Quantcast
Channel: The Wrestling Blog
Viewing all 4899 articles
Browse latest View live

Twitter Request Line, Vol. 60

$
0
0
Believe.
Photo Credit: WWE.com
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, especially around Friday night after Smackdown, and wait for the call. Anyway, time to go!

First up, Rich Thomas of the Sad Salvation and International Object podcasts asks what from 2013 I would put in a time capsule for viewing by fans 50 years from now.

I would take every match, every single match from TLC 2012 until the final RAW of this year, of The Shield, put it on a DVD set, and put that as my entry into the time capsule. Roman Reigns, Seth Rollins, and Dean Ambrose combined to form the most unique entity in WWE history, and their wrestling styles were a huge reason for their uniqueness. I'm on record before as saying they've defined trios wrestling in WWE, but even in singles or tag matches, they've been satisfying. I don't know how much wrestling will change in the next 50 years. I'm not sure if the landscape will be as different as today's seems compared to that of 1964. But the DVD would be worth including.

@OkoriWadsworth wants to know how I'd shepherd Daniel Bryan from now until WrestleMania.

Well, if I were in charge of WWE booking from this moment on, I would pencil in "Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton" for the title at Mania. How I would get him there wouldn't be the most original idea. I would have him use the Wyatt Family to help him win the Royal Rumble and his "man on the inside" Kane to pull strings and make sure his run to Orton is the most favorable. If I wanted to get a bit spicy, I might book it so that Bryan uses the Wyatts to get a different revenge against a tormentor he's had since the day after Mania last year, The Shield, but they seem to own their own arc.

Scott T. Holland of Irresistible vs. Immovable and the Royal Rumble by (Entry) Numbers series here asks which of that aforementioned series has been my favorite thus far.

My favorite was actually the first one. In all seriousness (please forgive the navel-gazing), I've been digging this series. I don't think I'd have the patience to pore through all the numbers for all the Rumble positions, and they've been great reads in addition to being super-informative.

@ThrashRich asks if I'd approve of a wrestler known as "Macho Woman" Sandy Ravage.

I'd feel better about that specific character if Jay Lethal didn't already co-opt it for himself. I wouldn't be opposed to recycling old characters/gimmicks for women wrestlers in limited usage though. Homages to great wrestlers of old can be good in small doses, but I still would like to see standout, original icons among women wrestlers.

The folks at Explorations in Pro Wrestling ask which indie promotion was the most important in 2013.

Well, keeping in line with the Bloggie Awards, it has to be Beyond Wrestling, right? They already were doing God's work in having all these tapings and releasing free matches. But they busted out with ambitious cards in the second half of the year. Pro Wrestling Guerrilla had the cards all year. Chikara's ongoing story is definitely avant garde in vision. But Beyond is changing the way indie wrestling is being distributed and promoted. Gotta give them the nod.

@ImGonnaDJ24 asks on a scale of Axel to Heyman, how great has Dean Ambrose been on the mic lately?

I'd say he's a consistent Piper with a little bit of Mankind-era Mick Foley, and has been since his debut on the big roster. However, I'm quite pleasantly surprised by how well the other two guys in The Shield have gotten along on the mic. The group has gone from "Only Ambrose should ever talk" to "Okay, I can dig this."

@el_spriggs asks if I think Mark Henry is the ideal opponent for Brock Lesnar, and if not, who is.

Henry will be a great opponent for Lesnar (if that match happens, and if it doesn't, FUUUUUUU WWE for a cocktease), but he's not the best opponent. I've long held that the only wrestler Lesnar needs to wrestle before he dissolves back into the Dakotan Ether is Daniel Bryan. The contrast-loving wrestling fan inside me might be taking over my brain, but two guys with MMA backgrounds, but different personalities and power bases would be a fantastic combination. Plus, Bryan doesn't have bad matches, and Lesnar only has bad matches lately with Triple H.

@TheEnforcer4 wants my pick between dudes and bros.

Dudes all the way, although the dudebro is HIGHLY underutilized.

Nick Menta of The 700 Level asks if Brock Lesnar had successfully transitioned into the NFL, which quarterback would I have wanted him to see demolish?

First thing's first, I don't want to wish CTE or injuries on anyone, so I will go full hypothetical and say that each QB is given an invulnerability potion. They can get taken down, but not injured. With that out of the way, Lesnar went to Vikings training camp in 2004, right? Well, with that stable of QBs, I would pick Brett Favre, hands down. Pretending that he would be still be in the league today, I would go with Tom Brady, just because he needs the fear of God put in him.

@Jessico09 asks which wrestler I wish just never existed.

The way-too-easy answer would be Triple H, but I feel like if I removed my nemesis, wrestling history would be too different, and not necessarily for the better. Chris Benoit, however, might be a better candidate for scrubbing. The murder-suicide would have been wiped off the ledger, and maybe the overly stiff, German suplex-spamming template he brought forth might not have settled too much in the indies. Sure, the ending to WrestleMania XX wouldn't have happened, and more than a few memorable matches wouldn't have taken place, but I'm willing to roll the dice on removing him from the equation forever.

@rancho_king33 wants to know if by magic that wrestling reverted back to the territory system, which would be the strongest?

Chicago would be a strong candidate. I wouldn't sleep on Ohio either, but the old WWWF circuit would still dominate. Vince McMahon would still have a bunch of money, right? No matter what the geographical boundaries, Madison Square Garden (or the Barclay's Center, maybe?) would still be the epicenter of American wrestling.

@IAmDarsie wants to know what I think the reaction might have been if Ric Flair had been the third man in the nWo instead of Hulk Hogan.

I think the legitimate feelings of hurt might have run deeper. Hogan was popular in WCW, sure, but I get the feeling the crowds were ready to turn on him because he wasn't reared in the South. However, Flair might have driven a harder dagger initially. As for the follow up? Unless Hogan joined at, say, Starrcade, the nWo would have been dead in the water within a year because you know Hogan would have been set up to take it down.

@GayWrestlingFan asks if reactions to Chikara are so extreme because they are held up as a critical darling.

I think that reactions to Chikara are less a function of it being a critical darling and more that the company gives so much to digest to a community that seems to like digesting these strains critically. I don't want to say Mike Quackenbush is "booking for the smarks," because smarks are not a group that exists, but he does provide a lot of material for any fan, no matter what their level of commitment is. I just think those who bark about these things tend to bark the loudest, for whatever reason.

@ray_fuck wants to know who the baddest man on the planet is right now.

Hard to say, since I don't follow MMA or boxing, but I'd have to make a case for Vontaze Burfict. He plays like an animal on the field, and he's unhinged enough that he could rip off a ballcarrier's head and I wouldn't blink an eye.

Finally, @joesmellis asks which company uses its web presence the best and the worst.

WWE is the obvious answer for best, but they don't count. They're a conglomerate, and they can afford to have an entire paid department. So the real answer is Beyond Wrestling. Denver Colorado (the man, not the place!) busts his ass to put up so much free content and interact with fans on social media. He's a huge reason why Beyond is streets ahead of nearly everyone else.

The company that uses their platform the worst is any company that doesn't have a decent website or who can't even put full cards on their damn Facebook page. I'm so spoiled dealing with companies in the Northeast, Midwest, and Pro Wrestling Guerrilla, but some companies that have really cool people working for them that don't get the voice out because they either can't or won't.

Sweetness and the Joshi

$
0
0
Photo via WWE Divas Tumblr

One of the greatest football players and one of the finest professional wrestlers ever, in the same picture. This rare snapshot was taken backstage at SummerSlam 1994, where Bull Nakano unsuccessfully challenged for the WWF Women's Championship, while Walter Payton was Razor Ramon's cornerman. I'm not sure either had any idea who the other was before SummerSlam that year, but hey, they met, took this photo, and now history has a snapshot of two icons in two completely different fields. I love the surreality of it all.

Royal Rumble by (Entry) Numbers: 11

$
0
0
Sheamus is the best 11 ever, a year after he won his Rumble
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Winners: None
Final four: Sheamus (3rd, 2013)
Multiple draws: Chris Jericho (2005, 2009)
Longest: Carlito (2006), 38:29
Shortest: Owen Hart (1995): 0:03.
Most eliminations: Five — Mabel (1999), Sheamus (2013)

There’s no doubt as to the best No. 11 of all time. After Sheamus won the 2012 Rumble (and later the World Heavyweight Championship at WrestleMania), the Celtic Warrior entered 11th in 2013, lasted 37:23 and picked up five eliminations en route to a third-place finish. His nine career eliminations aren’t the stuff of legends, but two final fours and one victory in only three Rumbles (a total 78 minutes in the ring — the 26-minute average is eighth best all time) are more than impressive.

