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I Listen So You Don't Have To: Steve Austin Show Ep. 320

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Austin is still recovering from surgery this week
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you’re new, here’s the rundown. We listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are many wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but this feature largely hews to the regular rotation we feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If we can save other folks some time, we’re happy to do so.

Show: Steve Austin Show — Unleashed!
Episode: 320 (April 28, 2016)
Run Time: 1:29:38
Guest: Ted Fowler (7:24)

Summary: Steve Austin is still laid up, so he calls his old buddy Ted Fowler. Austin gets Fowler up to speed on his recovery from shoulder surgery, then they commiserate about technology issues and Austin recounts his most recent (and most unpleasant) MRI experience. Then they talk about fishing and Fowler has some stories about the different ladies he’s hired to clean his house. Turning to the Broken Skull Ranch, they ponder the future of wild turkeys on the ranch and ponder a reality show about their winter work. After Fowler hangs up, Austin praises the Eagles documentary available on Netflix.

Quote of the week:“You know, I was an athlete, and it’s like, dude, computers, really? Fuck that, man. That’s an easy three credits, you go in there and you fiddle fart around, I’m never gonna do this, I’m never gonna be bothered by it, does not pertain to me, you know and now, you talk about an Achilles heel. I mean, I can’t, you know, upload, download, you know, defrag, none of that — all that stuff is Greek to me. It’s like, dude, and I gotta pay some cat to come over with his 1970 porn star moustache, you know, to come over and sit down at my computer for 20 minutes, do his thing and give me a bill for 80 bucks, and he’s like, ‘All right dude, you know, try to lay off the porn. You know see you in, you know, six weeks.’ Like dude, really, how did you do that stuff? I mean, I can build anything, I can’t unlock my computer.”

Why you should listen: As Fowler’s episodes go, this one was pretty decent. Perhaps that’s because Austin is in the driver’s seat for stories about his recovery and MRI experience, whereas other topics are even conversations or Fowler simply responding to questions. It seems weird to admit, but I’d actually missed hearing about the current state of ranch affairs, and it was nice to get the update. Somehow I’m looking forward to deer season, and I love more than 1,300 miles away.

Why you should skip it: We’ve already heard the story about Austin spilling wine on his computer. Fowler does get to go off on a few tangents, and if you’re not super into his tales of softball, intoxication and womanizing, those segments will not trip your trigger. Also, if you only come here for the wrestling, you’ll have to come back a different time.

Final thoughts: Austin set out to deliver a much lighter show than Tuesday’s episode. It had been a while since he’d uncorked a truly unleashed interview, and the heavy tone of Tuesday combined with the absence of a guest made this offering the perfect change of pace. On its own, it’s entirely inessential. But in context, it fits very well. You can feel safe skipping, but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad effort in any sense.

I Listen So You Don't Have To: Steve Austin Show Ep. 321

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Keller and Austin run down Payback
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you’re new, here’s the rundown. We listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are many wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but this feature largely hews to the regular rotation we feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If we can save other folks some time, we’re happy to do so.

Show: Steve Austin Show
Episode: 321 (May 3, 2016)
Run Time: 1:34:29
Guest: Wade Keller (9:11)

Summary: Austin calls his regular pay-per-view reviewing partner. They open with praise for the Chicago crowd and the Payback video package that put over WWE’s fresh faces. Then they begin to go through the card, from the opening tag match to the McMahon family setting up Extreme Rules — and they catch the preshow based on its recap package. There’s a bit of looking ahead to the next Roman Reigns/AJ Styles match, but it’s otherwise wall to wall Payback.

Quote of the week: Keller: “I also really liked that they talked about Kevin Owens as a future world Champion, and then Byron Saxton jumped in and was like, ‘Hey, both of them have a tremendous upside.’ I like that they talked about both guys as future main-eventers, not just, ‘Aren’t they nice workers and they’re little guys but they don’t have the body type.’ It’s like that wasn’t even implicit or in the undercurrent to their commentary. The announcers gave credit to not only the wrestlers, but I think gave the fans of these two — whether they’re newer fans or longtime fans of their work — the narrative that they wanted, which is these two are fighting and scratching and clawing to get to the championship, not just settle a lower card feud. So I thought the announcing served this match well.”

Why you should listen: Are you down with Austin raving about the WWE product? This is the show for you, because Stone Cold loved him some Payback. The match pacing, the booking decisions, the ring work, the whole shebang. He even loves the theme music, especially for recent NXT products, which I personally think is a fantastic point that analysts far too often overlook. Keller fits in well, such as when he springboards off the Enzo Amore injury with a question that gets Austin talking about being thrown around the cage during an amped up Big Show making his WWF debut, or when he pauses to praise Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens for reviving the crowd in a crucial moment.

Why you should skip it: This show will be a dud really for only two types of potential listeners. One, people who don’t pay attention to current WWE and only really come around for Austin’s personality and nostalgia; and two, those who make up their minds about a wrestling show and aren’t interested in anyone else’s take, regardless of credentials. If you fall into either camp, perhaps we’ll see you on Thursday for episode 322.

Final thoughts: Unfortunately for my ego, y’all don’t really need me to tell you whether or not to listen to this type of episode. The main upside of Austin having Keller as his repeat review guest is getting small talk out of the way and focusing entirely on the show at hand, which is what elevates his recaps beyond what Jim Ross and Cheap Heat offer. I can’t imagine not enjoying happy Austin reveling in his wrestling fandom, with a few dashes of his professional experience for seasoning, but I’m sure there’s someone out there who would rather hear him talk about hunting knives or microbrews. You’ll have your day eventually — just not this one.

I Listen So You Don't Have To: The Taz Show, May 3

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Ryback's departure is a topic for conversation
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you’re new, here’s the rundown. We listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are many wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but this feature largely hews to the regular rotation we feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If we can save other folks some time, we’re happy to do so.

Show: The Taz Show
Episode: 5/3/16
Run Time: 2:00:08
Guest: Mike Johnson

Summary: Taz and the Captain are going up on a Tuesday, cruising from topic to topic as they see fit. The previous night's episode of RAW is discussed, and Taz wasn't much of a fan. He didn't like how the Dudley Boyz bossed the Vaudevillains around and made them look like amateurs. The biggest wrestling news of the day is the departure-for-now of Ryback, and they bring on PWInsider.com's Mike Johnson to tell us what he knows about that. They also take calls from listeners, and today's theme is essentially asking people for their three favorite bands. Taz's favorites, in case you were wondering, are Led Zeppelin, The Eagles and Pearl Jam.


Quote of the Week: Taz, on the proper way to be a heel - "Back in ECW, where I was a heel, a lot of things I was doing in the ring people were cheering. A real heel stays in his lane. I stayed in my heel lane. Samoa Joe stays in his heel lane. Kevin Owens, Chris Jericho, those guys stay in their heel lane, no matter if they're being cheered or booed. You cannot let the audience decide in that realm."

Why you should listen: When Taz really gets down to business and lets the listeners in on what he knows about pro wrestling, the results are almost always valuable. There is a lot to learn from his discussion of what doesn't work with certain segments, or how certain wrestlers need to be consistent bad guys. Taz's years as a color commentator also brings about occasional bits of information I'd never thought about, such as how the commentators are instructed to shut up whenever a wrestler is yelling at his opponent during a match.

I'd also like to give a shout out to the part when Taz is scrolling through Twitter's trending topics, and he says, "Hmm, the 'Tony noms'...I have no idea what that is." Taz is SO straight, and not gay, you guys.

Why you should skip it: The Taz Show is desperately clinging to its two biggest problems: listener calls and the soundboard. I cannot put myself in the mental place of someone who would hear unfunny clips from movies of people shouting "SHUT UP" and actually laugh at them. Taz and the Captain use their soundboard so much that they make Peter Rosenberg look sophisticated and reserved.

Final Thoughts: This episode demonstrates how The Taz Show does not know what it wants to be. I understand that a radio talk show doesn't have to stick to one topic all the time, but when they do drift to a different topic, there is rarely any good analysis to be found. A listener from Romania calls in to give his three favorite bands: Linkin Park, Five Finger Death Punch and Disturbed. Putting aside this guy's total lack of taste or brain cells, his list only prompts Taz to say things like, "Yeah, those bands rock. Thanks for calling in, bro." This lack of depth goes through almost every aspect of the show. If Taz mostly stuck to wrestling, like his memories of it and his thoughts on current happenings, we'd get much more out of listening. As of now, The Taz Show is basically two hours of Taz running around a room, picking up an object, saying it's pretty cool, then throwing it down and moving on to something else.

