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Best Coast Bias: A Shade Of Gray

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A perfect gift for any wrestling fan
Photo Credit: WWE.com
It ended the way we all knew it was going to end, because the only thing worse than a doomed hero is one who knows he is going in.

It ended the way we all knew it was going to end, with William Regal upside down and at the complete (lack of) mercy at one of his numerous proteges, this one Antonio Cesaro; seconds away from Neutralization.

And then it ended the way we all knew it was going to end... and then it didn't.

Yes, NXT spent 2013 garnering accolades and making main event roster stars the way acne multiplies on a ninth-grader. Sure, the Christmas episode of the show featured all the different tentacles that came out of Full Sail's grasp in a myriad of packages: quick-hitter promos from the Shield, Bo Dallas, and Bray Wyatt, Paige talking about becoming the first and so far only Women's Champion and the moment moving her to tears, the birthing of the Performance Center, the litany of now WWE stars that got their starts in Full Sail and everybody who's probably going to be next up the ladder. But in a world where they might've put on the Match of the Year by any WWE standard, let alone NXT's, it was the man who beat Sami Zayn 2-1 in it that was on center stage for the show's lone match.

Antonio Cesaro showed up earlier in the program in another quicker hitter full of himself, per usual. He laid it out simply: while Regal helped him get his spot in WWE, that meant less than zero now. He was younger, stronger, better, and they both knew this day would come and it would end the way we all knew it would. Later on, Regal would go on to reiterate what he's been saying ever since the first time he saw the Swiss Death in FCW: Antonio Cesaro was ten times better than he's ever been, and even worse that he needed a miracle...the sort of thing that doesn't come to faithless old villains like himself.

And on this evening, it didn't come. No matter how hard the crowd tried to will it, no matter Byron Saxton hoped his humiliation would get avenged, not even the brief starbursts of hope that the former Intercontinental and European Champion provided could sustain themselves and expand into anything lasting. Cesaro was all the things he said he was, that we all knew at heart he was: better, stronger, younger.

But it was another NXT MOTY candidate anyways, that rarest of rare birds: a wrestling match. As in, two men stand in the middle of the ring and try to outdo each other with chain wrestling. With joint work. With no weapons, and no shenanigans (whelp, depending on how you feel about chop blocks and using the referee's five count to kick a guy a lot); just two of the best ever to do it from across the pond showing a really small and unbelievably fortunate audience a soupcon of what the World Of Sport was and not losing a single person's eye blink in the process. It didn't matter that Cesaro was a force of nature and Regal was merely paddling in the wake of an oncoming wall of water; he fought it off as long as he could and ascended to martyr in the process of fighting it off for as long as he could. At one point, Cesaro had Regal at his mercy and his grin was far too damn wide to be misconstrued as anything friendly.

But Regal kept fighting, even when his body betrayed him in part thanks to the work the Swiss Superman had done to the point where he couldn't even run up momentum to do the Knee Trembler. And suddenly, humanity had found Antonio Cesaro. Just a glimmer, but enough. The smirk faded from his face as Regal desperately tried to turn back to the clock, get back to something resembling what and who he's been for decades but laid waste to on the mat. He wouldn't give. If this was to be the end, he relished it on these terms, as he'd said earlier. Cesaro hesitated, looking remorseful and then downright sad. If Regal hadn't been pulling on his thigh wraps to try and save himself, it might've ended there. But Regal wouldn't give in until a bell had been rung, and what passed was almost a mercy Neutralizer to deflate the crowd's hopes but underscore why they'd been chanting "This is wrestling" in the opening third of the match.

And Antonio Cesaro, the winner of the MOTY and the closest thing that WWE let alone NXT has to BEAST MODE, looked absolutely defeated.

It ended the way we all thought it would.

And then with more concern, and then a final handshake on the rampway, it didn't. No cheapshot, no thumb to the eye (though if anyone would've appreciated such skullduggery Bill Regal would be that man); just the show of respect and humanity from a man who lived his life by eschewing all those noble attributes from the one man who'd be able to get it out of him.

That was the way the best show of 2013 ended, with another MOTYC, the way we all thought it would. But by blending the old and the new and showing off depth and nuance you might never see on Raw, Smackdown, or a PPV, it didn't, either. Just one villain passing on the dark torch to another, younger, better, stronger version, a funhouse mirror from days gone by.

And then the screen went black.

2014 beckons, after all.

Impactful Feedback: Back on Track

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Jeff Hardy in the process of losing his Technicolor smile
Photo Credit: ImpactWrestling.com
The good news is that I can now say that I have successfully completed my first Christmas season as a store manager. It was long and arduous, but in the end, I feel confident with the job I was able to do throughout the season, and the store didn't burn down in the process. The bad news is that I was so far behind on my Impact watching that my DVR hadn't recorded the previous two weeks worth of shows. When I finally tried to turn on last night's episode to catch up, I realized that I had nothing recorded to go back on due to the pile-up, so I was only able to catch up to the main event.

The match itself was nothing to write a whole article about. It was as simple as it could be while trying to keep Ethan Carter III out of the ring with Sting. The rest of his team leaving much to be desired for me. Basically, the contest came down to Jeff Hardy taking the heat so he could hit the hot tag to Sting, only for Carter to sneak in and get the roll-up for the win.

Sting and Hardy then took turns on accepting the blame for the loss, but Hardy ended up taking it to heart the hardest. He explained his disdain for the way that Dixie Carter had been running roughshod the past couple months and that fighting her had exhausted him. He said he had no more fight left, and that he was leaving TNA.

It's so disheartening to see talented guys keep falling by the wayside from TNA. I'm not sure of Hardy's current contractual status, but it sounds like he will be back, but he's the second guy they've taken off the show in the last month, the first being AJ Styles. Meanwhile, Sting is still on the show and Magnus is the World Champion.

At this point, I'd even like to see Jerry Jones purchase TNA. He might be an overbearing control freak that would ultimately lead his company into mediocrity, but at least he'd spend some money. The thought that about a year ago we were watching Jesse Godderz start as a reality show star and now we're here with him in the main event really speaks to the state of TNA. Godderz has a great look, but he's still low on the card if I'm booking the show due to his lack of in-ring skills and experience.

In 2013, we have watched some great talent leave TNA: Joey Ryan, Devon, DOC, Mickie James, AJ Styles, and even Hulk Hogan are just a few names that could all be bringing something to the table right now. The only problem is that TNA cannot put together two solid hours of programming a week, so they have a lack of funds coming in to pay their talent.

Now, they've taken one of their top three draws left of the roster off of programming for whatever reason. I feel like every week I actually manage to watch TNA there is something that makes me feel like their day is drawing closer and closer. This week was another point along the downward spiral that seems to be dooming them before our own eyes.

The Royal Rumble by (Entry) Numbers: 1

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Mr. No. 1 (the other guy has been expunged from the record books) with Pamela Anderson
Photo Credit: WWE.com
In a personal never-ending quest to find new ways to think about my single favorite annual wrestling event, the Royal Rumble, today we begin a look at the history of the match by analyzing each entry position. Over the next 30 days, we’ll break down the men (and women) (and Bastion Booger) who have entered the match from No. 1 through No. 30. And yes, that does immediately raise a flag.

The first Rumble, the 1988 USA made-for-TV special, featured just 20 entrants, and the 2011 behemoth boasted 40. So entering at 20 in 1988 was kind of like 30 every other year, plus there’s those outliers of 31-40, including winner Alberto Del Rio, who came in at 38. Those years, as well as the 1995 Rumble (when competitors entered every 60 seconds instead of 90 or 120) make comparing performances kind of like looking at Macintosh to Red Delicious. Still apples, but in no way identical.

And in the name of logic, we’re going to do this sequentially. That means starting out with Number One.

Winners: Shawn Michaels, 1995; Chris Benoit, 2004.
Final four: Steve Austin (2nd, 1999); Triple H (3rd, 2006); Dolph Ziggler (4th, 2012)
Multiple draws: Bret Hart (1988, 1991); Ziggler, (2010, 2013); Ric Flair (1993, 2007); Michaels (1995, 2003); Triple H (1996, 2006)
Longest: Benoit, 1:01:30
Shortest: Michaels (2003) and Ziggler (2010), 2:29.
Most eliminations: Eight — Steve Austin (1999), Michaels (1995)

Over 26 years, there are only 17 positions at which the eventual winner has entered the Royal Rumble. One of those is 38, not an option in conventional years. The No. 1 spot has produced the same number of winners as No. 30 — as well as No. 2, No. 22 and No. 29. Since we’re analyzing the match as both a feat of athleticism as well as a narrative device, it is interesting to note the dual likelihood of winning from both the first two and final two spots.

There are far better stories to be told by plopping a guy in the ring at the beginning of the night and having him go the distance — or come close. This need not necessarily be one of the first two spots (see: Flair, Ric, 1992), but there is a certain cachet with being in the ring from the outset. The danger of course is overplaying that hand, because if one of the first two entrants logs an hour every year, it’s no longer special. Heck, only eight No. 1 entrants have failed to last 10 minutes, while 15 have gone longer than 20. But again, from a storytelling standpoint, you’ve got to start with a bang.

But perhaps the air of overkill is partially the reason why the Miz’s 45-minute stint in 2012, now the 18th-longest of all time, didn’t do much to bolster his esteem among fans. Five guys had already exceeded that length from the No. 1 spot, and a sixth, Ted DiBiase (1990) was less than a minute shy of Miz’s mark. Dolph Ziggler trumped it the next year. Further, Miz only dumped two contestants in that entire stretch (both former tag team partners, Alex Riley and R-Truth). It’s not much different than Triple H’s 48:01 from the one-spot in 1996, during which he managed to eliminate only Takao Ōmori, and even then he needed the help of Jake Roberts.

Obviously going the distance is the far more significant accomplishment than coming in at 30 and mopping up. Michaels did it first, but he did so in the hyperspeed 95 Rumble, which meant he needed to last just 38:41 before finally ousting Davey Boy Smith, who entered at No. 2 and therefore logged the same time. Benoit, on the other hand, logged 1:01:30, the second-longest stay by any Rumble winner and the second-longest time overall. In 1995 Michaels eliminated eight competitors while in 2004 Benoit tossed just six.

