The Wrestling Blog

Buddy is in trouble ovah here
Photo Credit: WWE.com

So, of course you've probably heard by now that Enzo Amore has mythical "heat" in the locker room, and that his standing as having deserved said heat corroborated by an exotic dancer in the Buffalo area. Normally, I'd take stuff like this as a grain of salt except that for one, if this dude is going into strip clubs and treating the workers there like shit, he's probably the guy the rumor-millers say he is, and two, it's not like he's threatening anyone's spot. He's tiny and he can't work, plus it's not like he belongs to traditionally maligned minority groups. A lot of smoke is wafting from his general direction, and not all of it is marijuana smoke, if you catch my drift.

Well, as fate turns out, Amore hasn't learned any life lessons since being DJ Jazzy Jeff'd out of the company bus by Roman "Uncle Phil" Reigns. According to Dave Meltzer on Observer Radio, transcribed by @gothgirlkin on Twitter, Amore's bragging has gotten more irritating to his peers. One told him to "shut the fuck up," and another allegedly was close to taking a swing at him. Management seemed to have noticed, as he's been exiled to 205 Live, where no one in the company cares about you except for the actual workers on that brand. Of course, his braggadocio extended to his weekend travails at the Floyd Mayweather/Conor McGregor fight, where he posted a video of his $10,000 ticket to Instagram, along with selfies with disinterested looking celebrities. And again, a peer of his in Kevin Owens couldn't help but razz him on Twitter:

Hey, look! I made a better decision than Enzo did today. @WWE pic.twitter.com/0lHJkElfTD
— Kevin Owens (@FightOwensFight) August 27, 2017

Normally, one would look at the above as a playful rib, but since no one knows what percentage of the locker room hates him, well, it could be construed part of open season on Amore. Of course, one could ask if it's fair that he's receiving such one-sided abuse from reporters, and absent the accusations from the exotic dancer, I might be inclined to agree. Amore's talents have a place in WWE, if not as a wrestler, then as a manager at least. He can gab, and that gift is rare at least on his level. But it's also more than fair to ask if every other wrestler's opinion is just as valid as what Amore can bring to the table. The sad thing is that the opinions of his peers won't matter if he contributes to the churn and is able to visibly make his boss money. Smell that? That's capitalism, baby.

But Amore's worth to WWE keeps diminishing. One could look at his move to 205 Live as a way to boost that brand, but others could see it as a way to keep him out of the way of the "real" shows. Either way, if he starts losing his reaction there, he might end up showing up at whatever promotion Pat Buck is running nowadays by year's end, especially since RAW's resident Trumpkin Big Cass is on the shelf for nine months at least, scuttling any hypothetical plans for a hotshot reunion. It's a shame because the dude is entertaining, and ego bothers people a lot more than it really should. That being said, it's your responsibility to know your workplace, especially your coworkers. If they're thinking about swinging at you, especially in an environment where that thing isn't punished unless you lose the fight, maybe you might want some self-introspection before you lose your dream job. Or not. I don't know, this all could be dirtsheet talk blown out of proportion. But still, the signs are present that Amore might be a bit too full of himself for his own good.

He is... the most interesting man IN LUCHA
Screen Grab via @GolazoDan

Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Dr. Wagner, Jr. (Last Week: Not Ranked) - The lucha legend may have come out on the losing end of his lucha de apuesta with Psycho Clown, but in losing his mask, he gained many more thirsty fans by revealing that he is by all metrics a silver fox. Now, all are left to wonder is he the real Most Interesting Man in the World? Dos Equis can't settle this with branding, no sir it cannot.

2. Braun Strowman (Last Week: 1) - Look, it took a veritable swashbuckling grandfather the ladies would like to, ahem, fondle taking off his mask to knock Strowman from the top spot this week, a week where he's fresh off the heels of grinding Brock Lesnar into Jimmy John's crumbs and HGH residue.

3. Katherine Johnson (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Ms. Johnson, the inspiration for the movie Hidden Figures, turned 99 this weekend. Did you know that she calculated all those trajectories on the Apollo 11 mission by hand, and that Buzz Aldrin trusted her over computer technology? Not too shabby for someone who was mere years removed from being legally forced to drink from a separate fountain in certain locales.

4. Xia Li (Last Week: Not Ranked) - No, I haven't watched any Mae Young Classic yet, but apparently, Li turned quite a few heads with her performance over the first round. While this kinda thing is to be expected of the Jazzy Gabert/Abbey Laith/Mercedes Martinez et al. crowd, Li making strides like that bodes well for all the other Performance Center bodies.

5. Eggplant Parmesan (Last Week: Not Ranked)OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED RANKING - This dish was both the Italian and vegetarian option at the wedding I attended on Saturday, which felt weird. Eggplant parm, at a wedding? That's not real wedding food, right? It was very good though, which duh. Eggplant parm is super delicious.

6. Jack Kirby (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Today would have been Kirby's 100th birthday. Without this Nazi-punchin' son of a gun, comics today, Marvel and DC and the whole world, wouldn't be the same. He might be dead, but his spirit lives on stronger than it ever has.

7. Kevin Huber (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Look, I know it's the preseason, and I know he's a punter, but c'mon, this was some sick ball-handling, and against the Landover Racial Slurs too.

8. Asuka (Last Week: 5) - She gave up her NXT Women's Championship, not because she broke her collarbone, but because no one could beat her in NXT, even with a broken collarbone. She may take a dip from the poll just from inactivity, but once she comes back and kicks someone's jaw clean off their face on Monday or Tuesday when she recovers, she'll come right back, you watch.

9. Tormund Giantsbane (Last Week: 6) - Game of Thrones left off on one of the most excruciating cliffhangers ever, right after Jon Snow banged his aunt to the dulcet narration of the cousin he grew up thinking was his half-brother-turned-magical omniscient being. If you think I'm referring to The Night King and zombie Viserion burning down The Wall at Eastwatch By the Sea, you're wrong because that's not a cliffhanger, you dingus. What I' referring to, IS TORMUND STILL ALIVE??? Did he, Beric Dondarrion, and the other Free Folk and men of the Night's Watch escape the destruction? One can only hope so, because if Tormund dies, I riot. HE HAS TO (CONSENSUALLY) MAKE WARRIOR BABIES WITH BRIENNE OF TARTH, DAMMIT!

10. Oney Lorcan (Last Week: 10) - He's still here for porkin', folks.

Pictured, a worked shoot that didn't need to be a worked shoot
Photo Credit: WWE.com

John Cena and Roman Reigns met face to face on RAW last night to sign a contract to wrestle for the first time. The date of the show was August 28, 2017, not March 12, 2018 or a similar date near a bigger pay-per-view. They weren't even signing the contract to be in the main event, which is currently occupied by Brock Lesnar and Braun Strowman reenacting a classic cinematic kaiju battle for the Universal Championship. I compare the situation to WWE actually pulling the trigger on Hulk Hogan vs. Ric Flair, but promoting it at This Tuesday in Texas on the undercard to an Undertaker/Ultimate Warrior title match in the main event. Of course, the fact that it's Reigns/Cena should still get anyone excited because it's a match pitting perhaps the best practitioner of WWE's main event style, if not the greatest (two different things), against his heir apparent. But the match happening at No Mercy before the main event just feels awkward.

Judging by the in-ring face-to-face interview between the two last night, they're treating it as such. Rather than a titanic matchup between two gods walking the earth, Reigns and Cena built their big match around whose dueling chants are more valid, the merits of full-time vs. part-time work, whether or not their United States Championship reigns were demotions or not, or how adept they were at burying younger talent. It was basically a fever dream of Vince Russo come to life until Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson interrupted them for no reason other than to serve as deus ex machina for a match tagging the two opponents together. Unsurprisingly, Russo praised the first part on Twitter and crushed the second part, but I have no idea why I even suffered the opinion of a miserable human being with even more miserable opinions on wrestling.

Leaning on real life issues a bit too hard is not novel behavior for WWE or wrestling in general. Thanks to Russo and his bosses enabling him, wrestling ushered into a brave new world of worked shoots on a frequent basis starting in 1996. Sometimes, they pop off the screen, like during the initial part of the Summer of Punk II. Other times, they come off as patently artificial and cheap, like basically every time someone in late era WCW went "off script," which you knew they were doing because Tony Schiavone or whatever other commentator said so. I wouldn't go so far as to damn last night's tete-a-tete as completely the latter, but it was much further to that end of the pendulum than the other one.

People are conditioned to think that when someone's "shooting," they're being compelling; in a way, it's fine if you prefer that. To be completely fair, no one really thinks they're shooting anyway. Getting a bit too close to the edge can add some life to program. Think of how bland WWE was in the time after WrestleMania XXVIII, how rote the stories were after the two interesting threads they had in 2010, the Nexus and Miz as Champion, were snipped in favor of Super Cena returning to face a monster of the week. Then think of how exciting CM Punk's Pipe Bomb made RAW every week, at least before the doldrums set in after Kevin Nash "stuck" him at SummerSlam.

But when doing a worked shoot, you gotta consider telling a story instead of just lobbing insults back and forth that may or may not make any material sense in a kayfabe world. In a narrative where I set down and pretend that Strowman and Lesnar are actually going to fight (and possibly knock down buildings) for the right to be called Champion, what use do I have for someone spouting debate talking points from 2003 DVDVR or even worse, 2017 r/SquaredCircle? Cena "burying" someone doesn't make sense in a narrative where results aren't predetermined. It all just smacks of shitty kids like myself expropriating playground insults from our youths, mixing it with insider lingo, and dumping it on a message board forum for e-fed competition.

