The Wrestling Blog

Do that failson Fargo Strut, Double J, you win the battle of Failing Upward
Photo Credit: WWE.com

It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers:

who's the bigger upward failure: gabe or jeff jarrett
— 📺's Brent is Dead (@TVsBrent) October 11, 2017

Obviously Jarrett is the correct answer here because he's been doing it longer and has had a more diverse run as a failson. Sapolsky has only tripped up the ladder in one field. You could argue Jarrett has done so in three if you count hawking gold. Jarrett somehow got to be a major World Champion, promoted a single promotion for a decade, and actually got people to believe he'd make a big resurgence with a second one. Sapolsky has a long way to catch up to ol' Double J, especially since he'll probably never take a bump.

#Tweetbag If the Neville rumors are true, what's a more fire 1st indy match back: Against Kushida, or against Zach Sabre Jr?
— Okori Wadsworth (@OkoriWadsworth) October 11, 2017

The better indie match of the two is probably Zack Sabre, Jr. regardless of anything else because I find Sabre to be the better wrestler of the two. That's not to say Neville, or more accurately PAC, vs. KUSHIDA wouldn't be fire, because it would. However, I feel like Neville can bring more unpredictability vs. Sabre, much like AR Fox did in that cramped high school gym in suburban Philadelphia last summer.

Excellent article about the McMahon’s the other day. That said, will Shane ever win another one on one match before he stops wrestling?
— Nick Christakos (@nick36c) October 11, 2017

First, thanks! Second, it depends on the opponent. My gut feeling is no opponent is currently on the scene that would give McMahon a way to win that didn't sabotage the narrative. Then again, you never know if the opportunity to go over Triple H would ever arise. That being said, I don't think it's likely to happen.

Do you ever watch 205 live? If so, do you agree that Drew Gulak has the best gimmick in WWE right now?
— ScottFeldman (@ScottFeldman) October 11, 2017

I don't watch 205 Live a whole lot, but I don't have to to tell you that Drew Gulak absolutely has the best gimmick not only in WWE but possibly in wrestling. It was excellent when he was doing it in Combat Zone Wrestling, and it works here, because the ground is so fertile for it to thrive. Gulak basically is running a political campaign against the DNA of wrestling. It's such a layup of a gimmick as long as you put your whole ass into it, and Gulak has never been known to half-ass anything.

Is there a pro wrestling equivalent to Stephen Strasburg? #TweetBag
— Star of Savage (@StarOfSavage) October 11, 2017

A prodigious talent who gets put on limited appearances and has problems with his gastrointestinal health? He's a prolonged walkout from baseball to try another sport or two from being a carbon copy of Brock Lesnar.

Nice? #TweetBag
— Ryan Wolfsbayne (@mutantdog123) October 11, 2017

Yes, very nice. Very nice indeed.

We've seen the likes of Leatherface in pro wrestling for decades, but what wrestler(s) would you like to see in a horror film? #TweetBag
— br-🎃-ck 🎃-bama (@NotBrockJahnke) October 11, 2017

Bray Wyatt would probably be the too-easy answer, but while I'd love to see him scripted by competent writers and a plot that builds him up before tearing him down instead of tearing him down every other story beat, I don't know, my interest in him has been successfully destroyed by WWE. However, I don't have far to go for my next choice, BRAUN STROWMAN. Imagine a horror film centered around him terrorizing oversexed teenagers? It might be enough to make me a horror fan.

#TweetBag What terrible show do you kind of wish didn't get cancelled?
— ArchetypicalHighspot (@Michael_T1919) October 11, 2017

This answer will show how fucking old I am, but when I was in eighth grade, The Dana Carvey Show had an extremely limited run as a midseason replacement on ABC. By limited, I mean eight episodes. As a dumb preteen, I loved it and was sad to see it go. Would I have liked it now? I don't know, but you said "terrible" show, and that show probably was terrible. I would've loved to have seen it get a whole season at least.

most exciting possible reunion WWE could do now that they've done The Shield and Sami/Kevin?
— Bobby God (@BobbyGod) October 11, 2017

I have two answers, both of which are only exciting for dorks like me and that will almost certainly never happen because the principals are either too serious now, or they're MIA. The first is 3MB. Now that Jinder Mahal and Drew McIntyre are back in WWE, the stage would be set for one of the greatest reunions of all-time. However, Heath Slater still seems like comedy fodder, and the other two, if you haven't noticed, are Champions in their respective brands. The other group is the BFFs. Charlotte Flair, Sasha Banks, and Summer Rae coming back together would excite the old school NXT fans something fierce, but I'm not sure how one does that when Banks and Flair have lapped Summer in exposure/fame, and when I'm not sure Summer will ever make an appearance on WWE television again. Every other reunion can go to hell, as far as I'm concerned.

I don’t get stoked on older wrestlers/wrestling very often, but recently I’ve gotten real into Kenta Kobashi. What are your thoughts on him?
— Ultima Scotty Tres (@ScottyTres) October 11, 2017

Okay, so this is the part of the TweetBag where I expose myself as a FAKE PURO FAN, because I'm not sure I've ever seen a full Kenta Kobashi match. That being said, I've seen a bunch of clips, and they're all rad. Also, he no-sold cancer, is the rare benign vanity searcher on Twitter, and he smiles like HE'S the fan in every picture he takes with people who are either his peers or who were influenced by him. I need to do a Kobashi deep dive someday, but regardless, he's a legend who's earned his place and then some.

If / when both WM 33 Crusierweight match participants leave, does that mean they're both pessimistic or that they see the rot?
— Devin Kurant (@LUtang_Secret) October 11, 2017

This question's already been answered, as both of them kinda wanted out over monetary concerns. Of course, each case also had aggravating circumstances; Austin Aries rubbed people the wrong way, and Neville was asked to continually put over another guy who rubbed everyone the wrong way. But they not only saw the rot, they were affected by it in ways that the people who continue to sign with WWE, wide-eyed and hopeful about their chances to move up on the card don't think can happen to them.

FRIENDSHIP!
Photo Credit: WWE.com

This week on Smackdown I'm learning to live with:

Tag Time
I've been, shall we say, less than impressed with Smackdown lately. This episode, however, got things back on track in a big way, starting with the opening segment, which gave time to the much neglected tag division. The Usos and New Day have been regularly stealing the show on pay-per-views for a while now, and they definitely deserved some time to bask in the limelight. There was so much good stuff here: New Day still selling their injuries from Hell in a Cell, the Usos offering respect but still kind of being jerks about it, New Day totally agreeing that they're the best but not wanting to throw the rest of the division under the bus. Then there was the parade of the rest of the division, which gave us Mojo Rawley pointing out that it's easier to be the best when you get the most TV time and the most title shots, acknowledgment that having a Shelton Benjamin brings a lot to the table (but still, BACK OF THE LINE), everyone agreeing that the Fashion Police are cool, and the Ascension still apparently following their would-be BFFs around. The rest of the tag division has largely been under the radar, but they've still been interacting and developing. We got a real sense that these are all people with relationships and history with each other, and it was fun as hell, which is not something one can usually say about a start of show talky segment.

The match to determine the next championship challengers was a whole lot of fun, too. Everyone backed up their insistence that they deserved a shot at the title by going all out and never letting up, with brawls breaking out throughout the match. The best parts came at the end with Gable and Benjamin trading near-falls and high-impact moves with the Fashion Police. I honestly didn't know which team I wanted to win, but I'm hugely excited to see Gable and Benjamin take on the Usos. The Usos are just killing it right now, and I want to see them have good matches with every team we've got. Make Smackdown the tag team show. They make everything better!

Finally, I'd be remiss if I didn't briefly talk about the reveal of Luke Harper and Erick Rowan's new look. Honestly, I think “the Bludgeon Brothers” is an enormously silly name, but wrestling is an enormously silly pastime, so I can live with it. I'm just happy that Luke Harper will be a part of the show again and hopefully doing things that matter.

Telling and Not Showing
I'd love the women's division to get the same kind of revitalization the tag division is apparently getting because they desperately need it. Once again commentary drew our attention to the fact that Becky Lynch hasn't been in the title chase for quite a while, stating that she needed the win against Carmella in order to “reassert herself in the women's division.” But, again, we haven't seen any real indication of that either in the ring or backstage. There was a lot of intensity in the match on this episode, but Lynch always goes all-in, so other than commentary telling us, there was no reason to think of this match as anything other than a fun bit of nothing. And it WAS good, don't get me wrong, but the women's division right now is caught in a loop of champion/challenger/Carmella taunting both of them with her briefcase without it much mattering who the champion and challenger are. Becky Lynch is my favourite wrestler to watch in the division, but she's also by far the best actor. Why not give her something really meaty to work with?

FRIENDSHIP
Wishes do come true. I have been hoping that Sami Zayn would throw in with Kevin Owens and so it came to pass. I am fucking magical. APPEASE ME, SMACKDOWN.

Uh, anyway. It's true that this situation isn't perfect. We're apparently still supposed to think Zayn and Owens are in the wrong even though that notion is utterly absurd, as has been well documented on this blog. I would have liked to see Zayn a little more conflicted, like he knows that it was the right thing to do to come to Owens' aid, but he also knows that he can't fully trust his friend. Owens was even out there calling Zayn his guardian angel...but only insofar as it led to Kevin Owens being able to do whatever he likes. And while Owens was definitely representing the interests of any employee being unfairly targeted by their boss, he's hardly an altruist, and it would be understandable if Zayn had reservations about what he might have unleashed. You can't argue with anything Sami Zayn said against Shane McMahon, and it's going to be both hilarious and infuriating when they try and convince us otherwise. And despite him being completely right, a bitter and down-on-himself Sami Zayn is a heartbreaking sight.

Still, friendship prevailed, and Kevin Owens with a giant smile on his face was one of the most adorable things I've ever seen. I can't remember the last time I felt so many emotions about a story. I'm not going to think about the ways this could go wrong for now. Hugs for everyone!

A Thing That Happened
I don't know. What am I supposed to do with Shinsuke Nakamura and Randy Orton teaming up to crush Rusev and Aiden English? True story: I fell asleep during this match. Did I need to see Rusev and English get beaten yet again? Nope. Did Nakamura and Orton have a single reason to team up? Nope. Did either of them gain anything by winning? Nope. It just happened. Still, though, this (apart from the Ziggler/Roode confrontation that I will not be discussing because fuuuuuck) was the low point of the show and it just made me nod off rather than gnash my teeth in rage. That's a real improvement for Smackdown.

The Return of Baron Corbin, Wordsmith
I was surprised when Baron Corbin versus AJ Styles was announced as the main event because I expected it to be just an okay match, but it was actually pretty great. I think I've just gotten used to Corbin not being competent that I forgot he's capable of making an impact, and Styles gave him lots of opportunities to show off his strength. I particularly enjoyed when Styles had Corbin in the calf crusher and Corbin just reached back and SLAMMED Styles into the mat, forcing him to break the hold. Likewise when he snatched Styles off the apron and flipped him to the floor. Styles is an absolute master of making his opponents look great without losing face himself, and Corbin held up his end of things, too. I'm not opposed to Corbin holding onto the United States Championship if he can keep having matches like this.