I Listen So You Don't Have To: Cheap Heat May 4

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Jim Ross guests on Cheap Heat this week
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you’re new, here’s the rundown. We listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are many wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but this feature largely hews to the regular rotation we feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If we can save other folks some time, we’re happy to do so.

Show: Cheap Heat
Episode: May 4, 2016
Run Time: 1:10:47
Guest: Kaz (0:53); Jim Ross (17:48)

Summary: Kaz is in studio with Peter Rosenberg and Stat Guy Greg, and they spend 15 minutes going over Ryback’s Tumblr post before talking about WWE releasing Rich Brennan and Kyle Edwards. Jim Ross drops in for a quick phone call on the same topics. After Ross leaves, the guys consider Hulk Hogan’s new lawsuit then look back on Payback and RAW, spending large chunks on Enzo Amore’s injury, the women’s division and the Roman Reigns/AJ Styles story.

Quote of the week: Ross: “It’s a theatrical presentation as you well know. Winners and losers are important in the storytelling, but I’ve never, I’ve never — if had, if I paid a pay-per-view, and I paid, you know, tons of them over all the years, all that discretionary monies, I don’t recall ever paying the winner of a match more than I paid the loser. I have — if the loser happened to be a bigger star, then it’s quite possible that the loser made more money than the winner in that situation.”

Why you should listen: I know nothing about Kaz except that he makes a fantastic cohost. Unlike the recent run of celebrity interviews, Kaz largely fills the void left when David Shoemaker jumped to The Ringer. While lacking Shoemaker’s research background, Kaz is even more so Rosenberg’s equal on the microphone, which relegates Greg back to third banana. Ultimately, when Kaz (and Greg) speak, Cheap Heat speaks for the intelligent WWE fan, which is a nice addition to the weekly landscape.

Why you should skip it: It’s still Rosenberg’s show, which means if he wants to gloss over a topic — like lengthy portions of Payback or RAW cards — then it’s just going to get overlooked. There was little use in speculating about Ryback for 15 minutes and then letting Ross settle the issue in about 90 seconds, and I will never understand Rosenberg’s methodology in determining which parts of the WWE week are worthy of his attention.

Final thoughts: This is the episode most like classic Cheap Heat since Rosenberg left right after WrestleMania. Small sample size, sure, and all bets are off (again) depending on next week’s guest (or lack thereof). If you want a great Payback review, listen to Steve Austin’s Tuesday show. If you want Ross’ deep thoughts on Ryback, he’ll be able to dig much deeper on his own show next week. But if you want to feel like visiting an old friend, this might be the last decent Cheap Heat for the foreseeable future.

Best Coast Bias: E.Y., Joe

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The answer to "What's Young Eric doing in the NXT Zone?!"
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Clarity is a boon that there's not nearly enough of in the world, so let's make this blue orb a little brighter here, shall we?

NXT's cup runneth over right now with talent, and admittedly they're more popular than Charlotte McKinney at a junior prom. But that doesn't mean they're infallible, and unfortunately that was on display on their first show back in Full Sail since Takeover: Dallas.

Proudly toting his newly won NXT World Championship at the show's outset, Samoa Joe got far more cheers than boos. When he said he was a man of his word and would beat down and choke out anyone fool enough to stand in his way and the crowd had more mostly positive reactions to that, the announce was (oddly?) silent. After all, if a man backs up his words with deeds, it's not exactly hateable. You can find room to dislike, but you can't exactly crook a finger and yell "J'accuse!" or anything of the sort. Anyhow, once he dared anybody with a problem to come out and he'd book them the express pass to Night Night Vale, somebody did.

Somewhat surprisingly to those who live happier, spoiler-free lives, the answer wasn't someone already known to be on NXT's roster but Eric Young, yet another in a series of emigres from that other wrestling organization in Orlando. Joe looked mad -- then again, he may just be a male sufferer of CBF -- as EY noted they knew each other pretty well and the only constant was change. The champ left the ring, then parried that Young didn't belong in the same ring with him and the next time he saw him he was going to beat his ass.

That set up an oddly unexplained how it came to pass so quickly main event wherein...Samoa Joe pretty much beat Eric Young's ass.

Quoz?

It wasn't as if the former TNA World Champion was No! Way! Jose!'s cannon fodder or anything, but at the same time you never got any sort of true sense Joe was in anything resembling danger. True, he's not just on the roll of maybe his life but maybe five other people's as well, but less a top rope Savage elbowdrop the match seemed to have small hiccups, played at 33 on a 45, and no matter what slivers of light his nice right hand afforded him Eric was eventually going to be swallowed up by the darkness as seen above. Less a Daemon powered Finn Bálor (already scheduled to appear on next week's programming) or the new King of Strong Style (also already scheduled and hopefully being the man to rid us of A-Ry once and for all), Joe's been the King of Trillville since late last year, and not even a man who's done it all from both sides of the ledger and around the world like E.Y. could get on his level, though.

The main event was a more spotlight-intensive version of the rest of the show, really. Tessa Blanchard got new music and a full introduction, then Nia Jax laid her out like a deck of cards as the latter continues to be Full Sail's Rule 63 Baron Corbin. Austin Aries and Tye Dillinger had a fun little sprint that was also a fait accompli, more jarring for the brief "both these guys" chant than any sense of danger for this particular former ROH World Champion, enjoyer of bananas and potassium (somehow not a euphenism). Set up by last week's events, the Hype Bros v. the Revival could've gotten to something had it also not been a sprint that featured Mojo eating a Shatter Machine within 90 seconds of getting a hot tag.

To be clear, Zack Ryder and Mojo Rawley are not dead in the water. Tye Dillinger is not going to pop up on Lucha Underground anytime soon. Tessa Blanchard, especially given her pedigree, has probably got a bright future in the women's division as long as she continues to evolve and keep pace.

Yet weirdly for a predetermined sport, nothing during the hour really latched and held on to attention. It's one thing to look at a match (or four) and be able to make a cut with Occam's Razor to surmise who'll probably be winning; it's wholly another to not find any sort of brief moment or small segment where even if you can't suspend your disbelief you can still find yourself compelled, and on that note for at least one week NXT was as inevitable as Joe had been saying his title reign was going to be and now is.

Next week is the Assassination of the Coward Alex Riley By The King Of Strong Style, however, and predictable as that outcome is, it will at least provide compelling moments and Kendrick willing wipe an asinine mouthbreather who is to professional wrestling what Carly Fiorina's vice presidential run was democracy off of the map.

After all, it doesn't get much clearer than Shinsuke Nakamura kneeing you in the flippin' skull.

The Wrestling Podcast, Vol. 2, Ep. 8: Kevin Brown

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Kevin goes in on The Miz this episode
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Episode 8: The Red Arrow of Time

Kevin Brown comes on the show this week to gab about wrestling. We kick off talking about a fresher RAW narrative, Roman Reigns' new direction, and whether or not Finn Bálor will ever make it to the RAW roster and the overlap between RAW and NXT, after an aside on the cinematic career of Keanu Reeves. We then go whether John Cena is good or bad, the flaws with the Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins feud, highlights from TLC '14, and Ambrose as Charlie Kelly from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Kevin then goes in to his big spiel about The Miz, mostly criticizing him. WE take breaks to lament Sheamus' lot, talk about Drew Gulak and Timothy Thatcher, Ryback's importance, Randy Orton's give-a-shit factor, and whether WWE's lack of good heels. We finish on Cena's rivals and a few Twitter questions.

Going to the Dropbox is cool and all, but what if you could get The Wrestling Podcast to your inbox every time it drops? Well, if you donate to my Patreon, I can get the hosting needed to do just that. You don't have to donate a set amount to help out. Giving even just $1 will bring me closer. But if you donate $25 or more and you're not on my shitlist, you can get yourself on the podcast. Help me help you!

Relevant Links:

I Listen So You Don't Have To: Art Of Wrestling, Episode 300

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Cabana's milestone ep sees him take listener questions
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
If you’re new, here’s the rundown. We listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are many wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but this feature largely hews to the regular rotation we feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If we can save other folks some time, we’re happy to do so.

