"I'm sorry. I love you." No other words need to be typed to describe this match.
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From the Archives: Shawn Michaels vs. Ric Flair, Career Threatening Match, WrestleMania XXIV
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The Past is Prologue: Total Divas Season 2, Episode 3
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| A well-deserved slap to Nattie from Summer Rae Photo Credit: WWE.com |
This episode at least figures out an effort, albeit by running some of its most vapid stories into the ground. Total Divas succeeds by its level of trainwreck, which especially gets nasty when we go into what I call "everyone hates Summer." Probably because they like cold things and jackets or something. Anyway.
1. Summer Rae
I get that it's the nickname of her fellow BFF member Sasha Banks, but I consider Summer Rae the Boss of Total Divas. I actually think I understand her character flaw as read on the show, which is actually giving a shit about what people think, although it is a clear contradiction to the Summer that just throws all the shade at Nattie, too. Summer actually doesn't hate the locker room and if anything, she hates to be misrepresented. I don't know if Summer actually cares about the charge of being considered a starfucker (basically what causes the blowups in the episode in the first place), but she realizes that blowing up the passive-aggressive dramatics has far more value than to allow that shit to be nagging. Maybe this is a terrible mindset. I kind of feel like this could be my outcast tendencies talking. The ones that lend me to sitting at my own table during meetings and sneering any time folks in my rank give me marching orders. Oh god, this is last week all over again sorry everyone won't do that mistake twice.
2. Daniel Bryan
The Daniel Bryan of Total Divas is kind of awesome, as this bus lord who also mocks the shit out of Ariane's efforts at a music career, the idea of anyone pooping, and sex on a bus. Goddammit, no spunk on the
3. Trinity
You still mah girl! The character of Trinity has her shit straight still, even when her character flaw is saying yes to sex on a bus. But fuck it, man. That's better than hating an overly excitable lady because you have no emotions any more, everyone else.
4. Jon/Jimmy Uso
Somehow managed to make being horny not seem like he was being too pushy.
5. Eva Marie
DIDN'T DO ANYTHING AND WAS NOT TERRIBLE.
6. Nikki Bella
BARELY DID ANYTHING EXCEPT FOR THAT INSTIGATING BULLSHIT BUT WAS NOT TERRIBLE.
7. Ariane
HAS A SINGLE OH--forgot to turn off caps lock. But yeah, "Boy Bye."
8. Dean Ambrose
Forgot to put him up last week for his two second appearance eating. Forgive me.
9. Brie Bella
Genuinely went to hate when she didn't understand why Summer Rae would want to hash out feelings with Daniel Bryan and just thought she wanted some D-Bry. I think Daniel's attractive too, but Jesus, have some trust. Daniel did say it was weird, but let's be honest, dude's lived in Aberdeen. He's had weird conversations before. Daniel Bryan saying he had a weird chat is Daniel Bryan saying he had a chat.
10. Nattie
God, what in the hell happened to her? This was one of those moments where I was actually hoping the artifice of reality television allows me to believe a person's mindset could actually not be so awful. Nattie hates Summer Rae essentially for wearing less clothes and for that one incident that apparently confuses the shit out of her into stirring up a mental picture of Summer Rae as two-faced. Oh and shames the shit out of Summer for being single at 29 (as a single person at 24, fuck off), for the clothes thing (because slut-shaming), and while she didn't hit Brie's coup de grace of telling Summer to keep her legs closed (also slut-shaming), the slap Summer gives to Nattie was well-deserved. But hey, maybe she's not really like that. Otherwise, eesh.
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The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings, March 31
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| Bryan laying down the law on the bus Photo Credit: WWE.com |
1. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 4) - Bryan showed he's the best in the world by not showing up to RAW the week after he got murked to infinity. Proper rest and convalescence is important before a big title match. Also, he said something about a bus on Total Divas last night? I dunno, ask Trey about that.
2. Athena (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Not only did she hand Athena her first clean loss in AIW in over two years yesterday, she unlocked the cheat code and attained INFINITE SWAG. Listen people, I don't make the rules here.
3. AJ Lee (Last Week: 3) - Now, why do I keep ranking AJ Lee this high despite the fact that WWE doesn't give her much of a platform to prove said ranking? Fuck you, that's why.
4. Candice LeRae (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Yeah, she didn't defeat Adam Cole for the PWG World Championship last week, but I get the feeling that when she accepted Joey Ryan's proposal to win the Tag Championships will be even more smashing.
5. Terry Funk (Last Week: Not Ranked) - The man is three months from turning 70 and wrestling in TLC matches against deranged montherfuckers in England. He is more of a human being than all of us will ever be.
6. Mark Henry (Last Week: 6) - If Mark Henry doesn't win the Andre Battle Royale, I have it on good authority that he'll eat a Volkswagen Beetle.
7. Aaron Harrison (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Harrison not only hit the dagger to send Kentucky to the Final Four, he was so cool that he made a team coached by John Calipari, a guy who makes Eric Bischoff seem not shady in comparison, rootable.
8. Prince Devitt (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Okay, maybe Devitt's dedicated to this body art thing he's got going.
9. Taco Bell Breakfast Menu (Last Week: Not Ranked)OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - I haven't eaten it yet, but apparently, the reviews have been rave. Of course, maybe I should stop hanging around stoners all the time, but at least they're getting breakfast food before going to bed for the afternoon.
10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - SARA DEL REY FACT: The latest earthquake in California reminded her to put another 30 cases of gum in her emergency bunker for when the Yellowstone Supervolcano finally blows.
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Instant Feedback: Go Home
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| Home. Photo Credit: WWE.com |
So Daniel Bryan coming out and laying waste to his three presumed opponents Sunday sent shivers down spines everywhere because those watching, myself included, have heard the rumors backstage that Vince McMahon likes to swerve the audience, and I've seen that playbook followed to a tee on a handful of occasions. The problem in this situation is that the narrative is playing right into fears that Bryan might not walk out of Mania with the one thing that would validate his entire existence since SummerSlam.
The Triple H montage of people he's "buried" was brilliant from an objective standpoint, because trolling the audience seems to be the only great way to get them to boo you. Maybe I was effectively heeled on tonight because I hated the segment. Maybe the wounds are still too deep for me, and I can't objectively judge any time Triple H comes out and tries to play into his supposed Internet persona; whether his backstage misdeeds were all true, false, or some mixture of the two, his on-screen character was what drove me away from wrestling for about five years. Or maybe I'm right in my assessment that Trips is just a bad e-fed character who doesn't know how to promo without showing any kind of ass. Of course, him bumping for DBryan like he was Henry O. Godwinn and a hogpen was nearby negated any false tough guy bravado Trips had in his promos. Hey, don't ever say I don't give credit where it's due, okay?
Still, the reason why the uncertainty cuts so deep is because at least I'm used to seeing a build that leads to everyone bowing at the almighty altar of The Nose. The stars line up, according to a debunked-by-research theory. None of it makes sense though. Is landing one knee in Batista's mush and making Trips bump around like a roided-out Dolph Ziggler payback enough for seven months of shit shoveled on him? Bryan walking out of the Superdome leading the biggest YES! Chant to date, both belts straddling a respective shoulder, is as big a no-brainer decision as Steve Austin going KICK! WHAM! STUNNER! to Shawn Michaels in Boston 16 years ago.
The biggest fear is that WWE might try to get cute with the ending and have either Randy Orton or Big Dave Batista walk out with the titles on some kind of screwjob. But Triple H is not even getting into that main event match unless he makes it a four-way. Common sense dictates that he wouldn't have rolled out the b-roll of everyone he supposedly sabotaged over the years if he was going to beat Bryan. Besides, Paul Levesque, the businessman, knows the value of a Daniel Bryan title victory. The chase is better than the catch, sure, but when no catch exists, the chase becomes a Sisyphean task. When millions of hours of entertainment exist - and that e-word is plastered all over the WrestleMania ads - WWE has to deliver some kind of catharsis if it wants to roll in with the other, decidedly non-wrestling entertainment with which it wants to compete.
Believe me, I've been as hurt by Triple H, the character, as anyone else has been watching wrestling. But he can't really hurt me anymore, because my happy place is Daniel Bryan wrestling in matches, any matches, especially main event-level ones that get a lot of time and showcase him doing things that allow me to commune with my friends, be it in person or online, and bask in their glow. He is as close to home as I'll get in wrestling fandom.
So I ask you out there, don't let Triple H hurt you anymore. If you're like me, then Daniel Bryan is at your center too. Follow your heart. Enjoy yourself. Just go home.
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C'mon, Dave
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| Photo Credit: WWE.com |
Oh jeez. Let's see what Sami Zayn has to say.
Batista needs to give me my hat back. #Raw
— Sami Zayn (@iLikeSamiZayn) April 1, 2014↧
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Finisher Bracket, FINAL MATCHUP
In the other corner is the one of the first and most beloved top-rope finishers ever, the flying elbow drop. "Macho Man" Randy Savage made sweet physical poetry coming off the top with his signature match ender. From the out-stretching of the arms to the final impact, Savage made sure his finisher matched the music that would play afterwards. Just don't conflate his execution of the move with that of CM Punk's.
GET YOUR VOTE ON NOW!
The fate of the wrestling finisher cosmos depends on YOU! VOTE LIKE YOU'VE NEVER VOTED BEFORE!
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WrestleMania XXX Countdown: The Shield vs. Corporate Kane and His Outlaws
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| Believe in The Shield, Kane. BELIEVE Photo Credit: WWE.com |
The Shield vs. Corporate Kane and the New Age Outlaws
How: The match was announced on RAW last week.
