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Wrestling Six Packs: Wrestling Moves I Wanna See Donald Trump Get Put In

November 7, 2017, 12:45 pm
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I definitely wanna see ZSJ mangle Trump's arm something fierce
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
A year ago or so today, America went DEFCON-1 politically and elected Donald Trump President. Since then, the world's been on fire. To be fair, it's not all his fault, but most of it is, and he's not only evil but he doesn't care about even coming off as anything but in it for himself. I mean, don't take this as a tacit endorsement of George W. Bush and his bullshit evil Presidency, but he at least tried to hide it better. Trump also has the distinction of being involved in wrestling. He hosted two WrestleMania events and engaged in a trial by combat with Vince McMahon at another with both parties using proxies on their behalf. He's also in the Hall of Fame, which is all you need to know about that Hall and its legitimacy. Anyway, Trump really grates at me, and the following are six wrestling moves I wanna see him get put in, along with the wrestlers I want to see put him in said hold.

1. That Armbreaker Thingy Where Zack Sabre, Jr. Stands Your Hand on the Mat and Stomps Your Elbow, by, Duh, Zack Sabre, Jr. - Wrestling is a notoriously conservative business, so it's rare to find not only a liberal but a LEFTIST wrestler like Sabre. This move for which a concise name I do not know is one of his early match staples, and it looks gnarly. I would love to imagine him putting Trump's out-of-shape ass into so many pretzel shapes with the stiffness turned up to 11, but this move would be the most satisfying, especially if he did it on his dominant arm so he'd lose all his ability to golf.

2. MMA Elbows by Bryan Danielson - The MMA Elbows aren't necessarily used in MMA. They're elbows that Danielson on the indies and, oddly enough, CM Punk in WWE would drive into the back of a seated opponent's neck. Danielson is another wrestler with refreshingly left politics (despite his campaign efforts for Glenn "Kane" Jacobs, sigh), so one would expect extra mustard with those elbows on the back of Trump's leathery neck.

3. A Knee Lift to the Face by Mustafa Ali - Trump has attacked a lot of groups since beginning his campaign for President, none with more fervor than Muslims, which is why I wanna see Mustafa Ali murk the shit out of this gasbag of a world leader. Ali's finisher, the imploding 450 splash, looks pretty, but I'm not sure it gets the job done the way a simple knee lift to Trump's fucking ugly, hateful mug would.

4. Kneeling Uppercutting Low Blow by Candice LeRae - Trump has attacked women throughout his entire career, even bragging that he grabs them right in their genital areas. Honestly, one good turn deserves another, so he deserves a good, old-fashioned, No Mercy-style uppercut to the junk. Why Candice LeRae? Well, I don't know her politics, but given her history wrestling men, she just feels like the right choice.

5. Stinger Splash by Ryoto Hama - Look, I'm not gonna lie to you, I just wanna see a big fat wrestler smush Trump against a hard, fixed object like a ringpost.

6. Being Thrown Through Plate Glass by John Zandig - This one is less a wrestling move, but hey, it gets done in a wrestling match, so it counts. I don't mean to project my politics on JOHN F'N ZANDIG, because that only sets one up for disappointment. For all I know, he could be a hardcore Trumpkin. However, I do know he'd probably do anything for a four-digit payday, transportation, a case of beer, and a chance to make headlines with a big ol' insane deathmatch spot. If Zandig were to do this, would he become the greatest American? It's hard to say, but I'd have to agree it would.
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Your Midweek Links: Jericho Keeps 'Em Guessing

November 8, 2017, 6:45 am
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Sami Zayn keeps Elliot around, while the end of their last teaming is examined in depth
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Wednesday is here, which means HUMP DAY. You're almost to the weekend, but it's still too far away for you to tangibly grasp with your fingertips. What can you do to make it get here faster? Why not spend some quality time at work reading these lovely articles I'm linking RIGHT HERE. You will be satisfied, I promise or my name isn't Lon Chaney IV.

Elliot, like me, is an avowed pinko, but he still subs to the fascist-owned WWE Network. Why? Because of people like Sami Zayn. [The Wrestling Blog]

Manami Toyota has retired, and I let you know why you should care and why she's an absolute legend. [The Wrestling Blog]

Ian Williams takes a deep dive investigating the implications of Chris Jericho jumping to New Japan Pro Wrestling to wrestle Kenny Omega. [VICE Sports]

David Bixenspan examines how difficult it is to build a pro wrestling Hall of Fame through the example of Dave Meltzer's Wrestling Observer Hall. [Deadspin]

Survivor Series has lost a bit of its shine, and Nick Piccone examines why. [Medium]

JJ McGee revisits the end of the Steenerico team at Final Battle 2009 through the lens of an Edmund Burke quote about despair. [Spectacle of Excess]

NON-WRESTLING #1: Elle Collins gives their take on dream casting a movie for the comic title Kill Them All. [SyFy Wire]

NON-WRESTLING #2: Scott Kacsmar word-vomited about Carson Wentz again. I explain why it doesn't matter that he's such an obtuse fuckhead about Wentz, but also why it's essential that I keep calling him out. [Medium]
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Pro Wrestling SKOOPZ On The Wrestling Blog: Vol. 3, Issue 11

November 8, 2017, 10:05 am
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JERICHO IN NEW JAPAN? DRINK IT IN, MAAAAAAN
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Hey, guess what, you loathsome pieces of shit? HORB FLERBMINBER IS BACK TO GIVE YOU THE NEWS THAT YOU DON'T DESERVE. I'm just kidding, you're not pieces of shit, readers. Now my colleagues, that's different. Did you know Dave Meltzer tried giving me pink eye by farting in my face at Ye Olde Dirtsheet Sleepover of 1987? IT'S TRUE. Don't even get me started on what Lance Storm does to people at monthly luncheons. IT INVOLVES STRYCHNINE.

Anyway, I'm here to give you all the best news and gossip, but I swear to God, if you think that's the only thing I have to offer, I will punch you in the spleen. I'LL DO IT, JUST ASK HARRY HOUDINI. You can do two things to get EVEN MORE MOTHER'S MILK FROM ME. You can subscribe to my Twitter account, @HorbFlerbminber. Not only do I offer the up to the minute scoops, I also give you the best gossip and post videos of footage I got from the drone I have following John Zandig around 24/7. HE still hasn't caught on yet! Also, you can order back issues of the newsletter. How? Just press the button below:


Go ahead, press the blue MORE! And now, the news.

- Chris Jericho will wrestle Kenny Omega at WrestleKingdom 12. I responded to this by deleting every bit of slander I printed about him since he debuted for WWE in 1999 and replaced it with boundless praise for FINALLY working for a wrestling company worth a damn again.

- Meanwhile, New Japan has announced that it will return to Long Beach on March 25 next year, making it the biggest show to happen in the first four months of 2018 by far.

- AJ Styles made history by becoming the first ever person to win the WWE Championship in the United Kingdom, continuing the UK's long tradition of being racist towards South Asians.

- Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose lost the RAW Tag Team Championships to Sheamus and Cesaro after New Day appeared and distracted them by performing in its entirety the play Their Eyes Were Watching God.

- John Cena was announced as the final member of Smackdown's Survivor Series team, oddly enough, during Election Night returns in New Jersey.

- This contradicts reports that Cena would referee the Brock Lesnar/Jinder Mahal match at Survivor Series, which were leaked to me by anonymous backstage source CJ Perry.

- Jason Jordan was announced as the final member of RAW's team on the actual RAW telecast, a bold move going with the new guy getting booed mercilessly for reasons out of his control instead of Roman Reigns, the old guy getting booed mercilessly for reasons out of his control.

- Speaking of Reigns, he will return to RAW Monday, presumably to pick up his antiviral medication from Miz who's holding it hostage in the most heelish move of the entire year.

- Triple H replaced Reigns in The Shield during the UK house show tour. His next move will be to kneecap Xavier Woods so he can team with New Day, and then literally murder Luke Gallows so he can Too Sweet AJ Styles and Karl Anderson.

- Receiving word that the Bullet Club has received a cease and desist from reacting to that last news item.

- Kurt Angle is wrestling at house shows now, in case you thought WWE actually gave a flying fuck about worker safety.

- Pete Dunne unexpectedly debuted on RAW Monday to confront Enzo Amore. The move wouldn't have been unexpected if people paid attention to Triple H when he showed up at Insane Championship Wrestling on Saturday, but the crowd was split between people making heart eyes at him and frothily yelling for his head.

- ENZO AMORE HEAT WATCH: Apparently, the Dunne forearm to start their match was a shoot, and Dunne received a bonus for it.

- Sin Cara has been cleared to return from the knee injury he suffered while kicking the ever loving shit out of Amore for speaking when he wasn't spoken to.

- Ric Flair's 30 for 30 documentary aired on ESPN last night, notable for featuring Undertaker on camera out of character. Surprisingly, he has a Scottish accent and likes to wear nothing but an apron and a beer koozie on his scrotum.

- Alberto el Patron returned to Impact Wrestling at Bound for Glory and cut a promo about how the company screwed him by suspending him when he was accused of domestic violence. Folks, I can't write a joke for this that is better than what Impact itself has become.

- Impact's parent company, Anthem, will be paying folks to sit in the crowd for the next slate of television tapings. In order to make room for the extra added cost, Abyss will not be paid for the next six months.

- Taya Valkyrie missed Bound for Glory because she was too embarrassed to be seen on Impact.