But if we look at the quality of competition in those two matches, the clear edge goes to Benoit. The biggest stars in the ‘95 Rumble? Aside from HBK and the Bulldog, there was Owen Hart, Lex Luger and Bob Backlund, and it was easy to tell throughout the match the story being told was Nos. 1 and 2 being together throughout. In ’04, the field included Randy Orton, Mark Henry, JBL, Scott Steiner, Booker T, Kane, Kurt Angle, Big Show, Chris Jericho, John Cena, Rob Van Dam and Goldberg — and Benoit took care of three of those guys himself (JBL, Henry and Big Show). So clearly Benoit gave the best-ever performance as a No. 1 entrant. Much in the same way as the 2005 Barista-Cena finish clearly echoed the 1994 Hart-Luger climax, anyone going the distance would draw obvious comparisons to Benoit… though if Daniel Bryan accomplishes the feat in 2014, chances are Michael Cole will say only, “Shades of Shawn Michaels in 1995” and leave it at that. (Editor's note: And I would have ZERO problem with that. -- TH)

Honorable mention for great performances from No. 1 goes to Triple H (2006), who put in 1:00:09, tossed five guys, was dumped by the eventual winner and narrowly missed the final two, as well as Steve Austin, who effectively won the 1999 Rumble by lasting 56:38 and logging eight eliminations, but was cheated out of the actual victory by a scheming Vince McMahon. Of course, neither man was actually in the ring for the amount of time they were technically in the match. The ’99 Rumble might be unmatched for overall screwiness, but that’s a pretty high bar to clear.

Also notable is Dolph Ziggler in 2013. He chose to enter first and went nearly 50 minutes (though eliminating only two competitors) to make the final four. Opting for No. 1, rather than being stuck with it (a la DiBiase in 1990) added a rare fresh twist. Remember also Ziggler held the World Heavyweight Championship Money in the Bank contract at the time. We’ve never had a reigning MITB winner also win the Rumble, and that won’t be happening in 2014, either.

But that’s the best of the best. How about the worst? Oddly enough, it’s Ziggler and Michaels down here as well. Michaels was the first in and first out in 2003. Ziggler was the second out in 2010, lasting just three seconds longer than the second entrant, Evan Bourne. Both fell prey to No. 3 that year, CM Punk. They’re followed right by Ric Flair, who was first out in 2007 after 5:40. Ax lasted 14:37 in 1989, eliminating no one, but Bret Hart logged 20:33 in 1991 with no eliminations. Still, he was only the fourth man out that night, being dumped at the hands of the Undertaker.

Also of note is CM Punk’s 2011 performance, during which he lasted 35:21 and eliminated seven competitors. From the initial showdown with Daniel Bryan to his eventual ouster by John Cena (perhaps the beginning of a classic rivalry), Punk commanded the early part of the match. He’s currently on a short list of the greatest Rumble participants to never win the match. We also must note Cactus Jack opening the 1998 Rumble against tag-team partner Chainsaw Charlie. Though he lasted just 9:41, he was the second man eliminated, setting the stage for later entries as both Mankind and Dude Love.

In 1999, Steve Austin entered No. 1 after having won the year before. Undertaker walked the same road in 2008, with two added wrinkles. First, the No. 2 entrant in 2008 was the man Undertaker eliminated to win the 2007 match, Shawn Michaels (the third time HBK entered first or second). The second wrinkle is Taker had entered No. 30 in 2007 before being first the following year. Ted DiBiase pioneered the 30/1 routine in 1989/1990, followed by Rikishi in 2001-2002. Ric Flair came in at No. 30 in 2005 and No. 1 in 1993 and 2007.

And finally, going back to Ax in 1989: He’s among the least impactful No. 1 entrants, as it relates to the rest of the field and likelihood of winning, in Rumble history. But he was followed to the ring by his Demolition tag team partner Smash, which was enough of a novelty fans didn’t care if either could actually win the match. But my vote for biggest dropoff from “Oh man, it’s time for the Rumble!” to a giant wet fart over which guy drew No. 1 goes to Crush in 1997. Man, nobody liked Crush, especially in 1997.

Year
Wrestler
Duration
Out
Elims.
Elim. By
Elim. 2
1988
Bret Hart
0:25:42
8
1
Muraco

1989
Ax
0:14:37
4
0
Perfect

1990
Ted DiBiase
0:44:47
18
4
Warrior

1991
Bret Hart
0:20:33
4
0
Undertaker

1992
Davey Boy Smith
0:23:33
7
3
Flair

1993
Ric Flair
0:18:38
4
1
Perfect

1994
Scott Steiner
0:09:00
4
2
Diesel

1995
Shawn Michaels
0:38:41
-
8
(Winner)

1996
Triple H
0:48:01
19
1
Diesel

1997
Crush
0:06:17
3
0
P. Godwinn

1998
Mick Foley (Cactus Jack)
0:09:41
2
1
Charlie

1999
Steve Austin
0:56:38
29
8
McMahon

2000
D'Lo Brown
0:06:08
3
0
Rikishi

2001
Jeff Hardy
0:06:36
4
3
M. Hardy

2002
Fatu (Rikishi)
0:13:39
6
1
Undertaker

2003
Shawn Michaels
0:02:29
1
0
Jericho

2004
Chris Benoit
1:01:30
-
6
(Winner)

2005
Eddie Guerrero
0:28:11
11
3
Edge

2006
Triple H
1:00:09
28
5
Mysterio

2007
Ric Flair
0:05:40
1
0
Edge

2008
Undertaker
0:32:33
11
3
Michaels

2009
Rey Mysterio
0:49:24
20
1
Big Show

2010
Dolph Ziggler
0:02:29
2
0
Punk

2011
CM Punk
0:35:21
21
7
Cena

2012
Miz
0:45:39
5
2
Big Show

2013
Dolph Ziggler
0:49:47
27
2
Sheamus

2013 Year in Review/2014 Year in Preview: WWE

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The Passion of The Bryan
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Promotion: World Wrestling Entertainment (and NXT too!)

What Happened in 2013: WrestleMania is technically WWE's new year, so the first quarter of the year was a continuation of the theme from last year, while everything that followed built towards a different end, a different and strange new world. John Cena's crappy year which really wasn't so crappy after all, began to hit an upswing when he won the Royal Rumble, putting himself on a collision course with the Champion at Mania. While CM Punk began the year as Champion, Cena's destiny was to face someone different at Mania. The Rock cashed in on his title opportunity at the Rumble, ending Punk's 434-day run with the WWE Championship.

Punk would turn his attentions to the Undertaker for Mania. Using the real life death of Paul Bearer as a heat source, Punk antagonized Taker in an attempt to put him off his game and end The Streak. His attempt failed, and Undertaker won. Cena finally rectified his bad year by taking the WWE Championship from The Rock.

The night after WrestleMania in Newark provided one of the most surreal atmospheres in RAW history, but it kicked the main narrative for the year off with a bang. Undertaker came to the ring to hold court, but The Shield came out to usurp his yard and stake the claim for the Hounds of Justice. Taker looked like he would be beaten back into his coffin until next Mania, but his brother and his tag partner came out to save the day. With that action of salvation, Daniel Bryan and Kane engaged in a battle with The Shield that would continue to rage for months.

After a trios match in England, Taker went back into hibernation, leaving Team Hell No to scramble for various partners in their neverending battle with the Hounds of Justice. Their oddest choice, strangest bedfellow by far, was Randy Orton, a man who had a sketchy past playing nice with others. They had varying degrees of success, but the tension within the group ripped not only Orton and Hell No apart, but also Bryan and Kane themselves. All three were sent into the Money in the Bank ladder match for a shot at Cena's WWE Championship.

A dream partnership dissolving
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Another participant in said match, Punk, also had a speech to give the night after Mania. He was tired and needed to take some time off, much to the chagrin of his manager, Paul Heyman. Heyman filled the time by getting himself another one of his "guys," the rebranded Michael McGillicutty, now named Curtis Axel. However, Axel's ineptitude was clear from the start, and Heyman needed Punk to come back sooner than he would have liked. Chris Jericho forced Heyman's hand by challenging Punk to a match at Payback in Chicago. Punk returned and won, but his demeanor had changed. He was less bitter and seemed to be a lot less open to Heyman's machinations.

The WWE Championship Match Money in the Bank Ladder Match saw many things happen. Sheamus fell through a ladder and tore his rotator cuff. Christian actually competed for a shot for the WWE Championship, but most notably, Punk had a clear shot at winning the briefcase. He was halfway up the ladder when Heyman sabotaged him, pushed him off the ladder, and opened the door for Orton to grab the case and the banked shot at Cena.

Cena wasn't going to wait for Orton to take his shot, and the next night, he hand-selected a different opponent for SummerSlam - Daniel Bryan. Vince McMahon reappeared on WWE television to voice his obvious displeasure with not only Bryan as the challenger, but Cena as Champion. Triple H, who had been back as an on-screen COO since losing to Brock Lesnar at Extreme Rules, told his father-in-law not to worry, that no matter what happened, it would be "Best for business." At the time, I thought he meant that both Cena and Bryan were worthy of the belt.

A turning point for the year
Photo Credit: WWE.com
But as Bryan let fly a busaiku knee to Cena's face and pinned him cleanly to become WWE Champion, Trips' nefarious intentions came to light. Orton came down with his briefcase to cash in, and before Bryan could bow up, he was getting kicked in the gut and pedigreed by the COO. Orton won the WWE Championship without even hitting an offensive move other than a lateral press.

Meanwhile, Punk was steamed at Heyman, but rather than throwing Axel at him, he summoned the Beast Incarnate. Brock Lesnar came back out of his hive to destroy Punk, but he had a hell of a time doing so at their SummerSlam match. Lesnar threw everything at Punk, but Punk kept kicking out until one final Double Tech attack from Heyman and Lesnar put Punk down. Punk would spend the rest of the autumn exacting revenge on Heyman, and frankly, it was disappointing.

The other key cog that happened at the Biggest Party of the Summer was the debut of the Wyatt Family, the band of redneck cultists who had taken NXT by storm. Their first victim would be Bryan's erstwhile tag partner Kane. Bray Wyatt defeated him in an inferno match, and then dragged him away, not to be seen for a month or so.

Speaking of Bryan, his year would get a lot worse. His chase of Orton's WWE Championship would be obstructed by the Champ's new backing, the Authority. Triple H and Stephanie McMahon exerted their will, and doing their bidding would be Bryan's old nemeses, The Shield. Even more humiliating, when Kane finally reemerged from his Wyatt-induced absence, he capitulated his mask and offered his services to the grouped, named The Authority. Bryan had a title victory snatched from him by a referee's fast count, which put the title in abeyance. His second chance to claim the then vacant title was foiled by a rampaging Big Show. The third and final match coming at Hell in a Cell, where Bryan's dreams were dashed once and for all by a protective Shawn Michaels, who superkicked Bryan, allowing Orton to win back the title.

A new evil emerges
Photo Credit: WWE.com
All the while, Cena, who left WWE for a few months after SummerSlam to get an ungodly growth on his elbow operated. He was expected to be gone until the Royal Rumble, but he came back at Hell in a Cell, where he won the World Heavyweight Championship from Alberto del Rio. After a controversial victory over a cashing-in Damien Sandow, Cena set his sights on Orton and unifying the titles. They would clash in a TLC match, one which Orton won.