The Story: Roman Reigns, Seth Rollins, and Dean Ambrose, the mercenary collective fighting under a dubious guise of gaining justice, had fallen into a bit of a funk in the summer of '13. Their clientele had dried up – Paul Heyman didn't really feel like paying them to watchdog CM Punk anymore – and their grips on their respective belts had started to grow a bit tenuous. Then, at some point before the RAW after SummerSlam, a new suitor came forward for their services, one with seemingly unlimited resources, one that wanted them as his secret police force.
Around the same time, Kane, who had recently had a cold breakup with his former partner Daniel Bryan, was lured into a struggle that he didn't know at the time that he could not win. The Wyatt Family had finally appeared on the main roster, and the demonic leader, Bray, decided that since he was the new guy in the prison yard, he was going to step to the most evil, twisted, and demented soul there. Sure, Kane's edge may have been dulled by Dr. Shelby's anger management courses, but a tamer Kane is still more dastardly than most of the rest of the roster.
After the Inferno match at SummerSlam between Kane and Wyatt, the Family abducted Kane and took him to parts unknown, presumably the group's swamp compound where they practice their cultish rituals. When he returned to active duty, he oddly gave up his mask and his services to the wife of the man who bought up The Shield. When he came back the next week, he was clad in a suit and given a new title, Director of Operations.
The Authority of Triple H and Stephanie McMahon assembled quite the backing force for their reign of tyranny, and things proceeded without so much as a hitch until Kane started to overreach in his own (excuse the pun) authority. He started demanding The Shield do his bidding, even in ops that they didn't necessarily agree to performing. As happens in wrestling parlance, the enmity developed into crossed-wires, and Kane and The Shield began attacking each other in friendly fire.
Despite the ending of the prior episode of Smackdown, when The Shield seemed declaratively to have turned their friendly fire towards Kane into intentional assault, the Director of Operations still demanded The Shield come down to the ring on the RAW after Bryan flooded the ring with fans in Memphis in an attempt to gain his deserved ends at WrestleMania. Kane placed the blame squarely on Jerry Lawler, whom he accused of using hometown connections to let those fans into the building. Instead of doing what Kane wanted, The Shield did Kane in, culminating in a symmetric role reversal from TLC '12 with Reigns putting him through the timekeeper's guard barrier with a monstrous spear.
In retaliation, Kane set up a four-way tag match where Ambrose and Rollins would fight for the number one contendership to the Tag Team Championship against the Real Americans, Rybaxel, and 3MB. The match was a setup all along, as the three teams were promised favors from Kane to start an assault that would be capped off with salvos from the New Age Outlaws. The Outlaws had returned at Old School RAW to help CM Punk in his fight against The Shield, but soon they turned on him, showing their true colors in allegiance to The Authority. From that point, the match was set. The Shield, who had asked where they stood with Triple H and got a vote of confidence – their beef was with Kane, said Trips – would go against Kane and the Outlaws in an implosion of the head group's big muscled acquisitions.
Analysis: A lot of people with whom I interact on Twitter are down on this match. It's hard to get up for a Shield match against Kane and two fuddy-duds from the Attitude Era when they just got off an amazing couplet of trios matches against the Wyatts. If I were in charge of booking WrestleMania, I would probably have fired the Outlaws into the Sun rather than have them anywhere near New Orleans on April 6.
However, I'm actually not all too worried because if The Shield is engaged in a trios match with anyone, that match is probably going to be good. The trio has reinvented the six-man tag match within WWE's parameters, and the way they work as a unit is so seamless and interlocking that they elevate their opponents in any scenario. Of course, I won't pretend that the Outlaws and Kane are Daniel Bryan and the Usos, but they're not the Bolsheviks and Ted Arcidi either. Kane is in the best shape of his life, and he's always been a solid hand, while the Outlaws, while never flashy, have always been capable of putting on a good match with superior competition.
The main problem I see with this match is that I don't think it will get a whole lot of time. Even though Mania is four hours, the card always seems to feel cramped, especially since I see Bryan/Trips, the three-way that will follow that match, Lesnar/Taker, the Andre battle royale, and even Cena/Wyatt getting a bunch of time. With entrances, puff pieces, and recaps, I don't know if this trios match is going to get more than six minutes.
Who Should Win: Believe…
Who Will Win:…in The Shield.
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Chikara Does iPPV and Metro Pro Announces Wrestlers
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| ACH will show ya his moves at the Turner Rec for Metro Pro's return show Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein |
Indie wrestling news is in the air today. Two companies returning this spring/summer have made big announcements for their return shows, one regarding distribution and the other regarding the lineup.
First, Chikara announced that the company's return on May 25 in Easton, PA, You Live Only Twice, will be broadcast on Internet pay-per-view via Smart Mark Video. The company's Twitter made the announcement today that it made improvements to the Internet capabilities on the Charles Chrin Community Center of Palmer Township (aka the Easton Funplex), and it has added a line dedicated for iPPV broadcasts. While I was there live for National Pro Wrestling Day and saw the event uninterrupted (because my eyes are in good enough working condition and my programming is patched and up to date), I saw rumblings on Twitter that those watching the free feed at home had rough sailing somewhere between the Baltic Siege/Bloc Party and Hallowicked/Mike Bennett matches. With so many companies failing on iPPV, Chikara really needs this upgrade to work for it and perhaps save what could be a viable yet flagging medium for indie wrestling in the present and future.
Secondly, Metro Pro Wrestling's return show, The Movie, The Matches, has a list of wrestlers scheduled to appear at the show, posted via its Facebook page. The headliners are obviously Metro Pro Champ Jeremy Wyatt and Central States Champion and burgeoning indie wrestling phenomenon ACH. The rest of the talent announced include Davey Vega, Evan Gelistico, Pierre Abernathy, Mat Fitchett, SBC, Mark Sterling, the Hooligans, Ace Steel, and "Rock 'n Roll" Mike Sydal. No matches have been announced yet, but with that collection of wrestlers, the combinations should be impressive as well. The show takes place June 14 at the Turner Recreation Center in Kansas City, KS.
First, Chikara announced that the company's return on May 25 in Easton, PA, You Live Only Twice, will be broadcast on Internet pay-per-view via Smart Mark Video. The company's Twitter made the announcement today that it made improvements to the Internet capabilities on the Charles Chrin Community Center of Palmer Township (aka the Easton Funplex), and it has added a line dedicated for iPPV broadcasts. While I was there live for National Pro Wrestling Day and saw the event uninterrupted (because my eyes are in good enough working condition and my programming is patched and up to date), I saw rumblings on Twitter that those watching the free feed at home had rough sailing somewhere between the Baltic Siege/Bloc Party and Hallowicked/Mike Bennett matches. With so many companies failing on iPPV, Chikara really needs this upgrade to work for it and perhaps save what could be a viable yet flagging medium for indie wrestling in the present and future.
Secondly, Metro Pro Wrestling's return show, The Movie, The Matches, has a list of wrestlers scheduled to appear at the show, posted via its Facebook page. The headliners are obviously Metro Pro Champ Jeremy Wyatt and Central States Champion and burgeoning indie wrestling phenomenon ACH. The rest of the talent announced include Davey Vega, Evan Gelistico, Pierre Abernathy, Mat Fitchett, SBC, Mark Sterling, the Hooligans, Ace Steel, and "Rock 'n Roll" Mike Sydal. No matches have been announced yet, but with that collection of wrestlers, the combinations should be impressive as well. The show takes place June 14 at the Turner Recreation Center in Kansas City, KS.
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The Best Moves Ever: Muta Mist
The Great Muta has had several finishing moves over the years, like the Shining Wizard and the Muta Lock and the moonsault and even the kneebar. However, his true signature move is actually technically illegal. Whenever he gets in a jam, and he can obscure the action from ref, he spews a mist of varying color in his opponent's face. Sure, he then has a tough time explaining why his opponent now has a green/red/black/whatever face - allergies are a bear, man - but hey, if the ref doesn't see it, then it doesn't count, right?
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WrestleMania XXX Countdown: Bray Wyatt vs. John Cena
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| Y'all come back now, ya hear? Photo Credit: WWE.com |
John Cena vs. Bray Wyatt
How: Wyatt challenged Cena while Cena was attempting to enter the Andre the Giant Battle Royale.
The Story:In song form:
Come and listen to a story 'bout a guy named Bray
Creepy swamp cult lord who made Danny Bryan pay
'Til out from the back he came with lotsa dread
And he whacked a-John Cena right across the head
Thumped him, I say
Cost him gold
Not cool
Well next thing ya know, ol' Bray was in a fight
Called Cena a disease, lotsa fans believe he's right
But Cena won't back down, he's got a lot to lose you see
So he's getting down and dirty to fight for his legacy
Abstract concept, that is
Not Cody Rhodes
Or Sim Snuka
Well now it's time to get excited for this motherlovin' brawl
If John Cena ain't careful, he's gonna lose it all
But he proved this week on RAW he's gotta trick up in his hat
So masked he ambushed the Family and put 'em on the mat
Lamb mask that is, sit down, grab a soda, stay awhile
Y'all don't go nowhere, ya hear?
Analysis: When this match was rumored, I thought it was refreshing for Cena to take a step back in the card. Nothing more, nothing less – rumors that Cena and Wyatt would face off at Mania abounded before the Royal Rumble, even. Of course, at that time, Daniel Bryan was supposed to be wrestling Sheamus, CM Punk was still assumed to be at Mania, and the Randy Orton/Batista match for the title wasn't even a tilt between Orton and Batista at all.
Then again, Cena spent the period between his return from planetoid removal surgery and title unification build basically in a holding pattern against Alberto del Rio, Damien Sandow, and the Real Americans. Instead of doing that thing where he would womp the midcard guy handily en route to another staredown with Orton or Batista or The Miz, Cena gave a lot in those matches and made his opponents look like equals. Sandow losing his Money in the Bank cash in on Cena didn't damage him; the match was outstanding. You can blame WWE Creative for fucking the follow-up to that loss up something fierce.
