The Wrestling Blog

When you write a blog centered on wrestling, you get a lot of leeway from start, since no one expects much from wrestling or wrestling writing. When you write a blog about wrestling with a center on leftist critique and social justice, well, then that leeway gets a lot tighter, as it should. I, the primary author at this blog, need to hold myself to a higher standard than I would anyone else. So that's why I have to admit that over the weekend and on Monday on Twitter, I fucked up.

On Sunday night, I accused a prominent indie wrestler of being transphobic, and I took it far enough that people bought my story. He himself came to me and refuted it, and then later on Monday, someone dug up an old tweet of mine where I used a disgusting slur regarding a highly marginalized group of people, trans people. To say it wasn't the best day of my life is an understatement, but it wasn't by chance or by someone else's doing. I did it to myself, and I did it to other people. I lost followers on Twitter. I lost respect. I lost the moral high ground. And it was no one's fault but mine.

So why am I writing about it here? It's because I can't continue to pretend that didn't happen while assailing others, no matter if their transgressions are objectively worse than mine, but ESPECIALLY if they fuck up a lot less severely than I did. My parents didn't raise me like that. Why am I not taking an extended hiatus from Twitter or blogging like other people who do bad things and have to apologize for it? Part of it is compulsion, but part of it is that I can't really sit back and let things blow over. It doesn't mean doing extra, because when I went after that wrestler on Sunday night, I was doing something I shouldn't have done. As an ally to marginalized communities, even if I did have credible receipts, it is not my place as someone whose demographic is the exact opposite of marginalized to take that action. It was my role to support, listen, believe, and boost voices of those who are afflicted. I don't know why I did it, but regardless of the reason, I shouldn't have.

Going forward, I'll try to do better. What does that mean? Well, for starters, it means not attacking people with flimsy evidence, obviously. I've taken heat, and I'll probably take more. That being said, the best time to start healing and trying to earn back trust is right away. I hope you'll give that consideration, but if you don't, I fully understand.

Nyla Rose is part of AEW's Black roster
Photo via All Elite Wrestling

Black wrestlers have traditionally gotten the short shrift in pro wrestling, even with the massive numbers of Black fans the business attracts. It's not to say Black wrestlers haven't had success. Junkyard Dog was a massive star in the early '80s in Memphis. The Rock is perhaps the greatest crossover star in wrestling history. New Day has gotten over to an insane degree right now. Bearcat Wright, Ernie Ladd, Rocky Johnson, and Tony Atlas have had success in various points in wrestling's past. However, those examples pale in comparison to the number of White wrestlers who got the ball so to speak.

Cody Rhodes, executive vice president and flagship wrestler in All Elite Wrestling, noticed that. He said in this quote to Pro Wrestling Sheet Friday:

If you look at other sports, African Americans are dominating in sports. Dominating in the NBA. Dominating the NFL. How come that hasn’t made its way to wrestling? If that makes any sense.

First off, the "Black wrestlers dominating in sports" comes from a racist dogwhistle. I'm not sure Rhodes meant it like that, as he seems to have good intentions. However, words matter, and he should have phrased it better.

More troubling, though, is him asking about having more Black wrestlers dominating when he himself can bring the change that he promises, and bring it sooner than it took WWE to. The AEW roster has 50 wrestlers on it as of present time. Of those, six who aren't executives in the company like Brandi Rhodes are Black: Scorpio Sky, Nyla Rose, both members of Private Party, Awesome Kong, and Sonny Kiss. One of those wrestlers will be competing for the chance to be the first Women's Champion against a wrestler of another ethnic/racial group that is marginalized in America, yes. That being said, even if all of them were in top-of-their-division positions, it still makes Rhodes sound like he's full of shit.

The question then becomes "how many of a certain group of people is enough, and who gets to decide it?" Certainly, it's not up to me to decide because I'm not an underserved minority. I don't know who decides it because groups of people are not monolithic, whether those groups are partitioned by genetics or choice. I don't know how many is enough either, because I'm not good on deciding quotas, especially when it comes to people of a certain demographic. The rough answer, I guess, is "enough" is "enough" when people in that demographic group don't have to ask where their representation is. That number isn't really something that you can calculate.

It should also be mentioned that while it's cool Rose will more than likely be the first Women's Champion and that Private Party will factor in heavily to the Tag Title scene (if they're smart), neither the Women's or Tag divisions appear to be pay-per-view main event caliber matches at this point in the history of AEW. Going forward, it feels like the top of the card will be lily white. You could argue that the wrestlers there — Kenny Omega, Chris Jericho, Jon Moxley, Rhodes himself — deserve the shine. That's not the point. It's one thing to run with a racial makeup on your card that skews heavily to non-marginalized people, and it's an entire other thing to do so and try to play good ally by asking where the opportunities for wrestlers of color are. They should get credit for even putting a trans woman of color in position to be at the top of her division, something I don't think WWE would do now and probably not for decades. But embracing diversity is not tallied on a scorecard.

I don't think that Rhodes is cruel or racist as much as I think he's a myopic neoliberal with the backing of a billionaire money mark. He's shown willingness to listen on many fronts and has capacity to learn from his mistakes. People give the AEW EVPs shit for saying things that might "turn people off" to their show before it even begins, but honestly, a vast majority of it has just been stuff extreme WWE partisans have taken offense to. Kenny Omega calling Donovan Dijakovic "Donovan Dickhead" on Being the Elite is not a big deal. However, Rhodes saying what he said without the actions to back it up is. Right now, AEW probably isn't any better (or to be fair, worse) than WWE is on its treatment of Black wrestlers in specific. The question is though, how will they work to improve? The answer to that question will more than likely shape how AEW performs as the first major competition WWE has had since TNA foolishly decided to run head-to-head with RAW Monday night.

But it's also not a measure of competing with WWE that makes this issue so important. AEW shouldn't attempt to make its roster as diverse with as many opportunities for wrestlers of all marginalized backgrounds to succeed to be better than WWE, it should do so in order to serve those marginalized communities in ways that that show that they really are for everyone. Rhodes talked the talk. Now he's gotta walk the walk.

Yes, again, and with more great stuff to come
all photos courtesy of WWE.com

Football fans are familiar with the term "trap game"; for those out of the parlance what this means is that a team will have a sandwich of high name opponents and/or rivals in the beginning and final weeks of a triad but will play someone not as much of note in the middle. This has become a popular term because teams let off for that middle game and then find themselves eating L's instead of the Xs and Os.

For in a bizarre way, it's easy to get ready against the big names and blood hatred spanning back generations. It's when the team you're playing against doesn't have a legacy for you to take down or has been beaten in your head by parents and grandparents (in some cases great grandparents) that This Enemy Must Be Destroyed that lends itself to upsets. So what NXT had in week 2 of the USA era was in a lot of ways a trap game. They may have avoided the loss, but they took some hard hits that lead to a lower quality than opening week.

If only there was a column out there that could elucidate on such things! There is!? Well, shit! Let's start with the shiniest jewel in the crown because we're giving like that...

GOLD: Lee/Dijakovic III
Every time.

Every time.

Every time.

At this point for the hardcore pro graps nerd, Lee/Dijakovic matches on both the independent scene as well as Full Sail's offerings feel like a seasoned traveler settling into a five star hotel or a steak enthusiast foodie tucking in to destroy a porterhouse at Ruth's Chris. You know it's going to be worth all five stars, it's just a matter of how. Here, both Keith and Dominik not only built upon their previous encounters but also subtly teased that maybe, juuuuust maybe if they were given a match at a Takeover, whatever remaining jams there were would be kicked out Wayne Kramer style. To talk about their marches to the uninitiated would sound like Stefon talking about a trendy new nightclub, but they were certainly on display in the show opener. [Especially given how this match turned out from a technical proficiency standpoint, you can forgive certain authors for believing this would kick off NXT's new era the week previous.] Bumps off transition Pounces to the apron, chokeslams into the apron, tornillos, moonsaults from both participants, second rope Canadian Destroyers, and it all ended when Keith not only kicked out of a top rope moonsault, but cradled D2 on the kickout to transition into what they may be calling the Big Bang Catastrophe (BLACK for that name, woof) and into a W to even the series at 1-1-1. I'd ask "why do other people get to have matches?" but it feels fated to fade into the ether like a similar question "why don't they form a tag team that murderdeathkills everybody ever for the next decade?" More importantly, now with the series evened up on NXTV with a tie, there is now a reason to have another match. And these two men are forming a latter-day Godzilla v. Mothra, so any cheap excuse to throw them in the ring together is actually a golden one. As the Full Sailors say, Fight Forever.

He tried it tho

GOLD: Matt Riddle

It still feels like he might be the appetizer for certain Blackheart's main dish - the Steamboat to his Funk, if that analogy is old enough to land for you - but on this night, the Bro Show was on in full display to rave reviews. He got the best of Killian Dain (finally) in a street fight that headlined the bulk of the show and debuted (?) a Fujiwara armbar to end his bid for the #1 contendership successfully, then when Adam Cole came out to get in his face about all the nothing he would ever be, he ate the armBAR and got his Savion Glover on.

One of the things that I've noticed about Riddle's work is that because of his unique skillset, he always seems to work no matter what position he is in a match. Favorite, underdog, eating the offense or dishing it out, nothing seems to be outside of his wheelhouse. The street fight barely involved a chair, a kendo stick, and some brawling in the audience, but given Dain's history of owning Riddle since his return to NXT it made the clean tapout win all the more bright when the decision came down and he got three segments to do it in.

GOLD: Night of Florida Champions
This week's show is, as the kids say, gonna be lit, y'all! Cole/Riddle for Goldie, the Women's World title defense via Shayna/Candice that the inaugural show last week, as well as the Profits rematching the Era for the World Tag Team titles. Barring catastrophe, the worst of those matches should be at least very good and the best match will probably justify the $10 we feed Devil Vince. Somehow if the main roster were to have three title matches on a show, I feel the best reaction amongst the populace would be a shrug. But NXT is NXT, so all of these title tilts stir excitement and hope. What's the opposite of Chinatown? Oh, right: it's Full Sail on Wednesday nights.

TEAM KICK WHOOP WHOOP

GOLD: Dakota Kai

If you saw her coming out with a new Tron that seemed to be heavily inspired by Captain Marvel followed by her entrance receiving a heroine's reception that put tears in her eyes and her hand against her heart multiple times and weren't moved, you're made out of sterner stuff than I. She even did the old mid-90s HBK "I got goosebumps" hand gestures against her arms before she fait accompli'd Taynara ~~Conti~~(?). Part of the reason it feels like Shayna has been dominating the division for so long is that the natural opponent to dethrone her, both in storyline and match quality, had her first 2019 match on this show. It may take until 2020 to get there, but given their history Kai seems to be the most obvious choice to knock the Queen of Spades off of her throne and the sooner that they build to and do so, the better given her history of getting injured. (Another small BLACK for her Go To Kick finisher, which, ugh, no thank you, and I gave at the office. What's with people I otherwise would cut a bitch for having these shitty finisher names? Why can't she just find some other devastating kick form with more of a sudden impact instead of I-put-you-in-a-fireman's-carry-and-then-kick you?)