Show: Art Of Wrestling
Episode: 300 (May 5, 2016)
Run Time: 1:41:44
Guest: Marty DeRosa (4:31)

Summary: To mark his milestone episode, Colt Cabana is playing listener voice mails and bouncing his answers off DeRosa. Callers ask about his business model, his critical eye, favorite podcast moments, if he’ll perform in Australia, Tough Enough, keys to success, dead crowds, interviewing women, his first day of training, his post office box, integrating humor, Irn-Bru, Cliff Compton’s money, Cubs as wrestlers, his eventual retirement match, the “ball cocktail,” an offer for free window tinting, travel, the hall of fame, his WWE stint, Sweden, the famous Titan Towers merchandise closet, Pro Wrestling Tees, singlets, his sound gear, Dave Meltzer’s WCW audio, wrestler pay, globetrotting, guest spots he’s done, TNA, general health, working as Dan Severn, the merch table, ideal show guests, if he’d write a book, Bill Murray, the WWE tape library, favorite feuds, road food, and if he’s seen around town.

Quote of the week:“If you notice the guys I did have while they were in the company, they were my friends that I knew their story. They were indy guys. Johnny Curtis is an example, I had him on very early before he became Fandango. And so a couple of guys that I was going to have on, that I had asked and they were all about it, Sandow was one of ’em, Wade Barrett was one of ’em. There’s two guys that were going to be on the show. Kidman was gonna come on. … When I was doing those announcer things, I was trying to have Brookside on, and he’s notoriously, like, aloof almost? Like, he’ll be like, ‘Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,’ — and then you won’t hear from him for — and I was going down like three weeks in a row, so I was like, ‘All right, I got three weeks to do one with Robbie’ and it just never happened. So those are four guys that I was looking forward to having on that, sadly at this point, probably, you know, maybe a post-WWE career that they might be on.”

Why you should listen:“It was a fun little chat. I don’t know if this is a groundbreaking episode by any means. Maybe it sucks, maybe you find a lot of information in it, I’m not even sure. It was hard to even listen back to me answering questions while I kind of edited and put this all together, but we did it, it’s 300, I thought this would be a fun way. You be the judge.”

Why you should skip it:“This episode is probably one for the ones who listen every single week, the die-hards, if you will, and that’s what I make it for, to be honest. Those are the ones I like, you guys know that.”

Final thoughts:“Thank you for the hangout, guys. Thank you for 300 episodes. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you. I appreciate it. Let’s end this — this is too long for me. Way too long for me. Too long for you.”

Smackdown: Friendship is Magic

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Styles had layers on this episode
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Welp, no longer will I spend every episode of Smackdown wondering if Damien Sandow will be on or if this will be the night he is finally put back in the spotlight. Thanks for saving me from that endless cycle of anticipation followed by crushing disappointment, WWE. I really appreciate it. Here's hoping Sandow lands among those who understand what a treasure he is.

Anyway, life goes on, so...friendship and stuff.

Coolest Friend – Cesaro
In case you weren't already aware that Cesaro is the coolest guy in the entire world. Sami Zayn's match against the Miz ended exactly as we knew it would as soon as Kevin Owens sauntered out to sit on commentary. There was interference, a disqualification ending to the match, and Owens and Miz joined together to beat on Zayn. Then Cesaro ran out to make the save and take out Owens and Miz, keeping his sunglasses on the entire time. Awesome. This Intercontinental title scene is the best thing going right now, and even though the matches keep playing out the same way, I'm not going to get tired of them any time soon.

Also, shout out to Chris Jericho referring to Kevin Owens as his “good friend.” It's canon now and you can't ever take it back!

Friend With the Worst Luck – Curtis Axel
I want to be mad that Curtis Axel is still around when Damien Sandow isn't, but he's so weirdly endearing sometimes! He and Bo Dallas lost in short order to the Vaudevillains, after which Big Cass came out to throw around Aiden English and Simon Gotch. Axel tried to celebrate with him, gloating over the Vaudevillains being run off and being all buddy-buddy with Cass...only to be promptly thrown out himself. Normally I would have expected Dallas to be the one to extend the hand of friendship only to be rebuffed, but this is fine, too.

Also, this whole thing of Jerry Lawler incredulously and mockingly repeating every single move that Mauro Ranallo calls is completely out of hand. It's not funny. It is, in fact, unbearable. Like, okay, “ushigoroshi” might sound odd to English ears (though, one would assume, not if calling wrestling moves is your god damn job), but “whirling dervish?” That's not out of the ordinary and it's not even something brand new the Vaudevillains have broken out. Acting like you're not good at your job doesn't somehow make you good at your job. It just makes you REALLY BAD AT YOUR JOB.

Best Professional Friends – Emma and Charlotte
Becky Lynch came out wearing a Natalya t-shirt, which ordinarily would probably have earned the two a Best Friends spot, but when it came to the actual match against Emma and Charlotte, I thought it was the latter two that proved to be the better team: lots of quick tags, working in tandem, and appreciating each other's dastardliness. Of course, in the end there's only room for one at the top, no matter how well they work together, and when Emma tapped to Natalya, Charlotte didn't seem too concerned about her. I don't know if it was intentional, but I really loved the final shot of this segment, which had Charlotte in the foreground taunting Natalya while Emma slunk back down the ramp in the background, rejected and forgotten once again.

Worst Friendship Role Model – Kalisto
Following Rusev's victory against Zack Ryder, Kalisto ran out and attacked his upcoming opponent for the United States Championship with absolutely no provocation. He didn't even stick around to fight it out; it was just a hit and run. This is outrageous behaviour that I will not tolerate. Bad Kalisto! How is Sin Cara going to grow up right if this is the example you set for him?

Most Multifaceted Friend – AJ Styles
At first glance one might not think that AJ Styles could pull off a morally conflicted role like the one he's been given, but he's doing a really good job balancing his friendship with Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson, his disapproval of their actions, his desire to win the WWE World Heavyweight Championship, and his respect for Roman Reigns as the current champion. That's a lot to juggle in an industry where nuance is hardly a guiding force. Of course, it helps that this narrative is benefiting from a shockingly light tough and the audience is being trusted to understand that Styles is being put on the spot by everyone around him, but he's still making the best decisions he can given the circumstances.

Also, I love that Smackdown is apparently this authority-free no-man's land where you can have pretty much whatever match you want so long as you ask for it. Styles just declared that the tag match between the Usos and Gallows and Anderson would be restarted as a trios match, Teddy Long style, and lo, so it was. Why isn't everyone taking advantage of this gap in governance?

To end on a somber note, I'm just going to use what little platform I have available to me to try and do some good. My province of Alberta is kind of on fire right now. The entire city of Fort McMurray and much of the surrounding area was evacuated, with a portion of the townsite already burnt to the ground. Many of the evacuees have nothing to go home to. The fire is out of control and growing and nothing's really going to stop it until we get some rain. Meanwhile over 80,000 people are in need of basic necessities. Any aid for relief, obviously, is much appreciated. If you're in Canada, chances are you already know how you can donate. If you're outside of Canada, you can donate to the Canadian Red Cross by going to redcross.ca, where an emergency Alberta Fires Appeal page has been set up. You can also text REDCROSS to 30333 to make a $5 donation or FIRES to 45678 to make a $10 donation. Our provincial and federal governments have both pledged to match the donations given. No pressure to donate, but if you can, thanks!

A Shopping List for The Cruiserweight Classic

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Gable is number one with a bullet on my Cruiserweight Classic wishlist
Photo Credit: WWE.com
The Cruiserweight Classic, which you may have known prior as the Global Cruiserweight Series, is still roughly nine weeks away from starting. WWE has promised 32 of the rip-roaringest wrestlers weighing in at 205 pounds or fewer, and so far, the folks running the show have delivered on the goods. Jack Gallagher, Johnny Gargano, Zack Sabre, Jr., Tommaso Ciampa, Rich Swann, Noam Dar, Lince Dorado, Akira Tozawa, TJP, and Drew Gulak have all been formally announced. So far, 11 names are in, and they encompass a wide variety of styles already. However, I won't stop from ruminating on others who should get the nod.

Already in the fold: Holding a tournament just for outsiders and yet-to-debut NXT guys would be exciting if just for the sheer absurdity and surreality of WWE making a home for a bunch of guys who are either not on its roster or who are just starting out. However, if no current, established wrestlers, either on NXT or RAW, make hay here, then the tournament should be counted for a wasted opportunity at least. The tourney has many facets, right? It's not just being conducted for business, but with the names announced already, it has to be a scouting venture. What better way to scout potential WWE superstars than by having them go up against guys who have already been wrestling the "WWE way" for years now. I have a few guys whom I'd like to see take a dip in the pool who are already tenured WWE or NXT dudes.

