Quantcast
Channel: The Wrestling Blog
Viewing all 4899 articles
Browse latest View live
↧

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings, March 24

March 24, 2014, 4:30 pm
$
0
0
NEXT LEVEL GRILLED CHEESE WUT WUT
Photo Credit: Marc Normandin
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Championship Melt (Last Week: Not Ranked)OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED RANKING - Check the pic taken by SB Nation bro and Beyond Wrestling fan Marc Normandin and see where Championship Melt is taking the grilled cheese game. I think I need to get my ass up to Providence for a show just to eat some grilled cheese.

2. Gabrielle Cirulli (Last Week: 6) - Her 2048 game has taken off yuuuuuge to the point where people have started to escalate, one person even to a number that I'm not even sure is an exponent of 2. One person even made a Doge version. Very numbers. Much exponent. Oh yeah, I beat the original one.

3. AJ Lee (Last Week: 4) - I hope WWE is paying Lee two paychecks, one for being a wrestler and another for being the best regular announcer it has. Then again, maybe that's why Lee's been booked sparsely lately. Labor cheats, the whole lot of 'em in Titan Towers.

4. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 1) - Triple H laid a hell of a beating on Bryan Monday. Too bad for him Bryan used BIDE before the beatdown.

5. Kristen Bell (Last Week: 7) - I saw Frozen twice this weekend (yay having a toddler around the house), and she did good voice work, but she gets even more points for pissing off the Fox News crowd. Didn't know Veronica Mars was in the "No war but class war" sect, but I'm glad she is.

6. Mark Henry (Last Week: 10) - Mark Henry is rumored to have his own sandwich at Championship Melt on the way, but the planning has hit a snag. As it turns out, the boys in the food truck have found it hard to put an ENTIRE cow in a grilled cheese sandwich.

7. Cleanthony Early (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Sure, Wichita State lost, but my theory is that this universe is actually a splintered, dystopian reality that was the product of this dunk. In the real timeline, Early led the Shockers to a dominant win, and corgis immediately converged upon Crimea and drove Russia from the peninsula.

8. Adam Rose (Last Week: 5) - They changed his theme song. They changed his theme song? WHAT? RIOT!!

9. Allysin Kay (Last Week: Not Ranked) - The greater Detroit area had an epidemic of severed hands last Monday. I wonder why...

10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 2) - SARA DEL REY FACT: She celebrated last week's Dot Com story by cracking open a can of Nuts and Gum. Did you know they were together at last?
↧
Search

Instant Feedback: The Shrieks

March 24, 2014, 9:05 pm
$
0
0
Believe in the heroes
Photo Credit: WWE.com
The Shield and Brooklyn were already intimately tied together before tonight's RAW. Their first match as a unit took place at the Barclays Center at TLC '12, a show where they were granted instant credibility and showed the world a taste of what they would provide as a three-man unit for the next 16 months. Their coming-out party, so to speak, happened in front of WWE's modern New York City home, and in a way, they represented a paradigm shift in the company.

Group-play has never been a consistent strength in WWE's history. For every Hart Foundation v. 2.0 or Evolution, it presented long droughts without any strong stable. While NWA and WCW always had a group of gangs battling for turf to fall back upon (which is why War Games as Atlanta/Carolina's signature match made so much sense), WWE's identity as a battleground of icons and iconoclasts suited it just fine (which is why the Rumble being its signature match was perfect).

But when The Shield came along, they redefined what being a group in WWE meant. Roman Reigns, Seth Rollins, and Dean Ambrose weren't just three existing singles wrestlers coming together for a temporary goal. They debuted as a unit, and outside of a hiccup in the summer or that awful tease of breaking up before the current galvanization took hold, they have stayed the course and forced WWE to become a company that accepted units just the same as it did the solo warriors, a long way from what I thought the purpose of the group would be at least. Admittedly, I didn't believe in The Shield at first, and I thought Reigns was just a throw-in on the way to introducing Rollins and Ambrose.

Anyway, regardless of how they got to this point, The Shield finds itself in a new role. For as much as they have redefined what being a group in WWE means, they have only done half the job. When the longest lasting and most effective group of babyfaces to band together happened to top out at two and only be served as a set up implosion for WrestleMania V, then WWE might rightly be diagnosed with having a crop of heroes with major trust issues.

The black hats don't need The Hounds of Justice anymore. They have the Wyatts to have and hold and call George, and boy, are they doing a wonderfully creepy job at ruling the roost. If I didn't fall in love with the sight of the lamb mask, the sight of John Cena hung up in the ropes wearing Erick Rowan's favorite plaything might have given me nightmares. But the Wyatts, though they've executed on the template in their own way, were given rise to by The Shield. One could argue if they were the first marauders to band together and invade the main hunting grounds that they might have been just as successful.

Regardless, The Shield is now needed to catch lightning in a bottle a second time. They have to innovate the face stable, and from the looks of their beginning, they are off to just as swimming a start as they were as rudos. Reigns broke out first because WWE crowds tend to be attracted to handsome, statuesque brutes who look like they may not know this whole thing is a work. I've seen enough Reigns' spears to question whether he holds back enough on impact. Rollins followed by taking the Jeff Hardy-bump-and-highspot formula and putting a distinct punk rock spin on the whole thing.

The lynchpin is and always has been Ambrose, a man who made his bones in the indies as the kind of guy who'd make Heath Ledger's Joker look balanced and stable. He is one of two people who haven't headlined Mania yet on WWE's roster whom I think can do it as a heel (the other being Damien Sandow, and boy don't get me started on how the company's fucking him up right now), but when he channels that manic energy into playing the crowd to be on his side, it's surreal. Tonight, he showed that he can morph from Piper or the Ledger Joker into something cool, mysterious. He showed that his upside is that he can be WWE's James Dean.

The way he flicked the sweat out of his hair and jawed as he bailed from the ring to meet the Real Americans on the ramp was perhaps the coolest thing I've seen in WWE in a long while. Not cool as in "Holy crap, that was awesome," but cool in the classic, Arthur Fonzarelli sense. Then he followed it up by being the best Ricky Morton he could be in the ring. He found the niche that he could occupy, evolve, and embrace.

Their reward for this evolution has been almost immediate. In the same building where they threw down the gauntlet and shouted "THIS IS OUR YARD, MOTHERFUCKERS," they were rewarded with the raucous, arena-thundering cheers that the most hotly-anticipated wrestlers get. Of course, Brooklyn gets the rep as one of those cities, where crowds often embrace the superstars contrary to what WWE wants them to embrace. But the most telling aspect of their reception was the number of shrieks that they received.

The shrieks come from the women, not all the women (I don't wanna stereotype), but the casual fan women who come to shows for whatever reason and tend to cheer for John Cena. The Shield got those people to cheer for them on top of the jackasses like you and me who were supporting them long before it was cool. When a reaction is so overarching that it can be discerned in a crowd that often gives false positives vis a vis the rest of the WWE Universe, then you know that it represents a shift in direction.

WWE has to see that writing on the wall in order to evolve its narrative. I still have the sinking suspicion that this new reenergization of the group is only setting up for a swerve where one of them - namely Ambrose - turns. However, all three proved that they are up for the task of innovating yet another area of WWE match and character structure. They are ready to chart the uncharted once more. When a company has an act that special, it needs to realize that it can't break it up for cheap pops. The Shield is something to be evolved and tweaked over the years. They've earned the shrieks. They're golden.
↧
↧

He Lives!

