a hot Takeover undercard match.

Billie Kay - Fellow Aussie Peyton Royce may have more upside potential, but the former Jessie McKay is more ready now. While she made her bones as a babyface at home and in SHIMMER, she's shown flashes of having a great, arrogant heel character going forward. Rumors of her being paired with Sylvester Lefort mean she could be in for a HUGE push in the future. Perhaps she's the next in line to feud with Asuka? They have prior history in other indie promotions, and thus have an existing chemistry.

Rich Swann - He came in along with Biff Busick and Athena. All three could own Full Sail if they wanted to, but Swann's magnetic personality and aptitude for flips could make him the most ready to own the crowd of the three. He hasn't even gotten his new appellation from the Name Generator yet, but once he does, he should hit the ground running. The first time he hits that standing 450 splash, he will have any crowd eating out of his hand. From there, he's a total dark horse to enter 2017 as NXT World Champion.

Chad Gable - Honestly, this pick might just be cheating, because Gable is on his way to being the most special performer in WWE since Kurt Angle. Even though reports are already filtering out that WWE officials think he's too small or some shit, his innate in-ring ability is off the charts. He has a certain charm to his personality that has endeared him to the Full Sail crowd. NXT fans know what's up with him, even if he probably needs to cultivate that charm into something bigger if he wants to overcome the curve on RAW should he ever get there. However, even if he stays in NXT for a year or two, he will end up owning it. His eventual Tag Championship win with Jason Jordan over the Grease Mulkeys should be one of the loudest pops of WrestleMania weekend. Could he follow that up with a win of the Big X at the final Takeover of the year too? Don't be surprised if he does.

Is '16 Gable's big  year?
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Three Things I Want to See in 2016: 1. PAY 'EM LIKE RAW ROSTER MEMBERS! - Some members of developmental are still learning the ropes and are there because they need the kind of seasoning that comes with being on television and involved in big angles. However, the main players in NXT aren't necessarily there for seasoning. Wrestlers like Emma, Asuka, Finn Bálor, Samoa Joe, and others are ready for prime time, and for whatever reason are not on RAW. Obviously, Emma has been on RAW before and probably has a contract to reflect it. I would also assume that Joe and Asuka are getting paid well too since they've given up lucrative opportunities elsewhere to stay in NXT. But what about guys like Bálor, Apollo Crews, Baron Corbin, and the others who haven't made RAW yet, but are being counted on to draw house show crowds and drive subscriptions? WWE is always reporting on record revenues, and NXT is a part of that. If a wrestler is going to be part of an angle on NXT TV, or is being presented as something more than enhancement, then they should get paid a rate that would make it financially sensible for them to be in NXT rather than surfing the indies or taking a chance with New Japan Pro Wrestling, Ring of Honor, or, *shudder* TNA.

2. Continue "special attraction" and true independent contractor signings, please - Jushin Liger appearing at Takeover: Brooklyn was surreal and awesome all in the same breath. NXT has more freedom to bring in wrestlers for the short term because it's not necessarily governed by ratings. The big tournaments like the Dusty Classic were also great opportunities to bring in indie wrestlers for a spin like with Tommaso Ciampa and Johnny Gargano. While I'd rather not see the special guests spammed into becoming something not special, I would like to see the trend of special guests continuing. Whether it's a return from Liger, hot indie wrestlers coming in for various one-shots, or even imports of other guests like Johnny Saint, NXT needs to be the place where the strange and wonderful continues to happen.

3. Samoa Joe as the King Shit of Fuck Mountain - If Joe's not gonna go to the RAW narrative, then he should have a run as NXT's final boss. I don't think this needs to be explained further.
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