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The Indies Will Be Fine

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Photo & Video Sharing by SmugMug
Hard to replace, but not impossible
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
If you believe the tea leaves (and trust me, you should in this case), WWE has already signed Sami Callihan and Samuray del Sol, and are waiting for Adam Cole to break out a bit more before signing him. They are added to the list of names sopped up by the company starting with CM Punk almost eight years ago (EIGHT!) and continued on with Matt Sydal, Colt Cabana, Bryan Danielson, Nigel McGuinness, Serena Deeb, Jon Moxley, Tyler Black, Brodie Lee, Claudio Castagnoli, Britani Knight, Chris Hero, Sara del Rey, PAC, El Generico, Davina Rose, Sterling James Keenan, Tenille Taylor, Michael Hutter, Amazing Kong, AJ Lee, Low Ki, Nattie Neidhart, and Beth Phoenix. Obviously, not all of those names worked out to the point where they're still with the company. However, it shows that WWE has looked towards the independents with increasing scrutiny and interest over the last decade.

With the development and construction of their new training facility in Orlando, FL, the rumor is that the focus on scooping up independent talent is going to intensify even more. Names are on the radar already, and right now, the brain drain off the indies feels like it's Damocles' Sword, waiting to cleave the scene in twain while WWE reaps the rewards. Obviously, there's no escaping that with each talented wrestler plucked from outside the corporate world, every promotion that wrestler touched becomes a bit darker. However, it's not a doomsday scenario.

Foremost, WWE cannot take all the wrestlers off the indies. They don't have the budget for it, nor is their facility going to be able to accommodate thousands of new recruits. It's been a slow-burn process from start, and I don't see that changing. There's time for these promotions to get the mileage out of their WWE-ready stars and help turnover before either company plucks them for their own use. The time between when a wrestler gets on WWE's radar and is signed feels like it's enough to tell one final story, and that's not even taking into account the fact that it might take a few years for wrestlers to get their attention.

WWE is also pretty famous for its cuts in addition to its signings. There are some out there who get a sick sense of glee at the prospect of someone losing his or her job, but that just means it's another wrestler who is available on the indie scene as a silver lining to them. Of course, some of those people like Tyler Reks or Maxine choose to pursue other careers after leaving, but then there's Trent Barretta, Carlito, Maria Kanellis, and Chris Masters who are touring companies and adding their fame and names to the cards. Some wrestlers price themselves out of most indie promotions' ranges from jump, but then again, if Carlito and Masters, both of whom were fairly popular at points in WWE, appear for companies around the country, then why can't, say, Curt Hawkins, Zack Ryder, JTG, or any one of the other lower-card wrestlers who might end up getting sent back into the ecosystem-at-large in the near future?

And that's not even taking into account the sheer number of wrestling promotions that are in business around the country. Every weekend, there are at least 50-100 separate promotions running shows. I wouldn't be surprised if there were 2,500-3,000 active pro wrestlers right now in America not working for WWE or Impact Wrestling. When people whine about how mean old WWE swooped in and stole their main event guy from under them, I ask why wasn't there work done to cultivate main-eventers-in-waiting from that massive pool of wrestlers? Surely, there are unpolished gems in the great unknown. Not everyone is a candidate to be on that stupid "You Are NOT Getting Booked" meme.

I understand full well the work that promotions do in crafting feuds and stories only to have them derailed by WWE taking the principals in them for their own. I've seen it twice in my favorite wrestling promotion, once when Eddie Kingston's assumed final opponent in the 12 Large Summit, Castagnoli, was plucked and chosen to become Antonio Cesaro, and again when del Rey's coronation as Grand Champion was cancelled because WWE wanted her to train classes of lasses down in Orlando. Both times, Chikara rebounded quite nicely, and I have no doubts that they'd be able to do it again if Kingston were the next to be called up, or if Tim Donst accepts a contract offer, or Mark Angelosetti or Sugar Dunkerton or anyone else they seemingly have plans for.

The key to survival is adaptation, and thankfully, the raw material is there to make adaptation smooth. Sure, losing a guy like Callihan is going to sting, but it's not like there isn't an Uhaa Nation to replace him. And if Nation gets poached, there's a Shane Strickland to replace him. And the heat goes on where the hands have been. The companies that are able to replace their main eventers will flourish, and the ones who can't will wither away. Fortunately, they'll be replaced by new companies, and the cycle continues. In the microscopic time frame of the death of a company, it's not pleasant. If/when ROH bites it, the shock will be great. But pro wrestling has been around for a lot longer than most single companies, ECWA and WWE being the exceptions to the rule at this point.

As long as wrestlers want to wrestle and people want to promote the product of those wrestlers getting together to wrestle, there will be wrestling. The independent landscape may not look anything like it does today in five years. It may look exactly the same. I don't know, I'm not a fucking psychic. But getting swept up in the hysteria like Chicken Little acting like the sky was falling does no one any good. Supporting good wrestling is what keeps the dream alive, no matter how many people get swallowed up by the mammoth from Connecticut.

Beyond Wrestling's Next Event Lets You Name Your Own Price for Tickets

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Via Beyond's Facebook

Beyond Wrestling's next live event, We Care A Lot (pre-Mike Patton Faith No More reference represent), is happening June 14th in Bridgewater, MA. The tickets will not be free, but they'll be the next best thing. You can name your own price. So if you want to be cheap, you can be cheap. If you want to pay a premium because you believe in Beyond, then do that. Here's my advice. If you're going to go cheap on the ticket, then bring more money than you normally would for merchandise and concessions. Wrestling doesn't work for free, and the talent and promoters need to be paid. Plus, it's a Beyond event, so I'm pretty sure Drew Cordeiro and his mom are going to be cooking for it, which means, to quote Jules Winnfield, it'll be some serious gourmet shit. So if you skimp on the ticket, come hungry for food and for DVDs, t-shirts, posters, photographs, or whatever other kind of tchotchkes are on sale.

Let Ricardo Wrestle!

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More of this, please
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Ricardo Rodriguez has endeared himself to me in various different ways, both as the lackey to villainous Alberto del Rio, and the happy sidekick friend to the good guy version of El Patron. His ring announcing style is second to none, his facial expressions are top notch, and he has a sense of the moment. However, last night sealed the deal for me. He's being wasted as just a ring announcer. I feel like Rodriguez should step in the ring a bit more often, even if it's just on a part-time basis.

Last night's match wasn't the first time Rodriguez stepped in a WWE ring. His appearance at the 2012 Royal Rumble was a highlight, but that was more for his entrance. Still, in addition to the low-rent play off the then-injured del Rio's ring entrance, his performance in the Rumble match, as short as it was, was marked by high theatrics. He also has competed regularly in FCW and on Saturday Morning Slam (the latter as El Local, a clever play on the term "local talent" for, ahem, jobbers). It's not like he's a stranger to WWE rings.

However, last night's match was the biggest eye-opener of them all for me. While the match was laid out like a straight comedy affair, and believe me, it did play out like one, Rodriguez showed me more than enough in the short bursts he was in the featured action during the match that he could be one of the most over babyfaces on the roster if given the chance in the ring. He was the standout performer in a match that featured Big E. Langston, the current hot prospect, and Zeb Colter, aka all-time great Dutch Mantell, and I don't think it was even close. What really stood out to me were his punches. They were fast, forceful, and very real looking. Not only were they punches that totally suit a full-time, top-level WWE babyface, they immediately to me rocket up to the top of the company, along with Jerry Lawler's and... uh, I'll get back to you on the rest of that list.

With Rey Mysterio's career winding down and Sin Cara injuring himself to the point of being labeled a bust, WWE is really lacking the lucha-style high-flyer that they seem to covet. del Rio is a great wrestler in the lucha style, but even as a babyface, he's more grounded in his approach (although he did bust out a pretty sweet rana last night against Antonio Cesaro). Rodriguez may look a bit wonky for a high flyer, but consider his roots; he competed under the Chimaera mask in several California indies as well as Chikara with a decidedly aerial offense. Hell, his finisher, the corkscrew moonsault, embodies the ideal of flippy shit more than anyone else's move on the current roster save for Justin Gabriel's 450 splash.

It's not like they don't have a ready-made story for him to introduce him into the ring. All they'd have to do is transition El Local from Saturday Morning Slam onto the main shows, and have Rodriguez lead a double life until some heel outs him. There are many different places the story could go from that point, but the path I'd most like to see come from it would be del Rio and Rodriguez forming a best friends tag team that won titles and got into hijinks and what have you. Yeah, I'm a softie at heart, but screw you, it's my fantasy booking.

No matter how they get him into the ring, I think it would be an awesome turn of events if Rodriguez ended up on the roster as a part- or even full-time wrestler. It's clear the guy has the chops to be a super popular WWE superstar, both in and out of the ring. He's shone as del Rio's second, yes, and common logic is not to mess with a good thing. However, I think it'd be a crime if Rodriguez didn't get to meet his fullest potential as a performer in WWE. To me, that involves getting in the ring and wrestling.