While Cena still is inarguably the best box-office draw WWE has and its most popular overall superstar, the time has come for him to come down off Olympus and start wrestling some of the new breed of main eventers WWE has in its stable. He did wonders for CM Punk and even more positive work for Daniel Bryan. Coming down and working with those next guys up would do wonders for them, which made the rumors of the Cena/Wyatt match not only sensible to me, but downright appealing.
Then, Wyatt went out, carried his own weight against Bryan at the Rumble, and I started getting the feeling that Cena/Wyatt could steal the show. As of right now, I would be shocked if their match wasn't the best on the card. Cena has arguably become the best big match performer in WWE history. Your agreement with that statement will depend on what your temperature is on Shawn Michaels, Randy Savage, or Steve Austin. While Wyatt does have the Bryan match under his belt as well as virtuoso performances in several trios matches, he hasn't been asked to be in this high profile match against this established a superstar yet, my only trepidation for this match so far.
As for the actual mechanics of the match, I expect a lot of interference from Erick Rowan and Luke Harper, some dynamic hope spots from Cena, at least one inverted crab walk from Wyatt, and one standout moment that will make this match memorable above the cacophony of YES! chants and the din that will certainly be created when Brock Lesnar and Undertaker clash. If WrestleMania XXX is to compete with WrestleMania X-7 for the best big event of all-time – and let's face it, outside of X-7, that bar isn't a terribly high one to clear – then a match like this will have to deliver not just on mechanics, but on moment. I trust Cena is game, and while I don't have the sample size to back it up on Wyatt, I can assume – or at least hope – that he's got it in him as well.
Who Should Win: In all honesty, I see cases for both guys to win. Wyatt taking the duke here would be right out of the "you gotta create stars" playbook, and beating Cena, clean or otherwise, is such a rare occurrence that the actual victory itself might mean something. However, Wyatt has proven that no matter whom he faces or what the result is, he can capture the same imagination and attention of the crowds. He's the very definition of elastic heat. Besides, Wyatt losing has so much story potential. The Wyatt that audiences have seen has been creepy and manipulative, but I can't help but wonder if it's just the tip of the iceberg. A loss to Cena at WrestleMania might trigger a psychotic break so awesome that it would unleash the true Eater of Worlds and absolutely light WWE on fire for the rest of the calendar year into next year's WrestleMania.
Who Will Win: Cena wins. Cena always wins unless he's going up against The Goddamn Rock or our lord and savior, Daniel Bryan. Bray Wyatt is neither. The match will be goddamn fantastic, but Cena's gonna win. Search your feelings. You know it to be true.
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Your Midweek Links: Mania Week! Mania Week!
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| Bryan links this week! Photo Credit: WWE.com |
Wrestling Links:
- The Final Countdown: Daniel Bryan's rise to the top in ten grueling steps [False Underdog]
- A timeline of Daniel Bryan's rise to WrestleMania main eventer [SB Nation]
- A scientific ranking of all 21 of Undertaker's Streak matches [With Leather]
- 15 worst matches in WrestleMania history [Place to Be Nation]
- WrestleMania 29: Cena between The Rock and a hard place [Wrestlespective Radio]
- Professional wrestlers as college football teams [SB Nation]
- Kellie Skater, The Dirty Dirty Sheets Interview II [Dirty Dirty Sheets]
- The Mandible Claw Podcast [Episode 18|Episode 19]
- Theater of the Absurd: WWE Week in Review [The Rec Room]
- Six jobs WWE must create [What Culture]
- Seven Things: Wrestler trades [Wrestling on Earth]
- The Best and Worst of Impact Wrestling: I Choo-Choo-Choose You [With Leather]
Non-Wrestling Links:
- Understanding the #CancelColbert campaign [New Yorker]
- What we can learn from the embarrassing #CancelColbert shitstorm [Jezebel]
- Gooks don't get Redskins joke [Deadspin]
- Here's Stephen Colbert's response to the #CancelColbert controversy [Gawker]
- Eight accounts of black people used as guinea pigs [Atlanta Black Star]
- Shut up about clickbait [The Concourse]
- Marine Todd is an awesomely stupid right wing meme that got hijacked [Gawker]
- Let's mock one of the douchiest op-eds you'll read all year [Kitchenette]
- Creepy things men think it's okay to say to lesbians on dating apps [ROYGBIV]
- The media's takes on Yasiel Puig are mostly one-sided [Sports on Earth]
- A painfully scientific review of the Taco Bell breakfast menu [UPROXX]
- How to fry Brussels sprouts and learn to love them at last [Foodspin]
- Canned beer is the best beer [The Concourse]
- The ten worst lines from Sally Jenkins' abysmal hit piece on the Northwestern union ruling [SB Nation]
- Starve the alligator [Danger Guerrero]
- 1869-2014: A history of college football as yelled by the Internet [SB Nation]
- Ten of the world's most dangerously toxic ghost towns [io9]
- Ten free, classic games to play in your browser [The Smoking Section]
- In defense of the word 'fuck' [Jezebel]
- Why April Fool's Day is the worst day of the year [Film Drunk]
- 20 April Fool's Day pranks that probably won't make you a horrible person [UPROXX]
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Best Coast Six Pack: A WrestleMania Wishlist
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| Believe that there's probably a betrayal coming Photo Credit: WWE.com |
Yeah, this is a bit of an usurping. Main Event might've greatly improved since they got live from Tuesday nighted on the WWE Network, but it's still a few short days away from the Actual Biggest Event In The History Of This Great Sport and Sheamus beating the Miz and Tamina Superfly splashing Nikki Bella nearly left my mind the moment after both of those happened. It was a show that was more recaps than wrestling, but why deprive the Biased of the biweekly punchups?
So since this is like my own personal Christmas, here's a wishlist of things I'd love to see happen at WMXXX that aren't Daniel Bryan kneeing everybody in the face, winning the titles, leading 75k in the biggest YES! chant ever and making me cry like it was the end of the Fault In Our Stars...
1. The Wyatt streak to keep going
The WWE's had two PPVs this year, and Bray Wyatt's brought in MOTY candidates both times. Even considering the opposition was our main man D-Bry right there at the Rumble and leading his travelling show in against the Shield at the Chamber, these are still great matches that will live on for years after 2014. Anybody chanting Husky Harris at this point besides being candidates to get poured a Big Gulp sized rum and bleach is officially Trying Too Hard; that is a shell, and Bray's the vessel, as he's said before. More to the point, set up in what might be his backyard against the always underrated Cena in his first WrestleMania match with a really good buildup all the ingredients are on the table for him to have a show stealer with the Franchise. Wyatt doesn't need to win (even if I think the story would be more interesting if he did); what he needs is to go 20-30 with John in a competitive back-and-forth that leaves the late adopters to thecult bandwagon stunned that the creepy guy's sportscar instincts in-ring haven't been consumed.
2. The final match of the Shield
Everybody's been so happy to see them actually fighting for justice aaannnnddd...there's no way this can last, right? Some things you look at them and the first thought is "the center cannot hold", and this is one of them. The guys who've made WWE superstar after WWE superstar eat the cake Ida Mae for the past 16 months up against Team 1999? This shouldn't be a contest, since the guy with the record number of Royal Rumble eliminations and the biggest Survivor Series moment post-Invasion could spear or Superman punch either one of the Outlaws into dust by himself, yes? I keep remembering something Ambrose said on the 3/7 SmackDown after Rollins dropped off the apron on the RAW earlier that week in their big trios Chamber rematch that "one thing that I can't handle, and what I will not tolerate, and what will keep me up at night, and that's being lied to by somebody I trust".
Wasn't Dean the last to accede to put his fist in the pile at that summit? Didn't he lead the "let's triple powerbomb this guy through the table" post-match on the subsequent RAW for literally no reason? Doesn't he have the kind of Championship the Authority might want under their purview given the loss that is about to befall them thought the writer hopefully, and given Rollins' betrayal especially considering it came against the Wyatts, might want to throw in his lot with the corporate devil and minions he doesn't know rather than the ones he does considering that skewed worldview and that he's coming up on a pretty big anniversary for that reign of his? Things to consider.
3. "And STILL Divas Champion..."
AJ's right because AJ's usually right. What else is there to tell you? At the risk of offending Edgar Wright this is A.J. Lee v. the World, and Vicki's set this up so that even her protector can have a shot at ending up with the belt come the end of the Invitational. With this being one fall to a finish with a basketball team's worth of opponents, this is too biased and outlandish to do anything but put sympathy on a heel. Who's going to beat her that she hasn't beaten one-on-one anyhow already since last spring? Why was Vicki (another heel, remember) not doing anything about this for months before suddenly dropping this on AJ? This reeks greatly of carp, and punishing her for staying when certain boyfriends walk or putting the Lisa Frank Memorial belt on a Total Divas member will only increase the odor.
The best story they can tell (as usual, assuming they care to do so and they probably don't but you've heard that rant before) is Tamina being tempted into breaking out before superkicking a diva or four in the face and letting ol' Pint Size get a few more weeks in before just costing her her first anniversary with the title. There's plenty of time to rehab the C.V. of a Total Diva if that's the way you feel like going, or turning Tamina a Lady Diesel to her Heartbreak Girl, or even...well, that'd be getting ahead of the article. But some random mass in a pile suddenly becoming Champion? In the immortal words of one of my personal heroes, don't even think about it. Say no go.
4. A Hall of Famer in the Andre Memorial Royale
While the pops for For Some Reason We're Not Calling Him Scott Hall and Jake the Snake would be pretty epic, they are still on the road to recovery and it's a weekend in New Orleans. Okies have gotten pink slipped for fewer transgressions should they come to pass, and Roberts and Hall haven't seen the inside of the ring in quite some time. So if we're going to go for someone who can actually work for a few beats and would also get the necessary nostalgia pop to rock the rafters, secondarily Lita would be a welcome breath of fresh air between the ropes.