BLACK: Two channel block booking
Watch USA's hour and you get a borderline instant classic and a street fight. Watch WWEN's hour and you get three predictable squashes (or cousins to the squash) and a trios match main event to round out the Perfectly Cromulent Wrestling Hour. This is here for the obvious reason that this won't be a problem going forward, and it's obvious that some tap dancing for the corporate masters is going forward. However, for the small subset of fans who had to pivot hard from the sublime to the ridiculous, it's grating. If there weren't two clear levels of demarcation, obviously the show would not have been set up like this. Hopefully, this is the last time this will be an issue with USA running the show going forward. But there's a difference between In-N-Out and Burger King, and you don't even have to get two bites into it to taste it.

BLACK: Cameron Grimes
Not only do we not get Swerve or Jordan Myles this week, Raul Mendoza makes the show to do the job. The response when Grimey hit his 1-Up Stomp, in a land designed for the heel to get at least a little bit of love, was boos. Not "he's a bad guy" boos but "2001 X-Pac". "why the fuck is Raul not going over the Mad Southern Hatter""where is his gimmick besides on his head""he's using that for a finisher" boos. If they're going to keep pushing him, something needs to happen. Right now this is a Spaulding Gray monologue without the whimsy and now that NXT isn't rolling to tape, any discerning fan finds it obvious. It's not like Trevor Lee isn't talented or capable, but Cameron Grimes is the Mayor of Mehville and every time he comes out to the second version of Erik Rowan's music it continues to astound that some of the brighter lights in the Breakout tournament (throw Garza on this list as well, who showed more in losing to Dunne last week than Grimes has his entire NXTenure to date) haven't gotten the chances that he has.

NXT may not have won the trap game, but they survived it. Now it's on to a night of title defenses and Gargano/Thorne, with limited commercial interruptions! Now that we're on the way to the fireworks factory in earnest, with the exceptions of King Kong v. Godzilla III, Dakota's entrance and maybe the street fight if you're feeling generous, let us never talk of this shortcut again.

Bow before your new God
Photo Credit: Maki Itoh

Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Maki Itoh (Last Poll: 4) - Honestly, Maki Itoh is the God society wants even if she's not the God this world deserves at all.

2. Jordan Howard (Last Poll: Not Ranked) - Howard has always been a thorn in the Packers' side, but now instead of wrecking them as a member of the Bears, he's doing it for the Eagles. On short rest Thursday night, Howard scored three touchdowns en route to the Birds' 34-27 victory at Lambeau Field. Not only did he have two punishing runs from inside three yards, he scored on a beaut of a wheel route on a picture-perfect pass from Carson Wentz. Howard will go a long way to establishing the Eagles as an offensive powerhouse, even if the defense stinks.

3. Macaroni and Cheese (Last Poll: Not Ranked)OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - So we hosted a family party for both my kids' birthdays (they're born two days apart), and my wife made macaroni and cheese. Let me tell you, if you think mac 'n cheese is what you get from the Kraft box, you are depriving yourself. You gotta get a good homemade recipe, or go to a barbecue joint. It has to be silky and creamy, and the more cheeses it has, the better. If you're not shortening your life by months, what are you wasting your time for?

4. Orange Cassidy (Last Poll: 6) - Pfft, like I care what you think of my ranking of Orange Cassidy.

5. Ryu Maivia (Last Poll: Not Ranked) - Sasha Banks, during her hiatus from WWE, adopted a corgi, which I think catapults her to at least number two in the wrestler dog power rankings. It's hard to top Officer Magnum, to be honest. Anyway, the dog, named Ryu Maivia, made a big splash last night defeating Drew Gulak to become WWE Cruiserweight Champion. Gulak presumably won the belt back when Ryu Maivia left it behind to go chase a dust bunny or something, but still, that's video proof. As Friend of the Blog RossWB said on Twitter, that dog's gonna be 24/7 Champion one of these days, and I'm here for it.

6. Microman (Last Poll: Not Ranked) - Not only did Microman win an important lucha de apuesta this past weekend against Chamuel, but he did so with some high-flying shit. Hell yes, Microman, hell yes.

7. Callux the Castigator (Last Poll: Not Ranked) - Last week, Joey Janela had his car broken into and his gear stolen. Callux, the biggest member of Chikara's Proteus Wheel, chanced across that gear after it was presumably ditched by people who realized it wasn't worth much on the open market, and before returning it to Janela, he even returned it. Who knew that a science project gone horribly wrong had a heart of gold? It's good when wrestlers, especially indie wrestlers, look out for each other.

8. California Gov. Gavin Newsom (Last Poll: Not Ranked) - Newsom signed into law today that college athletes must be compensated for when their likeness is used for profit. It's a small step, but it's also a long time coming for college athletes who make coaches and athletic directors rich beyond belief with no compensation but a free education, which might sound fine until you realize college and life in general is a whole lot more expensive than the stipend of "no money" covers. You do work, and believe me, football and other sports are work, you deserve to get paid. Period. Fight me if you disagree.

9. Mike Minor (Last Poll: Not Ranked) - Milestones in sports are not insignificant the way that teams pay bonuses and fans care about them for sentimental reasons. Players care about them too, which is why Minor wanted to start a meaningless game so he could reach the 200 strikeout plateau. He did so after his teammate Ronald Guzman intentionally dropped a foul ball to allow Minor to complete the strikeout on the next pitch. Again, solidarity among teammates is heartwarming, and helping people get the things that mean a lot to them is noble. Of course, people are mad because baseball is the sport where fuddy-duds try to implement artificial sanctity the most. But really, both Minor's team, the Texas Rangers, and the opposing Boston Red Sox were eliminated from the playoff hunt anyway. Who cares?

10. Oney Lorcan (Last Poll: 10) - Oney Lorcan is not only here for porkin' but also for doing shirtless pushups with Vince McMahon in the latter's office every Tuesday night. I mean, it's not what I'd do if I were in his office, but hey, gotta respect the hustle sometimes.

You can't fire Rush because he quit
Screengrab via CMLL Youtube

This past weekend held a bounty of wrestling, whether it be local promotions like AAW and Prestige Wrestling up to national and international touring brands like New Japan Pro Wrestling and Ring of Honor. That last promotion had a notable title switch in the main event of its Death Before Dishonor pay-per-view, when lucha libre superstar Rush culminated his chase of Matt Taven's World Championship with a decisive victory. Rush, who made his bones in ROH's partner promotion Consejo Mundial de Lucha Libre, had the crowning moment of his American career one moment and then found out that he was fired from CMLL the next, along with his brother, Dragon Lee.

Rush will be fine inasmuch as ROH is a promotion that exists and can pay him well enough. The move was probably a formality, as Rush at least was quitting anyway. I don't pretend to know a whole lot about lucha, but I do know acrimony such as this is fleeting. I mean, LA Park dips in and out of AAA with the same frequency as a Lex Luger heel-or-face turn in the '90s. Lee probably has a safe future as well, even if he wasn't necessarily planning on quitting the company. Then again, if you believe @luchablog, maybe he didn't really care after all, as he was ordered not to work Pro Wrestling Guerrilla's Battle of Los Angeles and did it anyway.

Rush's future in ROH seems stable given he's the Champion, but with Lee, well, he might find more success working in the other partner promotion in this now-seemingly-crumbling triumvirate of wrestling companies, New Japan Pro Wrestling. He's already scheduled for more than a few dates there. I believe he's booked for the Super Junior Tag League, which will get started after King of Pro Wrestling October 14. His old rival Hiromu Takahashi has a return that seems right around the corner as well. Takahashi hasn't wrestled since suffering a broken neck in a match with Lee last year in San Francisco.

Of course, the juiciest possibility would be a jump to AAA, CMLL's primary rival in Mexico. While that in and of itself would be great news for people who discovered or rediscovered AAA at TripleMania this year, it has implications in America as well. AAA is a partner promotion to All Elite Wrestling, who already has a pair of lucha libre siblings, the Lucha Bros. themselves, on the roster. Depending on their contractual situations with ROH separate of their now-terminated CMLL deals, it might be interesting to see if or when they decide to pop up in AAA and if that's a parlay onto Wednesday nights. That last sentence is pure speculation from yours truly, maybe a little fantasy booking too, so I wouldn't really take that as gospel.

The truth is though that CMLL let two of its most talented and popular wrestlers go for reasons I'm not sure I am qualified to comprehend. As it turns out, that talent exchange thing among New Japan, ROH, and CMLL seems to be on shaky legs anyway. The first signs started when several New Japan guys like Juice Robinson decided they didn't want to work for ROH anymore and went to the office to request to stay away. This weekend though, things seemed to come to a head. @luchablog also reported that CMLL is on both the other two promotion's bad sides and they seem to be self-destructing their way out of an American audience. Meanwhile, if you didn't already notice just by paying attention to what was going on, New Japan's tour of America took place at the same time as Death Before Dishonor weekend. It seems like things are frosty at best at the moment.

Regardless, the wrestling landscape changed in advance of perhaps the industry's biggest week since Vince McMahon purchased World Championship Wrestling. Rush and Dragon Lee might not seem like big deals in the grand scheme of things, but remember, wrestling is nothing without the wrestlers, and the brothers are two of the best. Just because CMLL doesn't value their talent doesn't mean no one else will.

Will Nick Gage be able to keep his language PG in the presence of Scott Steiner?
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein

King of Trios is THIS WEEK, GUYS. Can you believe it? Trios will emanate live from the Goodwill Beneficial Association in Reading, PA Friday through Sunday, and the best news is you won't have to buy tickets to watch it as it happens. For the low price of $10/month, you can check out Trios on Independent Wrestling TV. I'm sorry if that sounds like an ad, and I assure you, I'm not getting paid to tell you about this. I'm just really excited for King of Trios, almost as excited as Rusev was to see Lana making out with Bobby Lashley at the end of RAW last night. Well, maybe not that excited.

So, all 16 teams have been announced for the big tournament, and Chikara has announced all eight first round matches. Hoo boy, some of them are doozies, let me tell ya. The marquee matchup will pit the first and last teams announced against each other. Team Pump, consisting of Jordynne Grace, Petey Williams, and the namesake and allfather Scott Steiner, will battle Team MDK, Nick Gage, Thomas Santell, and Kris Statlander. This is an intriguing match for several reasons. First, one of the most star-studded guest teams will be going home night one. Second, Chikara has a strict family-friendly atmosphere, and with Steiner and Gage in the ring at the same time, well, let me just say Mike Quackenbush better talk to both of them beforehand and remind them that they have to keep it clean. Finally, the last time Gage and Steiner were in the ring together was at the ICW New York show Party and Bullshit, where Steiner walked out on the match. The stakes are already incredibly high for this match in addition to advancement in the tournament.

Another match of note pits the Fightin' Hatfield Clan against the Creatures of the Deep. Normally, the Grand Champion and his son/niece combo would be shoo-ins to advance except for niece is annoyed with uncle, cousin hates cousin and the other cousin can't deal, and dad is eternally mad at son. While Oceanea and her minions do not pose the existential threat as the Crucible's autoimmune response gone haywire, they're a dangerous enough squad that they may be able to overwhelm the feudin' family to set wheels in motion towards the season finale.