Also he left us with the amazing line of “I will buy a boat and float down the river of your tears,” which was fantastic. He must be feeling better if he's back to composing terrible prose.

A Brooklyn rematch shone in the main event
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Peyton: This is so my opportunity!
Billie Kay: It so is, boo. #iconic!
Liv Morgan: Must dance away the impending doom...
Nikki Cross: rants and screams sporadically, grabs Liv by the hand after yelling at her and lines Peyton out
Peyton: recovers, gets enzuigiried and quits recovering
Nikki: puts a sleeper on Liv
Liv and Peyton: slam Nikki down then fight over the cover, then just fight
Peyton: throws Liv down by the air and puts her in a rope-assisted bow and Octopus hybrid
Nikki: drags Peyton down to the floor, almost dropping her on her head
Everybody: fights in the corner
Everybody: falls victim to the sunset bomb superplex Tower O'Doom
Everybody: ow
Some Guy, Bay Bay: No, the one in black should do ahead of next week's six man tag. Get her, T.
Taynara Conti: prevents Nikki from winning
Peyton: sees this and hits her standing spin kick and Perfectplex on her
Referee: Winner!
Peyton: I did it! I knew I'd do it!
Billie: Good show, baby! You did it all by yourself, too, baby girl.
Peyton: I Want The Belt!

Lio Rush: slaps "Patrick" in the face, dodges him a bunch and hits some kicks
Velveteen Dream: LARIAT!
Lio: But what if I hit this Horus DDT?
VD: No, child, we're done here. Death Valley Bomb, Savage elbow, raise it.
Referee: Winner!
VD: (sans mic to the hard camera) You're going to say my name.

Lars Sullivan: roars
Danny Burch: slaps him having literally learned nothing from the last match, and also is snuffed out in short order
Referee: Winner!

Street Profits: swag it out
Unnamed Victims: clearly doomed
Street Profits: hit their three move combo to close in short order
Referee: Winners!
Street Profits: celebrate in the crowd to an increasingly positive response yet again

Andrade "Cien" Almas: tries to power Johnny around
Johnny Gargano: counter wrestles
Cien: tries to counter the counters
Both: get one count roll ups
Full Sailors: applaud
Cien: reverts to Tranquilo, blocks a superkick but ends up Gargano Escaped and quickly gets the ropes
Johnny: goes to work on the arm
Cien: kicks him in the face, then hits a dragon backbreaker followed up by a reverse headlock elbow drop into the apron
Everybody: That's the hardest part of the ring!
Johnny: Flying tornado Flatliner! Tope suicida! Iconoclasm variant! SUPERKICK!
Cien: shoves (?) the ref into the top rope
Johnny: aggh my balls
Referee: Hey! Did you do that on purpose!?
Cien: No se dice "on purpose", lo siento.
Johnny: Oh, that is it. Lariat! Lawn Dart! Crucifix driver! And now, Gargano Escape!
Zelina: jumps up on the apron and unzips to reveal a #DIY shirt
Johnny: glares at her for a couple of seconds, but refocuses on the hold
Referee: His foot's on the bottom rope, Johnny! Break the hold!
Johnny: (to Zelina) That means nothing to me anymore!
Cien: DTH~! into the bottom buckle! ENZUI KNEES EXPRESS! AGAIN! HAMMERLOCK DDT!
Referee: Winner!
Full Sailors: look torn while they clap
Johnny: tries to recover on the mat
Cien: genuflects towards Zelina I'm good, but she's even better. smiles

Big weekend if you live in the midwest and like Feníx
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein

Westside Xtreme Wrestling Fight Forever Tour (Friday, Hof, Germany)
Ring of Honor Global Wars (Friday, Pittsburgh, PA)
CWF Mid-Atlantic CWF Rumble 2017 (Saturday, Gibsonville, NC)
International Wrestling Cartel Unbreakable 2017 (Saturday, Elizabeth, PA)
WXW Fight Forever Tour (Saturday, Chemnitz, Germany)
Combat Zone Wrestling The Wolf of Wrestling (Saturday, Sewell, NJ)
SoCal Pro Rumble in Oceanside (Saturday, Oceanside, CA)
Anarchy Wrestling at the Landmark (Saturday, Cornelia, GA)
IPW: United Kingdom UK Super 8 2017 (Sunday, Tonbridge, England)
Revolution Pro Wrestling Live in Cardiff (Sunday, Cardiff, Wales)
WXW Fight Forever Tour (Sunday, Liepzig, Germany)
DTU Lucha Libre (Sunday, Ecatepec, Mexico)

Tate layeth the smacketh down on a football, even as his team turned out to be a bunch of jabronis yesterday
Photo Credit: Joe Sargent/Getty Images

So when wrestling happens in football, it's usually player-on-player. While cool to look at, the football field wrestling moves are more dangerous in theory because it's a shoot. That is to say, the victim may not be as protected as the average wrestler taking the equivalent in the ring. That takes some wind out of the sails. However, Golden Tate, Detroit Lions wide receiver and maple bar enthusiast, made sure no one got hurt on his electrifying take on wrestling on the gridiron. When he delivered his take on The People's Elbow, he did it on a football.

Tate broke out the highly topical celebration yesterday, in the Lions ugly 52-38 loss to the New Orleans Saints at the Superdome. Despite being on the overall losing end, the Lions had quite a few highlight reel plays, including Tate snagging a ball and juking several defenders for a long touchdown reception. Tate's moves on the field before hitting paydirt probably were more reminiscent of Kofi Kingston or Will Ospreay. But once he hit the end zone, it was all Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. You'll have to follow the link to Deadspin to read it, but trust me, it'll be worth it.

Of course, a ball's small size limits the kinds of moves one can do to it, but at least no one got increased risk of CTE from taking the move. Hopefully, Tate has more wrestling-related celebrations for the future, especially if he can break them out en route to victories for his team rather than defeats. Many a long-suffering, diehard Lions fan would like more of those than the team has gotten since its last title in 1957.

Try fantasy booking a run for Emma on the indies if she'd ever leave WWE. You can't, and that's a problem.
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Austin Aries and Neville opened the show at WrestleMania 33. I remember the overwhelming narrative at the time was between people who thought this was a slight towards them and others who thought being on the pre-show didn't matter. Actually, that narrative war was mostly centered around the Smackdown Women's Championship match, which ended up getting switched to the main show anyway. However, more than six months later, the argument seems more prescient to that Cruiserweight Championship match. Aries has already been gone from WWE for three months, and while reports say that people higher up in the company were happy to see him go, he still initiated his contract release. Neville stormed out of RAW last week with his release requested according to reports. The reason why both wrestlers stormed out had to do with money.

205 Live contracts are structured differently than main roster ones, in that the money is all tied to appearances, unlike main roster RAW and Smackdown wrestlers who have downside guarantees. So something as trivial-seeming as royalties from the WrestleMania DVD can be a financial boon for wrestlers like Aries and Neville. Of course, that financial bonus only works when your match is on the DVD. The pre-show matches were not included, so yeah, a wrestler has a valid reason to not want to be relegated to the part of the broadcast that is aired for free on YouTube and plays to only the people filing into the building at that time.

Of course, Aries and Neville will have options to make money outside of WWE, just like Cody Rhodes and Jack Swagger have now. Aries mentioned on Twitter that his upcoming slate of indie bookings will be more lucrative than his time on 205 Live. Anytime rumors drop that people are trying to leave WWE, the reactions turn to fantasy booking, but that's only really for men. What about women who want to leave WWE for greener pastures? The harsh truth is the greenest pastures for female wrestlers are WWE, which says less about WWE than it does about everywhere else. In fact, when the most well-cultivated women's wrestling scene in America outside WWE is in dying-on-the-vine ~~TNA~~ ~~Global Force Wrestling~~ Impact Wrestling, the scene for women in America isn't as vibrant as it is for men.

Forget the fact for one second that WWE still has a lot of work to do to get it right by women on its program. Forget that Sasha Banks and Charlotte Flair headlining a pay-per-view is less a trend and more an anomaly. Forget that WWE has spent most of the last year shoveling women into non-singles programs centered around the title where no one really has the chance to get over. Forget that WWE is still run by a bunch of sexist ghouls who are only worried about getting a gold star from the neoliberal media. Which is to say, forget that WWE is still not the best place in the world for a woman to work. It's still perhaps the best place for a woman to work by a large margin, which says more about the scene than about WWE, but I digress.

For starters, it offers the most opportunities. You can at least expect one or two matches and a segment or two dedicated to women on weekly television. Women of Honor don't even have a goddamn title yet. New Japan Pro Wrestling has only booked a women's match to further a male feud between two American wrestlers despite the fact that joshi is perhaps the best and most developed women's wrestling scene not just in the world now, but in recorded history. Lucha Underground perhaps has the best theoretical take on women wrestling except that the writing often still skews sexist, and it decided to throw its weight behind Sexy goddamn Star and not someone good. The American and British indies can do well by women, but it's like, you're lucky to get one women's match on a show, and it's usually for a title. You get promotions like Pro Wrestling EVE, SHIMMER, and SHINE, but the middle one runs two weekends and a single show during Mania week and has no real stable means of distribution. The bookends were borne more out of "separate but equal" bullshit that reinforces the idea that women's wrestling is an actual genre and not just a different demographic to be represented in the entire stream of styles of wrestling.

WWE has a roster of regular women too, a sizable one on three of its four major shows; apparently, according to WWE's parlance, it has four genders: man, woman, cruiserweight, and Briton. Either way, if you're a woman, you can find a job with WWE without needing to fall victim to artificial scarcity. Impact Wrestling is the same, even if its number of slots isn't nearly as large as WWE's. Once you start going down the list, the pickings get slim. Most indie promotions don't have steady, contracted rosters, to be fair, but the ones that do hand out contacts don't seem to give them to women. For example, Lucha Underground has Star, Ivelisse Velez, Mariposa (Cheerleader Melissa), Kobra Moon (Thunder Rosa), Taya (Valkyrie), and Black Lotus. They're outnumbered by a six-to-one ratio, however, which may or may not be similar to WWE or even Impact, but it's fighting for one hour a week of airtime to WWE's six and Impact's two. It also may not be coming back for a fourth season, which would suck. However, Lucha Underground at least signs women to contracts, which is more than one can say for Ring of Honor. The next contract to a woman it offers will be its first.

WWE also features its women's roster prominently, which again, the rest of the world outside of Impact and Lucha Underground fails to do. Fuck, it was a big deal when ROH announced that the women's match at Global Wars over the weekend wasn't going to be a dark match. The amount of incrementalism that gets passed off as REAL PROGRESS is infuriating and embarrassing, and it's the only thing that many promotions seem to take from WWE. I'm not here to praise WWE's handling of women because at its core, it's incrementalist bullshit that serves to pat Stephanie McMahon on the back and court other industries that do a similar or better job promoting its female talent, like mixed-martial arts.

However, if innovation happens, it should happen at the grassroots levels and with fewer levels of corportism. Corporations don't innovate; they sop up innovation through varying means of scruples. It's what they are designed to do. They're content agglomerators. WWE agglomerates wrestlers, styles, and movements that are popular. It doesn't create, it reacts. The fact that McMahon's reaction to the market, how more and more women are consuming WWE and wrestling in general, feels more progressive than what everyone else is doing is abhorrent. The fact that one can imagine lush scenarios for fucking Curt Hawkins should he get released again and not for Emma is a travesty.