March 25, 2014, 4:30 am
$
0
0
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Undertaker has gone through many iterations of his character over the year, but the original version has always been my favorite. What can I say, I love that undead zombie demon dude, so seeing him roll out with the druids and the casket and the sleight of hand was a welcome sight. If I have one quibble, and it would be a minor issue, it's the MMA gloves. Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think legit shootfighter and unholy wraith sent from Hell mix all that well. Still though, loved seeing the casket once more.
↧

Finisher Bracket, Round 2

March 25, 2014, 7:30 am
$
0
0
The first round is completely finished, and the second round is ready to begin. From here on out, you will be voting on all brackets in a day, which means the finals should be on Monday. This tournament's gonna blow by! But before the finals can get here, the round of 32 needs your votes. Among the matchups is a battle between two finishers from the same dude. So, vote!

Get to voting! NOW!
↧

Five Years of The Wrestling Blog

March 25, 2014, 10:30 am
$
0
0
Wrestling! It's why I'm here!
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Five years ago today, I wrote the first post in what I called The Wrestling Blog. At the time, I was only really watching RAW, and I had just started branching out to watching WWECW and Smackdown. It was to be an outlet for my critical mind, a thoughts dump for the shows that I would watch on a weekly basis, as well as a repository for YouTube embeds. In fact, I wasn't even sure that the blog would last five years. My interests sometimes tend to be slaves to my various flights of fancy. I've always been a wrestling fan, even in times when I wasn't watching WWE regularly. However, life is strange with what the heart wants to do.

Five years may seem short, but it is an interminably long time, especially in professional wrestling. Look at how WWE has changed over that time. The guy who presumably will walk out of WrestleMania as WWE Champion was still working bingo halls. CM Punk went from up and comer to guy-who-walked-out-at-the-height-of-his-popularity. WWE transformed into a stable-friendly company after nearly 50 years of iconoclast-centric programming. Most notably, it reinvented how wrestling would be distributed once again with The Network. And John Cena? Well, some things just don't change no matter how much time is given.

I've changed as well, and I'd like to think that my metamorphosis has coincided with how my habits watching wrestling evolved. Within a week of beginning the blog, I attended my first independent show, Chikara King of Trios '09, Night One. I consumed more independent wrestling and even watched TNA for a spell. I actually ingratiated myself with people in the business like Bryce Remsburg, Denver Colorado (the man, not the place!), and Rachel Summerlyn. And I went from a fan with a shitty Blogger account into a member of a vibrant and intelligent wrestling writer community, one that spans several sites and convenes on Twitter. Of course, I still have the shitty Blogger account, but the url/publishing service doesn't define one as much as what they do with said means.

Growing into that community and with other outstanding writers and broadcasters helped me find myself as a wrestling fan. I no longer feel that I think as monolithically as I did when I started, and I can thank the people I've met along the way, whether prominent like Brandon Stroud and Jason Mann (among others), or those who may not be known to the masses but do great work like the False Underdog and the tag team of Rachel Davies and Andrew Southern over at WRESTLEGASM (again, among others). And most telling, I've picked up my own cadre of writers, whether they still be with me today or whether they've left for their own reasons (amicably, of course).

But for all the networking I've done, all the wrestling I've covered, all the people I pissed off (hi haters!), all the shows I attended live, all the podcasts I recorded, and all the friends I've made, nothing would have been possible without wrestling and the beauty it provides. Even at my lowest point as a fan, I could pop on something, whether a YouTube video, a DVR recording of Main Event, a Smart Mark VOD, or even a funny interview segment from 20 years ago, and I would be reminded why I juggle being a father, a husband, an employee, and an amateur wrestling critic.

The love for wrestling is what kept this blog open for five years and will keep it open in the indefinite future. I don't know how much time I have left. Forget five years, I could have anywhere between five seconds and five more decades of writing this rag before I throw my hands up in the air and say "IT'S OVER!" But no matter what, I am grateful for the five years I've had so far writing here, and for everything that has come with it.

So, in closing to this self-serving and schmaltzy essay, I leave you all with three pearls of advice:
  • Good wrestling exists everywhere, and it's up to you to figure out what's best to consume.
  • You do you, and don't worry about what everyone else likes, doesn't like, or complains about.
  • Triple H has sucked, still sucks, and will forever and always suck.
Thanks for the ride. Let's keep going, shall we?
↧
↧

The Shield Gets Shine

March 25, 2014, 1:30 pm
$
0
0


The Shield got the mythical post-RAW dark match main event treatment as they went into battle against the Wyatt Family as a bonus for the live crowd. Afterwards, Seth Rollins got on the mic, lauded the crowd, and opened up their signature fist bump in triplicate for use by fans. The donning of the white hats for the group is complete. My fear is that Rollins' promo was an epilogue to the group, a curtain call so to speak before someone shockingly turns at Mania. But for now, I will continue to bask in the glory that is The Shield getting a chance to do for the babyface stable what they've done for the heel group in the last nearly-year and a half.
↧

The Best Moves Ever: Burning Lariat

March 26, 2014, 4:30 am
$
0
0
Whenever someone says "Pfft, the clothesline is such a bullshit finish," I roll my eyes a little and think of spamming whatever social media site I have open on a tab at the moment with some of the most brutal-looking lariats I can find. The n00bs recall JBL's Clothesline from Hell. The old-timers bring up Stan Hansen's Western Lariat. Indie fanatics look to Nigel McGuinnness' Jawbreaker Lariat. All of them are fine choices, but one cannot leave Kenta Kobashi's Burning Lariat out of the conversation. On the right day, it's probably my favorite version of the lariat.

↧

Finisher Bracket, Round 3

March 26, 2014, 9:25 am
$
0
0
Two rounds down, and the tournament to see the best WWE finisher ever has reached what some might call the Sweet Sixteen. This round features some juicy matches, including a battle between the Ace Crusher variants, a duel between the finishers of two guys on a collision course at WrestleMania, and the kick of the mentor against the knee of the student. Let's get to voting!

VOTE!
↧
Search

Your Midweek Links: Lousy Smarch Madness

March 26, 2014, 11:00 am
$
0
0
Is The Streak as prestigious as WWE says it is?
Photo Credit: WWE.com
It's hump day, so here are some links to get you through the rest of the week:

Wrestling Links:

- 30 backstage WrestleMania rumors and urban legends [Camel Clutch Blog]

- Do we still care about the Undertaker? [Voices of Wrestling]

- The Best and Worst of RAW: We the Sheeple [With Leather]

- Monday Night RAW 11/19/01: A Flair for the Bold [Wrestlespective Radio]

- NYWC: Angry Andy observes "The Aftermath" [Juice Make Sugar]

- Fact: "British Wrestling" does not owe you anything [The Only Way Is Suplex]

- The Best and Worst of Impact Wrestling: Heathcliff, It's Me, Jeff Hardy [With Leather]

Non-Wrestling Links:

- NCAA tournament bracket picks, 2014 NFL front office-style [SB Nation]

- Is a number 11 seed among the best teams in the country? [Regressing]

- The saddest ending you'll ever see to a creampie porn video [Gawker]

- Bruce Willis' ten most famous lost roles [UPROXX]

- A map on how Hollywood has destroyed America [The Concourse]

- I Love You, Man: Six unknown facts about the Jason Segel/Paul Rudd bromantic comedy [UPROXX]

- How to make sausage gravy and shave a few years off your lifespan [Foodspin]

- Ten notable television characters recast after the first episode [Warming Glow]

- Not just Harlem: New York is full of corroding pipes that aren't being replaced [The Verge]

- Creationists are getting all tantrum-y from being excluded from Cosmos [Jezebel]

- U of Chicago study shows that Americans believe some really dumb shit [Kitchenette]

- Why you should care about the plan to break up California [io9]
↧
↧

Best Coast Bias: We Fight (Respectfully) On Tuesday Nights!