- Stephen Amell will be appearing for Ring of Honor on November 17 in San Antonio. He and Cody Rhodes will put aside their differences so that they can act really bitchy about WWE not asking permission to put one of its top titles on someone grossly underqualified, a move his Rhodes' dad invented when he strapped Ronnie Garvin.

- All of Bram's simultaneous 3,492 contracts with Impact Wrestling have expired, and now, he's a free agent.

- Revolution Pro Wrestling was asked if the company would still book Bram, and representatives said he was a good person, more proof that wrestling promoters are the most clueless people on planet Earth.

- Robert Whittaker announced that he'd be down to fight Georges St. Pierre anytime, any place. St. Pierre replied by offering him out for "a fair one" in the school yard at 4:30, after all the teachers have gone home.

- Latest male Tough Enough winner Josh Bredl was released from the company, which is weird since I thought he was released before signing his contract after winning.

- Sawyer Fulton and Leo Gao were also released from their contracts. To show how generous he was with his severance, Triple H gave them both 50 coupons apiece for Triple H Brand Dietary Supplements, Now With 50 Percent More HGH.

- Triple H and Stephanie McMahon sent a gift basket to Birdie Jo Danielson, Bryan and Brie Bella's daughter, that contained Triple H Brand Baby Formula, Now With 78 Percent More HGH.

- Davey Richards is taking 2018 off from pro wrestling bookings, which only means he'll be no-showing events that he wasn't advertised for instead of ones he was booked for.

Last week's poll results are in, and 86 percent of you think Holzerman putting his foot through his ceiling is hilarious and 14 percent think it was REALLY fucking hilarious. This week:
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The Montreal Screwjob: The Invention of Mr. McMahon, Both Kayfabe and Shoot

November 9, 2017, 7:00 am
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McMahon is who he is because of Montreal
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Today marks the 20th anniversary of the Montreal Screwjob. For wrestling fans who've suffered a strange bout of memory loss, this was when Bret Hart refused to drop the WWE Championship to Shawn Michaels at Survivor Series in Montreal, forcing Vince McMahon to betray Hart and do a title switch in front of a live worldwide audience. Hart spat in McMahon's face, punched him in the jaw, and didn't return for many years.

Before I get to my main thesis, let's just have a quick version of the debate wrestling fans have engaged in ever since. Who was right, Hart or McMahon?

It cannot be argued that Hart, though I love him, took himself way too seriously. There might still be like five percent of his mind that thinks all this wrestling stuff has been real the whole time. Hart believed that if he dropped the title to Michaels in his home country, he might as well shoot himself in the head from a character standpoint. I've never understood this. He was leaving WWE anyway, and going to a company that theoretically was going to put him in a high position. Why would it matter if he lost to one of the best wrestlers in the world? He was Bret Hart, and a single loss was not going to change that, regardless of the country in which it took place.

On the other hand, McMahon was similarly delusional. His fear was that Hart would win in Montreal, and then run off to World Championship Wrestling with their title belt. Everyone with half a brain knows this absolutely never would have happened. Hart was far too loyal to McMahon and WWE, and his respect for the sanctity of wrestling would have prevented him from doing so nefarious. McMahon had been burned by Alundra Blayze a couple years earlier, but come on. Hart wouldn't have put the belt in a damn trash can.

So as you can see, both guys were wrong and the whole Screwjob was a big mess.

But what I really wanted to talk about is how the Montreal Screwjob either put a new idea in Vince McMahon's head, or confirmed what he had always believed — that he is infallible and that he should always be in charge and making the decisions, because it he doesn't, the whole company will fall apart.

Only about four or five people knew that the Screwjob was going to go down. This was not only because it needed to be a secret, but because many people in the company would have been flatly against it. Not even Pat Patterson, McMahon's right hand guy, was in the know. It was clearly a flagrant violation of the unwritten rules in pro wrestling, and most WWE employees would have advised McMahon to not go through with it.

But McMahon did, and not only did he get what he wanted, but it led to the greatest financial and creative period of McMahon's life. He became the "Mr. McMahon" character, exaggerating his power-hungry tendencies for the camera. He feuded with Steve Austin, sold millions of shirts, made more money than he had in years, began winning the ratings war with WCW, and then put them out of business.

This all happened because McMahon did what he never should have done. Just like in the 80's when he trampled all over the territorial system, and created his own empire. He ruined people's lives and subjugated nearly everyone in the wrestling business, and in each instance, he got away with it and got richer.

And now we expect a 72-year-old McMahon to quit and go away, just because we think he's lost his fastball? Pfft, not a chance. Vince McMahon could be presented with every bad decision he's made over the last decade, and he would shoot a hole in each one of your pieces of evidence. He would ask you how many billions of dollars you've made, pal. He would remind you that no one but him could have built WWE into what it is today.

The Mr. McMahon character is not a character at all. McMahon is exactly that person you've seen on screen, he's just slightly nicer to his employees in real life. But he firmly believes that his power is earned and completely justified.

He screwed Bret Hart in front of all of us, and in response, we gave him our money. Wouldn't you stick around and keep running the show too?
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Twitter Request Line, Vol. 212

November 9, 2017, 10:05 am
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Kane's backstory is incredibly scarring
Photo Credit: WWE.com
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers:

It depends. Would you rather see your family die in an earthquake you survived with great pain, only to become the avatar of death but also being unable to escape a life of gladiatorial torment? Or would you rather be a psycho arsonist who was the illegitimate son of a psychologically abusive mortician who was far more supportive of your hated half-brother? My guess is since Kane's intense self-loathing led him to become a hardcore adherent of Austrian economics, I will go with him.

So many matches deserve the documentary treatment. Would I choose the lowest hanging fruit possible and say Shawn Michaels vs. Bret Hart in Montreal? Would I go outside the box and say Mitsuharu Misawa vs. Toshiaki Kawada on June 3, 1994? How about Michaels vs. Steve Austin at WrestleMania XIV along with the urban legend of Undertaker threatening HBK beforehand to ensure that Austin went over without shenanigans? Ultimately, the match that comes to mind strongest is perhaps the most important and mythical match in modern wrestling history, the main event of WrestleMania III. Even though the two most germane voices to the conversation, Vince McMahon and Hulk Hogan, are both poisoned and unreliable, it would be interesting to see a third party dig in and do some presenting of what was perhaps the grandest spectacle in wrestling history. Besides, you can't do enough exposition on Andre the Giant.

Breakfast is easy. Gimme three eggs, sunny side up, hash browns with onions and peppers, a cup of black coffee, and of course, the meat of the gods, pork roll. Lunch has a little more variety. Do I go for a burger? Tacos? Pizza? I think deep down, I'm a creature of habit, so gimme a burger, preferably with bacon and an runny egg on it, cheddar cheese, and an order of tater tots on the side. Either water or some kind of calorie free, caffeinated beverage. For dinner, gimme dat steakhouse dinner. Start me with a wedge salad with bleu cheese dressing, then move onto a porterhouse, medium rare, with potatoes au gratin and creamed spinach on the side. Water is fine. I don't need anything more than water unless it has caffeine in it and not a lot of sugar.

The only answer to this question is John Cena. The only opponent for him is Hiroshi Tanahashi. Ace vs. Ace. Aughts vs. Aughts. I'm shaking just thinking about it.

The obvious answers would be Japan, Mexico, Germany, and Oceania (Australia and New Zealand). Those places already have defined wrestling scenes of varying age. WWE could go to any one of those places and establish a brand, but man, the idea of fantasy booking a megalith trying to muscle out or co-opt the existing promotions there feels gross. China, however, is a rife breeding ground for a cultivated wrestling scene, and honestly, even though it would be just as gross for that country to have its wrestling culture installed by Vince McMahon, it might also be the best case example to jump start its scene using corporate installation. WWE China would come first, and then in a country of one billion people, McMahon would have absolutely no way to quash an indie movement springing from it. The same could be said with India, to be honest, and with Ring Ka King and WWE's longstanding visits there, it might be even more ready to break out. But China is the rasa tabula.

In the offices? None of it. It was all a shoot, even with Eric Bischoff and other castoffs from the office coming under McMahon's heel afterwards. However, among the boys, I'm sure it was mostly for posture, especially given how many people went back and forth between the companies. Sure, Shawn Michaels toeing a company line might have sounded good, but basically every single one of his friends went to WCW at some point. I'm sure to him, it just sounded good to pump up his home company.

The long and boring answer is "keep growing slowly." WWE is not going to become vulnerable overnight, and NJPW is in the best position of any other company because it has a history that rivals WWE's in length and a strong home base that it can retreat to if things over hear go pear-shaped. In the meantime, the plan of eventually doing more shows over here and poaching WWE "legends" or low-establishment castoffs to build more name recognition will keep raising brand awareness (ugh, I feel dirty after typing that phrase) until one day, bam, it picks off a name WWE guy in his (always "his" because the next time NJPW actively pushes a women's division will be the first) prime, and now the buzz is such that maybe a television network might offer it a time-slot for first run programming. It's all speculative at this point, to be fair, but I don't think a magic bullet is gonna fell WWE. A single promotion is going to have to keep chipping at the stone, and NJPW is pretty much the only company that can do that right now.