Wrestling Six Packs: Six Best Fallbacks Should Cena REALLY Get Hurt

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He's had the Big Gold Belt... how about a run with the flagship title if something happens to Cena?
Photo Credit: WWE.com
So, John Cena isn't hurt that bad. His injury is more kayfabe than a real Achilles' tear, because if he did tear his tendon, he'd be out for months, not working in the aftermath and at Extreme Rules. However, this angle showed how tenuous a thread exists for WWE should something happen to Cena. CM Punk's out, and I doubt any of the part timers would come back to do the summer months. Usually, the summer is when WWE tries something new anyway. So, if Cena does suffer some catastrophic injury for real and has to miss time, here are six new choices they could have run with the ball:

1. Daniel Bryan

Duh.

Okay, that's not really a legit answer. There has to be some explanation, but I think Bryan has proven himself to be top face material. He's not only a wizard in appearance, but also in getting crowds behind him. Everyone already knew he could wrestle, but the amount of shutting up he's done of all his haters who said he couldn't be a successful WWE character has been staggering. If anyone has ever "deserved" a run at the top, it's him, and I feel like he'd actually shine in the pole position.

2. Kofi Kingston

Kingston feels retready, but really, when has he gotten a shot at the top? I mean, I'm not exactly his biggest fan in the ring, but I've always thought he had great charisma, especially on promos. There are only so many times a man can hold the secondary titles. You have to see what you have with the guy. Is he a viable main eventer, or is he a career midcard guy whom you trot out when you need a familiar face at product launches or press conferences? Now would be the best time to find out.

3. Fandango

Fandango would be the definition of a "stopgap." It's a strike on the iron while he's hot, and he as a challenger to, say, Ryback would be temporary unless he really caught fire. But a summer dalliance with a guy who actually brought them legit mainstream attention wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. Plus, unlike other "gimmicks," the guy behind it is giving it his all. If anyone can make a main event push for a new character work, it's Johnny Curtis.

4. Cody Rhodes

While Rhodes has made his bones as a bad guy, and a good one at that, I could see him turning face and doing it well. Two things stuck out to me in the last few months. The first was how he interacted with Kaitlyn during that short-lived romance angle (that they may be revisiting, SECRET ADMIRER!). It was genuinely earnest, the kind of grassroots vibe that his father used to give off. Second was that RKO counter into the Cross Rhodes last night. If he can work counters and win matches out of nowhere into his finishing repertoire, then he can be an effective babyface. I think a turn is coming for him eventually, but if Cena ends up on the shelf, they could do a lot worse than Rhodes in the top role for a few months.

5. Kharma

Imagine Cena gets hurt, and Ryback has the title. He proclaims to the world that he destroyed the hero of WWE, the franchise, and that since he conquered the top of the mountain, there was no one in WWE who was worthy of taking him on. Then, Kharma's music hits, she comes out, and the roof theoretically blows off the arena. Well, at least in a perfect world, it would. I'm not sure how it'd play out to the live crowd, but I know I'd lose my shit. Plus, it would be a bold statement. Maybe I'm just a dreamer.

6. Santino Marella

Fuck the haters, this would rule. You know why? People generally love comedy characters, especially ones who get to succeed and do awesome things. Besides, wouldn't you rather see Santino get a shot in a main event story than seeing Randy Orton for the billionth time? Wait, don't answer that.

The Best Moves Ever: Figure Four Leglock

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Some moves are as ingrained in wrestling as the actual essence of the art itself. The figure four is one of them. It's been done by so many wrestlers in history: Keiji Mutoh, Greg Valentine, Jeff Jarrett, and (lol) The Miz. However, there's only one man that owns the figure four. It's Ric BAH GAWD Flair. WOOOOOOOOOOO

Your Midweek Links: Truncated Links

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The Fabulous Ones redefining camp
Via Memphis Wrestling Flickr by way of Cracked
NOTE: Yeah, so the method by which I usually do the links dump every week is that I bookmark a bunch of links in Chrome as I read them and then collect them in a post. Chrome started to fuck up on me, and I couldn't save any bookmarks after Thursday. Bummer. So the list is going to be considerably shorter this week. Hopefully, you still get some good material out of it.

It's hump day, so here are some links to get you through the rest of the week:

- The Wrestling Podcast, Episode 95: Danielle Matheson II (Mailbag!) [Episode 95: Beelzebubba Rogers]

- First Watch: WWE One Night Stand 2007 [The Mandible Claw]

- The 10 greatest wrestling glamour shots of all time [Cracked]

- The Heart Is Raw, April 29, 2013 [International Object]

- The Best and Worst of RAW [With Leather]

- A huge list of wrestling moves and the guys who innovated them [r/SquaredCircle]

- Why NBA center Jason Collins is coming out now [SI]

- Tim Brando, Chris Broussard, and giving credit where credit is due [SB Nation]

- A Catholic priest speaks out in support of Collins [Facebook]

- The devil you know (Why Celebrity Hot Tub was more disturbed by Tim Brando than Chris Broussard) [Celebrity Hot Tub]

- The best of Anthony Bourdain's UPROXX Live Discussion [Warming Glow]

The Warrior and His Mirror Enter TWGP

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Jigsaw and The Shard have an appellation for their team, it seems. As the Pieces of Hate, the tandem will enter this year's Tag World Grand Prix, and dare I say, they'll be the prohibitive favorites going forward. Depending on whether 3.0 will be in the tournament or not is whether this team of the betrayer of Mike Quackenbush and his mirror image comes out with Los Campeonatos de Parejas or just the points necessary to get a shot at said belts, but I would not be surprised if this team ended up winning it all.

The Wrestling Podcast, Episode 96: Luke Johnson

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The dumbest man in wrestling!
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Episode 96: Homecoming in Hardcore Heaven

Luke Johnson of the Wrestlefeed Twitter account comes on the show this week. In addition to doing a preliminary rundown of the top of the Extreme Rules card, we go over his time as an indie wrestling manager. Did you know he managed Jeremy Wyatt once? We recount that, as well as review the indie scene in Nebraska, Iowa, and the Dakotas. WE get into his Wrestlefeed doings, including the origins, the motivations, perspective changes, and the explanation of the Dumbest Man in Wrestling appellation he gives for each show he reviews. We also go into his five favorite WWE PPVs of all-time.

Direct link for your downloading pleasure.

Best Coast Bias: What's At Stake Here Is A Republic

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Like being back on da muddership
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Welp.

Heath (I almost typed Heather, which means I'm either clairvoyant to future chants or doing these too damn latearly in the day)  Slater and Justin Gabriel picked a really bad Main Event to engage in some Perfectly Acceptable Wrestling.  In case you were looking to set your watch by their match I'd go for ten before five.

I say this only because instead of me grousing like I have been the past few weeks about Main Event being something I wanted it to be more like, this week was one of those times when it actually was.

The bulk of the show brought a secondary title out of purgatory and into the spotlight.  It started with a recap and an interview with a smug man and ended with him humbled and bent on revenge with two dreadlocks in his hand. 
 
And in the middle?

As the kids on the World Wide Interweb say nowadays, AWW YISS.

It's no surpise that Antonio Cesaro is involved in a really good match nowadays; this may've been the coming-out party of one Kofi Kingston, high-level good guy.  Not since Randy Orton was getting clowned at MSG did Kofi look as good as he did here.  Partially due to opposition, but in a lot of ways due to his absorbing punishment and hard shot after hard shot at the hands of the Very European Uber American.  It felt like a hole in the time-space continuum had opened up and placed me on WTBS on a Saturday afternoon at 3:05 in 1986 in the best kind of ways--the sneering foreigner (boss Aviators and beret on and all pre-match) vs. the undersized but plucky American, the new father with high flying flash out to prove his title victory a few short days ago no fluke.

There was so much goodness by way of new offense, revamps of old offense, and acute attention to detail it's little wonder this earned three segments.  You know as a wrestling dork you're in for good times when early on you get minutes of chain wrestling followed by a blind leapfrog being caught in mid-air, reversed into a takedown, and pulled up into a Cesaro Lift quicker than it took you to read that sentence.  Kofi would come up for air under the onslaught--occasionally a signature move like the Boom Drop or the SOS would get involved -- but Cesaro carried the brunt of the weight on his broad shoulders while busting out with some sweetness like blocking a sunset flip attempt with the Summerslam '92 ending on the technical end and things like his charging avalanche Eurocut, a Regalesque butterfly suplex and quite nearly a tilt-a-whirl Michinoku Driver on the impact end.

(It's as close as the E'd allow such a RIDICULOUSLY AWESOME MOVE in the post-Voldemort era; given the deliverer of it it looked nearly as bad as the concentrate version would be.  Irregardless, it needs to go in the arsenal tuite suite.)

The last portion saw even more high-flying off of Kingston, only to see Cesaro bust out not only a half crab (twice!) but two old school ways to set it up.  The latter was especially heartwarming for a grumpy cat like myself, almost as much as Kofi fighting for the ropes--then getting pulled back to center--then fighting back towards and getting the ropes, only succeeding because when he went to grab them Cesaro wasn't quite able to grab his hand while it came up!  Plus Cesaro's multiplex has to be seen to be believed.  Even the ending, out of nowhere, made sense and was the exclamation on a handful of reversals.  It wasn't Del Rio/Ziggler earlier this winter, but it's the only thing I can remember since delving into the WWEME canon that's close.