March 26, 2014, 1:15 pm
$
0
0
Decent enemies, better friends
Photo Credit: WWE.com
There's an ancient maxim you're probably familiar with: when life hands you lemons, find somebody with sugar, and more importantly find somebody with vodka to Russian up that lemonade; it's all about the act of turning something that could've been bitter into something sweeter and delicious and liable to make you sing Taylor Swift at karaoke night.

So it's safe to assume in the narrow window in the Networked Era between RAW and the new Tuesday night delight of Main Event that the WWE doctors knew Christian was trouble -- or at least in some -- when he walked in.  Not having delivered on the doctorate my mother was so looking forward to second-grade me eventually getting, I can't say what constitutes a slight concussion.  But what it did do was rip up the plans originally put in by his win Monday night and shelve them, or at the very least invalidate the Cpt.'s number one contendership to the Intercontinental Championship for the time being.

In the sort of shades that'd bring back warm fuzzies to the heart to the WWECW fan club, what started off with Monday's fatal-fourway permutated into a triple threat to kick off the show, and then into a one-on-one title match to close it.  If you ever needed a more shining example that this wasn't even January's Main Event, three former World Champions duking it out in a triple threat for a shot at the IC belt should've glimmered brightly enough for you to point out.  And quelle surprise, getting Sheamus, Dolph Ziggler, and Alberto Del Rio in the same ring at the same time for two segments led to a damn good match.

While this had some of the similar beats that the fourway spawned, it always felt like its own seperate match.  With the Champion alternating between disbelief, pacing, and coming in and out of his chair on several occasions he had a front-row seat to one of the better bouts Main Event's ever put on.  It really helped that Ziggler and Sheamus refused to join forces at any point to put unintended sympathy on the smarmy Del Rio and rather went to firing off ridiculously well-done dropkicks and cringe-worthy body blows in an effort to bring him and each other down.  And with the crowd mostly throwing their support behind the Show Off, he made sure to take a fusillade from both opponents to milk their ardor. 

The scale was never in danger of dialing back the wayback machine to going Full Ziggler instead of Rollins, luckily, considering that this was the middle of a three-pack of hard-hitting matches Ziggler found himself part of in under a day's span.  Still, when the second half of the match unfurled it started going from regular match territory to something notable, basically by everybody getting in a couple of signatures and surviving or surviving by pulling off some nifty reversals (sometimes both). 

The way Ziggler launched himself into the winner's circle may be something they can never pull off again.  It's worth seeing way more than reading about, especially since while it happened the way it was drawn up the execution wasn't McCoolEl.  Counterargument for the defense is easy: they shouldn't even have tried to draw up something that nut clustered, let alone gotten close to the ideal.  But that done, Renee gave a quick interview with both challenger Ziggler and Champion Not Langston Anymore in-ring.  Dolph waved off Big's statement of good luck, saying he didn't need it, and this came on the heels of his pulling the old warming "he knows everything I taught him but not everything I know" sweater over the proceedings.

When they renewed acquaintances in the main event, it nearly matched the show opener.  Surprisingly enough, the Champion outwrestled Ziggler early and overpowered him late on his way to a massive flapjack/Big Ending combo to end a match that wasn't really that in doubt.  It was completely understandable given the fact that Ziggler's Teflon is starting to regrow and they have the built-in crazy schedule of matches the former MITBer had in such a small window to point to.  Not only that, but this sets the table for a possible rematch with a fresher Ziggler as well as adds another few lines to the Langston/Ziggler history WWEipedia entry that's written.  And in addition, it sets up some more possible frission when it comes to the Andre Royale come WM 30 next weekend (holy crap, WM 30 is next weekend). 

The other part of the show that was fresh even featured AJ on commentary for a 10-diva tag in case this WWEME ep was worried it wouldn't be brought up in the discussions of Best WWEME Ever.  So on one side, Summer Rae was the unofficial captain leading Foxsana, Layla and Tamina into battle against NattieKat, the Funkadactyls, Eva Marie and Emma.  This was a clever way to promo the Total Divas episode coming up Sunday, in which I found out before this match via a promo for the Total Divas episode coming up Sunday that Nattie was talking smack and Summer slapped her so hard a promo for the Total Divas episode coming up Sunday got my attention.  (Good thing that paragraph wasn't typed in the mirror since repeating it three times would cause me to care about the show.  Sorry, Trey!) 

Yet for all that and the beating Eva took it eventually came down to Tamina and Naomi.  It didn't last long since everybody fought everybody for a while in the middle of it, but when it did after a brief flurry with some Regal-quality European uppercuts from the Elle Driver of WWE the (former?) Funkadactyl got superkicked so hard it was astounding that her good eye stayed in its socket.  AJ raising her protector's hand after the match and hugging her before skipping to the back was as great a form of passively nonverbal character development that's been seen in some time.  When somebody can put the super in superkicking -- let alone out physicalling you by several phylum in a match that nobody still knows the rules for -- you hug them and you hug them a lot in the hopes they don't kick your biscuspids into the fifth row. 

Built around highlighting the importance of a secondary title with time for the Divas and Ms. Lee in the third chair.  She is not my beautiful wife, but nor is this Main Event's old house, either.  That said, it's not about how we got here for <$10 a month, but rather how long can we stay?

And if even it's merely another week, the time spent will have been worth it.
↧

Finisher Bracket, Regional Finals

March 27, 2014, 7:30 am
$
0
0
The regional finals are here. All four number one seeds survived, albeit the Sharpshooter did so via a tie. In grand wrestling tradition, instead of reopening the poll or having a sudden death tiebreaker thingy, I have decided to make the Submissions Regional Final a TRIPLE THREAT MATCH. Anyway, get to voting! The end is almost in sight!

VOTE!
↧

WrestleMania XXX Countdown: Vickie Guerrero Divas Invitational Match

March 27, 2014, 10:30 am
$
0
0
Five of the 14 who will compete in the clusterfuck at Mania
Photo Credit: WWE.com
That time of the year has descended once again…

WWE Divas Championship Vickie Guerrero Invitational Match
AJ Lee (c) vs. Brie Bella vs. Nikki Bella vs. Naomi vs. Cameron vs. Alicia Fox vs. Aksana vs. Tamina Snuka vs. Natalya Neidhart vs. Eva Marie vs. Emma vs. Summer Rae vs. Rosa Mendes vs. Layla

How: Vickie Guerrero proclaimed Lee to be "the real bitch" and then put her in a match against every contracted Diva who had already been introduced to the roster this past Monday on RAW.

The Story: WWE, in an attempt to expand its brand to other networks, launched a reality show called Total Divas. The show followed around a selection of the women on the roster, including the newly rehired Bella Twins, the Funkadactyls, Natalya Neidhart, and two new hires Eva Marie and Jojo Offerman (who died in the Avatar State somewhere between seasons 1 and 2). Because WWE had to promote the show somehow, it featured matches between the stars of the show frequently, which became a thorn in the side of one AJ Lee. The Divas Champion took offense and dropped what was dubbed at the time the "Pipe Bombshell."

Since that time, Lee has rarely defended her title, lost a bunch of non-title matches, and has been placed in a weird holding pattern where she is the de facto leader of every woman who isn't currently appearing on Total Divas. Some weeks, they rallied behind her, while others, the ranks seemed to be disjointed. Most of the last year has seen the division be contested with large tag matches where the announcers, if they talked about the match at all, seemed to imply that Lee and the other Divas were jealous of those on the reality show. The only other constant seemed to be that Lee and her cohort Tamina Snuka would beat the crap out of competitors after matches, win or lose. The antics tired Vickie Guerrero, who decided to put Lee in a multi-wrestler, one-fall-to-a-finish match at WrestleMania with every other woman currently on the roster.