The other first round matches are as follows:

Quack Pack (Mike Quackenbush and the Ugly Ducklings) vs. The Colony (Fire, Green, and Thief Ants)
Karate Kat Xtreme (Lucas Calhoun, Stray Kat, and Missile Assault Man) vs. The Ancient Order of Nations (Mick Moretti, Jack Bonza, and Adam Hofmann)
Team FIST (Icarus, Tony Deppen, and Travis Huckabee) vs. The Embassy (Prince Nana, Jimmy Rave, and Sal Rinauro)
Crucible Prime (Ophidian, Lance Steel, and Kimber Lee) vs. The Velocities (Mat Diamond, Jude London, Paris DeSilva)
Crucible B-Team (EM DeMorest, Matt Makowski, and Devantes) vs. Three Queens (Solo Darling, Willow Nightingale, and Freddie Mercurio)
The Legion of Rot (Hallowicked, Frightmare, and Kobald) vs. The Carnies (Nick Iggy, Kerry Awful, and Tripp Cassidy)

All in all, night one is shaping up to be raucous, wild, and most importantly fun. No tournament bracket has been released, so who knows which winners will face off night two.

Speaking of night two, another match has been added to the slate along with the four quarterfinal matches, two Rey de Voladores four-way qualifiers (Cajun Crawdad and Alex Zayne announced), and Still Life with Apricots and Pears vs. BLANK. John Francisco of Coronado's, the Ecuadorian national turned patriotic American after Ecuador stripped him of his goodwill ambassadorship for tax evasion, will be wrestling. Against whom? No one knows except for the Director of Fun! Coronado's will find out when his opponent steps from behind the curtain. If I had to put money on it, I would say it would be Chuck Taylor, especially after he posted this tweet:

Was I supposed to have a last indy match? Did I not do it? Fuck man I blew it no one had to sit through a bad promo where I put myself over for 10 minutes and people pretend to be happy for me
— Chuck Taylor (@SexyChuckieT) September 30, 2019

However, knowing Chikara, it's no guarantee who it might be. Night three will give you the final three matches in Trios, the finals of Rey de Voladores, and that dang tag gauntlet that everyone knows and loves. The first two announced teams are Los Ice Creams and the Closers, and joining them are the mighty science experiments gone horribly wrong, or if you're Professor Nicodemus, horribly right, The Proteus Wheel. Callux the Castigator and Volgar will look to smush all teams coming their way, and they are one of the few tandems who can physically intimidate, or at least stand toe to toe with, the Closers.

Whether or not you can make it to Reading, you can enjoy Trios this year live as it happens. The flagship event of Chikara and the biggest tournament in all wrestling are must-see events, and now, you don't even have to leave the comfort of your own home to watch. Just get yourself an IWTV sub, and watch it in your underwear for all I care. Or maybe throw on a pair of basketball shorts. Chikara is kid-friendly, you know.

McMahon needs someone who will kick him in the ass and force him to treat his wrestlers like people.
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Unless you've been estranged from the wrestling internet in the last few days, you know that CM Punk may be returning to WWE. Hell freezing over is a light way to put it if it actually happens, even if his role will be co-hosting the FS1 talk show with Renee Young. The fact that he'd be anywhere near WWE's gravitational pull being paid money if not by WWE then by someone paying money TO WWE, would be the most disheartening development in wrestling since rat bitch Hulk Hogan snitched on Bobby Heenan and Jesse Ventura trying to start a union. Of course, rumblings are only rumblings at this point. Yes, Punk did try out for the show last week, but it's not official until the ink is dry on a contract. But the fact that it's even a possibility shows an impossible winning streak for capitalist tyrant and major Trump donor Vincent Kennedy McMahon.

Everyone who has ever had a beef with McMahon has come back to work for him in some capacity, to garner him more wealth that he'd eventually plunker down into an ill-advised attempt at a football league that respects the troops. Bret Hart, who was double-crossed and whose brother died under McMahon's watch, came back. Jeff Jarrett, who was essentially blackballed for daring to demand more money for his talents from McMahon, came back. Sting, who was the last remaining holdout never to work for McMahon, came aboard. Randy Savage even was on his way back before his untimely death. No matter who is estranged from McMahon or who works in America without making it to the WWE machine, McMahon gets to suck value out of them.

Punk was supposed to be different. He had the obstinate attitude. He had grievances that seemed unforgivable. Even if his MMA career didn't pan out, he had other avenues to make money, like writing comic books. He seemed content. So why would he go back to WWE? The answer is that he probably had a spark to do something wrestling-related again, and if reports are true, All Elite Wrestling lowballed him, forcing him to turn to the company that jeopardized his health with how it treated him when he was hurt. You can blame AEW for the lowball offer, but they didn't make him turn around to McMahon again. It's mistakes like that from competition that end up helping WWE and McMahon more than anything he does.

It's a mistake that Tony Khan and his wrestler EVPs have to learn from, because they're the only entity right now that can break McMahon's winning streak. They have a slot on major cable, comparable money to back them, and a stable of wrestlers to date that compares to the wrestlers WWE is able to take from storage to put on television. It isn't to say that they'll compete with WWE right away. There's a reason why they chose Wednesday night for their flagship, and why they'll habitate Saturday night for pay-per-view. However, they have all the tools.

It might take awhile, but eventually, if they play their cards right, they will be able to make sure that wrestlers have a place to go if they're disillusioned with WWE. It can be a place where wrestlers can go and not have to work for a demented autocrat. Granted, that's not to say Tony Khan might not turn out to be a bad boss. Basically, all billionaires are bad no matter what you think of their personality quirks. AEW will do bad things, and they will have to answer for them. However, you can run a corporate wrestling company and commit only garden variety grievances and not the kind of extra bullshit that McMahon, whose entire career is evidence of his control freak nature, peddles. If there can be a "better" corporate wrestling option where you can get paid commensurately to ply the trade, then it should be able to exist as an interim before socialism wins and wrestling becomes globalized and regulated the way it needs to be.

What the industry has right now is unfettered failure when it comes to caring for its labor, the very backbone of what makes it it. While I have my doubts that Khan, Cody Rhodes, and the rest of the gang will do completely right by wrestlers, they can do enough to make their company a far better option for wrestlers to strive towards than WWE. And if AEW does things like not bust a nascent union or offer health insurance, perhaps they'll force WWE to at least keep pace. Competition is said to bring out the best in wrestling companies, but honestly, I don't give a shit if AEW or WWE put out creative genius and the best matches ever seen if they don't treat their workers like human beings. AEW is what wrestling needs as long as they can be a better option than WWE and not one that sinks to WWE's level. Vince McMahon cannot be allowed to win all the time, but if it turns out that it's a pissing contest between McMahon and Cody Rhodes over who can be the most effective despot, then wrestling in America is fucked.

He's not Luger, but he could be just as special
Photo Credit: WWE.com

All Elite Wrestling debuted its flagship television show, Dynamite, last night, and overall, I thought it was a mostly complete success with a few quibbles. You couldn't ask for a better start. From the opening title to the close with chaos in the ring, they put their best foot forward. It's time to dive into the action.

Cody Rhodes: Wife Guy - The first match for Dynamite on TNT wasn't Brian Pillman, Jr. vs. Jushin Liger like some postulated (and Tony Schiavone was sure to shout the match between Liger and Pillman's dad out), but Cody vs. Sammy Guevara, an incredible opportunity for a wrestler in the latter who achieved moderate indie fame and some exposure in one of Mexico's top promotions. While the framing for the match was the definition of milquetoast (Guevara's "don't overlook me!" shtick made for blunted expectations), the match itself was exciting and tense. While Guevara felt his nerves a bit with a few slips on high flying moves, where he hit his spots, they were impressive. Cody again settled into cosplay-of-his-father mode, which continues to work for him.

The most notable development during the match, however, was the revelation that Cody is a wife guy. Brandi, who accompanied him to the ring, was just as much a part of the match as Cody and Guevara, concentrated mostly on one sequence towards the end. Cody dumped Guevara to the outside, and Brandi started to jaw at him. As Cody attempted a tope suicida to the outside, Guevara pulled Brandi in his path. When Cody went to check on her, Guevara attacked. So now Cody is the "accidently dove onto his wife guy." More pointedly, the whole sequence highlighted that AEW still has problems with presentation. Obviously, Cody is a face, and I'm not sure any old school cocky heel stuff that coming from the executive vice president and chief brand officer seems like entitled one percent shit would make the fans not cheer him on the first night. However, there's edgy face stuff, and then there's arrogance reserved for heels. I would not have Brandi mock opponents going forward, but that's just me. If the cheers start to turn into boos as the weeks go on, well, I'll just have to say I told you so.

I will give Cody all the credit in the world for how close to the vest he played the match. It could have easily been a squash, but like with the Darby Allin match at Fyter Fest, Cody gave the less-established Guevara a lot to hang his hat upon, which will come in handy later given how the show ended and how Guevara is part of Chris Jericho's anti-Elite faction. At the time, it seemed like wrong place, wrong time for Guevara wanting a handshake before Jericho jumped Cody and wailed on him through the picture-in-picture brawl during commercials. But as it turned out it was foreshadowing.

It's in the Way That You Use It - Speaking of squashes, poor Brandon Cutler didn't have a chance against MJF, but honestly, the match was the least interesting part of the segment, at least with regards to The Discourse™. MJF obviously has gotten a lot of attention and been the center of many an online scuffle, but the most germane surround his ability to draw heat. People on one side want to denigrate him because he dips into the cheap heat inkwell a lot, which is undoubtedly true. Nothing he's saying is particularly groundbreaking, but not everyone can be a Jake Roberts-level of wordsmith. What makes MJF work is his delivery, his confidence, his swagger, and his body language. A lot of heels have that going for them. You can't be a slumping, slouching heel speaking meekly and expect people to boo you with the tenacity of a thousand junkyard dogs. That's how MJF works.

Snoochie Boochies - As an unabashed fan of Kevin Smith, it was great to see him at Dynamite with Jay Mewes. Yeah, Smith might be an early Aughts phenomenon and totally not on the cutting edge, but hey, Jericho's in his new movie. OF course he's gonna be there. And Smith stayed past his mic spot, which is nice. It also set up Jack Evans to become an even bigger villain than MJF by dissing Morris Day and the Time. What kind of monster doesn't like Morris Day and the Time? Either way, the match that will come out of that altercation, Private Party vs. Evans and Angelico, should be fantastic.

The Manlet Tyrant - PAC vs. Adam Page was a match that was promised from Double or Nothing but had to be cancelled thanks to Dragon Gate obligations for the former and an injury for the latter. They tangled at the end of hour one into hour two on the first episode of Dynamite, and outside of some questionable pacing, I thought it was a decent-at-worst match. Page looked the best he had been in AEW here, putting extra mustard behind his big moves and exerting his size. You might think PAC, all 5'8" and 206 pounds, wouldn't be able to project such a dominant presence as a miserable heel working on top most of the match, especially given how much size he gives up to the Hangman. The crowd work was a nice touch too. For someone who has spent most of his career before his turn in WWE as an exciting white meat babyface, seeing him seethe and glower has been a treat. Nailing a low blow out of Earl Hebner's sightline was a nice touch as well. He appears to be headed for something big, as he has wins over two of the members of the Elite now. Whether he's in line for a World Title shot (which seems unlikely unless Jericho drops it to Cody at Full Gear) or if he'll be the first holder of a future secondary title, they are high on PAC, as they should be.