After the match, Striker "interviewed" Kofi, who admitted his year was starting horribly, but even in the hard times, daddy, he was going to keep fighting.  He beat Cesaro for the belt and by the time he was shouting out his wife and brand new kid before he beamed. yelling "Daddy's coming home a champion!" waves of stunned amazement and smarkfree joy flowed through veins.  You mean to tell me something's in the McAid this week turning babyfaces into reasonable, adult, nuanced human beings who don't sink to their opponents' blackhattery but try to overcome based on their skillset alone?  Make mine a double.

You know, on second thought, nix that.  Because after Cesaro jumped Kingston in the back frustrated he wasn't about to start another 240 days as YOUR United States Champion and ripped Kofi's dreads out of his head RHOWC style (again, another thing that's been there the whole time, but guess who's first), you know this can't be over.  And hopefully it ends here after another great nearly 20-minute match and 25 minutes given to it rather than being the sixth-string story on an overbloated RAW.  You can pour a triple.  I can handle it.

Some weeks after Main Event, the question is why?

This week?

The question is "What kind of fresh heaven is this?"


Someone Check Jason Axe's Pulse: 2CW Living on the Edge VIII Review

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Jason Axe, with thumbtacks stuck in his head
Photo Credit: Mark Griffin, JR.
In the TH style! You can view this FOR FREE here. The review:

Highlights:
  • Slyck Wagner Brown put down Colt Cabana in the opening match with a top rope leg lariat.
  • In a handicap match, Zaquary Springate III had Milan X defeated with a Pepsi Plunge, but Bin Hamin took him out with a fireball behind the ref's back, allowing X to get the pin.
  • Colin Delaney defeated a game Dalton Castle with a ring-in elbow.
  • Spike Dudley put Masada through a table with the Acid Drop, but still lost because Kevin Steen and Jason Axe came out to waylay him before he could get the pin in the no DQ death match.
  • Kevin Graham and Punisher van Slyke retained their Tag Team Championships in a five-team battle royale by last eliminating Kevin Carr.
  • Sami Callihan foiled a Matt Hardy Twist of Fate into a small package to get the victory.
  • In a BRUTAL hardcore ladder match, Isys Ephex was able to retain his 2CW Championship after sending Jason Axe over the top rope into an altar made out of a ladder and four chairs.
  • Terry Funk promised to show up at the next 2CW show to confront Kevin Steen.
  • After each competitor kicked out of the other's finishers once, John Hennigan was able to put Kevin Steen down with a second Starship Pain.

General Observations:
  • Daw, Colt Cabana pulled a kid out of the crowd during his entrance. Naw.
  • Slyck Wagner Brown's manager/second, Big Business, knocked Cabana down while Brown had the ref distracted, took a picture of Cabana while he was down, and then apparently tweeted it. I say "apparently" because I don't know the guy's Twitter handle. Still, that's how you do social media integration!
  • So, when did Cabana start doing the Go 2 Sleep? Makes sense since his best buddy uses it, but then again, maybe he was just teasing it since he never was able to give us the payoff to whatever went after the G2S taunt and fireman's carry.
  • Bin Hamin... whoa boy. I guess that character is about as good as your stock Middle Eastern/Iranian militant gimmick could be, but just once, I'd love to see a wrestling company present a character of that stock as SOMETHING other than in the terrorist oeuvre.
  • I will say his line about Kim Jong Un being too much of a coward to follow through on his attack hit the spot though.
  • Springate was announced as "ZS3," marking the second match in a row where one of the competitors was announced by his initials (Brown as "SWB"). Springate, Brown, and Rob van Dam facing off in a triple threat match would provide the ultimate in economy of ring introductions.
  • I will never not adore when an opposing wrestler works over someone's beard. Good on you, ZS3.
  • PEPSI PLUNGE! At least someone followed through on the use of a CM Punk finishing move.
  • No sooner did Springate nail the Plunge on Milan X than did Hamin bust out the fireball. I guess he's from the Memphis district of Tehran, eh? In all seriousness though, love me some fireball action.
  • Dalton Castle entered the arena preening for his match, which elicited a "Who the fuck are you?" chant from the Watertown faithful.
  • I thought that a Colin Delaney skin the cat into a ring in elbow was an odd choice to use as a match finish at first, but y'know what? It works. I wish more matches would end on odd moves, just so we can keep finishers special, y'know?
  • Spike Dudley in his old Spike Dudley gear coming out to "Highway to Hell" but with salt and pepper hair made me feel so, so, so goddamn old.
  • Dudley grabbed Masada by his cheek piercing, which might be the most logical move for anyone ever in any wrestling match. If you're gonna wear piercings to the ring, and you don't include your opponent yanking/tugging/leading you around by them, you're doing it wrong.
  • Dudley mistimed a back leapfrog out of the corner, ending up right in front of Masada, who up and clotheslined him in the back of the head. This was a very cleverly put-together match in the early going.
  • Masada went for a hip press, but Dudley grabbed a chair and crotched him on it. Man, so many crafty spots in this match.
  • I would have liked this match to have had a non-schmozzy finish, but hey, there could be worse things than hardcore feuding between Dudley and either Jason Axe or Kevin Steen.
  • The tag battle royale was about the only match I had no thoughts on. It was just there.
  • Holy crap, Matt Hardy wasn't playing around, grabbing a table from under the ring before his introduction was finished.
  • Psychology comes in many different forms, including trying to get countout victories over an established and tough opponent. Sami Callihan trying his hardest to get Hardy counted out was amazing. Even better was when Hardy turned it around on him.
  • I really dug Callihan countering Hardy into the stretch muffler out of the Twist of Fate. It was an amazingly smooth transition.
  • The first fully-formed Cherry Bomb match I've ever seen was her mouthing her way into my heel-loving heart in WSU. In this match, where she teamed with Pepper Parks against Jimmy Jacobs and Christina von Eerie, she played a thoroughly convincing babyface. Versatility!
  • I hope that Jay Bradley and Robert Anthony sit down, watch this match, and learn how you can do an intergender match where the women aren't on the same plane of strength as the men but still look like they belong in the ring. It's easy, all you have to do is not make cracks about getting back in the kitchen or set up a misogynist revenge fantasy post-match.
  • I usually don't like to comment on theme music, but my God, Isys Ephex's theme, a remix on MGMT's "Electric Feel," is re-goddamn-diculously awesome.
  • There was a ring-out suplex tease in the beginning of the match, but Jason Axe wiggled out of it, bounced back, and just speared Ephex off the apron onto the ladder and the barricade. You don't go full Ziggler THAT early in the match.
  • Axe gave Ephex a barbed-wire crown of thorns, cutting open his cheek. I surprisingly didn't cringe. Am I growing more extreme in my old age?
  • Axe then went to set up an "altar" on the outside made of a ladder laid across four chairs. He tried to give Ephex a Death Valley Driver onto said contraption, but he was reversed into an apron ace crusher. I don't know whose fate would have been worse.
  • Death Valley Drivers on the ladder and on the barbed wire? A Codebreaker off the ladder? Are you TRYING to kill the Champ, Jason?
  • Well, you should've finished the job, because I think Ephex killed you with a high back body drop out of the ring onto the altar you built. Christ, a match against Spike Dudley was just announced today for Axe, but I wonder if he'll be there flesh and blood or as an undead minion of the zombie horde.
  • TERRY FUNK! DOUBLE CROSS RANCH! LIVE! TWEETIN AND TALKIN! TWEETIN AND TALKIN! HE'LL BE THERE! TERRY FUNK! KEVIN STEEN! TERRY FUNK! KEVIN STEEN!
  • John Hennigan came out and gave his shades to Colin Delaney (who had taken over color commentating duties after around the fifth or sixth match). Steen immediately went out and snatched them, because that's what Kevin Steen do.
  • Steen corrected the ring announcer and added "Canada" to his billed-from location, which got some good heel heat from the crowd. Is there any pent up rage for our neighbors to the North you want to explain there, Watertown? Danielle's feelings are just a bit hurt right now, that's all.
  • Guy in the crowd had an "I am a Steen Guy" sign, and Steen grabbed and held it up for the iFFV audience.
  • A lot of brawling in this match early on. Gotta say, it suits Hennigan a lot better than I thought it would, but he was rarely ever called upon to get down and dirty in WWE. Plus, when he did, it was in broad strokes of exposition that exposed his punches as being turrible. Here, it was all close range stuff.
  • Moonlight Drive, this early in the match? I'll allow it.
  • We all know Steen can do a pretty fly moonsault, but from the second rope? Now you're just showing off there, Kev.
  • I didn't mind seeing Hennigan kick out of the package piledriver, but I kinda wish he hadn't taken a super fisherman buster beforehand. Yikes.
  • Hennigan still has to work on his Starship Pain or pick a new finisher, but he came off as VASTLY improved from his WWE days here.