Yes, Carlito lasted longer from 11 in 2006, but only 66 seconds longer, and he only made one elimination — he and Chris Masters dumped Viscera. Sheamus eliminated Titus O’Neil, David Otunga, Brodus Clay, Jinder Mahal and Dolph Ziggler. At that point he was left in the ring with No. 19 John Cena and No. 30 Ryback. Sheamus might have been a good bet to join the elite club of back-to-back Rumble winners, but not against those odds.

Speaking of elite clubs, No. 11 is as good a spot as any to look at the Rumble record of one Chris Jericho. Y2J has been in eight Royal Rumbles — only six men have entered more. He’s been in the ring a total of 3:05:13, good for third all time. He’s the only one of the four three-hour men (Triple H, Shawn Michaels and Rey Mysterio are the others) never to win the match. His 23:09 average is tenth all time. His 15 total eliminations are tenth all time as well, tied with CM Punk.

Among all those statistics is this: he’s entered twice at No. 11, his only repeat entry spot. 2009’s performance gets the nod over 2005 based primarily on duration (37:17 in 2009 and 28:22 in 2005). He is credited for two eliminations in 2005, but one is for the six-man elimination of Muhammad Hassan (the other is René Duprée). In 2009 he alone dumped Rob Van Dam shortly before falling victim to the Undertaker.

And speaking of the Undertaker, he’s involved in one of my least favorite of the memorable Rumble moments. Maven entered the 2002 Rumble at No. 11. Thanks to repeated assaults from Matt and Jeff Hardy and Lita, the Tough Enough winner pulled off a shocking elimination of the dead man. That led to Taker assaulting and eliminating Maven, then beating him up and down seemingly every square inch of Atlanta’s Phillips Arena, camera crew in tow. It’s not that I love Maven, I just don’t care for seeing guys deprived of their rightful spot in the match.

And speaking of dubious eliminations… Mil Mascaras was 54 when he entered the 1997 Royal Rumble, by far the most famous of several lucha libre performers on the card for that night’s show in San Antonio. After more than seven minutes in the ring he eliminated Cibernetico and Pierroth Jr., then inexplicably climbed through the middle ropes, ascended the turnbuckle and leaped onto Pierroth on the arena floor.

Mascaras re-entered the ring, but two referees stepped to the apron and explained he was eliminated. Whether he should have been is debatable. He was on the top rope, but he got there from outside the ring. Conventional rules interpretation say a wrestler must go from the inside of the ring over the top rope to the floor to be eliminated, and that’s clearly not what happened in this case. He’s now 71 and in the hall of fame, but I’m all for Mascaras demanding a spot in this year’s match — along with Maven and anyone else whose elimination is under scrutiny.

It might be fair to include the statistically worst No. 11 in this group. In 1995, Bret Hart attacked No. 11 Owen Hart on his way to the ring. By the time the injured Owen was able to actually enter the ring, his brother-in-law Davey Boy Smith showed him to the floor in just three seconds. Of course, Owen (and Bob Backlund) helped cost Bret a shot at the WWF Title earlier in the night. Mascaras, and especially Maven, were significantly more wronged in the big picture.

It’s hard to say if the 1999 No. 11 deserves inclusion in this discussion. Certainly someone does. When the clock hit zero, no one came through the curtain. Backstage cameras showed Mabel assaulting Headbanger Mosh, throwing him into a wall and taking his spot in the match. In just 86 seconds Mabel tossed five competitors, which might be the most impressive such burst in Rumble history had Kane not tossed four in only 53 seconds later the same night.

Mabel’s run was halted prematurely when the arena went dark. After the lights came back on, it was clear the Acolytes and Mideon had removed Mabel from the ring in order to bring him to the Undertaker so he could be put in a trance and inducted into the Ministry of Darkness, a sentence that bears rereading next time you get a hankering to complain about modern wrestling plots.

In 2007, Mabel was still performing as Viscera when No. 11 CM Punk dumped the behemoth in Punk’s first of five consecutive Rumble entries. It took until 2011 for Punk to improve on the 27:16 he logged from 11 in 2007, making it a strong start to an illustrious Rumble career.

Although only 11 of the 26 men to enter at 11 failed to log an elimination, and another 11 (there is some overlap) failed to last five minutes, it’s hard to look at the history of Owen, Mascaras, Maven, Mosh and Mabel without wondering if No. 11 is somehow cursed. If you’re wagering on the 2014 Rumble and think something really screwy is bound to happen, you might be wise to start here.

Year
Wrestler
Dur.
Out
El.
Eliminated by
1988
Don Muraco
0:16:16
17
3
Bravo, Gang
1989
Honky Tonk Man
0:04:12
6
0
Butch, Santana
1990
Andre the Giant
0:10:16
10
2
Ax, Smash
1991
Tito Santana
0:30:23
15
0
Earthquake
1992
Greg Valentine
0:04:12
5
0
Repo Man
1993
Skinner
0:03:05
5
0
Perfect
1994
Randy Savage
0:04:38
11
1
Crush
1995
Owen Hart
0:00:03
2
0
Smith
1996
Takao Omori
0:02:48
4
0
Triple H, Roberts
1997
Mil Mascaras
0:07:28
11
2
(Self)
1998
D'Lo Brown
0:32:21
16
1
Faarooq
1999
Nelson Frazier (Mabel)
0:01:26
9
5
Acolytes*
2000
Davey Boy Smith
0:15:22
13
1
James
2001
Grand Master Sexay
0:01:03
6
0
Kane
2002
Maven
0:03:34
11
1
Undertaker*
2003
Bull Buchanan (B-2)
0:00:24
7
0
Edge
2004
Booker T
0:09:11
12
2
Orton
2005
Chris Jericho
0:28:22
21
2
Batista
2006
Carlito
0:38:29
26
1
Van Dam
2007
CM Punk
0:27:16
22
1
Khali
2008
Jamie Noble
0:00:28
4
0
Palumbo
2009
Chris Jericho
0:37:17
23
1
Undertaker
2010
John Morrison
0:11:37
15
0
Michaels
2011
Mark Henry
0:07:04
11
2
Punk, Harris, McGillicutty, Otunga
2012
Kofi Kingston
0:17:55
18
0
Sheamus
2013
Sheamus
0:37:23
28
5
Ryback

From the Archives: 2010 Royal Rumble Match

$
0
0
One of my sneaky picks for the best Rumble ever happened a mere four years ago. Combine CM Punk holding court with a microphone eliminating fools as part of his Straight Edge Society evangelist shtick with Beth Phoenix's short but eventful run in the match. Sprinkle in Shawn Michaels acting like a legit crazy man, and cap it off with the best Edge moment in the last five years, and bam, you have one of the best battle royales ever.

Impactful Feedback: How Dare You?

$
0
0
Surprise, dorks
Photo Credit: ImpactWrestling.com
I gotta say, I really enjoyed AJ Styles' return to TNA on Thursday. I haven't seen much of TNA over the last month thanks to work, so I'm not sure how the build was to the big moment, but it did pay off. I might have stretched things out a little further. I think it would be cool to have Styles and Magnus take on the same challengers for a month or two, alternating wins over guys so that they could have both laid claim to being the Champ rather than hotshotting it immediately following Magnus's win.

Regardless, I lost myself in the programming just a little bit when I realized that Styles was back. Then, I realized that I already know the outcome to the storyline. I really didn't feel like it required the 25 minutes that TNA gave it to build up to that ultimate moment, because you already knew what was happening. It was a bit lengthy with what seemed like pointless filler to me, but it is a big angle for the company.

The second minor disappointment was bringing out Gunner to tease cashing in his Feast or Fired briefcase. I get why they did it, but surely there was some other way to get the eyes on the ring and off the crowd so Styles could sneak in. It was also a nice touch because he and Styles are both from Georgia, so the whole "four phone calls from the same area code" angle made you question whether it the absent Champion checking in or not. Again, I missed nearly a month's-worth of programming, so I'm not completely up to date, but I feel like Gunner finalized his heel turn on James Storm. Yet, he teamed with Kurt Angle and then seemingly was "in" on Styles' return angle make him seem like a face.