Oof, both of those guys are difficult to deal with. Do you go with Kane, who only shows up every half year or so, but just gets viable guys fed to him like logs into a wood-chipper, or do you go with McMahon, who is on more of a biweekly engagement of shitty punches and unenthusiastic mic work? Ultimately, I can take McMahon even with the greater frequency because he never wins matches and often falls off some shit to make it look like a spectacle. Kane provides none of that, and I bet you WWE finds some way to protect him when he eventually puts over Braun Strowman. The answer is Kane. It's always been Kane.

It's a shortlist that also features Chicago and Austin, but I think I'd take Los Angeles first. Pro Wrestling Guerrilla is a huge reason why, obviously, but the local scene is also vibrant. Plus, New Japan Pro Wrestling's American home is in nearby Long Beach, and also, post-show In 'N Out is the immortal tiebreaker.

So at WrestleKingdom, Chris Jericho and Kenny Omega are coming to the ring. Jericho gets halfway down the ramp and tells Omega "Hey, STUPID, you didn't think I would come here alone, did you?" and "Sierra Hotel India Echo Lima Delta" starts scratching through the Tokyo Dome. The Shield pops out of the crowd and surrounds the ring before descending on Omega like jackals. The rest of the Bullet Club comes out, but the Hounds of Justice retreat before they can engage. Over the next few months, Jericho returns to WWE, gloating about sticking it to New Japan, while security increases at WWE events to keep retaliation from happening. Then, at WrestleMania, Jericho comes out for his match teaming with Shane McMahon against Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn with a bunch of extras in metal shirts and torn jeans and long hair on the sides of him, an elaborate entrance. That is, until it's revealed that it's the Bullet Club in disguise. They pretty much go apeshit on all four wrestlers, especially sticking it to McMahon as a message. The WWE roster spills out until more wrestlers appear from under the stage. It's a full-scale New Japan invasion as pretty much everyone except for Kazuchika Okada and Hiroshi Tanahashi, held back because they're too important to risk for invasion, is brawling. It's clear WWE and NJPW have bad blood now so they're going to settle it in the ring at WWE vs. New Japan Invasion Mania.

Main Event #1
John Cena vs. Kazuchika Okada

Main Event #2
Roman Reigns, Dean Ambrose, and Seth Rollins vs. Kenny Omega and the Young Bucks

AJ Styles, Shinsuke Nakamura, and Finn Bálor vs. Cody Rhodes, Marty Scurll, and Hangman Page

Chris Jericho vs. Hiroshi Tanahashi

Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens vs. Tetsuya Naito and EVIL

Braun Strowman vs. Tomohiro Ishii

Big E, Kofi Kingston, and Xavier Woods vs. Minoru Suzuki, Zack Sabre, Jr., and El Desperado

Triple H vs. Gedo

Pete Dunne vs. Hiromu Takahashi

Of course, booking this thing would be nearly impossible, almost impossible as it coming together. However, I think I'd watch that show. What about you?
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NXT In 60 Seconds

November 10, 2017, 6:30 am
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Gotta get that nap time in before next weekend (Photo Credit: WWE.com)

Heavy Machinery: come out
Full Sailors: Steaks and weights! Steaks and weights!
Nigel McGuiness: These men have been banned from every KBBQ in the greater Orlando area!
Victims: are clearly doomed
Heavy Machinery: squish squansh Compactor squash
Referee: Winners! 

Ember Moon: Mercedes Martinez thinks I Just Can't Win The Big One?  I'll shut her up next week and show her why I'm the biggest threat in the women's division.

Kairi Sane: sails out
Full Sailors: salute their captain
Mauro Ranallo: Really important match for Billie Kay here; you gotta think a win here would get her the first shot at whoever the women's champion is coming out of Takeover, especially if it's Kairi.
Nigel McGuiness: You might even speculate —  mean she'd have the claim to it with a win here — if maybe she should take Kairi's spot in the match itself.
Thousands Of Fellow Nerds: know how this is going to end and are still heartened they even threw in that much
Kairi: Headscissors!  Dropkick!  Stay AWAY, Peyton!
Billie Kay: drills her with a running forearm
Some Future Mrs. Cena Somewhere In Arizona: seethes quietly
Billie: Arm trap Torture Rack!  Splat in the corner!
Kairi: seethes loudly Rebound spear!  Kenta chop flurry!  Sliding D!
Mauro Ranallo: Shades of the the former ECW Champion and her trainer, Masato Tanaka!
Peyton: Wait a minute, you
Kairi: lays her out
Billie: Hey!  You can't just
Kairi: lays her out, backfist, InSane elbow
Referee: Winner!
Kairi: salutes her minions right back
TOFN: Yup

Kassius Ohno: Mr. Regal, ever since I laid out Itami, I've been on a roll.  I want to get back in the championship picture, and the best way for me to do that is go head to head with Lars Sullivan at Takeover.  If I make a dent in that battleship of a man...
Master Regal: Well, lad, you don't have to remind me of how hard you hit.  You've got your match.
KO1.0: Thanks.  shakes his hand and leaves
Master Regal: whistles lowly and shakes his head 

God's Production Team: rolls a four-minute piece about the horrible glory that is War Games featuring Dustin Rhodes, Booker T, Arn Anderson, and Arn Anderson's Dusty Rhodes impersonation

Faceless Interviewer: Can you give us a sense of the gameplan you hope to execute in Houston?
Zelina Vega: I'm not some idiot giving away my strategies and secrets.  Cien's the only one who needs to know those.  More importantly, we did what Drew asked: we met him face-to-face.  He simply wasn't ready for it.
FI: What's your relationship to Andrade?
Andrade "Cien" Almas: laughs
Vega: I've known him for seven years.  This is the real El Idolo: no peers, head and shoulders above the rest.
Cien: mostly in Spanish I have the game plan — I have the momentum — and in ten days, I'll have the championship.

Velveteen Dream: comes out slow and focused with no posing
Cezar Bononi: comes out
Mauro: And we're looking at a man here who beat Andrade "Cien" Almas, who has the title shot next Saturday!
Nigel: He's a master of the upset, but he's got his work cut out for him here.
Thousands Of Fellow Nerds: Two times!  Two times!
Velveteen: squanch squish SQUASH, doesn't even use the Savage elbow
Referee: Winner!
VD: "Aleister Black...gotcha.  Now I'm on your mind, and come next Saturday?  When all that's dark comes to the light, I'll get what I want, and you will say my name."

Ruby Riot: After that qualifier three weeks ago, my ankle's janky.  Doc says I need another couple weeks of rest.
Sonya Deville: You.
Ruby: Me?  Me what?
Sonya: Because you're a coward who didn't tap out, I didn't get my shot in Houston.
Ruby: Well, you should've broken the damn thing.  Everybody's fault but yours, right?  Once I'm better, I'll see you in the ring.
Sonya: nodding before she's finished talking Deal.  And this time I will break the damn thing.  leaves
Ruby: I'll be ready when it goes down.

Street Profits: Today?  It's all about swagification BAM!  hand random white guy a black solo cup  
Other Random White Guy: I have a suit here for Tino Sabotelli.
Montez Ford: That is very much me.
Angelo Dawkins: That's you?
Ford: That's me.  Molto bene!  Molto bene!
Tino Sabotelli: Uh, that's me.
Riddick Moss: Very much so.
Young Money: Hey, what did we tell you guys about touching our stuff?
Street Profits: Man, ain't nobody tryna to be y'all!  But if you're 'bout that life, we can help you out next week in the ring.
Young Money: Done.  Tino takes his suit and walks off, Riddick follows
Street Profits: Five thousand dollar suit, more like a five dollar suit...

Roderick Strong: comes out looking vaguely grumpy as usual
Some Guy and Full Sailors: ADAM COLE, BAY BAY!
Bobby Fish and Kyle O'Reilly: conspicuous by their absences and silence
Roddy: outwrestles him on the mat, hits a Flying Santana off the apron and rolls him back in
Adam Cole: Ref!  You gotta help me!
Referee: No!
ACBB: Close enough! superkicks Roddy as he tries to get back in Stomps!  Figure four headscissors!
Full Sailors: clap to rally
Roddy: Bossman slam backbreaker!
Cole: ow
Roddy: T-Bone backbreaker!
Cole: OW
Referee: Kickout!
Cole: Superkick!  Suplex oshigoroshi!
Referee: Kickout!
Cole: meme disbelief face
Roddy: Uranage backbreaker into the top turnbuckle!
Cole: ...oh, that fucking SUCKED.  Minions, save me!
ReDragon: do so
the Authors of Pain: come out
SAnitY: comes out
Everybody: fights everybody else they're not teaming with
Cole: gets loose at some point and superkicks Roddy yet again
Alexander Wolfe: tope con hilos a bunch of dudes
Roderick Strong: superplexes Cole to the outside onto to everybody else
Mauro Ranallo: MAMMA MIA!
Full Sailors: NXT!  NXT!  NXT!  NXT!

 If you like NXT In 60 Seconds and/or Best Coast Bias and/or me, how'd you like to help put on an opening night screening of Black Panther for an all-black audience?   You can find more info about it here.
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So, Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens Got Sent Home from Europe

November 10, 2017, 8:30 am
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Sent home for going off-script... what a time
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you watched Smackdown Tuesday night and noticed something goofy with the end of the Sami Zayn vs. Kofi Kingston match, well, something was goofy with the end of it. Apparently, the awkward ending to the match wasn't planned the way it was, and it was supposed to lead into a beatdown of Zayn and Owens at the hands of New Day, presumably to make them look strong in advance of their Survivor Series showdown with The Shield. In reaction, Zayn and Owens were disciplined by being sent home from WWE's current tour of Europe. The duo is not slated to miss television, however. I'm not sure how it will affect them long-term, as WWE is a company that is as fickle as the whims of Vince McMahon that it is subject to.