Match of the Night:Sami Callihan vs. Matt Hardy - Callihan is a known quantity. He's a guy you know is going to turn in a tremendous performance every time. Hardy, however, was someone that even when he was well-regarded by the intelligentsia that ran hot and cold for me. In this match, he ran hot, really hot.

The main thread of the match was built around Callihan dragging Hardy out of the ring, kicking the shit out of him in a far remote location, and trying to get the countout. It actually reminded me of my old strategy in several oldentime wrestling video games, one that I used to win many a cheap match in career modes or survival gauntlets. But it was weirdly satisfying to see it bear out in an actual wrestling match. It almost validates my gamer habits until I realize this was an actual storytelling thing, and I was just doing it to collect rassle cash or what have you.

But yeah, all Hardy had to do was show up and not get gassed for this to be a good match, but he was actively good. Therefore, it was a great match. Callihan brought stiffness, Hardy had a sense of humor about himself, and they actually had great chemistry.

Overall Thoughts: The temptation on offering a free product is to skimp a bit, make people pay for the premium stuff. I didn't get that feeling at all from 2CW and its roster here. I definitely would have paid for this, and it felt like something that I should have paid for. It wasn't just the known quantities either. I have to admit, the first time I saw a 2CW show, Girls Grand Prix last year, I wasn't too impressed with a good bit of the native guys on their roster. But the effort and ability was there this time, whether it was the crazy bumps in the ladder match, or the controlled insanity in the tag team gauntlet. I was also introduced to guys like Dalton Castle and Pepper Parks, who are both making names for themselves in various other promotions.

The top matches all packed a huge punch though. Hardy and Callihan was one of the finest matches all year, and the main event between Hennigan and Steen nearly topped it. I might have liked the ladder match to have a little more cohesion, but those guys bumped their asses off. I dug parts of the intergender tag match too. The announce team of John McGraw and Colin Delaney was one of the best in the business. Hell, McGraw himself did a fantastic job setting the stage for the action.

I honestly don't know how 2CW remains in sort of a limbo. It's got location and talent. If the promotion keeps getting ignored after putting out free shows of this caliber, the fault isn't with them, it's with YOU PEOPLE.

The Calamari Wrestler!

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h/t @chudleycannons

No, that's not a clip from Kaiju Big Battel, although it should be. It's from a Japanese movie, The Calamari Wrestler. I think I need to see this now. At the very least KBB or even CHIKARA should bring him in for an appearance. I know I'd mark.

An Open Letter to ACW

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When will I get to see this on tape?
Photo Credit: Joel Loeschman
Dear Anarchy Championship Wrestling,

Hey, how are you doing? It's been awhile, and that's actually hitting at the root of the problems I have with you guys. I hate to get right down to brass tacks, but the date is May 2, 2013. It's a good date, four months into a year that has been good to me personally, professionally, and as a wrestling fan. I mean, whoo, far be it from me to have beef with any company this year, especially when the stuff that I've been privy to watching has been as good as it was. Women's Superstars Uncensored, Squared Circle Wrestling, the free stuff on YouTube, and most of the National Pro Wrestling Day card were all great offers so far this year, and what I've heard about promotions whose shows I've purchased and haven't even gotten to yet? Yeah, I'm salivating. It seems like I really shouldn't be worried about one promotion who doesn't have much of anything that they've produced this year on tape for me to consume, but you guys aren't just any promotion, are you?

No, in fact, you guys were in my estimation the best promotion in America last year. So, it should stand to reason that I look forward to what you guys have to offer with a bit more anticipation and scrutiny, no? So, when I heard that you were taking March off to get caught up on DVDs, I got excited. Finally, I was going to be able to get to see Guilty by Association before Halloween of the same year! But then I check back to Smart Mark Video, and the most recent offering is from September of 2012. Even more disheartening, the last two videos on demand available are from August. That's important, at least to me, because VODs are my first and foremost mode of watching indie wrestling nowadays. That was eight months ago.

In that time, Rachel Summerlyn - hey, remember her? - had an entire reign as Anarchy Champion contained within. She won the title at the Lone Star Classic in November, defended it successfully at Delusions of Our Childish Days in December, and lost the belt at Guilty by Association in January. Oh yeah, she left the company after that event. That's a monumentally huge two-month arc in a company, and I, along with the thousands of other potential customers out there who don't have the pleasure of living in Central Texas, can't even begin to experience because it's not on tape.

See, I'm not privileged enough to be able to live in Austin, which from the many people who live or have visited there is reputed to be the best city in the country, if not the world. I really want to go someday, but circumstances are a bear sometimes. I'm sure you guys know that firsthand. I desperately want to be able to support your company and give you money in exchange for wrestling and entertainment, but for me to do that, I have to rely on the tape. I can't do that if it's not available. In the world of wrestling nowadays, you can't put the tease out there to fans who can't get to your shows live and then keep them dangling. I mean, it's great if you just wanted to be something that belonged to Austin and was meant just for the Austin audience. Empire Pro Wrestling in Georgia/Chattanooga is like that, and they have no pretenses about making money off of their shows outside of the live gate. If anything pops up from them, it's on YouTube for free.

But you put yourselves out there by being on Smart Mark, and the pot gets sweetened substantially because mostly everything that you guys have produced has been good if not great so far. See, that's the thing about this whole plea. I am not trying to be a dick. Other companies have encountered these kinds of lags before, and they've reacted to the people begging them for releases on their highly-anticipated shows by acting like they're better than everyone and yelling at the customers like they were the ones doing something wrong. All those people wanted was to give them their money. How stupid is that to blatantly piss off a potential customer through yelling at them for asking about when they can give you their disposable income? People like those who wanted to watch a certain tournament that happened in Florida in late 2011 and people like myself only want to buy stuff, and in this case, I want to buy the stuff you're selling.

So, here's the deal. You guys took a month off to get caught up, but you didn't. Okay, what's in the past is in the past. Can't change it, so there's no use of harping on it. I don't even want to know what you did in that time either. Again, that might only cause hard feelings. I don't want to judge. I also realize that you guys edit your videos almost entirely in-house, which I can only imagine is a long, arduous undertaking. Here's what I'm proposing. Either you guys should dedicate yourselves to getting this video editing done in-house, or maybe you could send raw footage out to Smart Mark or to another third party to do it for you. Whatever is easier for you is what you should do. I don't really care if it tacks an extra few bucks onto the VOD or DVD price. Again, you know what I think of your product, and I'm not sure I would refuse to pay more for that quality if it meant getting things out in a timelier manner.

I just don't want to have to sit and wait epic amounts of time anymore. There's something about watching something in or close to the moment, and that gets lost when there's an eight-month lag time between staging and release of shows. Pro Wrestling Guerrilla catches a lot of shit for one month of lag time, but even I think that's reasonable in this day and age for an indie company. Eight though? That's disappointing at the very least. I don't like it when a company that I know produces excellent work disappoints. I know I'm but one fan, and yeah, who gives a fuck about one guy right? But at the same time, if I were an entrepreneur, I wouldn't want to dampen the enthusiasm of a single customer on an issue that I know is more a shortcoming on my end than theirs. This isn't about me not liking your shows because my taste is different or any other aesthetic difference. It's an issue that I think would be detrimental to any company looking to release footage in this day and age.

Hope everything else is great on your end.

Yours in Zoidberg,
TH, if you will

Instant Feedback: Yuck

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I fell asleep during the main event. I think I made the right choice. At least Chris Sabin came back. But yeah, woof.

Friday Five: WCW

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All about the other big promotion.

1. Would a resurrected WCW work as a WWE brand today?

2. Buy or sell: You watched WCW not to see the good guys prevail, but to see the bad guys get their comeuppance.

3. On a scale of 1-10, 10 being highest, how important was Ron Simmons' World Championship win?

4. What was the exact moment the nWo jumped the shark for you, if it did at all?

5. What was your favorite WCW match of all-time?

Any Shows This Weekend? Chikara Weekend, Y'all!

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Photo & Video Sharing by SmugMug
Are his days as Champion numbered?
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
Hey, it's Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday, and of course, by getting down, I mean going to wrestling shows. All weekends seem to have a lot of great action, as referenced by the awesome website Pro Wrestling Events. However, this weekend is a bit more special for two reasons. First, it's CHIKARA WEEKEND! Second, Paul London is appearing in Ring of Honor! That's just the tip of the iceberg here.

Obviously, number one on the list is the Chikara doubleheader DOWN SOUTH. First thing's first, they'll be heading to their normal stomping grounds in North Carolina, the Mid-Atlantic Sportatorium in Gibsonville. The show is called Battle Not with Monsters, and the doors open tonight at 7 PM. The main event will feature the next in the Wink Vavasseur-mandated series of Grand Championship defenses, as Eddie Kingston is set to defend the belt against Green Ant. The resilient former rookie scored a non-title win over Kingston on opening weekend this year. Can he finish the job? Also on the show, Chiva Kid will get a crack at Mark Angelosetti's Young Lions Cup, 3.0 is in non-title action against Orbit Adventure Ant and Arctic Rescue Ant, and Archibald Peck collides with Jigsaw.