Have you seen the list of people in this thing? It looks like a sliding trough right into the mouth of the Big Show so far as I can figure, and at this rate the only way the likes of Brad Maddox, Zack Ryder or Heath Slater is going to make a WM highlight reel is if she moonsaults them. And primarily, if the run to the ring doesn't kill him, the Ultimate Warrior running out to the old theme music and single-handedly eliminating 3MB or the like would be a nice fun moment FOR HIM TO CONTROL THE DESTINY OF THE FATES FOR THE BLOOD OF ANDRE LIVES ON THROUGH HIM AND HIS WARRIORS or something. Hey, it's the Warrior. It's usually a logic-free zone.
5. The blowoff to El Torito v. Ryback
Again, if this Andre Royale isn't going to give me Cesaro winning the whole thing and Jackie Boy smashing the trophy to bits as a result, then let's go here instead--the Network era of Main Event has featured Los Matadores showing off the lucha libre to appreciative crowds on Tuesday/Wednesday nights but they aren't beloved as the little bull. Given his propensity to be willing to mix things up as seen in the Rumble as well as laying out the lower lights of 3MB on WWEME he might as well take on The Big Guy, since that's got a vintage cartoon "smart little guy babyface v. big stupid ogre heel" written all over it.
(Of course, this can be replaced at any time by "Cesaro Giant Swings him into Arkansas" and bumped up to #1 as a result.)
6. A NXT match in the opening hour
NXT being the golden goose that keeps dropping eggs, there are a multitude of ways to go here. Anything that would get a WrestleMania-sized Tyler Breeze, Aiden English, or Adam Rose with his original music entrance has to be considered, as well as the obvious Adrian Neville showcase to show off his Championship wares and that bad-ass Red Arrow. But if you're not going to have Cesaro/Zayn V since it's a best of five and not a best of seven (brb weeping), you can do a hell of a lot worse than Paige/Emma III for the Women's Championship of Full Sail. Both matches were really good and got positive receptions; put in front of a smark-heavy crowd as this is sure to be it'd probably be bereft of Lawler chants and would get the desired response to two wrestlers to happen to be female putting on another hard-hitting instant classic. Not only that, but if you piggyback off of #3, what better way to establish Paige as a threat to AJ than a hard-fought win with her bad-ass Scorpion Crosslock?
So since this is like my own personal Christmas, here's a wishlist of things I'd love to see happen at WMXXX that aren't Daniel Bryan kneeing everybody in the face, winning the titles, leading 75k in the biggest YES! chant ever and making me cry like it was the end of the Fault In Our Stars...
1. The Wyatt streak to keep going
The WWE's had two PPVs this year, and Bray Wyatt's brought in MOTY candidates both times. Even considering the opposition was our main man D-Bry right there at the Rumble and leading his travelling show in against the Shield at the Chamber, these are still great matches that will live on for years after 2014. Anybody chanting Husky Harris at this point besides being candidates to get poured a Big Gulp sized rum and bleach is officially Trying Too Hard; that is a shell, and Bray's the vessel, as he's said before. More to the point, set up in what might be his backyard against the always underrated Cena in his first WrestleMania match with a really good buildup all the ingredients are on the table for him to have a show stealer with the Franchise. Wyatt doesn't need to win (even if I think the story would be more interesting if he did); what he needs is to go 20-30 with John in a competitive back-and-forth that leaves the late adopters to the
2. The final match of the Shield
Everybody's been so happy to see them actually fighting for justice aaannnnddd...there's no way this can last, right? Some things you look at them and the first thought is "the center cannot hold", and this is one of them. The guys who've made WWE superstar after WWE superstar eat the cake Ida Mae for the past 16 months up against Team 1999? This shouldn't be a contest, since the guy with the record number of Royal Rumble eliminations and the biggest Survivor Series moment post-Invasion could spear or Superman punch either one of the Outlaws into dust by himself, yes? I keep remembering something Ambrose said on the 3/7 SmackDown after Rollins dropped off the apron on the RAW earlier that week in their big trios Chamber rematch that "one thing that I can't handle, and what I will not tolerate, and what will keep me up at night, and that's being lied to by somebody I trust".
Wasn't Dean the last to accede to put his fist in the pile at that summit? Didn't he lead the "let's triple powerbomb this guy through the table" post-match on the subsequent RAW for literally no reason? Doesn't he have the kind of Championship the Authority might want under their purview given the loss that is about to befall them thought the writer hopefully, and given Rollins' betrayal especially considering it came against the Wyatts, might want to throw in his lot with the corporate devil and minions he doesn't know rather than the ones he does considering that skewed worldview and that he's coming up on a pretty big anniversary for that reign of his? Things to consider.
3. "And STILL Divas Champion..."
AJ's right because AJ's usually right. What else is there to tell you? At the risk of offending Edgar Wright this is A.J. Lee v. the World, and Vicki's set this up so that even her protector can have a shot at ending up with the belt come the end of the Invitational. With this being one fall to a finish with a basketball team's worth of opponents, this is too biased and outlandish to do anything but put sympathy on a heel. Who's going to beat her that she hasn't beaten one-on-one anyhow already since last spring? Why was Vicki (another heel, remember) not doing anything about this for months before suddenly dropping this on AJ? This reeks greatly of carp, and punishing her for staying when certain boyfriends walk or putting the Lisa Frank Memorial belt on a Total Divas member will only increase the odor.
The best story they can tell (as usual, assuming they care to do so and they probably don't but you've heard that rant before) is Tamina being tempted into breaking out before superkicking a diva or four in the face and letting ol' Pint Size get a few more weeks in before just costing her her first anniversary with the title. There's plenty of time to rehab the C.V. of a Total Diva if that's the way you feel like going, or turning Tamina a Lady Diesel to her Heartbreak Girl, or even...well, that'd be getting ahead of the article. But some random mass in a pile suddenly becoming Champion? In the immortal words of one of my personal heroes, don't even think about it. Say no go.
4. A Hall of Famer in the Andre Memorial Royale
While the pops for For Some Reason We're Not Calling Him Scott Hall and Jake the Snake would be pretty epic, they are still on the road to recovery and it's a weekend in New Orleans. Okies have gotten pink slipped for fewer transgressions should they come to pass, and Roberts and Hall haven't seen the inside of the ring in quite some time. So if we're going to go for someone who can actually work for a few beats and would also get the necessary nostalgia pop to rock the rafters, secondarily Lita would be a welcome breath of fresh air between the ropes.
Have you seen the list of people in this thing? It looks like a sliding trough right into the mouth of the Big Show so far as I can figure, and at this rate the only way the likes of Brad Maddox, Zack Ryder or Heath Slater is going to make a WM highlight reel is if she moonsaults them. And primarily, if the run to the ring doesn't kill him, the Ultimate Warrior running out to the old theme music and single-handedly eliminating 3MB or the like would be a nice fun moment FOR HIM TO CONTROL THE DESTINY OF THE FATES FOR THE BLOOD OF ANDRE LIVES ON THROUGH HIM AND HIS WARRIORS or something. Hey, it's the Warrior. It's usually a logic-free zone.
5. The blowoff to El Torito v. Ryback
Again, if this Andre Royale isn't going to give me Cesaro winning the whole thing and Jackie Boy smashing the trophy to bits as a result, then let's go here instead--the Network era of Main Event has featured Los Matadores showing off the lucha libre to appreciative crowds on Tuesday/Wednesday nights but they aren't beloved as the little bull. Given his propensity to be willing to mix things up as seen in the Rumble as well as laying out the lower lights of 3MB on WWEME he might as well take on The Big Guy, since that's got a vintage cartoon "smart little guy babyface v. big stupid ogre heel" written all over it.
(Of course, this can be replaced at any time by "Cesaro Giant Swings him into Arkansas" and bumped up to #1 as a result.)
6. A NXT match in the opening hour
NXT being the golden goose that keeps dropping eggs, there are a multitude of ways to go here. Anything that would get a WrestleMania-sized Tyler Breeze, Aiden English, or Adam Rose with his original music entrance has to be considered, as well as the obvious Adrian Neville showcase to show off his Championship wares and that bad-ass Red Arrow. But if you're not going to have Cesaro/Zayn V since it's a best of five and not a best of seven (brb weeping), you can do a hell of a lot worse than Paige/Emma III for the Women's Championship of Full Sail. Both matches were really good and got positive receptions; put in front of a smark-heavy crowd as this is sure to be it'd probably be bereft of Lawler chants and would get the desired response to two wrestlers to happen to be female putting on another hard-hitting instant classic. Not only that, but if you piggyback off of #3, what better way to establish Paige as a threat to AJ than a hard-fought win with her bad-ass Scorpion Crosslock?
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KICK! WHAM! FINISHER BRACKET WINNER!
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| Photo Credit: WWE.com |
The Stone Cold Stunner is The Wrestling Blog's Finisher Bracket winner, besting the flying elbow drop comfortably in the final match. The Stunner, though not my pick to win (I would've gone with the Tombstone Piledriver out of the 2 seed in that same region), is still a classic finisher attached to an awesome wrestler with "outta nowhere" cache. I wouldn't have seeded it 1 in the "Moves Region" if I didn't think it deserved such high praise. Anyway, the completed bracket will be listed below after the jump as well as nearly 24 minutes of Steve Austin doing the move. And that's the bottom line, cuz TH said so.
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WrestleMania XXX Countdown: Brock Lesnar vs. The Undertaker
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| This is not a sex act, I swear Photo Credit: WWE.com |
Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar
How: Undertaker signed Brock Lesnar's open challenge before stabbing him in the hand with the pen.