The biggest problem is that they, whether Reigns and Cena or the writers or whoever is driving the direction for this story, could do so much better. Two stars of that magnitude, and they're bickering over shit dickheads on Twitter have used as proxy battlegrounds for years. Reigns came so close to really sparking something when he mentioned retiring the Undertaker at WrestleMania. Imagine the next guy up working a more authentic, less glib version the Randy Orton Legend Killer character and threatening to do the same with Cena that he did with Taker? That was only one way they could have built a story in the narrative without peering their heads out of it to crib plot advancement from fucking Reddit.

The idea of the worked shoot and that the audience needs to be kayfabed at all times to the point where the only kayfabe left is making them wonder not if the wrestling is real and not worked, but if the company they work for are unprofessional enough to let this kind of dirty laundry get aired on a weekly basis. Vince McMahon obviously thinks so little of his audience that he only thinks those fans can be entertained if they are being fooled. Of course, people took to last night's spectacle because it was a spectacle, an enthusiastic display of dudes shit-talking each other. People have a visceral need to see conflict, the rawer the better. But when the limited supply of talking points run out, and trust me, presenting a wrestling feud over politics backstage has a short half-life, where will the story go?

You saw it last night, how jarring the shift was, going from dudes lobbing bombs at each other to an ineffectual Club tag team coming out so they could have Cena and Reigns work together in some "will they or won't they?" It felt grossly inauthentic, just as inauthentic as it'll be when one of them wins their match at No Mercy and they do the fucking Davey Richards memorial handshake and respect conferral.

I don't mean to sound like a Jim Cornette-level whiner here, but this worked shoot shit has far passed its expiration date. Wrestling storytelling, or more pointedly and accurately, WWE storytelling, needs to evolve to a point where it no longer operates under the assumption that it has to fool the audience into thinking what's happening is real. The audience is in on the joke, and it has been for awhile. You can patronize those fans by trying to blur the lines, or you live with it and tell the best fictional story possible with people more than capable of executing it. John Cena and Roman Reigns are both more than capable of acting out a story that doesn't come straight from a shitty e-fed feud or a thread on Reddit.

HOO DOGGIE
Graphics via @SCITournament

Scenic City Trios is about three-and-a-half months out, and the folks in charge have named a third team already. Talk about advance notice. This third team is named Southern Motors, and they will probably end up being one of the biggest hoots there. Torque is the anchor to this squad. He may be the most familiar name to folks in attendance, since he's a veteran of the Southern indies and competed in this year's Scenic City Invitational. The other two guys are Cousin Shaggy and Cousin Cletus, collectively known as the Good Ol' Boys. These guys may be completely unfamiliar, but I talked to Dylan Hales about them, and he had this to say:

the Good Ol Boys enter the ring to the Rednex's "Cotton Eyed Joe," and when they fire up for a comeback the fans chant Waffle House. Cletus is the big one, Shaggy is the small one. There announced weight is calculated in farm animals.

I don't know about you, but that sounds like a goddamn fun team, even if it's a bit on the stereotypical side for Southern lads. Still, I'm fired up to see them. Add in Torque, who's one of the most exciting high flyers you've probably never heard of, and this team has potential to open some eyes. Southern Motors join the Carnies, consisting of Nick Iggy, Kerry Awful, and Tripp Cassidy, and the Viking War Party in the actual tournament this year. Cyrus the Destroyer takes on Gunner Miller in a feature exhibition match as well.

Speaking of all things Scenic City, the first night of the flagship Scenic City Invitational Tournament is up for you to peruse at Powerbomb TV. Now, you can't buy the show a la carte from there, but subscribing to the service not only gets you the SCI night one now and night two when it drops in the near future, but man, you get a whole shitpile of promotions to view on top of it, like International Revolution Wrestling Group, Mexico's second most prominent indie lucha promotion right now after The Crash, C*4 Wrestling, Anarchy Wrestling (Georgia, not Texas), Olde Wrestling, and coming soon, live streams of Beyond Wrestling and full service for NOVA Pro Wrestling, the Beltway's hottest indie promotion around. If you're going to sign up for a new wrestling service, I'd strongly suggest you do this one if you want some variety in your lives.

Even if Roode's call-up wasn't a mistake, several other have been
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Wednesday is here, and you're through the churn of the early week but not yet to Labor Day and all its riches. What can you do? Well, you can review these best articles from the last week. What is stopping you other than a TPS report or a fire in the kitchen? Those can wait! Well, the TPS report can wait. These hot hot links will be here after you extinguish that fire, bucko.

#WrestlingGirlsBreakTheInternet was not only a celebration of women in wrestling, but it was absolutely necessary thanks to the rampant misogyny that still plagues both fans and workers alike. [The Wrestling Blog]

Hey, did you know Bam Bam Bigelow had a deli in Northeastern Pennsylvania? Well, now you do! [The Wrestling Blog]

Think Bobby Roode coming up to Smackdown as an apparent babyface is weird? Ben Arp has five other odd call-ups from NXT that still baffle him to this day. [Turn Heel]

Henry T. Casey responds to the beach ball dorks at Barclays with four other types of fans he saw as ruinous to the live experience. [Cageside Seats]

With help from Chris Harrington, Ian Williams spends Bruiseday showing how not even New Japan Pro Wrestling is close to competing with WWE. [Waypoint on VICE]

Several WWE superstars were asked about their taste in metal bands, and well, Scott Heisel ranks them. [UPROXX]

Rhyno is feeling quite trapped in his tag team with Heath Slater, and he wonders if he's the only one who cares about it anymore, dammit. (Note, check the url before trying to corncob me, alright?) [The Onion]

STARDOM's G1 Climax equivalent, the 5 Star Grand Prix, had its second show, and Parm was on top of reviewing it. [Wrestling With Words]

NON-WRESTLING #1: David J. Roth writes about Floyd Mayweather's self-given nickname of Money and what that says about him. [Victory Journal]

NON-WRESTLING #2: Spencer Hall comments on society's thirst for spectacles, and how the utter absurdity of Mayweather/Conor McGregor reminded him way too much of his time waitstaffing at Bennigan's during its death spiral. [SB Nation]

The Bad Boy Goes West
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein

The Battle of Los Angeles, Pro Wrestling Guerrilla's yearly single elimination tournament, kicks off Friday night in Reseda, CA. Over three days, 24 wrestlers will be whittled down to one man. I've covered the entrants here extensively except for one. Fate took TK Cooper, one-half of the South Pacific Power Trip, from the tournament thanks to a nasty leg injury he suffered at the ill-fated PROGRESS show in Queens two weekends ago. Obviously, he won't be able to participate in the tournament now. Of course, Super Dragon and the rest of the crew had to scuttle to find a replacement, and well, they went and got themselves a dandy in "The Bad Boy" Joey Janela.

Janela's been on a tear for over a year now, but he made his really big break into the national consciousness with his Spring Break show during WrestleMania weekend, which featured Matt Riddle wrestling his spiritual forebear Dan Severn, the Invisible Man competing in a battle royale, and Janela finally getting to wrestle ex-Rocker and accidental incest near-miss doer Marty Jannetty. Going to PWG is not only the next logical step, it makes me wonder why the company didn't have him on the initial slate. Regardless, it doesn't matter how he got there, it only matters that he's there, right? He will go up against Sammy Guevara in the first round on Saturday, which should be bonkers to say the least. In case you were AWOL last month when all the first round matches were officially announced, the following are the rest of your pairings for Friday's and Saturday's first round action:

FRIDAY

Brian Cage vs. Dezmond Xavier
Rey Fénix vs. Rey Horus
Flash Morgan Webster vs. Marty Scurll
Matt Sydal vs. Penta El Zero M
Zack Sabre, Jr. vs. Jonah Rock
Ricochet vs. Flamita

SATURDAY

Donovan Dijak vs. Trevor Lee
Sami Callihan vs. Jeff Cobb
Matt Riddle vs. Michael Elgin
Mark Haskins vs. Travis Banks
Keith Lee vs. WALTER

I count at least four matches there that could end up making sure Dave Meltzer never has to use pharmaceutical erection medication ever again, but honestly, it's BOLA weekend. If you love PWG, you're going to find a whole lot to love there. Additionally, it'll be Dijak's swan song with the company. While he's not officially signed to NXT yet like his smaller, Blacker former ROH compadre Lio Rush, he's already said farewell to Beyond Wrestling and other Northeastern promotions. Additionally, the former Champion and 2015 BOLA winner Sabre promised this on Twitter yesterday:

Aiming to win BOLA for the 2nd time & face DUSTIN for the title in a No-Rope Barbed Wire Exploding Ring Time Bomb match.
— ZSJ. (@zacksabrejr) August 29, 2017

Of course, current Champion Chuck Taylor is totally down. Personally, I can't wait for the DVDs to come out, since I can't be out there live for this. But hey, someday, before Donald Trump gets this country literally dissolved in acid, I will make it to Reseda to do the damn thing, watch all the BOLA, and eat all the In 'n Out burgers my belly can handle.