The next night, Chikara makes their Atlanta-area debut with The Ghost of You Clings. The event will take place at The Main Event in Porterdale, GA, home of Platinum Championship Wrestling, and the doors will open at 6:30 PM. Whoever survives the Grand Championship match from tonight will be thrown right back into the fire against Angelosetti, who will hope to become a double Champion should he defeat Chiva Kid. Los Campeonatos de Parejas are also on the line, as 3.0 will go up against Obariyon and Kodama of The Batiri. This will be the demons' first title shot since February 29, 2011, when they scored three quick wins upon debuting in the company. They're more wizened in the ways of demonry, so they'll pose a much stiffer challenge for the belts this time around. Their cohort, Kobold, is in the crosshairs of Amasis, who wants some revenge for the Batiri taking him out before his match with Ophidian at WrestleCon. The Washington Bullets will also be in action.

Also happening Friday, International Wrestling Cartel invades the Court Time Sports Center in Elizabeth, PA, for the Road to Super Indy XII, with a bell time of 8 PM. In the main event, John McChesney and Logan Shulo continue their epic feud in a tag match. McChesney teams with Bobby Fish, as Shulo partners up with Facade. Tony Nese defends his Super Indy Championship against Colin Delaney, while two qualifying matches for said tournament will take place. Shane Strickland wrestles Mr. 450, while Gory??? battles Mike Rayne. I don't know why Gory??? has all those question marks, but you'll find out tonight.

Finally on the slate for tonight, ProSouth Wrestling comes to you from Piedmont, AL with a 7 PM bell time. Head over to 627 Southern Avenue to see Joey Kidman make his PSW debut, as well as Stupid (w/ Tweety), Big Tomb, Stephen Michaels, Frankie Valentine, and Dameon Ceretone.

Saturday's slate is even more loaded, as in addition to the Chikara Porterdale show, Ring of Honor hits the iPPV airwaves with Border Wars. The iPPV telecast starts at 7:30 PM ET, and can be ordered here. If you're in the Toronto area though, head over to the Ted Reeve Arena. The main event features Jay Briscoe in his first defense of the ROH World Championship against Adam Cole. Cole's star seems to have risen enough around the indies where he's a threat to take the strap home. Will he add the ROH Championship to his Pro Wrestling Guerrilla title? Also on the show, PAUL LONDON will head into Toronto to take on Davey Richards. London doesn't really venture east all that often, so when he does, you know it's going to be special. Also, Eddie Edwards takes on GHC Jr. Heavyweight Champion Taiji Ishimori, while Mark Briscoe looks to take home the Television Championship from Matt Taven. The next night at the same venue, ROH will be taping their weekly television show with a bell time of 2 PM ET. Signed for this show are London vs. Michael Elgin, the Briscoes vs. the American Wolves, and Ishimori vs. Roderick Strong.

ROH isn't the only company on iPPV this weekend, as Connecticut Wrestling Entertainment presents their flagship event, BriccoMania V. Order it through Smart Mark Video On Demand. The show starts at 7 PM, and if you're in the area, head to the Bethany Town Hall in Bethany, CT. In the main event, Frankie Arion will go up against Lukas Sharp in a 30 Minute Iron Man match for Arion's CTWE Championship. Also on the show, Bobby Lashley will battle Slyck Wagner Brown, while Trent? (Barreta) takes on Dan Barry.

After Chikara leaves town Friday, CWF Mid-Atlantic will retake their Sportatorium on Saturday for a door open time of 7 PM local. Arik Royal will defend his Mid-Atlantic Championship against Zane Dawson, while the unmasked Chiva Kid, as Andrew Everett Cross, will team with Chris Lea to try and wrest the Tag Team Championships from Roy Wilkins and Walter Eaton. Also appearing on the show will be Ric Coverse, Trevor Lee, and the MECHA MERCENARY.

In Corbin, KY, Pro Wrestling Freedom brings us Annihilation. The show takes place at the Corbin Civic Center, and the doors open at 7 PM local. The main event pits Chance Prophet against PWF Champion Kyle Matthews. There will also be a Texas Bullrope Match between Kole Layton King and "The Southern Mutt" Kerry Awful. I know nothing about either of those two wrestlers, but it's a cot dam bullrope match, so you know it's gonna be a spectacle at least. Also appearing on the show: Gregory Iron, Mickie Knuckles, Zac Vincent, Jake Crist, and Jason Kincaid.

And just as it is nearly every Saturday in Georgia, Deep Southern Championship Wrestling and Empire Pro Wrestling will be running shows. DSCW will be hitting up the DSCW Arena in Blue Ridge, GA, with doors opening at 7 PM local. The talent slate includes Cyrus the Destroyer. The Empire will hit up 22 Austin Avenue in Rossville, GA, at 8 PM local. You'll see Shaun Tempers among others there.

Finally, Sunday, as is the tradition, Rampage Pro Wrestling will root in at Johnny G's Fun Center in Warner-Robins, GA, for Gene Gayton Memorial Mayhem. When the doors open at 2:30 PM ET, you'll be in for a triple main event. First, Rampage Champion Micah Taylor will give AJ Steele his return match for the belt. Second, J-Rod will attempt to tackle the Blacklist's leader, Murder One. Thirdly, it's the Gene Gayton Memorial Cup, a five-man elimination match featuring Kyle Matthews, Mike Cruz, Kory Chavis, Michael Stevens, and Drew Adler. Also on the show, "Hit for Hire" Bobby Moore will battle Francisco Ciatso.

Again, this is only a sampling of what's going on. Wherever you are in the country, there's probably wrestling going on. And if not? Hit up ROH or CTWE on iPPV Saturday night if you can. Wrestling only grows if it's given support, and that support starts locally.

Twitter Request Line, Vol. 29

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My favorite feud ever (No, it doesn't involve Hebner)
Photo Credit: WWE.com
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, especially around Friday night after Smackdown, and wait for the call. Or don't wait for it actually. I'll try to get everything for this feature no matter when in the week you shoot me the Tweet. Anyway, here we go.

First up, @JohnJohnPhenom asks which of the five boroughs gets the short shrift in Family Wrestling Entertainment's Tri-Boro Championship.

Okay, for those not in the know, FWE is a New York City-based wrestling promotion. New York has five boroughs. For those who are geographically declined, those five boroughs are Manhattan, Brooklyn, the Bronx, Queens, and Staten Island. Manhattan IS New York, so that's represented. I'd also say Brooklyn's a lock, because it's the cultural epicenter of the city and probably has the biggest concentration of wrestling fans. I have no stats to back that up, just spitballin'. That leaves three boroughs for one piece of representation. I think we can rule out Staten Island. Sorry, nothing against the people there, but it's too close to the state of New Jersey for my tastes. Plus, it's kinda ragged. So, that leaves Queens and the Bronx. It's Long Island vs. mainland New York state, the Mets vs. the Yankees, uh, something Queens vs. something Bronx. My personal bias goes towards Queens, mainly because I know too many Mets fans.

Richard Thomas of the International Object podcast asks what my three favorite feuds of all-time are.

1. The Rock vs. "Stone Cold" Steve Austin - This was pretty much the defining feud of my teenage fandom, two rivals who were joined at the hip, almost never on the same side of the alignment sheet. They were not only feuding in the ring, but they were rivals out of it in terms of who meant more to WWE. They had a staggering three separate singles matches at Mania, a feat that I think has only been matched by Triple H and Undertaker, but they were all compressed into a tighter package. I'd say their Mania XV match wasn't the beginning of the Attitude Era (that was probably Austin/HBK), but it was certainly a major signpost in the beginning of that epoch. Their X-7 match was a perfect climax, and when they met at XIX, the it came to a close. It wasn't as long as, say, Flair/Steamboat, but it certainly had the same kind of feeling.

2. El Generico vs. Kevin Steen - These two had the great beginning moment - Steen turning on Generico at Final Battle '09 - an epic feel, heightened scope, and violence out the wazoo. There have been feuds in the indies that have gone across promotional boundaries, but it was the top feud in Ring of Honor in 2010 and then when it had cooled off there, it became the top feud in Pro Wrestling Guerrilla in 2011. Unlike many feuds, it came to an end necessitated by real life. When Steen embraced Generico after they had fallen in the finals of DDT4 this year and said "Without you, I'd be nothing," it didn't undo the last three years, it galvanized them.

3. Ric Flair vs. Randy Savage - Oh man, did I want to see Savage beat the goddamn stuffing out of Flair. How dare Naitch impugn the good name of Miss Elizabeth? Especially after she and Savage had just gotten married? What a jerk! It didn't hurt matters that Savage and Flair were two of the best wrestlers ever. We got a few reprises of this in WCW. Although none of the times were as good as the Mania VIII feud, when you have those two getting together, it's going to be special regardless of surrounding.

@OkoriWadsworth asks whether I think physique will ever become a secondary trait in WWE or TNA.

I think it already is, actually. I had this conversation with Brandon Stroud last night about various things, but Evan Bourne came up, specifically the picture of him looking like an Anglo post-Eddie Guerrero's death Rey Mysterio. It looked unnatural, disgusting either. I had the counterpoint that it was part of the culture, but then he pointed out correctly that guys like CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, Seth Rollins, and Dean Ambrose were making it to the WWE main event without looking like they had balloons superglued to their musculature underneath their skin. There is a cultural shift in WWE at least, and I think it started, whether consciously or not, with the horrific way He Who Shall Not Be Named went out.