Analysis: I would be shocked if this match made the card when the day of Mania arrives, actually. The tradition in the last few years has been to bump a match either to the pre-show (like with the Tag Team Championship unification match or Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus for the United States Championship) or off the show altogether (like the mixed tag atomico last year). Since WWE did not get a celebrity to appear in the Divas match this year, I don't think the women are going to be a priority this year.

Whether or not the match makes the card, it is a bad idea. Multi-wrestler matches that are stipulated as one fall to a finish rarely have the chance to be good, and given that WWE thinks so lowly of its women's division that even singles matches rarely get more than a couple of minutes, I have scant little confidence that this match is going to get any sort of story or faith behind it. The only way WWE could telegraph its intentions for this match any more blatantly would be if it put up a blinking LED sign that says "INTERMISSION, GO GET NACHOS OR TAKE A LEAK" during the elapsed time.

Who Should Win: I'm torn. On one hand, WWE kinda owes Neidhart for big for the farting gimmick. Sure, the company allowed her to be on Total Divas and get to become more of a star than she ever would have just being a "regular" Diva, but the show has also allowed Eva Marie to stay gainfully employed by WWE. Some gimmick humiliations are needed, but the farting gimmick didn't help anyone get over, didn't end up making Neidhart a bigger star, and served only to amuse someone within WWE, probably Vince McMahon, at the expense of someone who, in other circumstances, could have done better things. A WrestleMania moment would be a great receipt.

On the other hand, why the fuck should Lee lose a title she's held for longer than anyone else who's held that version of the Championship in a throwaway clusterfuck match? I know how awful WWE's main creative thrust treats women, but shouldn't Lee lose the title at the end of a story that didn't involve her correctly pointing out how much of a joke women wrestlers in WWE were? Then again, the original Pipe Bomb culminated in Triple H vs. Kevin Nash at TLC '11 and furthermore into CM Punk turning into a bitter shell of a man who rescinded every single one of his folksily heroic words before playing hackey-sack with Undertaker's urn at WrestleMania last year. To have faith in WWE Creative to do well by any wrestler not named John Cena or Triple H seems like a fool's errand.

However, the more I think about it, the more I believe that Lee should lose her title in a hot singles match at the culmination of a well-laid out feud. Whether the person who beats her is Neidhart or one of the Bellas or even a nascent callup from NXT like Paige is irrelevant. That loss just shouldn't come in a throwaway contest at Mania that may not even make the main card.

Who Will Win: This match is probably the toughest one to call on the show. Unlike the Andre the Giant Battle Royale, which has more competitors but fewer with the chance to win, I can see six potential winners here, nearly half the field. Lee could retain. Neidhart could get her moment. One of the Bella Twins could couple a win by either one of their boyfriends later on in the show with a title win here. Tamina Snuka could take the duke in a swerve turn over her former liege. However, I'll cast my lot with Naomi. She seemed destined to win the title before she got amateur plastic surgery from Aksana, and now she's arguably got the coolest look on the roster with her rad-ass eye patch.
↧

Throwback Thursday: A Little Bit of Arrogance Goes a Long Way

March 27, 2014, 1:15 pm
$
0
0
Okay, so this week's Throwback Thursday entry doesn't exactly happen at WrestleMania, but the incident in question leads directly to one of the best and most creative Mania matches of all-time. For whatever reason, Brother Love double-booked his weekly talk show with Rick "The Model" Martel and Jake "The Snake" Roberts. Martel was out hawking his new fragrance, Arrogance, which he had in a comically oversized, industrial-grade atomizer. Love accused Roberts' snake of "smelling," and you could probably guess what happened next. The best part of the whole act was that Big Boss Man came out for the save. The two had a mutual foe prior in Rick Rude, and I generally just dig when good guys are actually friends with other good guys.


This week's topic comes to us from @OMGitsOFS and Kieran Shiach, the latter who recently had me on his podcast and is a good dude.
↧
↧

Any Shows This Weekend? Mysterious PWG and Breaking Ground in Arizona

March 28, 2014, 4:30 am
$
0
0
Photo & Video Sharing by SmugMug
Michael Elgin looks to give Shane Hollister the what for Saturday
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein

The weekend is here. Some people like to go to the park. Others like to test their physical limits in marathons or Spartan races. Still others watch sports and drink beers. However, if you're a wrestling fan, the weekend presents a wide-ranging opportunity to check out the best and brightest local promotions. Odds are, if you live anywhere in the world where wrestling is popular, then a show is happening somewhere near you tonight, tomorrow, or Sunday. I will present to you the crème de la crème for this weekend.

FRIDAY

Pro Wrestling Guerrilla is running Mystery Vortex II at the American Legion Post #308 in Reseda, CA at 8 PM local time. No card has been announced yet, mainly because the gimmick of the show is that everything is a surprise going in.

NWA Southern All-Star Wrestling will be presenting its weekly slate from the SAWMill Arena in Millersville, TN at 8 PM. Among the wrestlers booked to appear are Jason Kincaid, Damien Wayne, and Primetime Brian Lee.

SATURDAY

Freakster's Roadhouse in Pontiac, IL will play host to AAW as the promotion's stars will Take No Prisoners Saturday. Doors open at 7 PM local time. The main event pits current AAW Champion Shane Hollister, seconded by the lovely Scarlett Bordeaux, against the one-man wrecking ball known as Michael Elgin. Also scheduled to appear on the show are Heritage Champion Matt Cage, ACH, Rhino, Zero Gravity, Marion Fontaine, Louis Lyndon, and Kyle O'Reilly.

The International Wrestling Federation makes its debut this weekend with the appropriately named show Breaking Ground. The show will emanate from the Celebrity Theater in Phoenix, AZ, and the show starts at 7 PM local time. The main event is a veritable dream match from where I sit, as Chris Hero battles Chris Masters. In a No Limits match, AR Fox, JT Dunn, Anthony Nese, and Rich Swann will presumably take to the air to see who will fly supreme. Austin Aries makes a rare non-TNA appearance to battle Ricochet, while Shad Gaspard returns to the ring to hoss it out with Brian Cage. John Morrison and Shelton Benjamin will collide in a match that may have been for the Intercontinental Championship at one point in WWE five years ago. In a special lucha libre exhibition, Ultimo Guerrero and Mascara Dorada will team up to take on Reaper and Valiente. Also appearing on the show will be the Young Bucks, Redrum (formerly Rellik, which is Killer spelled backwards), Mickie James, Kevin Steen, Carlito Colon, and Shane Helms.

The Mid-Atlantic Sportatorium will be rocking with Madness in Any Direction, one of CWF Mid-Atlantic's signature events. Bell time is 7:30 PM sharp, and the main event will pit Mid-Atlantic Champion Arik Royal against Marcellus King. Royal has held that title for a dog's age. Will this be the show where he finally drops it? Also appearing on the show will be Andrew Everett, the Mecha Mercenary, and Trevor Lee.

NWA Houston will hit up VFW Post #8905 in Cypress, TX at 7:30 PM local time. Byron Wilcott will defend his Lone Star Championship against the unstable Scot Summers. Also appearing on the show will be Carson, NWA Women's Champion Barbi Hayden, and "One Man" Mike Dell. If you're feeling frisky afterwards, head on over to Diablo Loco's Willowbrook location in Houston, TX for the official after party.

NWA Smoky Mountain continues the Alliance-sponsored action with Battle for the Belts at the Kingsport Civic Auditorium in Kingsport, TN at 8 PM local time. The main event is for the NWA World Tag Team Championships. The three-way dance pits the Champs, Rob Conway and Jax Dane, against two hungry teams. The first challengers are the Illuminati of Chase Owens and Chris Richards. The other team is the Lords of Kaos, Damien Wayne and Lance Erikson. Also appearing on the show will be Sigmon and Jason Kincaid.