SEXY STAR IN TROUBLE, BUT WHAT ABOUT SEXY SINGLES?
Photo Credit: Francine Orr/Los Angeles Times

Well now, LOOK WHO HAS COME BACK TO THE WRESTLING BLOG. After several excruciating months of arbitration and a BOIL ON MY LEFT LEG, I, HORB FLERBMINBER, dealer of scoops, breaker of chains, MOTHER OF DRAGONS, have returned to The Wrestling Blog to give you all the wrestling news your pancreas can handle. Did you know wrestling news is processed and broken down there before going to the brain? YOU DO NOW. Anyway, I will continue to be dishing them scoops as long as Holzerman doesn't make me do humiliating things like milk yaks for charity. I AM NEVER DOING THAT AGAIN.

Of course, I dispense scoops here for free, but that's only a taste of what I can offer. You can follow me on Twitter, @HorbFlerbminber, for all the hot, hot UP TO THE FEMTOSECOND GOSSIP. Do you want to know the implications on the Pacific Northwest indie scene right after North Korea nukes it into oblivion? THEN FOLLOW ME, MARKS. Second, for the low monthly rate of 35 Bitcoin, you can get my PREMIUM newsletter, Pro Wrestling SKOOPZ. If you would like to subscribe and get all the insider news, trenchant analysis, and home addresses of people in wrestling who have pissed me off this week, then leave your payment in my dropbox located exactly at 35.01009° N, 115.4748° W. YOU MUST DROP IT THERE OR ELSE YOU'LL END UP GETTING SCORPIONS IN YOUR INBOX. I can't stress this enough. Plus, I found a cache of old newsletters. Contact me via smoke signal if you want back issues including:

June 17, 1215 - Double issue. Why the Magna Carta means trouble for Ye Olde English Wrestling with its STRANGLING REGULATIONS.
September 6, 1911 - Cover-to-cover analysis of Frank Gotch vs. Georg Hackenschmidt, including my, at the time, HIGHLY CONTROVERSIAL *****1/69 star rating.
August 29, 1945 - I have all the news about the birth of Vince McMahon and how his masculine aura right from the womb helped the Allies secure victory in the Pacific theater of World War II.
December 31, 1969 - My comprehensive retrospective on the absolutely nicest year in professional wrestling history.
April 9, 2014 - All the news and analysis from WrestleMania XXX, especially why Daniel Bryan's win would usher in a 30 year title reign of peace and prosperity... and quite frankly, I'll stop there because hoo boy, did I whiff something fierce on that one, didn't I?

And now, the news.

- Sexy Star came under fire after shooting on all three opponents in her match at AAA TripleMania XXV. She busted open Lady Shani and gave Rosemary strained arm muscles after she put a shoot armbar on her and wouldn't let go until after the bell. When reached for comment, Star said, "Oh, it's okay when Pentagón does it, but when I do, it's not? YOU SEXISTS."

- Several wrestlers came out in opposition of Star's actions, including a domestic abuser and a booker who continues to hire Nazis to wrestle on his shows. And that's only one person!

- Many of Star's bookings have been cancelled, and promoters have taken the opportunity not only to freeze out a problem booking, but also improve the quality of their cards by replacing her with a literal broom.

- In other TripleMania news, Dr. Wagner, Jr. lost his mask, and revealed to the world that he's not an actual doctor.

- WAS THE ROMAN REIGNS/JOHN CENA PROMO SEGMENT MONDAY A SHOOT? I asked wrestling legend Bobby "The Brain" Heenan, and he wrote on a piece of paper that he still wasn't communicating with me because I set up that fake Twitter of his that everyone thought was real for like a day or two.

- ENZO AMORE HEAT WATCH: Amore is in trouble this week for loudly proclaiming that he could whip Conor McGregor's ass after watching him lose to Floyd Mayweather, and then knocking himself unconscious after turning around and banging his head against a towel rack.

- Colin Cassady suffered what is believed to be a torn ACL on last week's episode of RAW. While he apparently suffered in a match with former tag partner Amore, sources backstage said he loudly blamed antifa for it, screaming "SO MUCH FOR DA TOLERANT LEFT" as he held his knee in pain.

- WWE has cooled on signing Conor McGregor as he couldn't even beat former WrestleMania co-headliner Floyd Mayweather one-on-one.

- Dana White commented on people having difficulty watching Mayweather/McGregor on UFC dot TV. "Fucking shit, that's the last goddamn time I hire Gabe Sapolsky for streaming services. Fucking shithead."

- JOE BABINSACK REVIEWS THE FIRST FOUR EPISODES OF THE MAE YOUNG CLASSIC: "Frankly, it needed more Bayley in velour pants. Also, no one got naked. What a crock!"

- Minoru Suzuki will wrestle his first match in the United States in 25 years when he wrestles Cody Rhodes for the Ring of Honor World Championship at Death Before Dishonor next month. The plan is for Rhodes to keep the title, but for Suzuki to keep one of Rhodes' arms as an appeasement.

- Ric Flair has been released from the hospital and will be starting rehab shortly. Doctors expect he'll regain all motion in his credit-card swiping wrist in no time at all.

- Charlotte Flair has returned to the road after remaining at her father's side during his medical crisis. However, according to anonymous locker room tipster CJ Perry, she has an undeserved attitude around her, having the gall to ask for sympathy because her father almost died.

- The PWI 500 has been released, and Kazuchika Okada is number one. In other news:

- Xavier Woods suffered a knee injury at a house show. Vince McMahon is said to be furious at Woods' unoriginality at injuring his knee so shortly after Cassady hurt his.

- Asuka has vacated the NXT Women's Championship. Paul "Triple H" Levesque settled on this option to promote her to the main roster after weighing it against Nikki Cross dropping a comically huge anvil on her in advance of handing her her first WWE loss ever.

- WWE is billing Jessika Carr as the first ever women's referee in company history, BUT THEY ARE WRONG, ABSOLUTELY WRONG. God, how could such a company be so reckless with its facts?

- By the way, Gedo told me that Okada is God. This is news and true.

- Eddie "Eddie Edwards" Edwards became the first gaijin to win Pro Wrestling NOAH's GHC Championship after dropping a comically huge anvil on Katsuhiko Nakajima Saturday at Korakuen Hall.

- Samoa Joe also suffered a knee injury. Sources say the rash of knee injuries was actually caused by Vince McMahon desecrating the grave of an ancient Saxon mystic on his most recent trip to England. When asked for comment, McMahon said "I'LL DEFECATE ON ANY BURIAL PLOT I SEE FIT. FUCK YOU."

- Championship Wrestling from Hollywood will book Alberto el Patron for its September 10th television tapings, but it also wants you to know that Sexy Star and people like her have no place in its company.

- MARTY JANNETTY REVIEWS THIS WEEK'S GAME OF THRONES FINALE: "See, I told you incest was okay. I'm gonna go see that girl I thought was my daughter again."

Last week's poll results are in, and 46 percent of you thought SummerSlam was a throbbing pile of shit, 23 percent thought it was an atrocity that should get Vince McMahon brought in front of The Hague, 21 percent thought it made December to Dismember look like Starrcade '83, nine percent didn't watch, and one percent have been BANNED from THE FORUM~! because you actually liked it. This week's poll:

WHO WAS THE MVP OF THE MAE YOUNG CLASSIC?

Alexander may not be the best example, but you don't need WWE to do well in wrestling if you're good enough
Photo Credit: WWE.com

It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers:

#Tweetbag Is Cedric Alexander a really good example of why not everyone needs to go to the 'E?
— Okori Wadsworth (@OkoriWadsworth) August 30, 2017

Cedric Alexander is a bad example, as would Gran Metalik be, because they're cases of major companies that would be able give people opportunity to make a living whiffing on them even outside of WWE's influence. Alexander spent how long in Ring of Honor and floundered not because he did anything wrong, but because Delirious or whoever was booking that week couldn't figure out how to utilize a charismatic wrestler of color? However, the argument that the best wrestlers don't need to go to WWE has merit. History is littered with examples of wrestlers who flourished in other viable companies, from Chris Harris and Monty Brown in TNA to Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows right now. It sucks no other company has the same combination of pay ceiling and exposure WWE has, but staying away from WWE for guys like Kenny Omega, the Young Bucks, Kazuchika Okada, or any other name guys may not be a bad idea.

Can pro wrestling ever achieve the level of horror that the recently departed Tobe Hooper attained? Does/can horror in wrestling still work?
— brock obama (@NotBrockJahnke) August 30, 2017

I know horror in wrestling can still work because WWE almost made House of Horrors into something viable, chilling, and entertaining. I laid out the problems with it in Vol. 185 (skip to @Matt_T's question), and they're all easily remediated problems. If WWE, the blandest, most mass-produced wrestling product in the world, perhaps in history (depending on how one views death agony era WCW), can come close, then any wrestling with an ear for artistry could pull it off. Lucha Underground already does fantasy/B-movie action well, and one could argue it has quite a bit of horror elements to it, albeit more in the From Dusk til Dawn vein rather than classic Tobe Hooper/George Romero style. The problem is that I don't know if promoters and bookers would want to give it a shot since it's so on the edge, and anyone with money is so fucking carny that they just wanna reinvent someone else's wheel. But again, I think it could be done.