Punk predated Benoit's death, obviously. Hell, they were WWECW contemporaries. But he didn't win his first Money in the Bank until after everything went down. It was sometime after Benoit's murder-suicide that they started scouting guys like Bryan Danielson, Nigel McGuinness, Jon Moxley, Tyler Black, Chris Hero, and so on and so forth. Obviously, old habits die hard. As long as Vince McMahon's around, he's going to be unnaturally aroused by a muscular body, no matter how dysmorphic it happens to be. But the revolution has started.

From @robot_hammer, how long do I see Dolph Ziggler holding the Big Gold Belt, given that cash-in reigns don't seem to last that long?

The cynic in me says that he drops it at Extreme Rules to Alberto del Rio (lol Swagger). The optimist says he'll have a good run until at least SummerSlam, where he'll drop it to Sheamus or maybe even Daniel Bryan. The kid in me says I want Ovaltine! Because I gave that vague an answer means I have absolutely no read on this title reign. Money in the Bank cash-in reigns seem to be awful reigns, but then I hear all this chatter about how they have big plans for the three in that group. I don't know. I'll hedge and say he gets cashed-in on by Cody Rhodes or Antonio Cesaro after his defense at Money in the Bank. One good turn deserves another, no? Symmetry, baby.

@JohnJohnPhenom back with a second question: is LeBron James the closest thing to a John Cena we have in mainstream sport, given how much he's been shoved down our throats?

It's an apt comparison, although for as good as John Cena is, there's still an immense talent gap between the two. If James had a WWE comparison, it would be something like Hulk Hogan or Steve Austin. He's legit one of the best of all-time in the upper echelon. Cena would compare to maybe a Larry Bird or Magic Johnson. He's clearly an all-timer, but he's a rung below. I know some NBA fans might hunt me down and beat me with the Larry O'Brien Trophy, and I'm also not sure that's not splitting hairs.

But I'd say the overexposure angle is true. Some might want to compare Cena to Tim Tebow because of their distaste for him, but here's the thing about Tebow. He's not good at his job. At all. Like, I would rather have Ron Jaworski right now under center than Tebow. That's how awful he is. Cena, again, is an all-timer.

@mikepankowski asks that since the Flyers and Sixers are dead in the water whether I'm paying attention to the respective league playoffs.

Well, at the time this question was asked, I was watching Memphis finish off the Clippers in their series, so there's that.

It's very hard for me to watch sports of any kind because the TV is so occupied. My wife is not a sports fan, so she wouldn't randomly want to watch, say, Memphis vs. the Clippers, let alone a random Sixers game. So when we're watching TV together (and I love my wife and love spending time with her), it's usually something we both can agree on. Then, there's the wild card of the baby, who needs his own stimulation, which means Disney Jr., Sesame Street, and generally kids shows with lots of colorful brightness. Then, there are my own habits, which are wrestling, wrestling, more wrestling, and then sports.

But I still do follow sports, maybe not as religiously as I did when I had all the time in the world in my youth. So yeah, I'm paying attention to the Twitters and the blogs and the box scores. And I have rooting interests! For example, in the NBA, I'm all in for a TROLL FINALS USA of Grizzlies and Pacers. I just wanna see people melt down and post columns about how "RATINGS WILL TANK" (because if there's anything sillier than charting ratings for wrestling, it's charting them for sports). It'll be delicious, even if it could be boring. It's a risk I'm willing to take. But if we're talking genuine rooting interest, I do want to see the Grizz, Warriors, or even the Bulls win. In the NHL, ANYONE BUT PITTSBURGH, although I think it would be kinda rad to see the Bruins win. Yeah, schmaltz and all, but y'know what? It would be a cool distraction from the bombing case for that city. Alex Ovechkin getting his "Peyton Manning Ring" would be nice too.

Scott T. Holland of Irresistible vs. Immovable asks what my favorite 'talk show' moment was, disqualifying the infamous barbershop window.

I have a few, actually. The first was when the Undertaker trapped the Ultimate Warrior in one of his caskets during the Funeral Parlor. Second, Chris Jericho breaking one of his Highlight Reel monitors over Shawn Michaels' head. Tied for third were all the times Tony Atlas laughed during the Abraham Washington show. Fourth, Ryback tossing the MizTV set around like it was nothing. Honorable mention would go to "This Is Your Life, Rock," which was LIKE a talk show segment, but didn't have a nominal name, so I guess it didn't count, but FUCK DA RULES.

@czach1r poses a choice for a Mania main event: Zach Randolph vs. Mark Henry or Lane Johnson vs. a Grizzly Bear?

Well, apparently, the Lane Johnson-wrestles-bears story was a tall tale, so it takes the luster off of that matchup. Then again, maybe he should have to answer for his lies. However, given that I want the Eagles to have a stable offensive line for the next decade, let's hold off on Johnson wrestling the grizzly bear and have Mark Henry wrestling the Memphis Grizzly. Yeah, we don't know how much safer it is to wrestle Henry than it is to wrestle a bear (for the record, I'd feel better going against the bear), BUT I think Z-Bo can handle himself a lot better. I mean, did you see the ground 'n pound shit he pulled on Blake Griffin last night? THAT'S WHAT HE DO.

@chudleycannons wants to know what advance word I've heard about Rebecca Knox and Matt Silva and whether I think they're any good.

This is the part of the mailbag where I ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and say I'm not familiar with either one. Sorry. However, I will make this commentary on WWE signing Knox. I think it's awesome that they're finally taking riders on the talented women wrestlers of the world. However, those riders are going to mean a whole goddamn heap of NOTHING as long as the Divas Division remains as unformed as it is. It's like hiring Daniel Day-Lewis, Liam Neeson, Meryl Streep, and Steve Buscemi and having them as extras in a movie with no other actors in it. Because really, who IS a star in that "division?" Not even the Bella Twins are, unless you consider the reality show their showcase. I don't know. I feel like I'm just a broken record when it comes to women in WWE, but it's a subject where being a broken record seems to be needed.

The Night Canada Fell in Love with ACH: ROH Border Wars '13 Review

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In the TH style. Order a replay here.

Highlights:
  • In the opening match, the C&C Wrestling Factory (Caprice Coleman and Cedric Alexander) defeated ACH and Tadarius Thomas. Alexander got the pin on ACH after landing a frogsplash, the last in a sequence of moves that put ACH down.
  • Roderick Strong used the distraction of a fan named "Cheeseburger" sexually assaulting Maria Kanellis to defeat Mike Bennett with a Sick Kick.
  • In an "I Quit" match, BJ Whitmer had Rhett Titus zip-tied to the top rope, ready to bash him with a chair when Steve Corino came out. Corino knelt down facing away from Whitmer, beckoning Whitmer to hit him. Rather than see Corino get murdered, Titus quit.
  • Jay Lethal, teaming with Michael Elgin, suffered a knee injury mid-tag match. He was replaced by Kevin Steen, who took the fall via roll up by Jimmy Jacobs while trying to give Cliff Compton the Package Piledriver.
  • Tomasso Ciampa returned to Ring of Honor by interrupting a plea by Barrister RD Evans and QT Marshall to have the Tag Team Champions stripped of their belts for no-showing.
  • Eddie Edwards defeated Taiji Ishimori with a Die Hard Driver.
  • Seleziya Sparx and Scarlett Bordeaux made out on the apron to distract Mark Briscoe long enough to get O'Connor rolled by Matt Taven to retain his Television Championship.
  • Davey Richards countered the shooting star press of Paul London by getting his knees up, immediately following it up with a jackknife pin for the win.
  • Confused from an apparent offer to join SCUM from Corino, Adam Cole walked into a Jay Driller from Jay Briscoe, allowing Briscoe to retain his World Championship. Corino was shooed away by Nigel McGuinness, who delivered the Tower of London to him.