Anarchy Wrestling's Hardcore Hell 2014 takes place at the Anarchy Arena in Cornelia, GA at 8 PM local time. Among those on the show will be Anarchy Champion Mikael Judas, Tag Team Champions the Washington Bullets, Shaun Tempers, "Hit for Hire" Bobby Moore, Mike Posey, Corey Hollis, and the incomparable Iceberg.

Deep Southern Championship Wrestling heads north to Copperhill, TN's Copper Basin High School for some rasslin' action. Doors open at 7 PM local time, and the show includes KT Hamill and Cyrus the Destroyer.

Empire Pro Wrestling will be at 22 Austin Ave. in Rossville, GA at 8:05 PM local time. The show is headlined by a street fight between Logan Alvey and Bobby Hayes.

Destination One Wrestling will be riding down the Road to Destiny at the Charlestown Civic Center in Charlestown, IN. Doors open at 7 PM. The main event a match straight outta Smoky Mountain Wrestling, as Tracy Smothers defends his D1W Championship against "Grandmaster Sexay" Brian Christopher. Mad Man Pondo will battle Nikolai Volkoff, and the Road to Destiny battle royale will take place with the winner receiving a golden ticket of sorts to get any match he or she desires. Also appearing on the show will be Ron Mathis and the Irish Airborne.

New England Frontier Wrestling's Slamrock 2 takes place at the First Congregational Church in West Springfield, MA. If you get the VIP tickets, you can enter the building at 6 PM local time for a meet-'n-greet with the wrestlers. General admission lets in at 6:30 PM. Scheduled to appear on the show are Vader, Icarus, Aaron Epic, Latin Dragon, Bobby Ocean, and Latin Dragon.

Monster Factory Pro Wrestling will be opening the doors of its school in Paulsboro, NJ at 7 PM. Go and see the future stars of WWE today.

SUNDAY

Destiny Awaits SMASH Wrestling at the 227 Lounge in Ebiticoke, ON at 4 PM local time. The main event will give local boy Tyson Dux the opportunity of a lifetime, as he takes on Chris Hero. In four way action, Vanessa Kraven, Seleziya Sparx, Courtney Rush, and LuFisto will compete for the honor of being Canada's team captain for the Canusa Classic 2014. Also appearing on the show will be Louis Lyndon, Pepper Parks, Johnny Gargano, Rich Swann, Matt Cross' Beard, and Alex Shelley.

BattleWar 17 will emanate live from Les Foufounes Electriques in Montreal, QC at 8 PM local time. The main event will pit BattleWar Champion "Dirty" Buxx Belmar against the mysterious Big Bad Quentin, the barbecue thief. Portia Perez will look to strike a blow for women everywhere as she looks to smack the misogyny straight out of Shane Matthews' mouth. Also appearing on the show will be Le Tabarnak de Team.

Great wrestling happens everywhere. I can only shed light on so much. Go to the shows listed above if you can, but if you find a show locally where you live, go to that too. Sure, the event might literally be in a barn, but it might be the most fun you'll have all week. Wrestling only grows artistically if people like you and I support it. Besides, your favorite wrestler or promotion may be out there already. You just don't know it yet.
↧

Finisher Bracket, Semifinals

March 28, 2014, 7:30 am
$
0
0
The individual regions have been decided. The last four standing have been revealed, and lo and behold, all four number one seeds have survived, albeit barely in the case of the Sharpshooter. Today, you, yes YOU, will decide which finishing moves will square off Monday for the right to be called the greatest finisher in WWE history. VOTE WISELY. On one side, the finishing moves of heated rivals who faced off at WrestleMania 13 will square off. On the other side, the respective moves of the first two men to lay claim to the moniker Mr. WrestleMania will joust for the other spot in the finals. HAVE AT IT:

Vote well. Vote wisely. Spread the word.
↧
Search

WrestleMania XXX Countdown: Tag Team Championship Four-Way

March 28, 2014, 10:30 am
$
0
0
Will Jack Swagger be able to separate the Usos from each other long enough to win at Mania?
Photo Credit: WWE.com
WWE Tag Team Championship Fatal Four Way Match
The Usos (c) vs. the Real Americans vs. Los Matadores vs. Curtis Axel and Ryback

How: Axel and Ryback got the shot at the Usos for aiding Kane's assault on The Shield. Presumably, the Real Americans also received their place in the match as a favor from The Authority after their rematch against The Shield didn't go as planned. Los Matadores were added randomly during the last week, probably because they defeated Rybaxel at some point.

The Story: I'm pretty sure I laid out the story of the match in the "How" section. The Usos really don't have much of a beef with any of those four teams, excepting that they're all members of the tag team division, which at times has been hot in the past year.

Then again, tangentially connecting dots leads me to think that the fact the Usos are in there with three other teams stems from certain relationships with former Champions and The Authority. In January, the New Age Outlaws came to the aid of CM Punk against The Shield at Old School RAW. That alliance came to an abrupt end when they bailed on Punk in a trios match later that week on Smackdown. After feuding with Punk in the leadup to the Royal Rumble, the Outlaws got a shot at Cody Rhodes and Goldust, then the Tag Team Champions, after upending them in a non-title match.

The Outlaws won the belts at the Rumble pre-show, and almost immediately were shunted into a feud with the Usos. During their feud, the Usos took any chance they could at humiliating the Outlaws, and finally, the Usos won the titles on RAW in February. The Outlaws backed out of a rematch after it was revealed Road Dogg had an injury, so Los Matadores took their place.

The Outlaws finally revealed themselves to be part of The Authority by coming out with Kane in suits during the beatdown on The Shield last week on RAW. After that event took place, three teams were added to their slate at Mania. PUT TWO AND TWO TOGETHER, SHEEPLE! CHEMTRAILS! BENGHAZI! RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE!

Analysis: This match, which is also a prime candidate to get bumped to the pre-show, has fallen victim to the bloat with which WrestleMania gets afflicted. Once a year, Vince McMahon's heart grows three sizes, and he gets the urge to make sure everyone on the roster gets his or her WrestleMania payday. The problem is that Los Matadores and Rybaxel both are teams that belong nowhere near the Tag Team Championships under normal circumstances. WWE gave Rybaxel a slick in with their reward for partaking in corporately backed chicanery, but wouldn't this match be a far better statement towards the rekindling of the tag team division if the Usos and Real Americans were the only teams fighting?

Still, as much as I dislike multi-man singles matches, multi-team tags never seem to have the same kind of bloat or deus ex machina -caused infirmity for one of the members of the match so that the story doesn't get jumbled. Rybaxel as a team is criminally underrated. Los Matadores? Well, I wish that WWE would take the masks off them, let them be Primo and Epico once more, and have El Torito roam the WWE landscape on his own. Right now, as a group, they falter hugely in the ring for me.

Who Should Win: The only way I think the Usos shouldn't walk out of this event as Tag Team Champions is if the Real Americans aren't splitting up in the aftermath and end up becoming a legit babyface tag team after jettisoning Zeb Colter. Which is to say, I think the Usos should definitely win this match, feud with a bunch of teams before losing the belts to the Ascension at SummerSlam or something like that.

Who Will Win: The Usos will win. Neither Rybaxel nor Los Matadores are over enough to be Tag Champions, and as much as WWE is hesitating on splitting the Real Americans, that team cannot contain the awesome, hossy hero-power of one Antonio Cesaro any longer. Winning the Tag Straps would be a step back for them in terms of storytelling.
↧

The One Where I Talk About My Favorite Streak Match Ever

March 28, 2014, 2:35 pm
$
0
0
Photo Credit: WWE.com
The Streak Podcast Part 9

Robert Fuller of Lo-Down Wrestling had me on his podcast series about The Streak. On this episode, we talked about WrestleMania X-7's match, Undertaker vs. Triple H. We talk about how this match was part of the end of the Attitude Era, Undertaker's biker gimmick, and the chaotic nature of the match itself. Give it a listen!
↧
↧

Twitter Request Line, Vol. 70

March 29, 2014, 5:20 pm
$
0
0
One of my favorite moments ever
Photo Credit: WWE.com
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, especially around Friday night after Smackdown, and wait for the call. Anyway, time to go!