Do you have a good example of a great match tarnished by a garbage finish, or a great finish saving a garbage match? #TweetBag
— Star of Savage (@StarOfSavage) August 30, 2017

I can't think of any for the latter, but the former happens all the time on WWE television. You get two guys working a match that goes past the commercial break, and they hit a groove, like a "hey, I'd totally dig this if it were on a pay-per-view" vibe, and then BOOM, you get this bullshit finish that might make sense, but totally crushes the groove of the match. It happens at least twice a month on free TV, which I guess is fine. But when it happens on pay-per-view is when it drives me nuts, and the best example I can think of is the Miz/Dean Ambrose Extreme Rules title-can-change-hands-on-a-DQ Intercontinental Championship match. Like, the match was great up until the circus finish, which was just overdone to hell and way too extra for what they laid out before. I'd also say the Backlash United States Championship match between AJ Styles and Kevin Owens, but that match wasn't very good BEFORE the shitty finish.

What's the best way WWE could've released the MYC: their current schedule, the CWC weekly one, or some other third one?
— Butch Hussein Rosser (@butch619) August 31, 2017

I subscribe to the "ain't broke, don't fix it" model of thinking. The Cruiserweight Classic drew rave reviews for everything about it: announcing, presentation, in-ring action, and the live finale. One would think that the Mae Young Classic should've been presented in the same exact way, right? I guess that's why you and I aren't brain geniuses like Paul Levesque or Stephanie McMahon or whoever was in charge of planning and rolling this thing out. If you're WWE and you wanted to experiment with bingeable content, okay, I get you, but you had several other avenues in which to do it. Maybe that's how you mobilize Southpaw Regional Wrestling from YouTube fuck-around thing to actual in-ring product. Maybe that's where you try to blur lines a bit, add some production value, I don't know. But the tournament thing has precedent, and the precedent is actually good. Use it until it runs dry. I mean, that's WWE's creative mantra, and it continues to be even with diminishing returns. But again, I'm not a brain genius working in Stamford at Titan Towers so...

"LOL u got DDTd"
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Male Members of SAnitY: owwwwww
Black Shirt Security Randos: SAME
Three Suspiciously Familiar-Looking Men: walk away in the distance from the parking lot
Percy Watson: It's clearly Cole, Fish, and O'Reilly!
Nigel McGuiness: This is America, and you are innocent until proven guilty.
Several Thousand Eyebrows Attached To WWEN Viewers Who Know Their History: raise

Drew McIntyre: This belt is my life's work, 17 years worth of it. It's also a big target, and people started coming at me from Minute 1. It's one thing to win it, another to defend it, but it's my world now. If you want a shot at the champ lays belt out midring come out, look at me in the eyes like a man, and ask me to fight.
Roderick Strong: enters the arena
Mauro: He beat our new champ a couple of weeks ago thanks to help from then champ Bobby Roode, who he faces in our main event here tonight!
Roddy: First off, congratulations on the title win. Second, you're right, that belt does make you a target, especially since it's the only thing I care about besides me and my family. Tonight I finally beat Bobby Roode looks at him in the eyes similar to a fashion of an adult male and after that, I'm here.
DMC: Yes! That's what I wanted! We'll do this. You asked like a damn man...so I hope you're ready to get KTFOed like one, too. holds the belt up
Full Sailors: slight oohs giving way to applause
Roddy: keeps eyes focused on Drew and the belt as he leaves

Bobby Roode, via last week's online content: Going to Big Blue is all well and good. But never fear: I'll put Roddy in his place, get my rematch, and win back my belt. Of course this is totally all going to happen, I just got called up and only have lost once all year. It'll all go according to plan. OBVIOUSLY.

Mauro: Asuka announced her broken collarbone on Twitter, we'll have her here next week for "an update".

Peyton Royce: I got this! Don't I, boo?
Billie Kay: Of course you do.
Ruby Riot: Whatever, jerks.
Both: go hold and counter hold
Full Sailors: dueling chants
Nigel: Took them long enough.
Peyton: tosses Ruby out by Billie
Ref: looks that way
Billie: chuckles and taunts Ruby
Ruby: Three kick combo! Deadly Nightshade! Buzzsaw kick!
Peyton: Kickout! Death Valley Driver!
Ruby: ...wait, really?
Peyton: Yup!
Ruby: KICKOUT!
Peyton: WTF, mate?
Ruby: Powerbomb!
Peyton: Kickout? Kickout! Billie, help!
Billie: pulls her out of the ring
Ruby: Billie, splat! topes both and throws Peyton back in after making sure Billie's down
Peyton: HELLLLLLP! pulls the apron into the ring
Ref: Crap, now I gotta deal with this...
Billie: SPLAT! kicks Ruby almost through her head and leaves her in place for Peyton by the apron
Peyton: OfCourseI'mPerfectplex!
Referee: Winner!
Team Australia: YAY!

Master Regal: Rest assured that once we find the people responsible for the parking lot attack, we shall... hello.
Kassius Ohno: I just wanted to say I'm better now, sir, and I want...
Master Regal: ...I dare presume to say Hideo Itami. That's fine, lad, you'll get him next week.
KO1.0: Oh...uh...thanks. Well, also, given his -- proclivities lately, and what he did to me, I'd like to request it be no disqualification as well.
Master Regal: Very well.
KO1.0: Thank you.

Heavy Machinery: Shakes and weights! Power power power! Compactor!
Referee: Winners!
Victims: owwwwwwwwwwwww
Nigel: "I was going to say 'Who's the legal man?'; it doesn't matter, he pinned both of them!"

Also Master Regal, But "Earlier Today": Lars Sullivan, for laying out three tag partners, you are now in a 3 on 1 handicap match next week.
Lars Sullivan: smirks slyly Feed me more.
Master Regal: What?
Lars: Hm?

Mauro: Next week, Cien gets a rematch against Cezar Bononi. This is in addition to the KO/Hideo no DQ match!

Many Full Sailors: Thank you, Bobby! clap clap clapclapclap
Bobby: "You think you can beat me? You're a failure, and I'm going to prove it again tonight. This is my NXT! I am... GLORIOUS!"
Roddy: shoves him down with both hands
Many Full Sailors: BOO!
Roddy: Backbreaker! Backbreaker!
Bobby: Shove backfirst into the post! Spinebuster on the floor!
UPS Guy: Mr. Strong, can you sign for this, please?
Roddy: What...what is i
Bobby: IT'S YOUR OWN PETARD! What a glorious joke!
Roddy: Death By Roderick!
Bobby: ow
Roddy: Half nelson backbreaker! Butterfly bomb!
Bobby: But I kickou
Roddy: But I Boston Crab you! What a glorious submission!
Bobby: You can't say that! That's MY THING that I say! TKO! Spinebuster! Let me go back to Tuesdays where I belong.
Roddy: Kickout! Owenzuigri! Superplex!
Bobby: OW!
Roddy: angles his body slightly so Bobby can't see him OW Cover!
Bobby: Kickout!
Full Sailors: This is awesome!
Both: fight each other
Drake: no don't hit me
Roddy: pulls up short on the jumping knee in time
Bobby: Chump. GDT!
Roddy: rolls towards the ropes and gets a foot on the bottom one in time
Bobby: You'll NEVER be as good as me! You're an embarrassment to your family! You
Roddy: knee
Bobby: OW
Roddy: knee
Bobby: OW
Roddy: knee
Bobby: silent
Roddy: End of Heartache!
Full Sailors: One more time! One more time! One more time!
Roddy: And this, Robert, is where we part ways. Oh, one more thing blows him a kiss, End of Heartache one more time
Drake: Winner!
DMC: comes out Good show, lad. points at Roddy & holds up the belt again See you soon, lad. See you real
Men of Dishonor: We'll see you sooner SWARM! pummel DMC, lay out some more black shirts
Some Guy: DDT on the ramp, BAY BAY!
Master Regal: briskly walks out, obviously fuming
Men of Dishonor: headed to the back via the side entrance
Some Guy, BAY BAY: You'll never know when we're coming! Everybody's on notice! This is our NXT now!
Regal: follows them all the way out of the arena proper to the parking lot, is reminded of the time 54 minutes ago when others were hurt and is also now a trace sad with his fuming anger

Still alive, baby, WOO!
Photo Credit: WWE.com

So, Ric Flair was recently hospitalized with some bad juju. Whether it was his heart, his colon, or some other body part, he was in bad shape, and at some point was in a medically-induced coma. However, Flair has fought out of it to the point where he's healthy enough to start rehabilitation, and now, he's healthy enough to make a video:

I'm Backkkk! Thanks To Everyone For The Support These Past Couple Weeks. I Ain't Dead Yet Mother F**ckers! WOOOOO! https://t.co/1ZgKVjFH8x pic.twitter.com/AHSSyE8JT1
— Ric Flair® (@RicFlairNatrBoy) September 2, 2017

Of course, if you want to wear that same shirt, you can go to the tweet where that video is embedded. The most remarkable thing isn't the video per se, but the amount of people who have shared it. Even after all this time, people recognize that Flair is the greatest of all-time. When he goes, if TWB is still up and running, I may not be able just to run Flair Week. It'd have to be Flair Month. But hopefully, the Nature Boy keeps on chugging, because what would the world be without him, for better or worse?

Long may they reign
Photo Credit: Ringside Perspective, via @ChikaraPro

So Labor Day weekend's big tournaments kicked off in Wolverhampton and Reseda over three days, and tons of action-packed wrestling was enjoyed by scads upon scads of people. King of Trios and the Battle of Los Angeles both had to end, however, and they both ended with high-profile and somewhat controversial but expected winners.