Wrestling needs to do better, and by "wrestling," I mean wrestlers, fans, promoters, everyone. It's not enough to get mad when some dipshit like Billi Bhatti goes off about how "everyone" liked the Attitude Era better because Sable was exposing her chest and not throwing chops at another competitor's chest. It's not enough to lash out at companies that promote intergender wrestling irresponsibly. It's wondering why promotions aren't working with more women and having more than one women's match on a show. NOVA Pro Wrestling recently ran a card with three women's matches, and it felt like an oasis in the desert. Meanwhile, SHIMMER weekends attract the best female talent on the continent and in the world; where the fuck are they working when they're not congregating at WrestleMania or in Berwyn twice a year? Why can't every promotion that tries to book the same Matt Riddle/Keith Lee/Sami Callihan/and so on and so forth core of wrestlers for their prestige show not try to be different and maybe fly in Nicole Matthews or Kiera Hogan?

For a good portion of wrestlers, leaving WWE isn't going to be the most viable option. Praise be to the Toni Storms and Vipers of the world who can with a straight face and strong backing turn down contract offers and continue their wrestling careers, but they're even rarer than the Cody Rhodeses and Young Bucks of the world who make big livings without having to entertain the WWE sphere of influence. While Lucha Underground, should it survive to a fourth season, and Impact Wrestling have their issues, they're two of the few places outside of WWE where women can viably continue a career without having to rely on customs for a bulk of their income. Everyone else — Ring of Honor, New Japan Pro Wrestling, the indies, wherever — need to step their games up. Women's wrestling can't be just a top-or-nothing scenario, or else any progress made for women in wrestling is going to be washed away the moment Stephanie McMahon's analytics reports tell her the tides are changing.

Don't mess with Nigel Bradham, dorks
Photo via Associated Press

Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Nigel Bradham (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Several Eagles contributed to the team's defeat of the Carolina Panthers (and the officials) on Thursday, but none were more TITANIC than Bradham's, who even potentially injured himself to force a fourth down. Bradham was all over the field, making sure no Panther was able to take a step without fearing for his safety. Because of his efforts, the Eagles are in first place in the entire National Football Conference. Fly Eagles Fly!

2. Toni Storm (Last Week: 1) - Storm had the weekend off, at least according to Cagematch. Maybe she worked, maybe she didn't. Either way, I think it'd be nice to have her above the cut again this week, wouldn't you agree? Good, I'm glad everyone could come to this accord. Thank you.

3. Jazzy Gabert (Last Week: Not Ranked) - It'd be one thing if she were just bulldozing fools in the ring, and she did. But man, she posted this selfie and imagine not enjoying her not only destroying jabronis in the ring AND looking extra 100 percent fly like that. Couldn't be me.

4. Gochujang (Last Week: Not Ranked)OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED RANKINGS - Oh my god, I bought some of this last week and tried it tonight, and it's amazing. It's not like any other hot sauce or paste I've ever had before, but it's spicy and funky. Like it has a rich, deep, intense flavor that I guess only comes with fermenting. I don't think it's all that useful as a solo condiment — it's way too viscous to spread easily — but I very much look forward to using it in recipes and as a sauce component.

5. Michael Elgin (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Elgin not only won the inaugural Jim Lynam Memorial Tournament, but he hurried down to St. Louis from Chicago to promote a bomb-ass Glory Pro show the next day. All in a weekend's work for BIG MIKE.

6. Braun Strowman (Last Week: 3) - I didn't want to dock him too much because it took three guys, and not only any three guys, but perhaps the three most special guys in recent WWE history when paired together to kick his shit in Monday. But man, I bet Toni Storm wearing a tiny hat would've beaten back The Shield by herself. Do better, Beast Among Men.

7. Asuka (Last Week: 5) - Remember the last time someone said they were ready for Asuka? I don't, because NOBODY IS READY FOR ASUKA. Not even Emma at TLC.

8. Joel Embiid (Last Week: 9) - Embiid followed up signing for that cabbage last week with A-plus trash talk on Twitter. Hassan Whiteside thinks he's got game? THINK AGAIN. His +/- is trash, y'all. Sure, it's only the preseason, but the regular season begins tomorrow. I don't know where the Sixers will place this year. The playoffs seem dangerously close for a team that will be attempting to gel for the first time, but man, if Embiid plays 60 games this year at a high level, it's hard to imagine the team not going far, right?

9. Lockjaw (Last Week: 8) - Poor space pupper spent most of this past week's Inhumans nursing injuries sustained from taking an ATV to the ribcage. Poor, good moon dog. He also remains the only likable member of the main cast, as everyone else seems intent on flaunting their privilege in annoying ways. I know the source material demands that the protagonists rely on slave labor, but unless the showrunner is making a deliberate attempt to comment on Hillary Clinton's and her surrogates' defense of her use of slave labor at the Arkansas Governor's Mansion (which I doubt because he's the same guy who did the first season of Iron Fist), he's not doing a good job translating that material into wanting to root for Black Bolt and Medusa. Or Maximus. Or anyone but Lockjaw. What a good dog.

10. Oney Lorcan (Last Week: 10) - When I say someone's here for porkin', it's my man Oney, not lame-ass Aaron Sorkin.

Strowman's childlike id showed how simple WWE storytelling can be great
Photo Credit: WWE.com

The conceit behind Braun Strowman has never been complex, at least since the draft separated him from the Wyatt Family. He picked people up and threw them down, violently. The wave of mutilation he caused was so great that Sami Zayn didn't even have to beat him to claim moral victory with great heft. All he had to do was last with him.As the challenges got easier, he demanded more competition. In fact, those words were his rallying cry. He is pure id, driven by hunger for destruction. He has no understanding of manipulation or strategy outside of the instantaneous and instinctual reactions. He didn't lure Roman Reigns into the ambulance with wile and guile. He saw a spear charging at him, shouted "OH SHIT" and did his best olé. He is a simple character, and to the surprise of some, he has flourished.

While his actions seem to suggest malice, his simplicity is gentle. For example, Curtis Axel was doing his best to give Sheamus and Cesaro a pep talk after losing their shot at regaining the RAW Tag Team Championships. He started to address Strowman too, so much so that he let pure bravado take hold of him and claimed that he could take Reigns if he wanted to. While ~~The Bar~~ HOSS International played the devil on his shoulder with beguiling mischief in their voices, Strowman exhorted him to put his money where his mouth was, because to Strowman, that's all he literally knows. You say you can do something, and you do it.

And that rationale spoke volumes with Strowman's hayseed delivery when Miz asked where Axel was when he finally got back to the locker room. Him telling Miz matter-of-factly that Axel said he should just do what he wanted to do hammered it home just as much as the entirety of his post-Wyatt career, just as the last two weeks of his former mentor has encapsulated his.

Wyatt and Finn Bálor are complex characters, at least in WWE parlance. Honestly, if one were to peel back what either guy was about, that person wouldn't find much there, but they're both exercises for writers and Vince McMahon to stroke their "creativity" boners and show they're weird and edgy. When WWE's creative staff tries layering bullshit on top of bullshit, it produces the Tommy Wiseau head-ass spooky reboot of Mrs. Doubtfire that is Sister Abigail and the transition of The Daemon as psych-out tactics to some creature that somehow can now change color with the seasons. In the hands of someone who can do horror-camp or supernatural, this feud would be gold bullion, but unfortunately, Mike Quackenbush is too busy Ebenezer Scrooging at the Wrestle Factory, and I'm not sure McMahon is ready to have a meeting of the minds with the folks behind Dramatic Dream Team.

As it stands, Wyatt and Bálor only serve as the stark contrast against which Strowman looks even stronger. It should serve as a reminder that WWE keeping things simple is what gets it the biggest return on investment. Strowman as Id Personified, The Shield as roving arbiters of justice, Miz as the loudmouth no one but himself likes doubling down because he likes himself too much, these characters are the ones that get people invested, that combine artistic merit with marketability. When TLC has come and gone, I only expect this point to be hammered home even more, unless Kane has some goofy-ass fire magic left in his tank. Then again, WWE cut the pyro budget to zero, so if he has anything left, it'll have to be practical effects.

Kane makes sense, but that doesn't make his addition good
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Before RAW began last night, the TLC main event was set at a nice three-on-four match that didn't seem like a handicap match because of how protected and popular a trio The Shield has been traditionally presented. Even if the foursome included Braun Strowman, it still felt like a fair fight in perception. WWE wouldn't be WWE if it didn't try to tinker with a thing that didn't need it, so the conceit of last night's RAW was totally about introducing the concept of a fifth person for the heel team and then presenting a show-wide mystery as to who that fifth guy would be. The assumption was that Curtis Axel would get put in the match to eat a fall and get put through a table or 23.

However, from Miz stating that Axel was never the fifth man to Kane's reveal at the end of the show, the endgame was clear. TLC would be a vehicle to reintroduce the Big Red Monster back into the WWE ecosystem. Even though it seemed out of leftfield, it has two things working for it. First, Roman Reigns retired the Undertaker, or at least WWE wants its audience to think he retired the Undertaker. Kane has had a checkered history with his big Brother of Destruction, but blood is thicker than water. That statement is at the foundation of The Shield's reunion, after all. Why not come back right after Mania? Well, in WWE parlance, it takes that family a long time to come for revenge. Remember how long it took Taker to come for Brock Lesnar after he broke the streak?

The second reason is it provides a good way to send off the Kane character before Glenn Jacobs presumably transitions full-time into politics. I'm not sure what his chances of winning the office of Knox County Mayor are, but his reappearance into WWE doesn't necessarily mean he's resigning himself to a loss. Putting him into a match where he has skin in the game to take one last loss before fading off into the fiery sunset, especially when WWE would be better off protecting the other seven wrestlers in the match, isn't the worst idea.

So, Kane in the match makes sense. If that's the case, then why does this sentiment...

They’ve actually found a way for me to not care about a Shield reunion match. I’d have thought that impossible.
— Dylan Hales (@DylanWaco) October 17, 2017

...feel like the most valid one possible? Far beyond a reason that "It's Kane in 2017," which an insanely appropriate reason for anyone to be turned off to a match, it's WWE's creative staff showing it has few moves it feels confident in deploying. Namely, it can't present a babyface entity without needing cacophony about the odds being against them. It's a pathological need at this point, and one that continually works to the detriment of the narrative, especially when it has been the modus operandi for WWE heroes since at least the Hulk Hogan era. The Shield vs. The Miz and ~~The Bar~~ HOSS International would have been compelling enough. Adding Strowman to the mix, well, that's actually not offensive because Strowman rules and he has history. Kane? That's WWE dumping a cup of salt into the recipe when it only calls for a pinch, and also the salt is contaminated with sawdust and bits of broken glass.