However, all seemed right with the world when Styles finally burst through the ropes and chased all of Team Dixie out of the ring. I won't lie, I marked out a little bit. Styles even went on to cut a really good promo for his standards, even though it also seemed a bit long. Regardless, I really bought into what he was selling and felt like he was the one true Champion (maybe because he is). He even managed to pull a halfway decent promo out of Magnus (even though I still could have done without him and the microphone) which is a lot to say when guys like Sting and Angle just made Magnus sound like a total moron.

The fan in me then kept hoping that they would make the match for Genesis when it was a live event and that they might scrap what they've already done in tapings, but it was for not. I'll still take what I can get. I can really see this storyline going a lot of different ways. Perhaps TNA is working us more than we think (hopefully). And if they keep running angles like the one that closed this week's Impact, I could see much better of a show for them forthcoming.

As of right now, TNA has managed to reel me in, but I don't have the confidence in them to keep me on the hook. I feel like they've dangled this in front of me just to cut the line and leave the hook in my cheek. I hope this is all an elaborate work because if not, things are going to be thin going forward.

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings, January 6

$
0
0
Big ups, Inspire Pro (I see you, Paige Turner)
Photo Credit: Fermin Perez
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Rachel Summerlyn (Last Week: 1) - Inspire Pro Wrestling's fourth show, the Ecstasy of Gold, more than sold out the Marchesa Theater last night, which is impressive for a promotion in its infancy. I credit this to Summerlyn calling the action. No, in all seriousness, a huge congratulations from me to all the staff, wrestlers, promoters, and fans of that company is in order. Keep growing, keep changing wrestling, keep doin' work.

2. AJ Lee (Last Week: 2) - Next season, Total Divas had better be nothing but AJ Lee whacking people over the head with her title while skipping around various landmarks, or else I riot/

3. Jennifer Lawrence (Last Week: 9) - If she replaces Charlie Strong as Louisville's head football coach, sorry, Penn State, I'm bleeding Cardinal Red next season.

4. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 3) - I've seen him in his new, Wyatt Family-approved get up. He looks like he's gearing up to do work at an oil refinery. Of course, if Bryan were to work for one of the oil companies, my guess is emissions would reduce by 34%.

5. Creamed Chipped Beef (Last Week: Not Ranked)OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - All it contains are dried beef, milk, flour, and butter, but goddamn, it's delicious. Try it over potatoes.

6. Paige Turner (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Her debut in Inspire Pro last night caused the crowd to chant "Shh!" Sorry, that rules.

7. Mark Henry (Last Week: 6) - Look, I know he got his wig split against Brock Lesnar last week, but he didn't back down, got blindsided, and well, sometimes, you gotta get your egg cracked a couple of times to make an omelet.

8. Ricky Morton (Last Week: Not Ranked) - He won the NWA Jr. Heavyweight Championship Saturday. Now, nothing is junior about Morton, but I still have a soft spot for maybe the greatest babyface tag worker ever.

9. Michael Elgin (Last Week: 5) - Sure, he beat ACH, but I do like me a crafty Champion.

10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - SARA DEL REY FACT: She doesn't make New Year's Resolutions, mainly because she's still got the 132-month calendar that Portia Perez got her for Christmas in 2009. All the the months just run together anymore.

Royal Rumble by (Entry) Numbers: 12

$
0
0
RVD is No. 12's Iron Man
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Winners: None
Final four: None
Multiple draws: Nikolai Volkoff (1988, 1992); Kane (2004, 2010)
Longest: Rob Van Dam (2003), 33:56
Shortest: Timothy Well (1995): 0:23.
Most eliminations: Three — Undertaker (1991), Jesse James (1999)

Kane has twice entered a Royal Rumble at No. 12 (2004, 2010) and in four other Rumbles eliminated the 12th entrant. Big Show twice eliminated No. 12, as did Booker T, though Booker did it in back-to-back Rumbles.

And, well, that’s about it in terms of interesting information about the 12th entry position. It’s probably worth noting Rob van Dam lasted 33:56 in 2003, eliminating Jeff Hardy and, with Kane, A-Train. As noted earlier, that was the third time Kane dumped Albert. Triple H eliminated No. 12 Kane in 2010, the third time the Game ousted the Big Red Machine.

It took six men to eliminate Kurrgan from the 1998 Rumble, two shy of the eight men it took to eliminate Viscera in 2007 (it took seven to oust Viscera in 1994 when he went by Mabel). Two others were eliminated by six men — Rikishi in 2000 and Muhammad Hassan in 2005. And somehow it took WWF Champion Randy Savage and the Brain Busters to get rid of No. 12 Tito Santana in 1989.

Twelve men who entered at 12 made no eliminations. Ten lasted less than four minutes; another six couldn’t reach ten minutes. Of the ten who exceeded ten minutes in the ring, all but one logged at least one elimination. Mike Knox, who stayed in the 2009 Rumble for 32:42, eliminated no one — third on the list of longest ring time in one match with no eliminations and fifth on the list for total ring time with no eliminations. I have very few memories of Mike Knox, in case you were wondering.

Only two men have been in more Royal Rumbles — and only three have more career eliminations — than the Undertaker, who entered the first of his 10 Rumbles at No. 12 in 1991. Only a few short months into his WWF career, he was already firmly established as a supernatural freak who apparently felt no pain. In less than 15 minutes in the ring he eliminated Bushwhacker Butch, Kerry Von Erich and perennial rival Bret Hart. Only an unfortunate encounter with an ascendant Legion of Doom halted his run through the competition. Taker has never failed to record at least one elimination, cementing his reputation as one of the strongest Rumble competitors in history.

Chris Benoit was another Rumble stalwart. In fact, his 2006 turn at No. 12 was arguably his worst of four Rumbles, even though he lasted 30:31 and eliminated Booker T and Eugene. But that was his third-shortest appearance and the one with the least eliminations. His average of 39:20 remains the best in Rumble history for anyone who entered two or more Rumbles.

And though it’s been brought up already in this series, it’s time for a bit more piling on as it relates to Matt Bloom, who in 2013 entered No. 12 as Tensai. He lasted 5:37 and eliminated no one. That extended his lead on the list of most entries with no eliminations (he leads with six; three men are tied with four) and moved him two second place all time on the list of most total duration with no eliminations. He’ll need about 15:30 in the ring with no eliminations in 2014 to pass Finlay for first place.

If he comes in at 12 again and does last that long, however, the odds are he’ll make at least one elimination. To fail would further ensconce him among the likes of Mike Knox, and no one who’s as useful at the NXT commentary table deserves that fate.

The worst No. 12 is Timothy Well, who lasted all of 24 seconds in the 1995 Rumble. The worst No. 11 also came in the 1995 Rumble, which is one of many reasons I think that’s the worst Rumble of all time.

The 12th spot also has twice gone to novelty entrants — in 2001 to the Honky Tonk Man (who ranks with Knox and Matt Bloom in the historically ineffective metrics) and in 2012 to his cousin Jerry Lawler, notable because Lawler was doing ringside commentary when the timer hit zero and his music hit. Yet their combined times fell short of two minutes. The trend indicates if No. 12 in 2014 is a “legends” entry, except a quick dismissal.

Year
Wrestler
Dur.
Out
El.
Eliminated by
1988
Nikolai Volkoff
0:11:40
11
1
Duggan
1989
Tito Santana
0:12:47
12
1
Anderson, Blanchard, Savage
1990
Terry Taylor (Red Rooster)
0:01:58
8
0
Andre
1991
Undertaker
0:14:16
9
3
Animal, Hawk
1992
Nikolai Volkoff
0:01:03
4
0
Repo Man
1993
Koko B. Ware
0:08:31
11
1
DiBiase
1994
Jeff Jarrett
0:01:19
10
0
Savage
1995
Timothy Well
0:00:23
4
0
Smith
1996
Savio Vega
0:12:28
10
1
Vader
1997
Triple H
0:06:42
12
0
Goldust
1998
Kurrgan
0:03:38
5
2
Shamrock, 8-Ball, P. Godwinn, Bradhsaw, Charlie, Rock
1999
Jesse James
0:10:41
12
3
Kane
2000
Gangrel
0:23:19
18
1
Big Show
2001
Honky Tonk Man
0:01:16
11
0
Kane
2002
Scotty 2 Hotty
0:02:36
12
0
Page
2003
Rob Van Dam
0:33:56
26
2
Kane
2004
Glenn Jacobs (Kane)
0:01:30
6
0
Booker
2005
Luther Reigns
0:07:13
7
1
Booker
2006
Chris Benoit
0:30:31
17
2
Orton
2007
Booker T
0:09:22
10
2
Kane
2008
CM Punk
0:13:50
17
1
C. Guerrero
2009
Mike Knox
0:32:42
19
0
Big Show
2010
Glenn Jacobs (Kane)
0:07:59
11
1
Triple H
2011
JTG
0:01:48
6
0
McGillicutty
2012
Jerry Lawler
0:00:43
9
0
C. Rhodes
2013
Matt Bloom (Tensai)
0:05:37
7
0
Kingston

The Winter of Punk: How WWE Does Not Get Characterization

$
0
0
2011 Summer Punk wouldn't have consorted with two out of the other guys in that picture
Photo Credit: WWE.com
I was listening to the latest clean edition of the Steve Austin Podcast, the one he and Ted Fowler recorded on New Year's Eve, and I was filled with equal tendencies to both nod my head and shake my fist at specifically what Fowler was talking about. He basically claimed that the current WWE was garbage, which is not an idea I subscribe to. He went on to say compare WWE to UFC in an unfavorable light, and how UFC gives him all the action he needs. He and Austin both claimed they don't like that the WWE wants to put smiles on everyone's faces, and would rather they piss the crowd off sometimes.