This story has a lot to unpack. One, Zayn and Owens disregarded a scripted item, which hurt the show and put a damper on the build for a match that involved six of their fellow workers. However, it's not to say they were completely in the wrong here, and if they did wrong someone, it wasn't McMahon or the writers, but New Day, and to a lesser extent, The Shield. See, the dirty secret that wrestlers either know but mostly ignore or are ignorant to is that without them, one cannot produce a wrestling show. Bookers, promoters, agents, and writers may make it a lot easier to produce, but if one were to remove any of those four elements, you can definitely have a show. If you remove the workers, then it's a bunch of people planning stuff that can only be executed on paper. In effect, those bodies engage in lucrative and expensive fantasy booking without workers. It's the same in any other business; no labor, no product. But in wrestling, it's even more dependent on the labor because the labor itself is the product. So in essence, a wrestler is right to be persnickety about their presentation.

More pointedly, a wrestler should never take instructions from capital without asking themselves two questions: is it good for me and is it good for the show presentation? If the answer to the first question is no, then that wrestler should at least ask questions about why they're asked to do it and at least try to exert some creative control. Of course, "creative control" to a megalomaniac like McMahon is even more poisonous given that the Montreal Screwjob happened 20 years ago yesterday because he gave Bret Hart that and then wanted to do takesies-backsies when Hart exerted it on his way out of the company. The question then becomes, "Did Zayn and Owens voice their concerns with the script before the finish, and what was done, if anything, to remediate before the show was scheduled to begin?" I don't know if that answer is ever going to be fully answered with clarity. As much as it was a shitty thing to do to New Day though, it was the most direct action that could've been taken. If McMahon continues to abuse the independent contractor label, maybe he shouldn't be surprised if his contractors act independently?

Because in all honesty, it didn't feel like an objectively correct thing to do to "feed" the brand's top heels to New Day to build for a match that two weeks after Survivor Series won't matter anything. Obviously, one can take the side that being fed to New Day now is an investment into a future story trope where Zayn and Owens could get some heat back for a match at Royal Rumble or either Roadblock or Elimination Chamber, whichever event ends up being put on the Smackdown side in 2018. It's not a slam dunk case of McMahon/capital being wrong and Zayn/Owens being right, but I still feel like the two members of labor are more right than they are wrong here, especially since they're still at mercy of extreme influence and power. Not only were they sent home, but when Official Useful Idiot of Paul Levesque Justin Barrasso wrote his account of what happened, he framed it as one of the cardinal sins of any wrestler, "going into business for themselves."

It's that phrase that has some sort of currency with all wrestlers and appeals to their most leftward tendencies, that the collective is more important than the individual and that everyone should be treated equally and fairly. However, that sentiment only works when everyone truly is treated equally and fairly. The problem is that wrestlers like New Day and the former Steenerico are treated equally, but equally as garbage by McMahon and the rest of capital. Maybe Zayn and Owens were wrong to wait to lash out until that segment when nothing could have been done. Maybe they could have stricken before the show and given the showrunners a better chance to do right by New Day. Of course, trusting WWE to do that is also dicey, and the show probably would've ended in a promo burying them the way McMahon's mind seems to work. But regardless of the circumstances, two wrestlers got sent home from tour to discipline them for speaking out against something they felt was wrong. It's not a good feeling.

I'm not going to speculate on their long-term future with WWE, because I don't know them and I don't know how they operate. I also don't know whether McMahon and his braintrust will treat them as someone like Emma and just bury them on camera until they leave or whether they'll make nice and do business if they're willing to do the same. I just know that I don't have a good feeling about any of this at all, and I wish the biggest domestic threat to WWE at this point wasn't a company owned by an even more thirstily fascist communications organization that has to rely on backing from New Japan Pro Wrestling in order to do any kind of good business, which is to say, Ring of Honor isn't a threat to WWE at all.
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Pick Three: SHIMMER Weekend, The SHE-1, APW at the Cow Palace

November 10, 2017, 10:30 am
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It's SHIMMER weekend again, and you know Cheerleader Melissa is gonna be there
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
It's the weekend, baby! You know what that means, time to drink precisely one beer and dial 911 wrestling is happening, and it's happening all around this great world. I'm going to highlight three shows which I think will be of most interest. Of course, I'm only one person. You can check out which shows are coming up possibly in your area via Cagematch. Anyway, go to, if you can, these great shows that may be happening in your area, on television/YouTube/streaming, or for later consumption via VOD, DVD, or whatever other means one uses to consume wrestling at a later date:

All-Pro Wrestling Clash at the Cow PalaceTonight (Friday, 11/10), Cow Palace, San Francisco, CA, 6 PM local time - The weekend kicks off in a big way on the Best Coast with a huge show at the Cow Palace for the OGs of indie wrestling. Headlining the card will be two HUGE main event matches. The first will see Jack Swagger getting a shot at the APW Universal Championship against Jeff Cobb. These are two big, beefy boys who know how to grapple, so it's going to be down, dirty, and hard-hitting. Expect a lot of technical mastery and feats of strength here. On the complete other end of the spectrum is the other main event, a Lucha Legacy tag match featuring two of the biggest stars today and two of the most iconic Mexican wrestlers of the television era. The Lucha Brothers, Rey Feníx and Penta el Zero M, will take on Rey Mysterio, Jr. and Juventud Guerrera, two stalwarts of the World Championship Wrestling cruiserweight division. I don't really need to say much to get you excited for this match, because if you aren't, then you're probably dead. Also appearing on the show will be Michael Elgin, Brian Cage, Joey Ryan, and Colt Cabana. If you can't get tickets to the show, check back to APW's YouTube channel and you might even get to see the big matches for free!

SHIMMER Women Athletes Vol. 96-99Tomorrow (Saturday, 11/11) and Sunday, 11/12, Berwyn Eagles Club, Berwyn, IL, 2 PM Saturday and 12 noon Sunday local time - It's that time again! SHIMMER weekend is here, and that means the best female talent from around the world (with some notable exceptions thanks to the next item on the list) will descend upon Chicagoland to put in four shows of work for adoring fans at the Eagles Club and on DVD. As is the custom, no matches have been announced in advance of the show, but the following talent listing has been made public: World Champion Mercedes Martinez, Heart of SHIMMER Champion Shazza McKenzie, Tag Team Champions Vanessa Kraven and Tessa Blanchard, LuFisto, Courtney Rush, Candice LeRae, Cheerleader Melissa, Mia Yim, Veda Scott, Rachael Ellering, Chelsea Green, Delilah Doom, Jessicka Havok, Allysin Kay, Nicole Savoy, Ashley Lane (Madison Rayne), Aja Kong, and many more. You can't beat that lineup, even if you don't know all the matches heading in. Of course, you can probably score some last minute tickets if you head out to Chicago this weekend, but your best bet will be to check back to the SHIMMER site and get your hands on the DVDs when they drop.

Pro Wrestling EVE SHE-1 ~ ACE of EVE TournamentTomorrow (Saturday, 11/11) and Sunday, 11/12, Resistance Gallery, London, England, 3 PM and 7:30 PM Saturday, and 2 PM and 6:30 PM Sunday, all local time - Any top talent not in Berwyn this weekend will probably be in London for Pro Wrestling EVE's round robin tournament this weekend. Four shows are going down at the Resistance Gallery with 12 epic women competing for the title of Ace of Eve. Those competitors are as follows: Sammii Jayne, Emi Sakura, Nicole Matthews, Session Moth Martina, Kay Lee Ray, Meiko Satomura, Viper, Jetta, Laura DiMatteo, Charlie Morgan, Jaime Hayter, and Nina Samuels. Unfortunately, all four shows are sold out, but fret not. You can check back to Pro Wrestling EVE On Demand to catch them later!

OTHER SHOWS TO WATCH
  • RISE 5: RISING SUN (Friday, Berwyn, IL)
  • Revolution Pro Wrestling/New Japan Pro Wrestling Global Wars (Friday, London, England)
  • Five Borough Wrestling A Savior Among Us (Friday, New York, NY)
  • Lucha Toronto Alliance (Saturday, Toronto, ON)
  • CWF Mid-Atlantic Rising Generation League (Saturday, Gibsonville, NC)
  • AAW Rise of the Dragon (Saturday, LaSalle, IL)
  • Westside Xtreme Wrestling Fight Forever Tour(Saturday, Lippstadt, Germany)
  • Lucha Forever Fire in the Booth (Saturday, Birmingham, England)
  • Game Changer Wrestling A Line in the Sand (Saturday, Allentown, PA)
  • Combat Zone Wrestling Night of Infamy (Saturday, Sewell, NJ)
  • The Crash (Saturday, Nauculpan de Juarez, Mexico)
  • Excellence Wrestling Prophets of War (Saturday, Sellersville, PA)
  • Beyond Wrestling Unprofessional (Sunday, Somersville, MA)
  • PROGRESS Wrestling Chapter 57: Enter Smiling (Sunday, Manchester, England)
  • IPW: United Kingdom Live in Weymouth (Sunday, Weymouth, England)
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Lucha Underground Is Coming Back for Season Four