On one hand, I've established a long time ago that WWE booking is decidedly Not For Me™, and going over the same beats again and again feels like a Sisyphean task that should be above a hobbyist writer with a wider worldview than what Vince McMahon presents on a weekly basis. On the other, The Shield was and still is one of the things that spark interest in getting invested in WWE. On one hand, the group has pulled rabbits out of hats before with substandard opponents, and Kane is also well-versed in facing them. On the other, for fuck's sake, you don't need the group to tear into five people on a pay-per-view unless you've got some great and innovative match layout, which one can be forgiven for not giving WWE the benefit of the doubt on that front. This company does one thing well on a consistent basis, and that's take your memories and play off them in the most mangled, MC Escher way possible so that you're not sure what's real anymore. In a way, that's admirable from a perverse trolling standpoint, but at some point, I'm just tired of being sold something I didn't need from a company ill-equipped to deliver it anyway.

Pictured: A gassed-up bigot
Photo Credit: WWE.com

When Ultimate Warrior died, I didn’t write a flowery eulogy to him. While I kept my feelings low key for the most part, I didn’t hide that I didn’t think he was worthy of the hagiography that had been written to him, both in his last act of life being inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame or during his death. The man was a bigot and a spiteful, hateful man interpersonally. Of course, even though my words were tame in their truth, I was accosted by people online who didn’t agree with what I wrote on Twitter or even here. MMA “journalists” named Bloodstain Lane and Front Row Brian among others decided to attack me because I didn’t have the temerity to honor a mediocre performer who turned out to be an exponentially worse human being. While I held back because I didn’t want any vitriol to seep to the people mourning him, my point remains. You shouldn’t be forgiven for your heinous acts in death if you didn’t atone or at least apologize for them in life.

Warrior may have made up with Vince McMahon over his interpersonal tensions that sent him away from WWE for years at a time, but really, why should anyone but McMahon or his inner circle care about that reconciliation? Did Warrior ever reach out to Bobby Heenan after he made comments wishing that the cancer that took his jaw also would take his life? Of course, Heenan ended up outliving Warrior anyway, though I’m not sure I’d classify years of declining health and pain as having a “last laugh,” but that’s neither here nor there. Furthermore, did Warrior ever atone for his grotesquely homophobic remarks time and time again? No. He reconciled with one man, and while I am not privy to Warrior’s thoughts, I can safely assume that it had more to do with money and attention rather than anything worth praising.

So excuse me if I don’t buy the continual whitewashing of his legacy, including now, where he’s the company’s public face for this year’s breast cancer awareness campaign during October. One could jest that Warrior and Susan G. Komen are a perfect match for each other. Warrior was a rotten person, and Komen is a “charity” only in the sense that it collects money to make people aware the breast cancer exists. Whether it be its laughably low percentage of funds going to actual research even compared to other high-overhead charities or its questionable political ties or to the impossible barricades it puts up to common-person donations, Komen basically is a charity for corporations to use to pat themselves on the back for doing “something,” no matter how minimal that “something” is. In a way, it’s the perfect charity for Stephanie McMahon’s brand of hollow feminism, but I digress.

Still, despite Komen’s awful track record, WWE and its wrestlers either present or pretend to present it as its own way of doing good by a marginalized people. It’s ostensibly a good deed, which now is fronted with Warrior’s iconography as the standard borne. Last night on RAW saw that push go even further as every babyface wrestler as well as select heels like Alexa Bliss wore the Komen-affiliated shirt branded with Warrior’s facepaint on the front and the slogan exhorting breast cancer victims and survivors to “Unleash Your Warrior.” The intent is clear for these brave women to fight their disease with the kayfabe intensity that Warrior displayed as an active wrestler. However, I cannot divorce Warrior from his bigotry, so when WWE and Komen rally women to unleash their “Warrior” on breast cancer, I imagine them belittling the tumors with homophobic slurs and pseudointellectual barbs on why gayness is wrong.

Still, this action is par for the course from a tone-deaf company at the very least when it comes to social matters. It only has scrubbed persons from its association if it meant bad publicity, like with Chris Benoit and Hulk Hogan. With Hogan filtering his way back into WWE, he'll be welcomed back once people mostly forget that he's a racist goblin. The company has celebrated Jimmy Snuka, Pete Rose, and Fabulous Moolah. Hell, Donald Trump didn't become a grotesque monster overnight after announcing his candidacy for President. However, WWE isn't using its associations with Trump or Snuka or anyone else to put over how charitable and kind it is. Warrior may not have allegedly killed someone like Snuka did, but his presence in the WWE pantheon is far more toxic than his or anyone but possibly Trump because of how publicly and vitriolically hateful he was at almost all times. And not once did he ever ask for attrition from the *extremely AJ Styles voice* GAY COMMUNITY!?!?!

WWE is trash for co-opting the image, but one could argue it's only adopting just an image, a character that it housed and that it's using with permission of Warrior's survivors and estate. It's extremely gross, but it's still theoretically defensible. "Queering don't make the world work" taken to the grave is abhorrent. Fuck Warrior. Fuck his legacy. It's a legacy of hate, and not one that I'm sure I want to be glancingly exposed to while watching the rest of my problematic-as-fuck three hour wrestling program.

Why should their genders matter anyway?
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein

Even though capitalists and conservatives run and populate the wrestling business, as an artform, it lends itself to leftist ideals. This series hopes to show wrestling fans why they should embrace the left, not just for the sport/art, but also for themselves.

Yesterday, I wrote about the limited career opportunities of women in wrestling outside of WWE and to an extent Impact Wrestling and Lucha Underground. The easiest solution to this problem is to dissolve the distinction between male and female wrestling. It's an artificial barrier anyway, and it's one that even WWE disregarded for about half-a-decade bridging the turn of the century. When Chyna is on record as being a multiple-time Intercontinental Champion, and men are on film taking bumps from and giving bumps to Beth Phoenix and Kharma in the Royal Rumble match, one can no longer pretend that promotions anywhere on the dial have to keep women separate from the men. This bit of history doesn't stop people from clucking and cawing about how men and women are different and PHYSIOLOGICAL DIFFERENCES and all that other happy pseudoscientific bullshit.

Honestly, I'm not up to speed on other sports and their acceptance of women in men's fields or even trans people in their actual gender and not the one assigned by body parts at birth. While I feel like it's still bullshit, and that given the same grooming and training regimens done by men or male presenting athletes, a woman or a femme could reach the same levels. It rarely ever happens in society because of society's strict adherence to enforcing gender norms. However, pro wrestling is not a shoot outside of times when Sexy Star, Yoshiko, or Hardcore Holly decide to get full of themselves and break trust.

The good wrestling promises that anything can happen; the best wrestling actually provides it. It's no shock that companies that bring the best return on investment of "anything happens" are ones that tend to let women wrestle men. Chikara, Lucha Underground, Absolute Intense Wrestling, Inspire Pro Wrestling, and several others have few gender boundaries. Sometimes, they mess up, and when you mess up an intergender bout, things go south very quickly. Still, the idea that gender doesn't make much of a difference between performers is crucial to understanding the idea that gender, to use a wrestling term, is a work.

Gender thought generally has two diverging schools debating it. One is that the set of genitals you're born with determines what gender you are. It's rudimentary science based on only the outer appearance, and is what is clutched by both the right and "trans exclusionary" individuals who are quick to adopt liberal and sometimes even leftist positions but only if they don't benefit trans people, whom they deem as misogynists and predators despite the fact that statistics bear out that they are the most vulnerable people among us. The other school of thought is that gender is mostly a mental thing, and that it's less a binary and more a spectrum. It's more a state of mind than anything defined by genitalia. Science is increasingly supporting this idea, that people can be fully male or female, some combination of both, or even identify with no gender.

This gender theory pretty much states that outside of the kind of genitalia you have, your gender is a blank slate, that you are just a canvas of flesh, bone, sinew, and organs. Your body may come preloaded with organs and a predilection towards either estrogen or testosterone, but other than that, it is truly a blank slate. You can condition your body to be good or bad at nearly anything. The skills you develop and the body shape you cultivate are wholly up to you. Thanks to science and medicine giving people things like hormone replacement therapy and other procedures for trans people, and even cosmetic surgery, you can even sculpt your body to your will. In whatever case, you can totally be whomever you want. Gender is then a state of mind.

So if all else is equal, and human beings are all just creatures made out of the same stardust, then why should it matter where they go to the bathroom, where they play sports, whom they wrestle in the grand, underwear ballet of fake fighting that I and everyone reading this fucking blog love enough to write about it or read hot takes about it? If gender norms are garbage in real life, what does that make them in wrestling, which takes real life and shakes up the possibilities even further in the direction of infinite than within the bounds of reality? Why should men only have to wrestle other men and not women? Hell, why do wrestlers even have to identify as either men or women and not genderfluid or asexual or any gender in between?

It's a radical way of looking at things, but tradition has held people down for too long under the guise of normalcy or safety. It's bullshit. Trans people, those outside the gender binary, whatever, they all don't just need to be normalized, they need to be empowered and made to feel like true equals. Seeing gender barriers dissolved and the concept of gender itself being faded out may be a small consolation to the number of non-binary wrestling fans out there (and many exist, even if it's just anecdotally evident through my travels online), but it's enough to make people feel like someone out there gets them.

Imagine getting this at a restaurant owned by New Japan
Photo via PokeWorks site

Impact Wrestling has been active for a company that people have been spelling doom for for nearly a decade now. It's released its own streaming service and has been signing up-and-coming talent. However, the most curious and hilarious thing is the introduction of Impact Pizza. I was hoping this would be a full-on, Hulk Hogan Pastamania-type deal, but they're just taking over a pizzeria in Ottawa in advance of Bound for Glory. Still, wrestling and food go together like peanut butter and jelly, because what's better than watching wrestling than eating food while watching wrestling? It gave me an idea to propose other food and wrestling tie-ins that would work well.

1. New Japan Pro Wrestling's Japanese Fusion - New Japan is the most present and accessible Japanese wrestling promotion right now through size, word-of-mouth, and presentation. Part of that buzz comes from Dave Meltzer's evangelization, but also through certain American wrestlers heading over from stints in TNA, WWE, or the indies. So because it's a fusion of Japanese and American sensibilities, it should sponsor a fusion restaurant. The menu would include sushi burritos and tonkatsu sandwiches dressed up like burgers or American fried chicken sandwiches, and it would be staffed with people knowledgeable of all cultures involved.

2. Chikara's Dessert Taqueria - Chikara's branding refers to it as lucha libre, but I'd hesitate to put it up against, say, CMLL. However, it's definitely got stylistic influences from Mexico with its own twist on things with a family friendly twist. Taquerias and dessert joints are all the rage, so with Chikara, combining both would be a no brainer, providing after-dinner options for all to enjoy. Plus, each of the employees there could wear goofy masks while on the job... or not. That might be a bit problematic.

3. Pro Wrestling Guerrilla's Fish 'n Chip Shop - Hey, PWG wants to be a BritWres promotion badly given the amount of talent it imports from PROGRESS and the like, which is not a bad thing. You try getting to see Mark Haskins and Travis Banks on the reg living in SoCal. Anyway, Los Angeles has a lot of great good joints, but how many places serve up great fish 'n chips there? That question is legitimate, because I don't know. LA probably has some good British fare, but it's more known for burgers and Mexican. The PWG branding would give this one a leg up on the competition just for name recognition.