To me, that rant sounded like Fowler didn't really want what WWE was offering anymore. I can't imagine anyone watching a random episode of RAW in 2013 and thinking WWE was at a lack of wrestling. UFC tickles his fancy, which is okay. No one should ever demand fealty to a company as a measure of fandom, but I wholeheartedly disagree with comparing a legitimate sport to performance art as well as the idea that wrestling just isn't action-packed enough anymore.

However, they both were making points about the story side of wrestling that I was agreeing with. For as much as I have been loving RAW for the last year-plus, WWE still is doing things on the story side that make absolutely no sense. The stop/start stories, feuds built on nothing but having the same matches over and over again, Champions losing ad nauseam when their belt is not on the line, and the stupid distraction interference finish that they've run into the ground are all big examples, but one thing that Austin hit on the head was how characters on the show are too scripted. Sometimes, guys need to be fed lines and guided through the process, but sometimes, guys just need to be themselves. No one in WWE fits the mold of needing to be turned up to 11 than CM Punk.

Two-and-a-half years ago, CM Punk went supernova because he was allowed to be his curmudgeonly, eternally dissatisfied self as a wrestling character. For six glorious weeks, Punk was the best character in wrestling because WWE let him take what fans perceived as real life frustrations (and they very well could have been legit seeing as though Punk said a lot of the same things a year prior on the Art of Wrestling podcast). He wasn't dropping pipe bombs just because he was articulate and charismatic. He had conviction and fire, all of which seemed to die the moment he put on Triple H's jacket during that walkout by the rest of the roster.

At that point, I realized WWE didn't really give a flying shit about cultivating a stable of diverse characters. As much as Vince McMahon claims that he doesn't book babyfaces and heels as much as he wants to have a bunch of "shades of grey" running around, his modus operandi still seems to place hats of white and black on his roster. Alignment itself is not the issue. Edgy shows don't need to have everyone running around with varying degrees of moral authority, but great shows more often than not have well-defined characters.

Since ending his feud with Paul Heyman, Punk has shown 100% regression from a wholly unique, vibrant iconoclast that fit his skillset on the mic to an assembly-line WWE milquetoast babyface. He doesn't stand for anything. Summer of 2011 Punk or the gritty, non-comedic Rodney Dangerfield persona he put on in his third act as WWE Champion would probably spit in this iteration's face for how badly he's forsaken his ideals. This Punk gladhands The Rock and pals around with Triple H's cronies, the New Age Outlaws. Peak Punk would still be clawing at "Dwayne" and maybe found someone else to aid him in his wholly superfluous fight against The Shield last night.

Of course, pure stasis is not advisable for most characters in any show, especially protagonists like Punk, but if change is going to come, then shouldn't it have a reason for occurring? Why did Punk, the Voice of the Voiceless and the man who was raging against the Triple H-Stephanie McMahon machine on the stage in Las Vegas so gladly take that machine's side during the Superstar walkout? Why would he so gladly pal around with known associates of that machine after his beefs were renewed with it just recently? Nothing really changed, so unless Brandon Stroud is right, and Punk's character is that he's a self-serving jerkoff who looks after himself and nothing more, these changes make absolutely no goddamn sense within a narrative perspective.

I would be very willing to accept Punk as the avatar of selfishness, but I've seen so many heels take flight with a unique character to the point where they curry favor with the fans and then change into the WWE ideal of what a babyface is. So far, that regression has happened with Montel Vontavious Porter, Mr. Kennedy, The Miz, Dolph Ziggler, and most disappointingly, Daniel Bryan. The trend is too strong to ignore. For all the arrogant pomp that Vince McMahon allegedly proclaimed to Ted Turner about being in the "entertainment business," after the latter got into the "rasslin' business," WWE writers, or more specifically, the maniac who allegedly has to approve everything before it goes into production, have no idea what makes great entertainment work.

WWE scratches so many itches for me as a fan, ones that make me think critics like Fowler and Austin aren't paying close enough attention or aren't looking at the right things in some of their concerns. However, in other departments, very important ones, their criticisms are spot on. One needs look no further than CM Punk to see the root of why WWE's narratives rarely ever reach satisfying conclusions. Characters matter, and more importantly, characterization is so critically important. Punk, by his own admission, may not have too much time left in wrestling. If they continue to write him as John Cena Clone #29890238 instead of the Voice of the Voiceless, then they will have missed out on one of the most golden opportunities ever.

Shinsuke Nakamura Has Infinite Swag

$
0
0
I normally don't cover New Japan here myself (although I'm trying to get someone who can/will), but this entrance from Wrestle Kingdom 8 was too awesome not to pass along. Basically, Shinsuke Nakamura comes out flanked by a bunch of pole dancers and with a scantily-clad breakdancing valet ahead of him, whom he carries for a spell on his shoulders. I'm not doing it any justice just by talking about it, so watch the video for yourself:



A tip of the hat to @tonyisdynamic for passing this along.

Three More Added to National Pro Wrestling Day Lineup

$
0
0
Photo & Video Sharing by SmugMug
Hark! A Snow Troll appears!
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein

The National Pro Wrestling Day website has added three more names to the fray. The first is the Lithuanian Snow Troll, who is a natural fit for the event given that his amphibious brother-in-arms, the Estonian Thunder Frog, was among the first to be revealed. The Troll is the least-tenured of the Baltic Siege, but he's been working the rounds the hardest since his debut. I'm becoming a fan of his.

The second name announced is Juan Francisco de Coronado, the Wrestling Is... stable of companies' Ecuadorian aristocrat. Coronado appeared at last year's events with his manservant Herbert in tow, losing to Saturyne. Many things have changed in the time between shows. He's ditched Herbert, and Saturyne has ditched her mask and is known as Hania. He's also improved a bit in the ring, so hopefully, he gets a showcase match.

Finally, Shynron is the final name. The Spirit Dragon debuted a bit after NPWD last year, and he's made big strides since splashing down onto the scene. Not only has he made the rounds in the Wrestling Is... family, but he's branched out to NWA Smoky Mountain and Beyond Wrestling. He had a pretty nice match against AR Fox during the Tournament of Tomorrow studio tapings that I'm sure will be dropping any day now.

NPWD planners appear to be announcing names every day between now and the event. I will be curious to see how many names from outside the Chikaraverse will be announced. As of right now, the recipe seems to heavily favor those who have had experience within Chikara/Wrestling Is. On one hand, if the company is to be resurrected here, loading the roster with as many familiar talents makes all the sense in the world. On the other, one reason why NPWD was so awesome last year was all the new faces who cycled through, from Chiva Kid to Logan Shulo. Either way, I will keep my eyes peeled.

The Best Moves Ever: BRAINBUSTAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!

$
0
0
The lone downside to the insane rise of Sami Zayn is that he had to leave most of his El Generico moveset behind him as he transitioned from life on the indies to a career working for the biggest but most corporate wrestling company in the world. Some sacrifices are worth it in the long run, and at least he got to take the corner yakuza kick and the blue thunder bomb with him (I remain skeptical he'll be able to even keep the latter move when he makes the main roster, even though he does it far better than one certain Franchise Whom You Can't See). Still, I will always be a little wistful at the fact that the BRAINBUSTAAAAAHHHHH!!! will never be seen again barring unfortunate and unforeseen circumstances that would lead him back to the indies. Still, at least video footage still exists of it.