The Story: Once upon a time, Brock Lesnar was a pro wrestler-turned-UFC fighter, instead of the UFC fighter-turned-pro wrestler he is now. One night in November of 2010, Lesnar got his hide tanned something fierce by Cain Velazquez. Salty after defeat, he sulked back to the locker room, passing one The Undertaker being interviewed by Ariel Helwani in the stands. The two had a staredown, and Taker promptly asked him if he "wanted some of this" like he was a #4 Turkey Tom combo. Lesnar walked away, setting off a powder keg of speculation as to whether he'd be back for WrestleMania XXVIII to challenge The Streak. As history would have it, Lesnar continued his UFC career, and Taker wrestled Triple H instead for second time according to WWE's parlance, since the company for whatever reason has decided their match at X-7 did not exist.
Anyway, Taker mauled Trips in a Hell in a Cell match. Then, the next year, CM Punk decided it smart to play hackey-sack with Taker's urn after Paul Bearer died, and Taker just mauled him too. Meanwhile, the night after Mania XXVIII, Lesnar returned to WWE and threw John Cena around like he was a bag of Jimmy Chips. After the match with Cena at Extreme Rules, Lesnar's next two targets happened to be Triple H and CM Punk. Lesnar summarily dispatched both wrestlers (albeit suffering one hiccup against Trips in their three-match series) and went back to asserting his rights as the King of the Sea.
After the new year, he re-emerged, following the trail of Totally Tunas left for him by his advocate Paul Heyman to lay claim to number one contendership to the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. Despite destroying several of Consol Energy Center's finest steel chairs across Big Show's back and effortlessly flinging Mark Henry around like I would imagine Cthulhu whips blue whales for fun, WWE management didn't see fit to grant him a title match at Elimination Chamber, instead opting to defend the belt within the Chamber itself. Lesnar got mad and demanded someone sign an open challenge for him.
The lights went out, the gongs hit, and well, Undertaker came out all pissy like someone recited the ancient curse to awaken him from his tomb without the courtesy of making a goddamn pot of coffee first. The open contract was signed, and almost immediately, Taker put the pen right through Lesnar's meaty palm. In fact, the script would pretty much remain the same when the two were in the same room together up until last week. Lesnar moved around like he'd eaten too many JJ Gargantuan sandwiches and not enough Vegetarians, and Taker caught him every time. This past week on RAW, Lesnar got in a few shots though, including a F5.
Analysis: Undertaker has redoubled his efforts into making his one-or-so matches a year count for something. Last year, fans were spoiled when he wrestled on some house shows and then again on WWE's tour of England. He's the ultimate small sample size excellent wrestler, and he's facing off against another guy who only goes a couple of times a year. Lesnar has had similar success in his most recent WWE run against Cena, which may have been WWE's best match in 2012, and Punk, which was the best Attitude Era-style match since, well, the forgotten Taker/Trips match from WrestleMania X-7. One could point out that most of Lesnar's matches haven't been good since he came back, but taking the Big Show beatdown out of the equation, every other match Lesnar was in was against Triple H. Similarly, the two Streak matches of the last five years that I've enjoyed the least were both against Triple H. Sounds like the common denominator isn't involved this time around.
Lesnar and Taker also have the luxury of drawing off past history. The two were embroiled in a classic feud back in the summer of 2002, right before Lesnar won his first WWE Championship. They had a bloody, brutal Hell in a Cell match that those who've rewatched recently said ages well. If they play close to that vest and keep the match a pro wrestling brawl, then I have no doubts they'll have a chance to steal the show from both Daniel Bryan and the Cena/Wyatt contest.
However, Lesnar is a former UFC Champion, and Taker is one of the most noted fans of mixed-martial arts in the locker room. I have a lingering, festering feeling that the two might engage in some kind of bizarre, RINGS-inspired worked-UFC-style match. I have no basis to think this will happen without making huge, leaping assumptions. But then I go back to the very beginnings of the heat between the two. They stared down at a UFC fight. I can't shake that worst-case scenario from my mind. Even then, maybe a worked MMA-style fight might be entertaining. I'll admit that I don't know a whole lot about the heavy shoot-style of pro wrestling worked by guys like Volk Han that gained cult following in the mid-'90s. If they go the shoot-inspired route, I would imagine they'd play closer to that manual than trying to recreate a UFC fight in a worked environment, which again, I'd have no idea how it would work.
Who Should Win: Undertaker should absolutely win. He's coming back next year, right? A loss to Lesnar with this build would be so anti-climactic, and this match also doesn't feel like it has any finality. I'm a huge believer in someone needing to break The Streak at some point, but that person isn't Lesnar, and the time isn't now.
Who Will Win: Undertaker's not losing to Lesnar. Nope. Only three people have any hope of ending The Streak at this point - John Cena, Daniel Bryan, or Kane (and even I'm not sure any of those would do it either). Besides, WWE seems not to know exactly what it's doing booking Lesnar, so I expect the trend to continue.
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SB Nation: My Fave Mania Match Plus a Whole Bunch of Other Cool People Pick Theirs
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| My pick Photo Credit: WWE.com |
Along with an all-star panel of wrestling writers and sports scribes who happen to be wrestling fans, I chose my favorite match in WrestleMania history. I picked "Macho King" Randy Savage vs. Ultimate Warrior. Click through to see why, and to see what other folks like former podcast guests Brandon Stroud, Danielle Matheson, Adam Jacobi, Patrick Vint, Peter Holby, and Bill Hanstock among others chose.
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Throwback Thursday: Sarge Is a Sore Loser
Sometimes, not all the juicy bits of plot advancement or resolution happen on camera at WrestleMania. For example, WrestleMania VII had Randy Savage reunite with Miss Elizabeth and Hulk Hogan reinstate truth, justice, and the American way by soaring into Los Angeles on a bald eagle and cracking the Liberty Bell over Iraqi traitor Sgt. Slaughter's bald head. After winning back the World Wrestling Federation Championship for a then-unprecedented third time (Triple H, stop laughing), he sauntered backstage with Mean Gene Okerlund getting some EXCLUSIVE words for the Coliseum Home Video crowd. Of course, they got to the locker room, and BOOM, Slaughter was there waiting for him with a fireball. I remember tuning into Superstars the next week for some happy recaps of what I watched on pay-per-view, only to see Jim Neidhart in his best disgusted newsman voice say how much of a lowlife Slaughter was. Good times!
This week's inspiration comes jointly from @IHateBD, TWB's favorite Gravity Falls superfan, and @lizroscher, neophyte wrestling fan and head blog type at SB Nation's Phillies team blog, The Good Phight. The former gave me Slaughter and the latter Hogan, and BOOM, magic.
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This Week in Sid History: Sid Faces Hogan in the MAIN EVENT of WrestleMania
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| Sid's nostrils had their own WrestleMania moment. |
We’ve finally reached the other Sid WrestleMania match. We did his title match against the Undertaker, but now is the time to do his first ever WrestleMania main event. For this edition, we go all the way back to WrestleMania VIII, which took place at the Hoosier Dome in Indianapolis on April 5, 1992.
WrestleMania VIII was billed at the time as a double main event. Presumably, this was the starting point of WWF/E claiming to have more than one main event on a card. Technicalities could be argued all day, but at the end of the day, Sid Justice versus Hulk Hogan was the main event, while the WWF title match between Ric Flair and Macho Man Randy Savage was the semi main event. In fact, three matches went on in between Flair/Savage and Sid/Hogan. Tatanka/Rick Martel, Money Inc./Natural Disasters (WWF tag title match), and Owen Hart/Skinner all went on after Flair/Savage, but before Sid/Hogan. I’m not interested in hearing about that double main event crap.
I’d like to imagine a world where Flair and Savage is the main event ANYWHERE and EVERYWHERE in the world. This would have been the main event in any promotion. We’re talking about two of the best wrestlers of all-time. It should have been the main event on this card. But sadly, it wasn’t the case. I understand that this might have been one of Hogan’s last WrestleMania’s (at the time.) And yeah, I understand the context of the whole steroids issue in the company at the time. WHATEVER! I’m done with this rant. ONTO THE SID MATCH…
(For what it’s worth, I don’t really care to delve much into why they didn’t do Hogan vs. Flair. WWE.com made mention of it this week. Also the latest edition of the Wrestling Observer Newsletter has some notes on the WWE.com story. According to the WON, as part of an attempt to bring Sid in, he was promised a WrestleMania main event with Hogan. This was before Flair left WCW. I recommend you read the new edition. Now onto the Sid match.)
Sid’s first WrestleMania main event. I hope he got a good payday for being in that match. We’ve covered the Sid-Hogan feud a couple of times leading up to this post. It started at the Royal Rumble when Sid eliminated Hogan, who in turn helped Flair eliminate Sid. They made up briefly, before Sid betrayed Hogan again on Saturday Night’s Main Event. Originally, the WrestleMania main event was supposed to be Flair vs. Hogan. But hey, things change.
Since Sid became mortal enemies with Hogan, he added a new manager in DOCTOR Harvey Wippleman. I’ve always felt it would be wise to have a doctor as a manager. If you get hurt, the doctor is there to help patch up. Plus, the doctor could use a stethoscope to choke out your opponent while you distract the referee….I MEAN...monitor your opponent’s heart rate. Because your doctor cares.
Enough with the tangents…
Dr. Wippleman was given the honor of introducing Sid to the 62,167 (SOURCE: Wrestling Observer) fans in attendance at the Hoosier Dome in Indianapolis, Indiana. Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan were on commentary at the time. Heenan told Monsoon that he heard Monsoon use the moniker “Sycho” Sid. I guess that was the birth of the Sycho moniker. If there was an earlier reference to the name, I haven’t heard it.