Questionable Choices in the Women's Division - So, Riho is AEW's first Women's Champion after a war with Nyla Rose. Although Rose towers over Riho, the match worked because it was mostly cat and mouse, if the mouse had lethal elbows and knees. It was a smart choice to have Riho's offense mostly come in the form of stiff strikes and moves assisted by rope momentum or height off the top rope. They're both smart workers as much as they are athletic or hard-hitting. I'll still never expect seeing Rose do that leaping knee to an opponent from the corner halfway across the ring either. It was the best match of the night, and it set a great tone for the division until you got to the finish.

I'm not saying Riho is a bad first Champion, but they had a chance to make a statement by having Rose be the first standardbearer in the division. It might not have been as bad until after, when Rose attacked Michael Nakazawa, who was interviewing the victorious Riho. They had Kenny Omega make the save, which teased intergender wrestling. In a vacuum, that would have been great, but the way they teased Omega getting into it with Rose felt like a half-measure to appeal to TERFs. All in all, it's a very centrist activist way of doing things. You put the trans woman in the main event, have her lose, and then start teasing that she'll fight a man because of how she was born. I don't want to believe that's the case, but the circumstances all lined up in dubious ways. I guess I'll have to wait and see.

OUCH - The Omega/Jon Moxley brawl was the best thing on the show (non-match) for two reasons. Omega, the Cleaner, fought Moxley with a mop, and then at the end, Mox Death Rider'd him through a glass table. There's not much else to say other than AEW should definitely put the whole thing on YouTube. If you want to differentiate yourself from WWE, that kind of visceral violence is what you need.

Jake "Lex Luger" Hager - The final brawl after the main event did a great job setting up the battle lines for the future. Gang warfare is best played out in wrestling for a reason. The fronts set up as you might expect with the surprise of Jake "Jack Swagger" Hager as Jericho's final hammer. It was met to mixed reactions, which makes sense. As Swagger, Hager left WWE with a trail of injuries behind him. He was also the presumable last Lucha Underground Champion, one that was met with indifference. That being said, as one of the few people who liked him in Lucha Underground and as someone who remembered when he was a blue chip prospect in WWE ECW, I think this could work.

OF course, people compared his entrance to Luger's at the first Nitro, and that's silly. Hager wasn't going back to WWE, and no, he didn't "con Vince." His entrance hearkened back to that Luger entrance, but if I'm being real, Moxley was the Lex Luger appearance. He just happened to make his debut months before television began. Not everything is symmetrical, nor should it be. World Championship Wrestling made a lot of mistakes, and while there's a lot to love from those days in WCW, well, Cody and the gang would be wise not to repeat them.

I'll take this over and over and over and over thanks
Photo Credit: Kevin LaMarque/Reuters

It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 280 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers:

I’ll just ask this https://t.co/FYa6UwuD0t
— AD (Mahomes/João Felix Fan acct ⚽️🏈) (@DrameTV2) October 2, 2019

Of course I want all four of my Philly pro teams to reel off 15 titles in a row apiece. But since that's not the question, here is my breakdown:

Eagles Nine Super Bowls - I love all four sports, but football is by far my favorite. Nothing is like sitting on a Sunday to watch the Eagles and hang on every play like it was bottom of the ninth with two outs in Game 7 of the World Series. It's so intense, and the Eagles winning one Super Bowl sustained me for almost 18 months. I want that feeling all the time. Plus, it'll give the Eagles a total of 13 NFL Championships, which would put them past Green Bay's 11.

Sixers Three NBA Championships - All I want is vindication for The Process. Just let my Large Tall Adult Sons own the NBA the next few years.

Phillies Two World Series - I'd give more to the Phillies, but honestly, baseball feels like it might not be around in 20 years, so give me two titles now before it eats itself.

Flyers One Stanley Cup - Not so much for me, as I've fallen out of hockey, but for a lot of people whom I'd know it would make happy. Plus, a single Flyers Stanley Cup win would send Mark Madden into anaphylactic shock, so that's all I'd need.

Who is the Fantasy Football MVP so far this season and why is it Lamar Jackson? #TweetBag
— René Sanchez Proclaims... (@SupemarketSweep) October 2, 2019

It's not Lamar Jackson, because his last two games have been more down to earth rather than his stratospheric annihilation of the Miami Dolphins week one. Plus, quarterbacks often don't have the kind of value in leagues that other skill position players have, not even Patrick Mahomes. If I had to pick a MVP so far, it's probably Nick Chubb. He hasn't scored fewer than eight (according to CBS) points in a game so far, and his 35 point explosion against the Ravens this past week was the stuff of legends. Running back production is becoming more and more scarce in the realm of fantasy football thanks to teams devaluing the position and having back by committee roles. So you find someone like Chubb and you hold onto them, at least until scumbag abuser Kareem Hunt is off suspension and comes back to spell him.

#TweetBag What are your playoff picks/predictions for both NHL and NBA?
— Andrew Smith (@OMGitsOFS) October 2, 2019

I know more about the NBA, so I'll go first with them:

Eastern Conference
1. Sixers
2. Bucks
3. Pacers
4. Raptors
5. Wizards
6. Nets
7. Heat
8. Bulls

Western Conference
1. Nuggets
2. Clippers
3. Rockets
4. Lakers
5. Jazz
6. Warriors
7. Mavericks
8. Blazers

Sixers over Bucks in 6 in the ECF, Clippers over Lakers in the WCF in 5, Clippers over Sixers in 7 in the Finals.

Hockey, well, uh

Metro
1. Capitals
2. Devils
3. Hurricanes
4. Blue Jackets

Atlantic
1. Lightning
2. Maple Leafs
3. Bruins
4. Panthers

Central
1. Blues
2. Predators
3. Avalanche
4. Stars

Pacific
1. Sharks
2. Golden Knights
3. Flames
4. Ducks

Devils over Maple Leafs in the ECF, Predators over Flames in the WCF, Devils over the Preds in the SCF in 6.

I have less confidence in those NHL predictions than I do in catching a greased pig.

I hate the term “took their ball and went home” when referring to wrestlers taking a break/quitting a multinational wrestling company with millions behind it. What do you think of the term?
— 👽pffffffffffffft wrestling account👻 (@Leaveitbe22) October 2, 2019

I hate it. It's a vehemently anti-labor sentiment that denies a worker its agency and submits completely to management. The first time it was used was Vince McMahon describing Steve Austin refusing to put over Brock Lesnar, which sounds bad if you don't think about the dynamics involved. Austin was the reason why WWE was where it was, and to expect that he should put over Lesnar on RAW with no WCW around to compete against without asking him his input is, well, asinine. It's even more idiotic when used with Sasha Banks, because she didn't take her ball and go home. She put over the Iiconics at Mania and apparently had a deal with McMahon where she could go take a break. So not only was it anti-worker, it was inaccurate. Anyone who uses that term is not to be trusted.

I just bought an Oculus Quest, which is amaze-balls BTW. If you were a developer how would you do a VR wrestling game? What would gameplay be like and would you license wrestlers or create a fictional league? #Tweetbag
— boxwatcher (@boxwatcher) October 2, 2019

I've never played any VR game, to be honest, so I don't know how it would work. But as for the latter part of the question, I'm convinced that licensing wrestlers is a mistake nowadays. Just create your own wrestlers and make them as manic as you can. WWE will never have the wrestlers that would fit best in a video game when their gimmicks are "wins all the time" or "wears a hat." If you really had to license a roster, you should go with Chikara, but they have their own game coming out soon. Just create your own wrestlers. It would be a blast.

Protected user @earthdog asks:

Can I get the TH Halloween Guide (TM) to which topical costumes to embrace and which to avoid this year?

EMBRACE: wrestling costumes! Be a wrestler this Halloween, whether it be straitlaced like Roman Reigns, fantastical like The Fiend, intricate like Kraneo or as simple as Orange Cassidy. Not only is it the hip thing cuz of the Wednesday Night Wars, but if you make your kids dress up as a wrestler, you can maybe get them into it!

AVOID: political costumes. Yeah, you can get all the candy if you go as Donald Trump to a MAGA shithead's house, but really, who wants to think about politics during Halloween anyway. Halloween is for mythical terrors, not real ones.

#tweetbag Any chance of Asuka jumping to AEW when her contract with WWE is up?
— Alex (@ferrarimanf355) October 2, 2019

The answer to that question was readily apparent last night. AEW doesn't have any qualms about putting a title on a Japanese wrestler, and while Riho is about on the same talent level as Asuka, the former Kana has it in exposure thanks to her run as the arch-joshi in Japan and a Women's Royal Rumble win in WWE. Anyone who says she wouldn't go to AEW is fooling themselves, especially if the pay is comparable. AEW would be happy to have her, and while I'm not privy to her thought process, I wouldn't think there's anything disqualifying about her going to AEW off the top of my head. It'd be base speculation to say she is going, but honestly, I wouldn't be shocked if she did one day.

Can you think of a time that people have been more excited for a Sixers season is comparison to how dull we all expect the Flyers to be this year?
— Jason Brown (@j0brown31) October 2, 2019

For the bulk of my life, the Flyers have been good or great, or if they haven't been good, neither have the Sixers. I would say though that it's not the first year this scenario has played out, because it played out the last two years as well. The Flyers have been in a moribund direction for awhile because they think the league is still suited for Broad Street Bullies when everyone has gotten faster. I see people picking them to make the playoffs and I almost want to reach through my computer and shake the people claiming that. Personally, I'd rather both teams be good, but I'm an idealist.

What’s your go-to cold remedy? #TweetBag
— Star of Savage (@StarOfSavage) October 2, 2019

Chicken soup is a homeopathic cold remedy that works for a reason. I swear to god, whenever I feel like shit and have a bowl of homemade chicken soup, I feel at least 30 percent better. Something about chicken broth is magic.

Ya gots any thoughts on scrapple?
— muppetviolenceconection (@baollisque) October 2, 2019

I'm not a fan of it, but would you believe it's more for the texture rather than the offal that goes into it? Aside from all the parts of the pig that aren't even made into hot dogs, scrapple has cornmeal in it, and honestly, it just throws off the texture. Scrapple, the local breakfast meat of note, is a fine food for the area, but honestly, it's also an area where I can get pork roll.

So it wasn't JUST a gimmick
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Dynamite was an enjoyable show, a stellar debut for a company that will hopefully in time challenge WWE hegemony in American wrestling (and judging by the ratings breakdowns, they might do it sooner rather than later). The big shock debut was one of Jake Hager, the former Jack Swagger in WWE, who immediately joined Chris Jericho's so-far unnamed heel stable. While the response to his surprise entrance was mixed, he still remains a good hand who might help fill out the midcard.

As with any wrestler who makes a splash, people like to vet them in order to see if they can safely enjoy their work without wondering if they're supporting a rapist, abuser, racist, or some other icky -ist that signifies an unforgivable moral failing. A cursory look at Hager's likes column on Twitter will show that he's about as MAGA a MAGA CHUD as one can be. The guy who rode out of WWE in a transparent Tea Party gimmick turned out to live the character, shocking, I know. It's disappointing, but honestly, it's wrestling. You should be shocked to find someone in the biz who is a centrist Democrat let alone someone with actual good politics like David Starr, Zack Sabre, Jr., or Dick Togo. You hope that they're more secretive with their Trump votes, but honestly, worrying about the cleanliness about the people you watch bash each other across the head with their fists and sometimes international objects will set you up for disappointment.