Bryan's desire to chase the title ended when the Wyatt Family attacked him and Punk the night after Hell in a Cell. After a tag match at Survivor Series, Punk split from Bryan unceremoniously when Roman Reigns speared him out of his tights. Wyatt kept the heat on Bryan, beckoning him to join the Family. After two months of psychological and physical torture, Bryan caved, reluctantly joining the Family to the chagrin of the fans.

And Punk's row with the Shield started to reveal cracks in the facade of the group that pretty much owned the year. He beat them down two wrestlers in a handicap match at TLC, and his constant prodding of the group verbally has shown some major cracks in their facade.

Meanwhile, in the parallel universe of NXT, the year mainly revolved around the rise of two wrestlers. Bo Dallas began the year as a plucky, happy-go-lucky babyface who got a cup of coffee against Wade Barrett on the main roster. Fans rejected him, so he reveled in that hatred, becoming cheesy and delusional. His counterpart, Sami Zayn, debuted in NXT the most impactful way possible - by challenging Antonio Cesaro. The two had a stellar feud, and although Zayn lost out in the end, he turned enough heads to put him directly in line for Dallas' NXT Championship. Dallas obviously has been dodging him, knowing the threat he posed.

Believe.
Photo Credit: WWE.com
2013 MVP: I spoiled this with the Wrestler of the Year Bloggie, but WWE's MVP has been actually not been one person, but three. Reigns. Rollins. Ambrose. Believe in The Shield. They were great as supporting characters and mercenaries for Paul Heyman early in the year, fantastic as the hunters of Taker and his friends in the middle, and pitch-perfect as The Authority's paramilitary police force. Their breakup, though still closer to the beginning than the end, has defied most WWE breakups in its quality as well.

What's Going to Happen in 2014: WrestleMania is around the corner, but for the first time in years, barely anything seems to be telegraphed. Batista's coming back, but will he win the Rumble and take on Orton at Mania? Will Lesnar win the title like he promised on RAW and set up a HOSS FIGHT for the ages? Or is Lesnar/Henry the endgame for Mania?

The end that makes the most sense is Bryan unraveling The Authority by winning the Rumble and using the Wyatt Family to break the machine. Will that happen? Well, one would have to question whether WWE starts stories with the intention of finishing them, or whether they just have matches in mind and have their writers flesh stuff out in the interim. I've heard Bryan vs. Michaels floated around, which wouldn't be the worst Mania match, but it would certainly be disappointing given his narrative since SummerSlam.

The savior of WWE's women?
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Basically, WWE has several moving parts and chess pieces to place for Mania. Whether they be regulars like Cena, Orton, Bryan, Punk, Big E Langston, the Rhodes Brothers, and a returning Sheamus, or part-timers like Lesnar, Batista, Undertaker, and possibly Hulk Hogan (?!?!?!?!), WWE has a lot of dominoes to set up. I don't think we'll get a sense on how they'll be knocked down until the Royal Rumble.

Five Wrestlers to Watch in 2014:Emma - WWE hasn't had a natural female babyface like Emma since Miss Elizabeth, and she didn't even wrestle. I know expecting WWE to do right by their women is a tall tale, but if anyone could turn heads at Titan Towers and demand respect for the Divas, it would be Emma, especially in a money feud against AJ Lee. She'll get the call sooner rather than later, and her Emma Dance will take the crowds by storm.

Big E Langston - Langston right now is the best-booked Intercontinental Champion in a long time, and his stock is only going to get hotter. He's not only got the body type that the McMahons seem to like, but he's a really good wrestler and charismatic as heck. When he's able to be fully unleashed as a character, I think he'll be one of the biggest deals in the company. They'll certainly give him the chance.

Seth Rollins - Ambrose is the best talker in the group, and Reigns has the biggest breakout potential, but Rollins could end up becoming the biggest deal out of them all. Not only is he willing to take the big bump, but he's got a flair for the moment as well. Much like Jeff Hardy before him, Rollins could roll in sympathy and carry a crowd even without saying a word.

Only the beginning for Big E.
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Damien Sandow - I'll admit that I was wrong about Sandow's loss against Cena not affecting him that much, but that was less to do with his own talent than it was WWE not doing a damn thing with him to follow it up. He's not been involved in stories, but he's continually been on television in the last two months in visible matches. He was in a mini-feud to decide contendership to the Intercontinental Championship, battled Mark Henry to see which Santa would reign supreme, and he even threatened to quit last night. He might not get a renewed push until after Mania, but the fact that they're keeping him in the audience's eye means they haven't given up on him yet.

Solomon Crowe - The former Sami Callihan has finally been given a gimmick. While hacker shtick might seem lame, Crowe is a consummate enough performer to own that gimmick. He'll have great matches, no doubt, and as the crop of NXT wrestlers in that main event get called up to the roster, he'll be a fast riser to replace them.

Three Things I Want to See Happen in 2014:1. Give me the WWE Network - This network has been rumored for awhile and announced for a year. They may not get a cable channel, but at this point in technology, they would be jumping on a dying medium. With streaming options as advanced as they have gotten, WWE has no excuse not to launch this thing, ESPECIALLY if it means getting rid of the restrictive price point for individual pay-per-views.

2. Promote whoever's booking NXT's women division to the main roster - Watch an average episode of RAW, then one of NXT. The most jarring difference, above the time, cast, and announcing (more on that later), is the treatment of women. Summer Rae, for example, is a fully-formed, outstanding heel character in NXT. On RAW, she's called "Mrs. Fandango," the only time getting to show any personality through scowling and emoting as the aforementioned wrestler's valet. Again, WWE's audience is 35% women at least, and no gender barrier exists to being able to love wrestling. The bookers in NXT get this. So why shouldn't they get a chance to show how to treat women like real people on a main stage.

3. Overhaul the announcing - The announcing sucks. It has been bad for awhile, but the three-man booth with JBL has been the epitome of awful. Layfield hasn't added a single positive thing to the broadcast in months. Jerry Lawler has also been a drain on the show. NXT's announcing gets high marks, but I feel like they could use improvement as well. If WWE is going to insist on having commentary for every show, they need to do it right. The play-by-play announcer has to be able to get stories over effectively. The main color commentator has to add insight, whether it be through quips, voicing of the heel POV, or even breaking the action in the ring down like a sportscaster. The current model, mostly in WWE (NXT is good, admittedly, just it could be better), is broken.

The Best Moves Ever: Hell's Gate

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I dislike MMA, but I love when pro wrestling borrows from its "legitimate" counterpart. Sure, an undead minion from the depths of Hell using a real live effective submission finish might be bizarre, but hey, if pro wrestling wasn't absurd, it wouldn't be nearly as cool as it is. Let's kick the new year off with the Undertaker's take on a gogoplata, the Hell's Gate.

The Royal Rumble by (Entry) Numbers: 6

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Best ever, win or lose?
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Winners: None
Final four: Kane (2nd, 2001)
Multiple draws: Bart Gunn (1994, 1997)
Longest: Kane (2001), 53:46
Shortest: Gillberg (1999): 0:07.
Most eliminations: 11 — Kane (2001)

Not only was it the greatest performance by any No. 6 entrant, but Kane’s showing in the 2001 Royal Rumble gets my vote for the best single performance by any non-winner in Rumble history. As noted yesterday, Drew Carey was alone in the ring when Kane’s music hit. Though Carey eliminated himself, Kane logged the next six consecutive eliminations and 11 in all, which remains the most in one night. He was in the ring for 53:46 (eighth best all time) and lost at the very end to Steve Austin, the only man to win three Rumbles.

By contrast, look at Rick “The Model” Martel in 1991. Sure, he lasted 52:17 — only 89 seconds shy of Kane — but he also made only four eliminations (only three unassisted). Not bad at all compared to what usually happens from the sixth spot — but it doesn’t hold a flame-throwing ringpost to Kane.

What usually happens from the sixth spot? Hardly anything. Thirteen No. 6 entrants — that’s half — failed to eliminate a single competitor. Nine couldn’t last four minutes. One such soul was Beth Phoenix, the second female entrant in Rumble history. She succeeded in eliminating the Great Khali before being dumped herself soon after.

Another of the short-timers was Vladimir Kozlov, who in 2009 came in at six and lasted just 2:40, but also made the first three eliminations of the night, dumping Khali, MVP and Carlito before running afoul of the night’s No. 7 entrant, Triple H. That many eliminations in such a small window is fairly remarkable compared to the average participant.

The post on No. 5 entrants looked extensively at Drew Carey’s entry into the 2001 Rumble, and I ultimately declared his inclusion didn’t really bother me. Perhaps that’s because of things like the 1999 entry of No. 6, Gillberg. While more of another episode in a long-running joke than the one-off celebrity rub given Carey, Gillberg was clearly included only for the sake of being an oddity. He lasted all of seven seconds. That turn came a year after Mick Foley entered the Rumble three times as three different characters. The year before that Fake Diesel finished third. The year before that Jerry Lawler spent most of the match hiding under the ring and mugging for the cameras. In a world where Vince McMahon had been WWF Champion, Carey hitting the ring wasn’t exactly trampling on sacred ground.

The worst noncomic No. 6 performance goes to Bart Gunn’s 26 seconds (and no eliminations) in 1997. He lasted all of 2:30 entering from the same spot in 1994. Rolled in with his 1995 showing (6:19, no eliminations) and Bart’s Royal Rumble record is something of a microcosm of his entire WWF career, minus the Butterbean incident.

Shawn Michaels had already been in two different Royal Rumbles when he appeared as No. 6 in 1992, but this was his first showing since the breakup of the Rockers, which aired on syndicated WWF TV just one weekend earlier. He acquitted himself well enough, lasting 15:46 before he and Tito Santana eliminated each other. There would be far greater Rumble showings in HBK’s future — a major understatement — but this one’s far from his worst.

One “statistic” I’d love to track sometime is how often a Rumble participants faced his eliminator at the subsequent WrestleMania. No. 6 might be a good place to start, as it happened to Roddy Piper, the 1990 No. 6 who faced Bad News Brown at WrestleMania VI. It also happened with the aforementioned Michaels and Santana in 1992 — they squared off in the opening bout of WrestleMania VIII. And Phineas Godwin (No. 6, 1998) was in the WrestleMania XIV tag team battle royal opposite his Rumble eliminator Mark Henry.