Hogan entered the arena to a large pop. Before he can get all the way in the ring, Sid attacked him while his song was still playing. I might...I MIGHT...like American Made more than Real American (Slate Pitch Alert). It wasn’t long though as Hogan recovered and knocked Sid out of the ring. Sid tried to get back in the ring, but Hogan did the Sheamus spot over the rope, nearly knocking Sid off the apron. Sid got up, but Hogan knocked him down again. With Sid on the ground re-grouping, Hogan ripped his shirt off as Real American continued. The song ended and the bell rang.
Eventually, Sid got back in the ring and the two had a brief staredown before our hero attacked the Hulkster. Hogan recovered and knocked Sid out of the ring again. Sid briefly left ringside as Dr. Wippleman offered advice, like any good corner person in his position.
Less than a minute later, Sid was back in the ring and challenged Hogan to a test of strength match. Sid got the upperhand and kept Hogan on the mat, maintaining the advantage. The crowd made noises, as a way of getting Hogan back into the match. Hogan rose and tried to get back to a neutral position, but Sid held on and pushed the Hulkster back into the corner. Hogan reversed an irish whip and clotheslined Sid in the corner. Dr. Wippleman distracted Hogan briefly, allowing Sid to regain his composure. Sid grabbed Hogan and chokeslammed him.
The momentum stayed in Sid’s favor as the two were on the floor. With Dr. Wippleman addressing his concerns with the referee, Sid grabbed hold of the doctor’s bag and used it to attack Hogan. SId noted to the cameraman that he was enjoying the match. The two got back in the ring as Sid worked to wear down Hogan. “GIVE IT UP, HULK! GIVE IT UP,” Sid yelled at Hogan. Hogan tried to Hulk Up and briefly escaped the clutches of Sid. However, a sidewalk slam halted the Hogan momentum.
Sid picked up Hogan and powerbombed him, which led to Hogan flopping like a fish on land. With Hogan in pain, Sid went for the cover, got just a two-count as Hogan kicked out and Hulked Up. Hogan attacked and took advantage, pounding him with punches, smacking Sid’s head against the corner and delivering the big boot. Hogan then picked up Sid and bodyslammed him as Heenan noted it was the first time Sid was off of his feet.
Next thing you know, Hogan goes for the leg drop and the cover. 1...2...KICKOUT! Yes folks, Sid kicked out of the Hogan leg drop. This gave Sid his immortality and nobody can take that away...EVER! Sid was made that day and nobody will ever forget the day he kicked out of a Hogan leg drop. Remember this moment, kids!
Dr. Wippleman got in the ring after the kickout as Hogan walked over and grabbed hold of the Doc. The bell rang for a disqualification as Hogan picked up Dr. Wippleman and tossed him into Sid’s arms. Thank goodness Sid was there. I’m somewhat certain Hogan tried to seriously injure Dr. Wippleman, which would have been terrible.
Out of nowhere, Papa Shango ran down the long entrance way, which was like three miles long. Sid and Hogan continued to battle back and forth as finally Papa Shango made his way into the ring. Sid and Shango double-team Hogan and tie him into the ropes. Sid left the ring to get a weapon when a familiar song was played. The Ultimate Warrior ran down the three-mile long entrance way (4.66 40-yard dash) and saved Hogan from Sid and Shango. The two celebrated in the ring as Sid left and didn’t get to partake in the pose-down featuring lots of pyro.
Apparently, this was a way to set up Sid and the Ultimate Warrior for a feud, but Sid wasn’t in the company long after his first WrestleMania Main Event.
That was all of Sid’s matches at WrestleMania. He participated in a third Mania match, although it was as a cornerman for the Diesel-Shawn Michaels match at WrestleMania XI. The story itself can be covered another time.
Hopefully you guys enjoy WrestleMania this weekend, whether you’re watching it in the Superdome, on pay-per-view, or on the WWE Network.
WrestleMania VIII was billed at the time as a double main event. Presumably, this was the starting point of WWF/E claiming to have more than one main event on a card. Technicalities could be argued all day, but at the end of the day, Sid Justice versus Hulk Hogan was the main event, while the WWF title match between Ric Flair and Macho Man Randy Savage was the semi main event. In fact, three matches went on in between Flair/Savage and Sid/Hogan. Tatanka/Rick Martel, Money Inc./Natural Disasters (WWF tag title match), and Owen Hart/Skinner all went on after Flair/Savage, but before Sid/Hogan. I’m not interested in hearing about that double main event crap.
I’d like to imagine a world where Flair and Savage is the main event ANYWHERE and EVERYWHERE in the world. This would have been the main event in any promotion. We’re talking about two of the best wrestlers of all-time. It should have been the main event on this card. But sadly, it wasn’t the case. I understand that this might have been one of Hogan’s last WrestleMania’s (at the time.) And yeah, I understand the context of the whole steroids issue in the company at the time. WHATEVER! I’m done with this rant. ONTO THE SID MATCH…
(For what it’s worth, I don’t really care to delve much into why they didn’t do Hogan vs. Flair. WWE.com made mention of it this week. Also the latest edition of the Wrestling Observer Newsletter has some notes on the WWE.com story. According to the WON, as part of an attempt to bring Sid in, he was promised a WrestleMania main event with Hogan. This was before Flair left WCW. I recommend you read the new edition. Now onto the Sid match.)
Sid’s first WrestleMania main event. I hope he got a good payday for being in that match. We’ve covered the Sid-Hogan feud a couple of times leading up to this post. It started at the Royal Rumble when Sid eliminated Hogan, who in turn helped Flair eliminate Sid. They made up briefly, before Sid betrayed Hogan again on Saturday Night’s Main Event. Originally, the WrestleMania main event was supposed to be Flair vs. Hogan. But hey, things change.
Since Sid became mortal enemies with Hogan, he added a new manager in DOCTOR Harvey Wippleman. I’ve always felt it would be wise to have a doctor as a manager. If you get hurt, the doctor is there to help patch up. Plus, the doctor could use a stethoscope to choke out your opponent while you distract the referee….I MEAN...monitor your opponent’s heart rate. Because your doctor cares.
Enough with the tangents…
Dr. Wippleman was given the honor of introducing Sid to the 62,167 (SOURCE: Wrestling Observer) fans in attendance at the Hoosier Dome in Indianapolis, Indiana. Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan were on commentary at the time. Heenan told Monsoon that he heard Monsoon use the moniker “Sycho” Sid. I guess that was the birth of the Sycho moniker. If there was an earlier reference to the name, I haven’t heard it.
Hogan entered the arena to a large pop. Before he can get all the way in the ring, Sid attacked him while his song was still playing. I might...I MIGHT...like American Made more than Real American (Slate Pitch Alert). It wasn’t long though as Hogan recovered and knocked Sid out of the ring. Sid tried to get back in the ring, but Hogan did the Sheamus spot over the rope, nearly knocking Sid off the apron. Sid got up, but Hogan knocked him down again. With Sid on the ground re-grouping, Hogan ripped his shirt off as Real American continued. The song ended and the bell rang.
Eventually, Sid got back in the ring and the two had a brief staredown before our hero attacked the Hulkster. Hogan recovered and knocked Sid out of the ring again. Sid briefly left ringside as Dr. Wippleman offered advice, like any good corner person in his position.
Less than a minute later, Sid was back in the ring and challenged Hogan to a test of strength match. Sid got the upperhand and kept Hogan on the mat, maintaining the advantage. The crowd made noises, as a way of getting Hogan back into the match. Hogan rose and tried to get back to a neutral position, but Sid held on and pushed the Hulkster back into the corner. Hogan reversed an irish whip and clotheslined Sid in the corner. Dr. Wippleman distracted Hogan briefly, allowing Sid to regain his composure. Sid grabbed Hogan and chokeslammed him.
The momentum stayed in Sid’s favor as the two were on the floor. With Dr. Wippleman addressing his concerns with the referee, Sid grabbed hold of the doctor’s bag and used it to attack Hogan. SId noted to the cameraman that he was enjoying the match. The two got back in the ring as Sid worked to wear down Hogan. “GIVE IT UP, HULK! GIVE IT UP,” Sid yelled at Hogan. Hogan tried to Hulk Up and briefly escaped the clutches of Sid. However, a sidewalk slam halted the Hogan momentum.
Sid picked up Hogan and powerbombed him, which led to Hogan flopping like a fish on land. With Hogan in pain, Sid went for the cover, got just a two-count as Hogan kicked out and Hulked Up. Hogan attacked and took advantage, pounding him with punches, smacking Sid’s head against the corner and delivering the big boot. Hogan then picked up Sid and bodyslammed him as Heenan noted it was the first time Sid was off of his feet.
Next thing you know, Hogan goes for the leg drop and the cover. 1...2...KICKOUT! Yes folks, Sid kicked out of the Hogan leg drop. This gave Sid his immortality and nobody can take that away...EVER! Sid was made that day and nobody will ever forget the day he kicked out of a Hogan leg drop. Remember this moment, kids!
Dr. Wippleman got in the ring after the kickout as Hogan walked over and grabbed hold of the Doc. The bell rang for a disqualification as Hogan picked up Dr. Wippleman and tossed him into Sid’s arms. Thank goodness Sid was there. I’m somewhat certain Hogan tried to seriously injure Dr. Wippleman, which would have been terrible.
Out of nowhere, Papa Shango ran down the long entrance way, which was like three miles long. Sid and Hogan continued to battle back and forth as finally Papa Shango made his way into the ring. Sid and Shango double-team Hogan and tie him into the ropes. Sid left the ring to get a weapon when a familiar song was played. The Ultimate Warrior ran down the three-mile long entrance way (4.66 40-yard dash) and saved Hogan from Sid and Shango. The two celebrated in the ring as Sid left and didn’t get to partake in the pose-down featuring lots of pyro.