Starting with Trios, the homeland favorite British Strong Style team of Pete Dunne, Trent Seven, and Tyler Bate took home the crown this year, defeating defending Champions the Sendai Girls in the finals. Their victory rubbed some people the wrong way for sure. Moustache Mountain left Chikara initially without dropping Los Campeonatos de Parejas in the ring, and the team is another reminder of WWE hegemony over the wrestling scene, especially in the United Kingdom. However, they're obviously and collectively the biggest thing in BritWres that isn't already signed to Ring of Honor, and one could argue they're even hotter than the Will Ospreay/Marty Scurll crowd.
.
Their path to the final was a bit truncated, however, thanks to Fire Ant absolutely losing his fecal matter in the quarterfinals the night before. The Furies were eliminated from the tournament, not because the team suffered a fall to The Rot, but because Fire Ant got his hands on Frightmare and castigo de excesivo'd his buttocks back to the arms of Nazmaldun. Three beach breaks with no attempt at a pinfall will get you disqualified, and it was a nice bit of symmetry from last year's tournament, when The Rot's emissaries of Hallowicked, Jigsaw, and Icarus gave Team JWP the same treatment except for no apparent reason. So when it came time for The Rot to face off against BSS on night three, well, they had to forfeit because Frightmare was, well, dead.

Still, the BSS/Sendai final was said to be a strong match of the year candidate, which is the least surprising news in the history of pro wrestling. While I'm a bit dismayed that Chikara decided to go guest vs. guest for a third straight year in the finals of its biggest set piece tournament, I can also understand why BSS/Sendai was a finals match and not, say, a quarterfinal match.

Speaking of confusing decisions, Ricochet won his second Battle of Los Angeles over Keith Lee and Jeff Cobb in the finals. Maybe confusing isn't the right word, because of who currently holds the PWG World Championship. Ricochet and Chuck Taylor are old rivals, after all, and if Ricochet is going to WWE like everyone expects him once his Lucha Underground episodes have all aired, you want him to go out in a blaze of glory. That being said, it's not like PWG didn't book a bunch of other guys who might be fodder to get sopped up by WWE at any given moment; one of them even made the finals with Ricochet in Lee.

Of course, the wrestling itself was reputed to be tremendous, but the customer service experience? Eh, for a few fans who purchased front row tickets, not so much. Night two, they went to their front row seats to find that someone else who had purchased general admission tickets just snagged the seats and wouldn't let them go. To make matters worse, PWG officials didn't do anything to rectify the situation. Instead, the people were offered the difference in price between their purchased seats and their new, inferior ones. I'm sorry, but that's not a makegood at all. It instead sends an awful message that all you have to do to get a seat upgrade is get to the seats first, and you can force a downgrade for the people they originally belonged to. BOLA was otherwise a hoot for most who attended, but still, that kind of lack of customer service is wrong regardless of pricepoint or promotion.

THEY CALL ME THE WORKIN' MAAAAEEEAAAANNNNN
Photo via Utility Contractor Magazine

Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. The Proletariat (Last Week: Not Ranked) - The working class is the backbone upon which society is anchored, and today, Labor Day, is for celebrating all these intrepid persons for making the world as great as it is. Reminder, capital is wholly unneeded for society to function, but without labor, everyone dies. Remember that the next time you lick one-percent boots or bash labor unions.

2. Dr. Wagner, Jr. (Last Week: 1) - Wagner is enjoying retirement like any lucha legend would by dancing with women who could pass as his daughters on boats. What a goddamn legend this man is.

3. Braun Strowman (Last Week: 2) - Strowman didn't appear on RAW this past week, because if he did, he may have ended up wearing Brock Lesnar's skin as a pelt.

4. Meiko Satomura (Last Week: Not Ranked) - She captained Sendai Girls to their third King of Trios semifinal and their second straight final match. They didn't win this year, but so what. Satomura is still a legend and a titan, dependent or independent of Trios.

5. Chuck Taylor (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Still the PWG Champion, Taylor gets props for not only getting the pin in the Ten Man Tomato Chomper Memorial Tag Match at Battle of Los Angeles, but for bringing attention to fingers in the bum.

6. Hikaru Shida (Last Week: Not Ranked) - This may be a thirst ranking, but good lord, look at her with this sword. This is even better than Business Casual Samurai Sword Kana.

7. Bianca Belair (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Again, I'm a lame and I still haven't started the Mae Young Classic, but apparently, she whips her hair back and forth and it's awesome.

8. Baron Corbin (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Apparently, Corbin lost his Money in the Bank cash-in because he spoke up against WWE's quack doctor giving a sham talk about concussions. He may have lost his push, but he spoke up for his comrades, which makes him A TRUE SOLDIER.

9. Smoked Chicken Wings (Last Week: Not Ranked)OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED RANKING - Fried chicken wings are great, but have you tried them in the smoker? Especially when you use a mix of mostly cherry but a little bit of hickory, and it gets the nice bark on it. Oh man. OH MAN.

10. Oney Lorcan (Last Week: 10) - Yes, the rumors are true; Oney Lorcan is still here for porkin'.

Hell yeah!
Graphics via @SCITournament

Scenic City Trios is two-and-a-half months away, and half the field has been announced with the unveiling of team number four last night. Mallaki Matthews, Timmy Lou Retton, and "White" Mike Jordan will enter the fray and compete for the first ever tournament crown. Retton and Jordan comprise the tag team the "Gym Nasty Boys," as Retton is a male gymnast and Jordan, well, I guess Jordan is the nasty portion. They're actually one of the more entertaining comedic acts in all the south. Jordan also competes in CWF Mid-Atlantic, where he has gained a huge following for his antics. Matthews is a veteran of the midwest/mid-south scenes as well, although I don't know a whole lot about him.

These boys will join the Carnies and Tripp Cassidy, The Viking War Party, and Southern Motors in the inaugural tournament, which will take place on November 18. Gunner Miller will wrestle Cyrus the Destroyer in an exhibition match as well. If you want tickets, be sure to contact my man Dylan Hales. Prices are a super bargain; you can get floor seats for $15 and general admission for $10. The next four teams will be announced over the next four weeks, but already, this tournament is looking like a must-see event.

Peace, dickhead
Photo Credit: WWE.com

The biggest news in wrestling that broke over the weekend had to do with an earsore in the Smackdown Live! announce booth. John Layfield, better known as JBL, is leaving an active role as commentator to work on being a brand ambassador or some shit. As of right now, Corey Graves is replacing him on Smackdown, while Nigel McGuinness will move up to replace Graves on 205 Live and Main Event. The changes are effective starting tonight.

Even ignoring the social aspects of JBL's continued employment, this news is an absolute godsend for viewers of WWE and Smackdown in particular. Layfield by a comfortable margin was the worst commentator WWE has had since the days of Mike Adamle and the death spiral of Taz's WWE run. He was louder than his colleagues, bellicose to a degree that damaged the narrative, and mean-spirited to a degree even harsher than the most heelish heel color commentators. Conversely, Graves not only is among the best commentators WWE has had in history, he reunites with Tom Phillips and Byron Saxton, his partners from the salad days of NXT. Smackdown's Greek chorus will improve significantly.

As for JBL, he's not being fired or let go for disciplinary reasons. In fact, his quitting of the company reaches back to 2016, according to SI Extra Mustard writer and Paul Levesque's most useful idiot Justin Barrasso. He made sure to emphasize that Vince McMahon "refused to acquiesce to public pressure" to let JBL go after the public bullying incident with Mauro Ranallo, and he also noted that Layfield wasn't the primary person of interest with respect to Ranallo's episode. Honestly, I'd be more likely to believe that he wasn't verbally or physically pushing Ranallo around if the denials didn't come from a co-opted reporter, but hey, WWE is going to stick to its story.

He's been working without a contract since last October, and travel would appear to be the main reason why Layfield wants some time away from the company. Travel can be a bear for anyone, even a soulless cretin like JBL. Regardless of whether his exit from WWE was forcible or with the door wide open for a comeback later down the line, the truth is that the company improves immeasurably with him away from the product, at least in its presentation. Layfield leaving far from solves the company's problem with bullying since the motherfucker in charge is a bully at his core. But at least I don't have to listen to Layfield's windbag ass anymore on Tuesday nights. Praise be.

Pictured: Vince McMahon?
Photo via TV Tropes

Even though capitalists and conservatives run and populate the wrestling business, as an artform, it lends itself to leftist ideals. This series hopes to show wrestling fans why they should embrace the left, not just for the sport/art, but also for themselves.

Yesterday, WWE announced that for the first time ever, it would be broadcasting its flagship show, Monday Night RAW, live on Christmas and New Year's Days. The landmark days of the holiday season usually mean that most of the non-essential workforce is at home with their families, opening presents, cooking meals, nursing hangovers, or relaxing on a hard-earned respite from their jobs. Wrestling is far from an essential job. The nature of the business means that nearly everyone who isn't from the Chicago on Christmas or Miami on New Year's will not be able to spend it with their families unless those families go on the road with them. Furthermore, WWE's decision will make countless employees of the venues work on what normally would have been a holiday for them.