Except with Hager, he crossed a line. Among his likes you can find a tweet from Candace Owens, a right wing grifter, about science. Content warning, it's hella transphobic:

Being a MAGA dork is one thing. It SHOULD be unforgivable, mind you, but as long as they keep the ugly foundation of the -isms that lay beneath, you can put your fingers in your ears and go LA LA LA while you watch them on your favorite wrestling program. I'm not saying you should leave the MAGA shit alone. If you're out with how much you support Trump, you should be toxic to everyone who considers themselves a decent person. However, in this world, shooing away fascists is an idealistic position for some reason, so it's a garishly uncomfortable thing everyone, from entertainment to sports to everyday life, is asked to live with. It sucks, but it feels like if you want to enjoy anything, let alone wrestling, you have to learn to live with people saying annoying at best shit out of character.

But when annoying turns into a confirmation that the red hat you wear isn't some elaborate troll and you lose all plausible deniability, then not even corporate cowards like Tony Khan or Cody Rhodes should be allowed to ask you to live with that person being awful. The funny thing is that shit like liking that tweet above would've been found out if the people in charge had vetted Hager beforehand. It's not hard to find things that should be disqualifying if fans can do it after the fact. It happens everywhere. Most recently, Saturday Night Live had to go back on hiring Shane Gillis because of racist things he said on a podcast that they could have found before even putting a job offer out to him. It's bullshit that consumers have to act as quality control for a company that makes millions or is has ownership worth billions, but hey, that's capitalism for ya, baby.

What's an even more aggravating circumstance is Nyla Rose, a trans woman, is not only a top star in the women's division, but she's held up as an example of AEW's commitment to diversity. I'm not sure how you can have Hager around and have Rose feel safe. I'm not sure you can have Hager around and have trans fans feel safe. But honestly, whether or not AEW signed Rose or not, signing Hager would signify a complete and unacceptable disregard for its fans and for common decency, because trans people are people who deserve to live without vitriol and pressure based solely on who they are.

Wrestling isn't the only industry that needs an enema, but that doesn't change the fact that the entire business has too many shitty characters to enjoy safely. While AEW feels like it's a better option than WWE in this regard, that bar is so low that it might as well be on the floor. It doesn't excuse the fact that the braintrust decides that it wants to have a vocal supporter for all the bigotries that the President and his administration have fostered so far. I doubt they will do the right thing, but AEW really should cut bait on Hager. Whatever he brings to the ring isn't worth the woe it will bring people in the locker room and in the crowd.

Regal is not your friend
Photo Credit: WWE.com

When you attempt to build a global monopoly in a given business, it should be a given that you expect bad press. You can't operate like a vacuum cleaner and expect the little dudes you're crushing to thank you for the experience. Of course, some of them will, because bootlicking is an epidemic. But if you get mad because one of the people or entities that you're fucking over isn't happy about it, then maybe you should get over yourself. If you wanted the good public relations? Then maybe you shouldn't try to put everyone else out of business that isn't willing to be sucked into your gravitational pull.

WWE already has America under its thumb, with All Elite Wrestling and New Japan Pro Wrestling only recently showing signs of wriggling out from the pressure. The company recently put the United Kingdom in a veritable monopolistic headlock by signing everyone on the scene that wasn't already signed to Ring of Honor or New Japan Pro Wrestling to sham "independent contractor" deals that allowed them to take dates for non-NXT UK or compromised satellite promotions like PROGRESS or Insane Championship Wrestling, but only if WWE signed off on them. Oh, and WWE could renege bookings for those companies without notice. They couldn't just work any promotion. Places like Revolution Pro Wrestling, New Japan's UK partner.

This arrangement reared its ugly head when Southside Wrestling, a company that got run off the road because of WWE's arrangement in their country, announced on Twitter that longtime wrestlers who had signed WWE UK contracts were no longer available for their farewell show. While it got the attention of Cody Rhodes, who allowed for AEW talents to venture over for the show, it was still a net negative, as I'm sure someone who had been with the company for a longer time would've been a better get than, say, Shawn Spears. Again, WWE is attempting to build a global monopoly, but they are also a company that wants people to adore it, so you know those charges levied against them wouldn't go without a response, and Southside got one, courtesy of William Regal:

I would say I needed to see the "unprofessional e-mails," but my guess that it was the promoter angry about having the farewell show for a company whose closure was directly a cause of WWE's actions. Again, if you're not kissing WWE's ass, you're unprofessional. I was taken aback because it was Regal dumping that shit out in public, but honestly, when I think about, he's one of Paul Levesque's closest friends and WWE has helped him get clean three times. Although I understand it, it's still a dick move. I guess I expected Regal do to his master's bidding in private unlike less refined yahoos like Seth Rollins and Pete Dunne. Years of Regal being the cool dad on Twitter, shouting out Yuji Nagata and deprecating himself to put over his contemporaries has dulled people to the fact that he's not your friend. He's an employee of a predatory organization, one that doesn't consider the bulk of its labor employees.

You can and probably should think less highly of people like Regal, Rollins, and Dunne who are all too eager to do PR for an evil corporation because that corporation pays them. They're still symptoms of Vince McMahon's utter insecurity. It's classic baby boomer capitalism. You can't be content killing the ecosystem; you have to have the people who suffer because of it thank you for making it "better" even though the only person it's getting better for is the one killing it. It's not palatable either way, but when the great devouring machine destroys something meant to benefit a larger group of people rumbles through with its rapacious appetite, having it expect you to be demure and not give any pushback is just annoying. I won't like you if you take up the mantel of villain, but I'll respect you more than if you ask me to be civil about it.

If WWE wanted positive publicity, it would leave a piece of the pie for other people and have true competition. WWE, like every other capitalist megacorporation, doesn't want competition, no matter how much the bootlickers online swear that it does. When would-be competition realizes this and pushes back, no one, not anyone in WWE, not outside defending it, should be offended. Southside Wrestling deserved a chance to survive, but WWE sucked it away when it signed up all the name wrestlers and put a barrier between them and that company to use them. If you think they should be "professional" about it, you're as delusional as Vince McMahon.

KING BACK
all photos courtesy of WWE.com

Never mind that preamble, here comes Ciampa!

GOLD: TOMMY F'N SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT
Here's a sentence I never thought I would think, say, or type; I was so happy to hear that heart stop beating that it drove me to tears.

While I thought initially that the scene would occur to the jump to USA, finding out the block programming of the first two weeks drove your modern day Negrodamus to move his prediction to the first show that didn't have split time.

Wouldn't you know it: in the main event Roddy helped the Not ReDragons retain the NXT World Tag Team Championships and the three of them celebrated in the ring as a result. Adam came out for a little bit of bonus gloating on the ramp since they hold almost all the gold, and then the greatest song Marilyn Manson never wrote hit the PA and the roof came off the dump and landed in Guantanamo. What made the great moment even borderline epic was Cole's immediate reaction of closing his eyes, dropping his head, stopping his celebratory signature pose and almost scraping the ramp with how quickly he lowered the belt. And out came the blackest of hearts in NXT history, circling Cole like a shark but ignoring him entirely for half a minute.

Daddy came back for Goldie, and he does not like her new boyfriend!

They went face to face to end the show, wordlessly, one glaring while the other somehow masterfully picked up a swirl of petulant and determined. You would assume this is automatically leading us towards them throwing down for the Big X (with Ciampa becoming the first person since Joe and Shin to repeat as champion), but something funny happened the other time Cole got to gloating and waving his title around...

GOLD: Finn Balor
To echo a wise man from moments ago, PRINCE BACK!

Due to a dynamite debut, the show kicked off with the NXT World Championship match. When it was over and the last of the replays had died down, Cole stood tall and holding the belt up high. If you were of a similar mind to mine, you expected music to cut him off at this point. You probably weren't expecting "Catch Your Breath", and the Full Sailors weren't either if the "HOLY SHIT!" chants were any indication. For the first time since maybe his RAW debut or his SummerSlam match against Mr. Lynch, Finn Balor was treating as the conquering hero all his time in Florida had built him up to be. And that was before #7 grinned at #16 and announced he was NXT to trigger more raucous cheers and another too sweet standing ovation. Just name your favorite 10 male NXT superstars, then imagine them going against the returning longest reigning champion the brand's had to date in front of the most possibly receptive crowd they could get. It's like if an ATM exploded and caused a chain reaction of other ATMs exploding! I hope Velveteen Dream meets Finn, gives him a once-over and swoons.

Sure, it'd be nice if he gets a shot at his whole title, but you must admit - that idea for a Dream segment is, a, uh...well, the analogy escapes me right now. But the challengers are only as good as the champion, which means that kudos must be given up to

screencap via Kyle Fowler

GOLD: Adam Cole (BAY BAY)
Yes, we could get Cole/Finn (!!) or Cole/Ciampa (!!!) or Cole/Ciampa/Finn (!!!!) but that means that in order for those to be title matches, he had to survive Matt Riddle. Let us be frank, there are worse ways for The Wrestling Show to start than to have two of their best wrestlers fight for 20 minutes over the most prestigious title they have. They uncorked a lot of their arsenals and still felt like - if need be when the time comes - they could take it to the next level to main event a Takeover, yet they still drew Mamma Mia, This Is Awesome, Holy Shit and Fight Forever chants. He survived the Bromission by employing the same sort of counter Bret Hart did to sleepers, then crucifixed away a second ARMbar attempt. And hey, if he had to swing his cast before hitting the Last Shot, that's what Riddle gets for injuring it last week, neh? Shady but clean, technically proficient with a soupcon of cheating, despised enough to get roundly jeered during the introductions but still cheered when he clinched the W. He might not be the NXT champion of NXT champions, but with his new round of challengers introduced in this show he should get a chance to show whether or not his mettle is cubic zirconium. Something makes this prognosticator suspect that's hardly the case.

GOLD: the Women's Division
Six segments AND a teaser for Teagan Nox! Say hot damn if we're family, as we got Choke Me The Fuck Out, Io Shirai eventually besting Mia Yim with God's Moonsault. But it leaves her in a still elevated yet holding position, as that occured after Shayna Baszler eventually made Candice LeRae get her Savion Glover on in the first hour's de facto main event. It seemed to be that things were in the offering for Candice to be a transitional champion to get the belt on our mistress, but perhaps they are moving towards Dakota Kai getting the ultimate comeuppance on the QoS. It does leave Yim, LeRae, and even Shirai in limbo to an extent since they've all failed, but if we're bringing back former excellent champions to various divisions to add spice to the proceeedings, is Asuka really THAT busy?

GOLD: Velveteen Dream
Of course he'd like a one-on-one rematch for his former championship, but he earns this for replacing his couch with a harem made of women, then following it up by explicitly working the word climax in his promo before somewhat waving off his title loss by assuring us and the Full Sailors that he "has never, ever complained about being able to take on more than one man at a time". USA! Characters welcome! And Dream, probably moreso than anyone on the roster, is a character. A downright scamp, even.