4. EVOLVE's Soup Chef Stand - Soup is stereotypically enjoyed by old people, and EVOLVE tends to present grappling imported from the olden days of wrestling. However, when done well, both soup and #grapplefuck are really satisfying. Besides, I just want a place to go get soup, and honestly, Gabe Sapolsky has the demeanor of the guy working the counter in that Seinfeld episode whose name I won't print here because holy shit, it'd be really fuckin'problematic.

5. Revolution Pro's Vegas Style Buffet - PROGRESS might be the more notable English promotion right now, but RevPro seems to be the most gonzo in terms of booking talent and variety. It brings everyone in as a repository for matches that can literally never happen anywhere else, or at least in America right now thanks to politics. I mean, judging by the Matt Riddle vs. All of New Japan thing it has going on, it's safe to say the company is taking advantage of its location and connections. Which is to say a megabuffet like one might find at a Las Vegas casino fits its oeuvre so well.

6. NOVA Pro Presents Ben's Chili Bowl - Eh, I got no other reason to do this except NOVA Pro seems like a really cool promotion that deserves the shine that comes with latching themselves to the most famous local restaurant DC has. Besides, I'm pretty sure I'd like to get a half-smoke with Fred Yehi while "Safety First" Tim Donst makes sure any spilled chili gets cleaned up in an expedient and complete manner.

Was he on the gas? Well, his nutritionist said yes and then said no...
Photo Credit: WWE.com

The week is halfway over. Huzzah! However, the long, slow crawl to Friday afternoon can seem oppressive, even as you're halfway to the promised land. Fear not, intrepid readers! I have links for you to peruse, that is to say you can read them. READ THEM. READ THEM NOW. READ THEM ALWAYS.

Men can leave WWE and thrive, but what about women? I argue that the indies and other places need to do a lot of work to create a framework for women to have a career outside of WWE. [The Wrestling Blog]

Willow debuted for TWB with this piece about how WWE's storytelling after Hell in a Cell didn't match the visual cues from the show, and that's a huge problem. [The Wrestling Blog]

Ian Williams takes an in-depth look at the Jimmy Jacobs firing, how he was at the center of the greatest post-Monday Night Wars angle, and how he represents a real threat to WWE. [Waypoint on VICE]

Sam DiMascio takes a look at all the things that have been good in wrestling in 2017. [Spandex Are Still Cool]

David Bixenspan examines Triple H's former nutritionist making claims about him taking steroids and then denying them shortly thereafter. [Deadspin]

Joe Burgett thinks that the Bray Wyatt/Sister Abigail angle is a miss and thinks of ways that it could be improved. [FanSided WWE]

Kevin Pang sat down with Ring of Honor's Joe Koff and talked about all kinds of things in advance of Global Wars. [The AV Club]

The last time Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn teamed together, they were Kevin Steen and El Generico in Ring of Honor. JJ McGee takes a look at the final months of that relationship. [The Spectacle of Excess]

NON-WRESTLING #1: The troll football "analysts" have moved on from air yards to turnover worthy plays in critiquing Carson Wentz, and I am having none of it. [Medium]

NON-WRESTLING #2: David Roth saw a chart showing Trump voters showing disapproval of the NFL as the President bashed the league and how it's another example of the him shaping a conversation nationally. [Deadspin]

FIRED FOR THIS PICTURE
Photo Credit: Jimmy Jacobs

Well, well, well, guess who has RETURNED to dispense all the news that you, your family, your friends, your enemies, and your hematologists can absorb into your brainholes? THAT'S RIGHT, IT'S ME, HORB FLERBMINBER. Despite attempts by certain people to have me blacklisted, not naming any names except for Ted Cruz, Sean Radican, and Charles Manson, I am BACK WITH A VENGEANCE with all the ACCURATE news and SALIENT rumors this week. My rumblings are ROYAL. My series of notes are SURVIVOR. My mania... is TO GET YOU NEWS. Wait, that can't be right. Wait, that has to be right because I'M ALWAYS RIGHT.

Now, you can just read my nuggets below and get edified, but what if you wanted to get SUPER edified? ULTRA edified? EVEN MORE THAN ADEQUATELY EDIFIED? Then you first need to follow me on Twitter, @HorbFlerbminber. Don't have Twitter? Then sign up for one or more accounts and follow me on all of them! You'll never know when I break news or harass Paul Roma. And if you really want to be STUFFED TO THE GILLS with information, check out some back issues of the newsletter, like these ones below:

August 8, 1990 - Huge story on Vince McMahon urging Saddam Hussein to invade Kuwait and instigate war with the United States so he had a reason to turn Sgt. Slaughter into an Iraqi heel.
August 9, 1990 - SPECIAL RETRACTION ISSUE: I retract the big story from the previous day, as it was actually Linda McMahon who urged Hussein as an early birthday gift to her husband.
August 10, 1990 - SPECIAL RETRACTION ISSUE TO THE SPECIAL RETRACTION ISSUE: I retract the big story from the previous day, as it was discovered Saddam Hussein actually pitched the idea to McMahon, who wildly approved it.
August 11, 1990 - SPECIAL RETRACTION ISSUE TO PRIOR RETRACTION ISSUES: None of the scenarios were correct, and as it turned out, Vince McMahon wanted Iran to invade Kuwait so he could give Iron Sheik one final push.
August 15, 1990 - All the details on the libel trial of the CENTURY, McMahon vs. Flerbminber. Check out all the dirt on heroic newsletter writer Horb Flerbminber defending himself from evil itself.

And now, the news.

- Jimmy Jacobs was fired from WWE Creative after being spotted taking a selfie with members of the Bullet Club during their invasion of RAW. When news of this broke, Neville said "That's all you gotta do to get fired from here?" and started calling up Will Ospreay, CIMA, and everyone else he knew to invade RAW to take selfies with him.

- Jacobs took another selfie with the Bullet Club at Ring of Honor Global Wars Sunday, but it wasn't as good as the first one, due to poor lighting.

- Michael PS Hayes wants WWE to send a cease and desist order to the Bullet Club for ripping off "Freebird Rule" for their use of any combination of stable members to defend the NEVER Openweight Championship. However, WWE Legal has been giving Hayes the cold shoulder the last few weeks over how many sexual harassment claims he's generated from female employees and no action is expected to be taken.

- Dave Palumbo, Triple H's former nutritionist, claimed that Trips was on steroids during a large portion of the last decade. He later walked it back, saying "Triple H? Oh, how silly of me, I meant to say CM Punk was the one on steroids. Now, will you please release my family from the cage above the shark tank, Mr. McMahon? I've done what you asked! I'VE DONE WHAT YOU ASKED!"

- Nia Jax has reportedly been granted a leave of absence from WWE after she walked out on RAW Monday. She apparently wanted to be like most girls and objected to not being like them.

- Impact Wrestling announced "Impact Pizza" this past Monday, a pizzeria that will open right across the street from every Papa John's location in the United States and Canada in direct competition.

- RAW RECAP: Kane made his return and was inserted into the TLC main event because you don't deserve nice things.

- Sources say that this will set up Undertaker coming back to WWE to join his brother in a match vs. The Shield. While his exit at WrestleMania seemed to indicate retirement, Taker is afraid that TrumpCare will pass and he won't be able to afford his old man medication without extra income from WWE.

- Jinder Mahal has challenged Brock Lesnar to a match at Survivor Series. McMahon was quoted "WE JUST WANTED TO RIB EVERYONE BY PUTTING THE STRAP ON THE LEAST LIKELY PERSON POSSIBLE WHO WASN'T THAT NO-CHIN DUDE I HIRED OUT OF PITY, YOU KNOW, DEAN AMBROSE. I'M IN OVER MY HEAD NOW. FUCK YOU."

- Also on Smackdown, Shane McMahon was announced to be returning to Smackdown, and let me tell you, if he's not wearing a full body cast, I will raise hell for the blatant disrespect for kayf... oh wait, sorry, these are Wade Keller's notes. I don't give a flying fuck.

- WrestleMania 34 tickets will go on sale November 17, unless you're a member of HORB CLUB, which you can buy them straight from me on November 1. Just enter the forbidden numbers in your browser.

- CM Punk is continuing to train for his next MMA fight, which isn't scheduled yet. However, if Punk continues to train, he'll become big and strong and skilled enough that he can just jump right into the heavyweight division in UFC after everyone else gets popped for banned substances. It's called a long-con, people.

- Madison Rayne is training at the Performance Center. WWE officials are high on her, but they're afraid that if they were to sign her, that Velvet Sky might try to stow away in her bag to sneak into the company.

- Awful news today, as RAW ratings were the lowest since the Irish Potato Famine. Seven people died thanks to them, mostly after Vince McMahon accidentally pressed the Earthquake Button in anger, gifted to him from HAARP on Donald Trump's request.

- Mark Briscoe dislocated his arm badly at Global Wars on Friday night. Sources say it caused his father to mistake him for one of the family's chickens, and Briscoe was almost slaughtered and sold to Foghorn Fried Chicken in Philadelphia, PA.

- WWE signed Shadia Bseiso, its first ever Arab superstar, to a contact. Bsedio said in response "It feels refreshing for people to look at me funny because of my ethnicity rather than my gender for once."

- I asked her the next day how she felt and she replied, "Oh I was wrong. So so wrong. They look at me funny because I'm Middle Eastern AND a woman. Fuck this. As soon as I get famous, I'm quitting this place and becoming an Instagram model."

- WWE held tryouts attended by several hopefuls, including Chinese kickboxer Taishan Dong. I don't know the rest because I was too busy laughing to myself over Dong's name. Sorry, I'll try to do better next time.

- Austin Aries tweeted that he'd be making more money in his next six indie bookings than he did in four months in WWE mainly working 205 Live. This information is telling as to the pay structure in WWE since one of those bookings, House of Hardcore, is paying him in Arby's coupons.

- It was reported that Mike Kanellis would be fired by Friday of this week; however, it was all just a rib on Renee Young for not wearing shoes.

- Ric Flair named himself, Steve Austin, The Rock, and Hulk Hogan to his personal Mount Rushmore of pro wrestling. Triple H was overheard crying onto his glossy pictures of him and Flair that he keeps in his office, muttering "You've made a powerful enemy today, Ric."

- Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson helped promote WWE 2K18 by saying "The gameplay is easier than whuppin' Tyrese's roody-poo candy ass. You'll love it, unlike the way you feel about Vin Diesel's acting performances compared to mine in the Fast and Furious franchise. I hate the rest of my castmates."

- Tyron Woodley wants to fight the winner of the Georges St. Pierre vs. Michael Bisping fight. Well, I want a trillion dollars and my own space station, Tyron. YOU CAN'T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT.

- A new documentary titled Roddy Piper: In His Own Words is set to be released shortly, rated R, because a lot of Piper's own words were profanities and slurs.

- Burrhead Jones passed away Monday. I swear to God he was a real wrestler. I'm not making this up, you know guys back in the day had fucked up names. It was a generational thing.

- Kazuchika Okada will be wrestling for Melbourne City Wrestling on November 11 against Slex. Slex? What the fuck, that's gotta be a typo. Gotta be. You know what, fuck it, I'm announcing that he's wrestling Lex Luger there. Try to stop me. It's Australia. Laws don't work down there. It was founded as a penal colony. I'm bulletproof.