November 13, 2017, 6:00 am
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Mundo and the crew will be back for another season
Photo Credit: Lucha Underground
Lucha Underground's third season ended with a lot of tumult and disarray. Ultima Lucha Tres saw Dario Cueto allegedly dead, Pentagón Dark as Champion, and Prince Puma's career ended. When the final credits rolled on El Rey, folks didn't know whether they just watched a season or series finale. Well, Friday, this video dropped to assure people that it was merely the former:


What a way to announce a fourth season. No other information was given except that it will happen in 2018 and on El Rey Network. But the fact that it is coming back is good for wrestling. To have something that stretches the outer limits of wrestling storytelling is important for the artistic value of the industry at least. It'll be interesting to see what wrestlers come back and which ones will debut for season four. Either way, it'll be a wild ride.
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SHIMMER Gotta Get Streaming

November 13, 2017, 8:00 am
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Martinez has been raking in SHIMMER lately. Shame no one can see it after the fact.
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
This past weekend at the Berwyn Eagles Club in suburban Chicago, SHIMMER Women Athletes and its loyal and rabid fanbase got together for another two days and four shows of the best in North American women's wrestling. Not only were the finest female grapplers from the continent there for this frame, name talent from across the ocean on either side came over, including bona fide legend Aja Kong. Fans in attendance were treated to title changes, angles, possible farewells, and one final passing of the torch from Mercedes Martinez to her heiress apparent and Mini-Me, Nicole Savoy. However, for fans not lucky enough to get to Berwyn this weekend, I'm not sure when they're going to be able to see the action.

SHIMMER does sell DVDs. Hell, I have 14 of them; the only promotion of which I own more DVDs is Pro Wrestling Guerrilla. However, if you check back to the DVD section of the SHIMMER website, the most recent volume it has for sale is 81. It was taped in June of 2016. Six competitors on that card have already signed with WWE. Basically, if you want to follow the most popular and established women's wrestling promotion in America, and you cannot make it to Illinois for the live shows, then you're limited to old material or one show a year during WrestleMania weekend where it streams on WWN Live. If that doesn't seem like a huge problem to you, then you're probably one of the diehards who gets to go to the Eagles Club twice a year.

Women's wrestling is blowing up in America thanks to WWE finally paying attention to it. SHIMMER is a huge piece of the bedrock upon which the corporate talent agglomerator built its foundation, but right now, it's in a stagnant position. Thankfully, the aforementioned fanbase is so rabid and SHIMMER weekends are such a hoot that it remains a stalwart in the wrestling scene. However, falling so behind on the aftermarket viewing is going to bite it in the ass. Maybe the mythmaking perpetrated by the live crowd and WWE using SHIMMER as the top line credential for future women entering NXT could add a bit of mystery and aura to the roster, but nothing is like actually seeing them wrestle.

Right now, the number of people able to see current SHIMMER wrestling is small. For a company that is at the forefront of a revolution in its field, to have so few eyes on the actual product is sad. If DVD production is too much of a hassle, then SHIMMER needs to get into the streaming game. Scratch that, DVD production is an outmoded model, and thus SHIMMER really has no excuse as to why it's not offering streaming. At this point, only SHIMMER and Ring of Honor are the only ones not offering regular streaming, and PWG offers it but only several months after the fact. ROH is owned by a multibillion dollar conglomerate that doesn't care about it, and PWG has buzz and timely DVDs. SHIMMER has neither.

Thankfully, streaming has become almost a turnkey operation, whether it be with the number of local promotions using sites like Pivotshare, or the size and availability of larger networks like Powerbomb TV and Highspots Network. The latter two even have people on staff who could do things like editing if actually doing the work to get the product ready for viewing is a problem. The options are available, and it's up to the people behind the promotion to reach out. I'm sure those outlets and maybe even FloSlam (remember them?) have made overtures. Why refuse?

Perhaps the rumors are true, and SHIMMER Vol. 100 WrestleMania weekend in New Orleans will be the promotion's finale. It would be a bittersweet ending, especially because really, what American or Canadian promotion is ready to fill the void of a non-WWE place for women to work with high profiles? It's still barren. ROH has no Women's Championship or hasn't even bothered to give any of its female competitors contracts. Impact Wrestling is huffing fumes. WWN Live doesn't give a shit about SHINE. Women's Wrestling Revolution, ROAR, and other localized women's promotions or promotional arms are still too localized and don't have the cache. Who knows what's going on with Women's Superstars Uncensored. Still, SHIMMER has an amazing archive full of influential and iconic wrestlers who define the current scene. Having those shows on demand would not only sell subscriptions, but it would be a great repository to see where so many of the current women of note got started before WWE started giving a shit about them.

SHIMMER has been home to a number of current heavy hitters in WWE and elsewhere, and the roster right now contains many wrestlers with bright futures. The fact that its home viewing production has fallen so by the wayside is not only a disservice to the fans, but it's a poor reflection on what the promotion's real impact on wrestling is and has been. It needs to get streaming as soon as possible so it can go back to showing its true power to as wide an audience as it deserves.
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Extreme. Championship. Tailgating?

November 13, 2017, 10:00 am
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OH MY GAWD
Screen Grab via Deadspin
When you, the average wrestling fan reader of TWB, think of tables, you think of the Dudley Boys. It's natural. They went from using them as their signature weapon to actively incorporating them into their very identity. I wouldn't be surprised if Bubba Ray Dudley's DNA is half splintered particle board and half racism at this point. However, a new contender has entered the fray. Well, new contenders I should say. Please consider the fans of the Buffalo Bills of the National Football League.

The Bills Mafia as they call themselves has gotten a reputation for getting rowdy before games. Honestly, they need an identity other than willingly living in Western New York en masse and continuing to be fans of a team that continually breaks their heart without even the promise of return on investment. I mean, I know something about sports pain as a Philly sports fan, but at least the Eagles have been to the Super Bowl in the last 20 years. The Bills haven't even been to the playoffs since 1999, when their team was bounced by the eventual AFC Champion Tennessee Titans on a play that Bills diehards INSIST should've been called back (I may or may not agree with them).

So how do they get by? By getting goddamn rowdy at their tailgates, that's how. Whether it be through shoddily-hidden sex acts or even drug use, the tailgating at Orchard Park is not safe for children or the weak of heart BEFORE factoring in the wrestling moves, but man, Bills fans sure do love them some table spots. They put anyone and everyone through a table with any array of moves possible. Deadspin has a chronicle of all the Bills behavior you can ever want. This past weekend was the latest installment of Bills Mafia mayhem through wrestling worked stiffer than your average Combat Zone Wrestling deathmatch:
So, first up, the dude taking that RKO really needs to learn how to take it. You don't move with the user, you lay yourself out. Then again, he might've caught the liftgate on the truck had he taken it correctly. So maybe taking it all janky-like was the best option? I don't know. What I do know is the pregame ritual didn't help the Bills. The New Orleans Saints pretty much took their lunch and threw it to the dogs, running all over them with little to no resistance. While the playoff drought looks like it's going to continue this year, Bills games remain more than worth going to just to see what wrestling moves are going to be performed that day. Just do me a favor everyone; NO ONE show Bills fans video of the Four Pillars of Heaven, because I'm afraid for what might happen if they discover the Burning Hammer or Tiger Driver '91.
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Wrestling With Sexism, Pt. 4387439, or, Hey Chris Jericho, Maybe Don't Use Bikinis As a Selling Point for Your Cruise?

November 13, 2017, 12:00 pm
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Chris Jericho reinforced rape culture in wrestling with his woefully ill-advised "advertising" for his cruise
Photo Credit: WWE.com
So you may have heard by now that Chris Jericho is running a cruise for wrestling fans that will feature a bevy of classic names, Ring of Honor wrestling, and music and comedy acts that appeal to the same demographics Monday Night RAW did in 2002. Honestly, while I love wrestling and I also love cruises (haven't gotten the norovirus yet, dorks), the idea of a cruise packed with other wrestling fans feels... well unappealing. It's not that I hate other wrestling fans blanket-wise, but I've been to enough wrestling shows to know that just because you like the same thing as someone means you wanna spend all the time you have around them. I mean, I've been to several shows at the ECW Arena.

A lot of those fans are not the kind of people one wants to spend a week sequestered at sea in an enclosed vessel with. Then again, it's not just wrestling fans that have people with ugly personalities and bad social views, it's everyone from all walks of life. However, when I go on a regular cruise, it's just on a boat with people who like cruises, not with a bunch of people who share one same specific interest. The Jericho cruise will have a level of assumed comfort that might make people want to talk to strangers, which is fine as long as the person you're reaching out to agrees with you on various hot-button topics, like whether Roman Reigns is the great Satan or if women are in fact people.

I've joked that the cruise probably has minuscule amounts of female passengers because again, I've not encountered a ton of women at Ring of Honor in Philly, mainly because of the atmosphere set by ROH's narrative structure. But according to Jericho himself, 35 percent of the passengers will be women, which hey, would be fine if he weren't using that fact to try and sell more tickets to men...

Oh no Chris, what is you doin' baby.