Year
Wrestler
Dur.
Out
El.
Elim. By
Elim. 2
1988
Harley Race
0:10:03
4
0
Muraco

1989
Greg Valentine
0:19:52
8
0
Savage

1990
Roddy Piper
0:12:20
7
1
Brown

1991
Rick Martel
0:52:17
25
4
Smith

1992
Shawn Michaels
0:15:46
10
1
Santana

1993
Virgil
0:17:08
7
0
Berzerker

1994
Bart Gunn
0:02:30
3
0
Diesel

1995
Barbarian (Sione)
0:06:50
10
3
E. Blu

1996
Nelson Frazier (Mabel)
0:12:14
3
0
Yokozuna

1997
Bart Gunn
0:00:26
5
0
Austin

1998
Phineas Godwinn
0:28:48
12
1
Henry

1999
Gillberg
0:00:07
2
0
Edge

2000
Scotty 2 Hotty
0:01:02
5
0
Rikishi

2001
Glenn Jacobs (Kane)
0:53:46
29
11
Austin

2002
Al Snow
0:05:12
5
1
Undertaker

2003
Christian
0:09:03
9
1
Jericho

2004
Rhyno
0:14:00
7
1
Benoit

2005
Kenzo Suzuki
0:03:31
4
0
Mysterio

2006
Big Show
0:09:02
7
2
Triple H

2007
Tommy Dreamer
0:06:41
3
0
Kane

2008
John Morrison
0:29:23
14
0
Kane

2009
Vladimir Kozlov
0:02:40
4
3
Triple H

2010
Beth Phoenix
0:01:37
5
1
Punk

2011
Ted DiBiase Jr.
0:12:16
7
1
Harris
McGillicutty
2012
Primo
0:01:57
3
0
Foley

2013
Drew McIntyre
0:02:40
2
0
Jericho

Your Midweek Links: Happy New Year!

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Bryan interviewed!
Photo Credit: WWE.ccom
It's New Year's Day, so here are some links to help you get through your hangover:

Wrestling Links

- 2013 Year-End Awards [Wrestling on Earth]

- The year in wins and losses [WWE.com]

- The Best and Worst of RAW: From YES YES YES to Yeah Yeah Yeah [With Leather]

- The Masked Man does a Q and A with Daniel Bryan [Grantland]

- Interview: Magnus on becoming the first ever British Impact Wrestling World Champion [The Only Way Is Suplex]

- Florida man started a professional wrestling dinner theater [Gawker]

- The best matches of 2013 [A Wrestling Tumblr]

Non-Wrestling Links:

- Wow this is doge [The Verge]

- Our review of 2013's pointless sports controversies [Sports on Earth]

- Read a brewpub owner's response to a Starbucks cease and desist letter [UPROXX]

- Phil Robertson, anus-obsessed racist, also recommends child brides [Jezebel]

- French women and thinness: "If you are fat, you won't get that job." [Jezebel]

- Stay or go? For Penn State and Bill O'Brien, should it really matter? [Black Shoe Diaries]

- Which NFL team had the most game-ending turnovers [Regressing]

- Which NFL teams are the most attractive to coaches [Sports on Earth]

- The 2013 Koaching Karousel [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

- Foodball: Toasted BLT bread [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

- TH Cooks: Bleu gruyere mac 'n cheese with bacon and onions [Holzerman Hungers]

- More Moneyball [Baseball Prospectus]

- 2013 in film: 25 random awards just because [Pajiba]

- Ten characters who should have stayed dead [io9]

The Royal Rumble by (Entry) Numbers: 7

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The Snake, the only man to draw 7 three times
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Winners: None
Final four: Triple H (2nd, 2009); Edge (3rd, 2005)
Multiple draws: Jake Roberts (1989, 1996, 1997); Steve Blackman (1999, 2000)
Longest: Triple H (2009), 49:55
Shortest: Jonathan Coachman (2006): 0:30.
Most eliminations: Seven — Diesel (1994)

Perhaps the most notable fact associated with the seventh entry spot is that twice the same man drew the same number two years in a row — Steve Blackman in 1999 and 2000, and Jake “the Snake” Roberts in 1996 and 1997, which actually were his second and third time entering at seven after doing so in his second Rumble in 1989. Roberts has been in seven Rumbles, all but once entering in the first ten spots. There’s a lot of buzz on him being one of the “legends” entries in this year’s bout, and if that turns out to be the case, here’s hoping he makes it four times entering seventh.

Another anomaly, though largely insignificant, is the repetition of notable stars eliminating the seventh entrant in consecutive Rumbles. Andre the Giant did so in 1989 (Roberts) and 1990 (Warlord). Steve Austin matched him in 1997 (Roberts again) and 1998 (8-Ball). And CM Punk pulled it off in 2010 (Zack Ryder) and 2011 (John Morrison). That’s the kind of thing that means absolutely nothing in the big picture, but there’s an outside chance Sheamus can join the club in 2014.

But enough with the oddities — who’s the best No. 7 ever? This is another entry spot that’s produced no winners, but two men nearly one. The edge for who had the better overall showing goes not to Edge himself, who finished third in 2005, lasting 40:19 and ousting five men, but to good ol’ Triple H, who in 2009 went 49:55 and made six eliminations before Randy Orton dumped him to win the match. They’d go on to deliver a remarkably underwhelming main event a few months later at WrestleMania XXV.

An argument could be made to pass over both final four finishers to single out Diesel as the greatest No. 7 ever. In 1994, still largely seen more as Shawn Michaels’ bodyguard than an actual competitive threat, Diesel put the WWF on notice with seven eliminations in just short of 18 minutes in the ring — a remarkable run at the time, though three min since have logged seven eliminations in less time.

Though Diesel’s run through the field came only one year after Yokozuna tossed seven men (in 14:53) en route to a victory, the Samoan “sumo” superstar entered his Rumble on a dominant streak and a heavy (no pun intended) favorite to win the match and the guaranteed title shot. Diesel, as noted, used the Rumble as a coming out party. He tossed Bart Gunn, Scott Steiner, Owen Hart, Kwang, Bob Backlund, Billy Gunn, and Virgil before five men ganged up on him. A few months later the bodyguard was Intercontinental Champion, he won tag team gold in August and was WWF Champion by the end of November — a title he defended successfully at the 1995 Rumble.

When Diesel tossed Billy Gunn he became just the second wrestler in Rumble history to eliminate both members of the same tag team in the same night (Hulk Hogan ousted both Brain Busters in 1989 and Demolition members Crush and Smash in 1991). Oddly enough the Gunns became the only team to double up on the distinction when in 1995 Crush and Dick Murdoch dumped Billy and Bart.

Another No. 7 joined this exclusive club in 2012 — Mick Foley (then clearly in the “legend” phase of his career) showed then tag-champs Primo and Epico to the floor. He also dumped Justin Gabriel in a highly productive 6:34 (the eighth-shortest stint of the 48 entrants who logged three eliminations), in what technically was his best Rumble performance ever. Taking account all his personalities, Foley entered a Rumble seven times. His three showings in 1998 were cumulatively more impactful than one turn in 2012, but there’s got to be some sort of asterisk for that outlier.

After Triple H, Edge, Diesel and Foley, the seventh spot serves up a giant turd sandwich. Some 16 of 26 entrants made zero eliminations. Eight men failed to last four minutes, eight more failed to last ten. The worst of the worst is Jonathan Coachman lasting 30 seconds in 2006, but the worst actual wrestler designation goes to Zack Ryder’s 32 seconds in 2010.

Long Island Iced Z has been in three Rumbles for a total of 3:49 and no eliminations. The only person with a worse record is Bushwhacker Luke, who racked up just 3:24 in his three Rumbles. Ryder was eliminated by CM Punk (2010), Daniel Bryan (2011) and Randy Orton (2013), while Luke met his fate at the hands of Hulk Hogan (1989), Earthquake (1991) and Shawn Michaels (1995). I’m not sure what to make of any of that information except to say both men only wish they could have Scotty 2 Hotty’s sterling mark of 4:24 over three Rumbles, and in the grand history of pro wrestling, Bushwhacker Luke warrants significantly more esteem than Zack Ryder.

Year
Wrestler
Dur.
Out
El.
Eliminated By
1988
Jim Brunzell
0:12:06
5
1
Volkoff
1989
Jake Roberts
0:02:08
3
0
Andre
1990
Warlord
0:08:16
5
0
Andre
1991
Saba Simba
0:02:27
2
0
Martel
1992
Tito Santana
0:13:55
9
1
Michaels
1993
Jerry Lawler
0:14:35
6
1
Perfect
1994
Diesel
0:17:41
13
7
Bigelow, Mabel, Holly, Michaels, Crush
1995
Tom Prichard
0:05:30
6
0
Michaels
1996
Jake Roberts
0:14:39
6
2
Vader
1997
Jake Roberts
0:01:10
6
0
Austin
1998
Ron Harris (8-Ball)
0:30:43
14
1
Austin
1999
Steve Blackman
0:07:22
4
0
Mabel, Singh
2000
Steve Blackman
0:00:44
6
0
Rikishi
2001
Raven
0:08:51
9
0
Kane
2002
Billy Gunn
0:03:37
7
1
Undertaker
2003
Chavo Guerrero
0:07:10
8
0
Edge
2004
Matt Hardy
0:14:18
8
0
Duprée
2005
Edge
0:40:19
28
5
Batista, Cena
2006
Jonathan Coachman
0:00:30
4
0
Big Show
2007
Sabu
0:05:28
4
0
Kane
2008
Tommy Dreamer
0:02:09
3
0
Batista
2009
Triple H
0:49:55
29
6
Orton
2010
Zack Ryder
0:00:32
6
0
Punk
2011
John Morrison
0:13:24
10
0
Punk
2012
Mick Foley
0:06:34
8
3
C. Rhodes
2013
Titus O'Neil
0:07:30
3
0
Sheamus


Was 2013 the New Normal for WWE Match Quality?

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A huge reason why matches in WWE have been awesome this year
Photo Credit: WWE.com
The calendar year 2013 will mainly be implanted in my wrestling-fan brain as the year WWE went into Boss Mode, at least in terms of promoting matches. I doubt any financial analyst would call it their best year (although they did make a lot of money on WrestleMania and are shopping their television package for sports-league cash), and the storytelling has been of inconsistent providence. However, I could be sure that no matter how bad the plot progression was in a given week, at least one match during the slate would be what I might have termed ten years ago as "pay-per-view quality." If only one match was worth raving about, then WWE would be having a bad week. Sometimes, entire shows would be loaded with stellar matches. If your ideal as a wrestling fan was to have the top company producing great in-ring content, then WWE at least tried to meet you there. Obviously, one must account for taste and opinion, but that's a whole other debate ready to happen.