- Billy Corgan was on the Howard Stern Show to talk about buying the National Wrestling Alliance Monday. The big news is Howard Stern is still around. I thought he was jailed for tax evasion or something.

- John Cena is selling his Lamborghini. According to user u/CuckPenis469 at Reddit's Squared Circle sub-forum, it's the first thing Cena has sold in 15 years.

- Chen-chen Li came out to Mark Henry's theme song for his kickboxing match Sunday night and won his bout in 0.1 seconds when his opponent shit himself in fear and forfeit.

- Diamond Dallas Page will release a book next year titled Why the Hell Did I Let Eric Bischoff Tag My Wife: Stories about Swinging, Yoga, and Rib Tape.

- Honky Tonk Man will be appearing at ECWA's ChickFight Super 8 tournament, mainly to lob sexist insults at the competitors in hopes of getting a booking somewhere.

- The Montreal Canadiens were fined for obscenity after it appeared the team exposed the crowd to a bald penis Saturday night before the team's game against the Toronto Maple Leafs. The fine was rescinded, however, when officials were informed that it was only Dana White.

Last week's poll results are in, and I hate to say I told you so. This week:

DO YOU THINK JIMMY JACOBS WAS FIRED UNFAIRLY?

You think the story's over, but it's ready to begin
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Sonya Deville, Ember Moon, Ruby Riot: spend the opening moments of their qualifying match all trying to roll each other up
Ember: LOL Sonya my dropkick will make you DDT Ruby! Cover!
One, Then The Other: kickout
Sonya: goes to work on Ember's ribs and lands some gutwrench suplexes on her, then one on Ruby
Ruby: Counter argument: Deadly Nightshade!

Ember: Springboard!
Sonya: SPEAR.
Ember: Now that you mention it, I think I'm bleeding inside my chest.
Sonya: Cover!
Ruby: Save! Tope!
Sonya: Nah, forearm.
Ember: See your nah and raise you a single leg dropkick in the mouth.
Ruby: PLANCHOWWWWWWWWW MY ANKLE shit shit shit shit PELE YOUR FACE, EMBER! GAH FUCKDAMMMIT NOOOO
Sonya: I anklelock your injured ankle and heel hook it! You're done for, Riot! It's over! It's all over!
Ruby: Nooo...no, I can make the ropes. I can make the ropes!
Referee: You sure can but for unexplained reasons there are no disqualifications or countouts here!
Ruby: ...shit
Sonya: HAHAHAHAHAHA YESSSS! Back to center! You go tap now — what is that shadow looming over my peripheral
Ember: Sonya Deville, you have just been Eclipsed. And Ruby, you have just been pinned.
Referee: Winner!
Sonya: grimaces on the floor
Ruby: holds her ankle while several refs check on her
Ember: Feels like Houston was special to me in a past life. Wouldn't mind that feeling again.

Percy Watson: Look at this footage from Earlier This Week at the Performance Center! The Undisputed Era's all buddy-buddy with Roderick Strong!
Nigel McGuiness: Yes, Percy, but he didn't seem to buy what they were selling... look at him return a shirt to... what's-his-face, that one guy.
Mauro Ranallo: Why'd he get to walk away from doing that, though?
All: ...

Master Regal: I'd just like to announce that with regards to the fatal four-way to fill the vacant NXT Women's World Championship in Houston, I...
Billie Kay: ...am giving me the final spot in the match hahahahahaYAY!
Master Regal: I am giving you...an opportunity at the final spot in the match; next week, there'll be a qualifying battle royale, and the winner of that regardless of if it's you or not will indeed have the final spot in the fatal four way match come Takeover: Houston.
BK: ...UGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH
Peyton Royce: How COULD you?

Raul Mendoza: Maybe this'll be my breakout win this week.
Incendiary: NO MAN IS EVER TRULY GOOD! NO MAN IS EVER TRULY E VIL!
Aleister Black: slowly comes to the ring and somersaults into it and into his trademark sit since Phil Brooks no longer belongs to this timeline
Raul: Fuck,
Velveteen Dream: Did someone say the magic word? hops on the apron and puts on Black's vest Looks better on me anyhow. heads up the ramp
Raul's Brain: We will never get a better chance than this.
Other Part Of Raul's Brain: We could die.
Raul's Brain: We could also lioh, look, he''s doing it already!
Other Part: sighs deeply
Raul: jumps Black from behind This is our chance! Tornillo! Springboard senton bomb!
Aleister: ...kick. out.
Other Part: I'm going to save us some time and dial 911 now.
Aleister: strike party, basement knee trembler, quebrada Good night, sir. BLACK MASS
Referee: Winner!
Voiceover: This is Raul's Brain on spin kicks. Any questions?
Raul: silent
VD: seethes and leaves
Aleister: looks in his direction momentarily after he leaves, then refocuses

Drew McIntyre: A lot's happened since I won this belt. It fulfills a dream, even if it means I miss my wife, but like everyone in my family knows, even my dad, I've never had another job besides this. This had to work. And when it didn't, I worked my ass off to make it happen again. Now I'm #11 in a proud history, and alongside being proud to hold it, I want to inspire all walks of life.
Zerlina Vega: Beat it, Blondie. Drew, may I call you Drew, a moment?
DMC: Oh, please, sit down.
Zerlina: You got a second chance. I'm giving Andrade one, and there's no threat to your reign bigger than he is. So why are you avoiding him?
DMC: As I said on my own Day One Ish — anyone, anytime, anywhere. Petition Regal, if you'd like.
Zerlina: You're the one with the pull, you do it.
DMC: Nice drive on your part. I'm more than willing to discuss this again if Andrade would like to speak for himself.
Zerlina: leaves
DMC: Well, that was a bit odd.

Kassius Ohno: I wonder if I'll win more than the Kings this year.
Cezar Bononi: Look at my flawless dropkick!
KO1.0: One dropkick ain't going to beat all these big boots and this basement enzui Rolling Elbow, buddy
Referee: Winner!
KO1.0: Definitely going to win more than the Kings this year.

Some Guy: Wait for the moment the big guy tags out and then swarm them.
Not ReDragon: do so
Adam Cole, BAY BAY: Tag me! Tag me! I also want to punch the Purge: Full Sail in the mouth does so and does so Now work over his arms, lacke... uh, friends!
Not ReDragon: go to work on E.Y.s' arm, knock Alexander Wolfe off the apron
E.Y.: I can tag!
Kyle O'Reilly: picks the leg Nope.
E.Y.: kicks him away I can still tag!
Bobby Fish: off of his own tag NOPE.
E.Y.: kicks HIM away I CAN TAG!
Killian Dain: You sure can.
the Undisputed Era: MERDE.
KD: squashes Fish, hits a combination fallaway slam and samoan drop
ACBB: Dear God in Heaven, what the hell is that thing OH CRAP IT JUST ATE MY BACKUP
E.Y.: blocks an escape route, smiling
Alexander Wolfe: blocks another escape route, also smiling
Adam Cole: Dear God in heaven, mighty be thy name is that how it goes I have no idea SAVE ME JESUS FOR THE LOVE OF YOU, SAVE ME
SAnitY: hoist up Cole
the Authors of Pain: come back off the side of the milk carton towards the men who took their belts
Adam Cole: He bought it! SUCKER! No refunds force majuere read the back of your ticket!
Wolfe: goes SPLAT
E.Y.: goes SPLAT
KD: goes SPLAT via the Last Chapter
AW and EY: go SPLAT via Super Collider
the Undisputed Era: watch the carnage from the ramp Welp, this can't be good.
the Authors of Pain: hold up their old belts
Paul Ellering: The once and future kings!
Credits: roll

Cody Rhodes making arguments about drawing power is, well, curious
Photo Credit: WWE.com

The worst kind of argument in wrestling is over drawing power. At its core, it strips a vibrant and diverse art into an economic skeleton, and those who usually make it are looking for validation of worth, as if money is the only thing that matters. People fallaciously equate profitability with worth, which is patently false. Sure, some good things make money, but bad things make money too. Take, for example, the highest-grossing film of all-time, Avatar and the cultural amnesia surrounding it. It was so lucrative that James Cameron is emboldened to make a ridiculous four sequels to it, and if you ask an average person on the street what it was about, you might get a shrug or some rote answer about blue aliens or a substance with a funny name. I’m not at all saying good things never make money – looking at the same milieu, other films like The Avengers made boatloads of money and were undoubtedly good. It’s just not the only metric worth discussing.

When drawing power discussions were limited to message boards, newsletters, and gatekeeping nimrod veterans like Al Snow or Bully Ray, it was annoying enough but contained. People weren’t trying to prop up their personal brands to all fans by claiming they were lucrative agents. That changed when Cody Rhodes in an interview claimed he was the biggest draw in all of wrestling, which not only lit a fuse with the same niche-hardcore crowds that always argued about this kinda thing, but brought it to the forefront for a more general audience of people. It’s not like it consumed all of wrestling fandom like a solely-WWE topic might have, but the escalation in argument is clear, and the escalation was for a reason. It was the next shot in the verbal war between the Bullet Club and WWE.

The most predictable development saw people coming out emphatically against Rhodes’ claims, and boy, were they ready to shout about how Roman Reigns, not Rhodes, was the most effective draw in wrestling. On the surface, sure, that’s a valid claim I guess, but it feels like it needs a huge [CITATION NEEDED] next to it, as does Rhodes’. I’m not sure Rhodes is the biggest draw in his own stable when Kenny Omega is sitting right there, but those claims need backing up too. The problem here is I have absolutely no interest in finding out who moves the most tickets sales and merch, and whether or not Reigns is a singular draw or whether he’s just the guy reaping rewards from WWE’s brand name.

What I’m more interested in, and distressed by, is why people feel the pathological need to defend WWE and the star that it is presenting above all else as The Man in wrestling. It is beyond corny, and it borders on boot-licking, even if one can put it under the guise of “winning an argument.” What end does winning said argument serve? Even if those people were inarguably right about who was the bigger draw, why would they need that win? They proved that the company that spends the most resources on and makes the most money off wrestling in the world has the most lucrative worker, i.e. the person who adds the most value to its brand that it can then underpay according to his total worth?

Punching down at targets outside the megalith is gross and not what wrestling needs right now. The problem is that the self-appointed head of the opposition made his name in said megalith and doesn’t know how to embrace his would-be comrades without alienating them. Rhodes’ closest analogue is absolutely Hillary Clinton. He’s a far better option as a singular dude leading the charge, but even discounting how utterly mediocre and upholding of the status quo he is, he doesn’t know how to communicate his resistance effectively. Every time an issue where WWE can be combated comes up, he takes the most self-centered path to it as possible, making the issue about him and not about the health of wrestling in general.

For example, his rationale for WWE being wrong to use the Starrcade name for a house show revolved around whether his feelings were hurt or not, whether he was consulted because his father created the concept. I’m not even sure it was the right battle to pick, unless he wanted to say that WWE using World Championship Wrestling/Jim Crockett Promotion intellectual property, whether it owned it or not, was tone-deaf at least after the company’s talking point that WCW was run by buffoons and riddled with mistakes, insulting ex-workers and fans. Still, he didn’t take that road and instead couched his complaints in his privilege of being born to the Rhodes/Runnells family. No one else could make the claims he did, and to double down on his own tone-deafness, he blessed Paul Levesque’s use of War Games in NXT because he had asked him personally. If you can’t see the privilege there, then I don’t know what to tell you.