I shouldn't have to remind anyone why that's a problematic thing to say, but even in the year 2017 of our lord Bryan Danielson, it needs to be said, for fuck's sake. Women are people. They have free will and agency like the rest of us, and their bodies are not possessions or selling points for men to be drawn to purchase a good or service. When Pro Wrestling Sheetauteur Ryan Satinwent in on Jericho, he said that he actually did respect women before accusing Satin of getting offended just to get offended and banning him from the cruise. Honestly, I'm not sure that's the truth. Had Jericho respected his female passengers, he wouldn't have advertised their bikini'd bodies as items in a visual meat market. Furthermore, he'd have understood that his influence as a huge celebrity might signal to the less scrupulous of passengers that the women are there for their amusement, and that they might be emboldened to make unwanted advances at them. Even furthermore, did anyone, Jericho or those replying to him, even bother to consult female wrestling fans as to how they felt instead of speaking for them? The answer is cloudy.

No matter how many advances wrestling makes towards inclusion, people like Jericho prove that the industry still has a really long goddamn way to go before it makes women feel at home at a wrestling show or at a get-together with other wrestling fans. If you think I'm wrong, then I will point you in the direction of the guy who got arrested yesterday at a ROH show for sexually harassing female attendees. That incident was not isolated. It happens everywhere, and not every victim speaks up because of disbelieving reactions from men in power who think false rape allegations are a bigger problem than rape itself. Jericho has a platform, and he could've used it for good. Instead, he used it to try to enrich himself at the expense of his female fans and doubled down when called on it. It's disappointing even if it's not surprising.
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The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings for November 13, 2017

November 13, 2017, 4:00 pm
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Winnah
Photo Credit: @GoddessOfCats
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Nicole Savoy (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Savoy put the exclamation point on her young career so far by winning the SHIMMER World Championship at Vol. 99 this past weekend. She took out her mentor, Mercedes Martinez, proving once and for all that the student eventually surpasses the master.

2. Adrian Clayborn (Last Week: Not Ranked) - The Eagles were on bye this week, buy my second favorite team, Whoever Is Playing the Dallas Cowboys, wasn't. This week's honor went to the Atlanta Falcons, who smothered the Cowboys thanks in part to Clayborn's MONSTER day. He tied for second place all-time with six sacks in a single game, planting his spot in Dak Prescott's head for all eternity.

3. Toni Storm (Last Week: 3) - She didn't compete in any big weekend tournaments, but hey, she's a multiple title holder across two continents, and she has a tiny hat. She's earned reprieve from the grind.

4. Asuka (Last Week: 4) - She's still murking poor, defenseless enhancement talent like the raptors in Jurassic Park tear up the cow, and she still has time for #SquadGoals pictures. Get you an Empress of Tomorrow who can do it all, folks.

5. Braun Strowman (Last Week: 1) - Look, I don't wanna have to wait until AFTER Survivor Series for Strowman to crush Kane into a cube-shaped heap of trash. I wanna see it now! NOW!

6. Ben Simmons (Last Week: Not Ranked) - You say it's not fair that Ben Simmons is considered among the rookies this year when he was drafted in 2016. I say it's not fair comparing him to any other rookie in any other class in the NBA this century outside of like LeBron James, Giannis Antetokounmpo, Joel Embiid, and the other big-name stars. He's that good, especially picking up slack when Embiid is a big sluggish with a sore knee (*gulp*).

7. Aja Kong (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Kong is a 20+ year veteran and she's still terrorizing the villagers like she's fresh out of the dojo. She not only made hay during the SHIMMER weekend, but she'll go head to head with Viper in a certified HOSS FIGHT later on in the month. Now that Manami Toyota is retired, Kong is one of the last classic joshis to carry the banner, and she still does so with angry, angry fists.

8. Cracker Barrel Meatloaf (Last Week: Not Ranked)OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - Really, if Cracker Barrels are supposedly superior in the South, I can't imagine how good the meatloaf is down below the Mason-Dixon. Everyone raves about Cracker Barrel's breakfast, but the dinner is pretty good too. The meatloaf really is the king of that mountain, barely edging out chicken fried steak.

9. Lockjaw (Last Week: 9) - Scott Buck fucked up with Iron Fist, but man, he really fucked the fuck up with Inhumans. I hope Lockjaw eats everyone and joins up with Agent Coulson and the rest of the cast from Agents of SHIELD because he's the only good thing to come from that god-forsaken television show.

10. Oney Lorcan (Last Week: 10) - In the WWE developmental system, the people are represented by two separate, yet equally important, groups: those who are here for porkin' and those who aren't. Oney Lorcan is part of the first group. This is his story.
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Instant Feedback: Triple H Sucks Is What I'm Trying to Say

November 13, 2017, 8:45 pm
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Funny, I had that same look when he announced himself for the team
Screen Grab via WWE.com
Everyone should've seen it coming. Triple H wrestled in South America and Europe, and most people, myself included, just chalked it up to going on vacation and keeping the muscles loose while giving foreign crowds a little something special for being devoted fans despite not being in the normal tour loop. However, nothing that Trips does really is innocuous, is it? As it turns out, he was just warming up to glom a spot in the Survivor Series main event.

To be completely fair, all the booking inertia rejection boos that dissipated from around Roman Reigns when he rejoined The Shield just reformed from the aether and attached themselves to Jason Jordan. You can't book Smackdown as a bunch of marauding invaders AND have them get the biggest pop in the match by far because one of the guys on the other team has Reigns/John Cena "You're Pushing Him Too Hard, So We're Going to Boo Him Like the Entitled Man-children We Are" heat. So super-savior Triple H swoops in again so he can make all the kids in arrested development who unironically say "All hail!" swoon. It would be offensive if he were the first part-time dude to get himself into the match, because he's drunk too much of his own Kool-Aid and forgotten the last time he had a good match was when he had The Shield and Daniel Bryan to hold his hand.

However, Triple H is the fourth part-timer of varying providence to throw his hat into this match. That's about three part-timers too many to be honest. I can take John Cena being in it, because John Cena is still, y'know, good at his job, at least the part that requires him to play fight with other sweaty men in barely any clothes. Besides, having a dearth of Cena on the show is a plus, given how easily he's always worn out his welcome if given too much time with the microphone. I saw Kurt Angle wrestle with my own two eyes last month at TLC: Tetanus, Leprosy, and the Croup. I don't wanna see that in a setting that doesn't involve weaponry. I've seen Shane McMahon wrestle every match he's been in since coming back. I don't wanna see that in a setting that doesn't involve him indulging his dad fantasy of being a stuntman.

Somewhere along the way, WWE went from bold company pushing the envelope with new guys and wrestlers other companies missed the boat on to a promotion that just can't stop clinging to the past. It's one thing to have a nostalgia act here and there, but to build a set piece match for BRAND SUPREMACY and feature three guys who barely wrestle and the last guy who is on the HBK schedule and is a self-proclaimed "free agent" feels like WWE is taking a giant shit on the stakes it artificially set up for itself from the beginning.

Of course, those who see this point of view and disagree with it may end up building a straw man that folks like myself hate seeing old guys. Buddy, let me tell you, age ain't nothing but a number if you can back it up. Goldust, for example, is a guy who can still go if RAW creative let him. Hell, RAW has a bunch of wrestlers that it could have put in Angle's and Triple H's spots aside from Jordan, but it's like, where is the build for anyone outside the main event? Three hours-plus of runtime every Monday, and RAW barely has any midcard, especially since guys like The Miz holding midcard titles feel more important than that standing. But hey, the show definitely needs two separate segments of Stephanie McMahon screeching at and debasing wrestlers for whom she can't bump.

So instead, Survivor Series gets Triple H playing the conquering hero, subbing in for a guy with the wrong kind of heat (who's definitely gonna turn and cost either Trips his elimination or the entire team the match), once again building on his rep as WWE's resident good cop. Why can't it be enough that he brought back fuckin' War Games and is looking at producing yet another critically acclaimed, crowd-pleasing edition of NXT Takeover the night before? I don't know. What I do know is, wouldn't it be a lot better if instead of Trips, that the RAW team maybe walked...

...with Elias?
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So Great Power Uti Has Been Indicted for Murder

November 14, 2017, 6:00 am
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Uti went from meme to alleged murderer
Photo via @GreatPowerUti
Great Power Uti, the Nigerian Wrestling Champion who has retired, has been indicted in the murder of his wife. American audiences know him from tales spun by Cliff Compton on the Art of Wrestling podcast about his and Luke Gallows' tour of Nigeria to wrestle Uti. His eccentricity and outsized personality made him a cult favorite among hardcore fans, but none of that matters now.

Uti, whose real name is John Eke Uti, stands accused of beating his wife, Toyin, so badly that she died from her injury on October 10. He left the body in a room to decompose until it was discovered by authorities. The court case was adjourned to be continued on November 15, which is tomorrow. Much like in America, however, the courts in Nigeria don't seem to trend towards this being a slam dunk conviction. The United States has had a problem with underprosecuting domestic violence and waiting until it's too late to save the victims to act.

Outside of one of the most absurd and hilarious episodes of a beloved podcast having a sour ending (and really, who gives a fuck about a fucking podcast, even if it's one as good as Colt Cabana's), this story shows why domestic violence should always be taken seriously, not just by law enforcement, but by wrestling promotions and other places of employment. Abusers, when left unchecked, can end up irrevocably damaging their victims, and people are left to wonder what they could have done to prevent it even though the answer was staring them right in the face the whole time. Wrestling especially is a place where people need to put in the work, because it is a violent sport/form of entertainment that attracts violent people. You can't adopt a laissez-faire attitude towards abuse and abusers just because the art itself lends itself to violence.