Chad Gable - Gable is WWE's most intriguing prospect, not because he's exceedingly good at pro wrestling (he most definitely is), but because he's mostly an unknown property. The number of people he's been let loose upon in the squared circle is low, and most of them have been confined to the NXT tag team division. One could say that has been a blessing since he's still new and might be exposed in singles settings. I say I don't care, and I want to see if he can sink or swim. This tournament would be the best platform for it. He got plaudits from Quackenbush during his sojourn at the PC, and honestly, if Quack likes you, you have a good chance of being pretty darn special.

Heath Slater - He's listed at 216 pounds, but what is wrestling if it isn't blatant lies under the banner of kayfabe? Leave kvetching about truth in advertising like wrestling hasn't been built on carny lies for a century to Wade Keller and give me the One Man Rock Band in this tournament. If one of the goals is to have a platform for potential future WWE superstars to show compatibility with the company's in-ring ethos, then Slater would be an ideal opponent for one or more newer guys. He makes his opponents look good, and he plays the crowd well. He's gotta be in if I'm filling out a bracket.

Alumni:"Cruiserweight" has always held the connotation of "young," but if one is to be honest with him or herself, then the amount of time the "junior heavyweight" weight classification should be a stark realization of how many old guys could come in and provide some veteran weight.

Yoshihiro Tajiri - For a few years in the early '00s, few were better at wrestling short, WWE television matches than Tajiri. Of course, that era was over a decade ago, but he's still kicking around in Japan with acclaimed results too. With that body of work, he also brings with him name appeal and global cache.

Kid Kash - Kash on the surface screams "ECW washout," but at the same time, he provides a dirty, old-school Southern presence that would give some variety to the proceedings. In addition to doing a bit of the modern junior style, he's steeped in that old school stank that'll give the proceedings nice flavor. Plus, he could easily act as one of the tournament's cruiserweight "bullies" as a counterweight to the high-concept flippy dudes or grapple-fuckers who are already announced or who will eventually be announced.

Brian Kendrick - The former Spanky is already in the fold as a trainer at the Performance Center. He's a world-traveled veteran and a stone-cold influence on many of the competitors already announced, but he's also not only a veteran enough with WWE to know how the company likes its workers, but he's been entrusted with training them as well.

EVOLVE Adjacent: EVOLVE is already providing two wrestlers this weekend, fine wrestlers no doubt, but its roster and the rosters of promotions like Full Impact Pro have wrestlers I'd like to see get a shot in this hootenanny.

Dan Barry - Barry, one-half of Team Tremendous with former WWE developmental talent Bill Carr, definitely wouldn't need persuading for entry based on his dazzling spot-heavy ring style. His talent belies his look, which is that of a recurring character on a show like Reno 911 rather than most other big spot acrobats. But that is the exact reason why I think he should be a part of the tournament. As much as throwing down is crowd pleasing, any tournament needs an injection of character in it. Barry can bring timely and appropriate comedy into the proceedings.

Gary Jay - Jay, who at times looks like a homeless person, certainly doesn't have WWE's ideal look, but if the people running this thing want a hard worker and a versatile wrestler who can do comedy, strike fests, grappling, and sprints, they need to look long and hard at the Submission Squad's resident ginger warrior. Jay has gotten a reputation as one of the best strikers, and he's a guy who got relatively famous doing something else that can do that strike heavy style leagues better than some of the people renowned for it (looking at you, Davey Richards).

Chikara: You didn't think I wasn't going to include my favorite promotion ever on this wishlist, did you? I have a sneaking suspicion that Chikara is going to be involved, especially since Mike Quackenbush did a week residency down at the Performance Center. Something tells me he wasn't just there to whistle dixie and trade holds with the lads and lasses.

Fire Ant - The first time I remember seeing Fire Ant in person, he dove over the top rope, missed his target, and bent the steel guardrail that he landed into. From that moment on, he gained my respect as the craziest and most energetic high spot purveyor in the company. He went and topped it at King of Trios '10 by climbing the beam at the ECW Arena and launching himself into the eventual winners, the BDK. His craziness has always been limited by the smaller arenas, and I think he could really blow some minds in even an arena the size of the NXT Arena at Full Sail University.

Silver Ant - Silver Ant is the secret ace of Chikara, and a huge part of that is his versatility. He can mesh with so many wrestlers already announced and rumored to be added, so it's a no-brainer to add him.

"Lightning" Mike Quackenbush - Quack is technically retired, but his doctor cleared him for "one more match" (wink wink nudge nudge) against Johnny Kidd on the Chikara UK tour. Additionally, he found himself entangled in an angle with Max Smashmaster earlier on this year, and lo and behold, Sidney Bakabella returned to Chikara on Saturday with a big masked client who looks an awful lot like the former DevCorp bruiser. While I doubt Quack will make a full comeback, he sounds ready to take on a limited slate of matches a year, some of which might include getting to wrestle Gable one more time, this time out of the training sessions and on camera.

Japanese Wrestlers: Obviously, the former name "Global" connotes wrestlers from around the world, and Japan is the most prominent international hub for the graps nowadays. So obvs...

Kota Ibushi - Ibushi was shown on camera at Takeover: Dallas, and usually, when that happens, that wrestler is just about ready to work a few dates with the NXT brand. Kana went from face in the crowd in Brooklyn to NXT Women's Champion. Bobby Roode got his face shown, and lo and behold, the cat was accidentally let out of the bag (and then shoved back into the bag, but everyone knows what happens when you try to shove a cat) on his addition to the upcoming NXT UK tour. I get the feeling that Ibushi is going to be in this thing, and I couldn't be any happier. He's another super-versatile wrestler, but what he does best, he does maybe better than anyone in the world right now. That is, of course, if his injuries are healed and his back holds up. Hopefully, his appearances at the EVOLVE shows Mania weekend are a sign that he's ready to go.

Jushin "Thunder" Liger - Technically, his Takeover: Brooklyn match makes him a WWE alumnus, but I'd rather not split hairs. Anyway, grumpy old man Liger would be a great addition to the tournament for name value, obviously, but also for his versatility. He's been around the block several times in every promotion known to man, so if WWE needs a guy with weight who can make a lad look good going forward, Liger is the one to do the job.

Other Indies: Hey, a guy can dream, right?

Steve-o Reno - If WWE goes scouting for deep indies, it has no reason not to take a hard look at Reno, who has become one of Inspire Pro Wrestling's signature wrestlers over the company's short history. While the Austin/Central Texas scene has grown in the last few years, it still feels like the rest of the country doesn't know about it. Reno would be a great ambassador to show everyone what it's all about.

Louis Lyndon - Again, Lyndon is a guy who checks a lot of boxes. He's versatile. He can do crazy shit in the air. He's got hard strikes. He's a great character wrestler. If WWE isn't considering this guy for its tournament, then its standards are out of calibration, or it's not sending scouts to enough gyms and bingo halls around the American indie scene.

As you can read, I didn't fill out the rest of the field with my fantasy booking candidates. For one, I wanted to leave room for surprises from places not familiar to most of the wrestling world, things like the Ho Ho Lun announcement. Second, I'm not familiar with the Mexican scene as I would like, and my guess is that the Lucha Underground folks are off the table given the kerfluffle involving King Cuerno/El Hijo del Fantasma. I'm also not too up on the BritWres scene either. But if even a quarter of the guys listed above are in this thing along with the names already announced, then I'll be happy. Hell, even if NONE of the names left on the docket match my wishlist, then it should still be a great time. While I make no secret about my distaste for weight divisions in wrestling, I'm a huge fan of guys being able to throw down. The Cruiserweight Classic is going to be 31 matches of dudes throwing the fuck down. I cannot wait, and hopefully, neither can you.

I Listen So You Don't Have To: Steve Austin Show Ep. 322

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Austin does another episode while convalescing
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you’re new, here’s the rundown. We listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are many wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but this feature largely hews to the regular rotation we feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If we can save other folks some time, we’re happy to do so.