The sad part is that the rest of the Bullet Club has the authority that Rhodes doesn’t have, but they continue to fight WWE at its own game rather than really going after it where it can be hurt. It's why they're the least of all evils instead of something to really support, or to really think as cool. Money and dynastic privilege aren't cool. A really cool entity wouldn't comply with a bullshit cease and desist by clinging to approval from Scott Hall or claims that it's a "loving tribute;" they'd keep on doing the Too Sweet hand signal by claiming they were all huge fans of Ronnie James Dio and the Texas Longhorns.

It's an even bigger shame because the side they're fighting actually is the definition of uncool and even evil. WWE dominates the wrestling market, and Reigns is its chosen guy. He's by definition not cool, and his quote-tweeting people with sub-full percentage point number of followers compared to him are closer to corny. That doesn't mean he's not a good or even great performer. However, it does mean that a wrestler with every resource available to him and backed by the most lucrative wrestling organization in the world doesn't need your online defense, especially when it comes to defending how much value he adds to his bosses' pockets.

Drawing power arguments bring out the worst in fans and commentators, because no one knows how to have them, or more accurately, no one knows when to have them. The correct answer is somewhere between "never" and "only when debating candidacy for some Hall of Fame." Otherwise, they're arguments that only seem to serve the rich and powerful already, especially now, when WWE's policies are designed to poison the earth making it harder grassroots to take hold. It's an arena where people are emboldened to kiss corporate ass.

Of course, that situation is what the people who prop up Rhodes, someone who was born into a family colored and tempered by big-money wrestling and who spent his entire career incubating in WWE's womb, as the resistance get. Of course, it's very similar to people who ostensibly want change in politics getting what they deserved with a corporate lawyer turned First Lady who voted consistently for war and persecution of oppressed peoples either by supporting her Presidential husband or through her own record as Senator and Secretary of State. The lesson here, I guess, is be careful of which leaders you want to support. Make sure they're not just wanting to have the status quo centered around them instead of around someone else.

Can he be interesting again? MAYBE
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Inspired by conversation with @SugaRazor, is there any way WWE could make Randy Orton interesting, or would have have to leave? #TweetBag
— Star of Savage (@StarOfSavage) October 18, 2017

As much as I'd like to say he'd have to leave, I am inspired by the last time a wrestling company made a mostly abhorrent wrestler interesting. From January through May in 1999, Sid showed up in Extreme Championship Wrestling just to do nonsensical run-ins and powerbomb people before leaving. Orton doing the same as a chaos agent with the RKO would be pretty amusing. I don't know how long the novelty could last, but at this point, man, what does he have left to do before just becoming a drain on the company and nothing else? It also makes me appreciate John Cena a little bit more, because at least Cena kinda stayed interesting, maybe even got more interesting as his career went on. But that's a whole other question.

it's been asked a million times but let's take another swing at it: who's the best wrestler to have never been a major world champ
— 📺's Brent is Dead (@TVsBrent) October 18, 2017

I would be all hipstery and eschew the Roddy Piper/Scott Hall/Jake Roberts core and say Cesaro, but that would contentiously hinge on how one would classify the Pro Wrestling Guerrilla Championship. On one hand, it's not technically a World Championship because it's only been defended, to my knowledge, in California. On the other, PWG is pretty much the trendiest indie and a place I would bet more casual fans know of now than any other sub-national indie in history outside of classic Ring of Honor and pre-pay-per-view ECW. That being said, maybe Cesaro's not the answer.

Maybe the answer is really Dustin Rhodes/Goldust. He's had a checkered career, sure, with a lot of lows. However, whether it be his run as The Natural in early World Championship Wrestling (THE VIEW NEVER CHANGES) or his peak runs as Goldust, either in 1995-96 or his most notable nostalgia return to WWE in 2013, he could have conceivably won the title and backed it up with character work and especially in the ring. Sadly, if not for the various things going down in his life throughout his career, he might have been given the ball and had a quality chance to run with it. Ah well, the world may never know. But he could have been a great Champion.

Never mind the last tweet.

Are the Young Bucks popular because they're wish fulfillment characters for wrestling fans?
— QB Alex Hornibrook (@thegnc) October 18, 2017

I could speak anecdotally and say that I've liked the Young Bucks since 2009 because they were exciting as a tag team and effective as faces or heels. They're also really cool guys to their fans, which goes a long way with me. But since 2009, the Brothers Jackson have garnered a lot more fans thanks to the burgeoning popularity of the Bullet Club. Since joining New Japan's outlaw group, they've dumbed down their matches a bit to include lots of tribute spots, meme generation, and other shtick. While I will always prefer their prick heel work in places like PWG and Chikara (seriously, their Team ROH run to the finals of King of Trios '12 with Mike Bennett, with Maria Kanellis managing, was PRISTINE), I'm not hating on the later work. But it has been a change in style. Is it wish fulfillment for fans to be able to do DX shtick and get paid lots of money for it? I'd say that's a part of the equation. I do think that many fans like them because they're still entertaining and talented workers though. Wrestling fans, or fans/people in general, are hard to generalize, and trends are hard to explain away quickly and dirtily. But yeah, I think some people see the Bucks and think "I can do this too" or "I did this for pretend, and they're doing it for real!" and are drawn to them.

Fantasy book a Nexus-like (or non Nexus-like, you're the boss) invasion of the Chinese recruits to the main roster, once they're trained up.
— Rowan Fresh (@RowanFresh) October 18, 2017

Hoho Lun starts showing up on RAW in the crowd and the commentary booth starts to notice him, saying "Hey, didn't he get fired? Why is he here?" But he insists that he's just there to watch and that he bought a ticket like everyone else. That is, until he starts verbally harassing superstars from ringside. Again, he insists that everyone else gets to do it, and no one pays attention to them because they're just fans. One episode of RAW, the main event is a mixed tag match fallout from a pay-per-view, the heels are irrelevant, but the face team has Bayley and Roman Reigns. Reigns is on the outside of the ring, chasing his opponent when Lun drops his soda on the floor, causing Reigns to slip. His team loses by countout. The heels celebrate and leave, but Reigns gets in Lun's face with Bayley imploring him to stop. Then, out of nowhere, Leo Gao and Tian Bing show up from under the ring and jump Reigns. While Bayley is in shock, Xia Li appears shortly after to kick her in the face. Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose come out to make the save, but it's too late, as the Chinese contingent escapes through the crowd. This will eventually lead to a trios match main eventing the next Network special, Lun, Bing, and Gao vs. The Shield. The Chinese team wins when two more Performance Center recruits appear and interfere. I won't go further from there, because it would take a lot more bandwidth than what I want to spend on a single TweetBag question, but it's a solid, old-school setup.

WHAT IS THE POINT TO A SHORT TERM SHIELD REUNION?
— DIE FIERI (@matt_T) October 18, 2017

I wish I could be more than cynical about this, but my guess is that WWE wants Roman Reigns to be universally cheered, both now and in advance of his big WrestleMania main event match against Brock Lesnar. In the short term, it seems to have worked, as the boos he got Monday night when he came out solo for his match against Braun Strowman were there but lessened in volume. It's also a good way to boost the lagging popularity of both Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins, but I feel like it's a Reigns vehicle all the way. Of course, it also leads the way for some beneficial side effects, like perhaps a proper Shield matches vs. the Not-Quite-Bullet Club, British Strong Style, New Day, and possibly even SANitY and the Undisputed Era down the road. But of course, that's all contingent on whether WWE pulls the trigger on a heel turn again and how soon it'll happen.

Protected user @adamsgroove asks:

Chances for Celtics to contend and/or win the EC with Gordon Hayward out?

Gordon Hayward is a good player, but I'm not sure he's a make-or-break superstar for a team like Boston. If anything, that'd be Kyrie Irving. Fortunately for the Celtics, Irving and Hayward play the same position. Additionally, the team has Al Horford and Jaylen Brown to shoulder some burden, so it's not like if this injury happened to Hayward when he was in Utah. That being said, it's still bad to lose a player of his caliber, especially since the Celtics were counting on him to produce. Maybe this injury will allow the Cavaliers to win the East a bit more easily? Maybe it'll allow the Raptors or Sixers to make up some ground in the Atlantic Division for seeding purposes? I don't know. I guess it all depends on Irving. But I don't think it makes the Celts a long shot to win the East now, even if it tips the scales more heavily towards the Cavs than it did before Hayward's injury.

Not going down how anyone might have hoped
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Remember last week when everything was pretty good and even the bad things weren't THAT bad? Yeah, this week is nothing like that. Frankly, I should have know I was in for a bad time when my first thought was, “Since when does Tom Phillips sound so much like Michael Cole? ... oh, fuck.” It was indeed Michael Cole filling in for Phillips (who was “on assignment,” whatever that means) and over the course of the evening he shared with us such insights as Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens' previous bad blood being down “some differences in opinion over the years.” Differences. In. Opinion. WHY ARE YOU HERE?

I was pretty disappointed with most things on this episode, including:

Zayn Pain
I knew the Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens thing wasn't going to be exactly what I wanted. I knew it wouldn't be as nuanced, that it wouldn't be given enough time to breathe and develop naturally. I didn't know it would only take one week until they walked back everything that justified what Zayn did and distilled him into just another basic heel. He was out there calling the audience “you people” and everything. We people didn't care enough about him so now he doesn't care about us. Sound familiar? It's exactly what Dolph Ziggler has been yelling at us about for weeks. I mean, Zayn delivered the spiel better because SAMI ZAYN, but this just a massively disappointing development. This is how Sami Zayn, man of honour and all-around swell guy, turns to the dark side? Bullshit. You've got a character with such a well-established personality, not to mention someone who can give a dramatically compelling performance, and this is what you give him to work with? What a waste. Sami Zayn is a gift and you are throwing him away. And I WANTED Zayn to throw in with Owens. I WANTED to see him wrestle with some demons (uh, not literal demons. You stay the fuck on RAW, Kane and Finn Bálor). I WANTED to give up the Sami Zayn I loved in order to see how something different would look on him. But not like this. Fuck this.

Things got mildly interesting when Kevin Owens pointed out that Daniel Bryan has become exactly what he had fought against, that he's the Authority in every way. It would have been amazing if Bryan was really shaken by that and if it caused HIM to also be on Owens' side. That would have cemented Owens as a master manipulator, and we could have still been on Bryan and Zayn's sides, understanding where they were coming from and why Owens was able to prey on them. Instead we just got Bryan promising to find people to punch Owens and Zayn in the face because that's how our good guys deal with valid criticism. Also he threatened me with Shane McMahon next week, so fuck Daniel Bryan forever.