Of course, because wrestling fans are nothing if they're not cantankerous gits bent on arguing with each other on every little thing, the decision sparked debate on whether or not it was right for Vince McMahon not to run a clip show or content taped on an earlier date at least on Christmas Day. People in favor of the call cited that territorial promotions used to run Christmas shows all the time, and that they would be well-attended and celebrated, or that the National Football League and especially the National Basketball Association also run games on Christmas. They cite the fact that convenience stores or other nonessential places of business also are open to provide last minute services for coffee, food, medicine, or other items, as if it somehow CRUSHES the argument of those who think that McMahon maybe shouldn't be playing Ebenezer Scrooge to his roster's collective Bob Cratchit.

The question, however, really should be centered on why capital expects its labor force to work at the drop of a hat, sometimes without extra compensation, especially on days when a large majority of the workforce has enjoyed time off, or even worse, that those in capital and upper management enjoy off the clock. The fact that the Christmas holiday was announced as rescinded on Labor Day, the one day of the year on the American calendar when people begrudgingly celebrate the working human, has to add insult to injury. Additionally, it came after McMahon, a noted union-buster, hollowly wished everyone a happy Labor Day by noting that "hard work makes anything possible." Tell that to Bobby Heenan, Jesse Ventura, and anyone else who worked hard to attempt unionization before noted rat bitch Hulk Hogan dimed them out.

Anyway, does an employer reserve the right to make labor work on special days, or more pointedly, on demand? Luckily, labor unions and leftist reforms answered that question with a resounding "no" at the beginning of the 20th Century, at least they couldn't without making monetary concessions. I have no doubt in my mind that the stadium employees will make double, maybe triple time when they work RAW on Christmas and New Year's Days. But what about the wrestlers, who by and large are considered independent contractors without union protection? Will they be compensated fairly for their sacrifice? Furthermore, can money replace the time away on a special day on the calendar? One's mileage may vary on that front, but human interaction, especially with family and friends, is hard to replace with money, even when that money is in deep desire.

Of course, in this world of sharing economies and gig employment, of independent contracting and outsourcing, automation and downsizing for maximizing the profit margins of those who do the least labor, some folks may not have the choice, and that's fucked up. I've covered the Fight for $15 and unionization, and universal basic income is another hot topic of leftist ideals, but all of that converges when holidays and vacation time and any time that isn't spent at the job come up. Capital and upper management and shareholders all expect this massive amount of productivity, requiring an unhealthy dedication to being on the clock. Time is the most precious resource anyone has, more than money, more than anything. To expect someone to give the free amount of it up for any reason, whether it be to meet a deadline or to provide the circus for the petit bourgeoisie after they've had their Christmas bread, feels wrong.

So yeah, maybe people should learn how to make a cup of coffee at home for that one day a year where family, not work, is the emphasis. Maybe the only basketball that should be on television should be NBA 2K18 on whatever gaming system that family might have. But the fact that those things exist doesn't make it right for McMahon, who is perhaps the most flippantly anti-labor business figurehead in the nation, to make the announcement that his wrestlers, whom he unethically and perhaps illegally calls independent contractors, and the ancillary staff, both that he employs and that are employed by the venue, must work on a holiday on a day where those workers are supposed to be honored. It's wholly unnecessary and it further drives home the point that American workers are not respected, not honored, and not appreciated at all.

Bayley can be salvaged
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Wednesday, sweet, glorious Wednesday has arrived. Before you hunker down to watch NXT on the Award Winning WWE Network™ or Lucha Underground on the El Rey Network if you have it or CWF Mid-Atlantic on YouTube or whatever it is you watch tonight, read a bunch of quality articles by quality people. READ 'EM AND WEEP! Okay, maybe don't weep unless these articles touch you in a way that moves your soul. Or maybe not, I'm not your dad.

WWE announced that it was airing RAW live on both Christmas and New Year's Days this year. Read why that's bad and why your time is the most valuable resource you as a person have. [The Wrestling Blog]

Hey, Horb is back with all the news you can use. Read it all here! [The Wrestling Blog]

Carrie Dunn took in King of Trios in Wolverhampton, and she gushed about the experience. Read what you may have missed out on if you weren't in the UK over the weekend. [The Only Way Is Suplex]

Ian Williams is back with Bruiseday and looks at how WWE's obsession with worked shoots hurts it when they don't go anywhere. [Waypoint on VICE]

Matthew Martin knows WWE has a Bayley problem, but he knows how the company can fix it. [Cageside Seats]

Kyle Kensing writes about Titus Worldwide, and why it's one of the best things going in all of pro wrestling. [The Open Man]

Ashly Nagrant checks out the latest issue of WWE comics, wherein Dean Ambrose and Sasha Banks get a bit CRAZY. [Women Write About Comics]

Michael Whitlow takes a look at the video from the Mae Young Classic of three of the Four MMA Horsewomen showing down with three of the Four NXT Horsewomen. [Fansided WWE]

NON-WRESTLING #1: Action Cookbook reviews the top 25 programs in college football... according to the dogs of their fans. GOOD BOYS, WHO WANTS A NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP? [Every Day Should Be Saturday]

NON-WRESTLING #2: Elle Collins gave their pick for who should star in an adaptation of the LEGEND Jack Kirby's Kamandi. [SyFy Wire]

Things aren't looking up for Jarrett and the former TNA
Photo Credit: Lee South/ImpactWrestling.com

So, you bastards thought you were rid of ol' HORB FLERBMINBER after one week of bringing you all the NEWS on The Wrestling Blog again, weren't you? Well, you're wrong, DEAD WRONG. I am BACK to expose all the news and unleash all the TAKES. Dave Meltzer ain't got NOTHIN' on me except for traps. My god, his traps are EPIC. I never thought a trapezius muscle could have that much definition, but THOSE TRAPS STILL CAN'T GET HIM SCOOPS OVER ME, NO THEY CAN'T.

These scoops are only a mere sampling, an amuse bouche so to speak, of what I can offer. You have to follow me on Twitter, @HorbFlerbminber, if you want the instant news and takes, and I mean instant. I reported that Jim Cornette would declare a fatwa on the Young Bucks before they passed off a Satanic ritual as a wrestling match. I AM THAT ACCURATE. In fact, if you subscribe to my newsletter, you'll not only get access to past issues, but also FUTURE issues as well. For example...

January 9, 2019 - The life and times of Daryl Takahashi, whose ninth life was extinguished at WrestleKingdom 13 when Sexy Star appeared to put him in an armbar.
June 14, 2023 - I cover in detail the cybernetic surgery performed to transplant Vince McMahon's brain from his deceased body to a robotic octopus.
June 28, 2023 - Special double issue printed in honor of Robot Octopus Vincent Kennedy McMahon, the new Overlord of Eastern North America, the United Kingdom, and Svalbard.
April 5, 2084 - Complete coverage of WWE/New Japan/Mars Capitol Wrestling WrestleMania 100, including the big title unification match featuring WWE Universal Champion Lionel Levesque-Hogan, IWGP World Champion Kenzo Miahara, WWE Mexican Champion El Hijo del Hijo de la Hjia del Hijo del Dr. Wagner, Jr., Jr., and WCW Champion Terry Funk.
December 19, 250,000,000 - Humanity has been extinct for 40 million years and replaced by sentient mushrooms, and still no one can challenge WWE hegemony in professional wrestling. What gives?

All this and more, just for giving me your credit card number, expiration date, three-digit security code, and your mother's maiden name! And now, the news.

- Jeff Jarrett has stepped away from Global Force Wrestling, taking indefinite leave. Meanwhile, Anthem is looking at divesting from the wrestling company, citing major financial losses. Expect the company to finally die out 10¹⁰⁰ years from now, just after the heat death of the Universe.

- JBL left WWE to concentrate on grifting people out of money to shovel into his Bermuda tax shelter.

- Vince McMahon commented on JBL's departure, "HE'S NOT LEAVING BECAUSE HE'S A BULLY. IN FACT, HE'S THE FURTHEST THING FROM BEING A BULLY. IF YOU COULDN'T STAND UP TO HIS STRAIGHT FACTS, YOU'RE JUST A THROBBING PUSSY. FUCK YOU."

- John Cena is considered a front-runner to play Billy Batson in DC's Shazam movie adaptation. The Rock has already signed on to play nemesis Black Adam, so get your "Thrice in a lifetime" jokes ready now, guys.

- Ricochet won this year's Battle of Los Angeles, strangely enough with a Benadryller on Dave Meltzer.

- WWE will air RAW live on Christmas and New Year's Days this year, at least until the head of USA Network is visited by four spirits on Christmas Eve in an attempt to change his miserly ways.

- Sexy Star, meanwhile, has commented on her shooting incident on Rosemary at TripleMania, stating "Well, I was doing the armbar motion in the middle of the ring. If Rosemary hadn't laid down there right in my path, she'd have escaped harm."

- The Four Horsewomen of MMA confronted the Four Horsewomen of NXT in a Mae Young Classic vignette that will set up a match between the two factions further down the line. Not everyone is happy about it. Anonymous locker room source CJ Perry said "How dare these divas think they can stack up to real athletes like Ronda Rousey? The egos on them are out of control."

- Nikki Bella has been confirmed for the next season of Dancing with the Stars. In exchange, host Tom Bergeron will appear on Total Bellas as the sassy butler who gives Daniel Bryan a hard time about his flannel wardrobe.