That reason is why people get so up in arms when promotions like Revolution Pro speak glowingly about abusers like Bram. It's why it's hard for me to get excited about an American indie scene that is pock-marked by abusers like Sami Callihan, Moose, Mr. 450, and Aaron Epic. It's why when people like Viper speak up on behalf of these abusers, it's so embarrassing and shameful. It's also not like wrestling hasn't seen the nuclear end of domestic violence happen in the most grotesque way possible. I mean, Chris Benoit murdered his wife and son, and people still yammer and yak about how "We need to separate ART from ARTIST" and bristle if anyone brings up how that piece of shit ended his and two other people's lives.

Uti will now stand as another nuclear example of why everyone should take domestic violence seriously. Life's too short and too precious to allow people free reign to make others live in fear for their lives. Toyin Uti is dead because people brush this kind of thing off like it's nothing to worry about. Until everyone, from folks like you and I all the way up to people in power, starts taking domestic violence seriously, shit like this is going to keep happening.
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Kris Wolf SMASH

November 14, 2017, 8:00 am
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Your new favorite wrestler? Yeah, probably.
Photo Credit: STARDOM Twitter
If ever a wrestler could win my heart without ever watching them wrestle, it's Kris Wolf. Granted, I hear she's a swell worker in the STARDOM promotion, one of the top, if not the top women's wrestling company in the world. Just experiencing her through short character videos and gifs, however, feels like peering into a spectacular world featuring a protagonist with both childlike exuberance and the healthy bloodlust one expects from a fearsome pro wrestler/wolf hybrid. She's expressed her love of meat several times, which I've documented here. She also really, really likes smashing things, like boxes:



Of course, a soul as pure and untamed as Wolf's must be protected at all costs, which is why the following footage...

...is so GRIEVOUS. How DARE anyone steal Wolf's tail? I'm so outraged that I'm going to file a complaint. Where? I don't know. Either way though, Wolf's following and her social media do the job that any single wrestler's should; it makes me want to see more and more of her. Understanding that will be the key for the next huge wrestling superstar, wherever that person might emanate from.
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Leftism and Wrestling: Freedom to Go

November 14, 2017, 10:00 am
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Neville's potential comeback to WWE is only possible because WWE holds all the cards
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Even though capitalists and conservatives run and populate the wrestling business, as an artform, it lends itself to leftist ideals. This series hopes to show wrestling fans why they should embrace the left, not just for the sport/art, but also for themselves.

Neville walked out on RAW a month ago and hasn't been seen since. His tenure with the company felt SO DONE that he was removed from the 205 Live intro. However, WWE being WWE, it didn't grant him his outright release at the time, instead opting to go the Rey Mysterio route and holding him to his contract even if he was sitting on the sidelines. Even though the company didn't think his services were valuable enough to feature on main roster feuds despite actually engendering reactions and getting people excited before turning him heel and sticking him on the show barely anyone in the front office cares about, those same people thought he'd be valuable enough on the indies and in other corporately-owned entities to hurt WWE's global hegemony. Basically, WWE has held him hostage since his walkout, which, as the pedants in the back row in the "All Hail!" t-shirts will tell me, is well within WWE's rights.

The holdout has circled back around to amicability though, it seems, as WWE and Neville have progressed in talks to get him back into the fold. No harm, no foul, right? As noted college football pregame show co-host and mascot-head wearing enthusiast Lee Corso might say, "Not so fast, my friend." One person's "cooler heads have prevailed" is another's "WWE has won another war of attrition." If I've done anything with this series of posts, I hope that it's illuminated how the gap in resources between WWE and even the most well-compensated wrestlers on its roster is. Neville definitely wasn't making Brock Lesnar money, and even if he was and was saving his resources judiciously, he wouldn't have the wherewithal to sit out the rest of his contract or win a legal battle against WWE's hundreds-of-millions of dollars ability to legally block him. Rey Mysterio and CM Punk barely had those resources to do what they did, and the latter got hit with his own legal battle from WWE after he left for "defaming" the quack doctor who tried giving him a Z-Pak for a staph infection. The fact that Neville had scant few choices other than renegotiating with WWE shows a distinct peril for any worker in America.

Regardless of what those who defend the status quo say, you are not truly free in the United States, because you are not guaranteed an income. The leftist dream is to eliminate as much work as can be done by humans and use the revenue garnered from automation to fund a guaranteed universal basic income that correlates to a living wage. In the absence of the conditions needed for UBI, leftist thought on labor shifts towards giving as much power to the worker as possible. Part of that power is the freedom to move on from a workplace that is unsatisfactory, toxic even. A corporation or any embodiment of capital should not be able to block someone from leaving their place of work, especially if that entity retains the right for at-will termination. Why should one entity have that power while the other doesn't? It's the money, stupid, and that's why so much leftist theory concerns the concentration of wealth and why so much leftist praxis remains set on distributing that wealth to more people. Wealth is power, and if everyone is equally powerful, no one can get an unfair advantage over another person.

Neville should have been allowed to walk away from WWE if he wanted to when he wanted to. He should have been able to take his talents and ply them at a place that would've made him happiest. The fact that he might be coming back to WWE is a textbook example of the house always winning. If you vest way too much power centrally, the people who wield it will abuse it. Nothing is a more addictive drug than control, especially over another human being. When people awaken to that fact, only then will things start to get better.
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Wrestling Six Packs: Fun Survivor Series Matches from the Roster Leftovers

November 14, 2017, 12:00 pm
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Why would you leave Matt Hardy off the show?
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Survivor Series is Sunday, and despite the addition of Triple H to the show, the card is looking strong. However, for as much of the roster is utilized right now, a whole bunch of wrestlers are going to be left off. Survivor Series used to be the show that got everyone a pay-per-view paycheck because of the team structure. Luckily, I have the idea for six teams, three matches, that could be formed from the wrestlers who aren't booked for the show so far.

1. Team RAW, Mark II Matt Hardy, Karl Anderson, Luke Gallows, Apollo Crews, and Goldust - Honestly, the RAW second team probably doesn't stack up to the Smackdown second team, which I'll get to next, overall, but how can you have a pay-per-view card and not include Matt Hardy? Yeah, his brother is injured, but WWE signed him off the strength of his reinvention of the group. So what if you can't use BROKEN? You can let him lead the team of RAW's best second stringers into battle against...

vs.

2. Team Smackdown, Mark II Jinder Mahal, Rusev, Aiden English, Chad Gable, and Shelton Benjamin - You have the freshly former WWE Champion, RUSEV DAY, and the potential next Smackdown Tag Team Champions on the team. I mean, say what you want about Mahal, and I have, but that's a strong second unit. You could even replace English with Dolph Ziggler, although at this point, who'd want to? The elephant in the room is leaving Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens off the team, but at the same time, I'm going with the current story of them being mad at their brand.

3. Cruiserweight Tecnicos Akira Tozawa, Gran Metalik, Mustafa Ali, Rich Swann, and Cedric Alexander

 vs.

4. Cruiserweight Rudos Gentleman Jack Gallagher, The Brian Kendrick, Drew Gulak, Tony Nese, and Noam Dar - If you believe the rumors that Neville is close to returning, then yeah, insert him on the heel team for Dar or Nese. However, if you have a cruiserweight division and all those wrestlers with the big play potential, how do you not have an elimination match with all of them on either the show itself or the preshow where all they do is their big spots? I mean, this kind of match was tailor made for Gran Metalik to break out and save the goddamn division. I'm going crazy over here.

5. NXT Dudes Johnny Gargano, Otis Dozovic, Tucker Knight, Oney Lorcan, and Danny Burch

 vs.

6. WWE United Kingdom Lads Pete Dunne, Tyler Bate, Trent Seven, Mark Andrews, and Joseph Conners - Trying to keep this match as Takeover-free as possible to try and maximize the exposure and I was still able to come up with a primo NXT team. Thanks to Gargano (and Dunne) wrestling on the pre-show taped for the next week's episode, they're available for the big ten-man match that also features My Big Beautiful Beefy Adult Sons and the team most likely to accidentally leave welts on their opponents after the match. The British team is probably as boilerplate as one can get in terms of WWE UK guys just because the division hasn't been fully implemented yet. I put Conners in for Wolfgang because the latter is rumored to be hurt.
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Your Midweek Links: A History of Intergender Wrestling in WWE

November 15, 2017, 6:00 am
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Check out the history of men vs. women in WWE, including Chyna, shown here booting Jeff Jarrett
Photo Credit: WWE.com
My God, the week is halfway over. Hallelujah! And guess what, Thanksgiving is next week. If you're like me, you took all of next week off. If you're not, you at least have one, if not two days off next week. That means the next couple of days are going to go by even more slowly. If only a bunch of the best writers on the web had content for you to read. Oh wait, they do! Check out these links to help your time pass by just like that.