Opening up the proceedings this week is Scott T. Holland both of the Royal Rumble stats series here and of Irresistible vs. Immovable. He asks what my favorite moments from each of the Hall of Famers are.

ULTIMATE WARRIOR: When he looked into his hands after not being able to put away the Macho King at WrestleMania VII
JAKE "THE SNAKE" ROBERTS: This promo
LITA: Any time she gave a male assailant the what for, even if she was the aggressor
PAUL BEARER: So many great moments to choose from, but I'll go with his most recent return in WWE, when the casket opened and he popped up out of it
CARLOS COLON: Gonna be honest, haven't seen much of him, but I'll go with giving the world Primo, I suppose.
MR. T: His turn as Officer Earl Devereaux in Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs
RAZOR RAMON: Taking the Intercontinental Championships at WrestleMania X

Token Canadian @DasNordlicht91 asks what my favorite WrestleMania ending is.

WrestleMania X-7 is probably my favorite Mania ever for several reasons, not the least of which being its ending. Having Steve Austin align with Vince McMahon was the bravest thing WWE could have done at the time, and the execution of the turn felt genuinely shocking and sensical. The shame part was how awfully the company followed it up, but the moment was stellar.

I reserve the right to change this answer, however, if WrestleMania XXX ends the way I think it will - or at least should - with Daniel Bryan leading the world's largest and loudest YES! chant.

Twitter picture slinger @NielJacoby asks which wrestler would have the best theme song for singing his/her name repetitively to his/her theme song.

I always liked Edge and Christian's rendition of [REDACTED]'s theme song, but that doesn't count since it wasn't just them singing "Chris Benoit" over and over. My pick would be Kane's theme. He's got a monosyllabic name, and his theme is conducive to to drawing it out.

Father of the World's Strongest Baby @AyYoAlo wants to know my pick to win the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royale.

Even though he hasn't been announced for the fray yet and already has a match at Mania, I still got Antonio Cesaro winning this thing. Bryan won't be the only guy pulling double duty for this Mania. Besides, four slots are still blank, three if you believe that Rob van Dam is returning for this match. However, if Cesaro isn't in the match, I'm gonna give the nod to The Miz, just because WWE is all about catching lightning in a bottle again and cultivating a new Streak for when Undertaker retires.

@OkoriWadsworth asks what kind of peanut is my favorite for snacking.

Peanuts are my second favorite nuts for snacking, after cashews, so I like a good bit of them. However, my favorites are the candied ones you get on the street in New York. I like how the shell and the nut interplay. Great stuff.

Notable member of the Philadelphia-native Pitt alumni society @85mf asks what the best case scenario for the Divas clusterfuck.

The absolute best case scenario would be AJ Lee reaching her limit break and throwing a nasty Climhazzard all over everyone in the match before welcoming Paige as a worthy challenger for the next few months. Since that scenario can only happen in my sleep-deprived mind, the real best case would be Lee escaping with the Championship and brought back into focus on the show. I don't mind WWE promoting Total Divas on the show, but Lee by far is the best thing going and having her be "jealous" over their success despite the fact that she's been Champion for a dog's age is criminal. If the endgame is getting the title onto a Bella or Nattie Neidhart, then I'd rather see it happen in a singles match with a good build.

As an aside, I'm astounded at how much better the Bella Twins have gotten. They deserve props, man.

Strong Island bro @mikepankowski wants to know why his Lego DeLorean pack didn't come with Lego versions of Archibald Peck and 3.0.

Because Lego used up all its awesome quotient for the year with The Lego Movie. If the company had included Marchie Archie and 3.0, it might have imploded the space-time continuum.

International Object podcast co-host Rich Thomas wants to know if I've ever had Beaver Brand Coney Island Mustard.

I haven't, but I will take the opportunity this question has presented to rank the TOP FIVE MUSTARDS EVER:

1. MR. MUSTARD SWEET-HOT: The perfect combination of sweet and spicy
2. THOSE HOT MUSTARD PACKETS YOU GET WITH CHINESE FOOD: The afterburn is worth it
3. GREY POUPON: You're damn right I ain't sharing
4. MR. MUSTARD SPICY BROWN: The best of that subset of mustard
5. KITCHEN KETTLE VILLAGE HONEY MUSTARD: Honey mustard is definitely an A+ mustard player

@KolonelKayfabe wants to know if Jingle All the Way is my favorite movie.

I've actually never seen it. SHOCK!

@4joncomas asks how I'd fix the trainwreck that is the WWE announce table.

First, I would fire JBL into the Sun. Second, I would convince Vince McMahon to set up a salary for Jerry Lawler not to appear on the show.

After that, I would lure Scott Stanford back from his cushy newsdesk job in New York and make him the voice of Smackdown, while retaining Michael Cole as the head gig on RAW. I would pair Cole with William Regal as the top announce team, and Stanford with Byron Saxton. The three-man PPV booth would be helmed by Cole and flanked by Regal and Saxton. I would use NXT to cultivate more announcers just in case any of the above end up being lured back to gigs in "real" journalism. And furthermore, I would keep Vince McMahon's input into the earpieces limited to commercial breaks. Boom, problems solved in theory.

Wrestle-Bro @detectorsarcasm asks with the Bond-motif for Chikara's show names, what Bond storylines could I see the company pulling off.

I'm woefully behind on my Bond stories. I've only seen Goldeneye, but that story is one that could translate to the Chikara landscape, especially if the Alec Trevalyan in this case is... CHRIS HERO?!?!?! Other stories with death rays and moon seizures might not be too farfetched for Chikara to tackle, but I would go with the movie that became one of the best video games ever.

Benevolent robotic wrestling fan algorithm @robot_hammer asks what I would do creatively with Sheamus after Mania.

I would love to see him as Triple H's new hired muscle after Mania. Since The Shield has gone tecnico and Randy Orton looks to be falling out of favor with The Authority, I can see a shakeup in the bad guy order after Mania. With Bryan as the new Champion having toppled the established order, Trips would have to regroup with Batista as his centerpiece and perhaps Sheamus as his new enforcer among others. Sheamus seems better as a bad guy anyway, and his vulnerable big man style in the ring would play even better as a heel than a face.

@Michael_T1919 asks what the scariest worked and shoot moments in wrestling history are from my standpoint.

The scariest shoot moment, by far, is when Owen Hart died. I don't think that needs further explanation.

The scariest worked moment, at least from a pre-teen TH's view, was when The Undertaker and Jake "The Snake" Roberts invaded the wedding reception for Randy Savage and Miss Elizabeth. Undertaker then was imposing, and the spectre of a cobra biting Miss Elizabeth in the face was frightening to me.

Austin wrestling fan and former e-fed bro @michaelkdupin asks if I think Dean Ambrose should lose the United States Championship before or after The Shield breaks up.

Personally, I don't think The Shield should break up at all. But if they do, I do think it should tie into Ambrose losing the United States Championship, preferably to, I don't know, Sami Zayn? That match would be hot. Have Roman Reigns mess up on interference and have it be the straw that breaks the camel's back. But seriously, I don't think they should break up, and Ambrose should lose the title to someone in a hot singles match at a pay-per-view or something like that.

The great folks a the What A Maneuver!! podcast ask if Vince Russo, Ed Ferrara, and Eric Bischoff were drowning, and I could only save two of them, to which one would I throw a barbell?