- Yoshihiro Takayama has movement in his shoulders again after a freak in-ring accident left his paralyzed. While doctors are pessimistic for a full recovery, Takayama is hoping he can again one day stand in close quarters with Don Frye and recklessly trade punches with no defensive action whatsoever.

- WWE has signed Donovan Dijak, who celebrated his new job by name-searching everyone who has ever shit-talked him and compiling a list of people whose asses he'll kick before reporting to the Performance Center, a la the end of Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.

- I've just been informed that no one likes Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back except for me and Jason Mewes. Well fuck you.

- Triple H comforted Bianca Belair after her loss in the Mae Young Classic, which is why he's been sleeping on the couch for the last week and a half.

- Ric Flair publicly spoke for the first time since recovering from his surgery when he walked out his front door in a bathrobe, flashed the mailwoman, and shouted WOO!

- The Right Proper Mates defeated Team Japanese Ladies Or Something in the King of Trios final. Eh, who cares, it's only Chikara.

- Darren Young returned to action, but it's a NON-STORY.

- Ring of Honor has replaced its World Championship belt with an actual ring. Sinclair Broadcasting Group representative Shadowy Figure in a Trenchcoat said "We have to cut costs, you know? Our CEO can't buy 10,000 thread count toilet paper if we're spending money on frivolous things like title belts and health insurance."

- EVOLVE has announced Davey Richards will challenge for the company's top title against Zack Sabre, Jr. in Michigan on September 21. The match will be part of Richards' 13-year long farewell tour from wrestling as he prepares to become a paramedic.

Last week's poll results are in, and an overwhelming 94 percent of you think I could totally kick Todd Martin's ass in a real fight while six percent of you abstained from deciding on grounds that it violated your religion. This week's poll:

WHO SHOULD WIN THE MAE YOUNG CLASSIC?

Braun needs to stay BRAUN
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Maybe this is better suited for the tweetbag...but imagine a scenario where they make Braun a total white meat babyface
— the mole man 🌹 (@KingMoleMan) September 5, 2017

Oh my god, I don't wanna.

But WWE will at least attempt at turning him into a white meat babyface, which in today's parlance means less 1996 Rocky Maivia and more pre-Summer of Punk John Cena, because Braun Strowman is, for lack of a better term, the guy. Vince McMahon has an idea of who his big star should be, no matter how he fits into the mold. The biggest example was Roman Reigns, who was rejected as his attempt at being "bootleg John Cena," and was consciously repackaged as basically "dude who gets crowd reactions for being an aloof dick." Strowman shouldn't need to go through that phase to show that his value with WWE is exactly what he is now, chaos god in the form of a mountainous man. But WWE will try to gloss him over. It'll sheen up his ring gear and make him clean up his facial hair and recite Vince McMahon-written lines on the level of "SUFFERIN SUCCOTASH" or whatever. It'll be worse than your fiercest nightmares. I'd rather not dwell on it, but just know that the Strowman that exists now is the one everyone should hope remains with tweaks to stay relevant for the rest of his career.

is garnish some bullshit or what? i once ate a stem of dried parsley with some lasagna and it put me right off the whole thing.
— 📺's Brent (@TVsBrent) September 6, 2017

God, garnishes are the height of pretense. Don't put something on the plate unless it's meant to be eaten with the dish. Granted, most of the things that chefs put on a plate as a "garnish" nowadays are meant to be eaten. I watch a lot of Chopped, and contestants love to garnish shit all the time, but it's not that lonely piece of parsley that your shitty local mothball-smelling establishment that pretends it's fine dining as imagined in 1955 puts with EVERY Italian dish. So the term has evolved, but again, if you put something on the plate that doesn't fit with the dish, then you're a bad cook.

Why do you think ESPN hasn’t used a WWE personality for its Body Issue? #TweetBag
— Star of Savage (@StarOfSavage) September 6, 2017

The easiest guess is that it wasn't included in their coverage deal, or maybe it wasn't negotiated for this year? Wrestling is all about bodies of all shapes and sizes, even WWE and its body-guy/bikini-model fetish. ESPN would be foolish not to include wrestlers in the future. My guess is the opportunity just hasn't come up yet for the collaboration.

Which match from KoT are you most looking forward to seeing?
— Carrie Dunn (@carriesparkle) September 6, 2017

The easy answer is the final. Team Sendai Girls vs. British Strong Style is a legitimate dream match, but at the same time, while the Sendai Girls are a complete team that just happens to have one of the five greatest wrestlers in space-time on it, sometimes, I get the feeling that British Strong Style is Pete Dunne and, well, uh. I don't want all the fine folks out there to get mad at me for saying it, but I can't about how little Tyler Bate and especially Trent Seven do for me. So the real answer is Johnny Kidd vs. Mike Quackenbush. What can I say, I love the World of Sport, and both Kidd and Quack are masters at it.

5 most overrated office supplies
— KHill (@BigOrangeHill) September 6, 2017

White-Out - Who even needs it anymore? That's why you write reports on the computer and proofread before printing it out anymore.
College-ruled paper - Sure, you can fit more writing on the page, but it's not going to be as legible as the stuff written on the wide-ruled stuff. PASS.
Letterhead stationary - You can design your own logos without spending extra money on the paper. Save some money and be more creative.
Mechanical pencil - What it adds in convenience, it lacks in pure quality. Always go for the wooden pencil and sharpener.
Binders - Mitt Romney ruined them in 2012. RUINED THEM.

What's the one promotion you've been told you should get into the most that you just can't, or don't want to? #Tweetbag
— Okori Wadsworth (@OkoriWadsworth) September 6, 2017

The correct answer is Combat Zone Wrestling, and it's all on the choices it makes with personnel. Namely, DJ Hyde named an abuser, Sami Callihan, as head booker, and Callihan continues to book known Nazi-sympathizer at best and full-blown Nazi at worst SHLAK. It's a shame too, because CZW has some fun matches and great talent. And it's far from the only promotion who utilizes these known asswipes. For example, Game Changer Wrestling, the promotion that allowed Joey Janela to do his Spring Break, still books SHLAK. WrestleCircus, Lucha Underground, Pro Wrestling Guerrilla, and other places book Callihan. Domestic abusers get bookings everywhere. Why is CZW so special to be singled out? I don't know. It's hard to be a wrestling fan, because the shit is everywhere. Maybe it's easier to single out CZW because it already has a scummy rep. I don't know. But that's my line in the sand.

Which indy promotion fell off or got really good in the past year? #TweetBag
— ArchetypicalHighspot (@Michael_T1919) September 6, 2017

Would it be stereotypical to say Chikara has gotten really good in the last year? Of course, it wouldn't have had to have "gotten good" if it didn't sort of let a bunch of guys walk over the last few years, but hey, those Wrestle Factory rookies have gotten good quick. As for promotions that fell off, I honestly couldn't tell you. Most indies I follow are on a good path.

Before they came to BLOWS
Photo Credit: WWE.com

This week on Shanedown – uh, I mean Smackdown. Are we sure it's not Shanedown? Whatever it's called, I'm learning to live with:

ACTING
Shinsuke Nakamura and Randy Orton had a match at the end of the show, but the true main event was the promo-off the two had to start the show when we were able to compare and contrast their performances. Randy Orton, thespian at large, stared disoncertingly and unblinkingly at the camera, his posture rigid and oddly angled, his voice unmodulated and clipped, every part of him devoid of emotion. It was a masterful impression of a disinterested sixth-grader reading a book report.

Nakamura, on the other hand, used things like gestures and emphasis and expressions to convey how much this match mattered. And they call HIM the artist? Pfffft. Take your dynamism and stuff it, try-hard. That kind of investment in what you're asked to deliver is for chumps. True art is effortless, as in giving no effort whatsoever because you're going to keep getting big matches no matter what. Looks like SOMEONE needs a semester at the Viper School of Performance Art.

Their match was actually pretty good, or so I assume. While I was watching it I kept thinking that on any other night I'd be feeling pleasantly surprised instead of apathetic. Other people liked it, and I'm glad they still had the energy left to get invested. I was gritting my teeth and waiting for the show to end. More than anything I hate when the story bits of the show make it impossible for me to enjoy the wrestling bits. Unfortunately, Oscar winner Randy Orton was the least of this episode's problems, but at least we can all look forward to Nakamura vs. Jinder Mahal part two! I'm sure nothing will go wrong this time!

A Grave Change
This episode of Smackdown wasn't the greatest, but I can tell you that it was a million times more palatable than it would have been had JBL still been part of the announce team. Instead, in the future our ears will be treated to the much more dulcet (and intelligent) tones of Corey Graves. He's only been around for one episode, but I liked the combination of him, Tom Phillips, and Byron Saxton. Here's hoping they continue to gel as a team and give us a good soundtrack for the show.

A Surfeit of Shane
Kevin Owens had to go just a smidge too far in his diatribe about Shane McMahon because otherwise everything he was saying McMahon hogging the spotlight and pulling focus rang completely true. The only way to make Owens a real villain was to have him say he wished McMahon died in the helicopter womb. Well, that and dare to mention McMahon's children because that's somehow a cardinal sin among WWE authority figures. Even so, it hardly warranted McMahon attacking him in a whirling orange tornado of fists, and it certainly didn't warrant the announce team sombrely condemning Owens as being more at fault. Even Corey Graves went along with the party line. Apparently Blind Dad Rage excuses assaulting one’s employees (or “putting your hands on” your employees, as McMahon insists on putting it. CREEPY PHRASING, SHANE).