Your Midweek Links: Lists and Corgis

$
0
0
This corgi is my spirit animal
Photo Credit: Wina Seibo
It's hump day, so here are some links to get you through the rest of the week:

Wrestling Links:

- 2013 Match of the Year Poll: Voters and Honorable Mentions [Voices of Wrestling]

- The top 10 matches of 2013 [Wrestling on Earth]

- The Heart Is RAW: Fall into the Sand [International Object]

- The Best and Worst of RAW: Solid Snake [With Leather]

- 9 bold predictions for WWE in 2014 [Camel Clutch Blog]

- Broken Binary: WWE's morality problem [False Underdog]

- A$ton Matthews: "Scott Steiner" [The Smoking Section]

- WWE's 2014 to-do list [International Object]

- The top 10 wrestlers of 2013 [Wrestling on Earth]

- New Japan Pro Wrestling Wrestle Kingdom 8 review [Voices of Wrestling]

- The Best and Worst of Impact: I Went to Japan and All I Got Was This Lousy Haircut [With Leather]

Non-Wrestling Links:

- I was a NFL player until I was fired by two cowards and a bigot [Deadspin]

- The 30 best moments from the 2013 NFL regular season [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

- Black Monday is forever [The Classical]

- On Bill O'Brien: Everybody's a winner! [Slow States]

- Shovel your fucking walk [Gawker]

- Natasha Leggero's stunning non-apology for Pearl Harbor joke [Huffington Post]

- Why anti-vaxxers might be creating a deadlier world [io9]

- Foodball: Super Bowl snack time! Shepherd's pie potato skins [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

- And the Valley Drinks: Buffalo Trace Bourbon [And the Valley Shook]

- How to make steamed pork dumplings, like my great-grandfather did [Foodspin]

- Chinese pet corgi balances things on his head [ChinaSMACK]

- MMA's Mr. Glass, Dominick Cruz, is injured again [With Leather]

- I read Will Smith's reaction to James Avery's death, and my heart got flipped turned upside down [Pajiba]

- 50 questions about that disturbing M&Ms commercial [Warming Glow]

- Why I still care about the Hall of Fame [Crashburn Alley]

- Incontrovertible proof movies with strong female characters make bank [Jezebel]

- 5 crazy fan theories that make total sense [Dorkly]

- Which DC Comics character will The Rock play? [Gamma Squad]

- Death to the Biopic: 11 movie concepts that need to die in 2014 [Film Drunk]

- 20Qs: Patton Oswalt on rape jokes, how a nerd rebels in HS, and social media [Playboy SFW]

- The ten most important television events of 2014 [Warming Glow]

- The best times to buy anything during the year [Lifehacker]

- Objects in space we really can't explain [io9]

Royal Rumble by (Entry) Numbers: 13

$
0
0
He may not have won the Rumble, but Cody Rhodes has done good work from the 13 spot
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Winners: Jim Duggan (1988)
Final four: The Rock (3rd, 2001)
Multiple draws: Cody Rhodes (2008, 2010)
Longest: The Rock (2001), 38:42
Shortest: Bushwhacker Luke (1995): 0:12.
Most eliminations: Four — Vader (1996)

A winner! We haven’t had a chance to break down an entry position with a winner since No. 8. Of course, the winner here is “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan, not only the least likely Rumble winner ever — Jesse “The Body” proclaimed: ““I can’t believe it. Of all the people to win this thing, it’s him?” — but also the winner of the 1988 Rumble, which had only 20 entrants. His 14:43 is the 18th best of 27 Rumble winners, but eight No. 13s have lasted longer in the ring. Yet every single one of those other Rumbles lasted longer — the ‘88 Rumble was only 33:26. (By comparison, the 1995 Rumble, with 30 entrants but only 60-second entry intervals, was 38:41.)

So choosing the best No. 13 comes down to how we value Duggan’s win. He did log three eliminations, not particularly dominant by winners’ standards, but pretty good as No. 13 goes. The Rock lasted much longer in 2001 and finished third, also eliminating three. But Duggan dumped Nikolai Volkoff and Danny Davis before pulling the ropes down in front of a charging One Man Gang. Rock, however, tossed the Goodfather and, by himself, the Big Show and a fresh Rikishi.

Duggan’s win wasn’t all that shocking given the fact he entered in the latter half of the match and wasn’t exactly facing top-shelf competition. Bret Hart was still just a tag team guy, and a young one at that. Jake Roberts was a rising star, but entered fifth. Harley Race was a legend near the end of his run, and he entered sixth. Dino Bravo and Don Muraco joined Duggan in the final four, and Ron Bass and Junk Yard Dog were eliminated just before them. Any of those six would be a viable winner given the year and the competition, but none would hold up historically much better than Hacksaw.

Vader makes a case for being the best No. 13 on account of his four eliminations in 1996 — Jake Roberts, Doug Gilbert, one of the Squat Team members and Savio Vega — an impressive performance in just 11:04. But as noted a few days ago, Vader and his Camp Cornette colleague Yokozuna were eliminated simultaneously by Shawn Michaels, an almost unthinkable occurrence given their combined girth.

Michaels also tossed No. 13 a year earlier, showing Bushwhacker Luke to the floor in just 12 seconds — three times longer than Luke lasted in 1991. Michaels also eliminated No. 13 in 2010. Steve Austin dumped No. 13 in 1997, 1998 and 2002. Chris Benoit had a hand in dumping No. 13 in 2005 and 2006. Edge was involved in 2005 and 2007. Chris Jericho did the same in 2005 and 2013. Triple H did a back-to-back in 2008 and 2009. None of that means much of anything, of course, but it’s worth noting.

No one is credited with eliminating No. 13 in 2004. An aggravated Kane attacked Spike Dudley as the diminutive superstar made his way to the ring. No one took his place and Dudley simply never entered the match, one of six times in Rumble history a match entrant failed to actually enter the ring and get credit for time.

Let us not miss another chance to talk about one of the great young Rumble contestants, Cody Rhodes. Half of the current tag team champions, Cody entered two of his five Rumbles at No. 13. While his standout performances came at No. 3 and No. 4, he has racked up more than 30 minutes (but no eliminations) from 13. Those performances are part of the reason he’s sixth all time on the list of average minutes per Rumble appearance at 27:57. It would not be a surprise to see him climb past Triple H (28:56) into fifth pace with a strong showing in 2014.

Fifteen of the 26 men to enter at 13 failed to eliminate anyone, and ten 13s couldn’t last five minutes. It’s still one of the weaker of the 30 entry positions, but there are a few more collective eliminations than the ugliness of the nine and ten spots, and Duggan’s win, improbable though it might be compared to each succeeding Rumble, elevates 13 out of the absolute mire.

Year
Wrestler
Dur.
Out
El.
Eliminated by
1988
Jim Duggan
0:14:43
-
3
(Winner)
1989
Bad News Brown
0:16:24
20
1
Hogan
1990
Ax
0:12:50
13
1
Earthquake
1991
Jimmy Snuka
0:08:06
8
0
Hawk
1992
Big Boss Man
0:03:38
13
2
Flair
1993
Samu
0:04:49
9
0
Undertaker
1994
Crush
0:25:03
16
2
Luger, Holly
1995
Luke
0:00:12
11
0
Michaels
1996
Vader
0:11:04
12
4
Michaels
1997
Owen Hart
0:08:29
17
2
Austin
1998
Marc Mero
0:19:40
13
0
Austin
1999
Gangrel
0:00:26
10
0
James
2000
Edge
0:14:48
14
1
Snow, Venis
2001
Rock
0:38:42
28
3
Kane
2002
Christian
0:12:14
16
3
Austin
2003
Matt Hardy
0:27:17
21
0
Lesnar
2004
Spike Dudley
-
-
0
(Injury)
2005
Muhammad Hassan
0:00:54
5
0
Edge, Jericho, Benoit, Booker, Benjamin, Reigns
2006
Booker T
0:00:18
9
0
Benoit
2007
Super Crazy
0:04:32
7
0
Orton, Edge
2008
Cody Rhodes
0:23:14
18
0
Triple H
2009
Miz
0:01:18
6
0
Triple H
2010
Cody Rhodes
0:07:54
13
0
Michaels
2011
Michael McGillicutty
0:15:07
20
2
Cena
2012
Ezekiel Jackson
0:03:46
11
0
Khali
2013
Brodus Clay
0:03:47
6
0
Jericho, Slater, C. Rhodes, Sheamus, Young

Kaitlyn Leaves WWE

$
0
0
Farewell, intrepid traveler. Safe journeys.
Photo Credit: WWE.com
WWE.com link

Kaitlyn's contract has expired, and she will be leaving the company. Her final match was with AJ Lee taped in Philadelphia last night for Main Event. Reports say after the match, the two embraced. She has not given any specific indication of what she's going to be doing post-WWE, but this tweet from her fiancé PJ Braun indicates she'll be keeping herself busy outside of the arena of professional wrestling:

Braun is a fitness type personality, so if I had to guess, the project probably would still involve cultivating body image. I don't want to speculate about anything else, however, because I just don't know.