GOLD: the NXT Cruiserweight Championship
Ahead of Gulak/Rush next week (in addition to WALTER/KUSHIDA) we got a vidpac showcasing the Man of the Hour and the current czar of a better 205 Live. More of note was the fact that after it the purple belt was referred to as the above, which makes sense as the rumor mill has been churning probable fact that elements of WWEUK and possibly the entirety of 205 (probably next year) would be folded into the "third brand"'s tent. Keeping in mind that Mendoza, Maluta and Garza already have semi-regular standing -- to say nothing of Myles and WHERE THE DAMN HELL IS SWERVE -- if we get further cruiserweight division action in front of crowd that will respond far more positively than the usual crowds they get, it's a boon to us the fans and gives Stamford another weapon to fire as they go against Team Cody on Wednesday nights.

GOLD: ...the whole thing, really
Even the things that didn't shine brightest advanced the plot in some way. Damian Priest has his sights set on Pete Dunne (jumping him after a successful British Strong Style friendly against Danny Burch), and it's safe to say if he fails to deliver an above average match against an actual prodigy then he is borderline Grimes in my eyes. Speaking of which, guess who didn't make the show? Instead we got Johnny Gargano making Shane Thorne shine bright in a loss, Cole angrily telling the Era to get in the zone before the tag title match, and a bunch of logic and good matches for two straight hours.

If you think that's an easy thing to do, watch the reaction videos to Hell in a Cell and see if it's a mortal lock. More importantly, next week features KUSHIDA/WALTER and the NXT Cruiserweight championship match. Hell, if we play our cards right, we might even get our Swerve on.

But kudos to everyone in Florida on delivering championship wrestling and making the future unbelievably interesting in a way that big brother just cannot. Hell, if we play our cards right, we might even get the Era v. Street DIY at WarGames!

See you NXT week, same air time, same TWB channel.

I've seen something like this before...
Photo Credit: WWE.com

So, in case you hadn't heard, WWE ran a show where it put a newly-minted monster in a title match and then decided it was too early for that monster to be in a title match and did a fuck finish to keep that monster from winning the top belt. It also happened at Hell in a Cell again, and the match once again ended in disqualification (or no contest, as the Fed fans will tell you). If all of that sounds familiar to you, well, congratulations, you've been following WWE for more than three weeks. Much like with Braun Strowman and Roman Reigns last year, the Fiend vs. Seth Rollins ended in a no contest. Much like with Ryback vs. CM Punk a few years ago, when both were still in WWE and not pissed off about it, it ended with the monster being denied a payoff after the logical conclusion was putting the belt on him.

If you feel like WWE dabbles in déjà vu more often than you might like them, it's because they have a shallow well that they go to far too often. I didn't even watch the show and I felt like I already lived through it, and it's because it has happened several times before, with Ryback, with Umaga, hell, they even did it with the Undertaker to an extent. In 1991, Taker was so hot that they put him in the title match against Hulk Hogan at Survivor Series. He ended up winning, but, in a move that was unprecedented at the time and far more galling in the age of asking folks to shell out full price for a single event, they announced a second pay-per-view to be held days later called This Tuesday in Texas, where Hogan won the title back days after Survivor Series. As an aside, he was stripped of the title days after that, and it led to the single greatest Royal Rumble match ever. But in 1991 and 1992, Vince McMahon's bullshit wasn't as developed, and his product wasn't as oversaturated as it is now.

You took stuff like that, even if you were as hardcore then as I am now, in stride because hey, you didn't have to deal with the aftermath the next night, and then you didn't have Bobby Heenan or Hogan on Twitter telling you to shut up and like it because they're going somewhere like you do with Corey Graves and some of the talent. To his credit though, Rollins hasn't tweeted in three days at this point, so you have to give him some props for restraint. Then again, that'd be like giving Henry Kissinger props for taking a day off from Agent Orange-ing Cambodia.

Going to the "disqualification in a no-DQ match" (although they retconned it almost immediately to call it a no-contest with no winner) well again a year after doing it with Roman Reigns and Braun Strowman is an extra touch of bullshit, the exclamation point that McMahon is using to tell you he has a limited arsenal and he doesn't know how to let the ammo build back up again before using it. You might say that other wrestling companies do or did the same things over again and didn't get dragged for it, but honestly, every other "major" wrestling company outside of New Japan, TNA, and now All Elite Wrestling operated in the age before social media. But the trick with wrestling is that when you repeat something, you repeat what has worked for you and do it in such a way that it makes people not think what you're doing is repetitive.

All McMahon would have to do is stop putting wrestlers like The Fiend or Umaga or Ryback or ANYONE in a title match before he thinks they're ready. Aura is such a precious tool in wrestling, and the funny thing is they actually successfully built it around Bray Wyatt a second time with this Fiend character. I don't know if they wrecked this time, because who knows anymore, but honestly, deciding to do the same thing they did with guys that didn't work in the past with The Fiend shows a stunning lack of learning from mistakes.

The funny thing is that no matter how much measurable metrics decline, WWE keeps bringing in that scrilla. Revenues keep expanding thanks to plum television deals from NBC Universal and FOX, and if the Smackdown premiere is any indication, the latter looks to be putting its own money into presentation of it. I don't see how WWE suffers from any bad booking in the short term, because people still tune in. The outrage factory always makes it look worse on Twitter, and the loudmouth hardcore fans in the audience chanting for CM Punk and now All Elite Wrestling only yell displeasure while continuing to buy tickets. The only way McMahon will learn is by losing revenue. Therein lies Vince McMahon's trick.

However, what McMahon didn't have between 2000 and now was strong competition. AEW came right out of the gate this past Wednesday and smoked NXT, tripling them in viewers aged 18-49. Of course, it's difficult to parse any meaning out one week; you probably need three or four months of solid results to make any sort of claim on who's doing better. That being said, it's a strong warning shot across the bow. WWE will feel pressure for the first time in nearly 20 years. Maybe it will be the thing that wakes them up to what they have to do to retain customer satisfaction more than just the people on Twitter who like it already and who proselytize about those decisions to people who don't like them.

Obviously, nothing is going to take the sting away from supporting a company that gave so much money to Donald Trump that they got a member of his cabinet out of it. That being said, it's easier to support trashbag of a company when they put out a product that is engaging and worth viewing rather than one that makes waves for how mad it made its viewers afterwards. People are going to realize that it's not worth it more and more. There's only so much repetition of acting on the worst impulses that people will take before they move along and spend their time on something else, wrestling or otherwise. I'm not saying WWE should pull out of the creative rot, or that I'm rooting for them to be honest. Vince McMahon is the worst thing ever to happen to pro wrestling, and I will not be sad when he's forced out of leadership whether by force or nature. What I am saying is that if they want to keep the company alive for undeserving reasons, maybe they should stop playing the "hits" and start engendering themselves to their audience, whether existing or potential, with something fresh.

The leader of the King of Trios Champions
Photo Credit: @Boo_Nanners

Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Ophidian (Last Week: Not Ranked) - What the flesh conceals the fire reveals. Ophidian led his squadron of Kimber Lee and Lance Steel to a win in King of Trios this past weekend, marking the first time he's been on a winning team. The team member he jettisoned, The Whisper, ended up winning Rey de Voladores. The Crucible seems as strong as ever, and after Ophidian's trio has won the whole damn thing, he's focused on the banked Golden Opportunity he earned from the Johnny Kidd Invitational. I don't think he's done conquering just yet.

2. Cain Velasquez (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Yes, he appeared for WWE after tantalizing everyone with dreams of a MMA dude doing lucha libre, but honestly, the bigger the bag he can secure from Vince McMahon for a few dates, the better it is, especially if he takes the WWE Championship to AAA after beating Brock Lesnar for it at Saudi Fuck Money IV: I Don't Know the Name "Jamal Khashoggi," Please Try Again.

3. Maki Itoh (Last Week: 1) - She's already dangerous, but add a can of Monster Energy? The world doesn't stand a chance.

4. Brandon Graham (Last Week: Not Ranked) - The Eagles pass rush exploded yesterday with 10 sacks of the hapless Jets, Graham leading the way with three. Of course, you could say "they're the Jets," but shouldn't you expect a team with a supposedly good pass rush to get double digits vs. a team that's as bad as the New York AFC squad?

5. Quesadillas (Last Week: Not Ranked)OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - Mexicans do grilled cheese far better than we do, because a slightly crispy, slightly pliable tortilla is way better than bread as a conveyance for massive gobs of cheese.

6. Orlando Scandrick (Last Week: Not Ranked) - The Eagles signed him off the streets, and he just came in and ripped the ball out of Luke Falk's hands for the final score of the game. That's what I call endearing yourself to the fans with emphasis.

7. Solo Darling (Last Week: Not Ranked) - While they may have ducked out of the big tournament night one, Darling and tag partner Willow Nightingale won the Tag Gauntlet and got themselves another point. They may have three, in which case, Team FIST better watch out, especially since Darling has some unfinished business with one Travis Huckabee.

8. Orange Cassidy (Last Week: 4) - Pfft, who cares he wasn't on the first episode of Dynamite. He's too cool for that shit anyway.

9. Riho (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Riho is probably the best actual wrestler on the roster, so the sting of Nyla Rose not winning the first Women's Championship is dulled a bit. Also, I hear people complaining about someone the size of Rose selling for Riho, and it's like, have you ever been elbowed by a toddler? No matter how big you are, getting hit with the sharp edges of the body, especially in the face, isn't exactly a walk in the park, you know. That match was worked incredibly smartly.

10. Tony Schiavone (Last Week: Not Ranked) - You know what the best part of the booth was on Wednesday? It was... wait up blog fans, we're out of time for this week. Tune in next week for the Best in the World Rankings!

Suzuki, shown here armbaring Liger over the top rope, is out in New Japan
Photo Credit: NJPW1972.com

Minoru Suzuki is one of the most interesting wrestlers on the planet. Despite being just on the other side of 50, he's the most fearsome wrestler this side of his opponent at King of Pro Wrestling, Kishin Liger. He owns an uncanny knack for the moment no matter what the match, whether in a shoot-style match vs. Kazushi Sakuraba or in an empty baseball stadium match in Dramatic Dream Team Wrestling. You would think that any promotion would want to have him aboard and keep him happy. As it turns out, New Japan has not kept him happy, at least according to Voices of Wrestling's Joe Lanza. Suzuki will sever ties with the company, and said he would have done so sooner if not for his program with the aforementioned alter-ego of the legendary and retiring Jushin "Thunder" Liger.

Of course, the biggest effect is that New Japan loses Suzuki's presence on its shows. He's an easy plug-in up and down the card, able to occupy opponents in and out of the main event. The company's roster is deep, but it certainly does not have a player his caliber on the bench. Guys like Kazuchika Okada and Tetsuya Naito are great at what they do, but only Suzuki is Suzuki. It also will shake up the Suzuki-gun stable, in that it will probably become Sabre-gun or Taichi-gun with its leader's departure.

However, New Japan's loss will become the gain of one or more companies. Suzuki wasn't on a full-time New Japan deal, which is why he was able to work DDT while still with Japan's largest company, but he still worked most of his dates there. Now, he'll more than likely go back to Pro Wrestling NOAH as a home base. Details won't emerge until he actually signs there, but I would be shocked if he didn't get the same kind of leeway to work other places, which means he could still be available to work shows like Bloodsport in America. His presence on any show will get more American eyes on whatever promotion he lands in. While yes, Americans should pay attention more to companies like NOAH and All-Japan, Suzuki potentially working other companies isn't a bad thing for more exposures.