Show: Steve Austin Show — Unleashed!
Episode: 322 (May 5, 2016)
Run Time: 1:23:31
Guest: Ted Fowler (8:59)

Summary: Steve Austin is still recovering from shoulder surgery. Ted Fowler has fixed his computer so the guys have a decent Skype connection to discuss deodorant, marketing ideas, Austin’s rehab and, for some reason, Fowler’s long-ago vasectomy. After the break and a bit more computer talk, the guys take a long, in-depth look at Leonardo DiCaprio and The Revenant.

Quote of the week:“Well shit, Teddy, now that we’re done talking about my surgery and your nuts, let’s take a commercial break real quick for the sponsors that keep this show on the air for free, that’s the way I’m able to deliver two cans of audio whoop-ass, if that’s what you want to call this, discussing Ted’s vasectomy. We’re gonna come back and we’re gonna break down The Revenant. I thought it was a hell of a goddamn movie.”

Why you should listen: The only reason to tune in is if you have an interest in hearing Austin and Fowler go deep on The Revenant. Perhaps you will enjoy Austin’s fake shoot on Rusev’s reaction to their WrestleMania interaction. And if you’re a dummy who thinks Mick Foley’s upcoming WWE Network interview with Shane McMahon is a sign Austin is on the outs, please listen to the response straight from the source.

Why you should skip it: Fowler isn’t offensive (unless vasectomy talk gets you queasy, but to be fair, Austin was just as graphic about his shoulder surgery, and at some point it’s just human anatomy), but the small talk is completely repetitive if you’ve heard any of Fowler’s recent appearances. And although it should go without saying at this point, The Revenant conversation is about an hour’s worth of spoilers. So, you know, alert.

Final thoughts: Take it or leave it. I’m not much of a movie person in general, and when I am, it’s not stuff like The Revenant. It’s always fun to hear Austin when he’s really excited about something, but I don’t envision this discussion appealing to anyone unfamiliar with the movie. But hey, they guy is dealing with shoulder surgery he didn’t expect, and he’s making the best of a tough situation. It’s not audio gold, but I’ve heard plenty worse.

I Listen So You Don't Have To: Steve Austin Show Ep. 323

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Austin talks to an outdoorsman this week
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you’re new, here’s the rundown: We listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are many wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but this feature largely hews to the regular rotation we feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If we can save other folks some time, we’re happy to do so.

Show: Steve Austin Show
Episode: 323 (May 10, 2016)
Run Time: 1:32:21
Guest: Michael Waddell (11:35)

Summary: Austin catches up with Outdoor Network personality Michael Waddell — a man Austin argues is the face of hunting in America — and they start with recalling how each got into hunting. Waddell goes deep on explaining duck and turkey calls before discussing his own career path and how he evolved into on-air personality. Austin asks Waddell to share memories of the late Dale Earnhardt, and then how he developed his “Bone Collector” brand. After some technical talk about the filming of Wadell’s show, they again dig deep on turkeys before ending with some big picture thoughts and plugs.

Quote of the week:“I never had the goal or dream of being on TV, it just kinda happened, and those doors opened and I had a chance to start doing that, and immediately that recipe kinda hit home and I bonded some really good friendships with a lot of different celebrities and just your averages Joes that just were walking the streets that were great hunters, great funny guys and kinda the rest is history, and we’ve kinda used that recipe to kinda show that everybody’s really the same, we just all have different talents, but at the end of it we love to be outdoors and to be secure, to hunt and fish, and just to enjoy our times with our family and friends.”

Why you should listen: Lovers of hunting, turkey breeding and hillbilly moonshine are in for quite a treat. You know that guy Cohutta from The Real World in Sydney, Australia? Well I do, and Waddell definitely has a lot of that same folksy appeal (likening an aggressive turkey caller to a hot mess in a singles bar scaring off the menfolk without coming off as a rube or a sexist) except he talks more about shooting things. And as far as hunters go, he’s probably the best I’ve encountered at presenting himself as someone respectful of the animal kingdom and the responsibility of providing for a family.

Why you should skip it: This conversation is pretty much all about hunting, and there’s only so much turkey sex talk one person can possibly be interested to hear. Kidding aside, if you don’t like hunting, celebrity worship or slack-jawed yokels, maybe take a pass to Thursday. (Also, there’s one unbleeped curse word, so heads up if you let your kids listen to the family-friendly show expecting it to be clean.)

Final thoughts: I have zero interest in Waddell or his career, but he seems like a nice enough guy and I’d much rather listen to him than hear more about all the porn on Ted Fowler’s hard drive. You can rest easy in skipping this episode, but if you do decide to give it a listen, there’s a better than average chance you’ll at least be entertained a time or two.

I Listen So You Don't Have To: Sam Roberts Wrestling Podcast, 5/11/16

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Carter stops by the Roberts show to gab about TNA and other things
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
If you’re new, here’s the rundown. We listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are many wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but this feature largely hews to the regular rotation we feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If we can save other folks some time, we’re happy to do so.

Show: Sam Roberts Wrestling Podcast
Episode: 5/11/16
Run Time: 2:00:41
Guest: Ethan Carter III, Katie Linendoll

Summary: EC3 stops in for a fully formed interview with Sam Roberts. This was taped the morning before he crashed the EVOLVE show and created some headlines, so unfortunately that incident is not discussed. The two do talk about EC3's beginnings as Derrick Bateman on the reality show version of NXT, where he says he really learned how to do improvisation in front of a live crowd. He touches on his time before that in the local indie promotions around his hometown of Cleveland. Roberts then asks about his recent turn as a babyface, which EC3 says came about partially as a way to leave something in the tank and not exhaust his mojo, something he compares to Jerry Seinfeld's desire to end Seinfeld a little early. After the interview, Roberts brings on frequent guest Katie Linendoll to talk about current happenings in wrestling.

Quote of the Week: EC3 on Samoa Joe leaving TNA - "Joe was the best guy to pave that way because he went over there and did considerably a great job and maybe people in WWE didn't think that some of the guys who made it in TNA were WWE material. But he just went in there and destroyed. He had something to prove and he had a vendetta, he had his angst and he was fired up. I think it's a great thing for wrestling because A. It makes him look great, it makes WWE look great, it makes NXT look great, and it makes us look great because we've had him. It kinda sucks that we lost out on him at the moment, but if the change hadn't happened, would it be great? Probably not."

Why you should listen: As someone who doesn't watch TNA (I know, crazy, right?) and knows next to nothing about EC3, this was a decent introduction to who he is. He seems like a funny guy who doesn't try overly hard to be funny. When he recalls the indie wrestlers he grew up going to see, he knows exactly why it's hilarious that "Prince Juggalo" was one of the top guys, along with Richard Weed and Lick Zee Sacks. It's also strangely heartwarming to hear one of TNA's employees sound so optimistic about wrestling inside of what I understand to be a literal garbage dumpster that has been set on fire.

Why you should skip it: Because I don't watch TNA, I still know almost nothing about the EC3 character and what he has done. It's mentioned that he feuded with Bully Ray, but I don't have any idea of what happened in their story. Roberts could dig a little deeper on certain details like that, particularly if he's trying to convince someone like me to check out what the hell is going on over there on the POP Network or whatever.

Final Thoughts: Sam Roberts is at his best when analyzing something like WWE's upcoming show in Hawaii they just announced, complete with a dream match of John Cena vs. Shinsuke Nakamura. When he thinks about whether or not they're blowing their load with such a stacked card for what amounts to a house show, his reasoning is measured and thoughtful, rather than drawing on the outrage you see too often from others. He is not a know-it-all fan, and thank god for that. My only problem with Roberts is that he comes dangerously close to sounding like a shill for WWE, such as when he says that you could "maybe" make the case that Damien Sandow was misused by WWE. Maybe? Please. Roberts's insight could have really made the discussion about Sandow quite lively, but he played it too safe. When WWE deserves to get shamed, they need to be buried under a shamepile that could crush a thousand Vince McMahons.

Nakamura Ambition: Why His NXT Stay Needs to Be Short

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This was a fun sight, but Nakamura means more than clobbering jobbers
Photo Credit: WWE.com
The personal highlight for me on this week's episode of NXT was Shinsuke Nakamura treating Alex Riley like the nothing nobody he really is. To be honest, Riley's final WWE match could have featured anyone, Elias Sampson, Eva Marie, hell, even a one-time-only comeback from a cipher like Heidenreich, and I would have enjoyed it thoroughly. I hope AJ Lee gets the date of his release tattooed on her neck below the date she won the Divas Championship. But this isn't about Riley. The way Nakamura was booked to go over Riley was immaterial, to be honest. It was the way he executed on his entire script for the show, from dismissing Riley's RAAAGE in the pre-match promo to his controlled fury in his strikes and finishing sequence. The King of Strong Style showed how a true, elite wrestling superstar should be presented against a talent that is not in his league.