Of course, the next question to ask is whether this past year can be repeatable. Will RAW, Smackdown, Main Event, and, if you're nasty, Superstars be able to keep up the torrid pace and have guys (and sometimes gals) creating the highest art in the ring on a weekly basis for another 365 day period? In order to see the road ahead, I think I might have to look at what made last year so great. While WWE's roster has been the deepest it has ever been in terms of match quality, most of the roster turned in uneven week-to-week performances. Dolph Ziggler would look great in one match, but then uninspired in another. CM Punk looked like a sure wrestler-of-the-year quality worker from January through WrestleMania, but when he came back from injury, his providence was spotty. Rey Mysterio spent loads of time on the DL, as did Sheamus. Alberto del Rio was mechanically great all year, but he wasn't transcendent enough to overcome his terrible booking. John Cena worked a light schedule, but his worth has rarely ever been week-to-week excellence anyway.

However, the constants for WWE were the best possible ones they could have hoped for. Basically, Daniel Bryan and Antonio Cesaro were the anchors for their singles division. Randy Orton had perhaps the most sneakily solid year I can remember him having. The tag team division came on super-strong at the end of the year, thanks in part to the company showing faith in teams like the Usos and injecting wrestlers like Goldust and Cesaro into heavy rotation. However, the most automatic positive week-to-week has been The Shield.

Trios wrestling in WWE has been a spotty art at worst and a device to fill time while combining feuds for the pay-per-view at the very best. The last time the company even remotely had a situation where multiple trios matches were needed was back in 1997, and I don't think anyone would disagree with me when I say that the Disciples of Apocalypse and Los Boricuas were going to light the world on fire in that environment (with apologies to the Boricuas, who I'm sure were a lot better in their home promotion of WWC in Puerto Rico... different circumstances and all though). Basically, Roman Reigns, Dean Ambrose, and Seth Rollins were asked to define an entire subgenre of wrestling in WWE, and the standard they set ended up weighing in at 14 karats.

Sadly, The Shield's run in 2013 will be the least repeatable for this year because they're already imploding upon themselves. If they disintegrate at the Rumble, then they would have lasted 15 months in WWE as a cohesive, functioning group, which in modern WWE parlance is a decade. Nothing good can stay, and all that. The breakup of the group will provide ample fodder for storytelling within WWE, but what about the match quality, which I thought was the strongest thing the group brought to the table? Will the standard of six-man tag style they set hold fast with the Wyatt Family only holding serve? Remember, between WrestleMania and Money in the Bank, one could argue that nearly every excellent match the company produced had at least one member of that group competing in it. Losing that group dynamic (and trust me, singles matches with the three guys won't be the same, for better or worse, after they break up) throws a lot of interference in making an accurate projection.

The best reason not to get scared is that Bryan and Cesaro aren't going anywhere, barring a major injury. Both guys have been pretty lucky not to have gotten hurt since signing with WWE. Even if Orton regresses/gets Wellness'd, Goldust leaves after Mania, and the tag division shrivels back to its pre-Hell No state, the former members of Team Uppercut will provide a solid bedrock for WWE to build upon. Plus, Sheamus will be coming back sooner rather than later. del Rio might come back down to earth from his dalliance in the main event, which might do wonders for him in the ring. Even if Ziggler never regains his pre-concussion form, spotty Ziggler is better than none at all. Heck, WWE might even release Evan Bourne from his hyperbaric chamber at some point in 2014. And even more promising is the emergence of a whole new crop of wrestlers who are providing instant cred in any match they wrestle.

Cody Rhodes, Damien Sandow, Big E Langston, and Fandango are all guys who have emerged in the ring in 2013 (Rhodes, some might argue, had already arrived, but to me, this year was his first year where he was solid all year long). Sami Zayn can't be following too far behind onto the main roster from NXT. The influx of talent through the Performance Center might not ever stop as long as WWE is open. Even with The Shield disintegrating and the tenor of weekly matches potentially changing, the main players of 2014 could be just as good as the ones from last year.

However, even if the cast isn't as good as it was last year, I think WWE has proven that they have changed their philosophy towards the in-ring product in general. In the last five years, the length of the average match has seemingly trended upward. I don't have numbers in front of me, but my perception tells me that WWE has produced more matches that have spanned the commercial break this past year than they have in the year before, and 2012 had more of those than 2011. They are giving more due to the second "W" in their name (even if Vince McMahon insists that the abbreviation stands for nothing), and the trend tells me that modus operandi will more than likely continue in the coming year.

I won't expect WWE to hit the same high notes that it did last year without knowing that a new entity, be it Langston or Zayn or someone unknown to me, gets a shot to hold court, a current stalwart like Bryan or Cesaro morphs his game and changes what he can do in the ring, or if, I don't know, the women are allowed to be more than Total Divas ads or sexy cattle. However, unless a major philosophical shift hits within the company over the next year, the wrestlers will get a chance to top themselves. Even if the results are a slight decline from last year, well, hey, WWE television has been of somewhat high quality since I've come back to it in 2008 every year. The sheer fact that prioritizing the in-ring art has become the new normal within the company is good enough for me to be content with watching as much of it as I can for the coming year.

From the Archives: The 1992 Royal Rumble Match

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Many consider this to be the greatest Rumble match of all-time, if not one of WWE's finest historical contests. As the history books inform, the WWF Championship was held up after Hulk Hogan and Undertaker had two matches in November of 1991 where they both cheated their rear ends off to trade the Big Eagle Belt. Jack Tunney decided rather than letting Hogan keep the strap, he would put it up in the Rumble match for '92. The good news was that Ric Flair, WOOO!, won the match. The bad news is that rather than setting up the dream Hogan/Flair SHOWDOWN OF THE IMMORTALS at WrestleMania VIII, well, they thought better to put Sid Vicious across the ring from the Hulkster. Regardless of consequence though, the match is one of the most fun contests ever contested under a Titan Sports banner. Enjoy!

The Battle for Fun Is Set

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Photo & Video Sharing by SmugMug
Who will stand with Icarus?
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein

The New Year has set upon the Chikaraverse, and with that beginning comes a new skirmish in the raging war for the soul of the company and its fans. The Gekido, who started off poaching the Wrestling Is... companies with their squelching of Intense on September 15. While their roles as minions of Dr. Cube, Sinn Bodhi, and Ares are heavily suspected at this point, the rogue group of bizarre mirror imaged Chikara regulars has not resurfaced until a couple of weeks ago on Twitter with this threat:

Two things jump out from that tweet. One is that they are planning an "ultimate revenge," which suggests their endgame is coming soon. Second, they want to have a little "fun" before doing so? That statement could mean anything... *looks at calendar* *notices January 18 has a Wrestling Is Fun! show scheduled at the Easton Funplex* Oh, I see what they did there. The Funplex itself was at the center of the scavenger hunt. Condor Security was looking for its razing notice, but it was taken back by the Chikarmy and shredded before it could be processed. Gekido running wild there could mean a few things, including the standard promotion shutdown, but their arrival will not be met without resistance.

Icarus, via the Chikara 101 message board (transcribed here for those who don't have logins and don't feel like creating one) in no uncertain terms said he was going to be in Easton, the first time he's actually put boots to ground and fought in opposition of the Condor/Titor forces since they shooed him out of the Trocadero last June. Who will fight beside him though? Blind Rage won't return his calls. UltraMantis Black would rather read musty books than join the fray. As of right now, the only recruits he has are Hallowicked and a bunch of Wrestle Factory trainees. Still, that army is a lot more formidable than Icarus standing up to the megalith by himself.

What will come after that reckoning in Easton? Sunday January 19 will see a Wrestling Is Respect show visit the Boonton Elks Lodge. No advance chatter on a threat there has been leaked, but a quick turnaround between a battle in Easton and a retaliation in Boonton is not out of the realm of possibility (unless you believe a story development in Chikara would never happen that quickly after a major one, which is the most accurate thing to assume ever). However, all of these dominoes falling are leading up to National Pro Wrestling Day.

Now, if one is to believe what they would read about future plans of a wrestling company in the dirtsheets, then NPWD, which is also happening at the Easton Funplex, is a possible targeted comeback date for Chikara. I would personally be so happy if that was the case, but as the story stands right now, a good bit of the flock needs to come home to roost. I wonder if this year's NPWD will end up being that blockbuster show every fan has seemingly been waiting for. Either way, one stop in Easton is required before that one happens, and it is shaping up to contain a pretty significant battle.

Throwback Thursday: nWo Buddy Cops

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Contrary to popular belief, late '90s WCW did know how to have some fun. Despite the nWo being all about anarchy and hostile takeovers, Buff Bagwell and Scott Steiner had absolutely no problems joining the establishment if it meant they could get out of a moving violation. I would hope the cops who gave the nWo tandem each a ticket book got fried by internal affairs for it, but hey, at least the results were entertaining.



A tip of the hat to @SPREEEEEEEEEEEE for this week's suggestion (Buff Bagwell, to be specific).

The Royal Rumble by (Entry) Numbers: 8

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The best 8 ever, but also one of the best in Rumble history, overall?
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Winners: Randy Orton (2009)
Final four: Batista (3rd, 2008), Rey Mysterio (4th, 2005)
Multiple draws: None
Longest: Randy Orton (2009), 48:27.
Shortest: Bob Backlund (1994): 0:41.
Most eliminations: Six — Undertaker (2002)

Of the top ten spots, No. 8 is the last one to produce a winner. In 2009 Randy Orton, entering eighth, and Triple H, entering seventh, put a spin on the “top two guys go the distance” plot by each lasting nearly 50 minutes to be the final two in the ring — also setting up a WrestleMania main event in the process. But Orton was the winner after 48:27 and three eliminations.

The ring time was good for fifth-longest by a winner, but it’s also the longest any person has been in the ring while logging only three eliminations. Batista entered eighth in 2008, was in the ring for almost 11 minutes less and still made three eliminations and finished third. Of course the entrance interval was two minutes in 2009 for Orton and 90 seconds in 2008 for Batista, so the actual impact on the match is close to identical. Then again, Orton and Triple H were joined in the 2009 final four by the other members of Legacy — Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase Jr. Batista’s final four included Triple H, Kane and winner John Cena.

Yet don’t sleep on Orton as one of the great Rumble participants of all time. He’s one of just four men to make the final four five times (the others are Shawn Michaels, Steve Austin and Glenn “Kane” Jacobs) and was twice eliminated by the eventual winner. He’s eighth all time with a total of 2:26:53 in the ring. He’s ninth all time with 19 total eliminations. He’s averaged nearly 21 minutes per Rumble, good for 19th all-time among wrestlers who entered at least two, but third among the 23 men who have been in seven or more (and first among those who have been in only seven).

And for all those numbers, 2009 was the best of Orton’s best. He was clearly the best No. 8 of all time. It took until 1997 for the eighth entrant to log even one elimination (Davey Boy Smith dumping the Sultan). Blackjack Bradshaw was No. 8 the following year, and one of six men credited with eliminating Kurrgan. There was another dry spell until 2002, when the Undertaker plowed through six contestants in just 7:40 before Maven dumped him in one of the most telegraphed “surprising” Rumble moments in history.