Russo and Ferrara are both awful and don't deserve credit for the good in wrestling they did for all the bad that came with it, but at least those two aren't vocal in their crusade for how rich white men are so oppressed in this country. I would throw all the barbells at Bischoff. ALL OF THEM.

@Jonathon_GT asks, as a too-old wrestling fan who has gotten back into the game again, what media he should consume, aside from this blog, and the Austin, Cheap Heat, and JR podcasts.

First, go up one question and subscribe to the What A Maneuver podcast. It's a great look at the Attitude Era/Monday Night Wars, an honest one at that. I would also subscribe to The Mandible Claw, International Object, and Wrestlespective Radio podcasts. All of them are fascinating looks at wrestling with three different purviews.

@brianbrown25 asks who better than Kanyon?

Only Buddy.

Photo Credit: TH

Real-life friend @WetOREO asks what I think of the whole Stephen Colbert flap going on.

I actually had thoughts on this over at my Tumblr. I read some other essays on the subject at Jezebel and Deadspin. Basically, this issue is more complex than just getting jokes or being offended.

Basically, satire's a complex thing to process, and it can easily blow up in the user's face. Obviously, the outrage started when Suey Park saw a poorly thought-out tweet from the Colbert Report account. If she had seen the actual skit first, would she have been as outraged though? I don't know. I can't speak for her, but I do know that Asians, like anyone who isn't a white, straight, Christian male with some amount of money in this country, still face a lot of real crap shoveled into their faces. Did she not get a joke? Probably. But I will never hate on anyone for not getting a joke, especially when that person is not a privileged party. However, I recognize this issue is very complex, and that so many people blew it out of proportion. Still, when dealing with race relations in this country, the burden of sensitivity ought to reside with the privileged class, not the oppressed.

Finally, @Doc_Ruiz2012 asks what my favorite Xavier Woods match is, and why it's vs. Rusev.

To be honest, I can't pick out a standout Woods match out of a lineup. I was a late adopter to NXT, and his matches on RAW have been forgettable so far. So yeah, Rusev. I guess.
↧

Best Coast Bias: Some Things Borrowed, Something New

March 31, 2014, 4:30 am
$
0
0
When in doubt for the rubber match, pull a new trick out of the bag
Photo Credit: WWE.com
NXT announced their Arrival a few weeks ago with an unbelievably tight two-hour wrestling program that had nearly a CDs worth of MOTY candidates in the main three matches. In the weeks following while the narrative was advanced, none of the shows were major, and the pro graps suffered a bit as a result.

But with the third installment of Neville v. Dallas headlining this show Vengeance, there was no second-tier status to be found.  In fact, depending on your personal tastes, you might've found this chapter in the saga the best of the three even moreso than the ladder match that constituted chapter two.

Dallas came out all business (matching a motif well done by several babyfaces in the evening) and quickly rolled off some grappling and flash pins in the first 20 seconds.  Collar and elbow tieups brought each man momentary advantages but it was a virtual draw that caused each man to glare flintily at each other in recognition and disrespect.  And off of that foundation the match steadily built: Dallas was doubling and tripling down on his usual offense, going for multiple pinfalls off of moves on several occasions.  Neville managed to pop a few flashes with an Asai suicida but spent the majority of the tail end recovering from getting murked off a rebound lariat from the former Champ.  Then it was about counters and counters, and Bo had his man scouted.  For a while he avoided the apron gamengiri, and when Neville uncorked the Red Arrow it was right into Bo's knees and a small package.

It was a false finish, but perfectly done and logical in all of the ways that make NXT great when it's great.  But Dallas couldn't Future Shock his way to victory, and even when he countered a run up the ropes tornado DDT he ran into a superkick that was just as murkworthy as his clothesline had been earlier.  From there, Neville went up top and...and...what.  I've seen it called the Burning Star Press, though I suspect it's been called the Imploding Star Press as well.  Either way, it was THIS crazy ass piece of business, and everybody in the audience lost their minds (justifiably so) and knew it was over. But even his pulling something out like that to close proved how smart Bo had wrestled the match: he had a counter for everything he'd seen before, so Neville had to reach into the archives for something else from his gentleman's arrangement with the laws of physics to keep the belt.  It'll be interesting to see where they go with Bo from here, but Neville earned his biggest win of his reign so far in a great match that dismantled the whole "you beat me but you didn't pin me" argument that was smart that the ex-Champion had shadily thrown his way the last few weeks.

The main highlight between Arrival and Vengeance has been without a doubt the divas division.  (Thanks, Sara!)  What could've been a normal Charlotte/Natalya match was enlivened by Sasha seconding the latest Flair progeny and Bret Hart out to ringside with his niece.  The Hitman didn't get involved but his appearance was enough for a happy crowd--that's assuming they weren't happy enough getting a really good match, as NattieKat's recent Full Sail trips have hooked her up to the rejuvenation machine and Charlotte's coming along by leaps and bounds in 2014.  Watching a Flair and a Hart trade wrestling holds and counters for over 200 seconds to start a match even with the hatred bubbling right below the surface just feels right, you know?

Once Natalya uncorked a slap you knew it was going to get more vicious, and most of it came from Flair's canniness (avoiding a Sharpshooter attempt) and, well, Flairness (step 1: work the leg step 2: work the leg step 3: work the leg step 4: figure it).  Yet the veteran instincts of Nattie came out: she countered the f4 while Charlotte ended up in the Sharpshooter and having to be saved by Sasha.  The Boss would also get the Shooter as well, which makes sense.  Good as Charlotte and Sasha are, they're still essentially in their rookie years, and a sentence from Nat's C.V. is probably longer than their whole resume at this point.

In order to get in some reps before he took on Sami Zayn next week, Corey Graves took on Yoshi Tatsu and made him tap out to the Lucky XIII.  It's adorable that Graves thinks by intoning the phrase on his knuckles the president of the El Generico Fan Club will do such a thing, but at least Yoshi got in some good-looking and crisp offense in before falling to the Pittsburghian.  It's pretty awesome seeing somebody who hasn't gotten in some shots in way too long doing it, and Graves being so thoroughly hateable that the crowd reacted immediately with great joy.  They don't care who even if they do prefer Sami greatly, they just care that somebody beat up on Corey Graves.  If only there was some term to connote "nothing special happened but this served its purpose exactly".  BCB'll get to work on that.

The dark horse quality match on this show went to Breeze/Woods, which had been building since Arrival and T Beezy throwing X to the Bulgarian wolf lest his good looks get marred.  Xavier fought angry but cleanly to begin the outing.  The singing and dancing was left to the Funkadactyls of the world, and good show on him for that.  In fact, if he wants to stop doing that ever again, even better.  With both men being about the same size Breeze even got to have a couple of spots of powering down Woods off of the ropes.  The King of Vain unsheathed a bulldog into the middle turnbuckle that he may want to bring into his arsenal full-time, and survived a really vicious Shining Wizard from Woods to put a Beauty Shot Out Of Nowhere!™ on him to get a victory.  And you know, he and Neville do have a bit of a history together...not that we're saying.  Just saying.