And while I enjoyed the whole thing, it presented the biggest problem with Nakamura in developmental. WWE signed a guy who had spent the last decade at the top of the only company in the world even close to competing with it, and he's being started out in the nominal cradle squashing dudes like Sampson and Riley. Of course, NXT is positioned as more than just "developmental" anymore, a point that still causes great contention among pundits, fans, and even workers. Nakamura is there to do what he did at Takeover: Dallas - have bomb matches with the cream of the crop like Sami Zayn. But is he even above that mantel?

When Nakamura signed in the wake of WrestleKingdom 10, I (as well as many of you) had WrestleMania dreams for the King of Strong Style. Realistically speaking, Nakamura couldn't make his debut in advance of Mania 32 because WWE has only started making exceptions for newly signed, already-tenured talent to go to the RAW roster. AJ Styles and Karl Anderson perhaps got the benefit of the doubt being English-speaking American talents, and Luke Gallows has a history with the company. I am making a complete guess here, but my thought is that Vince McMahon had hesitations on bringing what he thought was a relatively unknown Japanese wrestler on the road on RAW.

The reality of the situation is Nakamura would have been tailor made to debut on RAW or at a major pay-per-view due to the way WWE has seemingly priced out families for most televised events. Crowds in major cities and at most big pay-per-views have a vocal makeup of hardcore fans, those who either know Nakamura, or who recognize that a guy who came over from New Japan Pro Wrestling would have to be the goods.

But playing complete Devil's Advocate here, I will agree with the assumed McMahon strawman and say Nakamura had to go to NXT to be comfortable with American crowds. He's already showing that's not a problem. His English is good enough to cut promos; if you want to be sassy, you could say he's already better on the mic than Styles. In one match, he's created enough of a buzz to get everyone talking. What's the point of him working these squash matches on television?

But then the next checkpoint for him has to be the NXT World Championship, but then WWE gets into a situation where it puts the title on someone that seems a bit too unbeatable (almost like the situation with Asuka holding the Women's World Championship), a bit too special. Or it puts the main title on a guy with long-term aspirations when he is presumably getting paid enough cash to have pried him away from NJPW. Keeping Nakamura at his assumed salary level in a known (designed?) money loser just for buzz seems to be counterproductive.

I don't want to put an arbitrary time constraint on WWE, but to me, it feels like if Nakamura isn't at WrestleMania 33 with the most grandiose entrance of all-time, then his signing was at least a short-term failure, at least in the way Brock Lesnar's return felt flat until the CM Punk match at the earliest and when he ended The Streak at the latest. A company doesn't poach one of the top performers in the world just to stick him in obscurity. The question then becomes when the time is right for Nakamura to make his debut on RAW. I don't think an exact date is correct, but the sooner he makes the jump, the better it is. I can't imagine WWE waiting much longer than the night after SummerSlam to pull the trigger. Then again, if I'm McMahon or Triple H, I'm planning on getting him in the mix so that he's in one of the marquee matches at the summer's tentpole event.

Of course, the counterargument is that Nakamura will lose his special aura if he's subjected to 50/50 booking and spammed rematches on RAW each week. While the constant repeating of matches is still a huge problem with week-to-week booking, the creative team has done a much better job protecting wrestlers overall. Styles, Kevin Owens, Roman Reigns, and the New Day for the most part have remained protected over the last half-year. Obviously, it can be hard to completely trust the scorpion that is WWE's writing staff and match producers, especially after a RAW this past week that saw a bunch of rollup finishes and Champions getting pinned in non-title matches, two staples of that group's incompetence.

Still, the allure of a wider variety of matchups is only on the table when Nakamura has breached the divide between developmental and main narrative. People lost their goddamn minds when they thought Nakamura vs. John Cena at a house show in Hawaii might be broadcast on The Network. The odds of Cena going to NXT to wrestle that match are slimmer than the pickings down the bread aisle in advance of a major blizzard in the Northeastern United States. Ditto Brock Lesnar, Styles, Reigns, Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins, Bray Wyatt, Triple H, or Alberto del Rio. The same goes for guys fresh from NXT like Owens, or lower priority wrestlers who would still give Nakamura an interesting run of it like Randy Orton or Sheamus.

I get why Nakamura debuted in NXT, but keeping him there for too much longer will probably lessen the impact of his signing. He's not a spring chicken; he's already 36 and has a lot of tread on the tires. Nakamura is too much of a star to be hanging around, Kinshasaing jabronis on weekly TV and being bogged down defending a title that really doesn't need him, or that he needs. The best course for everyone involved would be for him to have one more marquee NXT match at the next Takeover and then show up to start kneeing fools in the face on Mondays, Thursdays, and every fourth Sunday.

I Listen So You Don't Have To: Cheap Heat May 11

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Trips is a topic of discussion this week
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you’re new, here’s the rundown. We listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are many wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but this feature largely hews to the regular rotation we feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If we can save other folks some time, we’re happy to do so.

Show: Cheap Heat
Episode: Night Of (Losing) Champions — May 11, 2016
Run Time: 1:08:08
Guest: Bryan Diperstein (40:27)

Summary: Peter Rosenberg and Stat Guy Greg declare they’re officially entering a new era of Cheap Heat. After checking in on the health of Bobby Heenan, they talk about WWE’s rash of talent releases and forthcoming returns, look ahead to the cruiserweight classic and the potential next WWE Network special, then run through the events of RAW. An utterly useless (but blissfully brief) phone call from Diperstein interrupts the proceedings. They wrap up looking at Triple H’s in-ring status and the on- and off-screen McMahon family dynamic, then get Greg’s corrections.

Quote of the week: Rosenberg: “Guys, I know, when I hear myself I think I sound repug also. I sound like super mainstream just like, thinking all about the bottom line, but what I’m gonna do for you is I’m the wrestling fan who will weave through the crap. It’s like — it’s the same job I have in hip-hop. I play a lot of underground stuff, but a lot of it I weed through and go, ‘No, this is never gonna happen.’ Or, ‘This is good, but it belongs right here and it’s never gonna be bigger than that.’ … It’s been cool, Anderson and Gallows are fine. But when we had those initial conversations about ‘Oh my gosh, are the Bullet Club about to show up on RAW, can you imagine?’ It’s happened, they’re on TV every week, it’s cool — it’s Straight Edge Society adjace. Literally, it’s literally Straight Edge Society adjace, minus the hot chick. What was her name again?”

Why you should listen: Aside from the Diperstein phone call, which at least was arguably on topic, Rosenberg retains focus fairly well for an hour plus (even though he’s watching playoff hockey while recording the show). They get minor points for starting with news instead of diving straight into the RAW recap. And this week they actually do discuss a few of the ongoing stories instead of simply rattling off results.

Why you should skip it: They do start with news but gloss over the stories as quickly as possible, except for Rosenberg taking time to remind us he doesn’t care for Damien Sandow because of their radio row interview before WrestleMania 31. While some of the RAW analysis borders on trenchant, still far too much is just regurgitory. If you need to know what happened, you’re in the right place. If you want to think about what’s happening, you’re own your own.

Final thoughts: They’ve clearly doubled down on the no-guest format, which means this is the version of Cheap Heat we’re likely to get going forward, and that shouldn’t be cause for optimism in any corner. Each Cheap Heat episode has its moments, but ultimately it’s little more than two guys telling you if they liked what WWE put on TV since the last time they sat behind the microphones. I find it increasingly difficult to picture what type of WWE fan considers Cheap Heat an essential part of a weekly routine given that the opinions expressed herein rarely add anything to the ongoing conversation. This isn’t to say it’s a bad show — it’s well produced and when Rosenberg pays attention he’s able to suppress his most obnoxious tendencies, and in fact even entertainingly filter his character through awareness of said traits — but it doesn’t do anything for anyone other than let them know what a hip-hop DJ liked and didn’t from a TV show he may have watched. Greg is doing his best to rise to the level of equal co-host and useful commentator, but he only shines when given the chance to directly address something Rosenberg asserts. In short: it’s got its moments, still, but they’re increasingly not worth the effort.