The thing is, Kevin Owens is putting in a really great performance. I completely buy him as a desperate man at the end of his rope with legitimate grievances but who is also an asshole incapable of winning allies to his cause. Daniel Bryan might be inclined to help him, but Owens can't stop himself from lashing out in spite. This would all be great if it wasn't also spotlighting a nonwrestler who will eventually be having yet another feeble match, just like what happened with AJ Styles. Oh, but maybe he’ll, like, jump off a thing again. We like when he does that, right?

Authority storylines are terrible. Lawsuit storylines are terrible. A McMahon being positioned as fighting for his job is terrible (especially since it hasn’t been that long since Shane fought this very battle. HE JUMPED OFF A THING AND EVERYTHING) yet the crowd started chanting “Thank you, Shane” like he was retiring or some shit. Mind you, this is the same crowd in which a MAGA sign was clearly visible during the main event, so I shouldn't expect much. Anyway, Vince McMahon is showing up next week in order to compound the terrible and boy I cannot wait for yet another huge portion of Smackdown to be devoted to this nonsense.

For your consideration, a short list of people who were not on this episode: Rusev, Becky Lynch, Charlotte, Naomi, Chad Gable and Shelton Benjamin, the Fashion Police, Bobby Roode, Luke goddamn Harper. It would be so, so easy to fill this show with good wrestling and fun times and they just. Won’t. Do it.

I will say that I’m really leaning into my Daniel Bryan, secret evil genius, theory. How very convenient that he’s the one left in charge of Smackdown now, and let us never forget that he was the one who suggested Shane be the referee in the Owens/Styles match. I’m watching you, D-Bry.

Mixed Messages
I was actually kind of excited when Owens pettishly insisted he was going to referee the women’s match because aside from a mixed tag here and there how long has it been since the women’s and men’s divisions actually intersected? Unfortunately, that didn’t happen, and after the overly tanned fireworks that started things off Carmella and Natalya had to try and get focus back on the wrestling part of this wrestling show. They had a fine little match, though I’m wondering why Natalya hasn’t thrown in her lot with Owens since it’s really unfair to make her face the Money in the Bank holder just two weeks after they also had to tag together. Clearly someone doesn’t want her to hold that title very long (someone like a SECRET EVIL GENIUS GENERAL MANAGER).

Then Carmella had to essentially run down James Ellsworth after Kevin Owens did the same to Shane McMahon, but to her credit I think she did a really good job. I don’t even like Ellsworth and I couldn’t stop thinking how mean she was being, which was the point. I mean, saying someone’s mother should have given them away is still not on par with wishing they were literally dead, but I’m sure she’ll work up to that level of heartlessness. Of course, the effect was kind of ruined when later in the show she took Ellsworth back with a kiss/slap combination that I can’t get behind. I know that she’s a bad guy and she should do bad things, but I’m not into a “women are craaaazy bitches!” characterization for her or anyone. She was doing just fine without that.

Sad Sami
Man, if Sami Zayn constantly losing was actually working toward something it would be fine, but it’s not. He’s just stuck in this endless loop. Hell, even if the matches were at least satisfying that would be something. Instead Aiden English put Zayn away in about a minute and it was depressing as fuck. And I like Aiden English, but I don’t think it’s controversial to say that Sami Zayn should be doing, you know, MORE. Zayn threatening to attack English after he won fair and square was the disappointing icing on the sad cake. I can’t deal with bitter loser Sami Zayn. That’s not something I ever need in my life.

My Heart Growing 10 Sizes
With Sami Zayn breaking my heart and going down a path I can’t follow, I really needed SOMETHING cheery to happen on this show. What I got was a match between Tye Dillinger and Baron Corbin that I enjoyed a lot. Dillinger put on a gutsy, aggressive performance and Corbin seemed to up his game, too. I do kind of wish Corbin had lost just because he seems to have bounced right back from his Money in the Bank cash-in loss without learning a single lesson. He spent this entire match looking at AJ Styles instead of putting all his focus on the problem at hand and I feel like that should have cost him. Oh well.

And then Good Guy AJ Styles offered Dillinger a title shot next week because of Corbin messing things up, this time smacking Dillinger square in the throat when the ref wasn’t looking. I doubt very much that Dillinger will win, but the match should be fun, and I’m glad SOMEONE is coming out of this episode with something to show for it.

Also I’m still not used to Baron Corbin’s new chanty beginning to his entrance music and every time it starts I think we’re getting a wrestling monk or something. This obviously means that Corbin should go full Thoros of Myr and start carrying a flaming sword into melees. That’s the kind of very serious wrestling content we need right now.

Cue the Jeffersons' theme
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Cezar Bononi: Hey! It's Cien again! Maybe I can
Zelina Vega: DESTROY HIM!
Andrade Almas: Way ahead of you. Let me just set up the knees and
Zelina: WHAT PART OF DESTROY FAILED TO RESONATE WITH YOU
Cien: Right. Hammerlock DDT!
Referee: Winner!

Master Regal: If Misters Cole, Fish and O'Reilly wish to join us here in Full Sail, they are more than welcome to. But they'll do so under contract within the confines of the ring; the days of these sneak attacks are through.

Velveteen Dream: Yes, I am still on this program. I will be so again very soon.

Three Red Shirts: eep
Lars Sullivan: splut splat GORSH
Referee: Winner!
No Way Jose: Nice. Let's see how well you can fight me without jumping me from behind!
Lars: Excellently, actually beats the crap out of Jose like the three schmoes before him, leaves
Jose: (blood curdling in his mouth) OW

Johnny Gargano, "Earlier This Week": Brooklyn was magical. You don't often get moments like that, and...
Some Reporter: What about Zelina throwing in the DIY shirt? Did she...
John Wrestles: I cost myself the match by losing focus. It'll never happen again.
Tino Sabotelli and Riddick Moss: LOL Gargano. Maybe you should just get another tag partner.
J.W.: Maybe one of you can face me next week.

SAnitY: Welcome to our world, Adam, Bobby and Kyle. You dance different. As do we. We don't care where you're from, who you think you are, or are going to be in this Universe. The only thing we care about is CHAOS!

Zeda: smiles a lot despite the imminent loss
Sonya Deville: trucks her for a bit, running knee, triangle
Referee: Winner!
(Ronda Rousey: lolwhut
Triple H: shhh)

Danny Burch, "Earlier Today at the PC": wrestles
Oney Lorcan: wrestles *in tandem with him*
Master Regal: looks on approvingly
Ruby Riot: Master Regal?
Master Regal: Hmm?
Ruby Riot: I want a handicap match against the Aussies so I can shut them up for good.
Master Regal: Ruby, I cannot in good conscience allow that to take place. What I can do is allow a tag match to occur and for you to seek a partner to go into battle with.
Ruby: All right.

Hideo: kicks
Kassius: elbows
Hideo: sends him into the post and down the stairs, then kicks him a few more times back in the ring
Kassius: Chair block! Van Ohn...
Hideo: throws the chair back at him
Kassius: OW
Hideo: Mocking kicks! Kassius Ohno, it is past time that you
Kassius: GO TO ROLLING ELBOW! Mocking kicks!
Hideo: Chair assisted hesitation dropkick! Show me respect!
Kassius: blocks the punt in the balls Payback, motherfucker! FLAIR UPPERCUT
Everybody Ever: ow ow OW
Hideo: ...this is even more painful than it looks.
Kassius: ROLLING ELBOW! Byeeee!
Referee: Winner!

Master Regal: It is my honor and privilege to bring out our Women's Champion, Asuka!
Full Sailors: applause, Asuka chants
Asuka: I've been here for almost two years, and...
Full Sailors: Thank you, Asuka! clap clap clapclapclap Thank you, Asuka! clap clap clapclapclap
Asuka: I love NXT, love NXT, I grew so much here and am grateful for it.
Master Regal: You've defended the belt with honorsince capturing it. risked everything to defend it, and have etched your name as one of the greatest champions in WWE history. We all know it, and other people noticed too...so negotiations are in progress with Raw and SmackDown Live to acquire your singular talent...
Full Sailors: YES! YES! YES! YES!
Master Regal: ...in a bittersweet moment, since you'll be stepping down as champion.
Full Sailors: NO! NO! NO! NO!
Master Regal: And the rest of the world will come to know what we take as Bible truth...
Asuka: NO ONE IS READY FOR ASUKA!
Full Sailors: applaud
Women's Division: comes out and applauds
Several Viewers: KAIRI GET DOWN THERE AND FIGHT HER
Men's Division: follows suit
Asuka: You are NXT. I am NXT. And wherever I go, NXT comes with me.
Ember Moon: smiles, walks into the ring
Asuka: extends the Hand of Friendship
Ember:this
Master Regal: weeps slightly but like a real man's man
Full Sailors: buzz
Triple H: enters the ring, hands off the farewell roses
Full Sailors: You deserve it! clap clap clapclapclap You deserve it! clap clap clapclapclap
Triple H: The woman who spent 523 days as the most dominant NXT Women's Champion ever... the Empress of Tomorrow... Asuka!
Full Sailors: more cheering and applause
Asuka: bows to them all
Full Sailors: Thank you, Asuka! clap clap clapclapclap Thank you, Asuka! clap clap clapclapclap
Asuka: bobs in place a bit to the rhythmic clapping

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