In all, 17 of 26 men who entered eighth failed to log a single elimination. Only five eighth entrants managed to eliminate more than one competitor. Duration hasn’t been an issue — only six who came in eighth failed to last five minutes — but the lack of impact on the match is undeniable.

However, No. 8s have been part of great Rumble moments. In 2000, after Rikishi had made the first six eliminations — interrupted by a memorable dance spot with both members of Too Cool, whom he subsequently dumped simultaneously, to the delight of the Madison Square Garden crowd — he stood in an empty ring as the clock hit zero and Viscera’s music hit.

“This man is bigger than Rikishi,” Jim Ross proclaimed. “This is the old ‘unstoppable meats the immovable,’ ” Jerry Lawler added, proving he’ll never be Gorilla Monsoon. But 85 seconds (and three superkicks) later, Viscera was on the floor. The showdown, brief as it was, still lingers in the memory of ardent Rumble fans.

Of a more recent vintage was the 2012 Rumble. After Mick Foley entered seventh and started tossing dudes, the St. Louis crowd was in for an even bigger surprise when the buzzer went off for No. 8 and the music of the injured Alberto Del Rio, who’d won the year before, blared through the Scottrade Center. Yet instead of Del Rio’s signature luxury vehicle and a returning hero, out rolled a junky 1985 Datsun 280ZX (worth about $600 per Booker T) driven by Del Rio’s personal ring announcer Ricardo Rodriguez, dressed like his employer and aping his mannerisms.

The crowd chanted his name as Rodriguez entered the ring, warmly greeted Foley and Justin Gabriel and set about whaling on Cody Rhodes. He and Foley teamed up to dump Gabriel. Yet… “Things just got even more goofy” Michael Cole proclaimed as No. 9 Santino Marella hit the ring. He had beef with Rodriguez — after finished second to Del Rio the year before — and the two did a bit of “chain wrestling” preceding a wedgie and an ouster for Rodriguez, setting the stage for a Socko-Cobra showdown.

Even more recently was 2013. Again with Cody Rhodes among the men in the ring, the crowd was stunned when the opening credits to another Shattered Dreams production aired and Goldust made a surprise appearance. He stayed nearly ten minutes, perhaps foreshadowing a full-time return later in the year — and an eventual run as tag team champions with Cody, who eliminated him from the 2013 Rumble (the same thing happened in 2009). And if the two are indeed headed for a singles showdown at WrestleMania XXX, what better time to sow the seeds of a breakup than during this year’s Rumble?

Both Rey Mysterio (2005) and Batista (2008) deserve praise for making the final four from the eighth spot, though Mysterio’s two eliminations came fairly early in the match. By contrast, Batista dumped four contestants, including the fourth-, fifth- and sixth-place finishers.

Bob Backlund wears the rusty crown for worst No. 8 ever, lasting just 41 seconds in 1994. The year before he survived more than 61 minutes. The only thing keeping this from being Backlund’s worst Rumble showing is a 16-second embarrassment in 1995. So far Backlund is the only No. 8 who couldn’t last a full minute. That’s No. 8 in a nutshell: one winner, only one complete humiliation, and almost everything else entirely middling.

Year
Wrestler
Dur.
Out
El.
Elim. By
Elim. By 2
1988
Sam Houston
0:14:39
7
0
Bass

1989
Ron Bass
0:12:36
7
0
Jannetty
Michaels
1990
Bret Hart
0:16:16
9
0
Rhodes

1991
Butch
0:10:07
5
0
Undertaker

1992
Barbarian
0:12:55
11
0
Hercules

1993
Max Moon
0:01:56
3
0
Lawler

1994
Bob Backlund
0:00:41
7
0
Diesel

1995
Doink the Clown
0:04:50
7
0
Kwang

1996
Dory Funk Jr.
0:10:53
5
0
Vega

1997
Davey Boy Smith
0:08:04
8
1
O. Hart

1998
JBL (Blackjack Bradshaw)
0:35:45
15
1
Love

1999
Dan Severn
0:05:43
3
0
Mabel

2000
Nelson Frazier (Viscera)
0:01:25
7
0
Rikishi

2001
Al Snow
0:07:08
8
0
Kane

2002
Undertaker
0:07:40
10
6
Maven

2003
Tajiri
0:05:41
6
0
Jericho

2004
Scott Steiner
0:06:49
5
0
Booker

2005
Rey Mysterio
0:38:25
27
2
Edge

2006
Bobby Lashley
0:04:17
6
1
Big Show
Kane
2007
Gregory Helms
0:06:50
5
0
Booker

2008
Batista
0:37:40
28
4
Triple H

2009
Randy Orton
0:48:27
-
3
(Winner)

2010
Triple H
0:17:51
17
3
Michaels

2011
Yoshi Tatsu
0:05:35
5
0
Henry

2012
Ricardo Rodriguez
0:02:19
5
1
Marella

2013
Goldust
0:09:41
5
0
C. Rhodes

Any Shows This Weekend? Inspired

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Photo & Video Sharing by SmugMug
Chris Hero is big this weekend
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein

The prior year gives way to the new one, but one thing remains the same. Every weekend, the best wrestling companies in America, Canada, and THE WORLD will be holding wrestling shows. Pro Wrestling Events has your hookup for the entire slate of matches to happen this weekend, but for the creme de la creme, check it below:

FRIDAY

HoodSlam presents Last Year's Resolution at the Oakland Metro Operahouse in, duh, Oakland, CA. The event is adults only (21+), and bell time is 8:30 PM local time. Christina von Eerie will be making her return to HoodSlam after some time away. Also on the show will be Drake Younger, B-Boy, and a dude named the "Mexican Werewolf" El Chupacabra.

SATURDAY

Beyond Wrestling and NWA Smoky Mountain will be getting together for a joint, limited-access taping at the Civic Auditorium in Kingsport, TN at 4 PM local. Tickets will be available on the day of the event. The "MVP" of the show will gain entry into the NWA Smoky Mountain Cup. Appearing on this show will be Jessie Bell Smothers, Jason Kincaid, Sigmon, Chase Owens, Sugar Dunkerton, and many more.

At the same venue at 7:15 PM local time, the doors will open on NWA Smoky Mountain's House Party 2014. The NWA World Junior Heavyweight Champion Chase Owens will defend against the legendary Ricky Morton. Jessie Belle Smothers will look to get some gold of her own when she takes on NWA Women's Champion Kacee Carlisle. Also scheduled to appear will be Jason Kincaid, Sigmon, Facade, and many more.

Ring of Honor will be taping their television show at the Tennessee State Fairgrounds/Expo in Nashville, TN, bell time of 7 PM. Jay Briscoe has called out Adam Cole and expects an answer, while Tomasso Ciampa defends the Television Championship against Silas Young. Oh yeah, and AJ Styles will be appearing to take on Roderick Strong. Roddy Piper also will make an appearance. The Top Prospect Tournament will also kickoff. A recap of the participants is as follows: Andrew Everett, Cheeseburger, Kongo, The Romantic Touch, Ray Rowe, Corey Hollis, Bill Daly, and Hanson. Oh, and Kevin Steen battles Chris Hero. Also on the show will be reDRagon, Caprice Coleman, Cedric Alexander, Michael Elgin, Mark Briscoe, Matt Taven, Jay Lethal, and Mike Bennett.

On Point Wrestling celebrates its first anniversary at Sports and More in Sewell, NJ. Doors open at 7:30 PM local time. The main event will be an East Coast hardcore dream match, Eddie Kingston taking on Matt Tremont. Mike Draztik will welcome back a returning Joker, while Chris Dickinson will clash with Biff Busick. Also appearing on the show will be assailANT, Amasis, John Silver, Alex Reynolds, Jaka, Pinkie Sanchez, and Johnny Miyagi.

Elite Canadian Championship Wrestling's first show of the year, Van City Showdown, will go down at the Russian Community Center in Vancouver, BC at 8 PM local time. The main event will pit Jamie Diaz against Scotty Mac in a tables match. The Bollywood Boyz will defend their Tag Team Championships on the show, while Nicole Matthews will also make an appearance.

Empire Pro Wrestling's Long Cold Winter will take place at 22 Austin Avenue in Rossville, GA. Doors will open at 7 PM local time. The main event will pit the "Strong Style Psycho" Tank against Shaun Tempers in a dog collar match. Tempers' Empire Championship will be on the line. Also appearing on the show will be Jason Collins and the Double Dragons.

Platinum Championship Wrestling kicks off the New Year from the Main Event in Porterdale, GA at 6 PM local time. Among the superstars appearing will be PCW Champion Chip Day.

West Coast Wrestling Connection's weekend double shot kicks off with a fundraiser for Colton High School. The show will happen at the high school in Colton, OR, starting at 7:30 AM local time. Matt Striker, Gangrel, Darin Corbin, and Jeremy Blanchard are among those appearing.

SUNDAY

Inspire Pro Wrestling will crown their first ever Champion at Ecstasy of Gold Sunday at the Marchesa Theatre in Austin, TX. Doors open at 5:30 PM local time, and the three men who will vie for the chance to be the man are Davey Vega, "One Man" Mike Dell, and Jordan Jensen. If that match wasn't big enough, Chris Hero will make his Inspire Pro debut against Ray Rowe. Takaaki Watanabe will venture over from New Japan Pro Wrestling to take on Gregory James. Also appearing on the show will be Paige Turner, Gary Jay, Jojo Bravo, Barrett Brown, Bolt Brady, and Carson.

At 5 PM local time at Houck Middle School in Salem, OR, WCWC will present its second show this weekend. The main event features Matt Striker going up against Gangrel. Jimmy Jacobs will also make his WCWC debut at this show. Also appearing will be Darin Corbin and Jeremy Blanchard.

Usually, I don't believe in New Year's resolutions, but if you're sleeping on going to live wrestling, then you should totally make it your goal this year to see something in your area. Whether the show is familiar to you or something new, check out a show this weekend. Your favorite promotion or wrestler might be out there. You just don't know it yet.

Best Coast Bias: Train Keeps A-Rollin'

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Making history, one Legitimate Japanese Businessman's Kick at a time
Photo Credit: WWE.com
At this point, Full Sail should just have "All I Do Is Win" on loop. As the theme for the show, playing at the end of sessions at the Performance Center, and a Muzak version of it in the elevator should there be one in the facility.

(Also, in case it hasn't happened yet, Hip-Hop Muzak is an innovation brought to you by ButchCorp™!)

The Fastest Hour In Sports Entertainment kept doing what made it my personal favorite show of '13: fun and funny segments, nuanced and steady development, insight from William Regal, and hey, what a concept: letting people really good at the pro graps go out and wrestle similar organisms in their genus.