The Montreal Screwjob was 20 years ago last week, and Elliot had his own analysis of the events, including how the event shaped Vince McMahon both in and out of kayfabe. [The Wrestling Blog]

Chris Jericho made an ill-informed tweet trying to advertise his cruise to horny male passengers. I let you all know why that's wrong, gross, and disrespectful to women. [The Wrestling Blog]

Elle Collins examines the vast and rich history of intergender wrestling in WWE in honor of Becky Lynch and the rest of the Smackdown women's roster giving James Ellsworth the what-for. [With Spandex]

Do you want to watch Braun Strowman eat a seven-pound sandwich? OF COURSE YOU DO. Tommy Messano has the video just for you. [Cageside Seats]

Everyone loved Ric Flair's 30 for 30 documentary special, but David Bixenspan is troubled that it glorified sexual misconduct, especially in the current environment. [Deadspin]

Kenny Omega vs. Chris Jericho is the talk of the wrestling world right now, but Jesse Staab wonders how well people will be able to measure how successful it is. [Wrestledelphia]

Sam DiMascio has a rundown of the best indie matches from this past weekend, including the first NWA World Championship defense in the Billy Corgan era. [Spandex Are Still Cool]

Is Paige on her way back to WWE? Anabel Cooper examines from her hinting via the new video game, and how she turned her career around after a tumultuous last year. [Camel Clutch Blog]

NON-WRESTLING #1: Roy Halladay passed away last week under tragic circumstances. Few outside his teammates and family got to know him as well as Zoo With Roy did, and he wrote a touching tribute. [Zoo With Roy]

NON-WRESTLING #2: Roy Moore sexually abused minors. John F. Kennedy had extra-marital affairs with women young enough to be his daughter. Both are wrong, and I examine why men of all political persuasions need to check the outward expressions of their libidos. [Medium]
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Pro Wrestling SKOOPZ on The Wrestling Blog: Vol. 3, Issue 12

November 15, 2017, 1:05 pm
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Oooh, they got in trouuuuuble...
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Well look at what we have here. HORB FLERBMINBER is back to dispense the news, deal in the gossip, and dole out the punishment to those who have wronged me. Do you doubt me on that last one? Well, why don't you go ask the last person who crossed me. That's right, I'm the reason Todd Martin was thrown into the pit of despair. DON'T CROSS ME AGAIN, MMA BOY. You want to be on my good side, and you know the best way to get and stay on it? BY READING MY SCOOPS. I have harvested so many delicious and rare news items this week that the ghost of Walter Cronkite came to me in a dream and said I had surpassed him in every way. EVERY. WAY.

Now, you could just read my scoops, but where's the fun in just doing that? You can also follow me on Twitter, @HorbFlerbminber. You can get all the up-to-the-second news from my feed, and also I've gotten my hack attacks down to once every other week, down from twice an hour. No more spam on your timeline! You can also check out my back issues, which you can purchase if you've ever made love to someone so right and true that you feel it in your bones. If not, maybe I'll sell to you, but it's not a guarantee. Anyway, you can buy these back issues if you'd like and more:
  • May 21, 1958 - Extensive coverage of me getting my pilonidal cyst lanced.
  • October 8, 1975 - The plane crash that nearly ended Ric Flair's career. Was he lucky that he was banging the stewardess at the time and thus had someone to break his fall? I analyze in-depth.
  • July 6, 1983 - Where did Harley Race get the money to put the bounty up for Ric Flair? Was it a loan from Panamanian strongman Manuel Noriega? No, but it was fun to pretend for half an issue.
  • February 10, 1988 - Complete coverage of Ted DiBiase's purchase of the WWF Championship, including itemization of all taxes and fees, and how Vince McMahon's decision to nullify the decision was A TOTAL MOVE OF THE NANNY STATE.
  • December 15, 1999 - On second thought, don't order this issue. It's bad. Really bad.
And now, the  news:

- The biggest news of the week is that Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens were sent home from the European tour for "not saluting the all-great and powerful god-emperor Triple H the required five times while in Gorilla." That's a direct quote from the press release I get from WWE that tells me what stories I can and can't report on.

- Owens took the opportunity upon arriving home to surprise a wedding reception by appearing, which caused Randy Orton to make a fat joke, in case you needed another reason to think he was a gigantic piece of human garbage.

- WWE has released James Ellsworth into the wilds of Yukon with only a stick, a pelt made out of squirrel hides, and 30 ringgit. If he survives and makes it to Point Barrow by Christmas, he won't be released from his WWE contract.

- Conor McGregor showed up at Bellator 187, jumped in the ring unannounced and unplanned, and assaulted a referee. Dave Meltzer was quoted as saying "Now THAT'S how you do a motherfucking invasion angle, bitches."

- Jack Swagger signed with Bellator MMA. Expert say he'll end up just like CM Punk except for the fact that he's younger than Punk and actually has amateur wrestling experience. However, if Punk couldn't do it, NO ONE CAN, DO YOU HEAR ME?

- Paige was spotted backstage at RAW. Rumors said that she might have gotten the final spot on the RAW women's Survivor Series team, but those plans were thrown into doubt when she posted a page of the script of RAW that spelled out her victory with the caption "This is me, I'm going to win and be the sole survivor and there's nothing anyone can do about it, not Vince, not Stephanie, not even God himself."

- Paige also proclaimed herself to be single. In response, Alberto el Patron no-showed three shows this weekend.

- Wait, I'm hearing the two events are unrelated.

- WWE has shortened its tour in India because it seems Indian people are, according to Vince McMahon, "INGRATES WHO DON'T KNOW WHEN TO APPRECIATE WHEN I DO SOMETHING NICE FOR THEM, FUCK YOU."

- WWE has replaced one of the Indian dates with a stop in Abu Dhabi, UAE, with special guest Nermal.

- The main event of the Abu Dhabi show will be Triple H against Roman Reigns. Triple H said he chose Abu Dhabi for the WrestleMania 32 rematch because "It'll be easier to dig the sand when I bury Reigns."

- Tickets for WrestleMania 34 have gone on sale, and the fact that they aren't completely sold out by now shows WWE is a garbage fire of a promotion that deserves to have all its assets seized by the government.

- SMACKDOWN REPORT: Charlotte Flair won the Smackdown Women's Championship and celebrated by being greeted by her father, Ric. However, Anonymous Backstage Tipster CJ Perry relayed to me "Ugh, I can't believe they let Charlotte have the belt in her first shot, and they had me lose all those flash matches to Naomi. Reverse racism much?"

- Triple H's return to RAW to take Jason Jordan's spot on the Survivor Series team will not be the last move. Sources say that Finn Bálor will be replaced by Bob Backlund, Samoa Joe will be subbed out for Abdullah the Butcher, and Sephiroth will summon Meteor to replace Braun Strowman. On the Smackdown side, everyone but Shane McMahon and John Cena will be replaced by Shane's children.

- Triple H also announced that NXT will hold three separate tapings at Center Stage in Atlanta, the location where World Championship Wrestling taped Saturday Night. He hopes to find the locations of the other five horcruxes that contain Ted Turner's soul so he can assume all the power of WCW and finally become one with wrestling.

- Daniel Bryan said that he thinks he has an 85 percent chance of wrestling again and a 20 percent chance it'll be in WWE. However, due to Price Is Right rules, he went over 100 percent and now may never wrestle again under pain of death should he violate.

- WWE has been negotiating with Neville on a return. When asked what brought it on, Triple H said "Well, I've been watching a lot of Jarek 1:20 pick-up videos and thought if I just started calling Neville up and negging him, I could get him to come back with little or no concession."

- New Japan Pro Wrestling announced its fiscal year financials and that they were up 20 percent over last year's, which is disappointing. You motherfuckers aren't supporting it hard enough. IT NEEDS TO BE UP AT LEAST 50 PERCENT, YOU CHEAP PIECES OF SHIT.

- Cody Rhodes listed his favorite matches of all-time, and funny enough, it was the same thing as that checklist of bookings he posted from right after he was released from WWE.

- Lucha Underground was renewed for a fourth season, because the executives at El Rey Network are PERVERTS who HATE WRESTLING.

- Konnan has been named the head writer for Arolucha, the lucha libre promotion owned by the Harris Bros. and booked by Vince Russo. So if you liked Lucha Underground and are also a Nazi with the attention span of a brain-damaged goldfish, this is the company for you.

- The Bludgeon Brothers will debut on Smackdown next week. Plans are already in place for when the crowd shits on them and they have to do a flash reunion with Bray Wyatt to get all three wrestlers positive reactions once again.

- Vince McMahon granted a wish for a 19 year-old fan but only if his mom granted McMahon's wish of sleeping with him first.

- Paul Heyman's promo on RAW was interrupted by a fan proposing to his girlfriend. In response, Heyman signaled for Bubba Ray Dudley to come out and cut a promo on the woman calling her... god, I can't print any transcript of this promo. I can't believe I thought this was good in 1997.

- Ring of Honor announced plans to start a streaming service. I asked Sinclair representative, Shadowy Figure in a Trenchcoat, why they picked now, and he said "Frankly, we just wanted to shut them up and we actually got a discount from the last round of loyalty pledges to Donald Trump, so."

- Simon Grimm, formerly Gotch, debuted for Ring of Honor over the weekend, but no one knew he was going to be there, because he announced it on his Twitter, where he has everyone except Larry King blocked, weirdly enough.

- Justin Credible posted about the WWE Wellness Program and how it allowed him to live the life he never thought he could without it, which oddly enough, was as a wandering troubadour in the forests of Wallachia.

- SHIMMER REPORT: Rosemary got hurt during the tapings. Apparently, Sexy Star did an unplanned run in and put her in another shoot armbar.

- The NWA Championship match that streamed Sunday night got 38,000 viewers on Facebook Live and Periscope, according to officials. However, at least 17,000 of them were alts from various Wrestling Twitter users.

Last week's poll results are in, and for some reason. you all think Chavo Guerrero will be the next premier of the Soviet Union. The Soviet Union hasn't existed for over 25 years. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? This week's poll:
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