Still, The King leaves behind an impressive resume in New Japan. Whether it be the marquee G1 Climax matches or the random main events, he was the definition of an attraction while there. New Japan will miss him for sure, whether or not anyone in the company or following it admits it, but wrestling will benefit when he heads to NOAH and wrestles guys like Takashi Sugiura or KENOH. While this move doesn't feel as big as Shinsuke Nakamura and AJ Styles heading off to The Fed, I guarantee that the impact will be harder. Kota Ibushi has done a fine job sliding into the Nakamura slot, and Jay White actually gets people to boo him as the replacement for Styles (or Kenny Omega) as the gaijin Bullet Club leader. Hell, it'll probably sting worse than The Elite leaving. I mean, they're still selling out American shows without Omega and company. No one can really replace what Suzuki brings to the table in the ring, even in if it doesn't really affect the bottom line. It'll be interesting to see how they try though.

Allin is the centerpiece to the first episode of Dark
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein

Wrestling tapings, live or otherwise, often have more matches than what make the telecast. These "dark" matches are for the live crowd only, but sometimes, they can be interesting enough to warrant wider release. While wrestling is still a live experience first and foremost, there's no denying that with the insane availability of avenues for release putting these matches out there makes too much sense. There's no need anymore for "dark" matches. I would wager that most people who go to wrestling shows live don't go for exclusive matches anyway, which I feel would be the only reason not to keep cameras rolling.

All Elite Wrestling had at their first Dynamite television event four dark matches spread before and after the live telecast, one of which being Darby Allin vs. CIMA, a match that I know I'd want to watch. Thankfully, I can. AEW announced that they would release all four dark matches on a YouTube show hosted by Tony Schiavone. The show, called Dark, debuts tonight. It is the best idea I've heard in ages. Making all the wrestling you produce available for consumption is what every promotion should be doing, whether or not those "dark match main events" are just bullshit five minute matches where John Cena runs through Kane.

The argument against it doesn't really exist unless you have a really self-absorbed fan who really believes that the dark match is strictly for the live crowd. It's not one worth having. What Dark does is provide something for the eager and hardcore fan to watch without it really being mandatory viewing. It's the second helping, so to speak, and the fact that at least the first episode features wrestlers that aren't in midcard hell like you'd find on WWE's extraneous programming (Main Event) makes it a little more special. Allin, for example, will go from wrestling CIMA before the live cameras started rolling to facing off against Jimmy Havoc for the first shot at Chris Jericho's AEW Championship. Right away, Dark is both important, but not entirely mandatory viewing like Dynamite is.

In 2019, no promotion should have matches its entire audience can't see. AEW making it possible for 100 percent viewing is both a long time coming and also a brilliant touch into their entry into the mainstream.

The new Women's Tag Champs don't need a translator
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Madusa/Alundra Blayze has logged onto Twitter again to give an opinion to the world. Thankfully, it's not to gather everyone onto the Trump Train again or to cast aspersions at trans people. This time, she made a public suggestion that would also land her a job back on television with WWE:

Hey when you guys @WWE want to get serious and hire a manager for the two tagteam champions @WWEAsuka @KairiSaneWWE
I can speak the language and kick ass👊🔥 DM me#NUFFSAID I’m right here... waiting. I didn’t train in Japan for 3 years for nothing🙄 https://t.co/mM6j4jWWXd
— Madusa/AlundraBlayze (@Madusa_rocks) October 9, 2019

It's not a new idea to put Japanese wrestlers in America with English-speaking managers or stablemates. It's a practice as old as the business itself, the most notable example being The Great Muta paired with Gary Hart. Promos, after all, are just as important as matches, right? It's good to have someone who can get a message across to the crowd watching, whether at home or in the arena. That being said, grasp of the language doesn't mean you're going to get a good promo. For example, Kenny Omega speaks fluent English, and I wouldn't trust him with a microphone in his hand if I wrote the script for whatever he was going to say myself. However, he's still incredibly popular because of his appeal to gamers, his aura, and not least importantly, his wrestling.

Asuka and Kairi Sane didn't get noticed by WWE because they could spin yarns in English. They're both phenomenal wrestlers who were among the best in Japan and due to how weird joshi can be with the ages of their wrestlers, saw better opportunity in America. All Asuka had to say in NXT was "NOBODY IS READY FOR" her, and she got over fine. Sane had to say less, but because she comes out in nautical gear and a looking glass, the crowd knows what she's about. Both of them are incredible wrestlers. Asuka has the best roundhouse kick I've ever seen, and Sane drops the best elbow since Randy Savage, albeit in an entirely different way. If crowds aren't getting them, it's due to presentation, not because they "can't speak English," which is a lie anyway.

What Madusa is putting forth, especially given what is known about her political leanings, is in incredible bad faith at best. It's also incredibly dishonest because I don't think Japanese wrestlers ever needed to have someone speaking for them to get over. They certainly don't need them now. Japanese promotions are mainstream. You don't need to meet Dave Meltzer in a dark alley with VHS tapes in a brown paper bag in order to watch promotions like STARDOM or Tokyo Joshi Pro Wrestling anymore. People like joshi because they beat the hell out of each other (some people who like it are also perverts, but I mean), just like people like New Japan Pro Wrestling and Dramatic Dream Team because they like the wrestling they provide. They don't need to talk to get over in America, especially now that ring-work feels more important than it was years ago, and if they do talk in their thick accents, people can still get it. I mean, they let people like Nattie Neidhart and [REDACTED] speak despite having the command of diction of someone directly afflicted with CTE (probably because they are/were). What's a Japanese accent to them?

Asuka and Sane were already behind an eight-ball because WWE hasn't seen a minority group it doesn't like lumping together for a stable ever. I think letting them do what they do and speak with their body language, entrance gear, and wrestling is a good way to show that you're changing your stripes regarding Japanese wrestlers in your company. I doubt WWE will go for Madusa's proposal, but that doesn't make what she put forth in that tweet any less galling, especially coming from her.

You won't miss out by dropping the E

I haven't watched a minute of WWE programming since the penultimate match of Money in the Bank. This isn't so much a brag as it is a statement of fact. I hadn't watched weekly programming since late 2018 on a regular basis, coming back only for the infamous RAW and Smackdown after WrestleMania. My WWE Network sub lapsed when I got a new debit card in July, and I decided not to renew. I used to think that no matter how frustrating it was to watch the company that I would miss out on the party, or let my wrestling fandom lapse. For most of my life, WWE was wrestling. It seems growing up in a then-World Wrestling Federation town and getting into wrestling when the territories collapsed (thanks to Vince McMahon and WWE) and when World Championship Wrestling was just starting will do that to a kid. When the Monday Night Wars were going on, I saw WWE as "the good guy" against evil corporate WCW. When I came back from my hiatus watching in 2008, I wasn't turning on Impact.

So allowing a sub to lapse and purposefully doing other things on Mondays, Tuesdays, and one Sunday night per month was a big deal, even if my interest in the company waned enough to allow me not to spend the money or time. As it turned out, the decline that started with breaking up The Shield and turning Seth Rollins instead of Roman Reigns or Dean Ambrose was my undoing, in addition to the gross labor violations, the campaigning and fundraising for Donald Trump, and the blood-soaked money they're taking from the House of Saud. Every wrestling promotion is bad because promoters are capitalists whom you cannot trust to do the right thing. However, there's shorting talent money and there's *gesturing broadly at WWE's entire history under Vincent Kennedy McMahon*. You can't be full of arch-scumbags and put out a bad product. That makes cutting the cord easy even for cowards like myself.

However, the fear of missing out dissipated when I realized that without paying a Hamilton a month to McMahon and his talent-hoarding shell corporation that funds whatever the fuck Alpha Entertainment is, I could shell out money for other wrestling services, like New Japan World and Independent Wrestling TV. Those services are far from the only ones around; you can sub to Powerslam TV, Highspots, STARDOM World, DDT Universe, or AJPW TV. Aside from paid streaming, All Elite Wrestling also provided two free shows and has made it to weekly television. You can find additional AEW content on YouTube, and the National Wrestling Alliance also debuted its weekly show, Power, yesterday on the streaming service. Major League Wrestling runs weekly. CMLL broadcasts at least two times a week on YouTube, and AAA has a deal with Twitch. Hell, even Impact is still kicking around.

When people say it's a great time to be a wrestling fan, they're not talking about revenue earned for promoters to distribute paltry sums to their talent before hoarding the rest. I don't care how much money McMahon or Tony Khan or Bushiroad Corporation make. I care about wrestling available to me. It's how everyone should care about wrestling. By that metric, the industry is in a boom period. You can watch any company you want on your time and be current on something if that's what you choose. WWE chased me away from itself, but it didn't chase me away from wrestling. I was able to watch the entire G1 Climax (as covered here, obvs), and it left me richer for the experience than any run of Monday Night RAW from June of 2014 until today.

If WWE is wrestling to you, and you decide to part ways with it completely, I understand. The idea of replacing one mode of consumption with another isn't the answer for everyone. But you don't have to fear missing out on wrestling and the community it fosters if you decide WWE is too awful for you anymore. No matter what wrestling is out there, it has a group of people talking about it. You can watch whatever company you want, and you can share your thoughts with someone who, like you, has chosen that particular promotion to enjoy. The point is that you don't have to suffer through something you don't like in order to find something that you can enjoy yourself and possibly with other people.

So if you're spending money and time in a promotion that is actively harming the industry and isn't putting out an enjoyable product for you, you don't need to feel like you're missing out if you cut ties. Obviously, some people are still gonna watch and talk about WWE like it is something worth their time, but honestly, let them do them. If they derive enjoyment from WWE, well, they know that ethical consumption under capitalism is a lie and also let them derive that enjoyment. It's not up to anyone but them to know what they like. But if you aren't on the same wavelength as what WWE puts out, then you don't have to keep up with it. You won't miss it, I promise you. I sure don't.

The best ever, no hyperbole
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein

Last week, Chris Jericho introduced his posse, Riho made history as the first ever All Elite Wrestling Women's World Champion, and Jim Ross didn't say anything embarrassing. All in all, it was a creative success for the fledgling company's televised debut. How would they follow it up? Well, that's what I'm about to unpack here in the second edition of Dy-No-MITE.

The Young Bucks Are Not Cowards - The show opened with the first match in the AEW Tag Team Championship tournament, a blockbuster pitting EVPs Matt and Nick Jackson, the Young Bucks, against Private Party, who match them hop for hop in high-flying prowess. While at some points in the match the bodies were flying high, a lot of the match went back to the Bucks, especially Matt, working over the upstarts, in the style of a methodical mid-'80s heel. There were a few spots where I thought Matt had a submission victory locked up with the sharpshooter. The match was laid out superbly though, basically a cat-and-mouse affair where the Marq Quen and Isaiah Kassidy no matter what the situation would find a way out of peril.