Apparently, this was a way to set up Sid and the Ultimate Warrior for a feud, but Sid wasn’t in the company long after his first WrestleMania Main Event.
That was all of Sid’s matches at WrestleMania. He participated in a third Mania match, although it was as a cornerman for the Diesel-Shawn Michaels match at WrestleMania XI. The story itself can be covered another time.
Hopefully you guys enjoy WrestleMania this weekend, whether you’re watching it in the Superdome, on pay-per-view, or on the WWE Network.
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Any Shows This Weekend? Mania Weekend's Here, Y'all!
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| THE REMATCH HAPPENS SATURDAY... oops did I leave caps lock on? Well this match deserves it. Photo Credit: Gregory Davis/Dirty Dirty Sheets |
FRIDAY
The John A. Alario, Sr. Event Center in Westwego, LA plays host to Ring of Honor's Supercard of Honor VIII this weekend. The doors will open at 6 PM local time for the Friday show, and the show will feature the fifth Ladder War in company history. Adam Cole and Jay Briscoe will both attempt to climb the ladder to see who is, once and for all, the one, true ROH World Champion. The IWGP Heavyweight Championship won't be on the line in Louisiana, but the right to face off against Champion Kazuchika Okada at War of the Worlds will be. Kevin Steen and Michael Elgin will square off for the right to battle the Rainmaker. A shot at the Tag Team Championships for War of the Worlds will also be on the line in a three-way match. The former Champions reDRagon, the amazing Forever Hooligans, and the team of Hanson and Ray Rowe will engage in battle to see who gets the Young Bucks in New York City on May 17. Tommaso Ciampa will defend the Television Championship against Jay Lethal in a best two-out-of-three falls match, while Michael Bennett and Mark Briscoe will clash in a no DQ match. Matt Taven takes on a mystery wrestler of Truth Martini's choosing, while RD Evans puts the New Streak on the line against Silas Young. Roderick Strong will battle Cedric Alexander. Also appearing on the show will be Adrenaline Rush, Matt Hardy, Adam Page, Jimmy Jacobs, BJ Whitmer, and Andrew Everett.
A Wrestling Odyssey kicks off the WWN Live Experience for the weekend at the McAlister Auditorium, located at Tulane University in New Orleans. The show is a special cross-promotional show featuring eight matches from across several different promotions. The show kicks off at 4 PM Eastern Daylight time, 3 PM local, and it will be available for purchase on Internet pay-per-view via WWN Live. Chris Hero will defend the EVOLVE Championship against a heretofore unknown challenger. Also on the show, Drew Gulak defends the Combat Zone Wrestling Championship against Timothy Thatcher under World of Sport rules. A pair of SHINE titles are on the line. Ivelisse Velez puts her SHINE Championship against Jazz in what should be a barnburner, while the Lucha Sisters of Mia Yim and Leva Bates put their newly won Tag Team Championships against the SNS Express of Sassy Stephie and Neveah. Trent? puts the Full Impact Pro Championship on the line against Lince Dorado, while "One Man" Mike Dell puts his WildKat Sports title on the line against Steve Anthony. Finally, the Bravado Brothers will meet Joey Ryan and Candice LeRae in a special tag team attraction. This show is quite the supercard. If I was going to purchase one show on the weekend, it would probably be this one.
Dragon Gate USA's first show this weekend, Open the Ultimate Gate, takes place at the same McAlister Auditorium. Bell time is 9 PM Eastern Daylight time, 8 PM local, and it will be available for purchase via WWN Live. Both top titles will be on the line. Johnny Gargano puts his Open the Freedom Gate Championship against Ricochet, who actually holds DG Japan's top title, the Open the Dream Gate Championship. Will Ricochet be able to take both titles home with him? The Open the United Gate Championships will be on the line when the Bravado Bros. defend against the Premier Athlete Brand of Anthony Nese and Caleb Konley. In a non-title match, current EVOLVE Champion Chris Hero will take on ECW and FMW legend Masato Tanaka. Low Ki has been dragged out of retirement to face Trent?, while Chuck Taylor and Drew Gulak welcome The Colony in battle. Rich Swann will butt heads with Biff Busick, and AR Fox is also scheduled to be in action.
NWA SAW will hold another round of TV tapings at the SAWMill Arena in Millersville, TN at 8 PM local time. Among the scheduled talent will be Jeremiah Plunkett and "Prime Time" Brian Lee.
Additionally, if you're in New Orleans, you can go to the premiere of Meet Me There, the horror film co-written by Brandon Stroud and starring Dustin "Goldust" Runnels. The film starts at 11:59 PM local time at the Prytania Theatre in New Orleans, LA. However, if you get there earlier, you can catch the red carpet arrivals. Though it's technically not a wrestling show, it's something cool featuring a friend of mine and wrestlers in the film. Help support innovative filmmaking, and innovative art altogether.
SATURDAY
WrestleCon is a giant convention to be going on all weekend long at the Sugar Mill in New Orleans, LA. Vendors will be there, and special guests include, but aren't limited to, Sting, Adam "Edge" Copeland, Goldberg, Roddy Piper, Scott Hall, Kevin Nash, Jake Roberts, DDP, the Steiner Brothers, Mickie James, Bret Hart, and Celeste "Kaitlyn" Bonin. But the main event will be the Super-Indie Live Wrestling Show happening at 8 PM local time. This show is like a PWS card on crack. The main event features Masato Tanaka going up against Kevin Steen. Other action includes Sid Vicious against Doug Gilbert and Colt Cabana vs. Jeff Jarrett. Luke Hawx, Hurricane Helms, and Cassidy Riley will take on Matt Striker, Steve Corino, and Adam Pearce in trios action. Drew Gulak, Chris Hero, and Michael Elgin will collide in a triple-threat, while DJ Hyde and Masada clash in an Ultraviolent Affair. "The Manscout" Jake Manning teams with Sojo Bolt to tackle Joey Ryan and Candice LeRae, while Bad Influence will make an appearance.
SHIMMER Women Athletes liked taking its show on the road so much last year, the promotion is doing the deed again this year. SHIMMER Vol. 62 takes place at, you guessed it, the McAlister Auditorium, with a 4 PM Eastern/3 PM local bell time. The show will be broadcast on WWN Live. Only one match has been announced, but it is a doozy. Cheerleader Melissa will be in for the fight of her life, and LuFisto gets the opportunity of a career. The match will be best two out of three falls, and the two warriors will be given 90 minutes to settle their issue. The SHIMMER World Championship is on the line. This match could end up being the best of the entire weekend of ANY card. Also appearing at Vol. 62 will be Athena, Barbi Hayden, Mercedes Martinez, Heidi Lovelace, Veda Scott, Kimber Lee, Kay Lee Ray, Veda Scott, Nikki Storm, Sassy Stephie, Neveah, Thunderkitty, and of course, Candice LeRae.
Back home in Easton, PA, Wrestling Is Fun! will kick off the 2014 Tag World Grand Prix at the Charles Chrin Community Center of Palmer Township (or the Easton Funplex if you're nasty). Doors open at 6:30 PM local time for Block A first round and quarterfinal action. First round matches include the Spectral Envoy (Hallowicked and Frightmare) vs. the Devastation Corporation (Blaster McMassive and Max Smashmaster), the Heart Throbs (Antonio Thomas and Romeo Roselli) vs. 3.0 (Shane Matthews and Scott Parker), the Osirian Portal (Ophidian and Amasis) vs. the Colony X-Treme Force (Arctic Rescue and Missile Assault Ants), and the Batiri (Obariyon and Kodama) vs. Old Fashioned (Marion Fontaine and Jervis Cottonbelly). In non-tournament action, Mark "Mr. Touchdown" Angelosetti takes on Juan Francisco de Coronado.
Also in the Philadelphia metropolitan area, the granddaddy tournament of them all, the East Coast Wrestling Association's Super 8 Tournament will emanate from the Newark Area Boys and Girls Club in Newark, DE with a 7 PM local bell time. This year's participants are Gran Akuma, Matt Cross' Beard, Oliver Grimsley, Steven Walters, John Skyler, Matt Saigon, Ricky Martinez, and Kao Storm. The entire tournament will play out on the show, and other ECWA talents, including last year's winner Damian Dragon and the monster Ahtu will also be there.
ROH's second show this weekend will also be at the John A. Alario Sr. Events Center, and it will be a television taping. Bell time is 2 PM local. Trios action headlines this show as the Briscoe Bros. team up with Kevin Steen to take on Adam Cole, Matt Hardy, and Michael Bennett. If Tommaso Ciampa survives his Television Championship defense at Supercard of Honor, he will defend against Roderick Strong. The Forever Hooligans will split up for this taping, as Rocky Romero draws Michael Elgin and Alex Koslov gets Jay Lethal. BJ Whitmer battles Cedric Alexander, and in what will most likely drop jaws, ACH tackles Andrew Everett. Also scheduled to appear are reDRagon, Luke Hawx, Corey Hollis, Mike Posey, Silas Young, Matt Taven, the Romantic Touch, Adam Page, Jimmy Jacobs, Veda Scott, RD Evans, Hanson, Ray Rowe, and TaDarius Thomas.
DGUSA will be back at the McAlister Hall on Saturday with Mercury Rising, and of course, it'll be available on WWN Live. You wanna get your order in by 9 PM Eastern/8 PM local. The iPPV main event will pit Johnny Gargano against Low Ki. I am not sure if Gargano will defend the Open the Freedom Gate Championship if he doesn't drop it to Ricochet, however. The show will also feature a miniature trios tournament to carry on the Dragon Gate Six Man Tradition for Mania weekend. Three qualifier matches will take place: Chris Hero, Masato Tanaka, and Roderick Strong vs. Ricochet, Rich Swann, and AR Fox; Trent?, Anthony Nese, and Caleb Konley vs. Orange Cassidy, Drew Gulak, and Chuck Taylor; and Bravado Bros. and Moose vs. the Colony and Lince Dorado. The three winners from those matches will collide in a triple-trios match to decide the tournament. The SHINE Championship will be defended, Biff Busick and Su Yung will be on the show, and in a special, live-show-only main event, the team of Bad Influence, Christopher Daniels and Kazarian, will take on to-be-determined challengers.