Best Coast Bias: Schadenjoyed

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A-Bye
Photo Credit: My Dreams WWE.com
Here lies Alex Riley's WWE employment, and we are all the richer for its passing. It lays in state next to the idea of Elias Samson, Wrestling Hobo as a viable threat, a horrifying short-term delusion passing as a fad along the lines of the Pet Rock, the Macarena, and GOP front-runner D.J. Trump. But as they take up their residencies in the underworld doomed to toss Margaret Thatcher's salad for infinities to come, let us remember what they left behind in the wake of this hour of NXT television.

In the case of the douchebro MRAhole mouthbreather former Miz lackey, it gave us so many things. It gave the matriarch fornicating King of Strong Style a chance to react to the probably Affliction-endorsed RAGE RILEY RAGE by spazzing out, a perfectly hilarious and oddly on point response to the DC resident's new attitude and barely disguised persona. It gave Corey Graves the chance to land two quality burns on the (ahem) White Lion more words.before the King entered Full Sail for the first time to the absolute rapture of his loyal subjects. Riley once claimed the difference between he and everyone else was that he wanted it more; as of this writing, the only difference between A-Ry and the BCB is one of us still has a paying job.

While that evil has been cleansed from NXT's house, another is finding himself as powerless as a forgotten Nelly Furtado single, and he only has himself to blame. It's weird to realize you can sum up the beginning and end pieces of a program by saying beltless Irishman returns to Full Sail to undo wrestling hobo, but it's what happened here: a clearly chagrined and then increasingly irate Finn Bálor came out to address not making Day 293 of his reign, only to be cut off by a song. The only mal note really hit was that he didn't destroy the guitar or El Kabong its owner once he'd laid him out with a Pele kick but rather opted to throw it back to him on the ramp (admittedly at high speed from the ring). Shortly thereafter backstage Bálor promised to kick Sampson's ass and then did so in the showcase of the main event. But even that was an apertif to what the main thrust of this going down was: the post-match announcement of Joe/Bálor IV at Takeover in Full Sail on June the 8th.

For all the complaints lobbied at the now ex-NXT World Champion being too much of a non-entity as a persona, this hour must've been rebuke and rehabilitation all in one. He got over how much being champion meant to him and the fact that he was willing to unleash hell to regain it, he went from chagrined and saddened at the beginning of his promo to noticeably irked that a bottom-dweller like Samson was out here covering "How You Remind Me" or whatever, and in the closing moments of the program he and Joe had a taut staredown.

A clearly aggrieved Regal showed up out of nowhere before chastising both men and making the presumable main event of Takeover: Orlando, yet that still didn't stop the war of the words with the new champion repeatedly yelling his former friend didn't deserve the shot and that he should go to the back of the line with Bálor rejoining that it began and ended with him, that he was the line before defying the GM and hitting a signature tope con hilo before hoisting what was once his and informing Joe that he should enjoy it while he lasted because it wasn't going to be lasting too much longer. It's understandable if some feel that art school nerd with inexplicable inner (ahem) demons isn't an archtype, but fired-up justifiably angered babyfaces isn't just the bread and butter pro graps was built around, it's the jam, too.

With Bayley/Nia Jax II on the horizon for next week as well as the possibility of the Dirty Heels reuniting and it feeling so good for everybody less the Dubstep Cowboys and Alexa Bliss (who just celebrated Happy Mama Bliss Day with the rest of us TWBers on Sunday prior) it's obvious that with the latest infusion of talent coming in through the door, NXT's alive and well.

It's almost a shame we can't say the same for the employment for one of their former hires.

...oh, wait, no it's not.

Carry on, Full Sail. Carry on.

The Wrestling Podcast, Vol. 2, Ep. 9: Francis Adu, Jr.

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Ciampa is one of the topics of discussion
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
Episode 9: Gimme Sexual Chocolate!!

Francis Adu, Jr. checks in this week to talk about all the important issues, like the ongoing beef between Dave Meltzer and TNA Wrestling. After that opening salvo, we go into an extensive conversation about Chikara, from its family-friendliness through the return of Jigsaw to the seemingly continuous narrative into the stories of both UltraMantis Black and Mr. Touchdown. We also touch on the slowness of the narrative in 2015 into its epic payoff. We then get into our requisite chat about The Cruiserweight Classic, which morphed into a discussion on Tommaso Ciampa's "bigness" compared to the other cruisers. Then, it's all about celebrity wrestling fans before getting into bad fans and whether they represent the whole or not. We talk about the early days of Gabe Sapolsky's post-Ring of Honor ventures, a lengthy discussion about the evolution of wrestling and finishes, and Twitter questions before I end admitting an embarrassing music purchase.

If you listen to this episode, then thanks for going to the Dropbox. However, if you'd like to get this thing delivered to your podcast app, then check the Patreon and donate a couple of shekels. Any amount of money is fine, but if you donate $25 or more, then you can clinch a spot as a guest on the show, provided you're in good standing. Help me get this podcast on iTunes!

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I Listen So You Don't Have To: Art Of Wrestling Ep. 301

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Corino is part of the live podcast experience this time around
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
If you’re new, here’s the rundown. We listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are many wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but this feature largely hews to the regular rotation we feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If we can save other folks some time, we’re happy to do so.

Show: Art Of Wrestling
Episode: 301 (May 11, 2016)
Run Time: 1:08:58
Guest: Marty DeRosa (3:26); Buff Bagwell (10:21); Bill Apter (21:00); Matt Striker (31:54); Court Bauer (39:31); Justin Roberts (49:47); Steve Corino (58:27)

Summary: Live from WrestleCon in Dallas, Colt Cabana and co-host Marty DeRosa — after a bit of “comedy” — conduct a series of interviews. Bagwell talks about his “American Males” theme song, shoulder surgery, his airbrushed gear, various tag partners and his movie project. Apter remembers the von Erichs, his wrestling photography background and having Road Warrior Hawk vomit on him during a match, then plugs his book. Striker talks about editing Lucha Underground commentary, politics and his teaching background. Bauer looks back on his WWE career and Vince McMahon, why he left the company and creative ideas that never saw the light of day. Roberts discusses interacting with fans, announcing John Cena, forgetful moments in the ring and plugs his own book. Corino also references a surgery as well as chair shots, working in Japan and shilling merchandise.

Quote of the week: Roberts: “Vince was one of my favorite commentators watching wrestling growing up. He was so over the top and he was a promoter, so every match he was constantly promoting. … And when I did anything slightly over the top, that’s where Vince would chew me out. ‘Dammit, you’re trying to get yourself over! Don’t do that!’ And so the next week, just to be like, ‘John Cena. Hey Vince, how was that?’ ‘Much better!’ And so then I would do that for the next week, and then week by week I would come up just a little bit more, little bit more.”

Why you should listen: Missed out on WrestleMania weekend in Dallas this year? Well, here’s your chance to feel like part of the action, albeit six weeks after the fact. Since everyone here is a repeat guest, Cabana is able to do quick hits and catch-ups without leaving the listeners wanting for deeper dives. Asking Apter about the von Erichs was especially inspired given the location. Bauer’s tidbits on mid 2000s WWE stories that never surfaced was interesting, and Roberts talking about some of the technical challenges of his WWE job was a good time as well.

Why you should skip it: While you can always go back to Cabana’s full-length interviews with each guest to actually get inside their heads a bit, some folks might be frustrated with the accelerated nature of each segment here, especially when DeRosa interjects laugh lines that derail what’s already an express train. No matter how hard Cabana tries (and to be fair, he’s getting much better) the audio-only feed of a live show is always going to feel like it’s missing a key part of the experience.

Final thoughts: Judged against Cabana’s other live shows, this actually holds up quite well. I’m already dreading his return to the Fringe Festival in August because that always yields a mixture of guys I don’t care to hear and guests I’d love to listen to for a full hour, to say nothing of the attempts at improvisational comedy that are really not Cabana’s strong suit (at least not verbally). The quick rotation of many guests works well because if you can’t go deep with any one person, you might as well run as many names across the stage as possible and keep the audience on its toes.

I Listen So You Don't Have To: Steve Austin Show Ep. 324

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Hornswoggle, here in the gator costume with Heath Slater, was Austin's guest
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you’re new, here’s the rundown. We listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are many wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but this feature largely hews to the regular rotation we feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If we can save other folks some time, we’re happy to do so.