General Observations:
  • ACH got in the ring for the first time and received loud chants from the Toronto crowd. His reputation preceded him.
  • I could watch a highlight reel of ACH doing ring-in moves. There is no one better at creating offense off entering the ring.
  • I admired the quick tag work from both teams. Just goes to show that no matter how far wrestling evolves, the fundamentals are still important, especially in tags.
  • Hart Attack set-up axe kick? Oh man, Coleman and Alexander. Oh man.
  • Tadarius Thomas busted out an honest-to-God space flying tiger drop for the first time in forever. I used to spam that move all the time in WCW vs. nWo World Tour with Great Sasuke... err, I mean "Black Ninja."
  • Not to be outdone, ACH busted out a slingshot Osaka street cutter. My word.
  • The Tale of the Tape for Roderick Strong and Mike Bennett didn't come up for some reason, so Kevin Kelly covered for it by saying Bennett "refused" to have it shown. It was the only savvy thing Kelly did all night. I swear.
  • I know it sounds funny to call him an "innovator," but Mike Bennett's swarthy douchebag character having a hot, scantily-clad girlfriend on the outside has served as a template for guys like Ethan Page and Shane Hollister. However, the latter two both added domestic violence angles to their characters, which makes Bennett the superior article.
  • Strong busted out the superplex, and to the surprise of no one but maybe Barry Windham, it didn't finish the match. Just once, can we have a superplex finish, please?
  • Some skinny kid that the announcers called "Cheeseburger" ran out from the back and started making out with Kanellis against her will. To quote modern day theologian Billy Madison, "That's sexual assault, brotha." And yet Bennett's the heel here? Of course, Strong followed it up with the Sick Kick for the win. Glad to see wrestling babyface mores aren't just terrible in WWE. FAAAART.
  • Of course, Steve Corino got involved in the Rhett Titus/BJ Whitmer match early on. Nigel McGuinness went out and got refs to remove him though, which I guess is the benefit for having your matchmaker also openly serve as the color commentator.
  • Kelly mentioned something about Whitmer showing the belligerent fighting spirit he showed in the ring against Titus also at the bar at 3 AM if someone told him to leave and he didn't want to. So, did Kelly just out Whitmer as a problem drinker, or is he just really shitty at his job? I'm gonna bank on the latter.
  • Random "We want tables" chant in a non-tables match. This actually wasn't the first time the crowd chanted it, as I think they beckoned for tables in the opener too. Why? I guess why the fuck not?
  • Titus busted out the zip ties, but it was Whitmer who actually got to use them. I thought they were going for a Sandman/Tommy Dreamer vibe with Whitmer beating the fuck out of a bound-up Titus, but that was until...
  • ...hey! Welcome back, Steve! That finish, Corino actually getting his ally to LOSE by quitting as a sacrifice for his own well-being, will be discussed to death, but I think it put SCUM over as a psycho cult, and I think wrestling in general needs more psycho cults. It's a lot better if they're not overtly religious, either.
  • Cliff Compton and Jimmy Jacobs came bounding from the back to attack Whitmer, which brought out Jay Lethal and Michael Elgin. Hey, time for the matches to bleed into each other!
  • Of course, the match got started with Titus STILL bound to the ropes, which led to Lethal superkicking him in the face.
  • "Poor decision by Ring of Honor to not leave Rhett Titus tied to the ropes for the rest of the show." -- Steve Hummer with line of the night.
  • Lethal hit a plancha to the outside and started clutching his knee. I understand why they did it like that to set up the end of the match, but it felt like Lethal selling the injury as legit went on just a little too long and just about killed the match for me.
  • KEVIN STEEN! KEVIN STEEN! BAH GAWD, KEVIN STEEN!
  • Steen went from not losing in ROH for like two years to taking the fall in two straight iPPVs. Not complaining or anything, it was just funny. Of course, Elgin was pissed because he thought Steen laid down on purpose, but I guess you can't have Steen trying to win back the trust of the roster without them not trusting him from start.
  • Intermissions on iPPVs? LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME.
  • RD Evans' moustache was curled at either end, because of course it was.
  • "You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is 'Never get involved in a land war in Asia,' but slightly less well-known is this, 'Never trade chops with Eddie Edwards.'" Vizzini, probably. I think.
  • I don't know how long the Taiji Ishimori/Edwards match was, but it could have stood to have been at least three minutes shorter.
  • Matt Taven had the Television Title belt tucked into his junk upon his ring entrance. This made complete sense since he looks like a roadie for Steel Panther.
  • When you have a big entourage on the outside of the ring, you best be using them to your advantage. Example, Taven was knocked down outside the ring. Mark Briscoe was about to dive onto him from the top (because as Dylan Hales wrote about him, he's watched too much Tokyo Shock and is a danger to himself and society at large) until Seleziya Sparx used herself as a human shield. Then, as Scarlett Bordeaux distracted the ref, Truth Martini shoved Briscoe from his perch. That's good heel hustle.
  • There are very few things in this world I love more than redneck kung fu.
  • The moment Sparx and Bordeaux stepped on the apron to distract the ref and Briscoe, I knew they were going to make out. That didn't make it any less awful that they did. Look, I'm a red-blooded male too, and normally, hot girls making out is cool as shit. But wrestling is already a cesspit of misogyny, and having HLA (or "Hot, Lesbian Action," THANKS BISCHOFF) as a match trope in 2013 is way fucking counter to the direction wrestling, or really, anything, should be going in. Women are people, not meat. Ugh.
  • However, Briscoe's scare taunt to get them off the apron was fucking gold. So glad he didn't react by doing something gross and sexual.
  • Briscoe gave Martini a receipt after the match, causing Sparx to have to carry him from the arena. This caused Kelly to remark "That's a lot of woman to love there." Really, Kev? A weight joke on a woman who is totally not overweight at all? Especially coming from your paunchy ass? Please sit on a railroad spike and don't remove it from your ass until you contract tetanus.
  • Davey Richards offered his hand in the Code of Honor, and Paul London obliged, saying "I remember!" to the crowd. I love that stoner.
  • London escaped a headscissors from Richards and proceeded to pat him on the head in with a serene childlike innocence. Can we get him in Chikara, because he'd rule there. Of course, when Richards returned the favor, he wasn't as gentle. But that was par for the course, as Richards heeled his ass off during this match.
  • London went into the corner for one of those simple, leapfrog exchanges, but Richards caught him and just tossed him OUT of the ring and onto one of the photographers. If I were her, I'd have demanded hazard pay for the night. Wait, do the photographers get paid? Well, they should.
  • There was a sequence where Richards flubbed a minor exchange in the ropes. Predictably, the crowd chanted "You fucked up!" because wrestling crowds are fucking awful. Richards soon thereafter countered a London springboard with a gamengiri from the apron, to which he asked the crowd "WHO'S FUCKIN' UP NOW?" I have to give him credit, that was a nice comeback.
  • Richards had London on the apron, went to the top, and proceeded to hit him with the stiffest looking double stomp that landed dangerously close to London's head. The crowd chanted "YOU KILLED PAUL!" and for a moment there, I thought they were accurate. Ouch.
  • After the match, Richards AGAIN got on the mic and broke character to put London over. London reciprocated too. That's the one thing I fucking hate about Richards more than anything. It's like his character is to break character and let everyone know that what you just watched was fake. Can you fucking at least wait until you get interviewed after the show by a newspaper or dirt sheet or whatever? Christ, I know kayfabe's dead but that doesn't mean you shit on its grave.
  • Jay Briscoe hitting the Falcon Arrow on Adam Cole only made me think of Excalibur's "No one kicks out of the Falcon Arrow!" call right before the dude taking it kicks out.
  • Is it just me, or did the ref bump and SCUM overtures from Steve Corino seem a bit out of place? I will say though, it was good seeing Nigel McGuinness break out the Tower of London one more time.
  • After the match, it looked like Cole was going to nail Briscoe with a superkick until Briscoe turned around to face him. Cole as a will he/won't he case should be interesting, even if he does do the obvious and join SCUM.

Match of the Night:ACH and Tadarius Thomas vs. Cedric Alexander and Caprice Coleman - Obviously, any match ACH in it is one I look forward to. However, this match excelled despite ACH probably having the least amount of ring time in it. It had the perfect pace to get the crowd going, although really, they were pumped from even before the match when The Last Dragon made his debut across the border.

Both duos' teamwork was fluid and in sync, which is a huge plus for a tag match. The double-team moves were there, definitely. My favorite was when the C&C Wrestling Factory broke out a combo Hart Attack/axe kick. However, moves aren't the be-all, end-all for any match. I was impressed by ring placement, timing, and all the little things that make a match with so many moving parts look easy. I was also pretty impressed with Thomas' capoeira offense. I was remarking earlier in the week that I was disappointed that Fandango in WWE didn't work dancing into his offense as much as his character dictated, but I guess it takes some amount of skill to work in the art of Brazilian dance fighting. It's clear that this is a sliver of Thomas' offense that he has down pat, even when it was used to set himself up for a fall, example being Thomas going for a handstand kick on Alexander, only to be taken out by a Coleman baseball slide.

It's not like ACH wasn't a part of the match. He busted out some of his offensive fireworks as well, the sheer highlight of which being a slingshot Osaka street cutter. The crowd wanted to root for him from jump, and he gave them plenty of reasons such as that. Conversely, I thought where he made the most impact on the match was at the finish, where he just got snapped up by Coleman and Alexander's sequence in fine order. All in all, this was the perfect match to start the show, and it set the tone for the night. I'm not sure any other match answered the bell, but I also don't think it's understating how much of an impact a hot opening match has in putting me, the viewer, in a good mood.

Overall Thoughts: First thing's first, the feed quality was slightly choppy, but I was able to view most of the show in the best definition available. Thankfully, the only real hiccups came during the intros for the Paul London/Davey Richards match, and really, intros are superfluous to me at least. After hearing horror stories about how bad their feeds have screwed up in the past, I was willing to call this a rousing success.

As for the quality of the show, I thought it was an eminently enjoyable experience. There were some spots that I thought were bad. For example, as much as I enjoyed the Television Championship match, why is HLA being used as a distraction trope in ROH no less in 2013? I give credit to Mark Briscoe for how he played it off, like, how are you going to have a show where your #2 title is decided because there was distraction by two women kissing each other? I know the "it's just wrestling" crowd is gonna hop on me for being "too PC" but fuck it, man. I don't need to see women thrown out as pieces of meat to be a match finish aid.