I have to say that while I am saddened and disappointed that Kaitlyn is leaving the company, I am certainly not shocked to see her pursue other opportunities. WWE is not a company that I think of when it comes to progressive, feminist culture. Total Divas may have been a step forward in giving certain women within the company agency, but having only followed it through Trey Irby's recaps on the site, I can't judge for better or worse. However, on the main programming, women are still often only given a story either through stereotyping of typical woman behavior from the lens of the straight white male, or they are attached at the hip to a male performer.

Case in point, AJ Lee is the one character who actually bucked this trend in 2012-13, and for all her efforts at being a real person, her only story recently has been to have matches with very little story other than jealousy over not being on Total Divas. The best actor in the company and a credible wrestler who was doing her best to make the Divas Championship a thing to be coveted was relegated to background noise to advertise for their cable reality show.

Admittedly, on screen treatment can be a red herring at times, a projection of frustration by the fan onto the performer, but in the case of Kaitlyn, her departure is the part of a precedent that has been frighteningly ongoing in WWE's history. She joins the long list of women like Eve Torres, Beth Phoenix, Jillian Hall, Maxine, Maryse Ouellet, and Gail Kim, just to name a few, to leave WWE in the last three or so years. More harrowingly, most women performers in WWE rarely make it five years of service time before leaving.

Something's wrong in WWE when it comes to its female performers, and they need an overhaul, quickly. Contrary to popular belief, women are people too, and they deserve the same opportunities to succeed in the workplace, whether it be a wrestling company, a Fortune 500 business-type firm, or even in manual labor-type jobs. I am sad to see Kaitlyn go, but at the same time, I'm happy that maybe she'll be able to flourish in a career outside the company. The fact that I'm more apt to say that about a female performer than a male one is the problem.

WWE Network Announced

$
0
0
It's here
Photo via International Object, design by John Lefteratos
The WWE's "groundbreaking announcement" that happened at the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas, NV at 9:30 EST tonight, was to herald the launch of the WWE Network. The Network will launch on February 24, 2014 at 11:05 PM, and it will cost $9.95 per month with a six month commitment. It will be available as an "over-the-top" service to be available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. It was announced that the Network will be available on all platforms: tablets, mobile phones, computers, Roku, X-Box, and Playstation included.

The list of content available is extensive. First, all WWE pay-per-view events will air live on the Network at no additional cost to the subscriber, including WrestleMania. The first PPV event to be offered, in fact, will be WrestleMania XXX. In addition, all archival pay-per-views in WWE's library, including WCW and ECW events, will be offered on demand. NXT will be aired on the Network, as well as a slate of original programming. Shows featured during the presentation were the long-awaited Legends House and a show based on documenting the Monday Night Wars. Also, RAW and Smackdown replays will be offered.

Now, for my thoughts. Leaks suggested the Network would be announced tonight, but I had no idea the amount of goods and services to be offered. WWE went above and beyond my expectation. If I wanted to be really nasty, I could say that they've had this in development for more than three years now, so of course they'd have to have their shit together on it. However, the comprehensive nature in their offering is comforting. They've laid the groundwork.

The content offered is staggering as well. I hoped for "B" pay-per-views, and I had heard that 11 of 12 would be offered, but throwing in WrestleMania is the ace in the hole here. WWE is looking not only to draw in new, younger fans, but by offering everything including Mania, they seem to be casting the net for older fans as well.

Launching the Network was a bold move, a game-changer if it succeeded. One could point to stuff like the XFL or World Bodybuilding Federation, but I think it's clear that when distribution of the core product is in play, Vince McMahon and WWE are at their sharpest. This move isn't trying to compete with a megalith or looking to explore a niche using the wrong technique. WWE is actually acting to advance in the field they know well. The WWF took immeasurable risks with pay-per-view and Monday Night RAW, both of which paid off. I'm not saying the Network will definitely be a boon for the company. However, the way they've offered the product at launch tells me that they aren't playing around with the odds on this venture.

Best Coast Bias: Smell You Later, Kaitlyn

$
0
0
Chickbusters 5eva
Photo Credit: WWE.com
For me (and possibly you), this was a one-issue show. The Real Americans sprayed soda on the Sambo Voltron with a little assist from Fandango, not surprising. Alberto Del Rio basement superkicked Justin Gabriel so hard he might be looking for a Wiz Khalifa special shirt with the big N on it, unsurprisingly. The tag team Champions overcame the "challenge" of 3MB somehozzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Now, the last match between Kaitlyn and AJ Lee? Well, now -- especially on such a historic day for the WWE in both wildly positive and depressing ways -- now we have something to talk about.

I've said for some time that it was sad and depressing watching the former CBs go at it head-to-head, even when they were putting on awesome matches together and seperately over the making, strengthening, and then dissolution of a friendship. The E wanted to push Total Divas, and so did E! But here was something seperate from the herd of sexy cattle in Kardashianville, a pair of wrestlers who happened to be attractive women rather than the inverse. For a long time the potential cops by day and dancers by night were a walking Bechdel test that could've pulled down a GPA that'd make Damien Sandow shake in his boots. Like most of life, it worked beautifully, until it didn't. And as a result, AJ Lee is now the queen of a virtually empty kingdom.

Her last two predecessors? Poof. Vanished. Gone, daddy, gone. Past tense. Maybe they were tired of the road, the lack of attention, the fact they'd both improved from their fitness days to be viable in-ring competitors, to say nothing of what the backstage situation must've been like. Just because the defecating in bags has gone from instiutional to literal is nothing to be proud of. But Kaitlyn's sendoff was, and at the same time it gave her former biffle a way forward should they care to explore it. Almost in accordance with the universe, the same women who put on low-level warfare for the Lisa Frank Memorial Belt last spring put on Main Event's MOTN.

Something would've been in the water even if the Texan wasn't heading for the door, as Lee started the match off with a handshake. When Kaitlyn used her strength to knock Kee down -- and every time she slammed into Kaitlyn whenever they fought, it always looked like she was going to go Full Rollins sheerly off of the forces of physics -- she seemingly helped Lee up only to yank her into a side headlock. A peeved Champion then got the advantage with a hairpull, actually audibally yelled "You're serious?! I was trying to be nice for once!", and then feinted handshake and went to work the leg. Lee worked a sleeper and a guillotine in the match, and even survived the gutbuster to counter a press and get the three. Then things got weird, as they'd been for some time now. Lee skipped around the ring, and then gave Kaitlyn the full-body hug seen above. All the other longtime NXT heads probably would've shed a tear if the botched facelifts would've let them.

They both reacted shellshockedly afterwards, as if history's weight had Buffy and Angeled them into only having eyes for each other no matter the circumstances if even just for one last moment, and the final goodbye...and then Tamina superkicked Kaitlyn in the face and Lee laughed, blew a kiss, and left. Because, you know, Lee won, and she's still around and people should boo her because...stuff. So Lee won!

No, she didn't. Of course she didn't. The only person who won is Kaitlyn. She's off to get wifed up (tragically not by me or Big E. Langston) and do her own thing. The way her predecessor Eve did, the same way Maryse who's the longest reigning Divas Champion ever for just a heartbeat longer and on her way to being the Most Must-See Wife did, the way Kelly Kelly did, and the list, like the timeless movie playing in Steve Perry's head, goes on and on and on and on. If that tease for me and those like me and the superkick that followed was the price to pay for her having a bed to sleep on consecutive nights in a row and not to worry that all her self-improvement was only so much dancing in the dark, she should've paid it. There's few things worse than the joy of something you love slowly draining and being drained from you and I'd rather hang my hat on a faraway hope that she gets to do what she wants for a while and comes back Goldust-style to take on the Emmas, Summer Raes, Paiges and Bayleys of the world a few years down the line.