With Mojo Rawley continuing his winning ways by getting the best of CJ Parker in the opener, Vengeance justified the special event name designation that it received in an hour-long show that seemingly went by in half the time.  Full Sail can do worse than building to quarterly annual events with monthly Clash of the Championsesque programs, especially when we get things like Neville/Dallas III in the main event as the crumbled-up cookie things on the sundae of NXT to sit contentedly in our bellies.
↧

WrestleMania XXX Countdown: Andre the Giant Battle Royale

March 31, 2014, 7:30 am
$
0
0
IT'S GONNA BE HUGE, BROTHER
Photo Credit: WWE.com
The Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royale
Big E Langston vs. Christian vs. Sin Cara vs. Rey Mysterio vs. The Big Show vs. Alberto del Rio vs. Brodus Clay vs. Cody Rhodes vs. Goldust vs. Santino Marella vs. Damien Sandow vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Heath Slater vs. Drew McIntyre vs. Jinder Mahal vs. the Great Khali vs. R-Truth vs. Justin Gabriel vs. Sheamus vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Darren Young vs. Titus O'Neil vs. Fandango vs. Zack Ryder vs. Mark Henry vs. The Miz vs. ??? vs. ??? vs. ??? vs. ???

How: Hulk Hogan came out on RAW a couple of weeks ago and announced it, brother.

The Story: Basically, Vince McMahon wants to give as many wrestlers paydays for WrestleMania as possible, so everyone who isn't in a big feud match is going to end up here. That explanation is not interesting. So I'll write one in Hulk Hogan's voice.

Y'KNOW SOMETHING, TEE-DUBYA-BEE MANIACS, I'M HOSTING WRESTLEMANIA THIS YEAR, THE SHOWCASE OF THE IMMORTALS, JACK. AND THERE AIN'T NO ONE MORE IMMORTAL THAN ANDRE THE GIANT, BROTHER, EVEN THOUGH HE'S BEEN DEAD FOR TWO DECADES NOW, DEAD BECAUSE I DROPPED THE LEG ON HIM AND HE NEVER RECOVERED FROM IT. I CAN'T DROP THE LEG ON ANYONE ANYMORE BECAUSE MY DOCTOR SAYS IF I DROP IT ONE MORE TIME, I'LL SHATTER INTO A BILLION LITTLE HULKAPIECES, BROTHER. BUT AIN'T NO DOCTOR GONNA TELL ME I CAN'T HULK UP ONE MORE TIME, JACK.

BUT ANYWAY DUDES, THIS ANDRE THE GIANT BATTLE ROYALE IS GONNA BE OFF THE CHAIN. OFF. THE. CHAIN. BROTHER. THIRTY DUDES ARE GONNA GET INTO THE RING FOR THE CHANCE TO WIN THE ANDRE TROPHY. I TOLD VINCE MAC-MAHON, BROTHER, I TOLD HIM THAT TROPHY HAD TO BE LIFE-SIZED, BUT HE SAID IF IT WAS, THE ONLY PEOPLE THAT WOULD BE ABLE TO LIFT IT WOULD BE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER AND YOURS TRULY, BROTHER. DIDN'T WANT TO SHOW UP THE YOUNGSTERS. THIS BATTLE ROYALE THOUGH IS GONNA BE AWESOME, BROTHER.

EVERYONE'S GONNA BE IN IT, DUDE. WE GOT ANDRE THE GIANT'S OWN FLESH AND BLOOD, THE GIANT. DID YOU KNOW I ONCE THREW A MONSTER TRUCK ON HIM FROM THE TOP OF THE JOE LOUIS ARENA IN DETROIT? THAT'S WHEN THIS BUSINESS WAS JUMPIN', JACK. THEN THERE'S MARK HENRY, BOTH OF DUSTY'S KIDS, BROTHER, THE WEIRD DUDE AND THE REALLY HANDSOME ONE. THEN THERE'S THAT DUDE WHO JUST CAME OUT OF THE CLOSET, AND, UH, THAT GUY WHO PLAYED FOR IOWA, I THINK? OH YEAH, AND I THINK TED DIBIASE'S GONNA BE IN IT TOO. OR WAS THAT TED ARCIDI? I DON'T EVEN KNOW ANYMORE, BROTHER.

OH YEAH, THAT PALE-ASS IRISH DUDE IS GONNA BE IN IT, BROTHER. I GOT A GOOD FEELING ABOUT HIM, JACK. MAYBE I COULD SHOW HIM A THING OR TWO ABOUT SKIN COLOR, TAKE HIM UNDER MY WING. HIS HAIR ISN'T THE ONLY THING THAT SHOULD BE ORANGE, BROTHER. AH FUCK IT, AM I GONNA HAVE TO ENTER AND WIN THIS THING ALL BY MYSELF? NONE OF THESE CATS ARE READY YET, BROTHER.

*Tears off shirt*

WHAT'CHA GONNA DO WHEN THE OLDEST PYTHONS IN THE WORLD RUN WILD ON YOU AND THEN BODYSLAM THE ANDRE THE GIANT MEMORIAL TROPHY, BROTHER?

Analysis: Battle royales are good, clean, rasslin' fun. They are the ultimate in wrestling junk food. Oftentimes, they aren't steeped in story, and they don't have to be to be effective. The stories end up materializing during the match most of the time, and the beauty is that they can either be self-contained or lead into something bigger after the match is over. For example, this match could be the launching point for Cody Rhodes and Goldust breaking up as a tag team. Or it could be the match where either Big E Langston or Alexander Rusev break out through random deeds of hossery. Rusev's not announced, sure, but I doubt he won't be filling one of those four empty slots.

Speaking of the empty slots, I'm intrigued to see how they'll get filled out. If Rusev is guaranteed one slot, then three are left for surprises. One such shock entry could be Rob van Dam, who has recently telegraphed a return to the company. Another surprise entrant could be Antonio Cesaro. Cesaro's dance card has already been punched with a four-corners Tag Team Championship match, but in a recent interview he conducted with Hulk Hogan, the Hulkster urged him to steal some spotlight for himself in the match.

Who could the fourth competitor be? I don't have as great a read on that entry as I might the other three. That entrant could be Evan Bourne or Roddy Piper or Hacksaw Jim Duggan or El Torito or someone else I may not be thinking of. However, no matter who gets that last assumed spot, I doubt the quality of the match will be impacted too much. Speaking of said quality, this match is going to feature hosses slapping against each other like elephant seals, acrobatic eliminations from little dudes, and melees that involve so many different combatants. While this match doesn't project to be the best on the card, it certainly could be the most fun.

Who Should Win: The shortlist contains three guys, two of which haven't been announced yet. First, if WWE wants to get Cesaro's big babyface run off to a rip-roaring start, it would have him clean house and win the Andre Trophy. Said trophy would be a great thing for Jack Swagger to destroy in the coming weeks during a singles feud between the two. The second option would be Rusev. WWE tried to do a similar career jump start at WrestleMania last year with Fandango beating Chris Jericho, but I think having a giant bronze Andre to lug around and superiority over 29 other wrestlers would be far more imposing and impressive than gaining a roll-up on Jericho.

But if I'm not going to project a "surprise" entrant, then I'd say that Big E Langston should totally win this thing. The Intercontinental Championship has become an anchor around his waist (thanks, WWE Creative!), and he needs something new to boost himself. The Andre Trophy could give him the extra fuel in his tank to move forward, especially if he finds someone entrepreneurial to break it and give him a reason to mash his head in…

Who Will Win: Even though WWE already gave Big Show his WrestleMania moment with the victory over Cody Rhodes a few years back and are telegraphing him just a bit too hard right now, I can totally see Show getting the duke here. It's the first annual match of its kind, and giving the win to the guy who broke into the biz as Andre's "son" seems like a WWE thing to do.

One guy to keep an eye on as a dark horse to win, however, is The Miz. Since the pre-show doesn't count, he's still undefeated at WrestleMania, and everyone knows how much WWE likes to try and photocopy special stuff that happens under its watch. The Miz as the new Undertaker would seem underwhelming, but it's a possibility. It's always a possibility.

AND OF COURSE, BROTHER, DON'T COUNT OUT THE HULKSTER, DUDE. (I'm only half-joking)
↧
Viewing all 4899 articles
Browse latest View live
Search