The finish was a standard upset rollup, a victory roll out of a counter to an electric chair. However, the fact that the Bucks, in their first standard tag match on TNT, put over the dudes that they hand-picked to join the roster, was the biggest breath of fresh air to the company so far with respect to its short track record. It's one thing to have Cody put Darby Allin over by going to a time limit draw (as he had a visual pin on him), or having Sammy Guevara take him to the limit, or having CIMA be the guy who acted as Kenny Omega's slump-buster. It's another, in a company where wins matter, to allow an up-and-coming team to get a win over an established act. The Bucks could have won that match and maybe put over the Dark Order or the Lucha Bros. in the finals. But in allowing Private Party to be the guys who put them out, they showed that they're serious about building a real tag division, and not a vanity showcase for themselves.

You Still Think It's Not A War? - Chris Jericho said that his group wasn't "next" and that the "We the People" chant for Jack Hager that originated in WWE was a result of "bad creative." Whether or not AEW management wants to admit there's a war, Jericho's comments confirm that there are. Honestly, it would be refreshing to see some enmity between companies, especially since WWE doesn't deserve kid gloves nowadays. Other than those comments and Jericho dropping the word "shit," it was a boilerplate introduction for his new backing stable, the Inner Circle. One other thing to note is that even though Le Champion tried his best to get the fans to boo him, they were lustily cheering for him like he was a plucky underdog trying to win the WWE Championship from Triple H. While his minions get the correct reaction, it'll remain to be seen if Jericho will ever be booed in an American wrestling ring again. I say American because I doubt fans will cheer him when Hiroshi Tanahashi is across the ring from him at the Tokyo Dome in January.

Yawn - Honestly, they probably should've had Darby Allin vs. CIMA as the number one contendership match on the main show rather than as a prelude for the Dark premiere. Maybe he's better when he has light tubes or whatever, but Jimmy Havoc, from pre-tape promo through the match was frightfully dull. Most of the match saw him working from on top, and it was a drag. The contrast is even starker when realizing how electric Allin was when he was on offense. I mean, even Havoc doing a spot to the outside looked stilted and mechanical. The less I think about this match, the better.

The Feminine Slobberknocker - Contrasting with the prior match, the women's tag featuring Britt Baker and Riho taking on Emi Sakura and Bea Priestley, was, in a word, bonkers. It started out looking like it was going to be a standard joshi slugfest, the highlight being Sakura just letting Riho drop to the mat hard after releasing her from the Romero special. But then they went to the outside and I'm shocked Jim Ross didn't start going apoplectic while repeating the word "slobberknocker" ad infinitum until he became a brain-damaged golem like Hodor in Game of Thrones. Seriously, there was so much furious intensity, but it wasn't concentrated. It felt like a page taken out of the Memphis playbook, wild fists, reckless tackles, crashes into the fixed scenery. It's becoming clearer and clearer that Riho is the best worker, regardless of gender, in the company. I hope she's over in America more often than I imagine with her prominence in Tokyo Joshi Pro Wrestling. Also, while the dentist angle around Baker is already played out, her finisher, a combo STF-Mandible Claw, combines gimmick authenticity with grotesque and lurid brutality. I love it.

Did You Hear That Pop? - The Best Friends had a short but silly video vignette that segued into the interviewer asking them what they thought their chances were against SCU. When Trent? and Chuck Taylor parted, the arena crested like a tsunami with their voices. Every detractor keeps saying that Orange Cassidy is a small-room gimmick, but what they fail to realize is that AEW is filled with an agglomeration of people who go to those small rooms and who love the shit out of Cassidy. The people who aren't hip to the indies are catching on quickly as well. Be careful with wielding your ignorance regarding wrestlers Jim Cornette tells you you're not allowed to like.

Tully's Rubbed off on Him - When the arena went dark and Shawn Spears appeared with the house lights coming back up, I too groaned with a not-insignificant portion of the audience at home, judging by my Twitter feed. Spears' shtick just seemed so corny, and regardless of whether or not that chairshot to Cody's head was smart, it felt forced. That being said, when finally got the chance to work on top of Jon Moxley in their match, he showed a knack for the methodical, torture-inflicting heel that his manager, Tully Blanchard, was so good at playing in the '80s up and down the Southern coast along the Atlantic. Obviously, it's been hard to have a bad match with Mox since he left WWE. I can't speak to his dalliances in Northeast Wrestling taking on dead weight such as nZo and CaZXL, but I mean, he was a star of the G1 Climax not just because he had a famous name. Spears acquitted himself nicely here. He left WWE looking for screen time, and while I wouldn't put him in the upper, upper echelon of guys fighting for the big title, there are probably worse dudes you can have as a black hat hogging up the secondary belt scene, when AEW gets one.

Additionally, the post-match scene with Kenny Omega venturing down to ringside with a bat and a broom (!) both wrapped in barbed wire was amazing for several reasons. One, Omega had a fucking broom wrapped in barbed wire. That dude might only do two things well, but he does them exceedingly better than most people his field. Two, it gave PAC something to do other than whine about wins and losses on commentary. He was the worst part of that match, but it was less his delivery and more the material. Counting heavily on wins and losses leads to even the best performers reciting rote bullshit about getting opportunities. Third, it added a layer to Moxley's character, in that he didn't pile on Omega after PAC had laid him out. The way that they're layering levels of faces and heels in AEW is both interesting and a bit confusing, but I think showing that Mox won't scavenge off another wrestler's kill is a good thing.

Darby Allin Is God - The main event was what it was, a strong tag match that featured Hangman Page taking someone's head off, Dustin Rhodes trying to hockey-fight Chris Jericho, and gratuitous interference from Jake Hager that will lead to a match Full Gear with one of the members within the Elite's orbit. It also had Ross utter the word "psychology," and it was the first time I got mad at him in two episodes, which is a lot longer than I thought. I thought I'd want to dunk him in a shark tank after two segments. I'm pleasantly surprised. However, the big news from that main event was when Allin rode in on a skateboard to murk his opponent for next week, Jericho. I've seen a lot of shit in wrestling, but a dude flying in from the ramp on a skateboard is both the coolest thing and also something I'm shocked hasn't happened before now. Either way, I think Allin is a made man with the fans, and if they don't strap him by this time next year, he could be the subject of AEW's first ever fan riot. Nawww.

One other thing I wanted to note was MJF running in on behalf of Cody. Yes, they're positioning him as Cody's best friend, which I get, but then they have him cutting cheap heat promos whenever he's not involved with that aforementioned bestie. It's early on in the promotion's life to not give them the benefit of the doubt here, and I know there's probably a turn a-brewin'. I hope they address that duality sooner rather than later though. Maybe I'm just nitpicking, but still.

Say it, Frenchy, SAY IT
Photo Credit: FoodNetwork.com

okay I'll start TH. What soup is the best soup?
— Big Velvet (@BubbaYega) October 9, 2019

This is a tricky question, because yes, I can say New England clam chowder is the best soup, but it's also a soup that has the biggest disparity between good and bad. The best clam chowders are briny and creamy with just-right clams and hearty potatoes. The worst clam chowders aren't fit to use for wallpaper glue. It's also not like you can only find the worst shit at a few places. No, the split is like 50/50, and there's no middle ground whatsoever. If you want the "best on average" soup, it's probably boring old chicken noodle soup. The best chicken noodle soups, usually homemade by an old grandmother (if it's a Jewish grandmother, it's matzoh balls instead of noodles), are up there with the best chowders. The worst chicken soups? Eh, they're still not so bad, and they have medicinal properties, I swear by it. So if you want the best of the best, it's New England clam chowder. If you want reasonable assurance of quality, it's some kind of chicken broth soup with starchy shit in it.

As an aside, do not ever say to me the words "Manhattan clam chowder." That shit suuuuuuucks.

What’s your take on Joker inciting hateful incel violence? Or leading impressionable young men into a life of being a hateful incel?
— 👽pffffffffffffft wrestling account👻 (@Leaveitbe22) October 9, 2019

Politicians and the media that they foster do not want to blame themselves for the way society is. You see it when they blame video games for Columbine or rap music for inner city violence or Ozzy Osbourne for teenagers turning to satanism. Everyone wants a scapegoat for problems real or imagined because it's easier than taking the blame for themselves. So of course rather than thinking that maybe policies, articles, or platforms given to grotesque misogynists that they enabled or allowed caused the problem, it's the stupid Joker movie. The kicker is that Todd Phillips, the movie's director, went on a tour blaming "social justice warriors" for the decline of comedy, making the movie an even easier target. But this low-hanging fruit is rotten. Joker isn't going to create a legion of incels. I don't know if it'll speak to them, because I am not at all interested in seeing it, but I mean, if it does, then that hatred was already in their hearts in the first place. It got there by watching Fox News and seeing their friends retweet dipshits like Ian Miles Cheong and Stefan Molyneux onto their timelines. The culture war isn't a culture war at all. They just want you to think it is so that they don't get any of the blame for the casualties.

As a long suffering Bengals fan, I have to ask: Is our GM/owner as bad as Vince?
— Islander Of Blood Moon (@RainInLava1) October 9, 2019

Worse than Vince McMahon is a tall order, but it might be accurate, given that even in their operational malfeasance, the Bengals also have been competitive from time to time. Their Ickey Woods/Super Bowl years were the equivalent to Rock 'n Wrestling, and the most recent run under Marv Lewis is their Attitude Era, I suppose. McMahon has had more success in his field though, so it's a tough call. Maybe the Bengals are worse than WWE. I'm so, so sorry.

Wife and I are watching your Eagles play the Vikings this Sunday. Write a promo for the Eagles to use on Sunday. #Tweetbag
— boxwatcher (@boxwatcher) October 9, 2019

Okay, here goes:

"You know something, Vikings? I still hear you flapping your gums about 38-7. Even as you beat us last year, you can't get it out of your mouths. Why? Because you can't get the job done when it matters. You couldn't two years ago when you came into our house. You couldn't last year against the Bears when it meant getting back to the playoffs. You couldn't in four Super Bowls and countless big games when the stakes were highest. You're chokers, plain and simple.

This Sunday, as we ride into your house, where we won the Super Bowl you couldn't get to, we will show you again that you can't get it done when it matters. For you, your season is on the line. For us? It's another stepping stone back to where we belong. So you go ahead and prep your Skol horn. You won't be blowing it. Your asses are ours, and if not, then I will face God and walk backwards into hell. But you and we both know that's not going to happen. The only thing we're facing is that Lombardi Trophy, the one that belongs to us. go birds."

Why are there way more “noon games” than late afternoon games in the NFL?
— Nick Christakos (@nick36c) October 9, 2019

Back in the days before Monday and Sunday and Thursday night football, late Sunday afternoon games were reserved for the heavyweight battles of the week. They still are in a way. Sunday night gets the MARQUEE match, but those 4 PM slots are reserved for the next biggest games for the most part. Time zones play a role too, as there are fewer teams in the Mountain and Pacific time zones and thus there's no need to load up games at 4 PM so that they can watch at the reasonable hours of 2 and 1 PM respectively.

What’s the wrestling equivalent of that most impressive Rays relay play to nail Altuve at the plate Tuesday night? (For context: https://t.co/KcKWvvR7iM) #TweetBag
— Star of Savage (@StarOfSavage) October 9, 2019

It's gotta be Private Party's Gin and Juice top rope rana into a cutter, specifically the one two nights ago on Dynamite. I don't think there's any wrestling move that is as played out like that triple relay, but the precision involved in both the Gin and Juice and that last throw to beat Jose Altuve at home are comparable.

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