Everything about this situation annoyed me. I should have been excited for Zayn and Owens to team up against Shinsuke Nakamura and, well, anyone other than Randy Orton would have been preferable, but still. It should have been great! It was kind of great! But I didn't enjoy it. I couldn't stop myself from thinking how obvious it was that they have nothing for either Nakamura or Orton but they can't very week justify leaving both of them off the show, or how it made no sense for those two to be the ones that would do Daniel Bryan's vengeful bidding. Cool and aloof Nakamura gives a fuck about people being mean to Daniel Bryan? I don't think so. Randy Orton, aside from having checked out of all of this shit like five years ago, is going to put himself on the same side as Shane McMahon? Sure thing. I hate when I can't make my brain divorce Dumb Story from Good Wrestling. It's the worst, and it's not how I want to watch this show.

Going Back to Start
Last week we were supposed to take note of Becky Lynch's win over Carmella because it was a way to reassert herself in the women's division. This week that mattered zero amounts. It wasn't even brought up. Instead we're heading into round two of Charlotte Flair versus Natalya, which is fine, honestly. Natalya should never speak words out loud, but she and Flair generally have good match chemistry. Still, why would we start moving forward with Becky Lynch only to go back again? And why base a six-woman tag on a backstage altercation last week wherein Tamina, Lana, Lynch, and Naomi pretty much just stood on the sidelines? Whatever, the match was pretty good, and Flair tagging in to clean house and then tear after Natalya afterward while wielding a chair was very cathartic for me.

Surprise Sin Cara
Who remembered that Sin Cara is on Smackdown? Shut up, you did not. Anyway, he popped by to beat Baron Corbin. Yup. All that good work AJ Styles and Baron Corbin last week to make Corbin look dominant and important? Pointless! Now he's back to being an incompetent buffoon losing via count-out because Sin Cara came on too strong. Sin Cara. Now, Sin Cara did look really good in this match, which made me happy for him, but what is the point of any of this?

Lies, Vile Lies
Corey Graves had the gall to say that the rematch between Bobby Roode and Dolph Ziggler was “anticipated,” and I can't believe he would lie to me like that. Nobody wanted to see this match again. It was at least mercifully short, but it also ended with a reverse of their previous match, which means we're going to see this at least one more time. I bet that prospect makes you shiver with antici

pation.

Positive Notes
Because there were a couple of them. First, while the Fashion Files' return wasn't my favourite of their segments, the Ascension continue to make my heart happy with their efforts to make friends. Fashion Four, assemble!

Handsome Rusev is still the most tragic hero on this show, and I choose to believe New Day celebrating Rusev Day was sincere, but Rusev has just been hurt too many times to be able to take them seriously. Rusev Day forever!

Kevin Owens celebrating Sami Zayn pinning Randy Orton by singing along with Zayn's theme song was adorable. The “whoops, we still have time to kill, keep the cameras rolling” bit at the end where Owens ordered Zayn to “Hug me. HOLD ME TIGHT” was beautiful. I hate this stupid show, but I love Kevin Owens forever.

Teaming up with Smart Mark to give you the best in indie wrestling for a low, low monthly rate
Graphics via Powerbomb.TV

Remember the halcyon days of FloSlam? When Wrestling Twitter and other insiders spoke of something that would CHANGE THE INDUSTRY in hushed tones before their embargo on it was lifted, it felt like this streaming service would change things drastically, except it was an overpriced option with limited content. Of course, everyone knows how that tale ended. Simultaneously, another streaming service, Powerbomb TV, started up on the low key, collecting promotions from around the world on its own service at a price point similar to that of WWE Network. Well, hold onto your britches, because PBTV has announced the most ideal partner possible: Smart Mark Video.

Smart Mark, along with Highspots, has been the premiere distributor of indie wrestling video almost for as long as the indies have been a prominent part of the wrestling lexicon. The group came into prominence as Chikara's major distributor, but since, it's garnered a collection of diverse indie promotions around the country, including Absolute Intense Wrestling, Combat Zone Wrestling, Inspire Pro Wrestling, and many, many others. PBTV partnering with them pretty much breaks the scene wide open. Now, a huge percentage of American indies and other promotions worldwide will be available for streaming. Between PBTV and Highspots Network, you might have mostly every indie in America under wraps outside of a scant few.

All new events available to Smart Mark will go on PBTV as they're added to the library, and Smart Mark's backlog will be added over time. Amazingly, the price point will remain the same, $9.99/month, making this an incredible deal. You can also get a 20 day free trial if you sign up and use one of the several special codes associated with promotions involved. To make the news even better, PBTV is continuing to develop a Roku app, and is working out the bugs before sending it to the folks at Roku for approval.

It's a great time for wrestling, and the folks at PBTV want to show you firsthand. Nothing will make it easier for you to catch up with the indies than getting a good streaming service with a lot of content on it. Personally, I'm going to be getting a PBTV sub whenever I can, but Highspots Network is good too. And hey, if you're a wealthy businessman with a lot of money to throw around, get both. Wrestling is more than WWE, and even more than Ring of Honor, Impact, and New Japan. Get in on the ground floor and support indie wrestling. It's easier than ever.

Taylor will cap his weekend with a PWG Title defense
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein

It's the weekend, baby! You know what that means, ~~time to drink precisely one beer and dial 911~~ wrestling is happening, and it's happening all around this great world. I'm going to highlight three shows which I think will be of most interest. Of course, I'm only one person. You can check out which shows are coming up possibly in your area via Cagematch. Anyway, go to, if you can, these great shows that may be happening in your area, on television/YouTube/streaming, or for later consumption via VOD, DVD, or whatever other means one uses to consume wrestling at a later date:

Pro Wrestling Guerrilla All-Star Weekend 13Tonight and Tomorrow (Friday, 10/20 and Saturday, 10/21), American Legion Post #308, Reseda, CA, 8 PM local time both nights - It's that time again for everyone to descend like locusts on a ready-to-harvest field on Reseda for PWG's latest weekend of wrestling debauchery. All-Star Weekend will take place over two shows with some huge matches. Night one, which is tonight, will feature a main event tag battle of BROS for the ages. The bros on one side of the ring are legitimate kin and PWG Tag Team Champions. The Lucha Brothers of Penta El Zero M and Rey Feníx will defend their Championships against bros of a more casual persuasion, the Chosen Bros of Matt Riddle and Jeff Cobb. True story, three out of four wrestlers in this match have also held the Lucha Underground title, including the current (and final?) Champ Penta. This card is loaded from top to bottom as well, so much that I can't just pick three matches to highlight: debuting Adam Brooks vs. Mark Haskins, Travis Banks vs. Flash Morgan Webster, Joey Janela vs. Trevor Lee, Keith Lee vs. Jonah Rock, Ricochet vs. WALTER, and Flamita vs. Rey Horus vs. Sammy Guevara. Holy shit, I'm sweating just LISTING those matches.

Night two won't be short for awesome either. The main event will feature two long-time rivals from the same area of Kentucky battling it out for the PWG World Championship. The Champ, Chuck Taylor, will take on the challenger and 2017 Battle of Los Angeles winner Ricochet, in perhaps what will be the signature defense of Chuckie T's reign. Will Ricochet win the title before vacating it en route to WWE like Bryan Danielson did in 2009, or will Taylor guile his way to a win over perhaps the most exciting wrestler on the planet? As with night one, night two is just too loaded to run down only three or four matches: Rey Horus vs. Matt Sydal, Adam Brooks vs. Jonah Rock, Travis Banks vs. Trent?, Joey Janela vs. Marty Scurll, The Young Bucks vs. Flash Morgan Webster and Mark Haskins, and Zack Sabre, Jr. vs. Walter. Now, if you want to watch these shows and don't have tickets, you're shit out of luck because both nights are sold out. So why list it? Because you know that you'll be checking around the webs tomorrow and Sunday mornings looking for results, and because you know you'll be hitting up Highspots for the DVDs when they get released.

East Coast Wrestling Association Super 8 ChickFight TournamentTomorrow (Saturday, 10/21), Woodbury Heights Community Center, Woodbury Heights, NJ, 7 PM local time - The ECWA has been running the male Super 8 for a little over two decades now, and this year is the fourth time it'll be doing the same for women. The Super 8 ChickFight tourney will be going down in Suburban Philadelphia, South Jersey to be more accurate, on Saturday night, and the field looks pretty intense if you ask me. The field this year includes Mae Young Classic competitor Santana Garrett, MYC alternate Deonna Purrazzo, recent WWE tryout Karen Q, Combat Zone Academy graduate Samantha Heights, Skylar Marie, Kaitlin Diamond, Allie Recks, and Christina Marie. Honestly, it's a good mix of established talent and new, fresh names that should be satisfying. Also, if you're into that kind of thing, Honky Tonk Man will be in attendance. If you can't make it live, check it out on DVD from ECWA's site. Even though the shop section hasn't been updated since 2012, I'm sure if you contact the office, you could get some news on how to watch after the fact, I'd hope.

Anarchy Championship Wrestling Beyond Good and Evil 2017Sunday, 10/22, The Mohawk, Austin, TX, 6 PM local time - The OGs of Austin indie wrestling are back at it this weekend with a time-honored tradition, running counter to a WWE pay-per-view. Beyond Good And Evil will feature some of the heaviest hitters from the Austin scene, including the main event for the Anarchy and World Hardcore Championships. Anarchy Champion JC RE.S, better known to most as Jojo Bravo, will battle Hardcore Champion Sky de Lacrimosa and challenger "Unholy" Gregory James in what should be a slobberknocker of a main event. Also on the show, Ricky Starks will be defending his Television Championship against Scotty Santiago, and foul-mouthed megastar Angel Blue will compete in American Joshi action against rookie sensation Allie Kat. Also appearing on the show will be Curt Stallion and Barrett Brown. If you can't make it to the Mohawk on Sunday, check back to Powerbomb TV, because once it gets added to ACW's Smart Mark store, you can stream it with a PBTV subscription.

OTHER SHOWS TO WATCH

Westside Xtreme Wrestling Fight Forever Tour (Friday, Borken, Germany)
Ring of Honor Philadelphia Excellence (Friday, Philadelphia, PA)
ATTACK! Wrestling Bodyslams and Control and Money and Power (Friday, Cheltenham, England)
Five Borough Wrestling For the People! (Friday, New York, NY)
Freelance Wrestling The Shining... Wizard (Friday, Chicago, IL)
WXW Fight Forever Tour (Saturday, Bielefeld, Germany)
Wrestle Circus CircusMania (Saturday, Austin, TX)
IPW: United Kingdom Fight! (Saturday, Eastbourne, England)
Insane Championship Wrestling: Road to Fear and Loathing Tour (Saturday, Sheffield, England)
Black Label Wrestling Darkest Timeline Tournament Phase Two (Saturday, Crown Point, IN)
New York Wrestling Connection House of Madness 2017 (Saturday, Deer Park, NY)
Preston City Wrestling It's Alex's 9th Birthday Party (Saturday, Preston, England)
Jersey All-Pro Wrestling Uprising (Saturday, Rahway, NJ)
WWE TLC (Sunday, Minneapolis, MN)
Revolution Pro Wrestling Live in Leamington (Sunday, Leamington, England)
Tidal Championship Wrestling Against All Odds #4: Evil Edition (Sunday, Leeds, England)
ICW Road to Fear and Loathing Tour (Sunday, Bristol, England)

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