And, really, if you can't wretch a little "aw" of the catacombs of your black heart when a row of little girls is doing the Emma Dance or Sami Zayn takes a moment before he hits the ring for an important best of 3 falls match to give another one his autograph, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be luring in victims so you can sew their asses to other victims' mouths?

What was really notable about the show, even before we got to either 1a or 1b in the Greatest Grappler In The Galaxy main-eventing, was that the future was served in a way that either Big Red or Little Blue on Monday or Friday nights seems to be loathe to do at times. Alexander Rusev came out to take on Kofi Kingston, who had the building merrily BOOM!ing along. And then the match happened, and short of a couple brief rallies and the Boom Drop it was a veritable Bulgarian showcase. Lana found the line of being involved vs. getting her man DQed, and toed it adeptly for her first time doing so. Then Rusev broke his back, made him humble, made the former US and IC Champ tap in the center of the ring. Shenanigans? Sure. But still technically a clean win and the biggest one for Rusev, aided and abetted by his barrage of knees to the gut, alley-oop Samoan drops, and running avalanches.

While Rusev is going up the ladder in the hopes of securing a title shot by looking good against someone from the main roster, for Emma that set of steps has already been done--she took on and defeated Natalya (by submission, no less!) to earn a rematch against Paige for the Women's Championship. As pretty much NXTphile has been saying since the tournament final went down, BRING THE REMATCH THE EFF ON. The match was on par with the past few months of women's matches down in Full Sail that weren't the original title match, replete with chain wrestling straight out of Calgary...Alberta, Canada and dueling rollups before both ladies started hitting signature maneuvers. The difference? Natalya couldn't get the Sharpshooter, and Emma put her in her lock.

Emma had to really crank on it in order to get NattieKat to submit to it, and watching Emma work the bridge of the Emma Lock you know what there's no way for me to finish that sentence and keep this a family-friendly website, but it's worth seeing the qualifier round for the Air Sex Championships break out during a wrestling match. While peeved, Natalya again showed her good sportsmanship while quietly showing that Emma/Paige is a coin flip, and even got a couple Emma Dance shimmies in on her own before ceding center stage to the bubbly Australian. This may be NXT, but it might as well be WWE because despite the former Divas Champion getting her share of cheers it was We Want Emma.

And lo, though we are barely into 2014, Mason Ryan puts himself in the front-running to take NXT's Darwin Award. Sir, you were wrestling Tyler Breeze. You were winning, for the whole half minute or so the match was going on. Why you slid out of the ring to clothesline Sylvester LeFort, who was just standing around ringside being greasy and looking sleazy after you shot down his attempt to manage you is beyond me, anyone with a working IQ, and a week-old ham sandwich. You didn't deserve to lay a mark on beauty; what you deserved is to get the Beauty Shot in the teeth. You should keep getting them until you learn, and no, William Regal writing that off as a teachable moment doesn't excuse you.

Hell, NXT is the place to learn. They even found a way to get people to boo Aiden English (well, mostly)--by having his bonafides called into question by losing an audience-picks-the-babyface-by-applause singoff to the surprisngly adept Colin Cassidy. Sure, he wasn't dealing in the arias and octaves of English's opera stylings, but he turned both Danny Boy and My Girl into anti-English dulcet tones and I sure am not going to sit here and hate an audience for suddenly turning into all the backup Temptations at once. I don't understand why they're now going to be enemies when they could've teamed up with Enzo and ruled this place seven ways from Sunday, but such goes the wrestling and the intricate delicacies of Aiden's ego. Once he chop blocked Cass, just for a moment it reminded us odd ducks oh right, I *boo* this man. How good was this thing, up to and including Renee giving Cass words of support before the first go-round? Regal reacting to the Artiste getting despised for the first time in a long time was a heartfelt "I still love you, Aiden" and it was merely Number Four And Close To The Best.

Number One and the Best, natch, was Mr. Sami Zayn. And wouldn't you know, he kicked off 2014 by kicking Leo Kruger in the face (see above) and starting off on the winning end. That shouldn't be a surprise, but kinda is; given last year, what Sami was known for was two things - 1) being the axis in awesome matches that he 2) lost. Not this time. For the first time in a decade of WWE history that I can remember, you could bring out the brooms for the best of 3 falls match. It wasn't even like Kruger showed up sick or wasn't up to snuff, either.

It was just that Zayn is clearly a sharpened arrow aimed squarely at the bullseye of Bo Dallas' NXT Championship reign, and heaven help anything touching the air between the projectile and the moment of impact (again, like the Paige/Emma rematch, it could happen three weeks ago and that would be Absolutely Peachy by several people, if not all). And while the Blue Thunder bomb was in e ff e c t, Zayn got to break out a bunch of stuff last seen in a wrestling ring as done by his earthly mentor, some vanilla Mexican wrestling aficionado of little note. That's what history's done, trained you to think 3 falls (especially in NXT, megaespecially considering Zayn's jump to a wider consciousness of wrestling fan came in a -- you guessed it -- losing effort in a bo3 match) and this is the part where Kruger swats this pest with a crazy move or makes him tap out to his submission hold. Maybe in Earth-2, Leo. Here in NXT, Sami Zayn's house? He's dropping the top on his whip, and this probably has Bo feeling some type of way about it. But that's another MOTYC for another time.

"Best for business" is a term used at will on the big shows. The reality is that what's best for business is another year of NXT like the one we just got; after the year's opening show, it seems like history could be well on its way to repeating itself.

The One Where I Talk the Wild Card Round with the Bloggie Award Winning Manager of the Year

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Chris Trew on another podcast with two guys you probably don't even know
Photo Credit: Texas Anarchy
Trew to the Game: New Year's Marathon, Part 3

Chris Trew, comedian, podcaster, New Orleans sports fan, and Anarchy Championship Wrestling manager (of the Year!) had me on his show to talk FOOTBAW! Since he likes the Saints and I'm an unabashed homer for the Eagles, we naturally talked about our teams clashing tomorrow in snowy Philadelphia. We also go over the "Fuck da Eagles" girl from the last time the two teams met in the postseason and try to see what WrestleMania match this specific game would correlate to. Also on this episode is Dan Goodman to presumably talk about the Eagles as well.

Sparty YES! YES! YES!

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The Michigan State Spartans, Champions of the Big 10 and a loss to Notre Dame away from playing for the National Championship, defeated the Stanford Cardinal in a mild upset to win the 100th Rose Bowl on Wednesday. Sparty is often an afterthought in their own state, but with a suffocating defense and an offense led by the toolsy-if-flawed Connor Cook, they rattled off an improbable season of dominance. Remind you of anyone you know in wrestling? Okay, maybe correlating Daniel Bryan to Michigan State is a bit of a stretch, but one thing is certain. Sparty sure knows a great chant when they hear one. Skip to around 3:52 on the video below to get to the pertinent footage:



And for a more succinct but silent version, the .gif, courtesy of Andrew Sharp over at Grantland:


What a cultural phenomenon Bryan has given us. I hope that some other folks take notice, specifically in that big, glassy building off Exit 9 of I-95 in Connecticut...

National Pro Wrestling Day Adds Two, Will Only Have One Show

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The War King looks to headlock the competition at NPWD
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein

The next two names have been announced for National Pro Wrestling Day, which has been confirmed to be held at the Easton Funplex in, duh, Easton, PA on February 1. Eddie Kingston, the current Grand Champion of the still defunct Chikara, is the first name. Obviously, he brings a good amount of star power to the show, and if Chikara truly is to reboot there like is heavily suspected, then the War King would have to be there, wouldn't he? The second name is Joe Pittman, a School of Roc graduate and current holder of La Copa Idolo in Wrestling Is Heart. I haven't seen him wrestle yet, but his pedigree is good, and he is quite the handsome fellow. They join Mike Bennett, Maria Kanellis, Green Ant, Colt Cabana, the Estonian Thunder Frog, and Drew Gulak on the NPWD roster so far.

As for the event format, planners confirmed via Twitter that only one show will be taking place:
Although I appreciated the sheer amount of wrestlers and promotions involved last year, the two-tiered show was exhausting for me and a lot of other fans. I can't imagine how taxing then it must have been for performers, staff, crew, and vendors. While I imagine the roster of wrestlers might be smaller, the show has a better chance of flowing more smoothly now.

The Royal Rumble by (Entry) Numbers: 9

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Benjamin, along with Matt Hardy, on one of his excursions from the 9 spot
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Winners: None
Final four: None
Multiple draws: Shelton Benjamin (2005, 2007)
Longest: Hornswoggle (2008), 26:57
Shortest: Billy Gunn (1994): 0:14.
Most eliminations: Three — Yokozuna (1996), Big Boss Man (2000)

Hornswoggle. Horn-flipping-swoggle. That’s all you need to know about Rumble entry spot No. 9: the longevity honor goes to Hornswoggle. Yes, he pulled a 1996 Jerry Lawler and spent most of the night hiding under the ring. But he also is credited with eliminating The Miz, which is more than 11 other No. 9 entrants can claim.

Aside from Hornswoggle — who is credited with 26:57 of ring time — only two other No. 9s exceeded 20 minutes. Big Boss Man logged 22:47 (and three eliminations) in 2000, and Shelton Benjamin put up 22:22 in 2007.

Shawn Michaels eliminated Benjamin that year — just as he did the year before and the year after. Benjamin joins Warlord, Matt Bloom and Kane on the list of Rumble contestants eliminated three times by the same foe. Hulk Hogan dumped Warlord in 1989, 1991 and 1992. Kane tossed Bloom, as Albert, in 2000 and 2001, and as A-Train in 2003. Triple H removed Kane in 2006, 2008 (who entered at nine, more on that later) and 2010.

But back to the Boss Man, the best No. 9 ever. Again, that’s not saying much. But it’s worth noting Boss Man was the one who halted Rikishi’s streak of seven straight eliminations to start the match. Sure, he needed help from five other men to eliminate the Samoan, but for a while there it was looking like Rikishi was unstoppable. And again, it doesn’t take much to be the best No. 9.

The only other man to enter nine and log three eliminations is Yokozuna, who did so in 1996. He lasted 19:14 before Michaels eliminated him. As good as the numbers look compared to the other ninth entrants, it’s a pretty big letdown for Yoko. In his second and final Rumble — remember he won the 1993 event in dominating fashion — he did casually dump fellow quarter-ton behemoth Mabel, and also ousted fellow two-time WWF Champion Bob Backlund. But a man of Yokozuna’s considerable girth (more considerable than when he won in ’93) should not be eliminated by one man, even if that man is Shawn Michaels. But this was a case of story trumping logic, as Michaels simultaneously dumped both Yokozuna and Vader to start his second straight Rumble victory.