NWA Smoky Mountain debuts at the Hancock County Rescue Squad in Sneedville, TN at 8 PM local time. The event is a fundraiser for the venue, so head on out for a good cause.
SUNDAY
Enjoy WrestleMania, folks.
A lot of wrestling is centered around New Orleans this weekend, but you can find it anywhere in the country on any given weekend. It's up to you to find the local gems. Wrestling can only grow if you support it, and besides, your favorite wrestler or company might be already out there. You just don't know it yet.
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WrestleMania XXX Countdown: Daniel Bryan vs. Evolution
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| Sure, Orton and Batista are involved, but it's all about the Beard and the Boss Photo Credit: WWE.com |
Daniel Bryan vs. Triple H, the winner of that match vs. Randy Orton (c) vs. Batista
How: Randy Orton won the WWE Championship from Daniel Bryan thanks to a Shawn Michaels superkick at Hell in a Cell, and unified it with the World Heavyweight Championship at TLC against John Cena. Batista won the Royal Rumble. Bryan got in on the action by forcing Triple H's hand and making their match at Mania an entryway into the title match via Occupy RAW. The week after, Triple H announced if he won, he'd step into the match.
The Story: June 27, 2011 was when CM Punk took to the stage at the Thomas and Mack Center in Las Vegas, NV, and first dropped a pipe bomb on WWE. In his iconic promo, he called Triple H the "doofus son-in-law." From that moment until SummerSlam 2013, Trips did nearly everything he could to prove he was the opposite of what Punk called him, to be a great leader. That line of thinking got him a mass employee walkout, an ultimately losing battle against Brock Lesnar, and some head trauma. Getting his brain rattled may have knocked loose his true intentions though.
Meanwhile, at WrestleMania XXVIII, in the opening match, a cocksure World Heavyweight Champion named Daniel Bryan came down to the ring with his main squeeze, AJ Lee, to defend against Sheamus. One good luck kiss, a Brogue Kick, and 18 seconds later, a movement started. Fans, disgusted with WWE's treatment Bryan, chanted "YES! YES! YES!" during the rest of Mania, during the next night on RAW, and during every show WWE produced until the present day.
Then the case of Randy Orton comes into focus. A man with the world handed to him on a silver platter, he floundered as the centerpiece of a show. He did everything he could think of to be a counterbalance to John Cena. He threatened to cancel WrestleMania as a villain, and tried to be a slier version of Steve Austin as a hero. Many reasons could be pinpointed as to why he faltered, but crowds seemed to like the RKO better than they liked R.K.O.
At SummerSlam, all three streams made confluence. Bryan was anointed by Cena to be his challenger to the WWE Championship. Triple H, intentions pure-seeming, inserted himself as the guest referee. Lurking in the wings was Orton with his Money in the Bank briefcase. Bryan hit Cena with a Solid Knee-Plus, the debut of that move in his repertoire. Triple H counted three and raised his hand. A new era was to begin, one with Bryan as the inheritor to Cena's throne. But then Orton appeared, and instead of remaining impartial, Triple H showed his true colors.
A Pedigree and a no-effort cash-in later, Randy Orton was WWE Champion, and Daniel Bryan was on the outside looking in. Triple H, his McMahon-kin, Orton, and his new secret police The Shield coalesced around the Championship as The Authority. Trips told Bryan that he did what he did not for personal reasons, but because it was best for business, that a guy like Orton as the face of WWE would sell more tickets. Bryan, after all, was a solid B-plus player, but he was no Orton, who was the coal who formed into a diamond.
The next two months saw Bryan lob volleys at The Authority in an ineffective manner. No matter what he did, their crushing stranglehold on WWE squelched Bryan's assault on their core. The seemingly final blow came at Hell in a Cell, when Bryan's first mentor Shawn Michaels even turned his back and executed the will of his heterosexual life partner and former DX bandmate. Meanwhile, inspiration would come from an unlikely source.
Bray Wyatt saw WWE as a machine that needed destroying. He saw Bryan as rage against said machine that needed a bit of efficacy. So he set out to make Bryan join him. Bryan had the raw power. He just needed direction, and Wyatt found that the only way to give him said direction was to beat it into him. For two months, Wyatt and his family beat the ever-loving shit out of Bryan, until finally, he acquiesced and joined. Well, he joined for two weeks until he found the moment to strike and destroy Wyatt from within. Even though Wyatt won the actual match at the Royal Rumble, Bryan found he had the wherewithal to take out one evil organization. He was ready to battle for his title again.
However, his plans had an unexpected kink put in them. Batista, who walked out of WWE four years ago, unhappy with what the place had become, returned. He expected a hero's welcome at the Royal Rumble, but as he tossed Roman Reigns to win the Rumble and a shot at Orton, who had accumulated the World Heavyweight Championship as well in the interim, the crowd turned on him. The fans wanted Bryan.
They almost got him a month later. Bryan was one of the competitors within the Elimination Chamber, but thanks to interference from his former friend Kane, yet another chance to upend Orton came up short. He was incensed, so he went straight to the top. He began assailing Triple H, haranguing him if you will. If Bryan couldn't have a title shot, he wanted a piece of the man who kept putting the screws to him. Trips, however, didn't think Bryan was worth his time.
Then, Bryan brought hundreds of fans into the ring and occupied RAW. He threatened to hold RAW hostage until Triple H not only gave him the singles match he wanted, but if he won said match that he'd be placed into the Orton/Batista WWE World Heavyweight Championship match. Furious that Bryan dared mess with the one thing he cared about outside of his family, Triple H finally gave in, but he would have his own salvo. After explaining to Bryan that he was only trying to protect him, Trips, with the help of his wife and some rent-a-cops, beat the holy shit out of Bryan to the point where his health became uncertain. Bryan was off RAW for a week, and looked to be a no-show this past week as well. But then he came flying out of the crowd like a banshee, put a knee right in Batista's face, chased off Orton, and gave Trips the receipt for his own beatdown.
Analysis: The Triple H/Daniel Bryan match is a wild card. On one hand, I've enjoyed a grand total of two matches Triple H has been involved in since I came back to wrestling in 2008 - Triple H and Shawn Michaels vs. Legacy at SummerSlam '09, and the Triple H/Undertaker Hell in a Cell match at Mania XXVIII. However, any Daniel Bryan match that has been given a stage and hasn't been on the first incarnation of NXT has been thoroughly enjoyable. The man could be given 20 minutes to work mat exchanges with Great Khali and probably find a way to make it work, so if anyone can drag an enjoyable match out of post-Game Triple H, that man is the American goddamn Dragon.
However, the finish is going to play a HUGE role in the overall quality of the match. No matter how enticing the money line would be to bet on a clean finish, I would not take it. Something screwy is going to happen, but will it enhance the match or detract from it? I can't project perception, however, but I can expect more overbooking than not. Stephanie McMahon coming out seems academic. Kane is another sure thing. The Shield could appear to. The ultimate coup de grace would be Hulk Hogan. Either way, something very Attitude Era is going to happen here.
AS for the title match, I am less hopeful for a "good" match. Triple threats, or even fatal four ways (because let's face it, this match can definitely become a fatal four way), rarely if ever are good. The formula doesn't lend itself to quality. Someone is almost always playing dead on the outside (although in Batista's case, he might actually be blown up when he's sucking his wind), the flow of action gets contrived to get the inert party back into it, and the finish usually is loaded with deus ex machina.
However, the final match does not need to be good to be satisfying. All it needs is for Bryan to get the fall in clean fashion, and for him to lead the biggest YES! chant in history with one title belt in each hand. It's a simple formula, and WWE would be wise not to fuck it up.
Who Should Win: Daniel Bryan winning both matches, clean, in the middle of the ring, is the only way this sequence of matches should play out. An acceptable compromise would involve some screwiness, but Bryan leaving Mania without the Championship would be an absolute failure of storytelling. Wins and losses don't matter; storytelling does. However, what happens when the company set up winning the MacGuffin as the only means of catharsis? Then the results matter. If Bryan doesn't win, then WWE will have presented a show that might drown out the criticism for the finale of How I Met Your Mother. That statement might seem a bit hyperbolic, but have you seen how bitchy wrestling fans can be? I've been around them my whole life. Hell, I AM one bitchy-ass wrestling fan. The cacophony will be LOUD.
Who Will Win: WWE can't fuck this up, can it? Can it? I've been hurt too many times by Triple H in the past to say with 100 percent certainty that Bryan will win, but the way this story has been set up, no other outcome can be in play but Bryan winning the title, right?
Right?
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The One Where I Preview WrestleMania, #B1G Style
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| We talk about Bryan/HHH and more Photo Credit: WWE.com |
Patrick Vint of Black Heart, Gold Pants was kind enough to have me and three Penn State dudes from Black Shoe Diaries, Adam Collyer, Bill DiFillipo, and Dan Vecellio, to talk WrestleMania. We preview the entire show, top to bottom, and talk about how the Divas clusterfuck is a microcosm for the division, who can possibly end The Streak in the future, whether John Cena or Bray Wyatt is the actual favorite to win that match, and whether WWE is stupid enough to have someone other than Daniel Bryan walk out of Mania as Champion. I also break out a couple of wrestler impersonations. Which ones? YOU'LL HAVE TO LISTEN TO FIND OUT, BROTHER.
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