I also certainly don't need to be hearing Kevin Kelly, a guy whose abdominal section would be most accurately described as a "party ball," describe Seleziya Sparx as "a lot of woman to love." Fuck off. Seriously, the dude was implying that BJ Whitmer is a problem drinker among other things, and when he wasn't making horrible statements about the talent, he was busy making the most vapid and general statements to describe the answer, replete with the Josh Mathews ECW PBP Guy Memorial Dead Air. Why does he have a job?

But the wrestling action was good, which is of utmost importance for a company like ROH. There wasn't a bad match on the card, even if I thought Ishimori/Edwards was a bit too over-indulgent. Even Davey Richards had a really good match, and when that happens, then you know the stars are lining up for you. There are going to be two finishes discussed to death about this show. One was to the Titus/Whitmer "I Quit" match, and the other was to the main event. The former, I thought, was brilliant and full of subtext. The latter, though ham-handed in execution, at least did its job to set up Adam Cole as a man with a choice. I can forgive wonky execution if you hammer home a point effectively.

Overall, I'd say Border Wars was worth my money, and it should be worth a replay too, if just for the opener and to see London escape certain death against Richards. For the first time in a few years, I'm really excited about the company's direction, and watching the show tonight validated that exuberance.

The Spot of the Week!

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.gif Credit: Delbowd of r/SquaredCircle

This week was a really good week for WWE free TV wrestling. RAW opened with the most amusing yet well-worked triple threat match in a long time, and followed it up with a lot of meaty singles matches. Both Main Event matches were worthy of writing up. The Smackdown main event was also perfectly cromulent. But my favorite match of the week was the opener to Smackdown. It also had my favorite spot, showing everyone why Daniel Bryan is still the goddamn mack daddy of wrestling. You can see it .gifified above, but check out the entire .gifset here. Best way to start off the week.

We Still Have a Long Way to Go: Misogyny Isn't Just WWE's Problem

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Let's treat women like Sparx better as fans, okay?
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
The stock response I get from a small portion of the crowd when I point out misogyny in WWE is "They're never going to change, support people who do." Well, aside from the fact that I do support companies like Chikara, ACW, 2CW, and others who are more progressive in how they treat women, the implication seems like WWE is the only company where women are treated like pieces of meat. I wish it was that easy to diagnose what is an awful problem, but misogyny is a much more widespread problem in pro wrestling - both with companies and with fans - than just at the highest corporate level.

WWE's biggest imitator, TNA, has had well-documented problems with how they deal with women, both on and off-camera. Their treatment of women is only nominally better in the stories in that the women actually have more fleshed-out stories in the company. That's where the improvements end. Sadly, the problems go deeper than in corporate televised wrestling.

Saturday night, Ring of Honor's Border Wars show featured no fewer than three instances where women were treated as if they were disposable automatons rather than human beings. In the Mike Bennett/Roderick Strong match, Bennett's girlfriend/valet Maria Kanellis was accosted by a member of the ring crew named "Cheeseburger." He gave her an open mouthed kiss against her will, causing Bennett to be distracted enough for Strong to defeat him. Bennett is a heel in alignment, but what happened to Kanellis would have gotten her assailant arrested, well, in theory. Let's say it should have gotten him arrested. But the forced oral entry was met with raucous cheers.

The other two incidences occurred during the Television Championship match, both involving the "Hoopla Hotties" of Truth Martini, Scarlett Bordeaux and Seleziya Sparx. The first involved both of them. They hopped on the apron to distract referee Paul Turner from counting a pin attempt by Mark Briscoe on Champion Matt Taven. Their ruse went further in order to distract Briscoe himself, in that they started making out. It's not like either of these characters were fully formed enough that this was part of something deeper in their psyches. Hell, I believe this was Sparx's debut with the company. Their titles say it all, "Hoopla Hotties." They're accouterments to Martini's Svengali character, and their only role is to provide sex appeal. They're basically pieces of meat.

Granted, Briscoe's reaction to it was golden. He didn't do the whole "WOW TWO GIRLS MAKING OUT LET ME DO EVERYTHING SHORT OF WHIPPING MY JUNK OUT AND MASTURBATING IN PUBLIC" reaction that most other wrestlers would have had in the two corporate companies. Him shrieking in an attempt to scare them off the apron was fairly progressive, in that I could see him doing the same to Martini if he was the one causing the distraction. And yeah, any public display of affection would gain notoriety. It's the fact of who the women were and their overall agency. Neither Bordeaux or Sparx are of any real importance to Taven or Martini outside of being arm candy at this point. That alone is pretty sad, especially in a company where we've been waiting for the "Women of Honor" to take off for years now.

After the match was over, Sparx, who is of healthy weight in my opinion but isn't someone I'd exactly call waifish, carried Martini to the back after he was waylaid by Briscoe. Kevin Kelly from the play-by-play chair then went onto remark "That's a lot of woman to love," which is a remark reserved for overweight people. Now, if you haven't seen Kelly since he was shitcanned by WWE, he's still the same body build. He is someone I would call overweight, so for him to throw stones at someone who was in better shape than he was is patently ludicrous. However, this isn't just a matter of hypocrisy, and being overweight really isn't that much of a crime, no matter how much anyone will assert otherwise. Kelly isn't a a bad, bad man because he's fat. He's a bad, bad man because he has bad misogynist opinions on weight (or at least he has them in character, which would reflect more on the company line than him, but either way, it's not good) on top of being a dude who openly undermines his own position in his company and has uninformed xenophobic things to say about other wrestlers. So basically, Sparx-as-a-piece-of-meat is reinforced by being judged seemingly solely on her appearance. Granted, it was her first appearance for the company, but how am I supposed to give them the benefit of the doubt to make her into a fully-formed character with thoughts, feelings, ambitions, and real agency when there were two examples prior on the show that serve as evidence to the contrary?

This isn't to pick on ROH at all, because they're far from the only company with this attitude. They were just the one with the most prominence this past weekend. I mean, do I need to revisit the Resistance Pro match from National Pro Wrestling Day again? Hell, even the companies that do get it right overall can have their bad moments. Look no further than the Chris Dickinson/Addy Starr match from WSU An Ultraviolent Affair, or cherrypick any number of examples from ACW. The company deserves applause for its overall direction and treatment of women within the narrative, but sometimes, the notes that their characters hit make me a bit uncomfortable.

The argument could be made that it's the fans driving the reactions who are more to blame, and to a point, I agree. Does anyone think that Robert Anthony would have even said "Go back to the kitchen!" to D'arcy Dixon if he didn't think he'd get cheers for it? Remember, in indie wrestling, it's hard to be a heel outside of maybe Chikara because you make your big money (selling merch) by being popular with the fans (a point made to me by Brandon Stroud, tip of the hat to him on that). There are still too many fans in indie wrestling with awful attitudes towards women (and minorities and homosexuals and... well, anyone who isn't a white non-religious straight male), but that doesn't mean companies need to play into these tendencies by embracing the low road.

The role of any artistic endeavor, in addition to entertainment, is to raise up the ideal being portrayed. Wrestling is art, so whatever companies and wrestlers embrace as a positive ideal is what's being elevated. Why in any company in 2013 the ideals of having no agency for women to the point where sexual assault is a laudable action would be raised up baffles me. I expect this to happen in WWE - with the rider that expecting it and condoning or tolerating it are wildly different things - but when it happens on a level where we should be expecting better attitudes is troublesome at best. Then again, maybe it's silly of me to expect a business still dominated by men who see themselves as living by an outmoded code of machismo.

We're still a long way from wrestling being a place where gender equity is the norm. This isn't even being about intergender wrestling, even if I don't see the reason to segregate along those lines. We can have true equality even if women never wrestle against men again. It's all about perception. It's all about women being treated as human beings, the same as with men. It's about not accepting sexual assault as a babyface tactic. We as fans cannot hope to change WWE, because progress in wrestling trickles up, not the other way around. The companies that we do have influence over still need help being shown the light. We have to start on a more local scale, then work up to Ring of Honor, then move to WWE and TNA. Until then, it's not going to a whole lick of good to complain about "The Divas," when women in the companies without the media reach of WWE get similar or worse treatment.

Rise Above Insurgence

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Photo Credit: Dimitar Dilkoff/Getty Images via r/SquaredCircle

The last place I would ever expect to see a John Cena t-shirt would be on the front lines of the Syrian Civil War, but here we are, a rebel wearing one of the many out of the Cena's rainbow of merch. Then again, the last person I'd expect to be breaking news such as "Marines have killed Osama bin Laden Osama bin Laden has been compromised to a permanent end" would be Cena. Strange how things work out sometimes. I don't know if the guy is a fan of Cena or wrestling in general, or if he just found the shirt somewhere and is using it because it's adequate cover from the sun. But there's something striking about seeing a shirt I associate with good times plunked down in the middle of one of the most horrific things happening on this planet right now.
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