Speaking of Michaels, one of the greatest Rumble participants ever entered at No. 9 in his debut Rumble in 1989. He lasted 14:30 and eliminated “Outlaw” Ron Bass before meeting his fate at the hands of unlikely partners Arn Anderson and Randy Savage, then the WWF Champion. Michaels and Anderson at the time were embroiled in a fierce Rockers/Brain Busters rivalry, a feud many fans don’t give its proper historical accord.

Much has (and will) be written about Kane’s grand stature among Rumble entrants, but 2006 was one of his worst showings. Factoring in his two Rumbles as Isaac Yankem (1996) and Fake Diesel (1997), Glenn “Kane” Jacobs has been in a record 16 Rumbles, logging at least one elimination in all but one match. We detailed his epic run from the No. 6 spot a few days ago; the ninth spot is his second-lowest entry position. He manages just 3:33 (his fifth worst) but did remove Bobby Lashley from the match.

One arcane statistic I track is the shortest time in the ring with at least one elimination. The 1998 No. 9 Owen Hart actually falls at 22nd on that list at 2 minutes, and 2012’s No. 9 Santino Marella is at 27 with 2:31. Owen’s performance is difficult to account for by numbers only. He was attacked en route to the ring by Jeff Jarrett and Jim Cornette and helped to the back. But Hart returned to the match after Jarrett formally entered at No. 18. Hart eliminated Double J but then himself was eliminated due to interference from Triple H and Chyna, who were not formal entrants.

Another area where numbers are difficult to contextualize is exemplified by Shelton Benjmin’s two spins at No. 9. He is credited with an elimination both years, but in 2005 he was one of six men helping to oust Muhammad Hassan, and in 2007 he was one of eight to eliminate Viscera. Numbers may never lie, but they sure can muddle the truth.

Billy Gunn lasted just 14 seconds in 1994, the worst showing in that year’s Rumble and the shortest of any No. 9. In fact, he’s the only No. 9 who couldn’t last at least two minutes. Historically, only 16 men who entered the match fared worse. If we discredit Hornwsoggle’s total, then even the best No. 9 is the worst ever, ranking ahead of Rob Van Dam, entering at 20 in 2006 and lasting 23:52, and Shane Douglas, entering at 17 in 1991 and lasting 26:23.

(After the 20th spot the “best” times start to decrease, which makes sense given how much of the match has elapsed by the time No. 21 hits the ring.)

And since No. 9 is so awful, perhaps the worst ever, we’ll end with just a couple of random tidbits. In both 1990 and 1991, the No. 9 entrant was eliminated by his opponent at the subsequent WrestleMania (Bad News Brown/Roddy Piper and Jake Roberts/Rick Martel), and how about that nod to history with Ric Flair dumping Kerry Von Erich in 1992? The Rumble/Mania foreshadowing recurred in 1998 with Own Hart and Triple H. Undertaker thrice eliminated No. 9 — Tenryu in 1993, Matt Hardy in 2002 and JTG in 2009.

All right, that’s pretty much it. No. 9 is a dumpster fire, but perhaps that can change in 2014. Keep a stopwatch handy to see if this year’s ninth man can reach 27 minutes and restore some glory to the position.

Year
Wrestler
Dur.
Out
El.
Elim. By
Elim. By
1988
Danny Davis
0:17:51
13
0
Duggan

1989
Shawn Michaels
0:14:30
9
1
Anderson
Savage
1990
Bad News Brown
0:06:04
6
0
Piper

1991
Jake Roberts
0:12:58
6
1
Martel

1992
Kerry Von Erich
0:09:20
8
0
Flair

1993
Genichiro Tenryu
0:13:17
10
0
Undertaker

1994
Billy Gunn
0:00:14
8
0
Diesel

1995
Savio Vega (Kwang)
0:04:01
8
1
Sione

1996
Yokozuna
0:19:14
11
3
Michaels

1997
Pierroth
0:10:32
10
1
Mascaras

1998
Owen Hart
0:02:00
10
1
Triple H*
Chyna*
1999
Tiger Ali Singh
0:04:02
5
1
Mabel

2000
Big Boss Man
0:22:47
15
3
Rock

2001
Perry Saturn
0:05:02
10
0
Kane

2002
Matt Hardy
0:04:16
9
0
Undertaker

2003
Bill DeMott
0:02:13
4
0
Edge

2004
Matt Morgan
0:12:14
10
1
Benoit

2005
Shelton Benjamin
0:14:35
10
1
Edge

2006
Glenn Jacobs (Kane)
0:03:33
8
1
Triple H

2007
Shelton Benjamin
0:22:22
14
1
Michaels

2008
Hornswoggle
0:26:57
16
1
(Injury)

2009
JTG
0:11:59
7
0
Undertaker

2010
Drew McIntyre
0:14:43
16
0
Michaels
Triple H
2011
Husky Harris
0:15:48
15
1
Khali

2012
Santino Marella
0:02:31
7
1
C. Rhodes

2013
David Otunga
0:04:24
4
0
Sheamus

Royal Rumble by (Entry) Numbers: 10

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Ted DiBiase, Jr. is the best No. 10 ever, and he did so as a background character
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Winners: None
Final four: Ted DiBiase Jr. (4th, 2009)
Multiple draws: Steve Blackman (1998, 2001) Ted DiBiase Jr. (2009, 2010)
Longest: Ted DiBiase Jr. (2009), 45:11
Shortest: Epico (2012): 0:11.
Most eliminations: Three — Mr. Perfect (1993), Booker T (2005), Kane (2007)

Say this for Ted DiBiase Jr.; he made the final four. Entering at No. 10 in 2009, he endured 45:11, almost eight minutes longer than any other tenth man (the closest was Hercules at 37:36 in 1991). He was the 27th man eliminated; no other tenth man has done better than 17 (Hercules again, as well as Test in 2000). Yes, DiBiase only eliminated one man in 2009, and while it was Kane, it also was accomplished with the help of his Legacy partners Randy Orton and Cody Rhodes.

Once it was down to Legacy and Triple H, DiBiase was the first man out. 'Twas a fitting end, probably, given the subsequent career trajectory of DiBiase and Rhodes. So it wasn’t a great showing, though it was the 19th-longest ever, which makes him the best No. 10 ever. Of course, he’s not the greatest DiBiase to enter a rumble. That honor still rests with the Million Dollar Man. (Ed. note, no, I'M TED DIBIASE, AHAHAHA)

Ted Sr. entered four Rumbles, lasted a total of 1:17:27 (an average of 19:22), made one final four and logged 11 eliminations. Ted Jr. had three rumbles (two straight at No. 10), lasted a total of 1:10:07 (an average of 23:22) also with one final four, but with only two eliminations. If both of them managed to enter the 2014 Rumble, my money still would be on Ted Sr. Not that he needs any more money.

Three men logged three eliminations from the ten spot, but 45 other Rumble entrants also recorded three eliminations in a single night, so that’s not an especially remarkable accomplishment. Yet since 15 of 26 tens eliminated no one, it does slightly differentiate these men from the pack.

Further, four men entering at ten lasted less than a minute. Another seven couldn’t get to five minutes. One great regret is Booker T illegally eliminating Kane in 2007 after the Big Red Monster had put up 13:21 and three eliminations. Glenn Jacobs still trails Shawn Michaels (who twice eliminated a tenth entrant) by three eliminations on the all-time list, and Kane appeared to be dominant again — even chokeslamming Sabu through a table — before King Booker exacted revenge.

Mr. Perfect had a fairly productive three eliminations in less than ten minutes in 1993, notably ousting Ric Flair the night before they met in a Loser Leaves the WWF match on the third episode of Monday Night Raw. Perfect met his fate in the Rumble at the hands of Ted DiBiase (Sr.) and Koko B. Ware, only worth mentioning because those two entered first and second in the 1990 Rumble. (DiBiase would eliminate Ware later in the match, just as he eliminated him in 1990.)

Steve Blackman entered four Rumbles — at tenth in 1998, then seventh in 1999 and 2000 and tenth again in 2001. He was always eliminated fairly quickly and never made his own elimination, so no more needs to be said about him. But if he ever makes a surprise Rumble appearance, hopefully he enters at one of those two spots to achieve a career full house. Hopefully he also eliminates someone, because right now he's tied with Honky Tonk Man and Gregory Helms for second place on the list of most Rumbles with no eliminations.

Ultimately, the tenth spot isn’t much more illustrious than the ninth. Really, only DiBiase Jr.’s run to the near finish sets the two apart. But looking down the list of the people who have eliminated the tenth entrant is pretty much a who’s who of Rumble lore: Hulk Hogan, Ted DiBiase, Diesel, Shawn Michaels, the Big Show, Kane, Undertaker, Chris Jericho, Rey Mysterio — and starting in 2008 this streak is jaw-dropping: CM Punk, Triple H, Michaels, Mark Henry, Mick Foley and John Cena.

Looks like if there’s anything to expect from the ten-spot at the 2014 Rumble, it’s for that wrestler to meet the floor by the hands of a living legend.

Year
Wrestler
Dur.
Out
El.
Eliminated By
1988
Boris Zhukov
0:02:33
3
0
Roberts, Brunzell
1989
Butch
0:18:13
13
1
Brown, Hogan
1990
Dusty Rhodes
0:18:18
12
2
Earthquake
1991
Hercules
0:37:36
17
1
Knobs
1992
Barry Darsow (Repo Man)
0:06:23
6
2
Boss Man
1993
Mr. Perfect
0:09:15
8
3
DiBiase, Ware
1994
Virgil
0:00:32
9
0
Diesel
1995
Rick Martel
0:02:29
5
0
Sione
1996
Sean Waltman (1-2-3 Kid)
0:15:40
13
0
Michaels
1997
Fatu (Sultan)
0:03:23
7
0
Smith
1998
Steve Blackman
0:05:58
4
0
Kurrgan
1999
Blue Meanie
0:02:59
6
0
Mabel
2000
Test
0:26:17
17
1
Big Show
2001
Steve Blackman
0:03:08
7
0
Kane
2002
Jeff Hardy
0:01:30
8
0
Undertaker
2003
Tommy Dreamer
0:00:48
5
0
Jericho, Christian
2004
Gregory Helms (Hurricane)
0:00:19
4
0
Morgan
2005
Booker T
0:10:42
9
3
Mysterio, E. Guerrero
2006
Sylvan Grenier
0:00:18
5
0
Lashley
2007
Glenn Jacobs (Kane)
0:13:21
11
3
Booker*
2008
Chuck Palumbo
0:04:00
5
1
Punk
2009
Ted DiBiase Jr.
0:45:11
27
1
Triple H
2010
Ted DiBiase Jr.
0:12:40
14
0
Michaels
2011
Chavo Guerrero
0:02:01
4
0
Henry
2012
Epico
0:00:11
6
0
Foley
2013
Health Slater
0:15:49
11
1
Cena

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