But hey, congratulations, AJ Lee. You're willingly dating a self-admitted jerk, languishing in obscurity headlining shows like these when your work both in-ring and character shows you're worth a lot more, and literally everybody who's followed your path in the recent past has thrown up their hands at some point, gone "Screw this", and left the confines of Stamford Junction for less money and better piece of mind, and not a one of them's come back in tears regretting the decision that they've made begging for 90 second sprints on RAW so they can lose to the popular girls. This isn't even the case of being a little fish in a big pond, or vice versa; what that wet stuff is isn't water. It's quicksand, and something about the culture has made every other single you of the last few years fashion a rope of their own making. You should've read Watchmen at some point at your awesomely nerdy life. You're becoming the smartest woman on the cinder. Hopefully you're working on your own psychic brained monster to level half of New York, but past history makes me doubt it. And as for your former biffle? All I can say is this:

See you at tha crossroads and safe travels, Celeste. Yours truly was a butt that wouldn't quit.

Mae Young Gravely Ill

$
0
0
RIP
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Via Mike Mooneyham of the Post and Courier

ETA: The Post and Courier retracted its story, saying that Young is alive, but gravely ill.

Mae Young, the toughest person in wrestling history and iconic figure in wrestling, is close passing away at the age of 90. She was taken off life support last night. Young spent a staggering 74 years in the business, but her health had been declining in the last few years. She was placed in hospice care last week.

Young debuted in 1939 by just showing up to a wrestling show and calling out Mildred Burke. Because promoters wouldn't let a nobody off the streets take on the Champion, she took on and defeated Gladys Gillem in a shoot fight. She was quickly scuttled into the business. She was responsible for training several wrestlers, male or female, the most famous of which being her friend The Fabulous Moolah. Alongside Burke, Young is regarded as perhaps the most influential woman in wrestling history because of her role in expanding the art for women, especially during wartime.

Young would experience a career renaissance by debuting in WWE with Moolah in 1999. She was involved in some infamous moments, including birthing a hand sired by Mark Henry and taking power bombs from the TOP ROPE from Bubba Ray Dudley on two consecutive weeks of RAW at age 77. Her appearances continued up until last year. She has competed in wrestling matches in a staggering nine different decades.

Young was truly an icon in the professional wrestling industry. She proved that men weren't the only people who could be tough, a fact that has been forgotten by hordes and hordes of misogynists today who don't feel women's wrestling is worth paying attention to. She was a carny through and through, noted by her run in WWE. Even though she was often put in situations that saw the writing team and Vince McMahon maybe laugh at her being and old lady instead of laughing with her, she always emitted a warmth that belied her exterior toughness.

To be completely honest, I never thought Young would die. No matter what age she progressed to, she, like Keith Richards or Ozzy Osbourne, felt like she would be hanging around with the cockroaches after everyone else had died. Still, while she led a full and rewarding life, I can't help but feel a tinge of sadness writing about her passing. Wrestling truly lost a titanic figure. Rest in peace, Mae Young.

Additional information taken from Mae Young's Wikipedia entry.

Royal Rumble by (Entry) Numbers: 14

$
0
0
Finlay lasted long in 2009 with help from Hornswoggle
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Winners: None
Final four: Davey Boy Smith (4th, 1991)
Multiple draws: None
Longest: Davey Boy Smith (1991), 36:43
Shortest: MVP (2010): 0:07.
Most eliminations: Two — Ron Bass (1988); Haku (1990)

MVP sits atop the list of shortest time in the ring with at least one elimination for his seven-second performance in 2010. Yet there’s a bit of a wrinkle here. Like Owen Hart, whose brother Bret attacked him on his way to the 1995 Rumble, MVP was headed to the ring as the 14th entrant when the Miz, who’d defended his US Title against MVP earlier in the night, cracked MVP in the back of the skull and left him laying.

When Miz’s number was up two spots later, he did make it to the ring, but ten seconds later MVP had caught up to him and begin the assault — seven seconds after that they both spilled over the top rope to the floor. And that is how MVP set a somewhat dubious Royal Rumble record that’s unlikely to be topped.

Hercules checks in at ninth on the same list with 56 seconds after eliminating the Barbarian in the 1992 Royal Rumble, only to be dumped shortly thereafter by the Big Boss Man. Bob Backlund is tied for 22nd place; he entered No. 14 in 2000 and was one of six men who ousted Rikishi. That was right before Chris Jericho hit the ring and dumped Backlund. The other note on Hercules is his 1992 showing from No. 14 is 36:40 shorter than his performance in 1991 — the 19th-largest disparity between an entrant’s best and worst times.

Speaking of records — Finlay logged 29:59 from No. 14 in 2009 with no eliminations, sixth best (worst?) of all time. If that sounds familiar, it’s because when he entered second in 2007 he lasted 32:33 with no eliminations, the fourth-longest time on that list. Those two matches combined put Finlay at first place on the list of total Rumble time with no eliminations.

Top honors for the 14th spot pretty easily go to Davey Boy Smith. Participating in the first of his six Rumble, the British Bulldog lasted 36:43 and made the final four. Hart Family members Earthquake and Brian Knobbs quickly turned their attention to Smith, so he wasn’t much of a factor in the end game. However, he did eliminate Intercontinental Champion Mr. Perfect, who’d finished second in the previous year’s Rumble.

The 14th spot has not yielded a bounty of eliminations. Twelve of the men entering 14 eliminated no one, another 12 made just one elimination. Only two men, Ron Bass in 1988 and Haku in 1990, got credit for two eliminations (Haku was one of five who eliminated Earthquake). And that’s it — 16 eliminations from the 14th spot in 26 Rumbles. That’s third-worst among entry positions.

The ring time isn’t much to write home about either. Though entering close to the halfway point in all but two Rumbles, the 14th spot has seen 12 men fail to reach the five-minute mark and another six fall shy of ten minutes. The ones who did manage to hang around tended to be involved in at least one elimination, but it’s still safe to assume the 14th entrant in 2014 isn’t going to be a big factor in the final outcome.

Year
Wrestler
Duration
Out
El.
Eliminated By
1988
Ron Bass
0:10:14
16
2
Muraco
1989
Marty Jannetty
0:07:52
10
1
Blanchard
1990
Haku
0:22:31
20
2
Hogan
1991
Davey Boy Smith
0:36:43
26
1
Earthquake, Knobbs
1992
Hercules
0:00:56
12
1
Boss Man
1993
Berzerker
0:05:21
14
1
Undertaker
1994
Doink the Clown
0:01:48
12
0
Bigelow
1995
Ron Harris (Jacob Blu)
0:00:17
12
0
Michaels
1996
Doug Gilbert
0:02:59
7
0
Vader
1997
Goldust
0:05:33
13
1
O. Hart
1998
Ken Shamrock
0:09:15
9
1
Rock
1999
Kurrgan
0:06:54
13
0
Kane
2000
Bob Backlund
0:02:00
9
1
Jericho
2001
Charles Wright (Goodfather)
0:00:14
12
0
Rock
2002
Diamond Dallas Page
0:05:15
13
1
Christian
2003
Eddie Guerrero
0:16:29
13
0
Booker
2004
Fatu (Rikishi)
0:03:48
11
1
Orton
2005
Orlando Jordan
0:03:36
8
0
Booker
2006
Joey Mercury
0:29:14
22
1
Nitro
2007
Jeff Hardy
0:03:39
8
0
Edge
2008
Eddie Fatu (Umaga)
0:26:05
26
1
Batista
2009
Finlay
0:29:59
21
0
Kane
2010
MVP
0:00:07
9
1
(Self)
2011
Chris Masters
0:01:58
9
0
Punk
2012
Jinder Mahal
0:01:17
10
0
Khali
2013
Rey Mysterio
0:10:43
13
0
Barrett

Throwback Thursday: The Wettest Blanket in Wrestling History

$
0
0
Tommy Dreamer finally had done it. For years, he was ECW's whipping boy, the guy who was famous for asking if he could have another from Sandman, the one who never beat Raven, the heart and soul of the company for reasons opposite why Steve Austin or Bill Goldberg were at the core of their respective companies. But Mike Awesome went to WCW, and he set off a chain reaction that had a WCW employee defending the ECW Championship against (and losing it to) a WWE wrestler. Taz then dropped the title to Dreamer, and everyone was happy. The fans loved it. The wrestlers loved it. Fuck, even RAVEN extended his hand and embraced his longtime rival upon his ultimate triumph.