Show: Steve Austin Show — Unleashed
Episode: 324 (May 12, 2016)
Run Time: 1:28:59
Guest: Dylan Postl (10:25)

Summary: Austin is on the phone with one of the folks let go in the recent round of WWE’s releases: the man who portrayed Hornswoggle. Postl explains learning of his release, then talks at length about his difficult childhood, which led into how he encountered Ken Anderson and got into wrestling. He shares road stories, explains the importance of working with Fit Finlay and describes how the birth of his sin forced him to get smart about money. The topic moves to his relationships with WWE colleagues, then his no-compete clause. After a break, the guys talk about their connections with Ultimate Warrior. Other topics are Postl’s WWE Cruiserweight Championship victory, working with Vince McMahon, getting over, the Wee LC match, his wellness policy violation, his movie career and physical condition after a decade with WWE. The interview ends with Postl discussing his immediate and future career plans.

Quote of the week:“It’s not that I don’t care about what I did in the business, because it means more to me than anything. I had a lot of memories on TV, a lot of awesome matches, a lot of awesome things that I’ve done, but the thing you take most from this business, and I honest to God mean it, is the friendships that you make. And it’s so cheesy and so maybe, you know, dumb and overly said … that really made me stay positive, was all these guys texting me saying that they felt bad and if there’s anything that they could do to let them know.”

Why you should listen: Austin does a great job of connecting with Postl — growing up with a stepparent, and also as wrestlers who have run afoul of bosses, endured injuries and especially been informed of their release. Postl paints quite a picture of being on the road with Shawn Daivari, Mark Henry and Great Khali, sheds new light on working with Finlay and ultimately does a great job explaining how he’s so much more than just a little person in wrestling, as well as how he came to embrace the opportunity he still isn’t quite sure he deserved.

Why you should skip it: While the wound clearly is fresh, Postl isn’t here to take shots at his former employer, so don’t hold your breath for that kind of hot fire. The closest we come is Postl explaining the specifics of his wellness policy violation, though that was softened both with his praise for the policy and Austin contextualizing the “shy bladder” excuse as widespread and normal, rather than follow with more probing questions. A good chunk of this was familiar ground Postl covered during his appearance on Art Of Wrestling, but that was several years ago. Also, Postl is comfortable calling himself a midget, but if that bothers you, well, fair warning.

Final thoughts: Postl might not be the first of WWE’s ex-employees I’d want Austin to track down, but he conducted a fairly thorough interview and, more importantly, really connected with him on a personal level. That this conversation was able to happen at all says something important about ongoing good relationship with WWE — which made it all the more amusing to hear Austin get hot about the clause that keeps released talent off any promotion’s television or Internet pay-per-view shows for 90 days. This won’t go down as a classic Austin episode, but it’s well timed and well executed. In the end, it was definitely entertaining and engendered a lot of good will for the erstwhile Hornswoggle. Well done.

I Listen So You Don't Have To: Steve Austin Show Ep. 325

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Austin talks to the proprietor of the company that makes these clocks this episode
Photo Credit: CurtisClock.com
If you’re new, here’s the rundown. We listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are many wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but this feature largely hews to the regular rotation we feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If we can save other folks some time, we’re happy to do so.

Show: Steve Austin Show
Episode:“Steve Austin’s Bucket List” (325, May 17, 2016)
Run Time: 1:09:48
Guest: Curtis Stimpson (8:25)

Summary: Austin wants to check some items off his bucket list, and first up is learning how to make a neon clock. (This is not surprising in context of what Austin’s revealed about himself over the course of 324 episodes.) So he’s at the shop of Curtis Stimpson, proprietor of Curtis Clocks (curtisclock.com) to learn at the feet of a master. In addition to dropping all sorts of neon knowledge, Stimpson also talks a bit about being an RV owner. There’s a longer than usual go-home segment this week, during which Austin plugs a random YouTube user who gave his new Cold Steel Broken Skull knife a five-star review.

Quote of the week:“My whole life I heard, ‘Oh you can’t learn neon. It’s too hard.’ And tell me that, I gotta learn neon now! I mean, so, sure enough, I went to find out how to do it and couldn’t find anyone. There are no schools, there’s nothing. I ended up hiring a private artist in town here and took a course, a six-week course; it cost $4,000 to learn how to do neon. And I can tell you, after doing a lot of things my whole life, welding, fabricating, sheet metal work, learning to bend neon is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It is hard. Working with molten glass — it’s hard! But it’s rewarding.”

Why you should listen: Austin loves him some neon clocks, and you can hear that passion bleed through in his interview with Stimpson, who seems like a really nice guy who happens to be a quality craftsman. It’s a fairly interesting chat on a seemingly random topic, and I have a lot of respect for Austin’s willingness to humbly admit when he’s an absolute novice and do so genuinely without playing it for cheap laughs.

Why you should skip it: If ever a podcast cried out for video, this episode most certainly does just that. Hearing a visual artist describe their work — especially when all we’re likely to be able to picture is a finished product while the conversation is almost exclusively about process — is more than frustrating. Rarely have I felt “this interview would be so much more enjoyable if I could be sitting at the table with Stone Cold and X-Pac,” but I absolutely wanted to see Stimpson’s workshop. (Also, just shut the damn thing off after the interview ends, unless you really want to hear Austin’s thoughts about texting while driving.)

Final thoughts: Austin’s Thursday guest this week is a bodybuilding legend whose name I’ve heard at least twice and still can’t recall, and I’m already bored with that conversation. Somehow I found the clock chatter riveting. There’s probably no accounting for taste in this particular instance, but I found this talk quick and fun. You can most certainly skip it if you’re hoping to hear cussing or chatter about wrestling, drinking and hunting. But hey, the clock dude is a little bit of fun, and I don’t think we’ve heard the last of him.

I Listen So You Don't Have To: Booker T on Cheap Heat

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Booker T guested on this week's Cheap Heat
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you’re new, here’s the rundown. We listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are many wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but this feature largely hews to the regular rotation we feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If we can save other folks some time, we’re happy to do so.

Show: Cheap Heat
Episode:“Extreme Jewels” (May 18, 2016)
Run Time: 1:00:05
Guest: Booker T (1:41)

Summary: Peter Rosenberg and Stat Guy Greg open the show by welcoming phone-in guest Booker T. After catching up on his current projects, they talk about Booker’s WCW days, including thoughts on Randy Savage, Hulk Hogan, Sherri Martel, Bash At The Beach 2000 and Vince Russo. A question about his WrestleMania feud with Triple H leads to Booker’s general thoughts on his approach to his character and career, and they wrap up with looks at Sting, current WWE stars, the tag team scene, AJ Styles and why he’s likely not interested in one more match. After the call ends, the guys take a quick look at RAW and do an even quicker Extreme Rules preview.

Quote of the week:“I do remember the titles when I won ’em, and stuff like that. I don’t remember the dates; I don’t remember stuff like that because it wasn’t important to me. It was important for the fans. The only thing that’s been important for me is, you know, keeping a roof over my family’s head, my kids, taking care of my kids. None of that stuff matters to me. None of that stuff. None of that fame, you know, stardom and people putting you on a pedestal. It doesn’t mean anything to me. I’m not that guy. You know, I never dreamt or imagined I would be the person who I am today. … I’ve evolved so far in this life and I’m moving to the next phase. I have zero time to think about that kind of stuff, you know, how many matches I won or lost.”

Why you should listen: After threatening to go with a guest-free format, the guys are back with a great interview with Booker T. The questions respected the context the show’s audience brings to the table as well as Booker’s career by opting to spend as little time as possible talking about current WWE stories. For whatever reason, Rosenberg also seems to hit the right notes on the RAW recap, opting to focus on broader discussions of the major stories, adding commentary and analysis rather than simply running down each segment of a three-hour show.

Why you should skip it: I wouldn’t advocate missing the whole episode, but you can definitely stop paying attention when Rosenberg takes a few minutes to navel gaze on his own current fandom and how that informs the feel of the podcast. If you’re expecting an in-depth Extreme Rules preview, you’ll be sorely disappointed.

Final thoughts: Greg especially was on point during the interview, which was really good to hear. When he and Rosenberg get to be equals, and when they don’t get bogged down by trying to be a hyper specific “This week in WWE” show, there’s a good chance the result is an enjoyable, breezy hour that adds a little pop in the middle of the wrestling week. I wish the show weren’t so inconsistent week to week, but it’s good to know the stronger efforts remain worthwhile. With the guys heading to Extreme Rules in person, hopes are high for next week as well.
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