Then, Justin Credible came out and tossed a wet blanket on the whole thing. At the time, I was utterly devastated with anger and outrage. Now though? I respect Paul Heyman's troll game (even if it was borne from him being criminally negligent at best and at worst, an outright crook), and really, Credible wasn't as bad as I thought he was. Besides, how else are you gonna become the biggest heel in ECW then by destroying the most shining beacon of heroism and underdog pluck? The match isn't included though, because the fuck do you think this is, From the Archives?



Tip of the hat this week to both @mdschaeff and @ChrisCJackson for simultaneously coming up with some form of PJ Polaco. EVIDENCE:

Royal Rumble by (Entry) Numbers: 15

$
0
0
Part of Rhodes' best performance ever at the 15 slot saw him dumping his big brother
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Winners: None
Final four: Cody Rhodes (3rd, 2009)
Multiple draws: Smash (1990, 1991)
Longest: Cody Rhodes (2009), 37:01
Shortest: Tazz (2001): 0:10.
Most eliminations: Four — Undertaker (1993); Bam Bam Bigelow (1994)

Finally Cody Rhodes can lay claim to being the best. After strong runner-up performances at entry spots three and four, Cody is almost certainly the best No. 15 of all time. With 37:01, he’s got the ring-time mark by five minutes over Roddy Piper (1992) and seven minutes over Bam Bam Bigleow (1994). He eliminated his brother, Goldust, and with Legacy partners Randy Orton and Ted DiBiase Jr. ousted Kane — objectively one of the greatest Rumble entrants ever — to land in his first and only final four. Two eliminations is not a great amount, but only three men entering at 15 have eliminated more.

Cody’s claim is not without dispute. Piper, after all, won the Intercontinental Championship earlier in the night and was one man shy of making the final four in the most prestigious Rumble ever. But it didn’t take a great struggle to oust Irwin R. Scheyster, who’d been in the ring for 27 minutes. Bigelow is credited with four eliminations, but only two were solo jobs (Doink the Clown and Tatanka); he was part of large teams credit with removing first Diesel and then Mabel. Co-winner Lex Luger dumped Bigelow, the 23rd man eliminated that year, while lesser names like Marty Jannetty, Fatu and Genichiro Tenryu (a legend, yes, but not so in the WWF universe). were sill in the ring.

So while he was clearly better at No. 4 in 2012 (43:57, six eliminations) and arguably more impactful at No. 3 in 2013 (27:39, four eliminations), Rhodes still claims the mantle of the best No. 15 ever. It’s subjective, obviously. In 2014, either Rhodes could make an even bigger mark somewhere else on the list, or a No. 15 could put on a show that moves Rhodes down the list — both are entirely conceivable.

We mentioned Bigelow’s four eliminations in 1994. The 1993 No. 15 also eliminated four men, and with no help. In just 4:14 in the ring, Undertaker got rid of Samu, Tenryu, Ted DiBiase and the Berzerker. There’s no telling what kind of destruction he could have wreaked if it weren’t for one of the great Royal Rumble travesties. With the ring clear of all but the dead man and half the entrants left to come, Harvey Wippleman led to the ring a previously unseen (to WWF audiences) giant of a man in a ridiculous outfit.

The behemoth, later identified as Giant Gonzalez, attacked and eliminated the Undertaker, though he was not an actual entrant in the match. The assault presumably was related to Undertaker’s triumph in a long-running feud with Wippleman charge Kamala. Plenty of folks will complain about the Undertaker-Gonzalez matches at WrestleMania IX and SummerSlam 1993, but I remain angriest about what transpired in January that year at the Arco Arena in Sacramento, Calif.

The WWF Champion has entered the Royal Rumble on precisely two occasions, and the first was in 1989 when “Macho Man” Randy Savage broke the curtain at No. 15. He was in for 12:26 and had a hand in three eliminations before being memorably ousted by his Mega-Powers partner Hulk Hogan, one of the many milestones en route to their explosion at WrestleMania V.

The 1990 No. 15, Smash, faced the man who eliminated him, Haku, at the following WrestleMania. Fitting as the man Smash helped eliminate, Andre the Giant, was Haku’s partner. The Demolition vs. Colossal Connection Tag Team Title match at WrestleMania VI might not be a technical classic, but the crowd was white hot and the post-match Andre turn on Bobby Heenan remains a must-see moment.

René Duprée is tied for third place on the list of shortest duration with at least one elimination wit his 2004 performance, and Darren Young managed to land at No. 30 in 2013, as he was one of five to eliminate Brodus Clay during Young’s 2:51 in the ring. Coincidentally, Young is tied for that mark with the man who ousted him in 2013, Kofi Kingston, who made one elimination in 2:51 in 2010.

The sour experience for No. 13 Spike Dudley in 2004 was repeated for No. 15 Scott 2 Hotty in 2005 — each man was attacked while en route to the ring by a previously eliminated wrestler. For the master of the worm the assailant was Muhammad Hassan. After his recent appearance on the Old School Raw, perhaps Scotty can make a case he deserves a spot in the 2014 Rumble based on the bump rap from nine years earlier.

No Rumble historian is blind to the career success of Chris Jericho — as noted he’s one of four men to amass more than three hours in the ring, though he is the only one of those four to fail to win. That said, Y2J was less than memorable in his first Rumble, lasting only 3:47 from No. 15 in 2000, meeting his demise at the hands of Chyna. And yet it was not his worst Rumble appearance. More on that in 13 days.

Going back to the 2005 Rumble, the color commentator for the night was Tazz. This was in the height of the brand split era, with referee attire tied to Raw or Smackdown and in-ring interactions largely dictated by which show each performer called home. And Tazz simply would not shut up about this plot point, as if he was watching some sort of Yankees-Mets interleague series. So it brings me no small amount of joy to highlight Tazz as the worst No. 15 of all.

One year after a dramatic, surprise debut in a singles match against previously undefeated Kurt Angle, Tazz lasted all of ten seconds in the Rumble. Only ten men have lasted less in one match. Even better (or worse, depending on your perspective), 2001 was Tazz’s only Rumble. And of everyone whose had a worse Rumble showing than the Human Suplex Machine, only one — Gillberg — hasn’t had at least one other Rumble to turn in a better showing. So on the cumulative list of the 285 wrestlers (not characters) to enter at least one Rumble, Tazz stands as the second-worst all-time performer, spared only by three seconds and a comedy act. I can’t say much about the rest of his career, but when you’re the meat sandwiched between a slice of Gillberg and one of Epico (one Rumble, 11 seconds), well, maybe the TNA announce table isn’t the worst place for you.

Year
Wrestler
Duration
Out
El.
Eliminated by
1988
B. Brian Blair
0:05:50
9
0
Gang
1989
Randy Savage
0:12:26
19
3
Hogan
1990
Barry Darsow (Smash)
0:15:01
16
2
Haku
1991
Barry Darsow (Smash)
0:18:22
13
0
Hogan
1992
Roddy Piper
0:34:06
26
1
Justice
1993
Undertaker
0:04:14
15
4
Gonzalez*
1994
Bam Bam Bigelow
0:30:12
23
4
Luger
1995
King Kong Bundy
0:03:00
14
1
Mabel
1996
Squat Team 1
0:01:11
8
0
Vader
1997
Cibernetico
0:01:25
9
0
Mascaras, Pierroth
1998
Thrasher
0:28:08
18
0
Austin
1999
Al Snow
0:00:47
11
0
James
2000
Chris Jericho
0:03:47
10
1
Chyna
2001
Tazz
0:00:10
13
0
Kane
2002
Chuck Palumbo
0:09:04
17
2
Austin
2003
Jeff Hardy
0:07:29
11
0
Van Dam
2004
René Duprée
0:00:33
9
1
Rikishi
2005
Scotty 2 Hotty
-
6
0
(Injury)
2006
Tatanka
0:14:09
12
0
Mercury, Nitro
2007
Sandman
0:00:13
6
0
Booker
2008
Snitsky
0:12:26
10
0
Undertaker
2009
Cody Rhodes
0:37:01
28
2
Triple H
2010
Carlito
0:04:34
12
0
Michaels
2011
David Otunga
0:11:56
19
1
Cena
2012
Great Khali
0:07:29
14
2
Ziggler, C. Rhodes
2013
Darren Young
0:02:51
8
1
Kingston
Viewing all 4899 articles
Browse latest View live